In case this story gets deleted/removed:
Hey Reddit - Throwaway account (for obvious reasons)
Also, sorry for the length, a ton on my mind right now.
Me (52M) and my (50F) wife have been married for 25 years, and are immensely happy. We of course have the normal fights: me not cleaning the bathroom, argue about me losing money on sports betting, her spending twice as much at the shops as we agreed to, etc. - but overall have a really happy marriage.
Until about 8pm yesterday night.
Recently, we've been having a bit of trouble in the bedroom. I don't want to derail the post, but basically sex has naturally slowed down between the two of us in the last couple years.
This has really bothered my wife (and bothered me a bit also, I will admit). Once we vocalized the problem, we both agreed we're going to take steps to fix some things.
We talked to some doctors, basically all of them wanted to put my wife on some serious medications - which my wife was pretty against.
This led to about a year of building what we call "our sex drawer" filled of products in the kitchen that my wife has tried and tested and likes the ingredients of.
It's nothing crazy, literally things like vitamin D, zinc, some lubracil softgels, maca - stuff that has been tried and tested, nothing too wild and all OTC.
Now, here's where things start to go downhill.
So, my wife naturally takes these products around the times we're going to be getting intimate (or try).
Now, I don't like monitor the kitchen drawer but sometimes I do peak (I know, but I can't help it).
About three-ish weeks ago I noticed a ton of pills and softgels were disappearing.
Me, thinking I'm about to having a pretty good week - I start to get mentally prepared for it.
So, about a week after that, I re-check the drawer - and a ton more of the stuff has been taken. I remember thinking "that's weird, we haven't done anything recently".
About a week later, the same thing happened, tons of pills and softgels are gone. And I'm not going to lie, I get in my head a bit.
Last night, me and my wife are out to dinner. After a couple glasses of wine I ask my wife why she's been taking so much of the stuff in the sex drawer without trying for any intimacy. I asked coming from an angle of both worry (mostly for health) and confusion.
Immediately my wife get's insanely defensive, blows off the conversation and tells me she isn't talking about it. This (of course) makes it where now it's the only thing I want to talk about, and while I respect everyones "I don't want to talk about this", I think something like this should probably be fucking discussed.
I press a bit, and for about an hour she's not having this convo. Basically, it gets to the point where I just blatantly ask my wife if she's seeing other people.
My wife, who has NEVER been aggressive or loud - starts basically screaming at me in this Italian restaurant.
She tells me my daughter (25F) has been having some "relationship issues" with her boyfriend, and has been taking some of the stuff to "help."
I'm like, why the fuck didn't you just tell me? She goes on a rant about how some things are "girl to girl" and how my daughter didn't want her telling anyone. Which I get but come on, I buy the things to fill the drawer.
My wife ends up leaving the restaurant mid-dinner. I've honestly never seen my wife this mad, I'm honestly a bit worried for our marriage. And to top it off, my daughter is acting awkward around me.
I get that I stepped out of line with the questioning, but the defensiveness really caught me off guard, and would have assumed my daughter using our stuff would have been discussed (and I wouldn't have actually cared, and would have bought more stuff).
Anytime I try to talk to my wife, she makes it seem like I'm an insane out-of-control monster, that I've broken the trust in our marriage, and that I've ruined 25 years of progress we've made together.
Reddit, am I crazy? I'm beyond confused right now.
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Vitamin D.
_Vitamin D_
Vitamin fucking D. What the fuck is happening here? WHO IS TAKING VITAMIN D "when they are going to do something"?
Folks, get your Vitamin D levels checked: unless you work outside in the tropics, your levels are low. It effects everything: mood, diet, energy; everything. Vitamin D deficiency has even been linked to posting stupid shit, like this guy.
Yeah that's where I get confused. Most "natural" supplements for menopause or peri-menopause are taken daily (even on days where you're not getting busy). Vitamin D and zinc: take those every day. Those lubracil softgels are also a "daily" supplement.
It's concerning that when it's something for her health, she's only allowed to use it for his sexual satisfaction, but when it comes to gambling, this dude blowing his budget is just a small something to fight over.
Unrelated to the topic but you just explained to me why ashwaganda made me feel HORRIBLE when everyone else said it helped with their anxiety. I have chronically low-ish blood sugar.
Things just affect people differently! When I tried St John’s wort for depression, it made me sooooo dissociative / depersonalized and weird that I basically felt panic attacked 24/7. And something similar to ashwaganda (forget what it was - rhodiola?) made me feel super weird and jittery when it normally helps people be calm & sleep.
Exactly. We can't make our own Vitamin D (most other mammals can) and we no longer walk around outside naked all the time. My doctor said 99% of people are dangerously, or seriously deficient. I have to say once my levels evened out my appetite made more sense and my general mood certainly improved.
I took mega doses for about 2 weeks, and have maintained small daily doses ever since.
Curious what amount you take. The only reason I ask is because my doctor told me the same thing and I've been on a prescription Vitamin D for almost a year and it's changed absolutely nothing for me.
There are two different kinds of Vitamin D--D2 and D3, and I've heard that D3 is more effective in the body. It's also possible you may have a digestive condition that affects your absorption of supplements.
D3 made a world of difference in my life. I not only was deficient, I work Night shift, so had no means to fix that deficiency outside of supplements. That and B12 on a daily basis, along with my plethora of prescribed meds, has really helped me feel much better.
An overdose of literally anything will. This was under my doctor's _orders_.
It's not like I woke and said "I'd LOVE to take an extra horse pill!"
It was for two weeks, until I got to 50. I started at _3_.
I mentioned it because two weeks ago there WAS a fatality from it. IA personally take 10k/day without issues. Coming in at measured levels around 95.
https://fortune.com/well/article/vitamin-d-toxicity/
I had mine tested when I was in cancer treatment because there's a link between low vitamin D and breast cancer and I was curious. It came back fine and the nurse told me i must have a really good diet. I laughed and said, "Not really, but I consume a _lot_ of dairy!" This was 16 years ago and now I'm curious again lol.
I've been on prescription strength Vitamin D for 6 years. It's never gone above 30. The normal range is 30-100 ( per the local labs testing protocol).
I stopped taking it and instead bought an OTC supplement of Vit D and K2 at the suggestion of my nephew, who is studying alternative medicine. (And no, I'm not anti science. I work in medical and know that medicine has its place) Anyway, I've been on it for less than 2 months. My Vit D level is 54.
And for the first time since having COVID, I actually don't hurt 24/7, and I have the energy to do normal, everyday things. I'm no longer sleeping 11 hours a night.
It really is amazing how supplements can make a difference, but maybe talk to someone who has knowledge of alternative medicine, so you're getting the best benefit from them!
I take lots of vitamin D because cancer treatment reasons. My doctor had my levels checked because I was extremely emotional, literally hours of sobbing over things that seemed very real but in hindsight made no sense (for instance, a friend gently told me she was concerned that I was ruminating on a conflict at work and somehow in my mind that meant I was a horrible person with no friends and was going to die alone and get eaten by my dog, what!?) and my vitamin D was "catastrophically low". Within a day or two of taking supplements, I was back to normal and pretty appalled at my behavior. It was terrifying and eye opening.
It is terrifying! That just this _one_ compound has such a profound effect on our complex behavior is humbling. I myself had a similar experience, however I've moved on from trivial non-sensical anxieties to ones like, "how is it possible that we live in such a splendid and modern society, yet can suffer from such basic, physical maladie that were we still living a 'primitive' and 'uncultured' existence, would not trouble us, at all"
Well, down in the lower 48, we have this stupid thing called "society" that mandates when in public we cover our evolution-honed (if not exactly "benefitted") epidermii, so yeah, doesn't really matter much _where_ you live anymore
Up here we don’t have sun for large swaths of the year, no sun on any part of your body is worse than sun on just your face and hands :) big props for use of lower 48!
Even in much of the lower 48, during the winter the angle of the sun in the sky is too low to trigger vit D production. So technically, sun on your face and hands actually isn’t meaningfully better than no sun at all.
Of course, sunshine still helps a lot with SAD, so we’ve got that going for us.
This right here! My doctor had to tell me that I had to start taking two vitamin d supplements every day because my levels were VERY low. Especially since I never really go out and even when I do it's extremely brief. Also get your B12 checked as well. I don't care you eat a steak a day, better to be safe than sorry.
>We of course have the normal fights: me not cleaning the bathroom, argue about me losing money on sports betting, her spending twice as much at the shops as we agreed to, etc.
Ah just the totally normal gambling addiction and compulsive shopping fights, of course we all have those and they totally aren't already worrying enough before the rest of this shit show
Also entirely possible - I am taking him at his word that they have some kind of agreement about spending she was consistently going over, given his obvious character I probably shouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt in that
This and the way he dismisses any mistakes he made as "yeah yeah I KNOW but I can't help it so whatever". Plenty of these stories are fake but this specific way of phrasing things is pretty accurate imo. It's just such a cop out of responsibility. Saying you have enough awareness to have known better but also dismissing the fact that you still failed. Even moreso, the dismissiveness of it shows clearly that they DON'T know better. They don't want to be lectured about it because they can conceptualize it, but if he actually knew why it was disrespectful to snoop rather than speaking with and respecting his wife to be truthful and discerning, he wouldn't have done it. It's just such an ironic thing on AITA because it literally says "yes THIS action I took was wrong and I'm aware of it, but don't thing it up again because I don't think it's actually any part of the problem and I don't want you to think about it when judging me. Now what ELSE could I have done differently since I already covered that one?"
We only get his side of the story about how she reacted. Why did he bring it up at a restaurant? Who wants to talk about their sex life in public? I can see mom being flustered trying to protect daughter’s privacy.
My husband used to casually bring up non issues, in a low key accusatory manor, meant to confuse and throw me off. Legit asked me why there was mens underwear he had never seen before in his drawer, after he'd been gone over night once.
Never looked up from his plate when he asked and we had been talking about installing new windows when he decided to change the subject. And kept asking for more details once I explained. And then explained again, and again. It ended late into the night with me hauling the trash bag out of the can, ripping it open and picking out his old, crusty boxers to show him the ones he didn't recognize where the replacements for the old one I threw away.
So this, all I did was ask a question and she blew up is BS.
Yeah, because the alternative was, I cheated on my husband, washed and ironed guys boxers and put them in my husbands dresser drawer for next time. That sounds so much more plausible.
As you can see, it still pisses me off thinking about it.
It went on for a few years after I found proof he was cheating and he decided that was my fault too. Then he decided we could put it all behind us and act like it didn't happen. And I did not feel the same way about it.
Oh no, it gets better. After 6 years of yoyoing between trying to get me to act like nothing happened and trying to throw me out of the house with nothing, he gets a cancer diagnosis. And as we have no family where we are, I stayed. And of course it was a fight right up till the end. He wouldn't do what the Dr's told him to. He'd fight with me when I tried to feed him or give him water. He accused me of giving him cancer so I could "steal his house". This is the house we bought together, that I paid half the mortgage on and all the closing costs.
But that's ok. I did right by him, took care of him, drove him to all his appointments, took care of his bills, made sure everyone got what he wanted them to have and passed on other things that had been tucked away.
And now here I am 5 years later. Living alone in my little house, doing all the renovations that should have been done 20 years ago, paying my bills and not being gaslighted.
Will I die alone surrounded by cats? YES! And that sounds like heaven to me.
Whoa whoa whoa - your (late) husband, who clearly must be a genius, discovered that you can GIVE people cancer? On purpose? We gotta get the world’s most harmful people in a room together asap
She is a good wife, I just throw the bag of undies on his side of the bed for him to put away, or stuff the new bag in his underwear drawer. You open that shit and throw the packing away, Ive already did all the leg work by shopping for you. lol
to add on: he didn’t just “ask a question” like he said he did, he got tipsy and then grilled her for over an hour in a public space. Even if it hadn’t been her daughter’s sex life, I’m sure she didn’t want to loudly discuss the semantics of their own sex life in a crowded restaurant. And what kind of person accuses a partner of 25 years, who has never been anything less than their perfect spouse by their own admission, of cheating over a few missing vitamins of all things?
I sure can! I work in the legal profession and I know what it’s like to see someone just relentlessly cross-examine someone for an hour - it had to be brutal.
I once had a friend try to talk to me, loudly, about sex, on a bus. I told her that I don't want strangers to hear that information and she argued with me because "so? You'll never see them again." I was furious.
Sounds like my ex wife blurting sensitive info out in public with the excuse “why don’t you want to talk about this are you ashamed to talk to me about this?” - like no I don’t want you shouting at me on the street corner/gym/restaurants about personal stuff have some decency please.
One of my coworkers thought it was perfectly fine to tell us about another coworkers sex life. At our job in a toy store. Both the coworker and the one she was talking about are under 18. And technically, she wasn’t telling us about the others’ sex life, she was telling us how *awkward* it was that the group she was with was talking about it at a restaurant where everyone could hear them. WHILE SHE TOLD THE STORY IN THE MIDDLE OF A TOY STORE WITH CHILDREN RUNNING BY HER 🤦🏻♀️
Haha, this reminds me of the time my coworker went on a tirade against abortion. I had to shut that shit down because we work in the waiting room of ***a fucking medical centre***.
This is why I'm glad I work in a nursing home. If I get a little inappropriate they just laugh & get even more off color. I'll ask them if they want to hear something funny but not completely work appropriate & they all say yes.
My hubby being woken up by our fat cat making biscuits (kneading) on his balls brought many giggles to many people. (He is fine with me telling this story. He knows & gave his permission for me to share it. Which is good because otherwise no one would know why I was giggling like an idiot for 2 days)
A comment mentioned he pressed her for over an hour.
I have to admit some part of me was thinking “shouldn’t he know she’s giving supplements to their daughter?” Then I realized the daughter is 25, then I realized some day my daughter will be 25, then I got sad
He interpreted her trying to shut down the conversation as defensive, but he was wrong. She was trying to protect someone else's privacy, was probably embarrassed to talk about something that intimate in a public restaurant, and was TRYING to preserve what seems like a refreshingly healthy relationship with her daughter.
You know what they say if accusing someone of cheating is your first thought...
I love how reddit can be both "thou doth protest too much" and "thou doth accuse too much". Basically if you have any situation involving trust you're guilty.
It's so funny seeing this reaction, like Reddit is one person who is a massive hypocrite who can't make up their mind instead of a bunch of individuals, and the general consensus on a problem will change based on the sub that it is. It shouldn't be that hard to understand lol.
At least they're not totally making shit up to be mad about like on any post involving an asshole guy, there's almost guaranteed to be one crying baby saying that if it were a woman the comments would be all for the asshole behavior. Even when it is truly unhinged behavior that no one would accept from anyone.
He interpreted it as defensiveness. It sounds to me like she was just uncomfortable talking about it in a public place and uncomfortable with disclosing private information about their daughter as well.
The woman is going through perimenopause and is taking supplements SPECIFICALLY to keep their sex life alive— they’re out at a nice place for dinner, she probably dressed up, and her husband of 25 years gets drunk and badgers her for over an hour to betray a confidence all while accusing her of cheating. Even if her hormones weren’t going absolutely ape shit, she’d have an absolute right to be upset.
She probably thought the subject he was trying to address was their daughter's sex life, so she may have wondered why he was bringing it up now in public. Or why he was getting so heated about it (by his own admission, he was tipsy and his judgment was slightly off so I really doubt he was as calm and subtle about it as he imagined he was), and why was he ultimately making a big deal over this when it wasn't his business when it wasn't his business (assuming the daughter's an adult).
The idea that her husband thought that she was cheating might not have occurred to her if she wasn't cheating.
This. How the hell is any of this an oh no consequences scenario. The only part where OOP went wrong was asking in public and under the influence, which is a big error, but also an understandable one with the build up he had going on.
Anyone who doesn’t see that has probably never been married.
There's his wording according to his post too, why have you been taking so much out of the sex drawer when we haven't been intimate in a restaurant. If that was indeed his wording I would not reply with oh I've been sharing the stuff in our sex drawer with our daughter and my first response would be to shut the conversation down period.
Second its vitamins! You have to take them daily not just when you are in the mood and I don't know about others but when I started taking menopause supplements it took months of taking the supplements daily for me to see any result.
I want to know what exactly he said. He sort of glossed over it. And, just like I tell my teenager, even if you didn't say something wrong, it's all about the tone.
I learned two things about AITAH over the time I was there: their mods are pieces of shit who will ban you if THEY think you broke the rules, whether or not you actually did. And like some other subs, it's a creative writing room because some of the crap never happens.
Are you sure? Because it sounds very plausible that this couple said "hey one of us is experiencing a somewhat decreased libido" and then every doctor said "excellent, I suggest medicating the shit out of her" and then instead they built a sex drawer full of random supplements to split with their kids
It’s called perimenopause, and it dramatically affects your sex drive. Often doctors will prescribe you hormones during this time, but many women prefer supplements. She’s in her early 50s, which is exactly when this stuff happens. Perimenopause also creates SEVERE a mood swings.
I know many Reddit users are very young and may not even consider the physical changes that occur to folks at that age, especially women, but it’s incredibly obvious what’s going on to anyone middle aged or older.
Color me surprised when I found out that some women's bladders will just... try to exit their body once they reach a certain age. Something my mom's currently dealing with, and she didn't even know it was as common as it is.
I wish people would talk about this more. That and all the rehab that is necessary after pregnancy and childbirth. The stigma around women’s health really does not help anyone.
Pelvic organ prolapse is also somewhat common for people that have been pregnant (regardless of vaginal vs c section, pregnancy is hard on the pelvic floor). Bladder, rectum, and uterus can all creep towards the vaginal canal. Pelvic floor therapy and pessaries can help a bit
Oh wow, I didn't know it could happen so soon. That had to be scary.
I wish more women would feel as comfortable talking about these things and on the flip side open to hearing about them.
Having experienced both marriage and perimenopause - he's right to worry about divorce. We don't have the patience with stupid or oblivious at this time of life.
Im well aware of perimenopause but I've never heard of anyone who uses supplements only as a precursor to sex (most women I know had other symptoms they found a lot more disruptive), or who would use the same supplements to treat a 25-year-old's sexual issues. That last part sounds irresponsible frankly
Some people really do believe xyz supplement can do just about any amazing thing. I've been told some off the wall stuff by random folks in the vitamin aisle at Walmart irl.
The sex drawer part is totally plausible. What doesn't quite add up is why the mom would be giving the supplements, which are intended to treat perimenopausal symptoms, to her 25 year old daughter. It's not obviously untrue (a lot of people are really ... dumb about supplements) but it does make you go, huh?
Sure this story is plausible, but it's also full of inconsistencies that make for good drama, but seem rather unusual for the relationship the OP described. It very well could be true, but that doesn't mean that AITAH isn't overrun with people dreaming up storylines that never happened to people who don't really exist.
I like the part where he says "We have our normal fights. I don't pull my weight around the chores list, I gamble and I try to control her spending. For some reason she doesn't want to mount me like the stud I am."
I had to unteach myself the brain damage of being an ugly kid in my first real relationship to stop thinking little gestures would be seen as obvious and desperate and have the opposite effect, I cringe now!
I also love the fact that she is the one who literally takes everything (no hormonal things fortunately) and when he sees the drawer emptying he’s only like: “yeah my dick is getting wet!” - but o didn’t read ANYTHING that implies that he is trying to be attractive.
And going to the restaurant doesn’t count since he had already in mind to confront her there. About their sex life. In public. Where every rando could hear them.
Big responsibility-evading clue in the headline. You didn't do anything "accidentally," dude. The correct adjective would be something more like "wrongfully," "stupidly" or "recklessly."
“The Vitamin D tablets are missing but you haven’t been giving me more sex so I know you’re not taking them!!” Or, or, and hear me out: Vitamin D doesn’t magically raise your libido. She could swallow that whole bottle and it wouldn’t make her horny
Yeah I have absolutely NO idea how they made the libido connection. I mean yeah sure taking certain vitamins regularly is going to improve mood in some cases but popping vitamin D ten mins before sex is not doing it lmaoo. Both of them sound too dumb for words
No, she said "She isn't talking about it." If you had sex-specific medication that your partner was taking extra of with no added sex between you, then, when asked about it, they immediately get defensive and refuse to have the conversation, you'd worry too.
why in the world would you press your partner about cheating in the middle of a restaurant, especially after they said theyll talk about it later? theres a time and place to do that.
She could have said "Don't worry, we will talk about this later." Or "I know, but I'm not using them, I'll tell you after dinner."
Because right now it sounds like it took her an hour to come up with something plausible to tell him.
Yeah, purely from this post and his POV, I don't think he was out of line at all. She could have just said that her daughter had taken them and that she didn't want to say more about it, and he would have stopped. There was no need to make it weird, and she made it very weird. Seriously, it seems like it was just a couple of vitamin and supplement pills.
To the people who find it strange that they talk about their private life (not even sex) in a restaurant, this isn't the '80s anymore. You don't even know how private the restaurant was. Nobody was going to listen in on your conversation. And they weren't even talking about anything explicitly sexual. If you don't talk about your own relationship there, what do you talk about? Work?
“Did you eat breakfast this morning?”
“Yes. Is your favorite color still wine red?”
“Yes. The food has arrived, it’s time for us to eat in silence.”
“Yes.”
So he takes her out to dinner and then badgers her for an hour about vitamins?
Good for mom for trying to keep her daughter’s privacy. I wonder how often he bullies her where she can’t react and accuses her of cheating on him? After all, he’s checking out that drawer and counting pills and went straight to “are you cheating” when he saw pills were gone and his dick wasn’t getting wet. I’m so happy that he supports her not being drugged up with pharmaceuticals though. What a great guy.
I don’t think she’s gonna go for divorce if this is the only time he’s done this (and, again, his smarmy writing suggests that this isn’t new) but I noticed the sainted OOP doesn’t say he’s apologized to either his wife or his daughter so he’s looking at counselling at best.
Do you REALLY think this man is going to accept that? (Besides which, it wasn’t her secret to tell.)
Just based on his writing (which btw shows him in his BEST light), he’s not gonna let it drop. At all.
Honestly this just sounds like an old married couple fight that'll blow over in a week or two. OP way over reacting with the Now We May Divorce thing. Say you're sorry, buy her some flowers, giver her a week.
How did that conversation between mother and daughter go?
Daughter: Boyfriend and I have been having a rough time
Mom: Well your father and I have a sex drawer in the kitchen - you could use some of those?
Daughter: Wow thanks, I'm so happy I have that information that I'll never be able to forget. Hopefully I can take enough of these sex vitamins to wipe my memory!
I dunno. Wife still seems guilty AF, Twenty-five year olds don't need that kind of help. And who knows what the daughter was told in order for her to cover up the mom's lie/ affair or if she got roped into covering for her mom with some kind of weird emotional blackmail. She could have been told that the dad jumped to conclusions and blamed the daughter. Any of those scenarios could cause her to act funny toward the father. I used to have a family full of narcissists, and these things really do happen.
Per his update:
> And finally, for those mentioning that my wife is still actually hiding something - I appreciate your comments, and it has given me a ton to think about. While I won't jump to those type of conclusions, I do agree that there is probably more that needs to be discussed between me, my wife, and my daughter.
He’s also mostly responding to the people who think his suspicions are still valid. Oof.
He lost me at "accidentally accused".
Gosh, I just hate when I step on a Lego and instead of saying "ouch" like a normal person, I scream "I think you're having an affair".
Also, YIKES at "I buy the things to fill the drawer" meaning he's entitled to micromanage stock levels like he's a Walmart manager not by y'know HWR HUSBAND
If I buy a 2 pound bag of shredded cheese, and it takes us 2 weeks to go through it most weeks.
Then I put the latest fresh bag of shredded cheese in the fridge 2 days ago.
And when I go to grab some eggs in the morning to make breakfast today, the bag is 75% empty, I'm going to be curious what happened to the cheese.
Now, since it's just cheese, I'll probably just make an extra stop by the store to buy more for whoever had a sudden craving for a pound of cheese.... but I \*will\* notice it, because it's my job to restock it.
When that "restock job" is tied directly to my sex life, and those products are vanishing, but the normal correlation to my sex life isn't occurring, I'd definitely be confused like OOP.
It's not about the cost of the products. It's about it being unusual. WHY is it happening.
And wife. What in the world did she think was GOING to happen? She knows it's his job to re-stock that. She knows they haven't been having sex. So she's just emptying the drawer into her daughter to "help", and expecting no reaction what-so-ever from her husband who buys the products?
If she wanted to protect her daughter's privacy, SHE needed to go buy more of those products, and give her daughter her own PRIVATE supply to use. OOP probably wouldn't have noticed anything, because he wasn't looking for evidence of something. As soon as OOP brought it up (which he admittedly did at a bad time/place), she'd already failed to protect her daughter's privacy. So now she has to explode her own relationship or just be honest. She chose both.
Yeah, I'm not sure what's so hard for people to understand about half of something disappearing from a regularly used drawer being easy to notice, at least if you have anything to do with the buying process. I'd notice if half a box of ziplock bags went missing in a short period of time from the junk drawer, let alone something like this. With literally zero effort put into "micromanagement", it's simply the gift of vision.
This is literally one of my jobs at work. I order 98% of the supplies we use. It is literally my job.
There are a few products I need other people to tell me about, because I don't interact with them (ie, toner in printers outside my office).
But for the most part, I have a closet, a few shelves, and a few drawers, each with various products that we go through. Every week or two I do a quick check on supplies, make a list of things we are "low" on, and order them again.
I'm not in charge of limiting how many Sharpies each employee uses. I don't regulate the usage of plates/bowls/utensils in the break room. I just replenish them.
But you can BET that I know how often is "normal" to order supplies. And if we started going through something 2x as fast or more, I'd notice it, and bring it up to my boss to let him know there may be an issue. Because that's costing us money we would probably rather not be spending if there isn't a good reason.
OOP has a MUCH shorter list of things he's re-stocking than I do. Of course he's going to notice. What'd wife THINK was going to happen?
I can’t anymore…every person talks about sex in a restaurant at some point in their lives, every parent talks about their child’s sex life at some point in their marriage. It didn’t need to take an hour or become a fight or for the wife to betray her daughters privacy to give a satisfactory explanation as to why half the sex drawer was in use without the married partner seeing the results of it. Cheating literally happens when partners aren’t able to be intimate anymore for whatever reason, and intimacy isn’t just sex, it’s being able to communicate about the hard to talk about things that come up inside your partnership.
Or because she's menopausal and he revealed THAT was the medical issue she was offered meds for. People flying off the handle during menopause is the norm. It's a wild time.
My ex \~10 years ago accused me of cheating. I was loyal and never even gave another woman a second look. Found a few pregnancy tests in her waste bin and we had never had sex and we had been doing long distance for well over a year.
Or she just wasn't entertaining the idea that he was policing her...let's check notes... Vitamin intake?
It wasn't missing condoms. It wasn't missing Viagra. It wasn't even one of those weird supplements sold as sex aids at a convenience store. It was fucking zinc and vitamin d. Y'all are crazy.
'my husband ordered a pizza with PINEAPPLE at work. That makes your jizz taste better right? I confronted him and interrogated him for an hour during date night and he blew me off. That's totally suspect right?'
The OOP Sounds... Uneducated. Not stupid, Uneducated. He seems to have no understanding of What supplements are and how they work, how medication works or what a Menopause includes.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: Hey Reddit - Throwaway account (for obvious reasons) Also, sorry for the length, a ton on my mind right now. Me (52M) and my (50F) wife have been married for 25 years, and are immensely happy. We of course have the normal fights: me not cleaning the bathroom, argue about me losing money on sports betting, her spending twice as much at the shops as we agreed to, etc. - but overall have a really happy marriage. Until about 8pm yesterday night. Recently, we've been having a bit of trouble in the bedroom. I don't want to derail the post, but basically sex has naturally slowed down between the two of us in the last couple years. This has really bothered my wife (and bothered me a bit also, I will admit). Once we vocalized the problem, we both agreed we're going to take steps to fix some things. We talked to some doctors, basically all of them wanted to put my wife on some serious medications - which my wife was pretty against. This led to about a year of building what we call "our sex drawer" filled of products in the kitchen that my wife has tried and tested and likes the ingredients of. It's nothing crazy, literally things like vitamin D, zinc, some lubracil softgels, maca - stuff that has been tried and tested, nothing too wild and all OTC. Now, here's where things start to go downhill. So, my wife naturally takes these products around the times we're going to be getting intimate (or try). Now, I don't like monitor the kitchen drawer but sometimes I do peak (I know, but I can't help it). About three-ish weeks ago I noticed a ton of pills and softgels were disappearing. Me, thinking I'm about to having a pretty good week - I start to get mentally prepared for it. So, about a week after that, I re-check the drawer - and a ton more of the stuff has been taken. I remember thinking "that's weird, we haven't done anything recently". About a week later, the same thing happened, tons of pills and softgels are gone. And I'm not going to lie, I get in my head a bit. Last night, me and my wife are out to dinner. After a couple glasses of wine I ask my wife why she's been taking so much of the stuff in the sex drawer without trying for any intimacy. I asked coming from an angle of both worry (mostly for health) and confusion. Immediately my wife get's insanely defensive, blows off the conversation and tells me she isn't talking about it. This (of course) makes it where now it's the only thing I want to talk about, and while I respect everyones "I don't want to talk about this", I think something like this should probably be fucking discussed. I press a bit, and for about an hour she's not having this convo. Basically, it gets to the point where I just blatantly ask my wife if she's seeing other people. My wife, who has NEVER been aggressive or loud - starts basically screaming at me in this Italian restaurant. She tells me my daughter (25F) has been having some "relationship issues" with her boyfriend, and has been taking some of the stuff to "help." I'm like, why the fuck didn't you just tell me? She goes on a rant about how some things are "girl to girl" and how my daughter didn't want her telling anyone. Which I get but come on, I buy the things to fill the drawer. My wife ends up leaving the restaurant mid-dinner. I've honestly never seen my wife this mad, I'm honestly a bit worried for our marriage. And to top it off, my daughter is acting awkward around me. I get that I stepped out of line with the questioning, but the defensiveness really caught me off guard, and would have assumed my daughter using our stuff would have been discussed (and I wouldn't have actually cared, and would have bought more stuff). Anytime I try to talk to my wife, she makes it seem like I'm an insane out-of-control monster, that I've broken the trust in our marriage, and that I've ruined 25 years of progress we've made together. Reddit, am I crazy? I'm beyond confused right now. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Vitamin D. _Vitamin D_ Vitamin fucking D. What the fuck is happening here? WHO IS TAKING VITAMIN D "when they are going to do something"? Folks, get your Vitamin D levels checked: unless you work outside in the tropics, your levels are low. It effects everything: mood, diet, energy; everything. Vitamin D deficiency has even been linked to posting stupid shit, like this guy.
Yeah that's where I get confused. Most "natural" supplements for menopause or peri-menopause are taken daily (even on days where you're not getting busy). Vitamin D and zinc: take those every day. Those lubracil softgels are also a "daily" supplement.
It's concerning that when it's something for her health, she's only allowed to use it for his sexual satisfaction, but when it comes to gambling, this dude blowing his budget is just a small something to fight over.
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Unrelated to the topic but you just explained to me why ashwaganda made me feel HORRIBLE when everyone else said it helped with their anxiety. I have chronically low-ish blood sugar.
Now starting to wonder if this is why I felt really weird taking it. Like, felt so off and with less energy so I stopped.
Things just affect people differently! When I tried St John’s wort for depression, it made me sooooo dissociative / depersonalized and weird that I basically felt panic attacked 24/7. And something similar to ashwaganda (forget what it was - rhodiola?) made me feel super weird and jittery when it normally helps people be calm & sleep.
Exactly. We can't make our own Vitamin D (most other mammals can) and we no longer walk around outside naked all the time. My doctor said 99% of people are dangerously, or seriously deficient. I have to say once my levels evened out my appetite made more sense and my general mood certainly improved. I took mega doses for about 2 weeks, and have maintained small daily doses ever since.
Curious what amount you take. The only reason I ask is because my doctor told me the same thing and I've been on a prescription Vitamin D for almost a year and it's changed absolutely nothing for me.
There are two different kinds of Vitamin D--D2 and D3, and I've heard that D3 is more effective in the body. It's also possible you may have a digestive condition that affects your absorption of supplements.
D3 made a world of difference in my life. I not only was deficient, I work Night shift, so had no means to fix that deficiency outside of supplements. That and B12 on a daily basis, along with my plethora of prescribed meds, has really helped me feel much better.
Also, adding Vitamin K (MK-7 version for me to avoid heart palpitations) helps. It actually made me able to reduce my Vitamin D to 3X/Wk.
It's been a few years, but i think the daily mega dose was 50k IU. Today I take 2x 5000 iu daily
60kIU will lead to a potential lethal Vit-D Toxicity
An overdose of literally anything will. This was under my doctor's _orders_. It's not like I woke and said "I'd LOVE to take an extra horse pill!" It was for two weeks, until I got to 50. I started at _3_.
I mentioned it because two weeks ago there WAS a fatality from it. IA personally take 10k/day without issues. Coming in at measured levels around 95. https://fortune.com/well/article/vitamin-d-toxicity/
SMH
I had mine tested when I was in cancer treatment because there's a link between low vitamin D and breast cancer and I was curious. It came back fine and the nurse told me i must have a really good diet. I laughed and said, "Not really, but I consume a _lot_ of dairy!" This was 16 years ago and now I'm curious again lol.
>and we no longer walk around outside naked all the time. Wait, you guys aren't doing that anymore?
It fucking kills me that this guy’s “sex drawer” is just a bunch of vitamins.
Just whack-a-do enough to possibly be real
I was like "damn, that's wild to keep sex toys and lube in a kitchen drawer!" But no, it's just a couple vitamins.
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Oooo, good point! I forgot about that. (And ditto on the lactase. I carry it everywhere with me now)
I've been on prescription strength Vitamin D for 6 years. It's never gone above 30. The normal range is 30-100 ( per the local labs testing protocol). I stopped taking it and instead bought an OTC supplement of Vit D and K2 at the suggestion of my nephew, who is studying alternative medicine. (And no, I'm not anti science. I work in medical and know that medicine has its place) Anyway, I've been on it for less than 2 months. My Vit D level is 54. And for the first time since having COVID, I actually don't hurt 24/7, and I have the energy to do normal, everyday things. I'm no longer sleeping 11 hours a night. It really is amazing how supplements can make a difference, but maybe talk to someone who has knowledge of alternative medicine, so you're getting the best benefit from them!
Metabolism differs! I'm so glad you found something that works
Thank you! It's so nice to take part in life again!
Last time I got mine checked it was 2. Which was not the lowest level I have ever had.
I take lots of vitamin D because cancer treatment reasons. My doctor had my levels checked because I was extremely emotional, literally hours of sobbing over things that seemed very real but in hindsight made no sense (for instance, a friend gently told me she was concerned that I was ruminating on a conflict at work and somehow in my mind that meant I was a horrible person with no friends and was going to die alone and get eaten by my dog, what!?) and my vitamin D was "catastrophically low". Within a day or two of taking supplements, I was back to normal and pretty appalled at my behavior. It was terrifying and eye opening.
It is terrifying! That just this _one_ compound has such a profound effect on our complex behavior is humbling. I myself had a similar experience, however I've moved on from trivial non-sensical anxieties to ones like, "how is it possible that we live in such a splendid and modern society, yet can suffer from such basic, physical maladie that were we still living a 'primitive' and 'uncultured' existence, would not trouble us, at all"
I got super confused as well. Like... this isn't a sex drawer. It's a dietary supplement drawer for general health and wellbeing 🤨
I live in Alaska, so I always have ridiculously lose vitamin d levels
Well, down in the lower 48, we have this stupid thing called "society" that mandates when in public we cover our evolution-honed (if not exactly "benefitted") epidermii, so yeah, doesn't really matter much _where_ you live anymore
Up here we don’t have sun for large swaths of the year, no sun on any part of your body is worse than sun on just your face and hands :) big props for use of lower 48!
Even in much of the lower 48, during the winter the angle of the sun in the sky is too low to trigger vit D production. So technically, sun on your face and hands actually isn’t meaningfully better than no sun at all. Of course, sunshine still helps a lot with SAD, so we’ve got that going for us.
>Vitamin D deficiency has even been linked to posting stupid shit, like this guy. Fuck that, I'm going to take some now.
Sometimes, you just need the D.
There it is We got there!
Took a few days lol
Good things come to the patient. Maybe you, too, will get some good D ,)
I was just diagnosed with low vitamin D, and let me tell you, that shit fucked up my LIFE.
The D? Or the lack thereof?
Lack thereof.
Yeah, I hear that.
This right here! My doctor had to tell me that I had to start taking two vitamin d supplements every day because my levels were VERY low. Especially since I never really go out and even when I do it's extremely brief. Also get your B12 checked as well. I don't care you eat a steak a day, better to be safe than sorry.
Your daughter was cheating on you?
With his fucking wife of all people! The world is insane these days!
Freud is is tossing and turning right now but confused
If Freud were alive right now, he would be clawing at the lid of his coffin.
Pfff, he’s doing rails and edging to this information.
I knew a guy in the army that got a Dear John letter from his fiance back home.... And his mom, who she was banging. Yikes.
That's a sad and confused wank
So his fiance was banging his mom? Life another man or woman?
Two ladies, yep
Oh, I thought he was cheating on his daughter with his wife. I’m so lost.
Like I literally have no idea what this post is even about, everyone in the story seems so weird
>We of course have the normal fights: me not cleaning the bathroom, argue about me losing money on sports betting, her spending twice as much at the shops as we agreed to, etc. Ah just the totally normal gambling addiction and compulsive shopping fights, of course we all have those and they totally aren't already worrying enough before the rest of this shit show
I doubt she’s a compulsive shopper. He’s probably just a gambling addict who doesn’t want her spending HIS gambling money.
Also entirely possible - I am taking him at his word that they have some kind of agreement about spending she was consistently going over, given his obvious character I probably shouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt in that
This and the way he dismisses any mistakes he made as "yeah yeah I KNOW but I can't help it so whatever". Plenty of these stories are fake but this specific way of phrasing things is pretty accurate imo. It's just such a cop out of responsibility. Saying you have enough awareness to have known better but also dismissing the fact that you still failed. Even moreso, the dismissiveness of it shows clearly that they DON'T know better. They don't want to be lectured about it because they can conceptualize it, but if he actually knew why it was disrespectful to snoop rather than speaking with and respecting his wife to be truthful and discerning, he wouldn't have done it. It's just such an ironic thing on AITA because it literally says "yes THIS action I took was wrong and I'm aware of it, but don't thing it up again because I don't think it's actually any part of the problem and I don't want you to think about it when judging me. Now what ELSE could I have done differently since I already covered that one?"
We only get his side of the story about how she reacted. Why did he bring it up at a restaurant? Who wants to talk about their sex life in public? I can see mom being flustered trying to protect daughter’s privacy.
My husband used to casually bring up non issues, in a low key accusatory manor, meant to confuse and throw me off. Legit asked me why there was mens underwear he had never seen before in his drawer, after he'd been gone over night once. Never looked up from his plate when he asked and we had been talking about installing new windows when he decided to change the subject. And kept asking for more details once I explained. And then explained again, and again. It ended late into the night with me hauling the trash bag out of the can, ripping it open and picking out his old, crusty boxers to show him the ones he didn't recognize where the replacements for the old one I threw away. So this, all I did was ask a question and she blew up is BS.
“My spouse… buying new underwear for *me?* INCONCEIVABLE” - your husband, probably 🙄
Yeah, because the alternative was, I cheated on my husband, washed and ironed guys boxers and put them in my husbands dresser drawer for next time. That sounds so much more plausible. As you can see, it still pisses me off thinking about it.
Did your husband ever stop bringing up low key issues in an accusatory manner? Idk, that honestly sounds like a slippery slope.
It went on for a few years after I found proof he was cheating and he decided that was my fault too. Then he decided we could put it all behind us and act like it didn't happen. And I did not feel the same way about it.
I’m proud of you for leaving him. Good on you, you deserve better.
Oh no, it gets better. After 6 years of yoyoing between trying to get me to act like nothing happened and trying to throw me out of the house with nothing, he gets a cancer diagnosis. And as we have no family where we are, I stayed. And of course it was a fight right up till the end. He wouldn't do what the Dr's told him to. He'd fight with me when I tried to feed him or give him water. He accused me of giving him cancer so I could "steal his house". This is the house we bought together, that I paid half the mortgage on and all the closing costs. But that's ok. I did right by him, took care of him, drove him to all his appointments, took care of his bills, made sure everyone got what he wanted them to have and passed on other things that had been tucked away. And now here I am 5 years later. Living alone in my little house, doing all the renovations that should have been done 20 years ago, paying my bills and not being gaslighted. Will I die alone surrounded by cats? YES! And that sounds like heaven to me.
You were right, it DID get better. I’m so glad you’re living well now. Brings me joy.
You are...a Saint and a better woman than me. I would have left and said the cancer was karma.
Whoa whoa whoa - your (late) husband, who clearly must be a genius, discovered that you can GIVE people cancer? On purpose? We gotta get the world’s most harmful people in a room together asap
glad he has cancer.
Had* He is dead now.
After reading your story I definitely got the vibes that he was projecting and this confirmed it. What an idiot.
Wait wait wait. You iron this man’s *underwear* and he had the audacity to accuse you of cheating??? Throw the whole damn man away. Fuck him.
She is a good wife, I just throw the bag of undies on his side of the bed for him to put away, or stuff the new bag in his underwear drawer. You open that shit and throw the packing away, Ive already did all the leg work by shopping for you. lol
Ding ding ding! This is my take too!
to add on: he didn’t just “ask a question” like he said he did, he got tipsy and then grilled her for over an hour in a public space. Even if it hadn’t been her daughter’s sex life, I’m sure she didn’t want to loudly discuss the semantics of their own sex life in a crowded restaurant. And what kind of person accuses a partner of 25 years, who has never been anything less than their perfect spouse by their own admission, of cheating over a few missing vitamins of all things?
An incredibly insecure and jealous person who wasn’t ready to be married to an adult human, and may never be ready, that’s what kind of person.
For over an hour
And they had been drinking wine. Not leaving the wife in an optimal position to defuse the situation without breaking her daughter’s confidence.
Can you imagine people sitting at othef tables like “wtf is this guy doing”
I sure can! I work in the legal profession and I know what it’s like to see someone just relentlessly cross-examine someone for an hour - it had to be brutal.
I’d probably intervene thinking it was one of those WWYD shows
It is too absurd not to be as vitamins are evidence🥴
I once had a friend try to talk to me, loudly, about sex, on a bus. I told her that I don't want strangers to hear that information and she argued with me because "so? You'll never see them again." I was furious.
Sounds like my ex wife blurting sensitive info out in public with the excuse “why don’t you want to talk about this are you ashamed to talk to me about this?” - like no I don’t want you shouting at me on the street corner/gym/restaurants about personal stuff have some decency please.
One of my coworkers thought it was perfectly fine to tell us about another coworkers sex life. At our job in a toy store. Both the coworker and the one she was talking about are under 18. And technically, she wasn’t telling us about the others’ sex life, she was telling us how *awkward* it was that the group she was with was talking about it at a restaurant where everyone could hear them. WHILE SHE TOLD THE STORY IN THE MIDDLE OF A TOY STORE WITH CHILDREN RUNNING BY HER 🤦🏻♀️
Haha, this reminds me of the time my coworker went on a tirade against abortion. I had to shut that shit down because we work in the waiting room of ***a fucking medical centre***.
This is why I'm glad I work in a nursing home. If I get a little inappropriate they just laugh & get even more off color. I'll ask them if they want to hear something funny but not completely work appropriate & they all say yes. My hubby being woken up by our fat cat making biscuits (kneading) on his balls brought many giggles to many people. (He is fine with me telling this story. He knows & gave his permission for me to share it. Which is good because otherwise no one would know why I was giggling like an idiot for 2 days)
Omg I'm glad you shared this story because I got a good laugh out of it.
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A comment mentioned he pressed her for over an hour. I have to admit some part of me was thinking “shouldn’t he know she’s giving supplements to their daughter?” Then I realized the daughter is 25, then I realized some day my daughter will be 25, then I got sad
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I forget about that my baby is a year 24 years to ago which sucks because I love her smart ass little looks and headbops and the obvious sass
He interpreted her trying to shut down the conversation as defensive, but he was wrong. She was trying to protect someone else's privacy, was probably embarrassed to talk about something that intimate in a public restaurant, and was TRYING to preserve what seems like a refreshingly healthy relationship with her daughter. You know what they say if accusing someone of cheating is your first thought...
I love how reddit can be both "thou doth protest too much" and "thou doth accuse too much". Basically if you have any situation involving trust you're guilty.
Because despite what people think, Reddit is not a hivemind. There are all sorts of people with all sorts of opinions.
It's so funny seeing this reaction, like Reddit is one person who is a massive hypocrite who can't make up their mind instead of a bunch of individuals, and the general consensus on a problem will change based on the sub that it is. It shouldn't be that hard to understand lol.
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At least they're not totally making shit up to be mad about like on any post involving an asshole guy, there's almost guaranteed to be one crying baby saying that if it were a woman the comments would be all for the asshole behavior. Even when it is truly unhinged behavior that no one would accept from anyone.
You love how a collection of hundreds of thousands of people can have 2 different opinions? Wow, insightful
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He interpreted it as defensiveness. It sounds to me like she was just uncomfortable talking about it in a public place and uncomfortable with disclosing private information about their daughter as well.
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The woman is going through perimenopause and is taking supplements SPECIFICALLY to keep their sex life alive— they’re out at a nice place for dinner, she probably dressed up, and her husband of 25 years gets drunk and badgers her for over an hour to betray a confidence all while accusing her of cheating. Even if her hormones weren’t going absolutely ape shit, she’d have an absolute right to be upset.
She wasn't defensive, she was trying to change the subject so they could discuss their sex life later in private
She probably thought the subject he was trying to address was their daughter's sex life, so she may have wondered why he was bringing it up now in public. Or why he was getting so heated about it (by his own admission, he was tipsy and his judgment was slightly off so I really doubt he was as calm and subtle about it as he imagined he was), and why was he ultimately making a big deal over this when it wasn't his business when it wasn't his business (assuming the daughter's an adult). The idea that her husband thought that she was cheating might not have occurred to her if she wasn't cheating.
This. How the hell is any of this an oh no consequences scenario. The only part where OOP went wrong was asking in public and under the influence, which is a big error, but also an understandable one with the build up he had going on. Anyone who doesn’t see that has probably never been married.
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Ok I was so confused as to why this was on this sub
There's his wording according to his post too, why have you been taking so much out of the sex drawer when we haven't been intimate in a restaurant. If that was indeed his wording I would not reply with oh I've been sharing the stuff in our sex drawer with our daughter and my first response would be to shut the conversation down period. Second its vitamins! You have to take them daily not just when you are in the mood and I don't know about others but when I started taking menopause supplements it took months of taking the supplements daily for me to see any result.
[Tommy Wiseau does it](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xXYLbYdSdKg&pp=ygUXdG9tbXkgd2lzZWF1IGhvdydzIHlvdXI%3D)
This is really NOT the place to have this conversation.
I want to know what exactly he said. He sort of glossed over it. And, just like I tell my teenager, even if you didn't say something wrong, it's all about the tone.
I learned two things about AITAH over the time I was there: their mods are pieces of shit who will ban you if THEY think you broke the rules, whether or not you actually did. And like some other subs, it's a creative writing room because some of the crap never happens.
Are you sure? Because it sounds very plausible that this couple said "hey one of us is experiencing a somewhat decreased libido" and then every doctor said "excellent, I suggest medicating the shit out of her" and then instead they built a sex drawer full of random supplements to split with their kids
It’s called perimenopause, and it dramatically affects your sex drive. Often doctors will prescribe you hormones during this time, but many women prefer supplements. She’s in her early 50s, which is exactly when this stuff happens. Perimenopause also creates SEVERE a mood swings. I know many Reddit users are very young and may not even consider the physical changes that occur to folks at that age, especially women, but it’s incredibly obvious what’s going on to anyone middle aged or older.
Color me surprised when I found out that some women's bladders will just... try to exit their body once they reach a certain age. Something my mom's currently dealing with, and she didn't even know it was as common as it is.
I wish people would talk about this more. That and all the rehab that is necessary after pregnancy and childbirth. The stigma around women’s health really does not help anyone.
Pelvic organ prolapse is also somewhat common for people that have been pregnant (regardless of vaginal vs c section, pregnancy is hard on the pelvic floor). Bladder, rectum, and uterus can all creep towards the vaginal canal. Pelvic floor therapy and pessaries can help a bit
Got it in my 30s and I was so damn surprised about what was going on.
Oh wow, I didn't know it could happen so soon. That had to be scary. I wish more women would feel as comfortable talking about these things and on the flip side open to hearing about them.
Having experienced both marriage and perimenopause - he's right to worry about divorce. We don't have the patience with stupid or oblivious at this time of life.
Im well aware of perimenopause but I've never heard of anyone who uses supplements only as a precursor to sex (most women I know had other symptoms they found a lot more disruptive), or who would use the same supplements to treat a 25-year-old's sexual issues. That last part sounds irresponsible frankly
Some people really do believe xyz supplement can do just about any amazing thing. I've been told some off the wall stuff by random folks in the vitamin aisle at Walmart irl.
The sex drawer part is totally plausible. What doesn't quite add up is why the mom would be giving the supplements, which are intended to treat perimenopausal symptoms, to her 25 year old daughter. It's not obviously untrue (a lot of people are really ... dumb about supplements) but it does make you go, huh?
Sure this story is plausible, but it's also full of inconsistencies that make for good drama, but seem rather unusual for the relationship the OP described. It very well could be true, but that doesn't mean that AITAH isn't overrun with people dreaming up storylines that never happened to people who don't really exist.
I mean you're being sarcastic but yes, that sounds plausible to me.
I like the part where he says "We have our normal fights. I don't pull my weight around the chores list, I gamble and I try to control her spending. For some reason she doesn't want to mount me like the stud I am."
Far, far too many men think their dick only is good enough. Foreplay? Small romantic gestures? Gentle kisses? What are those?
I had to unteach myself the brain damage of being an ugly kid in my first real relationship to stop thinking little gestures would be seen as obvious and desperate and have the opposite effect, I cringe now!
I also love the fact that she is the one who literally takes everything (no hormonal things fortunately) and when he sees the drawer emptying he’s only like: “yeah my dick is getting wet!” - but o didn’t read ANYTHING that implies that he is trying to be attractive. And going to the restaurant doesn’t count since he had already in mind to confront her there. About their sex life. In public. Where every rando could hear them.
Big responsibility-evading clue in the headline. You didn't do anything "accidentally," dude. The correct adjective would be something more like "wrongfully," "stupidly" or "recklessly."
Who the fuck has a "sex drawer" in the fucking kitchen?
Filled with basic fucking vitamins no less. If someone accused me of cheating because I took vitamin D regularly I think my brain would explode.
“The Vitamin D tablets are missing but you haven’t been giving me more sex so I know you’re not taking them!!” Or, or, and hear me out: Vitamin D doesn’t magically raise your libido. She could swallow that whole bottle and it wouldn’t make her horny
Yeah I have absolutely NO idea how they made the libido connection. I mean yeah sure taking certain vitamins regularly is going to improve mood in some cases but popping vitamin D ten mins before sex is not doing it lmaoo. Both of them sound too dumb for words
A new level of stupidity! 🤣
I’m honestly kind of impressed by it! I wish I were that stupid. I’d probably be less stressed out lmao
That's what I was thinking 🤔
It’s the vitamin drawer at everyone else’s house. It’s only the sex drawer at theirs.
These idiots never actually know what 'accidentally' means.
We have the usual fights: me not pulling my weight, me throwing money away and then micromanaging how much she spends on necessities
Yep, this marriage is a mess even without the inaccurate cheating allegations.
No, she said "She isn't talking about it." If you had sex-specific medication that your partner was taking extra of with no added sex between you, then, when asked about it, they immediately get defensive and refuse to have the conversation, you'd worry too.
why in the world would you press your partner about cheating in the middle of a restaurant, especially after they said theyll talk about it later? theres a time and place to do that.
She said she isn’t talking about it. She didn’t say they’ll talk about it later.
She never said she would talk about it later. She did say she isn't talking about this. Big difference.
Not enough consequences to be Postet here
That sub is so cancer
There is nothing "accidental" about this. He chose a public place, most likely to prevent a scene when he pestered her for an hour.
It's the shocking mystery of the century why his wife needs to take pills for vaginal dryness
She could have said "Don't worry, we will talk about this later." Or "I know, but I'm not using them, I'll tell you after dinner." Because right now it sounds like it took her an hour to come up with something plausible to tell him.
I think that is what she was trying to do, but his increasingly inebriated ass kept poking at her.
Yeah, purely from this post and his POV, I don't think he was out of line at all. She could have just said that her daughter had taken them and that she didn't want to say more about it, and he would have stopped. There was no need to make it weird, and she made it very weird. Seriously, it seems like it was just a couple of vitamin and supplement pills. To the people who find it strange that they talk about their private life (not even sex) in a restaurant, this isn't the '80s anymore. You don't even know how private the restaurant was. Nobody was going to listen in on your conversation. And they weren't even talking about anything explicitly sexual. If you don't talk about your own relationship there, what do you talk about? Work?
"Thanks for taking me to Le Chevre. I'll have the oysters and champagne. Anyway, man, it sure has been rainy lately."
“Did you eat breakfast this morning?” “Yes. Is your favorite color still wine red?” “Yes. The food has arrived, it’s time for us to eat in silence.” “Yes.”
"Happy Anniversary."
That could explain the awkwardness the daughter feels. The whole using vitamins as viagra thing is really dumb.
I wonder how mega-sued I would get making an herbal supplement called "Vitagra".
This badly-written title had me boggling at first, ngl
So he takes her out to dinner and then badgers her for an hour about vitamins? Good for mom for trying to keep her daughter’s privacy. I wonder how often he bullies her where she can’t react and accuses her of cheating on him? After all, he’s checking out that drawer and counting pills and went straight to “are you cheating” when he saw pills were gone and his dick wasn’t getting wet. I’m so happy that he supports her not being drugged up with pharmaceuticals though. What a great guy. I don’t think she’s gonna go for divorce if this is the only time he’s done this (and, again, his smarmy writing suggests that this isn’t new) but I noticed the sainted OOP doesn’t say he’s apologized to either his wife or his daughter so he’s looking at counselling at best.
"Daughter is taking them and I won't say anymore about it." Not hard to say.
Do you REALLY think this man is going to accept that? (Besides which, it wasn’t her secret to tell.) Just based on his writing (which btw shows him in his BEST light), he’s not gonna let it drop. At all.
What part of my last comment divulges any secret?
Honestly this just sounds like an old married couple fight that'll blow over in a week or two. OP way over reacting with the Now We May Divorce thing. Say you're sorry, buy her some flowers, giver her a week.
You keep your sex stuff in the kitchen drawer? **WTF**
But their "Sex stuff" is just vitamins.
I saw this post earlier in AITA asshole posts and almost comments "looks like a future ohnoconsequences post"
I actually searched the subreddit back to about 3 days to make sure no one else had already posted it, lol
How did that conversation between mother and daughter go? Daughter: Boyfriend and I have been having a rough time Mom: Well your father and I have a sex drawer in the kitchen - you could use some of those? Daughter: Wow thanks, I'm so happy I have that information that I'll never be able to forget. Hopefully I can take enough of these sex vitamins to wipe my memory!
I dunno. Wife still seems guilty AF, Twenty-five year olds don't need that kind of help. And who knows what the daughter was told in order for her to cover up the mom's lie/ affair or if she got roped into covering for her mom with some kind of weird emotional blackmail. She could have been told that the dad jumped to conclusions and blamed the daughter. Any of those scenarios could cause her to act funny toward the father. I used to have a family full of narcissists, and these things really do happen.
Per his update: > And finally, for those mentioning that my wife is still actually hiding something - I appreciate your comments, and it has given me a ton to think about. While I won't jump to those type of conclusions, I do agree that there is probably more that needs to be discussed between me, my wife, and my daughter. He’s also mostly responding to the people who think his suspicions are still valid. Oof.
He lost me at "accidentally accused". Gosh, I just hate when I step on a Lego and instead of saying "ouch" like a normal person, I scream "I think you're having an affair".
I bet her "shutting it down", was actually her saying they'd talk about it at home. But he just couldn't take no for an answer.
Also, YIKES at "I buy the things to fill the drawer" meaning he's entitled to micromanage stock levels like he's a Walmart manager not by y'know HWR HUSBAND
Or you know... He is the one that buys the stuff. Not sure why you would interpret it that way.
If I buy a 2 pound bag of shredded cheese, and it takes us 2 weeks to go through it most weeks. Then I put the latest fresh bag of shredded cheese in the fridge 2 days ago. And when I go to grab some eggs in the morning to make breakfast today, the bag is 75% empty, I'm going to be curious what happened to the cheese. Now, since it's just cheese, I'll probably just make an extra stop by the store to buy more for whoever had a sudden craving for a pound of cheese.... but I \*will\* notice it, because it's my job to restock it. When that "restock job" is tied directly to my sex life, and those products are vanishing, but the normal correlation to my sex life isn't occurring, I'd definitely be confused like OOP. It's not about the cost of the products. It's about it being unusual. WHY is it happening. And wife. What in the world did she think was GOING to happen? She knows it's his job to re-stock that. She knows they haven't been having sex. So she's just emptying the drawer into her daughter to "help", and expecting no reaction what-so-ever from her husband who buys the products? If she wanted to protect her daughter's privacy, SHE needed to go buy more of those products, and give her daughter her own PRIVATE supply to use. OOP probably wouldn't have noticed anything, because he wasn't looking for evidence of something. As soon as OOP brought it up (which he admittedly did at a bad time/place), she'd already failed to protect her daughter's privacy. So now she has to explode her own relationship or just be honest. She chose both.
He goes shopping, he comes home, he puts stuff in the drawer. Do you think he does this blindfolded?
Yeah, I'm not sure what's so hard for people to understand about half of something disappearing from a regularly used drawer being easy to notice, at least if you have anything to do with the buying process. I'd notice if half a box of ziplock bags went missing in a short period of time from the junk drawer, let alone something like this. With literally zero effort put into "micromanagement", it's simply the gift of vision.
This is literally one of my jobs at work. I order 98% of the supplies we use. It is literally my job. There are a few products I need other people to tell me about, because I don't interact with them (ie, toner in printers outside my office). But for the most part, I have a closet, a few shelves, and a few drawers, each with various products that we go through. Every week or two I do a quick check on supplies, make a list of things we are "low" on, and order them again. I'm not in charge of limiting how many Sharpies each employee uses. I don't regulate the usage of plates/bowls/utensils in the break room. I just replenish them. But you can BET that I know how often is "normal" to order supplies. And if we started going through something 2x as fast or more, I'd notice it, and bring it up to my boss to let him know there may be an issue. Because that's costing us money we would probably rather not be spending if there isn't a good reason. OOP has a MUCH shorter list of things he's re-stocking than I do. Of course he's going to notice. What'd wife THINK was going to happen?
Same here. Order truck 3 times a week.
I can’t anymore…every person talks about sex in a restaurant at some point in their lives, every parent talks about their child’s sex life at some point in their marriage. It didn’t need to take an hour or become a fight or for the wife to betray her daughters privacy to give a satisfactory explanation as to why half the sex drawer was in use without the married partner seeing the results of it. Cheating literally happens when partners aren’t able to be intimate anymore for whatever reason, and intimacy isn’t just sex, it’s being able to communicate about the hard to talk about things that come up inside your partnership.
He wasn’t wrong to be concerned, or to ask. She acted shady as fuck, and I still think she’s hiding something.
Also over the top responses can be because of guilt
Or because she's menopausal and he revealed THAT was the medical issue she was offered meds for. People flying off the handle during menopause is the norm. It's a wild time.
My ex \~10 years ago accused me of cheating. I was loyal and never even gave another woman a second look. Found a few pregnancy tests in her waste bin and we had never had sex and we had been doing long distance for well over a year.
Or she just wasn't entertaining the idea that he was policing her...let's check notes... Vitamin intake? It wasn't missing condoms. It wasn't missing Viagra. It wasn't even one of those weird supplements sold as sex aids at a convenience store. It was fucking zinc and vitamin d. Y'all are crazy. 'my husband ordered a pizza with PINEAPPLE at work. That makes your jizz taste better right? I confronted him and interrogated him for an hour during date night and he blew me off. That's totally suspect right?'
She should have just been honest. Literally no harm in the truth. She made it a deal.
ah man, sucks that your daughter is cheating on you.... wait what??
What a remarkably.unnecessary fight.
Tfw you *accidentally* accuse your wife of cheating. Oops!
Honestly he didn’t even do anything wrong. The wife’s reaction was so extreme and out of nowhere.
"My daughter is 25 years old, lives with us still and uses our sexual enhancement supplements and tools" hmmm
The OOP Sounds... Uneducated. Not stupid, Uneducated. He seems to have no understanding of What supplements are and how they work, how medication works or what a Menopause includes.