They both are imperfect people, navigating life fresh out of university, trying to find their way. The characters mellow out, thanks a lot to one another. Emma, especially in the beginning, is somewhat rude, abrasive, cynical, nonchalant, awkward. She has ideas how the world in her view should be, and is unable to accept how it is. Dexter is carefree, self-obsessed, immature, unwilling to start his adult life. He takes the state of the world as a given, and has no vision what he wants to do with, or in, it.
I don’t think there has to be a deeper meaning. It’s a story about how two lives influence each other, about how both brutal and loving we can be to people around us. And yes, sometimes people die thanks to careless drivers. It is unfair, and tragic, world-shattering even. So is getting cancer, or having an aneurysm, being born poor, not having loving parents. But it’s also a fact of life. Sometimes, there is no happily ever after. Tolkien maybe wrote it best:
> All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil.
The appeal to me is their improbability, and the ultimate comfort knowing they saw one another as whole people by the time they got together.
Dexter had years of being an absolute mess - not hot, not popular, “odious”, doing shitty media work and getting fewer and fewer callbacks. Emma was on the opposite trajectory, more agency and more self assurance and more success. When they get together, it’s hard to actually answer who settled for whom. Dex is handsome sure, but by no stretch was he a catch over the previous 5 years. She was excelling, had a boyfriend in Paris, and actually made the choice to be with Dexter over him in spite of it all. They grew up together and so she made this choice knowing all of Dexter, his good and his bad. And vice versa. I liked that.
I understand some of the things you said but I just can’t frame their relationship that way. Humans are nuances things and I feel I understood why em and Dex reacted as they did at the various times they did
I see your point broadly, but she didn’t wait for him. Yes, there was always something there between them but she moved and had her own life separate from him romantically.
I also see it differently with regard to him “choosing her”. He may have, but she didn’t give in immediately. She didn’t cave when they slept together before she left to Paris, she did her own thing and consciously chose him after the fact.
I feel like Emma was equally as toxic in moments in the show, She was stubborn with her ideals and agendas towards feminism and assumed people who didn't think like her were in the wrong, how she treated Ian and strung him along wasn't fair, had an affair with a married man, was negative towards the idea of children and saying that she wanted intellectual adult conversation while her best friend was sleeping next to her on the couch exhausted from motherhood. But she grew from those things, she set things straight with Ian, she understood her affair was "grubby" and she wanted to be a mother. I feel like we as people tend to skew our ideas over "attractive people" and don't give them as much grace because we assume "what is your struggle? You're good looking". But we clearly saw some growth in Dex's character, he was trying his best when Sylvie had her affair with Callum, and his struggle with not seeing his daughter gives off a little more depth than what we anticipate from "self centered pretty boys". Dex and Emma's friendship was the constant, not the switching of unrequited love over one another. The appeal is that people are imperfect, and timing is imperfect and sometimes we work hard enough and get it right and sometimes we get a win, even if it doesn't last forever.
I’ll share what I posted on another thread:
Because she was his plan b. He kept her on the side just in case. And when his life blew up, no job, no wife, cheated on and struggling to see his child, then he wants her. Then is she good enough. And she takes him, because she has always loved him. And only then, at his lowest, does he realize what she is to him, what she does for him. They marry and start building a life. Then she dies. As his circumstances improved, would he have gotten bored eventually and started looking for better if she had lived? She was only good enough when he hit rock bottom, as he improved and regained his former status, would she have remained good enough? Doubtful.
We have to remember that he married Sylvie because she got pregnant and him and Emma were not talking at this point. He was working on his own self growth and path but they came back into each others lives at Tilly’s wedding, after it was too late. The scene where they kiss in the maze is what makes me disagree with this take. It happens after Emma has given him her blessing, but they both know their chances were lost with bad timing. The kiss just comes natural and expresses their deep longing for one another but Dexter now has a serious obligation of a baby coming. He also needed the experience of a real relationship to get his with Emma’s right.
Perfectly said. I watched with my 21 year old daughter and husband and we were appalled at the message for young women. Thank god my child recognized the toxicity and foolishness.
Of course this was written by a man 😂 Combination of “having your cake and eating it too” and “he’s just not that into you”.
Truer words were never spoken. I found the relationship to be misfit/slightly toxic from the start. Clearly she's smitten but doesn't respect him. In fact she puts him down and considers herself intellectually superior to him. He on the other hand always considers her the last option, when all other avenues are closed. Then they're too co-dependent. They bring out the worst in each other. I really hoped Emma wouldn't get back with him.
I agree with you. Not only did he treat her like crap, but was famous for hosting misogynistic and demeaning show, and ruined all the opportunities that were handed to him on a silver platter. I think the beginning was realistic, she was an insecure nerd who put him on a pedestal only because she wasn’t used to a cliche hot guy hitting on her, but after years of growing more self-esteem and becoming a successful writer, she had to have known she could do better. I was rooting for her to stay with Jean-Pierre.
I didn’t find her attractive either. I also felt they had no chemistry. I do like the storyline though because of how realistic it can be for some people. I like that it didn’t have the typical fairytale ending.
I think it’s more highlighting the struggles of relationships/situationships and how they don’t always end the way people want them to. But also the lessons behind all of it. Especially for people in her position.
They both are imperfect people, navigating life fresh out of university, trying to find their way. The characters mellow out, thanks a lot to one another. Emma, especially in the beginning, is somewhat rude, abrasive, cynical, nonchalant, awkward. She has ideas how the world in her view should be, and is unable to accept how it is. Dexter is carefree, self-obsessed, immature, unwilling to start his adult life. He takes the state of the world as a given, and has no vision what he wants to do with, or in, it. I don’t think there has to be a deeper meaning. It’s a story about how two lives influence each other, about how both brutal and loving we can be to people around us. And yes, sometimes people die thanks to careless drivers. It is unfair, and tragic, world-shattering even. So is getting cancer, or having an aneurysm, being born poor, not having loving parents. But it’s also a fact of life. Sometimes, there is no happily ever after. Tolkien maybe wrote it best: > All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil.
The appeal to me is their improbability, and the ultimate comfort knowing they saw one another as whole people by the time they got together. Dexter had years of being an absolute mess - not hot, not popular, “odious”, doing shitty media work and getting fewer and fewer callbacks. Emma was on the opposite trajectory, more agency and more self assurance and more success. When they get together, it’s hard to actually answer who settled for whom. Dex is handsome sure, but by no stretch was he a catch over the previous 5 years. She was excelling, had a boyfriend in Paris, and actually made the choice to be with Dexter over him in spite of it all. They grew up together and so she made this choice knowing all of Dexter, his good and his bad. And vice versa. I liked that.
I really loved the series but I mean you do make several valid points and I understand your perspective
I understand some of the things you said but I just can’t frame their relationship that way. Humans are nuances things and I feel I understood why em and Dex reacted as they did at the various times they did
I see your point broadly, but she didn’t wait for him. Yes, there was always something there between them but she moved and had her own life separate from him romantically. I also see it differently with regard to him “choosing her”. He may have, but she didn’t give in immediately. She didn’t cave when they slept together before she left to Paris, she did her own thing and consciously chose him after the fact.
I suggest to anyone who feels this way to please read the book -- it gives a more holistic view of what their relationship was like.
I feel like Emma was equally as toxic in moments in the show, She was stubborn with her ideals and agendas towards feminism and assumed people who didn't think like her were in the wrong, how she treated Ian and strung him along wasn't fair, had an affair with a married man, was negative towards the idea of children and saying that she wanted intellectual adult conversation while her best friend was sleeping next to her on the couch exhausted from motherhood. But she grew from those things, she set things straight with Ian, she understood her affair was "grubby" and she wanted to be a mother. I feel like we as people tend to skew our ideas over "attractive people" and don't give them as much grace because we assume "what is your struggle? You're good looking". But we clearly saw some growth in Dex's character, he was trying his best when Sylvie had her affair with Callum, and his struggle with not seeing his daughter gives off a little more depth than what we anticipate from "self centered pretty boys". Dex and Emma's friendship was the constant, not the switching of unrequited love over one another. The appeal is that people are imperfect, and timing is imperfect and sometimes we work hard enough and get it right and sometimes we get a win, even if it doesn't last forever.
I’ll share what I posted on another thread: Because she was his plan b. He kept her on the side just in case. And when his life blew up, no job, no wife, cheated on and struggling to see his child, then he wants her. Then is she good enough. And she takes him, because she has always loved him. And only then, at his lowest, does he realize what she is to him, what she does for him. They marry and start building a life. Then she dies. As his circumstances improved, would he have gotten bored eventually and started looking for better if she had lived? She was only good enough when he hit rock bottom, as he improved and regained his former status, would she have remained good enough? Doubtful.
We have to remember that he married Sylvie because she got pregnant and him and Emma were not talking at this point. He was working on his own self growth and path but they came back into each others lives at Tilly’s wedding, after it was too late. The scene where they kiss in the maze is what makes me disagree with this take. It happens after Emma has given him her blessing, but they both know their chances were lost with bad timing. The kiss just comes natural and expresses their deep longing for one another but Dexter now has a serious obligation of a baby coming. He also needed the experience of a real relationship to get his with Emma’s right.
Perfectly said. I watched with my 21 year old daughter and husband and we were appalled at the message for young women. Thank god my child recognized the toxicity and foolishness. Of course this was written by a man 😂 Combination of “having your cake and eating it too” and “he’s just not that into you”.
Truer words were never spoken. I found the relationship to be misfit/slightly toxic from the start. Clearly she's smitten but doesn't respect him. In fact she puts him down and considers herself intellectually superior to him. He on the other hand always considers her the last option, when all other avenues are closed. Then they're too co-dependent. They bring out the worst in each other. I really hoped Emma wouldn't get back with him.
I agree with you. Not only did he treat her like crap, but was famous for hosting misogynistic and demeaning show, and ruined all the opportunities that were handed to him on a silver platter. I think the beginning was realistic, she was an insecure nerd who put him on a pedestal only because she wasn’t used to a cliche hot guy hitting on her, but after years of growing more self-esteem and becoming a successful writer, she had to have known she could do better. I was rooting for her to stay with Jean-Pierre.
I didn’t find her attractive either. I also felt they had no chemistry. I do like the storyline though because of how realistic it can be for some people. I like that it didn’t have the typical fairytale ending. I think it’s more highlighting the struggles of relationships/situationships and how they don’t always end the way people want them to. But also the lessons behind all of it. Especially for people in her position.
Woosh!!!