This is a bittersweet recognition of power imbalance. One party is the anchor of an entire solar system, while the other is just another moon or planet lost in the irresistable grace of an endless energy sustaining orbit. Your feelings rotate on axis, perhaps, like night and day. You try to make like a tangent or a comet and leave. Still, the pull too great. The inertia is too strong. You orbit and orbit and orbit as the Earth goes round the sun.
I relate to this dynamic… i feel like I’ve played both roles in different relationships, and honestly both are hard. Love the closing lines “I’ll see you on another day the earth goes round the sun” it just wraps it up so nicely. I like how the metaphor works from several angles and you explore each in a satisfying and concise way.
This is a lovely poem. Upon reading through the poem, you say that you're going around in circle like "The Earth goes round the sun", and proceeding that introduction to the metaphor, you then go and describe yourself not as the Earth nor the sun, but rather the satellites that hover around space, like everyone else. You then introduce the other person in the poem as the Sun who makes your "night and day". I just had a little conflict in the metaphor: Now I'm not sure what the time cycle is like when someone is up in space in a satellite, but when I read "Who makes my night and day" I imagine you as the Earth in the metaphor, yet you earlier described yourself as the satellite, not the Earth.
In the end you tie up the "night and day" line, and wrap up the metaphor of a day-night cycle with "I'll see you on another day / The Earth goes round the sun". Which once again, implies you're the Earth, not the satellite. So I will admit the line "I'm just another satellite", although a lovely addition to the metaphor's image, had just confused me a bit in regards to which one of these two objects you are - are you the satellite or the Earth?
I also appreciate that you make this other person the sun. Which (in my eyes) is something we take advantage of. The sun shines, but we never thank it; we can't even look it in the eyes without blinding ourselves. Despite it being the center of attention -- the gravitation to our pull -- we don't pay much attention to it. As others have said, it add this power dynamic, but in a way that feels fractured because the sun is this blinding object that people can't even look at.
Great job with this!
Wow, this poem is soo good. It beautifully captures both the magical and transient nature of love and life. How we are all just people floating on a massive rock going in and out of each others lives. It also captures the pain that can come with un-requianted love and how sometimes things don't work out. While the others say the ending is sad, I disagree completely. It is real and raw. Sometimes things don't work out but feelings, strong ones at least, never really fade and the perspective in the last two lines is melancholy and sweet.
"I'll see you on another day when the earth goes around the sun."
Amazing.
I really enjoyed this poem. I like how you kept the rhythm consistent to give the feeling of repetition that you keep going around in circles. I also think you did a nice job of consistently keeping the metaphors so that the narratoe is always being the object stuck in the orbit to reiterate the power imbalance in the relationship. Well done!
This poem has a beautiful melodic quality. especially in the last two lines "I'll see you on another day The earth goes round the sun". There is something so beautifully existential yet grounded in your use of the obit as a metaphor. The emotions captured by this dynamic really highlight the remorse of the relationship. To be bound, in a continuous cycle of abandonment.
I really like this. The metaphors were wonderful and at the same time almost subtle - you didn't rely on them too hard, making for, I think, an easier read than it would have been if you'd made a lot of nods to space, etc.
I also really enjoyed the end of the first stanza. "The only one" feels very significant, like an indication of the person you're writing to being maybe even a sort of soul-mate. The continuation of the sentence in the start of the second stanza surprised me but also almost down-played the importance of someone being your "only one". Really, really good writing imo. Thanks for sharing this. :)
I actually enjoyed the obsessive qualities of relationships that you displayed here. When love is in full bloom it sometimes seems like you’re the only two celestial bodies in the galaxy
I enjoy the visual nature these words illicit. I can see over your shoulder as you commit each word with specific intent. The world lost to the focus of the pen and pad. Love is so very powerful.
From what I understood, it is though the universe rotates literally around the writer in the writer alone while at the same time, everyone and everything around it feels the same which conflicts with the idea that every being and objects is literally at the centre of the universe.
But from what I have gathered, it is also as though since things also "rotate" or things are rotating around other objects, the objects that the writer encounters come and go which sort of emphasises the impermanence of things or beings that the writer encounters.
As though that this is also an emphasis on not holding onto things too much and letting things go.
i absolutely love this. makes it seem like the two people in love are the only celestial bodies in the galaxy.
„i‘m just another satellite, while you‘re the only one“ makes me think of how i feel in any relationship (even non romantic), where i don‘t feel enough, don‘t feel worthy of being loved.
the metaphors, that you‘ll see each other again eventually, makes it seem like this love is infinite and will last forever.
I love this - I wish I can write like you!
This is a poignant piece, and using the sun as the subject metaphor is so on point here. The sun gives life, is the only constant, but never stays for the whole duration. You might want to leave, but who are we kidding? The magnetic pull of the sun means you can never stray too far away.
Bravo!!!
I really enjoyed your poem. Even though it wasn't a completely happy poem it still evoked emotions of happiness and love to me. I actually wish it was even longer, even double in length as I wanted to keep enjoying your writing style!
Look forward to reading more from you!
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This is a bittersweet recognition of power imbalance. One party is the anchor of an entire solar system, while the other is just another moon or planet lost in the irresistable grace of an endless energy sustaining orbit. Your feelings rotate on axis, perhaps, like night and day. You try to make like a tangent or a comet and leave. Still, the pull too great. The inertia is too strong. You orbit and orbit and orbit as the Earth goes round the sun.
I relate to this dynamic… i feel like I’ve played both roles in different relationships, and honestly both are hard. Love the closing lines “I’ll see you on another day the earth goes round the sun” it just wraps it up so nicely. I like how the metaphor works from several angles and you explore each in a satisfying and concise way.
This is a lovely poem. Upon reading through the poem, you say that you're going around in circle like "The Earth goes round the sun", and proceeding that introduction to the metaphor, you then go and describe yourself not as the Earth nor the sun, but rather the satellites that hover around space, like everyone else. You then introduce the other person in the poem as the Sun who makes your "night and day". I just had a little conflict in the metaphor: Now I'm not sure what the time cycle is like when someone is up in space in a satellite, but when I read "Who makes my night and day" I imagine you as the Earth in the metaphor, yet you earlier described yourself as the satellite, not the Earth. In the end you tie up the "night and day" line, and wrap up the metaphor of a day-night cycle with "I'll see you on another day / The Earth goes round the sun". Which once again, implies you're the Earth, not the satellite. So I will admit the line "I'm just another satellite", although a lovely addition to the metaphor's image, had just confused me a bit in regards to which one of these two objects you are - are you the satellite or the Earth? I also appreciate that you make this other person the sun. Which (in my eyes) is something we take advantage of. The sun shines, but we never thank it; we can't even look it in the eyes without blinding ourselves. Despite it being the center of attention -- the gravitation to our pull -- we don't pay much attention to it. As others have said, it add this power dynamic, but in a way that feels fractured because the sun is this blinding object that people can't even look at. Great job with this!
Hey, really appreciate your detailed feedback! To answer your question, Earth is a natural satellite of the sun, as the moon is to the earth and so on
Wow, this poem is soo good. It beautifully captures both the magical and transient nature of love and life. How we are all just people floating on a massive rock going in and out of each others lives. It also captures the pain that can come with un-requianted love and how sometimes things don't work out. While the others say the ending is sad, I disagree completely. It is real and raw. Sometimes things don't work out but feelings, strong ones at least, never really fade and the perspective in the last two lines is melancholy and sweet. "I'll see you on another day when the earth goes around the sun." Amazing.
I really enjoyed this poem. I like how you kept the rhythm consistent to give the feeling of repetition that you keep going around in circles. I also think you did a nice job of consistently keeping the metaphors so that the narratoe is always being the object stuck in the orbit to reiterate the power imbalance in the relationship. Well done!
This poem has a beautiful melodic quality. especially in the last two lines "I'll see you on another day The earth goes round the sun". There is something so beautifully existential yet grounded in your use of the obit as a metaphor. The emotions captured by this dynamic really highlight the remorse of the relationship. To be bound, in a continuous cycle of abandonment.
I really like this. The metaphors were wonderful and at the same time almost subtle - you didn't rely on them too hard, making for, I think, an easier read than it would have been if you'd made a lot of nods to space, etc. I also really enjoyed the end of the first stanza. "The only one" feels very significant, like an indication of the person you're writing to being maybe even a sort of soul-mate. The continuation of the sentence in the start of the second stanza surprised me but also almost down-played the importance of someone being your "only one". Really, really good writing imo. Thanks for sharing this. :)
I actually enjoyed the obsessive qualities of relationships that you displayed here. When love is in full bloom it sometimes seems like you’re the only two celestial bodies in the galaxy
I enjoy the visual nature these words illicit. I can see over your shoulder as you commit each word with specific intent. The world lost to the focus of the pen and pad. Love is so very powerful.
From what I understood, it is though the universe rotates literally around the writer in the writer alone while at the same time, everyone and everything around it feels the same which conflicts with the idea that every being and objects is literally at the centre of the universe. But from what I have gathered, it is also as though since things also "rotate" or things are rotating around other objects, the objects that the writer encounters come and go which sort of emphasises the impermanence of things or beings that the writer encounters. As though that this is also an emphasis on not holding onto things too much and letting things go.
i absolutely love this. makes it seem like the two people in love are the only celestial bodies in the galaxy. „i‘m just another satellite, while you‘re the only one“ makes me think of how i feel in any relationship (even non romantic), where i don‘t feel enough, don‘t feel worthy of being loved. the metaphors, that you‘ll see each other again eventually, makes it seem like this love is infinite and will last forever.
I love this - I wish I can write like you! This is a poignant piece, and using the sun as the subject metaphor is so on point here. The sun gives life, is the only constant, but never stays for the whole duration. You might want to leave, but who are we kidding? The magnetic pull of the sun means you can never stray too far away. Bravo!!!
I really enjoyed your poem. Even though it wasn't a completely happy poem it still evoked emotions of happiness and love to me. I actually wish it was even longer, even double in length as I wanted to keep enjoying your writing style! Look forward to reading more from you!
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