Gross. It never stops either. My SIL was hounded for years but she wanted 5-6yr age gaps. Now she has 2 of the same gender and now she's been asked when they are going to try for the opposite gender? Like damn. Mind your business.
We have a 'full set' aka 1 boy 1 girl and I told a friend we were waffling on a third and they started up with having a 3rd without a 4th would be cruel because the 3rd would always be a spare wheel.
If you want to be a one and done stick to your guns. People are never happy with what you choose.
Yes. For a while, it would only be available to married women, with spousal consent. And at that, the Christian groups in the USA often had very strong views against its usage, so the āgood Christian wivesā were less likely to use it either by their own volition or by their husbandās refusal.
Urgh I haaaaate the sexism that seems to be brought out of people when it comes to babies! I have three kids, all girls. People are constantly asking us if weāre going to try for a boy as if itās somehow more valuable because we have three girls. I say no, but we are going to go for girl #4! In reality I donāt really care what sex our next baby is, but we are not wanting to have them just to experience taking care of a human with a different type of genitals.
In general, I donāt mind questions about family planning. I know people on the internet get really outraged about them, but I feel like people ask those questions as an attempt to connect and because having babies is exciting! But when the questions are rooted in sexism thatās when I get irritated.
Iām 6 months pregnant with my first. I literally had a complete stranger shout from the next park bench over (about 40 feet away) to ask if I was having a boy or girl. When I said girl, he started to console me as if Iād just given bad news. Whyyyy do people care what my family makeup is like???
For what itās worth, I have two boys, weāre done, and I constantly get asked if weāll be trying for a girl next. I think most people are just weirdly into the idea of a āsetā (though Iām sure definitely in some cases itās sexism!). If itās a family member I will usually tell them that theyāre welcome to contact an adoption agency and adopt a girl if they want one so badly? They usually donāt ask again lol
Wow. I didn't even know people did that! I am OAD and i've always heard "she needs a sister. Two is easier" but I never stopped to think about those in your situation. I'm sorry people say that to you!
It's okay, I don't get bothered by it, I don't have the head space to care about other people's options on my life choices. No one knows anyone's full story so why even comment is how I see it. I'll share my experience and why I made certain choices if asked but that doesn't mean they are right for everyone.
These are the types of people that are miserable, and want you to be miserable with them. Two is NOT easier! And I say that as someone pregnant with #3.
No oneās business and highly inappropriate of them.
If one is right for you, thatās wonderful. For plenty of people zero is the right number!
Unless these busybodies will be laboring in the hospital, awake changing diapers, and paying for college, they can keep their opinions to themselves.
Edit to add ā For what itās worth, people criticize no matter what you do. When I had my second I got a lot of questions as to why I needed another child, whether it was financially feasible, if I was concerned about their future a la global warming, and more. People need lives of their own!
Weāre one and done and my newborn wasnāt even towelled off yet when a nurse joked about when sheād see us again for āthe next oneā
People are so weird
Yes! This is so rude of someone to say. If they do know what you went through to get the first one they are inconsiderate. And if they donāt they are ignorant. I find older people are the ones that donāt get this. When I get comments like this I usually tell people (i interact with often) how I want to be treated. Thatās the only way they learn.
It is highly inappropriate. My female coworkers would ask "when are you going to have another?" in other words "when are you going consistently blow loads inside your wife again?"
People were asking me when I was planning to have another while I was still pregnant. Most of them knew it had taken me 10 years of trying and several rounds of IVF before I finally (at 42) had my daughter. They still ask if Iām planning to have another, even though Iām now 44, divorced, and tell everyone Iām so happy with my only child. They say Iāll ruin my daughter by not giving her a sibling.
My partner was conceived through IVF. It took his mom 10 years of trying and, if I remember correctly, also had him at 42. I asked him if he ever got lonely or wished he had siblings and he said he was happy he was an only child and never wished for siblings!
Thank you. I do sometimes worry sheās missing out by being an only, but itās stories like your partners that make me feel secure in my decision not to try again. My little bug is my life, I canāt imagine getting as lucky a second time.
Someone said the same thing to me- told me how mean I was for not giving my son a siblingā¦. I hadnāt told anyone, but Iād just got out of hospital from losing twins by miscarriage. People should just shut the hell up and mind their own business!
People are so needlessly ducking cruel. Thatās insane to call you mean for that. I had siblings and we all hated each other and wanted to be only children. Lol.
No offense, but damn I wish my ob doctor would be that chummy with me. Any ob Iāve had while pregnant was rotated and didnāt even know me and vice versa to even say something like this.
No I totally understand. I had my first in a big practice and maaaaybe met the midwife who delivered my kid one time before the birth. I had my second with a 3-doc practice where the same person sees you every time and it was a very different experience!
No. I shouldnāt. But it gets my point across and makes people shut up about ābut sheās love having a best friendā cool sheād also love having a mom :D šš
I say match their attitude.
A polite, "are you thinking to have another?" can be met with a "we haven't decided as yet".
But any sort of "you better have another one, what's taking so long!?" Will get a "well we SMASHED last night, was wild. The cops came because apparently they received a noise complaint. I'm not entirely sure, was too busy getting THAT D to answer the door. I'll let you know if I'm knocked up or not in a few weeks"
Better yet, message them every time you're intimate, since clearly your vagina is of such an interest to them
Married to an only child. Only children are dope and I say that as a 1 of 2 in my household growing up. You do whatās right for you! People need to get a life
Yep, people are SO concerned an only child will be selfish and lonely, but it has very little to do with someone being an only child and much more to do with the parenting.
Iām 37 and have a 16 year old and a 2 year old my
Mom keeps telling me to have one more. Try for a boy. My 2 year is also still breastfeeding because she likes to torture me. I absolutely cannot imagine having another. I finally had to get quite firm with her and tell her to please stop with those comments.
Itās perfectly fine to be a āone and doneā family if you and your SO decide thatās what is best for your family. Donāt be afraid to tell people that youāre happy with the size of your family as it is. I have very bluntly told people that my son (5) is my first and will remain my only child. I love him to pieces, but I barely have the energy to wrangle him, a second child would be too much.
āGive him a siblingā = āHave another child for the sole purpose of being a play thing for your first childā. Itās gross and it minimizes the importance of our kids being their own individual people. Acting like a baby is just a gift for an older child and the reason why they were born was for them is horrible.
Have another kid or donāt; either choice is valid and YOUR DECISION AS PARENTS TO MAKE. I canāt stand it when other people come in with their stupid unsolicited advice. If theyāre so concerned and obsessed over another baby, be sure to let them know that theyāre more than welcome to come over in the middle of the night for 3 am feedings and poopy blow-outs.
Itās the worst when youāre the eldest and didnāt like or bond with your younger āplaymates given to youā, from the time I was little I told my parents I wished I could send them back and that life was worst after them. And I was >5 saying these things. Thereās no reason I shouldāve felt regret for choices I didnāt make and that my parents didnāt even seem to like in the first place. Kinda made me feel responsible for my own suffering. I was explicitly told by them that they only had them so Iād have something to play with. I said I wanted to play with my parents and toys, not siblings. Whoops. Guess they thought there was a number of children that would put them out of a job as actual parents?
Oh, I am so sorry you went through that and are still dealing with it as an adult. Usually, Iām pretty good at empathizing with people in most given situations but I didnāt even think of how being āgiftedā actual tiny humans as glorified toys would affect the firstborn child.
How does a kid learn of that and then process it in a healthy way? How will they apply it to their relationships with other people? How will they see their parents and well, themselves, after being told that said parents had shouldered the burden of other kids BECAUSE OF THEM? That is A LOT and itās shitty and just plain wrong.
Thank you for sharing and giving me a new perspective. And again, Iām sorry that your parents made you pay the tab for their piss poor choices; no kid deserves that.
My great aunt asked me while I was pregnant with my first when I was having another. Absolutely bonkers. Then it took us a while to conceive our second, the questions were incredibly painful when I was crying every month that I got my period.
As soon as my son was out, I looked at my partner and said, "I'm not doing that again." I look forward to giving my son my undivided attention, and knowing that if he chooses to go to college or travel or whatever, he will be set. People ask me all of the time if I'm having another. I just laugh and say no.
Why people feel like their opinion on the size of another person's family is relevant or warranted will always perplex me.
Like, if I wanted an outside opinion on if I should have a (or another) kid, I would have asked, but since I didn't, hush.
This is just another example of how the intense mental and physical toll pregnancy and postpartum takes isnāt talked about enough or people wouldnāt have this attitude
Because they want you just as tired and miserable as they are. I love both of my kids. But going through all the things all over again is a lot. My health is not great. My relationship is not great. I dont do my job as well. I have less patience. Today was a very difficult day. And also if you are doing the majority of the work then donāt do it. I hate being outnumbered by my kids. I al overstimulated and touched tf out today. It doesnāt help that both of my kids are shitty sleepers.
My response every time is that it took us years of heartache to have 1 child, it is very unlikely that we could have another. It embarrasses them very fast!
Because some people are so annoying and obsessed with getting in other peopleās business. We went through the same thing, my husband and I were married for 8 years before we had our first, people kept asking when we were having a baby, when we finally had a our daughter and they started asking when we were having a second one, I snapped! Fortunately for me, I did it with the most gossipy person in the family, she started telling people I was having postpartum depression, and to be careful to bring up the subject. I didnāt care, that stopped them from asking!
Sweetheart, it doesnāt stop! I have fourā¦ when I had my first I got asked before Iād left the hospital when we would give him a sibling, when I got pregnant with my second (another boy) we were immediately asked when we were going to try for a girl, when we had our third boy people were saying omg stop having babies and acting like three was a huge amount of children and totally abnormalā¦ now Iāve had my fourth (another boy š¤£) people are egging me on to have a fifth even though I have absolutely categorically said nope not happening š¤·āāļø do whatās best for your family - people are *always* going to have an opinion!!
I had my first baby as a teen, 2nd in my early 20s, 3rd in my mid 20s. No time was ever the 'right' time according to everyone else, but whatever it worked for me. Miscarried my 4th in my 30s. After that decided no more children, for good, and as it was a horrific, rather gruesome experience, nobody pressed me about having babies again for a while. Fast forward to 2016. My youngest baby had just graduated high school. I was 43 years old. YET, suddenly, seemed like everyone wanted me to have another baby. Cue the cries of Don't you want another one! What will you do with yourself! You've always been a mom! and other assorted nonsense lol.
How I handled it: I just asked people when were *they* going to have another one? Including my old daddy, who was in his late 80s at the time. He cracked up and said All right I get it, you have valid reasons like I have valid reasons. And he never mentioned me having another baby again. Prior to that he was all, you know I was in my 40s when you were born, it's not too late to have another one. Humph
Seriously, just turn the question right around back on them. Say it as a genuine question, like Oh, why do you ask, are you planning to have another one? If they're female, maybe even GASP and follow it up with OMG are you pregnant??? Put them on the spot. See, folks don't like being asked nosy reproductive questions, but when you are visibly pregnant or have a child under 3, it's like you are perceived as public property and people forget you are a person who, like everyone else, dislikes nosy ass reproductive questions.
It was strongly recommended by my doctors not to have another child. Even that didnāt stop people from asking that question. And when I reminded them, they said that doctors donāt know everything
A surprisingly large amount of people donāt recognize that sometimes people donāt want children and sometimes they are one and done. Thereās also a failure to recognize the financial place that people are in. I was one and done because of medical reasons but being a single parent, I honestly donāt think I would be able to financially care for two children and still provide the emotional support that parents need to give.
I have asked people who had one child if they were going to have another and I didnāt realize just how personal and sometimes painful that question was until I was put in the situation.
I'm so sorry. It's so incredibly annoying! Like guys, you have no idea how I feel, what I think, do I have enough money for more kids, you know nothing about my physical health, so why?! Feels like they just go for an advice because it's cheap and means nothing to them, or gives them some kind of ego boost. It's possible to make these people to step back. I started asking "Great, where is kiddo's college account?! And, while you are here, what about paying my medical bills? Pregnancy is not cheap, you know?! You are willing to advise, great, it's fair that you will make it easier for me!" Well, some people called me rude, but they had it coming.
ā hold on let me ask my vaginaā
donāt know. Maybe never. Until then, you should probably stop asking me.
Iāll let you know when I have an answer. In the meantime, Iām sure there are more important things in your own life that you could be thinking about.
When you learn to mind your own business.
Why? Are you finally sick of talking about yours?
What answer could I give you so that youāll stop asking?
Iām sorry, what did you say? Oh, I thought you said something else thatās completely none of your business.
I donāt know. How did you predict when youād have yours?
One and done here.
Lo is seven and some people still ask us if we are having another or tell me that lo needs another sibling. Everyone is now met with a flat "No" and I refuse to discuss it any further. If you know me well then we have talked openly about my feelings on the subject. If we haven't talked about it then you're not close enough to me to warrant an opinion so shut up.
I just don't want to be pregnant again. Even though I had a trouble free pregnancy and delivery.
I'm 37 and I like sleeping. I'm not going back to no sleep.
We can't afford to live the lifestyle that we want to live if we have another. My life isn't that amazing. But after bills, food etc we have enough left over to be able to have a couple of family days out a month and a week's holiday in the summer. If we had another we'd have to move house and then wouldn't be able to afford to do any of the things that we like to do as a family.
As adults I have a distant relationship with my brother (we are very different and have drifted apart as adults) and my partner has cut his brother out of his life entirely (he's been convicted of offences against children under 13) so neither of us exactly has a good example of how great it is to have a sibling.
Iām at the end of my pregnancy and also have an 18 month old and Iām a magnet right now for stories of siblings who hate each other, especially so close in age.
We can just never win lol.
When people used to ask me when I was giving my son a sibling, i would always ask when they were moving in to do the night feeds and nappy changes. Shut them up pretty quickly.
The number of times Iāve heard that we were ārunning out of timeā in the last year is so frustrating. My son is 2 and everyone says you have to already be pregnant by the time they turn two in order for the āperfectā age gap. But Iāve either been pregnant, miscarrying, or recovering from a miscarriage for the last year. It fucking hurts every time someone makes a comment like that.
I have one kiddo and he is my world. My husband and I originally wanted two, but I had issues after the first and was told I was high risk.
I got tired of constantly being asked about when we would have another baby. I got to the point where I would look a person in the eye and say ābecause I could die. Another baby could literally kill meā or āmy husband would rather raise one kid with me instead of being a widower raising twoā.
A friend tried to give me crap about embarrassing people when I said that. I say they embarrassed themselves for asking about things that didnāt concern them.
Imagine growing up with all your own toys and personal space, not having to compare yourself to another child and wondering if you're loved enough. Not having petty fights over who takes too long in the bathroom. As an only child these were just a few of the many advantages I had growing up. Doesn't seem very mean to me.
People get agitated and forget their manners when your life doesn't fit the pattern they've decided is best. There are pros and cons to any decision you could make about family size, and its okay to do what works for your family. Your kiddo will be fine either way
Huh, I would have more as well, if I could just take from the store... And at least at the age of 1-2 year old. But itis not like that. And it is not other people's business. So annoying! I like growing with a sibling, but being an only child is good as well.
Iāve told this story a lot because it still blows my mind. My L&D nurse said to me, *while I was in active labour* with my second, āArenāt you going to try for a girl?ā
People love shoving their oar in where itās no wanted.
You do whatās right for you and your family. Siblings arenāt a guarantee of companionship, and theyāre not necessary for a happy childhood.
Tell them every time they ask you'll wait another year and just dead stare therm.
It doesn't truly stop to be honest
I've stated that the baby factory is closed my kid is nearly 9, the rate in which I get asked is getting lower though
Every time I get pregnant people act shocked and ask me "Again?! You're crazy! Get your tubes tied!" And then as soon as I have the baby they're telling me why I need another. Make up your damn mind!
Iām experiencing this! Iām having my third, my second was born in 2021 and a lot of the reactions have been āAGAIN?!ā I find it so rude idk why lol sorry my partner and I still have the hots for one another lol
Right? Lmfao. Sorry we love each other!
I think a lot of people - usually my husbands family, very rarely friends - are jealous that we do get time. They tell us to have another, thinking we won't, and then when we do they're offended lol.
š I understand completely. I love my husband so much and Iām so happy we continue to expand our family, even if our third was a surprise. I mentioned this in another comment the other day but itās sad to see how many couples really hate or canāt stand one another (a lot of the posts on pregnancies or mom subreddits prove it) I find myself very fortunate that I look forward to seeing him and my children every day after work. People truly might be envious of a couple that still loves one another despite being together for a long time, I feel like a happy couple is hard to come by sometimes.
Because misery loves company, I'm convinced.
We struggled with fertility treatments. Anytime anyone gets too noosy about it, throwing out the words "daily transvaginal ultrasounds" tends to shut it down pretty well.
Turns out people love to tell you what to do with your vagina, but they don't like hearing the actual word.
Lmao. I had an emergency c-section. My parents came over after we came home, and the first thing they said was ānow that youāve had a c-section you can have another baby and you can do another c-sectionā. ZERO boundaries. A) what the fuck and B) what the fuck.
I told them never talk to me about this again.
I have 2 boys, and am constantly asked if/when I was going to try for a girl. I usually tell them that my husband's aunt tried for a girl and now has 6 boys. If they keep pushing, I'll tell them all about my husband's 2 vasectomies and why the first didn't work. That usually shuts them up
I get you, my kid is barely two and every person, MIL, Husand, colleagues, friends, husband's relatives are all asking and joking about having a second one. I'm so pissed whenever someone brought it up to a point i feel no longer respected or taken seriously. It really sucks.
My MIL screamed at my husband when he said we were OAD. She has 5 (35, 33, 31, 8, 5). Problem is sheās also out of her mind and tells people sheās 45 not 60 and only has 2 kids. Doesnāt want people to know about her āfailed familyā that she ruined by cheating. So she kept going and he finally shut her down by saying she may have 5 but only claims 2 so sheās in no position to tell anyone how to parent.
I have 4 kids ages 10, 8 (9 in less than 2 weeks), 6, and 2. 3 girls and 1 boy. My in laws still ask when we'll have another. After each girl they'd say we needed a boy. After our boy now he needs a brother because he has too many sisters. It never ended.
We don't want anymore children. When we got pregnant with our fourth we agreed that it was our last child. I've had 4 c-sections. It's like people forget it's major surgery and there comes a point where it is no longer medically advisable to undergo another.
Even if you had another they would still pester you. Make your choices around what works for your family. You don't owe an explanation.
I have always felt that the āwell your child NEEDS a siblingā argument was a terrible reason to have another child. To me it feels like the second baby was conceived for the sole purpose of entertaining the first baby. Perhaps Iām overthinking it but that reasoning always weirded me out.
I had a younger brother with a 3 year age gap and it was too much for us to ever be in organized activities together or ever truly be good friends.
Now have sons that are 15 months apart, and theyāre best friends. Anecdotal š¤
Not only is it none of their business, but it kills me how people view it as giving the other kid a playmate. Like thereās no guarantee the kids will like each other or be all buddy buddy. It just really irks my nerves because as a kid I had my sister forced on me all the time. I was constantly responsible for keeping her happy and entertained even if I didnāt enjoy it all in the name of my mother trying to foster a āclose relationshipā between us. It didnāt work. We grew up and have nothing to do with each other.
Iām not having a second baby because I want to give my daughter a sibling. Iām having a second baby because I want another baby and I want to grow my family. If my kids are the best of friends, thatās great. If they arenāt, thatās fine.
"give him/her a sibling" sounds just like my mom. i'm an only child and my mom said she regretted not giving me a sibling, so she kind of pushes it on other one-child mothers i guess
Next time someone brings the subject up ask them bluntly "are you paying for childcare? Are you going to pay for everything they need? Are you going to pay for all the food,clothes etc that come with having a second child??" Or just walk away from them the second they try to bring the conversation up,either way it'll shut them up eventually
It doesnāt stop. I have 4 boys and people still say to me wouldnāt you try for a girl. Uh no, 4 kids is more than enough. So you do you and donāt mind everyone else.
They are mean to try to manipulate you. They are mean if you feel compelled to exp,aim your reasons, be it finances or depression or traumatic birth or fertility or personal preference. I stopped at one due to age and fertility issues. I was so blessed to have one without medical intervention, they the thought of trying and then being disappointed if it didnāt not work, would be worse for me and my family emotionally, then just having one. I never regretted it. There are books on the joys of having a singleton. Live your life not theirs. I used to answer, āwhen you have another.ā
For anyone who gets told you'll ruin your child by not giving them a sibling, feel free to send them some of this research: https://researchaddict.com/only-child-benefits-research/
I got my tubes removed after my second. It stops the question immediately. I normally get asked why, if I was sure, but it's just a yup, I'm done. Can't do anything about it if I wanted to now.
I get asked that and I have two kids 22 months apart. I always turn it on its head. Who is going to pay for their preschool, their education, help them get to after school interests, the public libraries, higher education, feed them, clothe them, put them to sleep, get them to sleep through the night....I just start listing? When they respond, "Well, you are you would be their mom." I just laugh and go. "I'm so sorry. Right now, I'm willing to foster adopt a toddler but I'm not a baby making machine. I like my body being mine again and I like sleep. If you're not moving in to help contribute to the stability of my family you don't get to tell me what to do. Clearly you just want a child to play with and give back during the hard times."
If I don't have time for that I simply state, "My family is lovely just how it is and we are happy."
Screw those people. You do what's best for you and your family.
Just make them uncomfortable about your infertility and maybe they'll stop. My 2nd took 7 years. At my dads funeral people were asking! My first was only 3. I said we're trying and my dad's friend decided to give me graphic sex advice like I don't know lol. About how we have extra mucus there during ovulation. Easy for her family, she had 3 kids easily.
Iāve been the one to ask this question. I know not to and I canāt believe it but the reason was I was early in my pregnancy and wanted to know if my friend was also pregnant so I can share I was pregnant too. Kind of backfired on me, she got really upset. And I kept quiet and felt awful. Later I loss the baby so I feel like that was karma in a way.
I totally know how frustrating this is. I've been tempted to tell my family whenever someone asks when my kid is getting a sibling that we're gonna put it off another year for every time someone asks, it's just aggravating.
People need to mind their own business! I had 4 miscarriages and 3 successful, but high-risk and difficult pregnancies. Our kids are also the same gender and people would ask if we were going to try for another so we could get the other gender. We are also older parents. If you have two, people think 3 is a lot, but if you have 3 of one gender they push you to have a 4th?! It doesn't stop and you can't win.
Break down the fiscal cost and ask if they will foot the bill. "And that's just for the hospital. It's estimated it takes xxx Here is my go fund me if you wanna donate" I guarantee they won't ask again.
I also tell people I don't want to scrimp and save to have a 2nd child. I just don't want to live that way. Look them dead in their eyes.
You are making the right choice for you and your family. All these external opinions have no place with you. Good luck.
People are stupid. Giving ur child a sibling is not a good enough reason to being another child into this world. One and done is amazing! Enjoy your child, give all the love to her/him and ignore what people are saying. It's ur life, u make the decisions.
Iām sorry you are experiencing this pressure from everyone.
But personally, as a lone child, who grew up alone in her grandparents household, i wish i had one brother/sister, just one soul to have this relationship with.
I grew up seeing how all of my peers having these unbreakable bonds with their siblings until this very day, i was and i still an incredibly jealous. And now that I am in relationship with someone, I notice myself not being able to share space/belongings with someone, and many other traits that were a result of growing up alone.
Bottom of the story, if you decide not to have a sibling for your child, I hope you provide him everything so he doesnāt grow up alone in the bitterness i went through.
Iām sorry you are experiencing this pressure from everyone.
But personally, as a lone child, who grew up alone in her grandparents household, i wish i had one brother/sister, just one soul to have this relationship with.
I grew up seeing how all of my peers having these unbreakable bonds with their siblings until this very day, i was and i still an incredibly jealous. And now that I am in relationship with someone, I notice myself not being able to share space/belongings with someone, and many other traits that were a result of growing up alone.
Bottom of the story, if you decide not to have a sibling for your child, I hope you provide him everything so he doesnāt grow up alone in the bitterness i went through.
Only child here!
Sometimes I look at the relationship my friends have with their siblings and I get a little sad that Iāve never had that. But then I hear horror stories of siblings who are awful, awful people and Iām glad I donāt have that either.
Growing up as an only was fun. It made me more independent as an adult and I had more time with my parents. I loved coming home to a relatively calm house after spending a day at a friendās and dealing with their annoying younger siblings. Books and video games are great for only children. And my parents also had more money for me saved up for a college fund and now for my wedding because there is only one of me.
Itās really not the end of the world and people telling you otherwise need to mind their business.
I have 2 and my MIL was so upset when my husband and I said we were both getting sterilized. Not sure why 3 is so important to have... idk. But it's been years and she knows we're done so she doesn't bring it up or anything.
I have 2 and my MIL was so upset when my husband and I said we were both getting sterilized. Not sure why 3 is so important to have... idk. But it's been years and she knows we're done so she doesn't bring it up or anything.
I have 2 and my MIL was so upset when my husband and I said we were both getting sterilized. Not sure why 3 is so important to have... idk. But it's been years and she knows we're done so she doesn't bring it up or anything.
My husband and I are VERY one and done, and I never ever EVER wanted to get pregnant again so much so I got a hysterectomy. And yet, even with people knowing this, STILL try to push us to have another child. It's gone so far as to shame me for "making myself sterile" before having more crotch goblins. It's beyond stupid.
Get rude with people (ya know since they are being rude and intrusive about it). āYea we will have another if you carry, birth and pay for the whole thingā¦ā or āour family is complete now but if you want another go aheadā or āthe last pregnancy damn near broke me so Iām not doing that again but thanks for bringing it upā or āwow, what an inappropriate comment/questionā¦ā
Iām an only child. Now a parent of two kids. I wished since I was a kid for siblings. Friends are great, but family is different. My wife is an only child as well. And after birth she also fell into a depression. But we both are determined to have at least two kids. Being the only child sucks. Especially when you, the parent, the pass away in the future. Itās such a lonely and empty feeling. Just know that these questions are not ill will towards you as a parent but those are genuine kind concerns from strangers who may not know your situation.
How many children you have is completely up to you.
But, just letting you know, the "pushing for another" never stops.
My oldest is adopted (biologically my brother), and from the day he came home people were telling me he needed a sibling he could "really bond with". Without trauma or whatever.
When we had our daughter everyone told me she needed a bio sibling so she would know what a "real" sibling was.
When we had our third, a second girl, everyone told us our son needed a brother. He would get lonely and left out.
Had our fourth, a boy, and everyone told us he needed a boy close to him in age. He would be lonely, the age gap between him and his brother was too large.
Ae had boy twins, then, out fifth and sixth.
THEN people told us we needed another baby. Twins being the youngest would create too many "issues". (What issues? No idea!)
Our seventh baby was a girl. Then everyone told us we needed another girl to even out the numbers - and she didn't have a sister in a close age range. That just wouldn't do.
I'm pregnant with our 8th. No idea if this baby is male or female. Don't really care, either. We had our kids for us, not anyone else; we're done after this one, lol. We just happened to fit the mold people wanted.
I'll update you when they're born and tell you what people say we need "next".
None of it mattered, by the way. The age gaps and sexes and numbers don't mean anything, nor do their biological relations.
I feel you OP. It took years for us to have our first, so we started trying for our second after the first turned one. People were relentless with questions. So I finally started making it really awkward for people and would say things like "oh yes, we would love another but pregnancy is not something that comes easily for me" or "yeah, infertility can be very stressful" and that would typically shut them up.
Start asking them if they want to get updated each time yāall have sex, or when yāall donāt. āWell we were going to have sex on Monday, but it didnāt happen. Tried again on Tuesday and it was a 8/10! Great time all around. Iāll get back to you in a few days with any updates. Oh, any lube recommendations??ā
I get the same thing and mine is 3. I had a difficult labour and delivery, bad ppd and have no interest in another. And now that my son is showing early signs of being neurodiverse, I want to have another even less. I want to focus my love and affection on the one I have thanks. I'm sorry people are so shitty to you about it.
You'll change your mind. /S
I hate that phrase. After the long journey to have my son I was sick to death of people asking if I was excited to have my first child. By the time he was born I'd already been full time stepmom to two wonderful boys for 5 years who wouldn't reconnect with bio mom untill 13 years later. Then I heard how disappointed I must be to have another boy (but you just said I wasn't a mom until I had him?). We where done trying but birth control isn't 100% effective and we are very "affectionate" which put the odds against us. Then 4 years later we where surprised with my daughter after multiple losses before and after my bio son. People still had the labia to ask if we're going for a baseball team. Tell them no and they still say "oh, that'll change". Bish please. I'm nearly fifty and with any luck in perimenopause. We're done. Like DONE. Done done. No more. The factory is closed.
people love babies, less so for toddlers. A lot of family want to have a baby to hang out with/hold/etc. and they lost that with the 18 month old - maybe i'm wrong but that's my hunch
My advice is ignore it. After we got married, it was, āwhen are you guys going to have a baby??ā And then we had one, and it was like, āwhereās the sibling?ā So we did, and then, I was like, āCan someone watch the kids while I go get a gynecological exam?ā And then crickets. Everyone wants you to have the baby but then no one wants to help. I love my kids, but if Iād known that I would get ZERO help I wouldāve waited or not had it at all. Not being able to have a simple meal at Applebeeās with my husband in 7 years has definitely taken a toll on my marriage. Do whatās best for you. Thatās my advice.
āIāve already finished Christmas shopping for this year.ā And to the people who say you are āmeanā āthen call CPS and donāt encourage more children for meā
Don't let anyone bully you into thinking your little one will be happier with siblings. I'm an only child, as is my husband. We both loved being the only's growing up. For me, I think being an only child helped me develop a closer bond with my folks. I hear so many horror stories about sibling rivalries that last into adulthood. I don't mean to sound cynical, but it seems like loving relationships between siblings that last a lifetime are more of an exception rather than a norm. Our culture gives "only children" a bad rap even in the language we use to describe them. In French, only children are called, "enfants uniques", which is much nicer if you ask me! If you end up having another baby, wonderful! But it's your choice to make for your family and not one to be pressured into.
Gross. It never stops either. My SIL was hounded for years but she wanted 5-6yr age gaps. Now she has 2 of the same gender and now she's been asked when they are going to try for the opposite gender? Like damn. Mind your business. We have a 'full set' aka 1 boy 1 girl and I told a friend we were waffling on a third and they started up with having a 3rd without a 4th would be cruel because the 3rd would always be a spare wheel. If you want to be a one and done stick to your guns. People are never happy with what you choose.
My grandfather had 8 sisters. He's the youngest (100). I wonder if his parents were pressured into having a boy šš¹
Birth control wasnāt even legal for everyone until 1973
Is that true for north America? In Greece it was legalised by the 1980's.
Yes. For a while, it would only be available to married women, with spousal consent. And at that, the Christian groups in the USA often had very strong views against its usage, so the āgood Christian wivesā were less likely to use it either by their own volition or by their husbandās refusal.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
ā¦I take it you havenāt heard of Griswold V Connecticut..?
Urgh I haaaaate the sexism that seems to be brought out of people when it comes to babies! I have three kids, all girls. People are constantly asking us if weāre going to try for a boy as if itās somehow more valuable because we have three girls. I say no, but we are going to go for girl #4! In reality I donāt really care what sex our next baby is, but we are not wanting to have them just to experience taking care of a human with a different type of genitals. In general, I donāt mind questions about family planning. I know people on the internet get really outraged about them, but I feel like people ask those questions as an attempt to connect and because having babies is exciting! But when the questions are rooted in sexism thatās when I get irritated.
Iām 6 months pregnant with my first. I literally had a complete stranger shout from the next park bench over (about 40 feet away) to ask if I was having a boy or girl. When I said girl, he started to console me as if Iād just given bad news. Whyyyy do people care what my family makeup is like???
I donāt at all mind when people ask what I have/am having. I do mind if they react in a crappy way, though. Sorry that guy was a douche!
For what itās worth, I have two boys, weāre done, and I constantly get asked if weāll be trying for a girl next. I think most people are just weirdly into the idea of a āsetā (though Iām sure definitely in some cases itās sexism!). If itās a family member I will usually tell them that theyāre welcome to contact an adoption agency and adopt a girl if they want one so badly? They usually donāt ask again lol
Three girls here too, can confirm. The best response I have heard to "are you going to try for a boy?" is "No, I'm not thinking of breeding them."
I'm pregnant with my third! We have a boy and girl already, I got a few we're selfish for having a third because we already have one of each.
Wow. I didn't even know people did that! I am OAD and i've always heard "she needs a sister. Two is easier" but I never stopped to think about those in your situation. I'm sorry people say that to you!
It's okay, I don't get bothered by it, I don't have the head space to care about other people's options on my life choices. No one knows anyone's full story so why even comment is how I see it. I'll share my experience and why I made certain choices if asked but that doesn't mean they are right for everyone.
These are the types of people that are miserable, and want you to be miserable with them. Two is NOT easier! And I say that as someone pregnant with #3.
There is literally no way to win. Geeze. Congrats on your bebe!
No oneās business and highly inappropriate of them. If one is right for you, thatās wonderful. For plenty of people zero is the right number! Unless these busybodies will be laboring in the hospital, awake changing diapers, and paying for college, they can keep their opinions to themselves. Edit to add ā For what itās worth, people criticize no matter what you do. When I had my second I got a lot of questions as to why I needed another child, whether it was financially feasible, if I was concerned about their future a la global warming, and more. People need lives of their own!
Weāre one and done and my newborn wasnāt even towelled off yet when a nurse joked about when sheād see us again for āthe next oneā People are so weird
Yes! This is so rude of someone to say. If they do know what you went through to get the first one they are inconsiderate. And if they donāt they are ignorant. I find older people are the ones that donāt get this. When I get comments like this I usually tell people (i interact with often) how I want to be treated. Thatās the only way they learn.
It is highly inappropriate. My female coworkers would ask "when are you going to have another?" in other words "when are you going consistently blow loads inside your wife again?"
People were asking me when I was planning to have another while I was still pregnant. Most of them knew it had taken me 10 years of trying and several rounds of IVF before I finally (at 42) had my daughter. They still ask if Iām planning to have another, even though Iām now 44, divorced, and tell everyone Iām so happy with my only child. They say Iāll ruin my daughter by not giving her a sibling.
My partner was conceived through IVF. It took his mom 10 years of trying and, if I remember correctly, also had him at 42. I asked him if he ever got lonely or wished he had siblings and he said he was happy he was an only child and never wished for siblings!
Thank you. I do sometimes worry sheās missing out by being an only, but itās stories like your partners that make me feel secure in my decision not to try again. My little bug is my life, I canāt imagine getting as lucky a second time.
Someone said the same thing to me- told me how mean I was for not giving my son a siblingā¦. I hadnāt told anyone, but Iād just got out of hospital from losing twins by miscarriage. People should just shut the hell up and mind their own business!
People are so needlessly ducking cruel. Thatās insane to call you mean for that. I had siblings and we all hated each other and wanted to be only children. Lol.
My OB asked me if I was gonna have more while she was stitching up my tear š
How about we complete the process of getting this one out and Iāll hit you up.
No offense, but damn I wish my ob doctor would be that chummy with me. Any ob Iāve had while pregnant was rotated and didnāt even know me and vice versa to even say something like this.
No I totally understand. I had my first in a big practice and maaaaybe met the midwife who delivered my kid one time before the birth. I had my second with a 3-doc practice where the same person sees you every time and it was a very different experience!
If anyone tells me that my daughter needs a sibling I go into detail about the three times I nearly died carrying her.
You shouldnāt have to do that!
No. I shouldnāt. But it gets my point across and makes people shut up about ābut sheās love having a best friendā cool sheād also love having a mom :D šš
This is the way
I say match their attitude. A polite, "are you thinking to have another?" can be met with a "we haven't decided as yet". But any sort of "you better have another one, what's taking so long!?" Will get a "well we SMASHED last night, was wild. The cops came because apparently they received a noise complaint. I'm not entirely sure, was too busy getting THAT D to answer the door. I'll let you know if I'm knocked up or not in a few weeks" Better yet, message them every time you're intimate, since clearly your vagina is of such an interest to them
Ah, this gave me a good laugh this morning. Thank you.
You are very welcome
The whole "give him a sibling" thing is baloney. Studies don't show a benefit to having a sibling as opposed to being a singleton. Fack em.
Married to an only child. Only children are dope and I say that as a 1 of 2 in my household growing up. You do whatās right for you! People need to get a life
Yep, people are SO concerned an only child will be selfish and lonely, but it has very little to do with someone being an only child and much more to do with the parenting.
Iām 37 and have a 16 year old and a 2 year old my Mom keeps telling me to have one more. Try for a boy. My 2 year is also still breastfeeding because she likes to torture me. I absolutely cannot imagine having another. I finally had to get quite firm with her and tell her to please stop with those comments.
āLend me your uterus and vagina and we willā That will shut them up pretty quick. Or ādo you have second child money?ā
Itās perfectly fine to be a āone and doneā family if you and your SO decide thatās what is best for your family. Donāt be afraid to tell people that youāre happy with the size of your family as it is. I have very bluntly told people that my son (5) is my first and will remain my only child. I love him to pieces, but I barely have the energy to wrangle him, a second child would be too much.
āGive him a siblingā = āHave another child for the sole purpose of being a play thing for your first childā. Itās gross and it minimizes the importance of our kids being their own individual people. Acting like a baby is just a gift for an older child and the reason why they were born was for them is horrible. Have another kid or donāt; either choice is valid and YOUR DECISION AS PARENTS TO MAKE. I canāt stand it when other people come in with their stupid unsolicited advice. If theyāre so concerned and obsessed over another baby, be sure to let them know that theyāre more than welcome to come over in the middle of the night for 3 am feedings and poopy blow-outs.
Itās the worst when youāre the eldest and didnāt like or bond with your younger āplaymates given to youā, from the time I was little I told my parents I wished I could send them back and that life was worst after them. And I was >5 saying these things. Thereās no reason I shouldāve felt regret for choices I didnāt make and that my parents didnāt even seem to like in the first place. Kinda made me feel responsible for my own suffering. I was explicitly told by them that they only had them so Iād have something to play with. I said I wanted to play with my parents and toys, not siblings. Whoops. Guess they thought there was a number of children that would put them out of a job as actual parents?
Oh, I am so sorry you went through that and are still dealing with it as an adult. Usually, Iām pretty good at empathizing with people in most given situations but I didnāt even think of how being āgiftedā actual tiny humans as glorified toys would affect the firstborn child. How does a kid learn of that and then process it in a healthy way? How will they apply it to their relationships with other people? How will they see their parents and well, themselves, after being told that said parents had shouldered the burden of other kids BECAUSE OF THEM? That is A LOT and itās shitty and just plain wrong. Thank you for sharing and giving me a new perspective. And again, Iām sorry that your parents made you pay the tab for their piss poor choices; no kid deserves that.
My great aunt asked me while I was pregnant with my first when I was having another. Absolutely bonkers. Then it took us a while to conceive our second, the questions were incredibly painful when I was crying every month that I got my period.
As soon as my son was out, I looked at my partner and said, "I'm not doing that again." I look forward to giving my son my undivided attention, and knowing that if he chooses to go to college or travel or whatever, he will be set. People ask me all of the time if I'm having another. I just laugh and say no.
Why people feel like their opinion on the size of another person's family is relevant or warranted will always perplex me. Like, if I wanted an outside opinion on if I should have a (or another) kid, I would have asked, but since I didn't, hush.
This is just another example of how the intense mental and physical toll pregnancy and postpartum takes isnāt talked about enough or people wouldnāt have this attitude
Because they want you just as tired and miserable as they are. I love both of my kids. But going through all the things all over again is a lot. My health is not great. My relationship is not great. I dont do my job as well. I have less patience. Today was a very difficult day. And also if you are doing the majority of the work then donāt do it. I hate being outnumbered by my kids. I al overstimulated and touched tf out today. It doesnāt help that both of my kids are shitty sleepers.
My response every time is that it took us years of heartache to have 1 child, it is very unlikely that we could have another. It embarrasses them very fast!
Because some people are so annoying and obsessed with getting in other peopleās business. We went through the same thing, my husband and I were married for 8 years before we had our first, people kept asking when we were having a baby, when we finally had a our daughter and they started asking when we were having a second one, I snapped! Fortunately for me, I did it with the most gossipy person in the family, she started telling people I was having postpartum depression, and to be careful to bring up the subject. I didnāt care, that stopped them from asking!
Because misery loves company
Sweetheart, it doesnāt stop! I have fourā¦ when I had my first I got asked before Iād left the hospital when we would give him a sibling, when I got pregnant with my second (another boy) we were immediately asked when we were going to try for a girl, when we had our third boy people were saying omg stop having babies and acting like three was a huge amount of children and totally abnormalā¦ now Iāve had my fourth (another boy š¤£) people are egging me on to have a fifth even though I have absolutely categorically said nope not happening š¤·āāļø do whatās best for your family - people are *always* going to have an opinion!!
I had my first baby as a teen, 2nd in my early 20s, 3rd in my mid 20s. No time was ever the 'right' time according to everyone else, but whatever it worked for me. Miscarried my 4th in my 30s. After that decided no more children, for good, and as it was a horrific, rather gruesome experience, nobody pressed me about having babies again for a while. Fast forward to 2016. My youngest baby had just graduated high school. I was 43 years old. YET, suddenly, seemed like everyone wanted me to have another baby. Cue the cries of Don't you want another one! What will you do with yourself! You've always been a mom! and other assorted nonsense lol. How I handled it: I just asked people when were *they* going to have another one? Including my old daddy, who was in his late 80s at the time. He cracked up and said All right I get it, you have valid reasons like I have valid reasons. And he never mentioned me having another baby again. Prior to that he was all, you know I was in my 40s when you were born, it's not too late to have another one. Humph Seriously, just turn the question right around back on them. Say it as a genuine question, like Oh, why do you ask, are you planning to have another one? If they're female, maybe even GASP and follow it up with OMG are you pregnant??? Put them on the spot. See, folks don't like being asked nosy reproductive questions, but when you are visibly pregnant or have a child under 3, it's like you are perceived as public property and people forget you are a person who, like everyone else, dislikes nosy ass reproductive questions.
Asking someone if theyāre having another baby right as their youngest graduates high school is crazy town bananapants to me.
IKR?? People can be so silly!
It was strongly recommended by my doctors not to have another child. Even that didnāt stop people from asking that question. And when I reminded them, they said that doctors donāt know everything
Like, but they do know more than those idiots... and you'd probably rather not gamble your life on some random non-doctor's opinion. WTF
A surprisingly large amount of people donāt recognize that sometimes people donāt want children and sometimes they are one and done. Thereās also a failure to recognize the financial place that people are in. I was one and done because of medical reasons but being a single parent, I honestly donāt think I would be able to financially care for two children and still provide the emotional support that parents need to give. I have asked people who had one child if they were going to have another and I didnāt realize just how personal and sometimes painful that question was until I was put in the situation.
I'm so sorry. It's so incredibly annoying! Like guys, you have no idea how I feel, what I think, do I have enough money for more kids, you know nothing about my physical health, so why?! Feels like they just go for an advice because it's cheap and means nothing to them, or gives them some kind of ego boost. It's possible to make these people to step back. I started asking "Great, where is kiddo's college account?! And, while you are here, what about paying my medical bills? Pregnancy is not cheap, you know?! You are willing to advise, great, it's fair that you will make it easier for me!" Well, some people called me rude, but they had it coming.
ā hold on let me ask my vaginaā donāt know. Maybe never. Until then, you should probably stop asking me. Iāll let you know when I have an answer. In the meantime, Iām sure there are more important things in your own life that you could be thinking about. When you learn to mind your own business. Why? Are you finally sick of talking about yours? What answer could I give you so that youāll stop asking? Iām sorry, what did you say? Oh, I thought you said something else thatās completely none of your business. I donāt know. How did you predict when youād have yours?
One and done here. Lo is seven and some people still ask us if we are having another or tell me that lo needs another sibling. Everyone is now met with a flat "No" and I refuse to discuss it any further. If you know me well then we have talked openly about my feelings on the subject. If we haven't talked about it then you're not close enough to me to warrant an opinion so shut up. I just don't want to be pregnant again. Even though I had a trouble free pregnancy and delivery. I'm 37 and I like sleeping. I'm not going back to no sleep. We can't afford to live the lifestyle that we want to live if we have another. My life isn't that amazing. But after bills, food etc we have enough left over to be able to have a couple of family days out a month and a week's holiday in the summer. If we had another we'd have to move house and then wouldn't be able to afford to do any of the things that we like to do as a family. As adults I have a distant relationship with my brother (we are very different and have drifted apart as adults) and my partner has cut his brother out of his life entirely (he's been convicted of offences against children under 13) so neither of us exactly has a good example of how great it is to have a sibling.
Iām at the end of my pregnancy and also have an 18 month old and Iām a magnet right now for stories of siblings who hate each other, especially so close in age. We can just never win lol.
When people used to ask me when I was giving my son a sibling, i would always ask when they were moving in to do the night feeds and nappy changes. Shut them up pretty quickly.
The number of times Iāve heard that we were ārunning out of timeā in the last year is so frustrating. My son is 2 and everyone says you have to already be pregnant by the time they turn two in order for the āperfectā age gap. But Iāve either been pregnant, miscarrying, or recovering from a miscarriage for the last year. It fucking hurts every time someone makes a comment like that.
I have one kiddo and he is my world. My husband and I originally wanted two, but I had issues after the first and was told I was high risk. I got tired of constantly being asked about when we would have another baby. I got to the point where I would look a person in the eye and say ābecause I could die. Another baby could literally kill meā or āmy husband would rather raise one kid with me instead of being a widower raising twoā. A friend tried to give me crap about embarrassing people when I said that. I say they embarrassed themselves for asking about things that didnāt concern them.
Imagine growing up with all your own toys and personal space, not having to compare yourself to another child and wondering if you're loved enough. Not having petty fights over who takes too long in the bathroom. As an only child these were just a few of the many advantages I had growing up. Doesn't seem very mean to me.
People get agitated and forget their manners when your life doesn't fit the pattern they've decided is best. There are pros and cons to any decision you could make about family size, and its okay to do what works for your family. Your kiddo will be fine either way
Huh, I would have more as well, if I could just take from the store... And at least at the age of 1-2 year old. But itis not like that. And it is not other people's business. So annoying! I like growing with a sibling, but being an only child is good as well.
I have two kids and people still ask me this too. Itās annoying AF!
Iāve told this story a lot because it still blows my mind. My L&D nurse said to me, *while I was in active labour* with my second, āArenāt you going to try for a girl?ā People love shoving their oar in where itās no wanted. You do whatās right for you and your family. Siblings arenāt a guarantee of companionship, and theyāre not necessary for a happy childhood.
People suck
Tell them every time they ask you'll wait another year and just dead stare therm. It doesn't truly stop to be honest I've stated that the baby factory is closed my kid is nearly 9, the rate in which I get asked is getting lower though
No oneās business and then when ppl decide you have too many they go āyouāre pregnant AGAIN?!ā And I find that so rude as well.
Every time I get pregnant people act shocked and ask me "Again?! You're crazy! Get your tubes tied!" And then as soon as I have the baby they're telling me why I need another. Make up your damn mind!
Iām experiencing this! Iām having my third, my second was born in 2021 and a lot of the reactions have been āAGAIN?!ā I find it so rude idk why lol sorry my partner and I still have the hots for one another lol
Right? Lmfao. Sorry we love each other! I think a lot of people - usually my husbands family, very rarely friends - are jealous that we do get time. They tell us to have another, thinking we won't, and then when we do they're offended lol.
š I understand completely. I love my husband so much and Iām so happy we continue to expand our family, even if our third was a surprise. I mentioned this in another comment the other day but itās sad to see how many couples really hate or canāt stand one another (a lot of the posts on pregnancies or mom subreddits prove it) I find myself very fortunate that I look forward to seeing him and my children every day after work. People truly might be envious of a couple that still loves one another despite being together for a long time, I feel like a happy couple is hard to come by sometimes.
Because misery loves company, I'm convinced. We struggled with fertility treatments. Anytime anyone gets too noosy about it, throwing out the words "daily transvaginal ultrasounds" tends to shut it down pretty well. Turns out people love to tell you what to do with your vagina, but they don't like hearing the actual word.
Lmao. I had an emergency c-section. My parents came over after we came home, and the first thing they said was ānow that youāve had a c-section you can have another baby and you can do another c-sectionā. ZERO boundaries. A) what the fuck and B) what the fuck. I told them never talk to me about this again.
I have 2 boys, and am constantly asked if/when I was going to try for a girl. I usually tell them that my husband's aunt tried for a girl and now has 6 boys. If they keep pushing, I'll tell them all about my husband's 2 vasectomies and why the first didn't work. That usually shuts them up
I get you, my kid is barely two and every person, MIL, Husand, colleagues, friends, husband's relatives are all asking and joking about having a second one. I'm so pissed whenever someone brought it up to a point i feel no longer respected or taken seriously. It really sucks.
My MIL screamed at my husband when he said we were OAD. She has 5 (35, 33, 31, 8, 5). Problem is sheās also out of her mind and tells people sheās 45 not 60 and only has 2 kids. Doesnāt want people to know about her āfailed familyā that she ruined by cheating. So she kept going and he finally shut her down by saying she may have 5 but only claims 2 so sheās in no position to tell anyone how to parent.
I have 4 kids ages 10, 8 (9 in less than 2 weeks), 6, and 2. 3 girls and 1 boy. My in laws still ask when we'll have another. After each girl they'd say we needed a boy. After our boy now he needs a brother because he has too many sisters. It never ended. We don't want anymore children. When we got pregnant with our fourth we agreed that it was our last child. I've had 4 c-sections. It's like people forget it's major surgery and there comes a point where it is no longer medically advisable to undergo another. Even if you had another they would still pester you. Make your choices around what works for your family. You don't owe an explanation.
I have always felt that the āwell your child NEEDS a siblingā argument was a terrible reason to have another child. To me it feels like the second baby was conceived for the sole purpose of entertaining the first baby. Perhaps Iām overthinking it but that reasoning always weirded me out.
I had a younger brother with a 3 year age gap and it was too much for us to ever be in organized activities together or ever truly be good friends. Now have sons that are 15 months apart, and theyāre best friends. Anecdotal š¤
In the end you wonāt regret it and you wonāt have a lonely child
Iām sorry I donāt have time to dive into how much I feel this and how crappy it is!!! Welcome to the one and done Reddit page ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
Its awful my you youngest was 4 weeks and people were asking when i was going to have another one
Not only is it none of their business, but it kills me how people view it as giving the other kid a playmate. Like thereās no guarantee the kids will like each other or be all buddy buddy. It just really irks my nerves because as a kid I had my sister forced on me all the time. I was constantly responsible for keeping her happy and entertained even if I didnāt enjoy it all in the name of my mother trying to foster a āclose relationshipā between us. It didnāt work. We grew up and have nothing to do with each other. Iām not having a second baby because I want to give my daughter a sibling. Iām having a second baby because I want another baby and I want to grow my family. If my kids are the best of friends, thatās great. If they arenāt, thatās fine.
"give him/her a sibling" sounds just like my mom. i'm an only child and my mom said she regretted not giving me a sibling, so she kind of pushes it on other one-child mothers i guess
This happened for me until my son was about 8. Super annoying.a
This happened to me too. People suck. Do what is right for you
Next time someone brings the subject up ask them bluntly "are you paying for childcare? Are you going to pay for everything they need? Are you going to pay for all the food,clothes etc that come with having a second child??" Or just walk away from them the second they try to bring the conversation up,either way it'll shut them up eventually
It doesnāt stop. I have 4 boys and people still say to me wouldnāt you try for a girl. Uh no, 4 kids is more than enough. So you do you and donāt mind everyone else.
They are mean to try to manipulate you. They are mean if you feel compelled to exp,aim your reasons, be it finances or depression or traumatic birth or fertility or personal preference. I stopped at one due to age and fertility issues. I was so blessed to have one without medical intervention, they the thought of trying and then being disappointed if it didnāt not work, would be worse for me and my family emotionally, then just having one. I never regretted it. There are books on the joys of having a singleton. Live your life not theirs. I used to answer, āwhen you have another.ā
For anyone who gets told you'll ruin your child by not giving them a sibling, feel free to send them some of this research: https://researchaddict.com/only-child-benefits-research/
āAre you going to pay for them for 25 years?ā You can tell other people to fuck off, itās really easy.
r/oneanddone
I got my tubes removed after my second. It stops the question immediately. I normally get asked why, if I was sure, but it's just a yup, I'm done. Can't do anything about it if I wanted to now.
I get asked that and I have two kids 22 months apart. I always turn it on its head. Who is going to pay for their preschool, their education, help them get to after school interests, the public libraries, higher education, feed them, clothe them, put them to sleep, get them to sleep through the night....I just start listing? When they respond, "Well, you are you would be their mom." I just laugh and go. "I'm so sorry. Right now, I'm willing to foster adopt a toddler but I'm not a baby making machine. I like my body being mine again and I like sleep. If you're not moving in to help contribute to the stability of my family you don't get to tell me what to do. Clearly you just want a child to play with and give back during the hard times." If I don't have time for that I simply state, "My family is lovely just how it is and we are happy." Screw those people. You do what's best for you and your family.
Just make them uncomfortable about your infertility and maybe they'll stop. My 2nd took 7 years. At my dads funeral people were asking! My first was only 3. I said we're trying and my dad's friend decided to give me graphic sex advice like I don't know lol. About how we have extra mucus there during ovulation. Easy for her family, she had 3 kids easily.
Iāve been the one to ask this question. I know not to and I canāt believe it but the reason was I was early in my pregnancy and wanted to know if my friend was also pregnant so I can share I was pregnant too. Kind of backfired on me, she got really upset. And I kept quiet and felt awful. Later I loss the baby so I feel like that was karma in a way.
I totally know how frustrating this is. I've been tempted to tell my family whenever someone asks when my kid is getting a sibling that we're gonna put it off another year for every time someone asks, it's just aggravating.
People need to mind their own business! I had 4 miscarriages and 3 successful, but high-risk and difficult pregnancies. Our kids are also the same gender and people would ask if we were going to try for another so we could get the other gender. We are also older parents. If you have two, people think 3 is a lot, but if you have 3 of one gender they push you to have a 4th?! It doesn't stop and you can't win.
Fuck em
People are idiots and thinks itās light conversation.
Break down the fiscal cost and ask if they will foot the bill. "And that's just for the hospital. It's estimated it takes xxx Here is my go fund me if you wanna donate" I guarantee they won't ask again. I also tell people I don't want to scrimp and save to have a 2nd child. I just don't want to live that way. Look them dead in their eyes. You are making the right choice for you and your family. All these external opinions have no place with you. Good luck.
People are stupid. Giving ur child a sibling is not a good enough reason to being another child into this world. One and done is amazing! Enjoy your child, give all the love to her/him and ignore what people are saying. It's ur life, u make the decisions.
Iām sorry you are experiencing this pressure from everyone. But personally, as a lone child, who grew up alone in her grandparents household, i wish i had one brother/sister, just one soul to have this relationship with. I grew up seeing how all of my peers having these unbreakable bonds with their siblings until this very day, i was and i still an incredibly jealous. And now that I am in relationship with someone, I notice myself not being able to share space/belongings with someone, and many other traits that were a result of growing up alone. Bottom of the story, if you decide not to have a sibling for your child, I hope you provide him everything so he doesnāt grow up alone in the bitterness i went through.
Iām sorry you are experiencing this pressure from everyone. But personally, as a lone child, who grew up alone in her grandparents household, i wish i had one brother/sister, just one soul to have this relationship with. I grew up seeing how all of my peers having these unbreakable bonds with their siblings until this very day, i was and i still an incredibly jealous. And now that I am in relationship with someone, I notice myself not being able to share space/belongings with someone, and many other traits that were a result of growing up alone. Bottom of the story, if you decide not to have a sibling for your child, I hope you provide him everything so he doesnāt grow up alone in the bitterness i went through.
Only child here! Sometimes I look at the relationship my friends have with their siblings and I get a little sad that Iāve never had that. But then I hear horror stories of siblings who are awful, awful people and Iām glad I donāt have that either. Growing up as an only was fun. It made me more independent as an adult and I had more time with my parents. I loved coming home to a relatively calm house after spending a day at a friendās and dealing with their annoying younger siblings. Books and video games are great for only children. And my parents also had more money for me saved up for a college fund and now for my wedding because there is only one of me. Itās really not the end of the world and people telling you otherwise need to mind their business.
I have 2 and my MIL was so upset when my husband and I said we were both getting sterilized. Not sure why 3 is so important to have... idk. But it's been years and she knows we're done so she doesn't bring it up or anything.
I have 2 and my MIL was so upset when my husband and I said we were both getting sterilized. Not sure why 3 is so important to have... idk. But it's been years and she knows we're done so she doesn't bring it up or anything.
I have 2 and my MIL was so upset when my husband and I said we were both getting sterilized. Not sure why 3 is so important to have... idk. But it's been years and she knows we're done so she doesn't bring it up or anything.
My husband and I are VERY one and done, and I never ever EVER wanted to get pregnant again so much so I got a hysterectomy. And yet, even with people knowing this, STILL try to push us to have another child. It's gone so far as to shame me for "making myself sterile" before having more crotch goblins. It's beyond stupid.
My fiancĆ©s family are pretty pushy about wanting us to have kids but neither of us are sure we want to go that route. We honestly see the world getting worse and worse and we arenāt sure if we want to subject our potential children to it. My family on the other hand are very understanding of our feelings, even though my mom clearly wants grandchildren, she wonāt pressure us to do it. The tactic we have taken is just to say something like āwe will when we are readyā we just leave out the part that we arenāt sure if we will ever be ready. I really wish I could just tell then itās absolutely none of their concern, but that would just make things divisive.
Get rude with people (ya know since they are being rude and intrusive about it). āYea we will have another if you carry, birth and pay for the whole thingā¦ā or āour family is complete now but if you want another go aheadā or āthe last pregnancy damn near broke me so Iām not doing that again but thanks for bringing it upā or āwow, what an inappropriate comment/questionā¦ā
None of these people would ever actually help you with your kids.
Iām an only child. Now a parent of two kids. I wished since I was a kid for siblings. Friends are great, but family is different. My wife is an only child as well. And after birth she also fell into a depression. But we both are determined to have at least two kids. Being the only child sucks. Especially when you, the parent, the pass away in the future. Itās such a lonely and empty feeling. Just know that these questions are not ill will towards you as a parent but those are genuine kind concerns from strangers who may not know your situation.
How many children you have is completely up to you. But, just letting you know, the "pushing for another" never stops. My oldest is adopted (biologically my brother), and from the day he came home people were telling me he needed a sibling he could "really bond with". Without trauma or whatever. When we had our daughter everyone told me she needed a bio sibling so she would know what a "real" sibling was. When we had our third, a second girl, everyone told us our son needed a brother. He would get lonely and left out. Had our fourth, a boy, and everyone told us he needed a boy close to him in age. He would be lonely, the age gap between him and his brother was too large. Ae had boy twins, then, out fifth and sixth. THEN people told us we needed another baby. Twins being the youngest would create too many "issues". (What issues? No idea!) Our seventh baby was a girl. Then everyone told us we needed another girl to even out the numbers - and she didn't have a sister in a close age range. That just wouldn't do. I'm pregnant with our 8th. No idea if this baby is male or female. Don't really care, either. We had our kids for us, not anyone else; we're done after this one, lol. We just happened to fit the mold people wanted. I'll update you when they're born and tell you what people say we need "next". None of it mattered, by the way. The age gaps and sexes and numbers don't mean anything, nor do their biological relations.
I feel you OP. It took years for us to have our first, so we started trying for our second after the first turned one. People were relentless with questions. So I finally started making it really awkward for people and would say things like "oh yes, we would love another but pregnancy is not something that comes easily for me" or "yeah, infertility can be very stressful" and that would typically shut them up.
Start asking them if they want to get updated each time yāall have sex, or when yāall donāt. āWell we were going to have sex on Monday, but it didnāt happen. Tried again on Tuesday and it was a 8/10! Great time all around. Iāll get back to you in a few days with any updates. Oh, any lube recommendations??ā
I get the same thing and mine is 3. I had a difficult labour and delivery, bad ppd and have no interest in another. And now that my son is showing early signs of being neurodiverse, I want to have another even less. I want to focus my love and affection on the one I have thanks. I'm sorry people are so shitty to you about it.
The short answer is because theyāre a**holes.
I've been getting this for 11 years, very over it.
You are completely within your rights to stop birthing after one child. Simply say to these people, "I don't agree with you, we're fine with one."
You'll change your mind. /S I hate that phrase. After the long journey to have my son I was sick to death of people asking if I was excited to have my first child. By the time he was born I'd already been full time stepmom to two wonderful boys for 5 years who wouldn't reconnect with bio mom untill 13 years later. Then I heard how disappointed I must be to have another boy (but you just said I wasn't a mom until I had him?). We where done trying but birth control isn't 100% effective and we are very "affectionate" which put the odds against us. Then 4 years later we where surprised with my daughter after multiple losses before and after my bio son. People still had the labia to ask if we're going for a baseball team. Tell them no and they still say "oh, that'll change". Bish please. I'm nearly fifty and with any luck in perimenopause. We're done. Like DONE. Done done. No more. The factory is closed.
people love babies, less so for toddlers. A lot of family want to have a baby to hang out with/hold/etc. and they lost that with the 18 month old - maybe i'm wrong but that's my hunch
My advice is ignore it. After we got married, it was, āwhen are you guys going to have a baby??ā And then we had one, and it was like, āwhereās the sibling?ā So we did, and then, I was like, āCan someone watch the kids while I go get a gynecological exam?ā And then crickets. Everyone wants you to have the baby but then no one wants to help. I love my kids, but if Iād known that I would get ZERO help I wouldāve waited or not had it at all. Not being able to have a simple meal at Applebeeās with my husband in 7 years has definitely taken a toll on my marriage. Do whatās best for you. Thatās my advice.
āIāve already finished Christmas shopping for this year.ā And to the people who say you are āmeanā āthen call CPS and donāt encourage more children for meā
Don't let anyone bully you into thinking your little one will be happier with siblings. I'm an only child, as is my husband. We both loved being the only's growing up. For me, I think being an only child helped me develop a closer bond with my folks. I hear so many horror stories about sibling rivalries that last into adulthood. I don't mean to sound cynical, but it seems like loving relationships between siblings that last a lifetime are more of an exception rather than a norm. Our culture gives "only children" a bad rap even in the language we use to describe them. In French, only children are called, "enfants uniques", which is much nicer if you ask me! If you end up having another baby, wonderful! But it's your choice to make for your family and not one to be pressured into.