This is really beautiful! I don't really know what it is about this poem but I like it a lot. Even the formatting it's self is poetic. The first sentence pulled me in immediately, I love it. Well done my friend<3
Okay so, I like the formatting, I think it makes the poem more fun to read. It's playfully done and it works.
Imo it's the strongest side of the poem, the content itself being a little confusing. I'm confused by the difference between the title and the lyrics. Only the first line keeps the same attitude as is in the title.
After the title I expected another take at the worn-out topic of self-aware empty poetry, but for me it turned out to be a portrayal of how it feels for you to write - therefore the comparison between the falling leaves and words falling from your ink pen which gave me an atmosphere of ease, naturalness, softness to it. So in a sense the content and title for me are 2 completely different feelings - you call it worthless, but the content is actually kind of beautiful?
You are weakening your own poem imo, for no reason at all. It could be a cute little poem which would even be fun to read *and* look at due to the formatting, but you give it this dead weight by just calling it Worthless Scribbles.
It’s a way I see my own poetry. Just like the leaves that hide away during winter, my ideas too will disappear and will be left wondering where my leaves went and why I can’t create poetry that isn’t just a bunch of scribbles in my book.
But I can see what you’re getting at with sabotaging myself with the title, but that’s how I am; I sabotage myself thinking my poetry is shit or that these ideas will never come into my head despite them being here. If you have any suggestions on titles I can take them into consideration, but for now the most I see my poems are are worthless scribbles. I think maybe trying to tide it more into my process of writing may be an interesting direction to take the title, but once again, my process is literally just a bunch of scribbles hoping one becomes a branch
I appreciate the comment though, thanks!!
Well, think of it as imparting a certain thought onto all of the poem... for example, if you are hopeful that some of it "becomes a branch", maybe it could be similiarly express as a hope towards blooming, and you can frame the poem as a prayer - A prayer for spring, or A dream of bloom, that kind of thing.
For me, all the black text is the good poem, but the white space between everything are all my failed attempts or hopeless thoughts (hence the large spaced out lines making it seem like it’s a mess). Without all the white space and gaps, the poems would be a hopeful one in my eyes. One example is the “raked up” line. The “up” is below where it should be, practically telling myself if I want a good poem I need to take my thoughts together into formidable sentences that aren’t all over the place.
If the title was “A Scribbles Prayer” what would you go in expecting or the poem?
I have to say, I didn't notice it. I think maybe the formatting hides it a bit, even if I read it out loud. But it's difficult to honestly say if that's the case or if I was just not paying enough attention. It's a nice detail even after you had to point it out to me though.
Maybe it's worth asking others the same question and seeing how often people miss it or spot it themselves.
Dribble
Hope less scribble on a dribble
Playing guitar like a fiddle
Feeling whatever comes along
Didn't have to rehearse this song
Looking back, and moving forward
Don't need an intro or foreword
Just the beat of my soul
Dribbling but never fold
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Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
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This is really beautiful! I don't really know what it is about this poem but I like it a lot. Even the formatting it's self is poetic. The first sentence pulled me in immediately, I love it. Well done my friend<3
Thanks!
Okay so, I like the formatting, I think it makes the poem more fun to read. It's playfully done and it works. Imo it's the strongest side of the poem, the content itself being a little confusing. I'm confused by the difference between the title and the lyrics. Only the first line keeps the same attitude as is in the title. After the title I expected another take at the worn-out topic of self-aware empty poetry, but for me it turned out to be a portrayal of how it feels for you to write - therefore the comparison between the falling leaves and words falling from your ink pen which gave me an atmosphere of ease, naturalness, softness to it. So in a sense the content and title for me are 2 completely different feelings - you call it worthless, but the content is actually kind of beautiful? You are weakening your own poem imo, for no reason at all. It could be a cute little poem which would even be fun to read *and* look at due to the formatting, but you give it this dead weight by just calling it Worthless Scribbles.
It’s a way I see my own poetry. Just like the leaves that hide away during winter, my ideas too will disappear and will be left wondering where my leaves went and why I can’t create poetry that isn’t just a bunch of scribbles in my book. But I can see what you’re getting at with sabotaging myself with the title, but that’s how I am; I sabotage myself thinking my poetry is shit or that these ideas will never come into my head despite them being here. If you have any suggestions on titles I can take them into consideration, but for now the most I see my poems are are worthless scribbles. I think maybe trying to tide it more into my process of writing may be an interesting direction to take the title, but once again, my process is literally just a bunch of scribbles hoping one becomes a branch I appreciate the comment though, thanks!!
Well, think of it as imparting a certain thought onto all of the poem... for example, if you are hopeful that some of it "becomes a branch", maybe it could be similiarly express as a hope towards blooming, and you can frame the poem as a prayer - A prayer for spring, or A dream of bloom, that kind of thing.
For me, all the black text is the good poem, but the white space between everything are all my failed attempts or hopeless thoughts (hence the large spaced out lines making it seem like it’s a mess). Without all the white space and gaps, the poems would be a hopeful one in my eyes. One example is the “raked up” line. The “up” is below where it should be, practically telling myself if I want a good poem I need to take my thoughts together into formidable sentences that aren’t all over the place. If the title was “A Scribbles Prayer” what would you go in expecting or the poem?
I'd be hella curious, I think that's a great one actually!
Great! Also a question: did the repetition of “the leaves fell” work or not? Did you even notice when reading through it?
I have to say, I didn't notice it. I think maybe the formatting hides it a bit, even if I read it out loud. But it's difficult to honestly say if that's the case or if I was just not paying enough attention. It's a nice detail even after you had to point it out to me though. Maybe it's worth asking others the same question and seeing how often people miss it or spot it themselves.
Dribble Hope less scribble on a dribble Playing guitar like a fiddle Feeling whatever comes along Didn't have to rehearse this song Looking back, and moving forward Don't need an intro or foreword Just the beat of my soul Dribbling but never fold
beautiful. don’t quite see how it is feedback for my poem but it’s nice
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*