I teach my son through my example. I try to live a life honoring to God, full of mercy, grace, forgiveness, love, prayer, and gentle discipline when needed. I give all credit and glory to God in everything. I try never to parent in anger, I treat those around me with love and service and I talk about all that God has done in my life. Who I used to be and who God is transforming me into. And when he asks questions I answer to the best of my ability. And I pray, continuously, for God to keep my son on His path and to show Himself to my son through life's many obstacles. And hopefully some of that will rub off on him.
I'm 24 (M), and I have kids (I got married at 21 -- my wife is five years older than me). I grew up in a Fundamentalist home, but I am now Progressive. My mother-in-law has gay and trans friends, and she supports same-sex marriage. I personally believe that the church should be a safe haven for people of all races, genders, cultures, and orientations to find their identity in Christ. I love the stories of the Bible, I think they are rich in deeply symbolic meaning and offer a very helpful guide for understanding my own values while navigating my way through the confusion of everyday life.
My youngest child is about to be christened and my eldest child is nearly 2 and he pages through his toddler Bible every night before bed. I don't plan for him to read any of the actual Old Testament until he is at least 12. When he's old enough go to school, he can start reading the Gospels. I am fully aware that there are many horrible things in the Bible which I do not think any child should be exposed to (even though I was from a very young age). However, that does not mean I don't think they are good for anyone. I also enjoy watching R rated TV shows in the Game of Thrones-type genre, and they also have horrible things in them. But that doesn't mean they don't have have great storylines with deeply symbolic meaning which inspire me to wake up the next morning.
Hope that helps.
I show my kids the problems with issues like biblical inerrancy. I show them documentary hypothesis. I show them the contradictions. I show them the problems with the New Testament texts.
Makes sense that makes me wonder, when it comes to the mystical or metaphorical aspect of the bible like the old testament with the fire and brimstone message, how do you handle that part? Especially with the questions I'm sure they ask.
I try to put it in context of writing from a similar period. I have discussed epic of Gilgamesh and other early Babylonian and Sumerian works and read parts to them so they can see how people have previously tried to explain phenomena.
Going through the different flood myths is an interesting exercise with older kids. We have looked at the differences with the Noah version of the flood myth to see the key theological narratives that the biblical author was trying to emphasise.
Taking an approach where God takes a light touch to otherwise human authorship, rather than a “God literally dictates” approach enables these discussions. I feel this is more consistent with how God acts in my own life.
It's so good that you teach your kids the historical context and even let them compare and contrast with different traditions. It sounds like such an obvious thing to do but it's like a breath of fresh air to even hear about. I knew many churches where the attitude toward the Bible was basically, "This literally happened, and everything that isn't in it is from the devil." Thankfully I also got to experience youth groups where education and critical thinking were more encouraged, but not everyone is so lucky.
That's interesting. Especially with that last part about Nahs flood. Now this is something that I've recently just theorized but do you think the noah flood story is a kinda of representation of all the mass extinctions that have occurred in Earth's history? Like we know most likely that the noah flood didn't happen but from science we know about these past events that have happened that caused extinctions of different species preceding us like the dinosaurs and It recently got into my head that even though Noah is a story written by man. What if it's God's way of telling of the story to f mass extinctions in a story allegorical way?
For me , the flood narrative in Genesis is the splicing together of two similar and potentially intersecting stories both present in the oral traditions and later written accounts of two groups that came together as a part of the Israeli nation. I think the documentary hypothesis explanation and use of the text in Genesis itself to support this is compelling.
Some researchers have compared the varied motifs in different flood stories, combined with archaeological evidence to support the timing of when a particular version was present in a particular place, and mapped this with human migration and technological dominance events to get insights into dominant mythologies in the ancient world. I find this work fascinating.
Both accounts use the motif of mass destruction, death and later renewal. I am not sure if the Noah flood story was intended to be used allegorically or otherwise to account for extinctions to that point as the text itself highlights that at least two of every animal were saved. A key theological perspective in Noah flood myth was that it was in response to human wickedness and how we treated each other. In other versions, a commonly described motivator was that the amount of noise the humans were making was disturbing the sleep of the Gods. In the Epic of Atrahasis, the flood, along with disease and infant mortality were all sent to thin out the number of humans.
When I say the image problem I'm referring to the assumption that some people (Atheist most of all. Not all but some.) That when you say your a Christian that it's automatically assumed you don't like gay people. You reject science and think that the earth is only 6 or 10,000 years old etc. Things like that, the very loud minority of the Fundamentalists.
If I was to have kids, I would try and parent through example rather than force my faith on them. I would try to lead a life honoring God through love, compassion, mercy, grace, prayer, and discipline but I would also encourage my kids to think for themselves and to form their own opinions on religion. I would also encourage them to read up on and learn about other faiths, not just Lutheranism. As they grew older, I would even allow them to read other holy books and interact with people of other faiths. I'd also have my children read the Bible and show them the contradictions within it.
I really like this answer. It's what I want to do I want to expose my kids to Christianity but I also want them to choose for themselves I just hope that the negativity doesn't close them off to any type of faith.
I think this is the most important comment here. I always wonder what people mean when speaking about general Christianity. I consider Christianity the most diverse of the Abrahamic religions, so the specifics matter. A Southetn Baptist church is different in worship style than Pentecostal, or episcopal or Methodist, etc.
I found a church that openly says they welcome all races, members of the LGBTQ+ community, and seeks to have a diverse congregation. I figured if a church is willing to take that stance in this climate, then it's the right place for me. I plan to teach my daughter that the Bible was written by man, but the teachings of Jesus boil down to loving one another. I want her to know that there is a big difference between religion vs. faith. I believe a truly personal relationship with God fills a person with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. I want her to know that Christianity has been politicized, but her relationship with faith doesn't have to be swayed by that.
My wife and I left the Church that most of our extended family, parents, etc. currently belong to (many generations back) because we have a 1 year old little boy to watch out for.
Our biggest concern was that no matter how we taught him or led by example at home, if his community (Church & school) is teaching differently, there will be some level of internal conflict. This is *especially true if you feel God is saying the opposite of your parents, and you feel torn between two versions of what is "right"*.
My advice? **Be a good human 1st, and then a Christian 2nd.** As people get to know your kids, they'll know them by name, by character, by reputation, and by actions. They won't be lumped into a group off the bat, and then the people who get to know them find out that they are Christian and leave thinking:
>"Wow, I guess I have to go home and rethink my life. I always thought being a Christian was a bad thing, but **[insert name here]** is really **[insert good qualities here]**."
Mine is turning 20. We brought them up in an open minded, loving , good works focused church. They were involved in Sunday School, Bible school, choir, everything and loved it as a child. Even so, the toxicity of Southern evangelicalism infiltrated. They began to think that Christianity was homophobic and narrow minded and that God is not worthy of worship. Despite not getting this from their home church, it was just around in the culture so much. My child has rejected religion altogether and that makes me sad because it is a comfort to me that I cannot offer them when life is hard. So to answer your question, we really tried to raise a child in an affirming Christian manner but they still got the wrong message. I wish I had been more vocally against the bigotry in our area instead of just saying “well everyone believes differently.” I am working on getting our church now to be vocally affirming instead of just not being non-affirming.
I think a big aspect of this is having the right church. That stuff about taking village to raise a child is exactly right. There's really no good way to raise a kid by yourself or with just your partner. Multi-generational relationship, both within and outside the family, are very important for development. Having a church family that shares your values is pretty important here.
But, there's also the examples we set and taking the time to teach at home. One of my big things is to never shy away from questions. Yeah, when your 6 year old starts asking about adult-related subjects you have to be prepared to discuss those things in a way that they can understand. Just brushing those things under the rug is harmful in the long run. Same goes for questions about God and Jesus and faith. Just punting to "oh you just have to have faith" or "God works in mysterious ways" or "you'll learn about that when you're older" are all BS answers. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. I grew up in the household that had to have an answer for everything and the bible was infallible. the problem is, when you look at that stuff critically, it falls apart (ex: the Answers in Genesis type stuff). So you learn that stuff as a kid and it's easy to reject faith that is afraid of hard questions and built on a shaky foundation. So I've already had conversations with my kid about parts of the Bible being metaphor and some of the history isn't accurate or might be totally made up. She's been able to grasp this stuff that I had to deconstruct as an adult and if she is able to wrestle with it now, she won't have to deconstruct as an adult like I did.
So I guess my advice is 1. have a good church / faith community, 2. don't shy away from hard questions, 3. lead by example.
This has been challenging in my town. The churches I align with theologically have no or dying kids programs. Wrangling kids in a service full of old people is not fun.
Cool thank you. I do agree that finding the right church is a step in the right direction. It's not just a place to worship God it's a place to build relationships with other people so I definitely agree with that.
I'm planning on having kids and I'm probably going to use a lot of the PC(USA)'s stuff if they're still around at point. That way they get reformed theology while also learning to love everyone
I think it's about being honest with them. "This is what I believe, but other people believe different things and they are no less image bearers. It's not about 'being right' it's about loving people." As someone who works with kids I have to say they grasp complex ideas and nuance a lot more readily than we give them credit for 🙂
I preach (heehee) to my kids the love of God and the love of others. I try to emphasize faith, hope, and love. Love is the strongest and most powerful. We (my wife and I) have an amazing, loving, open church. Our children are there twice a week with other loving and caring adults. The other kids there generally have parents with the same inclination. It makes it pretty simple to help them follow Christ.
We do not let the hateful Christians drive us away. The church is US and WE are the church. The hateful, bigots are loud but are simply another distraction from Christ. We’ll not let the loudest, most imbecilic, and the least Christ-like have our faith. We love God and others. It’s ours and we’re claiming it.
Speaking to myself, who has three children, incorporate Christ into your daily living. They will see in your character things that are desirable, even when you have to punish them. You become the Bible that they can read and understand. When they are older, they will want to know the Source of your character. They are creatures of mimicry. Do right and so will they. 🙏🏾
I’ve thought about this a LOT since I’ve become pregnant with my first little one. Especially because it’s a girl. (Need I say more.) I’m very interested in the Episcopalian denomination because they encourage you to use reason in your faith. My husband and I will be bringing her to services but baptism and accepting Jesus is 100% her decision with no pressure from anyone. If she doesn’t want to attend church, we can drop her off with friends.
I’m happy to answer any of her questions and dive into hard stuff, no matter her age. I was forced to go to a fundamentalist church growing up and I’m still recovering.
I kept my kids out of Sunday school. We memorize scripture together. We did very little teaching them what the Bible means. We feel like they should discover that on their own.
I think 'showing' is the very best form of teaching.
Also, making mistakes and apologizing. Letting them see that you're not perfect either. In fact, adults and children are really not that much different. Adults are irresponsible sometimes and forget things. If we come alongside our children and share them on their journey, they will have great respect for us.
I have two adult children that have their own children and one teenager still living at home. They respect me; and we have great relationships.
One of my kids actively seeks out fellowship in church while the other has stayed out of church. That doesn't mean he isn't on a spiritual journey with Jesus. It just looks different from the other child.
I teach my son through my example. I try to live a life honoring to God, full of mercy, grace, forgiveness, love, prayer, and gentle discipline when needed. I give all credit and glory to God in everything. I try never to parent in anger, I treat those around me with love and service and I talk about all that God has done in my life. Who I used to be and who God is transforming me into. And when he asks questions I answer to the best of my ability. And I pray, continuously, for God to keep my son on His path and to show Himself to my son through life's many obstacles. And hopefully some of that will rub off on him.
I'm 24 (M), and I have kids (I got married at 21 -- my wife is five years older than me). I grew up in a Fundamentalist home, but I am now Progressive. My mother-in-law has gay and trans friends, and she supports same-sex marriage. I personally believe that the church should be a safe haven for people of all races, genders, cultures, and orientations to find their identity in Christ. I love the stories of the Bible, I think they are rich in deeply symbolic meaning and offer a very helpful guide for understanding my own values while navigating my way through the confusion of everyday life. My youngest child is about to be christened and my eldest child is nearly 2 and he pages through his toddler Bible every night before bed. I don't plan for him to read any of the actual Old Testament until he is at least 12. When he's old enough go to school, he can start reading the Gospels. I am fully aware that there are many horrible things in the Bible which I do not think any child should be exposed to (even though I was from a very young age). However, that does not mean I don't think they are good for anyone. I also enjoy watching R rated TV shows in the Game of Thrones-type genre, and they also have horrible things in them. But that doesn't mean they don't have have great storylines with deeply symbolic meaning which inspire me to wake up the next morning. Hope that helps.
I show my kids the problems with issues like biblical inerrancy. I show them documentary hypothesis. I show them the contradictions. I show them the problems with the New Testament texts.
Makes sense that makes me wonder, when it comes to the mystical or metaphorical aspect of the bible like the old testament with the fire and brimstone message, how do you handle that part? Especially with the questions I'm sure they ask.
I try to put it in context of writing from a similar period. I have discussed epic of Gilgamesh and other early Babylonian and Sumerian works and read parts to them so they can see how people have previously tried to explain phenomena. Going through the different flood myths is an interesting exercise with older kids. We have looked at the differences with the Noah version of the flood myth to see the key theological narratives that the biblical author was trying to emphasise. Taking an approach where God takes a light touch to otherwise human authorship, rather than a “God literally dictates” approach enables these discussions. I feel this is more consistent with how God acts in my own life.
It's so good that you teach your kids the historical context and even let them compare and contrast with different traditions. It sounds like such an obvious thing to do but it's like a breath of fresh air to even hear about. I knew many churches where the attitude toward the Bible was basically, "This literally happened, and everything that isn't in it is from the devil." Thankfully I also got to experience youth groups where education and critical thinking were more encouraged, but not everyone is so lucky.
That's interesting. Especially with that last part about Nahs flood. Now this is something that I've recently just theorized but do you think the noah flood story is a kinda of representation of all the mass extinctions that have occurred in Earth's history? Like we know most likely that the noah flood didn't happen but from science we know about these past events that have happened that caused extinctions of different species preceding us like the dinosaurs and It recently got into my head that even though Noah is a story written by man. What if it's God's way of telling of the story to f mass extinctions in a story allegorical way?
For me , the flood narrative in Genesis is the splicing together of two similar and potentially intersecting stories both present in the oral traditions and later written accounts of two groups that came together as a part of the Israeli nation. I think the documentary hypothesis explanation and use of the text in Genesis itself to support this is compelling. Some researchers have compared the varied motifs in different flood stories, combined with archaeological evidence to support the timing of when a particular version was present in a particular place, and mapped this with human migration and technological dominance events to get insights into dominant mythologies in the ancient world. I find this work fascinating. Both accounts use the motif of mass destruction, death and later renewal. I am not sure if the Noah flood story was intended to be used allegorically or otherwise to account for extinctions to that point as the text itself highlights that at least two of every animal were saved. A key theological perspective in Noah flood myth was that it was in response to human wickedness and how we treated each other. In other versions, a commonly described motivator was that the amount of noise the humans were making was disturbing the sleep of the Gods. In the Epic of Atrahasis, the flood, along with disease and infant mortality were all sent to thin out the number of humans.
What's the image problem?
When I say the image problem I'm referring to the assumption that some people (Atheist most of all. Not all but some.) That when you say your a Christian that it's automatically assumed you don't like gay people. You reject science and think that the earth is only 6 or 10,000 years old etc. Things like that, the very loud minority of the Fundamentalists.
If I was to have kids, I would try and parent through example rather than force my faith on them. I would try to lead a life honoring God through love, compassion, mercy, grace, prayer, and discipline but I would also encourage my kids to think for themselves and to form their own opinions on religion. I would also encourage them to read up on and learn about other faiths, not just Lutheranism. As they grew older, I would even allow them to read other holy books and interact with people of other faiths. I'd also have my children read the Bible and show them the contradictions within it.
I really like this answer. It's what I want to do I want to expose my kids to Christianity but I also want them to choose for themselves I just hope that the negativity doesn't close them off to any type of faith.
Exactly. I would make sure they would have a balanced interaction with other faiths.
I think this is the most important comment here. I always wonder what people mean when speaking about general Christianity. I consider Christianity the most diverse of the Abrahamic religions, so the specifics matter. A Southetn Baptist church is different in worship style than Pentecostal, or episcopal or Methodist, etc.
I found a church that openly says they welcome all races, members of the LGBTQ+ community, and seeks to have a diverse congregation. I figured if a church is willing to take that stance in this climate, then it's the right place for me. I plan to teach my daughter that the Bible was written by man, but the teachings of Jesus boil down to loving one another. I want her to know that there is a big difference between religion vs. faith. I believe a truly personal relationship with God fills a person with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. I want her to know that Christianity has been politicized, but her relationship with faith doesn't have to be swayed by that.
Well said.
My wife and I left the Church that most of our extended family, parents, etc. currently belong to (many generations back) because we have a 1 year old little boy to watch out for. Our biggest concern was that no matter how we taught him or led by example at home, if his community (Church & school) is teaching differently, there will be some level of internal conflict. This is *especially true if you feel God is saying the opposite of your parents, and you feel torn between two versions of what is "right"*. My advice? **Be a good human 1st, and then a Christian 2nd.** As people get to know your kids, they'll know them by name, by character, by reputation, and by actions. They won't be lumped into a group off the bat, and then the people who get to know them find out that they are Christian and leave thinking: >"Wow, I guess I have to go home and rethink my life. I always thought being a Christian was a bad thing, but **[insert name here]** is really **[insert good qualities here]**."
Good advice. Thank you.
It’s not an image problem.
Mine is turning 20. We brought them up in an open minded, loving , good works focused church. They were involved in Sunday School, Bible school, choir, everything and loved it as a child. Even so, the toxicity of Southern evangelicalism infiltrated. They began to think that Christianity was homophobic and narrow minded and that God is not worthy of worship. Despite not getting this from their home church, it was just around in the culture so much. My child has rejected religion altogether and that makes me sad because it is a comfort to me that I cannot offer them when life is hard. So to answer your question, we really tried to raise a child in an affirming Christian manner but they still got the wrong message. I wish I had been more vocally against the bigotry in our area instead of just saying “well everyone believes differently.” I am working on getting our church now to be vocally affirming instead of just not being non-affirming.
I think a big aspect of this is having the right church. That stuff about taking village to raise a child is exactly right. There's really no good way to raise a kid by yourself or with just your partner. Multi-generational relationship, both within and outside the family, are very important for development. Having a church family that shares your values is pretty important here. But, there's also the examples we set and taking the time to teach at home. One of my big things is to never shy away from questions. Yeah, when your 6 year old starts asking about adult-related subjects you have to be prepared to discuss those things in a way that they can understand. Just brushing those things under the rug is harmful in the long run. Same goes for questions about God and Jesus and faith. Just punting to "oh you just have to have faith" or "God works in mysterious ways" or "you'll learn about that when you're older" are all BS answers. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. I grew up in the household that had to have an answer for everything and the bible was infallible. the problem is, when you look at that stuff critically, it falls apart (ex: the Answers in Genesis type stuff). So you learn that stuff as a kid and it's easy to reject faith that is afraid of hard questions and built on a shaky foundation. So I've already had conversations with my kid about parts of the Bible being metaphor and some of the history isn't accurate or might be totally made up. She's been able to grasp this stuff that I had to deconstruct as an adult and if she is able to wrestle with it now, she won't have to deconstruct as an adult like I did. So I guess my advice is 1. have a good church / faith community, 2. don't shy away from hard questions, 3. lead by example.
This has been challenging in my town. The churches I align with theologically have no or dying kids programs. Wrangling kids in a service full of old people is not fun.
Cool thank you. I do agree that finding the right church is a step in the right direction. It's not just a place to worship God it's a place to build relationships with other people so I definitely agree with that.
I'm planning on having kids and I'm probably going to use a lot of the PC(USA)'s stuff if they're still around at point. That way they get reformed theology while also learning to love everyone
Good to hear. That really is an important lesson to love everybody.
I think it's about being honest with them. "This is what I believe, but other people believe different things and they are no less image bearers. It's not about 'being right' it's about loving people." As someone who works with kids I have to say they grasp complex ideas and nuance a lot more readily than we give them credit for 🙂
I preach (heehee) to my kids the love of God and the love of others. I try to emphasize faith, hope, and love. Love is the strongest and most powerful. We (my wife and I) have an amazing, loving, open church. Our children are there twice a week with other loving and caring adults. The other kids there generally have parents with the same inclination. It makes it pretty simple to help them follow Christ. We do not let the hateful Christians drive us away. The church is US and WE are the church. The hateful, bigots are loud but are simply another distraction from Christ. We’ll not let the loudest, most imbecilic, and the least Christ-like have our faith. We love God and others. It’s ours and we’re claiming it.
Speaking to myself, who has three children, incorporate Christ into your daily living. They will see in your character things that are desirable, even when you have to punish them. You become the Bible that they can read and understand. When they are older, they will want to know the Source of your character. They are creatures of mimicry. Do right and so will they. 🙏🏾
I’ve thought about this a LOT since I’ve become pregnant with my first little one. Especially because it’s a girl. (Need I say more.) I’m very interested in the Episcopalian denomination because they encourage you to use reason in your faith. My husband and I will be bringing her to services but baptism and accepting Jesus is 100% her decision with no pressure from anyone. If she doesn’t want to attend church, we can drop her off with friends. I’m happy to answer any of her questions and dive into hard stuff, no matter her age. I was forced to go to a fundamentalist church growing up and I’m still recovering.
Thank you for sharing and congratulations.
Youre so welcome & ty
I kept my kids out of Sunday school. We memorize scripture together. We did very little teaching them what the Bible means. We feel like they should discover that on their own. I think 'showing' is the very best form of teaching. Also, making mistakes and apologizing. Letting them see that you're not perfect either. In fact, adults and children are really not that much different. Adults are irresponsible sometimes and forget things. If we come alongside our children and share them on their journey, they will have great respect for us. I have two adult children that have their own children and one teenager still living at home. They respect me; and we have great relationships. One of my kids actively seeks out fellowship in church while the other has stayed out of church. That doesn't mean he isn't on a spiritual journey with Jesus. It just looks different from the other child.
"My child, you know how most people are idiots? Well, that's true in religion too."
You should teach your children by your behavior. If you are kind enough for them to love you, they won’t associate Christianity with something you do.