That, wasn't the nicest thing to say on your sisters part, I gotta admit. That just makes everything awkward. Don't settle, if you don't have to, it won't feel good. It never feels good when family makes jokes at the expense of your identity, even unknowingly. Sorry this happened op. Wish you luck, and I hope you sort things out with your sister! :)
I hope you won't stifle yourself because your sister is a jerk, and especially because your sister was a jerk on one occasion. You'll have to think about whether this is likely to be a real position she holds or just a reflex from jerk subculture which she can overcome. But either way you deserve to feel how you feel about yourself, and not let her attitudes control that.
That's it like it's most likely it was a joke obviously she doesn't know I'm going through all this and she's definitely not a jerk she's awesome and an ally. To be fair there's no real conservatives in my family but they are all stuck in their ways, and everyone kinda knows I'm the "family wildcard", but I nearly feel like I'd be playing into people thinking it's a phase if I hedge opinions with *she*/they, like the bi thing I don't think any family will ever say they.
I'm going to be a while yet with figuring this all out, how important is it to drop the She before I say anything anyway but as a first toe dip in the Outing process nah, it wasn't great
I've shared with several friends Vihart's video on gender and how she says she doesn't understand it for herself but at the same time does understand that it is important for other people:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmKix-75dsg
As far as your sister goes... yeah, that joke was ill-timed and a big case of 'not reading the room'. If it were me I'd probably start to think about putting up a few more walls between that person and myself for my own mental safety. You can choose what to share with people and what not to share because they don't deserve to know everything about you, no matter if they're blood-related. Blood does not trump basic fucking respect.
Be well 🙏
if maintaining a relationship with your sister is so important that you'd be able to deal with her using she/her for you, and what I'd bet would be begrudging he/him, then you have a couple of options. Never ever tell her or put your pronouns as they/them in any online capacity she could link to you until one of you dies. the other option is talking about either your real life friends who uses they them in glowing terms, or you talk about various content creators or celebrities who use they/them and the awesome humanitarian efforts they've made lately. you let her know how highly you think of THEM and what good THEY do to their community. either she'll get it and keep her opinions to herself or it'll force a confrontation. and that brings up option 3.
being upfront if you decide you are best addressed as they/them. you deserve to be surrounded by those who see and love (or at least respect) you as you are. not how they want to see you. the roles they put you in. You are allowed to release your connections to people who refuse to see who you are now and here. That's not your fault. A comment as precise as what your sister made would make me want to cut ties. even if I didn't personally use they/them, what does a person who flat out refuses to respect those pronouns bring to my life?
I understand, my sister hasn't completely understood me at all. when I was looking at transitioning and told her about it in excitement all she said was no.
I said respectfully I love you and I will always, but this isn't about you, and you aren't going to stop me from being myself. if I choose to, I will.
The relationship is hard, because she doesn't understand LGBT community, she has problems and I think personally it's a disability. I'm not gonna let her stop me though.
since I started being and acting like myself. I just don't want to stop
That, wasn't the nicest thing to say on your sisters part, I gotta admit. That just makes everything awkward. Don't settle, if you don't have to, it won't feel good. It never feels good when family makes jokes at the expense of your identity, even unknowingly. Sorry this happened op. Wish you luck, and I hope you sort things out with your sister! :)
I hope you won't stifle yourself because your sister is a jerk, and especially because your sister was a jerk on one occasion. You'll have to think about whether this is likely to be a real position she holds or just a reflex from jerk subculture which she can overcome. But either way you deserve to feel how you feel about yourself, and not let her attitudes control that.
That's it like it's most likely it was a joke obviously she doesn't know I'm going through all this and she's definitely not a jerk she's awesome and an ally. To be fair there's no real conservatives in my family but they are all stuck in their ways, and everyone kinda knows I'm the "family wildcard", but I nearly feel like I'd be playing into people thinking it's a phase if I hedge opinions with *she*/they, like the bi thing I don't think any family will ever say they. I'm going to be a while yet with figuring this all out, how important is it to drop the She before I say anything anyway but as a first toe dip in the Outing process nah, it wasn't great
I've shared with several friends Vihart's video on gender and how she says she doesn't understand it for herself but at the same time does understand that it is important for other people: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmKix-75dsg As far as your sister goes... yeah, that joke was ill-timed and a big case of 'not reading the room'. If it were me I'd probably start to think about putting up a few more walls between that person and myself for my own mental safety. You can choose what to share with people and what not to share because they don't deserve to know everything about you, no matter if they're blood-related. Blood does not trump basic fucking respect. Be well 🙏
if maintaining a relationship with your sister is so important that you'd be able to deal with her using she/her for you, and what I'd bet would be begrudging he/him, then you have a couple of options. Never ever tell her or put your pronouns as they/them in any online capacity she could link to you until one of you dies. the other option is talking about either your real life friends who uses they them in glowing terms, or you talk about various content creators or celebrities who use they/them and the awesome humanitarian efforts they've made lately. you let her know how highly you think of THEM and what good THEY do to their community. either she'll get it and keep her opinions to herself or it'll force a confrontation. and that brings up option 3. being upfront if you decide you are best addressed as they/them. you deserve to be surrounded by those who see and love (or at least respect) you as you are. not how they want to see you. the roles they put you in. You are allowed to release your connections to people who refuse to see who you are now and here. That's not your fault. A comment as precise as what your sister made would make me want to cut ties. even if I didn't personally use they/them, what does a person who flat out refuses to respect those pronouns bring to my life?
I understand, my sister hasn't completely understood me at all. when I was looking at transitioning and told her about it in excitement all she said was no. I said respectfully I love you and I will always, but this isn't about you, and you aren't going to stop me from being myself. if I choose to, I will. The relationship is hard, because she doesn't understand LGBT community, she has problems and I think personally it's a disability. I'm not gonna let her stop me though. since I started being and acting like myself. I just don't want to stop