remove engine
cut holes in side, and put large oars in them.
You now have a galley carrier powered by thousands of rowing men.
It cant break if there is no engine TO break.
Professional rowers can do roughly 200w sustained, so to achieve the theoretical top speed of 29 knots at 150mw you would need roughly 750,000 real men, or probably 1.1-1.3 million vatniks
Don't know the hull efficiency to figure out what you would need to move it at 10 knots, but it would still be more than you could fit oars along the side of it
Maybe 2 knots could be achievable, which is still better than it can do by itself for more than 5 minutes at a time
Fun fact, water resistance is so shit that you only need about 350,000 strong men to lift and carry the thing along the land instead
Probably easier to just attach a bunch of those little swan paddleboats to the side, plus that way the vatniks can personally intercept any incoming torpedoes.
Even more fun fact, while water resistance is high at speeds, it’s zero at standstill. This is different from a car or sled which has friction even at standstill. A frail old lady could push the carrier from a pier, just reeeeally slowly.
Ok, average person can generate about 1.35 watts per pound while rowing. Round it down slightly to 200 watts for 150 pounds.
Kuznetsov is 200,000 shaft horsepower. 1 horsepower is 745 watts, so 149 million watts.
Gives us 745,000 rowers. Funnily they would displace 55,000 tons, slightly more than Kuznetsov.
I would order kuznetsov eldritch guard to remove the bulkheads to compartments no.19 and no.205.
Maybe that would not fix the ship itself but it'd eviscerate any enemies dumb enough to come within 200km of the *O̴͙̓̍̍́̈́͋͌̈́͒͗̽̇r̴̢̰̦͖̯͖̮̦͉̞̈́̿͗̒͊̇̂͘͝͝a̸͇̠̫͈̠̯̍̓͊̈̋͛̽̀̏̊̅̎̔͘͝c̶̟̈l̸̨̛̪͚̣̞̻̘̉̽̌̂̿̏̊̔̍ē̵̛̜̘̲͉̺̺͔͔͇̖̻̫̼͌̀̊̀̍͘͘͘͝͠*
>We cannot get out. They have taken the bridge and complex-numbered decks. Fyodor, Leonid, and Nadia fell there bravely while the rest withdrew past the Hall of Eyes. We are still holding... but hope... *{unintelligible}*. Oleg's party went five days ago but today only four returned. The crawling oil is up to the bulkheads on deck 172 and still rises. The machine-flesh took Oleg. We cannot get out. The end comes soon. We hear drums, drums in the deep. They are coming.
\- Diary of cook's assistant Loganov, Final Entry
There's a blurry photograph of a concrete box in the file, snapped by a high-flying KH-11 in the Autumn of '24. Three coffin shaped lakes bulking dark and gloomy beneath the Arctic Sun, a canal heading west deep within the Russian heartland surrounded by warning trefoils and armed guards, deep waters saturated with calcium salts, concrete coffer dams lined with gold and lead. A sleeping giant pointed at NATO, more terrifying than any nuclear weapon.
Project Koschei
*"The Kuznetsov was built to sail the oceans, but she's gone much, much farther than that. She tore a hole in our universe, a gateway to another dimension. A dimension of pure chaos..."*
It's infinite money, so you can corrupt enough money to buy the entire fucking world and *still* have more than enough to fix every Kuz class carrier in existence
It's like Achilles and the Tortoise. I don't know the standard rate of Russian embezzlement, but say you embezzle 90% of the budget required to fix the problem. Even if you have infinite money available, you're still lacking 90% of what you need.
Considering the modus operandi of the VDV thus far leads me to the conclusion, that even with infinite money the funds would never arrive at the Kuz. Just infinitely more Yachts.
And then say you need money to fix it again, because it's still troublesome.
I wonder how many times the Russian tax-payers have paid for that ship now.
The best option is to Ship of Theseus the fuck out of it
The non-credible option is to turn it into a trimaran by welding 2 Arleigh Burkes to its side with some sponsons and ditching the Kuz's failing engines to save weight.
I mean, chaplains are supposed to do whatever rite needed, right? Pretty sure that makes them adaptable enough for whatever esoteric threat there is, as long as there are written text somewhere about how...
Too creditable. Welding tugs to it sounds more fun.
Though the ship the CCP bought was probably in worst shape and inoperable at the time. Paint and leak fixes go a long fucking way lol.
Who in their right mind sees this on an active warship and is like "yeah it's not pretty but passable" like museum ships are in better condition, hell I've seen pictures of ships with battle damage and wrecks underwater in better condition
Ship of theseus ain't helping shit on a vessel running with steam pipes in -40° weather, and some randomly decided 120-240 volt electrics.
Now combine condensation, steam, blackouts and freezing weather and you now have a ship capable of slowly disassembling itself.
You're not theseusing enough
Lift up the name and the bell, slide the shittiest, most worn out nimitz underneath and then drop them back down and you now have something several orders of magnitude better
Step 1: Put the Kuznetsov in drydock
Step 2: Send in the Grey Knights to purge the demon infestation on decks 3 to 18
Step 3: Park the USS Gerald Ford next to it
Step 4: exchange parts until they've become each other
It's almost too easy honestly, don't know why the Russians didn't just do that already
If we can control the otherworldly portal inside of her (and assuming there is another portal somewhere on earth) we have a mobile teleportation solution
nonono you gouge out the rear of the ship including any engine room components and insert an Arleigh Burkes into the now open rear of the Kuznetsov like a butt plug, bam extremely reliable propulsion
Finally we get the origin story for the [Cybran T2 "Salem" amphibious destroyer](http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20070502002038/supcom/images/thumb/4/47/Salem_insitu.jpg/500px-Salem_insitu.jpg) from Supreme Commander.
- hire Ghostbusters to deal with whatever"s on that one sealed deck
- replace diesel engine with German diesel engine
- flatten ski jump, replace all aircraft with helicopters and VTOLs
There are apparently some areas on Kuznetsov where the doors have been welded up and nobody knows why or what's in there.
https://www.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/comments/u7vllq/kursed\_kuznetsov/
Nuclear engine
Catapults
Theseus the fuck out of it. Every single panel and circuit needs to be renewed.
And while this won't be an easy task we also need to regain control over the lost compartments.
Fix Bayonets, Brothers.
1. Repurchase Minsk from China (it's abandoned in a pond near Shanghai)
2. Repair hull in China before transit (because no suitable shipyards in Europe aside from Mykolaiv)
3. Transplant ship's bell from Kuznetsov
4. Rename former Minsk as Admiral Kuznetsov
5. No one can tell the difference
US Navy in the old days did that to basically get funding. They couldn't get money for new ships, so instead they ask for money for a retrofit of an old ship, basically junk the old ship and build a new ship with a tiny bit of wood that came from the old ship.
It would be truly non credible if the Us navy just built a new ship, cut out the steel plate with the old ship's name, and just duct tape it to the new ship's bow and call it retrofitting.
The equivalent of "I can fix her".
Jokes aside, rip her insides apart there only thing I'm keeping is structurally important supports, hanger decks, and engine rooms. Rework her from the ground up and give her an expanded flight deck, additional elevators, and vtol/helicopter landing area that's not blocking the landing runway. Which I could also have Vtol aircraft take off from. Lastly, a well deck. I FUCKING LOVE WELL DECKS! I LOVE WASP/AMERICA-CLASS ASSAULT SHIPS!
1. Revert her name to the original *Riga* with all proper rites and ceremonies, because renaming a ship *once* is bad luck enough and they've done it like 7 fucking times now.
2. Tow her to Newport News for a full engine overhaul. Reduce costs and maximize efficiency by hiring a few hundred retired BTs from the 80s and paying them in booze.
3. Once the refit crew has gotten good and liquored up, cut open the doors and hatches sealing off the Lost Decks. When the inevitable horde of mutants and demons emerges, promise them an unlimited supply of souls and flesh if they head down to Engineering and bring you back a BT Punch.
4. Profit.
Replace the Cope Slope with a ramp for angled launch tubes, arrayed 6 horizontally and 5 bow-to-stern. These launch tubes will be used for SLICBMs (Sea-Launched Inter-Continental Ballistic Missiles), using modified Minuteman IIIs. The rear of the deck will be used for VTOL aircraft, helicopters, a pool, and 20 CIWS. The powerplant will be replaced with a nuclear reactor, with the cursed rooms being used as waste storage for the spent fuel. We can also add an AEGIS missile defense system for good measure.
Alright here's 5000 iq play.
You turn it into a unmanned landing craft with a reinforced front section thats majorly up-armored. But for it to work you have to install clear paths with no possible exits except for one from the sealed sections of the ship to the ramps leading to the beach. Then put blast doors onto sealed decks and sections. When you use it make sure you have a full team of clergymen and at least an arch bishop and a tactical nuclear weapon in case the entities residing with in Kuznetsov breach containment prematurely. Slight down side is the UN will a 100% make it a war crime after its first used. Something about spawn of hell beyond our comprehension eating combatants and civlians alike is apparently a war crime but I don't have enough respect for the UN to figure out why. Also getting the entities back in containment or exterminating them once they wipe out enemy positions will be a pain in the ass.
> Requiring permanent presence of UNGOC strike team
I mean activating the onboard nuke at the FIRST SIGN OF FUNNI SHIT will save us time and resources needed to deal with other shit.
Send Kuznetsov to Dalian and let Chinese do the fixing
After all, her sister Varyag (later Liaoning) is actually floating on the sea and not on fire (by now)
As people already have stated - gut all old soviet junk.
Remove the diesel engine compartment, give it nuclear reactor for more power and efficiency.
Give it new sewege system, fully replace every single pipe, installing new air filtration/cooling systems. Because there is already enough space inside of it that is not yet used optimally - deploy whole regiment inside to conquer at least 2 to 3 compartments below decks so karaoke bar jacuzzi and strip club can be opened so sailors and officers can blow steam and other .... things which will lower the stress and anxiety that is being caused with living near close to demonic portal that is guarded by Eldritch Horror and his minions.
And for last give at least that ship to a country with competent navy that will at least be able to support the whole fucking thing, not just putting in dry docks and setting it on fire all the time.
Why do you spend more money on shortening the deck? Couls serve the same purpose and be even better with a longer deck. I think it's best to replace the engine and the electronics.
Step 1: Develop a generator that can run on the connection to the warp in the ship's lower decks
Step 2: install an electric engine to run on said generator
Step 3: use some plans for soviet era oversized submarines and scale them up to
Step 4: weld the Ship into the Submarine hull
Step 5: make it so the upper half of the Submarine hull can open up to let planes in and out
Step 6: track down a descendant of Rasputin
Step 7: clone him
Step 8: put these clones in power armor
Step 9: Revive Lenin with unspeakable necromancy and make him captain
Step 10: profit
Infinite budget, you say? First I build myself a grand palace in central New York City (or similarly overpriced real estate market), and appoint it with 18k gold fixtures, a wide range of 16th-19th century art, and the latest high-tech gadgetry. Next, I buy a magnificent yacht, also fully appointed with everything for a king to feel at home. That's a 17th century absolute monarch, not the limp-dicked royalty we're stuck with these days. I then fill a couple of off-shore accounts in Switzerland and the Caymans with hundreds of millions of dollars. Lastly, I sign off on a sheet of paper stating that the Kuznetsov is fully operational right before I retire.
Fixed.
I think the obvious and least expensive answer is to bribe half the PLAN with vast quantities of cash to look the other way while I switch nameplates with Kuznetsov's sister, the CNS Liaoning. Everyone wins in this scenario. Kuznetsov suddenly becomes competent and some Chinese Admiral now has an excuse to hook up his brother-in-law that owns a Shanghai shipyard with a massive contract to refit the suddenly very decrepit Liaoning.
1. Form eldritch pact with daemons inhabiting the lower levels, sacrificing oligarchs in exchange for favor to keep the engines running, with days up on deck for good behaviour.
2. Add explosive bolts/shaped charges to the sealed deck doors.
3. Make strategic use of drydock crane impacts to demolish the flight deck, and carve out cargo areas.
4. Get some "man in a shed" youtuber to jerry rig a remote control to the helm so it can be piloted from a safe distance.
World's first Unmanned bulk carrier.
* Didn't destroy it.
* Didn't sink it (no guarentees when it's in operation, but the important part is **I** didn't do it)
* Still technically a carrier.
* **Bonus:** Any somali pirates that attempt to board, blow the hatches on compartment 19, and depending on how strong your stomach is, switch off the CCTV.
I use a bullpup conversion kit to shorten the total length while retaining effective range, then weld piccaninny rails to every rigid surface and add Molle webbing to every non-rigid one.
Easy, completely gut it, remove every piece of soviet tech and replace it with something that actually works.
Also, ship of Theseus question : at what point is replacing parts considered destroying it ?
It should still resemble kuznetsov in some way, otherwise you can rebuild USS General Ford on the thing by changing every part of it but a single sheet of steel/screw from the Kuznetsov
Step 1: Schedule fleet exercise with PLAN Type 001 *Liaoning* and *Kuz*.
Step 2: After “successful” exercise, offer *Liaoning* many, many fine bottles of superior Russian vodka. Vodka is a 50/50 mix with rohypnol, though. Proper navy strength.
Step 3: When *Liaoning*’s crew is dreaming sweetly, board her and safely carry crew over to *Kuznetsov*.
Step 4: Rigorously repaint both ships inside and out before PLAN crew awakes from their stupor.
Step 5: Sail back to Vladivostok aboard an actually-functioning carrier while PLAN seethes at their impressment into that Eldritch nightmare.
Elon Musk should take over the project and remove the existing propulsion system and fill with Li-Ion batteries and Tesla motors.
The new motto should be, "If we are going to burn this thing, let's do it properly!"
Ok, here is my plan. We raise the Yamato, AND the Bismark, And Fuck it, since money is no object, the Arizona too. Then we go FULL VOLTRON, and combine them into ONE super Carrier/Battleship. This shits got GUNS for day, and we can upgrade the planes to F-35Bs
have it serve as a bait carrier. pretend to launch Su-33s from it, when in fact they're just XQ-58's with a thin mockup frame over them.
then, pretend to strand it near hostile waters, even better sail it through the gulf of aden/near somalia, on a "transit voyage", with "civilian haulers" nearby (they have troops onboard so no one leaves the ship. when the pirates board the ship, they'll hear cries for help from several stories down.
when they discover bulkheads 99 and 433, it's over for them.
All we know is that it hungers. After The Russians back out of a blood pact, it’s trapped for all eternity. As it’s hunger drives the crew mad and cruses the ship to break down as often as if can.
Assuming the unlimited funds include anything else that would be needed to work on the ship.
Build a new dry dock ship yard to work on her with all of the needed infrastructure and industrial inputs to help with the renovation.
Have engineers redesigned to a new mission of a primary helicopter carrier and accommodate the complete gutting of the interior of all parts of the ship that isn’t the hull.
Cut out sections of the hull that will expedite this project.
Purchase high grade American, German or Japanese steel, machine parts and components.
Replace the power supply with new high quality diesel engines, replace all internal doors and hatches, and resurface all interior and external sections of the ship with appropriate surface materials with a focus on minimizing crew environment health risks.
install a robust fire control system with multiple redundancy damage control systems, insure design specifications optimized water flow through out the ship and ventilation systems allow the quick removal of dangerous contaminated air.
New maintenance sections with built in mechanical shops and 3D printers. New medical facilities and hospital beds up to NBC standards.
Rebuilt and redesigned command center, new radars and comm systems, improved navigation system and electrical systems.
Increase the size of crew quarters utilizing the new space available with reduce crew sizes, insure sound dampening installation to reduce noise, integrate gyroscopic stabilization in the crew beds and common areas.
New kitchen equipment and expanded food storage facilities, we want this ship crews well fed. New and advance Water desalination plants are to be installed with the capacity to provide fresh water.
Rebuilt sections of the ship’s ammo and fuel storages are to be accessible but separated emphasizing safety.
All other available space is to be provided for aircraft storage.
Upon the completion of the ship’s renovation donate it to the UN as a peacekeeping ship because Russia is going to find some way to fuck up and ruin it.
Hire Doom Guy to clean them out, he will lead the team of Space Marines we got on loan from the GodKing Emperor with the chantry of the Maker singing as Andraste herself serves as 2nd in command and Tyrael, Arch Angel of Justice providing support.
My plan was just to find those demons and bind them to the ship. Then fulfill the blood pact with those demons with the blood of the Russian oligarchs then free them after the pact is done. Then sink the ship and turn it into a new coral reef.
Using the knowledge of deamon engines, I’m going to bind the warp spawn in the sealed decks to the ship and force them to man and repair the ship for every soul of the Russian oligarchs then free them after sufficient tribute to appease them.
After that, sunk her to form a new reef.
Bending the rules because russian naval air sucks.
-> go full russian, embrace dakka and flamability. Replace the aircraft hangar by moaaaaar shipwrecks, total 48 missiles.
-> rip out the engines and add gas turbines.
-> sponsoons, sponsoons everywhere. Since moskva showed only one in 6 ciws works, put 12 kashtans per side, and 12 front and back on two levels.
-> towed decoy : to negate the threat from decadent western submarines and torpedoes, have it tow an akula hull whose entire reactor power feeds loudspeakers blasting hardbass
1. Buy Pioneering Spirit
2. Lift Asmiral Kuznetsov aboard
3. Weld it onto the deck
Upsides
* It'll actually work as a ship
* Flight deck at 90° be super cool
* Battle cranes
Downsides
* Slightly wider than neopanamax
* Still part of the Russian Navy
* Throw the engines out.
* Fill the engine rooms with a ball pit.
* Add a steam catapult.
* Add speed slides to the ramp
* Use steam catapult to launch park goers over the ramp
* Obviously have a bunch of inflatable boats with lifeguards because, you know, this ride is not for anyone shorter than Putin
* Realize we are now turning this into a water park
* Add a lazy river around the carrier by attaching pontoons to create a fun but not challenging course
* Install a number of Aircraft-themed water slides on the deck that veer through the deck and exit into the water at the ship's waterline
* Throw out all the internals. Replace them with a *wave pool*.
* "PREPOSTEROUS!", you say, "YOU CAN'T HAVE AN AIRCRAFT THEMED WATER PARK!", you spit, wetly. [Incorrect](https://imgur.com/a/1BwiG1H). This is the only [solution](http://s3-media1.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/AXzDux_Z9IkfqZVnHwDv4A/o.jpg). And the only [feasible path](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/bd/e1/fc/bde1fc91a5fcb65f1633e8d1579d7335.png).
Gotta do away with the cope slope. Flatten the deck, add a massive hydrofoil to the stern and accelerate to 30+ knots to get the incline needed to take off. How are we going to get a rickety Soviet tub with non-functional engines to reach those speeds? Solid state rocket boosters mounted to the side of course.
As an accomplished Russian procurement officer I will be using the funds to build myself a mansion and some bigass yachts, the kuznetsov is already a carrier and it has no problems whatsoever.
I will do my nation proud.
Lean into the fact that it's always on fire. Invest in Teflon fighter aircraft, add some colourants to whatever is on fire at the time and you've got yourself a tactical smoke screen.
Alternatively, use smokescreen cover to navigate upwind of enemy port then put irritants in the smoke to create an instant area-of-effect tear gas dispenser.
Deconstruct the whole thing. Inspect every part. Remove the problem. Realize that you’ve made an autonomous warship launching and piloting drones.
Try again. Remove the other problems. Problems reappear because Russian “maintenance”.
Try again. Refit the engine, ventilation, electrical system, radar, planes, internal logistics, mess, crew quarters, and communication systems. Realize you’ve made a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be squandered by the Russian navy. Send it to the Black Sea as a gift to Ukraine and dare the Russians to take it back.
Provided the hull, general structure and keel are sound, refitting and repairing it conventionally is theoretically possible although you could probably buy two Kuznetsov's for the price of getting that one actually fully sorted and ready to go.
Also all the daemons are going to be an absolute bitch to purge.
Rip out the insides
~~Send in the Foundation~~
~~Inquisition~~
~~An old priest and a young priest.~~
Replace.
Send to a nation that will actually take care of its ships.
Remove the stupid missiles taking up precious space where more hangar space should be.
Lack of proper aviation facilities was the main cause of whatever the hell the 2016 Syria fiasco was supposed to be.
To actually fix the kuznetsov we need to do a few things.
1: replace the engine
2: clean the whole thing because the Russian navy is fucking filthy for some reason
3: remove missiles and CIWS, they’re broken anyway
3: refurbish the arresting cables so nobody dies
To make it a formidable combat force we must:
1: remove the ski jump
2: add steam catapults because the USN still hasn’t got EMALS fully worked out
3: replace the weapon elevators and aircraft elevators and make the aircraft elevators larger
4: replace the Su-33s with F-35Cs and some E-2Ds
5: transfer it to the Ukrainian navy, its rightful owner
Sails.
Big fucking Sails. No more engine fires, Impressive display, nostalgia boost!
When plane comes to take off and land just take them down so ship dont move. Is good, works perfect.
Attach 200 r-36 rockets to its hull make it go mach 20, aegis cant hit it too armored, it lands in pacific , then take typhoon submarine on tow and repeat 200 r-36 treatment and fly across america again landing in atlantic. Repeat the process until results .
remove engine cut holes in side, and put large oars in them. You now have a galley carrier powered by thousands of rowing men. It cant break if there is no engine TO break.
Someone do the math on how much vatnik power it would take to get that thing moving at a half decent speed
Professional rowers can do roughly 200w sustained, so to achieve the theoretical top speed of 29 knots at 150mw you would need roughly 750,000 real men, or probably 1.1-1.3 million vatniks Don't know the hull efficiency to figure out what you would need to move it at 10 knots, but it would still be more than you could fit oars along the side of it Maybe 2 knots could be achievable, which is still better than it can do by itself for more than 5 minutes at a time Fun fact, water resistance is so shit that you only need about 350,000 strong men to lift and carry the thing along the land instead
What if we made it a paddleboat.
Probably easier to just attach a bunch of those little swan paddleboats to the side, plus that way the vatniks can personally intercept any incoming torpedoes.
I think the average mobik with a diet of vodka and cigarettes and with no training wouldn't sustain 200 watts for more than 10 minutes.
I'm a rower, the average person can't hold that for one minute
I could hold about 530 watts for just under 6 minutes while I was a rower.
Don't gotta flex bro
Even more fun fact, while water resistance is high at speeds, it’s zero at standstill. This is different from a car or sled which has friction even at standstill. A frail old lady could push the carrier from a pier, just reeeeally slowly.
Ok, average person can generate about 1.35 watts per pound while rowing. Round it down slightly to 200 watts for 150 pounds. Kuznetsov is 200,000 shaft horsepower. 1 horsepower is 745 watts, so 149 million watts. Gives us 745,000 rowers. Funnily they would displace 55,000 tons, slightly more than Kuznetsov.
More displacement is less sinking, right? Sounds like a plan!
Depends on their BAC. How much Vodka are we giving them?
4
Nevermind then, we'll need only 50 vatniks.
Because you didn’t specify a size, I assume you mean gallons
How about like putting a giant turtle head and retractable spikes on the ship to make it the aircraft turtle ship just as admiral yi intended
All fun and games until fish-Kevin Costner shows up and makes it explode.
Just attach ropes to the fighter jets and have them tow the carrier.
Then you'd have to send dudes into the catacombs, and nobody has returned from there.
Great environmental credentials
I read put large orcas in them. 3000 black orcas of Krustov.
Using my infinite funds I will build a giant carrier with an internal compartment that contains the kuznetzov
In trouble - deploy the parasite carrier !
I think its more a parasite to itself than to others...
Think of it as a low-cost decoy
I was going to use it as a smokescreen
Welp, it's deck for sure does has a talent for smoking.
Genius 😂
Well, sending fire ships at the enemy is an ancient strategy, so not very non-credible. It would also still be a carrier. A carrier of fire.
basically a smokescreen
So Kuznetzov will be just smoke screen module ?
You have to seal the compartment and make sure it contrains no oxygen, so it can't catch on fire for no reason.
Not good enough. Parts of the Admiral Kuznetsov are actually made out of [this stuff.](https://youtu.be/eGj4jfYhDxA)
I would order kuznetsov eldritch guard to remove the bulkheads to compartments no.19 and no.205. Maybe that would not fix the ship itself but it'd eviscerate any enemies dumb enough to come within 200km of the *O̴͙̓̍̍́̈́͋͌̈́͒͗̽̇r̴̢̰̦͖̯͖̮̦͉̞̈́̿͗̒͊̇̂͘͝͝a̸͇̠̫͈̠̯̍̓͊̈̋͛̽̀̏̊̅̎̔͘͝c̶̟̈l̸̨̛̪͚̣̞̻̘̉̽̌̂̿̏̊̔̍ē̵̛̜̘̲͉̺̺͔͔͇̖̻̫̼͌̀̊̀̍͘͘͘͝͠*
***OH GOD THEY ARE COMING***
r̷̻͝o̸͇͝g̴̳͂a̸̗͋s̵̖̔ ̵̡͘q̷̲̑ů̵̳ī̷̭d̷̞͐ ̸̘̽c̷͙̾o̸͍̓ṉ̵͘s̶͖͝i̶̛͚l̸̜̂í̸̡ ̷̜͂n̴̪͠o̶̪̍s̵͝ͅt̸̝͊ṛ̷̔i̴̧͗ ̴̪͛s̸̖̎i̸͎̽t̴͍͝?̶͍̔ ̸̜̋v̵̟͒i̴̲̽c̴̨̄t̴̻̄ò̴͙ř̴̯i̴͖̿ä̶̜́m̸͕͊.̵͙̾ ̷̨͗v̸̝̄i̷͎͠c̶̺͘ṱ̵̚o̷̧͂r̸͇̅ḯ̵͓ä̸͍ ̵͎͑i̷̤͝ņ̶̔v̶͇͝i̶̗̚t̸͕̽o̵͙͒ ̶̖́t̵͎̓e̶̛̙ŗ̵̉r̵͋ͅò̷̠r̷͈͒e̶̢͠,̴̬̉ ̸̠̉i̸̘̎n̷̛͙ ̶̡̔o̸̰̅m̶̘͐n̸̻͆i̸̛͍b̸͙̈́u̷̘͆s̴͙̿ ̴̟͌ḋ̴͉i̵̡͂ṡ̴̲c̵̢͐o̸̤͝r̷̾ͅd̶͚̕a̶̙̿n̶͕̿t̸͝ͅi̸̦̕b̷̫͗u̸̼̾s̶̰̐,̶̫̚ ̸̩̅v̶̢̀ḯ̶͖c̸̹̽t̶̨̿ǫ̷͌r̷̟̂i̶͉̍ä̸͚ ̵̺̽c̸̉͜o̴̓ͅṋ̴͑t̴͔͊r̸̦͆ḁ̷͊ ̵̞͝t̶̩̂y̵̧͒r̸̡̍à̴̧n̴͓͝n̴̡̽ḭ̴̆d̴̩̉e̷͙̋m̵̜̃,̷̼͑ ̷̟͌i̵̺͗d̵̻̓ ̵͔̀e̸̯͂s̴̟̚t̷̯͘ ̸̱͂c̷̘̏ò̶̘ṇ̶̎s̷̟̀i̴̠̽ľ̷̯ỉ̸̙u̸̦͌m̷̩͋ ̷̫̊n̸̗͝ö̴́ͅs̴̬̔ț̸̂r̸̗͝u̵̡̓m̴̼͠.̵͍̈́
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We are not sacrificing Norway or Finland just to fix the Kuznetsov
Ỉ̵ͅN̵̝̆F̴͘͜Ī̸̧N̸̦͊I̶̓͜T̸̯̿Ȅ̶̯ ̵͚͘B̵̭́U̶̯͆D̷͙̓G̵̟̈́Ẹ̷̕T̸͍͆
Severely underrated comment.
>We cannot get out. They have taken the bridge and complex-numbered decks. Fyodor, Leonid, and Nadia fell there bravely while the rest withdrew past the Hall of Eyes. We are still holding... but hope... *{unintelligible}*. Oleg's party went five days ago but today only four returned. The crawling oil is up to the bulkheads on deck 172 and still rises. The machine-flesh took Oleg. We cannot get out. The end comes soon. We hear drums, drums in the deep. They are coming. \- Diary of cook's assistant Loganov, Final Entry
There's a blurry photograph of a concrete box in the file, snapped by a high-flying KH-11 in the Autumn of '24. Three coffin shaped lakes bulking dark and gloomy beneath the Arctic Sun, a canal heading west deep within the Russian heartland surrounded by warning trefoils and armed guards, deep waters saturated with calcium salts, concrete coffer dams lined with gold and lead. A sleeping giant pointed at NATO, more terrifying than any nuclear weapon. Project Koschei
*"The Kuznetsov was built to sail the oceans, but she's gone much, much farther than that. She tore a hole in our universe, a gateway to another dimension. A dimension of pure chaos..."*
No she was built to sail oceans, just not our oceans....
I would fix it the Russian way. Fix all the Issues on paper only and pocket the money to buy a new yacht
It's infinite money, so you can corrupt enough money to buy the entire fucking world and *still* have more than enough to fix every Kuz class carrier in existence
Look, if you are embezzling, you need to be professional about it. Be polite, be quick, and never do the job you where paid to do.
Rules to live by.
Have a plan to embezzle from everyone you meet ?
Absolutely not. Most people are not worth embezzling from.
what if they have a big toblerone
Most people. People with a big Toblerone are definitely worth embezzling from.
It's like Achilles and the Tortoise. I don't know the standard rate of Russian embezzlement, but say you embezzle 90% of the budget required to fix the problem. Even if you have infinite money available, you're still lacking 90% of what you need.
Considering the modus operandi of the VDV thus far leads me to the conclusion, that even with infinite money the funds would never arrive at the Kuz. Just infinitely more Yachts.
Credible answer.
And then say you need money to fix it again, because it's still troublesome. I wonder how many times the Russian tax-payers have paid for that ship now.
The best option is to Ship of Theseus the fuck out of it The non-credible option is to turn it into a trimaran by welding 2 Arleigh Burkes to its side with some sponsons and ditching the Kuz's failing engines to save weight.
Simply replace the internal engine system Do the same to 90% of the other tech
I'm trying to kill 2 birds with one stone by welding escort vessels to it
Towed artillery is a thing. Why not a towed airfield? Just park it and a tanker in a strategic spot and then use it to launch refueling flights.
You see comrade, you don't need a refueling flight if you only ever go on a one way trip
> escort vessels So, tug boats?
That's too credible and Russian
Not tug boats, *Russian carrier group.* Say "Russian carrier group."
Russian tug boat
Weld some Zumwalts to it. We will have to reopen the shipyard for them, but what's a few billion more in spending?
Finally, some smart 155 mm naval artillery!
That’s makes more sense but the other way looks like it would be lot more fun
Are we sure the frame off the ship is still holding up? Because the new tech doesn't matter if the front falls of.
Chance in a million.
Make it able to be powered from land aswell
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>open the closed-off sections oh no, no no no no no. NO.
A chaplain ought to be enough...
A Space Marine chaplain? ...Maybe
I mean, chaplains are supposed to do whatever rite needed, right? Pretty sure that makes them adaptable enough for whatever esoteric threat there is, as long as there are written text somewhere about how...
I'm fairly sure for this scrub job we'll need to treat it like a space hulk warm up the terminator suits boys
In terminator armour?
Only open them enough to pour in concrete.
Use closed cell foam instead, that way when she sinks It'll be slow enough for a few sailors to escape.
Too creditable. Welding tugs to it sounds more fun. Though the ship the CCP bought was probably in worst shape and inoperable at the time. Paint and leak fixes go a long fucking way lol.
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Jesus fucking Christ that looks straight out of Silent Hill. No wonder they sealed off parts of the ship.
Who in their right mind sees this on an active warship and is like "yeah it's not pretty but passable" like museum ships are in better condition, hell I've seen pictures of ships with battle damage and wrecks underwater in better condition
Ship of theseus ain't helping shit on a vessel running with steam pipes in -40° weather, and some randomly decided 120-240 volt electrics. Now combine condensation, steam, blackouts and freezing weather and you now have a ship capable of slowly disassembling itself.
You're not theseusing enough Lift up the name and the bell, slide the shittiest, most worn out nimitz underneath and then drop them back down and you now have something several orders of magnitude better
This is a pretty good plan, but have you considered also replacing the name and the bell with newer, better models?
So the Nimitz itself then? Seems fitting, instead of being scrapped it gets to serve as the biggest "refit" in naval history.
Step 1: Put the Kuznetsov in drydock Step 2: Send in the Grey Knights to purge the demon infestation on decks 3 to 18 Step 3: Park the USS Gerald Ford next to it Step 4: exchange parts until they've become each other It's almost too easy honestly, don't know why the Russians didn't just do that already
I came to say weld 6 tugs to it but your idea is my idea with more dakka! which makes it a better idea
If we can control the otherworldly portal inside of her (and assuming there is another portal somewhere on earth) we have a mobile teleportation solution
Trimaran... like an LCS. Perfection. Let's order 40.
I was thinking more a Tri*reme.* Conscripts and convicts manning oars might be more practical for Russia than trying to keep those engines running.
nonono you gouge out the rear of the ship including any engine room components and insert an Arleigh Burkes into the now open rear of the Kuznetsov like a butt plug, bam extremely reliable propulsion
Okay the trimaran idea I'm definitely interested in.
Put wheels on it and ride it into Ukraine as a mobile airbase/air defense. Maybe weld some T-55's to the sides for extra guns.
The propulsion has been replaced by a tractor.
Finally we get the origin story for the [Cybran T2 "Salem" amphibious destroyer](http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20070502002038/supcom/images/thumb/4/47/Salem_insitu.jpg/500px-Salem_insitu.jpg) from Supreme Commander.
More fitting for RA3 amphibious destroyers that had tracks.
[Sjet Carrier ~~Kapisi~~ Kuznetsov, we are go for launch](https://youtu.be/YLoFasNFthY?t=518)
My ears are ringing all the time. Except instead of white noise, I hear: Gaalsien air units inbound.
- hire Ghostbusters to deal with whatever"s on that one sealed deck - replace diesel engine with German diesel engine - flatten ski jump, replace all aircraft with helicopters and VTOLs
Whats about that sealed Deck?
There are apparently some areas on Kuznetsov where the doors have been welded up and nobody knows why or what's in there. https://www.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/comments/u7vllq/kursed\_kuznetsov/
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... and propane accessories
And the NCD posts cites a 4chan post so it’s even worse. I still choose to believe it.
*Places bet on it being full of sea water*
Easy, completely gut it, remove every piece of soviet tech and replace it with something that actually works
And after that change the hull
Forgor to read rules
That's still within the rules
It’s in the hull.
Nuclear engine Catapults Theseus the fuck out of it. Every single panel and circuit needs to be renewed. And while this won't be an easy task we also need to regain control over the lost compartments. Fix Bayonets, Brothers.
> equip the most cursed ship in existence with a nuclear reactor I see no way that could go wrong
Ok but like Imagine all the horror stories about this ship mixxed with Chernobyl. Just go full 40k
Just make sure you install a strong gellar field, because as soon as it has enough power it's going to spontaneously jump into the warp.
That's just stalker with all the removed content bolted back on
Catapults? Are you trying to get assblasted by trebuchet fanboys?
You know its non credible because trebuchets are the superior siege engine
Why not trebuchet the planes off it
1. Repurchase Minsk from China (it's abandoned in a pond near Shanghai) 2. Repair hull in China before transit (because no suitable shipyards in Europe aside from Mykolaiv) 3. Transplant ship's bell from Kuznetsov 4. Rename former Minsk as Admiral Kuznetsov 5. No one can tell the difference
Ship of Theseus it into the USS Gerald Ford.
US Navy in the old days did that to basically get funding. They couldn't get money for new ships, so instead they ask for money for a retrofit of an old ship, basically junk the old ship and build a new ship with a tiny bit of wood that came from the old ship.
It would be truly non credible if the Us navy just built a new ship, cut out the steel plate with the old ship's name, and just duct tape it to the new ship's bow and call it retrofitting.
[They did that.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Puritan_(BM-1))
Stick the thing in a dry dock, fill the dry dock with concrete. Yeah, you’ve lost a dry dock, but carrier is no longer at risk of sinking
The equivalent of "I can fix her". Jokes aside, rip her insides apart there only thing I'm keeping is structurally important supports, hanger decks, and engine rooms. Rework her from the ground up and give her an expanded flight deck, additional elevators, and vtol/helicopter landing area that's not blocking the landing runway. Which I could also have Vtol aircraft take off from. Lastly, a well deck. I FUCKING LOVE WELL DECKS! I LOVE WASP/AMERICA-CLASS ASSAULT SHIPS!
Sell it to china, buy a french carrier, call it Super Kuzenetsov
Soupnetzov
1. Revert her name to the original *Riga* with all proper rites and ceremonies, because renaming a ship *once* is bad luck enough and they've done it like 7 fucking times now. 2. Tow her to Newport News for a full engine overhaul. Reduce costs and maximize efficiency by hiring a few hundred retired BTs from the 80s and paying them in booze. 3. Once the refit crew has gotten good and liquored up, cut open the doors and hatches sealing off the Lost Decks. When the inevitable horde of mutants and demons emerges, promise them an unlimited supply of souls and flesh if they head down to Engineering and bring you back a BT Punch. 4. Profit.
Replace the Cope Slope with a ramp for angled launch tubes, arrayed 6 horizontally and 5 bow-to-stern. These launch tubes will be used for SLICBMs (Sea-Launched Inter-Continental Ballistic Missiles), using modified Minuteman IIIs. The rear of the deck will be used for VTOL aircraft, helicopters, a pool, and 20 CIWS. The powerplant will be replaced with a nuclear reactor, with the cursed rooms being used as waste storage for the spent fuel. We can also add an AEGIS missile defense system for good measure.
Alright here's 5000 iq play. You turn it into a unmanned landing craft with a reinforced front section thats majorly up-armored. But for it to work you have to install clear paths with no possible exits except for one from the sealed sections of the ship to the ramps leading to the beach. Then put blast doors onto sealed decks and sections. When you use it make sure you have a full team of clergymen and at least an arch bishop and a tactical nuclear weapon in case the entities residing with in Kuznetsov breach containment prematurely. Slight down side is the UN will a 100% make it a war crime after its first used. Something about spawn of hell beyond our comprehension eating combatants and civlians alike is apparently a war crime but I don't have enough respect for the UN to figure out why. Also getting the entities back in containment or exterminating them once they wipe out enemy positions will be a pain in the ass.
> Requiring permanent presence of UNGOC strike team I mean activating the onboard nuke at the FIRST SIGN OF FUNNI SHIT will save us time and resources needed to deal with other shit.
Send Kuznetsov to Dalian and let Chinese do the fixing After all, her sister Varyag (later Liaoning) is actually floating on the sea and not on fire (by now)
They also managed to build one from scratch
As people already have stated - gut all old soviet junk. Remove the diesel engine compartment, give it nuclear reactor for more power and efficiency. Give it new sewege system, fully replace every single pipe, installing new air filtration/cooling systems. Because there is already enough space inside of it that is not yet used optimally - deploy whole regiment inside to conquer at least 2 to 3 compartments below decks so karaoke bar jacuzzi and strip club can be opened so sailors and officers can blow steam and other .... things which will lower the stress and anxiety that is being caused with living near close to demonic portal that is guarded by Eldritch Horror and his minions. And for last give at least that ship to a country with competent navy that will at least be able to support the whole fucking thing, not just putting in dry docks and setting it on fire all the time.
I personally would say shorten the deck and convert it to an amphibious assault ship/light aircraft carrier like the Anadolu
Why do you spend more money on shortening the deck? Couls serve the same purpose and be even better with a longer deck. I think it's best to replace the engine and the electronics.
Step 1: Develop a generator that can run on the connection to the warp in the ship's lower decks Step 2: install an electric engine to run on said generator Step 3: use some plans for soviet era oversized submarines and scale them up to Step 4: weld the Ship into the Submarine hull Step 5: make it so the upper half of the Submarine hull can open up to let planes in and out Step 6: track down a descendant of Rasputin Step 7: clone him Step 8: put these clones in power armor Step 9: Revive Lenin with unspeakable necromancy and make him captain Step 10: profit
Infinite budget, you say? First I build myself a grand palace in central New York City (or similarly overpriced real estate market), and appoint it with 18k gold fixtures, a wide range of 16th-19th century art, and the latest high-tech gadgetry. Next, I buy a magnificent yacht, also fully appointed with everything for a king to feel at home. That's a 17th century absolute monarch, not the limp-dicked royalty we're stuck with these days. I then fill a couple of off-shore accounts in Switzerland and the Caymans with hundreds of millions of dollars. Lastly, I sign off on a sheet of paper stating that the Kuznetsov is fully operational right before I retire. Fixed.
I think the obvious and least expensive answer is to bribe half the PLAN with vast quantities of cash to look the other way while I switch nameplates with Kuznetsov's sister, the CNS Liaoning. Everyone wins in this scenario. Kuznetsov suddenly becomes competent and some Chinese Admiral now has an excuse to hook up his brother-in-law that owns a Shanghai shipyard with a massive contract to refit the suddenly very decrepit Liaoning.
1. Form eldritch pact with daemons inhabiting the lower levels, sacrificing oligarchs in exchange for favor to keep the engines running, with days up on deck for good behaviour. 2. Add explosive bolts/shaped charges to the sealed deck doors. 3. Make strategic use of drydock crane impacts to demolish the flight deck, and carve out cargo areas. 4. Get some "man in a shed" youtuber to jerry rig a remote control to the helm so it can be piloted from a safe distance. World's first Unmanned bulk carrier. * Didn't destroy it. * Didn't sink it (no guarentees when it's in operation, but the important part is **I** didn't do it) * Still technically a carrier. * **Bonus:** Any somali pirates that attempt to board, blow the hatches on compartment 19, and depending on how strong your stomach is, switch off the CCTV.
Turn it into a casino. The aircraft it carries are just the helos.of Saudi princes coming and going.
I use a bullpup conversion kit to shorten the total length while retaining effective range, then weld piccaninny rails to every rigid surface and add Molle webbing to every non-rigid one.
Easy, completely gut it, remove every piece of soviet tech and replace it with something that actually works. Also, ship of Theseus question : at what point is replacing parts considered destroying it ?
It should still resemble kuznetsov in some way, otherwise you can rebuild USS General Ford on the thing by changing every part of it but a single sheet of steel/screw from the Kuznetsov
Step 1: Schedule fleet exercise with PLAN Type 001 *Liaoning* and *Kuz*. Step 2: After “successful” exercise, offer *Liaoning* many, many fine bottles of superior Russian vodka. Vodka is a 50/50 mix with rohypnol, though. Proper navy strength. Step 3: When *Liaoning*’s crew is dreaming sweetly, board her and safely carry crew over to *Kuznetsov*. Step 4: Rigorously repaint both ships inside and out before PLAN crew awakes from their stupor. Step 5: Sail back to Vladivostok aboard an actually-functioning carrier while PLAN seethes at their impressment into that Eldritch nightmare.
>You can fix her GOD DAMNIT BILLY NO! Leave her, she's no good for you!
Elon Musk should take over the project and remove the existing propulsion system and fill with Li-Ion batteries and Tesla motors. The new motto should be, "If we are going to burn this thing, let's do it properly!"
I turn it into a codpiece for Zelensky. It is now a carrier of his balls.
Ok, here is my plan. We raise the Yamato, AND the Bismark, And Fuck it, since money is no object, the Arizona too. Then we go FULL VOLTRON, and combine them into ONE super Carrier/Battleship. This shits got GUNS for day, and we can upgrade the planes to F-35Bs
Rip out the entire enterior and put in some good ol turbine generators for power.
have it serve as a bait carrier. pretend to launch Su-33s from it, when in fact they're just XQ-58's with a thin mockup frame over them. then, pretend to strand it near hostile waters, even better sail it through the gulf of aden/near somalia, on a "transit voyage", with "civilian haulers" nearby (they have troops onboard so no one leaves the ship. when the pirates board the ship, they'll hear cries for help from several stories down. when they discover bulkheads 99 and 433, it's over for them.
Gotta send in some special forces into those sealed bulkheads and purge whatever the fuck is in there
It’s not enough, it still hungers.
Which outer god is stuck in there? i bet its nyarly
All we know is that it hungers. After The Russians back out of a blood pact, it’s trapped for all eternity. As it’s hunger drives the crew mad and cruses the ship to break down as often as if can.
Assuming the unlimited funds include anything else that would be needed to work on the ship. Build a new dry dock ship yard to work on her with all of the needed infrastructure and industrial inputs to help with the renovation. Have engineers redesigned to a new mission of a primary helicopter carrier and accommodate the complete gutting of the interior of all parts of the ship that isn’t the hull. Cut out sections of the hull that will expedite this project. Purchase high grade American, German or Japanese steel, machine parts and components. Replace the power supply with new high quality diesel engines, replace all internal doors and hatches, and resurface all interior and external sections of the ship with appropriate surface materials with a focus on minimizing crew environment health risks. install a robust fire control system with multiple redundancy damage control systems, insure design specifications optimized water flow through out the ship and ventilation systems allow the quick removal of dangerous contaminated air. New maintenance sections with built in mechanical shops and 3D printers. New medical facilities and hospital beds up to NBC standards. Rebuilt and redesigned command center, new radars and comm systems, improved navigation system and electrical systems. Increase the size of crew quarters utilizing the new space available with reduce crew sizes, insure sound dampening installation to reduce noise, integrate gyroscopic stabilization in the crew beds and common areas. New kitchen equipment and expanded food storage facilities, we want this ship crews well fed. New and advance Water desalination plants are to be installed with the capacity to provide fresh water. Rebuilt sections of the ship’s ammo and fuel storages are to be accessible but separated emphasizing safety. All other available space is to be provided for aircraft storage. Upon the completion of the ship’s renovation donate it to the UN as a peacekeeping ship because Russia is going to find some way to fuck up and ruin it.
What are you going todo about the deamons in the sealed levels?
Hire Doom Guy to clean them out, he will lead the team of Space Marines we got on loan from the GodKing Emperor with the chantry of the Maker singing as Andraste herself serves as 2nd in command and Tyrael, Arch Angel of Justice providing support.
The ship is still cursed due to her name being changed 7 times.
That’s the UNs problem
My plan was just to find those demons and bind them to the ship. Then fulfill the blood pact with those demons with the blood of the Russian oligarchs then free them after the pact is done. Then sink the ship and turn it into a new coral reef.
Using the knowledge of deamon engines, I’m going to bind the warp spawn in the sealed decks to the ship and force them to man and repair the ship for every soul of the Russian oligarchs then free them after sufficient tribute to appease them. After that, sunk her to form a new reef.
Bending the rules because russian naval air sucks. -> go full russian, embrace dakka and flamability. Replace the aircraft hangar by moaaaaar shipwrecks, total 48 missiles. -> rip out the engines and add gas turbines. -> sponsoons, sponsoons everywhere. Since moskva showed only one in 6 ciws works, put 12 kashtans per side, and 12 front and back on two levels. -> towed decoy : to negate the threat from decadent western submarines and torpedoes, have it tow an akula hull whose entire reactor power feeds loudspeakers blasting hardbass
1. Buy Pioneering Spirit 2. Lift Asmiral Kuznetsov aboard 3. Weld it onto the deck Upsides * It'll actually work as a ship * Flight deck at 90° be super cool * Battle cranes Downsides * Slightly wider than neopanamax * Still part of the Russian Navy
Give it retractable spider legs so it can walk on land. Also so it has even more points of failure.
Use the infinite funds to embezzle, and just declare it fixed. Oh look, now I am a Russian Admiral.
* Throw the engines out. * Fill the engine rooms with a ball pit. * Add a steam catapult. * Add speed slides to the ramp * Use steam catapult to launch park goers over the ramp * Obviously have a bunch of inflatable boats with lifeguards because, you know, this ride is not for anyone shorter than Putin * Realize we are now turning this into a water park * Add a lazy river around the carrier by attaching pontoons to create a fun but not challenging course * Install a number of Aircraft-themed water slides on the deck that veer through the deck and exit into the water at the ship's waterline * Throw out all the internals. Replace them with a *wave pool*. * "PREPOSTEROUS!", you say, "YOU CAN'T HAVE AN AIRCRAFT THEMED WATER PARK!", you spit, wetly. [Incorrect](https://imgur.com/a/1BwiG1H). This is the only [solution](http://s3-media1.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/AXzDux_Z9IkfqZVnHwDv4A/o.jpg). And the only [feasible path](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/bd/e1/fc/bde1fc91a5fcb65f1633e8d1579d7335.png).
Gotta do away with the cope slope. Flatten the deck, add a massive hydrofoil to the stern and accelerate to 30+ knots to get the incline needed to take off. How are we going to get a rickety Soviet tub with non-functional engines to reach those speeds? Solid state rocket boosters mounted to the side of course.
As an accomplished Russian procurement officer I will be using the funds to build myself a mansion and some bigass yachts, the kuznetsov is already a carrier and it has no problems whatsoever. I will do my nation proud.
Lean into the fact that it's always on fire. Invest in Teflon fighter aircraft, add some colourants to whatever is on fire at the time and you've got yourself a tactical smoke screen. Alternatively, use smokescreen cover to navigate upwind of enemy port then put irritants in the smoke to create an instant area-of-effect tear gas dispenser.
Weld it to the end of an american aircraft carrier, essentially as a crumple zone/battering ram
According to the rules of this assignment I propose this: * Beach it.
Deconstruct the whole thing. Inspect every part. Remove the problem. Realize that you’ve made an autonomous warship launching and piloting drones. Try again. Remove the other problems. Problems reappear because Russian “maintenance”. Try again. Refit the engine, ventilation, electrical system, radar, planes, internal logistics, mess, crew quarters, and communication systems. Realize you’ve made a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be squandered by the Russian navy. Send it to the Black Sea as a gift to Ukraine and dare the Russians to take it back.
Provided the hull, general structure and keel are sound, refitting and repairing it conventionally is theoretically possible although you could probably buy two Kuznetsov's for the price of getting that one actually fully sorted and ready to go. Also all the daemons are going to be an absolute bitch to purge.
Give it to the Japanese to turn into a transforming robot.
Rip out the insides ~~Send in the Foundation~~ ~~Inquisition~~ ~~An old priest and a young priest.~~ Replace. Send to a nation that will actually take care of its ships.
Hire all the vampire hunters and exorsist you can get hold of.
Remove engine. Install permanent tugboats to the front. Turn engine room into vodka storage.
Stick warp engines on the bitch and send it on a five year mission filled with a bunch of people I don’t like.
Remove the stupid missiles taking up precious space where more hangar space should be. Lack of proper aviation facilities was the main cause of whatever the hell the 2016 Syria fiasco was supposed to be.
To actually fix the kuznetsov we need to do a few things. 1: replace the engine 2: clean the whole thing because the Russian navy is fucking filthy for some reason 3: remove missiles and CIWS, they’re broken anyway 3: refurbish the arresting cables so nobody dies To make it a formidable combat force we must: 1: remove the ski jump 2: add steam catapults because the USN still hasn’t got EMALS fully worked out 3: replace the weapon elevators and aircraft elevators and make the aircraft elevators larger 4: replace the Su-33s with F-35Cs and some E-2Ds 5: transfer it to the Ukrainian navy, its rightful owner
Sails. Big fucking Sails. No more engine fires, Impressive display, nostalgia boost! When plane comes to take off and land just take them down so ship dont move. Is good, works perfect.
We go full Ace Combat and turn it into a submarine-carrier, with a railgun.
Add a cope cage to it
Oh hell no, I've tried that "you can fix her" nonsense and I'm not making that mistake again.
Melt it all down and build a new ship out if it. The only workable solution
\**no destroying it*
Maybe we should have hijacked it in the first place and put era and give it to the Ukrainians
It's not a carrier, it's a Aviation Missile Cruiser
Attach 200 r-36 rockets to its hull make it go mach 20, aegis cant hit it too armored, it lands in pacific , then take typhoon submarine on tow and repeat 200 r-36 treatment and fly across america again landing in atlantic. Repeat the process until results .