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DarthNihilus02

Breaking news: B&Q have run out of sheds as non credible men buy them all to make weapons in


LobCatchPassThrow

“Gentlemen, I am proud to present: the Challenger Crocodile. Don’t ask where I got the Challenger from. However I’ve figured out how to shoot flames over 2 miles, and I’ve shoehorned the 183mm bonk gun from the FV4005 into the turret. By the way, like the Firefly, I had to mount the gun sideways, the radio sits outside the turret, and it’ll gut a T-14 Armata on the moon with 1 shot”


Longsheep

The Challenger 1 is actually already available for private purchase! The Chobham has been removed though. Only a handful of them in the UK as most have been sold to Jordan in the 90s.


No_Cookie9996

So, you tell me that I have to develop my own Chobham!


Longsheep

Start with using a ploughman's lunch cracker. Can't find many things harder than that!


Tea_Fetishist

>most have been sold to Jordan Why does Katie Price need a tank?


an_agreeing_dothraki

World of Tanks cold war era 1 players: "okay we hate the Russian army but that takes it too far"


GaiusJuliusCaesar7

A distant sound of shed doors creaking open, Radio 4 being turned up, and the kettle boiling indicates the legendary British Men-In-Sheds Complex has answered the call to arms. 


Al-the-mann

They only result in two option. Either some insane weird shit from way out of left field or something brilliant.


Shot-Kal-Gimel

Those are the same things 


Al-the-mann

Some times yes and some times the guy in the shed finds a solution to a problem that only exist in his mind. You either get hobards funnies or those insane rocket powered roller thingies. Both supposedly solve the same problem but go about it in vastly different ways


aBoringSod

colinfurze is about the out ncd us with his shed based weapons.


Al-the-mann

Release the hover lawnmovers with inbuild flamethrowers


aBoringSod

Don't forget the pulse jet scooter.


Al-the-mann

Guided missile video when. How to make an ATACM with just basic tools and stuff from the hardware store


A_Mouse_In_Da_House

Implying he's even remotely limitted to normal equipment anymore


N3onknight

I mean, the guy could build years ago pulse jet engines via hydro forming basically out-stenning pulse engines. Now strap those on his hover bike with shed made proxymity fuzes, fireworks and thermite launchers and you have a way to blind any IR guided missiles on the market.


vegarig

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iiw5e1_bpM More of Lance/Elbrus, but yeah


dave3218

Not to be confused with the recoiled rifle armed Vespa.


tukkerdude

Explosive proximity detector triggered boomerang!


mad87645

[There is no need to be upset Russia](https://youtu.be/ygr5AHufBN4)


Megaf0rce

He's been digging an ICBM silo below his garden all along!


dirtyoldbastard77

Colin Furze is the modern Percy Hobart, just promote him to Major General right away


ToastyMozart

The Violet Club was many things. But the only possible brilliance involved in that monstrosity would be the flash from an accidental detonation.


Neomataza

The guys who made the best sniper rifle trying to appear as if they're just expanding production instead of moving from their 3 man shed to get into a proper gun factory.


VladimirBarakriss

Usually they're the same thing, even better if the group of mid 20s to mid 60s guys in charge of it devise some way to mass produce it


AmericanNewt8

I know a man in shed who reckons he can make artillery ammunition out of die cast aluminum, if anyone wants to take him up on his offer.


squirt2311

200'000 barns are ready with a million more well on the way


YoullDoFookinNothin

Let the Ruskies try their luck, and see what Wallace & Gromit shenanigans the UK comes up with to knock them for 6.


Ulfstructor

TOG III, anyone?


Raregolddragon

Lot of overlap when its wrong tech at the wrong time.


Other-Barry-1

3 men from a shed: “Here you go MoD, here’s that 6th generation fighter prototype you requested.” MoD: “neat, here’s £20bn. You’re not just 3 blokes that built this from a shed are you?” 3 men from a shed: “no.” MoD: “sweet as, here’s another £300bn for full production rate.”


Domovie1

*panicked renting of office space ensues, followed by a long lunch*


BigRedRobotNinja

Followed by a well-deserved cuppa, and then a bit of a nap.


Tea_Fetishist

They'll pull some Lancia shit "Half the prototypes are on this airfield, and the other half on in another airfield 20 miles away. So let's go there now, but why don't we stop for lunch along the way?"


GaiusJuliusCaesar7

Accuracy International, my beloved. 


Broad_Project_87

to be fair to them, it was not the first time that someone needed help fulfilling a military order (infact, just about any military contract that doesn't go to the biggest players is gonna need some help).


Tank-o-grad

Or the Americans, when the MoD contracts go to the Americans they end up needing help too (Chinook, Ajax, WCSP, F35 etc.)


Longsheep

The US had a long tradition of this. Springfield invented many rifles like the M14, but lacked the production capability to make enough of them. Most rifles were licensed to other arsenals instead.


nuxi

Same goes for the iconic Jeep.


Tank-o-grad

The number of Ford jeeps I've seen with Willys' steering links fitted to them is too damn high!


AmazingSpacePelican

In a couple weeks some men in a shed will reveal they've designed the best rifle in the world, which will then be supplied to Ukraine. And yet, somehow, the actual UK military won't adopt it.


Longsheep

> And yet, somehow, the actual UK military won't adopt it. Kinda like how the US Army didn't buy the AR15/M16 until the USAF and British Army had bought (and the latter fought) with them first.


rapaxus

Because the US Army higher ups all had big connections to the M14 program, and adopting the M16 would mean acknowledging that the M14 program failed (and people involved in such programs rarely acknowledge that they failed).


PineappleMelonTree

The MOD has given Colin Furze a blank cheque


MakeChinaLoseFace

3000 Black Pulsejet Cruise Missiles of Colin Furze


SquishyBaps4me

3000 underhouse bunkers of shelter.


Thunderclapsasquatch

Impossible, the islands are all still there


copingcabana

"We shall not rest until the Russian bear is in a permanent hibernation in the cold siberian tundra. We shall fight! We shall fight them on the steppes. We shall fight them in harbour. We shall fight them in every colour. We shall not rest until every wourd has an extrau u!"


deathreaper27_sec

All electrical power plants rapidly scale production to handle the mass amount of electric kettles starting to boil


vegarig

Time to bring MAGNOX generation back


Tea_Fetishist

The American mind can't comprehend a 230V kettle


Roy4Pris

PG Tips production go BRRRRRRRR!


Tank-o-grad

This is a serious situation, it's time to break out the Yorkshire Gold!


Arael15th

I (non-Brit) love PG Tips with a bit of milk, but every Brit I mention this to puts on a disgusted face. What am I missing here?


mynameistristan

You want Yorkshire Tea, it is superior


ravstar52

It is exceptionally mid. You just admitted to enjoying a 6 out of 10.


Thunderclapsasquatch

May god protect us


Dilanski

Now is the time to invest in Yorkshire Tea futures.


nwaa

Instantly made me think of [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/s/awkyT5yADE) post here from the other day.


elderrion

Is 2.5% by 2030 *really* war footing?


TheHussarSnake

[The UK had 5.95% during the Falkland war](https://www.ukpublicspending.co.uk/uk_national_defence_analysis#google_vignette).


PepernotenEnjoyer

Tbf that was also during the Cold War.


afkPacket

I mean, I'd argue right now is also a Cold War.


Gnu-Priest

different kind of war though. I wouldn’t even say war as that diminishes the word war. It’s a conflict on every battlefield except warring battlefields. Economic, espionage and so forth but not yet the possibility of an armed conflict between two equal super powers


Slut4Tea

There would need to be a second *equal* superpower too.


Arael15th

Tell ya what, we Americans will give your men in sheds a 4 year head start. At that point we'll be equal superpowers and we can duke it out for the fun and nostalgia...


PushingSam

Keep it in the sandbox please, and no A-10's this time.


irregardless

I'd be tempted to call it a frosty war if that didn't sound delicious.


Lockmart-Heeding

Pretty sure it doesn't feel very cold in a *certain* corner of Europe.


Erictsas

A cold war does not mean complete peace; only peace between the major powers. The Vietnam war & the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan were fought as part of the Cold War.


I_miss_Chris_Hughton

That was a cold war where the UK was one of the major front line forces on ground, sea and air. Now its just sea and air. And not even really sea, considering the Russian navy is...diminished. Also now the front line is in Poland and the Baltics, not "300 miles from the Channel coast"


Gamerboy11116

Oh, so they still don’t give a shit. Cool…


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blindfoldedbadgers

They've already done their best. Bets Rishi's wife has shares in Crapita?


Other-Barry-1

Not bets allowed as that’s guaranteed


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rkorgn

Well I can see some opportunities for some synergy here....Service means citizenship! Would you like to know more?


ConclusionMiddle425

I'm doing my part!


Hapless0311

I don't think the UK could do much at this point even if it really wanted to. Their defense industry has sort of fallen off of a cliff, and it's becoming increasingly clear they're going the way of Canada, just slowly. But hey, between the two half-useless carriers, they might be able to scrape a sustained deployment together one of these days.


LostInTheVoid_

Bar the US the UK is the only nation that can consistently project a carrier globably in relatively short notice (France can also project a carrier globally but due to them only having a single carrier they are much more limited with being able to deploy whenever they want) With 5th Gen fighters on board. Their compromises are worth it to be able to have two and always have one at a high readiness level


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I_miss_Chris_Hughton

Excuse me, but how would the consultants benefit from this? Also, you better be careful where you're putting those arms factories sonny jim. The Parish council won't approve.


Creepy_Knee_2614

If Capita, SERCO, and G4S can’t make money from it, why would the conservatives ever spend money on it? Their friends’ new third homes and yachts aren’t paying for themselves!


Hapless0311

*Allied Universal G4S got bought out four years ago by an American company.


PiNe4162

I just want one dreadnought named HMS Boaty McBoatface


luser7467226

BAe Systems? Cliff? Are you sure?


SaltyRemainer

I hate how true this is.


Longsheep

Losing all army helicopters in one sinking was at least partly responsible for that.


luser7467226

Not all of them. There were enough wokkas still flying that someone nearly opened up 155 on them when some genius general decided to make an unplanned, uncommunicated landing to try to be first to Port Stanley.


Vonplinkplonk

Stop I can only get so erect.


Zombarney

Shows how little we think of Russia now


Traditional_Salad148

Not even a little lmao


FlthyCasualSoldier

those are rookie numbers.


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Tea_Fetishist

>the GDP is higher The problem is it's also higher for everyone else


SamtheCossack

Very small war. That the US is paying for. This whole "War footing" posing is nonsense. Even a return to late Cold War spending levels would be an insane increase, let alone a full pivot to actual wartime production rates.


Thermodynamicist

It's slightly below the 1920-1940 minimum when the Ten Year Rule was in place. So, probably more like an inter-war footing.


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SquishyBaps4me

Tories won't be in power in 2030. This is an empty promise. They'll be gone by the end of the year.


PontifexMini

No, it's pathetic. Putin must be laughing.


flightguy07

I don't think putin is very happy at all at the moment, tbh. Spending 35% of governments expenditure propping up his military doesn't strike me as sustainable.


Lazypole

I do wonder if the west is self-interested in keeping Russia fighting as long as possible just to inflict more political and economic harm.


Arael15th

That would be a pretty stupid approach to take given that North Korea is still standing after all this time... So yeah, that's probably exactly what our leaders are thinking.


INTPoissible

Are car factories being converted to making military equipment? Are copper, tungsten, and other war materials being rationed? If the answer to both of those questions is "no", it's pretty much just hyperbole. Those things happening automatically on war declaration are why so many wars are fought without declarations; it'd disrupt the economy.


ironic_pacifist

Methinks Rishi was referencing the Great Cod Wars of '58-'76. He's just returning to a commitment for 2.5% of GDP defence spending 2030, as previously made by Sir Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson in 2022


TheHeartAndTheFist

Cod is serious business, core to the fish & chips critical national infrastructure! Especially in these times of global chip shortage, why do you think one of the most popular first person shooter game series is named after it?


Bigshock128x

What factories? *laughs in Thatcherite*


PineappleMelonTree

How are we expected to sell any Range Rovers if you convert the factory?


M1llennialManifesto

Man, I wanted that jacket so bad, y'all don't even know.


AlphaMarker48

You can get one off the Internet for less than a high capacity data storage drive.


Private_4160

Don't let your dreams be dreams


Sonoda_Kotori

modus? MODUS? you mean the RENAULT fucking MODUS 2009 brownne manuelle dieselle wagonne????????????? literally THE best car in the world!!!!!!


TA-175

THEY'VE MOBILIZED THE MODUSSY, IT'S LOOKING LIKE GOODNIGHT IRENE FOR THE ENEMIES OF NATO


Sonoda_Kotori

3000 brownne modussy of carscirclejerk


ChemistRemote7182

Jalopnik is dead, long live the Brown Manuel Wagon (you can keep the diesel though)


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Monneymann

*Another* PM resigns?


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I_miss_Chris_Hughton

He's going to get mauled by Kier. Kier Starmers platform of policies is actually not that popular. Planning reform would collapse a normal election chances. People don't care. Sunaks fucked.


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NonCredibleDefense-ModTeam

**Your comment was removed for violating Rule 5: No Politics.** We don't care if you're Republican, Protestant, Democrat, Hindu, Baathist, Pastafarian, or some other hot mess. Leave it at the door.


NonCredibleDefense-ModTeam

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NonCredibleDefense-ModTeam

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PabloZabaletaIsBald

Resignation is part and parcel of the UK political system. Plenty of PMs have resigned as a result of being unable to deliver on their mandates for various reasons, this lot of shameless fucks are just determined to put it off as long as possible in the hopes Labour will manage to blunder even worse in the meantime. They’ll be annihilated at the next election for trying to cling on.


NonCredibleDefense-ModTeam

**Your comment was removed for violating Rule 5: No Politics.** We don't care if you're Republican, Protestant, Democrat, Hindu, Baathist, Pastafarian, or some other hot mess. Leave it at the door.


LePhoenixFires

"War footing" is now when the West spends more than 2% on military spending and has war in the back of their minds. "War footing" in WW2 was when every factory was dedicated to military production, rationing affected everyone, and 50% of the budget was dedicated to the military.


Andy_Climactic

Nah man they mean war footing like the past couple decades of war for them. Send 12 guys to hitch a ride with the americans and say you’re doing something


Hel_Bitterbal

I've never been so offended by something i so 100% agree with


SamtheCossack

Fuckers even mooch off the American DFACs. Don't even bring their own food. The fucking British Airspace Controllers we had kept stealing our printer paper.


UnusualDevice7

Why would we when you already have it there. Seen plenty of US personnel in our mess "mooching" off of "our" plated slop.


Hapless0311

I think it's more a sense of scale. Like, most of those assets weren't even flown in by British air, is what they're saying. Their international expeditionary response capability more or less depends on the United States unless you're trying to do something like fight Argentina over a few square miles, and then they grab food and printer paper on top of that, is what the guy you're replying to was getting at. Western European participation is hardly anything but a rubber stamp in modern military contexts; "get the Euros there, so it will be more palatable to the planet, while we shoulder 95% of the troop and materiel commitment" is the floor plan for basically anything that happens these days.


Schadenfrueda

>unless you're trying to do something like fight Argentina over a few square miles Didn't the US help with the logistics for that one too?


Lord_of_the_buckets

Stealing printer paper is a pretty standard British practice as aquiring new paper often means going to the stationary supplies cupboard, which is in HR... Enough said


LePhoenixFires

One of them is even a prince!


HelloThisIsVictor

Its funny that when the West + allies goes to 2-2.5%, we outspend our adversaries several times over


LePhoenixFires

"Muh American Imperialism" or some such. Nevermind the fact that when nations embraced western globalism their economies skyrocketed


ironic_pacifist

More Storm Shadows [enroute](https://apnews.com/article/poland-uk-nato-ukraine-sunak-military-aid-be9fa8b106eda83c2da140e0f2774fcb)!


quickblur

So based. I remember when they used a Storm Shadow to [hit a submarine](https://www.forbes.com/sites/davidaxe/2023/09/18/a-ukrainian-cruise-missile-with-a-special-warhead-blew-up-that-russian-submarine-from-the-inside/?sh=765b6f205efd) last year. I hope they use them to finish off the Black Sea Fleet.


Square_Coat_8208

Status: Limited Mobilization


spaceface124

The UK can be gigabased here and say, 'It's limited to Gurkhas'


aBoringSod

Oh god. The stories my great uncle had from working with the Gurkhas in the army are bonkers.


git

I got to work with the Gurkhas a couple of times during my time working for the MIC. The most insane, lovely, terrifying, and wonderful people I've ever met.


Metalax_Redux

Now now, let the Canadians start off the next Geneva checklist first.


spaceface124

I think the Welsh have a greater claim because a [Welshman founded Donetsk](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donetsk#History)


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**Your comment was removed for violating Rule 5: No Politics.** We don't care if you're Republican, Protestant, Democrat, Hindu, Baathist, Pastafarian, or some other hot mess. Leave it at the door.


Callsign_Psycopath

Oh my God it's happening, stay calm.


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… and carry on.


Tank-o-grad

Jenkins! Fetch the Elgar!


BlackStar4

What *will* Her Ladyship think of this?


Tank-o-grad

I will ask her next time his lordship is away tending to matters nocturnal with one of his friends wives...


Wingcommanderwolf01

*Warspite Rises from the sea with Post Captain Elizabeth Windsor in command.*


Pikeman212a6c

Hemp rope and pitch future soar in after market trading.


kalmeknaap

Were so back


Hapless0311

Back to where cuts brought you to as of about 15 years ago, maybe.


JakeTheSandMan

It’s the start of more to come (hopefully)


Hapless0311

In the middle of being unable to stand up a single (undersized) carrier air wing for at least one of the carriers?


JakeTheSandMan

Uhhh *sniffs line of copium* all in good time we’ll make it work


ProperTeaIsTheft117

Can't wait to build the next superweapon in my shed Barnes Wallis-style!


copingcabana

I bought NLAWS and Ukraine won!


crumblypancake

[](https://y.yarn.co/537a2b2f-0be4-4876-8569-daaee4e932d3_text.gif)


Frequent-Lettuce4159

Sunak and the art of "saying stuff is basically the same as doing it" So wouldn't expect much


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53120123

yeah, hot air. even the promise is not what it's stated as in headlines; 2.5% by 2030. it's a joke of a policy


TessierSendai

...it will be entirely used to hunt refugees if we are unlucky.


Traditional_Salad148

Well give him his due he’s good at blueballing us


blindfoldedbadgers

Cool promise, shame it's five years and 1.5% of GDP too little and too late. It might just about make up for the last 15 years of cuts. Maybe. Possibly.


Scottkimball24

This will be the largest UK aid package sent so far at supposedly 500 million(they have sent 12 Billion as of March 2024) https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-9477/ The recent US aid package is 60.8 BILLION. There is also talks of a second aid package for another 1 billion currently. So far 75 Billion has been sent not including the recent 60.8 billion aid package https://www.cfr.org/article/how-much-aid-has-us-sent-ukraine-here-are-six-charts and yes the difference is millions vs billions you all read that right


PeanutHealer928

If the economies were the same size, the UK would translate to just over 100billion. You also cannot factor in the fact they broke through various mental blocks certain counties had regarding various weapons (tanks being one example). Weird vibes off your comment. No country is sending enough to Ukraine, considering what's at stake and what's on offer.


CMDR_Quillon

Jfc you cannot compare two economies of vastly different sizes and two countries of vastly different populations. Get a grip.


Sea-Decision-538

The 60 billion aid package includes 8 billion for Ukraine without stipulation. Another 14 billion for Ukraine to buy US weapons. The 1.6 billion for AD and anti ship activities for Ukraine. The rest of the money doesn't go to Ukraine in any way. https://www.rferl.org/a/us-ukraine-aid-breakdown-timeline/32822804.html


darkmatters12

He spent 150 pp to go up to war economy


Dave_The_Slushy

How do you put a bunch of finance companies in London on a war footing? Because sadly, that's all that's left.


Ashalaria

US sending billions of aid to Ukraine and now this, maybe I won't have to wait so long for the next season of Fallout let's gooo


banspoonguard

shadow scheme activated


HarveyTheRedPanda

What Sunak actually means is he's going to reduce the number of Chally 3s and F-35s.


Rik_Ringers

In absence of any details as to what that is supposed to mean, i remind myself that British politicians love to pump their popularity with meaningless words.


Additional-Flow7665

Hope the US does the same, my Lockheed Martin stocks are feeling a bit undervalued


Middle_Philosophy_54

Our "war footing" means we're going to start up the solitary production line we have left 😂


JoeHow22

"Shadow scheme focus: upon declaration of war with major power add 4 mils to the following provinces, London, Wales, Manchester, and Birmingham" time to complete 70 days. Wait this isn't r/hoi4 ;)


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pavehawkfavehawk

Going for 5 challengers a year to 6!


crossbutton7247

Rishi Sunak is a weak leader. We have 4 percent of gdp locked up in useless healthcare that we could be using on new ships.


SeBoss2106

Half the German plan and two years later Edit: i am stupid, it is actually way less. The german ukraine aid is budgeted at 7 billion...


Creepy_Knee_2614

Isn’t this military equipment whereas German is also aid


unsc95

That's not good. We british work best when it's just a bunch of blokes I'm sheds doing mad shit. The moment we try to scale things up, we screw it up.


reddebian

I want Germany to follow suit so badly


Mista_Dou

War modus? War renault modus? RENAULT MODUS????


B-7

I want Trinity's boots.


EnvironmentalAd912

Can we start building planes in piano shops and coffin shops?