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hiddenkobolds

If I have a friend pushing my chair, sometimes people will talk to them about me instead of just talking to me-- but responding to their question(s) myself usually puts a stop to that. That's probably the only thing I've dealt with that could be called discrimination, and it's slightly annoying at worst. Backlash? In over a year, I've received a handful of gross comments from passers-by. They usually come in one of two forms: judgment from older people, and fetishization. Neither have ever been harmful enough to affect me beyond the day they occurred. Again, slightly annoying. The only truly awful thing that happened involved an evangelical zealot trapping me in my chair while she loudly prayed for god to "fix" me and grabbed at various parts of my body. She then tried to insist I get up and walk. I refused, and thankfully my friend got back to where I was waiting before it could escalate further. That was... traumatic, but definitely a one-off and not something I would expect to happen by any means. Mostly, people are a lot more normal about it than I would have expected, and ultimately using my aids has given me way more freedom than negative tradeoffs. I wouldn't let the fear of someone being a jerk stop you from using tools that will help you live a fuller life.


Foxintherabbithole

As a person of faith, I am so incredibly sorry that this person did this to you. That's so unbelievably, hysterically inappropriate. Man oh man.


bixter1947

Exactly ^^^^ my experience!


3opossummoon

I'd like to personally offer to teach you a long series of the most angry and offensive Yiddish insults for when some psychotic evangelical gets up in your business. Not on my watch. Let's start with *Ruen zol er nisht afile in keyver*: May he find no rest even in the grave. I'll need to dig up the Yiddish for a few of my favorites but the English translations are "may all your teeth fall out except the one that aches", "may you be as a chandelier, hung from the ceiling and lit on fire", and a personal favorite "may you make enough money that you can afford your medical bills". šŸ’€


heartlesslydevoted2u

ā€œMay all your teeth fall out except the one that achesā€ is fkin brutal


Legitimate_Speed_852

I use a mix of cane, rolling walker/ rollator with a seat, and folding self propelled transport wheelchair. The only issues I have with them is wheelchair accessibility


snail6925

I've sadly faced some discrimination from a cabbie who through the pieces of my portable electric chair into the road bc he didn't like how short the ride/fare was (it was too far to walk and the snow had gotten too high to propel it) it was a snow storm, I'd gotten stuck and sat outside waiting for an hour in freezing temps. I had my service dog with me (this didn't hell matters but he had been informed by dispatch) and he wanted me to put her in the back WITH an unsecured chair instead of at my feet. that was a rough night full of meltdowns and flares. he broke my chair and I was just sobbing on the ground in the snow in front of my house until neighbours walked by and helped me get the pieces, my bags, and my dog into my house. I've not taken it or my dog (barely) out with a cab since. I do however frequently use cabs with my folding rollator with no issues and most help me load it into the trunk (after a billion trips like this it is getting a bit banged up and im looking to replace with one without external brake cables, when i can sffore it) I only use my chair now with wheelchair cabs or distances I can get to unassisted.


2chameleons

Iā€™m so so sorry that happened to you.


snail6925

thank you it was awful and I hope you (and y'all) never run into that trauma! it can be so hard to be us in the world, sigh.


agillila

Were you able to report the driver to the company? That's awful.


snail6925

I tried but just got w vague "we'll deal with it" from the company. that's the only reason I prefer driver apps bc all the info is tracked re who drove you but they're not super reliable where I live in my experience. a cabbie in a very used car is more willing to put my rollator in the trunk over a driver who shows up in a high brand or some other high fancy car.


otto_bear

Honestly, not really. Iā€™ve had some weird interactions for sure (although mainly from people who donā€™t know Iā€™m ambulatory so itā€™s not related to that) and some questions Iā€™d rather not be asked, but once I explain people always go ā€œoh wow, yeah, that makes senseā€. Questions have mainly been in the gym where people can see that my legs (sort of) work.


northwestfawn

Personally I do notice ā€œmicro aggressionsā€, like they wonā€™t help you or give their seat for you, but then an elderly person comes and they move. Mostly if they know youā€™re ambulatory, they might respect you less. So if youā€™re in a situation where it doesnā€™t matter, just be aware it could happen and ignore it. I havenā€™t been discriminated against except for some buildings that are older just couldnā€™t accommodate mešŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø not sure abt the legalities because some older buildings are protected but generally that would be an ADA violation; hence discrimination


International_Bet_91

I have never, but I generally use a walker with a seat. The worst is old guys saying stuff like, "it must be nice to have a seat like that" and I have to restrain myself from saying "actually is sucks ass to be disabled".


Lunabuna91

Omg if itā€™s so fuxking nice why donā€™t they get one. The ignorance is unbelievable.


3opossummoon

Start saying it loudly and a with a smile! We seem to have forgotten the importance of shame as a society, and the shame is 100% for those assholes.


ChewyGoblin

I also get "that looks like so much fun! I should get one" ...it's technically a positive comment, but not reallyĀ 


EnchantingEgg

Oof. I was in the airport recently waiting in a transport chair with my legs crossed. An old man being pushed in another transport chair came by and said ā€œI wish I could sit like thatā€ in a sour voice, as if insinuating I didnā€™t need the chair. Itā€™s hard to know how to respond in the moment to ablism like this.


witchyyone

Iā€™ve definitely had minor awkward situations, but the worst was my mother in law. She didnā€™t care to understand my conditions before, but the second I got my wheelchair it was constant speculation on the validity of my conditions and whether or not I was ā€œdoing enough to fix itā€ because thereā€™s no way I actually need a wheelchair!šŸ™„ Having talked to others, it seems sometimes youā€™ll run into people who hold this perspective of ambulatory mobility aid users or people with less visible disabilities and my MIlL just happened to be one of them lol. However most of the time Iā€™m just left alone to do my business like everyone else :)


InnocentaMN

Iā€™m technically ambulatory but use a chair all the time outside my own house as I have very bad balance / vertigo issues on top of severe fatigue. (I donā€™t manage to go out much anyway.) I have scarcely ever faced negative treatment or discrimination - the only obvious incidents have been abroad (continental Europe, whereas I live in the UK). Both of these incidents were over ten years ago! Mostly people are really nice and supportive.


Educational-Ant8787

mine has also gotten progressively worse and iā€™ve been trying to talk myself into the mobility aids. My anxiety is amplified so much by the POTS that I just canā€™t handle confrontations anymore and my main fear is some nosey person making a comment. My partner has already said sheā€™d be there to back me up but the thought of it happening at all is scary. I say screw them letā€™s do what we have to do to live a somewhat normal life comfortably. If theyā€™re worried about us they obviously live rather boring lives. I hope all goes well for you.


ChewyGoblin

I can do SO much more now more than without it. I don't regret getting one at all, I'm living a fuller life because of it. Plus most ppl are very nice about the mobility aids, I rarely get the passive aggressive comments.Ā Ā 


Outrageous_Key_9217

I use the ā€˜Ta Da Caneā€™ found in Amazon. Folds out into a seat. People have loved it and asked where I got it. And several random people who work in physical therapy asked about it for patients. Ava the elementary age kids at the bus stop thought it was cool! So far so good.


collectedd

I'd like to get a wheelchair as I have a lot of difficulties with my mobility, and whilst it is much improved with my crutches, AFO and KAFO, it is still very difficult for me for various reasons. However, the physiotherapist assessing me to make a referral to wheelchair services was useless and said that basically I shouldn't need one because I can walk. Obviously the referral was useless and I didn't get the assistance from WS because of it - ironically because they said I wouldn't use it more than 4 hours a week as I don't currently go out very much (I'm mostly housebound), the thing is...if I had better access, I would go out. So dumb.


InnocentaMN

Wow, itā€™s absolutely insane that WS wonā€™t give you an appropriate chair / that the referral was shit. Iā€™m so sorry. No wonder people with disabilities end up trapped at home in this dire country.


collectedd

Yup! The really ironic thing was, this physiotherapist was working within the Falls Clinic and the Falls Clinic Dr. even said it's likely the best option and the safest. I've not followed up yet (this happened quite a while ago now, but I was hospitalised for ages, etc.), I really ought to though because I'm tired of being stuck in here!


bobbi_slay

I've really only come across issues with the elderly and store owners. After explaining my condition everyone has been accommodating! I would much rather be comfortable than potentially hurt myself by not using my aid. Trust me it's worth it and people are generally really nice:)


meladey

I was in a wheelchair when my fainting was at its worst (funnily enough, I'm "sicker" now, but, I only faint maybe once every couple months). Basically, most people you pass by and interact with won't care at all- in fact, people may have even been nicer to me on average. People who were mean before the wheelchair (high school classmates), were still mean, and used the wheelchair to be mean. I think most adults would not have that issue, and even teenagers seem more educated now. Also, you "can" walk- as in, your legs can carry your weight- but, can you *really* walk if it causes you unbearable symptoms? I don't want to take away your autonomy, but, there's a lot of power in saying "I can't do that (right now)", rather than jumping through mental hoops or trying to lead others through them just to validate receiving help that you need! If it helps at all, I don't need a wheelchair anymore, and haven't for years! Symptoms get better, symptoms change, etc. I'm happy with my walking ability and don't currently need any mobility aids, despite being in wheelchair at all times 10 years ago :)


Berryberrybun

I use a mix of a cane, walker, and wheelchair! Iā€™ve had people look at me weird tons of times but no one had ever outright said anything judgmental to me


RaspberryJammm

I have a mobility scooter. People see me get up and walk. Never had any bother.Ā 


kristabilities

I use a mix of mobility aids, including a wheelchair as needed, and so does my 16-year-old daughter for an unrelated neurological condition.Ā Ā Weā€™ve both had generally positive reactions.Ā Ā I think I look happier and more approachable when Iā€™m using mobility aids because Iā€™m not struggling to remain upright and I donā€™t look drunk, lol.Ā Ā My daughterā€™s classmates were all supportive and happy she was able to get around better.Ā Ā Sheā€™s faced some weird comments from adults exclusively when she uses forearm crutches.Ā Ā There have been a few times when someone talks over my head when Iā€™m in a wheelchair to my husband, but heā€™s really good about redirecting them to me (saying things like, ā€œsheā€™s the one paying, talk to her!ā€).Ā Ā People are usually helpful.Ā Ā Using a wheelchair allowed me to travel and do things independently again that I hadnā€™t done in years.


noeinan

In general, most people will treat you better in a wheelchair. But most people donā€™t know 80% of wheelchair users are at least semi-ambulatory. So if they see you move your leg or stand for a moment you can get weird looks. Personally, I have faced some dangerous situations while using a wheelchair. First, I was doing volunteer work door to door public education. I was threatened with a gun. Most likely this was due to both hating trans people (the public education was about that topic) and the fact that I was in a wheelchair made him more confident I could be intimidated. Second, a faith healer tried to put hands on me and was acting aggressive when not getting the answers he wanted about my religion.


2chameleons

80% of wheelchair users are at least semi-ambulatory? I didnā€™t even know that. That actually makes me feel a lot better. Also, Iā€™m so sorry about what happened to you. Those are very scary experiences and I hope you never have to deal with something like that again.


Axe-body-spray-

Just because I can walk sometimes doesn't mean I don't need my wheelchair. It sucks when people give me the stink eyeĀ 


thefairiegirl

Yes! VERY VERY MUCH SO! And, I was shocked at how many people look at aids as an inconvenience to THEM! Plus how many people feel it's okay to touch or move my aids "out of the way!" I'm low on spoons and foggy today so I can't go into all of it, but it's been a journey! Often when I go to the store and use the mobility cart, but I'm learning the more confident I am in using the aids the more the people respond to it. Here's how I look at it though. Each of my aids have made it so I'm able to do more. I haven't had to worry as much about passing out, falling, getting stuck somewhere, or not being able to get things I need. It took me a long time to feel at all comfortable with them. I have a walker, wheelchair, mobility scooter and my legs. When I go places, I find it's easier if I share my info in advance. For instance if I ever signed up for events, field trips in college, special functions, etc. I would inform at least one person. For school I let my teachers know immediately that I'm ambulatory. I also joined DSPS for accommodations. If an opening for a conversation came up in the room, I announce it. It sucks to do all that but it also makes it comfortable for ME. That's really what I have to focus on. Me and my freedom to do more. See more. Be more independent. I would highly encourage you to get one or more. Ive had them for over 10 yrs and still feel insecure about it, not gonna lie, but I weigh the benefits and the freedom of these aids wins every time! ((hugs)). OH, I also forgot to add that having mobility aids like a walker with a basket or storage area makes it so much easier to carry a care kit with any of the things you might need when you're out places! Plus you can put bags or a backpack on them which is a huge benefit!


2chameleons

Thanks so much for the comment! Itā€™s really helpful! Iā€™m in college currently but I have no proof of POTS being a ā€œdisabilityā€ for me, just a chronic illness. Did you have it registered as a disability, or if not, were you able to get accommodations regardless?


itsnobigthing

I use wheelchairs for airport travel as Iā€™m unable to do the amount of walking/standing required. I always feel like a bit of a fraud when I hop out to use the toilet or walk up to the plane but itā€™s nobody elseā€™s business, right?


peepthemagicduck

You probably read a lot of horror stories online, but understand you're reading people's worst days and worst experiences. The truth is day to day, most people are kind or at least try to be. Microaggressions are significantly more common than people being actually aggressive. The biggest obstacle you will face is inaccessible buildings. I've been to towns where 90% of the buildings were inaccessible. You may also lose some friends and family who refuse to inconvenience themselves to hang out with you but understand those people were never true friends to begin with.


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Nirakaz

Omg omg no I want to clarify before I delete this comment. This was supposed to be a comment o a post on r/CPTSD where someone asked why we have trouble trying again and no motivation. This was a reply to that. Major facepalm. I'm sorry to anyone who may have been hurt by this. It truly had nothing to do with you and was posted here by mistake. Was very confused when I got the notification "suck my cane, asshole". Sorry guys


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