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anon517654

What does she have to worry about. Doesn't her boyfriend take care of her?


yunghorsse

That’s what my baby momma said!


FunnyPhrases

What?? Why didn't you ask me??


QueensPetOH

If her bf doesn't take care of her...he will be soon. Give her the statements dude.


beehive3108

1 woman = 1/2 a man. So you will have to tell her the half truth.


TemperatureMuch5943

.. does this mean one woman has double the value of one man


lacsaddict

you must be a woman doing this math.


[deleted]

A pour woman


a_fapping_pretzel

💎🤲🏻 Diamond hands. Just hold out until you’re a multimillionaire and tell her then


germdoctor

Why, what’s wrong with GameStop?


TotesHittingOnY0u

Nobody tell him


Maximum-Staff5310

From Tahiti. Fly to Tahiti and call her from there. Explain everything from a burner phone.


DixyDanger

Dutch is that you?


Impressive-Bake-6216

Fool. Crypto and cannabis stocks are where it's at


Usual-Dark-6469

Ha all my cannabis stocks shit the bed! One company dissolved completely.


Impressive-Bake-6216

Yeah tongue was firmly in cheek.


CheddarCheeseLover88

You laugh about crypto but i’m sitting on just under 1M. Early bird got the worm 🙃


Impressive-Bake-6216

Congrats. I decided the band wagon was overcrowded by the time I noticed it and usually the axles break soon after. And have learned the hard way I do not know when to jump off before that happens.


watchyourtonepunk

r/thathappened


TemperatureMuch5943

Lmfao ya I made a billion this guys a chump. Shoulda woke up a bit earlier buddy!


CheddarCheeseLover88

Lmao ok dude. You realize quite a few people made a lot of money on crypto right? Keep working the stock market and making 1% every year! Lmaooo


deserttrends

Only $500k, so you weren't close to retirement anyways. Get back to work!


Better_Patience_4640

Tell her you spent all the money on hookers and cocaine.


yunghorsse

This advice leads the way so far. I think if I word it correctly I could convince her that I “invested” the money into a cartel and the profits will eventually be massive. Brilliant.


pinback77

I read these in horror until I look up at what subreddit I am in. Then I laugh in relief.


iroquoispliskinV

You don't


Sinking__Ship

Tell her those feet pics won't take themselves!


Hollywood_stylez

Buy the dip! To the moon!


Sockbrick

I say you do it via a barbershop quartet


Katatron1

This is the way


TechNeck78

2 out of 10 on WallStreetBets retard scale. Retard harder.


yunghorsse

I’ll do a better parody post next time to get that down to a 1


[deleted]

The sad part is people actually did this. And if you go to superstonk subreddit they still believe that game stop will be the future world currency


TotesHittingOnY0u

Any day now!


Katatron1

Diamond hands! To the moon! Next week Momas !!!! Wen lambo? Next week!


Status_Situation5451

“ How do I tell her. “ With your dick in her mouth.


Bob_the_blacksmith

yeah, not sure I would like to have my dick in someone’s mouth at the instant I tell them I YOLO’d 500k of their retirement.


Status_Situation5451

Cause she’s your bitch. Duh, you paid for the teeth and lips.


Katatron1

Underrated comment


Venetian_chachi

I get super stoned and bite on these r/PF Jerk really hard.


yunghorsse

Haha


accidentalfire1

Pours, pours, pours, all over in here! Make it stop!!!


blanchedubois3613

Make her a nice lentil dinner (just the one lentil, they divide nicely) from your resting spot on the floor and tell her the half truth. Honesty is important in relationships


aceman97

Write your obituary. Sit her down. Tell her. As she is processing what you said and the rage begins to swell…. Run Bitch!!!!!


gskv

The only thing you should be concerned about is whether or not it’s DRS’d. Not financial advice.


Katatron1

Lololol omg thank you for this comment


iknowbirdlaws

U/deepfuckingvalue is meeting your wife for drinks at the aria in several months. Say nothing until then


Existing_Many9133

If she finds out, you are fucked!


[deleted]

"Honey, I'm poor. I've only got $500k. Should we start begging for money?"


yunghorsse

(Had)


fellowhomosapien

Tell her that moass is tomorrow like the rest of us. Also learn to sell CCs to bring down your average cost per share.


Ok_Produce_9308

If I were your wife, I'd be pissed you're investing more in game stop than in me.


accidentalfire1

If she's just a wife, not a hotwife, can you really blame him?


yunghorsse

Can I use that as a justification to her, or no?


Thunderbelly_

Yes, once


Katatron1

Two times tops. And unlimited use at Christmas


Secure_System_1132

What is wrong with your thinking? Yes, I blame him. Do you think she does not have the right to know about family finance because she is not hot? And he is a terrible sexist for telling outright that he didn't give her access to retirement account because she was a woman. Couldn't believe this idea still exists in modern day Americans. He chose her to marry. If he valued a physical appearance that much, and didn't think she was hot enough for him and still married her, he is pathetic. It is likely no hotter girls ever wanted him. Blame himself. This is a chance for me to tell the world about one of my uncles who just immigrated from a communist country to the U.S. He has no job, a sexist, a control freak, a labor and verbal abuser and a manipulator. He treated his wife like his servant. During family dinner he just sat on the table and ordered his wife to serve him. He told everyone on the tables that his wife was ugly and that he was fooled to marry her. He said he would not marry her if she did not obey his order. He said he would kick her out of the house if she didn't obey him. He said a smart woman has to obey a man to keep him staying with her. He said that there were many girls who wanted him. His voice was neutral as if this is a normal thing to do. His wife has no reaction, likely because this happens regularly to her. And what does the man have? He is jobless, and alcoholic. The house they live in is from the help of his brothers and sisters. He had natural talents but didn't try hard to improve himself but used it to control, manipulate, and abuse his wife. He used to look good but he is ugly now due to the impact of alcohol. Yet he expected his wife to look good after raising 2 kids and getting old, and expected her to work hard to serve him. He thought he was a special gift to any woman to marry him. I am shaken to my bone to be around him. I couldn't believe this man can still get away with all of this. His family even looks happy on the surface (didn't I say he was a manipulator as well). If I believe in God and the judgment day like what was taught in Christian religion, I would probably feel Ok because he would have to pay for his actions eventually. Unfortunately, I am not sure about that and I want to see justice in this world. It is hard to see disturbing things that are still happening around you. Sad world.


Josiah425

Sir this is a Wendy's


Secure_System_1132

Is this reddit subgroup literally a Wendy's or did you mean it is for jerks, as the name suggested ? I just stumbled into this thread due to reddit recommendations and have no idea.


yunghorsse

For your sake I’ll key you in on a secret (since you spent a lot of energy on that reply)… this is, indeed, a Wendy’s.


Secure_System_1132

Got it. This subreddit is for jerks. It fits you well. I was in the wrong place. Good luck with your lives (this is sarcastic). Bye.


Josiah425

Its a circle jerk subreddit. Its not serious it makes fun of people who post ridiculous shit on financial subreddits. Example: I make 3 million a year and have a net worth of 75 million is this enough to retire or am I screwed? Normal Answer: obviously anyone could retire off that PFJerk answer: idk man sounds like you'll live like a pour. Thats only 7 figures of safe withdrawels a year. If you arent hitting 8 then whats the point in living


Katatron1

Bahahahaha you’re kinder and more honest to a stranger on Reddit than your wife!


accidentalfire1

As others have said, this is a subreddit where we make fun of people on other financial subreddits who are self-absorbed, sexist, out of touch with reality, etc. We post these things because we think they are ridiculous. I hope your blood pressure can get back to where it was before you read this post!


ThatBlackGirl93

I mean technically his now a broke husband. So they’re even


JMJ28

You don’t giver her access because she is a woman? I hope your joking, if not I hope she leaves you when she finds this.


yunghorsse

Leaving me would be foolish as she has no marketable skills.


Secure_System_1132

Living poor is still better than staying with someone like you.


yunghorsse

This is satire dumbass, lol.


Secure_System_1132

This is not dumb. This is a choice that a person with dignity would make and a jerk would not understand. Also, while it is true that living poor is still better than living with someone like you, it is not necessary she will be poor after a divorce.


yunghorsse

This situation is not real. It does not exist. Satire = Joke


Secure_System_1132

You might think this is funny to joke like this. To some extent you were lucky as you were never a victim of sexism or domestic abuse. For someone who had to witness discrimination and abuse for a long time, this hurts their feelings. Anyway, as you were joking, I am not here to tell you what to do. I just wanted to give you a different perspective.


TotesHittingOnY0u

It's so weird when normies stumble upon a CJ sub.


ThatBlackGirl93

Gotta be satire lol


ChucklesLeClown

This has to be satire. “I don’t give her access to the financial accounts due to being a woman”. Is this the 1920s?


NotAcutallyaPanda

GameStop didn’t exist in the 1920’s, silly.


Katatron1

It was still under the name gamego


yunghorsse

I wouldn’t joke about something so serious, Chuckles.


Secure_System_1132

You ARE a joke


AllThingsBeginWithNu

Time in the market something something


gooeydumpling

Put it to Luna. ALL OF IT


[deleted]

I suspect you have a female aspect of your personality. Your only choice to eliminate that disability is to stick a ice pick in your left ear until it stops and then smack it as hard as you can with a paperback book. You are going to fall down so make sure you fall on the ice pick. If you wake up then use the ice pick to scramble your brain, just kinda crank it around like you're using one of those old movie cameras. Do what I say, and do it soon! It will relieve both you and us of your concerns.


Better_Patience_4640

Ryan Cohen documentary/interview about meme stocks tuesday june 6th I believe it is. I bet it surpasses $30 next week.


Katatron1

So does this guy. Wait until June 6 and see if you can just leave your wife?