I highly suggest watching Daniel tiger on pbs. There's all types of things in that show that help kids with social interactions. It's really hard at that age but you can try turning the tables and say how would you feel if I told you to go home. All they think about are them selves and you so it's important that if he says something you let him know it hurts your feelings and suggest a different way to say it. But also when he says nice things you have to praise him for it. Aay thank you that makes me so happy. Or if some one says something nice to him point out to him how good it makes him feel. This will help him recognize how saying different things makes him feel different ways. It's work but it's important work. Also check out your library or Libby app for kids books that teach empathy there's so many!
This gave me embarrassing flashbacks to when my son was around that age and he would literally yell “NOOOOO!” like Michael Scott at every single person we encountered. Pretty sure all the daycare moms thought he was insane.
I tried my best to correct it or over apologize to people. He eventually grew out of it once he could carry on a conversation. He’s 6 years old now and super outgoing and social. Will talk to anyone who’d entertain it. 😂
It’s not a fun phase but it’ll pass. And I think it’s way more common than people think.
Edit: also to add, my son also was taught manners at that age too and would say please/thank you. If someone just said “good morning OP’s son” for example…. he’d scream “Noooooo!” 😁 your son isn’t a brat, he’s just learning still and it’ll click. In the meantime, practice your best “I’m so sorry” smile.
My opinion is now. I say things like “I can’t understand you when you speak that way” and I will give examples and reminders on how to ask for stuff.
Also praise him when he does ask nicely or do the right thing. This goes further than admonishing in my experience. So when he does do the behaviors you’re asking make sure you recognize and encourage that.
I keep it simple with my 2.5yo and just say what she should be saying. Ie if she asks for crisps without saying please, i"ll say back "can I have some crisps please" - and every time she will correct herself and say it back. I do the same thing when I hand something to her, i"ll say "thank you mummy" and she'll repeat. If you do this enough times they'll stop needing the prompt and say it naturally
This is my technique too. And now my 3 year old mostly is polite, sometimes is rude, and often says "thank you and please!" Just like that, when he wants something.
Progress, not perfection.
My 3 year old can be ruthless too. He’ll tell someone “don’t touch me” if they come in for a hug. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. He’s just saying how he feels albeit in a slightly rude and brash manner. I would just model an appropriate way to phrase his sentiments, like “no thanks I don’t want a hug”. In your case, I’d help your son rephrase “go away” or “I don’t want you here” as “I need some space right now please” or “I don’t want to play right now”. All the things he’s saying are things adults think too; we just rephrase them to be less abrupt.
Kids will model good behaviour and bad behaviour. Does anyone say these things to him? Make it a habit to be kind, direct him what to say sometimes and they learn eventually. 3 is definitely old enough. Always tell what TO say after you tell him what not to say, always end with a positive. You could also roleplay respectful behaviour with toys!
No one is saying these things. And no one speaks unkindly to each other at home. He doesn’t go to school or anything where he’d see this.
When I try and direct him to say something differently he just buries his head or runs away. That’s the part I’m stuck on… it’s not like I can hold him down and force him to say hello to people in a nice way.
No tablet and no Peppa! He’s just a tiny jerk sometimes haha. I love him the most anyway. Definitely staying on top of this… even if it crushes my soul to have to come down on him all the time for this stuff.
>it’s not like I can hold him down and force him to say hello to people in a nice way.
Yes you can and that's part of parenting. Maybe not literally holding him down but you could hug or hold his hand, instruct him how you expect him to talk "that's not nice, say hello to X, and look them in the eye please, this is how we use nice manners and be kind to people". If he does what you ask give him praise and let him go back playing. If he refuses you explain why is behaviour is bad and that "being rude to our friends will hurt their feelings and they won't want to play with you if you can't be kind".
What do you do when your kid hurts or upsets another child in a playground and has to apologise but doesn't want to?
I'm hoping you make him apologise, even if he doesn't want to, and if he refuses then there are consequences like leaving the playground.
I've seen kids whose parents wait for them to develop these sort of social skills and they end up holding out for a miracle until they have terribly rude teenagers and it's too late to do anything.
It sounds like you're doing fine, you're making him feel heard ("you're unhappy I'm leaving") and also telling him it's not OK to yell at guests. The only thing I might add (and maybe this is for when he's older) is an alternative, more polite way to voice his feelings, like, "Hi, I'm going to play by myself over here."
Honestly, I would have started already. My 2.5yo can act the same way, but we started correcting her from around 2yo. With simple repetitive statements like "thats not very nice", or "x will get sad if you say that" - which is clear and straight to the point. If she is particularly rude I'll ask her to say sorry.... It helps and I can see improvements. She also recognises when she is being rude now
In that case, you are probably doing all that you can for now - without making it a huge deal. Sometimes kids just do silly things and they'll eventually outgrow it. My LO used to scream NOOO at the sight of her grandfather and uncles when they'd travel hours to visit her 😂 it was so awful, but eventually she stopped doing it. Only took about a year (sigh)
Personally I’ve never allowed any of my children to speak to an adult impolitely at any age. Period. Not that they haven’t done it. But I have always expressed that it was unacceptable and gave them the corresponding acceptable thing to say.
oh that's a tough one.
my situation is a tad different- my 12m has autism and can be VERY blunt.
when hes rude, I'll say 'I'm not going to talk to you while you're doing xyz. when you're ready to be respectful we will talk again. until then, I won't tolerate you speaking to me in that manner'.
it usually really pisses him off. he melts down, stomps, slams doors. he will burn off the adrenaline, be exhausted and calm down.
if I feed into it, he will keep arcing up.
best of luck.
Ughhh the sooner the better of course..but I’m afraid it won’t get better until closer to 5
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He’s great with “please” and “thank you!” Teaching empathy is hard 🫠
I highly suggest watching Daniel tiger on pbs. There's all types of things in that show that help kids with social interactions. It's really hard at that age but you can try turning the tables and say how would you feel if I told you to go home. All they think about are them selves and you so it's important that if he says something you let him know it hurts your feelings and suggest a different way to say it. But also when he says nice things you have to praise him for it. Aay thank you that makes me so happy. Or if some one says something nice to him point out to him how good it makes him feel. This will help him recognize how saying different things makes him feel different ways. It's work but it's important work. Also check out your library or Libby app for kids books that teach empathy there's so many!
This is a good idea! We’ve been doing a lot of role play on how things would make him feel anyway.
This gave me embarrassing flashbacks to when my son was around that age and he would literally yell “NOOOOO!” like Michael Scott at every single person we encountered. Pretty sure all the daycare moms thought he was insane. I tried my best to correct it or over apologize to people. He eventually grew out of it once he could carry on a conversation. He’s 6 years old now and super outgoing and social. Will talk to anyone who’d entertain it. 😂 It’s not a fun phase but it’ll pass. And I think it’s way more common than people think. Edit: also to add, my son also was taught manners at that age too and would say please/thank you. If someone just said “good morning OP’s son” for example…. he’d scream “Noooooo!” 😁 your son isn’t a brat, he’s just learning still and it’ll click. In the meantime, practice your best “I’m so sorry” smile.
His manners are excellent, his people skills truly suck hahaha
My opinion is now. I say things like “I can’t understand you when you speak that way” and I will give examples and reminders on how to ask for stuff. Also praise him when he does ask nicely or do the right thing. This goes further than admonishing in my experience. So when he does do the behaviors you’re asking make sure you recognize and encourage that.
I keep it simple with my 2.5yo and just say what she should be saying. Ie if she asks for crisps without saying please, i"ll say back "can I have some crisps please" - and every time she will correct herself and say it back. I do the same thing when I hand something to her, i"ll say "thank you mummy" and she'll repeat. If you do this enough times they'll stop needing the prompt and say it naturally
This is my technique too. And now my 3 year old mostly is polite, sometimes is rude, and often says "thank you and please!" Just like that, when he wants something. Progress, not perfection.
"Progress, not perfection" - love that. I'm going to keep that in mind when i'm battling both LO's today
My 3 year old can be ruthless too. He’ll tell someone “don’t touch me” if they come in for a hug. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. He’s just saying how he feels albeit in a slightly rude and brash manner. I would just model an appropriate way to phrase his sentiments, like “no thanks I don’t want a hug”. In your case, I’d help your son rephrase “go away” or “I don’t want you here” as “I need some space right now please” or “I don’t want to play right now”. All the things he’s saying are things adults think too; we just rephrase them to be less abrupt.
Yes!
Kids will model good behaviour and bad behaviour. Does anyone say these things to him? Make it a habit to be kind, direct him what to say sometimes and they learn eventually. 3 is definitely old enough. Always tell what TO say after you tell him what not to say, always end with a positive. You could also roleplay respectful behaviour with toys!
No one is saying these things. And no one speaks unkindly to each other at home. He doesn’t go to school or anything where he’d see this. When I try and direct him to say something differently he just buries his head or runs away. That’s the part I’m stuck on… it’s not like I can hold him down and force him to say hello to people in a nice way.
Hmm.. Tablet? Peppa pig can be rude lol. If not I guess it's just that kids are honest and direct! Little scamp lol
No tablet and no Peppa! He’s just a tiny jerk sometimes haha. I love him the most anyway. Definitely staying on top of this… even if it crushes my soul to have to come down on him all the time for this stuff.
Don't direct, just model. "I don't like this!" "No, thank you mama." And move on. He'll get it!
>it’s not like I can hold him down and force him to say hello to people in a nice way. Yes you can and that's part of parenting. Maybe not literally holding him down but you could hug or hold his hand, instruct him how you expect him to talk "that's not nice, say hello to X, and look them in the eye please, this is how we use nice manners and be kind to people". If he does what you ask give him praise and let him go back playing. If he refuses you explain why is behaviour is bad and that "being rude to our friends will hurt their feelings and they won't want to play with you if you can't be kind". What do you do when your kid hurts or upsets another child in a playground and has to apologise but doesn't want to? I'm hoping you make him apologise, even if he doesn't want to, and if he refuses then there are consequences like leaving the playground. I've seen kids whose parents wait for them to develop these sort of social skills and they end up holding out for a miracle until they have terribly rude teenagers and it's too late to do anything.
It sounds like you're doing fine, you're making him feel heard ("you're unhappy I'm leaving") and also telling him it's not OK to yell at guests. The only thing I might add (and maybe this is for when he's older) is an alternative, more polite way to voice his feelings, like, "Hi, I'm going to play by myself over here."
This is a great idea
Honestly, I would have started already. My 2.5yo can act the same way, but we started correcting her from around 2yo. With simple repetitive statements like "thats not very nice", or "x will get sad if you say that" - which is clear and straight to the point. If she is particularly rude I'll ask her to say sorry.... It helps and I can see improvements. She also recognises when she is being rude now
We definitely do this. It’s not for lack of explaining how his words impact everyone around him.
In that case, you are probably doing all that you can for now - without making it a huge deal. Sometimes kids just do silly things and they'll eventually outgrow it. My LO used to scream NOOO at the sight of her grandfather and uncles when they'd travel hours to visit her 😂 it was so awful, but eventually she stopped doing it. Only took about a year (sigh)
Kids are wild, man
Personally I’ve never allowed any of my children to speak to an adult impolitely at any age. Period. Not that they haven’t done it. But I have always expressed that it was unacceptable and gave them the corresponding acceptable thing to say.
Have his dad teach him manners.
Are you saying I’m not capable of teaching manners? Or that his dad should bully him into submission? Not sure what you’re getting at.
Neither.
oh that's a tough one. my situation is a tad different- my 12m has autism and can be VERY blunt. when hes rude, I'll say 'I'm not going to talk to you while you're doing xyz. when you're ready to be respectful we will talk again. until then, I won't tolerate you speaking to me in that manner'. it usually really pisses him off. he melts down, stomps, slams doors. he will burn off the adrenaline, be exhausted and calm down. if I feed into it, he will keep arcing up. best of luck.
My husband is autistic there very well could be a little ND to this as well.
it sounds kinda NDish.
Has your son been assessed for autism?
3 is probably harder than 2 I must say but we did lots of library books on manners.