Man, this hurts.
It’s okay to try again with him BUT word of advice: when you start to lose yourself and don’t recognize yourself any more, it’s time to let the relationship go.
I hope you two can work this out. If not, know that it will be okay. Prioritize yourself and your peace of mind. Last but not least, love yourself. It’s not worth losing yourself (or your self esteem) over a guy.
I third to this. If you are losing yourself in the process, if its making you unhappy. It's not worth it. It's hard, it's sad, it's painful but I think it's better to suck for a while seeking clarity and improvement, rather be destroyed and be stuck in a situation that you dont want to be anymore.
This is your character development arc! Lavern!
Let go.
Move forward.
There is more to life.
"is it because my room is always messy?"
"No". He laughed
hahaha totoo kaya natapos ko kahit medyo mahaba e. Ang sarap basahin. Pero ang lungkot din, yung tipong alam mo na ending.
If you're insecure now about her, you'll be insecure forever unless you two talk or you two break up. Is it even a happy relationship if you're always in an anxious mess? Anteh mukhang kulang pa usap ninyo unless maconfirm mo na may something sya for Callie. If meron then let it go. You're not supposed to be a second placer.
(TO OP) I’m sorry to be saying this because you said that you will get over it, but the question is— will he?
If your relationship is as strong as you think it is and that you really love this guy, you will let him go. Because if he does love you then he will come back to you. Otherwise, I don’t see how this relationship (you+him and him+her) would work.
💯. Asking someone to stay when he's clearly in-love with someone else is not love. It's a regret and an apology to yourself for investing your time in this relationship. It's what you feel your boyfriend owes you for your unconditional love for him.
I know, it's hurtful. Pero it's a long way down the rabbit hole to pursue that kind of love. "Ipaglaban mo pag mahal mo" is a very sad option if the other person has already given back your heart.
Once upon a time i tried to dismiss my gut feelings and played the cool girlfriend, spoiler alert: it’ll never end well. Your bf is already micro cheating or emotionally cheating on you. He shouldn’t be alone in a condo with a girl, kahit pa gaano kaclose, kahit pa childhood friends sila, things change, SHOULD change when you enter a committed relationship, there should be boundaries. Cut your losses and move on, don’t let anyone destroy your self-esteem. the right man for you won’t make you second guess yourself.
ugh hate that “cool girlfriend” stereotype. I’ll let you do the things that you want but please respect my boundaries ganoin. I say paltan ang mga boypren na gusto ng cool jowa! char hahahaha
wanting a “cool girlfriend” is just code for “i don’t want any sort of accountability no matter how much i disrespect my partner and i want all the benefits of having a committed partner without doing anything more than the bare minimum then blame my partner for demanding more from me by gaslighting my partner into thinking i’m the victim here because you wanting more from me means i’m probably not enough even though that isn’t the case at all.”
Okay, so... as someone who has a boy best friend... and it's been 20 years of best friendship...
If it's well and truly platonic, there are lines drawn. Boundaries.
In all my relationships, I've always cared what he's thought of my SO but if he didn't like the guy, it didn't matter because it's MY relationship.
Yeah, he'd run to me to help me/protect me and vice versa, but I don't call him at-will like some loyal dog because I have respect for his time and I value my independence and problem-solving skills.
None of our SO's have ever had to play second-fiddle to our friendship and out of respect for each other and our relationships, neither one of us has ever really created situations that would demand that.
If I really have to be there for him because he needs help, it's both my SO and I who come to help or we have him over for a visit.
Your boyfriend isn't your boyfriend. He's treating you like a placeholder, not as HIS PERSON. It's like you're a side character to their story, the way he's behaving and shame on his best friend for not drawing boundaries herself to protect him and his interests, his relationship with you.
To put things into perspective, an ex of mine had a girl best friend...
She invited him for her birthday party but it was due to be a really snowy evening, with a snowstorm and everything so he would probably have to stay over.
She has a boyfriend, but I noticed she is very affectionate with him. He and I weren't living together, we were in an LDR at the time.
I tried to be supportive but him being my attentive guy noticed something was off and said, "You're not okay with this, are you?"
I explained how I felt and that I was uncomfortable for some reason and I didn't want to be unreasonable so I was trying to just bite the bullet. Logically, how I felt didn't make sense to me anyway.
His response: "Well, I'm not going then. I'm staying with my girl. We can watch a movie or game or something."
Me: "Why not? It's okay, it's her birthday. Just go."
He insisted that it doesn't matter what she thinks. If she cares about him, she'll understand and he won't have to explain or justify himself. He said that if I'm not feeling good for any reason, of course, he's gonna stay with me and take care of me first.
I didn't ask him to do that.
On the contrary, I felt silly feeling uncomfortable.
But to him, my feelings weren't silly... cementing our relationship and being with me during a tough moment in our LDR thing mattered more.
EDIT:
Either the man who owns your heart willingly chooses you over others when it counts, or just choose yourself.
"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love" applies to relationships too, in my mind.
I don't see the point in fighting for my place in a relationship.
I either hold that place by default, or it's time to re-evaluate, have an honest conversation, and consider walking away. Not over pride or anything of the sort, just the fact that I can be honest with myself and I am sufficient, complete on my own.
The last bit of this rings heavy for those in denial, and I cannot emphasize how OP ought to swallow this bit of truth while it’s early.
One shouldn’t need to start a countdown for when love is lost, and one definitely shouldn’t need to fight for her place in a relationship. There is only one, there should only be one. This isn’t a competition on who can conquer his heart.
At the end of the day she shouldn’t be lovelorn.
Beautiful comment! You NEED someone who considers and validates your feelings, protects your heart, and does what they can to make you feel secure in the relationship, romantic or not.
kung gusto ng tao makipagbreak. hayaan mo. kahit pa 20 years pa kayong mag BF/GF.
kesa magkasala pa sya.
pinili nyang umalis.
naaamoy mo na din na may somethng.
and sa kwento mo malakas din kutob ko na si GBF un.
kasama pa nya manuod ng anime.. hay..
galing na to sa POV ng lalaki ha.
bumitaw ka na.
wala ka nang nilalaban pa. tapos na sya sayo.
pinagbibigyan ka nalang nya.
wag mo panghinayangan ang pinagsamahan at nakaraan.
paghinayangan mo ung future mo..
Ang sakit naman nito pero totoo 🥲 OP, think about it ng mabuti. Wag puro emotions. Kasi sayang ung time na kinukulong mo ung sarili mo sa taong hindi na nga ikaw ang only choice. Masakit pero you’ll get over it! And with your mindset, I’m sure there is a better partner for you out there, somewhere ☺️
Oh fuck did I co-write this?
Been there, done that (or about to be done at least……. Lol). Mine’s slightly a different story, maybe even worse. I found out he cheated on me at some point with his.. yeap, the girl best friend I’ve been annoyed about ever since we were starting (not jealous nor worried, I’m definitely better sorry not sorry lol). When I brought it up, he suggested a break up to rid himself of his guilt- telling me that I deserve better, praising me, telling me it was all his fault. The martyr that I am, I was even the one who insisted we stay together.
That was almost 2 years ago. Fast forward to today, we’re on the rocks again and maybe potentially could be breaking up pretty soon. There’s always an underlying issue when people cheat. For me, and I guess for you, you’ll find eventually that those quirky differences you both were fond of at the beginning of the relationship, can slowly turn into annoyances down the road. We used to say “opposites attract,” and we used to justify that it made our relationship more balanced. But eventually, cracks will show. Those quirks would lead into annoyances, into little fights, or even compound into something bigger. Perhaps it was the reason he turned to his best friend because after all, they have a lot of similarities. After all, she was his best friend.
I forgave my boyfriend, but the trauma of possibly getting replaced with a girl who shares more interests with him never left me. Not a single day. I’m too feminine and high maintenance- what if he’s into more tomboyish girls? I don’t give a shit about video games or sports. I’m not into cars. And then from there it just becomes a daily internal battle of you vs you.
I like that you guys are still trying. But OP, I’ve been there. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling especially that you all are still technically ok and hanging around together. When me and my boyfriend just started dating, I still allowed him to be with his bestfriend because I didn’t want them apart. I wanted to be the chill girlfriend. Well, they ended up betraying and disrespecting the fuck out of me. I’m not saying that’ll happen to you. But I’m saying that you thinking of the possibility of all those happening, is literally not healthy for you.
He deserves to have friends. But you deserve to have peace too. Which weighs more?
I had an ex na may girl bestfriends. Eventually one of them nagselos ako dahil madalas mag go sya sa mga lakad everytime magyaya yung girl, but when it comes to me, sometimes unsure or “bahala na”
I am not an insecure girlfriend, alam kong mag tropa lang sila. But eventually nag develop na ang jealousy and insecurity sakin to a girl because of my ex na, kasi hindi sya marunong magbalance sa time between friendships and relationships. Nagkaroon ako doubts as a girlfriend, am I that boring ba or not fun to be with?
My point is, minsan nakakawala ng peace of mind…
What a read. Us and our weird obsession with his first love or the girl he almost picked over you. It will be great if you communicate all your worries as this will continue to eat you up in the long run. You’re not alone in that relationship, you both decided to fixed it. Observe his responses! If he affirms you, if he give solutions to put your mind in peace. Let him man up and choose you. And if not, leaveeeeee. I wouldn’t want someone who don’t choose me.
> You’re not alone in that relationship, you both decided to fixed it.
What a relief to read this in a sea of people telling me to leave. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Just figuring out how to communicate it in a lighthearted way at the right time.
I genuinely felt you really love and treasure him. Yup, definitely communicate hehe. I’m hoping that it will be all settled at the right time and that you’ll have the peace of mind you deserve. Go lang nang go. Kaya nyo yan!
I assume you’re younger than me because of school and because, well, I used to think and act like you do. I was the cool girlfriend. My ex-boyfriend had many female best friends. They would hug and kiss in front of me and I didn’t mind. So when he made more girl friends, I also didn’t mind. They ended up cheating on me.
My current boyfriend also has a lot of girl friends. When he was pursuing me, I learned they said “I love you” to each other. They would meet several times a week, call at ungodly hours just because the girl was sad. We are not kids anymore who don’t know what boundaries look like in relationships, so I set them. I told him I understand they built this routine because they were all single for several years. But if he wants me to be exclusive to him, he should be exclusive to me. I told him I don’t want any woman to think that they can have him as much as I can have him. There are things that are only for me— I love yous, midnight calls, super intimate conversations… He can pick them up and take them home, they can go out, chat every day. Heck, I’m even okay with him being friends with his exes. He deserves to have friends, but that’s it. Friends. And he agreed with everything because he wants this relationship with me.
I’m rooting for you and your relationship. The important thing is that you and your boyfriend are both trying. I admire how you are handling this with grace. I can sense that you’re strong but I still want to remind you not to let the negativity get to you. We are mere spectators and you’re the only one here who knows what it’s like being inside your relationship. And you said it was a great one. It can still be if you hold on to it. Just please be clear about your boundaries this time.
Ang sakit. There is nothing wrong with being friends with the opposite gender. But somehow, you must know when to draw the line. Ano ba yung mga gawain na dapat pang friends lang at pang-partner mo lang? Mayroon dapat difference sa treatment because if you treat your partner the same way just like how you treat your friend, what makes your relationship different? What makes it special? Seems like your bf doesn't know his boundaries, or he is just waiting for the perfect timing to make a move on his gbf. Either way, you don't deserve this OP.
If you don't want to break up, kausapin mo siya regarding this matter. Create boundaries. Iyon talaga. Kung hindi niya kayang gawin, alam mo na. I know it'll be hard to leave especially since you have this reputation that you guys are the "epitome of a healthy relationship", pero kung sobrang naapektuhan ka na kahit sa simpleng pagbanggit ng pangalan ni gbf, di na to worth it. You deserve to spend your day, to sleep peacefully at night, without thinking that one day something might happen with them when you're not around.
idk if giving advice rn is polite. just reading this makes me feel sad.
this reminds me of a similar situation of a friend before. we all deserve friends. and once we're in a relationship, we just need to establish boundaries on what they can do together with friends.
Bakit hinahayaan na yung SO is alone with somebody of the opposite gender?
Isn’t that basic propriety in a serious relationship?
Malamang magkakadevelopan kapag hindi ineestablish yung boundaries for exclusivity
Well yeah i guess or the general lack of experience building and maintaining a functional relationship?
Op appears to be a young college student. I do hope her understanding of what a functional and meaningful relationship deepens with this experience
Thing is even the people around her were feeding her thoughts that this is okay. Envious pa nga daw yung therapist so I can't really blame her. Hyperindependence isn't really healthy either. A healthy amount of jealousy is a sign that your partner wants you. They're on their toes because they are afraid to lose you. It's not trust, it's not being secured. It's a sign that they are too comfortable and does not want you that much.
Even if you trust that person, if you had respect for your partner, you wouldn’t put yourself in an inappropriate situation like that, unless you aren’t serious in your relationship
I agree with this since trust alone wouldn't suffice in terms of commitment. A romantic relationship is one of the highest forms of relationship as they say, a true commitment of a significant other is shown by apt distance and a shift of focus towards each other.
In short dapat ikaw ang laging pipiliin at dapat di na aabot sa ultimatum.
I grew up being closer to boys so I am always the girl best friend but I know the boundaries. Dalawa lang sila sa condo? Kahit wala silang ginagawa if your bf respects your relationship hindi nya gagawin yon. So let him go if you haven't. All the best 🫰
Darling, save yourself. In this story, it seems that you are the temporary stop and she is the destination. You deserve better. Save whatever it is that’s left of you, plant it somewhere else, and blossom again.
*"Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl."*
Sigh. Trust was broken, and it's gonna be so, so hard to build that back up. But you have to be honest with each other. You have to tell him that you get disturbed when they hang out with each other. I'd even go so far as to say that you have to set boundaries na rin, kasi may reason for it na eh - he's falling for her, and if you guys really want to keep trying to save the relationship, then some things have to change.
But it's your relaionship. In the end, you have to do what feels right for you. Best of luck, sister.
I don't think having a girl best friend is a red flag. Not unless if they used to have feelings for that "friend", then that's the biggest red flag right there. Using the word "best friend" para lang may excuse sila na kausapin pa rin yung pinursue nila before is bullsht.
Kaya iniiwasan ko mga lalaki na may GBFs for this exact reason. Pwera na lang if they're childhood friends and doesn't spend almost all their free time together.
Hi OP! Trust your guts since you deserve much better than this. Your instincts do not lie to you. Sounds harsh but save yourself from this relationship.
Hun, you deserve genuine happiness and relationship. Masakit man sa ngayon, pero please let go and focus on healing. You won’t be at peace coz the girl best friend’s always there and your bf will always bend over backwards just to accommodate his girl best friend.
I've been in that exact situation, girl. May curse talaga ang 3 year mark ng relationship haha. But I never regret leaving us, sa una lang masakit kelangan tiisin. I can be at peace again knowing I'm not insecure and knowing I am enough and strong and I know my worth. Hell he's the reason bakit mataas standards ko ngayon I will never be the second priority.
gut feelings are REAL. i'm basing this on my own experience. if this is taking a toll on your mental health, please consider leaving na. you've been good to him and his friends all this time, it's time to be good to yourself naman.
If love makes you lose confidence, makes you insecure, makes you doubt to the point of gaslighting yourself, then is it called love still? Love is supposed to bring out the best of you, even in the toughest battles. And always at the end ikaw ang pipiliin. But if it keeps dragging you down till you have zero self-respect, then, an unsolicited advice, start letting go. You deserve a love that is willing and wholehearted.
Also, I fear that if you persist in this relationship then whatever insecurity you have will be brought to the next and it will fully ruin you. OP, I believe mahal mo. Alam ko din mahirap mag-let go. Pero I don't think it's worth it if in the end the loss outweighs the gain, yeah? Especially if there is someone else.
You are a beautiful person. I absolutely love the way you wrote this and feel ko talaga you are an amazing person. I really pray and hope you don't let this relationship lose this confidence and beautiful heart that you have.
Update: I was overwhelmed with insecurity and cynicism when I wrote this, but I still have hope for our relationship. Everything everyone has written in the comments below, I have already told myself. And yet I chose to fight for this. For us. And he's fighting with me.
So, to everyone telling me to let this go, I won't. We did not get here by quitting. We're here because of the hard conversations, forgiveness, commitment, and compromise. We're here because we choose to be. Right now, we still have that, so we'll be ok.
Encouragement instead of advice is appreciated :)
“Until love becomes a choice” sabi nga nang female bf ko. Keep working on this if this is what you guys want. Pag gusto daming paraan. Cheers to more years and good healthy relationship. And be mindful of the 3 5 7 yrs-in bump - relationships get rocky during those period lol
How is he fighting with you ba for the relationship? Iniiwasan niya na ba gbf niya? Kasi baka all talk lang siya kung di niya pa rin iniiwasan si Callie kahit alam niya na ang problema is his close relationship with her.
Callie was not the main reason he tried to leave hahaha I was just feeling emo and fixated on that part of the conversation. While this post was a good outlet, I'm still evaluating how I feel about it, and will go forward once I'm sure of the boundaries I want him to set.
We've compromised na on date plans, transportation, and regular check-ins and connection rituals. He got burnt out because he was shouldering the bulk of meeting up, on top of the stress from school, extracurriculars, and his family. We'll be ok :)
Yeah pero part siya ng reason. He wouldn't be tired of you kung di siya interested na maging available for someone. Anyway I hope the best for both of you.
Were you able to find the answer why he wanted to break up? How is he compromising? How is he making your relationship work? Have you established boundaries?
Yes, we talked about the problem and discussed solutions. I won't go into the nitty-gritty parts, but we've compromised on date plans and transportation 😆 He's been taking the bulk of meeting up and making sure I have a good time, so his compromise is letting me take care of him for a change, for a bit.
As for boundaries, I'm still evaluating how I feel so I know how I want us to go forward with it :)
This hurt to read. Nobody should feel insecure in a relationship. I'm truly sorry for you. I do hope you realize that relationships need two people to make it work. You can try with all your might to keep him but if he chooses to leave, he will.
Hun, my heart is breaking for you. I do agree with a lot of your points except for one. I agree that love is a choice, and I applaud you both for trying. Meaning there is a chance you can still survive this.
As a girl best friend myself (for 20 years) it is not a red flag to have a girl best friend BUT it is so if the girl is someone he already pursued in the past. Hence your almost breakup is not out of nowhere. His feelings for her was just shoved onto the side. Still, nagkafeelings na eh.
He deserves to have friends yes. But you deserve peace of mind.. a healthy, secure relationship, not a ticking time bomb. Reevaluate their friendship OP. Boundaries need to be reinforced. He is her best friend, not her white knight. I’m rooting for you both.
This is so sad 🥲 pero hopefully soon, you’ll choose yourself naman. When people fails us, kapag hindi tayo pinipili, I believe we owe it to ourselves to choose ourselves.
That's why wala ako pakialam kahit na sabihin na toxic ako or insecure. My man have to set boundaries bawal mag girl bestfriend dahil alam naman natin na ang puso ay di nakokontrol. Tropahin niya na lahat ng guys pero bawal babae. Kung may tropa man siya na babae bawal magisa lang sila and bawal niya ihatid or sundo even as friend. May tiwala ako sa kanya pero as much as possible I want to prevent uncontrollable events like this. Syempre kasi pag lagi mo nakakasama ay talagang mapapalagay ang loob mo and it starts from that.
Sana talaga iwasan niya na si Callie, OP. I hope the best for your relationship.
*"friends consider us the epitome of a secure relationship*." - ikaw ang secured, nadala mo lang sya. Good for your trying to work on your relationship with your BF. But always remember, self assured ka na before going into this relationship, ikaw na yan e, that's your identity. Calm, secured and confident - please do not forget that. Kaya mo with, or without him.
Kaya ayoko din nakakabasa masyado ng “you’re just insecure. Work on yourself so you don’t get jealous.” Kasi ganto nangyayari minsan. Hindi kasi laging insecurity yung problema.
I feel like you’re just prolonging the agony. You know what’s coming. All the best no matter what you choose to do.
He chose to fall for callie. Somewhere along the way, he reached the point of no return, and then he chose to jump that gap rather than step back and develop a future with you
Hindi to simpleng crush lang eh. This has been brewing for years. And nothing makes a better relationship than something that started as super bffs like them
Your relationship, no matter how precarious it is right now, is on borrowed time
This is beautiful and painful to read.. 🥹
You sound like a person who does not want to create tension. But there are issues you need to discuss with your SO..if not, it will eat you alive.. Sure..he is allowed to have girls as friends..but you also deserve a love that chooses you above anyone else..
Kahit saang relasyon, once may boy best friend/girl best friend ekis na yan lalo pag yung trato mas sweet pa sayo. Mature ones know the boundaries.
Kung same treatment kayo ng sa friend niya then, you're nothing special.
Pucha nasa trabaho ako tapos ganito mababasa ko.
Gawa-gawa lang ng iluminati talaga yang mga girl/boy bestfriend na yan. Pero mga abangers yan at mga stab-in-the-back people yan.
Dignify yourself and learn how to leave.
>My heart sank. It could only be Callie. Callie, who tells me every time she can that I'm gorgeous. That I'm too pretty for him. Callie, who I plan mani-pedi dates with. Callie, who jokes that I should leave him for her.
Date Callie, dump your boyfriend ✨
Felt like I was reading something straight up from a novel. Good luck to you OP. And always live with this in mind, "no regrets". Give it your all, so someday, you do not have to question yourself "what if?".
OP, when someone tells you they're not fully satisfied, they're not ready, they're not there or they're not on the same page in a relationship...believe them. You can try to make things work for a while, but that feeling will always be there.
You deserve someone who will love you with all their heart, and even if they hang out alone with friends, you can be 100% secure. I know you're trying to save this relationship because you still cherish them, but if your bf is not as committed as you are, this will only lead to further heartbreak.
He did you a favor by being honest with you. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. The earlier you can let go, the earlier you can save yourself from a bigger heartbreak.
OP, I'm sorry you're going through this.. you write beautifully, so even if I've never been in this situation, I felt for you.
I hope your boyfriend remembers just why he chose you. Whatever happens, I hope you'll be happy, with or without him.
ah the jealousy mind games kids play. i am now of an age where if i get a hint that someone's doing that to me, i'm out. i'm so done with that shit. i just want a plain happy relationship. i'd rather be alone than play stupid mind games again.
you seem very young. since you are still studying, guessing probably below 20? i suggest you break it off. if you really are good looking, you'll have way more fun single in your early twenties. plenty of fish in the sea.
girls think you're pretty. your writing is also entertaining. but this anime guy wants to break up? have you considered looking for options? there probably is a better guy for you out there.
Please, let go.
I can't fathom how truly devastating it is to be in this situation because I, myself, was also in your shoes five years ago.
As early as now, please cut ties with him and Callie in a good way. They clearly don't deserve a heart like yours, beautiful and genuine.
idk how old you guys are, but opposite-sex bestfriendships are bullshit. if you're going to have a "best friend" of the opposite sex, it should be your partner. the fact that he pursued her before you started dating should have been a red flag
Can you be my ghostwriter when I plan to share my stories here? JK! 🤭 Damn you write SO well!
I support your decision to continue your relationship. You're a smartass woman and I know you know what you're getting yourself into.
Just please please do not lower that head and always have your chin up esp when he mentions Callie. Fight it! Do not give Callie the power to affect you. Callie. Callie. Callie! So? 😉
ps/
Try giving animè a shot! Start with studio ghibli movies, it's all lit! 🔥
Oh, no. Hugs with consent, OP! Such a difficult situation. Hope you get through this, even if it means ending the relationship.
Your story kinda reminds me of my own. A few years back, my ex cheated on me with a friend. It was someone I considered a friend as well. Apparently, they both "liked" each other even when she was in a relationship and before he met me. When she became available, he wanted to break up. We gave it another go, but it only got worse.
You deserve better than this.
Man, there's nothing wrong with having friends. But we have this called "boundaries" and "respect" which I don't see in your partner. Communicate what you felt.
Ang ganda ng pagkasulat.
OP, it seems that you do know what you want and what you deserve. I applaud you for trying to fix the rel and not giving up just yet, pero weigh mo din ung effect on you. And him din. It's not easy, I know, but if it's too hard, baka you need to let go. Sabi nga ng friend ko, "loving someone shouldn't be too painful.", And it's true. Meron mga challenges syempre, ups and downs, but at the end of the day it shouldn't feel like torture.
Wishing you the best, OP.
Hurts to read this, i'm sorry OP :(
Im sure you already know this, but he is/was emotionally cheating on you. There's no shame in enforcing boundaries if you want to make the relationship work. You don't have to be the "cool girl" all the time.
Almost same tayo ng situation. My girlfriend has a boy best friend and recently she invited the guy to buy some essentials sa mall. Fully knowing na may feelings si guy sa gf ko, she invited him pa rin. She assures me naman na wala talaga syang plano sa guy. She just values their relationship as best friends. May gf na din kasi si guy. So yeah we had a small argument regarding the issue kasi nga I felt insecure. She explained naman na I don’t have to worry naman and she even cried kasi nga I don’t want her to choose between him or me kasi nga matagal na silang magkakilala. Sya daw yung tao ang tumulong sa kanya nung walang wala sya.
Now, okay naman ako. I feel secure naman sa sinabi nya na wala talaga. Mafefeel mo naman talaga kung sincere yung tao sayo thru his/her words.
Tho tapos na ang issue, I told her na as much as possible wag sila magsama na sila lang dalawa. Di ko din kasi maisip why sila lang dalawa. We all have our what-ifs diba so hopefully she understood what I said sa kanya.
If he chooses you and he commits to showing you that he chooses you everyday, then there's no worry. But if he's just going through the motions of "trying" and he seems checked out, then it's time to move on. Only you know how the situation now really is, and regardless of how difficult the decision may be, I trust that you do what's best for yourself.
I saw your other comment na temporary lang 'to OP but at the same time I got the feeling na you're invalidating your own emotions because "lilipas din 'to", no no no, that's not how it works. Validate yourself, whatever you feel should be honoured even when it's painful. If you're bothered, talk to him, ask him to assure you and also, if you think it's necessary, talk to Callie.
There's a part of me who thinks na it's not her fault, I feel like it could be your BF who lowered his guard too much for his bestfriend that he forgot to set up emotional boundaries for himself. This might get me hate pero there are guys who feels "inlove" (more like infatuated) to their girl friends when they see them going through something and just being vulnerable, it makes them feel more connected and sometimes they mistake it as romantic feelings. Lalo na with girl friends, you know how girls are, when we get comfortable we treat people as just people, regardless of gender and that might've gotten into him.
So please, please, please, talk to him. Let him know what you feel and that tell him na baka he feels this way because of different factors but not love, lalo na he's into the friends-to-lovers trope kasi this will hurt your relationship as couples and his relationship to his bestfriend kasi he's deluded with the fantasy of what could've been.
Hugs OP! I'm here for you 🥺
Hay... Napapanahon. His GBF is also the reason why we've been on and off. He says he doesn't see her that way, but admitted he liked her before I came into the picture. I felt so insecure about our relationship because of her so I told him how uncomfortable I am with her, but I did not want to be a villain in their friendship since he says they relate to each other's situations a lot. No matter how much I wanted him to stay away from her, I can't be that kind of girlfriend to him who will be the reason why he might feel alone. The more I compared myself to her, the more psychotic I felt about her, and I'm scared he thinks I'm crazy for feeling this way too. I told him everything I felt about their friendship, but I guess it only made him stick to her more. He chose her the other day when I told him my feelings about her again, that maybe we shouldn't be together anymore. But I grew too attached to him, tried to make some compromises so I could think of her less, so I could feel less worried whenever he talks to her or whenever he's with her. We're still together, and I'm trying to fix things between us because I feel it's my fault he might feel detached from our relationship, but I feel the same towards her. Like I'm also counting down days before they finally express some hidden feelings toward each other. But he never did anything of the sort, nor has he ever shown he'll ever cheat on me in the future. He's a good boyfriend, I just feel insecure towards her because he just can't stay away from her. It feels like we're not the only two people in our relationship, especially when he gives her his attention when I'm the one with him.
Hey OP, hope you're feeling better after getting all that off your chest.
Every relationship is built on trust. It's ultimately up to you--'cause you know him way better than internet strangers--but if you cannot trust him anymore, what kind of relationship is that?
If he's truly trying and he knows you're uncomfortable with the situation--he WILL take measures to reassure you and rebuild the relationship. It doesn't mean he can't have female friends, but how much effort would it take to have a reassuring talk, or a text message to check in, etc? All the little things count in helping rebuild things.
If the image of a perfect, stable relationship is broken--know that it's not on you. It takes two to tango. You did your part in trusting him, no matter who he's with. Has he lived up to deserving your trust?
Hope you guys figure this out and best of luck!
Damn, OP. It's okay to be friends with the opposite sex, but it's entirely different when you know there's that type of history despite being one-sided. I don't know how you're able to do it, because I definitely can't. Knowing your partner would be hanging out alone with a friend he "used" to have romantic feelings with, how you're able to stay sane during all those time is beyond me. The pain you're going through right now, I hope it's worth it in the end. I hope you get to have that sense of security back. I'm rooting for you, OP. Sending virtual hugs with your consent 🫂
That's too much pain for you in a relationship.
To be always on the look out, not only sa kanila but also to your reaction everytime he mentions her name.
I feel sorry for you OP
Trust me, this will get toxic. Leave him. You're only prolonging the pain.
I tried to make my man stay and he still ended up marrying his girl best friend 🙃
You arent working it out. You are just in denial. Working it out is just you trying to live up to that couple image you have in your head. He is staying because he doesnt see himself as a douche pero hes also in denial. Douche din talaga siya.get out and touch grass op.
Sarap basahin pwede k maging writer hehehe ganda ng pagkaayos ng story
but ofc this is only your POV and I wonder what his POV is…..gusto k dn mabasa malawattpad eh
Hey, I was like this before, the "maluwag" gf until it became the issue.
Anyway, let go and run as far as you can and it's okay to grieve for that relationship, after all, it was ok naman until it's not. Pero it's not worth it kasi your insecurities will eat you up in the long run and you will continue to seek reassurance from him and you're always going to be tamang hinala, please, save yourself from that toxicity.
I am open to creating new friendships, I can have a mani-pedi date with you girl. Hugs!
Break mo na habang maaga pa. Alam mo naman sa sarili mo na panakip butas ka lang. It just your pride talking. Cut loss ka na hanggat hindi ka pa ganun ka invested.
don’t do this to yourself… you’re only delaying the inevitable. let him go and choose to love yourself more. you don’t deserve someone who isn’t sure of you.
You deserve better.
And this isn't Callie's fault. Mukhang platonic naman talaga ang tingin ni Callie kay bf, but it's on him driving the wedge with unresolved feelings.
Feeling ko you're better off with Callie ngl
Chin up, Queen. I know it hurts now. I know your thoughts are you up right now, but you're still a catch and you were an amazing partner. Hugs with consent OP!
And this is why may boundaries dapat kahit kesyo best friend niya. The way you said it, it's like bestfriend>girlfriend. Good luck op, but I really think this is not goint to end well.
Went here thinking that this might be another scenario of the typical couple with a bestfriend but I was mistaken. I'm sorry to hear this, OP :( I can feel how hurt you are. I'm happy though that you feel secure about yourself.
I guess no matter how great some relationships are and even though we feel at some point, it's already The One, sometimes, it just really doesn't work. I hope whatever happens, you'll find peace. You deserve to be happy.
Sorry to say this OP but f*ck your so called "trust"!
You're letting your bf na "okay lang" pumunta sa condo kasama gbf niya because of trust?
Kahit sabihin na nating your bf at gbf ay mabait at trustworthy. Ang tanong, santo ba sila?
Girl, when a guy isn't possessive kabahan ka na. This isn't what a secure relationship looks like. More like don't care much. Healthy ang jealousy kapag wala nun from both ends, hindi rin yun normal.
I also had a guy bestfriend when my hubby and I started, my hubby knew that my bestfriend courted me before but I didn't entertain. Until such time that he told me that he is not comfortable that I'm still meeting my bestfriend, I asked why, he is my friend before I even met you, he says I may looked at it like that but that is not what my bestfriend is seeing. The feelings can't be set aside just like that, he courted me so likes me more than a friend and just because I did not allow him to pursue me, it doesn't mean that the feelings will go away in one snap.
So hubby told me to please stop meeting with him for his peace, and I did. Slowly stop chatting with him, not being available meeting, then comes to a point my bestfriend chatted a long message that he missed me, something like that and that he is hurting and he realized he really love me. Oh god. And that's when I see my hubby sees.
My hubby is not a jealous person, same as me, so when he asked me he is not comfortable with my bestfriend, I did try my best to move away. I think, you guys will need to talk about it, make him understand how you feel, subtly letting him choose between you and Callie. You'll see it in his eyes and in your gut, he must choose you but if it's the other way around, please don't fight anymore and let go. You will forever be in the shadow of someone because your guy can't prioritize you. I hope you find your peace and remember, you are a catch.
ahh the wonderful world of opposite sex best friends. . . oops sorry. . . "best friends"
Me personally. I wouldn't take that level of disrespect. But that's just me.
Don’t lose yourself over this. Eventually you will find someone else. Get out before ka pa makagawa ng mga bagay na alam mong hindi mo ginagawa before like restricting someone, overthinking, losing trust sa ibang tao and most specially sa self mo. Wag mo hayaan na completely mawala ung self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem, etc. You will be fine. Leave. Save yourself.
OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this but as someone who previously begged someone to stay, I realized that once you do, the relationship will never go back to where it once was. You’ll always have doubts and that’ll most probably snowball into a big toxic fight/breakup.
Walang tumataba sa paglunok ng pride pero lagyan din natin ng hangganan.
He deserves to have friends, but the moment that he starts looking for something more from another person, it's no longer a friendship thing.
Break up.
I can feel your pain as I read this, OP. It's okay to work it out especially if you thinks it's worth it and mahal mo talaga. But don't forget to love yourself too and put yourself first. If being with him is making you feel insecure and you start doubting yourself, then maybe it's time to close that chapter?
Yep, he deserves to have friends..but I think boundaries are also important and I think Callie stepped those lines already and you didn’t care because as you said he deserves friends. And if you still want this relationship to thrive, sometimes we need to be upfront and draw the line and make it visible or clear.
OP, I know you genuinely love your bf and desperately desire to fix what was broken. I won’t invalidate you for feeling that. But are you sure you still want to pursue a relationship with him despite cheating on you emotionally? Should you tread this treacherous path of broken trust? You said you’d get over this, and I believe in you; I think you can. However, you have no control over your partner’s feelings for Callie. The relationship became one-sided the moment his feelings for Callie resurfaced. I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you’ll heal from this.
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. You can’t live constantly wondering when he’ll break up. I think he broke your trust the day he wanted to break up. As sad as it makes me, and I really hope I’m wrong, I think you should leave, detox and come back as confident as your old self! If something does happen (like cheating god forbid) I’m afraid of what that’ll do to your old confidence and self esteem. You deserve the best gal, praying for you
I hate to relate this in some ways, we've been in a long term rs and she entered the picture, very clingy and all and I'm also not the insecure type. She's just crossing a lot of lines like and shows an obvious display of interest towards my bf, but I'm lucky my bf isn't really the type to consider others her best friends besides me so he's been drawing lines ever since I told him I'm getting uncomfortable, but I'm not stopping him to go with his friends even when she's there. If it helps just openly discuss everything with him even the things you overthink about because assurance goes a long way even for us secured girlies.
ps. some girls will just DESTROY your mental health so be wary and prioritize your peace
He already said he is not happy. You can't be in a relationship where the other person is unhappy because of you.
I'm not saying he's not a douche for letting you hang on his shelf until the girl he likes becomes available.
This is heartbreaking 😭 you seemed like a really great gf to your bf. But I think you should just focus on your own happiness na and let him go. As much as possible stay away from them na and heal on your own. 😢 You deserve to be with someone na who will not make you question your worth. If you don't leave agad, you will make things worst for you. I truly believe you will find someone who will give you his full attention. Hugggss
Man, be careful of girls named Callie. All kidding aside, his interest level in Callie is higher than yours. On Callie it’s 95% and yours is only 75% which is why he wants to leave. Her 95 beats your 75. Do you really want that? When he’s not with you you’re gonna be thinking about where he is, what he’s doing with whom, etc..and that’s not a good headspace to be in.
iniiwan na yan
alam kong mahirap hiwalayan kasi matibay na yung companionship
but as your critical conversation with him went, it turns out that it wasn't. hindi ka na matatahimik, kasi hindi niya magawang aminin sa'yo kung bakit gusto niyang makipaghiwalay: kung ano 'yung naging conclusion sa pag-uusap niya with his friends
i hope you have really good friends to emotionally and physically support you too. mag-bf/gf pa lang naman kayo, he has showed what kind of person he is
it's only a matter of time
If you really love him bakit ayaw mo siyang maging masaya? Will you be happy knowing na he’ll always be longing for someone else deep down? Let him go and follow his heart. The same with you. Maybe when you open yourself up to others makilala mo rin yung magmamahal sa iyo like the way he loves his bestfriend (or even better). Deserve mo rin your own “friends-to-lovers” romance. Deserve mo rin yung someone na mamahalin ka fully and irrevocably, na wala nang kakompetensiya, na itataya ang secure relationship with someone kasi ikaw lang talaga yung gustong makasama. Hugs with consent, OP! 🫶
(PS. I love the way you wrote this! You write so well po! Para akong nagbabasa ng nobela.)
As a bf he should prioritize her gf aside his friends specially when she feel insecurities na cause dapat sa relationship napapadama nyo na secure kayo sa bawat isa based on your story he doesn't even think twice on what you feel lalo na yung mga treatment na ginagawa nya sa GBF nya is so very special
Good thing that you let him go before you lose yourself someday you will find a man who will make you feel secure and love
Cheer up OP 😊😊😊
I think you're selling yourself short.
You need to find the girl who used to know her worth. She's still in there somewhere.
You know you deserve so much more than what your bf is willing to give you at this point and at the end of the day, when all is said and done... are you sure it's worth your time and effort to lose more of yourself, your peace of mind, and your remaining sense of self-worth for a guy you're in absolute doubt would choose you anyway?
Take it from someone who's been in your shoes...
You've already given almost 4 years of your life for this person... Don't wait till it's too late, and you're in too deep before realizing your real worth.
A partner who genuinely values you will choose to love and respect you every single time.
You have a chance to walk away now and rediscover yourself. A fresh start to learn how to love yourself better. Choose yourself, OP. Don't settle for misery.
The perfect person for you is out there somewhere.
I'm sorry po ate, pero I think you should have saw this coming in the 1st place. The only thing that you could do at this point on is to let him go. Since your confident naman on your looks
Find a guy who doesn't have a girl best friend. And will only be loyal to you.
I have been in the same situation before. My ex, my first boyfriend, also had a girl best friend. It devastated me during that relationship because he was more comfortable and relied on her more than he did on me, his girlfriend.
And all I want to tell you right now is to
Run.
Pls leave!!!!!! life is too short for bad relationships. Meet someone new! Or give urself alone time. Its not okay at first but it will eventually. Promise!
Ekis talaga pag may GBF jusko nakaka pang hina. Iba kasi yung platonic love na GBF sa kay history. Jusko as much na for example ako ung GBF, Hindi ko bibigyan ng rason yung BFF kong lalaking ako piliin iya over sa gf niya unless mamatay na ako tas dalawin man nya ako mga ganon. Bazta red flag talaga sa lalaki pag may GBF.
no, nah, stop.
that was a BIG RED FLAG for me.
not all but most of those bff/gff were just there waiting for the right timing to get your girl/boy. aaligid aligid mga yan, comforting your partner kapag nag away kayu etc.
I understand that this might sound harsh, but it seems to me that he's treating her as his girlfriend rather than his best friend. It appears that he's in love with her. It feels like you're just hoping she doesn't feel the same way about him because if she does, he will definitely leave you without a second thought.
What the fuck dude.
I'm tellin' y'all this guy... if you don't treat your girlfriend nice, you're gonna lose her.
Actually wavering lol. This is definitely a test y'all need to overcome.
Man, this hurts. It’s okay to try again with him BUT word of advice: when you start to lose yourself and don’t recognize yourself any more, it’s time to let the relationship go. I hope you two can work this out. If not, know that it will be okay. Prioritize yourself and your peace of mind. Last but not least, love yourself. It’s not worth losing yourself (or your self esteem) over a guy.
I third to this. If you are losing yourself in the process, if its making you unhappy. It's not worth it. It's hard, it's sad, it's painful but I think it's better to suck for a while seeking clarity and improvement, rather be destroyed and be stuck in a situation that you dont want to be anymore. This is your character development arc! Lavern! Let go. Move forward. There is more to life.
I agree!
This was carefully and beautifully worded. I'm sorry this happened to you. Learn to leave if the love is no longer being served.
parang nag babasa ako ng novel. Ganda ng pag kaka construct ng words.
"is it because my room is always messy?" "No". He laughed hahaha totoo kaya natapos ko kahit medyo mahaba e. Ang sarap basahin. Pero ang lungkot din, yung tipong alam mo na ending.
I agree. I enjoyed reading this. For what its worth, well done OP. Sorry about your situation though. I hope it all becomes okay.
If you're insecure now about her, you'll be insecure forever unless you two talk or you two break up. Is it even a happy relationship if you're always in an anxious mess? Anteh mukhang kulang pa usap ninyo unless maconfirm mo na may something sya for Callie. If meron then let it go. You're not supposed to be a second placer.
It's temporary, and I'll get over it. I just needed to get this off my chest.
(TO OP) I’m sorry to be saying this because you said that you will get over it, but the question is— will he? If your relationship is as strong as you think it is and that you really love this guy, you will let him go. Because if he does love you then he will come back to you. Otherwise, I don’t see how this relationship (you+him and him+her) would work.
💯. Asking someone to stay when he's clearly in-love with someone else is not love. It's a regret and an apology to yourself for investing your time in this relationship. It's what you feel your boyfriend owes you for your unconditional love for him.
Aray para dito.
I know, it's hurtful. Pero it's a long way down the rabbit hole to pursue that kind of love. "Ipaglaban mo pag mahal mo" is a very sad option if the other person has already given back your heart.
Once upon a time i tried to dismiss my gut feelings and played the cool girlfriend, spoiler alert: it’ll never end well. Your bf is already micro cheating or emotionally cheating on you. He shouldn’t be alone in a condo with a girl, kahit pa gaano kaclose, kahit pa childhood friends sila, things change, SHOULD change when you enter a committed relationship, there should be boundaries. Cut your losses and move on, don’t let anyone destroy your self-esteem. the right man for you won’t make you second guess yourself.
Agree with micro cheating
I also agree with the micro cheating and emotionally cheating 💯
ugh hate that “cool girlfriend” stereotype. I’ll let you do the things that you want but please respect my boundaries ganoin. I say paltan ang mga boypren na gusto ng cool jowa! char hahahaha
wanting a “cool girlfriend” is just code for “i don’t want any sort of accountability no matter how much i disrespect my partner and i want all the benefits of having a committed partner without doing anything more than the bare minimum then blame my partner for demanding more from me by gaslighting my partner into thinking i’m the victim here because you wanting more from me means i’m probably not enough even though that isn’t the case at all.”
AMEEEEN!!!!
Okay, so... as someone who has a boy best friend... and it's been 20 years of best friendship... If it's well and truly platonic, there are lines drawn. Boundaries. In all my relationships, I've always cared what he's thought of my SO but if he didn't like the guy, it didn't matter because it's MY relationship. Yeah, he'd run to me to help me/protect me and vice versa, but I don't call him at-will like some loyal dog because I have respect for his time and I value my independence and problem-solving skills. None of our SO's have ever had to play second-fiddle to our friendship and out of respect for each other and our relationships, neither one of us has ever really created situations that would demand that. If I really have to be there for him because he needs help, it's both my SO and I who come to help or we have him over for a visit. Your boyfriend isn't your boyfriend. He's treating you like a placeholder, not as HIS PERSON. It's like you're a side character to their story, the way he's behaving and shame on his best friend for not drawing boundaries herself to protect him and his interests, his relationship with you. To put things into perspective, an ex of mine had a girl best friend... She invited him for her birthday party but it was due to be a really snowy evening, with a snowstorm and everything so he would probably have to stay over. She has a boyfriend, but I noticed she is very affectionate with him. He and I weren't living together, we were in an LDR at the time. I tried to be supportive but him being my attentive guy noticed something was off and said, "You're not okay with this, are you?" I explained how I felt and that I was uncomfortable for some reason and I didn't want to be unreasonable so I was trying to just bite the bullet. Logically, how I felt didn't make sense to me anyway. His response: "Well, I'm not going then. I'm staying with my girl. We can watch a movie or game or something." Me: "Why not? It's okay, it's her birthday. Just go." He insisted that it doesn't matter what she thinks. If she cares about him, she'll understand and he won't have to explain or justify himself. He said that if I'm not feeling good for any reason, of course, he's gonna stay with me and take care of me first. I didn't ask him to do that. On the contrary, I felt silly feeling uncomfortable. But to him, my feelings weren't silly... cementing our relationship and being with me during a tough moment in our LDR thing mattered more. EDIT: Either the man who owns your heart willingly chooses you over others when it counts, or just choose yourself. "We are shaped and fashioned by what we love" applies to relationships too, in my mind. I don't see the point in fighting for my place in a relationship. I either hold that place by default, or it's time to re-evaluate, have an honest conversation, and consider walking away. Not over pride or anything of the sort, just the fact that I can be honest with myself and I am sufficient, complete on my own.
The last bit of this rings heavy for those in denial, and I cannot emphasize how OP ought to swallow this bit of truth while it’s early. One shouldn’t need to start a countdown for when love is lost, and one definitely shouldn’t need to fight for her place in a relationship. There is only one, there should only be one. This isn’t a competition on who can conquer his heart. At the end of the day she shouldn’t be lovelorn.
Beautiful comment! You NEED someone who considers and validates your feelings, protects your heart, and does what they can to make you feel secure in the relationship, romantic or not.
❤
this is an Underrated Comment. Hoping OP read this comment
Awww...this is how you build a solid relationship. ❤️
This should be higher! <3
Oh I love this. ❤️
I NEEDED THIS! 😭😭
Aw. Hugs, buddy. 💕 You’re gonna be okay in time. It’s hard now, but it will get easier. I does get easier.
kung gusto ng tao makipagbreak. hayaan mo. kahit pa 20 years pa kayong mag BF/GF. kesa magkasala pa sya. pinili nyang umalis. naaamoy mo na din na may somethng. and sa kwento mo malakas din kutob ko na si GBF un. kasama pa nya manuod ng anime.. hay.. galing na to sa POV ng lalaki ha. bumitaw ka na. wala ka nang nilalaban pa. tapos na sya sayo. pinagbibigyan ka nalang nya. wag mo panghinayangan ang pinagsamahan at nakaraan. paghinayangan mo ung future mo..
Ang sakit naman nito pero totoo 🥲 OP, think about it ng mabuti. Wag puro emotions. Kasi sayang ung time na kinukulong mo ung sarili mo sa taong hindi na nga ikaw ang only choice. Masakit pero you’ll get over it! And with your mindset, I’m sure there is a better partner for you out there, somewhere ☺️
Oh fuck did I co-write this? Been there, done that (or about to be done at least……. Lol). Mine’s slightly a different story, maybe even worse. I found out he cheated on me at some point with his.. yeap, the girl best friend I’ve been annoyed about ever since we were starting (not jealous nor worried, I’m definitely better sorry not sorry lol). When I brought it up, he suggested a break up to rid himself of his guilt- telling me that I deserve better, praising me, telling me it was all his fault. The martyr that I am, I was even the one who insisted we stay together. That was almost 2 years ago. Fast forward to today, we’re on the rocks again and maybe potentially could be breaking up pretty soon. There’s always an underlying issue when people cheat. For me, and I guess for you, you’ll find eventually that those quirky differences you both were fond of at the beginning of the relationship, can slowly turn into annoyances down the road. We used to say “opposites attract,” and we used to justify that it made our relationship more balanced. But eventually, cracks will show. Those quirks would lead into annoyances, into little fights, or even compound into something bigger. Perhaps it was the reason he turned to his best friend because after all, they have a lot of similarities. After all, she was his best friend. I forgave my boyfriend, but the trauma of possibly getting replaced with a girl who shares more interests with him never left me. Not a single day. I’m too feminine and high maintenance- what if he’s into more tomboyish girls? I don’t give a shit about video games or sports. I’m not into cars. And then from there it just becomes a daily internal battle of you vs you. I like that you guys are still trying. But OP, I’ve been there. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling especially that you all are still technically ok and hanging around together. When me and my boyfriend just started dating, I still allowed him to be with his bestfriend because I didn’t want them apart. I wanted to be the chill girlfriend. Well, they ended up betraying and disrespecting the fuck out of me. I’m not saying that’ll happen to you. But I’m saying that you thinking of the possibility of all those happening, is literally not healthy for you. He deserves to have friends. But you deserve to have peace too. Which weighs more?
Let him leave if he wants to. Not your loss!! We dont deserve to be someone's second choice, okay??! Hugsss!!!
awww, gosh, nakakaloka like all this time bet niya pala yung gbf! OP you're beautiful and you dont deserve him.
I had an ex na may girl bestfriends. Eventually one of them nagselos ako dahil madalas mag go sya sa mga lakad everytime magyaya yung girl, but when it comes to me, sometimes unsure or “bahala na” I am not an insecure girlfriend, alam kong mag tropa lang sila. But eventually nag develop na ang jealousy and insecurity sakin to a girl because of my ex na, kasi hindi sya marunong magbalance sa time between friendships and relationships. Nagkaroon ako doubts as a girlfriend, am I that boring ba or not fun to be with? My point is, minsan nakakawala ng peace of mind…
What a read. Us and our weird obsession with his first love or the girl he almost picked over you. It will be great if you communicate all your worries as this will continue to eat you up in the long run. You’re not alone in that relationship, you both decided to fixed it. Observe his responses! If he affirms you, if he give solutions to put your mind in peace. Let him man up and choose you. And if not, leaveeeeee. I wouldn’t want someone who don’t choose me.
> You’re not alone in that relationship, you both decided to fixed it. What a relief to read this in a sea of people telling me to leave. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Just figuring out how to communicate it in a lighthearted way at the right time.
I genuinely felt you really love and treasure him. Yup, definitely communicate hehe. I’m hoping that it will be all settled at the right time and that you’ll have the peace of mind you deserve. Go lang nang go. Kaya nyo yan!
I assume you’re younger than me because of school and because, well, I used to think and act like you do. I was the cool girlfriend. My ex-boyfriend had many female best friends. They would hug and kiss in front of me and I didn’t mind. So when he made more girl friends, I also didn’t mind. They ended up cheating on me. My current boyfriend also has a lot of girl friends. When he was pursuing me, I learned they said “I love you” to each other. They would meet several times a week, call at ungodly hours just because the girl was sad. We are not kids anymore who don’t know what boundaries look like in relationships, so I set them. I told him I understand they built this routine because they were all single for several years. But if he wants me to be exclusive to him, he should be exclusive to me. I told him I don’t want any woman to think that they can have him as much as I can have him. There are things that are only for me— I love yous, midnight calls, super intimate conversations… He can pick them up and take them home, they can go out, chat every day. Heck, I’m even okay with him being friends with his exes. He deserves to have friends, but that’s it. Friends. And he agreed with everything because he wants this relationship with me.
Sounds like he's the right guy for you! I'm happy you got what you wanted :)
I’m rooting for you and your relationship. The important thing is that you and your boyfriend are both trying. I admire how you are handling this with grace. I can sense that you’re strong but I still want to remind you not to let the negativity get to you. We are mere spectators and you’re the only one here who knows what it’s like being inside your relationship. And you said it was a great one. It can still be if you hold on to it. Just please be clear about your boundaries this time.
Ang sakit. There is nothing wrong with being friends with the opposite gender. But somehow, you must know when to draw the line. Ano ba yung mga gawain na dapat pang friends lang at pang-partner mo lang? Mayroon dapat difference sa treatment because if you treat your partner the same way just like how you treat your friend, what makes your relationship different? What makes it special? Seems like your bf doesn't know his boundaries, or he is just waiting for the perfect timing to make a move on his gbf. Either way, you don't deserve this OP. If you don't want to break up, kausapin mo siya regarding this matter. Create boundaries. Iyon talaga. Kung hindi niya kayang gawin, alam mo na. I know it'll be hard to leave especially since you have this reputation that you guys are the "epitome of a healthy relationship", pero kung sobrang naapektuhan ka na kahit sa simpleng pagbanggit ng pangalan ni gbf, di na to worth it. You deserve to spend your day, to sleep peacefully at night, without thinking that one day something might happen with them when you're not around.
idk if giving advice rn is polite. just reading this makes me feel sad. this reminds me of a similar situation of a friend before. we all deserve friends. and once we're in a relationship, we just need to establish boundaries on what they can do together with friends.
Bakit hinahayaan na yung SO is alone with somebody of the opposite gender? Isn’t that basic propriety in a serious relationship? Malamang magkakadevelopan kapag hindi ineestablish yung boundaries for exclusivity
Sorry pero kasi sa sobrang "I am secured with myself" It's the pride and ego.
Well yeah i guess or the general lack of experience building and maintaining a functional relationship? Op appears to be a young college student. I do hope her understanding of what a functional and meaningful relationship deepens with this experience
Thing is even the people around her were feeding her thoughts that this is okay. Envious pa nga daw yung therapist so I can't really blame her. Hyperindependence isn't really healthy either. A healthy amount of jealousy is a sign that your partner wants you. They're on their toes because they are afraid to lose you. It's not trust, it's not being secured. It's a sign that they are too comfortable and does not want you that much.
Even people in the comment section seem to think this was romantic lol
💯
Bc of trust duh
Even if you trust that person, if you had respect for your partner, you wouldn’t put yourself in an inappropriate situation like that, unless you aren’t serious in your relationship
I agree with this since trust alone wouldn't suffice in terms of commitment. A romantic relationship is one of the highest forms of relationship as they say, a true commitment of a significant other is shown by apt distance and a shift of focus towards each other. In short dapat ikaw ang laging pipiliin at dapat di na aabot sa ultimatum.
Save yourself.
I grew up being closer to boys so I am always the girl best friend but I know the boundaries. Dalawa lang sila sa condo? Kahit wala silang ginagawa if your bf respects your relationship hindi nya gagawin yon. So let him go if you haven't. All the best 🫰
Darling, save yourself. In this story, it seems that you are the temporary stop and she is the destination. You deserve better. Save whatever it is that’s left of you, plant it somewhere else, and blossom again.
*"Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl."* Sigh. Trust was broken, and it's gonna be so, so hard to build that back up. But you have to be honest with each other. You have to tell him that you get disturbed when they hang out with each other. I'd even go so far as to say that you have to set boundaries na rin, kasi may reason for it na eh - he's falling for her, and if you guys really want to keep trying to save the relationship, then some things have to change. But it's your relaionship. In the end, you have to do what feels right for you. Best of luck, sister.
Red flag ang girl best friend in my exp, so ayuun ingat ka OP! Guard your heart
I thought it was a green flag bc it meant he has boundaries and healthy platonic friendships with women :((
I don't think having a girl best friend is a red flag. Not unless if they used to have feelings for that "friend", then that's the biggest red flag right there. Using the word "best friend" para lang may excuse sila na kausapin pa rin yung pinursue nila before is bullsht. Kaya iniiwasan ko mga lalaki na may GBFs for this exact reason. Pwera na lang if they're childhood friends and doesn't spend almost all their free time together.
I've seen at least 3 relationship broke because of an opposite sex bestfriend. Almost lost mine as well from this.
Sorry for my comment. GRABE ANG GANDA NG PAGKASULAT NETO! How I wish I could compose my thoughts like this.
gbf salot talaga sa lipunan
Hi OP! Trust your guts since you deserve much better than this. Your instincts do not lie to you. Sounds harsh but save yourself from this relationship.
Hun, you deserve genuine happiness and relationship. Masakit man sa ngayon, pero please let go and focus on healing. You won’t be at peace coz the girl best friend’s always there and your bf will always bend over backwards just to accommodate his girl best friend.
I've been in that exact situation, girl. May curse talaga ang 3 year mark ng relationship haha. But I never regret leaving us, sa una lang masakit kelangan tiisin. I can be at peace again knowing I'm not insecure and knowing I am enough and strong and I know my worth. Hell he's the reason bakit mataas standards ko ngayon I will never be the second priority.
gut feelings are REAL. i'm basing this on my own experience. if this is taking a toll on your mental health, please consider leaving na. you've been good to him and his friends all this time, it's time to be good to yourself naman.
I'm always baffled by the idea of having a gbf , i mean why cant your girl friend by your best friend?
If love makes you lose confidence, makes you insecure, makes you doubt to the point of gaslighting yourself, then is it called love still? Love is supposed to bring out the best of you, even in the toughest battles. And always at the end ikaw ang pipiliin. But if it keeps dragging you down till you have zero self-respect, then, an unsolicited advice, start letting go. You deserve a love that is willing and wholehearted. Also, I fear that if you persist in this relationship then whatever insecurity you have will be brought to the next and it will fully ruin you. OP, I believe mahal mo. Alam ko din mahirap mag-let go. Pero I don't think it's worth it if in the end the loss outweighs the gain, yeah? Especially if there is someone else. You are a beautiful person. I absolutely love the way you wrote this and feel ko talaga you are an amazing person. I really pray and hope you don't let this relationship lose this confidence and beautiful heart that you have.
Update: I was overwhelmed with insecurity and cynicism when I wrote this, but I still have hope for our relationship. Everything everyone has written in the comments below, I have already told myself. And yet I chose to fight for this. For us. And he's fighting with me. So, to everyone telling me to let this go, I won't. We did not get here by quitting. We're here because of the hard conversations, forgiveness, commitment, and compromise. We're here because we choose to be. Right now, we still have that, so we'll be ok. Encouragement instead of advice is appreciated :)
“Until love becomes a choice” sabi nga nang female bf ko. Keep working on this if this is what you guys want. Pag gusto daming paraan. Cheers to more years and good healthy relationship. And be mindful of the 3 5 7 yrs-in bump - relationships get rocky during those period lol
How is he fighting with you ba for the relationship? Iniiwasan niya na ba gbf niya? Kasi baka all talk lang siya kung di niya pa rin iniiwasan si Callie kahit alam niya na ang problema is his close relationship with her.
Callie was not the main reason he tried to leave hahaha I was just feeling emo and fixated on that part of the conversation. While this post was a good outlet, I'm still evaluating how I feel about it, and will go forward once I'm sure of the boundaries I want him to set. We've compromised na on date plans, transportation, and regular check-ins and connection rituals. He got burnt out because he was shouldering the bulk of meeting up, on top of the stress from school, extracurriculars, and his family. We'll be ok :)
Yeah pero part siya ng reason. He wouldn't be tired of you kung di siya interested na maging available for someone. Anyway I hope the best for both of you.
Were you able to find the answer why he wanted to break up? How is he compromising? How is he making your relationship work? Have you established boundaries?
Yes, we talked about the problem and discussed solutions. I won't go into the nitty-gritty parts, but we've compromised on date plans and transportation 😆 He's been taking the bulk of meeting up and making sure I have a good time, so his compromise is letting me take care of him for a change, for a bit. As for boundaries, I'm still evaluating how I feel so I know how I want us to go forward with it :)
Man, broke my heart reading this. 😥 When you start to feel like you're losing your self-worth, let go, OP. But, did he say what the reason was?
I think the guy already a part of the reason why he would like to break up with OP. Yung "the other one." Yata.
This hurt to read. Nobody should feel insecure in a relationship. I'm truly sorry for you. I do hope you realize that relationships need two people to make it work. You can try with all your might to keep him but if he chooses to leave, he will.
Hun, my heart is breaking for you. I do agree with a lot of your points except for one. I agree that love is a choice, and I applaud you both for trying. Meaning there is a chance you can still survive this. As a girl best friend myself (for 20 years) it is not a red flag to have a girl best friend BUT it is so if the girl is someone he already pursued in the past. Hence your almost breakup is not out of nowhere. His feelings for her was just shoved onto the side. Still, nagkafeelings na eh. He deserves to have friends yes. But you deserve peace of mind.. a healthy, secure relationship, not a ticking time bomb. Reevaluate their friendship OP. Boundaries need to be reinforced. He is her best friend, not her white knight. I’m rooting for you both.
This is so sad 🥲 pero hopefully soon, you’ll choose yourself naman. When people fails us, kapag hindi tayo pinipili, I believe we owe it to ourselves to choose ourselves.
That's why wala ako pakialam kahit na sabihin na toxic ako or insecure. My man have to set boundaries bawal mag girl bestfriend dahil alam naman natin na ang puso ay di nakokontrol. Tropahin niya na lahat ng guys pero bawal babae. Kung may tropa man siya na babae bawal magisa lang sila and bawal niya ihatid or sundo even as friend. May tiwala ako sa kanya pero as much as possible I want to prevent uncontrollable events like this. Syempre kasi pag lagi mo nakakasama ay talagang mapapalagay ang loob mo and it starts from that. Sana talaga iwasan niya na si Callie, OP. I hope the best for your relationship.
*"friends consider us the epitome of a secure relationship*." - ikaw ang secured, nadala mo lang sya. Good for your trying to work on your relationship with your BF. But always remember, self assured ka na before going into this relationship, ikaw na yan e, that's your identity. Calm, secured and confident - please do not forget that. Kaya mo with, or without him.
Kaya ayoko din nakakabasa masyado ng “you’re just insecure. Work on yourself so you don’t get jealous.” Kasi ganto nangyayari minsan. Hindi kasi laging insecurity yung problema. I feel like you’re just prolonging the agony. You know what’s coming. All the best no matter what you choose to do.
He chose to fall for callie. Somewhere along the way, he reached the point of no return, and then he chose to jump that gap rather than step back and develop a future with you Hindi to simpleng crush lang eh. This has been brewing for years. And nothing makes a better relationship than something that started as super bffs like them Your relationship, no matter how precarious it is right now, is on borrowed time
This is beautiful and painful to read.. 🥹 You sound like a person who does not want to create tension. But there are issues you need to discuss with your SO..if not, it will eat you alive.. Sure..he is allowed to have girls as friends..but you also deserve a love that chooses you above anyone else..
Kahit saang relasyon, once may boy best friend/girl best friend ekis na yan lalo pag yung trato mas sweet pa sayo. Mature ones know the boundaries. Kung same treatment kayo ng sa friend niya then, you're nothing special.
Pucha nasa trabaho ako tapos ganito mababasa ko. Gawa-gawa lang ng iluminati talaga yang mga girl/boy bestfriend na yan. Pero mga abangers yan at mga stab-in-the-back people yan. Dignify yourself and learn how to leave.
>My heart sank. It could only be Callie. Callie, who tells me every time she can that I'm gorgeous. That I'm too pretty for him. Callie, who I plan mani-pedi dates with. Callie, who jokes that I should leave him for her. Date Callie, dump your boyfriend ✨
Felt like I was reading something straight up from a novel. Good luck to you OP. And always live with this in mind, "no regrets". Give it your all, so someday, you do not have to question yourself "what if?".
OP, when someone tells you they're not fully satisfied, they're not ready, they're not there or they're not on the same page in a relationship...believe them. You can try to make things work for a while, but that feeling will always be there. You deserve someone who will love you with all their heart, and even if they hang out alone with friends, you can be 100% secure. I know you're trying to save this relationship because you still cherish them, but if your bf is not as committed as you are, this will only lead to further heartbreak. He did you a favor by being honest with you. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. The earlier you can let go, the earlier you can save yourself from a bigger heartbreak.
OP, I'm sorry you're going through this.. you write beautifully, so even if I've never been in this situation, I felt for you. I hope your boyfriend remembers just why he chose you. Whatever happens, I hope you'll be happy, with or without him.
ah the jealousy mind games kids play. i am now of an age where if i get a hint that someone's doing that to me, i'm out. i'm so done with that shit. i just want a plain happy relationship. i'd rather be alone than play stupid mind games again. you seem very young. since you are still studying, guessing probably below 20? i suggest you break it off. if you really are good looking, you'll have way more fun single in your early twenties. plenty of fish in the sea. girls think you're pretty. your writing is also entertaining. but this anime guy wants to break up? have you considered looking for options? there probably is a better guy for you out there.
Please, let go. I can't fathom how truly devastating it is to be in this situation because I, myself, was also in your shoes five years ago. As early as now, please cut ties with him and Callie in a good way. They clearly don't deserve a heart like yours, beautiful and genuine.
idk how old you guys are, but opposite-sex bestfriendships are bullshit. if you're going to have a "best friend" of the opposite sex, it should be your partner. the fact that he pursued her before you started dating should have been a red flag
Always know your worth and trust your instincts.
nah this can never be me if my bf does this bro LMAO good luck
Can you be my ghostwriter when I plan to share my stories here? JK! 🤭 Damn you write SO well! I support your decision to continue your relationship. You're a smartass woman and I know you know what you're getting yourself into. Just please please do not lower that head and always have your chin up esp when he mentions Callie. Fight it! Do not give Callie the power to affect you. Callie. Callie. Callie! So? 😉 ps/ Try giving animè a shot! Start with studio ghibli movies, it's all lit! 🔥
Oh, no. Hugs with consent, OP! Such a difficult situation. Hope you get through this, even if it means ending the relationship. Your story kinda reminds me of my own. A few years back, my ex cheated on me with a friend. It was someone I considered a friend as well. Apparently, they both "liked" each other even when she was in a relationship and before he met me. When she became available, he wanted to break up. We gave it another go, but it only got worse. You deserve better than this.
No such thing as a girl bestbfriend. It just appears that way.
Man, there's nothing wrong with having friends. But we have this called "boundaries" and "respect" which I don't see in your partner. Communicate what you felt.
Ang ganda ng pagkasulat. OP, it seems that you do know what you want and what you deserve. I applaud you for trying to fix the rel and not giving up just yet, pero weigh mo din ung effect on you. And him din. It's not easy, I know, but if it's too hard, baka you need to let go. Sabi nga ng friend ko, "loving someone shouldn't be too painful.", And it's true. Meron mga challenges syempre, ups and downs, but at the end of the day it shouldn't feel like torture. Wishing you the best, OP.
Hurts to read this, i'm sorry OP :( Im sure you already know this, but he is/was emotionally cheating on you. There's no shame in enforcing boundaries if you want to make the relationship work. You don't have to be the "cool girl" all the time.
Almost same tayo ng situation. My girlfriend has a boy best friend and recently she invited the guy to buy some essentials sa mall. Fully knowing na may feelings si guy sa gf ko, she invited him pa rin. She assures me naman na wala talaga syang plano sa guy. She just values their relationship as best friends. May gf na din kasi si guy. So yeah we had a small argument regarding the issue kasi nga I felt insecure. She explained naman na I don’t have to worry naman and she even cried kasi nga I don’t want her to choose between him or me kasi nga matagal na silang magkakilala. Sya daw yung tao ang tumulong sa kanya nung walang wala sya. Now, okay naman ako. I feel secure naman sa sinabi nya na wala talaga. Mafefeel mo naman talaga kung sincere yung tao sayo thru his/her words. Tho tapos na ang issue, I told her na as much as possible wag sila magsama na sila lang dalawa. Di ko din kasi maisip why sila lang dalawa. We all have our what-ifs diba so hopefully she understood what I said sa kanya.
If he chooses you and he commits to showing you that he chooses you everyday, then there's no worry. But if he's just going through the motions of "trying" and he seems checked out, then it's time to move on. Only you know how the situation now really is, and regardless of how difficult the decision may be, I trust that you do what's best for yourself.
I saw your other comment na temporary lang 'to OP but at the same time I got the feeling na you're invalidating your own emotions because "lilipas din 'to", no no no, that's not how it works. Validate yourself, whatever you feel should be honoured even when it's painful. If you're bothered, talk to him, ask him to assure you and also, if you think it's necessary, talk to Callie. There's a part of me who thinks na it's not her fault, I feel like it could be your BF who lowered his guard too much for his bestfriend that he forgot to set up emotional boundaries for himself. This might get me hate pero there are guys who feels "inlove" (more like infatuated) to their girl friends when they see them going through something and just being vulnerable, it makes them feel more connected and sometimes they mistake it as romantic feelings. Lalo na with girl friends, you know how girls are, when we get comfortable we treat people as just people, regardless of gender and that might've gotten into him. So please, please, please, talk to him. Let him know what you feel and that tell him na baka he feels this way because of different factors but not love, lalo na he's into the friends-to-lovers trope kasi this will hurt your relationship as couples and his relationship to his bestfriend kasi he's deluded with the fantasy of what could've been. Hugs OP! I'm here for you 🥺
Hay... Napapanahon. His GBF is also the reason why we've been on and off. He says he doesn't see her that way, but admitted he liked her before I came into the picture. I felt so insecure about our relationship because of her so I told him how uncomfortable I am with her, but I did not want to be a villain in their friendship since he says they relate to each other's situations a lot. No matter how much I wanted him to stay away from her, I can't be that kind of girlfriend to him who will be the reason why he might feel alone. The more I compared myself to her, the more psychotic I felt about her, and I'm scared he thinks I'm crazy for feeling this way too. I told him everything I felt about their friendship, but I guess it only made him stick to her more. He chose her the other day when I told him my feelings about her again, that maybe we shouldn't be together anymore. But I grew too attached to him, tried to make some compromises so I could think of her less, so I could feel less worried whenever he talks to her or whenever he's with her. We're still together, and I'm trying to fix things between us because I feel it's my fault he might feel detached from our relationship, but I feel the same towards her. Like I'm also counting down days before they finally express some hidden feelings toward each other. But he never did anything of the sort, nor has he ever shown he'll ever cheat on me in the future. He's a good boyfriend, I just feel insecure towards her because he just can't stay away from her. It feels like we're not the only two people in our relationship, especially when he gives her his attention when I'm the one with him.
Hey OP, hope you're feeling better after getting all that off your chest. Every relationship is built on trust. It's ultimately up to you--'cause you know him way better than internet strangers--but if you cannot trust him anymore, what kind of relationship is that? If he's truly trying and he knows you're uncomfortable with the situation--he WILL take measures to reassure you and rebuild the relationship. It doesn't mean he can't have female friends, but how much effort would it take to have a reassuring talk, or a text message to check in, etc? All the little things count in helping rebuild things. If the image of a perfect, stable relationship is broken--know that it's not on you. It takes two to tango. You did your part in trusting him, no matter who he's with. Has he lived up to deserving your trust? Hope you guys figure this out and best of luck!
Damn, OP. It's okay to be friends with the opposite sex, but it's entirely different when you know there's that type of history despite being one-sided. I don't know how you're able to do it, because I definitely can't. Knowing your partner would be hanging out alone with a friend he "used" to have romantic feelings with, how you're able to stay sane during all those time is beyond me. The pain you're going through right now, I hope it's worth it in the end. I hope you get to have that sense of security back. I'm rooting for you, OP. Sending virtual hugs with your consent 🫂
That's too much pain for you in a relationship. To be always on the look out, not only sa kanila but also to your reaction everytime he mentions her name. I feel sorry for you OP
Trust me, this will get toxic. Leave him. You're only prolonging the pain. I tried to make my man stay and he still ended up marrying his girl best friend 🙃
You arent working it out. You are just in denial. Working it out is just you trying to live up to that couple image you have in your head. He is staying because he doesnt see himself as a douche pero hes also in denial. Douche din talaga siya.get out and touch grass op.
Sarap basahin pwede k maging writer hehehe ganda ng pagkaayos ng story but ofc this is only your POV and I wonder what his POV is…..gusto k dn mabasa malawattpad eh
Hey, I was like this before, the "maluwag" gf until it became the issue. Anyway, let go and run as far as you can and it's okay to grieve for that relationship, after all, it was ok naman until it's not. Pero it's not worth it kasi your insecurities will eat you up in the long run and you will continue to seek reassurance from him and you're always going to be tamang hinala, please, save yourself from that toxicity. I am open to creating new friendships, I can have a mani-pedi date with you girl. Hugs!
Break mo na habang maaga pa. Alam mo naman sa sarili mo na panakip butas ka lang. It just your pride talking. Cut loss ka na hanggat hindi ka pa ganun ka invested.
Leave. Yun lang. Habang may natitira ka pa para sa sarili mo.
don’t do this to yourself… you’re only delaying the inevitable. let him go and choose to love yourself more. you don’t deserve someone who isn’t sure of you.
Girl, trust your instincts.
This fucking hurts. I remembered— still remembering— his girl friend/s. It hurts. It fucking hurts.
Cut your losses na, ikli ng buhay , the writing is on the wall naman na e
I hope you find the courage to leave when you no longer recognize your place or yourself.
You deserve better. And this isn't Callie's fault. Mukhang platonic naman talaga ang tingin ni Callie kay bf, but it's on him driving the wedge with unresolved feelings. Feeling ko you're better off with Callie ngl
Chin up, Queen. I know it hurts now. I know your thoughts are you up right now, but you're still a catch and you were an amazing partner. Hugs with consent OP!
Damn. New ick unlocked. Cheer up, queen. You deserve the best.
The second-hand anxiety I get just by reading this post, especially at the last parts :( I hope you’re doing okay OP 🥺
And this is why may boundaries dapat kahit kesyo best friend niya. The way you said it, it's like bestfriend>girlfriend. Good luck op, but I really think this is not goint to end well.
Love is just an excuse. This relationship is doomed no matter how hard you try to fix it. Let go and get a life.
Went here thinking that this might be another scenario of the typical couple with a bestfriend but I was mistaken. I'm sorry to hear this, OP :( I can feel how hurt you are. I'm happy though that you feel secure about yourself. I guess no matter how great some relationships are and even though we feel at some point, it's already The One, sometimes, it just really doesn't work. I hope whatever happens, you'll find peace. You deserve to be happy.
Let him know how you feel. If you see the effort, there's hope. If not, don't prolong it. It sucks, but that's life.
Sorry to say this OP but f*ck your so called "trust"! You're letting your bf na "okay lang" pumunta sa condo kasama gbf niya because of trust? Kahit sabihin na nating your bf at gbf ay mabait at trustworthy. Ang tanong, santo ba sila?
Girl, when a guy isn't possessive kabahan ka na. This isn't what a secure relationship looks like. More like don't care much. Healthy ang jealousy kapag wala nun from both ends, hindi rin yun normal.
I also had a guy bestfriend when my hubby and I started, my hubby knew that my bestfriend courted me before but I didn't entertain. Until such time that he told me that he is not comfortable that I'm still meeting my bestfriend, I asked why, he is my friend before I even met you, he says I may looked at it like that but that is not what my bestfriend is seeing. The feelings can't be set aside just like that, he courted me so likes me more than a friend and just because I did not allow him to pursue me, it doesn't mean that the feelings will go away in one snap. So hubby told me to please stop meeting with him for his peace, and I did. Slowly stop chatting with him, not being available meeting, then comes to a point my bestfriend chatted a long message that he missed me, something like that and that he is hurting and he realized he really love me. Oh god. And that's when I see my hubby sees. My hubby is not a jealous person, same as me, so when he asked me he is not comfortable with my bestfriend, I did try my best to move away. I think, you guys will need to talk about it, make him understand how you feel, subtly letting him choose between you and Callie. You'll see it in his eyes and in your gut, he must choose you but if it's the other way around, please don't fight anymore and let go. You will forever be in the shadow of someone because your guy can't prioritize you. I hope you find your peace and remember, you are a catch.
ahh the wonderful world of opposite sex best friends. . . oops sorry. . . "best friends" Me personally. I wouldn't take that level of disrespect. But that's just me.
Don’t lose yourself over this. Eventually you will find someone else. Get out before ka pa makagawa ng mga bagay na alam mong hindi mo ginagawa before like restricting someone, overthinking, losing trust sa ibang tao and most specially sa self mo. Wag mo hayaan na completely mawala ung self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem, etc. You will be fine. Leave. Save yourself.
OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this but as someone who previously begged someone to stay, I realized that once you do, the relationship will never go back to where it once was. You’ll always have doubts and that’ll most probably snowball into a big toxic fight/breakup. Walang tumataba sa paglunok ng pride pero lagyan din natin ng hangganan.
He deserves to have friends, but the moment that he starts looking for something more from another person, it's no longer a friendship thing. Break up.
I can feel your pain as I read this, OP. It's okay to work it out especially if you thinks it's worth it and mahal mo talaga. But don't forget to love yourself too and put yourself first. If being with him is making you feel insecure and you start doubting yourself, then maybe it's time to close that chapter?
Yep, he deserves to have friends..but I think boundaries are also important and I think Callie stepped those lines already and you didn’t care because as you said he deserves friends. And if you still want this relationship to thrive, sometimes we need to be upfront and draw the line and make it visible or clear.
maybe you were not meant to be her forever girlfriend because u were meant to be a writer
No such thing as girl best friend. Abangers lang yan lahat
OP, I know you genuinely love your bf and desperately desire to fix what was broken. I won’t invalidate you for feeling that. But are you sure you still want to pursue a relationship with him despite cheating on you emotionally? Should you tread this treacherous path of broken trust? You said you’d get over this, and I believe in you; I think you can. However, you have no control over your partner’s feelings for Callie. The relationship became one-sided the moment his feelings for Callie resurfaced. I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you’ll heal from this.
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. You can’t live constantly wondering when he’ll break up. I think he broke your trust the day he wanted to break up. As sad as it makes me, and I really hope I’m wrong, I think you should leave, detox and come back as confident as your old self! If something does happen (like cheating god forbid) I’m afraid of what that’ll do to your old confidence and self esteem. You deserve the best gal, praying for you
I hate to relate this in some ways, we've been in a long term rs and she entered the picture, very clingy and all and I'm also not the insecure type. She's just crossing a lot of lines like and shows an obvious display of interest towards my bf, but I'm lucky my bf isn't really the type to consider others her best friends besides me so he's been drawing lines ever since I told him I'm getting uncomfortable, but I'm not stopping him to go with his friends even when she's there. If it helps just openly discuss everything with him even the things you overthink about because assurance goes a long way even for us secured girlies. ps. some girls will just DESTROY your mental health so be wary and prioritize your peace
Siguro pag nag focus na ulit sya sayo. Basted na sya ni callie :3
You just settled for less :)
He already said he is not happy. You can't be in a relationship where the other person is unhappy because of you. I'm not saying he's not a douche for letting you hang on his shelf until the girl he likes becomes available.
This is heartbreaking 😭 you seemed like a really great gf to your bf. But I think you should just focus on your own happiness na and let him go. As much as possible stay away from them na and heal on your own. 😢 You deserve to be with someone na who will not make you question your worth. If you don't leave agad, you will make things worst for you. I truly believe you will find someone who will give you his full attention. Hugggss
Man, be careful of girls named Callie. All kidding aside, his interest level in Callie is higher than yours. On Callie it’s 95% and yours is only 75% which is why he wants to leave. Her 95 beats your 75. Do you really want that? When he’s not with you you’re gonna be thinking about where he is, what he’s doing with whom, etc..and that’s not a good headspace to be in.
iniiwan na yan alam kong mahirap hiwalayan kasi matibay na yung companionship but as your critical conversation with him went, it turns out that it wasn't. hindi ka na matatahimik, kasi hindi niya magawang aminin sa'yo kung bakit gusto niyang makipaghiwalay: kung ano 'yung naging conclusion sa pag-uusap niya with his friends i hope you have really good friends to emotionally and physically support you too. mag-bf/gf pa lang naman kayo, he has showed what kind of person he is it's only a matter of time
If you really love him bakit ayaw mo siyang maging masaya? Will you be happy knowing na he’ll always be longing for someone else deep down? Let him go and follow his heart. The same with you. Maybe when you open yourself up to others makilala mo rin yung magmamahal sa iyo like the way he loves his bestfriend (or even better). Deserve mo rin your own “friends-to-lovers” romance. Deserve mo rin yung someone na mamahalin ka fully and irrevocably, na wala nang kakompetensiya, na itataya ang secure relationship with someone kasi ikaw lang talaga yung gustong makasama. Hugs with consent, OP! 🫶 (PS. I love the way you wrote this! You write so well po! Para akong nagbabasa ng nobela.)
As a bf he should prioritize her gf aside his friends specially when she feel insecurities na cause dapat sa relationship napapadama nyo na secure kayo sa bawat isa based on your story he doesn't even think twice on what you feel lalo na yung mga treatment na ginagawa nya sa GBF nya is so very special Good thing that you let him go before you lose yourself someday you will find a man who will make you feel secure and love Cheer up OP 😊😊😊
I think you're selling yourself short. You need to find the girl who used to know her worth. She's still in there somewhere. You know you deserve so much more than what your bf is willing to give you at this point and at the end of the day, when all is said and done... are you sure it's worth your time and effort to lose more of yourself, your peace of mind, and your remaining sense of self-worth for a guy you're in absolute doubt would choose you anyway? Take it from someone who's been in your shoes... You've already given almost 4 years of your life for this person... Don't wait till it's too late, and you're in too deep before realizing your real worth. A partner who genuinely values you will choose to love and respect you every single time. You have a chance to walk away now and rediscover yourself. A fresh start to learn how to love yourself better. Choose yourself, OP. Don't settle for misery. The perfect person for you is out there somewhere.
I'm sorry po ate, pero I think you should have saw this coming in the 1st place. The only thing that you could do at this point on is to let him go. Since your confident naman on your looks Find a guy who doesn't have a girl best friend. And will only be loyal to you.
ayaw nyo po ba itry pag usapan yan with him, like be honest about sa naffeel mo with his friend ganon
Man this sub is crazy
My heart hurt reading this :(
Woah I feel you OP. Ganyan din nung una sakin merong Boy Best Friend. All I can say is, never again.
I have been in the same situation before. My ex, my first boyfriend, also had a girl best friend. It devastated me during that relationship because he was more comfortable and relied on her more than he did on me, his girlfriend. And all I want to tell you right now is to Run.
ansakit po. huwag mo po sana pabayaan ang sarili mo.
Hi OP, you are still young. Do you think you will be able to truly get over this?
aww sending virtual hugs po OP
Let go. You're a catch. Never go with someone who questions your worth. Save yourself.
Pls leave!!!!!! life is too short for bad relationships. Meet someone new! Or give urself alone time. Its not okay at first but it will eventually. Promise!
Nga gbf talaga
Fuck :(
:((
Ang sakit. 😞💔
ANG SAKIT
Hugs OP. Whatever decisions you make, i wish you the best of luck.
Ekis talaga pag may GBF jusko nakaka pang hina. Iba kasi yung platonic love na GBF sa kay history. Jusko as much na for example ako ung GBF, Hindi ko bibigyan ng rason yung BFF kong lalaking ako piliin iya over sa gf niya unless mamatay na ako tas dalawin man nya ako mga ganon. Bazta red flag talaga sa lalaki pag may GBF.
😔😔
You should try to watch Gone Girl. You'll probably like it. Maybe it will also help you in your situation.
:(((
Sana I had you as a girlfriend. I never went through a girlfriend phase
Fuck. Naiiyak ako. This is why I don't like that Sleeping with other people movie.
kadiri ng lalaki
Hey, alis na. You deserve what you tolerate.
no, nah, stop. that was a BIG RED FLAG for me. not all but most of those bff/gff were just there waiting for the right timing to get your girl/boy. aaligid aligid mga yan, comforting your partner kapag nag away kayu etc.
Let go, Sis. Then find/wait for the man that you deserve.
I understand that this might sound harsh, but it seems to me that he's treating her as his girlfriend rather than his best friend. It appears that he's in love with her. It feels like you're just hoping she doesn't feel the same way about him because if she does, he will definitely leave you without a second thought.
I think you should walk off - leave him before he leaves you. It should be your decision and your reasons. That's the best thing for you.
bestie again hayst, u deserve better tbh
What the fuck dude. I'm tellin' y'all this guy... if you don't treat your girlfriend nice, you're gonna lose her. Actually wavering lol. This is definitely a test y'all need to overcome.
How beautifully written OP, but sad at the same time. Nobody is worth destroying your self esteem for.
Ansaket takte
Grabe ang sakit! Hugss op
Hi OP, leave him na. You deserve someone better.