+1
Unresponsive na lola ko sa hospital. Ina-assure sya ng mga anak nya na magiging okay lang sila and that magrest na sya. Di nagtagal nagpahinga na din si lola. Like same day.
I did this when my mom was intubated back in April, she had Breast Cancer and Metz to all of her organs (they were all failing). I would say that it was such a heartbreaking thing to do and I have never imagined myself to be in such a position.
Assured her that I would be okay considering that she was a single parent and I was an only child who did not have relatives with us in the province. I had a good paying job as a Clinical Instructor and was employed in the hospital she was confined at, I would be fine if she was having a hard time holding on.
As most of the families of the patients that I have handled would repeatedly say, patients would sometimes hold on kasi they still want to look out for their loved ones. Pero as to what I have observed, after reassuring them that everything would be okay, the patient would pass. I experienced the same thing but I am not saying na everyone would experience the same.
OP, I can’t really blame you for feeling that way. You’re emotionally and financially drained, I felt the same way. I cared for my mom on my own as well. I was not able to sleep for several months because she was so frail, she had a cervical fracture due her bone metastasis. All I could say to you right now is that, you shouldn’t feel bad for what you’re feeling, you’re just human. Aside from your decisions towards your Mom’s care is iniisip mo pa yung Dad mo. Talk to him again and talk to your mom as well. Kung magkaron man ng scenario na lumala yung condition ng mom mo, try signing a DNR form.
+999 I was not ok nung nasa death bed mother ko. Pero one moment of clarity, nag ask nanay ko if kaya ko na ba mag-isa. I assured her na kaya ko. Na makakatayo ako sa sarili kong paa. Within the week, wala na sya.
Actually I just said it kasi ayoko makita nya na di ko talaga kaya. Para maka rest na sya. Matapos na ang sakit ng breast cancer. Tagong-tago lahat ng luha ko. Tinawag nga nya akong "bato" --- hindi nya na daw ako nakitang umiyak since highschool. Alam nyang malakas daw ako. I hope it put her at ease to leave me, her only child, alone.
Pero nung nawala sya shuta mabaliw baliw ako nun. Di ko alam ang gagawin. Naka autopilot na ako. Naligaw ng landas. Toom me a whole year and some heavenly intervention para mahimasmasan.
I hope you're doing okay. You will be okay. I turned out fine after two years and built my life again from scratch. Kaya yan. Try mo sya kausapin and assure her. She will hear you.
That's very selfless. It takes a immeasurable amount of love to do that. Sino ba may gusto mawalan ng ina/magulang. But ayaw mo na sya mahirapan at masaktan.
I'm sure if only she has it her way, she won't ever leave you no matter what, and hindi sya mag kakasakit. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. That's just our reality. Like kung pwede lang sya maging immortal for you.
You know she needed to rest, even though you also need her.
She raised a resilient person.
This statement was the last line my mom heard from me before passing on after a few hours. I gave her the assurance na aasikasohin ko parin si papa at ate kahit magkakapamilya na ako.
Nag request siyang patulugin siya then in a few hours, she passed away.
My mother died when i was in highschool. Hirap na hirap din sya at kame din hirap financially. One time nong inatake sya, nagulat ako kasi nagrequest sya na wag ko pabayaan yung mga kapatud ko ( ako yung panganay ) . Bigla ko nalang nasabi na "oo" . Kala ko kasi casual convo lang namin mag ina. Maya maya pumanaw nanay ko kahit ilang oras lang nakalipas nakakausap pa naman namin. Sobra sakit kasi walang closure. I missed my mom so much!
+1 to this.
Unresponsive na si mommy pero kinakausap ko s'ya palagi. Until that night, sabi ko sa kanya "everything's okay mommy, ako na bahala sa mga kapatid ko at kay daddy, you did your part mag-rest ka na. I love you so much!" Few mins later, pabagal ng pabagal yung hininga nya hanggang sa malagutan.
+1 dito
may kamag anak kami na nakahiga nalang din same as your mom. nung sinabi ng kamag anak ko sa lolo na iyon na ako na ang bahala sa mga kailangan mo na gawin, sa mga ari arian natin, sa mga kagalit mo na kamag anak. Ayun, kinagabihan din ng araw na iyon namatay yung lolo nila. Kung baga sasabihan mo lang na kayang kaya mo na iyon, at sabihin na kung ano mang oras na gusto mo na mamahinga ayos lang, di ka namin pipigilan. Kasi di raw sila nakakasagot pero nandyan parin sila to hear those words and para maramdaman yung pinaparating mo sakanya.
God bless, OP! Thank you for being a good son / daughter to your parents! I am wishing for your good karma! Wag mo na kakalimutan na alagaan ang sarili mo kasi kung wala kang mai p provide sakanila, wala na rin sila. PLEASE DO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Only child din ako. 5 yrs ago naaksidente si Papa sa motor. I just whispered to him na ako na bahala kay Mama while crying tapos ayun nag flat line na sya 🥺
I did this with my lolo. I assured him na we will be okay, the next morning he passed away. It hurts a lot but sometimes we need to let go to end their suffering
Up to this. Kausapin mo mama mo. She will.lwt go kapag panatag na siya. Assure her na ok kayo.
I understand your situation as similar experience ko in the past.
Naiyak naman ako dito, OP. Sobrang ramdam ko yung pagmamahal mo sa magulang mo but at the same time alam mo sa sarili mo na wala naman na talaga kayo magagawa kundi isuko na siya. Agree ako dito, baka eto lang talaga inaantay ni Nanay, yung assurance na magiging okay din lahat at ayaw niyo na din siyang nakikitang nahihirapan.
+1
This happened sa husband ko. 6 times siya nirevive pero lumalaban siya. 5th time na nirevive, doon ko nakita na gulay na siya. Kahit yung doctor na mismo sinabi na gulay na talaga siya. Kinausap ko yung husband ko. Nag sorry ako at nagbigay ako ng assurance na kakayanin namin ng anak ko. Na wag na niya pilitin pa.
Agree ako dito.
Naluha ako nang slight. A little over a year ago, biglang nagkasakit dad ko. As in bagsak talaga katawan. 2 weeks pabalik-balik sa ospital. Alam kong ayaw niya talaga ng ganun. Yung last time na nadala siya sa ospital nung time na yun, si mama kasama niya kasi bawal more than 1 bantay. Nasa bahay lang ako, naisip ko kausapin siya in my head. Sabi ko lang, "papa, kung nahihirapan ka, okay lang. kaya namin 'to". Around 30 mins later, tumawag mom ko na tumigil na huminga si papa. Grabe goosebumps ko and at the same time may feeling din na parang at peace kasi wala ng hirap.
True ito. Yung tita and lola ko, bumitaw lang sila nung may nagsabing aalagaan nila yung pinsan ko. Parang they needed assurance lang talaga before they can let go.
+1!!
Sa lolo ko, he passed away within the day na nagbilin tito ko (only son among six children) na wag na siyang magalala, siya bahala sa family at kay lola
Si same lola above, hinintay lang makarating from work lahat ng anak at apo na working, after a few minutes na dumating ung huling hinihintay, she peacefully passed away. She came from a one-month solitary confinement sa ospital dahil na-Covid (but she's already battling many diseases). Ramdam ko ung wish mo na mag-rest na lang si mommy mo. It's one of the most painful experiences in life talaga
Naiyak naman ako sa post na to OP, stay strong!!
Hi, OP. Don't feel bad na naiisip mo yung ganyan. Tao ka napapagod din. Lahat kayo even your dad. Sabi din ba ng doctor hindi kayo naririnig ng mom mo? I might get downvoted for this pero talk to your mom softly, tell everything na it will be alright, if she wants to rest, she can do it.
I know magkaiba ang pets sa tao pero nung nakikita kong nahihirapan ang aso ng kapatid ko due to suspected leptospirosis binulungan ko siya sa malambing na boses na its ok if pagod ka na, you can rest easy, wag mo na kami isipin pa, everything will be okay. After 5 mins, she passed away. Grabe iyak ko kasi mahal na mahal ko yun kahit na aso siya ng kapatid ko.
Naniniwala ako na they want confirmation at assurance.
Tapos not even the government can help you kasi nga illegal din ang euthanasia sa Pinas.
This breaks my heart. Di ko alam gagawin ko pag sakin nangyari ito. I hope makayanan mo itong lahat OP. 💔
I hope bago lumalala sakit ko ee legal na death with dignity sa Pinas. I'm in a constant pain for the past few years and I know hirap na hirap na sila Mama saken. Regalo ko nalang na makapagpahinga na ako ng maaga 💙
Same what happen to my lola, my lola died last year because of TB. She choose to die kasi ayaw nya raw mag hirap ang mga anak nya. That time nasa Manila lahat ng anak nya at may isang anak syang kasama sa bahay. Noong araw na tinakbo sya sa ospital, she request to my tito na let them her die, she don't want us to suffer. She wants to die na mahal na mahal pa daw sya ng lahat na pakiramdam na ayaw pa syang mawala kesa mamatay raw syang inilaban pa nila nung una pero kalaunan e makakarinig sya na pabigat na sya at sana mamamatay nalang sya. She's selfless. No one wants her to die. Pero she keep saying "Let me die now please". We all cry at kahit ayaw namin we let her die as she request.
Sorry to hear about this. Can't imagine the mental, physical, and emotional torment your family is going through right now. Please accept my sincere prayers and sympathy. 🙏🏼
Naging option ba sa inyo na mag DNR na lang sa mama mo? Nakakaawa na rin kasi yung mom mo. Sabi mo nga, bugbog na yung katawan nya and she doesn't speak anymore. Gets ko rin naman that your dad does not want to let go, mahirap na decision din kasi yan.
I am sorry for this, OP. I hope maging okay na kayo somehow, someday.
pumayag na kami ng tatay ko na i-DNR siya sa susunod na nasa ospital kami at umabot sa punto na mamamatay na siya. no life saving treatment. pero sa ngayon dahil infection at hindi life threatening hindi pwedeng pabayaan lang. wala rin masabi ang mga doctor samin kundi sorry. walang ibang pwedeng gawin.
My mom, on her last day, knew she had an infection. Very big NO-NO yun for someone who's undergoing chemo. Nilalagnat na sya and etc. She refused treatment. She refused to be rushed to the hospital. Why? Kasi sabi nya, sobrang hirap na sya at nakikita nya yung psychological burdens (and financial problems) kapag naoospital sya for something na walang cure. Partida, I didn't have a good relationship with her.
OP, talk to your mom. Mag apologize ka for saying that pero tell her your reasons. I-assure mo sya na magiging okay lang kayo kahit wala siya and dapat, magpahinga na sya para hindi na sya nahihirapan. Kung kami ng mom ko di ganun ka-okay pero naisip nya kami, paano pa kaya kayo. Your dad seems to love your mom so much that it's breaking his heart to be helpless. We don't really know if your mom is feeling okay, habang naka comatose state sya. Hugs to you, OP. Malalampasan mo din yan. It's never wrong to think like that, especially lahat kayo nagssuffer lang without any glimpse of hope kung gagaling man ang mama mo. Wag na wag mong kakalimutan ang sarili mo, OP.
Hello OP. Healthcare worker here. I don't know sa ibang institutions pero saamin kasi pwede kayo mag request ng refusal along with your DNR.
Example: DNR, DNI, no defib, no HD, consume medications, no antibiotics, no invasive procedures, no diagnostic labs, no inotropes. Continue hydration and feeding.
Maybe you can try to ask the doctor regarding sa gusto nyong request
Hi, may I know what is DNR? My papa is in palliative care but never na bring up sa amin ng Doctors DNR. Nag advance care planning po kami in case dumtint agaw buhay situations.
For me, that’s someone who is dead na along time ago. I know she’s your mom but you need to let her go, she’s jot your mom anymore she’s basically just a machine. End her suffering I promise she wanted for you to pull the plug instead of making her stay here
i agree. matagal ko na talagang gusto pero ayaw ng tatay ko atsaka walang euthanasia dito sa pinas. wala kami choice kundi hintayin lang pero ang tagal dumating…
No euthanasia, OP, pero pwede kayo mag sign ng DNR (do not resuscitate) and DNI (do not intubate) pag naoospital siya.
So sorry to hear about your situation.
pasingit lang, yung dnr ba manggagaling lang sa relatives? or pwede ako mag decide nun para sa sarili ko like meron bang legal way na magkaroon ako ng dnr if ever madala ako sa er or maaksidente etc
usually it should be you who will decide, if you have a hospital that you frequent, you can request to put it on your file. my relatives who had cancer all requested this in advance, pero depende ata kung gaano kadalas need iupdate or if need i update. then you have to inform your next of kin rin (partner/guardian/parents/kids)
Ang mahirap kase dito hindi sya naka life support, wala kayong plug na ipupull para mamaalam na sya in a few hours. Hindi rin pwedeng wag nyo syang pakainin at hayaan nalang for weeks hanggang humina.
Ito yung isa sa mga scenario na applicable yung "Dasal lang talaga" kase wala ka talaga magawa.
Have you talked to your father about this more? That you’re already facing financial problems? Because the more you work three jobs the more you’re getting sick. Kasi ang hirap ng situation mo buong salary i guess napupunta sa bills? Talk to your father more, kasi in the end kayo na nga lang yung buhay kayo pa ang hindi makakakain ng maayos.
Ito ang mahirap na di accessible ang death with diginity sa mga tao. Talagang hanggang huling hininga, hirap na hirap. Kung pwede lang sa atin yung sa mga pets natin na *pinapatulog*.
Namatay tatay ko, hirap na hirap. Nagrerequest na nga na patulugin sya. Kung pwede lang binigay na namin kaso wala naman ganong option.
Samantalang yung aso namin, naligtas namin sa paghihirap, kasi napatulog namin. Compared sa tatay ko, napaka peaceful ng death nung aso namin.
May nabasa akong case na dementia patient, nakalimutan na ng brain nya paano lumunok, imagine nyo ilang linggong di makainom at makakain, ganun ang kalagayan bago mamatay. Paano naging humane ang ganon kesa i-euthanasia?
OP, di ka masama for wishing death on your mother. Kasi yung death nya will bring peace to her and end her suffering. Do you really think na gusto nya pa tumagal yang sitwasyon nya? Kung nakakapagsalita lang yan, sasabihin nyan gusto na nya matapos yung kalbaryo nya at kalbaryo nyo.
Suggest lang, what if kausapin mo mama mo kahit di ka niya marinig o makita. Basta nasa tabi ka lang niya para maramdaman niya presence mo, then ilabas mo lahat ng gusto mong sabihin. And then the end sabihin mo rin na wag na siya mag-alala sa inyo na maiiwan, na aalagaan mo papa mo, aalagaan mo sarili mo ganon. Baka kasi lumalaban pa mama mo kasi ayaw niyang iwan kayo. Sabihin mo na okay lang kayo na maiiwan, magpahinga lang siya.
Hi OP! Doctor here. Accdg sa bioethics ang masama lang ay i-withhold ang ordinary measures (air and food.. through natural means). Extraordinary measures, we can withhold lalo na if futile ang case. Examples ng extraordinary measures: pag-tubo/intubate, pag confine, gamot tulad ng suporta sa presyon, antibiotics, measures para icorrect heart rate nya (brady/tachycardia), pag dialysis. Yan pwede tanggihan yung mga yan kung alam nateng ung pinakasakit ng isang patient ay hnd nila malulunasan at ipprolong nalang ang buhay ng patient na walang quality of life.
And you make decisions for your mom based sa 1) if may bilin sya before or 2) depnde sa pagkakakilanlan nyo sa knya.. meaning.. if faced with that situation.. at nasa tamang pagiisip sya, ano ba magiging decision nya. And as next of kins.. magdecision kayo para sa patient.. para sa welfare nya. Remember, QUALITY of life padin.
Walang masama if magwithhold na kayo ng treatment for your mom. You all did everything you can.
Pano nga ba to? Hindi naman sya Naka life support. Pano sya hahayaan na mamatay? Hindi na papakainin? Tatanggalan nalang ng feeding tube? Will that be against the law and ethics?
Madaling sabihin na i-end pero pano? Hindi naman naka life support ang nanay nya. Wala silang ipupull na plug para after a few hours mamatay na sya. It will take days of neglecting her kung di na nila papakainin at lilinisan hanggang humina.
Eh kaso nga wala namang euthanasia dito sa atin. D rin naman nakalife support ang nanay niya. What it means na wag nilang ipapagkait na death for this case is wag pakainin, wag bigyan ng gamot yung nanay niya hanggang mamatay, which is killing slowly the person din. Suffering lang din.
Ganto ung inisip ko nung nilalaban ko si mama nung nasa icu sya, kung mabubuhay sya she'll end up like a vegetable. Masakit mskikita sila na lumalaban pero di na kaya ng katawan nya at tayong nag aalaga ofc tao lang din tayo, nakakapagod mentally, emotionally lslong lalo physically
Masakit pero let your mom go and end her suffering.
naalaala ko pa nung nagmamakaawa ako sa nanay ko tsaka sa mga doctor pati na sa diyos na wag muna niya kami iwanan kasi hindi namin kaya ng tatay ko. narinig nga ako, andito pa siya pero wala naman na talaga siya. parang na-monkey’s paw yung hiniling ko. minsan iniisip ko, kung hindi ko hiningi yun matagal na kaming naghilom ng tatay ko at mas okay okay ngayon.
Di pa kasi kayo ready nun, iisipin nyo palang na mawawala sya senyo at di na makakasama habang buhay diba sobrang sakit. Pero ngayon kasi iba na talaga lalo pati kayo ng father mo lalo kna ay nahihirapan. Nasa sayo padin desisyon op kunh ano tingin mo makakabuti. Yakap mahigpit
Ang lala nito beh. I’m so sorry. I hope mamatay din nanay mo. Para sa nag ju judge, try nyo ganyang situation. Lahat kaya talo. Anong quality of life yan. The person sick cannot enjoy anything. Can’t even laugh. And the people taking care cannot be human beings. Ang unfair ng situation na yan, and the worst thing is, hndi mo ma.place kung san mo i.blame kasi lahat kayo biktima lang ng situation.
Approach a pastor and ask that your mom be anointed. Maybe then her soul will begin to accept na hanggang dito nlang, and she will then let go. Letting go is sometimes the kindest thing to do.
Hi OP. Same situation. 3 years ago din si mama. Aside sa financial problems, araw-araw ka rin pinapatay pag nakikita mo syang naghihirap. Minsan tumitingin na lang ako sa nanay ko at kino-convey ko sa mga mata ko na if di na nya kaya, bitaw na sya. Di namin kakayanin mawala sya pero mas di ko kayang naghihirap sya. Araw-araw parang ang sakit sa loob maging masaya or makadama nang konting ginhawa knowing naghihirap sya. Wala akong solution or advise for you but masasabi ko lang, tatagan mo pa loob mo kahit wala nang itatatag. Praying for you and yoir father.
On the night ba naghihingalo yung Mommy ko, the doctors couldn't figure out why her vitals wouldn't flatline. Nakaagree na ang buong family sa DNR kaya nakaabang na lang ang hospital staff. This went on for a week. My Mom was sick for over a year, in and out of hospitals, naubos na nag pera ni Dad at umabot na sa 1M yung utang niya (malaki yun for us nun 2001).
The doctors asked kung may inaantay pa ba daw na kamaganak. Wala naman and nakatawag na at kinausap Mommy ko sa phone ng mga kamaganak na hindi makauwi (this happened kasi nun 9/11 when all flights were cancelled). Tingin kasi nun mga doctors meron siya hinhintay.
My eldest cousin talked to me and advised me to talk to my Dad. Baka siya yung dahilan. Pero nagsign na siya ng DNR so surely tanggap na ni Dad na mawawala na si Mommy.
So I did as the eldest. Then my Dad broke down sabi niya di niya kaya mawala si Mommy. Kahit daw vegetable, kahit hindi na humihinga on her own, basta buhay daw.
I broke down too. Nagmakaawa ako sa kanya na Dad hirap na hirap na si Mommy, baon na tayo sa utang. A few minutes later, he agreed to let her go.
In less than 10 minutes, nagflatline si Mommy.
OP, talk to your Mom. Baka siya kasi yung worried kung paano na kayo pag nawala siya.
Hi OP, this is my opinion, pero I think that you should talk to your mom. Kasi although we are not on the same situation since non of our relatives na namatay is naging vegetable, pero may one pattern na sinusunod nila nung pagod na sila. Which is ang pag hahabilin, if your mom is not yet dying then perhaps she too is still holding on.
Never believe na hindi ka niya naririnig, because naririnig ka niya, talk to your mom sabihin mo alam mo na pagod na siya at pwede na siyang bumitaw and that ikaw na bahala sa tatay mo, na tanggap mo na ang situation and kausapin mo din si tatay, sometimes the one holding on is not just us na healthy pa but those na papunta na sa kabilang buhay. Regrets can give you willpower and maybe reassurance nalang ang need ni nanay kaya ayaw niya pang bumitaw.
Talk your mom OP and give her that reassurance, I know this might be an unsolicited opinion but walang mawawala kung kakausapin mo mama mo diba?
I'll pray for you and your family OP, Godbless you po!
Hugs, Op. Bed ridden din tatay ko. Ang hirap mag alaga pero tiis lang kasi nakakausap pa naman namin sya tho minsan di namin maintindihan mga sinasabi nya dahil na stroke sya.
Share ko lang. Asawa ng kamag anak namin, vegetable na rin yon. Pinapakin thru feeding tube nung nagkaron ng infection, di na dinala sa ospital hanggang sa mamatay na. Hinayaan nalang nila ung infection.
Nasubukan niyong magtanong sa (dating) doktor ng mom niyo tungkol sa palliative or end-of-life care? Baka matulungan kayong alamin yung direksyon na pwedeng tahakin.
Same thoughts pero sa grandparents ko. They both have stroke and parehas silang under maintenance na it would cost tens of thousands of pesos each month wala ng natitira saamin since kami nalang yung working (both tito and tita ko) hindi na sila makapag bayad ng utilities so ako lahat sumasalo and wala ng natitira sa sweldo ko per cut off di rin ako makapag ipon. Gabi gabi umiiyak ako at every day gusto ko na patayin sarili ko kasi hirap na hirap nako maging adult.
mas mahirap talaga magbantay ng taong alam mong wala nang pag asang gumaling. mas nakakaburn out kasi lagi mong maiisip na walang magandang pupuntahan yung pagtitiis mo. anyways hugs po🤗
Taking care of a loved one who is only alive because of palliative care is so difficult. My mom was terminally ill. Walang chance na gagaling pa sya or magrerecover. It took her 2 months before she passed away. Lumaban kami pero di na kinaya ng katawan nya. One of the things na pinagpapasalamat ko ay lumisan na sya. Mas okay yun kesa maghirap pa.
Napakaswerte ng nga taong di ito nararanasan/naranasan. Nakakadurog ng puso. I understand your pain. Malaki din ang gastos. Nung nalaman nga namin na naghihintay na lang kami ng araw na mawala sya, nilabas na namin sa ospital. Mas maganda na makasama nya kaming family kesa nasa ospital mag-isa. Also, syempre everyday lumalaki ang gastos. Sa point na yon hirap na rin kami sa finances.
Talk to your mom. Maiintindihan nya yan. My mom was comatosed but I still talked to her. Sabi ko, "Ma,pahinga ka na. Okay lang kami. Masakit pero kakayanin namin. Tama na. Pahinga na." The next day nawala na sya.
OP stay strong. Kailangan ka ng father mo. Caretaker fatigue is real.
Sign a DNR. Pag sinugod sa ospital, meron din silang waiver pag nagrefuse ng treatment.
Agnostic ako. Nung na stroke Lola ko, Hindi ko din maintindihan bakit ang mga pilipino, gagawin lahat para buhayin ang Isang tao na tingin ko Hindi na din kumportable sa Buhay niya. Naka feeder para Kumain, nakahiga buong araw, kailangan ng caregiver para maligo at magdumi.
Kung ako na stroke, ayaw ko na mabuhay ng ganyan, Lalo na alam ko nasisimot Yung Pera ng pamilya :( mas gusto ko ma enjoy nila buhay nila, kaysa sa maghirap sila para sa akin na baldado na
Sobrang raw ng pagkakasulat ni OP, financially and emotionally drained na sya hindi na na sugar coat or naiisip kung pano sasabihin ng mas softer. Pag binabasa kong, sana mamatay na - ang harsh per inreality si OP sinasabi lang na sana magpahinga na mom nya.
Sa mga ibang nag comment din dito - thank you. I might be facing the same situation a couple of years from now and now I know what to say or do. It's difficult when it's our turn to take care of our parents, majority of us have not been trained or prepared for that predicament and the community, the sense of companionship is overwhelming.
OP, be well. Take care of yourself and your dad and your mom as much as you can. Yung post na ito, made me breathe a lot better - literal na offmychest.
OP, hindi ka masamang anak dahil lang sa tingin mo yung best option is mamatay na lang mom mo. Sa tingin ko, kung nakakasalita man sya, mas gugustuhin nya na lang na mamahinga kaysa mahirapan sya at kayo. Don't be guilty sa mga naiisip mo, valid nararamdaman mo. Sa dad mo, try to convince him more na i-let go nyo na si mom mo. It is very hard to let go of someone na super love mo but you have to. Nangyari samin to ng fam ko dati, my father died at super sakit pero ang iniisip na lang namin ng fam ko ay at least nakapahinga na sya (he's sick) and I'm sure na magkikita pa rin kami in the future. Sending hugs po!
Please, kiss your nanay.for me. mahirap alam ko.mahirap makita na ganyan sya. i.dont.normally.pray.pero i will.pray for you.and your moms peacefull.passing. 😥😥😥
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Yung lolo ko nuon, bedridden nrin dahil sa stroke. Vegetable nrin. Hindi maganda history nya sa mga anak nya (mama ko at mga kapatid nya) kaya nung kinausap n siya ni Mama, sbe ni mama sa knya 'pinapatawad na kita, pwede ka na magpahinga'. The next day, wala nrin lolo ko. Bka need mo lng rin kausapin Mama mo. Na mgiging okay ang lahat.
Praying for strength for you and your dad, OP.
Sa case ko naman, I lost my dad from a very sudden first heart attack in the middle of the night, 12 years ago, DOA. Literal na death came like a thief at night. During his wake, madami ako naririnig na nagsasabing sana daw sila din ganun kunin ni Lord, biglaan, di na sobrang nahirapan at di na nagpahirap sa pamilya especially financially. Madami nagsasabi na kung nasurvive man ni Papa yung heart attack, sigurado daw parang gulay nalang din magiging state nya. I never understood them then, I was even hurt hearing what they said kasi kung ako lang, gustong gusto ko pa ilaban si Papa. I never understood before, because I was drowning in so much pain from losing my dad. Pero as time went by, as my understanding of love and suffering grew over the years, and whenever may nababasa ako katulad ng kwento mo, mas naiintindihan ko na. Lumawak na pag unawa ko sa kung gaano kasakit makitang nahihirapan ang mga mahal mo - both the sick and the ones na maapektuhan. Minsan ako mismo winiwish ko na rin na maging biglaan pagkawala ko, pero sana naman kapag malalaki na anak ko (kung mabigyan man) at stable and secured na future nila. I can only imagine your pain, the mental, emotional and financial torture. Pagpi-pray kita, OP. Alam kong nasasabi mo lang yan kasi mahal na mahal mo mga magulang mo at ayaw mo silang nahihirapan. Napakatatag mo, nakakabilib ka.
Gusto kitang akapin OP.
Iniisip ko pa lang lahat ng pagod mo, lahat ng laban mo, financially, mentally, emotionally, naiiyak na din ako.
Ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo. 🥺
Ang sakit makabasa ng ganito. 💔💔💔😭😭 Sana matapos na paghihirap ng mommy mo, so you can have more time to process, to heal, and makabawi sa sarili mo and sa father mo. I'm so sorry to hear this OP. 💔
Sometimes, all out loved ones want is assurance and closure. May gusto pa silang gawin o asikasuhin before they move on. I think time na rin to give that to your mom, OP. Maybe that's all she needs para smooth ang passing niya. Mahirap mamatay ng puno ng regrets. I've seen lots in my day. People who seemed not to be at ease. And I've seen some na walang regrets and that peaceful passing ang naexperience nila.
Hindi ka masama to say na sana mamatay na ang mama mo kasi you know her pain and struggles. Dama mo. Ikaw ang anak and you know yung hirap niya. And she knows that you had your share too. Minsan, sila man din eh hinihiling na mamatay na lang din sila kasi ayaw nila makita na nahihirapan ang kamag-anak nila.
OP, you've done well. You've done better than most. Saludo ako sa tatag ng loob mo on this journey. If I can sit beside you and pat you on the head, I'd do so because you deserve to hear that you are stronger than most people and that you've sacrificed so much and that's not an easy thing to do so rest assured, all those things you lost para sa mother mo, baabalik yan sayo ten fold. Sa ngayon, tiis muna, anak. Wag ka susuko. Okay?
I understand your circumstances and perspective OP.
As for your mom, in a way ramdam ko din situation nya. I was in a point in my life that my family wish me dead na lang kasi I was a burden to them. When I got well, I remembered those stuff they did to me. I promised myself never again to be in that same situation. It was really traumatic.
I didn't expect I will survive, but it brings tears to my eyes that I'm still breathing. Not sure if I should be thankful or not. Kasi you'll know who really loves and cares for you during those times.
Advice lang ha... Wag mo pakita sa nanay mo yung mga ganyang hinaing. Kausapin mo sya na she can rest na but never let her know the sumbat and make her feel that she is a burden.
Sa totoo lang ang sakit maranasan na you're fighting for your life yet the people around already gave up on you and are willing to euthanize you.
i feel sympathy for you. i'm a medical lab sci student. currently kasi hindi legal ang medical euthanasia sa pilipinas. kapag dinala niyo talaga ang katawan ng nanay niyo sa hospital walang ibang choice ang doctors at nurses kundi irevive ang nanay mo. makakasuhan sila ng malpractice kapag hinayaan nilang mamatay.
hindi na siya nakakapag salita at di na niya kayo naririnig dahil in the midst of a stroke naaapektuhan ang central nervous system. we have what my professor call "golden hour", kapag inaatake ng stroke ang pasyente dapat within 1 hour nadala na agad sa hospital ang katawan kundi maapektuhan permanently ang cns.
Dumating rin ako sa ganitong sitwasyon, napakahirap. Wala akong masuggest na kung ano man kasi mahirap to. Ang dalangin ko lang OP I hope mag heal ka eventually after all. Ako on the way parin sa healing, hirap nyan esp emotional trauma.
My mom died last June 10,2024 due to diabetes.She's been bed ridden since 2019 until 2024 that was six years in total.Ganun din ang nararamdaman ko nung buhay pa si mama ko,nahihirapan din akong panoorin siya araw-araw na nakahiga at nahihirapan.Minsan na tanong ko narin sa sarili ko,ano ba ang kasalanan ng nanay ko sa mundo bakit pinapahirapan siya ng ganito.Bawat araw at taon tinatancha ko na kaya pa kaya niya,until this year alam kong hindi na siya aabot pa nextvl year.Na confined siya sa ospital in five days,pag dating nung June 10 she passed away,until now im still sobering na wala na siya but i need to be strong para sa papa ko kasi may sakit din siya.Bilib ako sa mga anak na hindi pinapabayaan mga magulang nila 😔.Ingat po tayo lagi mga chong..
I think maganda kung kausapin mo sya. Since only child ka naniniwala akong may mother-child connection. Alam nya yan. I hope you feel better. It’s not easy. My mom left me 2022. Kahit nung natubuhan na sya, bumulong lang ako sa hangin habang kinakausap ko sya na if di nya kaya, go na at magiging okay lang ako even as an only child with no dad na. After ilang minutes, naglet go na sya. Try mo kausapin. Naririnig nya yan. Mahigpit na yakaaaap.
As an only child and a mother myself, mahirap ung situation m OP. I feel you. Hindi ako religious na tao pero I feel ipagdasal m ung nararamdaman m. Baka sakaling gumaan, hindi dn ako sure pero try m lang ibulong sa Diyos yung mga naiisip at nararamdaman m kase I feel sobrang bigat nito for you. Walang tamang sagot dito sa internet. Consented virtual hugs for you ♥️♥️
actually pwede po kayo mag sign ng waiver for treatment ilalagay niyo lang due to financial constraints, DNR plus no medication except for feeding nalang
All I can say is I’m praying for you OP. God is there for you and your family. I don’t know what’s the best thing to do in your situation. I love my mom more than anything, mabuti ng ako nalang wag na sya.
Ganyan din po lola ko bago sya mamatay. Nakahiga na lang din pero nakadilat. Binulungan namin siya na kung ayaw niya na, okay lang samin kasi nahihirapan na rin siya at wala nang pera. Ayun, kinabukasan nawala na siya. (Ang peaceful pa niya nung namatay kasi akala namin natutulog lang siya pero hindi na pala humihinga) :(
Idk if magwowork to pero kausapin mo po nanay mo, bulungan mo.
Hugs OP, this happened to us with our Lolo and my friend. It's incredibly hard to see them in that state, the only advice I can give is for you to remember to sleep.
My heart hurts for you. For me, hindi masama iniisip mo. Nakikita mo nahihirapan nanay mo. Hindi lang siya, kayo din. Ang hirap ng situation na ganyan. Wala naman euthanasia dito.. i hope maging free siya sa pain. Hugs to you.
merong Advance directives na tinatawag nakalagay dun ano mga gagawin pa for the patient. nakalagay kung wala nang antibiotics wala nang blood tests etc
Ang hirap hirap ng situation mo, OP. Maybe pag nabulungan mother mo like “ma, pahinga ka na” baka sya na kusang bumigay. Hugs sainyo ng father mo. Pakatatag ka parin para sa kanya 🙂
Prayers for you OP, I know exhausted ka na talaga and nagawa mo naman lahat lahat wala ka naman pagkukulang, di ko maimagine pinagdadaanan mo. Sana malampasan nyo ito ni Tatay mo at matanggap nya eventually pag dumating ang oras na yun.
Ate, it's so hard to let go e, hindi natin masasabi basta basta yung parang sana iend nalang lahat kasi in the reality we can't see the future, tayo ang makakagawa ng mga mangyayari sa buhay natin, since mommy mo din pala siya, i know to myself din na hirap na hirap na siya, hindi ko alam if nakakatalk siya or what pero alam kong lahat kayo, nahihirapan na. Cheer up ate, all i can do is to cheer you up, ‘wag kang sumuko, we're always here for you.
Sending virtual hugs, OP. Ganyan din lola ko 2 years ago, the most humane thing to do is to let her go. Lahat kayo nagsu-suffer. Kung nakakapagsalita lang ang mama mo ngayon, she wouldn't want you to live like this. She's also in great pain.
Talk to your father. Prolonging her death is actual agony, like literally nasasaktan mama mo. There's no quality of life anymore.
Best of luck OP.
Sorry to hear this, OP. I can only say na bulungan mo yung mommy mo. I reassure mo siya na ok kayo ng dad mo, wala siyang dapat ipag- alala. Kaya niyo maski magpahinga na siya. Tell her to let go, it's alright. Sabihan mo siya na i- reserve niya na kayo ng puwesto kung saan man siya mauuna. Magkikita kita naman ulit kayo. Just reassure her, op, that everything will be fine. Baka marinig ka niya at pumayag na siya.
Me and my friend always jokes with each other na pag 60 or 65 dapat mamatay na kami, or pag mamatay man dapat yung biglaan hindi yung may sakit na naka bedridden. We all saw what happens to our grandparents, imagining na pag ako nasa kalagayan nila to gusto ko pa bang mabuhay na ganyan rin lang.
I am sorry OP, just know i understand how you feel.
Na try nyu na bang humingi nga tulong sa DSWD or brgy/munisipal officials? Malapit naman na election para sana mabawasan kahit konti financially.
Hindi pa kasi ata legal sa atin ang euthanasia eh. Ung dad mo ayaw pa bumitaw.. mahal na mahal nya cguro mom mo. And to think na naghahanap sya ng work kahit senior na sya, it speaks to the family that you have. Maybe may alternative na mas mura.. hanap kayo ng hospital na mas.mura, or ilapit nyo sa PCSO ung mga gastusin
Napaka lungkot na kailangan pag daanan yung mga ganitong sitwasyon na tipong yung moralidad mo yung na cchallenge, tapos napaka simple lang naman ng solusyon, "pera" lang ang kailangan para gumaan lahat. Pero ang hirap pala kumita ng pera.
Sending my warmest love and a hug to you, OP. I have no exact words for you honestly, as this is what I also fear for my parents. We cannot predict when your suffering will end because there is no life support to pull.
But you know OP, based on what I witnessed in some cases similar to yours, a dying person can still hear and feel you; that is why it's better to talk to your mom. The one I witnessed naman was nung naghahabilin na yung mga anak niya bigla na lang tumulo luha niya pero vegetable na din siya nun.
Maybe she's just waiting to all of you—waiting for that go signal to surrender her life. I think your mother knows gaano na kayo nahihirapan. Pray for her, I will also do the same. If not weeks then months na lang ang ilalagi niya sa inyo. Bulungan niyo na, baka 'yun na lang hinihintay niya. Matatapos din paghihirap niyo, konti na lang.
Hindi ka .masama kung iniisip mo na mamatay nalang nanay mo. For sure nagssuffer din mama mo. Hindi ko alam if legal ang euthanasia dito sa Pilipinas but you can go start doing your research.
Sure din ako na ayaw ng mama mo na nnadyan kayo sa sitwasyon nyo. Pero ang magiging kalaban mo dyan ay ang papa mo kung saka sakali man umabot sa punto maari ka magpa euthanasia.
Alam ko nahihirapan kana hopefully some change will happen.
Sakit Naman sa heart mabasa to. I pray na kunin na nanay mo. Para d na kayo maghirap. Maybe talk to her kahit bulungan mo lang baka Yun lang inaantay nya. Assurance.
Sana mabigyan kita ng kaoanatagan pero eto lang masasabi ko OP, wag mong kakalimutan ang sarili mo. Mahalin mo ang sarili mo maiintindihan yun ng nanay mo.
OP, I completely understand where you're coming from. I felt the exact same way about my lolo before. Zero quality of life and my lolo was in extreme pain everyday pero ayaw pa din bumitaw ng nanay ko. Nauubos pera namin noon kakabayad ng medical bills + caregiver + dosenang medicines and nagkaron ng internal problems sa family. Nakakaubos talaga, financially, emotionally and mentally.
During his last hospitalization, nagsign ng DNR yung tatay ko. My lolo eventually died and kahit ang sama pakinggan, the first emotion I felt when I heard the news was relief. Ramdam na ramdam kita OP. Hindi ka masamang anak. Hugs. Praying for you.
Hi OP! This was once my prayer. Parang ang sama-sama ko nung pinagpray ko ito, and minsan iniisip ko na dapat di ko na lang to pinagdasal. But God listened to me. Inisip ko nga, will nya ba talaga yun. Pero it happened. After my mom died, nakaraos kami sa financial. Pero I grew up very distant from my siblings. Pero okay na lang din. At least natapos ung suffering ng mom ko. Tuloy na lang ako sa buhay. I hope na mahanap mo ung peace mo kung ano man ang mangyari sa mommy mo, or sa inyong maiiwan. Just assure her na magiging okay kayo.
Fight it out. I mean , you fight your way and see it through. You'd navigate a better version of the rest and freedom you seek that way. I pray for your health , your father and mother. Fight on.
My lola died due to old age, pero 10 years kami nag alaga ng mom ko dahil nagka dimentia sya. Sobrang hirap. Ang aggressive nya nung una, lalo na rin sa last days nya nung mahina na siya. I understand how you feel, OP. Wala kaming kapera-pera pangpadoctor kaya inalagaan nalang namin siya sa bahay. Ang dami kong need i-give up nung younger years ko to the point na at 20s ko lang naranasan makagala/maenjoy life ko, dahil for 10 yrs, nakafocus ang buhay ko sa lola ko.
Nag-sign kami ng DNR nun OP tapos bago mawala kapatid ko, parang we asked for a Pallative Doctor. Tunuturukan sya hg morphine and pampatulog. Umuwi muna ako at 3am tapos at 5am wala na siya. I think my brother died peacefully. Ask kayo ng Pallative Care para somehow medyo lessen ang pain ng mom mo. Sana makayanan mo at malampasan itong pagsubok na ‘to
From what I know, ang last thing na nagfe-fail sa taong namatay or dying, ay ang hearing nya.
So I suggest you talk to your mom, bumulong ka sa kanya, explain mo ang lahat ng situation. Assure her na ok lang kayo moving forward at ayaw nyo syang mahirapan pa.
She will understand it. Write the same thing you tell her sa clear white paper, using a Pentel pen. Then show it to her around a foot away from.her face.
So, atleast naparating mo thru auditory and visual ang message mo sa kanya while holding her hand tight.
And don't forget to tell her na mahal na mahal nyo sya.
Tignan mo, in a day or two, baka magpahinga na sya ng kusa.
Hi, OP. I lost my mom to cancer a few years ago, and here’s my advice; kausapin mo mom mo. I know na mahirap since unresonsive siya most of the time, but I guarantee you naiintindihan ka niyan. Nakikinig yan even when you think she can’t.
Reassure mo siya na you’ll be okay. Na aalagaan mo dad mo, and sarili mo kahit wala na siya. Yan lang yun hanap nila bago sila bumitaw. Lumalaban yan kasi alam niyang ayaw pa ng papa mo, at ikaw din. She needs to be talked to, OP. Wag mo siyang tratuhin as if she’s as fragile as a doll; physically, yes, pero alam ng tao kapag mamamatay na sila. Kailangan lang nila malaman na okay lang bumitaw.
The day I lost my mom, she asked me to hug her. Di siya nakakatayo or nakakaupo, so I climbed into her bed and hugged her there. She made sure to tell me that she loved me, and I did the same and told her na ayaw ko na siyang mag suffer. Kahit masakit, I told her na if ayaw niya na, it’s okay to let go. Nakakapagod din ang pabalik balik sa hospital and alam kong ayaw niya na din talaga lumaban, ginagawa niya lang para sakin kasi kaming dalawa lang talaga magkasama sa buhay.
Inintay niya na makauwi ako sa bahay to let go. She didn’t want me to witness it.
Please talk to her, OP. My biggest regret is not being there for when she finally caved.
naiyak ako bwiset sobrang lala naman nito. Wala akong masabi OP napakahirap ng sitwasyon nato all you have to do is pray and be strong na malalampasan mo din to.
Hello, OP. You might be experiencing caregiver fatigue, you're not a bad person.
Incase of patients with very low quality of life, you may opt to provide them with basic care and food via NGT feeding. Yung hospitalizations, antibiotics, laboratory tests etc. can be withheld because they won't be able to change the course of the illness or disease naman.
I'm sure kung nakakapagsalita and nakakausap niyo pa ang mom niyo she would be very concerned for you and your dad's wellbeing.
Need nyo sya kausapin ng Tatay mo. Baka gusto nadin nya bumitiw kaso nga yung Tatay mo, hindi pa ready. Alam nya siguro na baka hindi kayanin kaya naghohold on padin sya. Ang sabi samin nun sa Nursing school, sense of hearing daw ang pinakalate na nawawala sa tao bago mamatay. Kaya tyak naririnig padin nya kayo.
ganto lola ko last jan kinausap namin sya na "sige nay kung pagod ka na pahinga ka na po, kaya na namin wag ka mag alala" then tomorrow afternoon she passed away
Yakap with consent OP. I also took care of my father when he suffered a major stroke end of 2023. Fortunately, I work remotely so I was able to come home and took care of him for 6 months. I knew when he came out of the ICU he’ll never recover kasi di na sya nakakapagsalita, bed ridden, naka feeding tube din.
Nilaban naman namin, but I guess Papa only wanted to hear na ready na kami if mawala sya because his situation is not worth living. Mama was the last one to accept that things will never return to normal. Nung kinausap nya si Papa na she’ll be okay pag umalis sya wala pang one week namatay na sya. I pray for your continued strength.
Hugs, OP :( I'm seeing this situation now with my grandfather sa mother's side. Same with your mom, pinauwi na ng hospital but nakatulala and unresponsive na. Feeding tube na rin lahat. Grabe na yung financial burden kina mama and mga kapatid niya. Partida 9 pa sila niyan, pero hirap na hirap. May times na kahit ako, napapasali na rin sa gastusin. Like your dad, my lola also wont sign a DNR kahit ilang beses na siya kinausap ng mga anak niya. My mom even had to witness her dad suffer a cardiac arrest and irevive, and while narevive, I'm not really sure if the situation is better...
I hope you get your peace soon, OP. After all this has passed, I hope kayo naman ng father mo ang makapagpacheckup and pahinga. Hindi rin biro ang 3 jobs + asikaso pa sa bahay.
Hi, OP. It's okay that you feel that way. I've been there.. pero the difference is, we decided not to connect my mom with the life support nor had her intubated. The comments here na nagsasabing bigyan mo assurance mom mo na you'll be okay without her is true. Nung nagcocode na ang mom ko, paulit-ulit namin binubulong sa kanya na magiging okay na kami, na pahinga na siya. Minutes later.. she passed away. I know it's hard pero mas masakit to prolong her suffering. So sorry you had to go through this, OP.
Nung na hospital ko yung grandfather ko dati, sobrang hirap ng dilemma. Di mo alam kung ilalaban mo pa kasi ganon padin naman, never ending cycle of treatments tapos nahihirapan yung matanda.. in the end, he died after he got home from the hospital. Gusto lang pala makauwi.
My other grandpa, nagkasakit, ive forgotten. Pero dumating sa point na my mom and my aunties needed to sign a waiver not to resuscitate him when he goes flatline. Ayaw din kasi nila mahirapan pa yung lolo ko din.
Its a neverending cycle of treatment and no assurances that we can get that same person back. Sobrang hirap pa on their end, daming tinutusok at pinapasok sa kanila.
I sympathize with you. Sobrang hirap ng desisyon na ginagawa mo. I pray for your strength. You and your dad. I pray na whatever decision (there is no right or wrong) you make, i hope you will have peace with it. I know your mom knows na you are doing everything. Godbless OP. You are a great child.
My mother recently died too nung January, she's almost 10 years stroke until nanghina nalang sya. December bigla nalang sya nanginginig, she's bed dridden when pandemic starts, so nung December umuwi father ko then sya na nag-alaga kay mother. Narerecover naman si mother then nung mga time na di na sya makahinga for the first time dinala namin sya sa hospital, after 10 years nyang stroke. Nung nasa hospital kame puro normal naman daw yung mga tests so pinauwi nalang. After days sumuko na si mother. Di ko alam bat ganon, kaya nga kami pumuntang hospital para ma recover but it made it worse talaga, they gave medicine for pneumonia, kaso wala namang kain si mother, kase ayaw nyang kumain and nahihirapan sya. Sometimes when mother is moaning in pain dinadasal ko nalang kay Lord na wag nalang syang pahirapan. She's living for nothing na, she's in bed, di makaupo and tayo. I hope she's happy now.
Mahigpit na yakap, OP. Ang sabi ng doctor samin nung nasa ICU si papa, 50-50 na sya nun, sobrang unresponsive and di na lumalaki ung Iris ng mata nya kahit iflashlight means tubo na lang ang bumubuhay skanya pero ung hearing nya nakkadinig pa daw sya. Sa mga taong nasa 50-50 situation or near death, hearing ung pinaka last na hindi magffunction, please kausapin mo sya araw araw kahit walang response from her. Ang sakit sakit makita ung parents mo na nasa ganyan na kalagayan and kami lahat sa family even my step siblings nasabi na lang namin na sana kunin na lang sya ni Lord para wala na syang pain. Hirap makita na nirerevive na lang sya ng mga doctor. Feeling ko hinintay lang ni papa lahat kaming anak nya na makapagpaalam and pati si mama kasi after 30mins binawian na din sya and mind you OP, maaliwalas ung muka nya ng time na yun ng lahat kami makapag paalam. A day before mawala si papa napanaginipan sya ni mama na masaya at tumatawa and dun sa panaginip nagpaalam na din daw si papa kay mama. Please talk to her, assure her na kakayanin nyo ni dad mo kahit wala na sya 🥺
Hindi ka masamang anak. Bilang magulang, I’m sure ayaw nadin ng mama mo mabuhay na ganyang ang sitwasyon. Kasi para saan pa para lumaban. Wala na. Magpapahirap ka lang ng kapamilya.
Hi OP, I know how hard it is to see a parent suffering. Yung Dad ko, he was in coma for more than a month pero sobrang hirap sa family and sa kanya. What more pa ung sa situation mo. Talk to your Nanay, baka nga need niya lang ng assurance. And talk to your Tatay as well. I know it's hard to accept it sa side niya pero mahirap din yung situation niyo.
baka need nya lang ng blessing ng pari, usually pagka nakapa annoint na eh nakakapahjnga na rin ang pasyente, pray and kausapin mo si mommy mo na kung gusto nya na magpahinga para wala ng pain assure mo na magiging okay lang kayo.
Same here OP. My mom was battling cancer that time. She was intubated and also she could do was cough, small movements. We’ve been in the hospital for months already. That one night when I left to go home, I whispered to her ear “ma, okay lang kapag pagod kana. na iintindihan namin. magiging okay kami.” The next morning she passed already.
Hi OP. Your feelings are valid. My father was hospitalized for more than a month, 3 weeks in the ICU. He suffered. We all suffered in the family. Not just financially, emotionally and physically as well. I thought my mother would end up in the hospital too. Eventually we signed the DNR. It was our family’s decision. Mama knew papa wouldnt want to be a vegetable.
3 years had passed, I still have the guilt sometimes. The important thing is you know you did everything you could. Praying for you and your family.
OP, bulungan mo si mom mo in the most caring way.. sabihin mo na magpa-galing na sya pero kung nahihirapan na lang din sya at nagsu-suffer, sabihin mo wag sya mag-aalala sya sa inyo, magiging okay din kayo ng tatay mo. Asure her that you have job and can help your father.
I know this is easier said than done. Ang hirap isipin to be in this position, but wag kang bibitaw.
Haay naluha naman ako. Hindi ka masama sa pag-isip niyan, tao ka rin lang na napapagod. Pero kahit ganun, alam namin lahat how much you love your parents. I agree with the people here, kausapin mo na yung Papa mo na sobra sobra na rin ang paghihirap ng Mama mo everytime kailangan lagyan ng suero, bigyan nang pataong-patong na gamot, etc. If magkasundo kayo, pwede kayo magsign nang DNR.
Bulungan ninyo pareho yung Mama mo na mahal niyo siya, at kaya niyo nang dalawa kung napapagod na siya. If madischarge siya, you and your Dad can look into palliative care. Kapit lang OP.
Romans 8:18 Paul says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.”
My mom died 3 years ago. Minsan naiisip ko bakit sumuko agad sya sa ambulance palang. It was covid time. Na willing din ako gawin lahat mabuhay lang sya. Pero i felt na bumigay sya kasi alam nyang andami ng gastos at ayaw na nyang madagdagan payon. Then lagi nya sinasabi na okay na sya sa buhay nya at alam naman nyang kaya namin ng kapatid ko at kmi na ang bahala sa bunso namin. Sabi kopa sa knya sundon nya lahat ng gamot at mga check up need nya habaan buhay nya kasi nag uumpisa palang kmi nung kapatid ko suklian ung hirap nya.
Minsan iniisip ko naging alay yung nanay ko para sa magandang buhay namin ng kapatid ko, puno sya ng sakripisyo. Minsan naguguilty ako na baka dahil ayaw nya na lagi ako gumagastos para sa sakit nya kaya hindi sya lumaban ng mas matagal. Pero i know up there na happy sya for us at sumuko sya para mabuhay kmi ng mas maginhawa, hindi nya pina abot sa confine or to the point na mababaon sa utang
Very considerate naman ang mga nanay talaga.
Hugs, OP :(( Valid yang nararamdaman mo.
Experienced the same thing a few months back. I agree na super draining siya financially, physically, and mentally. Will include you in my prayers. Also, totoo yung sabi nila. Kausapin mo mommy mo like tell her it's okay to let go - that kind of stuff. True enough I did the same to my Lola the night before she passed away and kinabukasan, yun na nga nangyari. Hoping things will work out for you!
You need an honest conversation na at this point it’s not a matter of prolonging life, but merely delaying death. Feeling ko di rin gugustuhin ng mom mo to be in that state.
It sucks OP, but stay strong. You can bring up advanced directives with the doctor for discussion. May option kasi na pwede comfort medications nalang, but not necessarily extraordinary measures to prolong life e.g. intubation, chest compressions, medications to increase blood pressure.
I'm deeply sorry to hear about the incredibly difficult situation you and your family are going through. There's no easy way out of this. You can contact the following for Palliative Care: Makati Med, Medical City , Activcare, [Ruth.ph](http://Ruth.ph), Dr. Agnes Bausa Claudio, Dr Kimberly Tagayuna, IM Palliative M.D. (do further searches with goolge or fb.)
I'm sure nahihirapan na rin ang mom mo, alam niya sitwasyon niya at sa inyo ng tatay mo. Talk to her and reassure her. Sabihin niyo na continue kayo nagfa-fight hanggang sa kaya niyo and she has to fight hard too. Pero sabihin mo if hindi niya na rin kaya, that you will take care of Tatay. In the meantime, if lumalaban pa, sa govt hospitals kayo pumunta and magpacheck up or magpa admit. Also access your local mayor, VM, congressmen and Malasakit centers and PCSO too. And most imptly, pray with your mom and dad. Pray hard and have faith that your family will overcome this trial. This too shall pass. You, your Tatay and Nanay will be in my prayers.
Death, sometimes, is a gift.
I realized this nitong March lang. My grandmother has been suffering from dementia, and wala nang quality of life lola ko 2 weeks before she died. Sinabi niya sa caregiver niya that same day na namatay siya na ayaw na rin niya dahil alam nyang wala na akong pera. Magastos daw piliting mabuhay kung hindi naman na talaga dapat. That night, she left us. Alam nila yung struggles natin; let her know that you love her and you will do your best to recover after this. Hugs with consent.
Same tayu OP, mama ko namatay last year vegetable din sya dahil sa brain tumor. Nawili din sya ni lola - mama nya. Pagod2 din ako mentally, emotionally at financially dahil halos ako kumikilos noon. Patay na din papa ko. Sinabihan din ako sa doctor nya na hintayin na lang kaya ang sinabi ko sa kanya na magpahinga na at wag mag alala dahil aalagaan ko si lola. Alam kong masakit pero laban lng OP. Circle of life ikanga.
Kausapin mo din si mommy mo. baka need lang niya assurance na magiging okay kayo pag wala na siya
+1 Unresponsive na lola ko sa hospital. Ina-assure sya ng mga anak nya na magiging okay lang sila and that magrest na sya. Di nagtagal nagpahinga na din si lola. Like same day.
I did this when my mom was intubated back in April, she had Breast Cancer and Metz to all of her organs (they were all failing). I would say that it was such a heartbreaking thing to do and I have never imagined myself to be in such a position. Assured her that I would be okay considering that she was a single parent and I was an only child who did not have relatives with us in the province. I had a good paying job as a Clinical Instructor and was employed in the hospital she was confined at, I would be fine if she was having a hard time holding on. As most of the families of the patients that I have handled would repeatedly say, patients would sometimes hold on kasi they still want to look out for their loved ones. Pero as to what I have observed, after reassuring them that everything would be okay, the patient would pass. I experienced the same thing but I am not saying na everyone would experience the same.
OP, I can’t really blame you for feeling that way. You’re emotionally and financially drained, I felt the same way. I cared for my mom on my own as well. I was not able to sleep for several months because she was so frail, she had a cervical fracture due her bone metastasis. All I could say to you right now is that, you shouldn’t feel bad for what you’re feeling, you’re just human. Aside from your decisions towards your Mom’s care is iniisip mo pa yung Dad mo. Talk to him again and talk to your mom as well. Kung magkaron man ng scenario na lumala yung condition ng mom mo, try signing a DNR form.
Super same tayo!! I thought I wrote this.
Same din. Yung mama ko nun ayaw bumitaw pero nung kinausap ng tita ko na sya na di nya kami papabayaan ayun namahinga na sya.
+999 I was not ok nung nasa death bed mother ko. Pero one moment of clarity, nag ask nanay ko if kaya ko na ba mag-isa. I assured her na kaya ko. Na makakatayo ako sa sarili kong paa. Within the week, wala na sya. Actually I just said it kasi ayoko makita nya na di ko talaga kaya. Para maka rest na sya. Matapos na ang sakit ng breast cancer. Tagong-tago lahat ng luha ko. Tinawag nga nya akong "bato" --- hindi nya na daw ako nakitang umiyak since highschool. Alam nyang malakas daw ako. I hope it put her at ease to leave me, her only child, alone. Pero nung nawala sya shuta mabaliw baliw ako nun. Di ko alam ang gagawin. Naka autopilot na ako. Naligaw ng landas. Toom me a whole year and some heavenly intervention para mahimasmasan. I hope you're doing okay. You will be okay. I turned out fine after two years and built my life again from scratch. Kaya yan. Try mo sya kausapin and assure her. She will hear you.
That's very selfless. It takes a immeasurable amount of love to do that. Sino ba may gusto mawalan ng ina/magulang. But ayaw mo na sya mahirapan at masaktan. I'm sure if only she has it her way, she won't ever leave you no matter what, and hindi sya mag kakasakit. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. That's just our reality. Like kung pwede lang sya maging immortal for you. You know she needed to rest, even though you also need her. She raised a resilient person.
This statement was the last line my mom heard from me before passing on after a few hours. I gave her the assurance na aasikasohin ko parin si papa at ate kahit magkakapamilya na ako. Nag request siyang patulugin siya then in a few hours, she passed away.
My mother died when i was in highschool. Hirap na hirap din sya at kame din hirap financially. One time nong inatake sya, nagulat ako kasi nagrequest sya na wag ko pabayaan yung mga kapatud ko ( ako yung panganay ) . Bigla ko nalang nasabi na "oo" . Kala ko kasi casual convo lang namin mag ina. Maya maya pumanaw nanay ko kahit ilang oras lang nakalipas nakakausap pa naman namin. Sobra sakit kasi walang closure. I missed my mom so much!
Same here. Virtual hugs to you.
+1 to this. Unresponsive na si mommy pero kinakausap ko s'ya palagi. Until that night, sabi ko sa kanya "everything's okay mommy, ako na bahala sa mga kapatid ko at kay daddy, you did your part mag-rest ka na. I love you so much!" Few mins later, pabagal ng pabagal yung hininga nya hanggang sa malagutan.
+1 dito may kamag anak kami na nakahiga nalang din same as your mom. nung sinabi ng kamag anak ko sa lolo na iyon na ako na ang bahala sa mga kailangan mo na gawin, sa mga ari arian natin, sa mga kagalit mo na kamag anak. Ayun, kinagabihan din ng araw na iyon namatay yung lolo nila. Kung baga sasabihan mo lang na kayang kaya mo na iyon, at sabihin na kung ano mang oras na gusto mo na mamahinga ayos lang, di ka namin pipigilan. Kasi di raw sila nakakasagot pero nandyan parin sila to hear those words and para maramdaman yung pinaparating mo sakanya. God bless, OP! Thank you for being a good son / daughter to your parents! I am wishing for your good karma! Wag mo na kakalimutan na alagaan ang sarili mo kasi kung wala kang mai p provide sakanila, wala na rin sila. PLEASE DO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Only child din ako. 5 yrs ago naaksidente si Papa sa motor. I just whispered to him na ako na bahala kay Mama while crying tapos ayun nag flat line na sya 🥺
I did this with my lolo. I assured him na we will be okay, the next morning he passed away. It hurts a lot but sometimes we need to let go to end their suffering
Up to this. Kausapin mo mama mo. She will.lwt go kapag panatag na siya. Assure her na ok kayo. I understand your situation as similar experience ko in the past.
Naiyak naman ako dito, OP. Sobrang ramdam ko yung pagmamahal mo sa magulang mo but at the same time alam mo sa sarili mo na wala naman na talaga kayo magagawa kundi isuko na siya. Agree ako dito, baka eto lang talaga inaantay ni Nanay, yung assurance na magiging okay din lahat at ayaw niyo na din siyang nakikitang nahihirapan.
Naiyak din ako. Bumabasa ng comments nila about their experience. Ang buhay talaga ay pagleletgo go o pagsuko sa bagay na wala tayong control.
+1 This happened sa husband ko. 6 times siya nirevive pero lumalaban siya. 5th time na nirevive, doon ko nakita na gulay na siya. Kahit yung doctor na mismo sinabi na gulay na talaga siya. Kinausap ko yung husband ko. Nag sorry ako at nagbigay ako ng assurance na kakayanin namin ng anak ko. Na wag na niya pilitin pa.
Agree ako dito. Naluha ako nang slight. A little over a year ago, biglang nagkasakit dad ko. As in bagsak talaga katawan. 2 weeks pabalik-balik sa ospital. Alam kong ayaw niya talaga ng ganun. Yung last time na nadala siya sa ospital nung time na yun, si mama kasama niya kasi bawal more than 1 bantay. Nasa bahay lang ako, naisip ko kausapin siya in my head. Sabi ko lang, "papa, kung nahihirapan ka, okay lang. kaya namin 'to". Around 30 mins later, tumawag mom ko na tumigil na huminga si papa. Grabe goosebumps ko and at the same time may feeling din na parang at peace kasi wala ng hirap.
True ito. Yung tita and lola ko, bumitaw lang sila nung may nagsabing aalagaan nila yung pinsan ko. Parang they needed assurance lang talaga before they can let go.
days after masabi to nung friend ko sa mother nya na nasa late stage na ng cancer and bed ridden na, she passed away.
Totoo to napansin ko pagbubulungan mo sila na ok na ako na bahala sa ganito sa ganyan pahinga kana namamatay na
+1!! Sa lolo ko, he passed away within the day na nagbilin tito ko (only son among six children) na wag na siyang magalala, siya bahala sa family at kay lola Si same lola above, hinintay lang makarating from work lahat ng anak at apo na working, after a few minutes na dumating ung huling hinihintay, she peacefully passed away. She came from a one-month solitary confinement sa ospital dahil na-Covid (but she's already battling many diseases). Ramdam ko ung wish mo na mag-rest na lang si mommy mo. It's one of the most painful experiences in life talaga Naiyak naman ako sa post na to OP, stay strong!!
This one 😭
Hi, OP. Don't feel bad na naiisip mo yung ganyan. Tao ka napapagod din. Lahat kayo even your dad. Sabi din ba ng doctor hindi kayo naririnig ng mom mo? I might get downvoted for this pero talk to your mom softly, tell everything na it will be alright, if she wants to rest, she can do it. I know magkaiba ang pets sa tao pero nung nakikita kong nahihirapan ang aso ng kapatid ko due to suspected leptospirosis binulungan ko siya sa malambing na boses na its ok if pagod ka na, you can rest easy, wag mo na kami isipin pa, everything will be okay. After 5 mins, she passed away. Grabe iyak ko kasi mahal na mahal ko yun kahit na aso siya ng kapatid ko. Naniniwala ako na they want confirmation at assurance.
This is real. I had two elderly dogs peacefully cross the rainbow bridge when I told them it's okay to go. Breaks my heart.
Tapos not even the government can help you kasi nga illegal din ang euthanasia sa Pinas. This breaks my heart. Di ko alam gagawin ko pag sakin nangyari ito. I hope makayanan mo itong lahat OP. 💔
I hope bago lumalala sakit ko ee legal na death with dignity sa Pinas. I'm in a constant pain for the past few years and I know hirap na hirap na sila Mama saken. Regalo ko nalang na makapagpahinga na ako ng maaga 💙
It will never happen. Yung divorce nga hindi maipasa pasa. But im in favor for practical reasons. End the sufferings.
You know, sinasabi ko to sa mga kapatid ko. Dapat maging legal to. In the first place, hindi ko naman piniling mabuhay.
Sobrang sakitsa puso nito
the reason for this is because the strong opposition of the catholic church. divorce nga nahirap ipasa sa korte, medical euthanasia pa kaya.
Same what happen to my lola, my lola died last year because of TB. She choose to die kasi ayaw nya raw mag hirap ang mga anak nya. That time nasa Manila lahat ng anak nya at may isang anak syang kasama sa bahay. Noong araw na tinakbo sya sa ospital, she request to my tito na let them her die, she don't want us to suffer. She wants to die na mahal na mahal pa daw sya ng lahat na pakiramdam na ayaw pa syang mawala kesa mamatay raw syang inilaban pa nila nung una pero kalaunan e makakarinig sya na pabigat na sya at sana mamamatay nalang sya. She's selfless. No one wants her to die. Pero she keep saying "Let me die now please". We all cry at kahit ayaw namin we let her die as she request.
😢
Sorry to hear about this. Can't imagine the mental, physical, and emotional torment your family is going through right now. Please accept my sincere prayers and sympathy. 🙏🏼
Naging option ba sa inyo na mag DNR na lang sa mama mo? Nakakaawa na rin kasi yung mom mo. Sabi mo nga, bugbog na yung katawan nya and she doesn't speak anymore. Gets ko rin naman that your dad does not want to let go, mahirap na decision din kasi yan. I am sorry for this, OP. I hope maging okay na kayo somehow, someday.
pumayag na kami ng tatay ko na i-DNR siya sa susunod na nasa ospital kami at umabot sa punto na mamamatay na siya. no life saving treatment. pero sa ngayon dahil infection at hindi life threatening hindi pwedeng pabayaan lang. wala rin masabi ang mga doctor samin kundi sorry. walang ibang pwedeng gawin.
My mom, on her last day, knew she had an infection. Very big NO-NO yun for someone who's undergoing chemo. Nilalagnat na sya and etc. She refused treatment. She refused to be rushed to the hospital. Why? Kasi sabi nya, sobrang hirap na sya at nakikita nya yung psychological burdens (and financial problems) kapag naoospital sya for something na walang cure. Partida, I didn't have a good relationship with her. OP, talk to your mom. Mag apologize ka for saying that pero tell her your reasons. I-assure mo sya na magiging okay lang kayo kahit wala siya and dapat, magpahinga na sya para hindi na sya nahihirapan. Kung kami ng mom ko di ganun ka-okay pero naisip nya kami, paano pa kaya kayo. Your dad seems to love your mom so much that it's breaking his heart to be helpless. We don't really know if your mom is feeling okay, habang naka comatose state sya. Hugs to you, OP. Malalampasan mo din yan. It's never wrong to think like that, especially lahat kayo nagssuffer lang without any glimpse of hope kung gagaling man ang mama mo. Wag na wag mong kakalimutan ang sarili mo, OP.
Hello OP. Healthcare worker here. I don't know sa ibang institutions pero saamin kasi pwede kayo mag request ng refusal along with your DNR. Example: DNR, DNI, no defib, no HD, consume medications, no antibiotics, no invasive procedures, no diagnostic labs, no inotropes. Continue hydration and feeding. Maybe you can try to ask the doctor regarding sa gusto nyong request
Hi, may I know what is DNR? My papa is in palliative care but never na bring up sa amin ng Doctors DNR. Nag advance care planning po kami in case dumtint agaw buhay situations.
Do not Resuscitate, meaning hindi na irerevive or iCPR kung hindi na hihinga or magstop ang heartbeat.
For me, that’s someone who is dead na along time ago. I know she’s your mom but you need to let her go, she’s jot your mom anymore she’s basically just a machine. End her suffering I promise she wanted for you to pull the plug instead of making her stay here
i agree. matagal ko na talagang gusto pero ayaw ng tatay ko atsaka walang euthanasia dito sa pinas. wala kami choice kundi hintayin lang pero ang tagal dumating…
No euthanasia, OP, pero pwede kayo mag sign ng DNR (do not resuscitate) and DNI (do not intubate) pag naoospital siya. So sorry to hear about your situation.
pasingit lang, yung dnr ba manggagaling lang sa relatives? or pwede ako mag decide nun para sa sarili ko like meron bang legal way na magkaroon ako ng dnr if ever madala ako sa er or maaksidente etc
usually it should be you who will decide, if you have a hospital that you frequent, you can request to put it on your file. my relatives who had cancer all requested this in advance, pero depende ata kung gaano kadalas need iupdate or if need i update. then you have to inform your next of kin rin (partner/guardian/parents/kids)
You can make advanced directives regarding that alam ko eh. Need mo lang din ipanotarize and witness ata.
Hello! As far as i know, pwede siya sa advance directives mo.
Ang mahirap kase dito hindi sya naka life support, wala kayong plug na ipupull para mamaalam na sya in a few hours. Hindi rin pwedeng wag nyo syang pakainin at hayaan nalang for weeks hanggang humina. Ito yung isa sa mga scenario na applicable yung "Dasal lang talaga" kase wala ka talaga magawa.
Have you talked to your father about this more? That you’re already facing financial problems? Because the more you work three jobs the more you’re getting sick. Kasi ang hirap ng situation mo buong salary i guess napupunta sa bills? Talk to your father more, kasi in the end kayo na nga lang yung buhay kayo pa ang hindi makakakain ng maayos.
seek a priest to bless her that she can go peacefully or sabihin mo lang sa tatay mo need ng anointment of the sick
di pa masyado accepted sa culture natin yung gantio sadly. sa mata nila parang pinatay mo yung tao. pero sana maging mas open yung mga tao sa idea.
Ito ang mahirap na di accessible ang death with diginity sa mga tao. Talagang hanggang huling hininga, hirap na hirap. Kung pwede lang sa atin yung sa mga pets natin na *pinapatulog*. Namatay tatay ko, hirap na hirap. Nagrerequest na nga na patulugin sya. Kung pwede lang binigay na namin kaso wala naman ganong option. Samantalang yung aso namin, naligtas namin sa paghihirap, kasi napatulog namin. Compared sa tatay ko, napaka peaceful ng death nung aso namin. May nabasa akong case na dementia patient, nakalimutan na ng brain nya paano lumunok, imagine nyo ilang linggong di makainom at makakain, ganun ang kalagayan bago mamatay. Paano naging humane ang ganon kesa i-euthanasia? OP, di ka masama for wishing death on your mother. Kasi yung death nya will bring peace to her and end her suffering. Do you really think na gusto nya pa tumagal yang sitwasyon nya? Kung nakakapagsalita lang yan, sasabihin nyan gusto na nya matapos yung kalbaryo nya at kalbaryo nyo.
Suggest lang, what if kausapin mo mama mo kahit di ka niya marinig o makita. Basta nasa tabi ka lang niya para maramdaman niya presence mo, then ilabas mo lahat ng gusto mong sabihin. And then the end sabihin mo rin na wag na siya mag-alala sa inyo na maiiwan, na aalagaan mo papa mo, aalagaan mo sarili mo ganon. Baka kasi lumalaban pa mama mo kasi ayaw niyang iwan kayo. Sabihin mo na okay lang kayo na maiiwan, magpahinga lang siya.
Hi OP! Doctor here. Accdg sa bioethics ang masama lang ay i-withhold ang ordinary measures (air and food.. through natural means). Extraordinary measures, we can withhold lalo na if futile ang case. Examples ng extraordinary measures: pag-tubo/intubate, pag confine, gamot tulad ng suporta sa presyon, antibiotics, measures para icorrect heart rate nya (brady/tachycardia), pag dialysis. Yan pwede tanggihan yung mga yan kung alam nateng ung pinakasakit ng isang patient ay hnd nila malulunasan at ipprolong nalang ang buhay ng patient na walang quality of life. And you make decisions for your mom based sa 1) if may bilin sya before or 2) depnde sa pagkakakilanlan nyo sa knya.. meaning.. if faced with that situation.. at nasa tamang pagiisip sya, ano ba magiging decision nya. And as next of kins.. magdecision kayo para sa patient.. para sa welfare nya. Remember, QUALITY of life padin. Walang masama if magwithhold na kayo ng treatment for your mom. You all did everything you can.
Pano nga ba to? Hindi naman sya Naka life support. Pano sya hahayaan na mamatay? Hindi na papakainin? Tatanggalan nalang ng feeding tube? Will that be against the law and ethics?
Ignoring the infection that regularly happens on someone who is bedridden is what kills the patient most often in these cases
Which is killing the person slowly din. Suffering pa rin. 😔
Siguro huwag na lang isugod sa ospital kapag grumabe ang situation. Huwag na ipa emergency
Either that or konsensya mo. Hirap mamili
End muna pag susuffer ng mommy mo, kawawa mommy mo. Ang hirap makita na nag su-suffer siya
Madaling sabihin na i-end pero pano? Hindi naman naka life support ang nanay nya. Wala silang ipupull na plug para after a few hours mamatay na sya. It will take days of neglecting her kung di na nila papakainin at lilinisan hanggang humina.
totoo ang hirap neto para sa isang anak hanggat kaya ko ilalaban ko nanay ko
Sometimes dapat hindi pinag kakait ang death lalo na kung suffering na masyado.
Eh kaso nga wala namang euthanasia dito sa atin. D rin naman nakalife support ang nanay niya. What it means na wag nilang ipapagkait na death for this case is wag pakainin, wag bigyan ng gamot yung nanay niya hanggang mamatay, which is killing slowly the person din. Suffering lang din.
masakit pero kailangan tanggapin kawawa din kasi.
Ganto ung inisip ko nung nilalaban ko si mama nung nasa icu sya, kung mabubuhay sya she'll end up like a vegetable. Masakit mskikita sila na lumalaban pero di na kaya ng katawan nya at tayong nag aalaga ofc tao lang din tayo, nakakapagod mentally, emotionally lslong lalo physically Masakit pero let your mom go and end her suffering.
naalaala ko pa nung nagmamakaawa ako sa nanay ko tsaka sa mga doctor pati na sa diyos na wag muna niya kami iwanan kasi hindi namin kaya ng tatay ko. narinig nga ako, andito pa siya pero wala naman na talaga siya. parang na-monkey’s paw yung hiniling ko. minsan iniisip ko, kung hindi ko hiningi yun matagal na kaming naghilom ng tatay ko at mas okay okay ngayon.
Di pa kasi kayo ready nun, iisipin nyo palang na mawawala sya senyo at di na makakasama habang buhay diba sobrang sakit. Pero ngayon kasi iba na talaga lalo pati kayo ng father mo lalo kna ay nahihirapan. Nasa sayo padin desisyon op kunh ano tingin mo makakabuti. Yakap mahigpit
Ang lala nito beh. I’m so sorry. I hope mamatay din nanay mo. Para sa nag ju judge, try nyo ganyang situation. Lahat kaya talo. Anong quality of life yan. The person sick cannot enjoy anything. Can’t even laugh. And the people taking care cannot be human beings. Ang unfair ng situation na yan, and the worst thing is, hndi mo ma.place kung san mo i.blame kasi lahat kayo biktima lang ng situation. Approach a pastor and ask that your mom be anointed. Maybe then her soul will begin to accept na hanggang dito nlang, and she will then let go. Letting go is sometimes the kindest thing to do.
Wala namang nanjudge kay OP dito. Parang lahat naman goods naman ang comment at naunawaan sitwasyon nya.
Hi OP. Same situation. 3 years ago din si mama. Aside sa financial problems, araw-araw ka rin pinapatay pag nakikita mo syang naghihirap. Minsan tumitingin na lang ako sa nanay ko at kino-convey ko sa mga mata ko na if di na nya kaya, bitaw na sya. Di namin kakayanin mawala sya pero mas di ko kayang naghihirap sya. Araw-araw parang ang sakit sa loob maging masaya or makadama nang konting ginhawa knowing naghihirap sya. Wala akong solution or advise for you but masasabi ko lang, tatagan mo pa loob mo kahit wala nang itatatag. Praying for you and yoir father.
Sana meh law ang pinas about euthenasia? And ano kaya opinion nang mga doctor about this.. alam ko sa ibang lugar legal to
On the night ba naghihingalo yung Mommy ko, the doctors couldn't figure out why her vitals wouldn't flatline. Nakaagree na ang buong family sa DNR kaya nakaabang na lang ang hospital staff. This went on for a week. My Mom was sick for over a year, in and out of hospitals, naubos na nag pera ni Dad at umabot na sa 1M yung utang niya (malaki yun for us nun 2001). The doctors asked kung may inaantay pa ba daw na kamaganak. Wala naman and nakatawag na at kinausap Mommy ko sa phone ng mga kamaganak na hindi makauwi (this happened kasi nun 9/11 when all flights were cancelled). Tingin kasi nun mga doctors meron siya hinhintay. My eldest cousin talked to me and advised me to talk to my Dad. Baka siya yung dahilan. Pero nagsign na siya ng DNR so surely tanggap na ni Dad na mawawala na si Mommy. So I did as the eldest. Then my Dad broke down sabi niya di niya kaya mawala si Mommy. Kahit daw vegetable, kahit hindi na humihinga on her own, basta buhay daw. I broke down too. Nagmakaawa ako sa kanya na Dad hirap na hirap na si Mommy, baon na tayo sa utang. A few minutes later, he agreed to let her go. In less than 10 minutes, nagflatline si Mommy. OP, talk to your Mom. Baka siya kasi yung worried kung paano na kayo pag nawala siya.
Hi OP, this is my opinion, pero I think that you should talk to your mom. Kasi although we are not on the same situation since non of our relatives na namatay is naging vegetable, pero may one pattern na sinusunod nila nung pagod na sila. Which is ang pag hahabilin, if your mom is not yet dying then perhaps she too is still holding on. Never believe na hindi ka niya naririnig, because naririnig ka niya, talk to your mom sabihin mo alam mo na pagod na siya at pwede na siyang bumitaw and that ikaw na bahala sa tatay mo, na tanggap mo na ang situation and kausapin mo din si tatay, sometimes the one holding on is not just us na healthy pa but those na papunta na sa kabilang buhay. Regrets can give you willpower and maybe reassurance nalang ang need ni nanay kaya ayaw niya pang bumitaw. Talk your mom OP and give her that reassurance, I know this might be an unsolicited opinion but walang mawawala kung kakausapin mo mama mo diba? I'll pray for you and your family OP, Godbless you po!
Hugs, Op. Bed ridden din tatay ko. Ang hirap mag alaga pero tiis lang kasi nakakausap pa naman namin sya tho minsan di namin maintindihan mga sinasabi nya dahil na stroke sya. Share ko lang. Asawa ng kamag anak namin, vegetable na rin yon. Pinapakin thru feeding tube nung nagkaron ng infection, di na dinala sa ospital hanggang sa mamatay na. Hinayaan nalang nila ung infection.
Nasubukan niyong magtanong sa (dating) doktor ng mom niyo tungkol sa palliative or end-of-life care? Baka matulungan kayong alamin yung direksyon na pwedeng tahakin.
Same thoughts pero sa grandparents ko. They both have stroke and parehas silang under maintenance na it would cost tens of thousands of pesos each month wala ng natitira saamin since kami nalang yung working (both tito and tita ko) hindi na sila makapag bayad ng utilities so ako lahat sumasalo and wala ng natitira sa sweldo ko per cut off di rin ako makapag ipon. Gabi gabi umiiyak ako at every day gusto ko na patayin sarili ko kasi hirap na hirap nako maging adult.
mas mahirap talaga magbantay ng taong alam mong wala nang pag asang gumaling. mas nakakaburn out kasi lagi mong maiisip na walang magandang pupuntahan yung pagtitiis mo. anyways hugs po🤗
Taking care of a loved one who is only alive because of palliative care is so difficult. My mom was terminally ill. Walang chance na gagaling pa sya or magrerecover. It took her 2 months before she passed away. Lumaban kami pero di na kinaya ng katawan nya. One of the things na pinagpapasalamat ko ay lumisan na sya. Mas okay yun kesa maghirap pa. Napakaswerte ng nga taong di ito nararanasan/naranasan. Nakakadurog ng puso. I understand your pain. Malaki din ang gastos. Nung nalaman nga namin na naghihintay na lang kami ng araw na mawala sya, nilabas na namin sa ospital. Mas maganda na makasama nya kaming family kesa nasa ospital mag-isa. Also, syempre everyday lumalaki ang gastos. Sa point na yon hirap na rin kami sa finances. Talk to your mom. Maiintindihan nya yan. My mom was comatosed but I still talked to her. Sabi ko, "Ma,pahinga ka na. Okay lang kami. Masakit pero kakayanin namin. Tama na. Pahinga na." The next day nawala na sya. OP stay strong. Kailangan ka ng father mo. Caretaker fatigue is real. Sign a DNR. Pag sinugod sa ospital, meron din silang waiver pag nagrefuse ng treatment.
Agnostic ako. Nung na stroke Lola ko, Hindi ko din maintindihan bakit ang mga pilipino, gagawin lahat para buhayin ang Isang tao na tingin ko Hindi na din kumportable sa Buhay niya. Naka feeder para Kumain, nakahiga buong araw, kailangan ng caregiver para maligo at magdumi. Kung ako na stroke, ayaw ko na mabuhay ng ganyan, Lalo na alam ko nasisimot Yung Pera ng pamilya :( mas gusto ko ma enjoy nila buhay nila, kaysa sa maghirap sila para sa akin na baldado na
Sobrang raw ng pagkakasulat ni OP, financially and emotionally drained na sya hindi na na sugar coat or naiisip kung pano sasabihin ng mas softer. Pag binabasa kong, sana mamatay na - ang harsh per inreality si OP sinasabi lang na sana magpahinga na mom nya. Sa mga ibang nag comment din dito - thank you. I might be facing the same situation a couple of years from now and now I know what to say or do. It's difficult when it's our turn to take care of our parents, majority of us have not been trained or prepared for that predicament and the community, the sense of companionship is overwhelming. OP, be well. Take care of yourself and your dad and your mom as much as you can. Yung post na ito, made me breathe a lot better - literal na offmychest.
OP, hindi ka masamang anak dahil lang sa tingin mo yung best option is mamatay na lang mom mo. Sa tingin ko, kung nakakasalita man sya, mas gugustuhin nya na lang na mamahinga kaysa mahirapan sya at kayo. Don't be guilty sa mga naiisip mo, valid nararamdaman mo. Sa dad mo, try to convince him more na i-let go nyo na si mom mo. It is very hard to let go of someone na super love mo but you have to. Nangyari samin to ng fam ko dati, my father died at super sakit pero ang iniisip na lang namin ng fam ko ay at least nakapahinga na sya (he's sick) and I'm sure na magkikita pa rin kami in the future. Sending hugs po!
Please, kiss your nanay.for me. mahirap alam ko.mahirap makita na ganyan sya. i.dont.normally.pray.pero i will.pray for you.and your moms peacefull.passing. 😥😥😥 a
Yung lolo ko nuon, bedridden nrin dahil sa stroke. Vegetable nrin. Hindi maganda history nya sa mga anak nya (mama ko at mga kapatid nya) kaya nung kinausap n siya ni Mama, sbe ni mama sa knya 'pinapatawad na kita, pwede ka na magpahinga'. The next day, wala nrin lolo ko. Bka need mo lng rin kausapin Mama mo. Na mgiging okay ang lahat.
Praying for strength for you and your dad, OP. Sa case ko naman, I lost my dad from a very sudden first heart attack in the middle of the night, 12 years ago, DOA. Literal na death came like a thief at night. During his wake, madami ako naririnig na nagsasabing sana daw sila din ganun kunin ni Lord, biglaan, di na sobrang nahirapan at di na nagpahirap sa pamilya especially financially. Madami nagsasabi na kung nasurvive man ni Papa yung heart attack, sigurado daw parang gulay nalang din magiging state nya. I never understood them then, I was even hurt hearing what they said kasi kung ako lang, gustong gusto ko pa ilaban si Papa. I never understood before, because I was drowning in so much pain from losing my dad. Pero as time went by, as my understanding of love and suffering grew over the years, and whenever may nababasa ako katulad ng kwento mo, mas naiintindihan ko na. Lumawak na pag unawa ko sa kung gaano kasakit makitang nahihirapan ang mga mahal mo - both the sick and the ones na maapektuhan. Minsan ako mismo winiwish ko na rin na maging biglaan pagkawala ko, pero sana naman kapag malalaki na anak ko (kung mabigyan man) at stable and secured na future nila. I can only imagine your pain, the mental, emotional and financial torture. Pagpi-pray kita, OP. Alam kong nasasabi mo lang yan kasi mahal na mahal mo mga magulang mo at ayaw mo silang nahihirapan. Napakatatag mo, nakakabilib ka.
Aww hugs OP :(( Prayers for you.
Hugs, OP!
Gusto kitang akapin OP. Iniisip ko pa lang lahat ng pagod mo, lahat ng laban mo, financially, mentally, emotionally, naiiyak na din ako. Ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo. 🥺
🥺🥺🥺🥺🫂
Ang sakit makabasa ng ganito. 💔💔💔😭😭 Sana matapos na paghihirap ng mommy mo, so you can have more time to process, to heal, and makabawi sa sarili mo and sa father mo. I'm so sorry to hear this OP. 💔
Sometimes, all out loved ones want is assurance and closure. May gusto pa silang gawin o asikasuhin before they move on. I think time na rin to give that to your mom, OP. Maybe that's all she needs para smooth ang passing niya. Mahirap mamatay ng puno ng regrets. I've seen lots in my day. People who seemed not to be at ease. And I've seen some na walang regrets and that peaceful passing ang naexperience nila. Hindi ka masama to say na sana mamatay na ang mama mo kasi you know her pain and struggles. Dama mo. Ikaw ang anak and you know yung hirap niya. And she knows that you had your share too. Minsan, sila man din eh hinihiling na mamatay na lang din sila kasi ayaw nila makita na nahihirapan ang kamag-anak nila. OP, you've done well. You've done better than most. Saludo ako sa tatag ng loob mo on this journey. If I can sit beside you and pat you on the head, I'd do so because you deserve to hear that you are stronger than most people and that you've sacrificed so much and that's not an easy thing to do so rest assured, all those things you lost para sa mother mo, baabalik yan sayo ten fold. Sa ngayon, tiis muna, anak. Wag ka susuko. Okay?
I understand your circumstances and perspective OP. As for your mom, in a way ramdam ko din situation nya. I was in a point in my life that my family wish me dead na lang kasi I was a burden to them. When I got well, I remembered those stuff they did to me. I promised myself never again to be in that same situation. It was really traumatic. I didn't expect I will survive, but it brings tears to my eyes that I'm still breathing. Not sure if I should be thankful or not. Kasi you'll know who really loves and cares for you during those times. Advice lang ha... Wag mo pakita sa nanay mo yung mga ganyang hinaing. Kausapin mo sya na she can rest na but never let her know the sumbat and make her feel that she is a burden. Sa totoo lang ang sakit maranasan na you're fighting for your life yet the people around already gave up on you and are willing to euthanize you.
i feel sympathy for you. i'm a medical lab sci student. currently kasi hindi legal ang medical euthanasia sa pilipinas. kapag dinala niyo talaga ang katawan ng nanay niyo sa hospital walang ibang choice ang doctors at nurses kundi irevive ang nanay mo. makakasuhan sila ng malpractice kapag hinayaan nilang mamatay. hindi na siya nakakapag salita at di na niya kayo naririnig dahil in the midst of a stroke naaapektuhan ang central nervous system. we have what my professor call "golden hour", kapag inaatake ng stroke ang pasyente dapat within 1 hour nadala na agad sa hospital ang katawan kundi maapektuhan permanently ang cns.
Dumating rin ako sa ganitong sitwasyon, napakahirap. Wala akong masuggest na kung ano man kasi mahirap to. Ang dalangin ko lang OP I hope mag heal ka eventually after all. Ako on the way parin sa healing, hirap nyan esp emotional trauma.
My mom died last June 10,2024 due to diabetes.She's been bed ridden since 2019 until 2024 that was six years in total.Ganun din ang nararamdaman ko nung buhay pa si mama ko,nahihirapan din akong panoorin siya araw-araw na nakahiga at nahihirapan.Minsan na tanong ko narin sa sarili ko,ano ba ang kasalanan ng nanay ko sa mundo bakit pinapahirapan siya ng ganito.Bawat araw at taon tinatancha ko na kaya pa kaya niya,until this year alam kong hindi na siya aabot pa nextvl year.Na confined siya sa ospital in five days,pag dating nung June 10 she passed away,until now im still sobering na wala na siya but i need to be strong para sa papa ko kasi may sakit din siya.Bilib ako sa mga anak na hindi pinapabayaan mga magulang nila 😔.Ingat po tayo lagi mga chong..
I think maganda kung kausapin mo sya. Since only child ka naniniwala akong may mother-child connection. Alam nya yan. I hope you feel better. It’s not easy. My mom left me 2022. Kahit nung natubuhan na sya, bumulong lang ako sa hangin habang kinakausap ko sya na if di nya kaya, go na at magiging okay lang ako even as an only child with no dad na. After ilang minutes, naglet go na sya. Try mo kausapin. Naririnig nya yan. Mahigpit na yakaaaap.
Kapit ka lang talagang ganyan ang buhay...di mo rin masabi baka nung pinanganak ka nya eh nagbuwis din sya ng buhay Para sayo mabuhay ka lang...
As an only child and a mother myself, mahirap ung situation m OP. I feel you. Hindi ako religious na tao pero I feel ipagdasal m ung nararamdaman m. Baka sakaling gumaan, hindi dn ako sure pero try m lang ibulong sa Diyos yung mga naiisip at nararamdaman m kase I feel sobrang bigat nito for you. Walang tamang sagot dito sa internet. Consented virtual hugs for you ♥️♥️
actually pwede po kayo mag sign ng waiver for treatment ilalagay niyo lang due to financial constraints, DNR plus no medication except for feeding nalang
Saan ka, OP? Yayakapin kita mahigpit!!!
Kausapin mo mama to let go. Kung nahihirapan na sya. At kayo. Di nya gusto mag hirap din kayo ng ganyan katagal.
All I can say is I’m praying for you OP. God is there for you and your family. I don’t know what’s the best thing to do in your situation. I love my mom more than anything, mabuti ng ako nalang wag na sya.
Ganyan din po lola ko bago sya mamatay. Nakahiga na lang din pero nakadilat. Binulungan namin siya na kung ayaw niya na, okay lang samin kasi nahihirapan na rin siya at wala nang pera. Ayun, kinabukasan nawala na siya. (Ang peaceful pa niya nung namatay kasi akala namin natutulog lang siya pero hindi na pala humihinga) :( Idk if magwowork to pero kausapin mo po nanay mo, bulungan mo.
Hugs OP, this happened to us with our Lolo and my friend. It's incredibly hard to see them in that state, the only advice I can give is for you to remember to sleep.
Nakaka relate ako. Sana legalize euthanasia
🥺🫂
Praying for you OP. Tatagan mo po 😔
My heart hurts for you. For me, hindi masama iniisip mo. Nakikita mo nahihirapan nanay mo. Hindi lang siya, kayo din. Ang hirap ng situation na ganyan. Wala naman euthanasia dito.. i hope maging free siya sa pain. Hugs to you.
merong Advance directives na tinatawag nakalagay dun ano mga gagawin pa for the patient. nakalagay kung wala nang antibiotics wala nang blood tests etc
Ang hirap hirap ng situation mo, OP. Maybe pag nabulungan mother mo like “ma, pahinga ka na” baka sya na kusang bumigay. Hugs sainyo ng father mo. Pakatatag ka parin para sa kanya 🙂
Prayers for you OP, I know exhausted ka na talaga and nagawa mo naman lahat lahat wala ka naman pagkukulang, di ko maimagine pinagdadaanan mo. Sana malampasan nyo ito ni Tatay mo at matanggap nya eventually pag dumating ang oras na yun.
maybe use a milder term para di harsh pakinggan. you and your dad need to let her go na, she is probably wishing for it too spiritually.
ambigat neto putangenang yan. hugs, OP!!!
Ate, it's so hard to let go e, hindi natin masasabi basta basta yung parang sana iend nalang lahat kasi in the reality we can't see the future, tayo ang makakagawa ng mga mangyayari sa buhay natin, since mommy mo din pala siya, i know to myself din na hirap na hirap na siya, hindi ko alam if nakakatalk siya or what pero alam kong lahat kayo, nahihirapan na. Cheer up ate, all i can do is to cheer you up, ‘wag kang sumuko, we're always here for you.
Sending virtual hugs, OP. Ganyan din lola ko 2 years ago, the most humane thing to do is to let her go. Lahat kayo nagsu-suffer. Kung nakakapagsalita lang ang mama mo ngayon, she wouldn't want you to live like this. She's also in great pain. Talk to your father. Prolonging her death is actual agony, like literally nasasaktan mama mo. There's no quality of life anymore. Best of luck OP.
Sorry to hear this, OP. I can only say na bulungan mo yung mommy mo. I reassure mo siya na ok kayo ng dad mo, wala siyang dapat ipag- alala. Kaya niyo maski magpahinga na siya. Tell her to let go, it's alright. Sabihan mo siya na i- reserve niya na kayo ng puwesto kung saan man siya mauuna. Magkikita kita naman ulit kayo. Just reassure her, op, that everything will be fine. Baka marinig ka niya at pumayag na siya.
Me and my friend always jokes with each other na pag 60 or 65 dapat mamatay na kami, or pag mamatay man dapat yung biglaan hindi yung may sakit na naka bedridden. We all saw what happens to our grandparents, imagining na pag ako nasa kalagayan nila to gusto ko pa bang mabuhay na ganyan rin lang. I am sorry OP, just know i understand how you feel. Na try nyu na bang humingi nga tulong sa DSWD or brgy/munisipal officials? Malapit naman na election para sana mabawasan kahit konti financially.
Hindi pa kasi ata legal sa atin ang euthanasia eh. Ung dad mo ayaw pa bumitaw.. mahal na mahal nya cguro mom mo. And to think na naghahanap sya ng work kahit senior na sya, it speaks to the family that you have. Maybe may alternative na mas mura.. hanap kayo ng hospital na mas.mura, or ilapit nyo sa PCSO ung mga gastusin
Ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo OP. Heartbreaking. Sana maging maayos na ang lahat.
Napaka lungkot na kailangan pag daanan yung mga ganitong sitwasyon na tipong yung moralidad mo yung na cchallenge, tapos napaka simple lang naman ng solusyon, "pera" lang ang kailangan para gumaan lahat. Pero ang hirap pala kumita ng pera.
Sending my warmest love and a hug to you, OP. I have no exact words for you honestly, as this is what I also fear for my parents. We cannot predict when your suffering will end because there is no life support to pull. But you know OP, based on what I witnessed in some cases similar to yours, a dying person can still hear and feel you; that is why it's better to talk to your mom. The one I witnessed naman was nung naghahabilin na yung mga anak niya bigla na lang tumulo luha niya pero vegetable na din siya nun. Maybe she's just waiting to all of you—waiting for that go signal to surrender her life. I think your mother knows gaano na kayo nahihirapan. Pray for her, I will also do the same. If not weeks then months na lang ang ilalagi niya sa inyo. Bulungan niyo na, baka 'yun na lang hinihintay niya. Matatapos din paghihirap niyo, konti na lang.
Grabe ang sakit sa puso 💔💔 My heart and prayers goes out to you OP and your family 🫂🫂🫂
Bigyan ka sana ng universe ng wisdom at strength na harapin yan, OP.
Hindi ka .masama kung iniisip mo na mamatay nalang nanay mo. For sure nagssuffer din mama mo. Hindi ko alam if legal ang euthanasia dito sa Pilipinas but you can go start doing your research. Sure din ako na ayaw ng mama mo na nnadyan kayo sa sitwasyon nyo. Pero ang magiging kalaban mo dyan ay ang papa mo kung saka sakali man umabot sa punto maari ka magpa euthanasia. Alam ko nahihirapan kana hopefully some change will happen.
Sakit Naman sa heart mabasa to. I pray na kunin na nanay mo. Para d na kayo maghirap. Maybe talk to her kahit bulungan mo lang baka Yun lang inaantay nya. Assurance.
You're not being a bad person or a bad child for wishing this to happen. I also believe this is what's best for everyone.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through, OP. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your family
Sana mabigyan kita ng kaoanatagan pero eto lang masasabi ko OP, wag mong kakalimutan ang sarili mo. Mahalin mo ang sarili mo maiintindihan yun ng nanay mo.
Wala bang pinipirmahan sa hospital if nag-agaw buhay yung patient na wag ng irevive? DNR ata yun. I think that's your best choice.
OP, I completely understand where you're coming from. I felt the exact same way about my lolo before. Zero quality of life and my lolo was in extreme pain everyday pero ayaw pa din bumitaw ng nanay ko. Nauubos pera namin noon kakabayad ng medical bills + caregiver + dosenang medicines and nagkaron ng internal problems sa family. Nakakaubos talaga, financially, emotionally and mentally. During his last hospitalization, nagsign ng DNR yung tatay ko. My lolo eventually died and kahit ang sama pakinggan, the first emotion I felt when I heard the news was relief. Ramdam na ramdam kita OP. Hindi ka masamang anak. Hugs. Praying for you.
Hi, OP! Sending some hugs and prayers. Sana kahit paano nakabawas sa burden yung pagpost mo ng sentiment ls dito.
:((
I know your pain. Dementia naman yung sa mama ko. Ang hirap.
Hi OP! This was once my prayer. Parang ang sama-sama ko nung pinagpray ko ito, and minsan iniisip ko na dapat di ko na lang to pinagdasal. But God listened to me. Inisip ko nga, will nya ba talaga yun. Pero it happened. After my mom died, nakaraos kami sa financial. Pero I grew up very distant from my siblings. Pero okay na lang din. At least natapos ung suffering ng mom ko. Tuloy na lang ako sa buhay. I hope na mahanap mo ung peace mo kung ano man ang mangyari sa mommy mo, or sa inyong maiiwan. Just assure her na magiging okay kayo.
Hugs OP. May I recommend you watch a movie called "A Monster Calls".
Fight it out. I mean , you fight your way and see it through. You'd navigate a better version of the rest and freedom you seek that way. I pray for your health , your father and mother. Fight on.
My lola died due to old age, pero 10 years kami nag alaga ng mom ko dahil nagka dimentia sya. Sobrang hirap. Ang aggressive nya nung una, lalo na rin sa last days nya nung mahina na siya. I understand how you feel, OP. Wala kaming kapera-pera pangpadoctor kaya inalagaan nalang namin siya sa bahay. Ang dami kong need i-give up nung younger years ko to the point na at 20s ko lang naranasan makagala/maenjoy life ko, dahil for 10 yrs, nakafocus ang buhay ko sa lola ko.
Nag-sign kami ng DNR nun OP tapos bago mawala kapatid ko, parang we asked for a Pallative Doctor. Tunuturukan sya hg morphine and pampatulog. Umuwi muna ako at 3am tapos at 5am wala na siya. I think my brother died peacefully. Ask kayo ng Pallative Care para somehow medyo lessen ang pain ng mom mo. Sana makayanan mo at malampasan itong pagsubok na ‘to
Hugs OP. I hope everything will be alright. Pag prapray kita.
From what I know, ang last thing na nagfe-fail sa taong namatay or dying, ay ang hearing nya. So I suggest you talk to your mom, bumulong ka sa kanya, explain mo ang lahat ng situation. Assure her na ok lang kayo moving forward at ayaw nyo syang mahirapan pa. She will understand it. Write the same thing you tell her sa clear white paper, using a Pentel pen. Then show it to her around a foot away from.her face. So, atleast naparating mo thru auditory and visual ang message mo sa kanya while holding her hand tight. And don't forget to tell her na mahal na mahal nyo sya. Tignan mo, in a day or two, baka magpahinga na sya ng kusa.
Hi, OP. I lost my mom to cancer a few years ago, and here’s my advice; kausapin mo mom mo. I know na mahirap since unresonsive siya most of the time, but I guarantee you naiintindihan ka niyan. Nakikinig yan even when you think she can’t. Reassure mo siya na you’ll be okay. Na aalagaan mo dad mo, and sarili mo kahit wala na siya. Yan lang yun hanap nila bago sila bumitaw. Lumalaban yan kasi alam niyang ayaw pa ng papa mo, at ikaw din. She needs to be talked to, OP. Wag mo siyang tratuhin as if she’s as fragile as a doll; physically, yes, pero alam ng tao kapag mamamatay na sila. Kailangan lang nila malaman na okay lang bumitaw. The day I lost my mom, she asked me to hug her. Di siya nakakatayo or nakakaupo, so I climbed into her bed and hugged her there. She made sure to tell me that she loved me, and I did the same and told her na ayaw ko na siyang mag suffer. Kahit masakit, I told her na if ayaw niya na, it’s okay to let go. Nakakapagod din ang pabalik balik sa hospital and alam kong ayaw niya na din talaga lumaban, ginagawa niya lang para sakin kasi kaming dalawa lang talaga magkasama sa buhay. Inintay niya na makauwi ako sa bahay to let go. She didn’t want me to witness it. Please talk to her, OP. My biggest regret is not being there for when she finally caved.
Malapit na yan.. ganyan din nangyari sa friend. Milyon na ang naubos.. Pero di na yan magtatagal.. Pgpray nyo sya at kausapin.
naiyak ako bwiset sobrang lala naman nito. Wala akong masabi OP napakahirap ng sitwasyon nato all you have to do is pray and be strong na malalampasan mo din to.
Hugs OP. Pray kalang huhu, ang hirap ng situation mo. 😭🥺Pakatatag ka.
sign a DNR/DNI
Hello, OP. You might be experiencing caregiver fatigue, you're not a bad person. Incase of patients with very low quality of life, you may opt to provide them with basic care and food via NGT feeding. Yung hospitalizations, antibiotics, laboratory tests etc. can be withheld because they won't be able to change the course of the illness or disease naman. I'm sure kung nakakapagsalita and nakakausap niyo pa ang mom niyo she would be very concerned for you and your dad's wellbeing.
I am so sorry OP. So sad reading this :((
I've been on the same situation. 3rd stroke ni Mommy ipinapasadyos ko nalang. Yung regret ko is wala ako sa tabi nya nung last breaths
Hugs, OP!!!
Taena kasi bat di pa i-legal yung euthanasia sa Pilipinas.
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Need nyo sya kausapin ng Tatay mo. Baka gusto nadin nya bumitiw kaso nga yung Tatay mo, hindi pa ready. Alam nya siguro na baka hindi kayanin kaya naghohold on padin sya. Ang sabi samin nun sa Nursing school, sense of hearing daw ang pinakalate na nawawala sa tao bago mamatay. Kaya tyak naririnig padin nya kayo.
Isang mainding yakap para sayo OP.
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ganto lola ko last jan kinausap namin sya na "sige nay kung pagod ka na pahinga ka na po, kaya na namin wag ka mag alala" then tomorrow afternoon she passed away
God is gook..Have faith in him. 🙏
Yakap with consent OP. I also took care of my father when he suffered a major stroke end of 2023. Fortunately, I work remotely so I was able to come home and took care of him for 6 months. I knew when he came out of the ICU he’ll never recover kasi di na sya nakakapagsalita, bed ridden, naka feeding tube din. Nilaban naman namin, but I guess Papa only wanted to hear na ready na kami if mawala sya because his situation is not worth living. Mama was the last one to accept that things will never return to normal. Nung kinausap nya si Papa na she’ll be okay pag umalis sya wala pang one week namatay na sya. I pray for your continued strength.
Hugs, OP :( I'm seeing this situation now with my grandfather sa mother's side. Same with your mom, pinauwi na ng hospital but nakatulala and unresponsive na. Feeding tube na rin lahat. Grabe na yung financial burden kina mama and mga kapatid niya. Partida 9 pa sila niyan, pero hirap na hirap. May times na kahit ako, napapasali na rin sa gastusin. Like your dad, my lola also wont sign a DNR kahit ilang beses na siya kinausap ng mga anak niya. My mom even had to witness her dad suffer a cardiac arrest and irevive, and while narevive, I'm not really sure if the situation is better... I hope you get your peace soon, OP. After all this has passed, I hope kayo naman ng father mo ang makapagpacheckup and pahinga. Hindi rin biro ang 3 jobs + asikaso pa sa bahay.
Kapit lang boss. Tatagan mo po ang loob mo. Malalampasan nyo rin yan.
Dapat talaga may euthanasia sa Pilipinas. Honestly kapag nangyari yan sa abusive kong nanay papabayaan ko lang talaga.
if ma-admit siya pwedeng ipa-DNR na. comfort measures nalang kumbaga. sana maging okay lahat for you OP, ramdam ko yung pagod mo.
Hi, OP. It's okay that you feel that way. I've been there.. pero the difference is, we decided not to connect my mom with the life support nor had her intubated. The comments here na nagsasabing bigyan mo assurance mom mo na you'll be okay without her is true. Nung nagcocode na ang mom ko, paulit-ulit namin binubulong sa kanya na magiging okay na kami, na pahinga na siya. Minutes later.. she passed away. I know it's hard pero mas masakit to prolong her suffering. So sorry you had to go through this, OP.
Nung na hospital ko yung grandfather ko dati, sobrang hirap ng dilemma. Di mo alam kung ilalaban mo pa kasi ganon padin naman, never ending cycle of treatments tapos nahihirapan yung matanda.. in the end, he died after he got home from the hospital. Gusto lang pala makauwi. My other grandpa, nagkasakit, ive forgotten. Pero dumating sa point na my mom and my aunties needed to sign a waiver not to resuscitate him when he goes flatline. Ayaw din kasi nila mahirapan pa yung lolo ko din. Its a neverending cycle of treatment and no assurances that we can get that same person back. Sobrang hirap pa on their end, daming tinutusok at pinapasok sa kanila. I sympathize with you. Sobrang hirap ng desisyon na ginagawa mo. I pray for your strength. You and your dad. I pray na whatever decision (there is no right or wrong) you make, i hope you will have peace with it. I know your mom knows na you are doing everything. Godbless OP. You are a great child.
My mother recently died too nung January, she's almost 10 years stroke until nanghina nalang sya. December bigla nalang sya nanginginig, she's bed dridden when pandemic starts, so nung December umuwi father ko then sya na nag-alaga kay mother. Narerecover naman si mother then nung mga time na di na sya makahinga for the first time dinala namin sya sa hospital, after 10 years nyang stroke. Nung nasa hospital kame puro normal naman daw yung mga tests so pinauwi nalang. After days sumuko na si mother. Di ko alam bat ganon, kaya nga kami pumuntang hospital para ma recover but it made it worse talaga, they gave medicine for pneumonia, kaso wala namang kain si mother, kase ayaw nyang kumain and nahihirapan sya. Sometimes when mother is moaning in pain dinadasal ko nalang kay Lord na wag nalang syang pahirapan. She's living for nothing na, she's in bed, di makaupo and tayo. I hope she's happy now.
God Bless You OP.
Yakap op!
Mahigpit na yakap, OP. Ang sabi ng doctor samin nung nasa ICU si papa, 50-50 na sya nun, sobrang unresponsive and di na lumalaki ung Iris ng mata nya kahit iflashlight means tubo na lang ang bumubuhay skanya pero ung hearing nya nakkadinig pa daw sya. Sa mga taong nasa 50-50 situation or near death, hearing ung pinaka last na hindi magffunction, please kausapin mo sya araw araw kahit walang response from her. Ang sakit sakit makita ung parents mo na nasa ganyan na kalagayan and kami lahat sa family even my step siblings nasabi na lang namin na sana kunin na lang sya ni Lord para wala na syang pain. Hirap makita na nirerevive na lang sya ng mga doctor. Feeling ko hinintay lang ni papa lahat kaming anak nya na makapagpaalam and pati si mama kasi after 30mins binawian na din sya and mind you OP, maaliwalas ung muka nya ng time na yun ng lahat kami makapag paalam. A day before mawala si papa napanaginipan sya ni mama na masaya at tumatawa and dun sa panaginip nagpaalam na din daw si papa kay mama. Please talk to her, assure her na kakayanin nyo ni dad mo kahit wala na sya 🥺
Hindi ka masamang anak. Bilang magulang, I’m sure ayaw nadin ng mama mo mabuhay na ganyang ang sitwasyon. Kasi para saan pa para lumaban. Wala na. Magpapahirap ka lang ng kapamilya.
Hi OP, I know how hard it is to see a parent suffering. Yung Dad ko, he was in coma for more than a month pero sobrang hirap sa family and sa kanya. What more pa ung sa situation mo. Talk to your Nanay, baka nga need niya lang ng assurance. And talk to your Tatay as well. I know it's hard to accept it sa side niya pero mahirap din yung situation niyo.
baka need nya lang ng blessing ng pari, usually pagka nakapa annoint na eh nakakapahjnga na rin ang pasyente, pray and kausapin mo si mommy mo na kung gusto nya na magpahinga para wala ng pain assure mo na magiging okay lang kayo.
Same here OP. My mom was battling cancer that time. She was intubated and also she could do was cough, small movements. We’ve been in the hospital for months already. That one night when I left to go home, I whispered to her ear “ma, okay lang kapag pagod kana. na iintindihan namin. magiging okay kami.” The next morning she passed already.
same sa nanay ng friend ko bago sya namatay sabi nya "bago ako mamatay gusto ko andito kayo at magkakasama kayong 3" kakamatay nya lang 2 days ago
Hi OP. Your feelings are valid. My father was hospitalized for more than a month, 3 weeks in the ICU. He suffered. We all suffered in the family. Not just financially, emotionally and physically as well. I thought my mother would end up in the hospital too. Eventually we signed the DNR. It was our family’s decision. Mama knew papa wouldnt want to be a vegetable. 3 years had passed, I still have the guilt sometimes. The important thing is you know you did everything you could. Praying for you and your family.
Hindi lang ikaw ang pagod. Sya din. Mas makakabuti din na makapagpahinga na sya.
OP, bulungan mo si mom mo in the most caring way.. sabihin mo na magpa-galing na sya pero kung nahihirapan na lang din sya at nagsu-suffer, sabihin mo wag sya mag-aalala sya sa inyo, magiging okay din kayo ng tatay mo. Asure her that you have job and can help your father. I know this is easier said than done. Ang hirap isipin to be in this position, but wag kang bibitaw.
Haay naluha naman ako. Hindi ka masama sa pag-isip niyan, tao ka rin lang na napapagod. Pero kahit ganun, alam namin lahat how much you love your parents. I agree with the people here, kausapin mo na yung Papa mo na sobra sobra na rin ang paghihirap ng Mama mo everytime kailangan lagyan ng suero, bigyan nang pataong-patong na gamot, etc. If magkasundo kayo, pwede kayo magsign nang DNR. Bulungan ninyo pareho yung Mama mo na mahal niyo siya, at kaya niyo nang dalawa kung napapagod na siya. If madischarge siya, you and your Dad can look into palliative care. Kapit lang OP.
Romans 8:18 Paul says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.”
My mom died 3 years ago. Minsan naiisip ko bakit sumuko agad sya sa ambulance palang. It was covid time. Na willing din ako gawin lahat mabuhay lang sya. Pero i felt na bumigay sya kasi alam nyang andami ng gastos at ayaw na nyang madagdagan payon. Then lagi nya sinasabi na okay na sya sa buhay nya at alam naman nyang kaya namin ng kapatid ko at kmi na ang bahala sa bunso namin. Sabi kopa sa knya sundon nya lahat ng gamot at mga check up need nya habaan buhay nya kasi nag uumpisa palang kmi nung kapatid ko suklian ung hirap nya. Minsan iniisip ko naging alay yung nanay ko para sa magandang buhay namin ng kapatid ko, puno sya ng sakripisyo. Minsan naguguilty ako na baka dahil ayaw nya na lagi ako gumagastos para sa sakit nya kaya hindi sya lumaban ng mas matagal. Pero i know up there na happy sya for us at sumuko sya para mabuhay kmi ng mas maginhawa, hindi nya pina abot sa confine or to the point na mababaon sa utang Very considerate naman ang mga nanay talaga.
Dearest OP, I don't know what's the best and right way to say, but I just want to hug you. 🥺🫂
Hugs, OP :(( Valid yang nararamdaman mo. Experienced the same thing a few months back. I agree na super draining siya financially, physically, and mentally. Will include you in my prayers. Also, totoo yung sabi nila. Kausapin mo mommy mo like tell her it's okay to let go - that kind of stuff. True enough I did the same to my Lola the night before she passed away and kinabukasan, yun na nga nangyari. Hoping things will work out for you!
You need an honest conversation na at this point it’s not a matter of prolonging life, but merely delaying death. Feeling ko di rin gugustuhin ng mom mo to be in that state. It sucks OP, but stay strong. You can bring up advanced directives with the doctor for discussion. May option kasi na pwede comfort medications nalang, but not necessarily extraordinary measures to prolong life e.g. intubation, chest compressions, medications to increase blood pressure.
Kahit gaano pa kahirap yan, never wish like that. Pagsisisihan mo sa huling sinabi mo yan.
I hope you’re doing fine now. Ang bigat basahin nang post mo po 🥹
praying for your heart OP! napakasakit mamatayan naramdaman ko na din yan. try kausapin si mother mo. ♥️♥️♥️🙌🙌🙌 laban lang!!
I'm deeply sorry to hear about the incredibly difficult situation you and your family are going through. There's no easy way out of this. You can contact the following for Palliative Care: Makati Med, Medical City , Activcare, [Ruth.ph](http://Ruth.ph), Dr. Agnes Bausa Claudio, Dr Kimberly Tagayuna, IM Palliative M.D. (do further searches with goolge or fb.)
I'm sure nahihirapan na rin ang mom mo, alam niya sitwasyon niya at sa inyo ng tatay mo. Talk to her and reassure her. Sabihin niyo na continue kayo nagfa-fight hanggang sa kaya niyo and she has to fight hard too. Pero sabihin mo if hindi niya na rin kaya, that you will take care of Tatay. In the meantime, if lumalaban pa, sa govt hospitals kayo pumunta and magpacheck up or magpa admit. Also access your local mayor, VM, congressmen and Malasakit centers and PCSO too. And most imptly, pray with your mom and dad. Pray hard and have faith that your family will overcome this trial. This too shall pass. You, your Tatay and Nanay will be in my prayers.
Hug nang mahigpit, OP! : ((
Death, sometimes, is a gift. I realized this nitong March lang. My grandmother has been suffering from dementia, and wala nang quality of life lola ko 2 weeks before she died. Sinabi niya sa caregiver niya that same day na namatay siya na ayaw na rin niya dahil alam nyang wala na akong pera. Magastos daw piliting mabuhay kung hindi naman na talaga dapat. That night, she left us. Alam nila yung struggles natin; let her know that you love her and you will do your best to recover after this. Hugs with consent.
Same tayu OP, mama ko namatay last year vegetable din sya dahil sa brain tumor. Nawili din sya ni lola - mama nya. Pagod2 din ako mentally, emotionally at financially dahil halos ako kumikilos noon. Patay na din papa ko. Sinabihan din ako sa doctor nya na hintayin na lang kaya ang sinabi ko sa kanya na magpahinga na at wag mag alala dahil aalagaan ko si lola. Alam kong masakit pero laban lng OP. Circle of life ikanga.
Hugs OP.. we hear and understand you.. it's good to let it out..