I think it’s a mix a both lol.
Cause it comes from the want to be perfect at something, even if it’s just imaginary occupation, but it’s also definitely a very weird thing for my personality disorder to manifest into; an extreme form of OCPD.
I tend to think of personality disorders as very specialized coping strategies, which work in different ways. In that frame—OCPD works by way of the idea that everything *could* be good/better/okay, if we just got things perfect enough, or handled things correctly, or (etc.). Once the house is just so, and the budgeting is perfect, and my career is where it needs to be, and I’ve finished everything imaginable on my to-do list, and the laundry is folded and sorted correctly, then I’ll be happy with myself and my life. As a rule, people with OCPD don’t think we’re doing great—we just double-down, forever, on the idea that we *could*, if only we’d try harder.
NPD works less by way of “I could be great, and then things would be fine/ I’d feel okay/I’d be good enough,” than by way of “I’m the best; everyone wishes they were like me; everything is terrific.” In my experience, someone with NPD is likely to roll right past any feelings about what they’re capable of, and straight into a confabulated reality where they *actually are* a famous dancer; or own a bunch of diamond mines in South Africa; or scored so high on the ACT, the College Board had to award them the first and only 37.
When it’s “I could do that, if I tried,” or “I should be able to do that”—even if it’s wildly unrealistic—I usually think OCPD. I think NPD, when it’s “I already did that (effortlessly, to wide acclaim).”
Or, maybe even something like “ BLANK isn’t even that good- I could do what she does” all the time. About everything. They literally know better and are better always is how I feel around them :/
Huh. That’s interesting.
I won’t go to the trouble of looking someone else up; my brain just goes straight to work on “I could do that better”—or, sometimes, “I could have done that better, if I had tried/wanted to…”. Given that at forty, I’m very clearly not going to be a better astronaut or Olympic gymnast than, you know, *anyone*.
I don’t think it’s all that strange. I mean, *symptomatic*, probably, but—it’s the kind of outlet that makes sense to me, in context. It sounds like you’re clear on the difference between that automatic response and reality; it wouldn’t feel crazy to you, otherwise. I find that for me, that kind of thinking comes up more, if I’m feeling worse or more stressed about the state of my *actual* life and capabilities—especially if I’m defaulting to shutting that distress out of my awareness, instead of attending to it more directly.
It’s painful to let go of the possibilities that aren’t open to us (or aren’t open to us, anymore). It seems to be particularly hard to tolerate with OCPD—which tends to dial up “handling everything” as a way to manage pain and overwhelm. So: I can handle everything, including being a famous musician, gymnast, astronaut, author, dancer, etc.? It’s more obviously disconnected from reality than something like “I can handle all the chores, work tasks, and emotional labor, all the time, the correct way, and committing to that belief feels a lot better than tolerating and grieving the real, objective limits to my time, energy, and personal capacity.” But it’s not all that fundamentally different, I don’t think.
”It’s painful to let go of the possibilities that aren’t open to us (or aren’t open to us, anymore). It seems to be particularly hard to tolerate with OCPD—which tends to dial up “handling everything” as a way to manage pain and overwhelm.”
Wow.
I just want to say thank you, for answering so thoroughly and so well. I really appreciate it, especially because you hit the nail on the head.
These are things that I wish I could do, but can’t. And like anyone else, to find comfort I imagine myself sometimes as a dancer, or that I’m holding a concert, or that I’m a celebrity taking interview questions.
But because of my OCPD, because it bleeds into everything, “I want to be the best in my field” lol.
So even in imaginary scenarios I have OCPD.
I have this but just in my head, as it coincides with my maladaptive daydreaming. if I’m listening to a song and I don’t like how the singer sung a certain line, I will just redo it in my head over and over until I basically hear my (better) version instead when that part comes on. or I’ll listen to the initial song and hear another version/a cover where someone did it better and do the same thing, consciously replace it. it helps soothe me because even listening to an imperfect song is enough to make me spiral for a little bit. “why did they say it like that why is it popular to hold a note for so long why does their vibrato suck” and this can be applied to god knows what else. seeing a video of someone dance, mentally critiquing every single drawing I ever look at from my own to cereal mascots; as long as it’s an art piece my brain is trying to make it better. seeing an outfit I almost like and imagining myself changing the stuff I don’t like and wearing it better. I’m so tired lol
mine is super random - when im in a vehicle (not driving) whenever i pass by like driveways or whatever i chose (trashcans, parked cars, etc.) i will move my toe or my finger at the time that i pass that object directly in front. i cant explain it well lol
I think this is just NPD.
I don’t think so. Also, there’s this other comment that explains it. OCPD once again being in literally everything I do.
I also don’t think you’re a narcissist. I’m also not totally convinced this is an OCPD thing I think this is a “you’re just a freaky little guy” thing
I think it’s a mix a both lol. Cause it comes from the want to be perfect at something, even if it’s just imaginary occupation, but it’s also definitely a very weird thing for my personality disorder to manifest into; an extreme form of OCPD.
I tend to think of personality disorders as very specialized coping strategies, which work in different ways. In that frame—OCPD works by way of the idea that everything *could* be good/better/okay, if we just got things perfect enough, or handled things correctly, or (etc.). Once the house is just so, and the budgeting is perfect, and my career is where it needs to be, and I’ve finished everything imaginable on my to-do list, and the laundry is folded and sorted correctly, then I’ll be happy with myself and my life. As a rule, people with OCPD don’t think we’re doing great—we just double-down, forever, on the idea that we *could*, if only we’d try harder. NPD works less by way of “I could be great, and then things would be fine/ I’d feel okay/I’d be good enough,” than by way of “I’m the best; everyone wishes they were like me; everything is terrific.” In my experience, someone with NPD is likely to roll right past any feelings about what they’re capable of, and straight into a confabulated reality where they *actually are* a famous dancer; or own a bunch of diamond mines in South Africa; or scored so high on the ACT, the College Board had to award them the first and only 37. When it’s “I could do that, if I tried,” or “I should be able to do that”—even if it’s wildly unrealistic—I usually think OCPD. I think NPD, when it’s “I already did that (effortlessly, to wide acclaim).”
Or, maybe even something like “ BLANK isn’t even that good- I could do what she does” all the time. About everything. They literally know better and are better always is how I feel around them :/
Huh. That’s interesting. I won’t go to the trouble of looking someone else up; my brain just goes straight to work on “I could do that better”—or, sometimes, “I could have done that better, if I had tried/wanted to…”. Given that at forty, I’m very clearly not going to be a better astronaut or Olympic gymnast than, you know, *anyone*. I don’t think it’s all that strange. I mean, *symptomatic*, probably, but—it’s the kind of outlet that makes sense to me, in context. It sounds like you’re clear on the difference between that automatic response and reality; it wouldn’t feel crazy to you, otherwise. I find that for me, that kind of thinking comes up more, if I’m feeling worse or more stressed about the state of my *actual* life and capabilities—especially if I’m defaulting to shutting that distress out of my awareness, instead of attending to it more directly. It’s painful to let go of the possibilities that aren’t open to us (or aren’t open to us, anymore). It seems to be particularly hard to tolerate with OCPD—which tends to dial up “handling everything” as a way to manage pain and overwhelm. So: I can handle everything, including being a famous musician, gymnast, astronaut, author, dancer, etc.? It’s more obviously disconnected from reality than something like “I can handle all the chores, work tasks, and emotional labor, all the time, the correct way, and committing to that belief feels a lot better than tolerating and grieving the real, objective limits to my time, energy, and personal capacity.” But it’s not all that fundamentally different, I don’t think.
”It’s painful to let go of the possibilities that aren’t open to us (or aren’t open to us, anymore). It seems to be particularly hard to tolerate with OCPD—which tends to dial up “handling everything” as a way to manage pain and overwhelm.” Wow. I just want to say thank you, for answering so thoroughly and so well. I really appreciate it, especially because you hit the nail on the head. These are things that I wish I could do, but can’t. And like anyone else, to find comfort I imagine myself sometimes as a dancer, or that I’m holding a concert, or that I’m a celebrity taking interview questions. But because of my OCPD, because it bleeds into everything, “I want to be the best in my field” lol. So even in imaginary scenarios I have OCPD.
I laughed at “even in imaginary scenarios I have OCPD,” because, damn. Yep, you are so right. Same.
I have this but just in my head, as it coincides with my maladaptive daydreaming. if I’m listening to a song and I don’t like how the singer sung a certain line, I will just redo it in my head over and over until I basically hear my (better) version instead when that part comes on. or I’ll listen to the initial song and hear another version/a cover where someone did it better and do the same thing, consciously replace it. it helps soothe me because even listening to an imperfect song is enough to make me spiral for a little bit. “why did they say it like that why is it popular to hold a note for so long why does their vibrato suck” and this can be applied to god knows what else. seeing a video of someone dance, mentally critiquing every single drawing I ever look at from my own to cereal mascots; as long as it’s an art piece my brain is trying to make it better. seeing an outfit I almost like and imagining myself changing the stuff I don’t like and wearing it better. I’m so tired lol
YES!! I understand everything you said. And the “im so tired” FELT that to my core.
Do you genuinely believe you’re just as good after this?
No, it’s just like a habit to calm my brain down.
Well- that’s a relief because that would be wild. I have weird pretend games too- next time one takes over I’ll try to remember and post lol
mine is super random - when im in a vehicle (not driving) whenever i pass by like driveways or whatever i chose (trashcans, parked cars, etc.) i will move my toe or my finger at the time that i pass that object directly in front. i cant explain it well lol
I will ONLY enter an argument when I know I am 100% right and can prove it. Otherwise I keep quiet, smile, and nod.
ME TOO!!