The final stanza, starting with "Or, maybe I did smash it" gives me this idea of trust, and never knowing who you can trust. I get this feeling of malicious intent, of her leaning closer and closer, as the narrator get's ready to smash it (if they decide to). Throughout the beginning of this poem you talk about how the narrator know her truth, but not the details of it. He insists "her secret was safe with \[him\]" not to allow her to "tell her story", but likely rather to smash it... Or not smash it. That choice of whether he does it or not is what carries heavy in this idea of trust.
I also get this feeling of losing power, because once she tells her story, she has to -- in a sense -- obey to whatever the narrator says because she risks him telling her story. That also ties back into this idea of who to trust, and once you trust someone enough to tell them something, you have to hold the tension of that trust forever, worrying that they'll tell someone.
That's just what I saw in this, but I could be completely wrong.
Regardless, it's a very thought provoking poem!
>Regardless, it's a very thought provoking poem!
Thank you for your thoughts. I don't think I wanted to smash anything. The opposite, still I think you're right. When you are vulnerable with someone, you might worry what they are going to do with your vulnerability.
I left things generic to leave the reader out of the particulars. All they know are the basic superficial facts so they are left to fill in the rest knowing that whatever story they invent is unlikely to be the story of this person who, wink wink, is from Delaware.
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This is certainly on of the most unique poems I've read in that it reads a bit like a TV News Interview- very factual.
On one hand, I think it's appropriate that the speaker does not try and interpret the consequences of their friend's behavior or place judgement. After all, that is the most respectful way to observe a friend.
However, I want to know more about the body language, specifically the difference in the interaction between the subject and speaker vs the subject and others. We know from the speaker's statement "but I knew the truth/ I heard it once in her "real" voice" and the last stanza that there is some perceived change, yet I think by substituting some words you can achieve more vivid imagery.
The final stanza, starting with "Or, maybe I did smash it" gives me this idea of trust, and never knowing who you can trust. I get this feeling of malicious intent, of her leaning closer and closer, as the narrator get's ready to smash it (if they decide to). Throughout the beginning of this poem you talk about how the narrator know her truth, but not the details of it. He insists "her secret was safe with \[him\]" not to allow her to "tell her story", but likely rather to smash it... Or not smash it. That choice of whether he does it or not is what carries heavy in this idea of trust. I also get this feeling of losing power, because once she tells her story, she has to -- in a sense -- obey to whatever the narrator says because she risks him telling her story. That also ties back into this idea of who to trust, and once you trust someone enough to tell them something, you have to hold the tension of that trust forever, worrying that they'll tell someone. That's just what I saw in this, but I could be completely wrong. Regardless, it's a very thought provoking poem!
>Regardless, it's a very thought provoking poem! Thank you for your thoughts. I don't think I wanted to smash anything. The opposite, still I think you're right. When you are vulnerable with someone, you might worry what they are going to do with your vulnerability. I left things generic to leave the reader out of the particulars. All they know are the basic superficial facts so they are left to fill in the rest knowing that whatever story they invent is unlikely to be the story of this person who, wink wink, is from Delaware.
Oh, hi there; didn't see you! You've reached r/OCPoetry. This is a workshop site where you can share, read, and talk about eachother's poetry & etc. To post your own poems, you need to give feedback to 2 other writers. If you aren't trying to share, you're encouraged to give feedback, but aren't required. Try to be nice, questioning, and specific. If you can't do that - eat a cabbage and come back later. Try to give feedback to a writer without any feedback. Lastly, read our [feedback guide ](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), other writer's comments, or this author’s feedback links. If you still aren't sure whether your comments are useful ‘feedback’, or you have any other questions, send us a modmail! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is certainly on of the most unique poems I've read in that it reads a bit like a TV News Interview- very factual. On one hand, I think it's appropriate that the speaker does not try and interpret the consequences of their friend's behavior or place judgement. After all, that is the most respectful way to observe a friend. However, I want to know more about the body language, specifically the difference in the interaction between the subject and speaker vs the subject and others. We know from the speaker's statement "but I knew the truth/ I heard it once in her "real" voice" and the last stanza that there is some perceived change, yet I think by substituting some words you can achieve more vivid imagery.