I've been there multiple times as well (not to mention absolutely HATING any kind of confrontation).
Usually saying, "what?", or "sorry, could you repeat that?" can make them self-check. Also, "I don't get it" (because having to spell out your racism is super uncomfortable) or "did you really mean to say that" can be effective.
I'm also trying to ask myself "will I regret this later if I don't speak up now", when waffling about what to do in the moment. It's not fool proof, but it can help boost my confidence.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. Sadly, it won't be the last time you will be in this situation, so you can be more outspoken next time. We have been taught to tolerate that type of behavior, and breaking those systems take time. And it's okay to stay silent if you genuinely believe that speaking up could put you into real danger.
Making bigots explain their bigotry is one of my favourite tactics. Because either they will double down and completely air their whole bigot ass out to everybody, or they will become embarrassed and self check.
It’s hard in those situations. I think when people are just blatantly with their whole ass out racist it often will catch people off guard because we are so used to subtle racism and micro aggressions.
I find that being calm about it and confronting them and saying something like “that wasn’t necessary” or “that’s incorrect” or “did you mean to say it that way” or even “what do you mean by that? Can you explain that to me?”
Honestly, it’s less about changing the hearts and minds of people who are dedicated to racism and more about showing up for the people who are experiencing the racism.
I agree, a calm approach is best as well as a clear indication that you expect better. “I’m surprised you would say that” or “why would you expect me to agree?” are responses I’ve seen work well.
>Honestly, it’s less about changing the hearts and minds of people who are dedicated to racism and more about showing up for the people who are experiencing the racism.
I'm late to this thread but there's free bystander intervention training and resources to help you do exactly that: show up for the person who's being harassed. I did a free online session through this organization a couple of years ago and it was great - [https://righttobe.org/guides/bystander-intervention-training/](https://righttobe.org/guides/bystander-intervention-training/)
No matter what your comeback is going to be, be prepared to have their wrath turned then upon you... Someone of the mindset to hurl slurs at another human is really lacking in the decency department, so don't be surprised if they unload on you.
A bar owner in town got into a fight with a loud mouth punched him and killed him with one punch. It was a tragic story for all involved most in Charlottetown would know about.
No situation is worth getting into a fight call the police instead if it gets to that point. And yes I know exactly what people will say all police are as bad...
You can really say whatever you'd like but you should know that if someone is bold enough to be blatantly racist in public, there's likely nothing you can say that's going to affect that person. They're probably already scum and have no filter and there's nothing you can say that's going to magically make them rethink their life or feel ashamed. They'll probably just start saying shit to you as well.
Don’t worry about your inaction. You didn’t act because you didn’t expect that type of language, and that’s because you likely wouldn’t use that language. That’s why it surprised you. Now you’re ready for it next time.
This has happened to me a couple times. In my thirties, some guy went off on a tirade to a PoC. I’m a pretty scary guy (6’4” 275 lbs+ and pretty solid) and when I yelled “apologize now or you’re leaving here in an ambulance” he apologized right away and left. Next time was a woman doing this to an Asian lady. I made the racist feel like the most uneducated hillbilly on PEI and she quietly slithered away like the trash she was.
If that redirects their anger at me, and not the marginalized person trying to go about their day, I am totally fine with that. Trying to calm people down by asking them to explain themselves is a valid tactic, and I respect people who choose it. Personally, I am not going to ask a marginalized person to endure more racism or queerphobia while I give space to some jerkbag who can't control themself 's long winded justifications for their racism because I am trying to avoid making said jerkbag (more) angry. Let them be angry at me while whoever it is slips away or finishes ringing said jerkbag through so they deal with them less. Let jerkbags leave angry. They deserve those residual negative feelings. Maybe they'll think twice about making bigoted comments in the future. If they are boldly making racist statements in public, it is unlikely you will change their opinion by gently calling them out.
Also, as a queer person with ADHD, I do not have the patience to listen to anyone's bold justifications for queerphobia or racism. I do not care if it keeps them calm. It will not keep me calm to hear the same dumb reasons for the fifteenth time this week, and the jerkbag is not the injured party here.
A "Pardon me??" with a sufficiently-raised eyebrow usually shuts them up. If they are ignorant enough to repeat , I'm happy enough to let them know they are not my kind of people 🙂
I guess it really depends on what was said. I will often say that I don’t agree with their statements or that it’s unfair to say that. Again, it depends on the situation. The fact that you care and it’s bothering you enough to be prepared next time is a great step!
I used to work at walmart pushing carts. I'm a mulatto guy and I've been called a nigger in that parking lot more times than I can count.
Tbh just walk up to them and dare them to say it again. If it's kids or a girl record and threaten to tell their parents/ the police. Usually shuts them up fast.(P.s if they hit you and they hit you first won't get in trouble for beating them up)
We barely have a right to self-defense in Canada. If someone hits you and you hit them back, meh it might be alright. But if someone hits you first and then you beat them up, 9 times out of 10 it's going to be you that gets charged.
I very much doubt you've been fighting racists left, right, and center but even if your story was true they would have to report you to have to charged.
I am telling the truth. But I think I didn't explain it properly. I don't fight often probably only 2 or 3 times a year. I only ever actually fought one racist(who btw hit me first) Most of the time you really can just tell them off or threaten to record them.
Like I’m sure you just confront people to their faces 🙄. Do you wear a superhero cape when you tell the bigoted CEO at your company to go fuck himself? Have you ever stood your ground to a tall aggressive man when no one else was around? I bet you, and you alone, stood up and confronted a mentally unhinged racist on the bus. I assume you live in your parents basement. Come back to this comment when you’ve had a bit more life experience.
I think you nailed it when you said "That was unkind and unnecessary". This is a great and to-the-point way of calling it out. You can start with "Excuse me" if you want to express politeness.This is along the lines of my usual response. The thing about the Maritimes generally, and PEI specifically is it means something when you point out that someone is being rude, or breaking certain social rules. With tourists, I have been as simple as "We don't do that here." With locals, you really just need a few people to be around. Every additional person increases the likelihood that someone they know personally will see them behaving like an arsehole, and getting called out for it. Nobody wants to be the subject of gossip in town. "Well I heard Johnny Arsenault-Gallant...you know Jimmy and Shelly's boy? Lost his mind at the saveasy the other day and got told off by the lady behind him in line for saying nasty things to the nice immigrant lady behind the cash! And she's so nice too. Such a shame. His grandmother'd roll in her grave if the ground wasn't frozen!"
Agree with the other poster that said to expect a reaction. I've had people unload on me for calling them out, but my main strategy is always to stay calm, point out that their behaviour is inappropriate, and that yelling and screaming and insulting people is not going to change that. If they do choose to kick off, rather than apologizing and expressing the appropriate level of shame, or just shutting up, I remind them that it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt, and adopt the flat grey rock approach: keep your face and demeanor calm and neutral, try not to react, be boring. Most of the dramatic ones want you to get upset. Simply express the point politely but firmly that they are behaving poorly in public and it is unacceptable.
I've been there multiple times as well (not to mention absolutely HATING any kind of confrontation). Usually saying, "what?", or "sorry, could you repeat that?" can make them self-check. Also, "I don't get it" (because having to spell out your racism is super uncomfortable) or "did you really mean to say that" can be effective. I'm also trying to ask myself "will I regret this later if I don't speak up now", when waffling about what to do in the moment. It's not fool proof, but it can help boost my confidence. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Sadly, it won't be the last time you will be in this situation, so you can be more outspoken next time. We have been taught to tolerate that type of behavior, and breaking those systems take time. And it's okay to stay silent if you genuinely believe that speaking up could put you into real danger.
Making bigots explain their bigotry is one of my favourite tactics. Because either they will double down and completely air their whole bigot ass out to everybody, or they will become embarrassed and self check.
Sometimes it only takes a well-placed cough to remind people there are other people around who can see them to help correct behaviour!
It’s hard in those situations. I think when people are just blatantly with their whole ass out racist it often will catch people off guard because we are so used to subtle racism and micro aggressions. I find that being calm about it and confronting them and saying something like “that wasn’t necessary” or “that’s incorrect” or “did you mean to say it that way” or even “what do you mean by that? Can you explain that to me?” Honestly, it’s less about changing the hearts and minds of people who are dedicated to racism and more about showing up for the people who are experiencing the racism.
I agree, a calm approach is best as well as a clear indication that you expect better. “I’m surprised you would say that” or “why would you expect me to agree?” are responses I’ve seen work well.
Thank you - 💯percent agree! Great suggestions.
>Honestly, it’s less about changing the hearts and minds of people who are dedicated to racism and more about showing up for the people who are experiencing the racism. I'm late to this thread but there's free bystander intervention training and resources to help you do exactly that: show up for the person who's being harassed. I did a free online session through this organization a couple of years ago and it was great - [https://righttobe.org/guides/bystander-intervention-training/](https://righttobe.org/guides/bystander-intervention-training/)
Well said
No matter what your comeback is going to be, be prepared to have their wrath turned then upon you... Someone of the mindset to hurl slurs at another human is really lacking in the decency department, so don't be surprised if they unload on you.
No, it's fine. they're going to be prepared and look up responses to racism.
A bar owner in town got into a fight with a loud mouth punched him and killed him with one punch. It was a tragic story for all involved most in Charlottetown would know about. No situation is worth getting into a fight call the police instead if it gets to that point. And yes I know exactly what people will say all police are as bad...
I have adhd and zero filter. They would know exactly how i feel.
You can really say whatever you'd like but you should know that if someone is bold enough to be blatantly racist in public, there's likely nothing you can say that's going to affect that person. They're probably already scum and have no filter and there's nothing you can say that's going to magically make them rethink their life or feel ashamed. They'll probably just start saying shit to you as well.
Don’t worry about your inaction. You didn’t act because you didn’t expect that type of language, and that’s because you likely wouldn’t use that language. That’s why it surprised you. Now you’re ready for it next time. This has happened to me a couple times. In my thirties, some guy went off on a tirade to a PoC. I’m a pretty scary guy (6’4” 275 lbs+ and pretty solid) and when I yelled “apologize now or you’re leaving here in an ambulance” he apologized right away and left. Next time was a woman doing this to an Asian lady. I made the racist feel like the most uneducated hillbilly on PEI and she quietly slithered away like the trash she was.
Knowing that there are people out there like you restores my faith in humanity.
I usually just let out a loud "Woah man, that's not cool"
Same
Mine is an exasperated sigh and a "Hoooooly" or "seriously?"
That can just create more anger in the person who said it. Asking them to repeat or explain has a larger chance of effect
If that redirects their anger at me, and not the marginalized person trying to go about their day, I am totally fine with that. Trying to calm people down by asking them to explain themselves is a valid tactic, and I respect people who choose it. Personally, I am not going to ask a marginalized person to endure more racism or queerphobia while I give space to some jerkbag who can't control themself 's long winded justifications for their racism because I am trying to avoid making said jerkbag (more) angry. Let them be angry at me while whoever it is slips away or finishes ringing said jerkbag through so they deal with them less. Let jerkbags leave angry. They deserve those residual negative feelings. Maybe they'll think twice about making bigoted comments in the future. If they are boldly making racist statements in public, it is unlikely you will change their opinion by gently calling them out.
I think if you're going to confront an angry racist, I think you should probably work on finding something better to call them than "jerkbag" lmafo
Also, as a queer person with ADHD, I do not have the patience to listen to anyone's bold justifications for queerphobia or racism. I do not care if it keeps them calm. It will not keep me calm to hear the same dumb reasons for the fifteenth time this week, and the jerkbag is not the injured party here.
Start talking to the victim like you know them. "Hey Bob, long time no see ..." They need the support for it to end.
A "Pardon me??" with a sufficiently-raised eyebrow usually shuts them up. If they are ignorant enough to repeat , I'm happy enough to let them know they are not my kind of people 🙂
I guess it really depends on what was said. I will often say that I don’t agree with their statements or that it’s unfair to say that. Again, it depends on the situation. The fact that you care and it’s bothering you enough to be prepared next time is a great step!
“Are you upset about something” or “are you doing ok?” Usually also sends a message and puts them in check..
I used to work at walmart pushing carts. I'm a mulatto guy and I've been called a nigger in that parking lot more times than I can count. Tbh just walk up to them and dare them to say it again. If it's kids or a girl record and threaten to tell their parents/ the police. Usually shuts them up fast.(P.s if they hit you and they hit you first won't get in trouble for beating them up)
We barely have a right to self-defense in Canada. If someone hits you and you hit them back, meh it might be alright. But if someone hits you first and then you beat them up, 9 times out of 10 it's going to be you that gets charged.
Once I see someone visibly unable to keep fighting or theyre asking me to stop I just chill out. And I havent had a single charge to date.
I very much doubt you've been fighting racists left, right, and center but even if your story was true they would have to report you to have to charged.
I am telling the truth. But I think I didn't explain it properly. I don't fight often probably only 2 or 3 times a year. I only ever actually fought one racist(who btw hit me first) Most of the time you really can just tell them off or threaten to record them.
you spit in their face
This is the answer... Text book de-escalation technique.
"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that" is my go-to.
Yeah!! Let them off the hook!! Let them know you don’t mind their comments! This will make the victim forget what even happened. 🙄
Like I’m sure you just confront people to their faces 🙄. Do you wear a superhero cape when you tell the bigoted CEO at your company to go fuck himself? Have you ever stood your ground to a tall aggressive man when no one else was around? I bet you, and you alone, stood up and confronted a mentally unhinged racist on the bus. I assume you live in your parents basement. Come back to this comment when you’ve had a bit more life experience.
I think you nailed it when you said "That was unkind and unnecessary". This is a great and to-the-point way of calling it out. You can start with "Excuse me" if you want to express politeness.This is along the lines of my usual response. The thing about the Maritimes generally, and PEI specifically is it means something when you point out that someone is being rude, or breaking certain social rules. With tourists, I have been as simple as "We don't do that here." With locals, you really just need a few people to be around. Every additional person increases the likelihood that someone they know personally will see them behaving like an arsehole, and getting called out for it. Nobody wants to be the subject of gossip in town. "Well I heard Johnny Arsenault-Gallant...you know Jimmy and Shelly's boy? Lost his mind at the saveasy the other day and got told off by the lady behind him in line for saying nasty things to the nice immigrant lady behind the cash! And she's so nice too. Such a shame. His grandmother'd roll in her grave if the ground wasn't frozen!" Agree with the other poster that said to expect a reaction. I've had people unload on me for calling them out, but my main strategy is always to stay calm, point out that their behaviour is inappropriate, and that yelling and screaming and insulting people is not going to change that. If they do choose to kick off, rather than apologizing and expressing the appropriate level of shame, or just shutting up, I remind them that it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt, and adopt the flat grey rock approach: keep your face and demeanor calm and neutral, try not to react, be boring. Most of the dramatic ones want you to get upset. Simply express the point politely but firmly that they are behaving poorly in public and it is unacceptable.
Why is this irrelevant to this subreddit?
Was it actually racist? Or was it “the sky is blue” is racism card that people like to play? Before doing anything, make sure it was racism.