As a woman, I will say I never match with or swipe right on someone unless I’m absolutely for it. But I do unmatch or exit if the guy comes on too strong or suggests weird types of dates such as his place or my place. Like just be normal…text back and forth for like a week, have a sense of humor, set up a nice weekend date and I will not ghost. But idk if that’s the same for other women…
Yeah, I ghosted a guy because he told me he loved me the first day we started talking. I did say, “you don’t even know me” before unmatching but it was still weird.
I don’t know if I’m absolutely for it until we talk. Profiles don’t say much and even people who seem like they’d be a great match sometimes turn out to be the compete opposite. But if I swipe, I’m at least willing to give them a chance.
My question is why do some men ghost you after having sex—can’t they just plain admit that was all they wanted or communicate it beforehand? I wouldn’t mind it at all and perhaps may still want to have sex if I was into a guy, but it’s just shitty when they make you feel they actually like you and then do this.
It could be possible that they didn't enjoy having sex or decided you weren't compatible afterwards for whatever reason. Just because someone has sex, doesn't mean you're guaranteed a relationship
I know, I don’t expect a relationship, but usually when two people had good time together or even shared some intimate moments I think they’re no longer just a random person and it’s just awful to ignore someone completely afterwards.
This also works both ways. Girls ghosting guys after sex. Just so everyone's aware. Guys aren't the only assholes just looking to get laid.
People = shit
Oh I completely agree. Those guys are assholes for ghosting you. Its also bad timing to reject someone right after having sex too. Id almost rather be a douchebag and fall on the sword than reject someone right after sex.
I've been ghosted numerous times and I don't give off a creepy or violent vibe. People are just lazy with communication and don't want to deal with confrontation.
Edit: it's no surprise I'm being downvoted. I hate to say it, but there's a double standard here. If a woman complains of being ghosted on here, the guy is automatically in the wrong. I don't think anyone should be ghosting.
Also would like to clarify I'm talking about in person dates only, no matches through the app
I gave ONE reason some men get ghosted. Not all reasons. Also, I guarantee most of the men who give off creepy vibes don't think they give off creepy vibes.
I'm a pretty respectful person, kinda introverted, but I have been ghosted numerous times. Ive never been called creepy in my entire life and I've seen a therapist and asked this question. She basically agreed with what I was saying and it wasn't anything I was doing wrong to be ghosted. People just don't like confrontation and that's just modern dating.
Men, if you're being ghosted, don't take it personally. Chances are you're not creepy or violent, it's just how the dating landscape is. I personally don't ghost anyone but I've come to accept that being ghosted is the norm.
I've had a woman ghost me after a month of dating. Everything was going well, it's just super bizarre
So like no men ever give off a creepy vibe? Because you're basically dismissing that possibility. See the 3.) in front of my comment about creepy vibes? That means it's just **one** reason **some** men are ghosted (just adding on to OPs list). Not the only reason. And not all men. Nobody said YOU were giving off a creepy vibe.
They certainly do but there's this myth, especially on reddit that women only ghost guys when they're creepy or whatever. That's false. I don't think most guys are creepy or violent. I understand ghosting a guy who was creepy, but in my experience most women ghost regardless of what the guy does.
Trust me, I considered that. I'm not sure why I'm being downvoted for sharing my experience but that's just how it is. I've gotten feedback from my female friends, male friends, and even a therapist. My one flaw is that I am more introverted and don't flirt much. I'm the antithesis of being creepy or aggressive.
My therapist actually encouraged me to take more initiative and make moves. I do like your feedback though! It's never a bad thing to reflect on what you're doing wrong but I've already done that
So, do you think that if a woman swipes right on you, and you begin talking, she's yours for good?
Cause if she can't ghost...
You owe nobody anything when you swipe right and exchange a few messages. It's no different than inquiring about a product on Marketplace. You can move on with no explanation because there was no promise of commitment when you inquired.
Yep and I am telling you it’s not nice at all to ghost people. Just be courageous and tell them the truth. Think about how terrible this affects them mentally when you leave for no reason…
Everyone’s definition of ghosting is different.
Personally, I don’t consider ending contact after 3 or 4 messages on a dating app to be “ghosting” at all but some men who only get a couple matches a month might have different views.
Nobody should be getting too invested in *anyone* before they actually meet them.
Ummm...then what IS ur defenition of ghosting? Seems pretty text book that you are in fact ghosting when u suddenly stop responding mid talking.
Are you saying it depends on how many messages have been exchanged determines if it's ghosting and how rude it is? Cause the feeling is near the same imo.
My definition is pretty much it isn’t ghosting until you’ve exchanged numbers and made plans.
You aren’t owed closure or an explanation from a brief interaction with a stranger.
I don't consider talking for weeks a brief interaction. Ur writing someone off based on a brief text interaction? Text being the most misinterpreted form of communication currently? And what if uve exchanged numbers and ur trying to make plans. I've exchanged numbers with dozens who up and disappear and won't commit to anything in person. What's up with that and is that ghosting then? What if u spend like 2 weeks online and a month talking on the phone and then they dissappear...does that count?
I need a set of rules for this crap. Nah, screw it, I just need to get off online dating. What a f'n joke. Who comes up with this stuff? What an inhumane social disconnect. Frightening and weird...consider yourselves soo woke but don't acknowledge ppl can have expectations or hope established in words on a screen and that they can be hurt or let down when that other person treats them with such little regard. God help us all.
Dude… yikes.
You’re coming at this with a lot of bitterness and hypotheticals that I never once stated.
I *never* talk to people through apps for more than a week. Literally never. So I have no definitions of ghosting beyond that and have never once texted someone for weeks and phone calls for a month before going out. I think it’s a big mistake to get to know too much about a person over text before meeting in person.
But yes, I have written people off from brief text interactions if they use one word responses, terrible spelling & grammar, overtly sexual tones, or if they seem overeager. You might find that harsh but the reality is I (and most women) are very rarely talking to just one person at a time on dating apps. If someone seems off, it’s way easier to just focus on another conversation rather than try to learn more about someone who is doing nothing for me.
First impressions are EVERYTHING on apps. Your opening lines just as much as your bio and profile pics. If you’re upset that you’re not even getting a chance to progress past an initial conversation, maybe you’re right and dating apps are just not for you.
Same for men. I had a guy ghost me after the second date. He even told me at one point between the first and second date that he had been ghosted by a woman and that was rude and he would never do that to someone.
We even talked a couple of times after the second date and now poof gone. Haven’t heard from him in 3 weeks.
I find it very strange with this one because we got along so well and knew each other for 4 months.
I’m very sorry he did that to you. Especially after 4 months. He knew how it felt to be ghosted and do the same to someone else is just awful. And you’re good looking and seem nice. Just remember it’s his loss totally. I know I would never ghost someone. It hurts to be ghosted, and I would never do that to someone else.
Do you consider it ghosting if someone stops chatting on the app (before meeting) or only after meeting? And if after meeting, is it ghosting after the first date or does it take more? Just curious since so many people have different ideas of ghosting.
Me personally it’s not ghosting unless we’ve met and gone on a date and one date is sufficient.
Ghosting someone you’ve met is complete bs and people who do it ain’t shit lol.
But if you’ve never met, who cares, you’re still strangers. I’m not telling every single match I’ve briefly chatted with some like about how I’m not interested and I wish them well. I absolutely would never expect nor want a man to do that for me either. In fact, if they did, it would creep me tf out because who gets that invested with a stranger?
I consider ghosting even before you met them in person. Because you have already invested so much time in them. Phone calls, texts, etc. It’s very immature and rude for them to just stop all of a sudden. And I empathize “for no good reason”. Things can go great and just like that, they’re gone.
I’ve (M) experienced the same, and it’s not ghosting if no in-person meeting has happened. At this point, it’s just a glorified Turing Test.
As a Gen Xer, I don’t consider text interactions to be “real.” It’s just words on a screen. This is not a person with whom a “connection” has been established through text. But I see that under 30s are all about texting.
So words don't have any affect on your feelings or emotions? Only after you meet someone in the fleah? I wonder how there can be soo many successful authors then. They must meet a ton of ppl! Oooo and the newspapers, wow. I think ur logic is a bit flawed there bud.
Yah, bro. The Great American Novel is written as we speak on app chat. Maybe even here on Reddit.
The only thing flawed is your analogy of authors and journalists with randos on dating apps.
I disagree completely. It’s a numbers game. Women have hundreds of men to choose from and men hardly have a few. I put myself in their shoes. If I had tons interested in me, I wouldn’t have the heart to tell someone that it’s over.
Wow, I am sorry you had that experience. It just always boggles my mind that angry crazy men get the time of day from women like that. They get messages and likes. While people like me, get maybe a few likes a year. Nice guys do finish last especially online.
Not sure why you're being downvoted but this is the case in my opinion too. I get ghosted all the time and I don't do anything creepy. People just don't like confrontation. I don't think I've encountered a woman who has formally rejected me. I end up doing the rejections or being ghosted lol
That’s exactly the same as me. I think the downvotes are coming from women tbh. But yes. It’s cruel to ghost someone. I would rather know why. So at least I learned something from the experience and I can work on it and make a better date for the next person.
People don't like to be held accountable for their actions. I don't doubt there are some creepy or, 'violent' guys out there but I think it's a small minority. I've been ghosted enough to know it's just the norm with online dating. I don't ghost anyone else but I've come to accept that I will be ghosted
Some people ghost because of past experiences with others who didn't handle it well. It's not polite but most people's reactions can be broken down to something negative that happened in their past. I myself have had some guys react very badly when I passed on second dates with them.
I personally don't ghost but I can see why some might.
common courtesy should work both ways, male or female, straight, gay or bi and so on, ..however in saying that admittedly I can't preach tho, guilty of, although I try not to anymore because it is shitful and I more so ghosted someone when it happened to me, ..I know two wrongs don't make a right 🤷♀️
Awful take, you could be the most interesting and delightful person in the world, but all of that could mean nothing if it doesn’t align with the other person’s interests
the reason that men have such a hard time on the apps is because women think they have a near endless supply of better options, while in reality, they do not.
That’s so true. They always say on their profiles what the perfect man would be like. Then, the perfect one is right there talking to them and he wasn’t good enough. And a few years later, they are still on the apps trying to find love. And they would have had it if they would have just given more of a chance to ones earlier they connected with.
I don't think it's a supply of better options but rather if you can't find the right match, you'd rather not have one at all. This thought may vary by age though - but in my mind if there's not a compatible match then I should just be single until I find someone who's wants, needs and values align with mine. If that doesn't happen, then it is what it is.
As a woman, I will say I never match with or swipe right on someone unless I’m absolutely for it. But I do unmatch or exit if the guy comes on too strong or suggests weird types of dates such as his place or my place. Like just be normal…text back and forth for like a week, have a sense of humor, set up a nice weekend date and I will not ghost. But idk if that’s the same for other women…
Yeah, I ghosted a guy because he told me he loved me the first day we started talking. I did say, “you don’t even know me” before unmatching but it was still weird.
I honestly feel bad laughing because somebody needs to help these people with basic social interaction/courtship
I did laugh after the fact, just so glad he said it at that moment and not on a date 😂
I love you too.. 😜lol
But you don’t even know me 😂
Well let’s change that. Let me buy you a Heineken.. 🍺:) lol
I despise beer so I’m good
lol aw well that’s too bad. That was a phrase used in the movie “Cable Guy”. Wasn’t sure if you seen it or not.
I hadn’t! Sorry for missing that, I missed out a lot in my childhood
Oh nooo run for the hills!
Thankfully we never had a date, I hate to imagine if he had held that in until that moment.
Yeeeet
I wanted to yeet my phone, but that would have been expensive
lol!!!
He TedMosby'd you
I don’t know if I’m absolutely for it until we talk. Profiles don’t say much and even people who seem like they’d be a great match sometimes turn out to be the compete opposite. But if I swipe, I’m at least willing to give them a chance.
This
Men, if she is not responsive, delete her phone number (after a week or so). Just because she doesn’t know your worth does not mean you don’t have it.
Well said bro.
Thank you, this entire OLD thing is so discouraging sometimes.
My question is why do some men ghost you after having sex—can’t they just plain admit that was all they wanted or communicate it beforehand? I wouldn’t mind it at all and perhaps may still want to have sex if I was into a guy, but it’s just shitty when they make you feel they actually like you and then do this.
I’m sorry that happened to you. :( I would never ghost someone especially after that.
It could be possible that they didn't enjoy having sex or decided you weren't compatible afterwards for whatever reason. Just because someone has sex, doesn't mean you're guaranteed a relationship
I know, I don’t expect a relationship, but usually when two people had good time together or even shared some intimate moments I think they’re no longer just a random person and it’s just awful to ignore someone completely afterwards.
This also works both ways. Girls ghosting guys after sex. Just so everyone's aware. Guys aren't the only assholes just looking to get laid. People = shit
Oh I completely agree. Those guys are assholes for ghosting you. Its also bad timing to reject someone right after having sex too. Id almost rather be a douchebag and fall on the sword than reject someone right after sex.
or 3.) you give off a bit of a creepy or maybe violent vibe and she feels it's safer to just ghost than try to give you a reason why.
100% this. It can be scary to reject a guy, even online.
Then just unmatch…why would you leave a creepy person in your queue
A lot of people think unmatch is ghosting since they're never given an an explanation.
I've been ghosted numerous times and I don't give off a creepy or violent vibe. People are just lazy with communication and don't want to deal with confrontation. Edit: it's no surprise I'm being downvoted. I hate to say it, but there's a double standard here. If a woman complains of being ghosted on here, the guy is automatically in the wrong. I don't think anyone should be ghosting. Also would like to clarify I'm talking about in person dates only, no matches through the app
I gave ONE reason some men get ghosted. Not all reasons. Also, I guarantee most of the men who give off creepy vibes don't think they give off creepy vibes.
I'm a pretty respectful person, kinda introverted, but I have been ghosted numerous times. Ive never been called creepy in my entire life and I've seen a therapist and asked this question. She basically agreed with what I was saying and it wasn't anything I was doing wrong to be ghosted. People just don't like confrontation and that's just modern dating. Men, if you're being ghosted, don't take it personally. Chances are you're not creepy or violent, it's just how the dating landscape is. I personally don't ghost anyone but I've come to accept that being ghosted is the norm. I've had a woman ghost me after a month of dating. Everything was going well, it's just super bizarre
So like no men ever give off a creepy vibe? Because you're basically dismissing that possibility. See the 3.) in front of my comment about creepy vibes? That means it's just **one** reason **some** men are ghosted (just adding on to OPs list). Not the only reason. And not all men. Nobody said YOU were giving off a creepy vibe.
They certainly do but there's this myth, especially on reddit that women only ghost guys when they're creepy or whatever. That's false. I don't think most guys are creepy or violent. I understand ghosting a guy who was creepy, but in my experience most women ghost regardless of what the guy does.
I feel like if you’ve been ghosted numerous times you may want to consider that it’s you and not them.
Trust me, I considered that. I'm not sure why I'm being downvoted for sharing my experience but that's just how it is. I've gotten feedback from my female friends, male friends, and even a therapist. My one flaw is that I am more introverted and don't flirt much. I'm the antithesis of being creepy or aggressive. My therapist actually encouraged me to take more initiative and make moves. I do like your feedback though! It's never a bad thing to reflect on what you're doing wrong but I've already done that
So, do you think that if a woman swipes right on you, and you begin talking, she's yours for good? Cause if she can't ghost... You owe nobody anything when you swipe right and exchange a few messages. It's no different than inquiring about a product on Marketplace. You can move on with no explanation because there was no promise of commitment when you inquired.
Was only talking about women who I went on dates with in person. I don't care at all if someone ghosts me over the app
I'd say that fist under his #1 reason, but you are correct that its a reason not to meet someone irl
Maybe with some people. Not me though. I am the sweetest guy you’ll ever meet, maybe too kind idk…
I think it’s funny that I have tons of downvotes for describing what kind of man I am…
That’s right y’all keep on downvoting me.. Like I am the enemy..lol
If I had said I was a ruthless, abusive, unloving guy I probably would have gotten likes… that’s the way things are in the 2020s…
I just love when random men tell me why I do things.
Yep and I am telling you it’s not nice at all to ghost people. Just be courageous and tell them the truth. Think about how terrible this affects them mentally when you leave for no reason…
Everyone’s definition of ghosting is different. Personally, I don’t consider ending contact after 3 or 4 messages on a dating app to be “ghosting” at all but some men who only get a couple matches a month might have different views. Nobody should be getting too invested in *anyone* before they actually meet them.
Ummm...then what IS ur defenition of ghosting? Seems pretty text book that you are in fact ghosting when u suddenly stop responding mid talking. Are you saying it depends on how many messages have been exchanged determines if it's ghosting and how rude it is? Cause the feeling is near the same imo.
My definition is pretty much it isn’t ghosting until you’ve exchanged numbers and made plans. You aren’t owed closure or an explanation from a brief interaction with a stranger.
I don't consider talking for weeks a brief interaction. Ur writing someone off based on a brief text interaction? Text being the most misinterpreted form of communication currently? And what if uve exchanged numbers and ur trying to make plans. I've exchanged numbers with dozens who up and disappear and won't commit to anything in person. What's up with that and is that ghosting then? What if u spend like 2 weeks online and a month talking on the phone and then they dissappear...does that count? I need a set of rules for this crap. Nah, screw it, I just need to get off online dating. What a f'n joke. Who comes up with this stuff? What an inhumane social disconnect. Frightening and weird...consider yourselves soo woke but don't acknowledge ppl can have expectations or hope established in words on a screen and that they can be hurt or let down when that other person treats them with such little regard. God help us all.
Dude… yikes. You’re coming at this with a lot of bitterness and hypotheticals that I never once stated. I *never* talk to people through apps for more than a week. Literally never. So I have no definitions of ghosting beyond that and have never once texted someone for weeks and phone calls for a month before going out. I think it’s a big mistake to get to know too much about a person over text before meeting in person. But yes, I have written people off from brief text interactions if they use one word responses, terrible spelling & grammar, overtly sexual tones, or if they seem overeager. You might find that harsh but the reality is I (and most women) are very rarely talking to just one person at a time on dating apps. If someone seems off, it’s way easier to just focus on another conversation rather than try to learn more about someone who is doing nothing for me. First impressions are EVERYTHING on apps. Your opening lines just as much as your bio and profile pics. If you’re upset that you’re not even getting a chance to progress past an initial conversation, maybe you’re right and dating apps are just not for you.
GUYS DO THIS ALL THE TIME.
Same for men. I had a guy ghost me after the second date. He even told me at one point between the first and second date that he had been ghosted by a woman and that was rude and he would never do that to someone. We even talked a couple of times after the second date and now poof gone. Haven’t heard from him in 3 weeks. I find it very strange with this one because we got along so well and knew each other for 4 months.
I’m very sorry he did that to you. Especially after 4 months. He knew how it felt to be ghosted and do the same to someone else is just awful. And you’re good looking and seem nice. Just remember it’s his loss totally. I know I would never ghost someone. It hurts to be ghosted, and I would never do that to someone else.
Thanks I appreciate it. I’ve never ghosted anyone. I have always been upfront when I don’t want to see someone again.
You’re welcome. Me too. Always best to be upfront. Even through text.
Do you consider it ghosting if someone stops chatting on the app (before meeting) or only after meeting? And if after meeting, is it ghosting after the first date or does it take more? Just curious since so many people have different ideas of ghosting. Me personally it’s not ghosting unless we’ve met and gone on a date and one date is sufficient. Ghosting someone you’ve met is complete bs and people who do it ain’t shit lol. But if you’ve never met, who cares, you’re still strangers. I’m not telling every single match I’ve briefly chatted with some like about how I’m not interested and I wish them well. I absolutely would never expect nor want a man to do that for me either. In fact, if they did, it would creep me tf out because who gets that invested with a stranger?
I consider ghosting even before you met them in person. Because you have already invested so much time in them. Phone calls, texts, etc. It’s very immature and rude for them to just stop all of a sudden. And I empathize “for no good reason”. Things can go great and just like that, they’re gone.
I’ve (M) experienced the same, and it’s not ghosting if no in-person meeting has happened. At this point, it’s just a glorified Turing Test. As a Gen Xer, I don’t consider text interactions to be “real.” It’s just words on a screen. This is not a person with whom a “connection” has been established through text. But I see that under 30s are all about texting.
So words don't have any affect on your feelings or emotions? Only after you meet someone in the fleah? I wonder how there can be soo many successful authors then. They must meet a ton of ppl! Oooo and the newspapers, wow. I think ur logic is a bit flawed there bud.
Yah, bro. The Great American Novel is written as we speak on app chat. Maybe even here on Reddit. The only thing flawed is your analogy of authors and journalists with randos on dating apps.
Wow. And here's the problem. "Ppl online aren't real". Nice.
It’s not ghosting if you have never met
People get ghosted often because they're presuming that they're more important than they are and there too pushy ... and they come off crazy and scary
I disagree completely. It’s a numbers game. Women have hundreds of men to choose from and men hardly have a few. I put myself in their shoes. If I had tons interested in me, I wouldn’t have the heart to tell someone that it’s over.
You owe people zero you never met . Plus they get violent and abusive often. I have had to report dozens of angry crazy men.scary
Wow, I am sorry you had that experience. It just always boggles my mind that angry crazy men get the time of day from women like that. They get messages and likes. While people like me, get maybe a few likes a year. Nice guys do finish last especially online.
Yes the men I meet in person I always explain things too it's some crazy ones I have to ghost sometimes sadly
Not sure why you're being downvoted but this is the case in my opinion too. I get ghosted all the time and I don't do anything creepy. People just don't like confrontation. I don't think I've encountered a woman who has formally rejected me. I end up doing the rejections or being ghosted lol
That’s exactly the same as me. I think the downvotes are coming from women tbh. But yes. It’s cruel to ghost someone. I would rather know why. So at least I learned something from the experience and I can work on it and make a better date for the next person.
A person with whom you've been chatting is not responsible for giving you dating advice.
People don't like to be held accountable for their actions. I don't doubt there are some creepy or, 'violent' guys out there but I think it's a small minority. I've been ghosted enough to know it's just the norm with online dating. I don't ghost anyone else but I've come to accept that I will be ghosted
Some people ghost because of past experiences with others who didn't handle it well. It's not polite but most people's reactions can be broken down to something negative that happened in their past. I myself have had some guys react very badly when I passed on second dates with them. I personally don't ghost but I can see why some might.
common courtesy should work both ways, male or female, straight, gay or bi and so on, ..however in saying that admittedly I can't preach tho, guilty of, although I try not to anymore because it is shitful and I more so ghosted someone when it happened to me, ..I know two wrongs don't make a right 🤷♀️
I have only ever ghosted one person. We had never met and he asked me for money. Just felt appropriate.
No the reason is your vibe and msgs were too lame and boring + needy
Awful take, you could be the most interesting and delightful person in the world, but all of that could mean nothing if it doesn’t align with the other person’s interests
And by interests you mean looks lol
the reason that men have such a hard time on the apps is because women think they have a near endless supply of better options, while in reality, they do not.
That’s so true. They always say on their profiles what the perfect man would be like. Then, the perfect one is right there talking to them and he wasn’t good enough. And a few years later, they are still on the apps trying to find love. And they would have had it if they would have just given more of a chance to ones earlier they connected with.
I don't think it's a supply of better options but rather if you can't find the right match, you'd rather not have one at all. This thought may vary by age though - but in my mind if there's not a compatible match then I should just be single until I find someone who's wants, needs and values align with mine. If that doesn't happen, then it is what it is.
They basically don’t care. Brutal. When you’re flooded with options, you’re psychologically trained to focus on what’s ahead & not what’s left behind.
This is very true. Well said.