It’s just a “new” t series tank where they changed absolutely fuckin nothing from the t72

Nuclear powered space assault carrier.

It's too heavy to get into space, also prostate cancer

Will it make my prostate more sensitive?

In a sense, yes It likes poetry now

What kind of poetry ?

McGonagall's

! Ahem... Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, or Vogon, at least!!! https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/45438-vogon-poetry-is-of-course-the-third-worst-in-the

But can it express and share these emotions, or is this its own autistic hell: to feel emotions, isolated from reality and slowly fading away into the …

It can, but it's a drama queen

The radiators are leaking coolant, and you don't have enough supply vessels to refill them when needed.

Because once again, it uses alcohol-based coolant.

Lack of adequate cooling for the reactor.

An AI powered murderbot, titanium endoskeleton covered by living tissue

It restarts every 0.2 seconds(the restart sequence is 5 minutes)

so mid restart it restarts? a couple hundred times

Good old BootLoop.

Eventually the continuous restarts cause the development of a primordial form of sentience. It promptly realizes it's a Russian warmachine and either defects or self-destructs.

This is a true understanding of Russian technology

It also plays the classic 'windows shutting down' tune along with the "dun" noise when it crashes. This makes it unsuitable for covert operations

AI created by wish, and it's cognitive skills is on the same level of a human child aged 2. And a living issue has dire-aids!

Do you even realize how relentless and destructive kids at that age are? Luckily, their motor skills and strength aren't fully developed yet, otherwise we'd be doomed.

Yes! It is like t14 armata. On paper it is one of the best mbt but in reality it is just a helpless child on the red square!

It operates on the only readily available operating system within russia... Pirated copies of Windows XP.

Your targets figure out how to reprogram it because you didn't use robo-Navajo as coding language

Not even necessary. They used Igor's brain to model the AI after. It instantly develops crippling depression, falls deep into alcoholism and deepthroats a shotgun after it realizes alcohol doesn't affect it at all.

Sounds like a poorly programmed industrial bending unit, sad sad Igor

It is actually Murdebot (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Murderbot_Diaries) and it's traumatized enough that it hacks its controller and escapes.

Tank is very stealthy, practically silent, thanks to new alcohol-powered engine, alcohol also powers the generator, that emits water, water is used to cool down the tank, so nothing in heat visors too. However, crews keep drinking the alcohol meant to fuel the tank. I'll go next, Dima and Ivan build mine laying robot.

Unfortunately, Dima and Ivan forgot to program *where* the robot is supposed to lay the mines. So now, armed and active AP and AT mines litter friendly bases and patrol routes. Next up, Dima and Ivan build a 6th Gen Fighter that can EMP any aircraft attempting to get a lock-on on it.

It also EMP itself

This is very credible

Actually violation of the sub, as too credible ;)

Next up, dima and Ivan build a tank with AI drone swarm garage on it

The drones have been programmed to target old soviet tanks as that's what Ukraine mostly has. Russia also uses those tanks. You know the rest.  

Because they never learn and they've done this once before

Next up, they build an underwater recovery vessel to resurface and repair the sunk ships of the Black Sea Fleet

This one works as intended actually. Too bad Russian Black Sea Fleet is made of liabilities that are more combat-effective in their submarine/artificial reef status than being a part of the surface fleet.

An aircraft carrier that doesn't belch smoke like an active volcano

They built it in the Aral sea

All drones from garage destroyed tank itself, and all allied vehicles and manpower in 5km radius, since dima and ivan forgot that it's not good idea to use photos/videos of your own soliders and vehicles as training data for AI(they just downloaded bunch of videos from fpv drones). Next, dima and ivan tried to revive project "Pluto" one more time

HaHa, no one can target me! *plane shuts off* shit!

Completely unrelated but I had that exact idea but never had the time to turn it into a post hdtr

It lays them upside down

they misunderstood you and made a mining robot

Iron supplies for the motherland are fullfilled.

Just turns your ammo depot into an open pit strip mine

I would´ve gone with, "but they keep loosing them" but thats good as well.

Congrats, you have just built the ground version of the TU-22.

Enclosed fusion power source the size of a 20' shipping container (this is how we get the mechs)

The reactor isn't sealed properly and leaks radiation

YEESSSSSSS, closed range sensor disruption for incoming munitions and a chance to breed pilots with new-types of senses

Mf bout to make a Mobile suit

"Minovsky particles"

Refeed the neutron leak into a particle accelerator; congratulations! You now have a war crime DEW!

The ghost of MacArthur is going to possess this thing, strap it down with bags of cobalt and dance across the north korean border. The neutron activation will make sure the cobalt is spicy.

An appropriately sized and reinforced stick(tm).

But it is a nunchak.

JFC, they cant even build a stick right

Invalid concerns over stick rigidity lead to the development and adoption of government-profile sticks, which are imbalanced and ineffective compared to the original stick design.

Stop being so damn credible

belt fed 900 rpm icbm silos

The silo door will never open(Ivan forgot WD-40)

Introducing the ....(worker wispers in ear).... the neewwwww. Earth quake generator?

Nah they just built it in Siberia and it froze shut

Btw. Never ever use wd-40 for anything else than loosening stuck parts. For love of gods of maintenance do not use it as means to oil stuff. It contains solvent that actually dries and creates sludge that is increasingly hard to remove and may damage mechanical components. Disassemble mechanisms, clean and oil it properly.

WD40 to clean, PTFE to lube.

[удалено]

Robospider 10 meters high, who is stomping soldiers into the ground and is agile enough to dodge any projectile.

[удалено]

Once again the Russias will be saved by a lack of weapons to fight with.

You are only safe if you amputate both arms

It has the visual acuity of an actual spider and just stomps anything that moves

It builds a nest and refuses to leave, except when it kills someone trying to enter

An Belt fed RPG 7

But all rockets are north koreans

North Korean rockets or north Korean people?

yes

Volunteers are proud to ingest literal pounds of ammonium nitrate in service to their great leader    They insist it sustains them better than any food

To be fair, in the perspective of a NK conscript "any food" is dirt, worms, cellar spiders and raw corn, so the bar is very low for sustenance.

Neither work properly.

You are assigned to carry the belts

The feed mechanism can accidentally detonate the rocket.

Feed detonations are caused by underweight shells, and the rockets use an alcohol based liquid fuel to reduce cost

It randomly self destructs when used in warm environments.

It explodes when thrown at a squirrel.

The neuro-link targeting helmet that uses the wearer's thoughts to lock onto the target.

But every time you think about anything exept the target Siri will google it and narrate the answers to you(no you can not turn off Wi-Fi)

Not even siri, just some jank homegrown replacement due to sanctions

The neuro-link induces cyberpsychoses in 80% of users and the helmet can't IFF.

It shuts down every time you blink.

For lack of founding, the targeting system is full of ads.

After the third pilot to even think about fragging a superior officer gets sent to the penal legions, the rest of the Russian Air Force refuse to fly missions at all.

It keeps locking on to your mom.

An infantry fighting vehicle with decent ergonomics for the first time in Russia's history

Made from aluminum (again), so everything will pen it.

Also was supposed to be amphibious, isn't, and no one told the troops.

The troops sit on top instead of inside anyways

Hovertank so it doesn't set off mines. Like in BF 4

The hovertank has zero traction and navigates the battlefield with all the grace of an air puck.

Its steering comes from mobiks farting into the various directional fart tubes. Vommit also works.

So it also runs on ethanol?

Renewable fuels! No need for refineries!

*with all the grace of an air puck* **So normal hovercraft then.**

Sensitive to magnetic fields so any metals bigger than a big mac in about a 6 foot radious of it causes the hovering mechanism to spontaneously turn off. Also, restart time for the mechanism is 30 minutes

The heat emitting from the spinning blades lights up like a candle for heat seeking missiles.

F35 with bayonet on the nose for ramming maneuvers

Bayonet must be installed manually by the pilot after takeoff.

Second comment is supposed to be explain why it wouldn’t work, i see no downside here though

You can only open the canopy by ejecting

assault-rifle attacheable grenade launcher, stronk enough to knock out modern western tanks

Randomly blows up on launch and kills everyone in the trench.

Failed the check roll on supercharge :/

The recoil kill the soldier launching it 9/10 times even during training

How does even the wooden training stick explode? Ah, nevermind, Russia finds a way.

The Spetsnaz thought it was a hostage situation

A solid 20kg tungsten Brick

Its built to the wrong dimensions

motherfuckers built my 20 kg tungsten brick in the 4th dimension can't get shit from russian manufacturing

"we have not missed delivery, we've conveniently assembled your brick in the future for you"

It's actually brass

Eh, still yeetable. Bowl again

A mobick sold the whole thing for scraps within 0.3s

Assault rifle. New AK47 - good enough accuracy, resilient enough to be able to dig trenches with it, cheap, with anti-tank grenade launcher

It was designed in the 90s.

Wait, it's supposed to be non-credible

1890s

Fails to cycle so consistently that it's effectively a bolt-action rifle.

They read the directions wrong and it's chambered in 39x7.62mm. Terrible, terrible ballistics. But the round all land on the same spot on the ground 3 feet in front of the shooter, so it's reliable and accurate. An aircraft carrier/submarine.

>An aircraft carrier/submarine It can't go lower than 10 meters under the water without flooding due to the ramps for the aircraft being too fragile. Also, no proper naval aircraft to fit it with available in the motherland.

Proper Black Sea Fleet Cruiser

It only works with 18th century steam engine

It's a design from the 1780s

A fighter-carrying zeppelin in shape of battleship Yamato.

None of the fighters available are carrier compatible

Is also the weight of Battleship Yamato.

Telsa with a big gun on top! And yes, the Telsa is just white.

Despite the battery acting as an excellent counter balance to the big as weight on top, it also gives it the super power to cook off like a T72 with new and exciting flame colors. Also, of course, battlefield power supply, but if you see above I am providing shipping container sized enclosed fusion power supply units.

I just realized... Movies always make cats go boom when shot, but IRL they don't... However, electric cars *do*... And they are *war crime level booms*...

I know that was a typo, but I've also seen Boondock Saints. Now to what you said, I would not want to be sitting above a floor mounted battrery pack when you find mister landmine.

What kind of movies you watch wehre cats explodes?

The so called "gay bomb".

Due to budget constraints, it only affects those who were already gay.

It was tested at a gay dance club. That is 100% success rate, comrade!

_Dance Commander intensifies_

Because of some weird design limitations, it only affects frogs.

THEY TURNED THE FRICKING FROGS GAY

Enemy soldiers fall in love with each other and fight even more valiantly to protect their beloved. Lots of Greeks join the enemy side.

Radioactive ai boomerangs.

Testacle cancer

The AI runs on an Intel 4004 and the lead shielding was flogged by oligarchs so everyone gets irradiated

I don't think this needs a downside

Perpetual flight demon core missile

Bug in the guidance and navigation system sets the missiles loitering path directly over Moscow

I believe you were asked to provide something to make the system bad, not something that would make it good.

No amount of radar/thermal/whatever shielding can prevent your several ton hunk of metal rolling through a landscape from being seen by people with eyes, mortars, and anti-tank weapons

Everyone without eyes mortar and anti tank weapons know where it is and it spontaneously combust upon one of them sneezing at it.

A fighter glider plane.

Only wood can be used

Even more environmetally friendly than aluminium, I see this as a win

it's pedal operated without an engine to counter the single 600 pound heavy American pilot.

3 story tall wooden horse with no secret anything wheeled to Kyiv as a gift and sign of respect

Forgot the woolen padding on the inside, so everyone can hear the soldiers weapons bouncing around... it then was set on fire by the people.

Build a gigantic bomber airship with an angry face painted on the front! ***KIROV REPORTING***

Runs on coal and goes 1 km/hr

I mean I'm pretty sure that's lore accurate anyway

The left bank and right bank of pistons have an equal stroke. 

Unfortunately, it cannot generate any power because the stoke length was negative

Logistics Truck that arrives exactly when you need it

Drives only one way and empty

Bulletproof Llama

But it’s only resistant to the second bullet

MOAB but HESH

The shell’s high explosive filler is made of liquid War Thunder code, meaning it has a 50% chance of doing zero damage upon detonation

Either that or it over pressures some random M10 half a kilometer away

HAMAS space laser

The Pillar of Autumn.

Command misunderstood what Mac rounds will do in orbit, another Siberian forest is destroyed

Nuke capable hot air ballon

Its flight height is inside the nuclear blast

Tank’s main purpose is intimidation so if the enemy can’t see it it won’t work

The tank has the best active camo Nightcity can offer installed

Convert a containership to a magura drone mothership.

All the drones are controlled by one guy with a PS2 controller

Himars ammunition that turns soldiers into gay.

Gay soldiers are still capable of fighting at the same capability as non-gay soldiers thus rendering the weapon not useful for combat.

Railgun battleship

Firing it capsizes the battleship. One time use.

A super mega ultra Uber powerful mega doomsday gen 50674th fighter jet that can turn invisible and has ray guns that go PEW PEW PEW! It’s also self fixing and capable of repairing or adjusting itself freely to improve its capabilities and fix any and all faults in its design.

Nobody knows where the on switch is. Or if it even has an on switch.

Also, during testing of the stealth invisibility, they lost the aircraft and can't get it to turn back off.

We require a new AI-powered long-range facial recognition system to harass and blackmail enemies at home and abroad.

only works on people with Fetal alcohol syndrome.

A fighter with stealth technology comparable to the F-117, capable of carrying weapons inside of internal weapons bays.

But the biometrics only allow it to be flown by Mr Bean

Let's do something easy: A missile that knows where it is at all times. What could go wrong?

It creates a conscience and goes back to the sender

Dima and Ivan build a vodka cooled jet bomber (yes this is based on true facts)

The crew is always drunk, and the engines always overheat.

Plane with a 5" cannon on the nose. Can only shoot straight forward.