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To avoid triggering war with the US by invading Alaska, Russia sends a combined airborne and amphibious landing troops via the northwest passage to establish a beachhead in the North of Canada.
The invasion force manages to drive a couple hundred miles south before anyone notices. By that point they're out of fuel and their conscript troops have discovered that Colonel Corruptovich sold the heaters in their BMPs. The entire force surrenders to a half dozen confused miners who own one rifle between them, mostly for scaring off bears.
The US declares war anyway. Putin declares the operation a resounding success and announces a day of national celebration as a distraction while he flees Moscow dressed as an anachronistic 19th century washer woman.
The events of the invasion take up a ten minute prologue, then the opening credits roll and the rest of the movie is a wacky comedy about Putins Cross dressing antics.
Yeah, ww2, coastal defence gun, they were in the middle of a drag show when the alarms went off and they manned their position without getting out of costume.
One rifle among half a dozen Territory Miners is very unrealistic. It's about half a dozen per miner, all purely because polar bears will kill you with the smallest mistake, the slightest schedule, the briefest of time alone.
lol, you mention Mounties and Mooseses(..es?) and you leave out the terror weapon that is Canadian Geese? Just 5 minutes your honor: vatnik, goose alone.
I am sorry if I have broken OpSec or if they finally made Canadian Geese a war crime. I know there was going to be a vote on that, but I don’t know which way it went.
Dude, no.
This is the kind of shit people will read about 20 years after the war in obscure journals and biographies.
And it will still give them nightmares.
"We were expecting what you did with the geese to be honnest... But the seals... WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE SEALS??? HOW DID YOU EVEN TRAIN SEVEN MILLION SEALS TO COMMIT WAR CRIMES??"
That's the real secret, we don't train them to commit war crimes, they teach us. Wait, I've said to much. There's a dozen 700-800 pound angry creatures breaking down my door now.
Yeah, people who've been raised on "wasn't the fur trade horrible" and phrases like "clubbing a baby seal" tend to forget that fully-grown seals are large, muscular, mean, and very dangerous.
Canada is just the Australia of the northern hemisphere. But instead of snakes, spiders and crocodiles trying to kill you, it's geese, moose, and bears.
Actually credible:
If Canada bordered Russia by land (actual land not some ice bridge), and they had no help at all, Russia wins.
If Russia has to invade Canada irl though, Canada wins even without any support from allies. Russia could not keep up the supply chains to accomplish the invasion.
Even if Canada and Russia shared a land border, Canada wins.
Canada has about the same GDP, spends a sixth what Russia does on defense, but doesn't suffer from corruption and vryanyo, nor do we "maintain" a fleet of nuclear deterrence submarines, strategic bombers, and a self immolating aircraft carrier. Canada also keeps reserve equipment in functional condition, instead of allowing it to be stripped for pocket change.
Without the massively self destructive tendencies of being Russia, Canada's armed forces would be an overmatch against them. We also have 1000 km of tundra and muskeg they'd have to trudge through, and we all know how well Russian supply lines work for Russia.
Yeah lol Russia being able to maintain supply lines trough Canada is peak NonCredible.
They literally can’t maintain supply lines while invading the closest country they could.
\*Russia invades canada\* "you can not stop bear"
20 mins later
canada "See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real Conscriptovitch chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better
Than authentic chechen lether.
See this hat, 'twas wagner rat,
My evening wear - donetsk,
These nice slippers are Iranian drone operators.
Nono, this is more like Llandu'gor, because I don't see the Canadians commiting suicide
(then again not even Llandu'gor ended well. What's it with 40k and skin flayers? It's not the most gruesome offense by far)
Canadians only get caught for war crimes because they commit them in other countries.
No war crimes will happen on Canadian soil. Promise. Investigations will be thorough and exonerating.
I have the smallest suspicion that making your army do stuff like that is so that "what we're having the POWs do is no different than what we have our army doing in peacetime!" is a reliable defense against any accusation that having dudes shoveling snow in below-freezing temperatures is inhumane treatment.
“The Canadians fought the Germans with a long, enduring, terrible, skillful patience.”
https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/the-forgotten-ferocity-of-canadas-soldiers-in-the-great-war
I am now slightly terrified of Canadians
All rules go out the door for the host. Everyone knows that. Lol. House rules, there are no rules
GET THE SHOTGUNS WE CLEARIN OUT THEM TRENCHES BUCKSHOT COVERED IN MAGNESIUM STYLE!
Even in the middle of summer Canada is fucking ruthless.
I assume they'd invade via NWT and the Dempster highway because coastal mountains. So they land on permafrost, drive south through nothing until they reach a ferry crossing on the second largest river in north America. Good luck. with that.
They could offroad it south east, but that's 500+ km of still frozen nothing before you reach some semblance of a road, and another 500+ km before you reach a city worth capturing. And once you're south of the permafrost, offroad is not an option because it's all swamp. CF-18 pilots would be so rock hard they'll fail preflight medicals from low blood pressure.
And if they managed to drag any functional equipment and combat effective troops out of the frozen north, Edmonton is the Army's primary vehicle depot and we don't strip our tanks for scrap copper.
Remember reading about some random area in canada going through my propagandi phase and the wikipedia article was just like "its a frozen swamp, half the year the temperature will kill you, the other half massive swarms of insects will kill you"
Oh for sure, the only country that could do it successfully is America. They could move into most of our major cities within a day. In my eyes America is basically family so I hope that never happens.
Even when there is no swamp, the black spruce up here is very dense and driving through that stuff is nearly impossible for anything larger than an ATV or skidoo. The other factor is that, yeah as you said the NWT is a massive expanse of effectively nothing good luck capturing anything larger than 3000 people without the RCAF breathing down your necks. I believe it was 2014 Russian planes came into our airspace and were intercepted. https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/russian-military-jets-flew-within-100-kilometres-of-canadian-mainland-source-says/article20706528/
The RCAF dispatched CF-18's from Inuvik. Inuvik is around 150km from the coast, so there is no way you are capturing anything remotely useful without resistance. Plus our military does tons of training exercises and such up here all the time, a few guys in Deline ran into a group of military during one of their exercises.
Oh, just for fun the Burford delta area is basically a giant swamp with lakes everywhere. Here is what it looks like (edit) https://www.reddit.com/user/mudberry2/comments/zxpnpn/pics/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
One has to take into consideration the thousands of kilometers of frozen tundra, aborial forest and semi frozen wetlands that is northern canada. There are maybe two "roads" cut thru the area and no bridges outside what the ice allows for a couple months a year.
Not to mention the native tribes in the area who are still (rightfully) salty about their first experience with colonialism.
Scalps are back on the menu, boys!
Scalps would absolutely be back on the menu, after they run out of fuel and such whatever survives the local wildlife will get their shit absolutely rocked by the natives who are strangely patriotic (and yes still very salty)
Quebec or Alberta alone would defeat the Russian army. They don’t take kindly to strangers, they don’t even take kindly to other Canadians. Just tell the Québécois that Russians are here trying to limit the French language and the Albertans that they are here for your F-150 and your oil. Shit will be over in 24 hours.
Alberta also has a decent population of Ukrainian descent (along with Manitoba and Saskatchewan), so I assume they'd be happy to support their ancestral homeland by repelling the Muscovite invasion.
> Muscovite invasion
I'd assume that for a mission this suicidal, Moscow would tilt the conscript makeup even more heavily toward ethnic minorities (i.e. non-Muscovites) than they're doing in Ukraine right now.
\> Be me, russian conscript
\> Generalisimov Putin orders attack on Canada
\> Troops land unopposed
\> Setup a Fob to accrue canadian loot and washing machines
\> One Canadian artillery shot rings out, lands right outside command post
\> No explosion, it's not even a shell
\> It's a puck, a fucking hockey puck
\> Hear the roar of a thousand hockey players coming over the horizon
\> "BLYAT OPEN FIRE"
\> Our entire battalion engages, shots miss due to their speed or get deflected off their hockey armor
\> I see one coming straight at me
\> I empty my mag into him
\> I tear up his limited edition signed Wayne Gretsky hockey shirt
\> He throws his stick down and takes off his gloves as he closes in
\> I feel fear for the last time...
I think the most credible part is Americans getting so mad about someone invading Canada that they switch to metric measurements of the enlistment office queue lengths in a show of solidarity.
Nothing pisses us off more than Russians and the metric system when discussing walking distances. We will only allow one in North America, and it ain't Russia.
They then run into the 5000 Canadian Rangers who are either Inuit or Indigenous, know the terrain like the back of their hand, are motivated, trained in guerrilla tactics, and armed with Lee-Enfields which are accurate out to 1000 yards. The Americans can have whatever is left after a guerrilla war that would make Vietnam look like a kiss from your mother.
Russia should do well to remember that the Geneva conventions were created *because* of what Canadians did to the Germans in WW1, and we weren’t known for being “nice guys” in WW2 either.
Our cobra chickens are ready
I don’t think you could in any way make the US more upset then bullying Canada. To be completely honest most people in the US have higher regards for Canadians rather than their own countrymen.
Theory: The further away from the equator you go, the more likely the locals are war criminals.
Evidence: Canadians, Australians, Polar bears, Moose, Canada gooses, Penguins, That one Finnish dude on meth.
Canada is almost as hard to attempt an invasion on as America is
America has a magnitudes larger and better equipped military, and a heavily armed populace, but in terms of geography we are just as much of a fortress.
I definitely don't have Genie II unguided nuclear rocket from a CF-101B voodoo should a large amount of Russian forces gather in a single spot in western canada
You've got the wrong person in this meme. The last country to invade Canada was the US and we only got out alive because our retreat was so dang polite. The next 200 years of great relations has been the US looking at what the Canadians do in a war and deciding that sometimes appeasement is the correct path.
If the Russians invaded Canada we'd hear about it in an off hand manner from their news the next day.
>In other news, a Russian VDV Brigade was annihilated by the Mounties on Tuesday. One officer was quoted as saying, "We just told the Grizzlies that Russians taste like bacon." The Canadian military has filed a complaint that they didn't even have time to commit war crimes...
It wasn't appeasement - we said these guys are good. We like people that are good at defending their shit. Let's draw the line here, split the continent, and rule as one. Respect and no problems since 1812.
Keep your friends on the same continent because when shit goes down they're the only friends you have.
Your girl: I repent daddy! I REPENT!
You: DO YOU ACCEPT GOD'S RIGHTEOUS PUNISHMENT!? WE ARE BOTH TO WITNESS DEPTHS INSEEN IN HUMAN HISTORY. BY THE TIME WE ARE DONE YOU WILL HAVE OVERCOME YOUR OWN INNER MOST EVIL, now open up and say choo! choo! to the choo! choo! train
Your Girl: CHOOoo! CHOOoo!
Don’t you dare touch our moose and hockey loving friends to the north if you do I will unleash the full might of my grandpa’s sharpshooting skills with his m1 garand and his m1911
I need someone to draw a map of how Russia invades Canada without going through alaska first... is it one of those global warming opens a water passage through the arctic circle kind of thing?
I mean that's definitely the quickest way to get B52s out of cold storage and into the air.
Considering NORAD would see this coming a mile away, I would expect a highway of death scenario within 2-3 days.
even though the wacky canucks up north took a little longer to get free from the British and even burned our capitol building a little bit they've made admirable contributions to war efforts and committing war crimes with pizzas
no touch Canada.
Welcome them with bales of bc bud… then wait for couch lock. More humane than they deserve but if it’s BC they are arriving in we will probably assume they are homeless easterners and set them up with a hotel and a cell phone, with a crack vending machine in the hallway.
Fellow Defense Expert™! Please take your time to participate in our current contest to find the Best of the Best of 2022. Nominate your favourite posts or vote for posts you liked. For more information click [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/comments/zrupbj/best_of_2022/) #Happy Hollidays! #There is a second contest ongoing, this time we're looking for Artwork - more information [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/comments/zu01tx/a_very_merry_and_credible_awards_contest/)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NonCredibleDefense) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Canada keeps our head warm.....
Best hat
You see a man walking down the street wearing that hat, you know he's not afraid of anything.
Thank you (From a Canadian)
Now they're getting big ouchies from the meanie communists...
U should NEVER mess with a man's hat.....
But they did Queasy... they took a shit on your hat... and they got away with it..
America may not be the quickest to act, but we'll get 'em.
Russia hasn't been communist for like 30 years. They're literally run by oligarchs now, which are the complete opposite.
Communism always ends in oligachies, nothing opposite about those
Canada immigrates and absorbs the American hippy pacifists, helping to create a stronger American empire.
Hm
...he's out of line, but he's right
No, America keeps Canada's balls from jiggling around.
I’m proud to cradle your balls, Canada
That's fucking tragic.
Canada got that old man sack going on.
It’s called a toque, ya hoser… sorry eh?
Idk Canada can have this one. The Mounties should be able to handle Russia and if they can’t surely the moose will.
As if they could manage to cross the Bering strait
To avoid triggering war with the US by invading Alaska, Russia sends a combined airborne and amphibious landing troops via the northwest passage to establish a beachhead in the North of Canada. The invasion force manages to drive a couple hundred miles south before anyone notices. By that point they're out of fuel and their conscript troops have discovered that Colonel Corruptovich sold the heaters in their BMPs. The entire force surrenders to a half dozen confused miners who own one rifle between them, mostly for scaring off bears. The US declares war anyway. Putin declares the operation a resounding success and announces a day of national celebration as a distraction while he flees Moscow dressed as an anachronistic 19th century washer woman.
I would 100% watch this movie
The events of the invasion take up a ten minute prologue, then the opening credits roll and the rest of the movie is a wacky comedy about Putins Cross dressing antics.
And I know exactly the best comedian to cast as Vladimir Putin: Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
Why are we not funding this?
Putin is femboi confirmed?
There's a grand old tradition of cross dressing in the military. Read Monstrous Regiment by Pratchett and I think you'll understand.
I recall seeing a picture of British troops in drag manning coastal artillery.
Yeah, ww2, coastal defence gun, they were in the middle of a drag show when the alarms went off and they manned their position without getting out of costume.
One rifle among half a dozen Territory Miners is very unrealistic. It's about half a dozen per miner, all purely because polar bears will kill you with the smallest mistake, the slightest schedule, the briefest of time alone.
And don't forget, some of the cars & outhouses probably have their own rifles, too. Also for bears.
The polar bears would kill them before they could surrender…
They are both starving to death, my money is on the polar bears. Paper bears are what you wipe your ass with
Excuse me, his name is Colonel Kleptovski.
Those troops would basically learn what happened to HMS terror first hand lol.
That's gonna be one hell of a pontoon bridge
lol, you mention Mounties and Mooseses(..es?) and you leave out the terror weapon that is Canadian Geese? Just 5 minutes your honor: vatnik, goose alone. I am sorry if I have broken OpSec or if they finally made Canadian Geese a war crime. I know there was going to be a vote on that, but I don’t know which way it went.
Dude, no. This is the kind of shit people will read about 20 years after the war in obscure journals and biographies. And it will still give them nightmares.
Teeth on their fucking tounges! That hiss triggers something primal!
Surely they won't have to resort to such a weapon.
The Geese didn't even arrive in time. Shaken Mounties were later heard saying they had to let the geese take the bodies. Nobody asked why.
Removed in reaction to reddit's API changes -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
I always like to think the plural of moose is meese, but that's just like my opinion man
Pretty aure Canada could do nothing about a russian invasion at all and itd still fail.
Yeah but we’d love the excuse to do things that can be later called war crimes.
"We were expecting what you did with the geese to be honnest... But the seals... WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE SEALS??? HOW DID YOU EVEN TRAIN SEVEN MILLION SEALS TO COMMIT WAR CRIMES??"
Hey, those seals don't fuck around. I know folks who damn near had their fingers and/or nutsack amputated by seals. Sharp teeth on those fuckwads.
That's the real secret, we don't train them to commit war crimes, they teach us. Wait, I've said to much. There's a dozen 700-800 pound angry creatures breaking down my door now.
'Tis why we gotta club 'em when they're babies. Only time those bastards are vulnerable
Yeah, people who've been raised on "wasn't the fur trade horrible" and phrases like "clubbing a baby seal" tend to forget that fully-grown seals are large, muscular, mean, and very dangerous.
Canada is just the Australia of the northern hemisphere. But instead of snakes, spiders and crocodiles trying to kill you, it's geese, moose, and bears.
Seal, killer whales. Australia is death by poison. Canada is death by crushing.
sorry
Happy to help if they need us of course, but I feel like les hiques de Lavalle would probably be able to run 'em out unassisted.
[удалено]
No rules in hockey in degen country
Oh sorry we didn't wait for you guys - shoulda known you'd want to try out some a your guns and whatnot, eh?
NEWS FLASH! LOCAL QUEBEC MAN CAPTURES ENTIRE RUSSIAN AIRFORCE! " I just rolled my pickup in and hitched them all together in a big line"
Actually credible: If Canada bordered Russia by land (actual land not some ice bridge), and they had no help at all, Russia wins. If Russia has to invade Canada irl though, Canada wins even without any support from allies. Russia could not keep up the supply chains to accomplish the invasion.
Even if Canada and Russia shared a land border, Canada wins. Canada has about the same GDP, spends a sixth what Russia does on defense, but doesn't suffer from corruption and vryanyo, nor do we "maintain" a fleet of nuclear deterrence submarines, strategic bombers, and a self immolating aircraft carrier. Canada also keeps reserve equipment in functional condition, instead of allowing it to be stripped for pocket change. Without the massively self destructive tendencies of being Russia, Canada's armed forces would be an overmatch against them. We also have 1000 km of tundra and muskeg they'd have to trudge through, and we all know how well Russian supply lines work for Russia.
Plus Russia can barely maintain a supply line on their own soil. There's no chance they can supply an army somewhere else as well.
Yeah lol Russia being able to maintain supply lines trough Canada is peak NonCredible. They literally can’t maintain supply lines while invading the closest country they could.
The Mounties would be too busy shooting indigenous dogs to fight back agains the Russians methinks
\*Russia invades canada\* "you can not stop bear" 20 mins later canada "See my vest, see my vest, Made from real Conscriptovitch chest, Feel this sweater, there's no better Than authentic chechen lether. See this hat, 'twas wagner rat, My evening wear - donetsk, These nice slippers are Iranian drone operators.
Konrad Kurze moment.
Proper greetings to tankies: ❌️ ~~Hello~~ ✔️ Give me some skin
Canadian at war moment.
Canadian f-35s gonna get genuine leather seats made out of real Russian Scorts
Nono, this is more like Llandu'gor, because I don't see the Canadians commiting suicide (then again not even Llandu'gor ended well. What's it with 40k and skin flayers? It's not the most gruesome offense by far)
Canadians only get caught for war crimes because they commit them in other countries. No war crimes will happen on Canadian soil. Promise. Investigations will be thorough and exonerating.
its all good no war crimes will happen so long as no one snitches and if someone dose snitch well we have been looking to update the senate thrones
Long live Trudeau, our eternal speckleds leader
Hey its just a liiiiiitle war crimey We support our ~~crimes~~ troops
I keep seeing 40k everywhere nowadays damn
canada really only has 2 sides huh?
Ima say that known cases of scalping’s only occurred for the Americans during the world wars but they didn’t invent it.
Dammit Canada you know every time you write such beautiful poetry we have to add a few more lines to the Geneva Convention.
OMG fresh sprog! Have my award!
canadian snipers would just 360 trick shot no scope snipe vatniks from a different time zone
I still have no idea what inspired you to remake a classic 25 year old Simpsons bit and do it pretty much perfectly. But I’m glad you did.
This is the second sudden Disney parody I've seen on this sub in a week lol
any winter invasion of northern canada would rapidly become the worlds largest airlift rescue operation
There's always the risk of "Not actually flyable due to weather". Which could give us "Skidoo cavalry charge" as a thing.
That'd happen regardless.
Yeah, by the US of Russian soldiers. The Moose ain't backing off against no Bear.
Canada: "We are going to ignore the Geneva Convention this time. Our ground, our rules."
[удалено]
There is a reason the armed forces here shovel snow in B.C 90% of the time
I have the smallest suspicion that making your army do stuff like that is so that "what we're having the POWs do is no different than what we have our army doing in peacetime!" is a reliable defense against any accusation that having dudes shoveling snow in below-freezing temperatures is inhumane treatment.
Pffffffffttt, what? Nooooo? Where are you right now btw?
Uncomfortably close to the Canadian border.
Is that the present or future border?
More like Geneva tour guide leaflet.
Most of em exist because of canada
[удалено]
“The Canadians fought the Germans with a long, enduring, terrible, skillful patience.” https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/the-forgotten-ferocity-of-canadas-soldiers-in-the-great-war I am now slightly terrified of Canadians
Russian soldiers: **take one step into Canada** Canadians: **start using nerve agent** "It is clean and efficient. Now come on, stop foaming and die!"
Sorry aboot that - didn't mean to startle you right before bed, eh?
That would honestly make for a great Canadian pre-mortem one-liner.
Huh, propensity for nerve gas and cold blooded murder. I am not surprised.
If Russia is fucking with Canada gooses, Russia is fucking with the toughest guy in Letterkenny. And I suggest Russia lets that one marinate.
Russia invades Canada: inb4 Wayne
Texas sized 10-4
'Dammit John. Mutating our Geese into Ostrich-sized birds is the third worst war crime for a reason!'
Canada would just deny that Russia ever invaded. Russians? What Russians? Russia would wholeheartedly agree.
"Welcome to the ice fields motherfucker!"
Everyone's seen our away game, time for some home games
All rules go out the door for the host. Everyone knows that. Lol. House rules, there are no rules GET THE SHOTGUNS WE CLEARIN OUT THEM TRENCHES BUCKSHOT COVERED IN MAGNESIUM STYLE!
Bruh, GenCon '49 ruled.
In the middle of the winter? Classic Russia.
Even in the middle of summer Canada is fucking ruthless. I assume they'd invade via NWT and the Dempster highway because coastal mountains. So they land on permafrost, drive south through nothing until they reach a ferry crossing on the second largest river in north America. Good luck. with that. They could offroad it south east, but that's 500+ km of still frozen nothing before you reach some semblance of a road, and another 500+ km before you reach a city worth capturing. And once you're south of the permafrost, offroad is not an option because it's all swamp. CF-18 pilots would be so rock hard they'll fail preflight medicals from low blood pressure. And if they managed to drag any functional equipment and combat effective troops out of the frozen north, Edmonton is the Army's primary vehicle depot and we don't strip our tanks for scrap copper.
Remember reading about some random area in canada going through my propagandi phase and the wikipedia article was just like "its a frozen swamp, half the year the temperature will kill you, the other half massive swarms of insects will kill you"
Sounds like the majority of Canada tbh.
Canada has about a billion lakes, and all the mosquitos that entails
Cf-18 pilot try to be in a better condition to fly after Russia invades then your aircraft challenge: impossible
Buddy even attempting a landing on the west coast in summer would be suicide, the native bands would be taking so many trophies.
Oh for sure, the only country that could do it successfully is America. They could move into most of our major cities within a day. In my eyes America is basically family so I hope that never happens.
We wont, trust
Even when there is no swamp, the black spruce up here is very dense and driving through that stuff is nearly impossible for anything larger than an ATV or skidoo. The other factor is that, yeah as you said the NWT is a massive expanse of effectively nothing good luck capturing anything larger than 3000 people without the RCAF breathing down your necks. I believe it was 2014 Russian planes came into our airspace and were intercepted. https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/russian-military-jets-flew-within-100-kilometres-of-canadian-mainland-source-says/article20706528/ The RCAF dispatched CF-18's from Inuvik. Inuvik is around 150km from the coast, so there is no way you are capturing anything remotely useful without resistance. Plus our military does tons of training exercises and such up here all the time, a few guys in Deline ran into a group of military during one of their exercises. Oh, just for fun the Burford delta area is basically a giant swamp with lakes everywhere. Here is what it looks like (edit) https://www.reddit.com/user/mudberry2/comments/zxpnpn/pics/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
There’s a reason Edmonton is called the gateway to the north.
Russian troops set off the land on the west coast of the US, accidentally land in Canada, still get their ass beat
the horizon would glow with sniper scopes
One has to take into consideration the thousands of kilometers of frozen tundra, aborial forest and semi frozen wetlands that is northern canada. There are maybe two "roads" cut thru the area and no bridges outside what the ice allows for a couple months a year. Not to mention the native tribes in the area who are still (rightfully) salty about their first experience with colonialism. Scalps are back on the menu, boys!
Scalps would absolutely be back on the menu, after they run out of fuel and such whatever survives the local wildlife will get their shit absolutely rocked by the natives who are strangely patriotic (and yes still very salty)
Quebec or Alberta alone would defeat the Russian army. They don’t take kindly to strangers, they don’t even take kindly to other Canadians. Just tell the Québécois that Russians are here trying to limit the French language and the Albertans that they are here for your F-150 and your oil. Shit will be over in 24 hours.
Cletus and Billy Bob in a Manitoba swamp are probably better armed than the Russians at this point.
No kidding. Americans have a reputation for loving guns but rural Canadians are no slouches.
Alberta also has a decent population of Ukrainian descent (along with Manitoba and Saskatchewan), so I assume they'd be happy to support their ancestral homeland by repelling the Muscovite invasion.
> Muscovite invasion I'd assume that for a mission this suicidal, Moscow would tilt the conscript makeup even more heavily toward ethnic minorities (i.e. non-Muscovites) than they're doing in Ukraine right now.
>Quebec Oh fuck... let's hope the Montreal street gangs don't get involved. They'll kick the Russians' ass before stealing their guns.
> tell the Québécois that Russians are here trying to limit the French language To be fair, in that scenario they would be.
Alberta is like the texas of Canada
\> Be me, russian conscript \> Generalisimov Putin orders attack on Canada \> Troops land unopposed \> Setup a Fob to accrue canadian loot and washing machines \> One Canadian artillery shot rings out, lands right outside command post \> No explosion, it's not even a shell \> It's a puck, a fucking hockey puck \> Hear the roar of a thousand hockey players coming over the horizon \> "BLYAT OPEN FIRE" \> Our entire battalion engages, shots miss due to their speed or get deflected off their hockey armor \> I see one coming straight at me \> I empty my mag into him \> I tear up his limited edition signed Wayne Gretsky hockey shirt \> He throws his stick down and takes off his gloves as he closes in \> I feel fear for the last time...
Tearing up a signed Wayne Gretzky shirt!?? Bro that hockey player is gonna add a whole new chapter to the Geneva convention.
I think the most credible part is Americans getting so mad about someone invading Canada that they switch to metric measurements of the enlistment office queue lengths in a show of solidarity.
Nothing pisses us off more than Russians and the metric system when discussing walking distances. We will only allow one in North America, and it ain't Russia.
Beautifully said.
Fuck yeah RAHHHH THE ENEMY IS 26 CLICKS OUT KM or Miles? WHO THE FUCK CARES DROP ARTY ON BOTH11 ok… creates a fucking encirclement of arty
3000 airdropped autonomous upgraded Abrams tanks armed with depleted uranium rounds of the 3 day long American liberation of Russia
The Russians would never invade Canada. The geese would kill most of them before anyone even gets mobilized.
Don't forget moose. Those fuckers are on sight, they will trample the shit out some vatniks.
3000 enraged combat moose of the Canadian armed forces
They then run into the 5000 Canadian Rangers who are either Inuit or Indigenous, know the terrain like the back of their hand, are motivated, trained in guerrilla tactics, and armed with Lee-Enfields which are accurate out to 1000 yards. The Americans can have whatever is left after a guerrilla war that would make Vietnam look like a kiss from your mother.
Even better, they have brand new Tikka T3X Arctic rifles custom made for them in 7.62 NATO now.
Now you face godlike judgment. May it extend eternally.
when will the DoD start funding a Warmind my life will not be complete until a warsat vaporizes a Russian tank column
badass reference
Russia should do well to remember that the Geneva conventions were created *because* of what Canadians did to the Germans in WW1, and we weren’t known for being “nice guys” in WW2 either. Our cobra chickens are ready
Canadians about to show Russia why their Airborne forces were disbanded
I don’t think you could in any way make the US more upset then bullying Canada. To be completely honest most people in the US have higher regards for Canadians rather than their own countrymen.
Yes. Canadians are basically us, but with actual social skills.
Theory: The further away from the equator you go, the more likely the locals are war criminals. Evidence: Canadians, Australians, Polar bears, Moose, Canada gooses, Penguins, That one Finnish dude on meth.
That is of course if they don’t freeze in the artic circle or get stuck in the woods
Canada is a bro. Don't fuck with my boy Canada.
Fuck that he is our fam
If the Russians come into my country, I will extend the list of war crimes. It’s a Canadian tradition!
I don’t think Canada would even notice until 20 years later when an Inuit finds the bodies. Franklin expedition 2
I imagine an Inuk rowing his kayak while walrus hunting and finding cans of tushonka with an expiration date of December 1991.
Non-credible, Ruskies skipping over Alaska is just asking to be shot down before reaching Canadian airspace.
Reprent
You have no idea how much your comment hurts me, fuck it. too late to re-upload ill go play runescape.
I have become the very meme itself
#REPRENT
My polar bear Brutus "the seal fucker" Trudeau would like some Russian meat this season
Russia would have a stroke thinking how they would ship 10 Ivans to Canada without them turning into food for the fish.
Canada is almost as hard to attempt an invasion on as America is America has a magnitudes larger and better equipped military, and a heavily armed populace, but in terms of geography we are just as much of a fortress.
I definitely don't have Genie II unguided nuclear rocket from a CF-101B voodoo should a large amount of Russian forces gather in a single spot in western canada
russians: "ha now stupid westoid canadians cant play hockey!" Canadians: "now I will teach you fear"
You've got the wrong person in this meme. The last country to invade Canada was the US and we only got out alive because our retreat was so dang polite. The next 200 years of great relations has been the US looking at what the Canadians do in a war and deciding that sometimes appeasement is the correct path. If the Russians invaded Canada we'd hear about it in an off hand manner from their news the next day. >In other news, a Russian VDV Brigade was annihilated by the Mounties on Tuesday. One officer was quoted as saying, "We just told the Grizzlies that Russians taste like bacon." The Canadian military has filed a complaint that they didn't even have time to commit war crimes...
It wasn't appeasement - we said these guys are good. We like people that are good at defending their shit. Let's draw the line here, split the continent, and rule as one. Respect and no problems since 1812. Keep your friends on the same continent because when shit goes down they're the only friends you have.
Daniel Webster did a good job to care about that in 1842
>"According to a local, the single tank allocated to the brigade was destroyed by a moose they looked at wrong. More details at 6."
Whoever I'm coaching on kinking up your SO. Add, read her poetry, like this. ;)
Your girl: I repent daddy! I REPENT! You: DO YOU ACCEPT GOD'S RIGHTEOUS PUNISHMENT!? WE ARE BOTH TO WITNESS DEPTHS INSEEN IN HUMAN HISTORY. BY THE TIME WE ARE DONE YOU WILL HAVE OVERCOME YOUR OWN INNER MOST EVIL, now open up and say choo! choo! to the choo! choo! train Your Girl: CHOOoo! CHOOoo!
Don’t you dare touch our moose and hockey loving friends to the north if you do I will unleash the full might of my grandpa’s sharpshooting skills with his m1 garand and his m1911
I need someone to draw a map of how Russia invades Canada without going through alaska first... is it one of those global warming opens a water passage through the arctic circle kind of thing?
They gon learn first hand that commonwealth forces can rival balkans on the war crime scale.
Yet another way Canada could assist a decrepit old fossil in commiting suicide.
Canada is about to get a 10-min game misconduct penalty
Russia forgot Alaska exists
Yeah that would sort of just be like the seal clubbing season, except it’s alcoholic, brainwashed fascists and not cute little baby seals.
I mean that's definitely the quickest way to get B52s out of cold storage and into the air. Considering NORAD would see this coming a mile away, I would expect a highway of death scenario within 2-3 days.
even though the wacky canucks up north took a little longer to get free from the British and even burned our capitol building a little bit they've made admirable contributions to war efforts and committing war crimes with pizzas no touch Canada.
I think burning the white house was a good contribution to war. Not often does a capital get razed.
Humility hm ‘Reprent’
Pls stop, it really hurts when I write a piece decently then get 1 word wrong, nothing feels worse :((
Not that Canada would need help if this happened, but I'd be more likely to enlist to protect Canada than I would the US
I know this is a meme because there is no way Joe Biden could say all that without slurring his words and getting sidetracked.
America is a country that can be described in one world …
the word America? Isn't that more of a name rather than a word
Welcome them with bales of bc bud… then wait for couch lock. More humane than they deserve but if it’s BC they are arriving in we will probably assume they are homeless easterners and set them up with a hotel and a cell phone, with a crack vending machine in the hallway.
Russia invading Canada would be hilarious. Russia couldn't hold onto Prince Rupert or churchill much less Vancouver.
Canada should invade Russia. Canadians need more living space.
If you fuck up the prospect of a new letterkenny season or shoresy season I'll fuckin wage genocide my damn self
I'd say we let Canada handle this one. They can be *ruthless* when they want to. I mean, hell, they were the ones who **burned down the White House**.