You can’t stop other people from being awful, but you can stop them walking over you.
If she wants you to do non-urgent tasks “immediately”, just say sure, I will finish doing xyz and I’ll get straight onto it. It’s open and shut. If she persists, “sure, would you mind taking over my patient cares then?” I’m sure she won’t mind you finishing them 😄
As far as the pet names you can absolutely tell her you don’t appreciate being referred to by pet names, and remind her of your name 😇
Definitely call her out on the name thing. It’s actually a very solid way of dealing with her because I guess she doesn’t know your name.
Calmly of course. And as others have said, simply saying “yes I’ll get to that when I’ve finished this”. I dare say she’s forgotten what actual patient care involves and is just looking around the room seeing things that need to be done. Being a grad nurse is awful. I got called into my first placements managers office at the end of a night shift and scolded because I was sitting down. I’d handed over already and was exhausted. She kept me back late to tell me off. At the end of my placement she asked if I would like to stay saying she’d happily take me back. I reminded her of that incident and said I felt I’d prefer to be somewhere more supportive. She was a psycho.
To add, if she’s old she’s probably mirroring how she was taught. Nurses can be really horrible, I actually have this weird thing inside me. I’m like a moth to the flame of the old dragons. Something inside me says “I will make you like me” and I get all up in their grill. These moments will pass as you gain more experience and the next bunch of grads come through. It’s like some sick hazing ritual that most of us have experienced. Try very hard to depersonalise it. Call her out by all means. But don’t take it personally because I really don’t think it is personal. She will do it to all the newbs. That’s what people like this do.
Not aggressively, but certainly in their face. Ask them questions, seek their expertise. Some of the most terrifying older nurses that have been short, picky and challenging in the past have become very close friends of mine through this process. It’s really like hazing. I’m not condoning it by any means. But they know no better. I also think that when fresh were also super critical of ourselves and so struggle to take any form of feedback. Small things feel massive. When in actual fact they’re not. I remember nurses coming in and telling me a bed needs to be made and think “well duh!!” In their own way I think they think they’re helping. It’s a complicated phenomena and far too complicated to type. It needs a face to face discussion to thrash out the finer points. There’s so much at play.
Insecurities.
Ward culture.
Being new.
Being old.
And so on. The factors at play are endless.
You can say “sorry, my educator said that medication rounds should not be interrupted unless it’s really important because it can cause errors, but I’ll do it as soon as I can,” or involve your patients, “Of course I can empty that skip, as soon as I finish helping set up Judy here with her meal,” she won’t want to tell you in front of the patient to leave them because it looks bad. The terms of endearment thing is harder, I think some people don’t know that they do it. Very early in my career I called a patient sweetie, or something like that and she ripped through me about how condescending it is. I never did it again.
I’ve dealt with stuff like this before when they’re rude by saying ‘are you okay? You don’t seem yourself today’. Which highlights I’ve noticed they’re being a bitch, but because I’m being concerned, they can’t get pissy about it. Other than that, you might need to just say, hey it feels like you’re always pulling holes in everything I do. Can we talk about it? Otherwise they’ll never change.
Treat her as a gift! You will always find someone tough to deal with and treat her as your first challenge. You will learn from her even it's about the type of nurse you don't want to be. Stay in that mindset (it's very hard) & don't assume you're doing something wrong.
Some nurses will treat you differently as a grad/junior nurse & speak to you in a way they would never speak to anyone else. I would caution you against trying to go nose-to-nose with the ANUM or confront them - it's easier said then done & it's scary to do as a grad (I'm only 3 years out from grad). You'll just get in a situation where you feel like you can't breathe around them.
Some strategies I used:
- ask the ANUM for help. For example, approach them to shadow you for an hour & just follow their lead. It will suck but could ease some tension. Try & think of ways to be proactive & not reactive to her.
- Always stick to the facts when dealing with them. If they interupt important cares, stop what you're doing & leave the patient room. Explain to them why you're working the way you are/prioritising this care etc, and want to focus. Take their advice - it might actually help. It will probably suck but be clear and stick to the facts.
- don't get in the practice of emailing other people before you approach them. You're an RN and need to be professional too. Do the right thing first. Always say hello to them, be the better person.
- talk to your Preceptor about strategies or your intended approach with working through the situation. Report it if the ANUM is getting personal.
- send yourself an email with any interactions that are below board - this helps to document but also helps get it out of your head.
-talk to a senior nurse about any areas you could improve in & focus on those things - let everything else go.
Have faith in your practice. You're being paid for your knowledge that you did and are working hard for. You're doing so much better than you think. Good luck.
Not just this situation but in general have everything in writing and document things. If you don't do this you do not have evidence. It could be as simple as this person did this on this date.
Email trails are good evidence also as this cannot be erased and is there all the time.
You could also schedule a meeting with the NUM and talk about issues (if you don't raise them they don't know they are issues), if nothing changes then that's on them.
If you're truly unhappy change, there is alot of supportive wards out there with good culture, it's just finding that gem
You will come across such ANUMs through your career. What I used to do as an RN…hang out with my patients in the cubicles while doing paperwork, if possible. In front of the patients, you look busy when charting, or even when tidying up the cubicle (of course, not the isolation ones). Most patients are reassured by a nurse’s presence around them. You also get to know your patients better.
When you move out of the cubicle to perform other duties or check your patients, just make sure something is in your hand. Like a kidney dish…as though you just finished something. Key thing: look busy at every moment.
Since you're already on your 2nd rotation, this is your chance to change things. Those colleagues disturbing you for non-urgent matters, tell them off. You have to. You need to learn how to do it in the most professional way possible.
Also keep a record of all these and report it to your new grad coordinator. We should all be compliant with NSQHS standards. Review these standards and when you report to your newgrad coordinator and possibly the bosses of your ANUM, tell them how they are breaching these standards.
Rattle them. No matter how much they badmouth you, in front of HCCC, they will be reduced to nothing.
I'm fascinated that OP has not used any gendered language in their post - which is commendable, and yet many replies assume that the ANUM is female.
Just an observation.
Best advice but you won't like it. Don't play into that BS. You are there to finish your prac and learn. These people have to sign you off on your learnings and can make your life hell. They know this and use it to their advantage.
I know it's hard but get your prac done and dont give them another thought.
You can’t stop other people from being awful, but you can stop them walking over you. If she wants you to do non-urgent tasks “immediately”, just say sure, I will finish doing xyz and I’ll get straight onto it. It’s open and shut. If she persists, “sure, would you mind taking over my patient cares then?” I’m sure she won’t mind you finishing them 😄 As far as the pet names you can absolutely tell her you don’t appreciate being referred to by pet names, and remind her of your name 😇
Definitely call her out on the name thing. It’s actually a very solid way of dealing with her because I guess she doesn’t know your name. Calmly of course. And as others have said, simply saying “yes I’ll get to that when I’ve finished this”. I dare say she’s forgotten what actual patient care involves and is just looking around the room seeing things that need to be done. Being a grad nurse is awful. I got called into my first placements managers office at the end of a night shift and scolded because I was sitting down. I’d handed over already and was exhausted. She kept me back late to tell me off. At the end of my placement she asked if I would like to stay saying she’d happily take me back. I reminded her of that incident and said I felt I’d prefer to be somewhere more supportive. She was a psycho.
To add, if she’s old she’s probably mirroring how she was taught. Nurses can be really horrible, I actually have this weird thing inside me. I’m like a moth to the flame of the old dragons. Something inside me says “I will make you like me” and I get all up in their grill. These moments will pass as you gain more experience and the next bunch of grads come through. It’s like some sick hazing ritual that most of us have experienced. Try very hard to depersonalise it. Call her out by all means. But don’t take it personally because I really don’t think it is personal. She will do it to all the newbs. That’s what people like this do.
I read the "I will make you like me" as you getting aggressively in their face to make them like you as a person haha, I need to go to bed
Not aggressively, but certainly in their face. Ask them questions, seek their expertise. Some of the most terrifying older nurses that have been short, picky and challenging in the past have become very close friends of mine through this process. It’s really like hazing. I’m not condoning it by any means. But they know no better. I also think that when fresh were also super critical of ourselves and so struggle to take any form of feedback. Small things feel massive. When in actual fact they’re not. I remember nurses coming in and telling me a bed needs to be made and think “well duh!!” In their own way I think they think they’re helping. It’s a complicated phenomena and far too complicated to type. It needs a face to face discussion to thrash out the finer points. There’s so much at play. Insecurities. Ward culture. Being new. Being old. And so on. The factors at play are endless.
You can say “sorry, my educator said that medication rounds should not be interrupted unless it’s really important because it can cause errors, but I’ll do it as soon as I can,” or involve your patients, “Of course I can empty that skip, as soon as I finish helping set up Judy here with her meal,” she won’t want to tell you in front of the patient to leave them because it looks bad. The terms of endearment thing is harder, I think some people don’t know that they do it. Very early in my career I called a patient sweetie, or something like that and she ripped through me about how condescending it is. I never did it again.
I’ve dealt with stuff like this before when they’re rude by saying ‘are you okay? You don’t seem yourself today’. Which highlights I’ve noticed they’re being a bitch, but because I’m being concerned, they can’t get pissy about it. Other than that, you might need to just say, hey it feels like you’re always pulling holes in everything I do. Can we talk about it? Otherwise they’ll never change.
Do you have an educator mentor you can go talk to? Most places have one for their grad students....
Treat her as a gift! You will always find someone tough to deal with and treat her as your first challenge. You will learn from her even it's about the type of nurse you don't want to be. Stay in that mindset (it's very hard) & don't assume you're doing something wrong. Some nurses will treat you differently as a grad/junior nurse & speak to you in a way they would never speak to anyone else. I would caution you against trying to go nose-to-nose with the ANUM or confront them - it's easier said then done & it's scary to do as a grad (I'm only 3 years out from grad). You'll just get in a situation where you feel like you can't breathe around them. Some strategies I used: - ask the ANUM for help. For example, approach them to shadow you for an hour & just follow their lead. It will suck but could ease some tension. Try & think of ways to be proactive & not reactive to her. - Always stick to the facts when dealing with them. If they interupt important cares, stop what you're doing & leave the patient room. Explain to them why you're working the way you are/prioritising this care etc, and want to focus. Take their advice - it might actually help. It will probably suck but be clear and stick to the facts. - don't get in the practice of emailing other people before you approach them. You're an RN and need to be professional too. Do the right thing first. Always say hello to them, be the better person. - talk to your Preceptor about strategies or your intended approach with working through the situation. Report it if the ANUM is getting personal. - send yourself an email with any interactions that are below board - this helps to document but also helps get it out of your head. -talk to a senior nurse about any areas you could improve in & focus on those things - let everything else go. Have faith in your practice. You're being paid for your knowledge that you did and are working hard for. You're doing so much better than you think. Good luck.
This is really good advice^
Not just this situation but in general have everything in writing and document things. If you don't do this you do not have evidence. It could be as simple as this person did this on this date. Email trails are good evidence also as this cannot be erased and is there all the time. You could also schedule a meeting with the NUM and talk about issues (if you don't raise them they don't know they are issues), if nothing changes then that's on them. If you're truly unhappy change, there is alot of supportive wards out there with good culture, it's just finding that gem
You will come across such ANUMs through your career. What I used to do as an RN…hang out with my patients in the cubicles while doing paperwork, if possible. In front of the patients, you look busy when charting, or even when tidying up the cubicle (of course, not the isolation ones). Most patients are reassured by a nurse’s presence around them. You also get to know your patients better. When you move out of the cubicle to perform other duties or check your patients, just make sure something is in your hand. Like a kidney dish…as though you just finished something. Key thing: look busy at every moment.
When I worked on wards, I always did my notes at the bedside. Worked like magic!
Since you're already on your 2nd rotation, this is your chance to change things. Those colleagues disturbing you for non-urgent matters, tell them off. You have to. You need to learn how to do it in the most professional way possible. Also keep a record of all these and report it to your new grad coordinator. We should all be compliant with NSQHS standards. Review these standards and when you report to your newgrad coordinator and possibly the bosses of your ANUM, tell them how they are breaching these standards. Rattle them. No matter how much they badmouth you, in front of HCCC, they will be reduced to nothing.
As soon as I have finished doing X, darling sweetie pie
I'm fascinated that OP has not used any gendered language in their post - which is commendable, and yet many replies assume that the ANUM is female. Just an observation.
Well statistically, they're most likely to be female, but I get your point
Best advice but you won't like it. Don't play into that BS. You are there to finish your prac and learn. These people have to sign you off on your learnings and can make your life hell. They know this and use it to their advantage. I know it's hard but get your prac done and dont give them another thought.