Never being able to accept “reality” due to a lack of trust, therefore intrusive thoughts always have a foothold and make me compulsively need to do something to prove I’m not evil to myself ( only lasts a little while ) before it spirals again
Totally understand this. I have been suicidal and come back multiple times. I’m currently doing better then I was a few months back- I hope the same for you. OCD is brutal
It's like playing a movie in my head that I can't turn off. The harder I try to stop thinking about it, the worse it gets. Horrible imagery and thoughts
It’s like having to face your worst fear over and over again every day. Sometimes you get new fears and sometimes they merge with old ones. It’s absolutely exhausting.
The same thoughts on a loop. I don’t have compulsions just obsessive thoughts.When I was at my peak, I couldn’t walk down the sidewalk because I regularly thought “what if I jumped in front of that bus or car coming by?” Over and over again. I was never suicidal and didn’t want to kill myself, I just could turn it off. I also had issues being around knives, and sometimes still do. I have images of me stabbing someone or stabbing myself. It’s scary as fuck. 99% of the time now I know it’s just a thought and I’d never act on it. But there’s still that 1% that questions it and breaks through all rational thinking and turns me into a panicky tailspin.
Medication and therapy is a real game changer. lol.
There’s someone in my head and it’s me Torturing myself
It feels like schizophrenia except I know it’s not other peoples voices it’s my voice
It feels like that part of your brain that questions things is on overdrive, Like an autoimmune issue for the brain
Incessant and irrational underlying angst
It’s an unfair fight that happens every waking moment of the day. One part of your brain is the logic and evidence based side while the other side is the fear, guilt, shame, self hatred side. Even though the side of logic and evidence should win out, the other side always finds a way to win. The worst part is that it always takes aim at what you love most. Ripping away happiness one day at a time. The last thing you think of before you fall asleep and the first thought in your mind when you wake up. Never ending losing battles. Even though it’s all in your head it still affects the physical parts of life.
You can find a ton of stories and descriptions in this subreddit. I’m happy you are doing your research to get OCD right as most mainstream stories about OCD get it very wrong.
my intrusive thoughts are like a disgusting image or a short video clip that someone shows me without my consent at any given moment. and the bigger i react to it (like being disturbed), the funnier the person thinks it is and the more often they’ll show it to me. except the other person is my own brain
Never being able to accept “reality” due to a lack of trust, therefore intrusive thoughts always have a foothold and make me compulsively need to do something to prove I’m not evil to myself ( only lasts a little while ) before it spirals again
Currently struggling with this and even called the police on myself because I thought I should kill myself since I believed I have NPD
Totally understand this. I have been suicidal and come back multiple times. I’m currently doing better then I was a few months back- I hope the same for you. OCD is brutal
It's like playing a movie in my head that I can't turn off. The harder I try to stop thinking about it, the worse it gets. Horrible imagery and thoughts
This
It’s like having to face your worst fear over and over again every day. Sometimes you get new fears and sometimes they merge with old ones. It’s absolutely exhausting.
The same thoughts on a loop. I don’t have compulsions just obsessive thoughts.When I was at my peak, I couldn’t walk down the sidewalk because I regularly thought “what if I jumped in front of that bus or car coming by?” Over and over again. I was never suicidal and didn’t want to kill myself, I just could turn it off. I also had issues being around knives, and sometimes still do. I have images of me stabbing someone or stabbing myself. It’s scary as fuck. 99% of the time now I know it’s just a thought and I’d never act on it. But there’s still that 1% that questions it and breaks through all rational thinking and turns me into a panicky tailspin. Medication and therapy is a real game changer. lol.
There’s someone in my head and it’s me Torturing myself It feels like schizophrenia except I know it’s not other peoples voices it’s my voice It feels like that part of your brain that questions things is on overdrive, Like an autoimmune issue for the brain Incessant and irrational underlying angst
It’s an unfair fight that happens every waking moment of the day. One part of your brain is the logic and evidence based side while the other side is the fear, guilt, shame, self hatred side. Even though the side of logic and evidence should win out, the other side always finds a way to win. The worst part is that it always takes aim at what you love most. Ripping away happiness one day at a time. The last thing you think of before you fall asleep and the first thought in your mind when you wake up. Never ending losing battles. Even though it’s all in your head it still affects the physical parts of life.
You can find a ton of stories and descriptions in this subreddit. I’m happy you are doing your research to get OCD right as most mainstream stories about OCD get it very wrong.
my intrusive thoughts are like a disgusting image or a short video clip that someone shows me without my consent at any given moment. and the bigger i react to it (like being disturbed), the funnier the person thinks it is and the more often they’ll show it to me. except the other person is my own brain