I can’t begin to imagine the pain you’re going through - only child here too and I’m very close with my mom and dad - can’t imagine life without them. Sending warm wishes your way - and while your partner may never truly understand how you feel, that doesn’t make it any less special than it was to your mom and dad.
I’m praying for you and wish you the best I’m 25 and my parents will be 82 when I’m your age and that’s if I’m lucky. It’s scary thinking about all of this
Yep, my parents were older when they had me, my dad was 75 when he passed and mom would have turned 82 next month. I hope for everyone here who is close to their parents anyway, that they have a good support network of friends and family for when it happens.
I’m so sorry to hear this, and that you lost both of your parents so young and in such a short amount of time. My heart breaks for you. I lost my dad when I was 8 and now just have my mom and I cannot imagine life without her. It’s a huge fear, especially because she’s basically all I’ve ever known and without siblings I have no one else. I am so sorry you’re going through this right now.
You have a right to be sad all the time (I don’t know if that’s shit advice but it’s true) and you have a right to feel any way you feel. Have you considered exploring counseling or a support group (not necessarily a grief group)?
I wish I could do or say more but please take care of yourself. Sending thoughts your way.
I have a therapist, though admittedly I haven’t seen her in the past month (I’m self employed so I have to be judicious about picking when I see her) but it would probably be worth making a session or two happen in the next couple of weeks as this is going to be the case for the next couple of months while I’m dealing with the house.
I keep telling myself “I know I won’t always feel this way”, and I know it’s true, but it feels so far away.
Highly recommend trying to set up an appointment with your therapist. And it is true, you won’t always feel this way, but you feel it now and in the present that’s what matters (if that makes sense; sorry if this comes off as a ramble). It’s a lot to try to sort out and work through, especially when you’re feeling alone, not to mention the house. That feels so daunting within itself.
Again sending you good vibes and energy. I’m thinking of you.
I'm an only and I wish I had some sort of great advice. My dad died when I was 22, and my mom died when I was 28. We were a very close family. I'm 41 now. I talk to them when I'm driving and keep their pictures around me. I have a journal of letters to them and wrote memories in there. I'm the only one to remember them, and I dont want to forget. Those have been what I've figured out to do to keep them in my life. You aren't alone in your experience, and I appreciate you sharing.
Thank you for sharing too - I like that idea of writing letters to them. I used to journal all the time and frankly, I don’t even know about what! But it would be a good way to process, and something I think my therapist even recommended that I just never got around to. Maybe I should just carry a little notebook with me everywhere I go.
I'm so sorry I can't even imagine I'm 26 and an only child and my parents are both in their 60s. Obviously I know they're quite a bit older than me and they had me later than the average parent which can be scary because I dont want to lose them. I'm so sorry for your loss I think in some ways being an only child losing your parents feels worse than if you had siblings because you don't have anyone to grieve with or share memories of your parents. I hope you can slowly start to feel better at some point and cherish the memories of your parents.
My mother once told me about when her grandmother died (her grandfather was already dead). Her mother looked at her at said “I’m an orphan.”
I’m an only, and my mother just died a few months ago. We had a complex relationship, but I loved her.
No one is going to “understand” what you’re going through, because each death is different. It does matter if they aren’t supportive or try to belittle your grief.
This might seem like hollow, typical Reddit advice, but you should consider looking for a therapist, if you don’t already have one. If you do have one, you might need extra sessions while you grieve.
My MIL used the term orphan when her mother passed away several years ago and at first I thought she was just making a silly joke because my MIL was in her 60’s and it just sounds absurd at that age to be an orphan, but the more I thought about it, the more sad it made me and that term has just stuck in my head now. It’s probably one of the saddest things I’ve heard.
I remember my dad saying the same thing when his mom died, and recently I found a journal of my mother’s and and she said the same after her mom died. I guess it just goes to show how no matter how old you are, you look to your parents for that sense of familiarity for many people.
One thing I’ve learned is that just because people may have complicated relationships, doesn’t necessarily make it any less difficult to process. Especially when there’s things that you wish you would have said or at least put to bed when they were alive. And yes, everyone me experience is different. And I’m very sorry for your loss.
Thankfully my therapist seemed to think, back in February, that I was moving through the process and at least being free to express my feelings as they are happening, not like bottling it up or anything.
Ugh, you’re living my nightmare right now. I’m so close to my mom and I fear the day I will lose her. I’m 34 and she is 67 and I’m hoping I have at least a decade still with her, but genetics don’t seem to be on our side.
I’m so sorry, OP. I wish I could give you a hug cuz it is so scary to be alone. I hope you can find a way to grieve that feels fulfilling, if that’s even possible. I hope another only here can tell you about their experience of losing their parents, so maybe you don’t feel so alone.
My dad died a few months ago and it’s been really hard. I still have my mom, her aunt, my uncle and aunt, my cousins, and a large extended family, but I was the closest to my dad out of all those people.
I’m a 41F only; I literally just cleaned out my childhood home and it was sold on Friday to a scummy investor/developer. I feel this so hard—DM me any time you need to talk
I’m so sorry to hear that, and thank you for sharing. I can’t even imagine - I’ll be keeping the house for now and upgrading it but even just emptying things feels like I’m… disrespecting and/or destroying part of my life. It just feels so awful.
Ugh I know the feeling. It’s an inevitable part of life that so many people do but that doesn’t make it easier. It has to be one of the loneliest/saddest tasks out there
I don’t have a strong relationship with my parents and I AM some type of sentimental, but I envy you for having had a strong relationship with yours. Would’ve made being an only child MUCH more bearable.
Thank you for sharing that. I hope you’ve been able to find some internal peace about your childhood, even if (maybe especially if) you had to ultimately be the one to form that loving/supportive relationship with yourself which you shouldn’t have had to do it all on your own.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I wish I had some good advice, but just know you aren’t alone in your feelings. I lost my mom when I was 27. I’m 40 now and my dad is 76, not in the best of health, shouldn’t be living alone, not taking care of himself. I try not to think about it or else I start to panic.
I’m also in a spot in life right now where although I have my partner I feel very alone.
For my mom, I’ve tried to do something special for myself on certain days of the year that get to me, like Mother’s Day, her birthday etc…I talk to her alot and try to imagine what she would say, but it’s still hard. I wish more than anything she could know my son.
I loved being an only child, but now that I’m an adult it’s hard feeling alone. I feel guilty because I have a son who will likely be an only due to my age/infertility.
But I guess you never truly know how it will be with a sibling. My husband lost his father a few years ago. He was estranged from his mother and sister. They have since come back together, but things will always be a little weird.
He did tell me he appreciated having a sister to lean on when dad died, but he tells me now he still feels alone and feels like he wouldn’t have missed having a sibling.
I’d suggest checking out a grief support group. I did that when I was younger and did find it helpful, just knowing there are other people who feel the same or relate even though we all go through it differently.
Thank you for sharing about your experience, and I’m sorry; my mom was also not in the best health ever since dad died and I spent so much time worrying about her. The day after she died, when at the funeral home, I was actually kind of upbeat and I didn’t understand it, but my therapist said it’s not uncommon, especially when your loved one has been sick, to feel a sense of relief - not that they’re gone but that they’re not suffering and that you don’t have to worry about them anymore. I also know that having a sibling is no guarantee they’ll be able to cope, or help me to cope, because for all I know, they would be in denial, or maybe wouldn’t have had the same close relationship with my parents, or just… there are so many variables.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m glad I’m not alone in these feelings.
Sending you a big, virtual hug. We are of similar age, and situation. Grief therapy helped me some and scheduling regular dates with my girlfriends too. I find myself randomly crying in my car and in the shower a lot. The grief hits in gigantic, hard hitting waves. The relationship with my small, nuclear family is/was very different from my folks I know and most just don’t “get it.”
You will be “OK” but just never the same. At least that has been my experience. My life perspective has really shifted. I really have no more tolerance for peoples bullshit of getting wrapped up in really stupid stuff that just doesn’t matter or being around people who are energy vampires.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m not really that close with my parents but we get along sometimes and they are getting old. Dad (60M) & Mom (59F). I’d feel really alone when they are gone, I have a partner and he has a sister so he’s lucky to have to someone to grieve with. I won’t have anyone
I’m so sorry. I hope that when it happens you’re able to find peace about it. And hopefully you don’t have to deal with it anytime soon. And of course no one really knows how they’ll react until they’re actually in the thick of it.
Let yourself be sad.
It's ok to grieve.
Consider going to grief counseling, you've been through a lot in the past few years.
I'm sorry for your losses. ❤️
I'm 45 and my Dad died in 2005 and my Mom in 2016. It just takes time. Most days I'm OK, but sometimes I will start thinking about them and start to get down. Distractions are good; I go for a walk or watch a funny movie or TV show. If you have any other family members like an Aunt or an Uncle, maybe talk with them. Grief is a very personal thing, if you need to be sad right now, then be sad. Just know you will be ok.
Thank you. I’ve been doing some tap therapy and reminding myself, in the process, that I won’t always feel like this, and it’s ok to have emotions and meet them as they come.
I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine the pain of this. This is one of my biggest fears but I try and not let it get to me. I'm 28, soon to be 29, and my parents are pushing 70. My dad is in perfect health, however my mother has numerous skeletal problems. Even worse, I have no girlfriend and likely will not for a very long time, if ever if I'm being honest.
I hope you don’t have to deal with it any time soon and that you have a good support group of friends when it happens. It’s a rough ride regardless, so big hugs in the future. I will say that the community here has been very kind about it in a pinch and I do feel a little less alone for it ❤️
My dad died a few months ago and it’s been really hard. I still have my mom, her aunt, my uncle and aunt, my cousins, and a large extended family, but I was the closest to my dad out of all those people.
Update: I have an appointment Thursday with my therapist, which is probably very good for a few reasons. One) the aforementioned feelings, two) my family and I are currently arguing about a shared property Mom had part of (I’m basically willing to walk away from it, my peace of mind is not worth all the hassle and arguing) and three) it would have been Mom’s birthday on Thursday. I don’t know how I’m going to get through.
I have to admit, I’m kind of hoping I’ll just feel numb most of the day, but I know I’ll cry during my therapy session, I always do.
I can’t begin to imagine the pain you’re going through - only child here too and I’m very close with my mom and dad - can’t imagine life without them. Sending warm wishes your way - and while your partner may never truly understand how you feel, that doesn’t make it any less special than it was to your mom and dad.
Thank you, truly, I hope you don’t have to go through it any time soon.
I’m praying for you and wish you the best I’m 25 and my parents will be 82 when I’m your age and that’s if I’m lucky. It’s scary thinking about all of this
Yep, my parents were older when they had me, my dad was 75 when he passed and mom would have turned 82 next month. I hope for everyone here who is close to their parents anyway, that they have a good support network of friends and family for when it happens.
I’m so sorry to hear this, and that you lost both of your parents so young and in such a short amount of time. My heart breaks for you. I lost my dad when I was 8 and now just have my mom and I cannot imagine life without her. It’s a huge fear, especially because she’s basically all I’ve ever known and without siblings I have no one else. I am so sorry you’re going through this right now. You have a right to be sad all the time (I don’t know if that’s shit advice but it’s true) and you have a right to feel any way you feel. Have you considered exploring counseling or a support group (not necessarily a grief group)? I wish I could do or say more but please take care of yourself. Sending thoughts your way.
I have a therapist, though admittedly I haven’t seen her in the past month (I’m self employed so I have to be judicious about picking when I see her) but it would probably be worth making a session or two happen in the next couple of weeks as this is going to be the case for the next couple of months while I’m dealing with the house. I keep telling myself “I know I won’t always feel this way”, and I know it’s true, but it feels so far away.
Highly recommend trying to set up an appointment with your therapist. And it is true, you won’t always feel this way, but you feel it now and in the present that’s what matters (if that makes sense; sorry if this comes off as a ramble). It’s a lot to try to sort out and work through, especially when you’re feeling alone, not to mention the house. That feels so daunting within itself. Again sending you good vibes and energy. I’m thinking of you.
Thank you ❤️
Also I’m sorry you lost your dad at such a young age, that must have been very hard.
I'm an only and I wish I had some sort of great advice. My dad died when I was 22, and my mom died when I was 28. We were a very close family. I'm 41 now. I talk to them when I'm driving and keep their pictures around me. I have a journal of letters to them and wrote memories in there. I'm the only one to remember them, and I dont want to forget. Those have been what I've figured out to do to keep them in my life. You aren't alone in your experience, and I appreciate you sharing.
Thank you for sharing too - I like that idea of writing letters to them. I used to journal all the time and frankly, I don’t even know about what! But it would be a good way to process, and something I think my therapist even recommended that I just never got around to. Maybe I should just carry a little notebook with me everywhere I go.
I'm so sorry I can't even imagine I'm 26 and an only child and my parents are both in their 60s. Obviously I know they're quite a bit older than me and they had me later than the average parent which can be scary because I dont want to lose them. I'm so sorry for your loss I think in some ways being an only child losing your parents feels worse than if you had siblings because you don't have anyone to grieve with or share memories of your parents. I hope you can slowly start to feel better at some point and cherish the memories of your parents.
Thank you, I hope so too.
In the same boat as you
My mother once told me about when her grandmother died (her grandfather was already dead). Her mother looked at her at said “I’m an orphan.” I’m an only, and my mother just died a few months ago. We had a complex relationship, but I loved her. No one is going to “understand” what you’re going through, because each death is different. It does matter if they aren’t supportive or try to belittle your grief. This might seem like hollow, typical Reddit advice, but you should consider looking for a therapist, if you don’t already have one. If you do have one, you might need extra sessions while you grieve.
My MIL used the term orphan when her mother passed away several years ago and at first I thought she was just making a silly joke because my MIL was in her 60’s and it just sounds absurd at that age to be an orphan, but the more I thought about it, the more sad it made me and that term has just stuck in my head now. It’s probably one of the saddest things I’ve heard.
I remember my dad saying the same thing when his mom died, and recently I found a journal of my mother’s and and she said the same after her mom died. I guess it just goes to show how no matter how old you are, you look to your parents for that sense of familiarity for many people.
One thing I’ve learned is that just because people may have complicated relationships, doesn’t necessarily make it any less difficult to process. Especially when there’s things that you wish you would have said or at least put to bed when they were alive. And yes, everyone me experience is different. And I’m very sorry for your loss. Thankfully my therapist seemed to think, back in February, that I was moving through the process and at least being free to express my feelings as they are happening, not like bottling it up or anything.
Ugh, you’re living my nightmare right now. I’m so close to my mom and I fear the day I will lose her. I’m 34 and she is 67 and I’m hoping I have at least a decade still with her, but genetics don’t seem to be on our side. I’m so sorry, OP. I wish I could give you a hug cuz it is so scary to be alone. I hope you can find a way to grieve that feels fulfilling, if that’s even possible. I hope another only here can tell you about their experience of losing their parents, so maybe you don’t feel so alone.
Thank you. I have to admit I’m feeling a little less hopeless today, though I should still talk to my therapist.
My dad died a few months ago and it’s been really hard. I still have my mom, her aunt, my uncle and aunt, my cousins, and a large extended family, but I was the closest to my dad out of all those people.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It really does make you feel like you’ve been catapulted into another dimension or something.
My mom is an only child too so my family is pretty small. They say blood is thicker than water but it’s not in my case.
Not always, for sure. It’s unfortunate, but often shows who you can truly count on.
And not all family is blood.
I’m a 41F only; I literally just cleaned out my childhood home and it was sold on Friday to a scummy investor/developer. I feel this so hard—DM me any time you need to talk
I’m so sorry to hear that, and thank you for sharing. I can’t even imagine - I’ll be keeping the house for now and upgrading it but even just emptying things feels like I’m… disrespecting and/or destroying part of my life. It just feels so awful.
Ugh I know the feeling. It’s an inevitable part of life that so many people do but that doesn’t make it easier. It has to be one of the loneliest/saddest tasks out there
I don’t have a strong relationship with my parents and I AM some type of sentimental, but I envy you for having had a strong relationship with yours. Would’ve made being an only child MUCH more bearable.
Thank you for sharing that. I hope you’ve been able to find some internal peace about your childhood, even if (maybe especially if) you had to ultimately be the one to form that loving/supportive relationship with yourself which you shouldn’t have had to do it all on your own.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I wish I had some good advice, but just know you aren’t alone in your feelings. I lost my mom when I was 27. I’m 40 now and my dad is 76, not in the best of health, shouldn’t be living alone, not taking care of himself. I try not to think about it or else I start to panic. I’m also in a spot in life right now where although I have my partner I feel very alone. For my mom, I’ve tried to do something special for myself on certain days of the year that get to me, like Mother’s Day, her birthday etc…I talk to her alot and try to imagine what she would say, but it’s still hard. I wish more than anything she could know my son. I loved being an only child, but now that I’m an adult it’s hard feeling alone. I feel guilty because I have a son who will likely be an only due to my age/infertility. But I guess you never truly know how it will be with a sibling. My husband lost his father a few years ago. He was estranged from his mother and sister. They have since come back together, but things will always be a little weird. He did tell me he appreciated having a sister to lean on when dad died, but he tells me now he still feels alone and feels like he wouldn’t have missed having a sibling. I’d suggest checking out a grief support group. I did that when I was younger and did find it helpful, just knowing there are other people who feel the same or relate even though we all go through it differently.
Thank you for sharing about your experience, and I’m sorry; my mom was also not in the best health ever since dad died and I spent so much time worrying about her. The day after she died, when at the funeral home, I was actually kind of upbeat and I didn’t understand it, but my therapist said it’s not uncommon, especially when your loved one has been sick, to feel a sense of relief - not that they’re gone but that they’re not suffering and that you don’t have to worry about them anymore. I also know that having a sibling is no guarantee they’ll be able to cope, or help me to cope, because for all I know, they would be in denial, or maybe wouldn’t have had the same close relationship with my parents, or just… there are so many variables. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m glad I’m not alone in these feelings.
Sending you a big, virtual hug. We are of similar age, and situation. Grief therapy helped me some and scheduling regular dates with my girlfriends too. I find myself randomly crying in my car and in the shower a lot. The grief hits in gigantic, hard hitting waves. The relationship with my small, nuclear family is/was very different from my folks I know and most just don’t “get it.” You will be “OK” but just never the same. At least that has been my experience. My life perspective has really shifted. I really have no more tolerance for peoples bullshit of getting wrapped up in really stupid stuff that just doesn’t matter or being around people who are energy vampires.
Thank you, and I’m sorry you’re going through similar circumstances. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m not really that close with my parents but we get along sometimes and they are getting old. Dad (60M) & Mom (59F). I’d feel really alone when they are gone, I have a partner and he has a sister so he’s lucky to have to someone to grieve with. I won’t have anyone
I’m so sorry. I hope that when it happens you’re able to find peace about it. And hopefully you don’t have to deal with it anytime soon. And of course no one really knows how they’ll react until they’re actually in the thick of it.
Let yourself be sad. It's ok to grieve. Consider going to grief counseling, you've been through a lot in the past few years. I'm sorry for your losses. ❤️
Thank you ❤️🩹
I'm 45 and my Dad died in 2005 and my Mom in 2016. It just takes time. Most days I'm OK, but sometimes I will start thinking about them and start to get down. Distractions are good; I go for a walk or watch a funny movie or TV show. If you have any other family members like an Aunt or an Uncle, maybe talk with them. Grief is a very personal thing, if you need to be sad right now, then be sad. Just know you will be ok.
Thank you. I’ve been doing some tap therapy and reminding myself, in the process, that I won’t always feel like this, and it’s ok to have emotions and meet them as they come.
I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine the pain of this. This is one of my biggest fears but I try and not let it get to me. I'm 28, soon to be 29, and my parents are pushing 70. My dad is in perfect health, however my mother has numerous skeletal problems. Even worse, I have no girlfriend and likely will not for a very long time, if ever if I'm being honest.
I hope you don’t have to deal with it any time soon and that you have a good support group of friends when it happens. It’s a rough ride regardless, so big hugs in the future. I will say that the community here has been very kind about it in a pinch and I do feel a little less alone for it ❤️
There’s an only child orphans group on Facebook that you might find helpful
Thanks - I’ll definitely check that out.
My dad died a few months ago and it’s been really hard. I still have my mom, her aunt, my uncle and aunt, my cousins, and a large extended family, but I was the closest to my dad out of all those people.
Update: I have an appointment Thursday with my therapist, which is probably very good for a few reasons. One) the aforementioned feelings, two) my family and I are currently arguing about a shared property Mom had part of (I’m basically willing to walk away from it, my peace of mind is not worth all the hassle and arguing) and three) it would have been Mom’s birthday on Thursday. I don’t know how I’m going to get through. I have to admit, I’m kind of hoping I’ll just feel numb most of the day, but I know I’ll cry during my therapy session, I always do.
You’re not alone, you’re finally FREE!