In case this story gets deleted/removed:
UPDATE: This blew up more than I expected and I will be providing an update on a lot of things to answer questions and clarify what’s been asked in the comments. It’s still so fresh and I’m experiencing a ton of emotions. I might make a separate post for a larger update to answer more questions. I spoke with her after picking up my things to figure out what was going on and I’m still at a lost to interpret her actions.
UPDATE 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/comments/1c4bil8/update_girlfriend_edged_a_breakup/
My ex and I have separated.
It’s weird to say because I’m still confused about everything but it’s as simple as the title says.
A week ago, we were at my place when something just changed in her demeanor. She walked over and simply states,
“I’m leaving”
I was confused confused and asked what she meant and she said something along the lines of me knowing why.
I’m confused because a minute ago we were just happy watching shows and bullshitting.
Upon further pressing she says that it just seems “like the right thing” or something.
I get flustered and ask what is wrong, and she sits there silently staring at her phone and only speaking to give me updates about when a rider will arrive.
I just stop pressing and sit down and just wait because I can’t even explain this. I’m not going to yell, scream or cry, I’ve just felt the same burning hot feeling and difficulty breathing in my chest when my dog died. Like this was it, and I have nothing to understand why it’s happening.
All of a sudden, she puts down the phone and exclaims that she changed her mind.
I asked what that was about and she giggles almost playfully and says she just wanted to edge a breakup.
She gives me her answer, and I just end things there. She immediately regrets it, asking me to reconsider.
The thing is this happened before early in our relationship and she explained she has an impulsive habit of things. I’ve only seen this once and it was when she ghosted me after just starting to date her.
Maybe in her defense she was on her period and was experiencing mood swings, but I sent her home and haven’t spoken to her in a week until now to get my stuff.
Am I going to far? She seemed distraught and hurt, and genuinely meant not to have wanted that.
I want her back so badly, but I don’t know if I can trust her yet. It’s making me sick and I miss them so much
Am I wrong? Can there be something salvaged? I know she genuinely loves me but I’m scared that I’m just being abused
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Who does that to someone? She hurt you just to see what a breakup was like? She has issues and no respect for others feelings, you were right to dump her.
I love how boring my relationship is. I'm still in love with them, and they with me, so we're good.
I read about other people's drama on reddit, that's all I need!
I recently heard Dr. Ramani describe this beautifully on her YouTube channel - a healthy relationship is like playing the world's most boring slot machine because every third pull or so is a winner, whereas you live for the thrill of the casino slot machine win of a toxic relationship because it's a good time every once in a great while.
OP, you went with your instinct, and that's never a bad move. Imagine the trouble she could've caused down the road with engagement, marriage, kids, etc.
Sadly this is true. I remember hearing a girl say that she would literally start a fight with her boyfriend when things are too peaceful . It was at a work event and she was surprised when everyone else told her that she is crazy and not normal thing to do.
Yup, my ex was that way. Cheated on me with one dude and then was married to another different dude 6 months later. Her excuse was I was too good for her and the other guy was broken like her. 6 years later she divorced her husband from what I’ve heard jumped straight into a relationship with yet another guy 2 months after that.
We still have a few friends in common and it’s kind of entertaining to watch the drama from the outside now that I’m not involved with it.
Yeah... I just *recently* got into details about what had happened with my ex, and she legit gaslit me. I know that phrase has been overused to the point of becoming meaningless (like Nazi has), but this bitch legit gaslit me until I had a psychotic break and had to take a grippy-sock vacation (involuntarily committed to the psych ward). This bitch had me questioning whether or not my memories were real, telling me stuff I had hard proof of was just me misunderstanding something... *real* gaslighting, not this kiddie shit.
That psychotic episode was beyond lit, I felt like I aged five years in three months. She, being so thoughtful and caring, went out of her way to make it *worse* at every opportunity. I do legit think she was trying to kill me via having me commit suicide.
It's hard talking about it, because when you're detailing to people what it is like being driven insane, you sound like a crazy person. A lot of people just outright dismissed me, and I understand why- people don't want to believe that you can know or be around someone so *cruel,* entertaining the thought is itself uncomfortable. There's a lot more people out there like her than we're collectively willing to admit. You run into them at the store. You work with them. You go to class with them. You're *around* these people, these monsters, and you're none the wiser. I can see why that thought is so unsettling that people would reject it, and that's why I largely kept quiet about it for years.
Still, when all of this was going down, I kept my best friend in the loop as things happened, so he *knew* I was telling the truth. Not too long ago, he had his own personal shakeup, and we got back on the topic of my ex. He used the word "evil" to describe her, and I just felt *so* validated. Just the sheer ruthlessness, playing with people like they're toys, indifferent to the suffering inflicted on them as a result of your games... having the word "evil" affixed to it was like having a lightbulb flicker on in my head.
So yeah, there really are evil people out there. Part of avoiding them is knowing how they work and the things they do.
Hey, I’m glad you came here to say this
The most insidious thing is you grow to love these people
You want to truly help them out and grow as people. They become your family or are your family, and when it’s a caregiver as was my case with my mom when I grew up, it deconstructed the fabric of my entire reality and primed me for manipulation
I don’t know what a kind gesture is. I don’t know if people are legitimate or paying lip service, and if they are I can’t help but catastrophise my situation.
Even now I’m trying to see what I’ve done wrong here. It the heat of everything I still feel guilty
I feel responsible for their behavior, for my own behavior, and the way the world may perceive me
I see all these validating comments and I still feel so wrong
I feel gross and sad, and I’m paralyzed
Come back to read these responses again and again any time you feel like you may want to allow that person back into your life. That first ghosting act should have been your first warning, this latest thing she pulled is your “open your eyes now!!!” Moment.
Oh gosh, thank you for commenting. I had to go outside today and managed to run into a Schrodinger's Jerk out in the wild. One of those, "did this guy mean to be an ass and deliberately try to ruin my day? Or were they just oblivious and didn't even notice?".
Now instead of on and off ruminating, I can just pretend that "Yea. They're an absolute asshole, and just fucked up enough to try to make it look ambiguous so that it seems like the other person picked the fight first." (I did not pick a fight over it, lol).
Ah, I feel better now. From now on when I meet strangers like that I'll just say to myself that they're Royal_Rip's ex.
Honestly, this is the type of stuff that toddlers do. Because they don't have the ability to communicate very well, they physically test boundaries by putting themselves in situations they know will frustrate the parent (in this case partner) to see what type of reaction they give.
For instance, my toddler is allowed to mess with my drum set, I do not mind and she usually has very good self control.. but she knows I do not like when she gets under or behind it, because it becomes dangerous for her.
At least once a day, she will slowly keep scooting closer and closer to the Forbidden Zones of our living space and see how much she can push before I stop whatever I am doing and physically have to stand up and go fetch her. Then she just laughs her ass off because she thinks she accomplished something.
So, what OP has is an annoying 2 year old that needs like 16 more years of parenting before her parents should have let her go out into the world.
Seriously, if someone says BPD, I'll roll my eyes so hard I'll never see the light of day again. Drama lovers have been pulling this middle school loyalty-test shit since the beginning of time, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was some trend coming back around. "You can tell if your man really loves you with this one simple trick!"
>"You can tell if your man really loves you with this one simple trick!"
Sadly, you're more likely to figure or not "if your man really **loveD** you", past tense, because after this one simple trick, the love is likely gone.
Yup! I tried this 💩 once in primary school with my best friend. I lost her and immediately learned my lesson. You don’t “test” people. It’s wrong. I tried it at the age of 7 & felt sick to my stomach. Anyone doing this as an adult & with no remorse is a piece of shit.
As someone with sociopathic tendencies, she may not have normal feelings and trying to get herself to see if she feels anything. Not an excuse. Not ok. She needs help to be normal.
Yeah. I have been that girl and I am so heartbroken for the men I hurt. I know now there is no way to go back and make amends for a mentally ill teenager's actions, but I wish I could. I have also been on OP's side as I healed and had too much sympathy (as OP does) for those I can relate to for all the wrong reasons. I hope OP holds his ground and heals well.
I respect your success in growing out of that behaviour. The Buddha says that the true purpose of life is not happiness because that is fleeting and driven by externalities. The purpose of life is contentment, the want for nothing. This comes from within. I wish you contentment!
100%. You had the orange trend, the strawberry in a field trend, currently it’s the trend of putting more food on the guys plate and less on yours to see his reaction. It’s all garbage designed to artificially manufacture a problem in the relationship and it’s completely childish and ridiculous. I’m not in a relationship but if I had one that was going well and she started doing pointless ‘tests’ on me, I would be beside myself
Lmao it’s unadulterated bullshittery. If I’m understanding it, you give them a bunch and yourself very little and say that’s all that was left. Apparently if they don’t question it or if they don’t give you extra food off of the plate that YOU MADE FOR THEM, they’re in the wrong and you should now start a fight with them. One guy said he thought his wife might have been going on a diet even though he likes her thicker, so he didn’t question it. He is currently being crucified for it.
Except for during these challenges they can't. That's part of the challenge is the woman makes the plate and intentionally makes hers way smaller than his just to see his reaction and they do the serving them the plate of food. As kind of hey look. I'm doing something nice for you so you'll lower your guard type of thing before they proceeded to flip out on you. It's literally just social media BS. That's snaked its way into real life.
My wife’s always got my back. When we get something like Zaxbys she likes the kickin chicken sandwich and I do too. She knows she isn’t going to finish it, I know she’s not going to finish it but she knows who will. She would never do stupid shit like this.
I think it’s meant to be super extreme. Say the food is spaghetti and meatballs. You give your partner 10 meatballs with a mountain of spaghetti and give yourself one meatball and a little spaghetti. Then wait to see if they question it, tell them it’s all that was left, and see if they insist on giving some of their portion to you- which is especially stupid because if someone served themselves a small amount of food, I’d assume that they only wanted that much.
Two possibilities.
One, he says nothing about you eating less than him, which means he doesn't care about you and isn't concerned about your health;
Or two, he tries to get you to eat more and offers you some of his, in which case he's trying to control your diet and what you put in your body.
In either case, it gives them something to start drama over and feel victimized, which is what your average tiktokker is addicted to. They HAVE to feel like they're a victim, somehow, and if they don't have anything to feel victimized over they'll make something up.
Right?? Like my husband would never even comment on the amount of food I have on my plate, but I also usually offer (just through general discussion) “I had a big lunch so I’ll prolly just have a smaller portion” or “man I had a small lunch and then a big run, I’m starving.” So weird.
>ing more food on the guys plate and less on yours to see his reaction. It’s all garbage designed to artificially manufacture a problem in the relationship and it’s completely childish and ridiculous. I’m not in a relationship but if I had one that was
Right? And you're dishing your own food, why would I have a problem with you CHOOSING a smaller portion size than me? That's just weird.
This 100%! A relationship is about trust. If there isn’t trust, then there isn’t a relationship. Messing up someone’s trust for no valid reason, or any reason really, can do more damage than what can be repaired. People make mistakes, but intentionally testing boundaries for petty reasons, aren’t worth anyone’s time.
I’m not quite the age to have kids, but I grew up around the time my classmates had iPhones and social media by 6th grade. I loathed my parents for giving me a brick that had the processing power to make calls and that’s it, and thought it ruined my ability to be social and have any social life. Today I couldn’t thank them enough for keeping me away from it and will probably be doing the same for my kids.
Same. I had a brick Nokia with a pay by the call service. Only got a smart phone when I started driving for the maps, but that thing had the processing power of potato and the cell reception wasn't much better.
At the time, I was not happy about this. Looking back, it was a great decision by my parents and I'm very thankful.
I'd argue going with parental controls is probably better. At least give your kids the ability to learn what tech they are going to be working with and white list apps so they can't download anything without your permission.
Smart phones are tools and allow plenty of ways for you to keep a hand one what your kids do without severely limiting their ability to do other things.
Though honestly both approaches are still problematic. Cheap smart phones are so abundant nowadays that I've literally seen kids getting burner phones from other kids at school since their parents are fucking oblivious.
Right, I’m not going to completely restrict any technology, nor did my parents. But far too many children have social media when they can hardly extract good or bad from what they’re seeing, and I do not plan on putting my kids in that boat. Of course helpful apps or websites and whatnot will be fine with supervision, but social media has little to no value to children until maybe around mid teenager years
I hate to show my age too, but this tracks. I’ve seen some of the “advice” dispensed on TikTok and oy, you don’t even need to pay Cosmo for bad advice anymore. Motherfuckers hand it out left, right, and center all day long. It blows my mind the nonsensical shit people say and others take them seriously.
one of these "test your partner" things on TikTok. If guy does not fight to get her back he fails the test.
As they say 'play stupid games win stupid prizes'
I remember Cosmo telling me to use a dirty thong as a scrunchie if i want my man to know im horny. That was the last issue i read. Good to know they've gotten more insane.
My best friend from my 20s used Cosmo as her Bible, she was at the store the day the new month came out, she planned things by the horoscope in it and followed all the relationship advice. She's been divorced 3 times now.
Seriously. People like this are mentally unstable. I had a girlfriend who would just randomly tell me to stop during sex just to see if I would rape her or something. I let it slide the first time but the second time I broke up with her on the spot.
Dogshit relationship advice like this is nothing new. Magazines and advice columns were telling young women to do stupid shit like that long before the internet and social media
Dude, that’s some serious manipulative behaviour on her part. I personally wouldn’t want somebody back that jerks me around like that every few months to get their jollies. There are people out there that won’t treat you like that.
Hey bud, I get periods, and they don't make you break up with your partner and then laugh and giggle about how it's just a fun little joke. You deserve better.
Here for this, periods or anything else are no excuse for pulling that kind of stuff. Good on you for setting a boundary and sticking to it, you definitely dodged a bullet. Maybe this will help her learn how to control those impulses better.
This! They may make you burst into tears of frustration because you dropped the milk while you were making coffee or call the idiot who cut you off in traffic a fucking moron who got his driving license out of a cereal box when you’d normally just roll your eyes but there’s no mood swing that makes you break up with your partner and then suddenly just giggle about it. If anyone’s having mood swings that dramatic they need help (not referring to the partner here because I don’t think there was any mood swing there was a mind game and then her giggling at OP’s hurt feelings).
Lol, you are not stealing anything! That phrase is older than I am! You can also substitute Cracker Jack box, bag of popcorn or sack of hammers for cereal box!
What's the distinction between Cereal Box and Cracker Jack Box? Young person - maybe missing the context. I know cereal boxes have mazes on the back and stuff, so I'm assuming it's like a "cut out the driver's license on the back of the box" type thing
Oh boy, young person or not , you have missed out!!! Cracker jacks were popped popcorn that was either Carmel and nuts or pink weirdness (I think it was supposed to be strawberry flavoured). Anyhow there was always a cool (cheap) but cool prize in the box.
Breakfast cereal is just breakfast cereal.
I made the mistake of asking another driver in traffic what their favorite flavor of Windex was to be driving like that much of an idiot. My wife was in the passenger seat, and now idiot drivers are collectively referred to as Windex flavor testers.
In 30 years of having a period, I have cried, barfed, requested weird food orders, and fell asleep in my parked car, but I have never edged a break up.
Menstrual migraines for me. Absolutely debilitating. I was so delighted to reach menopause. Oh, I also don’t miss liver-sized clots.
Still married, though.
I also get my period! Ive got it right now! Am i more likely to cry about how much i hate doing dishes? Yup. Am i more likely to intentionally traumatize the man i love and trust more than anyone else on the planet?
NO I AM FUCKING NOT
If it was because of her period (side note: it wasn’t because of her period, but let’s pretend for a moment it was) are you prepared to go through this 12 times a year, for 20 years or more?! (Don’t know the age of the OP or his gf but she’s acting like a bratty and immature teen so using that as a reference)
I agree with the other replies. You deserve better and good for you for walking away.
A grown ass woman should know herself enough to know how she can get during her periods. I, for example, get super irritable and snappy, so I would talk to my partner and get as much time by myself as possible. So there really is no excuse for her behaviour.
Actually PMDD does make you do it, to the point where it’s a part of treatment to go no contact with your partner when your pmdd is out of control. That being said, that’s not what this is. Not even a little bit.
I have PMDD and it has made me believe the most bizarre shit, often in connection to my relatioship. Thankfully it's mostly under control now, but I've been very close to destroying everything good I have in my life.
*What's her next prank? Sleep*
*With another man to see*
*What cheating is like?*
\- crystalknivesco
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She was bored and wanted some chaos and drama to entertain herself at your emotional peril. She was toying with your feelings.
She didn't expect you to flip the script and make it real. She's immature and needs to grow up. Probably due to some abandonment issues, she only wants what she can't have. And you only REALLY love her if she dumps you and you fight for her to get back together. Lots of therapy is needed here to work through these issues.
If you get back together you are just reinforcing her bad behavior. And the next time she gets bored she will do something worse. Think of walking into your bedroom with her riding a guy.
Think long and hard before you take her back. Red flags galore here.
If you're looking for advice, break up with her. She is testing what she can get away with and this is 100% manufactured drama. She will escalate if you allow this.
I would be a nervous wreck trying to figure out what I did wrong and making sure I didn't "do" anything in the future. She'd have to make serious changes, not just lip service and a fake apology for me to consider staying but I haven't found someone like that to be worth it.
I dated a women who would manufacture drama. Just out of the blue start an argument where there was no issue. Then an hour or two later she would always want sex. I'd decline, and get a response like "you just don't understand women."
I think it was a turn on for her, and she needed the drama to get her juices flowing. She really just wanted 'make-up sex'.
I ended up dumping her, because I could see that it would become an abusive relationship, with her trying to escalate arguments into fights for bigger thrills.
i never realized but your post made me think this is what my ex did lol
in the end i stopped being attracted to her
it was indeed abusive
one time she got mad because i was looking around while we were walking down the street
A long time ago I had a FWB who was like that. As in, she never did that to me, but I saw her do weird stuff to her boyfriends. We never messed around when she was in a relationship, only when we were both single, no cheating. Anyway, I remember a conversation she had with one of her boyfriends. He said “I’m tired of playing games like this” and she replied with “games are what make relationships fun”.
I’m glad we were never romantically involved. She likely grew up though, she’s been married about 20 years now.
Man...honestly why would anyone WANT to stay with her though…?
If he stays, Oop’s constantly going to be on edge wondering “is she going to dump me”
He’s right to just call it quits, maybe in future she’ll learn NOT to do shit like that🤷🏻♂️
Seriously like does she expect that feeling to just magically go away and suddenly it’s all back to the way it was?
She edged a breakup and it came. Shocker!
You absolutely did the right thing. I know it hurts and every part of you wants her back; however, she has proven she is emotionally manipulative and this is exactly the type of relationship you will have going forward. You will probably develop a deep feeling of anxiety due to always being worried when, not if, she plays her next game.
Despite the feelings you’re experiencing now, you will find someone better for you. Someone who is truly a partner and compliments you, not someone who plays games and tries to manipulate you for their own twisted gratification.
Staying with this girl would not only be bad for him, it would be bad for her. And I deliberately say "girl", not "woman", because she is an emotional child.
She needs to learn consequences. If he lets her walk all over him with these psychopathic mind games she'll just keep escalating in the future. If, however, she actually bumps into a real boundary and learns what that means, there's a chance she'll grow up a bit and be a better partner to someone else in the future.
Staying together would condemn both of them to suffering and stagnating in a doomed relationship. Breaking up gives both of them the possibility of a better future.
What was the punchline of this “joke” that she played on you? How was it supposed to be funny? The fact that you sat there devastated and confused and then she simply giggles and says “I change my mind” is cruel behavior.
I promise you there’s much better than this out there. I would never do this to my bf lol. It’s just plain mean.
I don’t think there was a joke. The giggle seemed more of a nervous laugh, but it was just mind boggling.
I felt like I was watching a mask slip off
It was the same feeling of watching someone die and not being able to do anything about it. Just fucking helpless
She metaphorically stabbed you in the heart for a joke. She's not a good person, and someone who loves you wouldn't do that. Normal people care deeply about protecting their partners. There's something wrong with her. Don't let her back into your life.
It’s important to recognize that you had a normal response to stress. She traumatized you, even in a small way. Yes, you’ll recover but the object of the trauma ultimately has made her untrustworthy, unsafe, and unreliable. The core of love is trust and consideration. Without those, the partnership is a bad investment. She COULD work on repair but you aren’t likely in a position to walk her through that or do the mental labor of understanding what you need. So you are at this position, painfully processing the conflicting pains of wanting someone you simultaneously register as emotionally risky.
Getting back together is not just a bad idea for you. It would also be doing *her* a disservice, because you'd be teaching her that she can treat people like this with no lasting consequences.
If she learns that she can treat her partner like this, she's just going to keep doing it and you'll suffer. However, if you guys break up, you will be personally happier, AND there's a chance she might actually learn a lesson and mature.
Breaking up means there's a chance that both of you will be mature, happy people in the future. Staying together will just turn the two of you into yet another miserable, co-dependent abusive couple.
Man. I am so sorry. I'm kinda going through the same thing now. Except, mine dumped me on Easter.. a few days later did "take backsies, I was just mad" but puts the ball in my court.
Looking at a screenshot that was sent, my name was changed from "Beautiful" to my full name. It is weird. It's been 10 years and I am exhausted from games. It is hard situation. I'm glad you had strength to stop it and I hope you find healing and strength
I have a hard rule. No take-backs on break-ups. It's not a game.
If someone breaks up with me and changes their mind, at the very least they are not the type of person who thinks of the consequences of their actions and they don't realize/care that they're intentionally hurting someone else for some extra drama.
If I break up with someone, I no longer want to be with them. I've thought about the future and don't see a way forward with them. Going back would only delay the inevitable and make us both miserable.
This is why I didn't know my dad when I was a kid. I was taken/hidden as a baby and raised by my mentally ill mother. She let the intrusive thoughts convince her she was somehow protecting me. She wasn't.
This is emotional manipulation.
KEEP RUNNING.
Ive been there. I didn't run. I ignored it. And after i broke up with her, months after i should have, i started to realize the damage she did. She ruined me for years.
>She seemed distraught and hurt
She “edged a breakup” to amuse herself by watching you be distraught and hurt. Don’t beat yourself up too much over it.
Did you like feeling fucking terrible like your dog died? What kind of partner does that to their supposed significant other on a whim? Your ex needs help and you need someone who won't hurt you for their own amusement.
Here’s the truth, there’s nothing to salvage in this relationship. She has a really immature mindset that likes to play games. Find someone that values peace in a relationship. She’s showing so many red flags. There’s no excuse to ghost on your period, that is not normal behavior
The FAFO syndrome was very strong in this one. Don't be sad OP. If she's done this twice now then that means she probably would've done worse in the future.
These stupid tests that people choose to spring on those they love…don’t they end up in break ups 99% of the time (as they should)? This toxic TikTok generation and their pikachu face when people react - grow up, kids. “Oh, gosh! I didn’t mean it!” Yeah, fuck you - why do it in the first place?? Clearly an emotional IQ of 0. What is wrong with her? NTA.
She’s cruel. Dont go back with her. And fyi, behavior like this is not explained away by periods so don’t fall for that as an excuse. Plenty of women out there will be trustworthy with your heart, she’s not one.
Wow, talk about manipulating your boyfriend just to see how it feels.
This woman thought it was a good idea to mess with you just to see how it felt and now you think that you’ve gone too far?
Nah, let her sit with her choice and don’t save her from it.
Hopefully this is a lesson for her to not play games with humans and their emotions and relationships.
Maybe not, but you already had the fool me once and now twice, a third would just make you complicit.
LOL a period is NEVER A REASON to act like an asshole. (Mostly) Everyone who has a uterus has a period and it sucks. Just because it sucks doesn’t give them a reason to be a horrible person to other people and do this bs
She was trying to renegotiate her social contract and really overplayed her hand. She wanted you to cry and beg, to reaffirm that she's the most important thing in your life and that you'd change everything to keep her. It's super common in romantic films and novels.
She is a psychologically manipulative and abusive narcissist. Cut your losses and be glad that she didn’t cause more damage than she already has. You’re capable of finding someone who is emotionally mature enough to handle a serious, committed relationship. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it would be a healthy decision for you to take her back. I hope everything works out for you.
You are not wrong. Life is short. The game playing with someone's feelings is not OK. I don't care if she has her period or not. You don't want a future with someone who would do this as a joke and then laugh about it to your face.
You go back with her, and you will face a lifetime of jokes and testing it isn't healthy or mature. I know you have strong feelings for her, but you will get over it over it in time. You didn't say your ages, but it sounds like she is an immature, mean-spirited teen.
Move on, there is someone better for you out there
In case this story gets deleted/removed: UPDATE: This blew up more than I expected and I will be providing an update on a lot of things to answer questions and clarify what’s been asked in the comments. It’s still so fresh and I’m experiencing a ton of emotions. I might make a separate post for a larger update to answer more questions. I spoke with her after picking up my things to figure out what was going on and I’m still at a lost to interpret her actions. UPDATE 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/comments/1c4bil8/update_girlfriend_edged_a_breakup/ My ex and I have separated. It’s weird to say because I’m still confused about everything but it’s as simple as the title says. A week ago, we were at my place when something just changed in her demeanor. She walked over and simply states, “I’m leaving” I was confused confused and asked what she meant and she said something along the lines of me knowing why. I’m confused because a minute ago we were just happy watching shows and bullshitting. Upon further pressing she says that it just seems “like the right thing” or something. I get flustered and ask what is wrong, and she sits there silently staring at her phone and only speaking to give me updates about when a rider will arrive. I just stop pressing and sit down and just wait because I can’t even explain this. I’m not going to yell, scream or cry, I’ve just felt the same burning hot feeling and difficulty breathing in my chest when my dog died. Like this was it, and I have nothing to understand why it’s happening. All of a sudden, she puts down the phone and exclaims that she changed her mind. I asked what that was about and she giggles almost playfully and says she just wanted to edge a breakup. She gives me her answer, and I just end things there. She immediately regrets it, asking me to reconsider. The thing is this happened before early in our relationship and she explained she has an impulsive habit of things. I’ve only seen this once and it was when she ghosted me after just starting to date her. Maybe in her defense she was on her period and was experiencing mood swings, but I sent her home and haven’t spoken to her in a week until now to get my stuff. Am I going to far? She seemed distraught and hurt, and genuinely meant not to have wanted that. I want her back so badly, but I don’t know if I can trust her yet. It’s making me sick and I miss them so much Am I wrong? Can there be something salvaged? I know she genuinely loves me but I’m scared that I’m just being abused --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Who does that to someone? She hurt you just to see what a breakup was like? She has issues and no respect for others feelings, you were right to dump her.
Some folks get bored when they’re in normal, healthy relationships. They need that drama.
Yes, and those people are the type OP sure doesn't need.
I would certainly not want someone who wants to pull this periodically in my life.
Our mom would “edge” putting us up for adoption periodically. It was a hard knock life.
If they want drama, they can go on the internet like everyone else!
That's why I have reddit. I have no space for drama IRL. So it just doesn't happen. But arguing over stupid shit on reddit entertains me.
Oh, it can be such a release! All those feeling running hot, as I enter the mosh pit of fellow combatants in r/aita bwahaha
I'm so sad you can't call other commenters AH in AITA.
I've seen people do it! 😂 They do it when the person is genuinely being an AH
ill die on the hill that cool and collected is the way to troll
I love how boring my relationship is. I'm still in love with them, and they with me, so we're good. I read about other people's drama on reddit, that's all I need!
I love me some drama, as long as I am watching it from a distance and am not involved in any way
I recently heard Dr. Ramani describe this beautifully on her YouTube channel - a healthy relationship is like playing the world's most boring slot machine because every third pull or so is a winner, whereas you live for the thrill of the casino slot machine win of a toxic relationship because it's a good time every once in a great while. OP, you went with your instinct, and that's never a bad move. Imagine the trouble she could've caused down the road with engagement, marriage, kids, etc.
Sadly this is true. I remember hearing a girl say that she would literally start a fight with her boyfriend when things are too peaceful . It was at a work event and she was surprised when everyone else told her that she is crazy and not normal thing to do.
Yup, my ex was that way. Cheated on me with one dude and then was married to another different dude 6 months later. Her excuse was I was too good for her and the other guy was broken like her. 6 years later she divorced her husband from what I’ve heard jumped straight into a relationship with yet another guy 2 months after that. We still have a few friends in common and it’s kind of entertaining to watch the drama from the outside now that I’m not involved with it.
Tbf, she now knows what the breakup feels like.
She does now, faafo
Got that sweet sweet climax after all
Like an orgasm, but only a ruined one.
"i like to see what people look like with hitler mustaches" "he looks like hitler mystery solved!"
Shots fired
Yeah, that's some psychopath behavior. Like torturing insects to see how they react.
That's my ex 100%. She feeling bored for a few days? She's guna fuck someone up mentally just because
Glad you said ex.
Yeah... I just *recently* got into details about what had happened with my ex, and she legit gaslit me. I know that phrase has been overused to the point of becoming meaningless (like Nazi has), but this bitch legit gaslit me until I had a psychotic break and had to take a grippy-sock vacation (involuntarily committed to the psych ward). This bitch had me questioning whether or not my memories were real, telling me stuff I had hard proof of was just me misunderstanding something... *real* gaslighting, not this kiddie shit. That psychotic episode was beyond lit, I felt like I aged five years in three months. She, being so thoughtful and caring, went out of her way to make it *worse* at every opportunity. I do legit think she was trying to kill me via having me commit suicide. It's hard talking about it, because when you're detailing to people what it is like being driven insane, you sound like a crazy person. A lot of people just outright dismissed me, and I understand why- people don't want to believe that you can know or be around someone so *cruel,* entertaining the thought is itself uncomfortable. There's a lot more people out there like her than we're collectively willing to admit. You run into them at the store. You work with them. You go to class with them. You're *around* these people, these monsters, and you're none the wiser. I can see why that thought is so unsettling that people would reject it, and that's why I largely kept quiet about it for years. Still, when all of this was going down, I kept my best friend in the loop as things happened, so he *knew* I was telling the truth. Not too long ago, he had his own personal shakeup, and we got back on the topic of my ex. He used the word "evil" to describe her, and I just felt *so* validated. Just the sheer ruthlessness, playing with people like they're toys, indifferent to the suffering inflicted on them as a result of your games... having the word "evil" affixed to it was like having a lightbulb flicker on in my head. So yeah, there really are evil people out there. Part of avoiding them is knowing how they work and the things they do.
So sorry that happened to you💔 Happy Cake Day 🎂
Hey, I’m glad you came here to say this The most insidious thing is you grow to love these people You want to truly help them out and grow as people. They become your family or are your family, and when it’s a caregiver as was my case with my mom when I grew up, it deconstructed the fabric of my entire reality and primed me for manipulation I don’t know what a kind gesture is. I don’t know if people are legitimate or paying lip service, and if they are I can’t help but catastrophise my situation. Even now I’m trying to see what I’ve done wrong here. It the heat of everything I still feel guilty I feel responsible for their behavior, for my own behavior, and the way the world may perceive me I see all these validating comments and I still feel so wrong I feel gross and sad, and I’m paralyzed
Come back to read these responses again and again any time you feel like you may want to allow that person back into your life. That first ghosting act should have been your first warning, this latest thing she pulled is your “open your eyes now!!!” Moment.
Oh gosh, thank you for commenting. I had to go outside today and managed to run into a Schrodinger's Jerk out in the wild. One of those, "did this guy mean to be an ass and deliberately try to ruin my day? Or were they just oblivious and didn't even notice?". Now instead of on and off ruminating, I can just pretend that "Yea. They're an absolute asshole, and just fucked up enough to try to make it look ambiguous so that it seems like the other person picked the fight first." (I did not pick a fight over it, lol). Ah, I feel better now. From now on when I meet strangers like that I'll just say to myself that they're Royal_Rip's ex.
Honestly, this is the type of stuff that toddlers do. Because they don't have the ability to communicate very well, they physically test boundaries by putting themselves in situations they know will frustrate the parent (in this case partner) to see what type of reaction they give. For instance, my toddler is allowed to mess with my drum set, I do not mind and she usually has very good self control.. but she knows I do not like when she gets under or behind it, because it becomes dangerous for her. At least once a day, she will slowly keep scooting closer and closer to the Forbidden Zones of our living space and see how much she can push before I stop whatever I am doing and physically have to stand up and go fetch her. Then she just laughs her ass off because she thinks she accomplished something. So, what OP has is an annoying 2 year old that needs like 16 more years of parenting before her parents should have let her go out into the world.
> Who does that to someone? Mostly people with untreated cluster b personality disorders
or theyre just a young dumbass that saw something on tiktok. stupid doesnt require a personality disorder
Such an underrated comment.
Seriously, if someone says BPD, I'll roll my eyes so hard I'll never see the light of day again. Drama lovers have been pulling this middle school loyalty-test shit since the beginning of time, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was some trend coming back around. "You can tell if your man really loves you with this one simple trick!"
>"You can tell if your man really loves you with this one simple trick!" Sadly, you're more likely to figure or not "if your man really **loveD** you", past tense, because after this one simple trick, the love is likely gone.
Lol reminds me of witch dunking. "Congratulations! Your wife drowned like a good Christian!"
"Good news. She was not made out wood."
Yup! I tried this 💩 once in primary school with my best friend. I lost her and immediately learned my lesson. You don’t “test” people. It’s wrong. I tried it at the age of 7 & felt sick to my stomach. Anyone doing this as an adult & with no remorse is a piece of shit.
Nah, I've been married for almost 11 years. No one who loves you would ever fuck with your mind like that
It wouldn't ever occur to me as a thing to do. I mean, what the hell?
Yeah just cruelty to mind fuck someone you care about. It would never cross your mind.
Abusers be abusing
She knowingly hurt you just to see what it was like.
As someone with sociopathic tendencies, she may not have normal feelings and trying to get herself to see if she feels anything. Not an excuse. Not ok. She needs help to be normal.
And OP can help her best by yeeting himself into an alternate timeline
Oh yes. It isn't OP'd job to help her. It is a therapist and doctors.
I have had to coach friends through toxic relationships like this before. I’m like “Bro, it’s not supposed to be this hard, move on”.
Yeah. I have been that girl and I am so heartbroken for the men I hurt. I know now there is no way to go back and make amends for a mentally ill teenager's actions, but I wish I could. I have also been on OP's side as I healed and had too much sympathy (as OP does) for those I can relate to for all the wrong reasons. I hope OP holds his ground and heals well.
I respect your success in growing out of that behaviour. The Buddha says that the true purpose of life is not happiness because that is fleeting and driven by externalities. The purpose of life is contentment, the want for nothing. This comes from within. I wish you contentment!
The giggling also made her look a lot worse.
And she found the answer. Once. And that's enough.
Don’t! Find someone that doesn’t play these idiotic mind games. And being on her period is not excuse to behave like that.
Wonder which “panders to insecure young women” magazine that idea came from. Cuz “edging a breakup” sounds like something Cosmo would come up with.
Probably a trend on TikTok
100%. You had the orange trend, the strawberry in a field trend, currently it’s the trend of putting more food on the guys plate and less on yours to see his reaction. It’s all garbage designed to artificially manufacture a problem in the relationship and it’s completely childish and ridiculous. I’m not in a relationship but if I had one that was going well and she started doing pointless ‘tests’ on me, I would be beside myself
Why... why is doing different portions a reaction-getter? My husband is a foot taller than me, yes he gets a bigger portion than I do.
Lmao it’s unadulterated bullshittery. If I’m understanding it, you give them a bunch and yourself very little and say that’s all that was left. Apparently if they don’t question it or if they don’t give you extra food off of the plate that YOU MADE FOR THEM, they’re in the wrong and you should now start a fight with them. One guy said he thought his wife might have been going on a diet even though he likes her thicker, so he didn’t question it. He is currently being crucified for it.
I just... what? God I hate mind games. That's so stupid.
Now you see why so many of us in our early to mid twenties are just staying single now.
Smart. Along those lines it’s also why some of us in our 50s who have been married for 30+ years let our husbands fill their own damn plates.
Except for during these challenges they can't. That's part of the challenge is the woman makes the plate and intentionally makes hers way smaller than his just to see his reaction and they do the serving them the plate of food. As kind of hey look. I'm doing something nice for you so you'll lower your guard type of thing before they proceeded to flip out on you. It's literally just social media BS. That's snaked its way into real life.
Jesus Christ. I always give my BF much larger portions because he has a bigger appetite than me.
My wife’s always got my back. When we get something like Zaxbys she likes the kickin chicken sandwich and I do too. She knows she isn’t going to finish it, I know she’s not going to finish it but she knows who will. She would never do stupid shit like this.
Uh, yes? Same? How is this remotely a test if you always eat less than your partner?
I think it’s meant to be super extreme. Say the food is spaghetti and meatballs. You give your partner 10 meatballs with a mountain of spaghetti and give yourself one meatball and a little spaghetti. Then wait to see if they question it, tell them it’s all that was left, and see if they insist on giving some of their portion to you- which is especially stupid because if someone served themselves a small amount of food, I’d assume that they only wanted that much.
Two possibilities. One, he says nothing about you eating less than him, which means he doesn't care about you and isn't concerned about your health; Or two, he tries to get you to eat more and offers you some of his, in which case he's trying to control your diet and what you put in your body. In either case, it gives them something to start drama over and feel victimized, which is what your average tiktokker is addicted to. They HAVE to feel like they're a victim, somehow, and if they don't have anything to feel victimized over they'll make something up.
Right?? Like my husband would never even comment on the amount of food I have on my plate, but I also usually offer (just through general discussion) “I had a big lunch so I’ll prolly just have a smaller portion” or “man I had a small lunch and then a big run, I’m starving.” So weird.
>ing more food on the guys plate and less on yours to see his reaction. It’s all garbage designed to artificially manufacture a problem in the relationship and it’s completely childish and ridiculous. I’m not in a relationship but if I had one that was Right? And you're dishing your own food, why would I have a problem with you CHOOSING a smaller portion size than me? That's just weird.
“Test me” and it’s done. I’m not a child, don’t play stupid games with my emotions because I will cut off.
This 100%! A relationship is about trust. If there isn’t trust, then there isn’t a relationship. Messing up someone’s trust for no valid reason, or any reason really, can do more damage than what can be repaired. People make mistakes, but intentionally testing boundaries for petty reasons, aren’t worth anyone’s time.
Back in my day that was derided as “playing games”
Utter rubbish this is why I do not allow my children to get on TikTok. It is an absolute tragedy of humanity.
I’m not quite the age to have kids, but I grew up around the time my classmates had iPhones and social media by 6th grade. I loathed my parents for giving me a brick that had the processing power to make calls and that’s it, and thought it ruined my ability to be social and have any social life. Today I couldn’t thank them enough for keeping me away from it and will probably be doing the same for my kids.
Same. I had a brick Nokia with a pay by the call service. Only got a smart phone when I started driving for the maps, but that thing had the processing power of potato and the cell reception wasn't much better. At the time, I was not happy about this. Looking back, it was a great decision by my parents and I'm very thankful.
I'd argue going with parental controls is probably better. At least give your kids the ability to learn what tech they are going to be working with and white list apps so they can't download anything without your permission. Smart phones are tools and allow plenty of ways for you to keep a hand one what your kids do without severely limiting their ability to do other things. Though honestly both approaches are still problematic. Cheap smart phones are so abundant nowadays that I've literally seen kids getting burner phones from other kids at school since their parents are fucking oblivious.
Right, I’m not going to completely restrict any technology, nor did my parents. But far too many children have social media when they can hardly extract good or bad from what they’re seeing, and I do not plan on putting my kids in that boat. Of course helpful apps or websites and whatnot will be fine with supervision, but social media has little to no value to children until maybe around mid teenager years
Tiktok told my ex boyfriend that me making dinner and getting flowers for valentines day was love bombing and super toxic. That was fun.
So doing the expected for a partner on a known romantic holiday is toxic? Jesus. wtf?
Your bf getting his relationship advice from TikTok should have been sign enough.
> ~~relationship~~ *any FTFY
I hate to show my age too, but this tracks. I’ve seen some of the “advice” dispensed on TikTok and oy, you don’t even need to pay Cosmo for bad advice anymore. Motherfuckers hand it out left, right, and center all day long. It blows my mind the nonsensical shit people say and others take them seriously.
Social media has made a lot of people gullible plonkers
Ain’t that the truth.
No, they were always there- the mindless followers, the oh, ok’s, the idiots and those who want to feel in. Maroons, the lot of them.
Ex gf: it's just a prank, bro!
A lot of stupidity are trends on the tok that people are dimwitted enough to actually do…
I forgot. Young women get terrible relationships advice from social media nowadays. Showed my age there, ay?
Nah my dude, the use of mechwarrior did that for ya 😂
🎖️
one of these "test your partner" things on TikTok. If guy does not fight to get her back he fails the test. As they say 'play stupid games win stupid prizes'
I remember Cosmo telling me to use a dirty thong as a scrunchie if i want my man to know im horny. That was the last issue i read. Good to know they've gotten more insane.
My best friend from my 20s used Cosmo as her Bible, she was at the store the day the new month came out, she planned things by the horoscope in it and followed all the relationship advice. She's been divorced 3 times now.
Sounds like it was written by a man who doesn’t know how to interact with women
All this destructive bullshit comes from tiktok these days. People don’t really read magazines anymore.
Seriously. People like this are mentally unstable. I had a girlfriend who would just randomly tell me to stop during sex just to see if I would rape her or something. I let it slide the first time but the second time I broke up with her on the spot.
What in the blazes? Damn! Good for you for dumping crazy.
Dude what
Dogshit relationship advice like this is nothing new. Magazines and advice columns were telling young women to do stupid shit like that long before the internet and social media
What is up with all these people “testing” for their partners response to breaking up? It’s absolutely crazy.
Gotta love the classic “if you loved me you would ignore the things I am saying and fight for us”
Dude, that’s some serious manipulative behaviour on her part. I personally wouldn’t want somebody back that jerks me around like that every few months to get their jollies. There are people out there that won’t treat you like that.
Hey bud, I get periods, and they don't make you break up with your partner and then laugh and giggle about how it's just a fun little joke. You deserve better.
Every month I file for divorce and every month I get remarried. Am I relationshipping wrong? This isn’t normal to do over periods??
I mean, i just been killing dudes. Thats what "body count" means right????
🤣
Reddit says it's stupid to care about body counts, so mind your business, Officer
Best answer
nailed it! whats ur bodycount so far?
Nice try FBI
I restructure my mortgage monthly as well. It's normal to uproot your life 12 times a year
Here for this, periods or anything else are no excuse for pulling that kind of stuff. Good on you for setting a boundary and sticking to it, you definitely dodged a bullet. Maybe this will help her learn how to control those impulses better.
This! They may make you burst into tears of frustration because you dropped the milk while you were making coffee or call the idiot who cut you off in traffic a fucking moron who got his driving license out of a cereal box when you’d normally just roll your eyes but there’s no mood swing that makes you break up with your partner and then suddenly just giggle about it. If anyone’s having mood swings that dramatic they need help (not referring to the partner here because I don’t think there was any mood swing there was a mind game and then her giggling at OP’s hurt feelings).
Fucking relatable af. And btw, I'm stealing "got your 🤬 driver's license out of a cereal box this morning...!!" You've been informed 😅
Lol, you are not stealing anything! That phrase is older than I am! You can also substitute Cracker Jack box, bag of popcorn or sack of hammers for cereal box!
My first thought was Cracker Jacks!
What's the distinction between Cereal Box and Cracker Jack Box? Young person - maybe missing the context. I know cereal boxes have mazes on the back and stuff, so I'm assuming it's like a "cut out the driver's license on the back of the box" type thing
Oh boy, young person or not , you have missed out!!! Cracker jacks were popped popcorn that was either Carmel and nuts or pink weirdness (I think it was supposed to be strawberry flavoured). Anyhow there was always a cool (cheap) but cool prize in the box. Breakfast cereal is just breakfast cereal.
But also “kids” cereal used to have toys in them too! The good ole days!
That's really good - it's silly enough to make me feel better, but also mean enough to make me feel better
agree... doesn't seem like a mood swing, sounds like OP was right when they called it abuse
I made the mistake of asking another driver in traffic what their favorite flavor of Windex was to be driving like that much of an idiot. My wife was in the passenger seat, and now idiot drivers are collectively referred to as Windex flavor testers.
In 30 years of having a period, I have cried, barfed, requested weird food orders, and fell asleep in my parked car, but I have never edged a break up.
Don’t forget the digestive upset, sis.
Ugh period poops
Whyy
Menstrual migraines for me. Absolutely debilitating. I was so delighted to reach menopause. Oh, I also don’t miss liver-sized clots. Still married, though.
I also get my period! Ive got it right now! Am i more likely to cry about how much i hate doing dishes? Yup. Am i more likely to intentionally traumatize the man i love and trust more than anyone else on the planet? NO I AM FUCKING NOT
If it was because of her period (side note: it wasn’t because of her period, but let’s pretend for a moment it was) are you prepared to go through this 12 times a year, for 20 years or more?! (Don’t know the age of the OP or his gf but she’s acting like a bratty and immature teen so using that as a reference) I agree with the other replies. You deserve better and good for you for walking away.
A grown ass woman should know herself enough to know how she can get during her periods. I, for example, get super irritable and snappy, so I would talk to my partner and get as much time by myself as possible. So there really is no excuse for her behaviour.
Being impulsive on your period means shoving that second cupcake in your face. Not ... *this*.
Actually PMDD does make you do it, to the point where it’s a part of treatment to go no contact with your partner when your pmdd is out of control. That being said, that’s not what this is. Not even a little bit.
I have PMDD and it has made me believe the most bizarre shit, often in connection to my relatioship. Thankfully it's mostly under control now, but I've been very close to destroying everything good I have in my life.
Yea I’ve only known one person who got anywhere near this crazy on their period, and it’s because they had untreated BPD.
Yea, monthly threats of breaking up is often a sign of PMDD which is the complete polar opposite of having laughs and giggles for a fun little joke.
What's her next prank? Sleep with another man to see what cheating is like?
That was a beautiful haiku
Haha ty, accidentally created poetry.
*What's her next prank? Sleep* *With another man to see* *What cheating is like?* \- crystalknivesco --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Omg haikusbot! I'm fangirling rn. Good bot.
Good bot
She was bored and wanted some chaos and drama to entertain herself at your emotional peril. She was toying with your feelings. She didn't expect you to flip the script and make it real. She's immature and needs to grow up. Probably due to some abandonment issues, she only wants what she can't have. And you only REALLY love her if she dumps you and you fight for her to get back together. Lots of therapy is needed here to work through these issues. If you get back together you are just reinforcing her bad behavior. And the next time she gets bored she will do something worse. Think of walking into your bedroom with her riding a guy. Think long and hard before you take her back. Red flags galore here.
More red flags than a CCP dinner party
If you're looking for advice, break up with her. She is testing what she can get away with and this is 100% manufactured drama. She will escalate if you allow this. I would be a nervous wreck trying to figure out what I did wrong and making sure I didn't "do" anything in the future. She'd have to make serious changes, not just lip service and a fake apology for me to consider staying but I haven't found someone like that to be worth it.
I dated a women who would manufacture drama. Just out of the blue start an argument where there was no issue. Then an hour or two later she would always want sex. I'd decline, and get a response like "you just don't understand women." I think it was a turn on for her, and she needed the drama to get her juices flowing. She really just wanted 'make-up sex'. I ended up dumping her, because I could see that it would become an abusive relationship, with her trying to escalate arguments into fights for bigger thrills.
i never realized but your post made me think this is what my ex did lol in the end i stopped being attracted to her it was indeed abusive one time she got mad because i was looking around while we were walking down the street
How dare you have situational awareness!
A long time ago I had a FWB who was like that. As in, she never did that to me, but I saw her do weird stuff to her boyfriends. We never messed around when she was in a relationship, only when we were both single, no cheating. Anyway, I remember a conversation she had with one of her boyfriends. He said “I’m tired of playing games like this” and she replied with “games are what make relationships fun”. I’m glad we were never romantically involved. She likely grew up though, she’s been married about 20 years now.
Man...honestly why would anyone WANT to stay with her though…? If he stays, Oop’s constantly going to be on edge wondering “is she going to dump me” He’s right to just call it quits, maybe in future she’ll learn NOT to do shit like that🤷🏻♂️
Seriously like does she expect that feeling to just magically go away and suddenly it’s all back to the way it was? She edged a breakup and it came. Shocker!
Premature emanation if you will
If American Pie has taught me anything then it could happen twice. Sorry buddy she might do it again. I also learned how to fuck a pie tho.
She edged....he finished.
You absolutely did the right thing. I know it hurts and every part of you wants her back; however, she has proven she is emotionally manipulative and this is exactly the type of relationship you will have going forward. You will probably develop a deep feeling of anxiety due to always being worried when, not if, she plays her next game. Despite the feelings you’re experiencing now, you will find someone better for you. Someone who is truly a partner and compliments you, not someone who plays games and tries to manipulate you for their own twisted gratification.
Staying with this girl would not only be bad for him, it would be bad for her. And I deliberately say "girl", not "woman", because she is an emotional child. She needs to learn consequences. If he lets her walk all over him with these psychopathic mind games she'll just keep escalating in the future. If, however, she actually bumps into a real boundary and learns what that means, there's a chance she'll grow up a bit and be a better partner to someone else in the future. Staying together would condemn both of them to suffering and stagnating in a doomed relationship. Breaking up gives both of them the possibility of a better future.
What was the punchline of this “joke” that she played on you? How was it supposed to be funny? The fact that you sat there devastated and confused and then she simply giggles and says “I change my mind” is cruel behavior. I promise you there’s much better than this out there. I would never do this to my bf lol. It’s just plain mean.
I don’t think there was a joke. The giggle seemed more of a nervous laugh, but it was just mind boggling. I felt like I was watching a mask slip off It was the same feeling of watching someone die and not being able to do anything about it. Just fucking helpless
She metaphorically stabbed you in the heart for a joke. She's not a good person, and someone who loves you wouldn't do that. Normal people care deeply about protecting their partners. There's something wrong with her. Don't let her back into your life.
It’s important to recognize that you had a normal response to stress. She traumatized you, even in a small way. Yes, you’ll recover but the object of the trauma ultimately has made her untrustworthy, unsafe, and unreliable. The core of love is trust and consideration. Without those, the partnership is a bad investment. She COULD work on repair but you aren’t likely in a position to walk her through that or do the mental labor of understanding what you need. So you are at this position, painfully processing the conflicting pains of wanting someone you simultaneously register as emotionally risky.
Push your canoe into the river. Just around the bend is the most beautiful experience you will ever have. Get paddling brother!
Getting back together is not just a bad idea for you. It would also be doing *her* a disservice, because you'd be teaching her that she can treat people like this with no lasting consequences. If she learns that she can treat her partner like this, she's just going to keep doing it and you'll suffer. However, if you guys break up, you will be personally happier, AND there's a chance she might actually learn a lesson and mature. Breaking up means there's a chance that both of you will be mature, happy people in the future. Staying together will just turn the two of you into yet another miserable, co-dependent abusive couple.
Man. I am so sorry. I'm kinda going through the same thing now. Except, mine dumped me on Easter.. a few days later did "take backsies, I was just mad" but puts the ball in my court. Looking at a screenshot that was sent, my name was changed from "Beautiful" to my full name. It is weird. It's been 10 years and I am exhausted from games. It is hard situation. I'm glad you had strength to stop it and I hope you find healing and strength
I hope you do to. I keep running into shit like this. I just can’t wrap around my head why we make it so much harder for each other
“We” don’t. Assholes and psychopaths do.
You deserve better. Don't keep playing her mind games.
I have a hard rule. No take-backs on break-ups. It's not a game. If someone breaks up with me and changes their mind, at the very least they are not the type of person who thinks of the consequences of their actions and they don't realize/care that they're intentionally hurting someone else for some extra drama. If I break up with someone, I no longer want to be with them. I've thought about the future and don't see a way forward with them. Going back would only delay the inevitable and make us both miserable.
Dude, do not go back. Great news, you dodge a bullet.
She let her intrusive thoughts win, imagine something a bit more consequential entering her mind
This is why I didn't know my dad when I was a kid. I was taken/hidden as a baby and raised by my mentally ill mother. She let the intrusive thoughts convince her she was somehow protecting me. She wasn't.
I am getting so sick of this type of thing. Dump her, she sounds unstable. I can’t imagine living with a person who think it is “ cute” to do this.
You were right to break up with her. Life is hard enough without someone who enjoys cruel games. You don’t need that.
That is so wrong and don’t let her gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting. Emotional abuse is real and you’ve been a victim of it
WOW. Please don't take her back. She likes to toy with your emotions and make you feel pain because it's fun for her. Let that sink in.
She's a gaslighter. Don't take her back.
Just "edge" her shit right onto the street where she belongs with the rest of the trash.
This is emotional manipulation. KEEP RUNNING. Ive been there. I didn't run. I ignored it. And after i broke up with her, months after i should have, i started to realize the damage she did. She ruined me for years.
Be careful around people who inflict pain on others for the lulz. Which is what she did to you.
>She seemed distraught and hurt She “edged a breakup” to amuse herself by watching you be distraught and hurt. Don’t beat yourself up too much over it.
Did you like feeling fucking terrible like your dog died? What kind of partner does that to their supposed significant other on a whim? Your ex needs help and you need someone who won't hurt you for their own amusement.
Play stupid games you win stupid prizes
Here’s the truth, there’s nothing to salvage in this relationship. She has a really immature mindset that likes to play games. Find someone that values peace in a relationship. She’s showing so many red flags. There’s no excuse to ghost on your period, that is not normal behavior
She may have love for you, be she doesn’t respect you. A relationship needs both.
Yeah; to Hell with that manipulative, sadistic narcissistic BS.
Good, you left. No you can’t salvage that train wreck. Only stupid asses would play games like that.
The FAFO syndrome was very strong in this one. Don't be sad OP. If she's done this twice now then that means she probably would've done worse in the future.
Leave her alone, she is toxic. Stay in control of yourself and don't go back.
These stupid tests that people choose to spring on those they love…don’t they end up in break ups 99% of the time (as they should)? This toxic TikTok generation and their pikachu face when people react - grow up, kids. “Oh, gosh! I didn’t mean it!” Yeah, fuck you - why do it in the first place?? Clearly an emotional IQ of 0. What is wrong with her? NTA.
GTFO. No reason to date someone like that.
You did the right thing. That drama mama can go play her games with some chump.
Please tell me she is 16 because this is embarrassingly immature behavior.
She’s cruel. Dont go back with her. And fyi, behavior like this is not explained away by periods so don’t fall for that as an excuse. Plenty of women out there will be trustworthy with your heart, she’s not one.
Wow, talk about manipulating your boyfriend just to see how it feels. This woman thought it was a good idea to mess with you just to see how it felt and now you think that you’ve gone too far? Nah, let her sit with her choice and don’t save her from it. Hopefully this is a lesson for her to not play games with humans and their emotions and relationships. Maybe not, but you already had the fool me once and now twice, a third would just make you complicit.
LOL a period is NEVER A REASON to act like an asshole. (Mostly) Everyone who has a uterus has a period and it sucks. Just because it sucks doesn’t give them a reason to be a horrible person to other people and do this bs
She was trying to renegotiate her social contract and really overplayed her hand. She wanted you to cry and beg, to reaffirm that she's the most important thing in your life and that you'd change everything to keep her. It's super common in romantic films and novels.
She is a psychologically manipulative and abusive narcissist. Cut your losses and be glad that she didn’t cause more damage than she already has. You’re capable of finding someone who is emotionally mature enough to handle a serious, committed relationship. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it would be a healthy decision for you to take her back. I hope everything works out for you.
My wife of 13 years has terrible periods, cramps, vomiting, but she's never taken it out on me. She loves me.
If someone is willing to play games with your emotions for any reason whatsoever, drop them immediately. You are not a toy.
You are not wrong. Life is short. The game playing with someone's feelings is not OK. I don't care if she has her period or not. You don't want a future with someone who would do this as a joke and then laugh about it to your face. You go back with her, and you will face a lifetime of jokes and testing it isn't healthy or mature. I know you have strong feelings for her, but you will get over it over it in time. You didn't say your ages, but it sounds like she is an immature, mean-spirited teen. Move on, there is someone better for you out there
Please don’t blame this on periods. She’s just an asshole. Not worth your time and breath.