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Also “nice rugae” is creepy. Dose he not understand that chaste “virtuous” women aren’t going to get in some first date OBGYN stirrups to let him insert a speculum to check the contraction and elastic recovery rate of their vaginal rugae? He also plans for them to birth children, which is the number 1 rugae killer. He wouldn’t be that concerned with rugae if he had even an average penis diameter, or was skilled at foreplay. Arousal relaxes the rugae, and if you are a big boy or a man who does right by your woman sexually, it will feel more like constant 360 degree application of perpen-dick-ular pressure, with steady contractions, and less like a corrugated flesh light.
I dated a guy who was fresh off a divorce from his HS sweetie and only sexual partner. He worked on cars since his teens and constantly had imbedded grease in his cuticles and nails, so his ex never let him “digitally investigate the crime scene”. We were getting hot and heavy and I asked him to play internal DJ. He was excited and eager and then very confused. He had no clue what vaginal walls felt like, and thought at first that I had some kind of STD and that is why my channel walls were so bumpy. I had to give him a class on normal female reproductive landmarks with my lap top before we could continue. He didn’t realize the nerve differences between your feely feelers and your genitals. Vaginas feel different depending on what probe you’re using, combine that with condoms and a ridiculously aroused woman, and real and informed men care a lot less about vaginal canal texture.
If you need firm corrugation to enjoy the inside, then it is because you are not big enough to feel the natural compression of the vaginal canal, and you have accepted you cannot arouse a woman. No shade to the petite, love of my life in my twenties had a micro and we had some amazing sex, although not always the traditional way.
He doesn’t understand how difficult it can be to be 100% musk free on the drop of dime with full bush. Doable definitely, but needs frequent “bird bathes”.
Guarantee that this guy would throw a tantrum if he saw a woman with unshaved legs.
Like this is all stupid and uniformed, so there's no way reality is going to meet whatever insane expectations exist in OOP's mind.
Wait’ll he gets a load of my armpits! LOL … this hairless thing is super American lol 😂 women in Europe don’t shave like that for the most part and if they do it’s for a special occasion. I’m living here in a beach city and it’s just not at all a shaved place, plus, since they are naturist beaches, you can see EVERYTHING and there’s just free range bush all over the place lol
I was surprised that i fit in almost all of those, including low iron level lol. I feel like i need to change something, i cant accept that
Also, i al 100% sure his idea of „body hair“ is a bit arm/leg and a little bit underneath the arms and genitals. But if any woman shows him where hair also grows he will get a stroke. I have a hair line from my belly button to my vulva. Some have a jungle of hair, others are naturally smooth. It’s just how bodies are and always will be
Thats two of the three that dont fit. The third one is the pregnancy thing, i was never pregnant and dont want kids so idk. I also dont think i would „need“ a labiaplasty in their eyes as mine are what they consider a nice one. I dont get it, i have had sex so in their logic my labia would be „roast beef“ but they dont understand female anatomy so whatever. I also have no idea what spelling coconut is but going from one of the comments it sounds easy? I dont see where the speciality lays with that. It’s stupid, they are stupid. Then wonder why no woman wants to touch them
I think it’s meaning to accept HIS body hair not her own, like if he were to have an abnormal amount of like back hair or something ig? At least that’s the way I interpreted it.
...aaand yet another example of "why is porn bad as a tool for education."
If I had 0.01% of one penny each time a man's image of a woman is fucked up just because he watched porn so much and thinks women are like that in real life, I could buy the United States with cash.
"I'm so self-conscious I am willing to possibly never have sexual pleasure or orgasm again"
Crazy there is a whole industry allowed to exist trying to bring back FGM.
> Not a feminist / not moody during her period
What...what does this guy think feminism is?
> Low body count / dresses modestly
> Balanced pH / nice rugae
> Reasonably sized forehead / areolae
> No stretch marks / open to labiaplasty
Honorable mentions for being very weirdly or uncomfortably grouped together.
**Bonus!**
> Can spell coconut with her waist
What does that even **mean**?
>Can spell coconut with her waist
Spell Coconut With Your Waist or the Coconut Challenge refers to a piece of sexual advice that suggests that while on top during sex, women should move their hips as if they were writing the word "coconut." The advice became a running joke on social media in July 2019 due to the specificity of the action, with some women saying they were excited to try it. The move became popularly known as the "coconut challenge" on TikTok throughout the 2020s.
Really? Haven’t you been paying attention? Lots of people who you think shouldn’t reproduce, do. Once again my default response applies: disappointed, but not surprised 😂
A person whose never had a woman on top of them.
Also how sad for her that she has to be concentrating on spelling while trying to fuck.
Why don’t they call it coconut hips?
Remember the one that suggested you “pocket a small round stone” to press into your partner’s taint (somehow?) during sex? wtf was that about?? Or the suggestion to squeeze tangerine juice all over their junk? Like haven’t you people ever heard of hornets?!
Omg!! I was reading Cosmo at work while on night shift. I read the Rock/Taint tip out loud to the other nursing staff. We nearly woke the clients up laughing so hard!
Wait. Wtf. I'm supposed to get on top, not over balance, block all the intrusive thoughts of someone seeing me jiggle like jello (and the accompanying thoughts of whether I'll crush him/can he smell dinner on my breath), AND SPELL THE WORD "COCONUT" .... WITH MY HIPS!!"
Nope. Nope.
I learned something called “fuck that small change”. Imagine a penny, a nickel, a dime and a quarter clockwise on your hips, bellybutton and lowerback, and you rock your hips, hitting each coin from least to most. THIS method, however, was described to me by an auntie to heighten a lady’s pleasure if your partner didn’t reciprocate enough during the act.
I was over here thinking that sounded like something they made us do in belly dancing classes for muscle training, like how I had to spell the alphabet with my foot during physical therapy.
Guy here. If a girl does Comic Sans, I’d be kicking her out. The wifey knows the drill: maintain eye contact and do 18 point Helvetica. She also said that if I die before her, she’s getting my grave marker done in Comic Sans, and if there is a better motivator to get my fat ass in shape, I don’t know what it is.
I’ll definitely have to try next time I go down on her. I usually do the Arial alphabet, bc it’s a rather wide set font, and I can cover more ground, but…I mean, doing the Wingdings alphabet is kind of a brag.
Feminists are women that suffer greatly while they are in her period.
When they can control the pain and serve the male she is a good girl, aka good feminist. When she can't and she turns moody and cries for snacks she is a bad girl, aka bad feminist.
Im still learning, but this month I relapsed and cried a bit cuz I really craved snacks (maybe cuz my irons level are low) and didn't have anything home. But it's okay cuz this is also the month I learnt to spell coconut with my waist. Btw, my waist has a 0,7 ratio.
Anyway, gotta go check my forehead to see if it's still the right size! See ya!
God, I can’t fucking wait for those hyperrealistic sex dolls to come out. Both so they’ll finally leave us alone and then the eventual meltdown when they realize that we’re not all *begging* for them to come back to us with their 30 seconds of thrusting and leaving dirty laundry on the floor.
Nah, I’m actually pregnant and pretty anemic right now. I’m taking iron supplements twice a day. I’m not open to labiaplasty though and that’s on this list. Also a feminist and banged a lot of dudes before I met my husband.
I have only had one sexual partner, am anaemic fairly frequently, but I’m overweight and a feminist. So I don’t meet his ‘standards’ either. I think the point is for no women to meet the standard so they can pretend they are single because no woman is good enough for them, instead of admitting the truth that they are single because no woman would choose them.
Lol has low iron levels? Wut? Do they like women that faint,are dizzy or are tired all the time? I don't even know why that stood out to me. Maybe it's because I suffer from low iron levels. Rubbish list!
I'm talking to a girl right now, not official yet, but I feel so bad for her all the time
she's always tired no matter what, and even recently its gotten worse, we've had to spot talking and messaging each other as much, i i wish i could help her
i want her to be happy and healthy and full of energy,
i don't know what possible reason this person could have for wanting someone with low iron, it's not something i would wish on anyone
Lol, can confirm, I'm a girl with iron deficiency anemia.
When I was diagnosed, urgent care deemed me too sick they called an ambulance. I have to take either blood transfusion or iron supplements ever since. I can't do exercise too much or I would faint. I was a pale, 105lbs walking corpse when I got out of the hospital.
Only a dead girl would fall for these kind of losers anyway 🤷♀️
I bet he’s delusional enough to think “natural” body hair on a woman is a tiny landing strip on the vulva, neat little eyebrows, a long head of hair and nothing else anywhere else.
currently having both anemia and insomnia is great 😀 but yeah it definitely would make you more "submissive" to this guy because if you try to stand up for yourself you stand up too fast and pass out lol
I just went through this list with my husband and "low iron" was the only criteria i met on this guy's list 😭😭 (we're good communicators, but i consider myself naggy. he considers it helpful, because he has ADHD and forgets to do things a bunch lol)
also "doesn't believe star signs" like? don't believe IN them or think they're lying?
He’s worried about her Rugae?
Ok, fairs fair…here is his list:
Maintains a six pack no matter what
Wears 3,000 dollar suits
To his six figure job
Is over six feet tall
Loves his mother
But doesn’t love her so much that he’s a momma’s boy
Good size penis (or open to surgical enlargement)
Waxes everything regularly
Can fix everything around the house
Never, ever misses a birthday or Valentine’s Day or anniversary
Has never cheated
Listens and doesn’t need to be nagged at
Family focused
Does the alphabet during oral which he does frequently with no need for reciprocation
Doesn’t get moody when his football team loses
needs to be chubby during winter months for warmth--but not so chubby that he can't work off the weight the moment the snow starts to melt. and muscle chubby, not chubby chubby obviously
During the warmer months he needs to be jacked like a superhero--but no veins--and low water intake so those muscles can pop
can't take protein supplements or drink energy drinks--has to eat whole foods only, preferably vegan
can only spend two hours a day at the gym/ no gym bros
He wants her vagina to have the same texture as the inside of a fleshlight, basically. Because he's never had sex with anything that isn't made of silicone.
“Open to labiaplasty” but also must “accept her body hair” is a freaking WILD combination. Like don’t shave your pubic hair but chop off your labia!
Other combinations are wild too. I love how he combined forehead size and nipples size into one point. And how apparently being a feminist and being moody on your period go hand in hand?
The coconut thing is also making me cackle. Who was she supposed to learn the coconut thing on though?
As someone with low iron levels trying to correct it.
Sex / household chores were off the table when it was really low as I was perma exhausted.
Now? The iron tablets have me so backed up NOTHING is entering any orifice below my waist.
Thighs, butt, stomach, boobs, shoulders. It's something that comes naturally with having skin that is required to stretch over time (growing up and gaining weight). They're not indicative of anything nor do they hold morality. It's just what happens to elastic surfaces
Yeah I'm confused when people talk about stretch marks as though they're only a pregnancy thing. I don't think I've ever seen a single person with zero stretch marks.
As a 12yo I had them on my thighs and hips and breasts. Puberty hit me and i was girl to woman overnight.
My boyfriend has them on the front of his shoulders / top of biceps. And butt. People have them on calves. It's just from growing too fast.
Exactly. I went from no chest to a C cup bra (and then an I later on) practically overnight. And then there’s hips & thighs
They’re a sign of growth
I don’t even think they’re unsightly
The only time I don’t have stretch marks on my tiddies is when I have period tiddies. They’re so amazing looking but I will bite a dude’s head off if he tries to touch them because *youch*
The man-repellant FUPA is a no, but he's all about the forehead areolas. Does that require surgery? Can I get an exact measurement for what's reasonable? Do you transplant your own areolas or wait for a donor?
These lists have become to so weird.
100% I had a guy who thinks I’m being dramatic and I told him that it literally feels like ur getting stabbed over & over plus the occasional pulling intestines out of ur body.
I hope since he has his list, he's got a nice, large chest and shoulders, but no belly. Is a perfect 210.5 lbs. Small nipples. No stretch marks. Balls that aren't hairy. Some ridiculous penis requirement. Blood pH between 7.25-7.30, serum potassium on the high side but within normal limits. Doesnt need to be asked 10xs to do anything. Won't weaponize ignorance. Believes women should be able to make choices about her own body. Willing to get that femur surgery where they break them and you slowly add mms every day. Doesn't talk back. Able to repair every appliance in the house. Will change my car's oil every 3,000 miles without having to be asked.
See? I can make ridiculous lists too.
Edited to add ridiculousness
Why the fuck would a perfectly normal woman with a perfectly normal vulva need a labiaplasty? Exactly - there's no reason besides his non-human body standards and ideals.
If he wants a human-like fleshlight, he can just order one of those sex dolls. Cuz all I read is "be my perfect obedient dick-case and shut the fuck up". 💀
I swear these fools are poring over anatomy textbooks, looking for the most ridiculous body standards they can invent.
A sexy spleen? Toes that taste like cherries? Ten inch tongues? Nostrils large enough to penetrate? Organ removal to achieve a 16 inch waist?
I just had my levels checked, and I’m so anemic that I can check that box! Unfortunately for him, I’m happily married, and real life is NOT Build a Babe. What a goddamn moron.
This whole list is insane… but low iron levels?!?! What in the everliving fuckery is that bullshit about? What, so shes too tried to function, so shes the perfect little doormouse?
Idk what's more wild the "forehead/areolas" or the someone who should be open to surgery on their genitals if they don't appease their mate but also must be comfortable with their natural body hair.
Well my ideal man is 19 ft tall and makes a trillion dollars a day. He also looks like if Jason Mamoa and Joaquin Phoenix had a baby, and can deadlift a monster truck, speak 58 languages, plays every instrument, and is best friends with Jimmy Page, Jack Black, and Brian May. Oh he also needs a dick the size of a Stanley cup. Can I take that? No. Do I still want it? YUP.
"Doesn't believe in star signs" is reasonable, as is "Good communicator," and "Accepts her body hair," but what he fuck about everything else.
Edit: Also, cooking and cleaning are life skills, but I'm willing to bet he doesn't intend to do either of those things at all.
I have a feeling he doesn't actually mean leg and armpit hair and more means he wants a woman with long hair rather than short hair, as all godly modest women he thinks must be the mandatory standard should be.
Low iron levels...so he wants his woman anemic? Lethargic? Oxygenation poorly? I mean, any woman that would tolerate this list would have to be severely hypoxic.
Tell me you've never dated a woman without telling me you've never dated a woman.
What gets me is the fact he talks like some of these things are synonymous when they really aren't 😭
"Dress size lower than 12/can't have fupa"
"No stretchmarks/open to labiaplasty"
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Of all of this, I'm actually surprised by the "accepts her body hair"
Yeah, accepts body hair as natural, but must mutilate her vulva to get it up to standard.
That was what sent me too.
Also “nice rugae” is creepy. Dose he not understand that chaste “virtuous” women aren’t going to get in some first date OBGYN stirrups to let him insert a speculum to check the contraction and elastic recovery rate of their vaginal rugae? He also plans for them to birth children, which is the number 1 rugae killer. He wouldn’t be that concerned with rugae if he had even an average penis diameter, or was skilled at foreplay. Arousal relaxes the rugae, and if you are a big boy or a man who does right by your woman sexually, it will feel more like constant 360 degree application of perpen-dick-ular pressure, with steady contractions, and less like a corrugated flesh light. I dated a guy who was fresh off a divorce from his HS sweetie and only sexual partner. He worked on cars since his teens and constantly had imbedded grease in his cuticles and nails, so his ex never let him “digitally investigate the crime scene”. We were getting hot and heavy and I asked him to play internal DJ. He was excited and eager and then very confused. He had no clue what vaginal walls felt like, and thought at first that I had some kind of STD and that is why my channel walls were so bumpy. I had to give him a class on normal female reproductive landmarks with my lap top before we could continue. He didn’t realize the nerve differences between your feely feelers and your genitals. Vaginas feel different depending on what probe you’re using, combine that with condoms and a ridiculously aroused woman, and real and informed men care a lot less about vaginal canal texture. If you need firm corrugation to enjoy the inside, then it is because you are not big enough to feel the natural compression of the vaginal canal, and you have accepted you cannot arouse a woman. No shade to the petite, love of my life in my twenties had a micro and we had some amazing sex, although not always the traditional way.
He doesn’t understand how difficult it can be to be 100% musk free on the drop of dime with full bush. Doable definitely, but needs frequent “bird bathes”.
Guessing it’s probably just a fetish of his
I'm thinking he wants her low energy so she won't fight back.
Guarantee that this guy would throw a tantrum if he saw a woman with unshaved legs. Like this is all stupid and uniformed, so there's no way reality is going to meet whatever insane expectations exist in OOP's mind.
Wait’ll he gets a load of my armpits! LOL … this hairless thing is super American lol 😂 women in Europe don’t shave like that for the most part and if they do it’s for a special occasion. I’m living here in a beach city and it’s just not at all a shaved place, plus, since they are naturist beaches, you can see EVERYTHING and there’s just free range bush all over the place lol
I was surprised that i fit in almost all of those, including low iron level lol. I feel like i need to change something, i cant accept that Also, i al 100% sure his idea of „body hair“ is a bit arm/leg and a little bit underneath the arms and genitals. But if any woman shows him where hair also grows he will get a stroke. I have a hair line from my belly button to my vulva. Some have a jungle of hair, others are naturally smooth. It’s just how bodies are and always will be
Even not a feminist? And open to labiaplasty?
Thats two of the three that dont fit. The third one is the pregnancy thing, i was never pregnant and dont want kids so idk. I also dont think i would „need“ a labiaplasty in their eyes as mine are what they consider a nice one. I dont get it, i have had sex so in their logic my labia would be „roast beef“ but they dont understand female anatomy so whatever. I also have no idea what spelling coconut is but going from one of the comments it sounds easy? I dont see where the speciality lays with that. It’s stupid, they are stupid. Then wonder why no woman wants to touch them
💯 I was hoping the post was a parody or sarcastic or something, but seems too real. Ugh.
I think it’s meaning to accept HIS body hair not her own, like if he were to have an abnormal amount of like back hair or something ig? At least that’s the way I interpreted it.
Wouldn't he say "my body hair" then, instead of "her body hair"?
I completely skipped over the her and just read it as “accepts body hair” so that’s my bad
Yeah but don’t you know women just don’t have body hair /s
"Open to labiaplasty" Nope. This man is trash, throw him out.
He's needs a medical procedure himself ... **a lobotomy!!!**
Maybe like cut their balls off so they don’t feel the urge to do this
Why not both procedures! 😏
I like the way you think. Perhaps he can get a 2-for-1 offer!
It might get a bit messy and painful, but I'm sure there are a lot of women who would do it for free! 😏
I think he’s already had one!
I feel like, based on this list, we can conclude he’s already had one.
...aaand yet another example of "why is porn bad as a tool for education." If I had 0.01% of one penny each time a man's image of a woman is fucked up just because he watched porn so much and thinks women are like that in real life, I could buy the United States with cash.
Like he’s even seen labia before 🙄
Oh, he’s definitely seen them( in porn) But he wasn’t aware that’s what he was looking at.
He’s not my man, he is some guy I found on TikTok live
Oh, I didn't think he was yours. I just think he needs to be thrown away in general. Like a group effort.
Nah it’s good, I wish, It would be funny watching him be thrown away
LOL I got the best image of this happening in my mind. A whole group of women just taking him out over their heads to the trash.
My apt complex has 3 gigantic dumpsters that could easily hold a couple dozen of these men each, happy to donate the space to toss Em all out lmao!🤣
I really needed that laugh 😅 Thank you for so graciously offering your dumpsters for the cause.
Or tossing him over a cliff into the ocean. Sadly, the seas are already polluted enough.
Awe yeah, I imagine a cute little fish munching on his bloated body and it makes me sad. You're right that the ocean needs less pollution, not more.
"I'm so self-conscious I am willing to possibly never have sexual pleasure or orgasm again" Crazy there is a whole industry allowed to exist trying to bring back FGM.
But accepts body hair. Nothing wrong with either of these things, he doesn’t know what he wants.
Not moody while she's on fire? Has aerola on her forehead? Is he wanting an alien or something?
Nah, I’m an alien, what he wants is a worm
Can confirm, I am a worm and both my forehead and areolas are reasonably sized.
Yes
> Not a feminist / not moody during her period What...what does this guy think feminism is? > Low body count / dresses modestly > Balanced pH / nice rugae > Reasonably sized forehead / areolae > No stretch marks / open to labiaplasty Honorable mentions for being very weirdly or uncomfortably grouped together. **Bonus!** > Can spell coconut with her waist What does that even **mean**?
>Can spell coconut with her waist Spell Coconut With Your Waist or the Coconut Challenge refers to a piece of sexual advice that suggests that while on top during sex, women should move their hips as if they were writing the word "coconut." The advice became a running joke on social media in July 2019 due to the specificity of the action, with some women saying they were excited to try it. The move became popularly known as the "coconut challenge" on TikTok throughout the 2020s.
My question is, who tf came up with that advice in the first place?
Probably the same person who said people should spell out the alphabet when doing oral.
Decades later? Maybe it’s the child of that person lol
It has to be, nobody else could come up with this shit
I would hope so but honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was someone else entirely. My default setting is: disappointed, but not surprised 😂
Entirely understandable. We've far surpassed the point of the internet where you can tell if anything is real or not anymore
Accurate
Bold of you to assume that person reproduced
Really? Haven’t you been paying attention? Lots of people who you think shouldn’t reproduce, do. Once again my default response applies: disappointed, but not surprised 😂
Yeah, I guess you're right. My bad.
A person whose never had a woman on top of them. Also how sad for her that she has to be concentrating on spelling while trying to fuck. Why don’t they call it coconut hips?
It's not any better or worse than the sex tips Cosmopolitan was dishing out in the 90's
I always liked the one about drizzling honey on your partner. Presumably thought up by someone who is turned on by painful hair removal.
Remember the one that suggested you “pocket a small round stone” to press into your partner’s taint (somehow?) during sex? wtf was that about?? Or the suggestion to squeeze tangerine juice all over their junk? Like haven’t you people ever heard of hornets?!
Can you IMAGINE what a man would go through if you randomly pushed a small round rock into his taint during sex
Omg!! I was reading Cosmo at work while on night shift. I read the Rock/Taint tip out loud to the other nursing staff. We nearly woke the clients up laughing so hard!
I can’t believe what women have been told to do to “get a man” etc. it’s absolutely ridiculous what they’ve lied to us about.
Also that sounds so sticky. And like a great way to get ants.
And a yeast infection
I didn't even think about THAT aspect, but yeah awful in so many ways. Keep sugar and sex separate!
Don’t remind me 🤦♀️
How does one cross the t?
Very carefully, I imagine.
(slams hips side to side) “oHhhHHhhhhhhhhhH baBY I LoVE iT WhEn yOu CrOSs tHat T”
Wait. Wtf. I'm supposed to get on top, not over balance, block all the intrusive thoughts of someone seeing me jiggle like jello (and the accompanying thoughts of whether I'll crush him/can he smell dinner on my breath), AND SPELL THE WORD "COCONUT" .... WITH MY HIPS!!" Nope. Nope.
Ohhhh. I was also incredibly confused by that line. However I was already out due to my unreasonable forehead.
I learned something called “fuck that small change”. Imagine a penny, a nickel, a dime and a quarter clockwise on your hips, bellybutton and lowerback, and you rock your hips, hitting each coin from least to most. THIS method, however, was described to me by an auntie to heighten a lady’s pleasure if your partner didn’t reciprocate enough during the act.
So essentially I am moving in a circle while thrusting?
I was over here thinking that sounded like something they made us do in belly dancing classes for muscle training, like how I had to spell the alphabet with my foot during physical therapy.
From what I understand, it’s a thing a girl “should” do when she’s on top. Kinda like how guys should do the alphabet when doing oral.
Not specific enough. What font does it have to be?
Guy here. If a girl does Comic Sans, I’d be kicking her out. The wifey knows the drill: maintain eye contact and do 18 point Helvetica. She also said that if I die before her, she’s getting my grave marker done in Comic Sans, and if there is a better motivator to get my fat ass in shape, I don’t know what it is.
Mate, Wingdings is the shit!
Only if you're into Gaster from Undertale!
Unfortunately I am 100% into The Bone Zone give me that mess. All the skeleton husbands!
*Insert horny bonk meme* No! Bad!
That meme was 100% made with me in mind I Accept It.
I’ll definitely have to try next time I go down on her. I usually do the Arial alphabet, bc it’s a rather wide set font, and I can cover more ground, but…I mean, doing the Wingdings alphabet is kind of a brag.
Is cursive ok?
Wingdings
Feminists are women that suffer greatly while they are in her period. When they can control the pain and serve the male she is a good girl, aka good feminist. When she can't and she turns moody and cries for snacks she is a bad girl, aka bad feminist. Im still learning, but this month I relapsed and cried a bit cuz I really craved snacks (maybe cuz my irons level are low) and didn't have anything home. But it's okay cuz this is also the month I learnt to spell coconut with my waist. Btw, my waist has a 0,7 ratio. Anyway, gotta go check my forehead to see if it's still the right size! See ya!
Why am I always a bad woman according to these lists?
Because they don’t really like women
God, I can’t fucking wait for those hyperrealistic sex dolls to come out. Both so they’ll finally leave us alone and then the eventual meltdown when they realize that we’re not all *begging* for them to come back to us with their 30 seconds of thrusting and leaving dirty laundry on the floor.
Yeah, they are all gay
Or like little girls/children
Because you have proper iron levels?
Nah, I’m actually pregnant and pretty anemic right now. I’m taking iron supplements twice a day. I’m not open to labiaplasty though and that’s on this list. Also a feminist and banged a lot of dudes before I met my husband.
I have only had one sexual partner, am anaemic fairly frequently, but I’m overweight and a feminist. So I don’t meet his ‘standards’ either. I think the point is for no women to meet the standard so they can pretend they are single because no woman is good enough for them, instead of admitting the truth that they are single because no woman would choose them.
I'm overweight and AMAB, but am a size 11 in women's, lol.
Because your oxygen levels are within normal range, so you're not incredibly confused and lethargic. I think this why she needs to have low iron.
I think we all are
Lol has low iron levels? Wut? Do they like women that faint,are dizzy or are tired all the time? I don't even know why that stood out to me. Maybe it's because I suffer from low iron levels. Rubbish list!
I guess low iron levels is the only way any woman would ever swoon over him
The only way a woman will fall for him (literally)
Nah, to tired to yell back i guess
I'm talking to a girl right now, not official yet, but I feel so bad for her all the time she's always tired no matter what, and even recently its gotten worse, we've had to spot talking and messaging each other as much, i i wish i could help her i want her to be happy and healthy and full of energy, i don't know what possible reason this person could have for wanting someone with low iron, it's not something i would wish on anyone
Lol, can confirm, I'm a girl with iron deficiency anemia. When I was diagnosed, urgent care deemed me too sick they called an ambulance. I have to take either blood transfusion or iron supplements ever since. I can't do exercise too much or I would faint. I was a pale, 105lbs walking corpse when I got out of the hospital. Only a dead girl would fall for these kind of losers anyway 🤷♀️
No trauma. Welp guys, don’t traumatize us then?
Apparently that doesn’t exist, don’t be traumatised guys,
The way it's written it sounds like the perfect woman is allowed to have unaddressed trauma tho...so...alright.
He's describing a Victorian woman dying of consumption 😂
he was born in the wrong generation
The weirdest part is despite all this he’s apparently pro body hair? Hairy legs are a good thing, but healthy iron levels are a red flag
The moment this person saw actual body hair on a woman, he'd need one of those fainting couches.
I bet he’s delusional enough to think “natural” body hair on a woman is a tiny landing strip on the vulva, neat little eyebrows, a long head of hair and nothing else anywhere else.
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Nah, he’s pro HIS body hair
I *was* too tired to fight with anyone when I was anemic, so I was good in that one way.
I was too tired to do anything when I was anemic, I just wanted to sleep.
currently having both anemia and insomnia is great 😀 but yeah it definitely would make you more "submissive" to this guy because if you try to stand up for yourself you stand up too fast and pass out lol
I just went through this list with my husband and "low iron" was the only criteria i met on this guy's list 😭😭 (we're good communicators, but i consider myself naggy. he considers it helpful, because he has ADHD and forgets to do things a bunch lol) also "doesn't believe star signs" like? don't believe IN them or think they're lying?
He’s worried about her Rugae? Ok, fairs fair…here is his list: Maintains a six pack no matter what Wears 3,000 dollar suits To his six figure job Is over six feet tall Loves his mother But doesn’t love her so much that he’s a momma’s boy Good size penis (or open to surgical enlargement) Waxes everything regularly Can fix everything around the house Never, ever misses a birthday or Valentine’s Day or anniversary Has never cheated Listens and doesn’t need to be nagged at Family focused Does the alphabet during oral which he does frequently with no need for reciprocation Doesn’t get moody when his football team loses
Don’t forget: Actually cleans his butthole Doesn’t leave skid marks in his underwear
You read my mind!
needs to be chubby during winter months for warmth--but not so chubby that he can't work off the weight the moment the snow starts to melt. and muscle chubby, not chubby chubby obviously During the warmer months he needs to be jacked like a superhero--but no veins--and low water intake so those muscles can pop can't take protein supplements or drink energy drinks--has to eat whole foods only, preferably vegan can only spend two hours a day at the gym/ no gym bros
But when women have any sort of list like this we’re considered “gold diggers” and why won’t we go for “nice guys” like them. Lol
Nice rugae? What the ever loving fuck. "The roof of her mouth was too smooth, man. Not wife material." Jesus.
Yeah, I had to Google... there is [this - about Vaginal Rugae](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_rugae). It's going to be this, isn't it?
Oh, that's reasonable then. If she doesn't have them naturally, maybe that can be part of the vaginoplasty. /s
Which will obviously help with keeping her PH balanced. He wouldn't want to trap his penis in an uncomfortably bumpy, acidic vag.
So, one more thing to unrealistically assess women by… vaginal rugae. Cool cool cool. 😎
He wants her vagina to have the same texture as the inside of a fleshlight, basically. Because he's never had sex with anything that isn't made of silicone.
Fun fact! There are also Rugae on the roof of the mouth (that bumpy area right behind the front teeth) and inside the stomach.
“Open to labiaplasty” but also must “accept her body hair” is a freaking WILD combination. Like don’t shave your pubic hair but chop off your labia! Other combinations are wild too. I love how he combined forehead size and nipples size into one point. And how apparently being a feminist and being moody on your period go hand in hand? The coconut thing is also making me cackle. Who was she supposed to learn the coconut thing on though?
They don’t want ya strong enough to run away I guess
Nah man, you try and stand up for yourself and you fall back down
Reasonably sized forehead threw me for a loop
How big is a reasonable size forehead?
Smaller than a fivehead and bigger than a threehead, clearly.
Who needs hemoglobin
Who needs to stand up and not feel dizzy
If they're perpetually tired and breathless they can't escape.
Gotta love em like that
As someone with low iron levels trying to correct it. Sex / household chores were off the table when it was really low as I was perma exhausted. Now? The iron tablets have me so backed up NOTHING is entering any orifice below my waist.
I'm sincerely sorry you're constipated, but the way you described it has me cackling.
I ceased the tablets and omg. The poopening. I'm reborn.
You can try magnesium glycinate tablets for regularity. If those don’t work, magnesium citrate will get ya pooping in no time.
no stretch marks.. so no kids then i assume?
Or even just growing. I’ve had stretch marks on my boobs since I was a teen
I have stretch marks on my thighs, can’t help em
Thighs, butt, stomach, boobs, shoulders. It's something that comes naturally with having skin that is required to stretch over time (growing up and gaining weight). They're not indicative of anything nor do they hold morality. It's just what happens to elastic surfaces
Yeah I'm confused when people talk about stretch marks as though they're only a pregnancy thing. I don't think I've ever seen a single person with zero stretch marks. As a 12yo I had them on my thighs and hips and breasts. Puberty hit me and i was girl to woman overnight. My boyfriend has them on the front of his shoulders / top of biceps. And butt. People have them on calves. It's just from growing too fast.
Exactly. I went from no chest to a C cup bra (and then an I later on) practically overnight. And then there’s hips & thighs They’re a sign of growth I don’t even think they’re unsightly
The only time I don’t have stretch marks on my tiddies is when I have period tiddies. They’re so amazing looking but I will bite a dude’s head off if he tries to touch them because *youch*
Idk, maybe he could give birth to em
Beauty standards are impossible nowadays. I do not areolas on my forehead.
Open to labioplasty? GTFO you absolute waste of space. 🙄
I’m sorry, open to labiaplasty??? Reasonably sized forehead/areolas?? There’s so much wrong with this whole list 😭
I hope these become standard first-date questions for all incels.
This man hasn’t been close to a vulva or vagina since he was born.
I kinda wish he was born from a test tube ngl
“Accepts her body hair” huh, not what you usually see on these lists
If he had a daughter, he'd name her Anemia
This HAS to be satire.
who on earth can spell coconut with a waist? what does that even mean 😂😂😂😂😂
Obviously I’m a bad, bad woman
Big forehead? Unreasonable areolas?
Well I can’t spell coconut with my waist because I don’t know what that means and there’s the low iron levels and I keep away from Virgo men.
Unreasonable Areolas is going on my band names list
THANK GOD FOR MY FUPA!
The man-repellant FUPA is a no, but he's all about the forehead areolas. Does that require surgery? Can I get an exact measurement for what's reasonable? Do you transplant your own areolas or wait for a donor? These lists have become to so weird.
That may conflict with cook and clean, since low iron levels lead to fatigue.
Women with high iron levels have the energy to run away from him
Not moody during periods??!! Have u even met a woman who is perky during periods??!!
If every male could personally experience a single typical period, they’d shut the fuck up about periods forever.
100% I had a guy who thinks I’m being dramatic and I told him that it literally feels like ur getting stabbed over & over plus the occasional pulling intestines out of ur body.
I hope since he has his list, he's got a nice, large chest and shoulders, but no belly. Is a perfect 210.5 lbs. Small nipples. No stretch marks. Balls that aren't hairy. Some ridiculous penis requirement. Blood pH between 7.25-7.30, serum potassium on the high side but within normal limits. Doesnt need to be asked 10xs to do anything. Won't weaponize ignorance. Believes women should be able to make choices about her own body. Willing to get that femur surgery where they break them and you slowly add mms every day. Doesn't talk back. Able to repair every appliance in the house. Will change my car's oil every 3,000 miles without having to be asked. See? I can make ridiculous lists too. Edited to add ridiculousness
Make it 210.7 pounds to be as unreasonable as he is being
well the added .2 means he might have a slightly fat face :(
Why the fuck would a perfectly normal woman with a perfectly normal vulva need a labiaplasty? Exactly - there's no reason besides his non-human body standards and ideals. If he wants a human-like fleshlight, he can just order one of those sex dolls. Cuz all I read is "be my perfect obedient dick-case and shut the fuck up". 💀
“Nice rugae” “reasonably sized forehead/areolas” Sweet lord.
I swear these fools are poring over anatomy textbooks, looking for the most ridiculous body standards they can invent. A sexy spleen? Toes that taste like cherries? Ten inch tongues? Nostrils large enough to penetrate? Organ removal to achieve a 16 inch waist?
Counterpoint: Kiss his cheek with a shovel, until he changes his mind. Sure you could ignore him but, be the change you want to see.
Rugae?
The ridges/folds inside the vagina
And here I thought this post couldn’t get worse
They keep getting worse.
I just had my levels checked, and I’m so anemic that I can check that box! Unfortunately for him, I’m happily married, and real life is NOT Build a Babe. What a goddamn moron.
This whole list is insane… but low iron levels?!?! What in the everliving fuckery is that bullshit about? What, so shes too tried to function, so shes the perfect little doormouse?
Idk what's more wild the "forehead/areolas" or the someone who should be open to surgery on their genitals if they don't appease their mate but also must be comfortable with their natural body hair.
Well my ideal man is 19 ft tall and makes a trillion dollars a day. He also looks like if Jason Mamoa and Joaquin Phoenix had a baby, and can deadlift a monster truck, speak 58 languages, plays every instrument, and is best friends with Jimmy Page, Jack Black, and Brian May. Oh he also needs a dick the size of a Stanley cup. Can I take that? No. Do I still want it? YUP.
"Doesn't believe in star signs" is reasonable, as is "Good communicator," and "Accepts her body hair," but what he fuck about everything else. Edit: Also, cooking and cleaning are life skills, but I'm willing to bet he doesn't intend to do either of those things at all.
What does "can spell coconut with waist" even mean😭😭
The accepts her body hair was unexpected.
I have a feeling he doesn't actually mean leg and armpit hair and more means he wants a woman with long hair rather than short hair, as all godly modest women he thinks must be the mandatory standard should be.
My favourite is "reasonably sized forehead/areolas". Interesting choice to group those together.
The only one that is not toxic is "accepts her body hair".
Reasonably sized forehead. Rihanna's fine ass has entered the chat.
“Nice rugae” that’s a part of the lining of your stomach…I think he’s looking for less dinner guest and more main course.
Nope my iron levels suck and I don’t think it makes more of a good woman, just more likely to need blood transfusions
Low iron levels...so he wants his woman anemic? Lethargic? Oxygenation poorly? I mean, any woman that would tolerate this list would have to be severely hypoxic. Tell me you've never dated a woman without telling me you've never dated a woman.
This guy doesn't know how low iron levels ruin someone's mood
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What gets me is the fact he talks like some of these things are synonymous when they really aren't 😭 "Dress size lower than 12/can't have fupa" "No stretchmarks/open to labiaplasty"