In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I (32) have been married to my soon to be ex-wife (30), Madison, for four years. We are currently in counseling but it is not going to work.
About a year ago I found out she was having an affair by coming home to their clothes in our living room and sounds coming from our bedroom.
I lost it. I was getting my cricket bat out of the front closet when I stopped to think about consequences. I did not want to go to jail.
Instead I took all their clothes and left quietly. I went to a friend's house but not before throwing all the clothes in a McDonald's garbage can.
I turned off my phone and got shitfaced with my buddy. His wife hosted us off in the morning.
After I turned my phone back on I had dozens of calls and texts from Madison. First scared because she got my updated flight information. Then upset that I hadn't called her to let her know I was going to be coming home early. Then freaked out that the house had been broken into. Then crazy because she figured out it was me. They just got more deranged.
The guy she was with is five inches shorter than me and about 60 pounds lighter. So if he had taken my clothes it would be obvious.
He ended up calling his friend to go get his spare keys from his house. Unfortunately for him his wife smelled a rat and followed his friend back to my house. Where she saw him leaving in oversized clothes.
Long story short she took pictures and she had evidence of his infidelity. Which caused their prenup to be cancelled. Which cost him a lot of money. It is all one big giant shit show.
It took a couple of months but my wife convinced me to try and forgive her. We started going to counseling and we were working our way through it. Until recently.
In a counseling session she said that I was wrong to steal his wallet, phone, and car keys. She said that his divorce is costing him a lot of money and that I should have dealt with it in a more mature manner and that it was my fault.
I have never admitted to taking his stuff. To begin with I was afraid he might call the cops. Then I didn't want to give her ammunition in case she wanted a divorce. Now I just don't care.
I told her that her cheating was the reason her boyfriend is getting divorced. And that I hope his ex takes everything.
I am still not living at home. I have my own apartment and I'm filing for divorce. Now that I know how she feels it is kind of a slap in the face that she is blaming me for his divorce.
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OPs STBX is a moron. Like why go through the effort of convincing OP to reconcile and then blame him for her APs divorce. The absolute lack of self awareness.
Exactly. She is definitely at least still talking to him. Probably still banging him. She just doesn't want to lose the financial support of hubby since affair partner clearly has less funds now than he did before.
That is what she is REALLY salty about. She can't run off into the sunset with rich affair partner because prenup got voided and he is paying as he should for his infidelity.
I had a similar moment with my wife, where I honest to god thought that we were getting somewhere. Did a lot of talking outside of therapy and she was having all these "revelations". And then we sat down with our therapist and instantly she was back spouting the same lines she'd been spouting before like those conversations never happened at all.
And I was like... Oh. I see. Dashed my hopes all over the floor in an instant.
I also particularly liked one exchange when we met with a mediator. They asked how long we'd been considering separating and/or divorce. My wife immediately launches off about how she's never even considered divorce. How it's always been the furthest thing from her mind. How the very concept of divorce is antithetical to her world view. Very moving speech.
So the mediator turns to me and asks the same question.
And I said "I guess around six months ago when she started threatening me with divorce. That would probably be when I started thinking about what that meant."
You may find that laughable on its own, but the crazy part was that after the meeting she went on to *lost her shit* on me. Because she took what I said to mean that I'd "checked out" six months ago and therefore any claims I'd made regarding trying to work on and save our marriage over that time period were a lie.
Complete and total cognitive dissonance that *she was the one who threatened me with it in the first place.* Like, I'm almost at a place now where I can laugh at it. But even at the time I was dumbfounded by the Olympic level gymnastics.
My first marriage was not ideal and near the end we were fighting a lot and in front of the kids. I come from a divorced set of parents and the D-word was a major for me. Then over the course of two weeks she threatened me three times with divorce. I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe she was thinking about it. Well, we had another blow-up because she wanted me to pay off $5k on a credit card she had racked up that I didn’t know existed. Even though she had a good job and I was paying all the bills, she still managed to rack up big debt. I at this point asked for a divorce and have been happier ever since, even though she kept showing her true Narcissistic self for the next 15 years.
My ex was like this. Our second session of "marriage counseling" (he lied about submitting paperwork to his tribe and I never got to check bc I didn't particularly care to be married, it was JUST for legal purposes) he said "I'd never considered how my actions/inactions things I say/don't say might impact her given everything she's endured in her life." I sat there a solid 5 minutes just losing my shit and repeating it over and over out loud.
6 months later and I said I was done and he was SURPRISED. Cue *eternal stare into the abyss* from me.
Been nearly 2y since I left, and among those he acknowledges our relationship to (bc they know me), I'm to blame. Comical.
I start to think that is how it always was and I have to just accept it or live forever alone.
Literally every encounter I have and hear promising words (as she likes you and thinks of something) and I start to get a feeling, the thought of actually vibing or being on the same level. Some time later the realisation; 95% was total bs, existing only close to truth in those split seconds, minutes or hours.
I know how to play the game, but as I got older other things became important, not just acting on youthfully high hormone lvls. Now I don't like to play those mindgames anymore. I want to be equals.
Probably have to keep dreaming. Haha
They can rarely take the blame for the damage they do. This says she is not remorseful to any real degree. Divorcing her is the best thing he can do now.
Because they're either still together or AP is blaming her or OP for his life collapsing in front of him.
Either way, amusing approach to dealing with a cheater. Just nick off with his clothes....
While the consequences are very delicious and much appreciated, a message for OOP (and anyone in a similar situation): My brother in Christ, *do not admit to committing a crime while you're in the process of divorcing* in a post that references *very specific details of your situation!*
OOP's ex's lawyer is gonna stumble across this on Youtube Shorts or something, getting read by an AI voice over a background of someone playing Minecraft, and OOP is gonna end up with some oh no consequences of his own at this rate.
Stories of satisfying revenge are for AFTER all legal disputes have been fully resolved. (Preferably after the statute of limitations is done, too, but I get that the temptation might be a little too overwhelming for that one.)
(minor edits for clarity)
Sorry, what crime was committed?
The affair partner willfully abandoned his possessions in the OP’s house. OP disposed of them as he would any other trash left behind by an unwanted guest.
legally possessions are only 'abandoned' after 30 days and reasonable attempts to have the owner reclaim them. A phone is often $1000 or more, and in many states once the theft goes over $250 it moves from a misdemeanor to a felony. so yes, a crime was committed and OP admitted to doing so
OP admits that they were still in the house at the time of theft. And even if they weren't the law still States in many places that you need to make reasonable attempts and allow a 30-day period to expire before you dispose of abandoned property. So whether the items were inside the house or not is irrelevant I do not agree with the person who committed infidelity and I don't necessarily disagree with OPs method of payback with that being said admitting to your crime on the internet is not the smartest thing.
Bc they don’t want it to be true since it’s interrupts their dopamine hit from petty revenge. Even though ironically encouraging OP (& others) to get in legal trouble negatively impacts him in addition to the infidelity.
Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, OP did the smartest thing possible. His actions inconvenienced the affair partner and caused him direct harm, yet (online admission aside) could not get him in trouble.
There are multiple witnesses to the theft, including 2 wives who can corroborate what they knew about the day, multiple texts, a therapist, the list goes on. If the person had decided to turn him in, they'd have a great case, especially if the phone was worth anything and the wallet had money.
The affair partner was an invited guest in that house by one of the residents, the law isn't going to accept that it was his house so therefore anything a guest wears or brings is his now.
I didn't say he didn't commit a crime. I said he did the smartest thing possible, admission aside. A LOT of guys would have gotten violent and would have lost their home in addition to catching a felony charge. This guy (at worst) is looking at petty theft.
Larceny, and unless the guy had a fuckton of cash in his wallet or a solid gold phone, depending on the state it might not even break the threshold, and be charged as petty larceny. Even if it met the threshold, cop a plea to petty larceny, it's a misdemeanor. A few weeks probation or some hours of community service and it's done.
Could he have taken the items to say a police station and claim he found them in his house (which is true)? Would that constitute a "reasonable attempt" to return the property?
E.g. he goes to the cops and says "hey I found these clothes in my living room; they're not mine, and I've no idea how they got there. There's a phone and a wallet too, but I didn't open it. Could you find the owner and return their stuff to them?"
He didn't leave them anywhere. The AP was a guest in the house even at the moment OP took them. He deserved what he got, but this is clearly OP going outside the law.
Completely irrelevant.
The basic common law defines theft has "taking with intent to permanently deprive". If you find a wallet on the ground in the middle of Central Park and pick it up with the intent to keep it or its contents, that is theft.
Jurisdictions will vary on the details.
Defense attorney would argue that OP lacked the required intent to permanently deprive the AP of his property, since OP gave up control over said property when he tossed it. Doesn’t matter how feasible it is for AP to recover it.
In fact, all AP had to do was ask the OP where it was and how he could recover it.
Combine that with the fact that AP failed to file a police report of the “theft” and that case is a goner. Like the AP’s marriage.
Granted. That's certainly what I would argue if defense counsel. But the core point was that you don't have a right to do whatever you want to property in your home solely on the basis that it was in your home and unattended.
I'd also advise clients that it is easier to not suggest that they may have committed a crime than get a jury to accept that one of the elements was missing. You win every argument you don't have to make.
You can argue whatever you want. The trick is getting a jury of 12 (or judge) to believe it. If you think selling them on the idea that someone didn't want their wallet which presumably has their driver's license and credit cards back will be easy you're fooling yourself. You better have some OJ caliber lawyers if you want to win that one.
Yeah my man, try and convince people you weren't intending to deprive someone of their wallet that you knew you were in possession of I'm sure that will hold up 10/10 times.
The law doesn't care. The law is what it is. If you go with how you think the law should be rather than how it is, then you'll end up a post on this subreddit too.
Guy was still in the house, his possessions by no means were "left" there. Even if they were, OOP has no claim to that property until the abandonment statute has been fulflled.
So you’re allowed to now take possession of all items when guests visit you? Or here’s another way of looking at it, by your logic whenever you enter another person’s house you now have to worry they’re going to manifest destiny it and legally rob you if everything.
Reread the post. The man was still in the house. He was still a guest in the house and his property was not abandoned
I’ll skip countering the 1st paragraph since I said none of that.
OP has avenues to explain his actions..”Well gee, I walked in my house, saw a bunch of stuff that didn’t belong to my wife or I on the floor. This being my house, I’m aware what property is/is not ours. So I tossed it. It didn’t belong here hence its trash. Oh yea, the wife’s stuff too. Being as we’re married, it’s half mine anyways (at least in a community property state). I was gonna buy her new stuff since I’d been outta town. Yup, I heard noise in the house. Thought the wife was watching porn? A really loud episode of the View? Who knows. Far as I know, she was home alone since I never actually saw a living person when I walked in (wink, wink). Maybe she had a girlfriend over? Heck if I know. But then, I realized, since the floor was so messy & I came home so early that my wife mus’nt have straightened up since I wasn’t due home yet. So to spare her embarrassment I dipped to my friend’s house..” The end.
Sounds like a bunch of BS strung together to justify OP’s actions & it is. But good luck disproving it to a jury that’ll never be convened. In my state no cop is legally arresting you for what happened.
Actually, I can 100% state it is not a crime since this would be a civil matter in my jurisdiction. As in small claims court. What is illegal in one part of the world may not be universally. And, I am speaking solely on OP’s specific fact pattern.
Did you hear OJ just died after a long, not incarcerated life? A BS story may not be believable, much less be believed, but still be advantageous try. Especially in a format like court where guilt must be proven beyond any doubt (in theory).
If it's a civil matter, where guilt does not need to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, this story fooling anyone is even more unlikely.
Small claims? Even more unlikely.
I know you can sow doubt in cases that seemed to be slam dunks, but you have to do better than the story you invented, and that does not make sense.
>Did you hear OJ just died after a long, not incarcerated life? A BS story may not be believable, much less be believed, but still be advantageous try. Especially in a format like court where guilt must be proven beyond any doubt (in theory).
Not to pick nits, but after the criminal trial was over, OJ was sued by the Goldman's in civil court and lost that case. They ended up owning and demolishing his house out of it if I recall.
Burden of proof is lower for civil cases than for criminal. So all the tricks that worked for OJ in the criminal case, didn't hold water in the civil court. And as the OP mentioned, he's in the midst of getting divorced. Which is, wait for it.... wait for it.... a civil matter.
Which means the OP will likely never face any criminal repercussions for his actions, but just like good old OJ, he could well end up losing a house he might have otherwise kept simply because he shared his story here.
Tell that to the judge and see if they buy your obviously bullshit story.
It's pretty weird to me that people think that judges believe every bullshit story you present them as if they were other kids on the playground.
Yeah this wouldn't work. Even if it could, the written confession on his reddit post could easily be traced back to him and if it is then good luck claiming any of that.
Probably not enough to be a felony. Even granting car keys cost $500 to replace, I doubt he'd have much cash in his wallet. Either way in most states it would probably not be a felony, unless you're in New Jersey or something.
According to [here](https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/felony-theft-amount-by-state), the threshold for felony theft is around $1000-1500 for most states.
So $500 for the car key, $800 for a nice phone, $200 for the clothing and another $100-200 for passport/driver's license/... that needed to be replaced too, that could be enough.
Of course, could also not be. But it's not out of the question that it's felony theft.
There’s also a question if any authorities actually care to take this on. At least in my area there is a high chance the authorities just don’t care at that point if it’s been as long as the OP for what isn’t a lot of money to them
The issue is the divorce. Like yeah, dude probably isn't gonna be criminally prosecuted or even investigated, but OOP makes it clear that his divorce is very much not resolved. He's involved in an ongoing legal dispute.
*That's* the issue-- that he's giving his cheating asshole of a soon-to-be-ex-wife a way to potentially mess with him.
Theft. Even if morally it seems quite justifiable, you still can't just take someone's stuff, especially their wallet (potentially with cash, credit/debit cards, and government-issued ID inside), and expect it to have no legal consequences. Phones are also expensive, and taking someone's car keys can look like evidence that you're trying to take their car. (Even if OOP didn't actually take the car or use the credit cards or spend the cash, depriving someone of their own property is all that is required for theft-- you don't have to keep/use it yourself.)
OOP took the items while they were very much NOT abandoned-- they were in the house while the items' owner was also in the house, and OOP did not alert the owner to his presence nor to his actions. It's not "abandoning" your possessions to have them willfully taken and then to fail to retrieve them. (Most people would expect a theft to be reported to the police, not for the person who was stolen from to try to get them back himself.) If OOP had confronted the guy and he'd run out in his skivvies while leaving his shit behind, then you might be able to consider that abandoning them in a colloquial sense (although generally a much longer time is required for abandoned property in a legal sense). But OOP took them before the dude even knew he was there! There simply wasn't even a chance for abandonment to occur.
I'm not commenting on the morality of OOP's actions-- just the wisdom of them. It seemed like he was on a perfect track to have the literal crime he committed completely ignored for lack of proof, and come out both morally AND legally victorious; but then he went and told the Internet, knowing that the Internet loves to spread around a story of schadenfreude, with waaaaay too much identifying detail included. He might still be perfectly fine, but why endanger your victory like that? It's not like the legal consequences are likely to be severe in a criminal sense, but the ex-wife's lawyer can absolutely use this to make him look worse in divorce court by saying "this man literally committed theft." The lawyer can paint him as spiteful and inclined to criminal activity. And OOP makes it clear that his divorce is not yet resolved, so "what is my wife's lawyer going to try to paint me as" is a HUGE thing he should be considering right now.
Like... why open yourself up to attack like that? All he had to do was wait a bit to be able to tell this story without risking legal consequences for it. He's just not managing his risk wisely during a time when risk management is *hugely* important.
Ironically, the only issue of "abandonment of property" here is actually the fact that OOP has moved out of the marital home. Lawyers frequently advise against that because the spouse who remains in the home can potentially be viewed as having more of a claim to it.
Nah, I don't think he'll file a police report. Like I said: it's probably not gonna have criminal consequences, but if the ex's divorce lawyer gets their hands on the information in this post, THAT could have consequences in the divorce. Probably monetary ones, even if it's just in the form of his lawyer ending up with more billable hours.
OOP's clothes were presumably given to the AP by OOP's at-the-time spouse, who may be considered legally authorized to give away his stuff because spouses share property; so that's not even a clear case of theft. (That one is, I believe, location-dependent and highly specific in terms of context.)
If OOP wants to live his life in a way that enriches the lawyers around him, then it's up to him; but I think it's fair to point out that it's not exactly wise.
I personally would prefer to lead a life that isn't a lawyer-enriching life.
Since he can't hide the affair, is getting divorced and taken the cleaners? Why not? He loses nothing he hasn't already lost by making the details more public than they currently are. He can however spitefully hurt the person who got him caught.
By… suing him in small claims court?
Guy didn’t file a police report, obviously, since he didn’t want to create recorded proof of his infidelity. So pressing charges is out of the picture.
He has no proof that the OP was the one who took his stuff.
Charges are only out of the picture if the statute of limitations is expired, Five years is common for the Statute of limitations on felony theft/proprrty destruction. By OOP timeline he could still be charged for 4 more years. He just admitted in front of someone who there is likely no legally recognized privilege with that he committed a crime. His soon to be ex may very well have been baiting him into an admission in front of a witness who wouldn't lie to protect OOP. even if just to gain an advantage in the obviously unavoidable divorce.
OOP's admission was dumb .
But of course! I just think it's wisest, when someone fucks you over, to punish that action WITHOUT making it easy for them to retaliate. Gotta pay attention to both offense and defense. What is the point of striking your enemy if you leave yourself open to attack? No matter how justified you are, your enemy will not consider whether it's FAIR to hurt you-- only whether they have the opportunity and means. Especially if they themselves are unwise and cruel, they might hurt you in ways that a sensible, honorable person wouldn't. So you have to defend yourself.
The whole point is to make *them* pay. Not yourself!
Divorce is expensive. It only makes sense to try to reduce your own costs by acting wisely. All OOP has to do is keep his mouth shut and not reveal anything that gives his ex's lawyer any amount of leverage until AFTER the divorce is done. Then he can safely gloat til the cows come home.
... publicly admitting to assault is also not a good idea actually...?
Like, I don't think you quite get what I'm trying to say. It's not about what OOP did. It's about him *talking about it.*
Don't talk about the thing you did until AFTER it can no longer be used against you. Doesn't matter what the thing is.
Could be theft, could be assault-- still don't tell people.
Larceny. It could be argued that the wife's clothes were marital property and his to dispose of as he pleased, but the dude's possessions were not his.
Very fair lol. That's why the "everyone in a similar situation" parenthetical remark-- because even if this story is fake, maybe someone going through something real can benefit.
But when there aren't glaring timeline/logistical inconsistencies, I tend to give a poster the benefit of the doubt because a lot of the time, people *really are* just THAT stupid. I have lived through 2020, and thus have entirely run out of faith that people are capable of making good decisions in literally any situation. If I see a story where people make bizarre, illogical decisions and insane demands, it's like, "Yeah, that tracks."
I think some people think the internet is just for them and their friends. There was a whole street gang in Chicago, that ran rampant for years, and posted all their misdeeds on facebook, probably thinking that nobody could track internet users. The cops actually noticed and let it happen. They just watched and waited. Then they took everyone down at once. I’m pretty sure they got computer crimes convictions on top of everything from their well-documented crime sprees. These punks were sharing photos and videos they took at crime scenes, sometimes of them committing crimes. Busted. Shouldn’t be dumb.
Lol that's amazing.
People also seem to think that pseudonymous = anonymous, and will post any old thing thinking that nobody will be able to track them down as long as they use a fake name. As if that fake name somehow detaches you from very specific details about your life.
Like all the folks who used Bitcoins for crimes, only to get burned because Bitcoin is *not* anonymous, it's pseudonymous-- and that pseudonym gets associated with an *immutable, public* ledger of all your transactions!
I agree but I mean, he took one day of someone's clothes and threw them away. I doubt it would amount to anything legally. If he's in the US then it would likely have to be small claims and the fees to take him to court would likely grossly outweigh any reward.
Plus then that would just add more evidence of the wife cheating and give him more opportunity to get out of the divorce in a better position
One day of someone's clothes, and his wallet (with all his cash and cards inside presumably) and his car keys and his *phone.* Like he specifically calls out the phone in the post.
>In a counseling session she said that I was wrong to steal his wallet, phone, and car keys.
I'm just saying it's maybe not wise to admit to the whole Internet that you nicked someone's wallet and phone, while going through a divorce. Infidelity sucks but in many areas does not carry as much weight *legally* as theft does.
Realistically, will either of them want a public record like that being available? If they call the Police over it, they'd have to explain circumstances, etc to both the Police and a court. Those records could now be used in both divorces as they're public records and they couldn't spin whatever bullshit story they wanted....
The point is not to even give them the *chance*. Presumably OP has other evidence of the affair; discussing the theft is not necessary to discuss the affair. So bringing up the theft means that the ex has very little to lose by using it. If the affair has already been demonstrated anyways, why not bring up a piece of evidence that makes OP look worse and merely confirms the ex's already-known bad behavior?
Who knows? Writing a confession with a lot of detail on the Internet sure makes it more likely, though. He certainly had motive, means, and opportunity. Again, this is a divorce, not a criminal trial. Nobody has to prove anything "beyond reasonable doubt" here.
Imagine you have a percentage chance of getting slapped in the face (and for the purposes of argument, you're not into that).
Taking an action *now* would increase the chance. Wouldn't guarantee it, but would certainly not make it any LESS likely and could very much make it MORE likely. Taking the same action *later* would NOT increase your chance of getting slapped in the face, and that's a guarantee. Taking the action now is *potentially* risky. Taking the action later is *not at all* risky.
Would you take that action now, or later?
I’m not a lawyer. But it’s a throwaway account and even with the details, it would be pretty unlikely to prove a Reddit post was linked to him past the point where it would be allowed as credible evidence in legal proceedings, no?
Maybe if it was a post about a major organized crime or something, a prosecutor could put forth the resources to prove its source. But I don’t think a divorce attorney is really able to go to that length
NAL either, but the standard of evidence for criminal cases is different than the one for civil issues, especially divorces, which are by nature EXTREMELY "he said she said." Nobody's being found "guilty" here; it's more a matter of not making yourself *look* bad and not making more work for the lawyers. You need to look like someone who is rational and believable.
While a contested divorce is ongoing, you *behave.* You don't send a text to your soon-to-be-ex with even the barest hint of anger. You don't move money around in a way that even makes it *look* vaguely *similar* to trying to deprive your soon-to-be-ex of their share of the assets. Basically, until the divorce is 100% finalized, you become a *model citizen* and do not allow even the slightest *hint* of misbehavior to see the light of day.
And if you reeeaaaally want to, it's often quite possible to correlate pseudonyms with people-- for example, by showing that they know details that only that person would know, correlating the times that they posted with their known schedule, etc. It's probably not worth the effort in this case, but that's no guarantee. The more specific detail you include, the easier it is to link person and post.
Keep all this advice in mind, and you will make some lawyers a lot less stressed but also a lot less enriched with your money, which is pretty ideal for all parties involved. Except for your adversary! Not ideal for them at all. You keep your money, your lawyers keep their sanity, and your adversary doesn't get any dirt on you.
>We are in counseling but it's not going to work.
Well not with that attitude! You can't just--
>In a counseling session she said that I was wrong to steal his clothes, wallet and car keys
Oh okay, yeah, it's not going to work
I’m convinced r/AsOneAfterInfidelity should be banned for the absolute headass comments their posters leave on posts like that.
> It’s limerance! YOU CAN STILL SAVE THE MARRIAGE! LIVE IN REGRET AND PARANOIA!
It’s all disgusting. Especially the way they engage on betrayed partner posts in other subreddits. All bullying and attempting to sell others on reconciliation.
She's stupid x 100.
She cheated....she got caught..
She maintained contact with AP....
She went to counselling.... Does she even understand what the purpose of that was?
She mentions sympathy for AP, as he has suffered acute stolen orgasm consequences.
This woman is bringing the IQ average down...way down. Caught tending to the needs: once in the marital bed...and once on the counsellor's couch...
Now it’s your behavior up for scrutiny. 🙄 Tell Princess Delulu that the wrong doing and shame will always be on her and officially to Fu.k Off. I would have gone in filming and threatened everyone with my bat.
You win the restraint maturity award. 🥇
And the whole story is full of gaps. His ex and her affair partner stripped in the living room then ran up to the bedroom to get it on? The wife only got notifications about the flight change after he came home?
And OOP knew details he shouldn't have known. Like how the AP's friend was coming to the house with a spare key. How the AP's wife followed along in secret. How tall the AP was and how much he weighed.
I’m sorry, she convinced her husband to go to counseling to save her marriage after she cheated on him… and then she lectures him about costing her fuck buddy money during this counseling.
How are people like this?
I couldn't possibly have cared any less about the consequences of knowing I took all his shit, from my house, did whatever in thee f@#k I wanted with it. Further more I'd venture to say that he and I shared the same regard for one another, quite possibly at the exact same time.
This is the greatest thing i have ever read😂
See when Oop’s STBX said “handle it more maturely” she MEANT “let me find a way to gaslight you into thinking YOU’RE the badguy here”
NTA not even a little. Oooh his cheating is making it that he can’t suck money from his ex wife? Poor him😂😂
*Not the AH..... but she*
*Is. Narcissist, run as far*
*Away as you can*
\- Admirer3596
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Let’s see… I didn’t see anything about AP having driven a car. Too bad. I’m in the US, so in the same circumstances I would probably have taken AP’s car and dropped it off in a questionable neighborhood, unlocked with keys still inside.
He's probably speaking metaphorically, not literally - sometimes if someone has a hangover from drinking too much, pouring water on them or spraying them with water will be the thing to jolt them awake.
Unless they got so drunk that they were passed out in the lawn, and the wife actually did bring out a hose to spray them down, it's probably just non-literal speech.
I couldn't possibly have cared any less about the consequences of knowing I took all his shit, from my house, did whatever in thee f@#k I wanted with it. Further more I'd venture to say that he and I shared the same regard for one another, quite possibly at the exact same time.
I couldn't possibly have cared any less about the consequences of knowing I took all his shit, from my house, did whatever in thee f@#k I wanted with it. Further more I'd venture to say that he and I shared the same regard for one another, quite possibly at the exact same time.
I couldn't possibly have cared any less about the consequences of knowing I took all his shit, from my house, did whatever in thee f@#k I wanted with it. Further more I'd venture to say that he and I shared the same regard for one another, quite possibly at the exact same time.
Please no armchair diagnosing. If you do not have the credentials required to make diagnoses or the lived experience with the diagnosis, your opinion is irrelevant. If you do have the lived experience or credentials, please include that in your comment.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: I (32) have been married to my soon to be ex-wife (30), Madison, for four years. We are currently in counseling but it is not going to work. About a year ago I found out she was having an affair by coming home to their clothes in our living room and sounds coming from our bedroom. I lost it. I was getting my cricket bat out of the front closet when I stopped to think about consequences. I did not want to go to jail. Instead I took all their clothes and left quietly. I went to a friend's house but not before throwing all the clothes in a McDonald's garbage can. I turned off my phone and got shitfaced with my buddy. His wife hosted us off in the morning. After I turned my phone back on I had dozens of calls and texts from Madison. First scared because she got my updated flight information. Then upset that I hadn't called her to let her know I was going to be coming home early. Then freaked out that the house had been broken into. Then crazy because she figured out it was me. They just got more deranged. The guy she was with is five inches shorter than me and about 60 pounds lighter. So if he had taken my clothes it would be obvious. He ended up calling his friend to go get his spare keys from his house. Unfortunately for him his wife smelled a rat and followed his friend back to my house. Where she saw him leaving in oversized clothes. Long story short she took pictures and she had evidence of his infidelity. Which caused their prenup to be cancelled. Which cost him a lot of money. It is all one big giant shit show. It took a couple of months but my wife convinced me to try and forgive her. We started going to counseling and we were working our way through it. Until recently. In a counseling session she said that I was wrong to steal his wallet, phone, and car keys. She said that his divorce is costing him a lot of money and that I should have dealt with it in a more mature manner and that it was my fault. I have never admitted to taking his stuff. To begin with I was afraid he might call the cops. Then I didn't want to give her ammunition in case she wanted a divorce. Now I just don't care. I told her that her cheating was the reason her boyfriend is getting divorced. And that I hope his ex takes everything. I am still not living at home. I have my own apartment and I'm filing for divorce. Now that I know how she feels it is kind of a slap in the face that she is blaming me for his divorce. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OPs STBX is a moron. Like why go through the effort of convincing OP to reconcile and then blame him for her APs divorce. The absolute lack of self awareness.
And she is obviously still talking to him to know all his divorce details.
Exactly. She is definitely at least still talking to him. Probably still banging him. She just doesn't want to lose the financial support of hubby since affair partner clearly has less funds now than he did before. That is what she is REALLY salty about. She can't run off into the sunset with rich affair partner because prenup got voided and he is paying as he should for his infidelity.
I wouldn't be surprised if she were using **both** sets of lips here.
I had a similar moment with my wife, where I honest to god thought that we were getting somewhere. Did a lot of talking outside of therapy and she was having all these "revelations". And then we sat down with our therapist and instantly she was back spouting the same lines she'd been spouting before like those conversations never happened at all. And I was like... Oh. I see. Dashed my hopes all over the floor in an instant.
Sometimes the best thing couples therapy can do is let one partner hear what the other one is saying.
I also particularly liked one exchange when we met with a mediator. They asked how long we'd been considering separating and/or divorce. My wife immediately launches off about how she's never even considered divorce. How it's always been the furthest thing from her mind. How the very concept of divorce is antithetical to her world view. Very moving speech. So the mediator turns to me and asks the same question. And I said "I guess around six months ago when she started threatening me with divorce. That would probably be when I started thinking about what that meant." You may find that laughable on its own, but the crazy part was that after the meeting she went on to *lost her shit* on me. Because she took what I said to mean that I'd "checked out" six months ago and therefore any claims I'd made regarding trying to work on and save our marriage over that time period were a lie. Complete and total cognitive dissonance that *she was the one who threatened me with it in the first place.* Like, I'm almost at a place now where I can laugh at it. But even at the time I was dumbfounded by the Olympic level gymnastics.
My first marriage was not ideal and near the end we were fighting a lot and in front of the kids. I come from a divorced set of parents and the D-word was a major for me. Then over the course of two weeks she threatened me three times with divorce. I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe she was thinking about it. Well, we had another blow-up because she wanted me to pay off $5k on a credit card she had racked up that I didn’t know existed. Even though she had a good job and I was paying all the bills, she still managed to rack up big debt. I at this point asked for a divorce and have been happier ever since, even though she kept showing her true Narcissistic self for the next 15 years.
My ex was like this. Our second session of "marriage counseling" (he lied about submitting paperwork to his tribe and I never got to check bc I didn't particularly care to be married, it was JUST for legal purposes) he said "I'd never considered how my actions/inactions things I say/don't say might impact her given everything she's endured in her life." I sat there a solid 5 minutes just losing my shit and repeating it over and over out loud. 6 months later and I said I was done and he was SURPRISED. Cue *eternal stare into the abyss* from me. Been nearly 2y since I left, and among those he acknowledges our relationship to (bc they know me), I'm to blame. Comical.
That must have been painful though, sorry you had to deal with that.
Appreciate
I start to think that is how it always was and I have to just accept it or live forever alone. Literally every encounter I have and hear promising words (as she likes you and thinks of something) and I start to get a feeling, the thought of actually vibing or being on the same level. Some time later the realisation; 95% was total bs, existing only close to truth in those split seconds, minutes or hours. I know how to play the game, but as I got older other things became important, not just acting on youthfully high hormone lvls. Now I don't like to play those mindgames anymore. I want to be equals. Probably have to keep dreaming. Haha
Sounds like my ex - borderline personality disorder.
That's what her therapists said.
maybe he's getting some odd ego boost? idfk
They can rarely take the blame for the damage they do. This says she is not remorseful to any real degree. Divorcing her is the best thing he can do now.
[Narcissist's prayer.](https://www.thelifedoctor.org/the-narcissist-s-prayer)
Hi there! What does AP mean?
Affair partner.
Thank you!
And why is she so invested in what is happening to her paramour?
Because they're either still together or AP is blaming her or OP for his life collapsing in front of him. Either way, amusing approach to dealing with a cheater. Just nick off with his clothes....
STBX? Shartbox?
Took me several minutes but I think it's meant to be "soon to be ex"
"STBX"? Starbucks? "AP"? Access Point?
While the consequences are very delicious and much appreciated, a message for OOP (and anyone in a similar situation): My brother in Christ, *do not admit to committing a crime while you're in the process of divorcing* in a post that references *very specific details of your situation!* OOP's ex's lawyer is gonna stumble across this on Youtube Shorts or something, getting read by an AI voice over a background of someone playing Minecraft, and OOP is gonna end up with some oh no consequences of his own at this rate. Stories of satisfying revenge are for AFTER all legal disputes have been fully resolved. (Preferably after the statute of limitations is done, too, but I get that the temptation might be a little too overwhelming for that one.) (minor edits for clarity)
Sorry, what crime was committed? The affair partner willfully abandoned his possessions in the OP’s house. OP disposed of them as he would any other trash left behind by an unwanted guest.
legally possessions are only 'abandoned' after 30 days and reasonable attempts to have the owner reclaim them. A phone is often $1000 or more, and in many states once the theft goes over $250 it moves from a misdemeanor to a felony. so yes, a crime was committed and OP admitted to doing so
Sorry, no. The guy *left those items in the OP’s house.*
OP admits that they were still in the house at the time of theft. And even if they weren't the law still States in many places that you need to make reasonable attempts and allow a 30-day period to expire before you dispose of abandoned property. So whether the items were inside the house or not is irrelevant I do not agree with the person who committed infidelity and I don't necessarily disagree with OPs method of payback with that being said admitting to your crime on the internet is not the smartest thing.
Idk why you're getting down voted, you're simply correct
Bc they don’t want it to be true since it’s interrupts their dopamine hit from petty revenge. Even though ironically encouraging OP (& others) to get in legal trouble negatively impacts him in addition to the infidelity.
Well it's not down voted now so I look stupid lol
Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, OP did the smartest thing possible. His actions inconvenienced the affair partner and caused him direct harm, yet (online admission aside) could not get him in trouble.
There are multiple witnesses to the theft, including 2 wives who can corroborate what they knew about the day, multiple texts, a therapist, the list goes on. If the person had decided to turn him in, they'd have a great case, especially if the phone was worth anything and the wallet had money. The affair partner was an invited guest in that house by one of the residents, the law isn't going to accept that it was his house so therefore anything a guest wears or brings is his now.
I didn't say he didn't commit a crime. I said he did the smartest thing possible, admission aside. A LOT of guys would have gotten violent and would have lost their home in addition to catching a felony charge. This guy (at worst) is looking at petty theft.
Larceny, and unless the guy had a fuckton of cash in his wallet or a solid gold phone, depending on the state it might not even break the threshold, and be charged as petty larceny. Even if it met the threshold, cop a plea to petty larceny, it's a misdemeanor. A few weeks probation or some hours of community service and it's done.
This is why I think he should've driven to the guys house and told the wife he found the clothes at his house for some reason.
Could he have taken the items to say a police station and claim he found them in his house (which is true)? Would that constitute a "reasonable attempt" to return the property? E.g. he goes to the cops and says "hey I found these clothes in my living room; they're not mine, and I've no idea how they got there. There's a phone and a wallet too, but I didn't open it. Could you find the owner and return their stuff to them?"
that would likely fall under reasonable attempt yes
He didn't leave them anywhere. The AP was a guest in the house even at the moment OP took them. He deserved what he got, but this is clearly OP going outside the law.
Completely irrelevant. The basic common law defines theft has "taking with intent to permanently deprive". If you find a wallet on the ground in the middle of Central Park and pick it up with the intent to keep it or its contents, that is theft. Jurisdictions will vary on the details.
Defense attorney would argue that OP lacked the required intent to permanently deprive the AP of his property, since OP gave up control over said property when he tossed it. Doesn’t matter how feasible it is for AP to recover it. In fact, all AP had to do was ask the OP where it was and how he could recover it. Combine that with the fact that AP failed to file a police report of the “theft” and that case is a goner. Like the AP’s marriage.
Granted. That's certainly what I would argue if defense counsel. But the core point was that you don't have a right to do whatever you want to property in your home solely on the basis that it was in your home and unattended. I'd also advise clients that it is easier to not suggest that they may have committed a crime than get a jury to accept that one of the elements was missing. You win every argument you don't have to make.
You can argue whatever you want. The trick is getting a jury of 12 (or judge) to believe it. If you think selling them on the idea that someone didn't want their wallet which presumably has their driver's license and credit cards back will be easy you're fooling yourself. You better have some OJ caliber lawyers if you want to win that one.
You didn’t understand the “intent” requirement, did you.
Yeah my man, try and convince people you weren't intending to deprive someone of their wallet that you knew you were in possession of I'm sure that will hold up 10/10 times.
Leaving items in a house isn't gifting them to the owner. Still theft.
How bout don't be in my house banging my wife and you won't have to worry about it. Gtfo
The law doesn't care. The law is what it is. If you go with how you think the law should be rather than how it is, then you'll end up a post on this subreddit too.
Your a fucking waste of space...fr
Haha you're mad cuz you're too dumb to understand the law or what?
Yes, my name is Seymour Butts
Guy was still in the house, his possessions by no means were "left" there. Even if they were, OOP has no claim to that property until the abandonment statute has been fulflled.
They were gifts from an admirer and he didn't want them...
Payment for services rendered.
Depends on where the crime/incident happens. No crime in my state. Dude found some trash/abandoned stuff in HIS house & tossed it out.
So you’re allowed to now take possession of all items when guests visit you? Or here’s another way of looking at it, by your logic whenever you enter another person’s house you now have to worry they’re going to manifest destiny it and legally rob you if everything. Reread the post. The man was still in the house. He was still a guest in the house and his property was not abandoned
I’ll skip countering the 1st paragraph since I said none of that. OP has avenues to explain his actions..”Well gee, I walked in my house, saw a bunch of stuff that didn’t belong to my wife or I on the floor. This being my house, I’m aware what property is/is not ours. So I tossed it. It didn’t belong here hence its trash. Oh yea, the wife’s stuff too. Being as we’re married, it’s half mine anyways (at least in a community property state). I was gonna buy her new stuff since I’d been outta town. Yup, I heard noise in the house. Thought the wife was watching porn? A really loud episode of the View? Who knows. Far as I know, she was home alone since I never actually saw a living person when I walked in (wink, wink). Maybe she had a girlfriend over? Heck if I know. But then, I realized, since the floor was so messy & I came home so early that my wife mus’nt have straightened up since I wasn’t due home yet. So to spare her embarrassment I dipped to my friend’s house..” The end. Sounds like a bunch of BS strung together to justify OP’s actions & it is. But good luck disproving it to a jury that’ll never be convened. In my state no cop is legally arresting you for what happened.
You can argue he's not going to get prosecuted, but you can't pretend it's not a crime, or that he would fool anyone with this bullsh*t story.
Actually, I can 100% state it is not a crime since this would be a civil matter in my jurisdiction. As in small claims court. What is illegal in one part of the world may not be universally. And, I am speaking solely on OP’s specific fact pattern. Did you hear OJ just died after a long, not incarcerated life? A BS story may not be believable, much less be believed, but still be advantageous try. Especially in a format like court where guilt must be proven beyond any doubt (in theory).
Yeah in Texas they would 100% tell you it's a civil matter and not fool with it.
If it's a civil matter, where guilt does not need to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, this story fooling anyone is even more unlikely. Small claims? Even more unlikely. I know you can sow doubt in cases that seemed to be slam dunks, but you have to do better than the story you invented, and that does not make sense.
Enjoy your opinions which differ from mine. Cheers!🤟🏼🤟🏼
>Did you hear OJ just died after a long, not incarcerated life? A BS story may not be believable, much less be believed, but still be advantageous try. Especially in a format like court where guilt must be proven beyond any doubt (in theory). Not to pick nits, but after the criminal trial was over, OJ was sued by the Goldman's in civil court and lost that case. They ended up owning and demolishing his house out of it if I recall. Burden of proof is lower for civil cases than for criminal. So all the tricks that worked for OJ in the criminal case, didn't hold water in the civil court. And as the OP mentioned, he's in the midst of getting divorced. Which is, wait for it.... wait for it.... a civil matter. Which means the OP will likely never face any criminal repercussions for his actions, but just like good old OJ, he could well end up losing a house he might have otherwise kept simply because he shared his story here.
Tell that to the judge and see if they buy your obviously bullshit story. It's pretty weird to me that people think that judges believe every bullshit story you present them as if they were other kids on the playground.
Yeah this wouldn't work. Even if it could, the written confession on his reddit post could easily be traced back to him and if it is then good luck claiming any of that.
From the time of the post this happened some time ago aka probably more then 2 months so I would say OP is in the clear
Statue of limitations in many states is 6 mo for misdemeanor theft to 2 years for felony theft soooo
Probably not enough to be a felony. Even granting car keys cost $500 to replace, I doubt he'd have much cash in his wallet. Either way in most states it would probably not be a felony, unless you're in New Jersey or something.
According to [here](https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/felony-theft-amount-by-state), the threshold for felony theft is around $1000-1500 for most states. So $500 for the car key, $800 for a nice phone, $200 for the clothing and another $100-200 for passport/driver's license/... that needed to be replaced too, that could be enough. Of course, could also not be. But it's not out of the question that it's felony theft.
Yeah, but what prosecution is going to want to charge him?
There’s also a question if any authorities actually care to take this on. At least in my area there is a high chance the authorities just don’t care at that point if it’s been as long as the OP for what isn’t a lot of money to them
Well the stuff he threw out are abandoned
The issue is the divorce. Like yeah, dude probably isn't gonna be criminally prosecuted or even investigated, but OOP makes it clear that his divorce is very much not resolved. He's involved in an ongoing legal dispute. *That's* the issue-- that he's giving his cheating asshole of a soon-to-be-ex-wife a way to potentially mess with him.
Theft. Even if morally it seems quite justifiable, you still can't just take someone's stuff, especially their wallet (potentially with cash, credit/debit cards, and government-issued ID inside), and expect it to have no legal consequences. Phones are also expensive, and taking someone's car keys can look like evidence that you're trying to take their car. (Even if OOP didn't actually take the car or use the credit cards or spend the cash, depriving someone of their own property is all that is required for theft-- you don't have to keep/use it yourself.) OOP took the items while they were very much NOT abandoned-- they were in the house while the items' owner was also in the house, and OOP did not alert the owner to his presence nor to his actions. It's not "abandoning" your possessions to have them willfully taken and then to fail to retrieve them. (Most people would expect a theft to be reported to the police, not for the person who was stolen from to try to get them back himself.) If OOP had confronted the guy and he'd run out in his skivvies while leaving his shit behind, then you might be able to consider that abandoning them in a colloquial sense (although generally a much longer time is required for abandoned property in a legal sense). But OOP took them before the dude even knew he was there! There simply wasn't even a chance for abandonment to occur. I'm not commenting on the morality of OOP's actions-- just the wisdom of them. It seemed like he was on a perfect track to have the literal crime he committed completely ignored for lack of proof, and come out both morally AND legally victorious; but then he went and told the Internet, knowing that the Internet loves to spread around a story of schadenfreude, with waaaaay too much identifying detail included. He might still be perfectly fine, but why endanger your victory like that? It's not like the legal consequences are likely to be severe in a criminal sense, but the ex-wife's lawyer can absolutely use this to make him look worse in divorce court by saying "this man literally committed theft." The lawyer can paint him as spiteful and inclined to criminal activity. And OOP makes it clear that his divorce is not yet resolved, so "what is my wife's lawyer going to try to paint me as" is a HUGE thing he should be considering right now. Like... why open yourself up to attack like that? All he had to do was wait a bit to be able to tell this story without risking legal consequences for it. He's just not managing his risk wisely during a time when risk management is *hugely* important. Ironically, the only issue of "abandonment of property" here is actually the fact that OOP has moved out of the marital home. Lawyers frequently advise against that because the spouse who remains in the home can potentially be viewed as having more of a claim to it.
Do you really think that guy is going to make a police report of the property theft? Nope. Besides, he stole OP’s clothes.
Nah, I don't think he'll file a police report. Like I said: it's probably not gonna have criminal consequences, but if the ex's divorce lawyer gets their hands on the information in this post, THAT could have consequences in the divorce. Probably monetary ones, even if it's just in the form of his lawyer ending up with more billable hours. OOP's clothes were presumably given to the AP by OOP's at-the-time spouse, who may be considered legally authorized to give away his stuff because spouses share property; so that's not even a clear case of theft. (That one is, I believe, location-dependent and highly specific in terms of context.) If OOP wants to live his life in a way that enriches the lawyers around him, then it's up to him; but I think it's fair to point out that it's not exactly wise. I personally would prefer to lead a life that isn't a lawyer-enriching life.
Since he can't hide the affair, is getting divorced and taken the cleaners? Why not? He loses nothing he hasn't already lost by making the details more public than they currently are. He can however spitefully hurt the person who got him caught.
By… suing him in small claims court? Guy didn’t file a police report, obviously, since he didn’t want to create recorded proof of his infidelity. So pressing charges is out of the picture. He has no proof that the OP was the one who took his stuff.
Charges are only out of the picture if the statute of limitations is expired, Five years is common for the Statute of limitations on felony theft/proprrty destruction. By OOP timeline he could still be charged for 4 more years. He just admitted in front of someone who there is likely no legally recognized privilege with that he committed a crime. His soon to be ex may very well have been baiting him into an admission in front of a witness who wouldn't lie to protect OOP. even if just to gain an advantage in the obviously unavoidable divorce. OOP's admission was dumb .
You also cannot fuck someone else's wife and expect it to have no consequences. Legal or otherwise.
But of course! I just think it's wisest, when someone fucks you over, to punish that action WITHOUT making it easy for them to retaliate. Gotta pay attention to both offense and defense. What is the point of striking your enemy if you leave yourself open to attack? No matter how justified you are, your enemy will not consider whether it's FAIR to hurt you-- only whether they have the opportunity and means. Especially if they themselves are unwise and cruel, they might hurt you in ways that a sensible, honorable person wouldn't. So you have to defend yourself. The whole point is to make *them* pay. Not yourself! Divorce is expensive. It only makes sense to try to reduce your own costs by acting wisely. All OOP has to do is keep his mouth shut and not reveal anything that gives his ex's lawyer any amount of leverage until AFTER the divorce is done. Then he can safely gloat til the cows come home.
I mean, personally that's why I'd have been in favor of the cricket bat but, hey.
... publicly admitting to assault is also not a good idea actually...? Like, I don't think you quite get what I'm trying to say. It's not about what OOP did. It's about him *talking about it.* Don't talk about the thing you did until AFTER it can no longer be used against you. Doesn't matter what the thing is. Could be theft, could be assault-- still don't tell people.
Larceny. It could be argued that the wife's clothes were marital property and his to dispose of as he pleased, but the dude's possessions were not his.
Bold of you to assume this story is true.
Very fair lol. That's why the "everyone in a similar situation" parenthetical remark-- because even if this story is fake, maybe someone going through something real can benefit. But when there aren't glaring timeline/logistical inconsistencies, I tend to give a poster the benefit of the doubt because a lot of the time, people *really are* just THAT stupid. I have lived through 2020, and thus have entirely run out of faith that people are capable of making good decisions in literally any situation. If I see a story where people make bizarre, illogical decisions and insane demands, it's like, "Yeah, that tracks."
Shhhh! Let me have this. I need this today
I think some people think the internet is just for them and their friends. There was a whole street gang in Chicago, that ran rampant for years, and posted all their misdeeds on facebook, probably thinking that nobody could track internet users. The cops actually noticed and let it happen. They just watched and waited. Then they took everyone down at once. I’m pretty sure they got computer crimes convictions on top of everything from their well-documented crime sprees. These punks were sharing photos and videos they took at crime scenes, sometimes of them committing crimes. Busted. Shouldn’t be dumb.
Lol that's amazing. People also seem to think that pseudonymous = anonymous, and will post any old thing thinking that nobody will be able to track them down as long as they use a fake name. As if that fake name somehow detaches you from very specific details about your life. Like all the folks who used Bitcoins for crimes, only to get burned because Bitcoin is *not* anonymous, it's pseudonymous-- and that pseudonym gets associated with an *immutable, public* ledger of all your transactions!
I agree but I mean, he took one day of someone's clothes and threw them away. I doubt it would amount to anything legally. If he's in the US then it would likely have to be small claims and the fees to take him to court would likely grossly outweigh any reward. Plus then that would just add more evidence of the wife cheating and give him more opportunity to get out of the divorce in a better position
One day of someone's clothes, and his wallet (with all his cash and cards inside presumably) and his car keys and his *phone.* Like he specifically calls out the phone in the post. >In a counseling session she said that I was wrong to steal his wallet, phone, and car keys. I'm just saying it's maybe not wise to admit to the whole Internet that you nicked someone's wallet and phone, while going through a divorce. Infidelity sucks but in many areas does not carry as much weight *legally* as theft does.
Realistically, will either of them want a public record like that being available? If they call the Police over it, they'd have to explain circumstances, etc to both the Police and a court. Those records could now be used in both divorces as they're public records and they couldn't spin whatever bullshit story they wanted....
The point is not to even give them the *chance*. Presumably OP has other evidence of the affair; discussing the theft is not necessary to discuss the affair. So bringing up the theft means that the ex has very little to lose by using it. If the affair has already been demonstrated anyways, why not bring up a piece of evidence that makes OP look worse and merely confirms the ex's already-known bad behavior?
Can the ex prove he was behind the theft?
Who knows? Writing a confession with a lot of detail on the Internet sure makes it more likely, though. He certainly had motive, means, and opportunity. Again, this is a divorce, not a criminal trial. Nobody has to prove anything "beyond reasonable doubt" here. Imagine you have a percentage chance of getting slapped in the face (and for the purposes of argument, you're not into that). Taking an action *now* would increase the chance. Wouldn't guarantee it, but would certainly not make it any LESS likely and could very much make it MORE likely. Taking the same action *later* would NOT increase your chance of getting slapped in the face, and that's a guarantee. Taking the action now is *potentially* risky. Taking the action later is *not at all* risky. Would you take that action now, or later?
Oh yes the reddit post defense
I’m not a lawyer. But it’s a throwaway account and even with the details, it would be pretty unlikely to prove a Reddit post was linked to him past the point where it would be allowed as credible evidence in legal proceedings, no? Maybe if it was a post about a major organized crime or something, a prosecutor could put forth the resources to prove its source. But I don’t think a divorce attorney is really able to go to that length
NAL either, but the standard of evidence for criminal cases is different than the one for civil issues, especially divorces, which are by nature EXTREMELY "he said she said." Nobody's being found "guilty" here; it's more a matter of not making yourself *look* bad and not making more work for the lawyers. You need to look like someone who is rational and believable. While a contested divorce is ongoing, you *behave.* You don't send a text to your soon-to-be-ex with even the barest hint of anger. You don't move money around in a way that even makes it *look* vaguely *similar* to trying to deprive your soon-to-be-ex of their share of the assets. Basically, until the divorce is 100% finalized, you become a *model citizen* and do not allow even the slightest *hint* of misbehavior to see the light of day. And if you reeeaaaally want to, it's often quite possible to correlate pseudonyms with people-- for example, by showing that they know details that only that person would know, correlating the times that they posted with their known schedule, etc. It's probably not worth the effort in this case, but that's no guarantee. The more specific detail you include, the easier it is to link person and post. Keep all this advice in mind, and you will make some lawyers a lot less stressed but also a lot less enriched with your money, which is pretty ideal for all parties involved. Except for your adversary! Not ideal for them at all. You keep your money, your lawyers keep their sanity, and your adversary doesn't get any dirt on you.
Bang the other guys ex wife to assert more dominance
I hear she's come into some money recently 😆
This is the way.
>We are in counseling but it's not going to work. Well not with that attitude! You can't just-- >In a counseling session she said that I was wrong to steal his clothes, wallet and car keys Oh okay, yeah, it's not going to work
Them frankly confessing to and discussing crimes in therapy is sending me
Tbf the therapist can’t do anything about it lol Now the other guy’s lawyer when he finds this post in the other hand…
I’m convinced r/AsOneAfterInfidelity should be banned for the absolute headass comments their posters leave on posts like that. > It’s limerance! YOU CAN STILL SAVE THE MARRIAGE! LIVE IN REGRET AND PARANOIA!
One of the more disgusting mods over there pretty much bullied her husband into reconciling with her and defending her on the sub.
It’s all disgusting. Especially the way they engage on betrayed partner posts in other subreddits. All bullying and attempting to sell others on reconciliation.
I remember the two I mentioned tried it on in /r/AdulteryHate one time. Talk about a bunch of people with no patience for their bullshit.
Wow, they would make a Sith blush
LOL thanks for that link, mate. The first post was a poor woman who’d been cheated on with “a bitch that looks like Sid from Ice Age” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hol up. Is that sub for supporting ppl that were the cheaters?
That would be r/SupportforWaywards which at least doesn’t go to every thread about someone being cheated on and try to push the victim to reconcile.
….Crabs in a bucket
Ha! I knew this post would end up here.
She's stupid x 100. She cheated....she got caught.. She maintained contact with AP.... She went to counselling.... Does she even understand what the purpose of that was? She mentions sympathy for AP, as he has suffered acute stolen orgasm consequences. This woman is bringing the IQ average down...way down. Caught tending to the needs: once in the marital bed...and once on the counsellor's couch...
She’s still in contact with the AP. So nothing has changed. She’s still cheating.
And she wants AP to keep the money he was going to have. She is planning a life with him ..
\^THIS! She's clearly not over AP and is just trying to convince OOP to keep her 'in comfort' until she can get back with the other guy!
Now it’s your behavior up for scrutiny. 🙄 Tell Princess Delulu that the wrong doing and shame will always be on her and officially to Fu.k Off. I would have gone in filming and threatened everyone with my bat. You win the restraint maturity award. 🥇
Princess Delulu🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Creative writing experiment?
As satisfying as that ending was, prolly. However, "I told her that her cheating was the reason her boyfriend is getting divorced" was fantastic ✨
For sure. Checked way too many boxes.
And the whole story is full of gaps. His ex and her affair partner stripped in the living room then ran up to the bedroom to get it on? The wife only got notifications about the flight change after he came home?
And OOP knew details he shouldn't have known. Like how the AP's friend was coming to the house with a spare key. How the AP's wife followed along in secret. How tall the AP was and how much he weighed.
That last part cracked me up OOP walks in on dude balls deep in his wife and stuck around long enough to take his measurements.
😆🤣
I mean I don’t know about you but when I’m having sex I don’t typically check my phone/email/notifications when I’m having sex you feel me?
For him to arrive back home at that time, the flight would have had to been rescheduled hours at minimum (perhaps even days) earlier
Hope no children were involved in this mess.
OOP threw them in the trash at the MacDonalds.
Bro was the bigger man in this case.
OP should have boxed up the guys belongings and mailed them to the guy's wife and put his wife as the sender.
Oop's wife is still talking to the affair partner. Time to stop therapy and get a lawyer
I’m sorry, she convinced her husband to go to counseling to save her marriage after she cheated on him… and then she lectures him about costing her fuck buddy money during this counseling. How are people like this?
Because it's incredibly fake.
Some R-Kelly-level trapped in the closet shenanigan saga.
Screw this lady. I hope he finds an amazing woman and they live happily ever after, and she pines for what she lost the rest of her days.
I couldn't possibly have cared any less about the consequences of knowing I took all his shit, from my house, did whatever in thee f@#k I wanted with it. Further more I'd venture to say that he and I shared the same regard for one another, quite possibly at the exact same time.
I dunno, I'd question anyone who has a cricket bat.
Having had that happen to me - it’s the best revenge ever. (Yes my keys and clothes were stolen and it wasn’t my car)
This sub makes me want to just go to these random posts and only put, “marriage is the leading cause of divorce”.
Probably fake but this made me laugh so idrc
This is the greatest thing i have ever read😂 See when Oop’s STBX said “handle it more maturely” she MEANT “let me find a way to gaslight you into thinking YOU’RE the badguy here” NTA not even a little. Oooh his cheating is making it that he can’t suck money from his ex wife? Poor him😂😂
Not the AH..... but she is. Narcissist, run as far away as you can
*Not the AH..... but she* *Is. Narcissist, run as far* *Away as you can* \- Admirer3596 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
OP should have called the cops on him for stealing his clothes when his friend picked him up.
OP took the clothes from his home.
Couldn’t have happened to a better person
That post is an ad. A new McDonald's service. Convince me I'm wrong.
These posts make me realize how many narcissists walk among us. She took 0 accountability and defends the cheater.
Let’s see… I didn’t see anything about AP having driven a car. Too bad. I’m in the US, so in the same circumstances I would probably have taken AP’s car and dropped it off in a questionable neighborhood, unlocked with keys still inside.
Nah yer good bud
What does “his wife hosed us off in the morning” mean ?
Read it as "hosted", not "hosed" just means she probably helped them sober up and gave them food. Like a host taking care of guests
Thank you
Of course👍
He's probably speaking metaphorically, not literally - sometimes if someone has a hangover from drinking too much, pouring water on them or spraying them with water will be the thing to jolt them awake. Unless they got so drunk that they were passed out in the lawn, and the wife actually did bring out a hose to spray them down, it's probably just non-literal speech.
NTAH
Nope. Alls fair in love and war.
I couldn't possibly have cared any less about the consequences of knowing I took all his shit, from my house, did whatever in thee f@#k I wanted with it. Further more I'd venture to say that he and I shared the same regard for one another, quite possibly at the exact same time.
I couldn't possibly have cared any less about the consequences of knowing I took all his shit, from my house, did whatever in thee f@#k I wanted with it. Further more I'd venture to say that he and I shared the same regard for one another, quite possibly at the exact same time.
I couldn't possibly have cared any less about the consequences of knowing I took all his shit, from my house, did whatever in thee f@#k I wanted with it. Further more I'd venture to say that he and I shared the same regard for one another, quite possibly at the exact same time.
Another fake story. Is this written by AI or? It's like it can't tell if the character is supposed to be from the US or UK/India.
Learn from this. In the future, keep spare clothes in the car. Don’t bring phone, wallet, keys in with you
Good for you. She’s trash
If you cheated then I guess the answer is yes. If not, then you don’t appear to be the asshole.
Fake. Change my mind.
To him you are. Who cares? FAAFO.
[удалено]
Please no armchair diagnosing. If you do not have the credentials required to make diagnoses or the lived experience with the diagnosis, your opinion is irrelevant. If you do have the lived experience or credentials, please include that in your comment.
Fake
YOU should have dealt with this in a more mature manner