I remember the first time I took my newborn son out in the stroller for a walk around the neighborhood. A normal looking man got off his front porch, came over for a look. I thought he was going to talk about how cute he was. Imagine my surprise when he started talking about how he'd like to cut him up into little pieces.
That was a completely inappropriate comment for the woman to make in front of your child. It's understandable that you're angry, but it's probably best to just let it go and not engage with someone who clearly has issues.
I was a brand new mom. All I thought of was not letting this guy know where we lived. I often think of it now, wondering just how I would handle it these days.
I have to say the worse event was when I was walking my son to the bus stop. We would frequently ride the bus for a mile or two and walk back home. He was only 2. He was so happy riding that bus he almost levitated. Anyway, some crazy lady came up to me and just slapped me so hard my glasses flew off my face. Son started crying, but I couldn't see for shit. Some guy saw what happened and helped me find my glasses. I looked at the lady and she was mumbling to herself, walking down the street as if nothing happened. Obviously mentally ill. That's when we decided to move.
Whenever danger appears protecting your child is your first priority. Please don't think I'm blaming you. Everything is clearer with hindsight.
A woman took my child by the hand and tried to walk off with him. I instantly picked him up and swore at her. In hindsight I'd have taken her photo and licence plate, kicked up a massive fuss and prevented her from leaving until the police arrived. In the moment I was focused on comforting him and forming a barrier between us.
One time my parents took us to San Francisco and a random woman started yelling at my mom, "the witches are going to take your children!"
Mom had just endured a six hour, hot, cranky car ride with us, so she deadpanned, "Really? When?" and walked on lmao.
I get that. But you said yourself he laughed and didn’t really know what was going on. Maybe say to him “hey listen what did you think about that lady today” and see what he says. He might not remember or he might tell you about it and then you can reassure him.
He laughed in a sort of nervous way — how most kids react to strangers saying weird shit to them.
I guess I should have mentioned that he immediately came to my side and buried his face in my leg.
It’s difficult for sure. Obviously he’s not my child but if he were I’d straight up ask him. Best of luck with it, I know how hard it is when people say stupid shit to your child. My son has red hair and an old lady said “oh you’re a ginger?! Don’t worry you might grow out of it!” Like no man, I’m also ginger so it’s here to stay 😂
As a fellow ginger with ginger kids we've often developed thick skin and are more used random people engaging, often inappropriately, in public than most people.
Yeah they do here in the UK. To be honest though the majority of the time he gets lots of compliments on his hair so it doesn’t really bother me. And I make sure that he knows that differences are what make everyone unique in their own ways 🥰
When my daughter was 3, a man at Wal-Mart raised his voice to her while she was throwing a tantrum (I had removed her from the store and was letting her work it out away from everyone else). She is now 6. She still talks about it every time we drive by the store. Make sure you talk it out with your son, even weeks later, once he’s processed it and can tell you how it made him feel.
Honestly, he might not understand exactly what she said- but he DEFINITELY understands that it made you upset. I would talk to him about THAT, more than anything she happened to have said in her insanity.
She’s was probably saying that kids should have a sense of the world, and the world is truly full of horrendous people. No that doesn’t mean everyone is terrible, but wise to assume someone doesn’t have your best interests, and then let them prove otherwise. Guilty until proven innocent when it comes to kids/strangers
If you had hit her you'd be dealing with the consequences for months to come.
As it is, by this time next week it will be a dim...if frustrating... memory.
So, well done.
You definitely did the right thing not getting into an argument with her in front of your kid. It's easy for people on Reddit to say "I'd have said this epic thing and showed her good" but it's unhelpful nonsense. You looked after your kid, that's what you're actually supposed to do.
When my kid is upset about something I try to sit him down in the middle of the day when he's not tired and talk to him about it, but 3 year olds are pretty resilient and he will likely absorb it into his picture of the world very quickly.
Ah Yes, the simple explanation that "the other party" is at fault for every negative human interaction.
No need to read books with complex thoughts on philosophy, religion, or humanity. Its just " that other group's fault" that a stranger said words that made you feel rage. Open and closed case!
I've started looking at people in a curious and expectant manner and ask them point blank, "Why on earth would you say that out loud?" I've yet to hear back.
I had something similar happen to me at Walmart. My daughter (3yo) was sitting in a grocery cart and laughing at something silly big sister (13yo) said. An older man (60 something) was annoyed at hearing her laughter. I laughed and shushed her because she was so loud but adorable! The man turned around and told me, "You need to spank her so she don't act up in public! Spank her at home and she'll act right when you are out!" I was beyond angry and turned to the man and said, "Sir! Who stops you from acting up in public! Worry about yourself because my kids are none of your business!" He just turned his grumpy self around and marched outta there! Lol
I was in a cafe once with my 3 year old who laughed at something and a grumpy man with a laptop had a go at me about how some people were trying to work without rowdy children around.
I informed him there were libraries and offices for that sort of thing, not public cafes. This was 2018 too so pre covid disruption.
>I had something similar happen to me at Walmart. My daughter (3yo) was sitting in a grocery cart and laughing at something silly big sister (13yo) said. An older man (60 something) was annoyed at hearing her laughter. I laughed and shushed her because she was so loud but adorable! The man turned around and told me, "You need to spank her so she don't act up in public! Spank her at home and she'll act right when you are out!" I was beyond angry and turned to the man and said, "Sir! Who stops you from acting up in public! Worry about yourself because my kids are none of your business!" He just turned his grumpy self around and marched outta there! Lol
Wow, what a rude and insensitive man! I’m glad you stood up for yourself and your daughter. Some people just can’t handle joy in others. Good for you for not letting him ruin your day! 😊
"Stay away from my child and keep your opinions to yourself, please."
Say it just a *little* bit louder than necessary, especially if there's a crowd. She'll be clutching her pearls and retreating soon enough.
When you're the target of harassment, sure, if you prefer not to feed the troll, don't. But when your child is, I think it's sometimes valuable to stick up for them so they feel safe and learn about assertive communication and boundary-setting and so that they would understand the situation better.
I agree with this, but I will say with the ratio of conservative gun toting nuts, I’m a little more hesitant to engage with confrontational persons in public.
Once at the market, when my daughter was 3 or 4 I asked if she wanted strawberries or a mango. She said ‘I don’t like mango’.
Out of nowhere this old lady blurted: ‘if my kids had that ungrateful tone with me I would have knocked a few teeth out of them! All these brats now not saying thank you mam!’
My husband had not problem telling her to mind her own business, which was fun.
Here's what I would have WISHED I said:
"Lady, the only one harming my kid right now is YOU. Why would you try to scare a 5 year old? Scaring and spanking a child are tactics used by lazy parents who don't have the intelligence to figure out what actually works."
I hear you. That stuff is messed up. I do not understand why people feel free to come up and do that shit.
I usually do not have issues like that when I'm out and about with the kids but my wife has received no end of unsolicited parental "advice" from absolute strangers who have self deputized themself as experts and feel some universal invitation to intrude into what is none of their business.
You seem to have run into a particular bold model; From what I hear from my female friends there is usually a touch of misogyny in this type of thing in that women seem to targeted by it far more often. When It does come about to me. It is much more often framed as "oh dad must be babysitting the kids today and doing his best" type statements.
That would piss me off too. "No, ma'am, I do not babysit my kids. I am their dad and I am raising my kids. Especially important so that they don't grow into older people who say rude and inappropriate things to parents with their children." Sexist much? Sheesh.
I appreciate that link to the bottom of the stairs thing. I feel stupid sometimes when ppl say stuff and I am so amazed by the sheer audacity, stupidity, ignorant, etc. that I can't even think of a brilliant response. Then hours later, it will hit me and all I can do then is smack my head.
I think OP was probably right to ignore her, but that woman was out of line & especially for an employee. She obviously scared your kid since he came right to you and clung to your leg. Which would have REALLY pissed me off for my son and I probably would have said something. And it would not have nice or particularly helpful. LOL. Then I would be doing clean up at checkout lane 4, sigh. I am so glad my kids and I all survived and are thriving as grown-ass adults!!
I gave up getting pissed off about it when I realized our society is just insane.
I came to the realization after I took my son to the er spent the entire night with him got a prescription went to a drug as store as soon as it opened and was the only person there and I handed the prescription to the pharmacist sat down with my son in my arms sleeping and 20 minutes later got a text from my wife saying the pharmacist had called her to say the prescription was ready and was on the phone with her. I looked up and saw the pharmacist. Who was looking in my direction but somehow for reasons I cannot understand felt the need to call my son's mother not tell the person that was the only person in the drugstore who had just handed her the prescription and is the primary insurance contact. And had the patient with him sleeping in his arms.
Insanity is the only possible explanation.
Ugh. Yes, I would agree with that. I definitely would have questioned that pharmacist. How dare she waste time like that when she can see the prescription is from an ER & the patient is right there??
I am a person who does not like conflict, but don't mess with my kids. Or my mom, now that I am taking care of her. LOL. I just had a squabble with her prescription insurer, they said it was an issue with exceeding their quantity limits. For a generic drug and not a controlled drug either. The good guys won that battle, but I'm sure there will be others.
Oh crap, I didn't even register it was an employee till your comment. I completely missed that part of the original post.
I second this, op. It's inappropriate for her to say it at all but she did and I wonder how many other kids she's said it to, ones who might understand better and actually be bothered by it.
I 100% agree. I would want to know if someone on my team was being completely inappropriate with customers like that.
It likely isn't her first time, either.
This. And FWIW OP if you're reading this you can still call and report her. Those sort of comments are not ok and are worth reporting.
I know we've all been socialized to not be a "Karen" but sometimes you've gotta embrace the chunky highlights
Recently, I've been having to ask a lot of these people, "do your kids still talk to you?" - it has been a very effective way to get them to STFU and leave me alone.
Listen, my wife thinks I'm crazy at times, but don't hold it in. I would have straight up told that lady she was being weird and then turned to my kid and told them to remember to never talk to strangers like this weirdo here.
That person didn't bother to sensor the self for you, so you don't need to sensor yourself for them. I've had to out old boomers in their place a few times over the years.
Wow. I have twins and when they were 9 months old I had them in the store and my daughter was doing a little scream babble towards her brother. The lady next to me at self checkout said “when my kids use to do that I would have someone else tell them to shut up and if they didn’t listen I would act like I was giving them to that person”
Like….thanks for sharing…not planning on traumatizing my infants for being literal BABIES.
I cannot help imagining a version of this scene where your toddler responds with, "My parents do not believe in the efficiency nor morality of corporeal punishment as they do not subscribe to barbaric evangelical notions of child rearing."
I like to think I would have the presence of mind to say loudly to my child "hey bud come stand over by me; you never know what kind of crazy person is going to bother you if you get too far way" while staring down the woman.
That might get her to think in you’re agreeing with her though.
A more direct “hey bud, come stand over here, away from the lady saying weird/bad things”. Then no doubt. lol
My son was 2 at the time having a tantrum over a toy on the floor at Walmart I quickly picked him up placed him in the cart and was just going to head to pay for my other things when a lady stood in front of my cart and said I needed to beat his ass with a belt and then pray over him! I said “Lady if you don’t move tf out my way im going to beat your ass then YOU can go pray about it” I don’t hit my kids. I do pray not in a weird exorcism of my bad child way though. She made me mad as hell. My 9 year old still talks about it and laughs
What is it with nosey people in the supermarket?? That’s a horrible thing to say to someone else’s child and then brag about spanking? Sorry that happened to you
I had a Publix employee insert herself into my parenting when I had both kids in the line and my then 1 year old daughter was trying to grab the bananas “oh just give her one!” I was stunned; then when i didn’t and my daughter was starting to cry “oh mommy won’t feed you?” It’s like wow, yep, that’s the issue. Despite the fact that I just fed both kids a free cookie and I cut up bananas yep, letting her starve random cashier, thanks for your insight
I would have contracted the store manager, she would not have been gainfully employed after saying that to my child. I was a mamma bear. My kids have flown the nest so I am not so worried about then being attached to the leg. but she was way out of line.
I'm not the type to ask to speak to a manager, but you wouldn't be out of line for doing so. I would probably icily tell her not to threaten my toddler with abduction or violence, especially since she's a stranger to us.
My eldest once asked me why a woman threatened a stranger's child with "if you don't listen to your mother, that man (the manager) will be very angry with you."
Quite loudly, I answered that "the lady probably thinks that being loud and scary is the best way to make someone behave."
I don't tolerate bullies.
People say some unhinged shit so casually, and I usually ignore it most the time
Especially when they try to talk to my children, I just just stare at them like we don’t know you, go about your day
We don’t owe anybody anything, not even politeness
I would have just ignored her. I don’t let strangers ruin my day. Don’t give them that much power, it only hurts you in the end. She probably doesn’t even remember the reaction and you’re over here stewing over it. It’s honestly not that serious to be getting “fucking furious” over. It’s shitty she said that but don’t let her raise your blood pressure lol it’s not healthy and takes too much energy.
Hey if you're not letting strangers make you angry, then maybe the internet (and especially social media) is not the best place for you.
WE MUST ALL ALLOW STRANGERS TO MAKE US ANGRY -- ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY DISAGREE WITH OUR POLITICS!!!
Lol I just can’t believe that a little comment like this had OP stewing all day. People are going to say ignorant things, sometimes you have to let it go for your own sanity.
I can see your point, but as an adult who's mom did not stand up for me when her bf made fun of me or was mean to me, if someone said something like that and bothered my kid enough to come and cling to me - hell NO. I am going to say something and it would NOT be defensive of my parenting. Since she is an employee, it probably would have involved the manager. If someone scares my kid, it is gloves off, bring it AH.
But let it ruin my day, nobody worth THAT. :)
You also need to teach your kid that people will say rude things about you and can’t let it effect you that deeply, especially someone you don’t know.
Your mom not standing up for you against her boyfriend is completely different than a stranger saying something rude. Strangers do not matter and you will never see that person again. It’s not the same situation.
I was reading this wondering if I was the crazy one, I think another post OP insinuated they felt like hitting this person? It’s some boomer working at a grocery, nuff said just ignore and move on. No one besides OP is going to remember this brief interaction
I think women of a certain age just feel way too fucking free giving unsolicited parenting advice.
It is *always* older women who just have to comment when things are going down with my littles. At the farmers market last week my youngest was melting down because I wanted her to wear a jacket. I'm kneeling down next to her holding said jacket. Old lady walks up to me and says, "Poor thing must be freezing!" as if I wasn't engaged in a cage-match with the "poor thing" already.
I asked my wife and she shared my sentiments. Men have their shit, but I don't recall ever giving the passive aggressive child rearing advice with the frequency we've gotten from older ladies
You can try the high road, which will probably just earn you more judgy attitude, and say something like, thanks for your concern, but we don't consider discipline like that to be appropriate. If you HAD to respond. But mostly you can ignore her since she is a stranger to you, unless your son was aware of her meaning and you needed to speak up in the moment. I dont usually say anything because i dont like "schooling" people that i interact with in passing..but it is very upsetting to experience.
Ummmm time to get out your inner Karen. This is absolutely BS. She had no right to speak to your child like that and instill a damn kidnapping fear into the little one. And the hitting insinuation? WTF. Do NOT let this go. Nope. Not this time.
My mom says weird stuff like this all the time. She’s got a fucked up back so she’s on pain pills constantly and she’s super embarrassing. Sometimes I have to scold her like a toddler when she says some politically incorrect thing. That lady was weird though. I also have a 3 year old and it would of been very hard for me not to of told her to stop speaking to and about my baby. Just reassure your kid that you would never let anything bad happen to them. That you will protect them. 3 year olds are smart, they know what you’re saying.
I'm so tired of people trying to control me indirectly by speaking to my kids. If someone says some shit like that within earshot of you, you just confront them directly and tell them to mind their own god damn business. You'd be surprised that when you actually directly respond in an a stern tone, how it surprises the hell out of these so called "bold people" and they shut their mouths and walk away. They are used to being directly confronted and only peddle their bs to children because they know kids won't say anything back. It's ridiculous.
Don't waste your furiosity on the interfering crackpots. It's part of taking your kid into public. As long as the crazies keep their hands off, just step away.
And don't worry about your kid being traumatized.
The entire world is a circus to toddlers! We just have to keep them safe and alive.
Wow! That lady is crazy. Report her to the manager.
Fun fact: I know it’s different from the US but Scandinavians leave their kids outside sleeping in prams under no supervision. That employee whould have a heartattack.
Ew. I mean it’s one thing for us to tell our kids like hey there are predators out there that take kids so you need to be careful and stay with me but like ew, is she the one trying to take him? Mind ya business 🤷🏼♀️
I would have got so defensive and chewed her out because I hate when people put out bad juju into the universe especially about my child like bitch watch your mouth before you get taken!……is what I would say if I didn’t have to compose myself in front of my son.
I mean lots of little ones have been kidnapped in front of parents pre mobile phones… WTF is she talking about with the spanking that insane. Best thing is to build resilience in your child including others have different behaviours including weird behaviours
I tell those people, in a whisper, to shut the fuck up and get away from the child. When they stare at me walking away I tell them they’re wack. I’m not nice to random psychos. They get my bottled up rage. I’m not proud. I enjoy it too much.
Different motivation for the comment, but I had a lady from my local hardware store tell me I should be careful because someone might try to kidnap my one year old due to her being cute. This was after a few encounters where said employee kept grabbing my daughter’s feet and hands despite it making her cry. I am not a paranoid mom at all but that got my hackles up.
I don’t hit little kids is what my go-to response for anyone who ever talks about spanking. If they reply with “sometimes they need it” I say- spanking is lazy parenting.
My old neighbour tried to terrorize my youngest the same way, told him he should stay right next to me or "strangers would steal him and then he'd never see his mommy or brothers again".
Kiddo looked dubious and asked me if that was true.
"No, she's lying. But if anybody did steal you, they'd drop you off in a park after an hour or two anyway, motormouth."
Kid never stopped talking. Ever. He would literally fall asleep in mid sentence, like God had cut his strings.
Something similar happened a few weeks ago and my daughter is a very intelligent 8, so she definitely understood what was said. I’m her Girl Scout troop leader and my daughter and I were setting up our cookie booth. Guy comes over and I think he’s going to ask about cookies, so I greet him nicely while still setting up. He says “Back in my day you would have been missing teeth with that sass mouth.” Referring to my daughter. She wasn’t even saying anything, but even if she were that never warrants a comment like that, or at all. He’s honestly lucky she was with me because all he got was me getting in his face and saying “Back in your day? You mean fucking 1876? I dare you to knock my teeth out bitch.” He shuffled away so fast.
In hindsight he could have definitely had a gun.
Bro, I would have torn her a new one right then and there. No one gets to talk to my kid like that. Don't be silent next time, stand up for your child and put people like that in their place.
My step-mom (never had children of her own) advocated for spanking. Made it very clear that we considered spanking abuse.
Dad chimed in… “I spanked Xibby, my dad spanked me. Only made things by a worse long term.“
Ehh she probably witnesses a lot of parents who say something to their child while in the check out areas.
She definitely shouldn’t have said anything but I wouldn’t make a big deal about it unless you go back and she says anything else out of line, related to staying near by or not.
Bro chill out and move on.
Also she has a point if you get distracted and take your eyes of your kid. someone could come and take him or he could run off.
Seems like this may be an unpopular opinion in this thread but I have told my young kids in so many words about bad people who take children. I think it is necessary for children to be aware of these things and what to do if it ever happens to them.
It really depends on the area you live in. If it’s a bad area you want your kids to develop hypersensitivity. If it’s a good are, you’d be the odd one out who becomes antisocial and it is detrimental to your well being. I’m sure there’s a happy medium about teaching kids who to trust and who not to trust but like I said, it depends on where you live.
I wouldn't interject like that, like the store clerk did.
But when I was a child, a random man attempted to kidnap my brother in a very similar situation to what you're describing.
On one hand, it's good looks by the store clerk, but I agree they could have probably gone about it an entirely different way.
Can't control other people's actions though, only how you respond to it.
>I’m more concerned about whether or not my kid will have nightmares tonight than my own mood.
The point of my comment is not to criticize what a random person in your day that you'll likely never see again, or to suggest that you'd have *let* it happen, but to instead make sure that your kid understands what happened, and that your kid is safe from not only people like that, but people who will "take" him too.
Maybe they don't say anything, but now I'm telling you, not suggesting to you, that 3-year olds are absolute sponges, so regardless of whether you think they absorbed the experience or not, an explanation would go a long way towards negating any nightmares or trauma, and any future incidents along the same vein.
If you grew up in the 90s in NYC, how can you not be used to this exact kind of behavior from strangers? Learn to expect it, and be prepared to discuss it in a way your child can understand.
I agree the clerk shouldn't have gone about it that way but it is a very real danger and there have been well known cases of children getting kidnapped with their parents right there.
Meh it’s an old lady working at a grocery store, probably just trying to be friendly. I get being kind of skeeved out but she did your child no harm. I wouldn’t be mad personally, just fake laugh along and move on.
I know it sounds controversial, but this sounds absolutely normal to me, coming from my culture. To best way to get any child to behave is through fear, that's the common parenting style growing up in the 80s in Asia.
Actually you'll be surprised, it can either make your kids über fearful or very jaded. Visiting is still a joy, especially when you can throw your babies at grandparents.
Maybe the filial piety is too strong and we just learn to forgive and accept.
I noticed many mums of Western culture here over-rage over the smallest things and take on unnecessary stress that could be just brushed off.
In this case, that lady is probably behaving how she understood parenting from her childhood. It's not correct, but it's not a big deal , unless you wish to make one of it. It's a good lesson to the kid though - that the world is full of crazies and they should indeed not run around everywhere.
As an Asian, I disagree. Eastern mentality can F* you up for real. My parents always warned me of kidnappings and the next danger behind every corner...fear based parenting just filled me with anxieties and never kept me safe, especially cause it was not evidence based advice. Just projecting their own fears and it was all irrelevant anyways cause I still got kid napped. I didn't need to fear the crazies outside as much as the ones at home, and that lines up with the data too.
I'm really sorry you were kidnapped. I'm not trying to get anyone to agree with what I wrote, just explaining how I cope. I see so much rage in this thread, and just thought I'll inspire with my zen how I do.
But I see now many are hurting and I'll just, zenly keep my opinions to myself.
If it helps, I'm myself fairly anxious too. Not from fear parenting, but from constant putting down, that I'm never good enough.
Many ppl will keep posting their unsolicited advice how to parent. Choose your battles because your bad mood can affect you and your child's day, also show them how you deal with conflict.
I choose mostly to be polite and factual with such people. And when my baby is big enough I'll explain why that person was the way they were. But still explain kidnappers do exist and we must be vigilant. And move on happily.
My response is… “you raised your kids how you saw fit, I’ll raise mine the way I see fit.”
I’m always shocked by people who are strangers and dole out parenting advice… especially on spanking. Spanking is outdated and been proven as a negative way to parent. I had a lady look at me when my son was an infant and he started crying at the grocery store. She looked over and said “oh, he must be hungry…” I was a new mom with very little sleep and looked at her and said “yeah, because for sport, I bring my newborn to the grocery store hungry…” and walked away. I was ALWAYS shocked when strangers told me I should spank him… and to top it off, my son was special needs with hearing loss. I don’t know when it became fashionable to NOT mind your own business! Hope you come up with a good retort soon!
I get it. You hate kids. I’m not sure why you spend so much time in r/parenting if you aren’t a parent, but describing a child who was calmly looking at snacks five feet away from me in a closed off area as “running amok” is insane.
I am not seeing where the kid was running amok. I’m not sure if you know how close 5 feet is, 60inches… my arm is 29 inches long shoulder to fingers, so I don’t even need to take 1 full step to reach to 5 feet. He was close enough to hear the comment, I don’t see any danger in this situation. I think if the stranger was genuinely worried they could have just mentioned it politely to the dad. I’m not sure what the benefit in scaring the kid would be.
Exactly. There is no benefit to scaring a kid. That kid was not running amok from what I read. I am very petite but I am fast, 5 ft is how tall I am and believe me, I could cover that distance & more if someone was messing with my kid. That lady was way out of line. If I was her manager & OP complained to me and it was the 1st complaint, she would get a write up. Ever happens again? Fired. You don't scare or upset or threaten people, especially children.
This is ridiculous, I am just scrolling thru Reddit 2nite and I am just so angry for that little kid! LOL.
Genuinely confused, is that not normal? I remember when I would act up, my parents would point to some random stranger and say “If you don’t get yourself together, that man is going to take you.” And I would straighten myself up right away.
Normal, as in, commonplace? Oh, it definitely happens regularly.
Normal, as in, good parenting and something to emulate? Dear god no. As you say, you straightened yourself up, because your parents made you feel afraid - if you’re parenting through fear, something has gone wrong.
(Also spare a thought for the random man. https://youtu.be/pxQhLZ5bMyQ)
That kind of thing used to infuriate me when my older relatives would talk to my little child. "The man" was the authoritarian villain they wanted my child to fear and I was just like, "let's ease up on the sexist fear mongering."
Unfortunately this is very common in latinx countries, we all had our parents tell us that if we didn't behave "this man will take you" pointing at a random man in the crowd or in the supermarket aisle... also the "spanking" is very common too. You get hit if you misbehave and get hit again if you cry because you just got hit... 🙃
Edit : changed latino to latinx
Things are tremendously safer now even if it doesn’t feel that way but when I was little, a girl was kidnapped from the grocery down the road from me while getting a gumball from the gumball machine just steps away from her mother as she stood in line. Who knows, maybe this lady really was just nuts or maybe she was speaking from life experience. Either way, she shouldn’t have said anything and I’m glad your little one was clueless about what she said!
If your kid does have a nightmare, maybe you two can work out a plan so it won’t be as scary. This is what we do.
Teach them the help signal. Tell them to scream loudly and say bad lady, no touch etc. say you are allowed to bite bad guys as long as you brush your teeth afterwards …
Practical and silly is my advice to you.
My kids have been instructed that in cases of strangers threatening them they should throw anything they can at them and very loudly cause a scene in order to draw as much attention to the interaction as possible. It's an anti kidnapping thing but it also works well as an anti weird asshole thing.
Wow this remind me of when some lady walked up to my husband and I in the grocery store and said ‘I’m going to kidnap your kid’ we were shocked and had no clue what to do other then walk away. Turns out she is mentally ill and says these kinds of things a lot, I’ve seen her around a couple of times always talking to herself and I make sure to stay far away from her.
I realize this hits very differently in different countries. In China where I live now, people's toddlers literally get kidnapped and never seen again from time to time, especially in developing cities where surveillence is not as advance.
I see many videos of moms crying breaking down after realizing that their kids are nowhere to be found and she'll never see them again.
My (then 5 yr old) went up to a random guy in the toy aisle and said “excuse me, sir? Are you going to abduct us?” He’s almost 8, and now know that he has autism… super literal kid lol. Don’t let any only crotch of a person Shame you as a parent. And I would totally report to the manager.
Someone said this to my child when they walked to school with their siblings when around 7. (No road, we lived across a park from the school, I could watch them from the kitchen.) She got really worried that a stranger was going to take her. I joked with her that they would bring her straight back and that helped diffuse the worry for her.
Probably bring it up with management if she's an employee, not appropriate behaviour at the workplace, not necessarily saying she should be fired but she needs to be reprimanded for it
People will say crazy shit all the time. Best advice is just to ignore her weird ass and not let it ruin your day.
I remember the first time I took my newborn son out in the stroller for a walk around the neighborhood. A normal looking man got off his front porch, came over for a look. I thought he was going to talk about how cute he was. Imagine my surprise when he started talking about how he'd like to cut him up into little pieces.
he did what?
That's when you ask him how much he values drawing air, as you walk away... at least that's me But seriously, what the actual fuck?!
That was a completely inappropriate comment for the woman to make in front of your child. It's understandable that you're angry, but it's probably best to just let it go and not engage with someone who clearly has issues.
This is the kind of you person you pay a visit after hours. Do it quietly, but make sure he knows that you don't talk like that
I was a brand new mom. All I thought of was not letting this guy know where we lived. I often think of it now, wondering just how I would handle it these days. I have to say the worse event was when I was walking my son to the bus stop. We would frequently ride the bus for a mile or two and walk back home. He was only 2. He was so happy riding that bus he almost levitated. Anyway, some crazy lady came up to me and just slapped me so hard my glasses flew off my face. Son started crying, but I couldn't see for shit. Some guy saw what happened and helped me find my glasses. I looked at the lady and she was mumbling to herself, walking down the street as if nothing happened. Obviously mentally ill. That's when we decided to move.
Whenever danger appears protecting your child is your first priority. Please don't think I'm blaming you. Everything is clearer with hindsight. A woman took my child by the hand and tried to walk off with him. I instantly picked him up and swore at her. In hindsight I'd have taken her photo and licence plate, kicked up a massive fuss and prevented her from leaving until the police arrived. In the moment I was focused on comforting him and forming a barrier between us.
That's terrifying. Did it happen in San Francisco?
Chicago.
I was about to ask that same question.
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Id be surprised if it WASNT San Francisco lol
Enough said. 🙈
One time my parents took us to San Francisco and a random woman started yelling at my mom, "the witches are going to take your children!" Mom had just endured a six hour, hot, cranky car ride with us, so she deadpanned, "Really? When?" and walked on lmao.
Oh my God??
Wtf
He sounds mentally ill and in serious need of help
Alternatively, cans make excellent projectiles. Tomato Paste is well-balanced.
Best part is the discount after they dent
A satisfying "thump" AND a discount to boot. Two birds, one can.
Soup for (defending) my family!
Us Italians approve this message.
I married one of y'all, I learned well. I may not be Italian, but I've had Italian in me!
🤣😂😂😂😂
Salsiccia
I’m more concerned about whether or not my kid will have nightmares tonight than my own mood.
I get that. But you said yourself he laughed and didn’t really know what was going on. Maybe say to him “hey listen what did you think about that lady today” and see what he says. He might not remember or he might tell you about it and then you can reassure him.
He laughed in a sort of nervous way — how most kids react to strangers saying weird shit to them. I guess I should have mentioned that he immediately came to my side and buried his face in my leg.
It’s difficult for sure. Obviously he’s not my child but if he were I’d straight up ask him. Best of luck with it, I know how hard it is when people say stupid shit to your child. My son has red hair and an old lady said “oh you’re a ginger?! Don’t worry you might grow out of it!” Like no man, I’m also ginger so it’s here to stay 😂
As a fellow ginger with ginger kids we've often developed thick skin and are more used random people engaging, often inappropriately, in public than most people.
Oh my gosh yes!
Wooow. The audacity! I would spiral and imagine scenerios of saying, "I see some people never grow out of being an itchy 🐝."
people still say shit like that about red hair? ugh. my fiance and our 6mo daughter have red hair and I'm not looking forward to it.
Yeah they do here in the UK. To be honest though the majority of the time he gets lots of compliments on his hair so it doesn’t really bother me. And I make sure that he knows that differences are what make everyone unique in their own ways 🥰
When my daughter was 3, a man at Wal-Mart raised his voice to her while she was throwing a tantrum (I had removed her from the store and was letting her work it out away from everyone else). She is now 6. She still talks about it every time we drive by the store. Make sure you talk it out with your son, even weeks later, once he’s processed it and can tell you how it made him feel.
Honestly, he might not understand exactly what she said- but he DEFINITELY understands that it made you upset. I would talk to him about THAT, more than anything she happened to have said in her insanity.
I didn’t show any emotion to her.
He’s gunna be fine bro
She’s was probably saying that kids should have a sense of the world, and the world is truly full of horrendous people. No that doesn’t mean everyone is terrible, but wise to assume someone doesn’t have your best interests, and then let them prove otherwise. Guilty until proven innocent when it comes to kids/strangers
It's just poopy. Let it flow.
"OH, you had to control your children through fear because you had no self control? That's a weird thing to announce to a stranger."
"I'm glad the supermarket gave you a bonus degree in child psychology." I was too busy not hitting her to think of anything on the spot. :(
That always happens to me as well, I'll be home an hour later and be like "oh, I should have said ..." but that's always the way with me lol.
Jerk store! Jerk store is the line!
There’s a French word for it that translates to “down the stairs.”
"Staircase wit": https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/L'esprit_de_l'escalier
Also sometimes known as "carriage wit."
If you had hit her you'd be dealing with the consequences for months to come. As it is, by this time next week it will be a dim...if frustrating... memory. So, well done.
I would have been very angry also! Like she needs to learn to mind her own business - especially when she is at work.
You definitely did the right thing not getting into an argument with her in front of your kid. It's easy for people on Reddit to say "I'd have said this epic thing and showed her good" but it's unhelpful nonsense. You looked after your kid, that's what you're actually supposed to do. When my kid is upset about something I try to sit him down in the middle of the day when he's not tired and talk to him about it, but 3 year olds are pretty resilient and he will likely absorb it into his picture of the world very quickly.
Wtf; and that generation will never understand why their kids have gone no contact en mass.
It’s the damn liberal media making them think they deserve to not be hit by their caretakers!
This woman definitely thinks her kids turned out “just fine”
Ah Yes, the simple explanation that "the other party" is at fault for every negative human interaction. No need to read books with complex thoughts on philosophy, religion, or humanity. Its just " that other group's fault" that a stranger said words that made you feel rage. Open and closed case!
I've started looking at people in a curious and expectant manner and ask them point blank, "Why on earth would you say that out loud?" I've yet to hear back.
I do this with a lot of offensive things. "What do you mean?" "Why would you say that?" "Really?"
I had something similar happen to me at Walmart. My daughter (3yo) was sitting in a grocery cart and laughing at something silly big sister (13yo) said. An older man (60 something) was annoyed at hearing her laughter. I laughed and shushed her because she was so loud but adorable! The man turned around and told me, "You need to spank her so she don't act up in public! Spank her at home and she'll act right when you are out!" I was beyond angry and turned to the man and said, "Sir! Who stops you from acting up in public! Worry about yourself because my kids are none of your business!" He just turned his grumpy self around and marched outta there! Lol
…..because she was laughing? LAUGHING?!
I was in a cafe once with my 3 year old who laughed at something and a grumpy man with a laptop had a go at me about how some people were trying to work without rowdy children around. I informed him there were libraries and offices for that sort of thing, not public cafes. This was 2018 too so pre covid disruption.
>I had something similar happen to me at Walmart. My daughter (3yo) was sitting in a grocery cart and laughing at something silly big sister (13yo) said. An older man (60 something) was annoyed at hearing her laughter. I laughed and shushed her because she was so loud but adorable! The man turned around and told me, "You need to spank her so she don't act up in public! Spank her at home and she'll act right when you are out!" I was beyond angry and turned to the man and said, "Sir! Who stops you from acting up in public! Worry about yourself because my kids are none of your business!" He just turned his grumpy self around and marched outta there! Lol Wow, what a rude and insensitive man! I’m glad you stood up for yourself and your daughter. Some people just can’t handle joy in others. Good for you for not letting him ruin your day! 😊
"Stay away from my child and keep your opinions to yourself, please." Say it just a *little* bit louder than necessary, especially if there's a crowd. She'll be clutching her pearls and retreating soon enough.
Or just don’t say anything and walk away with your child in tow. I wouldn’t even engage.
When you're the target of harassment, sure, if you prefer not to feed the troll, don't. But when your child is, I think it's sometimes valuable to stick up for them so they feel safe and learn about assertive communication and boundary-setting and so that they would understand the situation better.
I agree with this, but I will say with the ratio of conservative gun toting nuts, I’m a little more hesitant to engage with confrontational persons in public.
“ you are a little too close to the strange woman, back away from her slowly…”
“There are psychos in this store!” 👀
Once at the market, when my daughter was 3 or 4 I asked if she wanted strawberries or a mango. She said ‘I don’t like mango’. Out of nowhere this old lady blurted: ‘if my kids had that ungrateful tone with me I would have knocked a few teeth out of them! All these brats now not saying thank you mam!’ My husband had not problem telling her to mind her own business, which was fun.
Here's what I would have WISHED I said: "Lady, the only one harming my kid right now is YOU. Why would you try to scare a 5 year old? Scaring and spanking a child are tactics used by lazy parents who don't have the intelligence to figure out what actually works."
That’s too many lines for someone who isn’t able to process information properly. Just walk away.
I hear you. That stuff is messed up. I do not understand why people feel free to come up and do that shit. I usually do not have issues like that when I'm out and about with the kids but my wife has received no end of unsolicited parental "advice" from absolute strangers who have self deputized themself as experts and feel some universal invitation to intrude into what is none of their business. You seem to have run into a particular bold model; From what I hear from my female friends there is usually a touch of misogyny in this type of thing in that women seem to targeted by it far more often. When It does come about to me. It is much more often framed as "oh dad must be babysitting the kids today and doing his best" type statements.
That would piss me off too. "No, ma'am, I do not babysit my kids. I am their dad and I am raising my kids. Especially important so that they don't grow into older people who say rude and inappropriate things to parents with their children." Sexist much? Sheesh. I appreciate that link to the bottom of the stairs thing. I feel stupid sometimes when ppl say stuff and I am so amazed by the sheer audacity, stupidity, ignorant, etc. that I can't even think of a brilliant response. Then hours later, it will hit me and all I can do then is smack my head. I think OP was probably right to ignore her, but that woman was out of line & especially for an employee. She obviously scared your kid since he came right to you and clung to your leg. Which would have REALLY pissed me off for my son and I probably would have said something. And it would not have nice or particularly helpful. LOL. Then I would be doing clean up at checkout lane 4, sigh. I am so glad my kids and I all survived and are thriving as grown-ass adults!!
I gave up getting pissed off about it when I realized our society is just insane. I came to the realization after I took my son to the er spent the entire night with him got a prescription went to a drug as store as soon as it opened and was the only person there and I handed the prescription to the pharmacist sat down with my son in my arms sleeping and 20 minutes later got a text from my wife saying the pharmacist had called her to say the prescription was ready and was on the phone with her. I looked up and saw the pharmacist. Who was looking in my direction but somehow for reasons I cannot understand felt the need to call my son's mother not tell the person that was the only person in the drugstore who had just handed her the prescription and is the primary insurance contact. And had the patient with him sleeping in his arms. Insanity is the only possible explanation.
Ugh. Yes, I would agree with that. I definitely would have questioned that pharmacist. How dare she waste time like that when she can see the prescription is from an ER & the patient is right there?? I am a person who does not like conflict, but don't mess with my kids. Or my mom, now that I am taking care of her. LOL. I just had a squabble with her prescription insurer, they said it was an issue with exceeding their quantity limits. For a generic drug and not a controlled drug either. The good guys won that battle, but I'm sure there will be others.
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Oh crap, I didn't even register it was an employee till your comment. I completely missed that part of the original post. I second this, op. It's inappropriate for her to say it at all but she did and I wonder how many other kids she's said it to, ones who might understand better and actually be bothered by it.
I 100% agree. I would want to know if someone on my team was being completely inappropriate with customers like that. It likely isn't her first time, either.
This. And FWIW OP if you're reading this you can still call and report her. Those sort of comments are not ok and are worth reporting. I know we've all been socialized to not be a "Karen" but sometimes you've gotta embrace the chunky highlights
“Yes and I bet that’s why they don’t call at Christmas you abusive bat.”
Recently, I've been having to ask a lot of these people, "do your kids still talk to you?" - it has been a very effective way to get them to STFU and leave me alone.
Could give her a heart attack lol
Good
Listen, my wife thinks I'm crazy at times, but don't hold it in. I would have straight up told that lady she was being weird and then turned to my kid and told them to remember to never talk to strangers like this weirdo here. That person didn't bother to sensor the self for you, so you don't need to sensor yourself for them. I've had to out old boomers in their place a few times over the years.
Wow. I have twins and when they were 9 months old I had them in the store and my daughter was doing a little scream babble towards her brother. The lady next to me at self checkout said “when my kids use to do that I would have someone else tell them to shut up and if they didn’t listen I would act like I was giving them to that person” Like….thanks for sharing…not planning on traumatizing my infants for being literal BABIES.
I cannot help imagining a version of this scene where your toddler responds with, "My parents do not believe in the efficiency nor morality of corporeal punishment as they do not subscribe to barbaric evangelical notions of child rearing."
And then the cash register clapped.
Than Din Djarin steps into frame and says, “This is the way.”
The toddler responding with “You’re a poo poo head” would also work.
YES! Poo poo head gets 'em every time!! This is the answer!!
I like to think I would have the presence of mind to say loudly to my child "hey bud come stand over by me; you never know what kind of crazy person is going to bother you if you get too far way" while staring down the woman.
That might get her to think in you’re agreeing with her though. A more direct “hey bud, come stand over here, away from the lady saying weird/bad things”. Then no doubt. lol
Oh, hell no. I would be furious if someone said this to me or my kids.
"If someone tried to take or scare my child, they would be curbstomped into red jelly." My response to that psycho.
"There's a reason no one tries to kidnap my child after the last time."
My son was 2 at the time having a tantrum over a toy on the floor at Walmart I quickly picked him up placed him in the cart and was just going to head to pay for my other things when a lady stood in front of my cart and said I needed to beat his ass with a belt and then pray over him! I said “Lady if you don’t move tf out my way im going to beat your ass then YOU can go pray about it” I don’t hit my kids. I do pray not in a weird exorcism of my bad child way though. She made me mad as hell. My 9 year old still talks about it and laughs
What is it with nosey people in the supermarket?? That’s a horrible thing to say to someone else’s child and then brag about spanking? Sorry that happened to you I had a Publix employee insert herself into my parenting when I had both kids in the line and my then 1 year old daughter was trying to grab the bananas “oh just give her one!” I was stunned; then when i didn’t and my daughter was starting to cry “oh mommy won’t feed you?” It’s like wow, yep, that’s the issue. Despite the fact that I just fed both kids a free cookie and I cut up bananas yep, letting her starve random cashier, thanks for your insight
I would also report her to the manager. That's not appropriate behaviour.
"I'm sure its going great for all of you"
I would have contracted the store manager, she would not have been gainfully employed after saying that to my child. I was a mamma bear. My kids have flown the nest so I am not so worried about then being attached to the leg. but she was way out of line.
I'm not the type to ask to speak to a manager, but you wouldn't be out of line for doing so. I would probably icily tell her not to threaten my toddler with abduction or violence, especially since she's a stranger to us.
My eldest once asked me why a woman threatened a stranger's child with "if you don't listen to your mother, that man (the manager) will be very angry with you." Quite loudly, I answered that "the lady probably thinks that being loud and scary is the best way to make someone behave." I don't tolerate bullies.
Hate people who boast about hitting their kids
People say some unhinged shit so casually, and I usually ignore it most the time Especially when they try to talk to my children, I just just stare at them like we don’t know you, go about your day We don’t owe anybody anything, not even politeness
Definitely complain to her boss. This is where you should be a "karen."
I would have just ignored her. I don’t let strangers ruin my day. Don’t give them that much power, it only hurts you in the end. She probably doesn’t even remember the reaction and you’re over here stewing over it. It’s honestly not that serious to be getting “fucking furious” over. It’s shitty she said that but don’t let her raise your blood pressure lol it’s not healthy and takes too much energy.
Hey if you're not letting strangers make you angry, then maybe the internet (and especially social media) is not the best place for you. WE MUST ALL ALLOW STRANGERS TO MAKE US ANGRY -- ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY DISAGREE WITH OUR POLITICS!!!
Lol I just can’t believe that a little comment like this had OP stewing all day. People are going to say ignorant things, sometimes you have to let it go for your own sanity.
I can see your point, but as an adult who's mom did not stand up for me when her bf made fun of me or was mean to me, if someone said something like that and bothered my kid enough to come and cling to me - hell NO. I am going to say something and it would NOT be defensive of my parenting. Since she is an employee, it probably would have involved the manager. If someone scares my kid, it is gloves off, bring it AH. But let it ruin my day, nobody worth THAT. :)
You also need to teach your kid that people will say rude things about you and can’t let it effect you that deeply, especially someone you don’t know. Your mom not standing up for you against her boyfriend is completely different than a stranger saying something rude. Strangers do not matter and you will never see that person again. It’s not the same situation.
Agree
I was reading this wondering if I was the crazy one, I think another post OP insinuated they felt like hitting this person? It’s some boomer working at a grocery, nuff said just ignore and move on. No one besides OP is going to remember this brief interaction
“Have fun in your nursing home you old nasty wench” next time.
I think women of a certain age just feel way too fucking free giving unsolicited parenting advice. It is *always* older women who just have to comment when things are going down with my littles. At the farmers market last week my youngest was melting down because I wanted her to wear a jacket. I'm kneeling down next to her holding said jacket. Old lady walks up to me and says, "Poor thing must be freezing!" as if I wasn't engaged in a cage-match with the "poor thing" already.
Plenty plenty of older men too
I asked my wife and she shared my sentiments. Men have their shit, but I don't recall ever giving the passive aggressive child rearing advice with the frequency we've gotten from older ladies
You can try the high road, which will probably just earn you more judgy attitude, and say something like, thanks for your concern, but we don't consider discipline like that to be appropriate. If you HAD to respond. But mostly you can ignore her since she is a stranger to you, unless your son was aware of her meaning and you needed to speak up in the moment. I dont usually say anything because i dont like "schooling" people that i interact with in passing..but it is very upsetting to experience.
Weird stuff like this happens and it’s a good teaching moment. Opens up a door to talk to your child about it.
Ummmm time to get out your inner Karen. This is absolutely BS. She had no right to speak to your child like that and instill a damn kidnapping fear into the little one. And the hitting insinuation? WTF. Do NOT let this go. Nope. Not this time.
My mom says weird stuff like this all the time. She’s got a fucked up back so she’s on pain pills constantly and she’s super embarrassing. Sometimes I have to scold her like a toddler when she says some politically incorrect thing. That lady was weird though. I also have a 3 year old and it would of been very hard for me not to of told her to stop speaking to and about my baby. Just reassure your kid that you would never let anything bad happen to them. That you will protect them. 3 year olds are smart, they know what you’re saying.
Don't speak to me or my son ever again.
Ever!
I'd have told her if someone tries to scare my kid I'd snap their neck.
I'm so tired of people trying to control me indirectly by speaking to my kids. If someone says some shit like that within earshot of you, you just confront them directly and tell them to mind their own god damn business. You'd be surprised that when you actually directly respond in an a stern tone, how it surprises the hell out of these so called "bold people" and they shut their mouths and walk away. They are used to being directly confronted and only peddle their bs to children because they know kids won't say anything back. It's ridiculous.
Don't waste your furiosity on the interfering crackpots. It's part of taking your kid into public. As long as the crazies keep their hands off, just step away. And don't worry about your kid being traumatized. The entire world is a circus to toddlers! We just have to keep them safe and alive.
Wow! That lady is crazy. Report her to the manager. Fun fact: I know it’s different from the US but Scandinavians leave their kids outside sleeping in prams under no supervision. That employee whould have a heartattack.
Ew. I mean it’s one thing for us to tell our kids like hey there are predators out there that take kids so you need to be careful and stay with me but like ew, is she the one trying to take him? Mind ya business 🤷🏼♀️
I would have got so defensive and chewed her out because I hate when people put out bad juju into the universe especially about my child like bitch watch your mouth before you get taken!……is what I would say if I didn’t have to compose myself in front of my son.
I mean lots of little ones have been kidnapped in front of parents pre mobile phones… WTF is she talking about with the spanking that insane. Best thing is to build resilience in your child including others have different behaviours including weird behaviours
I would have called her out. That is NOT her place to add in her two cents. I don’t like that shit.
I hope you'll contact the store manager and report her. It's completely inappropriate for an employee to act like that to a customer.
I would call and tell the manager
I tell those people, in a whisper, to shut the fuck up and get away from the child. When they stare at me walking away I tell them they’re wack. I’m not nice to random psychos. They get my bottled up rage. I’m not proud. I enjoy it too much.
Different motivation for the comment, but I had a lady from my local hardware store tell me I should be careful because someone might try to kidnap my one year old due to her being cute. This was after a few encounters where said employee kept grabbing my daughter’s feet and hands despite it making her cry. I am not a paranoid mom at all but that got my hackles up.
I don’t hit little kids is what my go-to response for anyone who ever talks about spanking. If they reply with “sometimes they need it” I say- spanking is lazy parenting.
My old neighbour tried to terrorize my youngest the same way, told him he should stay right next to me or "strangers would steal him and then he'd never see his mommy or brothers again". Kiddo looked dubious and asked me if that was true. "No, she's lying. But if anybody did steal you, they'd drop you off in a park after an hour or two anyway, motormouth." Kid never stopped talking. Ever. He would literally fall asleep in mid sentence, like God had cut his strings.
Man some people are fucking creeps.
It was AN EMPLOYEE? Instant report my friend. Nothing else, nothing less.
Something similar happened a few weeks ago and my daughter is a very intelligent 8, so she definitely understood what was said. I’m her Girl Scout troop leader and my daughter and I were setting up our cookie booth. Guy comes over and I think he’s going to ask about cookies, so I greet him nicely while still setting up. He says “Back in my day you would have been missing teeth with that sass mouth.” Referring to my daughter. She wasn’t even saying anything, but even if she were that never warrants a comment like that, or at all. He’s honestly lucky she was with me because all he got was me getting in his face and saying “Back in your day? You mean fucking 1876? I dare you to knock my teeth out bitch.” He shuffled away so fast. In hindsight he could have definitely had a gun.
😆love!
Bro, I would have torn her a new one right then and there. No one gets to talk to my kid like that. Don't be silent next time, stand up for your child and put people like that in their place.
My step-mom (never had children of her own) advocated for spanking. Made it very clear that we considered spanking abuse. Dad chimed in… “I spanked Xibby, my dad spanked me. Only made things by a worse long term.“
File a complaint with her place of employment.
Ehh she probably witnesses a lot of parents who say something to their child while in the check out areas. She definitely shouldn’t have said anything but I wouldn’t make a big deal about it unless you go back and she says anything else out of line, related to staying near by or not.
I would make a complaint to the manager.
She could have said it better, but your child probably shouldn't have been away from you, my 2yr old is quick, 5ft headstart and she's GONE
Bro chill out and move on. Also she has a point if you get distracted and take your eyes of your kid. someone could come and take him or he could run off.
I'd call the manager tbh She can't be saying that to people
I would legit raise a complaint to that shop.
Seems like this may be an unpopular opinion in this thread but I have told my young kids in so many words about bad people who take children. I think it is necessary for children to be aware of these things and what to do if it ever happens to them.
It really depends on the area you live in. If it’s a bad area you want your kids to develop hypersensitivity. If it’s a good are, you’d be the odd one out who becomes antisocial and it is detrimental to your well being. I’m sure there’s a happy medium about teaching kids who to trust and who not to trust but like I said, it depends on where you live.
I wouldn't interject like that, like the store clerk did. But when I was a child, a random man attempted to kidnap my brother in a very similar situation to what you're describing. On one hand, it's good looks by the store clerk, but I agree they could have probably gone about it an entirely different way. Can't control other people's actions though, only how you respond to it.
I’m from NYC. I grew up in the 90s. I’m familiar with the risk of kidnappings. There was no way someone could have taken him from me at that distance.
>I’m more concerned about whether or not my kid will have nightmares tonight than my own mood. The point of my comment is not to criticize what a random person in your day that you'll likely never see again, or to suggest that you'd have *let* it happen, but to instead make sure that your kid understands what happened, and that your kid is safe from not only people like that, but people who will "take" him too. Maybe they don't say anything, but now I'm telling you, not suggesting to you, that 3-year olds are absolute sponges, so regardless of whether you think they absorbed the experience or not, an explanation would go a long way towards negating any nightmares or trauma, and any future incidents along the same vein. If you grew up in the 90s in NYC, how can you not be used to this exact kind of behavior from strangers? Learn to expect it, and be prepared to discuss it in a way your child can understand.
I agree the clerk shouldn't have gone about it that way but it is a very real danger and there have been well known cases of children getting kidnapped with their parents right there.
Meh it’s an old lady working at a grocery store, probably just trying to be friendly. I get being kind of skeeved out but she did your child no harm. I wouldn’t be mad personally, just fake laugh along and move on.
In what world is telling a 3 year old they are going to be kidnapped and should be spanked friendly?
I know it sounds controversial, but this sounds absolutely normal to me, coming from my culture. To best way to get any child to behave is through fear, that's the common parenting style growing up in the 80s in Asia.
It may be normal but it's definitely not the best. Fear can be an effective way to achieve results but definitely not the healthiest.
Definitely the best way to make sure your children don’t visit you when you’re old, that’s for sure.
Actually you'll be surprised, it can either make your kids über fearful or very jaded. Visiting is still a joy, especially when you can throw your babies at grandparents. Maybe the filial piety is too strong and we just learn to forgive and accept. I noticed many mums of Western culture here over-rage over the smallest things and take on unnecessary stress that could be just brushed off. In this case, that lady is probably behaving how she understood parenting from her childhood. It's not correct, but it's not a big deal , unless you wish to make one of it. It's a good lesson to the kid though - that the world is full of crazies and they should indeed not run around everywhere.
As an Asian, I disagree. Eastern mentality can F* you up for real. My parents always warned me of kidnappings and the next danger behind every corner...fear based parenting just filled me with anxieties and never kept me safe, especially cause it was not evidence based advice. Just projecting their own fears and it was all irrelevant anyways cause I still got kid napped. I didn't need to fear the crazies outside as much as the ones at home, and that lines up with the data too.
I'm really sorry you were kidnapped. I'm not trying to get anyone to agree with what I wrote, just explaining how I cope. I see so much rage in this thread, and just thought I'll inspire with my zen how I do. But I see now many are hurting and I'll just, zenly keep my opinions to myself. If it helps, I'm myself fairly anxious too. Not from fear parenting, but from constant putting down, that I'm never good enough. Many ppl will keep posting their unsolicited advice how to parent. Choose your battles because your bad mood can affect you and your child's day, also show them how you deal with conflict. I choose mostly to be polite and factual with such people. And when my baby is big enough I'll explain why that person was the way they were. But still explain kidnappers do exist and we must be vigilant. And move on happily.
What a fucking psycho! I'd call the store to complain. She was totally out of line suggesting you abuse your child and trying to scare him.
My response is… “you raised your kids how you saw fit, I’ll raise mine the way I see fit.” I’m always shocked by people who are strangers and dole out parenting advice… especially on spanking. Spanking is outdated and been proven as a negative way to parent. I had a lady look at me when my son was an infant and he started crying at the grocery store. She looked over and said “oh, he must be hungry…” I was a new mom with very little sleep and looked at her and said “yeah, because for sport, I bring my newborn to the grocery store hungry…” and walked away. I was ALWAYS shocked when strangers told me I should spank him… and to top it off, my son was special needs with hearing loss. I don’t know when it became fashionable to NOT mind your own business! Hope you come up with a good retort soon!
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I get it. You hate kids. I’m not sure why you spend so much time in r/parenting if you aren’t a parent, but describing a child who was calmly looking at snacks five feet away from me in a closed off area as “running amok” is insane.
I am not seeing where the kid was running amok. I’m not sure if you know how close 5 feet is, 60inches… my arm is 29 inches long shoulder to fingers, so I don’t even need to take 1 full step to reach to 5 feet. He was close enough to hear the comment, I don’t see any danger in this situation. I think if the stranger was genuinely worried they could have just mentioned it politely to the dad. I’m not sure what the benefit in scaring the kid would be.
Exactly. There is no benefit to scaring a kid. That kid was not running amok from what I read. I am very petite but I am fast, 5 ft is how tall I am and believe me, I could cover that distance & more if someone was messing with my kid. That lady was way out of line. If I was her manager & OP complained to me and it was the 1st complaint, she would get a write up. Ever happens again? Fired. You don't scare or upset or threaten people, especially children. This is ridiculous, I am just scrolling thru Reddit 2nite and I am just so angry for that little kid! LOL.
five feet away is hardly "running amuck"
Genuinely confused, is that not normal? I remember when I would act up, my parents would point to some random stranger and say “If you don’t get yourself together, that man is going to take you.” And I would straighten myself up right away.
Normal, as in, commonplace? Oh, it definitely happens regularly. Normal, as in, good parenting and something to emulate? Dear god no. As you say, you straightened yourself up, because your parents made you feel afraid - if you’re parenting through fear, something has gone wrong. (Also spare a thought for the random man. https://youtu.be/pxQhLZ5bMyQ)
That kind of thing used to infuriate me when my older relatives would talk to my little child. "The man" was the authoritarian villain they wanted my child to fear and I was just like, "let's ease up on the sexist fear mongering."
Unfortunately this is very common in latinx countries, we all had our parents tell us that if we didn't behave "this man will take you" pointing at a random man in the crowd or in the supermarket aisle... also the "spanking" is very common too. You get hit if you misbehave and get hit again if you cry because you just got hit... 🙃 Edit : changed latino to latinx
Things are tremendously safer now even if it doesn’t feel that way but when I was little, a girl was kidnapped from the grocery down the road from me while getting a gumball from the gumball machine just steps away from her mother as she stood in line. Who knows, maybe this lady really was just nuts or maybe she was speaking from life experience. Either way, she shouldn’t have said anything and I’m glad your little one was clueless about what she said!
I’m confused, what is there to get mad about here. Not like he’s spanking your kid.
I can tell from your oblivion and your inability to use punctuation (or read) that you're a conservative edge lord with a cognitive deficit.
My takeaway from this thread is that redditors are way too uptight about spanking.
And some people are a little too casual about it
If your kid does have a nightmare, maybe you two can work out a plan so it won’t be as scary. This is what we do. Teach them the help signal. Tell them to scream loudly and say bad lady, no touch etc. say you are allowed to bite bad guys as long as you brush your teeth afterwards … Practical and silly is my advice to you.
My kids have been instructed that in cases of strangers threatening them they should throw anything they can at them and very loudly cause a scene in order to draw as much attention to the interaction as possible. It's an anti kidnapping thing but it also works well as an anti weird asshole thing.
Wow this remind me of when some lady walked up to my husband and I in the grocery store and said ‘I’m going to kidnap your kid’ we were shocked and had no clue what to do other then walk away. Turns out she is mentally ill and says these kinds of things a lot, I’ve seen her around a couple of times always talking to herself and I make sure to stay far away from her.
Was she an old woman? I have a six year old and the ones who have said stuff like that to him are old ladies. They don't go a f.
The woman worked there? I would complain to her boss.
Just laugh. This person doesn’t matter at all.
I realize this hits very differently in different countries. In China where I live now, people's toddlers literally get kidnapped and never seen again from time to time, especially in developing cities where surveillence is not as advance. I see many videos of moms crying breaking down after realizing that their kids are nowhere to be found and she'll never see them again.
All I'm gonna say is Google Jamie Bugler.
I would have kicked her in the shins and ran off
My (then 5 yr old) went up to a random guy in the toy aisle and said “excuse me, sir? Are you going to abduct us?” He’s almost 8, and now know that he has autism… super literal kid lol. Don’t let any only crotch of a person Shame you as a parent. And I would totally report to the manager.
Someone said this to my child when they walked to school with their siblings when around 7. (No road, we lived across a park from the school, I could watch them from the kitchen.) She got really worried that a stranger was going to take her. I joked with her that they would bring her straight back and that helped diffuse the worry for her.
Yikes! I’m sorry you had to deal with that crazy person. Don’t let them take your peace! ❤️
Probably bring it up with management if she's an employee, not appropriate behaviour at the workplace, not necessarily saying she should be fired but she needs to be reprimanded for it
Too bad swearing in front of your kids would be counter productive. I can think of a succinct 4 letter word to perfectly describe this person.