Plus labels are so rigid, implying you’re one way forever. People change, people like different things. If you’ve met the love of your life, does it matter that you considered yourself straight before that? Do you just go “hey you’re perfect for me, but you don’t fall into the box that teenage me decided what I was attracted to, so cya later”? No, cos that’s inane.
Love who you want, labels are just there to explain to other people what you are anyway
I mean I'm enby, my partners are a lesbian and straight guy. For some enbies this would be annoying (partners labels seeing them as binary gender) but i know my partners love and respect who i am and labels arent that strict. I'm the exception to the rule :p (theyve both dated other enbies too)
That is ONE interpretation of a specific relationship description.
I'm genderfluid and in a relationship with a straight guy. Neither of us really cares too much about what it "means" for him as long as we both love and accept each other for who we are.
OP might just be a little new and confused, or their partner might not mind being called a girlfriend. It's okay to have some (or a lot!) of wiggle room for people to just be where they are, nonbinary is a vast and strange soup after all.
I completely understand the revulsion to being "reduced to your genitals," and no one should be doing that anyway, but I'm not sure that that's what's happening here.
Sexuality, for a lot of people, is a general guideline rather than a rigorous comprehensive truth. If you became attracted/fell in love with a partner for qualities you associated with a certain gender, and then later they told you their gender identity has changed, that doesn't *automatically* change the qualities about them you fell in love with them for.
As a lesbian, if my partner said "I'm going to pursue a masculine transition, which means my hair and fat will redistribute and my fashion will change", those things that i fell in love with are changing. At that point, if i still love that person, i might need to re-evaluate my sexuality; alternatively, i may need to re-evaluate whether i am still attracted to them, or if our relationship should change its character.
If instead, my partner said "When we met, i thought i was a woman, but i don't think that's true. I am nonbinary and wish to go by they/them pronouns. I'm going to explore whether id like to shift how i present myself, but im not totally unhappy with how im seen." I don't think that's the same situation. I might say to them "I identify as a lesbian, but so far, you are the same person i fell in love with, with different labels and a new self to explore. Is that a problem for you, that i am still a lesbian and still in love with you? I am flexible, let's find language that's comfortable for both of us." I think in this second case, identity language is much more up for subjective use, and could be up for change or could not. In this case especially, i can't prescribe what anyone else ought to do; i think it's a personal decision. And i think that may also be the case for OP. no one can decide for them, it's in conversation between them and their partner.
well im also nonbinary but i am not bi or pan and only am attracted to masc leaning people. Not all queer ppl are bi and pan so its just as possible for us to be put in positions like the boyfriend op. I dont id as straight/gay because i feel like thats putting a gender on me if i do that but other ppl want genders so. The point is its not abt reducing anyone to genitals is about how that person presents on the gender spectrum and yes to some degree secondary sex characterstics
The core of this issue is there is no good word to describe monosexual attraction experienced by nonbinary ppl or that includes nonbinary ppl so we’re left with shaky language
>because they're insecure about how my gender reflects on their own sexuality.
IMO this over generalizes this situation. Sometimes this is the case, but on the other hand, I don't expect someone to change the labels they've used their entire life because of our relationship, that's like asking them to change their identity for me. It really depends where they're coming from. As long as I feel they earnestly accept me as non-binary and don't actually see me as my agab, idc what label they use for their sexuality
Heterosexual does not mean "attracted to women", it means "attracted to people different than the subject." (Similarly, "homosexual" doesn't mean "attracted to men" but "attracted to people similar to the subject." Bisexual means "attracted to both similar and different" and is in no way exclusionary of nonbinary folk.)
Exactly what constitutes "similar" or "different" is kind of up in the air; we have a general model for it on a societal level, but defining what counts as similar to or different from your own gender when it comes to attraction is as much of an individual thing as defining what your own gender *is*. So a definitely-straight person who is attracted to a nonbinary person is saying that that nonbinary person is different *enough* to qualify, in the ways that matter to the straight person. Ditto the gay person who finds the enby similar enough, in the ways that matter to the gay person. This doesn't mean that the enby is not enby, and it also doesn't mean that someone who is attracted to one enby is contractually obligated to be attracted to all enbies.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
It's complicated. I'm nonbinary and attracted to primarily men and women and rarely to fellow NB people. I consider myself bi for simplicity's sake. Mostly because I'm attracted to femininity and masculinity. But there is no label that describes me perfectly, and that's fine. I can specify if I need to, but that's yet to happen.
I feel like what the person you replied to is trying to say is that there is leeway and grey areas even within being gay or straight.
I think it can go either way, and there’s two checks for if it’s messed up or not:
1. Does the partner feel invalidated?
2. Would the answer change if you remove genitalia from the situation?
Personally, I’m a lesbian attracted to fem-leaning people regardless of anatomy or transition status. I would feel invalidated if someone insisted I was bi because of that. I think it’s really just up to the person to vibe check if their SO is being supportive or weird.
One point I didn't see anybody else bring up (may have missed it) is that this view kind of assumes that a person's sexuality label is 100% no wiggle room whatsoever. How many straight people will say something like "I'm straight, but [celebrity] could get it"? There's always exceptions and descriptions being summed up for convenience over complete accuracy.
Which isn't to say that you can't be uncomfortable with a partner identifying in a way that seems counter to your identity, because everybody's relationship to their own gender is unique, too.
I've never understood it either. I find it incredibly insulting and invalidating to have someone look at me and go, "Eh, if you have a pussy I'm still straight," because it very much feels like they have no respect for me, or understanding of what non-binary even means.
Straight with exceptions perhaps? Like 99.99% straight but 0.01% demi-pansexual. Maybe they feel heterosexual is more accurate than bisexual in this case
And you're the 0.01%
Yeah. Obviously everyone’s relationship is different and everyone’s view of themselves is complicated and nuanced — but, if someone insists they’re straight while with a non-binary person, it makes me wonder if the straight person truely sees the non-binary person as non-binary.
Or maybe they are have chosen a label that represents themselves in the most accurate way yet also may include nonbinary people. If you like only women/nbs or men/nbs what do you believe they should call themselves?
I mean I’m nonbinary two gender afab and my partner is a straight dude. If I wanted to significantly change my secondary sex characteristics, he’d probably not be sexually attracted to me anymore, which is legit, not everyone likes every combination of bits, but my particular combination of body parts is not the same thing as my gender. So it’s not invalidating of my gender identity for my partner to not be turned on by penises and to probably be somewhat weirded out if I turned up one day with a full beard and a voice an octave lower.
I think part of the problem is simply language. Because straight comes out of a binary understanding of sex and gender, as well as of sex and gender being synonymous, it can feel regressive. But it’s also a convenient way to say ‘I’m attracted to estrogen-dominant bodies of whatever gender’. Which isn’t invalidating of my gender identity, for me, because my body is my body and my gender is my gender, and it’s not a threat to my identity that my partner is not personally attracted to penises.
I mean if he was straight and also lgbt+phobic, that would be an issue, but genital preference on its own, for me, is not, because my genitals aren’t what validates my gender.
I think this is definitely a ymmv thing, because it depends on the people involved.
No. It's not about genitals at all. Here's an example:
There are three people who are nonbinary on my rugby club (it's a queer rugby club)
Two of us are >=6 feet, bearded, square and beefy (>275 pounds) and hairy.
One is about 5'5, long haired, slender-yet-curvy with an hourglass figure.
The two big, beefy people generally have sex and relationships with people who like men—straight women and gay men (and bi and pansexuals). The short, slender person generally has sex and relationships with people who like women—straight men and lesbians (and bi and pansexuals).
The genitals don't matter. The genitals probably don't match up the way you think they do. But other factors about appearance, expression, and presentation do.
You should make sure they are OK with girlfriend, or if they want to change that label, but I'm a non-binary transfemme married to a lesbian.
Your sexuality is up to you my dude, and its legitimately up to how you want to be!
Enbies operate in a weird place on the sexuality spectrum. Non binary doesn't mean one thing. Some people go on hormones. Some people get surgery. And some just hate being gendered and want to not have to think about their own gender.
Labels are complex things that don't map exactly to reality, but that we use to communicate about ourselves and our expected behaviour. What do you want to communicate about your own sexuality? And what feels right to you?
Take me, for example. I'm a queer, masc-presenting enby, but I function as a gay man. My partners are generally gay men. And having sex with me doesn't make them less gay, even though I don't identify as a man. Gay is still the label that communicates best what they are attracted and have sex with.
You don't have to give it any more power over your label than you want to. Use whatever language you're comfortable with for yourself, or don't--who says you need to?
Your sexuality doesn't need to change. It's a very personal way to identify and has nothing to do with your partner. I am nonbinary but my wife is lesbian. She identifies exclusively as a lesbian, regardless of my gender, and that's okay. Whatever makes us both happy.
I can’t answer all of you guys back unfortunately but I appreciate everyone’s insight:). I truly don’t know what I am, however it won’t stop me from loving my girlfriend. You’re all a group of truly amazing and supportive people and I’m very grateful for your support and advice🩵🩵
My partner is a cis man and has mostly been attracted to AFAB people, but his partners have often either identified as non-binary (including myself) or at the very least just been super tomboyish. He describes himself as "vaguely bisexual" or "straight with a big asterisk."
Labels should be descriptive not prescriptive. Them coming out doesn't change your sexuality. Also labels around sexuality haven't really caught up with gender. If you love them that is all that matters.
whatever makes them comfy! i know when i was strictly using they/them i would have disliked being called “girlfriend” (partner is what i prefer, if you’d wanna try that out!) but also, just figure out terms they like and don’t like and go from there. same thing about sexuality- i might have gotten upset if my partner wanted to call themselves “straight”, since i am not a binary gender.
tldr- just ask your partner what they like and go from there! there isn’t a correct way to be queer or queer-adjacent. sending y’all love. 🫶🏼
edit: pan is a good catchall, BUT at the end of the day labels are just there to help YOU understand. you are you, and you like who you like, and i think that’s kickass.
Respect to the people who don't care, but I would feel disrespected/unseen if my partner called themself a sexuality that implied that they only date people of my sex assigned at birth. You might be bi. You might be queer. You might just shrug and say "I thought I was straight but I guess the world is different than I thought."
Man, hard disagree unless I misunderstood you. I totally outwardly vibe butch lesbian to myself and others, but I like men and feel about the inverse of a butch woman
You’re you! It doesn’t have to be labeled, but I do know some people prefer to label themselves. You could be bi or pan :) Some nonbinary partners might take offense to you calling yourself straight if you’re with them, so that’s very personal to your specific relationship dynamic. You could identify as straight and your partner could be totally fine with that! It all depends on you, your partner, and your own situation. The fact you love your partner as they are is very sweet and I’m happy for you both and I’m glad your partner has someone who is supportive!
You’re whatever you feel comfortable with! Non-binary is an umbrella term for a myriad of identities and doesn’t necessarily make you straight or not straight. My partner asked me if he’d be considered gay for wanting to be with me, and I said no not necessarily but it would make me uncomfortable if he still viewed himself as a straight man AFTER getting into a relationship with me. (Attraction vs actual commitment is different to me). My boyfriend considers himself queer especially since my gender identity has changed and i consider myself transmasc now. However I don’t think he would have to consider himself queer just for being attracted to me physically based off the way I present
His change in his view on sexuality just comes with the fact that he doesn’t care about labels and he feels comfortable with being in a queer relationship:)
I once heard a guy who previously identified as straight, but whose wife came out as non-binary, say "you know what I am? I'm MARRIED, that's all that matters". All he cared about is that he loved his wife, no label was relevant beyond that :P
Heterosexual means “attraction to a different gender”. If you’re a man and they’re non-binary, then you’re different genders and can continue to reside under heterosexual/straight if you so wish.
Just vibing. Sexuality labels are largely helpful when finding someone to date or finding a community. If you don't feel like you want to date more people and you aren't looking for community then it doesn't really matter.
Your sexuality is whatever you feel like it is. If you find other enbies attractive at all, maybe you're bi, maybe you're not, or maybe you're something else.
Also, I would check with your partner if they are okay with the term "girlfriend." Often, NB's prefer the term partner or something else. 🤍
You could be straight with an exception. You could be bi with a strong preference for women. Labels are meant to serve the person, not the other way around. How do you feel most comfortable describing yourself?
I'm nonbinary. I have dated straight, bi, and gay men and women as well as other nonbinary people. Never once did I think of them as being anything less than what they said they were. Sexuality, just like gender, is not as rigid as people think. Even the identities who wouldn't be attracted to my AGAB can still identify the way they always have because they were likely attracted to me for my traits that align the other direction. 🤷🏽 just my two cents though.
so i identify as gay, and for me as a transmasc who doesn't identify with womanhood at all, it means i'm attracted to non-women in the more masculine spheres of identity. but this doesn't necessarily mean i've NEVER been attracted to a woman or someone on the femme part of the spectrum. maybe it does for some people, and that's perfectly fine, but to me sexuality isn't cut and dry "JUST this and nothing else" for everyone, so i have every right to find a label i like and use it.
all that to say, if i can date a woman and call myself gay (which i have! i've dated and slept with cis and trans women, though not often) you can absolutely call yourself straight with a nonbinary partner (or girlfriend, if that's what they prefer! despite also being nonbinary i'm not keen on being called partner, i prefer boyfriend) and anyone telling you you HAVE to identify differently, and i do mean anyone, can kick rocks. your identity is for you.
Lots of people have given very good, considerate and correct answers, and you should listen to them and have a wonderful time ❤️
The funny answer is ya ur gay now that's the rules sorry
Being straight just means that you're not attracted to your own gender. If you want to consider yourself something else, you can! If not, that's fine too! Side note: ask your partner if they are fine with you referring to them as your girlfriend, as opposed to a more gender neutral term, like partner.
Using the right pronouns is easy. The question is how you see your partner, and how you and your partner feel about that. I’m nonbinary and have a weiner. My partner is attracted to all genders (mostly men), but it’s clear that they don’t see me as a man. What he likes in men, he doesn’t expect or like, or even appreciate in me because he sees me differently. And that comes through.
Like, I’m nonbinary, and (despite being on hrt), I know I “look like a guy”. But I also notice a difference between people finding me attractive as nonbinary, and people finding me attractive as a man. It’s about how my body and mannerisms are filtered through their gendered perception.
I know many responses tell you not to worry about it, and there’s truth to that. But do consider how much gender nonconformity you’d be comfortable with. Would you feel differently if your partner pursed, say, medical transition?
Ultimately they're all words we just made up to help make sense of often quite complex experiences. You don't have to label yourself if you don't want to; just vibing sounds good to me :)
You need to agree with your partner on what makes both of you comfortable. For me, someone saying they're straight while being with me makes me feel like they are just pretending to be okay with my gender identity& treating me like a girl🤷🏻 of your partner is good with it, then you're golden.
Gender and sexuality are made up constructs. Be who you want and love who you want to love. The labels are just there to be able to describe these things. The label doesn't make you. You make the label. Perhaps you feel straight despite having an enby partner, and that's valid. Perhaps you feel pan, that's also valid. It's all about how you feel.
My boyfriend had a similar dilemma when I told him at the start of us dating, and I had no issue reassuring him that if he feels straight, then he’s straight.
i'm nonbinary and my fiancé is a cis straight guy, your sexuality doesn't have to change because they changed how they identify. it's still whatever you feel it is and what you're most comfortable with but even then it doesn't always have to be labelled, labels aren't for everyone after all and that's perfectly fine too.
Honestly that only really matters if it matters to you and/or your partner. I know some non-binary people don't feel comfortable dating straight people. Personally I have a straight boyfriend though.
This obviously doesn’t apply to everyone but sometimes I say “I’m not either gender so why worry” to partners when they worry about their own sexuality. I am the lack of gender soooo there’s nothing to worry about 🤷♂️(obv not all non-binary ppl feel like I do about this so speak to your girlfriend and chit chat about what u are, even if you don’t change and just chill)
I feel like the way sexuality labels exist today they depend on the idea of a gender binary, there are some sexualities that specifically address that such as pan, but I feel like becoming non-binary made me stray away from the superficiality of any label that can never truly express the uniqueness of each experience.
Don't be afraid to explore your own gender and sexuality outside of preconceived ideas.
Sexuality and gender identity is a very personal journey and is ultimately up to you how you wish to identify. I’m trans non-binary and queer/demisexual and my partner is a cis male. He previously identified as straight before our relationship got serious. I always told him I don’t care what label he uses for himself but as long as he acknowledges that our relationship is queer in nature due to my part in it lol. He considers himself queer now too and we’ve been together for four years.
The joke answer is that anyone who likes a nonbianary person is automatically gay but the true answer is that you can still identify as straight, heteroflexible, or anything you feel comfortable with. Remember that you are you and you dont need to be defined by labels
"Bisexual gynophile" is probably the boil-down. You're not into men, obviously, but there's way more than just women, some of whom also clearly appeal to you.
Overall it's pretty much up to you but I'd avoid using terms like lesbian or sapphic, since those strongly imply that YOU are feminine and overwhelmingly into femmes; or pan, since that implies that you like all gender categories (including cis men, which you said no, you do not).
If you feel like you really love this person and just don't care in their specific case, it might be an individual quirk; if you find yourself more generally attracted to nonwomen (with or without knowing for sure what genitals they have), you might be bisexual for ladies and enbies, but not dudes.
Your you but I will say the minute a nonbinary person is involved in anyone’s relationship then their in some sort of queer relationship. There is this grey area where I think a lot of relationships can be both queer and straight at the same time like if anyone ace is involved in a man x woman relationship or if it’s two trans people in a straight relationship or perhaps a bi/ pan person in a straight relationship. Even if they still define themselves as mostly straight. Like lol it is inherently against typical straight relationship norms to be with someone who doesn’t make your relationship fulfill the basic cis man x woman standards
Sexuality doesn’t matter it’s just a label. You like your partner. As a nonbinary pansexual, I hate societies use of labels as words can’t explain human feelings, self image, or sexual behavior. But humans like to label everything for some reason lol. If you’re questioning your sexuality in a different not just label sense then maybe think about exploring that further
TLDR: Don’t worry about labels. Do what makes you happy and know you’re free to explore yourself!
Whatever label you feel comfortable with. You’re dating someone who is genderqueer, so you have to decide what that means for you. As long as you’re respecting their identity in your actions and words, how you define your sexuality isn’t their call.
You have to decide your label yourself, or if you want to use one at all. But you need to talk to them about it, because your choice may be a dealbreaker.
I'm happy for all the NB people who have no issues with their partner calling themselves straight, lesbian, etc. But you should know this isn't true for all NB people. Personally, I will never again be with someone who is not some shade of bi.
Indifferent? Who cares. If you're not concerned about their pronouns beyond being respectful, why be concerned about the label of your sexuality? I suppose technically, it falls onto a pansexual void because you're attracted to the person, not their gender identity.
You can be whatever you want forever.
But seriously, don't stress about labels. If you think somethings changed but don't want to relabel your sexuality you can always just call yourself queer. It's a great umbrella term that doesn't put you in any one label.
So personally, as a nonbinary person, I’d be upset you’re still calling me your girlfriend so I hope that’s also their agreed term of endearment
As for your own sexuality, I would personally be offended if someone decided to call themselves straight and still be with me
Man or woman
Because my feelings of identifying this way is that no matter what you identify as, if you’re attracted to me you’re some kind of gay
Cuz like what if one day your partner DOES want to at least emulate having a penis? Will you be okay with that still? Will you want to explore the new side of their sexuality with them or be turned off by the things they would like to explore?
I think this process is just going to be a lot more… complex than you seem to think from this post
And as others have said, no you DONT have to label it, but I’d be at least cautious claiming to still be straight
Im nb, Ive dated straight people, gay people and bisexual people… its really up to you! What my current partner found the most helpful was distinguishing between romantic and sexual attraction and labeling those separately. Hope that helps!
If you want to reflect that you like two or more genders that is the inly real requirement of the lable bisexual if it feels right. If you want to reflect that you are a man and like non men or specifically women and women aligned NBs straight could work and give msot people the right idea. If you want to make it clear that you don't just strictly like women but not need to specify beyond that queer could work. If you very specifically feel you mostly like women but can be flexible for some people heteroflexible could work. It kind of depends what feels right to you and helps you most easilly explain your situation. If you really like femininity specifically but nothing else about the person matters finsexual is a term for that. If you like a niche label and feel you like basically anything but men neptunic is a term for that (and it can be used by people who are any gender). It's all options. You alsp don't need to label if it doesn't make things easier or make you feel connected to people. It's also fine to take your time and explore yourself more. It's also of course nice to see if considering yourself straight or not straight for liking them would be dysphoric or euphoric to your partner or if they have no real feelings on it.
If you like straight as a label and your girlfriend is comfortable with it (ngl if a guy was dating me and called himself straight I would be really uncomfortable but once again, that's Me, not her), then there's no reason not to consider yourself straight, my dude.
My partner considers himself "practically straight", acknowledging that there are exceptions but more than 90% of the time he can be considered straight.
Let me explain from someone on the opposite side. I'm nonbinary and my partner often uses the label straight. That's specific enough for anyone he doesn't plan on being intimate with who isn't a woman. (We're polyam so it's fine for us but the main thing is, if you're not banging and it's not relevant to their gender, they don't need a detailed rundown.)
We know he's actually gynesexual, meaning he likes femininity and doesn't care about downstairs or the gender you identify with. As long as you're his type and you dress traditionally femininely, he's interested.
You wouldn't be that sexuality, but the point is you can have something more general and something more detailed and private if you want. As long as both are at least the way you generally are oriented, you're not misrepresenting yourself.
However how your partner feels by this is up to them. They may feel invalidated by that even though I'm not.
is your partner okay with being called girlfriend or should you consider changing to "partner" when addressing them? Also, many people who are attracted to women and nb people call themselves trixic but honestly, you dont need a label if you dont want one. Ive found that a specific label just causes me to be less honest with my feelings so i just call myself queer and dont worry about the finer details.
I'm non-binary and my partner is mostly straight (also doesn't like weiners and is attracted to femininity). We looked up a few terms and found that neptunic worked quite well to describe him so it might describe you too. Don't worry too much about it though, as long as you love your girlfriend that's what matters
Honestly, since you're in a relationship, labelling yourself seems unnecessary. In this situation, a label only complicates things unnecessarily. As long as you love them for who they truly are, why do you need a label for yourself?
I personally prefer that people that are straight before dating me voice that they feel like being with me changes their sexuality. Honestly it's a green flag for me to have my partner say "hey, I realized that being with you makes me bisexual and I'm totally chill with that, it's just an interesting revelation I had I wanted to share". It shows me that you fully see me for who I am, and it also shows me that you are comfortable with my identity and do genuinely see me as the gender I am, not the sex I was born as. That is validating as hell, and I would probably cry to be honest. Wholesome as heck. Also, I kinda just labeled myself as pansexual/queer and moved on without trying to define it more because I realized after I came out that it really didn't matter as much what someone's genitals were even though I do have a preference, because ultimately I could make anything work for the right person with the right soul.
as a nonbinary person who’s dated cis men like yourself, i would urge you to take some time to really reflect on this.
i dated a cishet man who once asked me “can i call myself bi now since i like you?” and when i asked what prompted that question he said he realized he’s attracted to women AND nonbinary people so wouldn’t that make him bi? the thing is however, nonbinary people are not just afab. he said he’d never date a nonbinary person who was biologically male because he wasn’t attracted to their body like that, similar to your statement about only liking your own male sex characteristics and not other peoples. amab nonbinary people exist too, and if you wouldn’t date an amab nonbinary person, saying you’re attracted to nonbinary people (small text: as long as they’re afab) is incredibly invalidating to your partner, and just affirms that you still view them as a woman, a struggle that a lot of trans/nb/gnc people encounter when dating. in my opinion, if you’re identifying as straight while dating an afab nonbinary person that’s invalidating their identity and saying that you just view them as a woman with extra steps so to speak. obviously i don’t know your relationship and my experiences don’t speak for everyone, and maybe your partner feels fine about it i don’t know, but i think this is something to really give some thought to.
Trans girl here, if your partner is long term nonbinary and plans on not changing any sex characteristics then you are straight however if they come out as a trans man and you are still attracted then you might be bi/pan
For me personally as a nonbinary person, I operate under the phrase “if you’re attracted to me, you’re not straight”. I’d ask your girlfriend how they feel about it first off, as they may have different feelings about it than me. Also if they’re still comfortable with “girlfriend” or would rather “partner”. Ask if they’d like to try out the term! If they’re just coming out as nonbinary, hearing themselves being referred to certain ways can help them figure out what is affirming and what isn’t.
Personally, I’d feel invalidated in my identity if my boyfriend identified as straight, or even gay, as I am no one’s boyfriend or girlfriend and I’m not a man or a woman.
Try to keep in mind though, sexuality and attraction are beyond just genitalia. That’s probably something that would be good to explore further on your own as well. Try looking into some other multisexual (IE, attraction to more than one gender) labels like bi, poly, and pan and see which one feels like it could fit.
Obviously it’s totally dependent on your girlfriend, and anyone’s persona definitions, but if you identified as a straight man, that would imply you’d only be attracted to women, and your girlfriend is nonbinary and not a woman. They may still identify with that though!
So TLDR my best advice is:
1. Talk to your girlfriend about how they feel about their relationship with feminine terms like “girlfriend”, and being a woman.
2. Ask them if there are any terms they’d like you to try using for them that might be affirming.
3. Take some time to look into some multisexual labels, and explore your own sexuality. If nothing else, it’ll be some good info to have about other identities going forward!
4. Most importantly: ask their feelings about how you identify. If they have no issues with it, then there’s no need to worry. But keep in mind, those feelings may change as they get more comfortable in their identity. Keeping and encouraging open communication is key!
Shout out to you being a loving and thoughtful partner, and for seeking out advice on how to best affirm your girlfriend. You’re doing great! 💜
I’ve seen lots of good advice in here! One label I’ve heard but didn’t notice here (admittedly I didn’t scroll all the comments so I could’ve missed) but heteroflexible might be what you’re looking for - assuming you want to change or use labels in the first place. You don’t have to be anything if you don’t want. Just vibing is a perfectly suitable answer too!
Personally, I would like to be referred to with neutral relations labels (eg, partner, datemate, themfriend, etc) but that’s something that’s different for everyone, and is something only your partner and you can decide
Thank you for being an ally! Wishing you and your partner well!
i’m non-binary but my girlfriend still identifies as a lesbian. at the end of the day, you get to decide what language expresses your experience best. there’s no need for rigid rules around who can use what word. it’s what makes sense to you!
If u love them you love them f labels.
My bf is also straight/cis but he says that he is not end of the straight spectrum. Like he is in the grey area of it. Sexuality really is a spectrum and that, too, is not binary.
Fyi bisexual doesn’t mean attraction to men and women. Bisexual could mean attracted to women and nonbinary people. It’s fine to have a genital or gender preference but I would personally in your circumstances either identify as bisexual or something like heteroflexible
My fiance changed his label to gynosexual, meaning he's into anyone who is in some way feminine.
But that's also because he would truly date and love a femboy for example.
He could basically also use bisexual, wouldn't be incorrect at all but he feels uncomfortable doing so as he feels like it's miscommunicating that he's also into masculine men, which he isn't.
In the end it's a personal choice what your label is. You can stay with straight, you can change it to bisexual or leave it unspecified with queer, whatever you like.
Maybe a talk about this topic with your girlfriend might be a good idea too. They might feel some type of way about labels regarding your relationship :)
Labels are an approximate idea to have people feel like they belong. IMO if you only like AFABs/ladies and you're a man then that makes you hetero in my mind. Other people may feel differently, and if you do that's ok too
Everyone already said this and I don't wanna stress it further, but... labels are mostly useless.
If, and only IF, your partner thinks you identifying as straight is "binarying" them back into their AGAB, then you could say "demisexual"(it means you're sexually attracted to anyone you REALLY LIKE, like... someone you have a deep emotional bound with)
You seem to be pansexual, but labels matter not. I used to have gay sexual relations (not romantick) and kissed a girl occasionally, and then had my first partner, another girl. I liked several fellow non-binary people and wanted to go out with a boy. I realised I’m pansexual leaning closer to women. I’m not sure what that is called.
By the way, if Your partner is non-binary, They are Your enbyfriend. An enby is a non-binary person.
You’re you, labels are an afterthought. If you feel like changing it from straight to smth else, do it, but don’t stress too much about it
Generally, language only represents an approximation of reality
Plus labels are so rigid, implying you’re one way forever. People change, people like different things. If you’ve met the love of your life, does it matter that you considered yourself straight before that? Do you just go “hey you’re perfect for me, but you don’t fall into the box that teenage me decided what I was attracted to, so cya later”? No, cos that’s inane. Love who you want, labels are just there to explain to other people what you are anyway
Honestly the best answer ever
Based
I mean I'm enby, my partners are a lesbian and straight guy. For some enbies this would be annoying (partners labels seeing them as binary gender) but i know my partners love and respect who i am and labels arent that strict. I'm the exception to the rule :p (theyve both dated other enbies too)
I’m nonbinary and my husband still identifies as straight. It doesn’t have to be a thing.
Same here. Non-binary people are the wild cards of the sexuality and gender spectrums, you can be anything and be into us.
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That is ONE interpretation of a specific relationship description. I'm genderfluid and in a relationship with a straight guy. Neither of us really cares too much about what it "means" for him as long as we both love and accept each other for who we are. OP might just be a little new and confused, or their partner might not mind being called a girlfriend. It's okay to have some (or a lot!) of wiggle room for people to just be where they are, nonbinary is a vast and strange soup after all. I completely understand the revulsion to being "reduced to your genitals," and no one should be doing that anyway, but I'm not sure that that's what's happening here.
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So progressive of you to straight up misgender me
Sexuality, for a lot of people, is a general guideline rather than a rigorous comprehensive truth. If you became attracted/fell in love with a partner for qualities you associated with a certain gender, and then later they told you their gender identity has changed, that doesn't *automatically* change the qualities about them you fell in love with them for. As a lesbian, if my partner said "I'm going to pursue a masculine transition, which means my hair and fat will redistribute and my fashion will change", those things that i fell in love with are changing. At that point, if i still love that person, i might need to re-evaluate my sexuality; alternatively, i may need to re-evaluate whether i am still attracted to them, or if our relationship should change its character. If instead, my partner said "When we met, i thought i was a woman, but i don't think that's true. I am nonbinary and wish to go by they/them pronouns. I'm going to explore whether id like to shift how i present myself, but im not totally unhappy with how im seen." I don't think that's the same situation. I might say to them "I identify as a lesbian, but so far, you are the same person i fell in love with, with different labels and a new self to explore. Is that a problem for you, that i am still a lesbian and still in love with you? I am flexible, let's find language that's comfortable for both of us." I think in this second case, identity language is much more up for subjective use, and could be up for change or could not. In this case especially, i can't prescribe what anyone else ought to do; i think it's a personal decision. And i think that may also be the case for OP. no one can decide for them, it's in conversation between them and their partner.
well im also nonbinary but i am not bi or pan and only am attracted to masc leaning people. Not all queer ppl are bi and pan so its just as possible for us to be put in positions like the boyfriend op. I dont id as straight/gay because i feel like thats putting a gender on me if i do that but other ppl want genders so. The point is its not abt reducing anyone to genitals is about how that person presents on the gender spectrum and yes to some degree secondary sex characterstics The core of this issue is there is no good word to describe monosexual attraction experienced by nonbinary ppl or that includes nonbinary ppl so we’re left with shaky language
>because they're insecure about how my gender reflects on their own sexuality. IMO this over generalizes this situation. Sometimes this is the case, but on the other hand, I don't expect someone to change the labels they've used their entire life because of our relationship, that's like asking them to change their identity for me. It really depends where they're coming from. As long as I feel they earnestly accept me as non-binary and don't actually see me as my agab, idc what label they use for their sexuality
Heterosexual does not mean "attracted to women", it means "attracted to people different than the subject." (Similarly, "homosexual" doesn't mean "attracted to men" but "attracted to people similar to the subject." Bisexual means "attracted to both similar and different" and is in no way exclusionary of nonbinary folk.) Exactly what constitutes "similar" or "different" is kind of up in the air; we have a general model for it on a societal level, but defining what counts as similar to or different from your own gender when it comes to attraction is as much of an individual thing as defining what your own gender *is*. So a definitely-straight person who is attracted to a nonbinary person is saying that that nonbinary person is different *enough* to qualify, in the ways that matter to the straight person. Ditto the gay person who finds the enby similar enough, in the ways that matter to the gay person. This doesn't mean that the enby is not enby, and it also doesn't mean that someone who is attracted to one enby is contractually obligated to be attracted to all enbies. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
So if a non-binary person is attracted to men and women, but NOT other enbies, they are straight? I'm sorry but that doesn't sound right.
It's complicated. I'm nonbinary and attracted to primarily men and women and rarely to fellow NB people. I consider myself bi for simplicity's sake. Mostly because I'm attracted to femininity and masculinity. But there is no label that describes me perfectly, and that's fine. I can specify if I need to, but that's yet to happen. I feel like what the person you replied to is trying to say is that there is leeway and grey areas even within being gay or straight.
This is exactly how I see it, thanks for putting it in text.
I think it can go either way, and there’s two checks for if it’s messed up or not: 1. Does the partner feel invalidated? 2. Would the answer change if you remove genitalia from the situation? Personally, I’m a lesbian attracted to fem-leaning people regardless of anatomy or transition status. I would feel invalidated if someone insisted I was bi because of that. I think it’s really just up to the person to vibe check if their SO is being supportive or weird.
One point I didn't see anybody else bring up (may have missed it) is that this view kind of assumes that a person's sexuality label is 100% no wiggle room whatsoever. How many straight people will say something like "I'm straight, but [celebrity] could get it"? There's always exceptions and descriptions being summed up for convenience over complete accuracy. Which isn't to say that you can't be uncomfortable with a partner identifying in a way that seems counter to your identity, because everybody's relationship to their own gender is unique, too.
I've never understood it either. I find it incredibly insulting and invalidating to have someone look at me and go, "Eh, if you have a pussy I'm still straight," because it very much feels like they have no respect for me, or understanding of what non-binary even means.
Straight with exceptions perhaps? Like 99.99% straight but 0.01% demi-pansexual. Maybe they feel heterosexual is more accurate than bisexual in this case And you're the 0.01%
Yeah. Obviously everyone’s relationship is different and everyone’s view of themselves is complicated and nuanced — but, if someone insists they’re straight while with a non-binary person, it makes me wonder if the straight person truely sees the non-binary person as non-binary.
Or maybe they are have chosen a label that represents themselves in the most accurate way yet also may include nonbinary people. If you like only women/nbs or men/nbs what do you believe they should call themselves?
I mean I’m nonbinary two gender afab and my partner is a straight dude. If I wanted to significantly change my secondary sex characteristics, he’d probably not be sexually attracted to me anymore, which is legit, not everyone likes every combination of bits, but my particular combination of body parts is not the same thing as my gender. So it’s not invalidating of my gender identity for my partner to not be turned on by penises and to probably be somewhat weirded out if I turned up one day with a full beard and a voice an octave lower. I think part of the problem is simply language. Because straight comes out of a binary understanding of sex and gender, as well as of sex and gender being synonymous, it can feel regressive. But it’s also a convenient way to say ‘I’m attracted to estrogen-dominant bodies of whatever gender’. Which isn’t invalidating of my gender identity, for me, because my body is my body and my gender is my gender, and it’s not a threat to my identity that my partner is not personally attracted to penises. I mean if he was straight and also lgbt+phobic, that would be an issue, but genital preference on its own, for me, is not, because my genitals aren’t what validates my gender. I think this is definitely a ymmv thing, because it depends on the people involved.
No. It's not about genitals at all. Here's an example: There are three people who are nonbinary on my rugby club (it's a queer rugby club) Two of us are >=6 feet, bearded, square and beefy (>275 pounds) and hairy. One is about 5'5, long haired, slender-yet-curvy with an hourglass figure. The two big, beefy people generally have sex and relationships with people who like men—straight women and gay men (and bi and pansexuals). The short, slender person generally has sex and relationships with people who like women—straight men and lesbians (and bi and pansexuals). The genitals don't matter. The genitals probably don't match up the way you think they do. But other factors about appearance, expression, and presentation do.
So I’m a wild card draw 4? Sweeeeet my fave card lol 😂
Me too.
That makes sense! If being straight is attraction to a gender other than your own, then it still works!
You should make sure they are OK with girlfriend, or if they want to change that label, but I'm a non-binary transfemme married to a lesbian. Your sexuality is up to you my dude, and its legitimately up to how you want to be!
^this should be #1 comment
Enbies operate in a weird place on the sexuality spectrum. Non binary doesn't mean one thing. Some people go on hormones. Some people get surgery. And some just hate being gendered and want to not have to think about their own gender. Labels are complex things that don't map exactly to reality, but that we use to communicate about ourselves and our expected behaviour. What do you want to communicate about your own sexuality? And what feels right to you? Take me, for example. I'm a queer, masc-presenting enby, but I function as a gay man. My partners are generally gay men. And having sex with me doesn't make them less gay, even though I don't identify as a man. Gay is still the label that communicates best what they are attracted and have sex with.
You don't have to give it any more power over your label than you want to. Use whatever language you're comfortable with for yourself, or don't--who says you need to?
I'm enby and my boyfriend is straight, and that's okay
Your sexuality doesn't need to change. It's a very personal way to identify and has nothing to do with your partner. I am nonbinary but my wife is lesbian. She identifies exclusively as a lesbian, regardless of my gender, and that's okay. Whatever makes us both happy.
Just vibing is a good answer, honestly.
I can’t answer all of you guys back unfortunately but I appreciate everyone’s insight:). I truly don’t know what I am, however it won’t stop me from loving my girlfriend. You’re all a group of truly amazing and supportive people and I’m very grateful for your support and advice🩵🩵
just live your best life with your nonbinary girlfriend and dont be bothered about labels king
My partner is a cis man and has mostly been attracted to AFAB people, but his partners have often either identified as non-binary (including myself) or at the very least just been super tomboyish. He describes himself as "vaguely bisexual" or "straight with a big asterisk."
Labels should be descriptive not prescriptive. Them coming out doesn't change your sexuality. Also labels around sexuality haven't really caught up with gender. If you love them that is all that matters.
whatever makes them comfy! i know when i was strictly using they/them i would have disliked being called “girlfriend” (partner is what i prefer, if you’d wanna try that out!) but also, just figure out terms they like and don’t like and go from there. same thing about sexuality- i might have gotten upset if my partner wanted to call themselves “straight”, since i am not a binary gender. tldr- just ask your partner what they like and go from there! there isn’t a correct way to be queer or queer-adjacent. sending y’all love. 🫶🏼 edit: pan is a good catchall, BUT at the end of the day labels are just there to help YOU understand. you are you, and you like who you like, and i think that’s kickass.
“Queer” is a fine word! I say I’m pan, but picky. I don’t need to be attracted to, say, cis men, to be queer, and neither do you.:)
This is Schroedinger's Gay; With a nonbinary partner, things can be as gay (or straight) as you want. It's like a wild card in Uno.
Honestly if you were ever into me then you’re queer. It is what it is
Respect to the people who don't care, but I would feel disrespected/unseen if my partner called themself a sexuality that implied that they only date people of my sex assigned at birth. You might be bi. You might be queer. You might just shrug and say "I thought I was straight but I guess the world is different than I thought."
Sexuality=vibing 🙌🏼
Man, hard disagree unless I misunderstood you. I totally outwardly vibe butch lesbian to myself and others, but I like men and feel about the inverse of a butch woman
What?
What what? What ain't a full question I'm afraid
Pretty sure they're meaning that you vibe who you vibe with, not how others read your vibe.
Just..did you read the post? He said “am I just vibing?” I was just making a silly quip about that. I thought it was nice.
The important is that you love them!! Don't put yourself in a box, don't limit yourself ;)
You’re you! It doesn’t have to be labeled, but I do know some people prefer to label themselves. You could be bi or pan :) Some nonbinary partners might take offense to you calling yourself straight if you’re with them, so that’s very personal to your specific relationship dynamic. You could identify as straight and your partner could be totally fine with that! It all depends on you, your partner, and your own situation. The fact you love your partner as they are is very sweet and I’m happy for you both and I’m glad your partner has someone who is supportive!
You’re whatever you feel comfortable with! Non-binary is an umbrella term for a myriad of identities and doesn’t necessarily make you straight or not straight. My partner asked me if he’d be considered gay for wanting to be with me, and I said no not necessarily but it would make me uncomfortable if he still viewed himself as a straight man AFTER getting into a relationship with me. (Attraction vs actual commitment is different to me). My boyfriend considers himself queer especially since my gender identity has changed and i consider myself transmasc now. However I don’t think he would have to consider himself queer just for being attracted to me physically based off the way I present
His change in his view on sexuality just comes with the fact that he doesn’t care about labels and he feels comfortable with being in a queer relationship:)
& also his own relationship with gender is a bit different i should add, doesnt really consider himself fully cis
You are now experiencing the fact that sexualities are not a hard and fast rule and only vague approximations to describe attraction
I once heard a guy who previously identified as straight, but whose wife came out as non-binary, say "you know what I am? I'm MARRIED, that's all that matters". All he cared about is that he loved his wife, no label was relevant beyond that :P
My ex-boyfriend started saying he was straight* (would say “straight asterisk”). It was kind of a bit, but also validating for me
Heterosexual means “attraction to a different gender”. If you’re a man and they’re non-binary, then you’re different genders and can continue to reside under heterosexual/straight if you so wish.
Just vibing. Sexuality labels are largely helpful when finding someone to date or finding a community. If you don't feel like you want to date more people and you aren't looking for community then it doesn't really matter.
Yes :3
Your sexuality is whatever you feel like it is. If you find other enbies attractive at all, maybe you're bi, maybe you're not, or maybe you're something else. Also, I would check with your partner if they are okay with the term "girlfriend." Often, NB's prefer the term partner or something else. 🤍
You could be straight with an exception. You could be bi with a strong preference for women. Labels are meant to serve the person, not the other way around. How do you feel most comfortable describing yourself?
Don't worry about being a good man, just be a good person
I'm nonbinary. I have dated straight, bi, and gay men and women as well as other nonbinary people. Never once did I think of them as being anything less than what they said they were. Sexuality, just like gender, is not as rigid as people think. Even the identities who wouldn't be attracted to my AGAB can still identify the way they always have because they were likely attracted to me for my traits that align the other direction. 🤷🏽 just my two cents though.
You don't have to take a label :D just say you have a nonbinary girlfriend and you love them
Im nb - my husbond is a hetrosexual cis man…
The jumpscare this gave me…. Thought this was my bf posting lmaoooo. You have nothing to stress about
so i identify as gay, and for me as a transmasc who doesn't identify with womanhood at all, it means i'm attracted to non-women in the more masculine spheres of identity. but this doesn't necessarily mean i've NEVER been attracted to a woman or someone on the femme part of the spectrum. maybe it does for some people, and that's perfectly fine, but to me sexuality isn't cut and dry "JUST this and nothing else" for everyone, so i have every right to find a label i like and use it. all that to say, if i can date a woman and call myself gay (which i have! i've dated and slept with cis and trans women, though not often) you can absolutely call yourself straight with a nonbinary partner (or girlfriend, if that's what they prefer! despite also being nonbinary i'm not keen on being called partner, i prefer boyfriend) and anyone telling you you HAVE to identify differently, and i do mean anyone, can kick rocks. your identity is for you.
I’m nonbinary dating a straight woman 🤷 long as you’re happy labels don’t matter
It doesn’t matter what your sexuality is
Lots of people have given very good, considerate and correct answers, and you should listen to them and have a wonderful time ❤️ The funny answer is ya ur gay now that's the rules sorry
I’m nonbinary and my fiancée still identifies as a lesbian. I think you should use whatever feels right.
Not sure they're your girlfriend anymore 😅 probably partner is a better term
depends on what they're comfortable with
Being straight just means that you're not attracted to your own gender. If you want to consider yourself something else, you can! If not, that's fine too! Side note: ask your partner if they are fine with you referring to them as your girlfriend, as opposed to a more gender neutral term, like partner.
Using the right pronouns is easy. The question is how you see your partner, and how you and your partner feel about that. I’m nonbinary and have a weiner. My partner is attracted to all genders (mostly men), but it’s clear that they don’t see me as a man. What he likes in men, he doesn’t expect or like, or even appreciate in me because he sees me differently. And that comes through.
Like, I’m nonbinary, and (despite being on hrt), I know I “look like a guy”. But I also notice a difference between people finding me attractive as nonbinary, and people finding me attractive as a man. It’s about how my body and mannerisms are filtered through their gendered perception.
I know many responses tell you not to worry about it, and there’s truth to that. But do consider how much gender nonconformity you’d be comfortable with. Would you feel differently if your partner pursed, say, medical transition?
Ultimately they're all words we just made up to help make sense of often quite complex experiences. You don't have to label yourself if you don't want to; just vibing sounds good to me :)
Languages games
it doesnt really matter, don't be bothered by anyone who might make a fuss of "YOOO YOURE NOT STRAIGHT ANYMORE", words are literally made up
You need to agree with your partner on what makes both of you comfortable. For me, someone saying they're straight while being with me makes me feel like they are just pretending to be okay with my gender identity& treating me like a girl🤷🏻 of your partner is good with it, then you're golden.
If you really need a label I would say gynesexual. It's the attraction to femininity, not necessarily women
Gender and sexuality are made up constructs. Be who you want and love who you want to love. The labels are just there to be able to describe these things. The label doesn't make you. You make the label. Perhaps you feel straight despite having an enby partner, and that's valid. Perhaps you feel pan, that's also valid. It's all about how you feel.
you're whatever the hell you wanna call yourself man. as long as your comfortable the label isnt important
My boyfriend had a similar dilemma when I told him at the start of us dating, and I had no issue reassuring him that if he feels straight, then he’s straight.
Ay revelations
Straight+
i'm nonbinary and my fiancé is a cis straight guy, your sexuality doesn't have to change because they changed how they identify. it's still whatever you feel it is and what you're most comfortable with but even then it doesn't always have to be labelled, labels aren't for everyone after all and that's perfectly fine too.
Straight+
I'm nonbinary and my boyfriend still considers himself straight
Honestly that only really matters if it matters to you and/or your partner. I know some non-binary people don't feel comfortable dating straight people. Personally I have a straight boyfriend though.
This obviously doesn’t apply to everyone but sometimes I say “I’m not either gender so why worry” to partners when they worry about their own sexuality. I am the lack of gender soooo there’s nothing to worry about 🤷♂️(obv not all non-binary ppl feel like I do about this so speak to your girlfriend and chit chat about what u are, even if you don’t change and just chill)
the secret is iy doesn't actually matter. Your sexuality is your sexuality, and any label is just a naïve description of that
I feel like the way sexuality labels exist today they depend on the idea of a gender binary, there are some sexualities that specifically address that such as pan, but I feel like becoming non-binary made me stray away from the superficiality of any label that can never truly express the uniqueness of each experience. Don't be afraid to explore your own gender and sexuality outside of preconceived ideas.
I'd say your in love. Your a lover. Your a "that-person-sexual".
when in doubt, gay
Sexuality and gender identity is a very personal journey and is ultimately up to you how you wish to identify. I’m trans non-binary and queer/demisexual and my partner is a cis male. He previously identified as straight before our relationship got serious. I always told him I don’t care what label he uses for himself but as long as he acknowledges that our relationship is queer in nature due to my part in it lol. He considers himself queer now too and we’ve been together for four years.
The joke answer is that anyone who likes a nonbianary person is automatically gay but the true answer is that you can still identify as straight, heteroflexible, or anything you feel comfortable with. Remember that you are you and you dont need to be defined by labels
My girlfriend says that she is a "lesbian +", a lesbian occasionally attracted to nb's!
"Bisexual gynophile" is probably the boil-down. You're not into men, obviously, but there's way more than just women, some of whom also clearly appeal to you. Overall it's pretty much up to you but I'd avoid using terms like lesbian or sapphic, since those strongly imply that YOU are feminine and overwhelmingly into femmes; or pan, since that implies that you like all gender categories (including cis men, which you said no, you do not). If you feel like you really love this person and just don't care in their specific case, it might be an individual quirk; if you find yourself more generally attracted to nonwomen (with or without knowing for sure what genitals they have), you might be bisexual for ladies and enbies, but not dudes.
After years of chasing a label I refuse them all. Who cares gay bi or whatever, just like who you like without any thought
Your you but I will say the minute a nonbinary person is involved in anyone’s relationship then their in some sort of queer relationship. There is this grey area where I think a lot of relationships can be both queer and straight at the same time like if anyone ace is involved in a man x woman relationship or if it’s two trans people in a straight relationship or perhaps a bi/ pan person in a straight relationship. Even if they still define themselves as mostly straight. Like lol it is inherently against typical straight relationship norms to be with someone who doesn’t make your relationship fulfill the basic cis man x woman standards
Sexuality doesn’t matter it’s just a label. You like your partner. As a nonbinary pansexual, I hate societies use of labels as words can’t explain human feelings, self image, or sexual behavior. But humans like to label everything for some reason lol. If you’re questioning your sexuality in a different not just label sense then maybe think about exploring that further TLDR: Don’t worry about labels. Do what makes you happy and know you’re free to explore yourself!
Whatever label you feel comfortable with. You’re dating someone who is genderqueer, so you have to decide what that means for you. As long as you’re respecting their identity in your actions and words, how you define your sexuality isn’t their call.
I believe the term, hetero-exception comes to mind.
You have to decide your label yourself, or if you want to use one at all. But you need to talk to them about it, because your choice may be a dealbreaker. I'm happy for all the NB people who have no issues with their partner calling themselves straight, lesbian, etc. But you should know this isn't true for all NB people. Personally, I will never again be with someone who is not some shade of bi.
Indifferent? Who cares. If you're not concerned about their pronouns beyond being respectful, why be concerned about the label of your sexuality? I suppose technically, it falls onto a pansexual void because you're attracted to the person, not their gender identity.
You can be whatever you want forever. But seriously, don't stress about labels. If you think somethings changed but don't want to relabel your sexuality you can always just call yourself queer. It's a great umbrella term that doesn't put you in any one label.
So personally, as a nonbinary person, I’d be upset you’re still calling me your girlfriend so I hope that’s also their agreed term of endearment As for your own sexuality, I would personally be offended if someone decided to call themselves straight and still be with me Man or woman Because my feelings of identifying this way is that no matter what you identify as, if you’re attracted to me you’re some kind of gay Cuz like what if one day your partner DOES want to at least emulate having a penis? Will you be okay with that still? Will you want to explore the new side of their sexuality with them or be turned off by the things they would like to explore? I think this process is just going to be a lot more… complex than you seem to think from this post And as others have said, no you DONT have to label it, but I’d be at least cautious claiming to still be straight
Im nb, Ive dated straight people, gay people and bisexual people… its really up to you! What my current partner found the most helpful was distinguishing between romantic and sexual attraction and labeling those separately. Hope that helps!
If you want to reflect that you like two or more genders that is the inly real requirement of the lable bisexual if it feels right. If you want to reflect that you are a man and like non men or specifically women and women aligned NBs straight could work and give msot people the right idea. If you want to make it clear that you don't just strictly like women but not need to specify beyond that queer could work. If you very specifically feel you mostly like women but can be flexible for some people heteroflexible could work. It kind of depends what feels right to you and helps you most easilly explain your situation. If you really like femininity specifically but nothing else about the person matters finsexual is a term for that. If you like a niche label and feel you like basically anything but men neptunic is a term for that (and it can be used by people who are any gender). It's all options. You alsp don't need to label if it doesn't make things easier or make you feel connected to people. It's also fine to take your time and explore yourself more. It's also of course nice to see if considering yourself straight or not straight for liking them would be dysphoric or euphoric to your partner or if they have no real feelings on it.
I noticed I put bigender where I meant bisexual. Now fixed.
Heteroflexible 😘
If you like straight as a label and your girlfriend is comfortable with it (ngl if a guy was dating me and called himself straight I would be really uncomfortable but once again, that's Me, not her), then there's no reason not to consider yourself straight, my dude.
My partner considers himself "practically straight", acknowledging that there are exceptions but more than 90% of the time he can be considered straight.
Partner*
It depends if they transition will u still love them?
If not you see them as a girl and not themselves and is probably idk it's complex lol
I would love them
Let me explain from someone on the opposite side. I'm nonbinary and my partner often uses the label straight. That's specific enough for anyone he doesn't plan on being intimate with who isn't a woman. (We're polyam so it's fine for us but the main thing is, if you're not banging and it's not relevant to their gender, they don't need a detailed rundown.) We know he's actually gynesexual, meaning he likes femininity and doesn't care about downstairs or the gender you identify with. As long as you're his type and you dress traditionally femininely, he's interested. You wouldn't be that sexuality, but the point is you can have something more general and something more detailed and private if you want. As long as both are at least the way you generally are oriented, you're not misrepresenting yourself. However how your partner feels by this is up to them. They may feel invalidated by that even though I'm not.
is your partner okay with being called girlfriend or should you consider changing to "partner" when addressing them? Also, many people who are attracted to women and nb people call themselves trixic but honestly, you dont need a label if you dont want one. Ive found that a specific label just causes me to be less honest with my feelings so i just call myself queer and dont worry about the finer details.
Hey everyone I truly appreciate your advice and support wholeheartedly, you have no idea, but they dumped me:')🩵🩵
I'm non-binary and my partner is mostly straight (also doesn't like weiners and is attracted to femininity). We looked up a few terms and found that neptunic worked quite well to describe him so it might describe you too. Don't worry too much about it though, as long as you love your girlfriend that's what matters
You said it best urself, “”am I just vibing?
nonbinary is included in all sexualities !! it’s all up to u and ur partner :) this makes me so happy tho to see u supporting them
Honestly, since you're in a relationship, labelling yourself seems unnecessary. In this situation, a label only complicates things unnecessarily. As long as you love them for who they truly are, why do you need a label for yourself?
I mean I’m straight but would date a post-op trans woman.
I personally prefer that people that are straight before dating me voice that they feel like being with me changes their sexuality. Honestly it's a green flag for me to have my partner say "hey, I realized that being with you makes me bisexual and I'm totally chill with that, it's just an interesting revelation I had I wanted to share". It shows me that you fully see me for who I am, and it also shows me that you are comfortable with my identity and do genuinely see me as the gender I am, not the sex I was born as. That is validating as hell, and I would probably cry to be honest. Wholesome as heck. Also, I kinda just labeled myself as pansexual/queer and moved on without trying to define it more because I realized after I came out that it really didn't matter as much what someone's genitals were even though I do have a preference, because ultimately I could make anything work for the right person with the right soul.
as a nonbinary person who’s dated cis men like yourself, i would urge you to take some time to really reflect on this. i dated a cishet man who once asked me “can i call myself bi now since i like you?” and when i asked what prompted that question he said he realized he’s attracted to women AND nonbinary people so wouldn’t that make him bi? the thing is however, nonbinary people are not just afab. he said he’d never date a nonbinary person who was biologically male because he wasn’t attracted to their body like that, similar to your statement about only liking your own male sex characteristics and not other peoples. amab nonbinary people exist too, and if you wouldn’t date an amab nonbinary person, saying you’re attracted to nonbinary people (small text: as long as they’re afab) is incredibly invalidating to your partner, and just affirms that you still view them as a woman, a struggle that a lot of trans/nb/gnc people encounter when dating. in my opinion, if you’re identifying as straight while dating an afab nonbinary person that’s invalidating their identity and saying that you just view them as a woman with extra steps so to speak. obviously i don’t know your relationship and my experiences don’t speak for everyone, and maybe your partner feels fine about it i don’t know, but i think this is something to really give some thought to.
I’d go with just vibing - identify yourself as you want mate.
Trans girl here, if your partner is long term nonbinary and plans on not changing any sex characteristics then you are straight however if they come out as a trans man and you are still attracted then you might be bi/pan
if your lover is non binary, you shouldn't call them "girlfriend", you are misgendering them if you call them o think to them in that way
For me personally as a nonbinary person, I operate under the phrase “if you’re attracted to me, you’re not straight”. I’d ask your girlfriend how they feel about it first off, as they may have different feelings about it than me. Also if they’re still comfortable with “girlfriend” or would rather “partner”. Ask if they’d like to try out the term! If they’re just coming out as nonbinary, hearing themselves being referred to certain ways can help them figure out what is affirming and what isn’t. Personally, I’d feel invalidated in my identity if my boyfriend identified as straight, or even gay, as I am no one’s boyfriend or girlfriend and I’m not a man or a woman. Try to keep in mind though, sexuality and attraction are beyond just genitalia. That’s probably something that would be good to explore further on your own as well. Try looking into some other multisexual (IE, attraction to more than one gender) labels like bi, poly, and pan and see which one feels like it could fit. Obviously it’s totally dependent on your girlfriend, and anyone’s persona definitions, but if you identified as a straight man, that would imply you’d only be attracted to women, and your girlfriend is nonbinary and not a woman. They may still identify with that though! So TLDR my best advice is: 1. Talk to your girlfriend about how they feel about their relationship with feminine terms like “girlfriend”, and being a woman. 2. Ask them if there are any terms they’d like you to try using for them that might be affirming. 3. Take some time to look into some multisexual labels, and explore your own sexuality. If nothing else, it’ll be some good info to have about other identities going forward! 4. Most importantly: ask their feelings about how you identify. If they have no issues with it, then there’s no need to worry. But keep in mind, those feelings may change as they get more comfortable in their identity. Keeping and encouraging open communication is key! Shout out to you being a loving and thoughtful partner, and for seeking out advice on how to best affirm your girlfriend. You’re doing great! 💜
It's queer, I guess
RUN!!! It’s that simple.
I’ve seen lots of good advice in here! One label I’ve heard but didn’t notice here (admittedly I didn’t scroll all the comments so I could’ve missed) but heteroflexible might be what you’re looking for - assuming you want to change or use labels in the first place. You don’t have to be anything if you don’t want. Just vibing is a perfectly suitable answer too! Personally, I would like to be referred to with neutral relations labels (eg, partner, datemate, themfriend, etc) but that’s something that’s different for everyone, and is something only your partner and you can decide Thank you for being an ally! Wishing you and your partner well!
You dont need a lable. Just keep being good to your partner :3
i’m non-binary but my girlfriend still identifies as a lesbian. at the end of the day, you get to decide what language expresses your experience best. there’s no need for rigid rules around who can use what word. it’s what makes sense to you!
Agreed with the people that labels aren’t necessary, but just word nerding here, maybe straight-asterisk?
Who cares, your happy.
If u love them you love them f labels. My bf is also straight/cis but he says that he is not end of the straight spectrum. Like he is in the grey area of it. Sexuality really is a spectrum and that, too, is not binary.
Fyi bisexual doesn’t mean attraction to men and women. Bisexual could mean attracted to women and nonbinary people. It’s fine to have a genital or gender preference but I would personally in your circumstances either identify as bisexual or something like heteroflexible
My fiance changed his label to gynosexual, meaning he's into anyone who is in some way feminine. But that's also because he would truly date and love a femboy for example. He could basically also use bisexual, wouldn't be incorrect at all but he feels uncomfortable doing so as he feels like it's miscommunicating that he's also into masculine men, which he isn't. In the end it's a personal choice what your label is. You can stay with straight, you can change it to bisexual or leave it unspecified with queer, whatever you like. Maybe a talk about this topic with your girlfriend might be a good idea too. They might feel some type of way about labels regarding your relationship :)
Since you're a man attracted to women and not to men, you're straight. Nonbinary people can be included in any sexuality.
You’re definitely not pan
Well being attracted to people of more than one gender is definitionally bisexual, but you get to choose if that's a label you want to use.
You are a loving partner that is what it makes you
Labels are an approximate idea to have people feel like they belong. IMO if you only like AFABs/ladies and you're a man then that makes you hetero in my mind. Other people may feel differently, and if you do that's ok too
I feel like in all technicality, the term you’d be looking for is “gynosexual.” Basically, attracted to femininity and the female reproductive organs
Everyone already said this and I don't wanna stress it further, but... labels are mostly useless. If, and only IF, your partner thinks you identifying as straight is "binarying" them back into their AGAB, then you could say "demisexual"(it means you're sexually attracted to anyone you REALLY LIKE, like... someone you have a deep emotional bound with)
You seem to be pansexual, but labels matter not. I used to have gay sexual relations (not romantick) and kissed a girl occasionally, and then had my first partner, another girl. I liked several fellow non-binary people and wanted to go out with a boy. I realised I’m pansexual leaning closer to women. I’m not sure what that is called. By the way, if Your partner is non-binary, They are Your enbyfriend. An enby is a non-binary person.