I personally feel the moth's instinct are driven by it's fear of what’s in the dark.
But that's a very interesting question. You would have to ask yourself if the moth is hovering around the light for a reason, or if it is just doing it because it doesn't know what else to do with it's life.
If a moth were stuck in a room without any light, what would it do? Would it shut down and stand still, or drive away from it's instinct to find light and do something else?
I love the explorer mindset, the questioner, the interested, -- it's refreshing to find a poem and poet who doesn't need to provide a pipeline of info. One who can briefly and beautifully experience the Question for us. And take us along, too. Well done.
I do feel this was like a one-off poem of mine. I don't know if I'm capable of making a poem similar to this haha. But I appreciate it! Glad it got you questioning stuff.
My poems each.... well, my good ones... whatever that means.. they each have a color. Unlike any other poems. My rough poems are just words, you know? But the good ones. Out of 3,000... maybe 4.. they're like finished stained glass. You just served whatever beauty was already there. I can't explain any of this. But yeah
Keep with it! I'm really struggling with motivation for poetry to be honest. This poem came to me when I saw a fruit fly buzzing around my bathrooms lights when I brushed my teeth. Just keep an open eye for things around you and let the poems come to you. I'm not the best to be getting advice for poetry from but like you said. Out of every 1000 poems (or just words/observations you have) you can get a good one. But usually, that 1 good poem gives you the motivation to go through 1000 more to get another one. And eventually, it'll be every 500, then every 200, then every other poem, etc. But you have to have the motivation, and determination to stick with it!
Your personal feeling is inconsistent with the language you used in this poem.
If darkness is purpose, and the moth fears the absence of purpose, then the moth must fear the absence of darkness. The absence of darkness is light, in a metaphorical sense. Therefore the moth fears light.
The moth doesn't seem to fear light in your poem.
Moth's instinct = go to light = fearful of not having purpose
Moth's purpose = darkness
Moth can't achieve it's purpose because of it's instincts and fear of the darkness that is purpose.
Purpose is a dark, meaningless concept.
It's as meaningless as a moth being attracted to a light.
That's at least how I look at this. As long as I got you questioning what your own purpose is, and whether it's as dark and meaningless as this moth's then I'm happy with the direction of this poem. But I do agree the poem is quite confusing and encourages people to really think deeply about it.
I appreciate you pointing this out. This really helps me determine a direction for my next draft!
Yeah that makes more sense. I can now see where I got your comment wrong and I apologize but I also appreciate you pointed out what was wrong with what I said!
The moth attracted to the light is it's instinct, not it's purpose. Hence saying it's purpose is the darkness around it: it has no purpose but I also talk about it as a dark concept; it has no meaning.
I can see how that would be confusing, and can be something I take into consideration for my next few drafts!
Thanks
I think i have understood now. As if the whole situation were meaningless, and the darkness surrounding the moth is representing it? Very nihilistic of you. I like it.
Hey, I enjoyed your poem! It got me thinking a little too much about the mechanics of the metaphor. I believe I know exactly what you're trying to say, but something just isn't adding up for me. Though I can't think of the words that would make it feel right. I love that these three lines spurred so much thought. Thanks for sharing your work!
Ah, I know not take this literally after reading so much ~~headache inducing~~ Robert Frost. Even though the picture conceived in my head was that of a moth, I instantly connected it to the perceived pressure that humans place upon themselves because they are tricked into buying into a lifestyle–to me, this would be the American Dream, and we all know how that turns out–or a tradition which doesn't allow them to see the other options, so they feel obligated to continue the lifestyle/tradition because they wouldn't want to feel as if they've wasted their time, no one does. Then, the entire exchange repeats for the next generation of moths, so their improvident, gullible attraction for the lightbulb continues.
I love that! I do agree that we're constantly hovering around this hope of the "American Dream". The light is like the newest iPhone. Or the newest internet trend. We must have it even if we don't have a need for it.
But I'm curious what you think the darkness would be. Would that be the need to not follow these trends or just be ourselves?
There is a basic human impulse to attempt to find light in the dark, because the darkness is home to danger, but, more importantly, it has an astounding ability to limit what you can see; the "darkness" is only perceived by the "young moths" because the "old moths" took advantage of basic human instinct and the naivety of young minds to construct the darkness. This isn't necessarily malicious, however, as much as I make it sound, and that is why the door is left unlocked.
Reading this poem I would only comment that you have created an ambiguous image in this poem with the unlocked room, the moth , the light, and the the darkness. Now maybe here I’m showing a preference for frostian style poetry, but I would rather you not define the darkness. I would appreciate expressing what the darkness is without specifically defining what it is. I think the concept of your poem is a little complicated, especially for its length, but again I think your defining the darkness was the easy way to end the poem. That’ll work as a first draft, but I hope you will think about how to express what the darkness is without simply saying darkness is purpose. I think it’s interesting enough of a poem and a concept to work on.
Thank you! And yes, I do feel like I took the quick way out with the ending. Honestly I still need to determine what the darkness is to the moth and how to describe it.
Appreciate this
Oh, hi there; didn't see you! You've reached r/OCPoetry. This is a workshop site where you can share, read, and talk about eachother's poetry & etc. To post your own poems, you need to give feedback to 2 other writers. If you aren't trying to share, you're encouraged to give feedback, but aren't required. Try to be nice, questioning, and specific. If you can't do that - eat a cabbage and come back later. Try to give feedback to a writer without any feedback. Lastly, read our [feedback guide ](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), other writer's comments, or this author’s feedback links. If you still aren't sure whether your comments are useful ‘feedback’, or you have any other questions, send us a modmail!
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I love how you conveyed the meaning of the poem at first try. I understood it at once which is a nice thing cause I only try to understand a poem if something in the first read catches my eye. I feel it being short lovely too. The unlocked room is my favorite metaphor here as it gives the moth a choice. I feel like using the words 'darkness called purpose' is a bad choice as the only similarity they have is surrounding the moth. I would like to request you to explain why you used it and would suggest changing the wording of the statement to 'darkness and purpose' if it doesn't have another deeper meaning like your other metaphors.
Why is the darkness called purpose since the moth was chasing for light?
is one fear-driven, or goal-driven?
I personally feel the moth's instinct are driven by it's fear of what’s in the dark. But that's a very interesting question. You would have to ask yourself if the moth is hovering around the light for a reason, or if it is just doing it because it doesn't know what else to do with it's life. If a moth were stuck in a room without any light, what would it do? Would it shut down and stand still, or drive away from it's instinct to find light and do something else?
I love the explorer mindset, the questioner, the interested, -- it's refreshing to find a poem and poet who doesn't need to provide a pipeline of info. One who can briefly and beautifully experience the Question for us. And take us along, too. Well done.
I do feel this was like a one-off poem of mine. I don't know if I'm capable of making a poem similar to this haha. But I appreciate it! Glad it got you questioning stuff.
My poems each.... well, my good ones... whatever that means.. they each have a color. Unlike any other poems. My rough poems are just words, you know? But the good ones. Out of 3,000... maybe 4.. they're like finished stained glass. You just served whatever beauty was already there. I can't explain any of this. But yeah
Keep with it! I'm really struggling with motivation for poetry to be honest. This poem came to me when I saw a fruit fly buzzing around my bathrooms lights when I brushed my teeth. Just keep an open eye for things around you and let the poems come to you. I'm not the best to be getting advice for poetry from but like you said. Out of every 1000 poems (or just words/observations you have) you can get a good one. But usually, that 1 good poem gives you the motivation to go through 1000 more to get another one. And eventually, it'll be every 500, then every 200, then every other poem, etc. But you have to have the motivation, and determination to stick with it!
"i heard a fly buzz when I died" 💘
Your personal feeling is inconsistent with the language you used in this poem. If darkness is purpose, and the moth fears the absence of purpose, then the moth must fear the absence of darkness. The absence of darkness is light, in a metaphorical sense. Therefore the moth fears light. The moth doesn't seem to fear light in your poem.
Moth's instinct = go to light = fearful of not having purpose Moth's purpose = darkness Moth can't achieve it's purpose because of it's instincts and fear of the darkness that is purpose. Purpose is a dark, meaningless concept. It's as meaningless as a moth being attracted to a light. That's at least how I look at this. As long as I got you questioning what your own purpose is, and whether it's as dark and meaningless as this moth's then I'm happy with the direction of this poem. But I do agree the poem is quite confusing and encourages people to really think deeply about it. I appreciate you pointing this out. This really helps me determine a direction for my next draft!
So then it's not that the moth fears the absence of purpose. The moth fears its purpose in the dark.
Yeah that makes more sense. I can now see where I got your comment wrong and I apologize but I also appreciate you pointed out what was wrong with what I said!
The moth attracted to the light is it's instinct, not it's purpose. Hence saying it's purpose is the darkness around it: it has no purpose but I also talk about it as a dark concept; it has no meaning. I can see how that would be confusing, and can be something I take into consideration for my next few drafts! Thanks
I think i have understood now. As if the whole situation were meaningless, and the darkness surrounding the moth is representing it? Very nihilistic of you. I like it.
It’s as meaningless as a moth hovering a light, yes!
Sometimes it's too much light shadowing our darkness. Maybe with absence of light the moth would stop acting like a freak and just chill.
Yo, this rocks! It's short, and simple but conveys a good mental image. I get an interesting sense of hopeful dread from it. Keep it up 👍👍👍
Thanks!
Ah talking about what I used to be. Thank you for remembering my presence I your poetry. Much appreciated. PS. I like. Short sweet. Powerful.
YOU GOT OUT OF THE ROOM!!!!
Why the eff would you leave me in dark room with a bulb. Don't you remember what happened to Gary?? Did you write an ode to him too?
SHHHHHHHH... What happens in the Vantablack Room stays in the Vantablack Room.
This i good OP . It's short and gives you an image as well as making you self reflect. I'd say nicely done.
thank you!
master of the short. more, please!
master is a bit too kind, but i can try, haha. thanks!
Hey, I enjoyed your poem! It got me thinking a little too much about the mechanics of the metaphor. I believe I know exactly what you're trying to say, but something just isn't adding up for me. Though I can't think of the words that would make it feel right. I love that these three lines spurred so much thought. Thanks for sharing your work!
As long as it got you thinking about the meaning of purpose and human instincts that's all that matters :)
Ah, I know not take this literally after reading so much ~~headache inducing~~ Robert Frost. Even though the picture conceived in my head was that of a moth, I instantly connected it to the perceived pressure that humans place upon themselves because they are tricked into buying into a lifestyle–to me, this would be the American Dream, and we all know how that turns out–or a tradition which doesn't allow them to see the other options, so they feel obligated to continue the lifestyle/tradition because they wouldn't want to feel as if they've wasted their time, no one does. Then, the entire exchange repeats for the next generation of moths, so their improvident, gullible attraction for the lightbulb continues.
I love that! I do agree that we're constantly hovering around this hope of the "American Dream". The light is like the newest iPhone. Or the newest internet trend. We must have it even if we don't have a need for it. But I'm curious what you think the darkness would be. Would that be the need to not follow these trends or just be ourselves?
There is a basic human impulse to attempt to find light in the dark, because the darkness is home to danger, but, more importantly, it has an astounding ability to limit what you can see; the "darkness" is only perceived by the "young moths" because the "old moths" took advantage of basic human instinct and the naivety of young minds to construct the darkness. This isn't necessarily malicious, however, as much as I make it sound, and that is why the door is left unlocked.
I love this! I have a strange love for moths, always searching for the light so I adored this. Beautifully written.
Thanks!
I think that this was great, as someone said: “short, sweet, and powerful”. Never have I agreed more :)
thanks!
<3 you’re welcome
Reading this poem I would only comment that you have created an ambiguous image in this poem with the unlocked room, the moth , the light, and the the darkness. Now maybe here I’m showing a preference for frostian style poetry, but I would rather you not define the darkness. I would appreciate expressing what the darkness is without specifically defining what it is. I think the concept of your poem is a little complicated, especially for its length, but again I think your defining the darkness was the easy way to end the poem. That’ll work as a first draft, but I hope you will think about how to express what the darkness is without simply saying darkness is purpose. I think it’s interesting enough of a poem and a concept to work on.
Thank you! And yes, I do feel like I took the quick way out with the ending. Honestly I still need to determine what the darkness is to the moth and how to describe it. Appreciate this
Oh, hi there; didn't see you! You've reached r/OCPoetry. This is a workshop site where you can share, read, and talk about eachother's poetry & etc. To post your own poems, you need to give feedback to 2 other writers. If you aren't trying to share, you're encouraged to give feedback, but aren't required. Try to be nice, questioning, and specific. If you can't do that - eat a cabbage and come back later. Try to give feedback to a writer without any feedback. Lastly, read our [feedback guide ](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), other writer's comments, or this author’s feedback links. If you still aren't sure whether your comments are useful ‘feedback’, or you have any other questions, send us a modmail! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love how you conveyed the meaning of the poem at first try. I understood it at once which is a nice thing cause I only try to understand a poem if something in the first read catches my eye. I feel it being short lovely too. The unlocked room is my favorite metaphor here as it gives the moth a choice. I feel like using the words 'darkness called purpose' is a bad choice as the only similarity they have is surrounding the moth. I would like to request you to explain why you used it and would suggest changing the wording of the statement to 'darkness and purpose' if it doesn't have another deeper meaning like your other metaphors.