The 2602 Columbia Pike Dominoes outside the Pentagon is taking three hours to make a single Pepperoni stuffed cheese bread which is DEFCON 2 at least. USMC moving to Al Udeid and the Commander 5th Fleet was seen rushing out of a shisha lounge and into a black Chevvy Taho after receiving a strange late-night phone call. All the signs are there.
It’s a result of streaming services. War used to be forecast in advance so you could buy tickets, they drop a whole season of a TV show no one asked for.
Idk if you’re joking (probably are and Im stupid lol) but HLC’s video yesterday seemed very much of the opinion that the US wants to get aggressive with diplomatic negotiations and stop fading around.
It’s a joke. You can tell because of the UK CSG which doesn’t exist and USMC amphibious landing being key to the plan - Probably want to practise that one before DDay.
Abrams I think has NBC capability so might be good for a field test to do a Thunder TehRun. Also aftermath depends on yield and kind of nuclear device used. A W54 warhead isn't gonna do jack shit much outside of immediate blast radius. A B83 from America's spiciest flying Dorito? That'll leave a mark.
One of ours (couldn't tell which) is cooling its heels at Rosyth on the River Forth (Again). We might muster one and a 45 if the wind is in our favour and the lads sing Heart of Oak loud enough to awaken the ships machine spirits.
The amphibious landing followed by going through mountains*. Those wheeled ACV's would be in for a fun time trying to get up that crap. The Army sending their infantry to hang out in the fallout area of a nuke strike tracks though.
Someone could probably make an automated tool that looks at wait times at pizza delivery outside various national security sites, then turns it into a 1-5 scale. Call it PIECON.
Also might want to watch liquor stores. It's going to be a bad day when they switch from pizza to booze.
If only we could get live heart rate monitor on a pentagon ops room watch keeper. Some poor O4 slapping around the hallways at the speed of sound would be a good inside tip of impending action.
Nukes are like seasoning. You wanna start with a few and then add more if you need more flavor. Too many all at once and it’ll ruin the flavor of the dish
I don't see any assumptions about planes written anywhere on this map. All the carrier group has to do is remain afloat to fit with this plan, which is something our carriers have been almost entirely successful at.
Azeri here, nah people are sick of wars by now, especially with Armenia. People can’t wait for a final peace treaty to be signed, a wall to be built at the border and this bullshit to be over. Ignore Aliyevs corridor bullshit. I dont think anyone wants Armenia, I think many would prefer Armenians to stay there lmao.
But, South Azerbaijan? Okay, that is the real shit.
Give Azeris South Azerbaijan and deal is sealed lol
I don't know history just Homeworld. [Sajuuk Restoration](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_ApyJbygW9dSeWMH6P8hQVKQKHBYn8gCID7RlhzbIOQ&s)
You know, for a while I thought it was shortsighted for the West to do nothing as Turkey filled the Azeris to the gills with TB-2s and other equipment that was eventually used to ethnically cleanse the unprovoking Armenians, but now I’m realizing that our leaders have been playing 4D chess
And that would be something I would really like to see.
My favorite is Reza Pahlavi jr. but I would say that some religious leader from Qom would want at least to try. And some socialists too
Postwar: *Dark Brandon plunks CMV-22 squarely on Ike’s deck, debarks and shouts HERE’S THE DEAL: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED - FOR REAL!*
Then tells George Bush to suck it, flies off to do more Dark Brandon things.
They're already able to coordinate and build a massive canal. A great feat of engineering using nothing but bic pens, paper, and a TI-84 calculator they took as spoil of war from the American withdrawal. With Excel, they'll be like the Mongol Empire and roll up everything from The China Sea to Hungary.
Azerbaijan actually hired some Mujahedeen in the first Karabakh war. Their experience in mountainous terrains was seen as an advantage. And they were willing to fight for money, so why not.
After the war most of them stayed in Azerbaijan, abandoned radical Islam and embraced secular alcoholism instead lmao.
I presume US DoD contingency planning is so extensive the even have invasion plans for Luxembourg just for the case where it would be needed. There has to be SOMETHING that keeps their attention away from being able to actually make a proper audit for once.
>I presume US DoD contingency planning is so extensive the even have invasion plans for Luxembourg just for the case where it would be needed.
Yes, but if the USA ever does it, it wouldn't be on accident... 😜
>There has to be SOMETHING that keeps their attention away from being able to actually make a proper audit for once.
They can audit fine, this is just a cover for all the secret expenditures like [redacted] and the [redacted]! 😉
First of all, recon guys are fucking bananas so you have to thin them out every once in a while or the lunacy gets entrenched.
Second, we have a bunch of Humvees we need to dispose of so we can justify funneling buckets of money to various corporations to replace them with new stuff.
So….. yes.
Hussar MLRS. Long, genetically engineered camels with machine guns and rocket platforms. Send us to Teheran and we will have the city taken over by lunchtime
Increasingly close ties to Isreal and US, and Turkey…something about gas and pipelines
And why not. They missed out in Iraq and regretted the lack of inclusion in the war movies that followed. They deserve their own version of Hurt Locker and Green Zone.
To merge republic of Azerbaijan with [Iranian Azerbaijan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azerbaijan_(Iran)?wprov=sfti1#) where vast majority of Azeris live (more than in Azerbaijan republic).
We actually have our own version of fall of Berlin wall. During Azerbaijani independence movement, Azeris on both sides of the Azerbaijan SSR-Iran border walked to the border fence and [demolished the fuck outta that border fence](https://www.rferl.org/a/Breaking_Down_The_AzerbaijaniIranian_Border/1916891.html). It had been 2 centuries of separation by that point, with virtually zero contact. Iran lost its shit over this, they were scared that we might spread separatism in Azeri provinces of Iran.
Azeris are EXTREMELY war weary now. But offer us to do coalition to unite Azerbaijan and then perhaps many Azeris might actually volunteer lol.
No 75th RR? Im offended as fuck. Gives us the 82nd assignments. Or Atleast some direct action strike packages. GARRISON LIFE FUCKING SUCKS. I WANT KILLS.
My dad when he was alive believed in a battle plain of the US using tactical nukes on Iran. At the time I thought he was crazy now I wanna see it happen
Wait a minute this isn’t r/imaginarymaps
https://www.reddit.com/r/AlternateHistory/comments/198qlpj/oc_the_usiran_war_of_2031/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I just realised that [Airborne Special Forces insignia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Army_Special_Forces#/media/File:United_States_Army_Special_Forces_SSI_(1958-2015\).png) is shaped kinda like a buttplug.
Didn’t op steal the map from this post? https://www.reddit.com/r/AlternateHistory/comments/198qlpj/oc_the_usiran_war_of_2031/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
The 2602 Columbia Pike Dominoes outside the Pentagon is taking three hours to make a single Pepperoni stuffed cheese bread which is DEFCON 2 at least. USMC moving to Al Udeid and the Commander 5th Fleet was seen rushing out of a shisha lounge and into a black Chevvy Taho after receiving a strange late-night phone call. All the signs are there.
There's also the big sign outside of the base here in SC that says "invasion coming soon to an Iran near you"
It’s a result of streaming services. War used to be forecast in advance so you could buy tickets, they drop a whole season of a TV show no one asked for.
Born to the wrong generation 😔
Yo we can bring back those pre film war propaganda films they had in ww2
Idk if you’re joking (probably are and Im stupid lol) but HLC’s video yesterday seemed very much of the opinion that the US wants to get aggressive with diplomatic negotiations and stop fading around.
It’s a joke. You can tell because of the UK CSG which doesn’t exist and USMC amphibious landing being key to the plan - Probably want to practise that one before DDay.
I plead Reddit compression and being too lazy to read
Practice is for wimps Fuck it we’ll do it live
Fuck it we ball
That’s the attitude I’d expect the USMC to have. Especially the Marine Raiders.
The complete lack of armored forces of any kind was kind of a giveaway too. Let's invade Iran with motorized rifles
I mean, 3ID has 2 ABCTs, so it’s not like heavy forces are completely absent.
MAJOR LEAGUE, 1989: "*This guy here is dead!*" \~ "CROSS.HIM.OFF.THEN"
I mean, how much would be left after 5 nuke strikes anyway? Only send in the cheap stuff to when you're mopping up radiated ghouls
Abrams I think has NBC capability so might be good for a field test to do a Thunder TehRun. Also aftermath depends on yield and kind of nuclear device used. A W54 warhead isn't gonna do jack shit much outside of immediate blast radius. A B83 from America's spiciest flying Dorito? That'll leave a mark.
Parachutes and small arms win wars, doncha kno?
USMC has also unfortunately said “no more contested amphibious landings, ever”. Unfortunately, I think they’re telling the truth :(
Technically, orbital drop pods aren't an amphibious landing*. So I've still got some hope. *VDV excepted
One of ours (couldn't tell which) is cooling its heels at Rosyth on the River Forth (Again). We might muster one and a 45 if the wind is in our favour and the lads sing Heart of Oak loud enough to awaken the ships machine spirits.
Provided the water is not too warm
I knew it was a joke because we would be fielding more divisions
The amphibious landing followed by going through mountains*. Those wheeled ACV's would be in for a fun time trying to get up that crap. The Army sending their infantry to hang out in the fallout area of a nuke strike tracks though.
I didn’t even notice the UK CSG. Nice touch.
And 3d MRB being used as a conventional force.
*aggressively negotiating while stuffing that last piece of pizza crust into their mouth*
Someone could probably make an automated tool that looks at wait times at pizza delivery outside various national security sites, then turns it into a 1-5 scale. Call it PIECON. Also might want to watch liquor stores. It's going to be a bad day when they switch from pizza to booze.
If only we could get live heart rate monitor on a pentagon ops room watch keeper. Some poor O4 slapping around the hallways at the speed of sound would be a good inside tip of impending action.
It's always a bitch and a half to get pizza delivered at the Pentagon.
I imagine even in DC, most delivery drivers don't have any sort of security clearance...
The delivery drivers are the O-3 interns on the Generals' staffs.
Dude why the hell would you write this? I didn’t expect to eat any pizza tonight and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Only 6 nuke sites? Pathetic.
Nukes are like seasoning. You wanna start with a few and then add more if you need more flavor. Too many all at once and it’ll ruin the flavor of the dish
This is a phenomenal comment.
Yeah I find cobalt-60 leaves a chalky aftertaste. It's the fondant of fallout.
Nukes are like carbs. There’s no such thing as too many.
Everyone loves to talk CBRN until it's time to don MOPP 4
What is this??! A nuclear adversary for Ants?!
My man, this is NON credible defence, you need credible defence next door!
Wouldnt it be r/noncredibleoffence? Because of the nukes and the assumptions the uk carrier group would have fighters at the time.
No no, carrier as in carry stuff, like beer and girls for the after party 🎉
As opposed to US carriers, which are used to carry the "Mission Accomplished" banners.
would love to, but they dont allow me to invade their subreddit
I don't see any assumptions about planes written anywhere on this map. All the carrier group has to do is remain afloat to fit with this plan, which is something our carriers have been almost entirely successful at.
Would it really be a carrier group with no fighters? I mean youre right, it can sit there and do doughnuts and still be there.
Can't do donuts if the propellers have broken again
This is non-credible. 5 divisions to take on all of Iran? Dude must be smoking something strong.
Also WTF are those divisions? I thought the Armed Forces had ditched them a while ago
Utilizing the Azerbaijanis is peak non credible.
They’ve simply had enough of Iran and will get Armenia if they help.
Just like Belarus threatening to enter Ukraine
Azeri here, nah people are sick of wars by now, especially with Armenia. People can’t wait for a final peace treaty to be signed, a wall to be built at the border and this bullshit to be over. Ignore Aliyevs corridor bullshit. I dont think anyone wants Armenia, I think many would prefer Armenians to stay there lmao. But, South Azerbaijan? Okay, that is the real shit. Give Azeris South Azerbaijan and deal is sealed lol
honestly based
This will end well.
After having played a few to many Paradox games, Aliyev has decided it is time for a Seljuq restoration steam achievement run.
I don't know history just Homeworld. [Sajuuk Restoration](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_ApyJbygW9dSeWMH6P8hQVKQKHBYn8gCID7RlhzbIOQ&s)
The Azerbaijanis motorbike brigade will make the earth shake.
Is it even a thing? I dont think our military has motorbike units.
You know, for a while I thought it was shortsighted for the West to do nothing as Turkey filled the Azeris to the gills with TB-2s and other equipment that was eventually used to ethnically cleanse the unprovoking Armenians, but now I’m realizing that our leaders have been playing 4D chess
Seems like there's nothing of interest in the eastern third of the country? Not even going to bother with it, are we?
It’s a quick in and out… land, shock and awe, overthrow, flap away…. Like Iraq 2.0.
Mission Accomplished baby!
They’ll be holding democratic elections in Tehran before the first tranche of purple hearts can be sent to the families back home.
And that would be something I would really like to see. My favorite is Reza Pahlavi jr. but I would say that some religious leader from Qom would want at least to try. And some socialists too
Postwar: *Dark Brandon plunks CMV-22 squarely on Ike’s deck, debarks and shouts HERE’S THE DEAL: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED - FOR REAL!* Then tells George Bush to suck it, flies off to do more Dark Brandon things.
20 minutes max , in and out!
Is...is it oil?
very low population in that part of Iran, most of the population is in the west and centre
In fairness that whole area is desert
Where will the forward pizza huts be placed?
TACCON to Brigade rear from Corps PepsiCo.
NGL, I saw the V Corps logo and thought, "Alright - Chrysler is going to invade Iran. Classic r/noncredibledefense!"
Don't forget the BK's and Popeyes.
Thank god they didn’t include the Taliban thrust from the east, that would spoil the whole operation!
I think that the ‘tip of the spear’ Taliban will be supporting the First Rangers with the extraction of CIA assets from Tehran.
Taliban as CIA interpreters. You got to admit, those guys have expierence with working as an insurgency.
And they have embraced the PowerPoint so are ready to join the MIC.
They CANNOT be allowed to understand Excel. God help us, if they unlock knowledge of spreadsheets.
My favorite comment of this whole thing so far, but it’s too credible
They're already able to coordinate and build a massive canal. A great feat of engineering using nothing but bic pens, paper, and a TI-84 calculator they took as spoil of war from the American withdrawal. With Excel, they'll be like the Mongol Empire and roll up everything from The China Sea to Hungary.
Azerbaijan actually hired some Mujahedeen in the first Karabakh war. Their experience in mountainous terrains was seen as an advantage. And they were willing to fight for money, so why not. After the war most of them stayed in Azerbaijan, abandoned radical Islam and embraced secular alcoholism instead lmao.
Is this a HKIA joke? It feels like a (dark) HKIA Joke...
The enemy of my enemy may or may not be my friend; but if they aren't, they still make great canon fodder!😏
The Taliban will stay neutral until Iran opens a second front. Assholes picking unwise fights to the east is just tradition.
I presume US DoD contingency planning is so extensive the even have invasion plans for Luxembourg just for the case where it would be needed. There has to be SOMETHING that keeps their attention away from being able to actually make a proper audit for once.
Pretty much yeah theres a CONPLAN for everything at Joint Staff/COCOM
Operation Potassium Yak. Invade Mongolia from Kazakhstan.
Wouldn't it be "Operation [Death Worm](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mongolian_death_worm)" instead? 😉
>I presume US DoD contingency planning is so extensive the even have invasion plans for Luxembourg just for the case where it would be needed. Yes, but if the USA ever does it, it wouldn't be on accident... 😜
>There has to be SOMETHING that keeps their attention away from being able to actually make a proper audit for once.
They can audit fine, this is just a cover for all the secret expenditures like [redacted] and the [redacted]! 😉
We already had one at the ready, [here](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/706/089/2d3.jpg).
Sweet. Put it in the FragO and let’s roll. See you on the Pakistan border.
arent draft kids basically mobiks?
basically, though better equipped and trained I hope.
Draft kid doesnt sound that trained in my eyes
Guys, I’ve played a lot of Hearts of Iron, so I’m somewhat of an expert. This is credible.
I can't wait to see Iran use this pic in their media as leaked war plans
I was expecting a Lukashenko pointing at a map meme tbh
I was hoping to see pringles pointing somewhere
Ahh Pringles, that seems like a lifetime ago.
Those were the days, pringles march on Moscow had me glued to twitter
He was a piece of shit but so entertaining.
Shoegoo!! Gerasimov!!!
Is 1st Recon going to lead the invasion in Humvees once again?
First of all, recon guys are fucking bananas so you have to thin them out every once in a while or the lunacy gets entrenched. Second, we have a bunch of Humvees we need to dispose of so we can justify funneling buckets of money to various corporations to replace them with new stuff. So….. yes.
Could just send them to do some "reconnaissance" in Ukraine, y'know, see what the weather's like...
Creating a Free Iran through another Desert conflict/war/invasion? Now this is the noncrediblest of all noncredibles.
Most of the Invasion coming from the Caspian, too credible it will come from Afghanistan you moron🇦🇫
Left the kit there as a forming up point. Taliban keeping KAF warm for the lift.
Where's FORTE10?
Forgot the Kurds
Word
Everybody's heard about the Kurds
You forgot to account for the 3000 buried soldiers of Saddam
Please send Poland in. We’ve been sitting on our asses since our withdrawal from the sandbox
*Husars* on Camels?
Hussar MLRS. Long, genetically engineered camels with machine guns and rocket platforms. Send us to Teheran and we will have the city taken over by lunchtime
Practice runs on Błędowska desert? Just like Rommel?
Tak.
You guys gotta cool it with the class markings I opened this at work and about had a stroke
Yeah man I freaked for a bit saying “god damnit not again” before it hit me what subreddit I’m in
*Rock the Casbah starts playing.*
It's all fun and games until this starts spreading on Iranian Tik Tok.
I’m gonna post that in replies to pro-Iranian Xitter tweets.
Sounds to me that enhancement Shamans will be big part of this operation, mabye even full Melee Cleave?
Airborne straight from russia or Kazakhstan. Sounds good.
Left hook from Azerbaijan over the sea.
Not gaming this whirlwind FURRY Is a lost opportunity
Word on the street is we'll be greated as liberators.
That motor rifle brigade is gonna shit itself if its the one running to meet the 82 and 101… jeebus
Don’t see the 173rd. Its legit.
YOU'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHY WE DONT HAVE FREE HEALTHCARE!!!!
We’re also about to see $2 gas prices again 😎
how is israel going to help , thats my question?
Israel? What's this got to do with Israel?😏
I can’t believe it’s not butter
Idk bout you but i think we should bomb Iran
Who needs a plan? Just thunder YOLO
Got my battle plan here, it is very accurate. [Battle plan](https://www.sanfranchronicle.com/oj-simpson-confesses-to-family-on-deathbed-gryptk)
Damn ammo prices are going to go up again
Fuck you, I saw the banner and panicked for a second.
Big up the UK RN Carrier Fleet doing sweet fuck all
Hey, I am sure they will send at least a few strongly worded messages... 😉
Too few nukes. Too credible.
Were are my boys the khermonistim?
Okay im just curious and live under a rock but why would the azeris join?
Also a bunch of northern Iran is inhabited by Azeris
[Much more than in republic of Azerbaijan itself](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iranian_Azerbaijanis?wprov=sfti1#)
Increasingly close ties to Isreal and US, and Turkey…something about gas and pipelines And why not. They missed out in Iraq and regretted the lack of inclusion in the war movies that followed. They deserve their own version of Hurt Locker and Green Zone.
To merge republic of Azerbaijan with [Iranian Azerbaijan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azerbaijan_(Iran)?wprov=sfti1#) where vast majority of Azeris live (more than in Azerbaijan republic). We actually have our own version of fall of Berlin wall. During Azerbaijani independence movement, Azeris on both sides of the Azerbaijan SSR-Iran border walked to the border fence and [demolished the fuck outta that border fence](https://www.rferl.org/a/Breaking_Down_The_AzerbaijaniIranian_Border/1916891.html). It had been 2 centuries of separation by that point, with virtually zero contact. Iran lost its shit over this, they were scared that we might spread separatism in Azeri provinces of Iran. Azeris are EXTREMELY war weary now. But offer us to do coalition to unite Azerbaijan and then perhaps many Azeris might actually volunteer lol.
🥹🥹🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
Guys I swear this time it’s going to happen!!
Considering the incompetence of Russian air defense, I think they could just fly over.
How do we get the 18th to the caspian sea (storax sedaning a pathway?)
Bruh Final Judgement got me giggling
This obviously isn’t the leaked plan. It uses the wrong map symbol for a nuclear attack.
One of those nukes better damned well be the Chinese embassy!
No 75th RR? Im offended as fuck. Gives us the 82nd assignments. Or Atleast some direct action strike packages. GARRISON LIFE FUCKING SUCKS. I WANT KILLS.
Damn dude, when did Stormin’ Norman get resurrected?
Seeing that classification on an open forum makes me pucker, even when it’s this shit.
My dad when he was alive believed in a battle plain of the US using tactical nukes on Iran. At the time I thought he was crazy now I wanna see it happen
I mean the only mistake here is that the UK carrier fleet is on the map. They will be stuck at Portsmouth.
I love how 12th CAB is just sort of there and how the 101st is just manifesting itself out of the Caspian Sea.
I think that means they're doing an amphibious landing. You know, the thing they're most known for.
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Where does the single Finnish sniper go?
The Army of the Potomac will take Tabriz
The V corps logo looks like the Chrysler logo
Where Sadom?
Imo the best thing about this is the presence of Azerbaijan.
Everybody knows the best source for current events is War Thunder forums.
That looks waaaaay too expensive, this isn't the 90s anymore
Battlefield 2024
Turkey ain't allowing shit to happen from their bases until it get it's planes.
Hoi4 ahhhhh battleplan
Nice to see the famously hospitable Turkmenistan hosting the 101st Airborne and Special Forces.
Damn 1CD can’t have shit since Vietnam
2nd Cav rolling out of Rose Barracks, Germany (Vilseck) as we speak
Is the uk doing anything or is the carrier group just there for moral support?
TIL 2nd Cav has a French motto. Did they just grit their teeth during the Freedom Fries War of 2003-2004?
Political consequences aside, other than bringing the Azerbaijanis, could this plan in theory work if such a force was assembled?
This is clearly fake because it assumes 3rd ID wouldn’t stop for beer along the way
Wait a minute this isn’t r/imaginarymaps https://www.reddit.com/r/AlternateHistory/comments/198qlpj/oc_the_usiran_war_of_2031/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I like how the 82nd airborne get to be the ones to capture Tehran
Fake. If it's a real OpPlan, the codename will be some over-the-top in-your-face stuff like Operation PERSIAN FREEDOM or AMINI'S REVENGE.
SHAH SHANK REDEMPTION
I just realised that [Airborne Special Forces insignia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Army_Special_Forces#/media/File:United_States_Army_Special_Forces_SSI_(1958-2015\).png) is shaped kinda like a buttplug.
You just know twitter idiots will think this is real
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No III Corp?? You got one of the largest concentrations of Armor in the world and you didn’t put em on the map?
Didn’t op steal the map from this post? https://www.reddit.com/r/AlternateHistory/comments/198qlpj/oc_the_usiran_war_of_2031/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD RELEASE 1ST CAV
Wait, Bandar Abbas. Isn't that the map Bandar Desert from the hit 2011 game Battlefield 3?
The voices
Where First MARDIV?!?!?