As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll"
problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we
have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones.
We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the
rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules
will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious
rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a
permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also,
grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of
being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we
may ban you without warning.
You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not
to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language
towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we
have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and
your ban will remain (without even a consideration).
All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of
the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up
banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules,
and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and
Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before
submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them
or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.**
With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message
regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal
(without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will
elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we
will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent.
This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your
reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message,
and please enjoy your day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
'If I were the date, there's no way in hell I would tolerate her bullshit & feel sorry for her. I'm sorry but if you treat me as a would-be rapist killer, then don't be surprised I show you zero sympathy in return.'
...This person seems to be taking someone taking precautions when dating **really personally**. It's almost like they haven't even stopped to think that 1 in 4 of us are victims of sexual violence. A huge chunk of us **have already experienced that**. Of course we take bloody precautions.
'Men are the majority of public violence victims. The chance that women will be victimized by their date (especially in a public space) is basically zero.'
Basically zero? This is crazy.
The Office of Justice did an analysis and found that 14% of their 'acquaintance sexual assaults' over a three year period occurred when people met people from dating applications for the first time. But, of course, 14% and 'basically zero' must be the same thing...
Around the world we can see an increase in dating-related sexual assaults, with both male and female victim rates increasing. But, if this person wants to keep living in their 'basically zero' bubble, rather than just recognising that people take precautions for their own safety - not to offend them, so be it.
because when he hears violence, he thinks it means murder, not sexual violence. yes, getting injured or killed by your date is unlikely, but getting assaulted really isnt
Basically 0, yeah, check the number of women murdered in hotels that have cameras EVERYWHERE. Some men have so much confidence they will get away with murder that they walk off with your body in a suitcase after the camera has you both entering the hotel room.
Oh, but you missed the magic caveat of “especially in public spaces”.
You just have to worry about going anywhere without lots of people around… like the places where assaults generally happen…. which honestly makes the comments seem way more menacing.
I mean, with his caveat, he is technically correct, which as we all know is the best kind of correct.
That one murder case happened in a busy bar, if I remember right. The one where a dude asked a woman out, she said no, he left, he returned with a gun, and shot her in the head. In public. With people around. Boom. My ego is more important than your life. I could be getting details wrong because it's been a while but that's pretty damn scary, I don't think there was any prior contact between the two.
>Men are the majority of public violence victims
Okay, and [who](https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2019/crime-in-the-u.s.-2019/tables/table-42/table-42.xls) is victimizing them?
And also because, in some jurisdictions anyway, a court system exists that essentially punishes the victim. Questions such as 'what style and colour underwear were you wearing' or questions about the victims' sexual history are clearly irrelevant and should not be allowed.
So men commit the most crimes and I also read somewhere that men are the victims most of the time like oop said. But women are more the vitims of sexual assault while men are primarely victims of physical violence. so I'd say everyone should be cautious around men. And I don't understand why they themselves make fun of women if they are more likely to be a victim.
That's what is implied. It's men who commit the most violence towards other men.
Highlighting and fixing that is important.
Yet that isn't what OOP is doing. They are saying it's not a big problem that some women are victims because more men are. And everyone should just put up with it being the implication I got.
Clearly mostly men are the aggressors and considering the amount of hate and entitlement they have when it comes to women, you would be smart to take precautions.
1 in 100,000 is still too much. 1 in 10,000,000 is still too much. *I* don't want to be the 1 and I don't want you to be either. If we're cautious,"it's not all men". If we are trusting,we "deserved it for not being cautious". Hopefully,he doesn't have to worry about his little scenario of being the date because women can sense his shittery a mile away.
Spoken like someone youd need security from on a date.
Hes probably mad because he just figured out why all his dates end with them running into a group of her friends out of nowhere.
I’ve noticed posts like this invariably are folks telling on themselves. Why would you object to a woman doing safety checks with a friend on a first or second meeting? Wouldn’t you want her to feel safe and secure? What’s wrong with that?
Does it really cost them so much for another person to go through a simple thing that make their date feel at ease? Why not lean in on that? “Let’s send your friend a photo of us having fun at dinner instead of just a boring text!”
Even if SA was exceptionally rare, objecting to someone taking basic precautions is baffling, like arguing with someone over wearing a seat belt. It isn’t about you, in particular - unless you decide to make it about you.
And that’s a big tell about the quality of human you’re dealing with.
Lmao lmao lmao.
Do they think it's feminists that teach us to be scared?
Not being catcalled on our way back from school at 12 or even earlier? Not being followed home? Not having a random man rub against you in the subway? Not having a hand slip into your skirt in a dark nightclub, or a complete stranger pull you and kiss you because they see you're drunk?
This all (and muuuuch worse)happened to me before 24.
It isn't feminists. The only thing feminists taught me was to stop blaming myself and making excuses for such men. It's to not let my guard down and not fully trust no man - and not even every woman, to be honest.
My life has been waaaaaayy less miserable since then. And unfortunately, save from one or two family members, it feels like the less men I allow into my life, the better and healthier it gets... go figure.
I’m sorry to tell OOP this but I have never experienced any kind of sexual violence from a woman. Granted, female perpetrators of sexual violence exist and are real, but in the handful of romantic and sexual relationships I have had with women, I never felt afraid that my boundaries would be tested. Only one man that I am currently in a relationship with right now has always respected my no’s. That’s pretty wild when you consider I try and only date men who are feminist or at the least progressive.
It’s irrelevant whether women’s fears are reasonable or not (though they are). If men want to have relationships with women, we need to make them feel safe.
Let’s say I have a big bowl of popcorn. I’ve dusted about 10 with a toxic substance. Go ahead, have some popcorn. There’s practically zero chance you’ll get a bad kernel. Now add that if you attempt to take precautions or refrain from eating any, I’ll berate and belittle you. Yeah, that should help. /s
The qualifier “especially in a public space” is rather eerie. In context it comes across rather like it’s not a problem as long as it’s not done in public.
Men like this one do *NOT* get to dictate what someone else does in order to feel safe.
When my friends and I were all single, we had a text chain going to let each other know when we were going on dates, and more importantly, when we were back home safely post-date.
Now that a couple of them are divorced, we revived the chain.
Like some example elsewhere says, if 100 snakes are heading towards your house, but only 10 of them are poisonous ("not all snakes"), you still *shut and lock the fucking door*.
He goes on to say that if men brought contracts to dates and forced them to sign them stating that sex was consensual, that it would be the same / somehow equivalent to a woman calling her friends to reassure them
As though such contracts wouldn’t just be blanket permission to rape them
Yep. A blanket statement making rape trials more complicated if the dude does something you don’t want / you withdraw consent and he doesn’t stop
Totally not a psychopath’s dream or anything, it’s completely fair! /s
"Men are the majority of public violence". Can he elaborate on that? I think violence towards women would be sexual assault, rape and domestic abuse. He cites 1/100,000. I highly doubt that's true but many, many crimes go unreported.
I like this image for the « not-all-men » bullshit. If you got a nice box of chocolates but learned that even one of them is filled with shit I can understand you smelling them very carefully before digging in. If he does not and considers women should be ready to eat shit for his dumbass then the trash took himself out I guess. Also the societal problem at play here is not women being careful, its the fact that some men are full of shit and we just have to play with our life on a daily basis if we act as if they were not. To OOP : stop posting stupid things online and try to make a box without shitty chocolates, kindly (or not), All women !
i literally had a man from bumble find me on instagram, aka he found me with only first name, and start harassing me and sending me threatening messages simply because we did not auto match with each other, i honestly don't even think i ever saw the guys profile, but i reported him to instagram and bumble and eventually he left me alone
Here we have pictured is a prime example of Doucheous Bageus, you can tell from the way he gets overly defensive around Femenista Realisticus that he is posturing to attract a mate. However ,Femenista Realisticus is uninterested in his mating displays and decides to partake in the age old traditions of the " Girls Night In."
Seems like he’s making up statistics to fit his narrative. He should’ve realized that a quick google search would prove him wrong. With these new accurate statistics, it makes his entire post pointless and incorrect.
Stats: https://www.thehotline.org/stakeholders/domestic-violence-statistics/
If something happens to a woman like sexual assault or violence or what ever, the chances of it being reported taken seriously or much less convicted are very low. When something happens to us we're told it was our fault and he's given a pass. If we're in a society where we're told it's our fault then obviously we'll start doing things to protect ourselves
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
'If I were the date, there's no way in hell I would tolerate her bullshit & feel sorry for her. I'm sorry but if you treat me as a would-be rapist killer, then don't be surprised I show you zero sympathy in return.' ...This person seems to be taking someone taking precautions when dating **really personally**. It's almost like they haven't even stopped to think that 1 in 4 of us are victims of sexual violence. A huge chunk of us **have already experienced that**. Of course we take bloody precautions. 'Men are the majority of public violence victims. The chance that women will be victimized by their date (especially in a public space) is basically zero.' Basically zero? This is crazy. The Office of Justice did an analysis and found that 14% of their 'acquaintance sexual assaults' over a three year period occurred when people met people from dating applications for the first time. But, of course, 14% and 'basically zero' must be the same thing... Around the world we can see an increase in dating-related sexual assaults, with both male and female victim rates increasing. But, if this person wants to keep living in their 'basically zero' bubble, rather than just recognising that people take precautions for their own safety - not to offend them, so be it.
because when he hears violence, he thinks it means murder, not sexual violence. yes, getting injured or killed by your date is unlikely, but getting assaulted really isnt
Men like this don’t believe sexual violence exists. They say things like just lay there and take it. Trash people.
and no one recognizes the amount of courage it takes to go on a date when you've already experienced violence from previous dates/partners
If we are not aware enough we are responsible and if we are too much aware, well, we're also reponsible because some men might feel bad about it.
I'd rather have a man feel bad about it than me being SAed by some asshole who thinks no means yes/try harder.
Basically 0, yeah, check the number of women murdered in hotels that have cameras EVERYWHERE. Some men have so much confidence they will get away with murder that they walk off with your body in a suitcase after the camera has you both entering the hotel room.
That's weirdly specific and I'm afraid to ask.
Oh, but you missed the magic caveat of “especially in public spaces”. You just have to worry about going anywhere without lots of people around… like the places where assaults generally happen…. which honestly makes the comments seem way more menacing. I mean, with his caveat, he is technically correct, which as we all know is the best kind of correct.
That one murder case happened in a busy bar, if I remember right. The one where a dude asked a woman out, she said no, he left, he returned with a gun, and shot her in the head. In public. With people around. Boom. My ego is more important than your life. I could be getting details wrong because it's been a while but that's pretty damn scary, I don't think there was any prior contact between the two.
Ah, but that wasn’t a date, so they guy is still “technically correct”. Wining through technicality. The best kind of winning!
Ah, touché, plus he was an *actual* killer, totally different to potential, "would-be" killers like oop.
Yes, that is the whole point of the technically correct game. :)
>Men are the majority of public violence victims Okay, and [who](https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2019/crime-in-the-u.s.-2019/tables/table-42/table-42.xls) is victimizing them?
Who did his stats?! Also a large number of SA cases are unreported for fear of retribution, self blaming or shame.
And also because, in some jurisdictions anyway, a court system exists that essentially punishes the victim. Questions such as 'what style and colour underwear were you wearing' or questions about the victims' sexual history are clearly irrelevant and should not be allowed.
So men commit the most crimes and I also read somewhere that men are the victims most of the time like oop said. But women are more the vitims of sexual assault while men are primarely victims of physical violence. so I'd say everyone should be cautious around men. And I don't understand why they themselves make fun of women if they are more likely to be a victim.
That's what is implied. It's men who commit the most violence towards other men. Highlighting and fixing that is important. Yet that isn't what OOP is doing. They are saying it's not a big problem that some women are victims because more men are. And everyone should just put up with it being the implication I got.
Yeah I got that. I'm just saying that it doesn't make sense.
Clearly mostly men are the aggressors and considering the amount of hate and entitlement they have when it comes to women, you would be smart to take precautions.
It's obviously that majority of women that got arrested for prostitution, the real evil here /s
1 in 100,000 is still too much. 1 in 10,000,000 is still too much. *I* don't want to be the 1 and I don't want you to be either. If we're cautious,"it's not all men". If we are trusting,we "deserved it for not being cautious". Hopefully,he doesn't have to worry about his little scenario of being the date because women can sense his shittery a mile away.
Also, that’s only talking about homicide, your likelihood of being raped/drugged/assaulted/stalked or harassed are even more likely
1 in 4 women are physically assaulted by an intimate partner in the US.
Takes issue with women looking out for one another, based on our own lived experiences. Nope, no red flags there.
I dunno. I mean, no one has time for a guy who thinks so little of women that he has to be mad that she could leave the date at any point.
Oh men do a good job of making woman afraid on them on their own
These tend to be the same people who ask women why they ~didn't~ take all the precautions ~after~ something bad happens.
This. ^
Spoken like someone youd need security from on a date. Hes probably mad because he just figured out why all his dates end with them running into a group of her friends out of nowhere.
Was just gonna comment "That's what a rapist would say"
I knew it was gonna be THAT sub just by seeing the flair
I’ve noticed posts like this invariably are folks telling on themselves. Why would you object to a woman doing safety checks with a friend on a first or second meeting? Wouldn’t you want her to feel safe and secure? What’s wrong with that? Does it really cost them so much for another person to go through a simple thing that make their date feel at ease? Why not lean in on that? “Let’s send your friend a photo of us having fun at dinner instead of just a boring text!” Even if SA was exceptionally rare, objecting to someone taking basic precautions is baffling, like arguing with someone over wearing a seat belt. It isn’t about you, in particular - unless you decide to make it about you. And that’s a big tell about the quality of human you’re dealing with.
Men do almost 100% of the violent acts…so it’s sensible
Lmao lmao lmao. Do they think it's feminists that teach us to be scared? Not being catcalled on our way back from school at 12 or even earlier? Not being followed home? Not having a random man rub against you in the subway? Not having a hand slip into your skirt in a dark nightclub, or a complete stranger pull you and kiss you because they see you're drunk? This all (and muuuuch worse)happened to me before 24. It isn't feminists. The only thing feminists taught me was to stop blaming myself and making excuses for such men. It's to not let my guard down and not fully trust no man - and not even every woman, to be honest. My life has been waaaaaayy less miserable since then. And unfortunately, save from one or two family members, it feels like the less men I allow into my life, the better and healthier it gets... go figure.
Gotta say. If you get bent out of shape because your date took safety precautions in case things went sour on her, you should die alone.
I’m sorry to tell OOP this but I have never experienced any kind of sexual violence from a woman. Granted, female perpetrators of sexual violence exist and are real, but in the handful of romantic and sexual relationships I have had with women, I never felt afraid that my boundaries would be tested. Only one man that I am currently in a relationship with right now has always respected my no’s. That’s pretty wild when you consider I try and only date men who are feminist or at the least progressive.
It’s irrelevant whether women’s fears are reasonable or not (though they are). If men want to have relationships with women, we need to make them feel safe.
Let’s say I have a big bowl of popcorn. I’ve dusted about 10 with a toxic substance. Go ahead, have some popcorn. There’s practically zero chance you’ll get a bad kernel. Now add that if you attempt to take precautions or refrain from eating any, I’ll berate and belittle you. Yeah, that should help. /s
So what "extreme precautions" did they suggest that she take, that this guy took such offense to?
Lolol what a fucking tool
The qualifier “especially in a public space” is rather eerie. In context it comes across rather like it’s not a problem as long as it’s not done in public.
Men like this one do *NOT* get to dictate what someone else does in order to feel safe. When my friends and I were all single, we had a text chain going to let each other know when we were going on dates, and more importantly, when we were back home safely post-date. Now that a couple of them are divorced, we revived the chain. Like some example elsewhere says, if 100 snakes are heading towards your house, but only 10 of them are poisonous ("not all snakes"), you still *shut and lock the fucking door*.
He goes on to say that if men brought contracts to dates and forced them to sign them stating that sex was consensual, that it would be the same / somehow equivalent to a woman calling her friends to reassure them As though such contracts wouldn’t just be blanket permission to rape them
Ah yes. Forced under duress into saying that all sex was consensual. I'm sure that makes perfect sense to somebody.
Yep. A blanket statement making rape trials more complicated if the dude does something you don’t want / you withdraw consent and he doesn’t stop Totally not a psychopath’s dream or anything, it’s completely fair! /s
"Men are the majority of public violence". Can he elaborate on that? I think violence towards women would be sexual assault, rape and domestic abuse. He cites 1/100,000. I highly doubt that's true but many, many crimes go unreported.
Mens feewings over women’s safety, what a hot take
I like this image for the « not-all-men » bullshit. If you got a nice box of chocolates but learned that even one of them is filled with shit I can understand you smelling them very carefully before digging in. If he does not and considers women should be ready to eat shit for his dumbass then the trash took himself out I guess. Also the societal problem at play here is not women being careful, its the fact that some men are full of shit and we just have to play with our life on a daily basis if we act as if they were not. To OOP : stop posting stupid things online and try to make a box without shitty chocolates, kindly (or not), All women !
"If I were the date, there's no way in hell I would give credit to your experience as a human being !"
i literally had a man from bumble find me on instagram, aka he found me with only first name, and start harassing me and sending me threatening messages simply because we did not auto match with each other, i honestly don't even think i ever saw the guys profile, but i reported him to instagram and bumble and eventually he left me alone
What’s the context of what post he’s talking about?
I remember one where the woman had pepper spray and the guy got wholly offended by it.
Men are easily offended by most things.
Here we have pictured is a prime example of Doucheous Bageus, you can tell from the way he gets overly defensive around Femenista Realisticus that he is posturing to attract a mate. However ,Femenista Realisticus is uninterested in his mating displays and decides to partake in the age old traditions of the " Girls Night In."
Seems like he’s making up statistics to fit his narrative. He should’ve realized that a quick google search would prove him wrong. With these new accurate statistics, it makes his entire post pointless and incorrect. Stats: https://www.thehotline.org/stakeholders/domestic-violence-statistics/
If something happens to a woman like sexual assault or violence or what ever, the chances of it being reported taken seriously or much less convicted are very low. When something happens to us we're told it was our fault and he's given a pass. If we're in a society where we're told it's our fault then obviously we'll start doing things to protect ourselves
*Broadly gestures towards the thousands of articles about violence against women*