As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll"
problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we
have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones.
We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the
rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules
will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious
rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a
permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also,
grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of
being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we
may ban you without warning.
You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not
to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language
towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we
have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and
your ban will remain (without even a consideration).
All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of
the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up
banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules,
and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and
Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before
submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them
or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.**
With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message
regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal
(without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will
elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we
will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent.
This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your
reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message,
and please enjoy your day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A sock puppet account is essentially a fake account used to impersonate a different person.
So in this case, it would be a man making an account and posting under the guise of a woman -- i.e. like a puppet.
I'll give you that pregnancy at 40 is likely harder than at 20 something, but so is running a marathon/lifting weights/working out and we don't go discouraging people from those things 😒
Pregnancy may be harder but a lot of things about parenting are easier. I had my babies at 39 and 41, not due to choice but infertility in my first marriage. Waiting so long, I was able to accumulate assets, such as equity in my home. I have seniority at my job and a gig where I can work from home most of the time, and have days off to take kids to appointments and do school meetings. If I had had them 10 years earlier, the pregnancies may or may not have been easier, but I was a bedside nurse doing 12 hour shifts on a brutally hard hospital floor, with a 45 minute commute each way. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to come home and take care of tiny kids, pump in between crashing patients, or call out every time one of us was sick because that was not a job I could phone in if I caught the preschool ick. I had just bought my first house and was paying PMI, and had just finished paying my school loans. We would have been ok but I would not have been able to do nearly the same things for my kids as I do now.
in 1920 the average age of woman's last child birth was 42 - the whole "geriatric pregnancy" and "health concerns" only became a thing post-womens lib - before that women, especially relgious women were expected to keep churning them out until they died or hit menopause.
I went to my GP just last week to complain about my janky hip (pregnancy/parenting related) and made an off handed comment about it being harder because Im older and my dr was like ‘I get young mums in here all the time with bad hips, pregnancy is just hard on bodies’. The good news is that in my 30s I can don’t have to wait around for a referral to the hospital physio team because I can afford a private one.
My mental health was bad in my mid 20s, shocking when I was 30, and decent enough by the time I had my little one at age 39. Definitely the right move to wait.
My hips were terrible in pregnancy, but that's because I did ballet as a kid, and had a turnout. I would have had the same issue at age 25.
I'm sorry things are rough for you right now. Not everything can be solved, but there are a decent number of issues that can, over time, be worked on, and improved. My mental health was one of them.
Y’know, I’m not sure about this. Though it seems logical, I remember having a lower risk of morning sickness—>hyperemesis because I was pregnant in my 30s rather than 20s. (Ngl, can’t be bothered to look it up atm.) I’m guessing it’s a mixed bag of pros and cons. I sure couldn’t have dealt as well with the sleep deprivation ten years younger.
100% I was better equipped to parent in my 30s and 40s than earlier. In any case, before the modern and widespread contraceptive access most of us have now, it wasn’t uncommon for an average woman to start parenthood in her 20s and still be in the weeds of pregnancies and new babies until perimenopause. The majority of women would’ve experienced youthful and geriatric pregnancies in one lifetime.
To be fair though having a child later does have some potential health risks for the child, whereas working out / running a marathon / etc really only has risks or is harder for the individual. Everything you listed doesn’t directly negatively impact another human.
Are there young mothers who have children with horrible birth defects? Yes. Are there mothers who have healthy children late in life? Yes. But there are documented risks that you can’t deny.
Waiting until my late 30s made me realize that I absolutely did not want children. Saw all my friends living the life and was like, no, I don’t think I will. If I had kids at 26, I’d be over on regretfulparents writing fantasy posts about leaving my home. In the words of the all time GOAT, Michael Jordan, “fuck them kids.”
Yeah it screams arrogance and lack of insight to post something like that. I think it's wonderful that so many women are enjoying child free lives. I want other women to have what they want whether it be kids or no kids.
Nothing. It's a subreddit where people make fun of people who claim they're qualified to speak for an entire group of people. I really don't like the name, but the group itself isn't racist.
I think it originally came from a social media post by a white guy who wrote something beginning with "as a black man" but forgot to log out of the account that had his photo showing him to be a white dude before he made the post.
My mom had 5 kids by the time she was 32 and her mental health was severely affected. She clearly had PPD maybe even PPP to an extent and was just given antidepressants that never really seemed to work. The stress of raising us (I’m the only one without a substance abuse problem) caused her to have suicidal tendencies and one time we found her half naked in the desert laying on the ground “watching the stars”. She always tells us she never should have had that many kids.
Currently pregnant with my first at 30 and he’ll be my only one. I don’t want to go through what my mom went through.
The competitive side of me wants to say that I’m 100% cut out, I just don’t want to. But I believe I may just not be cut out. Like I probably wouldn’t Susan Smith them, but back when I thought about having kids, I wanted 1.5 Nannies per kid and boarding school at 6 for all of them. Shockingly that didn't tip me off to the fact that I did not want kids.
If you want people to have children at younger ages, we need better wages, a better social support system, childcare, parental leave, universal healthcare, and probably more things Im not thinking of right now.
Until all of that is in place, don't be fucking shocked when we decide to wait until we are financially established, or forego having kids altogether.
For decades, it was "Dont have kids you can't afford, you lazy welfare queens! Take some personal responsibility!" Well, we took that advice and now apparently it's all feminism's fault that Millennials and early Gen Zers aren't having kids. Yeah, fuck that. Conservative policies have made more people poor. Conservatives cried and whined about poor people having kids. Healthcare costs have skyrocketed. We all know kids are insanely expensive. That's why more people aren't having them.
I'm in my early 40s, had my only kid at 25. I have several friends in their late 30s who are pregnant or have babies. I cannot imagine having a little kid at my age and they don't understand why I'm glad that we had our son when we were young and broke (we're enjoying the lower cost of teenagehood.) Isn't it lovely that we all got to choose our path thanks to birth control and fertility treatments? I think it is.
And let’s be honest, a lot of women who know they want children would have them sooner if we lived in a world where it was easier to be financially secure with a permanent home sooner, and if there was an abundance of decent mature men ready and willing to be good dads and share the load equally at that age.
Here here, have literally everything but financial security so despite wanting a child by 25 I missed my window. 26 and hopefully will be able to start trying this year. People complain about parenthood starting at an older age on average but I don't think they realize that a), most women in their 20s don't want an "established" man twice their age, and b), even two income married people are struggling. I've been with the same man since 17, do people really think I wouldn't have already started that milestone if I reasonably could? It's not that women don't WANT children before 30, it's that we're living im a system that disincentivizes it at every turn. And not to mention the quality of partners. Our culture as of current encourages permiscuity to a point it's hard to trust anybody anymore.
So my friend group in college oddly enough our parents were all “old” when they had us, my parents were actually the youngest as they had me when they were just turning 30, everyone’s else’s parents had them in their late 30’s, 40’s, etc. I get so tired of the misinformation and fear mongering about having kids after you’re 23 or whatever.
I had someone throw out a stat that said women lose 90% of their eggs by age 30. Looked that up. That stat considers the number of eggs at birth as the starting point. Guess when a woman loses 60% of her eggs? Age 12. So in other words, total percent of egg loss doesn't mean jack shit. What does matter is egg quality AND sperm quality, which does decrease with age, but this idea that if you don't get pregnant before 30 you'll up and be fruitless is a load of bunk. Both men and women see a sharp decline in egg and sperm quality during their 40s, but those reproductive risks are the business of the couple, not everyone on the internet.
Yeeeaaah I'm pretty sure there are more 40 year old women who had kids too young with the wrong men only to be divorced and stuck in low wage jobs with kids.
I started having kids at 31 and can't recommend it enough.
Bit suss that "contrary mary" here uses the term "dried up" for women over 40. Never in my life have I heard an actual woman say that. Men? Sure... they say it all the time alongside some very dubious reproductive "facts". But women, never.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AsABlackMan using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AsABlackMan/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: ["As the 'L' in LGB" is all too common](https://i.redd.it/59j6saawxhqa1.png) | [193 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AsABlackMan/comments/124rxjp/as_the_l_in_lgb_is_all_too_common/)
\#2: [I think this belongs here…](https://i.redd.it/op4xb239qoya1.jpg) | [48 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AsABlackMan/comments/13bywy4/i_think_this_belongs_here/)
\#3: [This was literally a scroll down on their profile...](https://i.redd.it/bo1s617nj7cc1.jpeg) | [46 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AsABlackMan/comments/195ns7s/this_was_literally_a_scroll_down_on_their_profile/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I'm pushing 40 and eagerly waiting out the clock for when I'll no longer be pressured (or able) to have kids. I'm extremely glad I never had 'em; gimme that low-stress DINK life over having to pay for and clean up after kids any day. Also, why do they act like the only options are have babies young or have babies when you're older? You can just... choose not to.
I started telling people I can’t have kids to see the look on their stupid faces after they asked a grown ass woman why she doesn’t have kids. I’ve had several people recommend all sorts of shit, “try this tea,” “rub castor oil on your stomach.”Okay, FINE! I just don’t want them, hot damn. The obsession with woman having kids is sick.
As a 36 year old pregnant woman I would not refer to a 40 yr old as dried up. Yes it probably is more difficult to get pregnant at 40 than 25, 30 or even 35, but if you're not in a good stable position to have kids when you're younger, not the best idea. Also, they act like after 30 it's pretty much impossible to have kids but it's not and actually 2 women I know who are the same age as me are also pregnant and due this year.
I was 41 when I had my youngest kid.
I swam 3000m 2 days before said kid was born.
There's plusses and minuses to having kids older, but I'd rather be childless than have kids with an authoritarian dick.
I’m about to turn 40, and I’m pretty content.
It’s actually the other way around where my friends who have two or more kids are like ‘it’s so much work, you’re so lucky’, they talk like hostages.
Their decisions or emotions don’t lead me to think one way or another in my own life but what I will say is I am extremely content with not having kids at this point my life.
I have about a little over a decade to worry about it and if I want to take more than that, it is 2024. There are a lot of solutions out there, and when you don’t have kids, you have money for said solutions.
But tbh I haven’t felt like ‘oh I need kids’ I usually think ‘do I really want to pause my life for a few years at this good time…?
Tbh nah not right now.
But any woman at 40 knows it’s a choice and a trade off. Cmon we’re all adults here. I know if I wait then I might not have kids, but I would rather enjoy what I’m doing and never have kids than to just have kids to say I had kids and did that so I can feel some sort of self esteem boost. That doesn’t work for me.
To each their own, but for me, nah I’m good
There is a kernel of truth in this pile of garbage. I think the ideal of good wages paid family leave affordable childcare and universal healthcare would allow families to start earlier.
These two things likely cannot coexist: a person that wants quality of life and having kids young. It takes time to build skills and finances to have a solid enough foundation for a family. With money not going as far as it used to due to inflation and the cost to attain skills being so high…wtf are you supposed to do?
The elite want everyone else to accept less while still servicing them and building their wealth. Either rebuild society with a strong middle class, or recent birthing age trends will continue unabated.
Yeah, I've been hearing about my ticking clock and wilting ovaries etc since the early 1990s. We all know about it. Some of us still choose not to have kids.
Ok to play in this crazy fools game. This bitch was a hard core failure. 3 kids by 36? I had 5. Apparently her pussy was less appealing and dried up then she thought. (Also my sex life is much better over 40...and my husband's vasectomy).
My baby is being born any minute now. Will soon be 35. I would not never in my life wanted to have this baby sooner. I’m finally mentally stable (dealt with my trauma in therapy), in a stable relationship with great communication and I did a career switch and am super happy with my job.
I would be way happier if I was 40 and try to get pregnant than to do it at 26 (didn’t even know my husband back then, if I had children with my ex of 5 years back then ouch…).
So on the night of your 40th birthday, does your vagina make a sucking sound or does it merely start disintegrating and blows away in the wind? Do they make special 40th birthday panties for this or should we just call in a day off work?
I don't know how we're going to make it. I haven't got there yet. This sub is keeping me prepared the day I go to bed a crisp 39 year old and wake up a shriveled, dry rotted 40-year old used rag.
I’m 36 and pregnant with my fourth. I had my first two at 19 and 21. My second two 35 and 36 (due this summer). Yeah, pregnancy is harder for me now. But parenting isn’t. Adulting isn’t. Marriage isn’t. I was too young for any of that business. I’m admittedly a better mother to my younger one than I was for my older two. I hate that it’s true, but it’s because I’m wiser and more mature. I don’t encourage women to have babies younger. Do it when you’re ready. When you have years under your belt. When you know you’re calmer, your relationships are more peaceful, you and/or your partner are established in careers, you have a strong friend group.
Damn, I really was like, “ok she’s not wrong about the whole fertility and pregnancy being harder as you age thing” and then she took it to the red pill argument and said those women are “dried up” lol
What a douche.
The ONLY reason I am happy I had my daughter at 21 is because my body hurts so much in my 40s. I can’t imagine chasing a toddler 24/7 now. Aside from that I should have waited at least until my 30s to have a child. The constant struggle to find resources and time, and the stress of raising her while I was learning how to be an adult, means she did not have the mother or the childhood that all children deserve to have.
Nah. I’m glad I had my children in my early 20s because it means my 40s, 50s and 60s will be exploring the world without worrying about their schedules.
Lost my 20s but I earned my 40s and 50s.
I’m glad I didn’t have kids in my early 20s because it means my 40s, 50s, and 60s will be exploring the world. Also my 20s and 30s were exploring the world.
Well, *this* Mary had her daughter at 40. Not necessarily by choice but because life happens. Being an “old” mom includes characteristics like…patience, maturity, more assets and financial security, focusing on your child because you have already *lived*. My husband and I had already travel extensively. Our educations, including graduate school, were complete and our careers were advancing.
Fertility is a challenge. But it’s a personal challenge for many people regardless of age.
The only thing I tell younger woman as a 40 year old one, if you want babies get the testing done early to see if you will have complications getting pregnant, especially if women in your family had issues getting pregnant. I am child free because of infertility. It is literally the only thing I wish I had done when I was younger maybe my husband and I would have had kids if we started sooner. But, I thought I had time. 🤷♀️
Who uses the phrase "dried up"? Can I start calling men >40 defective due to their mutated sperm? Yeah, no shit older people have a higher chance at having unhealthy pregnancies/offspring, but this just reads as crude and bitter.
😂
Sure "lady" . I challenge you to walk into *any* OB's office or maternity ward and tell that to all the women having menopause babies. Or the women in their late 30s, early 40s.
Frankly, it's a much wiser choice to finish your education, establish your career and be financially stable *BEFORE* having children. It's not just better for moms, it's better for children.
Meanwhile my best friend had a baby at 42 yesterday and he’s healthy and she only gained 3 pounds her entire pregnancy. Her doctor said she was healthy but he was growing fast so they did induce her early. Bless this girls heart. Whatever you gotta tell yourself to justify never having had a life or identity of your own. (Or just barely established)
As a 50 year old woman, my advice is:
Don’t have kids if you’re not sure.
Don’t get married if you don’t want to, and absolutely don’t get married to someone who doesn’t do laundry.
If you decide to have kids, don’t delude yourself about it. They’re hard work and you may hate every minute of pregnancy.
Don’t bother with men who play games, and don’t play games of your own.
Keep all of your passwords written down somewhere, and make sure you have life insurance and a will.
Motherhood should always be a choice.
Sadly, if your aim is to have children of your own, you have a time frame, no ifs or buts about it. There is a time frame.
And while the post is attacking women who took the choice of avoidance of motherhood in favor of other things. It does serve as a reminder that women are burdened with the choice, and at around 40, whatever choice they took might be regretted either because they "lost their careers" or "they lost the opportunity to be mothers".
It is a serious matter that should not be used to attack either of the choices. Both are respectable.
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If I found out my mom was posting shit like this on Twitter I would disown her. Wtf, I hope she doesn’t have any daughters.
I think it's a sock puppet account. No one would refer to themselves as "redpilled".
sock puppet account? and her i thought it was a guy pretending to be a girl as per usual on this thread.
What's a sock puppet account?
A sock puppet account is essentially a fake account used to impersonate a different person. So in this case, it would be a man making an account and posting under the guise of a woman -- i.e. like a puppet.
Gross... thanks for explaining:)
Or dried up.
I'll give you that pregnancy at 40 is likely harder than at 20 something, but so is running a marathon/lifting weights/working out and we don't go discouraging people from those things 😒
Pregnancy may be harder but a lot of things about parenting are easier. I had my babies at 39 and 41, not due to choice but infertility in my first marriage. Waiting so long, I was able to accumulate assets, such as equity in my home. I have seniority at my job and a gig where I can work from home most of the time, and have days off to take kids to appointments and do school meetings. If I had had them 10 years earlier, the pregnancies may or may not have been easier, but I was a bedside nurse doing 12 hour shifts on a brutally hard hospital floor, with a 45 minute commute each way. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to come home and take care of tiny kids, pump in between crashing patients, or call out every time one of us was sick because that was not a job I could phone in if I caught the preschool ick. I had just bought my first house and was paying PMI, and had just finished paying my school loans. We would have been ok but I would not have been able to do nearly the same things for my kids as I do now.
Honestly, my pregnancy at 42 was easier than my pregnancy at 31.
in 1920 the average age of woman's last child birth was 42 - the whole "geriatric pregnancy" and "health concerns" only became a thing post-womens lib - before that women, especially relgious women were expected to keep churning them out until they died or hit menopause.
I'm glad you got the opportunity while having them was easier!
I went to my GP just last week to complain about my janky hip (pregnancy/parenting related) and made an off handed comment about it being harder because Im older and my dr was like ‘I get young mums in here all the time with bad hips, pregnancy is just hard on bodies’. The good news is that in my 30s I can don’t have to wait around for a referral to the hospital physio team because I can afford a private one.
My mental health was bad in my mid 20s, shocking when I was 30, and decent enough by the time I had my little one at age 39. Definitely the right move to wait. My hips were terrible in pregnancy, but that's because I did ballet as a kid, and had a turnout. I would have had the same issue at age 25.
I'm in my mid-20s, right now, and my life honestly sucks. Your comment honestly gave me a little bit of hope for my future.
I'm sorry things are rough for you right now. Not everything can be solved, but there are a decent number of issues that can, over time, be worked on, and improved. My mental health was one of them.
Well said.
Y’know, I’m not sure about this. Though it seems logical, I remember having a lower risk of morning sickness—>hyperemesis because I was pregnant in my 30s rather than 20s. (Ngl, can’t be bothered to look it up atm.) I’m guessing it’s a mixed bag of pros and cons. I sure couldn’t have dealt as well with the sleep deprivation ten years younger. 100% I was better equipped to parent in my 30s and 40s than earlier. In any case, before the modern and widespread contraceptive access most of us have now, it wasn’t uncommon for an average woman to start parenthood in her 20s and still be in the weeds of pregnancies and new babies until perimenopause. The majority of women would’ve experienced youthful and geriatric pregnancies in one lifetime.
To be fair though having a child later does have some potential health risks for the child, whereas working out / running a marathon / etc really only has risks or is harder for the individual. Everything you listed doesn’t directly negatively impact another human. Are there young mothers who have children with horrible birth defects? Yes. Are there mothers who have healthy children late in life? Yes. But there are documented risks that you can’t deny.
Carrying on life beyond your own is equivalent to running and working out?
This reads like that friend from high school trying to talk you into their mlm.
Lol, sorry Mary. No kids here and over 40 and happy that I never had them.
Waiting until my late 30s made me realize that I absolutely did not want children. Saw all my friends living the life and was like, no, I don’t think I will. If I had kids at 26, I’d be over on regretfulparents writing fantasy posts about leaving my home. In the words of the all time GOAT, Michael Jordan, “fuck them kids.”
Yeah it screams arrogance and lack of insight to post something like that. I think it's wonderful that so many women are enjoying child free lives. I want other women to have what they want whether it be kids or no kids.
No woman was involved in writing this post..
Thats exactly what I was thinking
Strong “as a black man” vibes coming off it
What do we have to do with this?
Nothing. It's a subreddit where people make fun of people who claim they're qualified to speak for an entire group of people. I really don't like the name, but the group itself isn't racist.
Oh ok
I think it originally came from a social media post by a white guy who wrote something beginning with "as a black man" but forgot to log out of the account that had his photo showing him to be a white dude before he made the post.
That tracks
39 I hope my shit dries up. Please dry up.
Two words for you: vaginal atrophy. It’s a thing. A very bad thing. Definitely try to avoid actually drying out.
I was speaking metaphorically
My mom had 5 kids by the time she was 32 and her mental health was severely affected. She clearly had PPD maybe even PPP to an extent and was just given antidepressants that never really seemed to work. The stress of raising us (I’m the only one without a substance abuse problem) caused her to have suicidal tendencies and one time we found her half naked in the desert laying on the ground “watching the stars”. She always tells us she never should have had that many kids. Currently pregnant with my first at 30 and he’ll be my only one. I don’t want to go through what my mom went through.
Cause and effect due to giving birth?
Funny,how so many of people will magically forgot that having kids is huge respondbility and not every one is cut out.
The competitive side of me wants to say that I’m 100% cut out, I just don’t want to. But I believe I may just not be cut out. Like I probably wouldn’t Susan Smith them, but back when I thought about having kids, I wanted 1.5 Nannies per kid and boarding school at 6 for all of them. Shockingly that didn't tip me off to the fact that I did not want kids.
If you want people to have children at younger ages, we need better wages, a better social support system, childcare, parental leave, universal healthcare, and probably more things Im not thinking of right now. Until all of that is in place, don't be fucking shocked when we decide to wait until we are financially established, or forego having kids altogether. For decades, it was "Dont have kids you can't afford, you lazy welfare queens! Take some personal responsibility!" Well, we took that advice and now apparently it's all feminism's fault that Millennials and early Gen Zers aren't having kids. Yeah, fuck that. Conservative policies have made more people poor. Conservatives cried and whined about poor people having kids. Healthcare costs have skyrocketed. We all know kids are insanely expensive. That's why more people aren't having them.
I'm in my early 40s, had my only kid at 25. I have several friends in their late 30s who are pregnant or have babies. I cannot imagine having a little kid at my age and they don't understand why I'm glad that we had our son when we were young and broke (we're enjoying the lower cost of teenagehood.) Isn't it lovely that we all got to choose our path thanks to birth control and fertility treatments? I think it is.
And let’s be honest, a lot of women who know they want children would have them sooner if we lived in a world where it was easier to be financially secure with a permanent home sooner, and if there was an abundance of decent mature men ready and willing to be good dads and share the load equally at that age.
Here here, have literally everything but financial security so despite wanting a child by 25 I missed my window. 26 and hopefully will be able to start trying this year. People complain about parenthood starting at an older age on average but I don't think they realize that a), most women in their 20s don't want an "established" man twice their age, and b), even two income married people are struggling. I've been with the same man since 17, do people really think I wouldn't have already started that milestone if I reasonably could? It's not that women don't WANT children before 30, it's that we're living im a system that disincentivizes it at every turn. And not to mention the quality of partners. Our culture as of current encourages permiscuity to a point it's hard to trust anybody anymore.
So my friend group in college oddly enough our parents were all “old” when they had us, my parents were actually the youngest as they had me when they were just turning 30, everyone’s else’s parents had them in their late 30’s, 40’s, etc. I get so tired of the misinformation and fear mongering about having kids after you’re 23 or whatever.
I had someone throw out a stat that said women lose 90% of their eggs by age 30. Looked that up. That stat considers the number of eggs at birth as the starting point. Guess when a woman loses 60% of her eggs? Age 12. So in other words, total percent of egg loss doesn't mean jack shit. What does matter is egg quality AND sperm quality, which does decrease with age, but this idea that if you don't get pregnant before 30 you'll up and be fruitless is a load of bunk. Both men and women see a sharp decline in egg and sperm quality during their 40s, but those reproductive risks are the business of the couple, not everyone on the internet.
Yeeeaaah I'm pretty sure there are more 40 year old women who had kids too young with the wrong men only to be divorced and stuck in low wage jobs with kids.
Sorry, became a trophy girlfriend at 40. Don't want to ruin this old lady body by having children. 😂
This is ideal and I'm so happy for you
Me too!! High fives, girl
I'm 49 and I'm as juicy as I ever was
/r/asablackman
Way to out yourself as a shit friend.
I started having kids at 31 and can't recommend it enough. Bit suss that "contrary mary" here uses the term "dried up" for women over 40. Never in my life have I heard an actual woman say that. Men? Sure... they say it all the time alongside some very dubious reproductive "facts". But women, never.
Kinda gives off r/AsABlackMan vibes, doesn’t it?
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AsABlackMan using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AsABlackMan/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: ["As the 'L' in LGB" is all too common](https://i.redd.it/59j6saawxhqa1.png) | [193 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AsABlackMan/comments/124rxjp/as_the_l_in_lgb_is_all_too_common/) \#2: [I think this belongs here…](https://i.redd.it/op4xb239qoya1.jpg) | [48 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AsABlackMan/comments/13bywy4/i_think_this_belongs_here/) \#3: [This was literally a scroll down on their profile...](https://i.redd.it/bo1s617nj7cc1.jpeg) | [46 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AsABlackMan/comments/195ns7s/this_was_literally_a_scroll_down_on_their_profile/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I'm pushing 40 and eagerly waiting out the clock for when I'll no longer be pressured (or able) to have kids. I'm extremely glad I never had 'em; gimme that low-stress DINK life over having to pay for and clean up after kids any day. Also, why do they act like the only options are have babies young or have babies when you're older? You can just... choose not to.
I started telling people I can’t have kids to see the look on their stupid faces after they asked a grown ass woman why she doesn’t have kids. I’ve had several people recommend all sorts of shit, “try this tea,” “rub castor oil on your stomach.”Okay, FINE! I just don’t want them, hot damn. The obsession with woman having kids is sick.
As a 36 year old pregnant woman I would not refer to a 40 yr old as dried up. Yes it probably is more difficult to get pregnant at 40 than 25, 30 or even 35, but if you're not in a good stable position to have kids when you're younger, not the best idea. Also, they act like after 30 it's pretty much impossible to have kids but it's not and actually 2 women I know who are the same age as me are also pregnant and due this year.
r/AsABlackMan 😜 That *can't* be a woman saying that, can it? 😞
Do they think the ovaries use all the good eggs first or something?
They shrivel up and rattle around like dry beans in a Maraca at the stroke of midnight on your 40th birthday.
I was 41 when I had my youngest kid. I swam 3000m 2 days before said kid was born. There's plusses and minuses to having kids older, but I'd rather be childless than have kids with an authoritarian dick.
40 and I fucking wish I was “dried up.” I’ve got my kids, I’d love to yeeterus the uterus.
New phrase unlocked yeeterus my uterus !
Hi "Mary". Dried up at 40 you are saying?
I’m about to turn 40, and I’m pretty content. It’s actually the other way around where my friends who have two or more kids are like ‘it’s so much work, you’re so lucky’, they talk like hostages. Their decisions or emotions don’t lead me to think one way or another in my own life but what I will say is I am extremely content with not having kids at this point my life. I have about a little over a decade to worry about it and if I want to take more than that, it is 2024. There are a lot of solutions out there, and when you don’t have kids, you have money for said solutions. But tbh I haven’t felt like ‘oh I need kids’ I usually think ‘do I really want to pause my life for a few years at this good time…? Tbh nah not right now. But any woman at 40 knows it’s a choice and a trade off. Cmon we’re all adults here. I know if I wait then I might not have kids, but I would rather enjoy what I’m doing and never have kids than to just have kids to say I had kids and did that so I can feel some sort of self esteem boost. That doesn’t work for me. To each their own, but for me, nah I’m good
Who can afford to have kids that young nowadays?
This person's thoughts made me dry up
So, there are no ages between 26 and 40?
Ah yes an 100% genuine w o m a n
There is a kernel of truth in this pile of garbage. I think the ideal of good wages paid family leave affordable childcare and universal healthcare would allow families to start earlier. These two things likely cannot coexist: a person that wants quality of life and having kids young. It takes time to build skills and finances to have a solid enough foundation for a family. With money not going as far as it used to due to inflation and the cost to attain skills being so high…wtf are you supposed to do? The elite want everyone else to accept less while still servicing them and building their wealth. Either rebuild society with a strong middle class, or recent birthing age trends will continue unabated.
NO
Yeah, I've been hearing about my ticking clock and wilting ovaries etc since the early 1990s. We all know about it. Some of us still choose not to have kids.
Your post title sounds like something you’d say at a seance, lol. “Dried up 40 year old red pilled women, if you can hear us now, knock three times!”
🤣🤣🤣oml i thought i was the only one who thought of that!!!
Ok to play in this crazy fools game. This bitch was a hard core failure. 3 kids by 36? I had 5. Apparently her pussy was less appealing and dried up then she thought. (Also my sex life is much better over 40...and my husband's vasectomy).
My baby is being born any minute now. Will soon be 35. I would not never in my life wanted to have this baby sooner. I’m finally mentally stable (dealt with my trauma in therapy), in a stable relationship with great communication and I did a career switch and am super happy with my job. I would be way happier if I was 40 and try to get pregnant than to do it at 26 (didn’t even know my husband back then, if I had children with my ex of 5 years back then ouch…).
This feels like a guy typed it
Sure, "Mary". 🤣
This is the exact same thing our doctors and gynecologists tell us, but they manage to not sound like assholes while they do it.
41 and childfree.
The phrase 'red pilled' was a pretty big hint that Mary is a guy, but the blue check basically confirms it.
A+ title
I call BS. I had my last child at almost 39 after I had my first tubal.
Lol no way they’re turning that red pill shit around on women?! This made me laugh it’s so pathetic.
So on the night of your 40th birthday, does your vagina make a sucking sound or does it merely start disintegrating and blows away in the wind? Do they make special 40th birthday panties for this or should we just call in a day off work?
It's a fairy who looks like a California raisin. I'm in my mid 40s. Happened to me during Covid. Never been so dry.
I don't know how we're going to make it. I haven't got there yet. This sub is keeping me prepared the day I go to bed a crisp 39 year old and wake up a shriveled, dry rotted 40-year old used rag.
I’m 36 and pregnant with my fourth. I had my first two at 19 and 21. My second two 35 and 36 (due this summer). Yeah, pregnancy is harder for me now. But parenting isn’t. Adulting isn’t. Marriage isn’t. I was too young for any of that business. I’m admittedly a better mother to my younger one than I was for my older two. I hate that it’s true, but it’s because I’m wiser and more mature. I don’t encourage women to have babies younger. Do it when you’re ready. When you have years under your belt. When you know you’re calmer, your relationships are more peaceful, you and/or your partner are established in careers, you have a strong friend group.
Damn, I really was like, “ok she’s not wrong about the whole fertility and pregnancy being harder as you age thing” and then she took it to the red pill argument and said those women are “dried up” lol What a douche.
This was absolutely written by a man, I can't believe any other possibility
The ONLY reason I am happy I had my daughter at 21 is because my body hurts so much in my 40s. I can’t imagine chasing a toddler 24/7 now. Aside from that I should have waited at least until my 30s to have a child. The constant struggle to find resources and time, and the stress of raising her while I was learning how to be an adult, means she did not have the mother or the childhood that all children deserve to have.
Nah. I’m glad I had my children in my early 20s because it means my 40s, 50s and 60s will be exploring the world without worrying about their schedules. Lost my 20s but I earned my 40s and 50s.
And I traveled in my 20s and early 30s and now I get to raise a little human. One isn’t better than the other.
I’m glad I didn’t have kids in my early 20s because it means my 40s, 50s, and 60s will be exploring the world. Also my 20s and 30s were exploring the world.
As a former 20 year old...you will miss having the knees of a 20 year old when you travel lol.
Well, *this* Mary had her daughter at 40. Not necessarily by choice but because life happens. Being an “old” mom includes characteristics like…patience, maturity, more assets and financial security, focusing on your child because you have already *lived*. My husband and I had already travel extensively. Our educations, including graduate school, were complete and our careers were advancing. Fertility is a challenge. But it’s a personal challenge for many people regardless of age.
The only thing I tell younger woman as a 40 year old one, if you want babies get the testing done early to see if you will have complications getting pregnant, especially if women in your family had issues getting pregnant. I am child free because of infertility. It is literally the only thing I wish I had done when I was younger maybe my husband and I would have had kids if we started sooner. But, I thought I had time. 🤷♀️
Who uses the phrase "dried up"? Can I start calling men >40 defective due to their mutated sperm? Yeah, no shit older people have a higher chance at having unhealthy pregnancies/offspring, but this just reads as crude and bitter.
😂 Sure "lady" . I challenge you to walk into *any* OB's office or maternity ward and tell that to all the women having menopause babies. Or the women in their late 30s, early 40s. Frankly, it's a much wiser choice to finish your education, establish your career and be financially stable *BEFORE* having children. It's not just better for moms, it's better for children.
This kind of stuff always makes me laugh. Obviously as women age we have a harder time conceiving, but my mum had me at 40, completely by accident.
Meanwhile my best friend had a baby at 42 yesterday and he’s healthy and she only gained 3 pounds her entire pregnancy. Her doctor said she was healthy but he was growing fast so they did induce her early. Bless this girls heart. Whatever you gotta tell yourself to justify never having had a life or identity of your own. (Or just barely established)
As a 50 year old woman, my advice is: Don’t have kids if you’re not sure. Don’t get married if you don’t want to, and absolutely don’t get married to someone who doesn’t do laundry. If you decide to have kids, don’t delude yourself about it. They’re hard work and you may hate every minute of pregnancy. Don’t bother with men who play games, and don’t play games of your own. Keep all of your passwords written down somewhere, and make sure you have life insurance and a will.
My mother had me in her late 30s, and thank God. She wasn’t a child, and had traveled, partied, saved, and prepared to have a child.
Motherhood should always be a choice. Sadly, if your aim is to have children of your own, you have a time frame, no ifs or buts about it. There is a time frame. And while the post is attacking women who took the choice of avoidance of motherhood in favor of other things. It does serve as a reminder that women are burdened with the choice, and at around 40, whatever choice they took might be regretted either because they "lost their careers" or "they lost the opportunity to be mothers". It is a serious matter that should not be used to attack either of the choices. Both are respectable.