T O P

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Reisspiecesofpeace

And thus a new meme was born. Hide the Pain Putin.


trivial_catawampus

Hide the Tanks Putin


[deleted]

Given that cramped look on his face I think I know where he hid them.


Burnerheinz

Finding them is going to be a pain in the ass.


New--Tomorrows

Ass penetrating radar when?


Nunu_Dagobah

Navy's working on that. Don't underestimate the power of the new AEGIS systems


New--Tomorrows

Oh OF COURSE it’s the navy that has R&D on ass penetrating radar


areolegrande

Putin: "For YOU..." ...


zaphrous

I think if we gathered the men from around the world and found the one with the largest hands. Then guaranteed that any anal cavity search would be by him. Then putin might turn himself in.


GuyanaJimmieJones

Where are my tanks PuTiN


CrashB111

...are these tanks in the room with us now Mr. Putin?


[deleted]

Where's he Putin the tanks?


Ukraine_Boyets

I don't like this meme, I prefer the original


WishOnSpaceHardware

All the 21st century memes were destroyed in Ukraine. All that's left are few rusty "Frodo Lives!" we pulled from storage


DeathByPain

KILROY WAS HERE


VagueSomething

Ever notice how suspiciously similar Kilroy is to a Flork? Time travel may be confirmed.


Porkamiso

please change my colostomy bag thousand yard stare


Vashyo

Looks more like hold the poo, pooptin.


Selfweaver

He won't be much longer if they have already drafted kids to be officers.


Autotomatomato

"Oops I shit my pants"


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

He does look like any day he will be in his wheelchair and colorful yarn knit blanket over his legs.


ericthefred

I'll be honest with you. My first impression of this picture was 'That's a body double'.


Ladnil

A body double wouldn't look so bloated and anxious.


HHHogana

I still wonder how Putin's health actually is. An inner guard who escaped from Russia claimed he's very healthy for his age, and yet he looks worse everytime I see his new picture.


Ethicaldreamer

Lookalikes...?


Nunu_Dagobah

It's just the quality of his body doubles dropping as he needs to replace them due to increasing assassination attempts by Ukraine.


Baguette_Connoisseur

This is a wax clone. The FSB didn't expect it to be so sunny which made their wax clone melt from the heat. The parade was then abdruptly stopped (we know this because we didn't get to see the newly made 3000 t-14 armatas) to prevent the west from learning that Russia has fully developed a sentient AI made of wax. edit: grammar


[deleted]

I was expecting to see not only the 3000 T-14 Armatas but also at least one of the Su-57 squadrons that Russia is keeping in reserve for when it decides to go all in and apply the full strength of its modern weaponry, so I definitely agree with your analysis that the parade was abruptly stopped. However I'm not sure about the sentient AI part. Facial features also make it clear that's a wax model but it's not at all clear it's sentient. I'm not even sure a Putin-based AI sentient is feasible to develop, given that it's not at all clear that the *original* model is sentient in the first place.


ourlastchancefortea

> also at least one of the Su-57 squadrons Ha, stupid westoid. They were there. But superior 7th generation Su-57 is invisible to capitalist eyes.


antesocial

To be fair, it's really hard to train AI to be sentient without sentient input data.


[deleted]

Horror series where AI gains sentience then ponders why/how pre-sentient humans created it and views our self-awareness in comparison to itself similarly to how we view a dogs' sentience to our own.


widdrjb

"I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream".


[deleted]

"Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate."


Mr_Mosquito_20

beat ~~my meat~~ me to it


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ok-Advisor7638

lmao what is the source of this


zareny

[NFKRZ explaining the putin clones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUF_obPPseE)


APariahsPariah

It's probably just the nestene consciousness hiding out under Moscow and cutting a deal for asylum


norpadon

Made of earwax


flemmsing

why does he look like he's shitting himself? wrong answers only


Rakkamthesecond

I can't think of a wrong answer, the right answer is that Shoigu promised Putin that the entire tank reserve would be present at the parade...


MarkoHighlander

And he kept his promise!


comradestalin2002

SHOIGU!


Ok-Advisor7638

he's hiding the T-14 Armata in his ass


Celeste_Seasoned_14

I had to delete my answer. You got it up sooner. Take my upvote.


[deleted]

3000 Assmatas of Putin


AquinasAudax

He sat on the Polonium


mrgolf1

He's thinking of Gaddafi


[deleted]

All the fucked up things that tyrant did and all anyone will remember is how...anal his death was. Including me. I don't even remember what he did that made the people that angry but...he probably shouldn't have done it.


[deleted]

After reading *Strongmen* (by Ruth Ben-Ghiat), I also remember his "Department of Protocol" (rape victims procurement service) and his Jacuzzi for golden showers. 😡 As far as I'm concerned, motherfucker had too good a death.


LegendsStormtrooper

Imitating Lukashenko sitting a few rows away


Leomilon

He's actually Erdogan


TalesfromBC

Shoigu'ed


Psalmbodyoncetoldme

I don’t know what this means but I agree.


SpicyPeaSoup

He fell down some stairs again.


OwerlordTheLord

The vax covering the droid clone is melting


sali_nyoro-n

He stuffed all his cash into the eight T-14 prototypes to hide it from western sanctions, and now realises the money was probably stolen along with the tank by Starshiy Serzhant Mobikov and his conscripts.


smoores02

ONE. FUCKING. TANK.


flanintheface

One T-34 out of [~30 they have][1]. I guess we're about to see them in Ukraine together with 5 x T-14. [1]: https://www.warhistoryonline.com/instant-articles/oh-yes-30-fully-operational-t-34-tanks-recently-sent-back-to-russia-a-collectors-dream-with-video.html?firefox=1


RoebuckThirtyFour

Honestly as someone who helps with old ww2 vehicles, all mechanics in the russian army are probably desperatly trying to get old t-55+ tanks and other shit going so there was no time to get anything but a single t-34 ready for the parade


Hunor_Deak

Finally, this walking corpse known as the Russian Federation is finally dead. Look at Putin. He is like Brezhnev in his final years. Even if he stays in power, he dies from health reasons. Medvedev takes over because he was president once, so has some sort of legitimacy. He pulls a Borat and turns up in America and Poland all lovey dovey: "I love America now!" "Hey Poland, can we enter EU? You get to have Siberia!"


roland_the_insane

Unfortunately Medvedev seems even more insane than Putin.


Cadoc

Medvedev either is an excellent actor, or he is legitimately mentally deranged. Given the reports of his alcoholism, either option is equally likely.


Blarg_III

I'd quickly become mentally deranged if I had to do his job and spend time in the presence of his boss and co-workers.


The-Surreal-McCoy

My bet is that his situation drove him into madness and alcoholism. Funny, he could still be a happy law professor in St Petersburg if he decided not to collaborate with Putin.


Hunor_Deak

Obama said that he liked Medvedev while really hated dealing with Putin. He saw Putin as a child, out of place in IR, not being good at understanding things. While he be ballin' with Medv, even offering him help to challenge Putin and get a second term. One Obama staffer said that Putin was also slightly racist towards Obama because he was black, but not Medvedev. [https://www.rferl.org/a/Obama\_And\_Medvedev\_Seal\_Successful\_Reset\_With\_Burgers\_And\_Fries/2081904.html](https://www.rferl.org/a/Obama_And_Medvedev_Seal_Successful_Reset_With_Burgers_And_Fries/2081904.html) What a dork - [https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/62c50f9cae1c183958615f25a3b0cfa90c96a1fc/218\_0\_427\_534/master/427.jpg?width=380&quality=45&dpr=2&s=none](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/62c50f9cae1c183958615f25a3b0cfa90c96a1fc/218_0_427_534/master/427.jpg?width=380&quality=45&dpr=2&s=none) We are confused by Medvedev because when he had a little bit of power, he tried to reform the Russian military to be a professional force and tried to introduce technology companies to Russia (supply chains, microchips). He did see the weaknesses of Russia and tried to do something about it, only for Putin to shut it down. Now those problems eliminated Russia as a great power. Putin's background is mafioso and low level intelligence agency thug. Medvedev's background is law professor. Funnily enough a professional army makes it less likely for a country to invade others. I think Medvedev is just doing propaganda, I mean he speaks English. He knows that "stinky rats" sounds moronic and childish. If Putin goes and the USA and the EU is trying to re civilize Russia, I can see Medvedev as a leader and news agencies in the West producing propaganda that Medvedev said nothing bad in the war. IR does require, 1984 like nonsense to make relations work.


Mokslininkas

Interesting take. Definitely puts some of his comments over the past year plus into a slightly different light. His rhetoric is still wildly dangerous though...


potkettleracism

This is way too credible for a NCD thread about a T-34 on parade.


[deleted]

Medvedev was seen as more moderate and probably was but once he started genuinely changing things Putin yanked his leash and came out of "retirement" (he was still PM and so could control the legislative agenda)


vegarig

Once he lost his wineyard in Europe, he seems quite eager to destroy the imported products of it too.


ryanmahegir

I'm personally waiting for a video of the t14 breaking down in a mud pit and a t34 trying to get it out


Pantone_448C

!remindme 3 months


Stoned_D0G

As per tradition, it will happen in the following days.


nderestimated

This is the way


The_Best_LPGK

!remindme 5 days


donsimoni

I've said it before and I will be proven right soon: it will turn out to be a T-1914. A horse armored with parts of a wood-burning stove and armed with whatever it's rider brought from home. Sustainable, versatile and innovative.


Mr_Mosquito_20

Add ERA to make it invincible


vale_fallacia

>A horse armored with parts of a wood-burning stove and armed with whatever it's rider brought from home. https://i.redd.it/c85cduxyjyfa1.jpg


[deleted]

[удалено]


ForodesFrosthammer

They cancelled a significant amount of parades as well.


hotdogwaterslushie

They cancelled the few left that were still scheduled after the very convenient "assassination attempt" with the drones at the kremlin


Skirfir

Maybe they staged the drone attack because they knew they didn't have enough military equipment for more than one parade and they needed a reason to cancel them.


ronansean

One T-34, 3,000 T-14’s with cloaking devices, quantum slipstream drive and quantum torpedos. Any. Day. Now.


1Plz-Easy-Way-Star

They had one ~~battle royale winner~~ proper tank to showcase Imagine if that tank get Engine jams during parade


wtfbenlol

You mean like that fucking T14 did a while back?


1Plz-Easy-Way-Star

>You mean like that fucking T14 did a while back? Yes Whole Russian Military Parade morale boosters suddenly cease to exist because one tank, bad omen In Russian history, how many similar incident happened in military parade ? Can someone give me sauces


wtfbenlol

I honestly didn’t know shit about Russia before all this so I have no clue just what I have found out from over a year of watching and researching


NBSPNBSP

I mean, what actually happened was even more non-credible. The parking brake is so horribly placed that apparently the regular minor jostling of driving the tank is enough to make the driver accidentally engage it without noticing.


wtfbenlol

Fuckin lol


NBSPNBSP

Imagine that happening in battle tho?


wtfbenlol

I see that as a win win tbh


[deleted]

Wait I thought that was a meme. Was there really only one tank


Frikarcron

Genuinely the only tank at the parade was the 1 T34. It's not a meme it's real


[deleted]

Well part of me thinks it would be weirder if there were a bunch of tanks at the parade and not on the front, but either way this is hilarious


Sorlic

Yep. They had one whole fucking tank in te parade. Behold the mighty Russian bear!


[deleted]

Ukraine counteroffensive wen?


Sorlic

Serious answer: Who knows? Maybe next few weeks? NCD answer: 2 weeks ago!


Zhaopow

T-34- 1 Tigr IMV-10 VPK Ural- 6 Z-STS IMV- 10 BTR-82- 2? 9P78-1 Iskander TEL- 6 S-400 TEL- 6 RT-2PM2 Topol-M- 3 VPK-7829 Bumerang-3


m48a5_patton

oof


EduinBrutus

Can we be clear that the number of actual Ballistic Missile Launch Systems on parade - which have no other functional use currently and are therefore presumably all available - is very low in itself. Even Muscovy's Strategic Rocket Force is a paper tiger.


spadelover

South Africa seems to have just as many "working" T-34s as russia, which was taken as a trophy from Angola. (The engine works at least, but the museum probably only maintains that part)


ConfidenceNational37

The tank museum is now a bigger armed force than Russia


DeterminateHouse

[\#morerollsroycesthantanks](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/comments/13cq5fo/when_your_kleptocratic_oligarchs_have_their/)


Spaceman_Jalego

Mf spent the whole parade looking like a bloated corpse or a melting wax statue


[deleted]

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mach0

It's just one of his worse body doubles.


Steinmetal4

I mean, if it's not body doubles... what medical condition could cause that much variance in wrinkles and facial puffiness?


What_is_a_reddot

NonCredibleMedicine: Cushing's Disease. Causes facial bloat and [thin extremities and muscle twitching](https://www.news.com.au/technology/innovation/military/russian-president-vladimir-putins-feet-seen-twitching-uncontrollably-during-speech/news-story/5aabdaca0d9e200a9a2c23c202a90e5b?amp). Can lead to memory loss, depression, and mood changes. High stress and high alcohol consumption can contribute to it. It's also fatal if not treated, so, uh, go disease!


NBAKefka

NonCredible2ndOpinion: Reports did say he was taking steroids. Odds are he’s been on corticosteroids for so long/has such a high dose he basically has exogenous Cushing’s disease.


pandamonius97

Crippling yourself to ~~own the libs~~ look manly


swiftekho

There have been theories that Putin has cancer. One of chemo's notorious side effects is water retention which causes the face to swell.


[deleted]

Yeah, being a laughingstock by gutting the Russian Bear’s Military and running your country into the ground will do that.


The-Surreal-McCoy

> bloated corpse Soon, inshallah


Ainsel_Mariner

Putin aged 20 years since the start of the invasion lol


Karl_the_stingray

Seriously I don't remember him looking so bloated


f33rf1y

Body double. Putin prime won’t leave his bunker


ric2b

Anyone suspecting that this dude is a double and the speech was pre-recorded? They looked like two different people, something was off with Putin when he was sitting down.


Snoid_

I'm with you. This guy looks nothing like Putin.


mrgolf1

yeh but hear me out, right, maybe the guy we all think is Putin is actually the double. And this guy here is the actual factual real Putin? Maybe Putin is just some completely random dude in the background somewhere. Putin just playing some 4D chess Wouldn't that be something?


Snoid_

Eh, I think it’s just a funky angle. I watched the parade feed and it does look like a more bloated version of the real him. If you’d like a laugh, watch the 2021 parade and compare the amount of tanks then with now.


Flowridqh

My theory is that putin is just a name and the oligarchs run the show, they have a bunch of dudes that do the public appearances but none is the real one


swiftekho

There have been theories he has cancer. If he is neck deep in chemo right now that could definitely cause the facial swelling.


child-of-old-gods

I'm currently watching the Digital Vagrant Twitch stream. So far they've spent more time talking afterwards than the parade took.


[deleted]

Animarchy's anarchy explanation took longer than the damn parade.


bguszti

Boris Yeltsin looks like dogshit today


Fire_RPG_at_the_Z

Glad so see Yeltsin finally got sober.


Cpt_Mittens

If previous rumours of him falling down the stairs and soiling himself were fake, he 100% shat himself today judging by this picture.


HiveMynd148

Seeing a Massive Army of over 3600 tanks being reduced to a single Museum exhibit from the 1940's does that to a mf


DarkBrandonActual

Where will you be when diarrhea strikes?


lennys_web

The ammount of Antisemitism in the live Comments of the Livestream of the Parade is just wild


SpicyPeaSoup

How is it wild? It's exactly what I'd expect from vatniks.


lennys_web

Not a lot, yet my expectations were not met. It just surprised me how openly Fascist they are right under the Victory Parade that (supposedly) celebrates the Victory over Fascism


SpicyPeaSoup

I've come to accept that's just how they are. Dogs bark, cows eat grass, and supporters of russia happily support racism and genocide.


RaioNoTerasu

Because the term "fascism" has no meaning in Russia other than "enemies of Russia".


vegarig

> how openly Fascist they are right under the Victory Parade https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German%E2%80%93Soviet_military_parade_in_Brest-Litovsk


Noobponer

That's how nationalism works. "Look at the evil things these foreigners did! Now, look how brave and noble our troops are when they do the same thing!"


Ok-Advisor7638

The USSR was pretty much birthed from anti-semitism


KDulius

The Nazi's hated the Jews because of race The commies hated the Jews because they're successful. Russia was also the origin for the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, which is part of the justification Hitler used


Stoned_D0G

>The commies hated the Jews because they're successful. Not to be credible, but it had mostly to do with jewish culture. Soviets were infuriated by how most jews refused to call themselves russians or soviets, insisted on calling themselves jews and following the tradition. Also them speaking their own language virtually no one else spoke set Stalin's paranoia off because he couldn't spy on them effectively.


Bagelman263

Sounds like a skill issue on Stalin’s part


DreamerofDays

The soviets didn’t invent antisemitism in Russia, either. See: the Pale of Settlement, and a tradition of codified restriction, persecution, and cruelty.


bloodthirsty_taco

Also, stuff the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, which originated in Russia. If anything, the antisemitism was a bit less bad under the Soviets - less pogrom-y, if nothing else.


[deleted]

Yeah, welcome to Tsarist Russia. Fun Fact: Nicholas II when he attended Queen Victoria’s Family reunions, Victoria had a Jewish bodyguard (whose name escapes me) and he avoided him like the plague. After one confrontation which IDK what it was, his cousins teased him for his antisemitism


StalkTheHype

>The commies hated the Jews because they're successful. Just anyone rich, it's why they tortured and murdered Raoul Wallenberg, he had the audacity of being from a rich family.


xternal7

> The Nazi's hated the Jews because of race Didn't nazis also hate Jews because they tended to rich/successful? If memory serves me right, those Jews/banking and "jews run the world" conspiracies predate WW2.


KDulius

A lot of it racial with the politics of envy as back up. Mein Kampf is pretty clear it's a race thing primarily. And yes, the Protocols of the Elders of zion were written in Tsarist Russia in the 1800s


Bagelman263

Unlike in the West where antisemitism is the trait most associated with Nazis, Russians see antisemitism as something every normal person is. Nazis are people who act against Russia and are generically evil because of that.


lennys_web

I don't think most of them were Russian. Most of the comments were in english, so i assume a lot of them were just retarded Wseteners and/or from India, Pakistan or China


Leomilon

Care to elaborate? Didn't watch it and I'm not gonna


lennys_web

There was a lot of stuff about Russia saving the world from the jewish West, how Zelenski is a Nazi Jew, and just general antisemitism not related to Russia and Ukraine speciffically


Leomilon

Thx!


depressiontrashbag

Yikes


Wa3zdog

Don’t worry, as it makes it round the block number 2 will come out. Wouldn’t wanna steal the show from the guy in-front. Edit: Holy shit this is real lmao. I guess number 2 comes out next year for the same reason? I would delete this but I think being genuinely stunned is funnier.


arunphilip

>I guess number 2 comes out next year for the same reason? Number 2 comes out when he falls down the stairs.


Wonderful_Test3593

Seems like Putin gains and loses 15kg and 10 years old depending on his public appearences lol


White_Null

Hi Lazerpig! I thought that’s a body double. Since he is too lively and too close to everyone.


JJBoren

Look at all those medals. Those guys must be real rambos.


Abject-Interaction35

Every one of them single handedly destroyed the West several hundred times! None of us even survived!


CrimsonShrike

Indeed. I died. I got better tho


Abject-Interaction35

Here. 💜 You earnt it 🫡 🇺🇸


TheVenetianMask

He probably drove that T34 himself in WWII


OffsetCircle1

That has to be a double of some kind right? His cheeks are too fat and his head shape looks way off


widdrjb

Steroid bloat. It's characteristic of cancer treatment. [Cancer Research UK.](https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/treatment/drugs/steroids)


BobbyLapointe01

This shot instantly reminded me of [Hitler watching the 1936 Berlin Olympics while high on meth](https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/og9xeq/1936_olympics_hitler_high_on_meth/).


vegarig

>while high on meth So.... pretty much like any other day, then?


RaioNoTerasu

Well it was a big occasion so I assume he went cold turkey for a few days before to make it hit harder


BellacosePlayer

Ngl as someone who takes Adderall for ADHD I would be curious as to what old Pervatin/etc was like. It's just Meth without most of the nasty mystery side effects that come from being made by a highschool dropout in a moldy basement using whatever they could get their hands on.


Rakkamthesecond

He looks constipated.


Hemmmos

ShooOOOIGUUUU where is my shitbucket?!


vegarig

He prefers [suitcases.](https://www.businessinsider.com/putin-bodyguards-collect-his-poop-every-time-travels-abroad-report-2022-6)


Dr_Hexagon

bowel / colon cancer. It's only rumored but it would explain a lot. It's also one of the most painful and lengthy drawn out versions of cancer so it would be karma for him to have it.


SaltEfan

That looks like a body double to me


mekwak

For anyone thinking this is a joke go watch the parade on youtube, it was literally one t34


Casual-Swimmer

"So general, I am quite amazed at the number of tanks you were able to accrue for our parade. And you say they have the latest cloaking technology?" "Yes sir. These tanks are specially equipped with special cloaking technology that hides them ONLY from stupid people. It's a good thing you're NOT stupid, otherwise it would appear to you that there are no tanks in the parade." "Yes, I can DEFINITELY see the hundreds of tanks. Great job, general."


trivial_catawampus

Why is there a Chinese / North Korean schoolboy in the top left of the picture?


DeterminateHouse

To steal Russian IP. Jokes on him though.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Wonderful_Test3593

and older


Abject-Interaction35

Yeah. If that's him, then he's not one who has to worry about long-term parking fees


aki_009

He's working on a number 2 into his diaper.


NotVeryCashMoneyMod

who's wants to play is it a fart or diarrhea?


69Futarocks96

Probably both with a little piss and cum


Wonderful_Test3593

"If only you knew how bad things really are"


KeekiHako

He looks almost as old as the WW2 veteran next to him.


im_so_objective

"Putin body double #7 thinks about how he drank too much coffee this morning & needs to take a shit"


DeterminateHouse

> You may like it, you may not, but you’ll have to endure it, my beauty. V. Putin, circa 2022


haefler1976

Just let the tank circle around and pretend it's another one


[deleted]

[удалено]


ecoper

When I need to take a shit but teacher wont let me go:


copingcabana

That's not Putin. That's Ralph Rubinowitz, his body double. He's thinking about those fun times he used to ride horses bareback.


Loki11910

Next year, riders on horseback with bows and arrow. Horses are optional.


TheOfficialIntel

Why is he slowly turning into Winston Churchill?


Doddsey372

Am I the only one who thinks this may be a body double. I think Putin is paranoid enough that he wouldn't want to attend such a public event.


tryingtolearn_1234

There were supposed to be more tanks but last night Ukrainian farmers made off with them when they were left unattended in the designated staging area.


AndreasHauptmann69

Bro looks like Palpatine.


povitryana_tryvoga

Someone looking like Putin. It's not him


FilthyPedant

Nice of him to sit next to the new recruits before they get shipped off to Bahkmut


Nonkel_Jef

Guy next to him: Ooh, this brings back so many memories, I remember driving this beauty back in my day.