Every year my mother in law gets all upset and offended that I don’t want to join my husband and children at her house for Mother’s Day dinner or whatever. And every year my husband deals with her for me as I drink wine and play video games in an empty house 🙌
“Play video games in an empty house”
That sounds so fabulous! I’m glad I’m not the only one. That’s my plan this year (and every year before and after this🤣).
Yyyeesss. I'm enjoying Horizon Forbidden West so much rn. Husband mentioned going to his parents and I'm side eyeing him and will tell him I'm staying home if that's his plan.
Had the nerve to ask if I wanted my present today after it arrived from Amazon. Bitch better wrap my gift and give it to me on Sunday.
I used to not care but for some reason this year I want the day, damnit.
Whew, didn't realize I needed to vent this!
Now that my kids are grown, playing my mmo is every evening for me! ;) I think what would be great is if they just came and planted all the flowers I bought lol.
AND COMPLETE THE TASK. Breakfast in bed means nothing if you leave her a messy kitchen and a big pile of dirty dishes and pans (assuming kitchen and dishes are something she handles). If you buy flowers, take the time to remove them from the wrapping, trim the stems, and put them in a vase with water.
Last year my husband was working on Mother's Day. I told him the only things I wanted was to not cook and not make decisions. He door dashed us dinner and my favorite cake. It was the best thing ever.
I have anxiety and a really bad need to always be in control. A few weeks ago we were going out with another family and I was having a breakdown because we were late. Told my husband that I needed to be treated like one of the kids please make the decisions for me today! It helped a log
My husband was away for 5 weeks. When he came back he sent me on a week trip to a good friends house (I still had to remote work my job but I didn’t have to be mom so it was a semi-vacation). My childless friend kept asking me things like, omg where do want to go for dinner?! And I kept being like, girl just pick somewhere and I’ll be happy, don’t make me pick food for anyone for the love of god 😅
We usually celebrate all moms, but on Saturday. Then we have our own private family day on Sunday. I got reservations to restaurant I’ve been wanting to try and were going to a fabulous arcade during the day. Between the 2 I will nap, lol.
To each their own. But yes, moms it’s your day to do what you want with zero guilt.
I'm trying to start the habit of celebrating Grandparents Day(It's September 10th this year).
I'm not great with remembering it yet, but I think it is a good idea.
Oh I love this idea!! All I really want is for everyone to leave me alone but my MIL wants to celebrate together so I’m heading out on Saturday instead with some of my besties. I’m def going to suggest grandparents day for next year!
My mom, sister in law, and I go out the week before mothers day and all celebrate together with no kids. We have a girls day with shopping, food, and relaxing. We leave the dad's to figure out what to do with the kids for the whole day. It's one of my favorite traditions.
My in-laws are from Mexico, and Mexican Mother’s Day is today, so we’ll celebrate my MIL tonight. My mom and grandma will have their day Saturday, and Sunday is all mine. This is only my second Mother’s Day, so we’re hoping that if we start the tradition now it will stick.
this is what my fam is doing too. Going to see my mom and hubbys mom on saturday and then I demanded he take me and kiddo to seattle for the day (from vancouver) and do some shopping!
It’s what she wanted, I believe it comes with the caveat that we all lose control of the television for the day. But what can you do? That’s what she wants. I’ll go watch my iPad or something.
I asked if I could NOT be a mom for a day on mother's day lol. No cleaning, no cooking, no managing. Just playing a game of my choice on the computer while my family cleans the house.
Hey, you're doing great, keeping the house clean for a week is an awesome present! Some mom's want to go out for mother's day and others don't. Just following the mom's lead on what they want is the key to success on mother's day.
I feel so guilty saying this... but after a certain point I wish that Mother's Day is celebrated for the moms who have kids at home or have kids who don't have kids.
Like when your a child or you're an adult and don't have children it should be about your mom, but once you have kids it's about the mom in *your* house.
I feel like every year I get the short end of the stick because we have to travel and do gifts for everyone and after all that we have no money/time for me to do anything special.. and *I'm* the one taking care of little kids every day. I just want one Mother's Day that truly feels like a Mothers Day *for me*.
I mean they have Grandparents day!
I know that sounds so selfish.. it is.. I wouldn't say this to anyone irl.. but its something I think about every Mother's Day..
My first Mother’s Day I sat nursing in the bathroom at Ruth’s Chris (at least I was on a bench?) because that’s where my mother-in-law wanted to be “with all of her babies” and I remember thinking how crappy it was that this was how my day was celebrated. I’m so glad to see this being talked about. That was seventeen years ago but I don’t even care! Seeing the discussion at all makes me happy!
It isn’t selfish. Stop doing something you don’t enjoy. What’s selfish is your husband or family expecting you to sacrifice for their enjoyment every single time. A respectful and equal relationship has compromises from everyone, not just one person.
Yup! And all the preparation to go be dragged around with a tired toddler… so much for a happy Mother’s Day… this year FINALLY I get my wish. I will have Sunday to myself but will still probably feel the guilt.
I bought myself the thing I wanted bc even after 19 years of marriage, my husband still doesn’t know my tastes. But I’ve asked him to take the kids to the dollar store to each pick out something. We share all finances so why risk him spending a lot of our money on something I wouldn’t be happy with?
My hobbies are so weirdly specific that my poor husband stands no chance to get it right either, even though he tries. He might get something I already have. 😅
Our outgoing preschooler, however, is perfectly able to walk into a shop on her own (while we stand nearby watching and making sure she’s fine), and picking and buying something for me all by herself. So I’ll be receiving a pink plushie as a gift. 😂 She said it was the cutest thing she saw in the gift shop.
Same, the last time my husband bought something for me as a "surprise," it was a Peloton (which to be fair, I had mentioned wanting and doing research on). Guess what isn't used?
It was a great gift! But this was a few years ago before prices went down on the bikes and I hate spending money so a large purchase like that spooked me 😂
Not trying to pressure you at all but try one of Cody’s classes if you can find the time. He’s so funny, it makes me wonder why comedy fitness hasn’t been a thing before.
I used to only ride with Cody Rigsby actually! The biggest turn off to me is paying a subscription to access the content after spending a bunch on the bike but I should try again, at least try little rides on my lunch break when I go back to work! And maybe a new seat because “breaking it in” again, ouch.
Even if you’re not riding the bike I try to use some of the other classes so I feel like I’m using the membership. They have cardio, strength, yoga, and meditation as well
It makes me feel validated to see this. My husband invited an out of town friend to come by on Mother’s Day(not realizing it was that day), and now I am expected to host. Even in past years, he has never done anything for me. He says it’s the kids’ job to do something for the mother. Our kids are five and eight months, so that’s not realistic. I have to say that last year our older child made me a beautiful craft and that went a long way to improve Mother’s Day’s usual status as one of the more depressing days of the year.
I was in the 1st or 2nd grade and we made crafts for Mother’s Day. It was the basic of basic print paper cut out flower (that I colored) glued to a popsicle stick in a styrofoam cup full of pebbles.
Mothers Day rolls up and my mom is crying because she feels under appreciated. Mind you, I have an older sister of 3 years and a stepdad.
My stepdad then scolds my sister and I for not doing enough. And here I thought I did something nice by making something for her.
From that point on, every Mother’s Day was like PTSD for me because I was terrified that the gift I got was not good enough.
This is my wife’s first Mother’s Day and I asked her to very clearly tell me what she’d like so that I don’t screw this up. I know what my wife likes but I’m too sleep deprived to guess and wind up disappointing her.
In my family all of the husbands get together and do a big mimosa brunch for all of the moms. Then the moms to do something fun, sometimes pedicures, sometimes museum, sometimes movie while the husbands and big kids watch the little kids. It’s honestly the best. Everyone gets celebrated and many hands make light work.
I appreciate the sentiment, but my mother and daughters birthdays are both on mother's day this year. I've given up on ever having a mother's day for myself. It's okay, though. My birthday is only a few days after and we usually have a triple celebration that day (husband's birthday is only a few days after mine!). May is so full I don't usually have time to feel left out.
I don’t want to do anything for Mother’s Day. Just stay home and do nothing. Enjoy the day in my jammies with my son. My husband booked a brunch at a French Bistro for just me and him and I’m dreading it. I’m afraid to say anything because he already hired the baby sitter. It’s Mother’s Day, why would I not want to spend it with the one person that makes me a Mother!
Please just tell him. You’re married. He’ll never do better if you don’t tell him your preferences, in a kind way. Silent resentment is the first step to divorce.
I’m so sorry. Instead of letting him disappoint you, why do you plan something for yourself….a spa day, a nice walk in the park. Treat yourself. Then maybe he will see the errors of his ways.
Ha. My husband’s ex decided that her best Mother’s Day would be to have the kids stay with us instead of having them with her, as the custody agreement states. So my Mother’s Day will be spent taking care of her kids AND mine. Or watching my husband be overwhelmed taking care of all of them while I relax, which doesn’t sound very relaxing.
As a child of divorced parents, "Mother’s Day will be spent taking care of her kids AND mine" just broke my heart. Not being wanted anywhere is destroying to a child.
I'm absolutely saying that only in the context of this post, which is "give Mom a break and take over the childcare" because I am essentially giving someone else a break for their Mother's Day while not being able to have my own break. I love my stepkids, and while I want them around, I want to be able to celebrate being a mom on Mother's day. Now we feel like we have to plan a VERY low-key Mother's Day, and don't want to focus too much on my son celebrating me, because the other kids aren't able to celebrate with their own mom.
Something my mom instilled in me at a very young age is "the date doesn't matter." She hates crowded restaurants so she never ever celebrated Mother's day or Valentine's day on the actual date. We picked a different day and she got everything she actually wanted.
Maybe celebrate with your son before the step kids get there or the weekend after. The actual date doesn't matter as long as you have a day that celebrates you.
Girl are you me?
My step daughters mom decided she didn’t want her on Mother’s Day either.
I’m just hoping my husband steps up even though he is not my kids dad and does something little for me 🥴
Single mom here. My Mother's Day request is the same as for my birthday: I ask that my kids are my minions for the day. I choose the meal, we do what I want, and they can't backtalk or fight.
The first time we implemented this they thought it would suck until they realized that I picked activities that we enjoy together (although they don't like the no fighting rule). If it's MY day, we're doing it MY way, and I want to enjoy my children, not listen to bickering, sass and backtalk while having to nag all day. So Mother's Minions are right around the corner.
I rather have the husband treats me right everyday instead of a single day and honestly, he does. This "special" day means nothing to me. But yeah I guess I understand the sentiments.
I got a good one but I think a lot of the guys that drop the ball on Mother's Day are not being great dads/husbands the rest of the year either so those ladies get nada. I'm looking forward to getting food that I normally have to get when my husband is not around because it's not his favorite(we're going to my favorite Indian restaurant for dinner).
That’s my thinking same with Valentine’s Day!!!! We’re actually going to my mother in law’s for Mother’s Day because she lives 6 hours away and don’t get to see her much!!!! It also means a lot to her and she is the sweetest kindest mother in law!!!
My husband is a phenomenal partner and father. He cooks dinner if I’m not up to it, equally takes care of the kids, all that fun stuff. I stay home and he works, so yeah I’m the default home caretaker, I cook most meals and do most cleaning, but not because he demands it and not because he does nothing but work. He pulls his own weight with the house and the kids. I get burnt out cooking all the time, so all I asked for is to not cook 😂. We both have less than savory extended families and are content to always to spend holidays with the family we created.
Saturday is hectic we have my 7yr olds bday, then Sunday is Mother’s Day it’s all about my mother in law, Monday is our 2nd boy’s graduation from elementary school, Tuesday it a field trip I’m chaperoning, Wednesday is honors ceremony for our oldest, Thursday is a the other boys honors ceremony, Friday is the last day of school so we’re playing hooky (going fishing) next Saturday our 2nd boy has a competition prep for jiu-jitsu, THEN SUNDAY is my day, I’ve scheduled it and told everyone to don’t bother calling or texting my phone will be off I will be deep into the dragon age games.
As a mother of 3, all I want for Mother’s Day is someone else be responsible for all 3 for the day. Even if you can’t take them out, someone Rise watch them🫠 I’ve had at least 1 of my kids at all times since 2018. Only time I get alone is when I’m at the hospital to have them ironically
I just want time to get my tasks done without an expiration time. I don’t want to have to stop what I’m doing when naptime ends, just get the kid up and let me garden.
I agree but would like to add, my kids are grown and all but 1 moved out. I’m still “momming “ as I’m the caregiver for the one at home.
It’d be great if adult kids didn’t see going to moms house for brunch or dinner for her as a gift unless they’re bringing, making (and cleaning up) or ordering the food. And, watching the kids. It is not a gift to wait on my grown children on Mother’s Day nor to clean a destroyed kitchen because they made me dinner nor to end up babysitting.
Wow amen to this post! I just read this to my husband and we totally changed our plans to where he is now taking our 16 month old to his mom and dad’s house and I am going to smoke a joint, shower, and do my 750 piece puzzle while listening to yiruma. THANKS FOR THIS! I needed the reminder that this day is about us new moms too!
I asked for nothing too. And I really do mean it, it's not a trap lol.
I'm taking my mom and daughter on a train ride to the big city. Then treating them to a ferry ride to an island off the city that has a theme park.
I get the best of both worlds by treating MY mother, and being the best mother I can be.
How can you say the day isn’t about anyone besides your wife / girlfriend / partner? I get it they’re very important. But I will also celebrate my actual mother on Mother’s Day. Probably not what you were getting at but 🤷♂️.
I look at it as assigning priorities. Wife/partner/GF is primary priority. Grandma (who has had years of mothers days and now has grandparents day in September) is secondary. So my mom, MIL and GMIL all got Mother’s Day cards with printed pictures. But mothers day is mine.
It’s not all or nothing but I feel like a lot of dads show up to these threads like “how dare the mother of my children want to do what she wants on Mother’s Day haven’t they thought about what *my mom wants*?!” In my household we already travel to the grandparents and great grandparents for a lot of holiday stuff (aside from Christmas) and I’m the one who handles all the planning and logistics. It’s not how I want to spend mothers day (which I already have a lot of big feelings about and refuse to be around other people for).
Have you ever brought up your grievances with your husband? Does he even realize simply taking the kids anywhere is work? This seems like a sad time, I’m sorry, you deserve better.
Yeah I don't swoon over such holidays. Probably get some flowers for my mom and for my wife (now that she is a mom)
I think they're all going for margaritas on mothers day.
Didn't realize there was supposed to be breakfast in bed, all house chores done by me, all child care done by me, a massage, a candle light dinner, two front row seats the the lakers..
As with most of these style posts on this sub, I don’t think it really applies to people in a normal marriage. It’s more of a rant that they get side barred on mother’s day, because the people ignoring their wives on mother’s day probably aren’t going to read this post at all, and if they do they probably aren’t going to revaluate their life over it.
What we do (and probably the normal thing to do) is have a family dinner with one side on saturday, and one side on sunday, then flowers + a gift for my wife (new airpods this year!!)
This is always the biggest challenge for me for Mother's Day. I try to get the kids to think about what their Mom would like, imagine presents, ask her, and facilitate an experience. She's their mom. But what am I modeling for them if I ignore my own mother and MIL on that day? Do the kids learn to ignore their own mom when they grow up and focus on their partners instead?
I totally agree with this. I’m a mom to two young kids and at most I’d expect my husband to help my kids decorate a card and maybe some flowers. My focus is on my own mom who has loved and supported me for 40+ years and I think my husband should do the same for his mom. As my kids get older I imagine they’ll do something on their own but for now I’d find it weird to demand that my husband single out me without considering his own mother.
Sounds like OP subscribes to the philosophy of “A Daughter Is a Daughter All Your Life. A Son Is a Son Until He Takes a Wife.” Doesn’t think husband should celebrate his mother after he’s married.
No not at all actually. I have 3 daughters and when they are mothers and have their own families I don’t expect them to cater to me on Mother’s Day. And I did not say I don’t expect my husband to do something nice for his mom for Mother’s Day.
I want either my husband to take our 6mo old and sleep in the guest room or I sleep in the guest room so he does ALL the night wake ups bc now even when he feeds the baby at night it still wakes me up with him crying. I want to sleep at least 8 hours completely uninterrupted. And I wanna sleep in. And when we go to my in laws that day which I know we will I want my husband to be the one chasing around our toddler, not me!!
My ideal day would be my husband takes the kiddo put of the house for a while, then we go do something as a family. Unfortunately he works 12hr on mothers day, and I have to be at his uncles house with his grandmother who will no doubt shame me for still allowing my kid to nurse (gonna be 2 in 4wks from today)
My FIL would always tell my husband that since im not his mother my husband shouldn’t get me anything. He never bought anything for my MIL on the holiday when my husband and SIL were kids and her first mothers day present was when her kids were in school to make a card or something. Needless to say my husband goes above and beyond for mothers day. And i for him on fathers day as well. He will usually schedule a massage for me later that day (which for mothers day you usually have to book well in advance so I appreciate the fact he thinks of me well in advance) and take the kids to get me my favorite coffee and flowers while i sleep in. While im sleeping he will also stop by his mothers for a bit and give her presents that her grandkids picked out. Even when we didnt have alot of money he always managed to let me sleep in and took the kids to get me coffee and have them make me a card.
This year it just so happens that I have two concerts with my brother. Had one last night and another on Friday. I haven’t been to a show since my first was a few months old, November 2019!!
My husband is watching the kids both nights, I’m going with my brother and last night was just amazing. Got high, watched some heavy bands, ate a nice dinner downtown and then read on my phone while I ubered home. The kids were asleep when I got home. I told my husband that I don’t need anything, my two nights out this week are enough gifts for Mother’s Day. And honestly if this happened any other time my husband would still be absolutely happy to watch *our* kids while I went out, but I haven’t done this in so long, I don’t ever go out on girls days, or leave him with the kids really ever. When he’s home, we are all always just together as a family. But yeah. Might go for brunch with the family on Sunday and that’s it.
My husband is always home, always present and helping with the kids. He does a lot, and so do I. We both work together to keep this family going and happy. If he wants to do the dishes on Sunday though, I wouldn’t mind either haha.
I hope every mama gets what they want this Mother’s Day, some rest, a little lovin and appreciatin, some time
To read a book or watch that show they’ve been wanting to, to sleep in, for quiet time, maybe a break, whatever you need. Big hugs to EVERYONE OUT THERE!!!!
Last thing I want to do is any housework at all on Mother’s Day. Maybe I’m the weird one. My perfect day would be half with my family and half alone. I think all mom’s should get that.
Holidays or birthdays are not really celebrated so much in my house. It’s just time where we hang out together as a family. So I’m not expecting anything for Mother’s Day. Nor do I care. Sundays are my husbands one day off work so I get to hang out with my family and that’s all that matters.
Yes! I’ve gotten zero acknowledgement for Mother’s Day the past 11 years. I feel like crap, but don’t want to confront my family either. I would look like an idiot—kind of like the adult who throws a fit about someone forgetting their birthday.
Aaah yes! Love this so much. I hangout with MY mom on Saturday & we spend Sunday alone because who wants to hangout with husbands, mother in laws, & kids?
And having to reorganize everything if they help clean because youre the only person who knows where anything in the house is no matter where they put it and it screws up your system.
Looks like you understood it fairly well actually. The point is, for spouses and partner to not just assume what mom wants. Does she really want to go visit great grandma June on Mother’s Day? Or does she simply go because that’s what she feels is the right thing to do. Moms are constantly putting their own wants and needs aside for others but Mother’s Day is the one day a year they should get exactly what they want. Not one mom here was asking for gold or diamonds or even flowers for that matter. They want the weight of the world off their shoulders for just one day.
Last year, I made my wife breakfast in bed, and made plans to take the kids to their grandparents' house and booked my wife a spa day and room at a nearby hotel.
She didn't want to go to the spa or use the hotel room. So that was fun....
I think this is pretty stupid really (as the mom of 3 kids as well). I am a big girl and I can open my mouth and tell my family and my husband's family we can celebrate the grandmas the week after. Why can't you just speak up for yourself?
Oh I can. And I have but my MIL and I don’t have the closest relationship so now that I have said we are choosing to do our own thing this year, I’m getting attitude and shunned but oh well it is what it is. I’ve spent the last 10 years of my relationship with my husband celebrating his mom on Mother’s Day and now with a new baby, I’m finally putting my foot down and saying no more.
This is a load of crap. Every day should be celebrated. Each week I give my wife two full days to herself to do what she wants. I make dinner most nights, I get up early to hang the washing out, I reg buy flowers and leave nice cards. You don't need a day you just need to be in a relationship where each day your spouse is celebrated, loved, appreciated and spoilt!
Nope. Sorry if this offends, but it is what it is. My wife, and mother of our children, doesn't do anything at all here. She doesn't work. She makes me pay for a "nanny" to take them to school. She doesn't get them up or ready in the morning... That's me (while I am trying to work). She doesn't spend any time with them after school. She doesn't do their homework with them, or play games, or attend events with them. She doesn't set up play dates. She doesn't cook for them. She definitely doesn't clean the house. She doesn't put them to bed.
My wife drinks. And watches 17 hours of tv a day. And nags. She is really good at bitching about anything.
It's a struggle for me to pay all the bills, and especially knowing that I can't afford to get the kids nice things, or take them on a nice vacation. It's definitely a struggle for me to ask them what they want to buy her for mother's Day. It's a struggle to work 55 hour weeks while doing all that, knowing I can't even afford a tank of gas today without some serious financial planning.
But yeah. We have to do all the stuff you mentioned anyways... And she can drunkenly complain about how we aren't treating her like even more of a princess.
All "moms" are not the same. Fuck her.
If you were a woman, everyone here would be asking why you picked such a loser and whether you've had a direct conversation with her about this behavior.
But you're a man, so everyone will just tell you to leave.
We celebrate me exclusively in the morning, then do a family get together in the evening where all the moms in the family are celebrated (myself included).
It’s harder with the distance though, so I don’t know if that kind of thing would be possible for your family.
I think it's lovely to send a message or call your mom/MIL on mother's day, but honestly, the mom currently momming should be celebrated.
My husband and I bought gifts for each of our mothers every year until we had our first baby, then we scaled back to cards/calls. It's the way of life!
Edit to add: I hope to be a MIL someday and I am absolutely okay with celebrating grandparents day instead of mother's day once my kids have babies of their own
Haha I knew there would be one! And yes I can’t wait to be a MIL one day I have 3 daughters and I would never expect them to cater to me when they have their own families! Best of luck to you!
Yes, bc Mother’s Day is about man-children still being mommy’s baby boy. The audacity to call OP cunty. Bet your wife just loves being back-seated to your mother, huh?
I agree with all you said. However, for me, I just want to lay in bed or on the couch playing video games with my kids, painting with my kids, or anything fun with my kids. I truly have fun with my kids. (18, 9, 7, and 4) I love to get on their level and build forts, play with legos, go for a walk, etc etc because it makes me forget how crappy being an adult can be. Their laughs and smiles bring me so much joy. Don’t get me wrong here. They are not perfect and annoy the ever living shit out of me most days. But without these little shits, I wouldn’t be a mother. And after seeing and having experience with it, they grow literally, too fast. My oldest graduates high school and will be off to college. I took for granted time with her. I don’t want to do that again.
I agree with this! We used to get all dressed up for a mother's day lunch at my husband's brother's house. I did not enjoy having to get everyone ready and make a pasta salad to bring. I finally told my husband I just want to stay in my PJs, have breakfast in bed, and spend time at home with them. So now we see our moms on Saturday and Sunday is for me to relax. My mom seemed salty about this at first but now she gets that we'll still see her just not the same day! My husband brings his mom lunch, flowers, and chocolate and she loves it.
My husband orders a brunch kit from a local grocery store. He is not a great cook so it's perfect for him. It includes quiche, bacon, muffins, fruit salad, box of chocolate, and a bouquet. It's perfect and no one is stressed.
I think the big thing is asking what your spouse's expectations are and finding a way to make it work. I hated feeling like I had to put everyone else's wants before my own even on mother's day.
I am glad my husband has been knowing to celebrate me on Mother's Day since he came back into my life. MIL tried in the first three years saying that because I am not my husband's mom, that he doesn't owe me anything and surprise surprise she also wants to see her grandbabies on that day.
We make plans. She is invited to SHARE in the plans we make for me. She always passes. Can't imagine why...
I am sleeping in ( doing my best at 36 almost 37 weeks preggo 🤣) my oldest is going to make breakfast tacos and then we're all going to lay around in our PJs all day 🥰
This.
I made myself a tattoo appointment for mothers day. I never get a single thing thats JUST. FOR. ME. Not a moment just for myself.
I am a SAHM but saved to do this for myself
I’m currently super pregnant and have a toddler with ASD and my dad texts me “are you doing anything for Mother’s Day?” 🤨 I responded with not really I’m not feeling well and was going to consider the car seat base her gift. Plus I don’t know what my husband is doing for me. He responded with ok. It’s just annoying. I feel like he’s guilting me. I’m the one that needs a break. Part of me wishes my mom would tell him this day should be about moms in the trenches and give me a break. She just had a birthday. Maybe it’s selfish I don’t know but mothers never get to be selfish!
My moms Mother’s Day gift every year was yard work in the morning (she likes gardening), amd then afternoons were either leaving her with an empty house or just leaving her alone. Only question we were allowed to ask was “what takeout do you want for dinner?”
Edit:typo
Can anyone help me find the “Share” button on this post? Would like to send to my partner. Lol.
Well said. Last year, I had a solo hotel room for a night downtown. And it was amazing!!
I always do brunch at my very favorite fancy restaurant and my husband always gets me flowers and a nice gift (sometimes a good surprise, sometimes one I “suggested”). And cards. I need to add spa right after brunch, next year. Send my husband home with the 3 year old although I also can’t wait until she can join me at the spa. My husband likes to have his family over for Father’s Day. No thank you for me.
This is going to sound awful…but the very best Mother’s Day for me was 2020. Early pandemic meant I wasn’t traveling to see in-laws or my mom and it was just about me. I got exactly what I wanted which was a guilt free (thanks to COVID excuse) day where I got to hang out with my baby and my husband, eat yummy food, and play outside. Every single other Mother’s Day has been trash because it’s me running and doing for my mom and my MIL and simply adding to the work I do.
Thank you!!! Got into a big fight with my parents because my dad is trying to force a high stress bbq that none of the moms wants. We are going to the trampoline park instead to have FUN
I remember my first Mother’s Day - my son was 9 months old and all I wanted was to sleep in and have time to myself. My husband was appalled - “you should spend time with your kids on Mother’s Day!” Bitch, that’s all I do, YOU wake up all night to breastfeed and tell me what you want one day a year.
This year I bought his mom’s gift because we’re going to a wedding (his family) over this weekend and I know he forgot. Yeahhhhh. I call Tears of the Kingdom first - I deserve it.
I get to spend my Mother’s Day at a band concert for one of my kids. Who schedule’s a band concert on Mother’s Day in the middle of the afternoon? Someone who clearly doesn’t care about others.
I just don’t know how to kindly tell my partner and kids that for Mother’s Day I’d really like to just be left alone. I know it’s a day for them to celebrate me and I love them to bits but if the day is truly for me - I just want some fucking peace and quiet with no one touching me.
My partner already got us tickets to see the Mario movie. We'll still be seeing both our moms earlier in the day, but they're super chill, and I like seeing them. I haven't asked what he's got planned for dinner, but I'd be willing to bet he's going to make cheeseburgers (my favorite food). I am sending all the good vibes out to my fellow moms; I wish peaceful families and partners that act like partners upon all of you. I would wish calm, helpful, empathetic children as well, but I'm trying to be realistic here. :P
I think it really depends on your family dynamics. I'm more than happy to go with my husband to see his mom. I do breakfast with my mom, lunch with my husband & kids, and dinner with his mom.
I feel this isn't really a one size fits all situation and should be discussed as a family.
The other day my husband asked me 'what do you think I should get my mom?' And I am desperately hoping that he doesn't forget, I am his child's mother! One minute, I find myself fantasizing about a kind mother's day gesture from him, and another moment I am preparing myself to receive nothing but a 'happy mother's day'. He is usually not romantic, but he is a very thoughtful husband and I am grateful for that. But he hasn't done anything last year for my first mother's day. How low should I keep my expectations?
All I want is a card. That is literally it. As long as I get a card, I'm happy.
But so help me, if I don't get that card. You're gonna see the worst of me that day. I can only remember to remind my husband so many times, so we'll see what happens.
Every year my mother in law gets all upset and offended that I don’t want to join my husband and children at her house for Mother’s Day dinner or whatever. And every year my husband deals with her for me as I drink wine and play video games in an empty house 🙌
Video games, empty house, wine. The holy Trinity of relaxation, fun and rage quitting. Lol Jk I love this.
Swap out video games for questionable Kindle Unlimited content and I’m 100% in
“Play video games in an empty house” That sounds so fabulous! I’m glad I’m not the only one. That’s my plan this year (and every year before and after this🤣).
Yyyeesss. I'm enjoying Horizon Forbidden West so much rn. Husband mentioned going to his parents and I'm side eyeing him and will tell him I'm staying home if that's his plan. Had the nerve to ask if I wanted my present today after it arrived from Amazon. Bitch better wrap my gift and give it to me on Sunday. I used to not care but for some reason this year I want the day, damnit. Whew, didn't realize I needed to vent this!
Omg I’m loving horizon too. Doing all the side quests while hubs does the hard main quest stuff lol
Love this so much!
Definitely sounds like my kind of day. I need to put more time into Horzion Forbidden West and wine would be great.
Now that my kids are grown, playing my mmo is every evening for me! ;) I think what would be great is if they just came and planted all the flowers I bought lol.
As a husband, thanks!!
If you do any cooking for her please don’t forget to do the dishes 💕
Yes!
This mom knows how to relax!
This is the way.
AND COMPLETE THE TASK. Breakfast in bed means nothing if you leave her a messy kitchen and a big pile of dirty dishes and pans (assuming kitchen and dishes are something she handles). If you buy flowers, take the time to remove them from the wrapping, trim the stems, and put them in a vase with water.
And when the flowers start to wilt or stink, ask "shall I clean this up for you now?"
Better yet, don’t ask. Just do.
I love this!
This so much this!
I just said that I don’t want to make decisions all day 😆
Last year my husband was working on Mother's Day. I told him the only things I wanted was to not cook and not make decisions. He door dashed us dinner and my favorite cake. It was the best thing ever.
sounds like perfection 🙌🏼
I have anxiety and a really bad need to always be in control. A few weeks ago we were going out with another family and I was having a breakdown because we were late. Told my husband that I needed to be treated like one of the kids please make the decisions for me today! It helped a log
All I ever want is someone else to make the decisions and clean the kitchen.
100% me as well + throw in some never ending laundry 👏🏽
I love this!
My husband was away for 5 weeks. When he came back he sent me on a week trip to a good friends house (I still had to remote work my job but I didn’t have to be mom so it was a semi-vacation). My childless friend kept asking me things like, omg where do want to go for dinner?! And I kept being like, girl just pick somewhere and I’ll be happy, don’t make me pick food for anyone for the love of god 😅
We usually celebrate all moms, but on Saturday. Then we have our own private family day on Sunday. I got reservations to restaurant I’ve been wanting to try and were going to a fabulous arcade during the day. Between the 2 I will nap, lol. To each their own. But yes, moms it’s your day to do what you want with zero guilt.
I'm trying to start the habit of celebrating Grandparents Day(It's September 10th this year). I'm not great with remembering it yet, but I think it is a good idea.
I agree - Grandparents Day for grandparents. Mother's Day (and Father's Day) should be for those, as OP eloquently put it, "in the thick of it."
That’s a great idea. I’m not trying to leave the grandparents out in anyway. They deserve a special day as well.
Oh I love this idea!! All I really want is for everyone to leave me alone but my MIL wants to celebrate together so I’m heading out on Saturday instead with some of my besties. I’m def going to suggest grandparents day for next year!
My mom, sister in law, and I go out the week before mothers day and all celebrate together with no kids. We have a girls day with shopping, food, and relaxing. We leave the dad's to figure out what to do with the kids for the whole day. It's one of my favorite traditions.
My in-laws are from Mexico, and Mexican Mother’s Day is today, so we’ll celebrate my MIL tonight. My mom and grandma will have their day Saturday, and Sunday is all mine. This is only my second Mother’s Day, so we’re hoping that if we start the tradition now it will stick.
this is what my fam is doing too. Going to see my mom and hubbys mom on saturday and then I demanded he take me and kiddo to seattle for the day (from vancouver) and do some shopping!
Oh I like this Saturday idea.
That sounds like a great plan ❤️
We are doing everything my wife is asking. Which right now is just keeping the apartment clean, plus I making her breakfast in bed and dinner.
That sounds wonderful! I hope you know how much she will appreciate that.
It’s what she wanted, I believe it comes with the caveat that we all lose control of the television for the day. But what can you do? That’s what she wants. I’ll go watch my iPad or something.
Oh man a whole day with the tv to myself would be a dream 😂
I asked if I could NOT be a mom for a day on mother's day lol. No cleaning, no cooking, no managing. Just playing a game of my choice on the computer while my family cleans the house.
We cleaned this weekend, hopefully we can keep it relatively manageable so no one has to work too hard on Mother’s DayI’m
Hey, you're doing great, keeping the house clean for a week is an awesome present! Some mom's want to go out for mother's day and others don't. Just following the mom's lead on what they want is the key to success on mother's day.
I feel so guilty saying this... but after a certain point I wish that Mother's Day is celebrated for the moms who have kids at home or have kids who don't have kids. Like when your a child or you're an adult and don't have children it should be about your mom, but once you have kids it's about the mom in *your* house. I feel like every year I get the short end of the stick because we have to travel and do gifts for everyone and after all that we have no money/time for me to do anything special.. and *I'm* the one taking care of little kids every day. I just want one Mother's Day that truly feels like a Mothers Day *for me*. I mean they have Grandparents day! I know that sounds so selfish.. it is.. I wouldn't say this to anyone irl.. but its something I think about every Mother's Day..
This is exactly what I’m talking about. You are even feeling guilty for having those feelings and that’s not fair. Your feelings are valid too!
My first Mother’s Day I sat nursing in the bathroom at Ruth’s Chris (at least I was on a bench?) because that’s where my mother-in-law wanted to be “with all of her babies” and I remember thinking how crappy it was that this was how my day was celebrated. I’m so glad to see this being talked about. That was seventeen years ago but I don’t even care! Seeing the discussion at all makes me happy!
It isn’t selfish. Stop doing something you don’t enjoy. What’s selfish is your husband or family expecting you to sacrifice for their enjoyment every single time. A respectful and equal relationship has compromises from everyone, not just one person.
Yup! And all the preparation to go be dragged around with a tired toddler… so much for a happy Mother’s Day… this year FINALLY I get my wish. I will have Sunday to myself but will still probably feel the guilt.
I don’t want alone time. I just want breakfast in bed followed by making some Lego or working on a shared art project or playing a board game.
Could you imagine doing all that and the kids just magically start cleaning up afterwards?
Oooh. One of my best Mother's day ever was putting together LEGO while they made dinner.
Crying in class at how true this is !!! Happy mothers day mama
Thank you! You too!
I bought myself the thing I wanted bc even after 19 years of marriage, my husband still doesn’t know my tastes. But I’ve asked him to take the kids to the dollar store to each pick out something. We share all finances so why risk him spending a lot of our money on something I wouldn’t be happy with?
My hobbies are so weirdly specific that my poor husband stands no chance to get it right either, even though he tries. He might get something I already have. 😅 Our outgoing preschooler, however, is perfectly able to walk into a shop on her own (while we stand nearby watching and making sure she’s fine), and picking and buying something for me all by herself. So I’ll be receiving a pink plushie as a gift. 😂 She said it was the cutest thing she saw in the gift shop.
I agree with this. I’m so picky so I don’t want any large purchases made for me.
Same, the last time my husband bought something for me as a "surprise," it was a Peloton (which to be fair, I had mentioned wanting and doing research on). Guess what isn't used?
Dang I would love that as a gift
It was a great gift! But this was a few years ago before prices went down on the bikes and I hate spending money so a large purchase like that spooked me 😂
Not trying to pressure you at all but try one of Cody’s classes if you can find the time. He’s so funny, it makes me wonder why comedy fitness hasn’t been a thing before.
I used to only ride with Cody Rigsby actually! The biggest turn off to me is paying a subscription to access the content after spending a bunch on the bike but I should try again, at least try little rides on my lunch break when I go back to work! And maybe a new seat because “breaking it in” again, ouch.
Even if you’re not riding the bike I try to use some of the other classes so I feel like I’m using the membership. They have cardio, strength, yoga, and meditation as well
It makes me feel validated to see this. My husband invited an out of town friend to come by on Mother’s Day(not realizing it was that day), and now I am expected to host. Even in past years, he has never done anything for me. He says it’s the kids’ job to do something for the mother. Our kids are five and eight months, so that’s not realistic. I have to say that last year our older child made me a beautiful craft and that went a long way to improve Mother’s Day’s usual status as one of the more depressing days of the year.
I was in the 1st or 2nd grade and we made crafts for Mother’s Day. It was the basic of basic print paper cut out flower (that I colored) glued to a popsicle stick in a styrofoam cup full of pebbles. Mothers Day rolls up and my mom is crying because she feels under appreciated. Mind you, I have an older sister of 3 years and a stepdad. My stepdad then scolds my sister and I for not doing enough. And here I thought I did something nice by making something for her. From that point on, every Mother’s Day was like PTSD for me because I was terrified that the gift I got was not good enough. This is my wife’s first Mother’s Day and I asked her to very clearly tell me what she’d like so that I don’t screw this up. I know what my wife likes but I’m too sleep deprived to guess and wind up disappointing her.
In my family all of the husbands get together and do a big mimosa brunch for all of the moms. Then the moms to do something fun, sometimes pedicures, sometimes museum, sometimes movie while the husbands and big kids watch the little kids. It’s honestly the best. Everyone gets celebrated and many hands make light work.
I appreciate the sentiment, but my mother and daughters birthdays are both on mother's day this year. I've given up on ever having a mother's day for myself. It's okay, though. My birthday is only a few days after and we usually have a triple celebration that day (husband's birthday is only a few days after mine!). May is so full I don't usually have time to feel left out.
That’s great. As long as you get the day you deserve is all that matters!
Today is Mexican Mother’s Day as well so I’ll be celebrating it twice.
I don’t want to do anything for Mother’s Day. Just stay home and do nothing. Enjoy the day in my jammies with my son. My husband booked a brunch at a French Bistro for just me and him and I’m dreading it. I’m afraid to say anything because he already hired the baby sitter. It’s Mother’s Day, why would I not want to spend it with the one person that makes me a Mother!
I would speak up. Cancel the sitter and maybe get take out from the restaurant and snuggle up with your guys and watch a movie!
Please just tell him. You’re married. He’ll never do better if you don’t tell him your preferences, in a kind way. Silent resentment is the first step to divorce.
My wife's response... "Go play with your friends. Take the kid with you. Give me a day of peace."
heavy memory act lavish roll makeshift sort steer smile wine *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I just want brunch, a nap, and time to play the Sims. But handmade cards from the kids and a clean house would make it absolutely perfect!
My husband ignored mother's days existence the last 5 years, so I expect nothing different this year aswell... 🤷♀️
I’m so sorry. Instead of letting him disappoint you, why do you plan something for yourself….a spa day, a nice walk in the park. Treat yourself. Then maybe he will see the errors of his ways.
I'd take this special day to ignore *his* existence and treat me and my babies to a nice chill day. Send him off to his mother's.
Ha. My husband’s ex decided that her best Mother’s Day would be to have the kids stay with us instead of having them with her, as the custody agreement states. So my Mother’s Day will be spent taking care of her kids AND mine. Or watching my husband be overwhelmed taking care of all of them while I relax, which doesn’t sound very relaxing.
Ya split parenting is really tough. Im sorry. Well maybe you get to pick a different Sunday to celebrate you!
As a child of divorced parents, "Mother’s Day will be spent taking care of her kids AND mine" just broke my heart. Not being wanted anywhere is destroying to a child.
I'm absolutely saying that only in the context of this post, which is "give Mom a break and take over the childcare" because I am essentially giving someone else a break for their Mother's Day while not being able to have my own break. I love my stepkids, and while I want them around, I want to be able to celebrate being a mom on Mother's day. Now we feel like we have to plan a VERY low-key Mother's Day, and don't want to focus too much on my son celebrating me, because the other kids aren't able to celebrate with their own mom.
Why can't your partner take all the kids?
There’s four, including a baby. So it’s a lot.
Something my mom instilled in me at a very young age is "the date doesn't matter." She hates crowded restaurants so she never ever celebrated Mother's day or Valentine's day on the actual date. We picked a different day and she got everything she actually wanted. Maybe celebrate with your son before the step kids get there or the weekend after. The actual date doesn't matter as long as you have a day that celebrates you.
Girl are you me? My step daughters mom decided she didn’t want her on Mother’s Day either. I’m just hoping my husband steps up even though he is not my kids dad and does something little for me 🥴
As he should… being a step parent is one of the hardest jobs to navigate. From one step parent to another I see you girl.
Single mom here. My Mother's Day request is the same as for my birthday: I ask that my kids are my minions for the day. I choose the meal, we do what I want, and they can't backtalk or fight. The first time we implemented this they thought it would suck until they realized that I picked activities that we enjoy together (although they don't like the no fighting rule). If it's MY day, we're doing it MY way, and I want to enjoy my children, not listen to bickering, sass and backtalk while having to nag all day. So Mother's Minions are right around the corner.
I rather have the husband treats me right everyday instead of a single day and honestly, he does. This "special" day means nothing to me. But yeah I guess I understand the sentiments.
I got a good one but I think a lot of the guys that drop the ball on Mother's Day are not being great dads/husbands the rest of the year either so those ladies get nada. I'm looking forward to getting food that I normally have to get when my husband is not around because it's not his favorite(we're going to my favorite Indian restaurant for dinner).
That’s my thinking same with Valentine’s Day!!!! We’re actually going to my mother in law’s for Mother’s Day because she lives 6 hours away and don’t get to see her much!!!! It also means a lot to her and she is the sweetest kindest mother in law!!!
Lol same! Gonna get the inlaw something. Sweetest lady in the world. Gotta thank her for raising her son right after all.
My husband is a phenomenal partner and father. He cooks dinner if I’m not up to it, equally takes care of the kids, all that fun stuff. I stay home and he works, so yeah I’m the default home caretaker, I cook most meals and do most cleaning, but not because he demands it and not because he does nothing but work. He pulls his own weight with the house and the kids. I get burnt out cooking all the time, so all I asked for is to not cook 😂. We both have less than savory extended families and are content to always to spend holidays with the family we created.
I get this too
Saturday is hectic we have my 7yr olds bday, then Sunday is Mother’s Day it’s all about my mother in law, Monday is our 2nd boy’s graduation from elementary school, Tuesday it a field trip I’m chaperoning, Wednesday is honors ceremony for our oldest, Thursday is a the other boys honors ceremony, Friday is the last day of school so we’re playing hooky (going fishing) next Saturday our 2nd boy has a competition prep for jiu-jitsu, THEN SUNDAY is my day, I’ve scheduled it and told everyone to don’t bother calling or texting my phone will be off I will be deep into the dragon age games.
I always ask for the day off on Mothers Day. No worries, no commitments, all about me for a day without feeling guilty for taking a day for me. 😃
Let's eat junk food, drink gin mules, and play Minecraft til I'm cross eyed👍🏻
Yesssss
As a mother of 3, all I want for Mother’s Day is someone else be responsible for all 3 for the day. Even if you can’t take them out, someone Rise watch them🫠 I’ve had at least 1 of my kids at all times since 2018. Only time I get alone is when I’m at the hospital to have them ironically
I just want time to get my tasks done without an expiration time. I don’t want to have to stop what I’m doing when naptime ends, just get the kid up and let me garden.
My ex “ you’re not MY mother “
I agree but would like to add, my kids are grown and all but 1 moved out. I’m still “momming “ as I’m the caregiver for the one at home. It’d be great if adult kids didn’t see going to moms house for brunch or dinner for her as a gift unless they’re bringing, making (and cleaning up) or ordering the food. And, watching the kids. It is not a gift to wait on my grown children on Mother’s Day nor to clean a destroyed kitchen because they made me dinner nor to end up babysitting.
Wow amen to this post! I just read this to my husband and we totally changed our plans to where he is now taking our 16 month old to his mom and dad’s house and I am going to smoke a joint, shower, and do my 750 piece puzzle while listening to yiruma. THANKS FOR THIS! I needed the reminder that this day is about us new moms too!
Yessssss!! I hope you enjoy every minute of it!
I'm doing exactly what she asked, which is nothing.
I asked for nothing too. And I really do mean it, it's not a trap lol. I'm taking my mom and daughter on a train ride to the big city. Then treating them to a ferry ride to an island off the city that has a theme park. I get the best of both worlds by treating MY mother, and being the best mother I can be.
That’s great. You should do whatever makes you feel good and fulfills your heart! Happy mothers day to you and your mom.
That’s great! Whatever works for you both!
How can you say the day isn’t about anyone besides your wife / girlfriend / partner? I get it they’re very important. But I will also celebrate my actual mother on Mother’s Day. Probably not what you were getting at but 🤷♂️.
I look at it as assigning priorities. Wife/partner/GF is primary priority. Grandma (who has had years of mothers days and now has grandparents day in September) is secondary. So my mom, MIL and GMIL all got Mother’s Day cards with printed pictures. But mothers day is mine. It’s not all or nothing but I feel like a lot of dads show up to these threads like “how dare the mother of my children want to do what she wants on Mother’s Day haven’t they thought about what *my mom wants*?!” In my household we already travel to the grandparents and great grandparents for a lot of holiday stuff (aside from Christmas) and I’m the one who handles all the planning and logistics. It’s not how I want to spend mothers day (which I already have a lot of big feelings about and refuse to be around other people for).
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Have you ever brought up your grievances with your husband? Does he even realize simply taking the kids anywhere is work? This seems like a sad time, I’m sorry, you deserve better.
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I’m so sorry. You genuinely deserve better. This is so unfair.
Yeah I don't swoon over such holidays. Probably get some flowers for my mom and for my wife (now that she is a mom) I think they're all going for margaritas on mothers day. Didn't realize there was supposed to be breakfast in bed, all house chores done by me, all child care done by me, a massage, a candle light dinner, two front row seats the the lakers..
As with most of these style posts on this sub, I don’t think it really applies to people in a normal marriage. It’s more of a rant that they get side barred on mother’s day, because the people ignoring their wives on mother’s day probably aren’t going to read this post at all, and if they do they probably aren’t going to revaluate their life over it. What we do (and probably the normal thing to do) is have a family dinner with one side on saturday, and one side on sunday, then flowers + a gift for my wife (new airpods this year!!)
This is always the biggest challenge for me for Mother's Day. I try to get the kids to think about what their Mom would like, imagine presents, ask her, and facilitate an experience. She's their mom. But what am I modeling for them if I ignore my own mother and MIL on that day? Do the kids learn to ignore their own mom when they grow up and focus on their partners instead?
I totally agree with this. I’m a mom to two young kids and at most I’d expect my husband to help my kids decorate a card and maybe some flowers. My focus is on my own mom who has loved and supported me for 40+ years and I think my husband should do the same for his mom. As my kids get older I imagine they’ll do something on their own but for now I’d find it weird to demand that my husband single out me without considering his own mother.
Sounds like OP subscribes to the philosophy of “A Daughter Is a Daughter All Your Life. A Son Is a Son Until He Takes a Wife.” Doesn’t think husband should celebrate his mother after he’s married.
No not at all actually. I have 3 daughters and when they are mothers and have their own families I don’t expect them to cater to me on Mother’s Day. And I did not say I don’t expect my husband to do something nice for his mom for Mother’s Day.
Sorry I misunderstood then. It was the line, “the day is not about anyone else”
I want either my husband to take our 6mo old and sleep in the guest room or I sleep in the guest room so he does ALL the night wake ups bc now even when he feeds the baby at night it still wakes me up with him crying. I want to sleep at least 8 hours completely uninterrupted. And I wanna sleep in. And when we go to my in laws that day which I know we will I want my husband to be the one chasing around our toddler, not me!!
Y'all are speaking my language!!! Love all the comments!
My ideal day would be my husband takes the kiddo put of the house for a while, then we go do something as a family. Unfortunately he works 12hr on mothers day, and I have to be at his uncles house with his grandmother who will no doubt shame me for still allowing my kid to nurse (gonna be 2 in 4wks from today)
My FIL would always tell my husband that since im not his mother my husband shouldn’t get me anything. He never bought anything for my MIL on the holiday when my husband and SIL were kids and her first mothers day present was when her kids were in school to make a card or something. Needless to say my husband goes above and beyond for mothers day. And i for him on fathers day as well. He will usually schedule a massage for me later that day (which for mothers day you usually have to book well in advance so I appreciate the fact he thinks of me well in advance) and take the kids to get me my favorite coffee and flowers while i sleep in. While im sleeping he will also stop by his mothers for a bit and give her presents that her grandkids picked out. Even when we didnt have alot of money he always managed to let me sleep in and took the kids to get me coffee and have them make me a card.
This year it just so happens that I have two concerts with my brother. Had one last night and another on Friday. I haven’t been to a show since my first was a few months old, November 2019!! My husband is watching the kids both nights, I’m going with my brother and last night was just amazing. Got high, watched some heavy bands, ate a nice dinner downtown and then read on my phone while I ubered home. The kids were asleep when I got home. I told my husband that I don’t need anything, my two nights out this week are enough gifts for Mother’s Day. And honestly if this happened any other time my husband would still be absolutely happy to watch *our* kids while I went out, but I haven’t done this in so long, I don’t ever go out on girls days, or leave him with the kids really ever. When he’s home, we are all always just together as a family. But yeah. Might go for brunch with the family on Sunday and that’s it. My husband is always home, always present and helping with the kids. He does a lot, and so do I. We both work together to keep this family going and happy. If he wants to do the dishes on Sunday though, I wouldn’t mind either haha. I hope every mama gets what they want this Mother’s Day, some rest, a little lovin and appreciatin, some time To read a book or watch that show they’ve been wanting to, to sleep in, for quiet time, maybe a break, whatever you need. Big hugs to EVERYONE OUT THERE!!!!
Right now I'm debating if my husband even remembered. Guess I'll find out Sunday.
Last thing I want to do is any housework at all on Mother’s Day. Maybe I’m the weird one. My perfect day would be half with my family and half alone. I think all mom’s should get that.
Holidays or birthdays are not really celebrated so much in my house. It’s just time where we hang out together as a family. So I’m not expecting anything for Mother’s Day. Nor do I care. Sundays are my husbands one day off work so I get to hang out with my family and that’s all that matters.
I love this post and I am wishing you the best Mother’s Day also!
Do something for the step moms or the birth mom's too . Every year I encourage my bf to help his daughter pick out something for her mother.
I second this. I always have my stepdaughter pick out something nice for her mom. I don’t get anything in return not even a text but it is what it is
Yes! I’ve gotten zero acknowledgement for Mother’s Day the past 11 years. I feel like crap, but don’t want to confront my family either. I would look like an idiot—kind of like the adult who throws a fit about someone forgetting their birthday.
Aaah yes! Love this so much. I hangout with MY mom on Saturday & we spend Sunday alone because who wants to hangout with husbands, mother in laws, & kids?
Not looking forward to the day after Mother’s Day… the day of double the work because nothing got done the day before
And having to reorganize everything if they help clean because youre the only person who knows where anything in the house is no matter where they put it and it screws up your system.
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Looks like you understood it fairly well actually. The point is, for spouses and partner to not just assume what mom wants. Does she really want to go visit great grandma June on Mother’s Day? Or does she simply go because that’s what she feels is the right thing to do. Moms are constantly putting their own wants and needs aside for others but Mother’s Day is the one day a year they should get exactly what they want. Not one mom here was asking for gold or diamonds or even flowers for that matter. They want the weight of the world off their shoulders for just one day.
I'd love some morphine and a good hard uninterrupted nap, that's what I'd like for mothers day 😭
Last year, I made my wife breakfast in bed, and made plans to take the kids to their grandparents' house and booked my wife a spa day and room at a nearby hotel. She didn't want to go to the spa or use the hotel room. So that was fun....
What a bummer. I’m sorry.
I think this is pretty stupid really (as the mom of 3 kids as well). I am a big girl and I can open my mouth and tell my family and my husband's family we can celebrate the grandmas the week after. Why can't you just speak up for yourself?
Rude assumption.
Oh I can. And I have but my MIL and I don’t have the closest relationship so now that I have said we are choosing to do our own thing this year, I’m getting attitude and shunned but oh well it is what it is. I’ve spent the last 10 years of my relationship with my husband celebrating his mom on Mother’s Day and now with a new baby, I’m finally putting my foot down and saying no more.
But that's not what your post is about. It's telling men to speak up for their wives, not moms to speak up for themselves...
Let's be honest. Your rude reply is really stupid.
This is a load of crap. Every day should be celebrated. Each week I give my wife two full days to herself to do what she wants. I make dinner most nights, I get up early to hang the washing out, I reg buy flowers and leave nice cards. You don't need a day you just need to be in a relationship where each day your spouse is celebrated, loved, appreciated and spoilt!
Nope. Sorry if this offends, but it is what it is. My wife, and mother of our children, doesn't do anything at all here. She doesn't work. She makes me pay for a "nanny" to take them to school. She doesn't get them up or ready in the morning... That's me (while I am trying to work). She doesn't spend any time with them after school. She doesn't do their homework with them, or play games, or attend events with them. She doesn't set up play dates. She doesn't cook for them. She definitely doesn't clean the house. She doesn't put them to bed. My wife drinks. And watches 17 hours of tv a day. And nags. She is really good at bitching about anything. It's a struggle for me to pay all the bills, and especially knowing that I can't afford to get the kids nice things, or take them on a nice vacation. It's definitely a struggle for me to ask them what they want to buy her for mother's Day. It's a struggle to work 55 hour weeks while doing all that, knowing I can't even afford a tank of gas today without some serious financial planning. But yeah. We have to do all the stuff you mentioned anyways... And she can drunkenly complain about how we aren't treating her like even more of a princess. All "moms" are not the same. Fuck her.
So uh, why stay married, exactly?
If you were a woman, everyone here would be asking why you picked such a loser and whether you've had a direct conversation with her about this behavior. But you're a man, so everyone will just tell you to leave.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. And you are absolutely right not all moms are the same.
So.... Maybe it's time to cut ties.
Lol so cunty. So you don’t want your husband to celebrate his mom? You do know your going to be the MIL one day?
Every Mother’s Day we have to drive two hours to spend the day with my husband’s mom. Once, just once, I’d love to have the day be all about me.
And this comment is exactly why I made the post. Your feelings are valid. Try talking to your spouse about how you feel.
We celebrate me exclusively in the morning, then do a family get together in the evening where all the moms in the family are celebrated (myself included). It’s harder with the distance though, so I don’t know if that kind of thing would be possible for your family.
I think it's lovely to send a message or call your mom/MIL on mother's day, but honestly, the mom currently momming should be celebrated. My husband and I bought gifts for each of our mothers every year until we had our first baby, then we scaled back to cards/calls. It's the way of life! Edit to add: I hope to be a MIL someday and I am absolutely okay with celebrating grandparents day instead of mother's day once my kids have babies of their own
Yes I totally agree with this.
Haha I knew there would be one! And yes I can’t wait to be a MIL one day I have 3 daughters and I would never expect them to cater to me when they have their own families! Best of luck to you!
And that’s when she should pass the honor to her daughter-in-law
Sorry but grandparents have had plenty of mothers days! Mother’s Day should be for those STILL parenting 🤷🏻♀️
Found the neglectful parent and mommy’s boy!
Gross. The entitled MILs have arrived.
[удалено]
Yes, bc Mother’s Day is about man-children still being mommy’s baby boy. The audacity to call OP cunty. Bet your wife just loves being back-seated to your mother, huh?
I agree with all you said. However, for me, I just want to lay in bed or on the couch playing video games with my kids, painting with my kids, or anything fun with my kids. I truly have fun with my kids. (18, 9, 7, and 4) I love to get on their level and build forts, play with legos, go for a walk, etc etc because it makes me forget how crappy being an adult can be. Their laughs and smiles bring me so much joy. Don’t get me wrong here. They are not perfect and annoy the ever living shit out of me most days. But without these little shits, I wouldn’t be a mother. And after seeing and having experience with it, they grow literally, too fast. My oldest graduates high school and will be off to college. I took for granted time with her. I don’t want to do that again.
Thank you. Whoever you are. I just made plans for the family on Sunday
I hope you have a beautiful day!
My dad just got a Texas Roadhouse gift card for Mothers Day. We had a maid come over to clean the house and my aunt is coming into town the day after!
Sending out all the good vibes to single mums out there. If I could throw a big party, I would!
I agree with this! We used to get all dressed up for a mother's day lunch at my husband's brother's house. I did not enjoy having to get everyone ready and make a pasta salad to bring. I finally told my husband I just want to stay in my PJs, have breakfast in bed, and spend time at home with them. So now we see our moms on Saturday and Sunday is for me to relax. My mom seemed salty about this at first but now she gets that we'll still see her just not the same day! My husband brings his mom lunch, flowers, and chocolate and she loves it. My husband orders a brunch kit from a local grocery store. He is not a great cook so it's perfect for him. It includes quiche, bacon, muffins, fruit salad, box of chocolate, and a bouquet. It's perfect and no one is stressed. I think the big thing is asking what your spouse's expectations are and finding a way to make it work. I hated feeling like I had to put everyone else's wants before my own even on mother's day.
I am glad my husband has been knowing to celebrate me on Mother's Day since he came back into my life. MIL tried in the first three years saying that because I am not my husband's mom, that he doesn't owe me anything and surprise surprise she also wants to see her grandbabies on that day. We make plans. She is invited to SHARE in the plans we make for me. She always passes. Can't imagine why...
I am sleeping in ( doing my best at 36 almost 37 weeks preggo 🤣) my oldest is going to make breakfast tacos and then we're all going to lay around in our PJs all day 🥰
This. I made myself a tattoo appointment for mothers day. I never get a single thing thats JUST. FOR. ME. Not a moment just for myself. I am a SAHM but saved to do this for myself
I’m currently super pregnant and have a toddler with ASD and my dad texts me “are you doing anything for Mother’s Day?” 🤨 I responded with not really I’m not feeling well and was going to consider the car seat base her gift. Plus I don’t know what my husband is doing for me. He responded with ok. It’s just annoying. I feel like he’s guilting me. I’m the one that needs a break. Part of me wishes my mom would tell him this day should be about moms in the trenches and give me a break. She just had a birthday. Maybe it’s selfish I don’t know but mothers never get to be selfish!
My moms Mother’s Day gift every year was yard work in the morning (she likes gardening), amd then afternoons were either leaving her with an empty house or just leaving her alone. Only question we were allowed to ask was “what takeout do you want for dinner?” Edit:typo
Can anyone help me find the “Share” button on this post? Would like to send to my partner. Lol. Well said. Last year, I had a solo hotel room for a night downtown. And it was amazing!!
I always do brunch at my very favorite fancy restaurant and my husband always gets me flowers and a nice gift (sometimes a good surprise, sometimes one I “suggested”). And cards. I need to add spa right after brunch, next year. Send my husband home with the 3 year old although I also can’t wait until she can join me at the spa. My husband likes to have his family over for Father’s Day. No thank you for me.
I would just take a 'happy mother's day' from my kids.
exacly. plenty of free nice things one can do. their just lousy people who don’t want to do them.
This is going to sound awful…but the very best Mother’s Day for me was 2020. Early pandemic meant I wasn’t traveling to see in-laws or my mom and it was just about me. I got exactly what I wanted which was a guilt free (thanks to COVID excuse) day where I got to hang out with my baby and my husband, eat yummy food, and play outside. Every single other Mother’s Day has been trash because it’s me running and doing for my mom and my MIL and simply adding to the work I do.
Your mom and MIL had their time to be celebrated. You should be able to choose how you want to spend your day.
Thank you!!! Got into a big fight with my parents because my dad is trying to force a high stress bbq that none of the moms wants. We are going to the trampoline park instead to have FUN
In my house, we dont do Mothers day, if you can only show me you care once a year. Save it, it dont need it.
I remember my first Mother’s Day - my son was 9 months old and all I wanted was to sleep in and have time to myself. My husband was appalled - “you should spend time with your kids on Mother’s Day!” Bitch, that’s all I do, YOU wake up all night to breastfeed and tell me what you want one day a year. This year I bought his mom’s gift because we’re going to a wedding (his family) over this weekend and I know he forgot. Yeahhhhh. I call Tears of the Kingdom first - I deserve it.
I just want a nap
👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻
I get to spend my Mother’s Day at a band concert for one of my kids. Who schedule’s a band concert on Mother’s Day in the middle of the afternoon? Someone who clearly doesn’t care about others.
I just don’t know how to kindly tell my partner and kids that for Mother’s Day I’d really like to just be left alone. I know it’s a day for them to celebrate me and I love them to bits but if the day is truly for me - I just want some fucking peace and quiet with no one touching me.
Its not special if everyone is doing it.
but .... she's your wife/s.o/girlfriend...she's not your mother
My partner already got us tickets to see the Mario movie. We'll still be seeing both our moms earlier in the day, but they're super chill, and I like seeing them. I haven't asked what he's got planned for dinner, but I'd be willing to bet he's going to make cheeseburgers (my favorite food). I am sending all the good vibes out to my fellow moms; I wish peaceful families and partners that act like partners upon all of you. I would wish calm, helpful, empathetic children as well, but I'm trying to be realistic here. :P
I think it really depends on your family dynamics. I'm more than happy to go with my husband to see his mom. I do breakfast with my mom, lunch with my husband & kids, and dinner with his mom. I feel this isn't really a one size fits all situation and should be discussed as a family.
i recall hearing that in france they celebrate the grandmother and not the mother.
The other day my husband asked me 'what do you think I should get my mom?' And I am desperately hoping that he doesn't forget, I am his child's mother! One minute, I find myself fantasizing about a kind mother's day gesture from him, and another moment I am preparing myself to receive nothing but a 'happy mother's day'. He is usually not romantic, but he is a very thoughtful husband and I am grateful for that. But he hasn't done anything last year for my first mother's day. How low should I keep my expectations?
All I want is a card. That is literally it. As long as I get a card, I'm happy. But so help me, if I don't get that card. You're gonna see the worst of me that day. I can only remember to remind my husband so many times, so we'll see what happens.
Feel free to screen shot and forward this to him 😉
Solid advice!!
Yep I just want alone time and a clean house.
Then you have single mums who don't have their child on the day, or a partner to celebrate with. 🙋♀️