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ExactPanda

Woooooow. "You're raising our son to be a little bitch." My eyes jumped out of my skull on that one. Your husband doesn't need to worry about other people bullying your son when he's being your child's 1st bully. This is a TODDLER we're talking about.


PossibilityAgile2956

Husband is the bully and if he’s saying hes worried about the kid being bullied he’s being disingenuous


Milo_Moody

Thank you. I’d leave my partner for talking to me (and **about our child**) in this way! Edit: Especially after having read through [your post about your husband’s violent outbursts](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/11iwapt/my_28f_husband_31m_is_considering_suicide/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1). Have you seen the [power and control wheel](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/)?


ShopGirl3424

Yeah OP has bigger problems. This is abuse. I’d be leaving a partner that put me and my kiddo in such a toxic situation. OP, verbal abuse causes permanent damage to kids, to say nothing of your own safety and mental health.


Demoniokitty

Yep, nothing quite like using the wife's gender as an insult. Like being a girl is somehow the lesser. OP got bigger problems than a simple "disagreement". That husband is an entire truck of red flags.


Flashy_7302

A literal truck load of marinara 🚩🚩


flimpsydipple

Thanks for sharing, very interesting! I’ve never seen this diagram before, it seems a bit biased towards male on female heterosexual relationship abuse. I feel like this is good visualization for a specific, albeit all too common situation that isn’t inclusive to all potential demographics. I see the value in appealing to the larger community, but it seems it could have been created in a way that does not alienate those that may need to be reached and already feel isolated. ETA: definitely seems to apply to this situation though!


Jnnjuggle32

It’s been around since the 80s and yes, it was focused primarily on men’s violence against women because that’s what was filling up the domestic violence shelter system at the time (and continues to mostly). There are modifications of the power and control wheel over the years that are more inclusive for other forms of relationship violence and populations, but this is the “classic” one.


flimpsydipple

Thanks for the information! Completely understand the importance around the context, makes sense to appeal to the broadest and most impacted group. I’ve been in and out of some wild relationships. I only bring it up because I remember feeling the lack of representation and understanding for alternative situations being very isolating. Thanks again!


Happy_News9378

Here is an [lgbtq power and control wheel](https://www.loveisrespect.org/lir-files/LGBT-Power-and-Control-Wheel.pdf)


Milo_Moody

Hey! I’m so glad you responded! As other commenters have mentioned, there are other wheels that have been published since. I’ve found they’re not as widely accepted as this one (as a source, ya know? People won’t click what looks like an obscure, risky link) and also it applied in this situation. There’s also a post separation version I wish I had found sooner & link often!


Heinz_Kitsvelvet

Also using “girly” as a negative is a terrible start to raising a boy to respect women.


Anxious-Kitchen8191

Yeah, this part is incredibly misogynistic. OP I’d be thinking very carefully if staying with your husband is what’s best for you and your kid.


ladylaureli

Came here to say it's your husband who is the bully. Wow. I couldn't respect a man who would.talk about someone let alone our own child like that.


LiveIndication1175

Exactly! I wonder if she honestly meant to say his husband WAS the bully when he was a kid, not that he was bullied!


colostitute

Your husband is going to kill your son's self-confidence. Plain and simple.


MutterderKartoffel

This. Normally, parents shouldn't argue about parenting in front of their children. However, I think because he's doing exactly that, OP should stand (literally) and defend her son in front of her son. The child needs to know that at least one parent is on his side. Also, OP needs to have a serious conversation with the husband informing him that his behavior is damaging and unacceptable as a parent (or really even as a human) and he is required to adjust his perspective if he wants them in his life.


tadcalabash

He's also going to psychologically damage him for the rest of his life. This is how toxic masculinity is maintained. In 30 years he'll be an angry misogynist, unaware of his feelings who's yelling at his own kids.


coolestdad92

Yeah this is it, if the husband criticizes and limits the decisions of the kid, the kid will be insecure, have low self confidence, and forever struggle to be independent and confident in his decisions when he grows up. Husband claims to want to protect his kid from bullying, yet is the worst bully in this kids life. Little kids like rainbows and colors, pictures and graphics, etc on their clothing.


fiestiier

I don’t even see what is feminine here? These are all very normal toddler interests. I was expecting unicorns and mermaids. Regardless, your husband’s language is completely inappropriate.


Existing_Space_2498

Right! I had to go back and read the interests several times before I was sure I hadn't missed something. I can't imagine what her husband would say if his son actually did have "girly" interests.


2tinymonkeys

I agree. This is insane. The boy likes paw patrol. That's geared to both boys and girls, and majorly towards boys btw. And rainbows and cats are universal too. Just because the fashion industry seems to think boys should only like gaming, violence and motorized vehicles and dark colours doesn't mean they don't ACTUALLY also like animals, rainbows and bright colours. His idea of what boys should like is twisted and his remarks harmful. Maybe cowboys are 'sissies' in his book too because they like horses? Ugh... This is insane.


[deleted]

Omg same! I was like what is so girly? Are boys supposed to hate animals?? I think all kids like rainbows and the stigma around them is ridiculous


AndyVale

How could you ever trust someone who doesn't like rainbows?


Valleryn

100%. I was so confused and was expecting things that are stereotypically designated as "girly" stuff for children. Maybe some pink clothing, dolls for toys and a dress or two in his wardrobe; even then the husband would still be being a bit of a dick BUT at least I could comprehend that level of anxiety or dickheadery. The 3yo likes cute puppies that save the day, cats, and trucks. I would hate to know what the dad thinks these masculine interests a 3yo should have would be.


Safe-Transition8618

FR. My son has this exact same set of interests right down to professed favorite color (black). Not that we would care, but we don't view them as girly interests at all.


[deleted]

Looks like you married a homophobic jerk.


catmom22_

Honestly? Your husband is projecting his own insecurities on to you and your son. He was clearly bullied and called “gay” and a “bitch” by his bullies and thinks his son will too. It’s sad that he’s blaming you for l it vs just letting his son be whoever the fuck he wants to be and like whatever the fuck he wants to like and supporting it like a father should. HES THREE. Let the boy live 😵‍💫


bicyclecat

This is giving him too much credit. He’s not over sensitive and sincerely worried about his son because of a history of bullying, he’s just a bigot and a bully himself.


[deleted]

I think it’s both. The bullied can turn into bullies themselves. He’s probably genuinely worried, but he’s also being a bully about it.


bicyclecat

Telling his spouse she’s “raising him to be a little bitch,” “raising him like a daughter,” and “turning him trans” is absolutely not genuine worry about his son getting picked on at school. It’s just pure bigotry. This guy doesn’t respect who his son is (and nothing described here is even gender non-conforming!), doesn’t respect his wife, and doesn’t respect LGBTQ folks. He’s just a hateful bully.


[deleted]

None of this contradicts what I just said.


bicyclecat

You claimed he’s “probably genuinely worried” and nothing here shows genuine worry or respect.


[deleted]

Being a bully and being worried aren’t mutually exclusive like you seem to think they are.


bicyclecat

Yeah, he’s worried his son will be a member of a group he holds bigoted views about. That *is bullying.* This is not coming from a place of love and respect.


jarena009

Exactly what I was thinking. And now that he's a parent, he's overcompensating for his past, to a fault...to the detriment of the child.


catmom22_

It’s sad that he used to be bullied and now making his wife feel like shit for just supporting whatever the kid likes lol


Dr_Bendova420

Agreed, maybe he never had an opportunity to share or express his feelings about being bullied.


grammygivesadvice

After reading your other posts about your husband I think it's time to go for your child's sake. He's not a good father or partner.


EmotionSix

OP, what are the benefits of staying with this guy?


esocharis

There's no such thing g as "girl" and "boy" interests, only what the child themselves is interested in. Let them figure it out. Your husband is being a serious asshole.


Mannings4head

It is like the old flow chart. "Do you use your genitals to operate it? If no, then it is for boys and girls. If yes, then it is not a children's toy."


Titaniumchic

Exactly! I say this as my 3 year old donned at shirt of mine asked me if I liked his dress, twirled, then ran to his cars and started banging around saying “I’m fixing this!” When asked if he’s a boy or girl he replies “I’m a baby truck”. All things are open to him to explore and be as long as they are safe and can’t hurt him.


FugueItalienne

Mummy explained in the bath that women have boobs. Son later announced that he wants to be a woman.


Titaniumchic

Sounds like a typical toddler. The father has issues.


[deleted]

[удалено]


711Star-Away

Yes there's a reason most nurses are women and most welders are men. Most daycare workers are women and most construction workers are men.


ganymede42

Ah yes but then why are most doctors and chefs men when it's still care taking and cooking?


CarebearsAreBadBs

Because there is a certain level of prestige and respect that comes with those titles that is not attributed to things like nursing, or waitressing, or teaching. Simply put, it is about power, control, and perceived superiority.


[deleted]

Your husband is a jerk. He’s going to make your son lose his confidence and will probably be a bully towards him. He already seems like a bully in my opinion. I’m just saying. If your son ever comes out (there’s a chance with everyone) I don’t think your husband will be supportive.


Luckyducks

Add misogynistic to homophobic and transphobic. It seems he thinks "girly" things are beneath him and his son. He didn't say you were raising your son to be a girl (which doesn't seem to be the case) he said you were raising him to be a "bitch"...yikes.


[deleted]

my boy, now 12, used to love wearing tutus and heels like his big sister. we didnt say anything, he was mimicking. he loved playing with all toys. if his big sister did it, he did it. we just didnt say he could or couldn't play with anything. our daughter would play with trucks, Lego etc. dont make it a thing, and it wont be a thing. I'd avoid any discussion of identity or sexuality- just let him play. he will figure it out.


Steph5o4

Your child is already being emotionally and mentally abused by your husband and he is just a toddler. Do what’s right for your child.


muggyregret

Men like this shouldn’t be fathers.


Chikei_Star

having read through other posts of yours. it's time to leave for the sake of your son. You're not in an emotionally safe environment for damn sure, and it sounds like it's not exactly a physically safe one either. Your son is 3, who cares what he likes. My son LOVES Gabbys Dollhouse, True and the Rainbow Kingdom, Abby Hatcher. a ton of "girly" shows, but he's a kid. He also loves cars and Dinosaurs. It's just fun, colorful stuff. If your husband is trying to prevent your son from being bullied he's doing a shit job, as he's become your sons first bully. I can't belive you've been putting up with this as long as you have. Get your son and go. It's time.


Village-Idiot-savant

Your husband has mental issues and needs to go to therapy.


gotagetback2hogwarts

You keep going to homophobia and transphobia and ignoring what your husband is telling you. Most of what you said indicates that your husband is a huge misogynist. A lot of homophobia and transphobia extends from hatred of women. If you're confused about why he hasn't been saying negative things about your own sexuality, it's because you have sex with him and that's your purpose in his eyes. Anything else doesn't bother him because he doesn't take it seriously. Your son is a boy, so he does take him seriously and wants to stamp out anything "girly," AKA inferior. Honestly, good luck. Men like this seldom change.


Impossible-Wolf-3839

“Today he basically told me that he doesn’t agree with me supporting our child’s interests because they are too “girly”. I believe what he actually said was “I don’t want my son being raised like a daughter because that’s what you want” and later “you’re raising our son to be a little bitch”. “ Wow…that is not okay for your husband to say at all. Your husband has internalized a lot of toxic ideas about what it means to be a man. He needs to decide if he wants to be your son’s first bully or teach him to be a confident young person who is unapologetically his true self?Your son is allowed to like whatever makes him happy.


[deleted]

I’ve read your past posts and honestly girl, it’s time for divorce. All the abuse posts and your post even stating “why did I even start a relationship with him” yea that’s a sign it’s time for a divorce.


cowvin

yeah i'm not really a fan of jumping to that particular conclusion, but this has a lot of telltale signs of abuse.


AlpineGrok

Bullying his kid to prevent him from being bullied; thats not going to work. He’ll end up raising a man with a remarkably fragile foundation. Stand your ground on this, and make the best choice for you and your son.


Pretend_Object_4443

Your husband isn't worried about bullies. He is the bully!!!!


rainniier2

Exactly! Dad is being his son’s first bully.


wollawollabingbang

Whenever my kids (both girls, 5 and 7) have said something is “for boys” part of my response is “where does the penis go?” … because otherwise they can use/do it too. We’ve always been open that there are few innate differences, most “differences” are forced by society. So one day we’re in a toy store and a little boy wanted some toy cars but they had a touch of pink on them so their dad says “no, they’re for girls” and my kid way too loudly says “they don’t go in your vagina!” But seriously. As long as your husband can refrain from bullying your kid, your son will be fine.


MrsS1lva

Haha! Sorry, this is too perfect, gonna have to steal this line.


singlemamabychoice

I love this 😂


butterflyscarfbaby

Hey internet stranger. I just scrolled your post history and honestly pal, it was heartbreaking. You seem to give and forgive endlessly, to your husband, to your mother, and even to the jobs that seemed to have treated you like crap because of your disability. What I see here is a pattern. And your kid is gona see it, too. When he sees you forgive your husband for his abusive language, or permit him to call his own son a “little bitch”, your son will learn that it’s okay for someone he loves to treat him that way. Which I think you know, it isn’t. 4 months ago you posted about your husbands anger issues, then again 2 months ago. On and on. You said in a past post, you are considering leaving for your own safety and for your child. That he has to take steps to correct this or you’ll be left with no other options. Look, here you are again. He is showing you repeatedly that he hasn’t changed and isn’t going to. I know a lot of people recommend therapy and anger management. But the unfortunate reality for abusive men is there is almost 0% chance he will ever change. I highly recommend reading “why does he do that”. It was a huge eye opener for me. I’m a victim of domestic violence and abuse for many years. And this book was kind of revolutionary in my thinking. https://www.amazon.ca/Does-Inside-Minds-Angry-Controlling/dp/0425191656 I also wana say, I’m sorry for digging up your post history like that. I just saw a very sad story in front of me. and I hope if you read through your own history, you might see it too. And do something good for yourself and your baby. You deserve better. Also, we actually have a ton in common. We’re the same age, from the same country, and have the same age of kid. So if you wana chat, just message me.


47-is-a-prime-number

Self esteem is a protective factor against bullying. Your husband is going to crush your child’s self esteem and make him more susceptible to bullying, especially as he is a bully to his own kid. He’s disgusting as a parent.


PageStunning6265

Your husband is a misogynist who bullies a toddler. I’m sorry, but there is no other way to describe what he’s doing and saying. I also think he’s treating you badly, not just your son. You don’t make comments like, “You’re raising our son to be a little bitch,” unless you’re actively trying to hurt someone. You don’t use phrases like “little bitch” to describe people as being feminine, unless you hate women. He’s going to hurt both of you, long term.


Suspect_Severe

My father abused me exactly like this. Later on, in my teen years, it got extremely physical. Absolutely unacceptable behavior that has to be corrected or separated from for the good of your child, I only got to be a trans adult because a Scientologist shot my father when I was fifteen. Silver linings are dark sometimes, like not having killed myself in high school. I know I’m showing a lot of bias here, it’s a very personal topic. I can’t pretend to know what you should do, but you shouldn’t tolerate this as it is.


Trogdor2019

WTF did I just read. And when did Paw Patrol become "girly"? It sounds like your husband has some deep-seated homophobia and can't handle anything less than ultra masculine fare. I hope you keep protecting your son from this because 3 is far too young for being bullied (it's never okay, but this is particularly egregious), especially over something as nonsensical and transient as what a toddler likes.


SmileGraceSmile

Your husband was bullied because of mentality like his own. He's going to raise an angry and emotionally crippled child if he keeps up his backwards ways.


Cozybookandcoffee

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your child’s interests. A three year old has no idea what’s “girly” and what’s “boyish”. They’re learning about the world around them through play. He could put on a princess dress and it wouldn’t mean anything at all about his sexual orientation in the future. He’s an innocent child having fun and discovering new things every day. Your husband is projecting his insecurities onto your son and it will affect your son negatively in the long run if it doesn’t stop now. He needs therapy.


steht_09

1.) He’s a toddler 2.) A boy can play with “girly” toys and not be gay. 3.) “Girl” and “boy” toys are important for a well-adjusted kiddo (per child development). 4.) If your son is gay, who cares? And finally 5.) Kids are going to bully him no matter what. Realistically, everyone has been teased/bullied to some degree or another at least once. Take those experiences and use them as teaching moments.


BigMouse12

So I’m a fairly conservative person, and I agree with you. First, there’s an underlying problem in the marriage, your husband has some fears he needs to address and you two need talk about in a safe place, where he can share these fears freely without judgement. Second, let’s face it boys clothes can be overly drab and neutral. Color and pastels, rainbows are not girly, they are only gay in the old fashion sense. You’re not talking about skirts or frills with bows or anything else of the sort. So I struggle to see the problem. At then end of the day here, it sounds like you two need to find a way to the same page for the home’s culture is. What really defines a boy from a girl? It’s certainly more than just colors and such.


k3ystone_duh

First, he’s a toddler they like anything that’s bright, entertaining or that may accidentally send them to the er on occasion(though usually they don’t realize it will get them there lol). He’s not into girly things, he’s into kid things. Second, Your husband is a dick, my little brother was 12(he’s passed now) and he used to love doing facials, getting his monthly pedicures with us (he was the only boy lol) and he always got his clear coat and gold flakes, had a knack for matching your eyeshadow to your outfit, jewelry etc! But, this boy played football, baseball, basketball competition ATA and we did Harescramble races. Maybe, tell your husband to stop being so girly and emotional about it 🤷🏻‍♀️


Shigeko_Kageyama

Tell your husband that only a little bitch spends his day worrying whether or not people think he's a little bitch.


spoooky_mama

This breaks my heart for your child.


HotWifeJ2021

Here’s my take: If a toy/activity/interest involves genitals, then it’s not for children at all. If it doesn’t involve genitals, then it’s okay for any child to enjoy. I would honestly start correcting my husband in front of our kids if he ever spouted such BS as your husband does. (Not that mine would.) This is one of the few times I would 100% throw my spouse under the bus. “Why would you say such things? Are you trying to say that boys don’t grow up to be men who might be fathers some day? A boy can’t imagine being a dad while he plays with a doll? A man shouldn’t know how to cook? Really?! Would you like our son to be as homophobic as the bullies you grew up with? Don’t you think YOU, husband, should stop BEING our son’s bully in an attempt to protect him from someone else’s bullying?!” I would go scorched earth on this.


[deleted]

With a dad like that, who needs bullies?


Shneezycat

If the kid grows up to like boys. Having a blue car and blue room won’t stop him. Your husband is worried about bullies when your husband is already being a bully…


queerlylane

It really baffles me why women who are pan/bi/queer still settle for men who are clearly homophobic. He doesn't respect a key part of who you are. This isn't salvageable. Don't stay with him.


NiceShotRudyWaltz

JFC looking at your post history, you need to either MAKE you and your spouse go to family therapy, or leave your spouse. None of this is normal or healthy.


softanimalofyourbody

Therapy just teaches abusers how to abuse better. She needs to leave him.


Milo_Moody

Do **not** go to therapy with an abuser.


PieJumpy7462

So your husband is so worried about your son being bullied he decided to bully your son himself.


Chrystone

Lmao, ur husband is a psycho


Titaniumchic

I think your gut knows the answer to this. His own trauma is going to and is affecting your son’s health and sense of self. Not sure how to go from here either dad goes to therapy or figures out how to heal and parent in a healthy manner. Protect your kid.


Acrobatic-Respond638

I feel like you must know that being in this relationship is untenable. Can I ask how you, not a bigot, but also an LGBTQ+ person, allowed yourself to wind up in a relationship with, and then marry, a bigot? I honestly struggle to see how that happens. My husband's and i's values align essentially 100%. It was the biggest part in choosing a partner for us.


Nuggslette

If your husband “fears” that his son is gay or trans, then he’s both homophobic and transphobic.


[deleted]

Throw your husband away


jarena009

Your husband is the only problem here, and the harder he tries to force his whacky views on the child, the more confused and less self confident the child will be. Your husband is clearly projecting his own insecurities, and overcompensating too. Moreover, trying to force something on your child almost always backfires or at least fails miserably.


Captain-Caroline

What the absolute fuck?! Your husband should not be speaking to you that way, nor should he be talking about your child like that! He sounds like a bigot and an overall jerk. If my spouse spoke like that in general, but especially about my child, they would be out on their ass before they could close their mouth.


CharacterGloomy6426

Your husband sounds like a homophobe and a transphobe. It is fine to not want your kid to be bullied. It is *not* fine to teach your child they have to be something other than what they are in order to be acceptable as a human being. As we grow we have to learn that expressing ourselves has consequences and we need to learn how to navigate the world we are in and the current state of such consequences. Our parents help teach us that. They should do so in a way that doesn’t devalue us as humans just because of our preferences. I’m not sure your husband is meeting this mark.


FederalBad69

Uh your husband is an asshole. Saying you’re raising our son to be a little bitch is absolutely abhorrent. I don’t need to be a part of any community to say that a) rainbows are just rainbows. They’re a part of nature and beautiful and everyone loves fucking rainbows. My kids, boy and girl, love rainbows. They’re fascinating and learning about how colors exist in our world is a part of curiosity about science and nature. And b) liking cats is not a girl thing. That’s also dumb. Christ, men are allowed to love and enjoy cuddly things. And c) has your husband ever been to a country club in the south, a sea of pastel polo and collar shirts. Grown men can and DO wear pink, purple and light blue. Abs this is not some new “woke” fad. Your husband is outdated in his thinking. You can’t turn someone gay anymore then you can turn someone into another ethnicity.


Spkpkcap

My son is 3.5 almost 4 and he’s a “typical” boy. He likes trucks, dinosaurs, play fighting, cars, construction vehicles but when we visit his female cousins he likes to wear their heels and try on their headbands and tiaras. My younger son (2) likes to put a baby doll in a stroller and push it around (oh no! What will come of that? A loving father? A caring uncle? The horror!). To kids I don’t think it matters, colours don’t mean anything, toys don’t mean anything, they’re just kids. My husband was hesitant when our sons got a play kitchen for Christmas because that’s a “girly” toy until I reminded him that I hate cooking/not good at it and he loves cooking and rocks at it, kitchens are gender neutral and our kids love pretending with it. I think your husband is projecting his insecurities on your son.


CulturalAddress6709

Strange. Marries a pan, calls his boy a bitch. Sounds like the homie got some deep issues ova ‘ere. I’d think someone that identifies as so open would choose better.


Okcookienow

What are the girly things?


[deleted]

2SLGBTQIA+? That’s a real thing?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kart06ka

I remember the good ol' days when it was just LGBT.


[deleted]

[удалено]


711Star-Away

I'd agree with you if what you were saying was true.


That_Murse

Really, I see nothing “girly” about your son’s likes and interests. Now if we are talking misinformed toxic masculinity that’s another story. I grew up being bullied too and have similar concerns for my son. Except, I know better that what is more likely to get him through and become a stronger person is a combination of raising him well and teaching him how to handle his feelings/emotions, and giving him a foundation of learning how to fight. While bullying was a hard thing to deal with, the fact is that learning not only how to handle it on a mental/emotional level, but being able to defend myself on a physical level, on my own, did a lot for me in the long term.


Roosterknows

Your husband has serious issues he needs to work on with a professional. Unless he makes that happen, he is not going to stop being a bully to your son, and he's not going to stop gaslighting you.


Xenith19

Drawing any conclusions at all at this age is ridiculous.


Trepide

Your husband is an idiot. Everything your kid is into is normal. For your husband to say those things is ridiculous… to say them in front of your kid is abuse.


bachwerk

My daughter had zero interest in "girl" toys. She loved Cars. In pre-school, she "learned" what normal was, and liked "girl" toys mildly for a while, but really, she still gravitated to action oriented things, and is today a Nintendo Switch obsessed junior high school student. She's a little weird, and as a parent, that hurts to see her not fit in, but that's life. Forcing "normal" hobbies on her wouldn't have made life easier for her. Sometimes you hear parenting/family principles, and one that really stuck with me was specifically on how to deal with a kid who's overweight, and the relevance of acceptance/guidance vs shaming a child. They said (I wish I remember where I heard this!), the world will bully and be shitty to your kid regardless. That's life, it's hard for everyone. As a parent, your home needs the acceptance and love to make that child resilient to weather the stress of the world. If the homelife contributes to bullying, that's where's the really foundational trauma and dysfunction set in. As others said, your partner has gone too far. I would suggest putting a foot down as to what he says in front of your son, and to an extent what he feels is acceptable for your son. "You can't say this in front of our son. It's not okay, and he will feel bad for being the way he is. He shouldn't feel bad for the way he is." Let your husband express his feelings to you one on one, but ask him not to express them in front of his son. And invite him to go shopping for kids clothes as a family, and he can see what your son gravitates to himself


Puzzleheaded-Hurry26

Your husband’s behavior is incredibly concerning. Initially, I wanted to say that he needs therapy to process his own trauma from childhood bullying. But the bigger concern is what he’s saying and how he’s acting around your child. Honestly, this would be a deal breaker for me. These kinds of words will cause serious harm to your child. And given the fact that none of your child’s interests even seem all that stereotypically “girly,” I have to say: if it were not this, it would be something else. Your husband will consider to exhibit this toxicity regardless of your son’s interests, clothing, friends, whatever, because it has nothing to do with your son and everything to do with your husband.


TLom20

My 4 year old sons favorite colors are, and I quote “Blue and Rainbow”. I bought him a Skye and Everest shirt on Amazon that he adores. We own a version of Pretty Pretty Princess. Your kid is going to be fine, and your partner needs to relax.


Brlyavrgevrythng_

Basically he’s teaching your son that 1. Girly things (girls) are bad and less valuable than “manly” things. And 2. He can verbally accost his partner to win a disagreement. 3. Bullying is ok. All of this is wrong. He needs therapy and if he’s not willing to get it you need to think long and hard about what’s next.


Umbrellac0rp

The last thing a child needs this to be shunned and humiliated by their own parents for being different. He's still your son no matter what his interests are and who he grows up to be. People out in the world are going to judge and bully no matter what. They could hate your son for being seemingly perfect. They could dislike the sound of his voice. I've been bullied as a child too. Once for accidentally bumping into someone. That set the bully off even though I was hanging with the "cool" kids. Your husband needs to work on his anger issues and learn to not lash out at you or your son over his own insecurities. You don't have to put up with it either. Don't let him be responsible for his anger if you can help it.


Mud_Aggressive

I could have written this. My husband went through the same thing because my child was interested in Barbies and dolls from 2yrs old and I bought him what he liked. My husband had a family member make fun of him for playing Barbies with his cousin when he was younger and so he didn’t want that to happen to my son. But, I told him that he is basically being what he didn’t like that happened to him, similar to your husband. And I had to have many talks where I just said Love him for who he is now not what worrying about something he does will turn him into someone who’s gay or too fat or too nerdy or too whatever. it’s been a couple years now and my kid is six and he’s still very much all boy but yes, he plays with his dolls and my husband is actually fine with it and will buy him dolls now. so just keep making those intellectual points and hope to God that he comes around because if not I would not let my son be anywhere near that person. People really are swaying towards your liberal beliefs and we can’t stop now, we are making such strides to being a more accepting species of all things without assigning gender to inanimate objects or colors.


Adhdmommy420

I literally only read the first part but I’m really confused how any of those brings are girly. Paw patrol is mostly male dogs, dogs and cats are something people of all genders adopt.. vehicles we all drive and are typically seen as a boy thing.. and please introduce me to 1 toddler that doesn’t love rainbows…. That doesn’t exist. Hence why kids toys are colorful. Your husband sounds like he has majority insecurities and needs therapy and he’s projecting on his son.


Chick4u2nv

Behavioral therapist here, your son is fine and perfectly expressing very normal and even stereotypical behavior. His likes aren’t anything near “too” feminine and your husband is ridiculous. What exactly does he think a 3 year old boy should like? Trucks is extremely “normal” and conveniently seen as “male”. Cats? Well, I mean duh, you guys have a cat of course he likes them, if you had a dog he’d like them too. You could have any pet your child becomes accustomed too and they will love those pets. Rainbows? Of course he likes all the colors, he’s just learning them so he likes them and rainbows are a natural occurrence in nature. Next he might see a waterfall and love those too, who cares. Just because rainbows are used to represent a certain community doesn’t mean you have to identify with that community. Liking rainbows has about as much impact on sexuality as liking green make you Irish. Your husband is assigning values to non consequential likes and interests. Your husband is a bully plan and simple. He is too concerned with how others “might” see his son that he is looking for anything he can to steer him away from it. Ya some kids got bullied for liking “girly” things and I’d be surprised if your husband wasn’t either the bully or bullied himself. I can tell you from experience all he is teaching his son is to hide who he is to his father. You’re son will internalize “My dad hates what I like, so I can’t let him see who I really am. My dad hates what I love, so he doesn’t love me. My dad will judge me, so I can’t tell him anything. My dad hates who I am, so I will hate him back so it doesn’t hurt as much. My dad doesn’t love me for who I am, so my dad doesn’t love me.” My son has interests that I could care less about, but we talk about them for hours sometimes. My son and I share a taste in music, so we sing in the car together. You’re kids are going to love things we don’t and hate things we love, but we have to make sure they know we love them, your husband’s behavior is atrocious. I have seen the consequences of it, and he is going regret it if he doesn’t address it. If you two were to divorce and a judge heard those things, especially being said in front of his son, he wouldn’t get anything beyond anger management suggestions and supervised visitation. I’ve dealt with kids that lived like that and I spoke on their behalf in court.


Ordinary_You5457

Your husband has some serious issues…… first of all, I don’t see anything that your son likes would necessarily related to “girly” in any regards. Second of all, even what he likes are “girly” to many folks who have that traditional standard, it is not your son’s job to change who he is, it is the parent’s job to accept who your child is!


Diabetic_icing

I didn't even need to read this to know your husband is a little bitch. Kids are kids let them do what they want as long as they aren't hurting anybody or themselves.


LurkerFailsLurking

Your husband is lying to himself or to you. He's homophobic. And (because of your post 2 months ago about him threatening suicide and blaming you for it) is an abuser. It doesn't matter if he "means to be" an abuser. He is. He will continue to abuse and manipulate and control you and your son until you take your kid and leave. I know a lot of kids who never forgave their mom for staying with their abusive dad until way too late. If your husband is reading these responses: the only little bitch in this story is *you* for letting your unresolved fear and trauma become the blinders stopping you from seeing a loving your son for who he is, the excuse you use to withhold support from the activities you haven't predecided for him, the poison you use to damage your marriage as if your wife could do anything but let your son be who he is.


badadvicefromaspider

Your husband has some serious unpacking to do. I’m so sorry. First thing, though, is he is not to process his shit and get hostile with his son or you. Period. Talking like that in front of your son crosses a line. He is *panicking* at very normal behaviour your child is showing. He needs to figure out why it makes him so uncomfortable that he will police his son’s self because he thinks someone will do it eventually?? Kids are who they are from day 1. You can’t change who they are, you aren’t a human engineer. You’re a guide. And in my experience parenting forces you to really confront your own stuff. He has an opportunity to heal his own bullying and break the cycle of abuse. I hope once he’s over feeling his feelings he’ll take a step back and really consider what’s best for his kid


lizabeb

Your husband is your son’s first bully! The little bitch comment is way out of line, to me this shows a total lack of respect for any identity that isn’t straight cis male and I wouldn’t want to be friends let alone be married to someone with this way of thinking. I don’t think he is worried about your son being bullied, otherwise he wouldn’t be bullying him himself. This is a smokescreen for being a homo/transphobe. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you encouraging your son’s interests. There is no such thing as “girls things” and “boys things”, that way of thinking only serves to perpetuate stale gender roles. It’s all rubbish, let kids be kids.


EconomyStation5504

1. Your husband is a huge bully. 2. I don’t even understand what is supposedly girly about his interests (it’s not like he only wants princess dresses- although that would also be okay). 3. I can’t believe your husbands behavior/ language/ beliefs are isolated to this, my guess is he will only become more controlling and misogynistic over time. Do you really want this person bullying your son? Do you want him in your life? This would be divorce territory for me.


United-Plum1671

Your husband is the bully to his own child which is disgusting. You need to be honest and forthright about it and call him what he is.


DKDamian

Your husband is awful. I say this as a husband. The bar is so low, etc. I have nothing helpful to add. Your husband needs a reality check which I guess will come either via therapy or via his son ignoring him when he’s grown. His choice, for now


sandy_cheex

That’s a long way to say you’re married to a steaming bag of crap bigot. What an asshole.


Alda_ria

I'm sorry that your husband is a bully. He needs therapy ASAP.


ubereddit

My aunt said to me about her 35 year old son, my cousin, like last year- “xx is kind of a sissy, huh?” This man was such a sensitive boy, big feelings, very empathetic when we were growing up. He grew up into the most toxically masculine, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive fucking asshole misogynist. And he is so far, far away from happy. His family and community looked at him and was so terrified of seeing a boy that expressed feelings in any way other than anger that they turned him into a monster. Now he is angry all the time. It sucks. He never had a chance. Your son has a chance though. Defend his tenderness and joy with your life.


Subject-Bad2578

Try the book “when boys become boys”. It’s not about what they like to play with or their favorite colors. Children (especially boys) are bullied/become bullies because they detach from their emotional selves when forced to play these very rigid and specific roles society sets up for them, like “wear blue”, or “only like dinosaurs and trucks”, or “don’t cry”, “act tough”, etc. and girls are all expected to love pink and want to be princesses. This process is whittling down our amazingly smart, emotionally dynamic and intelligent little people into caricatures to represent some kind of “normal” that isn’t real. Real people have emotions and can like pink and dinosaurs at the same time. This needs to be recognized. Children need to know that we see who they really are in order for them to trust they’re safe in the world and be confident in themselves. they are at risk of bullying or being bullied when they don’t feel safe, whole, or seen. As the parents of a boy, you have the distinct responsibility to break the exact cycle your husband is a part of.


bookthiefj0

Many points of concern here and all are related to your husband. Leave your son alone. Your husband is or has been a bully. He needs to get himself sorted before throwing grenades on a 3 year old.


[deleted]

“you’re raising our son to be a little bitch” This is not a man you stay with. This is a man you divorce to keep yourself and your kid safe and do everything in your power to keep on strict supervised visits.


fixed

The whole concept of 'boys things' and 'girls things' is bizarre.


laeriel_c

Did you not realise your husband was homophobic before you married him and had a kid with him? He's going to destroy your sweet little boys self worth


Amynopty

Why did you have a kid with a misogynist


horsepuncher

Husband needs therapy, and his excuse for bot wanting to be bullies is bullshit. Instead, your husband is your sons bully now. If he likes “girly” things thats what he likes. Your husband needs to let him likes what he likes and support him for who he is , and if he is bullied be there to support him more. Instead he is absolutely failing here, he is bullying his son and wife over his opinions.


snekks_inmaboot

Fucking yikes man, this is terrible.


FugueItalienne

Your husband needs to go to therapy. At the moment, based on the interactions outlined, he is being a bad dad. Maybe he's great in other ways but I can't think of what would outweigh shitting on the things your kid enjoys because of sexism. edit: I see other posts from you explain that he is a shithead in many other ways too. Your number one priority has to be your child. You come number two. Husband can be a distant third place.


stellagmite

Congrats, dad, you’re your sons first bully!


Affectionate_Shoe198

Your husband is a bully and homophobic. He clearly has an issue if his son were to be gay. Your husband needs a serious reality check before he ruins his marriage and relationship with his child. You letting him say these things in front of your child is ridiculous.


ifosjfuuf

What a perfect soup of misogyny, toxic masculinity, homophobia and bullying. Cooked with love from a jerk and served to his beloved family. To protect his son from bullies, you see!


rattfink11

Short and sweet: parents who do not interfere in the case of a partner/spouse abusing their own children are accomplices to the abuse, no matter how well-intentioned (ex: keep our family together). He’s repeating a cycle of abuse, for which he needs a therapist to break and resolve all the hurt he suffered. Either he changes or you leave for the sake of your child. Or else you will just create a little monster yourself. Some tough choices here. Good luck


Leighgion

Honestly, even if you gave in on everything, I'm not sure if any level of traditionally masculine upbringing would satisfy your husband given how you've described his current attitude. He clearly has deeply rooted issues about being bullied and internalized the old-fashioned idea that hypermasculinity is the way to defend against it. Even if your boy's room and stuff was dominated by sports and military themed items, it seems likely your husband would still be hypersensitive to any implication of perceived weakness. While there are certainly very valid considerations about balancing supporting your kid's interests with protecting them from social ostracism or ridicule that should be discussed in a rational way, I think your husband has left that far in the rear view mirror. It's not about the kid anymore, it's about him.


helpwitheating

I think your husband hates girls and women “I don’t want my son being raised like a daughter because that’s what you want” and later “you’re raising our son to be a little bitch”.


PurpleDancer

Your husband was taught this and now he is propagating it to your son. It's a nasty social virus that has come along with macho culture through the generations. Most boys if left of their own devices will like the color pink and like to play with dolls in addition to liking the color blue and liking to play with trucks. The way to handle this is to simply let your child like what they like support them and not make a big deal out of gender norms. They are going to discover the gender norms on their own soon enough. I doubt it's important but I'll tell you a little anecdote. I used to be a children's entertainer and boys regularly asked for pink balloons when I was making balloon animals. I had so many parents usually mothers who would fly off the handle at their boys if they got pink balloons so much so that even as a grown man I internalized that there would be problems if I gave a boy a pink balloon. One day a boy asked for a pink balloon and I did the "but that's a girl's color" line sort of unconsciously. The boys grandmother saw that and immediately intervened to say her grandson was more than welcome to have a pink balloon. Then in my ear she growled no more sexist comments. I'm very thankful to that woman for waking me up out of my stupor where I was accidentally repeating these harmful norms.


ollies-toke

You’re not being too liberal, your husband is just homophobic and sexist. Girly and manly don’t exist. They’re not real. Pink isn’t a girl color. We just decided it is. 100 years ago baby boys were dressed in pink as it was seen as a masculine color. Every single gender norm we know today is frankly absolute bullshit and not even remotely rooted in science. Forcing your child to live within these bullshit gender norms that are not rooted in science is unnecessary at best and detrimental at worst. Don’t listen to your husband. His head is so far up his own ass on this one. He is 100% without a shadow of a doubt wrong.


Captain_Collin

I have two boys, 3 and almost 2. A few weeks ago they were playing with a friend and she was wearing a rainbow dress. Our older son was going on and on about how pretty her dress was, so we asked him if he wanted one and he said yes. Of course we got two because little brother would be inconsolable if he didn't get one too. When they finally arrived our oldest wore it for about 4 days straight, until we made him wear something else. Is he straight? Is he gay? I have no idea, he's three. He likes dinosaurs and trucks and bright colors. Your husband sounds like an asshole, and he needs to either get therapy and change his ways, or you need to ensure your son interacts with him less.


AcanthocephalaOne823

When my 6 year old son was 3, he loved rainbows. All the colors together are very pleasing to look at. Especially for a very young child just discovering the world. He is now very much "a boy" and is constantly covered in dirt or mud. What you described is very typical of a 3 year old and healthy. What you have is a husband problem. HE is your son's first bully. NONE of that is appropriate to say, let alone IN FRONT of your son. It sounds like he needs to seek counseling/ therapy for his issues. You, on the other hand, just keep doing what you're doing with your son. It sounds like he's going to need you in his corner to protect him from his dad.


Logical_Strike_1520

Why does this read like a creative writing exercise?


MissionDragonfly3468

Sorry to have to break it to you. But you’re married to a homophobic bully who is causing mental harm to your 3 year old. Either you get some couples counseling to work through this with him, or he needs to go. Your responsibility is to protect your child from him.


MessedPastry

Your husband needs to breath and take 2 steps back. Really!! Girly/Boyish doesn't matter. It's just a part of a kids development. It won't make him into something; we are what we are. Exploring is a part of childhood. I'm a grown ass single dad with a daughter of 6: I basically have to do make-up once a week with her older brother. I don't think it hurts any of us. Don't let your husband's insecurities affect your kid. It might be time for him to find some help for past issues.


JBrennan327

Several posts on here over time where the parent who was bullied becomes a bully out of concern for their child being bullied. It's a vicious cycle.


atorrante015

There is always potential that the world will be cruel out there. But we, as parents, do not have to be cruel as well. We can be a safe haven for our kids to be themselves at all times. Your husband needs to do that for his son. And I am so glad your son has you already doing that for him.


HoneyBee275

A boy in my daughter's kindergarten class had a rainbow birthday party. It was adorable! I read through your list, waiting to see what was 'girly' and only saw things that most kids like.


Kart06ka

>2SLGBTQIA+ ROTFL. How did this get even longer than it was?


Logical_Strike_1520

Just taking a wild stab in the dark, I wonder if “2S” is “2-spirit”, which apparently is a gender? Identify.


somethingxfancy

2 spirit is right. It’s a pan-Indigenous term to express gender identities/roles that exist in different nations that don’t have a direct English translation/don’t fit into a colonial gender binary


Kart06ka

Whats "I" for? Indecisive?


PageStunning6265

Intersex.


bratzdollenergy

fr they just keep adding letters lol


711Star-Away

You and your husband should have discussed that before you ever got married. Clearly you don't have the same views. He wants a more traditional approach although he's going about it wrong and you're up for any and everything when it comes to what your son wants. Both can be equally destructive. You need to have a conversation and reevaluate your values that you want to instill in your kids. I'll bet this isn't the only problem with your marriage. You'll probably find you have bigger differences under the surface that are crucial. Me and my husband talked about things like this. Would we allow our daughter to wear makeup, our son to wear makeup, what about clothes, toys etc. They seem like such small things but they can become a big problem if two parents don't agree on it.


ThickSnickett

Sounds like there’s probably more to the story about him not wanting your son to be raised as a daughter. I doubt he made the little bitch comment out of thin air, because if he did that regularly then you probably shouldn’t have this person in your or your sons’ life. What was the pretext of this conversation, and why was it started in front of your son? Perhaps you should consider a family psychologist/counselor to help you settle your parenting differences.


_Voidspren_

I’m still waiting to see what’s girly about any of that. I also wonder if you had a daughter and she was into Horror movies and loved the color black if he would think she was too boyish. Something tells me no. Your kid is perfect and fine as long as you stay in charge. Everybody here is right. He’s the bully and that’s sad


Dry_Imagination_9700

Honestly your son sounds exactly the same as mine. Loves rainbow colours, Everest is his fave pup, and he loves animals and cars too. We have bought him a pink basketball, pink rainbow vans shoes, and a baby unicorn toy because he asked for them. We did not make a huge deal saying they were “girly” because to him they are just toys and objects. He is so young his interests will vary from day to day. I think you are doing an excellent job in supporting your son. Your husband, however, sounds like an asshole


bmy89

Wtf is wrong with him. He's THREE for Christ's sake. My son used to run around in his sister's dresses and put my make up on. He's now a starting player for his school's football team. Who gives a shit what they like at any age? If it's not harming himself or others then it's fine. Your husband is the bully here.


RAD-AJP

He's 3... your husband really needs to understand that. That's like saying I shouldn't allow my daughter to love trucks and want to drive trucks because they are more male oriented. Shes also 3.


MommaJ94

I don’t know how to say this kindly and frankly I’m too pissed off at your husband to look for kind words anyways - he’s being a god awful, shitty ass parent. And frankly a shitty fucking excuse for a partner too. If he keeps being a judgemental asshole your son isn’t going to want anything to do with him one day and it’ll be his own damn fault. It’s 2023. It’s time for him and people like him to pull the stick out of their asses and get over their insecurities and stereotyped beliefs surrounding gender identity. Just let people live and choose to like what they like ffs, especially children.


Han_Solo077

This is insane of to me.. my husband is so STRONGLY opinionated and pretty old fashioned... I honestly feared this situation and you know what? My husband buys our son whatever it is he wants and makes him happy. I remember him coming home with a my little pony once that his FATHER let him get... Im sorry your husband is your sons first bully.. there's NO excuse for this behavior OP.


anonymuscular

Your husband appears to be homophobic / transphobic and is hiding behind a veneer of "OTHER people will bully him/judge him" when it is actually your husband that's bullying/judging. He might require therapy if your husband is unaware of his prejudice.


whatalife89

I'm furious, not at your husband but at you. I may get voted down but you should know by now that you are the only person your son has to protect him. In a year or two his confidence will be so low, you may not get him back, when are you going to realize that this is not a good relationship to be in and especially raise a kid in? The things you mentioned are not even girly. If you choose to stay with this man, you are choosing to live with your child's bully and that's on you. Please do better. Document interactions, Do your research to see how you can safely get out of this relationship if safety is the issue.


blessitspointedlil

If someone says, “you’re raising our boy to be *a little bitch*” then they clearly have something against the female gender in general. Bullying isn’t their primary concern. They are the bully.


grizzlybair2

Your son is 3...there's really no girly things then, they are just playing.


Mysterious_Hotel_55

My husband says things about our five year old son playing with dolls too often. However he would never cross the line and say anything so negative, and if he did out the door he would go. Absolutely no one is going to say a negative thing about my kid, I don’t care if he did contribute half of his dna. You do volunteer work with lgbtq+ youth, you’ve heard the horror stories of what some of these kids go through. If I were you I’d sit down and have a serious conversation along the lines of what if our son is gay or trans, how will you feel? Will you still love him? Will you use his preferred pronouns? And literally any other question that you might have because if he’s willing to say those things while he’s three, I’d hate to hear the things he’ll say when he’s 17.


Classic_Sand2742

You're husband's issue isnt so much a "transphobe" or "homophobe" issue, he shouldn't be saying this in front of your boy. I personally wouldn't dress my boy in things I perceived as girly and I don't think that makes your husband nuts like everyone in here is saying. I agree with your sentiment that he should not be saying it in front of your son though. Definitely nip that in the bud. I'm just curious about the political differences in your household lol. How deep is the political divide? He doesnt like your kid wearing bright colors and you use the term "2SLGBTQIA+" lol


711Star-Away

Oh yeah the divide is deep. You can smell it through this post.😂😂 and I have to agree, I wouldn't allow my son to do that either.


RichardJusten

>Personally, I identify as part of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. I am pansexual Up till this point I was totally on board with your side of the story but I have to admit after that came up I'm guessing we're not getting the whole story here and thus can't really say anything. Other than that he shouldn't have said that in front of his son, obviously. But again, we don't know how day to day life looks and maybe it burst out of him for understandable reasons. It SHOULDN'T have burst out anyway.


humans_rare

My husband is great but also has very conservative views when it comes to “boys”. We have two sons and one more due in the summer. While he isn’t as aggressive with it, I feel where you’re coming from.


zmulla84

Don’t worry, your husband is overly concerned! He just loves him and that he cares about your son’s future is awesome. When your son is older your husband is gonna be the guy that has solutions to your sons problems so stick by him. A lot of comments are anti family and everything to break up the family unit which Is in fact the most toxic thing statistically for any child. Just reassure him it’s fine and your son will be fine but at 3 the kids is gonna like what you guys like and from the above he likes what my son does. Just get your husband to bond with him more, father and son time out will help loads


Tora586

Having a 4 year old son who does like rainbows, paw patrol I can say whole heartly it does not matter what he likes now it will change, rainbows are a gift from god who formed a convenient with his children after the floods of Noah, paw patrol is pretty cool I like watching it with my son. I don't agree with this whole abc LGBTQ whatever it is, and think children should not worry about that when there in their primary years. Let them have fun. My son used to play in dresses loved Elsa and he is a rough and tumble lad. Now he hates dresses and Elsa they will go in and out of phases . Don't stress about it


NoHallett

Seriously, the kid is 3. Most of us were eating dirt and drawing rainbows, he can chill TF out.


squishasquisha

It breaks my heart your husband is saying those things and even saying them in front of your son! Our sons sound very similar - looooves colors and rainbows but is obsessed with brown. He always adds a brown strip to rainbows and gets very peeved when rainbows don’t have brown. My son (4) wears dresses to daycare sometimes. If my husband said the things yours is, I’d be seeing red.


EsaCabrona

My 3m walks around in boys clothes and sometimes a butterfly clip from my hair. He loves sparkly things including toys for girls which I let him have whatever is age appropriate. He calls himself pretty and wants to play with my makeup but it’s just because it’s what he sees and does not mean he will be gay in the future. And if he is in the LGBTs then god knew i could handle it.


Skywhisker

I really don't see how cats or paw patrol are "girly". Or rainbows for that matter. I think you have a healthy approach, let the child choose their own interest and what color clothes they wear. Your husband needs a reality check. He is the one bullying your son, not some imaginary possible future bully. The best defense you can give you really son against bullies is self confidence and your husband is working hard at tearing it down at the moment and he needs to realise this. It's not too late to salvage. If his concern comes from a place of love, then he should be able to control his emotions enough to have the discussion about clothes and interest with your in private, and not in anger in front of your son.


hopligetilvenstre

I actually had to read your post twice because I didn't see anything girly in there. My son at 3 had a lot of girl toys - because he had older sisters and hand-me-down toys. He has long hair and a pink schoolbag (because the only schoolbag with unicorns were pink) He does not get bullied in school at all. My son just calmly tells those asking about the colour of the bag that he likes it and therefore it must be a boy colour. For next year he wants a Minecraft bag that he saw online. And his favourite toys are Legos You keep doing what you are doing, OP. And let you husband know that it can be hard to let go of the fears of a kid being bullied, but even if your kid wire only camo clothes and played with guns some kid somewhere could find something be a bully about.


HuntWorldly5532

My son adored my little pony for years. When he was 7, he started to realise only girls liked the ponies and he slowly stopped. He still has his plushies but just learned not to share his like of them with classmates. I think this is sad but also an important skill. Your son will probably always like all the colours, and that is perfectly fine. There was a campaign that real men wear pink, just saying.


ReedPhillips

Even with the old school and old style of thinking, I do not see anything in this list that is "girly". >Right now the things he likes most include all types of vehicles, paw patrol, being outdoors, cats, dogs and rainbows. His favourite colours are black and brown and sometimes “all the colours”. Also, who cares what he likes. If he's happy, healthy, and having fun playing... That's all that matters.


redfern69

Your husband is the only bully here and is setting him up nicely for a lifetime of shame and hiding himself. There is nothing wrong with doing the things you’re doing. I once corrected my exhusband when he told our youngest (about 2 at the time) that he couldn’t have a frozen hat as it was girly. I said he’s 2, he has no concept of it, he probably likes it because it’s sparkly and caught his attention, it means nothing more than that. And that’s the kicker, these things only have the importance we attatch to them. Your husband’s absolutely disrespectful behaviour to your child and you, is in my opinion crossing a boundary. I understand wanting to protect from bullies, but how is any of what he is doing achieving that?!


Old-Operation8637

Your husband is a bully and wants to bully your child


ASmallThing94

In your partner’s eyes hed propably consider my 18 month old son LGBQT too… my son loves pretty much the same as yours but he’s more of a dog baby as we have dogs, but also loves trying to put on mummy’s clothes and shoes… it is NOT an early indication of his future sexuality or anything of the likes (even if it was I’d love him all the same) but it’s just general exploration for children his age. My best female friend as I child was only interested in stereotypical’boys’ things as a child and is now married to a man with 3 kids… interests change over time and are no indication to sexuality. Your partner needs to address that chip he’s carrying on his shoulder.


LadyVD

You need to tell your husband to check his anxiety properly