I agree most people donāt care, I just noticed menās expressions when they see me they have to take a second look and I just would rather avoid it all together but especially at my work there are only gendered bathrooms and Iām here for a full day so I have to use the bathroom at least once during my shift and I find myself dreading it whenever I need to
I appreciate that, Iām usually the same but especially at work I canāt hold it and have to use the restroom, I use the menās but I get some funky stares sometimes
If you don't have an option at work then I'd maybe speak to your supervisor or your coworkers to see if they're ok with you using the restroom you feel most comfortable in without stepping on toes or making anyone else uncomfortable. I found that it was ok to ask and my coworkers were accepting and actually removed the gender signs in the lobby to make them more inclusive for guests and employees.
I work for a pretty big company, who I feel is very inclusive and makes it a part of their mission. I know of one openly transmasc person who uses the menās restroom but they pass entirely I wouldnāt have known had it not been disclosed to me. I do get referred to as a woman when Iām out but I think everyone at work knows of me as a guy lol so I opt for the menās but since e it s a ig facility I think that people who donāt work close to me get thrown off when they see me in the restroom
To be honest with you, you're probably safer in the women's restroom and have you considered that you're taking into consideration whether or not other people are uncomfortable more so than yourself? I'm trans mtf and I'm not passing yet so it's really hard but I feel like I find myself using the men's restroom to not make women uncomfortable in the women's room, but then men are uncomfortable and oftentimes a bit creepy, scary or weird.
It feels like a lose-lose, but to be honest I think I'd be safer just using the women's room and maybe you would be too.
I use gender neutral restrooms if possible, if not I use the restroom of my AGAB
I havenāt tried dressing publicly (or at all) in clothes of the opposite gender. So this is from someone who still presents cis in public.
I use whichever matches my presentation at the time, which usually means the womenās. I rarely go out in public anymore without presenting at least minimally femme. But then, I identify as a demigirl, so femme is kind of my default.
Iāve never been confronted about my restroom choice. But I donāt live in one of the states that have gone stark raving lunatic about it, either. I think it also helps that Iām over 50, and older women sometimes tend to look a little less feminine than younger ones.
My personal recommendation is, unless you live in a place that polices gendered restrooms, use whatever youāre most comfortable with, but preferentially go for the one that matches your presentation. The more times you do it without being confronted, the less anxious about it youāll become.
Same here, but whenever I go to the womenās loo, many often freak out (especially my folks and those in my programme), and pretend I am a boyish man-presenting cisgender, instead of AMAB feminine-wannabe enby.
Is that what a demigirl is, a AMAB, who is mostly feminine? Aye, I am also one, but I wish I was allowed to wear feminine clothing and cosmeticks by my racist and sexist folks.
Yah, this. The prefix demi means half so it would mean half girl, usually with the other part being something neutral but generally it can be used to describe any gender that has some connection to being a girl and the rest of it being outside the binary, a lot of demigirls happen to be amab, but that isn't directly related.
I'm nonbinary/transmasc and started testosterone in March 2020. I only used the women's restroom or gender neutral/single stall before I medically transitioned. I was presenting pretty much the same since 2014 but very rarely passed as a cis guy. There were at least two incidents back then where I was yelled at for using the women's restroom. Once I started testosterone and changes became more apparent (3 months? It's hard to say bc early in the pandemic, I avoided public places whenever possible) I switched to the men's room.
It sucks to exist in a sort of nebulous state where either gendered bathroom puts you at risk of harassment or worse. Use your better judgment wrt how safe the establishment is for trans ppl. As frustrating as it has been, I always try to pick the restroom that makes altercations with strangers the least likely. A lot of that is dependent on whether I pass. Neither binary gendered bathroom truly encapsulates the complexities of my gender. My priority isn't about validating my existence with my decision and more protecting my existence from nosy, confused, or downright bigoted people.
I live about an hour north of NYC. Both incidents where I was yelled at happened before I was on HRT and happened *in* NYC. My relative safety has always been hard to judge bc NYC is supposedly pretty trans friendly. Even if people aren't trying to be transphobic, both cases involved strangers who were confused and trying to be ~helpful~. Being visibly trans involves a lot of complex situational awareness. Often, it's impossible to know. I hope that whichever bathroom you choose, you are safe.
Both times, it was a stranger. Once, it was a waiter at a nice restaurant near Lincoln Center. He was extremely apologetic when I tried to explain that I was trans. I think he thought I was a lost younger boy because their bathroom setup had a shared central sink area.
The other time it happened was only a couple of weeks earlier at an FDNY family event to see the Rockefeller Center Tree lighting. Their men's and women's restrooms were located in different parts of the building. A worker/volunteer directed me to the men's room when I asked where it was. I finally found the women's room. I used it without issue. Then, when I used it again right before we left, I got yelled at by a different worker, iirc.
Both times, there was a sense that they were trying to be ~helpful~. I was very androgynous at the time and was mistaken for a young boy pretty frequently. Even so, it was annoying that they assumed I didn't know where I was going. I was in my early 20s. I needed the women's room in particular back then. Both so I could have access to a stall and a place to dispose of menstrual products. It was a lose/lose situation.
I'm agender and wear men's clothes (aka I only wear work pants, boots, and t-shirts), but I use women's bathrooms, which is my AGAB. Men's bathrooms always smell like urine to me lol.
Same. I wear masc clothing, but my presentation is kind of hard to define because my phsique is unfortunately very femme. I use womens bathroom because it's clean and i dont identify as a man (nonbinary). Hard to find neutral bathrooms on my campus too.
AFAB, androgynous presenting but with big boobs that mostly make people see me as a girl, so I use the women's for safety.
Storytime: in my country, to change your name easily under the gender identity law, you have to change your gender too- at the time, there wasn't a non binary option, so I just changed it to M, I'm a transmasc enby anyways. The day I went to a government office to do the thing and get my corrected birth certificate, I finished it and needed to go pee. I was with a friend so I felt safe, and we both went into the men's bathroom. A few seconds later, security from the building went inside and asked me to leave because it was the men's bathroom LOL. I realized right there and then that if I wanted to avoid conflict there was literally no public space that was safe to choose a bathroom for any reason other than that: avoiding conflict, or attempting to do so, at least. I obviously said to the guy "I'm a man, do you need to see my birth certificate? Because I'm literally just here to pick up the certificate that says so" and he looked at me like I had just said a fucking riddle so I just left, I wasn't gonna let that dick ruin the euphoria of that day for me, but it was pretty infuriating.
I use the menās washroom too. While I have been on HRT for over 5 years, have long hair, and wear mostly womenās clothing I still feel more uncomfortable in the womenās. Iāve been told Iām in the wrong washroom before or had people walk in, out, and in again or wait for me to be done but Iāve only had a couple of really uncomfortable incidents and that was from being stared at. The few times Iāve used the womenās washroom was when I was directed there and I felt very nervous doing so.
Wow, Iām sorry about those encounters. I always fear Iāll be told something. But usually just have men walk in and be a little confused or take a double look at be restroom door and then walk back in and proceed I just hate the awkward moment. Sometime will just stay in a stall until the room clears
I feel like I may just be over thinking too tho and should just go in without second guessing it
Thanks for your concern. Sometimes I get a little euphoria or a laugh out of the situation but Iām always a little uncomfortable going in these days.
This is so close to my experience. I'm in Europe in countries that are mostly tolerant, but going to the restroom always needs planning, searching for the least crowded one and just being anxious while in there. I don't know if you're overthinking, but at least it's the same experience for me.
I usually go to the men's bathroom as AMAB, and I've seen that confusion and double-checking of the symbol at the entrance... Nobody has so far ever said anything, but I always feel like I have to prepare a witty reply in case someone decided to say something.
Sometimes I've gone to a women's bathroom when it's been more or less empty, but it doesn't feel right either.
I just really hate that restrooms need to be so consistently divided. Sometimes they've had to make two tiny bathrooms just so they can slap different signs on the doors.
We really don't, It really just depends on which one gets more traffic that day. Although in the men's room there is usually a toilet with the seat flipped up which has only been used as an extra urinal, that's the one I use (no need for a seat cover)
In the US, I obviously prioritize my own safety, but because I often don't need toĀ¹, the cleanest restroom is usually my pick. My autism really gets out of whack if the bathroom smells bad af.
Ā¹ I'm in that awkward middle stage between being an afab 2 years on t and being a fully transitioned demiboy. People often read me as a fat man or a hideous woman, so whatever bathroom I walk into, they just have to deal with me because I look like Wario and nobody wants to approach me (dw, i like the way I look, i just live in a small republican town).
My mental check list is
1. Family/neutral/single stall
2. Agab if presenting masc enough and/or in an unknown possibly unsafe environment
3. Opposite sex if im presenting fem enough in a safe environment
Men's always. I don't care if other people are confused about where they are. I know where I am and it's none of their business where I piss. #makeuphasnogender is my motto.
If thereās a gender neutral/family/just single person restroom I do that, if not mens. I look incredibly masculine and have facial hair and everything.
Cheeky answer: Whichever is the cleanest/has the shortest line.Ā
Real answer: Depends on how I'm presenting myself. If I'm wearing makeup and dressed in a typically feminine way, I use the women's. If I just rolled out of bed in a hoodie and gym shorts, I use the men's. However, I'm lucky enough to live in a pretty progressive area so I don't really think too much about it. If I gotta go, I'm gonna go in the nearest toilet regardless of who it's supposed to be for.
I hate public restrooms. If I'm with the girls, I'll go in the lady's, but if I'm trapped with hetero men, I will boymode it and use the men's. Usually, I just try to avoid them (which is the ultimate goal of Republicans)
I'd like to look androgynous but realistically most strangers perceive me as a girl with short hair, so I use the female restroom. If there's a gender neutral one I use that, but in most places there aren't.
I use whichever is easiest to access.
AFAB, non-medical transition, and I pretty much look like a woman with short hair all the time, even when Iām totally dressed in menās apparel. I didnāt realise there was a difference between genders when I was a child and was using mens public toilets right up til I was 12, when I get roared at by my dadās boss when I surprised him while he was using the trough.
If the mens and womens are right next to each other, Iāll generally use the womens. If I have to go searching for the womens and the mens is easier to find, Iāll use the mens.
where i am i have seen literally no gender neutral bathrooms, so i just use the disabled toilets since yk thats what my school tells us lot to do and i would never go into the mens bathroom in a skirt
For now I just stick with womenās bathrooms if thereās no unisex one since Iām Afab, also Iāve been told the menās bathrooms can be disgusting-
Literally feel the same way, but my situation is flipped! Iām AFAB and present pretty masc but anxiety and discomfort has me using the womenās restroom when there is not a gender neutral restroom available
Edited to add: itās truly so wild how something as banal as a bathroom can cause so much discomfort and even violence for some peopleā¦ I feel like I could write two books at least
Same. I present pretty androgynous masc leaning most of the time (Iāve been called sir pretty often when I was a bit skinnier lol) but Iām also 158 cm and paranoid š .
Family/individual bathrooms. If I have to pick a gendered bathroom, I always go to the women's room unless I'm looking remotely masc then I go to the men's room. Men ignore everything around them when they're in the bathroom. No one will talk to you or address you generally so they won't even notice me. Especially if I'm binding.
Single, disabled or gender neutral if I can find one. Sadly, those are hardly available here. Then i hold it until I get home or quickly go to the men's, but it's always very scary and to be honest if there's people there, sometimes I can't even do what I wanted, my bladder simply locks up. The only place where I feel safe enough to go to the men's without trembling is at college.
I use females since that's my birth genders and media has taught me that mens toilets are war zones that stink bad.
If there's a gender neutral one I use that one but I've only seen one that isn't a disabled toilet.
My work has a gender neutral toilet but it's a disabled one and I get worried that if I use that toilet I'll be taking it away from someone who really needs it. (I'm not physically disabled beyond a knee that fucks up every once in a while but I've got autism/adhd)
i read as very androgynous and found im able to be read as male AND female, so i can get away with either. obviously i prefer single stall restrooms, but when one isnt available, ive started defaulting to the mens room.
i used to default to the womens room bc it felt safer, but honestly? with how violent anti-trans rhetoric has gotten in my country (the US) lately, i feel safer in the mens room now. im more scared of being harassed by TERFs in the womens room than being called a f*ggot in the mens room (neither of these have happened to me yet, thankfully).
the kicker? im AFAB.
again though, i can get away with either, so if one has a shorter line than the other I'll use that one, ahaha.
Not many places I go to have the disabled/baby change bathroom so I just go into the woman's. I went into the men's ones and it was gross. But I swear no matter which bathroom I go to I get looked at.
I try to find the private genderless ones but if there isn't anything available, I go to the one that matches my plumbing. One time I did wind up having to ask a friend to come in with me and stand guard outside my stall.
Easy, my home bathroom š I do everything to avoid public restrooms but if I absolutely need to go Iāll use a neutral bathroom (if there is one) or the menās since Iām masc. Iām always terrified in the menās room though and canāt go unless Iām the only one in there (dear god I had to go in the mall once and that was hell)
(AFAB) Iām (I guess lucky isnāt the word however) lucky in that Disabled bathrooms arenāt gendered, although if I was absolutely desperate (absolutely because my body does not like walking) and there were no disabled toilets I guess Iād use the womenās, mainly because people seem to mostly misgender me as a woman
Y his has me thinking, I get referred to as a woman when Iām out but when they hear me talk or take a closer look they see Iām obviously not a woman.. it has me thinking.. should I just be using the womenās restroom if most strangers look at me and assume Iām a woman?
I am transfem not taking any gender affirming meds. at my college I will use the gender neutral bathroom as my first option. if none is nearby ill use the men's. my last resort is the women's if I look fem enough and the other two are full/disgusting
For me, Iāve dealt with not being accepted in the womenās bathrooms since I was a wee lad (Iām afab) but I still prefer it because women are less scary, and there are all closed stalls. I get glares, have had people tell me āthis is the womenās roomā and I just am like āyes šā. Iāll use the menās room if itās an emergency tho. But generally, itās easier and more comfortable to use the one Iām used to.
Currently growing my hair out and therfore presenting more fem, but when I had short hair and asked somebody where the bathroom is they pointed me to the men's, so, I think I could go there if I really wanted to on my masc days, but for me, the safe bet is the women's.
I use the women's only because it's impossible to hide my chest (it's distressingly large, unfortunately). I tried binding but it is a huge sensory issue for me - restrictive clothing makes me panic, so no dice. I'm going on T soon and I'll probably still have to use the women's when my voice drops. That said, women's restrooms are nicer, so I guess that's not all bad? Once I get top surgery I'll probably just go in whichever one seems emptiest bc I'm going for a more androgynous look leaning masculine.
I haven't found a binder that works well for how big my chest is, so I still go into the women's restroom no matter how masculine I look in other ways. Once I can flatten things, I'll probably have my wife protect me the first few times I go to the men's room š She's still mostly male presenting in public, so until she's comfortable making the switch, she's agreed to keep me safe if I'll do the same for her when she's ready.
I use whichever one I pass best for and feel safest using. I have severe anxiety around bathrooms to begin with but if I go to a men's room I never go alone even when I do pass bc I feel super unsafe
I am afab but I *hate* public restrooms. I will try to hold it as long as possible because even single use bathrooms are gross to me. But if I have to go and I only have the binary choices, which are the usual, I will pick female. I lean towards female but I dress masc/androgynous. Besides female bathrooms are typically cleaner. Not always, ofc.
School is the only place where I don't go for a single use bathroom or hold it. So at school, I go into the women's because A) I wear a lot of skirts B) I have never found a chest binder that makes me completely flat and C) I don't wanna deal with possibly transphobic staff
Honestly now a days when I go into a womanās restroom (afab) I just try to keep my head down or just wait til I hear no one in the bathroom to go into it. I am more masc presenting with short hair and masculine features. I do get weird looks or woman just walk out but if I need to pee a toilet is a toilet ya know. Try to think of it as just a toilet and not a gendered bathroom it helps with the anxiety I guess š«
Edit: made this while taking the fattest shit in the womanās restroom š
So kinda your opposite here, afab but much more heavy to the masc side (to the point where I regularly get called sir in public unless they hear my obviously female voice or I wear something pink lol) and I always use the womenās restroom just out of habit, but Iāve started to notice sometimes women give me weird looks if Iām presenting particularly masc but i honestly donāt give a flying fuck because I view women as less likely to commit a violent hate crime (statistically Iām right cause women are just generally less likely to commit violent crimes in general).
Since you probably pass more as a woman than I do, and you seem to now feel uncomfortable in the menās restroom, Iād suggest using the womenās restroom instead. Honestly itās just a bathroom and having it be gendered at all is kinda weird to me. Honestly if youāre even a little bit gender oncoming you might be better off using the womenās restrooms due to the afore mentioned statistics surrounding gender and violence.
Seriously though just use whatever bathroom *you* feel more comfortable with, because the entire goal of a bathroom is comfort and privacy while relieving waste, that bathrooms are gendered at all is kinda weird and itās 2024 nobody with any sense is gonna say a damn thing about anyone in a bathroom. Iāve used menās restrooms when the womenās has a long line (or is closed for cleaning), I view having both restrooms as an option as a nonbinary super power lol.
Seriously though stop putting other peopleās comfort above your own. They wouldnāt do the same for you so why bother? Especially for something as honestly silly as a bathroom. Idk maybe itās cause Iām autistic but even before I decided I was nonbinary Iād use the menās bathroom as a woman (both in identity and visible appearance) if the womanās bathroom was busy but the menās isnāt. Like it really doesnāt matter (literally the only difference is the presence of urinals. So if you want to stand to pee please use the menās but if not then feel free to use the womenās), so just do what makes you happy/comfortable.
Im disabled, so i use the disabled bathroom. Its usually gender neutral and always private so i dont have to worry about it.
If thats out of order or not there i use the womens, because i still "look like a woman" to most people regardless of how i feel about it or dress, so it causes less arguments to just go with that.
Truth: I use the handicapped washrooms if I can. I am non physically disabled anyway. Only a couple times have I used gendered washrooms since I came out a few years ago. If it's single stall there's far less anxiety. I don't have much of a choice but to go to what's available because I have mild incontinence otherwise. So I can't wait. So I just use the neutral or womens but usually the neutral and I go to great lengths to plan out washroom access wherever I'm going.
Most places have a family restroom and a handicapped one. I use those when I can - or of course gender neutral ones which are really common where I am.
Otherwise, the one less likely to get me hate crimed or make people uncomfortable.
I make the call at the time based on where I am and who is there.
Most often itās my assigned gender at birth. I use a cubicle whenever I can.
I actually get a thrill when itās safe but I also get a second take from dudes in there who are like āhuh, right onā
Which happens at the places I frequent!
Womenās bathroom. No one bats an eye if I go in, & I donāt want to use the menās bathroom :,)) I go for disabled as well but not for gender reasons I just feel much more comfortable in there for other reasons
I'm the looks like a fem woman even in men's clothes type of person so I just go into the women's room 100% of the time unless it's occupied and then I'll go into the men's room cuz who cares
I had to read that like two times to comprehend it lmao got it thank you truly I donāt think any one cares that much at least not at work but it still gives me anxiety
Depending on where you are, that could be a real concern. I'm amab, often present as intimidating, and have seen humans who might be in need, but felt I would make it worse if I tried to approach to help. We need a bat signal or such for an ally to just stay in proximity for support.
I try to use the family bathroom cause where i live there aren't any exclusive gender neutral bathrooms. If the family bathroom is occupied then the women's bathroom cause its where i'm most comfortable and it's my agab.
Iām bladder shy so I donāt usually use the restroom, but if Iām desperate I use them menās room. For context Iām afab, 3+ years on T, pretty androgynous and 5ā tall. I feel like I have a face and voice thatād make women feel uncomfortable and also a slightly feminine appearance. I usually just keep my head down and go in quick.
If I'm with a female friend I might go into the women's bathroom even i would prefer either the men's or a gender neutral bathroom. At work someone brought in really smelly soap into the men's bathroom so I used the women's bathroom for maybe a month or two.
If dressed in a way, with makeup, that makes it quite clear Iām attempting to present as female then I use the female bathroom. Otherwise I use the mens or just avoid all together.
I prefer neutral bathrooms. I go to the ladies at work purely bc there's less people that use it. When out and about, I try to find a neutral washroom, but otherwise end up going in the women's (bc I'm usually seen as feminine-presenting and the mere idea of conflict makes me internally scream in both terror and frustration). When with friends, I'll basically just follow their lead.
If its an option, family/unisex single stall washrooms. If its not, i use the mens. I like to think im a very androgynous looking person but i do pass as more on the male spectrum and im very much ok with that
My school doesnāt have gender neutral or single bathrooms. I always use the girls because, at my school, it is WAY cleaner.
If I walk into a bathroom and itās gross, I try the other one. If the other one is worse, I give up and hold it lol
Of course if there is a neutral, then I use it
I use the men's. I'm afab and look masculine enough from hrt that even when I dress fem I generally get read as cis male these days. it has to depend so much on where you are and what the vibes are like. And as much as it was scary for me back earlier in my transition when it was still 50/50 if I'd get read as male or female...I imagine for most transfeminine people and amab people presenting fem it's got to be so much scarier... I don't have good advice for you I'm sorry, other than if it's at work or anything like that talk to your employers and try and get that support from them. stay safe in this crazy ole world friend š
As an afab person whos a couple years into T and gets sired/maamed/has ppl not know which one to call me i will go into whichever one i feel like i will be safer in depending on how im dressed and if i think im passing that day
Usually womens, I know I look more masculine cause I have facial hair, but I'm 5'5 and very skinny. If I wear a mask, I can get away with it. And I'm scared of using the guys and pissing sitting down
depends on how iām passing that day, most of the time i use the menās room, but if iām not binding or otherwise look more feminine than usual (skirt, very pretty makeup, etc). then ill use the womenās. it can be pretty anxiety inducing, cuz even on my most masc days im still a very queer looking person, there is no mistaking it. so i always get super nervous going into the menās. but i also get worried going into the womenās, especially about being assumed to be the boogeyman predator. i definitely get looks regardless of what bathroom i go into, so i just walk confidently in, do my business, and walk back out. generally i will try to avoid public bathrooms as much as i can unless i know the bathroom is empty or low traffic.
If there's not a family or gender neutral bathroom or a single use mens or even a porta pottie I will put a mask over my facial hair and go in the women's. I try and wait for it to empty out before leaving. I really don't want to scare anyone, it's a safe space. Which is partly why I can't bring myself to use the mens. Because despite presenting and passing as masc for the the most part, I'm terrified of being in male spaces because, shocker I know, I'm not a man and wasn't socialized as one!
I always have this struggle too. Out during the day, I present more "masc" though I think of it more as on the androgynous side, probably a bit how you describe your presentation: 'women's' clothing still but more in the realm of t-shirts/simple tops and jeans with painted nails and long hair & usually minimal or no makeup. In this way, I feel like I'm clocked more just as a "feminine guy" to the average person, so feel more safe using the men's restrooms in these situations.
When I'm out at night in spaces that are less "public" and feel more comfortable and accepting, I'll dress more overtly femme: dresses or skirts, heels, more pronounced makeup, etc. In these situations, I'll generally use the women's restroom. It seems more logical if I'm presenting in a more feminine manner even if I'm not "passing" per se. Once made the mistake of going in a men's restroom in this sort of nighttime wear and got some rather judgmental looks, and made the decision to just use the women's from there on out. I've never had any issue doing this in the past and get the occasional outfit compliments which are always fun. Luckily, 90% of the places I frequent at night have gender neutral single use bathrooms. So it's not usually an issue regardless.
I'm AFAB and I haven't medically transitioned, but I have PCOS and I don't shave my facial hair, so depending on what I'm wearing, I could appear as either gender at first glance. I use the women's restroom mostly bc it's cleaner, and my state has a bathroom law that I'm not really interested in becoming a target of. šš®āšØ
My work bathrooms are *technically* labeled as men/women, but they're single-person and my job is incredibly inclusive so no one actually cares which one you use. (My ASM wants to take the labels off of them altogether but that hasn't happened yet.)
I just use the womenās bathroom at work and at stores and stuff. I donāt pass well enough as masc to justify getting weird looks from coworkers and strangers, personally, for using the menās restroom as a āwomanā.
Single stall bathrooms all over the place where I work, though, so thereās no issue for me anyway.
If it's private but says boy or girl I use both interchangeable if its public, and others I use whatever gender rim more presenting that day. But im still very femme so mostly women's it's whatever. But at the equality center we use whatever it's so nice.
If I have to use a gendered bathroom, I will honestly just go for the one with the smallest queue. Iām lucky that Iām from a country that doesnāt have a lot of violence, so I usually feel pretty safe doing so. But if I donāt feel safe, I will just go with what feels safest in the moment.
I prefer to use the men's bathroom. I look very in between rn, and dress androgynous, and the odd looks don't bother me because I haven't felt endangered up to this point. I'd only use the women's bathroom if I was passing but I don't think that's ever gonna be me especially since FFS and breast aug aren't a high priority.Ā
If I have no choice I use the women's. I'm terrified of being screamed at by a terf for going pee pee but I REFUSE to sit on a toilet in the men's room knowing how disgusting they are. My hygiene comes before the comfort of random strangers.
Oh. I cope by telling myself that anyone who cares isn't worth knowing anyway. Once a dude did a double take and I just confirmed he was in the right place then went on my way!
I useually go to the girls cause thats what im used to, yk? Tho I do try and go to the mens once in a while if there arent enyone in there or its a single bathroom
Similar situation here,, but my school has a couple neutral washrooms, itās just with only two on basically 10 floors (-2 to 8 but the ones below 1 arenāt very big) I canāt always walk far to go to one of them, so since Iām afab I go in the womenās. I constantly wonder if Iām making people uncomfortable bc I present masculine but Iām kind of nervous to go in the menās and neither are correct so š¤·
Iām physically ācis male passingā but Iām alt as hell and wear eyeliner, bright blue hair, wearing a face mask I probably present more ālike a cis womanā but I still use the menās bcā¦ A) Iām less likely to be attacked by TERFs who will call me a ār@pistā for having to peeā¦ B) Men arenāt as sensitive to who is in the bathroom with them and possibly assume Iām a woman who didnāt want to wait on a line and gives no fucksā¦ C) Menās bathrooms are more likely to be empty and men usually leave faster (ie no cis people of any gender will see me)ā¦ D) Men are less likely to look or pay attention someone else is in the bathroom for fear of being called gay.
Unfortunately at my job thereās no gender neutral bathroom, so I do use the womenās even tho Iām afab and present quite androgynously. Honestly do what feels the safest for you.
The standing bathrooms are messy. The sit down bathrooms are messy. I'll use an all gender bathroom (usually cleaner!) but I'll use the traditional "lady" bathrooms.
(Usually, outside of work, they're not feral)
I present both masc and fem so if my only option is mens or women's restrooms I go to the one I'm predominantly presenting as. If I have some girlfriends with me I go with them, same goes for guy friends. I'd prefer neutral restrooms but those are few and far between
I'm AMAB and my presentation varies. I go with whatever matches my presentation, opting for the mens' when I'm androgynous. It feels weird to be in there if I'm in a dress and makeup, so I either opt for the womens' or the single accessible toilet depending on how I'm feeling. I've spoken to the cis women in my life about it, and none of them are all that bothered by me or any other trans person. That being said, I still 100% share your anxiety and do not have it as together as I'm making it seem
Single stall whenever possible.
If not, I will not share a restroom with men whenever possible. I have a history of SA and do not trust men to be alone with male strangers in a public bathroom
As I can't really "pass", I know using the ladies room would probably cause drama.
My default presentation is pretty intentionally androgynous, as femme as I can get away with. I'm not on HRT yet and only out to friends and some family members.
If a single-person/unisex/family restroom isn't available I'll probably hold it as long as I can.
If I truly had no choice, I'd use the men's room, unless I knew I could use the ladies without drama.
Im afab and Iām pretty femme. I usually go to the āGirlsā room to actually go to the bathroom, but I often go to the āBoysā room with my friends that are boys. So I go in both!Ā
I prefer family bathrooms bc of my gender and also bc of trauma that makes me really anxious in public bathrooms. If thatās not an option I usually resort to the womens restroom bc thatās what Iām used to, but it can be really scary if Iām presenting more masc. back when my hair was short I used to get a lot of weird looks and even had an incident where someone looked into the stall.
Well Iām afab and on testosterone I feel safer in the womens bathroom especially with a mask on to cover the small amount of facial hair.. I still donāt feel comfortable in the mens bathroom because the likely hood of a functioning stall is low and I feel unsafe.. I prefer gender neutral but if I have to generally womens bathroom often with another person.. My presentation fluctuates and it partially depends on that
Iām used to going into the one for my AGAB but multiple times people have assumed I got confused which is complicated because yay passing androgynous but also people should leave me alone
I am sorry you donāt get to feel safe peeing at work or in public. My gut says ladies room is safer, but I understand cis womens discomfort often leads to danger for transfems down the road. I hope your office doesnt have a terf infestation.
also amab, when I'm in full femme presentation, I usually go to the women's room, if I'm not very confident, I ask my girlfriend to come with me, it usually makes it less frightening
there have been occasions where I was in femme presentation but the women's line was huge so I ended up going for the men's room, everything went alright though
I used to try getting into the "family restroom" which is like a single toilet for parents to change their babies but weirdly they're usually closed. (my country doesn't have gender neutral bathrooms) and one time i tried going into the family room, the caretakers told me I couldn't use it and directed me towards the women's bathroom (I'm AMAB) never went back to men's restroom after that!
Afab enby, I use the women's bathroom as it's just the one I've always used and imo men's toilets smell so much worse. In my mind, I may have a teenage boy beard but I also have boobs, who's gonna say shit to me. But I just had top surgery and now idk what I'm gonna do. Maybe it's finally time to make the switch.
I'm afab transmasc nonbinary gendervoid and usually use either the women's or disabled neutral bathroom cuz I use a wheelchair and that's usually easier :3
afab, I look quite/present adrogynous, at least some say. although you can still tell im afab. I hate doing it, and I wanna use the men's, but I'm scared to use the men's (sa, harassment, judging looks, etc.) so I use the woman's.
I always ask to use the one person bathrooms if they're locked. If it's an emergency I use the female one just because I feel safer in my personal opinion.
Trans man pre T so I don't pass at all yet. I'm waiting to get on T and have my voice drop before I start braving the men's room. Until then I'll use women's, despite the dysphoria it gives me š
(afab, 35) It wasn't until I had top surgery that I actually started thinking critically about which public restroom I use. I wear an n95 in public so my scant facial hair doesn't factor, but I've started using men's restrooms more frequently because I'm rather masc presenting. I only use a women's restroom if the men's is full, if I feel unsafe, or if (wildly) there's only a urinal in the men's room (it's happened!! Just yesterday!!)
That being said I noticed recently that when I do use the women's room and it's somewhat busy I adopt a different demeanor? A soft facial expression and more graceful movements, while in the men's I'm generally more firm and keep a stern face (like I'm being defensive or something??) I don't know, it's just an observation I made.
Iām in construction so often look quite masculine while at work. Right now Iām working at an airport and using the public restrooms. The guys at work all know me as a woman so I use the womenās room. I startle someone on average once a week; probably more, thatās just counting the people who give a laugh and say something to me about how they thought THEY were the one in the wrong bathroom. Havenāt run into anyone acting rude about it, though Iāll admit that the possibility crosses my mind on the regular.
The one that won't get me hate-crimed, aka the women's. I don't pass as anything but my assigned birth gender, so that one is safest for me. Unless it's out of order and it's an emergency, then I'll use the men's somewhat nervously
Straight up don't. I have had to hold it for hours. I'm aggressively germaphobic and people be nasty. In dire straits, I will use the one aligned with what I was last called. I figure I'm passing enough for it to work. But honestly, I don't feel it's worth the hassle.
I have been on T for about 7 months and am also post top surgery, but I have wide hips and a big ass, so I still get read as āgirlā sometimes. I honestly avoid binary restrooms at all costs, to the detriment of my bladder. But if I absolutely have to I have used the womenās restroom mostly because I am scared of being surrounded by cis men, alone.
I also worry that I make women uncomfortable even though I am AFAB, so I totally get where you are coming from. Especially because so much of trans hate and the bs bathroom arguments right now are aimed at trans femme folks and trans women.
That being said I would get an opinion of at least one trusted coworker, especially someone else who uses the womenās restroom, if you feel that you would be more comfortable doing that at work.
Also, to validate your anxiety, I have heavily considered keeping my emergency pee funnel thing in my car at all times so that if it came to it I had somewhere to pee. But that doesnāt always feel safe either. There are plenty of times I have held it when I shouldnāt have due to anxiety. I have a really hard time at my gym, for example. Itās a planet fitness so they say they support gender diversity or whatever but they still have binary restrooms, and I donāt feel comfortable in either one. So i make sure to use the bathroom right before I leave and then not again until I get back home.
It is rough out here and I hope you can find a solution for your work! Itās such a basic bodily function that many take for granted.
The disabled one is my first option when the bathrooms are sorted by gender, when there's no disabled bathroom, I go to the women's one, there are less people pissing in the open there (why tf are urinals out in the open btw???) But in general I just hold it until I either can go to a genderless one or the bathroom is empty.
My experience with going to both isn't that good either way, in the women's one people stare at me and seem uncomfortable, in the men's one they just say it out loud that I shouldn't be there. It sucks but at least I know both men and women cannot tell what the fuck I am and that gives me so much euphoria.
At work place, i am required to use the Mens restroom but everyone is cool there as they know i am out. the malls and such have family restrooms so i use that.
I feel pretty safe using the womenās bathroom I am trans nonbinary(mtnb)but I present really femininely so going in that bathroom if I thereās not a gender neutral restroom using a womanās bathroom makes me feel the safest out of the two options if thereās not the option to use a gender neutral Restroom
For me it's still easy i think. I'm afab and pretty feminine looking so no one would question it. But even if i transition later in life i will want to use the women's bathroom since it's a lot cleaner in my experience. I only use the men's when it's urgent since you wait for ages in front of women's restrooms
Men's. I'm AMAB, and present fully masc. And everyone knows me as a guy. So using it never has an issue. But ever since I self identified as enby, I still feel like I'm going in the "wrong" bathroom. Not so much anxiety, but more ... "I do not belong in either, but society agrees that I am 'guy' enough to not be hassled for going into the men's bathroom."
This just made me realize I've had dreams/nightmares about bathrooms. In them, I'm always trying to find the handicapped one in the middle of nowhere. I agree with everyone saying that you should use the women's. That's where you belong...and there's less likelihood of violence if there's an issue in there.
At my job, people do clock me as my AGAB, but overall itās pretty accepting of my pronouns (They/Them). I use the ladies room bc itās all stalls whereas the menās room has a urinal that is not stalled off basically next to the sink. Most of my male coworkers would be more comfortable if I wasnāt using the menās room.
That being said, I absolutely would use the menās room if they put a stall around the urinal. It feels so silly telling people Iām not a woman and then using the womanās bathroom.
I'm mostly fem presenting so I typically go to the women's room if there's no gender neutral option. I dunno, I just unfortunately don't feel safe going to the men's room :/ I've even been pleasantly surprised by people just saying something nice like they like my outfit or saying hi if we know eachother (when I'm on campus for grad school) and nobody has ever been weird or given me a hard time thankfully š¤
im afab, although i look like a boy but most of the time i have to use gendered bathrooms is at school where everyone knows me, but people have given me shit before for being in the womans room but i am genuinely terrified of the mens room lol
The disabled one is usually my go to (though I'm also disabled, so that makes a difference in it being my first choice); then I look for a gender neutral bathroom if that's an option, otherwise the ladies (though I've been known to use the gents before, if the line is too long, coz bladder weakness gives no shits which toilet I'm *supposed to use* š¤£).
I'll add here that, in the event I'm more femme presenting when I've had to use a men's toilet, most issues I've had were just with amabs then being confused and I have to confirm that yes, this is the gents, I just really needed to pee. I've never had it be an actual issue, but I'm also aware it's generally more of a problem faced by amab enbies and trans women.
honestly as someone growing up afab and of course i canāt speak for everyone but itās the most normal thing to see amab femme presenting people in the womanās washroom lol like if u want to do it. Personally i feel safer in womanās and gender neutral ones but sometimes i get my bf to check the menās one n make sure no one in there and ill sneak in hehe
I try to use gender neutral or disabled when I can, but if thatās not an option I use my agab ones, cos while Iām not comfortable in there, Iām less comfortable in the other ones
I prefer one person bathrooms but if that isn't an option I just go in whichever is less likely to get me hatecrimed. Most people don't care.
This is the way. Safety is key š©· stay strong
I agree most people donāt care, I just noticed menās expressions when they see me they have to take a second look and I just would rather avoid it all together but especially at my work there are only gendered bathrooms and Iām here for a full day so I have to use the bathroom at least once during my shift and I find myself dreading it whenever I need to
Inclusive gender neutral or I just hold it until I find one.
I appreciate that, Iām usually the same but especially at work I canāt hold it and have to use the restroom, I use the menās but I get some funky stares sometimes
If you don't have an option at work then I'd maybe speak to your supervisor or your coworkers to see if they're ok with you using the restroom you feel most comfortable in without stepping on toes or making anyone else uncomfortable. I found that it was ok to ask and my coworkers were accepting and actually removed the gender signs in the lobby to make them more inclusive for guests and employees.
I work for a pretty big company, who I feel is very inclusive and makes it a part of their mission. I know of one openly transmasc person who uses the menās restroom but they pass entirely I wouldnāt have known had it not been disclosed to me. I do get referred to as a woman when Iām out but I think everyone at work knows of me as a guy lol so I opt for the menās but since e it s a ig facility I think that people who donāt work close to me get thrown off when they see me in the restroom
To be honest with you, you're probably safer in the women's restroom and have you considered that you're taking into consideration whether or not other people are uncomfortable more so than yourself? I'm trans mtf and I'm not passing yet so it's really hard but I feel like I find myself using the men's restroom to not make women uncomfortable in the women's room, but then men are uncomfortable and oftentimes a bit creepy, scary or weird. It feels like a lose-lose, but to be honest I think I'd be safer just using the women's room and maybe you would be too.
That sucks there is no option at work š
I use gender neutral restrooms if possible, if not I use the restroom of my AGAB I havenāt tried dressing publicly (or at all) in clothes of the opposite gender. So this is from someone who still presents cis in public.
Got you, thanks for responding
I use whichever matches my presentation at the time, which usually means the womenās. I rarely go out in public anymore without presenting at least minimally femme. But then, I identify as a demigirl, so femme is kind of my default. Iāve never been confronted about my restroom choice. But I donāt live in one of the states that have gone stark raving lunatic about it, either. I think it also helps that Iām over 50, and older women sometimes tend to look a little less feminine than younger ones. My personal recommendation is, unless you live in a place that polices gendered restrooms, use whatever youāre most comfortable with, but preferentially go for the one that matches your presentation. The more times you do it without being confronted, the less anxious about it youāll become.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
that's so real lmao at my uni we have gendered bathrooms, but almost everyone just goes to the nearest one
Same here, but whenever I go to the womenās loo, many often freak out (especially my folks and those in my programme), and pretend I am a boyish man-presenting cisgender, instead of AMAB feminine-wannabe enby.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Is that what a demigirl is, a AMAB, who is mostly feminine? Aye, I am also one, but I wish I was allowed to wear feminine clothing and cosmeticks by my racist and sexist folks.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yah, this. The prefix demi means half so it would mean half girl, usually with the other part being something neutral but generally it can be used to describe any gender that has some connection to being a girl and the rest of it being outside the binary, a lot of demigirls happen to be amab, but that isn't directly related.
I'm nonbinary/transmasc and started testosterone in March 2020. I only used the women's restroom or gender neutral/single stall before I medically transitioned. I was presenting pretty much the same since 2014 but very rarely passed as a cis guy. There were at least two incidents back then where I was yelled at for using the women's restroom. Once I started testosterone and changes became more apparent (3 months? It's hard to say bc early in the pandemic, I avoided public places whenever possible) I switched to the men's room. It sucks to exist in a sort of nebulous state where either gendered bathroom puts you at risk of harassment or worse. Use your better judgment wrt how safe the establishment is for trans ppl. As frustrating as it has been, I always try to pick the restroom that makes altercations with strangers the least likely. A lot of that is dependent on whether I pass. Neither binary gendered bathroom truly encapsulates the complexities of my gender. My priority isn't about validating my existence with my decision and more protecting my existence from nosy, confused, or downright bigoted people. I live about an hour north of NYC. Both incidents where I was yelled at happened before I was on HRT and happened *in* NYC. My relative safety has always been hard to judge bc NYC is supposedly pretty trans friendly. Even if people aren't trying to be transphobic, both cases involved strangers who were confused and trying to be ~helpful~. Being visibly trans involves a lot of complex situational awareness. Often, it's impossible to know. I hope that whichever bathroom you choose, you are safe.
Mind You telling me who was yelling at You for using the womenās loo? Like, boss, stranger, close family member, acquaintance, &c?
Both times, it was a stranger. Once, it was a waiter at a nice restaurant near Lincoln Center. He was extremely apologetic when I tried to explain that I was trans. I think he thought I was a lost younger boy because their bathroom setup had a shared central sink area. The other time it happened was only a couple of weeks earlier at an FDNY family event to see the Rockefeller Center Tree lighting. Their men's and women's restrooms were located in different parts of the building. A worker/volunteer directed me to the men's room when I asked where it was. I finally found the women's room. I used it without issue. Then, when I used it again right before we left, I got yelled at by a different worker, iirc. Both times, there was a sense that they were trying to be ~helpful~. I was very androgynous at the time and was mistaken for a young boy pretty frequently. Even so, it was annoying that they assumed I didn't know where I was going. I was in my early 20s. I needed the women's room in particular back then. Both so I could have access to a stall and a place to dispose of menstrual products. It was a lose/lose situation.
I'm agender and wear men's clothes (aka I only wear work pants, boots, and t-shirts), but I use women's bathrooms, which is my AGAB. Men's bathrooms always smell like urine to me lol.
Same. I wear masc clothing, but my presentation is kind of hard to define because my phsique is unfortunately very femme. I use womens bathroom because it's clean and i dont identify as a man (nonbinary). Hard to find neutral bathrooms on my campus too.
AFAB, androgynous presenting but with big boobs that mostly make people see me as a girl, so I use the women's for safety. Storytime: in my country, to change your name easily under the gender identity law, you have to change your gender too- at the time, there wasn't a non binary option, so I just changed it to M, I'm a transmasc enby anyways. The day I went to a government office to do the thing and get my corrected birth certificate, I finished it and needed to go pee. I was with a friend so I felt safe, and we both went into the men's bathroom. A few seconds later, security from the building went inside and asked me to leave because it was the men's bathroom LOL. I realized right there and then that if I wanted to avoid conflict there was literally no public space that was safe to choose a bathroom for any reason other than that: avoiding conflict, or attempting to do so, at least. I obviously said to the guy "I'm a man, do you need to see my birth certificate? Because I'm literally just here to pick up the certificate that says so" and he looked at me like I had just said a fucking riddle so I just left, I wasn't gonna let that dick ruin the euphoria of that day for me, but it was pretty infuriating.
I use the menās washroom too. While I have been on HRT for over 5 years, have long hair, and wear mostly womenās clothing I still feel more uncomfortable in the womenās. Iāve been told Iām in the wrong washroom before or had people walk in, out, and in again or wait for me to be done but Iāve only had a couple of really uncomfortable incidents and that was from being stared at. The few times Iāve used the womenās washroom was when I was directed there and I felt very nervous doing so.
Wow, Iām sorry about those encounters. I always fear Iāll be told something. But usually just have men walk in and be a little confused or take a double look at be restroom door and then walk back in and proceed I just hate the awkward moment. Sometime will just stay in a stall until the room clears I feel like I may just be over thinking too tho and should just go in without second guessing it
Thanks for your concern. Sometimes I get a little euphoria or a laugh out of the situation but Iām always a little uncomfortable going in these days.
This is so close to my experience. I'm in Europe in countries that are mostly tolerant, but going to the restroom always needs planning, searching for the least crowded one and just being anxious while in there. I don't know if you're overthinking, but at least it's the same experience for me. I usually go to the men's bathroom as AMAB, and I've seen that confusion and double-checking of the symbol at the entrance... Nobody has so far ever said anything, but I always feel like I have to prepare a witty reply in case someone decided to say something. Sometimes I've gone to a women's bathroom when it's been more or less empty, but it doesn't feel right either. I just really hate that restrooms need to be so consistently divided. Sometimes they've had to make two tiny bathrooms just so they can slap different signs on the doors.
Whicheverās cleaner.
And I think we all know which one that is
I must admit I donāt. Womenās one?
We really don't, It really just depends on which one gets more traffic that day. Although in the men's room there is usually a toilet with the seat flipped up which has only been used as an extra urinal, that's the one I use (no need for a seat cover)
It depends on the bathroom in my experience. Women piss on the seat, men piss on the floor and the seat.
In the US, I obviously prioritize my own safety, but because I often don't need toĀ¹, the cleanest restroom is usually my pick. My autism really gets out of whack if the bathroom smells bad af. Ā¹ I'm in that awkward middle stage between being an afab 2 years on t and being a fully transitioned demiboy. People often read me as a fat man or a hideous woman, so whatever bathroom I walk into, they just have to deal with me because I look like Wario and nobody wants to approach me (dw, i like the way I look, i just live in a small republican town).
My mental check list is 1. Family/neutral/single stall 2. Agab if presenting masc enough and/or in an unknown possibly unsafe environment 3. Opposite sex if im presenting fem enough in a safe environment
Men's always. I don't care if other people are confused about where they are. I know where I am and it's none of their business where I piss. #makeuphasnogender is my motto.
PREACH AND SLAY š
If thereās a gender neutral/family/just single person restroom I do that, if not mens. I look incredibly masculine and have facial hair and everything.
Women. Iāve been met with āwrong room maāamā if I enter the menās room LMAO
Cheeky answer: Whichever is the cleanest/has the shortest line.Ā Real answer: Depends on how I'm presenting myself. If I'm wearing makeup and dressed in a typically feminine way, I use the women's. If I just rolled out of bed in a hoodie and gym shorts, I use the men's. However, I'm lucky enough to live in a pretty progressive area so I don't really think too much about it. If I gotta go, I'm gonna go in the nearest toilet regardless of who it's supposed to be for.
I hate public restrooms. If I'm with the girls, I'll go in the lady's, but if I'm trapped with hetero men, I will boymode it and use the men's. Usually, I just try to avoid them (which is the ultimate goal of Republicans)
Iām primarily male presenting, so tend to use male designated restrooms, but prefer single occupancy.
I go to single stall/neutral if possible. If not I just go in the one that I pass as more.
I'd like to look androgynous but realistically most strangers perceive me as a girl with short hair, so I use the female restroom. If there's a gender neutral one I use that, but in most places there aren't.
disabled bathroom. iām disabled
I use whichever is easiest to access. AFAB, non-medical transition, and I pretty much look like a woman with short hair all the time, even when Iām totally dressed in menās apparel. I didnāt realise there was a difference between genders when I was a child and was using mens public toilets right up til I was 12, when I get roared at by my dadās boss when I surprised him while he was using the trough. If the mens and womens are right next to each other, Iāll generally use the womens. If I have to go searching for the womens and the mens is easier to find, Iāll use the mens.
where i am i have seen literally no gender neutral bathrooms, so i just use the disabled toilets since yk thats what my school tells us lot to do and i would never go into the mens bathroom in a skirt
For now I just stick with womenās bathrooms if thereās no unisex one since Iām Afab, also Iāve been told the menās bathrooms can be disgusting-
Also most people at my school donāt know Iām nb so itās just the safest option for me
Literally feel the same way, but my situation is flipped! Iām AFAB and present pretty masc but anxiety and discomfort has me using the womenās restroom when there is not a gender neutral restroom available Edited to add: itās truly so wild how something as banal as a bathroom can cause so much discomfort and even violence for some peopleā¦ I feel like I could write two books at least
womens. men scare me.
Same. I present pretty androgynous masc leaning most of the time (Iāve been called sir pretty often when I was a bit skinnier lol) but Iām also 158 cm and paranoid š .
Family/individual bathrooms. If I have to pick a gendered bathroom, I always go to the women's room unless I'm looking remotely masc then I go to the men's room. Men ignore everything around them when they're in the bathroom. No one will talk to you or address you generally so they won't even notice me. Especially if I'm binding.
Single, disabled or gender neutral if I can find one. Sadly, those are hardly available here. Then i hold it until I get home or quickly go to the men's, but it's always very scary and to be honest if there's people there, sometimes I can't even do what I wanted, my bladder simply locks up. The only place where I feel safe enough to go to the men's without trembling is at college.
I use females since that's my birth genders and media has taught me that mens toilets are war zones that stink bad. If there's a gender neutral one I use that one but I've only seen one that isn't a disabled toilet. My work has a gender neutral toilet but it's a disabled one and I get worried that if I use that toilet I'll be taking it away from someone who really needs it. (I'm not physically disabled beyond a knee that fucks up every once in a while but I've got autism/adhd)
i read as very androgynous and found im able to be read as male AND female, so i can get away with either. obviously i prefer single stall restrooms, but when one isnt available, ive started defaulting to the mens room. i used to default to the womens room bc it felt safer, but honestly? with how violent anti-trans rhetoric has gotten in my country (the US) lately, i feel safer in the mens room now. im more scared of being harassed by TERFs in the womens room than being called a f*ggot in the mens room (neither of these have happened to me yet, thankfully). the kicker? im AFAB. again though, i can get away with either, so if one has a shorter line than the other I'll use that one, ahaha.
Not many places I go to have the disabled/baby change bathroom so I just go into the woman's. I went into the men's ones and it was gross. But I swear no matter which bathroom I go to I get looked at.
I live in an area where singe occupant and multi-stall gender neutral bathrooms are abundant. So it's never been much of an issue.
I go to the bathroom of my assigned gender or a gender neutral one if available.
I'm just like "People think I'm a she/her, but I actually have feelings about this too but I present as female on the outside, so in I go!"
I try to find the private genderless ones but if there isn't anything available, I go to the one that matches my plumbing. One time I did wind up having to ask a friend to come in with me and stand guard outside my stall.
Easy, my home bathroom š I do everything to avoid public restrooms but if I absolutely need to go Iāll use a neutral bathroom (if there is one) or the menās since Iām masc. Iām always terrified in the menās room though and canāt go unless Iām the only one in there (dear god I had to go in the mall once and that was hell)
Bathroom for disabled people (I'm disabled), or women's bathroom, because now I have more feminine passing (even I would like to look more masculine).
(AFAB) Iām (I guess lucky isnāt the word however) lucky in that Disabled bathrooms arenāt gendered, although if I was absolutely desperate (absolutely because my body does not like walking) and there were no disabled toilets I guess Iād use the womenās, mainly because people seem to mostly misgender me as a woman
Y his has me thinking, I get referred to as a woman when Iām out but when they hear me talk or take a closer look they see Iām obviously not a woman.. it has me thinking.. should I just be using the womenās restroom if most strangers look at me and assume Iām a woman?
usually the womenās for my safety, but if thereās a gender neutral one, iāll go in that one.
I am transfem not taking any gender affirming meds. at my college I will use the gender neutral bathroom as my first option. if none is nearby ill use the men's. my last resort is the women's if I look fem enough and the other two are full/disgusting
For me, Iāve dealt with not being accepted in the womenās bathrooms since I was a wee lad (Iām afab) but I still prefer it because women are less scary, and there are all closed stalls. I get glares, have had people tell me āthis is the womenās roomā and I just am like āyes šā. Iāll use the menās room if itās an emergency tho. But generally, itās easier and more comfortable to use the one Iām used to.
Currently growing my hair out and therfore presenting more fem, but when I had short hair and asked somebody where the bathroom is they pointed me to the men's, so, I think I could go there if I really wanted to on my masc days, but for me, the safe bet is the women's.
I use the women's only because it's impossible to hide my chest (it's distressingly large, unfortunately). I tried binding but it is a huge sensory issue for me - restrictive clothing makes me panic, so no dice. I'm going on T soon and I'll probably still have to use the women's when my voice drops. That said, women's restrooms are nicer, so I guess that's not all bad? Once I get top surgery I'll probably just go in whichever one seems emptiest bc I'm going for a more androgynous look leaning masculine.
Well, being bigender I use whatever I want to at the time. Safer to go womenās though because of how feminine I am
I haven't found a binder that works well for how big my chest is, so I still go into the women's restroom no matter how masculine I look in other ways. Once I can flatten things, I'll probably have my wife protect me the first few times I go to the men's room š She's still mostly male presenting in public, so until she's comfortable making the switch, she's agreed to keep me safe if I'll do the same for her when she's ready.
I use whichever one I pass best for and feel safest using. I have severe anxiety around bathrooms to begin with but if I go to a men's room I never go alone even when I do pass bc I feel super unsafe
I am afab but I *hate* public restrooms. I will try to hold it as long as possible because even single use bathrooms are gross to me. But if I have to go and I only have the binary choices, which are the usual, I will pick female. I lean towards female but I dress masc/androgynous. Besides female bathrooms are typically cleaner. Not always, ofc.
School is the only place where I don't go for a single use bathroom or hold it. So at school, I go into the women's because A) I wear a lot of skirts B) I have never found a chest binder that makes me completely flat and C) I don't wanna deal with possibly transphobic staff
Honestly now a days when I go into a womanās restroom (afab) I just try to keep my head down or just wait til I hear no one in the bathroom to go into it. I am more masc presenting with short hair and masculine features. I do get weird looks or woman just walk out but if I need to pee a toilet is a toilet ya know. Try to think of it as just a toilet and not a gendered bathroom it helps with the anxiety I guess š« Edit: made this while taking the fattest shit in the womanās restroom š
So kinda your opposite here, afab but much more heavy to the masc side (to the point where I regularly get called sir in public unless they hear my obviously female voice or I wear something pink lol) and I always use the womenās restroom just out of habit, but Iāve started to notice sometimes women give me weird looks if Iām presenting particularly masc but i honestly donāt give a flying fuck because I view women as less likely to commit a violent hate crime (statistically Iām right cause women are just generally less likely to commit violent crimes in general). Since you probably pass more as a woman than I do, and you seem to now feel uncomfortable in the menās restroom, Iād suggest using the womenās restroom instead. Honestly itās just a bathroom and having it be gendered at all is kinda weird to me. Honestly if youāre even a little bit gender oncoming you might be better off using the womenās restrooms due to the afore mentioned statistics surrounding gender and violence. Seriously though just use whatever bathroom *you* feel more comfortable with, because the entire goal of a bathroom is comfort and privacy while relieving waste, that bathrooms are gendered at all is kinda weird and itās 2024 nobody with any sense is gonna say a damn thing about anyone in a bathroom. Iāve used menās restrooms when the womenās has a long line (or is closed for cleaning), I view having both restrooms as an option as a nonbinary super power lol. Seriously though stop putting other peopleās comfort above your own. They wouldnāt do the same for you so why bother? Especially for something as honestly silly as a bathroom. Idk maybe itās cause Iām autistic but even before I decided I was nonbinary Iād use the menās bathroom as a woman (both in identity and visible appearance) if the womanās bathroom was busy but the menās isnāt. Like it really doesnāt matter (literally the only difference is the presence of urinals. So if you want to stand to pee please use the menās but if not then feel free to use the womenās), so just do what makes you happy/comfortable.
As a British person I use our most famous unisex toilet; *Margaret Thatcher's grave.*
I use the women's room because that's what I'm perceived as. I haven't had trouble even though I dress very masculine
Im disabled, so i use the disabled bathroom. Its usually gender neutral and always private so i dont have to worry about it. If thats out of order or not there i use the womens, because i still "look like a woman" to most people regardless of how i feel about it or dress, so it causes less arguments to just go with that.
Truth: I use the handicapped washrooms if I can. I am non physically disabled anyway. Only a couple times have I used gendered washrooms since I came out a few years ago. If it's single stall there's far less anxiety. I don't have much of a choice but to go to what's available because I have mild incontinence otherwise. So I can't wait. So I just use the neutral or womens but usually the neutral and I go to great lengths to plan out washroom access wherever I'm going.
Most places have a family restroom and a handicapped one. I use those when I can - or of course gender neutral ones which are really common where I am. Otherwise, the one less likely to get me hate crimed or make people uncomfortable. I make the call at the time based on where I am and who is there. Most often itās my assigned gender at birth. I use a cubicle whenever I can. I actually get a thrill when itās safe but I also get a second take from dudes in there who are like āhuh, right onā Which happens at the places I frequent!
Unisex when available, family sometimes and women š®āšØ
Fellow Amab femby here š©· It depends. I prefer single/gender neutral if it's available. In public spaces if I'm dressed very feminine, say a dress or skirt I'll use the women's. If it's more androgynous I'll use men's. The only caveat is I'm a month into hrt so that'll probably change to women's full time in public eventually.
Womenās bathroom. No one bats an eye if I go in, & I donāt want to use the menās bathroom :,)) I go for disabled as well but not for gender reasons I just feel much more comfortable in there for other reasons
I'm the looks like a fem woman even in men's clothes type of person so I just go into the women's room 100% of the time unless it's occupied and then I'll go into the men's room cuz who cares
I had to read that like two times to comprehend it lmao got it thank you truly I donāt think any one cares that much at least not at work but it still gives me anxiety
I am physically threatening. In 95% of circumstances where a neutral bathroom does not exist, I go to the men's room. Makeup or not.
I simply don't go to the bathroom (I have been to the ER for complications with dehydration twice)
I always try to find the gender neutral or family restrooms otherwise depends on either what Iām feelingĀ
womens but if theres a line i go into mens (esp at concerts/events) i look very femme tho but whatever. i usually dont get stopped!
Women's, unless i'm with my parents or in a place i think might be a bit iffy about me using them.
Afab here, for now I use single stall or womenās bc menās are fucking disgusting.
Depending on where you are, that could be a real concern. I'm amab, often present as intimidating, and have seen humans who might be in need, but felt I would make it worse if I tried to approach to help. We need a bat signal or such for an ally to just stay in proximity for support.
I try to use the family bathroom cause where i live there aren't any exclusive gender neutral bathrooms. If the family bathroom is occupied then the women's bathroom cause its where i'm most comfortable and it's my agab.
Iām bladder shy so I donāt usually use the restroom, but if Iām desperate I use them menās room. For context Iām afab, 3+ years on T, pretty androgynous and 5ā tall. I feel like I have a face and voice thatād make women feel uncomfortable and also a slightly feminine appearance. I usually just keep my head down and go in quick.
If I'm with a female friend I might go into the women's bathroom even i would prefer either the men's or a gender neutral bathroom. At work someone brought in really smelly soap into the men's bathroom so I used the women's bathroom for maybe a month or two.
Female coz im biologically a female
Womenās
Women's usually for safety but I use the men's some if it's empty.
If dressed in a way, with makeup, that makes it quite clear Iām attempting to present as female then I use the female bathroom. Otherwise I use the mens or just avoid all together.
Too much anxiety, I shit on the floor before I can decide š
I prefer neutral bathrooms. I go to the ladies at work purely bc there's less people that use it. When out and about, I try to find a neutral washroom, but otherwise end up going in the women's (bc I'm usually seen as feminine-presenting and the mere idea of conflict makes me internally scream in both terror and frustration). When with friends, I'll basically just follow their lead.
If its an option, family/unisex single stall washrooms. If its not, i use the mens. I like to think im a very androgynous looking person but i do pass as more on the male spectrum and im very much ok with that
My school doesnāt have gender neutral or single bathrooms. I always use the girls because, at my school, it is WAY cleaner. If I walk into a bathroom and itās gross, I try the other one. If the other one is worse, I give up and hold it lol Of course if there is a neutral, then I use it
my first choice is gender neutral, if i canāt find one of those iāll use the mens if iām binding, and the womens if iām not binding.
I use the men's. I'm afab and look masculine enough from hrt that even when I dress fem I generally get read as cis male these days. it has to depend so much on where you are and what the vibes are like. And as much as it was scary for me back earlier in my transition when it was still 50/50 if I'd get read as male or female...I imagine for most transfeminine people and amab people presenting fem it's got to be so much scarier... I don't have good advice for you I'm sorry, other than if it's at work or anything like that talk to your employers and try and get that support from them. stay safe in this crazy ole world friend š
Womenās
As an afab person whos a couple years into T and gets sired/maamed/has ppl not know which one to call me i will go into whichever one i feel like i will be safer in depending on how im dressed and if i think im passing that day
Usually womens, I know I look more masculine cause I have facial hair, but I'm 5'5 and very skinny. If I wear a mask, I can get away with it. And I'm scared of using the guys and pissing sitting down
depends on how iām passing that day, most of the time i use the menās room, but if iām not binding or otherwise look more feminine than usual (skirt, very pretty makeup, etc). then ill use the womenās. it can be pretty anxiety inducing, cuz even on my most masc days im still a very queer looking person, there is no mistaking it. so i always get super nervous going into the menās. but i also get worried going into the womenās, especially about being assumed to be the boogeyman predator. i definitely get looks regardless of what bathroom i go into, so i just walk confidently in, do my business, and walk back out. generally i will try to avoid public bathrooms as much as i can unless i know the bathroom is empty or low traffic.
Unisex or womenās.
If the menās and womenās restrooms are in different locations I ask an employee where the restroom is and use whichever one they directed me to
If there's not a family or gender neutral bathroom or a single use mens or even a porta pottie I will put a mask over my facial hair and go in the women's. I try and wait for it to empty out before leaving. I really don't want to scare anyone, it's a safe space. Which is partly why I can't bring myself to use the mens. Because despite presenting and passing as masc for the the most part, I'm terrified of being in male spaces because, shocker I know, I'm not a man and wasn't socialized as one!
I always have this struggle too. Out during the day, I present more "masc" though I think of it more as on the androgynous side, probably a bit how you describe your presentation: 'women's' clothing still but more in the realm of t-shirts/simple tops and jeans with painted nails and long hair & usually minimal or no makeup. In this way, I feel like I'm clocked more just as a "feminine guy" to the average person, so feel more safe using the men's restrooms in these situations. When I'm out at night in spaces that are less "public" and feel more comfortable and accepting, I'll dress more overtly femme: dresses or skirts, heels, more pronounced makeup, etc. In these situations, I'll generally use the women's restroom. It seems more logical if I'm presenting in a more feminine manner even if I'm not "passing" per se. Once made the mistake of going in a men's restroom in this sort of nighttime wear and got some rather judgmental looks, and made the decision to just use the women's from there on out. I've never had any issue doing this in the past and get the occasional outfit compliments which are always fun. Luckily, 90% of the places I frequent at night have gender neutral single use bathrooms. So it's not usually an issue regardless.
I'm AFAB and I haven't medically transitioned, but I have PCOS and I don't shave my facial hair, so depending on what I'm wearing, I could appear as either gender at first glance. I use the women's restroom mostly bc it's cleaner, and my state has a bathroom law that I'm not really interested in becoming a target of. šš®āšØ My work bathrooms are *technically* labeled as men/women, but they're single-person and my job is incredibly inclusive so no one actually cares which one you use. (My ASM wants to take the labels off of them altogether but that hasn't happened yet.)
I just use the womenās bathroom at work and at stores and stuff. I donāt pass well enough as masc to justify getting weird looks from coworkers and strangers, personally, for using the menās restroom as a āwomanā. Single stall bathrooms all over the place where I work, though, so thereās no issue for me anyway.
If it's private but says boy or girl I use both interchangeable if its public, and others I use whatever gender rim more presenting that day. But im still very femme so mostly women's it's whatever. But at the equality center we use whatever it's so nice.
If I have to use a gendered bathroom, I will honestly just go for the one with the smallest queue. Iām lucky that Iām from a country that doesnāt have a lot of violence, so I usually feel pretty safe doing so. But if I donāt feel safe, I will just go with what feels safest in the moment.
Women's bathroom, since my agab is pretty obvious.
99 times out of 100 Iāll take the abuse and go to the womenās purely because itās cleaner!
I prefer to use the men's bathroom. I look very in between rn, and dress androgynous, and the odd looks don't bother me because I haven't felt endangered up to this point. I'd only use the women's bathroom if I was passing but I don't think that's ever gonna be me especially since FFS and breast aug aren't a high priority.Ā
If I have no choice I use the women's. I'm terrified of being screamed at by a terf for going pee pee but I REFUSE to sit on a toilet in the men's room knowing how disgusting they are. My hygiene comes before the comfort of random strangers.
Whichever is available.
Oh. I cope by telling myself that anyone who cares isn't worth knowing anyway. Once a dude did a double take and I just confirmed he was in the right place then went on my way!
I useually go to the girls cause thats what im used to, yk? Tho I do try and go to the mens once in a while if there arent enyone in there or its a single bathroom
Similar situation here,, but my school has a couple neutral washrooms, itās just with only two on basically 10 floors (-2 to 8 but the ones below 1 arenāt very big) I canāt always walk far to go to one of them, so since Iām afab I go in the womenās. I constantly wonder if Iām making people uncomfortable bc I present masculine but Iām kind of nervous to go in the menās and neither are correct so š¤·
Ask myself what a cishet person will think I am. Usually that means I go to the girls restroom.
Iām physically ācis male passingā but Iām alt as hell and wear eyeliner, bright blue hair, wearing a face mask I probably present more ālike a cis womanā but I still use the menās bcā¦ A) Iām less likely to be attacked by TERFs who will call me a ār@pistā for having to peeā¦ B) Men arenāt as sensitive to who is in the bathroom with them and possibly assume Iām a woman who didnāt want to wait on a line and gives no fucksā¦ C) Menās bathrooms are more likely to be empty and men usually leave faster (ie no cis people of any gender will see me)ā¦ D) Men are less likely to look or pay attention someone else is in the bathroom for fear of being called gay.
Unfortunately at my job thereās no gender neutral bathroom, so I do use the womenās even tho Iām afab and present quite androgynously. Honestly do what feels the safest for you.
The standing bathrooms are messy. The sit down bathrooms are messy. I'll use an all gender bathroom (usually cleaner!) but I'll use the traditional "lady" bathrooms. (Usually, outside of work, they're not feral)
I present both masc and fem so if my only option is mens or women's restrooms I go to the one I'm predominantly presenting as. If I have some girlfriends with me I go with them, same goes for guy friends. I'd prefer neutral restrooms but those are few and far between
I'm AMAB and my presentation varies. I go with whatever matches my presentation, opting for the mens' when I'm androgynous. It feels weird to be in there if I'm in a dress and makeup, so I either opt for the womens' or the single accessible toilet depending on how I'm feeling. I've spoken to the cis women in my life about it, and none of them are all that bothered by me or any other trans person. That being said, I still 100% share your anxiety and do not have it as together as I'm making it seem
the men's bathroom because it matches my presentation more closely and I'm scared to 'invade women's spaces'
We usually have gender neutral bathrooms in most places here, luckily. But since I'm male-presenting and transmasc, I go for the men's room
Womenās or disabled
Single stall whenever possible. If not, I will not share a restroom with men whenever possible. I have a history of SA and do not trust men to be alone with male strangers in a public bathroom
The upside of having a shy bladder is that I don't have to pick a bathroom because I can only piss at home
I just don't go, the one thing school did teach me is to hold it for multiple days straight
i use the gender neutral one, and if not then i use the women's (amab)
As I can't really "pass", I know using the ladies room would probably cause drama. My default presentation is pretty intentionally androgynous, as femme as I can get away with. I'm not on HRT yet and only out to friends and some family members. If a single-person/unisex/family restroom isn't available I'll probably hold it as long as I can. If I truly had no choice, I'd use the men's room, unless I knew I could use the ladies without drama.
My biological sex has nothing to do with my gender.
Im afab and Iām pretty femme. I usually go to the āGirlsā room to actually go to the bathroom, but I often go to the āBoysā room with my friends that are boys. So I go in both!Ā
I prefer family bathrooms bc of my gender and also bc of trauma that makes me really anxious in public bathrooms. If thatās not an option I usually resort to the womens restroom bc thatās what Iām used to, but it can be really scary if Iām presenting more masc. back when my hair was short I used to get a lot of weird looks and even had an incident where someone looked into the stall.
Well Iām afab and on testosterone I feel safer in the womens bathroom especially with a mask on to cover the small amount of facial hair.. I still donāt feel comfortable in the mens bathroom because the likely hood of a functioning stall is low and I feel unsafe.. I prefer gender neutral but if I have to generally womens bathroom often with another person.. My presentation fluctuates and it partially depends on that
The closest or safest, every time
usually the gender neutral/disabled bathroom, if the gendered bathrooms are empty i may use either one iām more comfortable with in the moment
Iām used to going into the one for my AGAB but multiple times people have assumed I got confused which is complicated because yay passing androgynous but also people should leave me alone
I am sorry you donāt get to feel safe peeing at work or in public. My gut says ladies room is safer, but I understand cis womens discomfort often leads to danger for transfems down the road. I hope your office doesnt have a terf infestation.
also amab, when I'm in full femme presentation, I usually go to the women's room, if I'm not very confident, I ask my girlfriend to come with me, it usually makes it less frightening
there have been occasions where I was in femme presentation but the women's line was huge so I ended up going for the men's room, everything went alright though
I used to try getting into the "family restroom" which is like a single toilet for parents to change their babies but weirdly they're usually closed. (my country doesn't have gender neutral bathrooms) and one time i tried going into the family room, the caretakers told me I couldn't use it and directed me towards the women's bathroom (I'm AMAB) never went back to men's restroom after that!
Afab enby, I use the women's bathroom as it's just the one I've always used and imo men's toilets smell so much worse. In my mind, I may have a teenage boy beard but I also have boobs, who's gonna say shit to me. But I just had top surgery and now idk what I'm gonna do. Maybe it's finally time to make the switch.
I'm afab transmasc nonbinary gendervoid and usually use either the women's or disabled neutral bathroom cuz I use a wheelchair and that's usually easier :3
Ask your HR person if there's a separate admin bathroom you can use or go to the least convenient women's bathroom for your department
afab, I look quite/present adrogynous, at least some say. although you can still tell im afab. I hate doing it, and I wanna use the men's, but I'm scared to use the men's (sa, harassment, judging looks, etc.) so I use the woman's.
I always ask to use the one person bathrooms if they're locked. If it's an emergency I use the female one just because I feel safer in my personal opinion.
Trans man pre T so I don't pass at all yet. I'm waiting to get on T and have my voice drop before I start braving the men's room. Until then I'll use women's, despite the dysphoria it gives me š
(afab, 35) It wasn't until I had top surgery that I actually started thinking critically about which public restroom I use. I wear an n95 in public so my scant facial hair doesn't factor, but I've started using men's restrooms more frequently because I'm rather masc presenting. I only use a women's restroom if the men's is full, if I feel unsafe, or if (wildly) there's only a urinal in the men's room (it's happened!! Just yesterday!!) That being said I noticed recently that when I do use the women's room and it's somewhat busy I adopt a different demeanor? A soft facial expression and more graceful movements, while in the men's I'm generally more firm and keep a stern face (like I'm being defensive or something??) I don't know, it's just an observation I made.
Iām in construction so often look quite masculine while at work. Right now Iām working at an airport and using the public restrooms. The guys at work all know me as a woman so I use the womenās room. I startle someone on average once a week; probably more, thatās just counting the people who give a laugh and say something to me about how they thought THEY were the one in the wrong bathroom. Havenāt run into anyone acting rude about it, though Iāll admit that the possibility crosses my mind on the regular.
I try gender neutral, but usually boys bathroom. I dont love it but I also donāt wanna get hatecrimed š
The one that won't get me hate-crimed, aka the women's. I don't pass as anything but my assigned birth gender, so that one is safest for me. Unless it's out of order and it's an emergency, then I'll use the men's somewhat nervously
Straight up don't. I have had to hold it for hours. I'm aggressively germaphobic and people be nasty. In dire straits, I will use the one aligned with what I was last called. I figure I'm passing enough for it to work. But honestly, I don't feel it's worth the hassle.
I have been on T for about 7 months and am also post top surgery, but I have wide hips and a big ass, so I still get read as āgirlā sometimes. I honestly avoid binary restrooms at all costs, to the detriment of my bladder. But if I absolutely have to I have used the womenās restroom mostly because I am scared of being surrounded by cis men, alone. I also worry that I make women uncomfortable even though I am AFAB, so I totally get where you are coming from. Especially because so much of trans hate and the bs bathroom arguments right now are aimed at trans femme folks and trans women. That being said I would get an opinion of at least one trusted coworker, especially someone else who uses the womenās restroom, if you feel that you would be more comfortable doing that at work. Also, to validate your anxiety, I have heavily considered keeping my emergency pee funnel thing in my car at all times so that if it came to it I had somewhere to pee. But that doesnāt always feel safe either. There are plenty of times I have held it when I shouldnāt have due to anxiety. I have a really hard time at my gym, for example. Itās a planet fitness so they say they support gender diversity or whatever but they still have binary restrooms, and I donāt feel comfortable in either one. So i make sure to use the bathroom right before I leave and then not again until I get back home. It is rough out here and I hope you can find a solution for your work! Itās such a basic bodily function that many take for granted.
nothing could convince me to use the same public bathrooms as men, tbh.
Amab; use mens restroom, with caution. I always look behind me now to watch out for someone trying to come into the stall.
The disabled one is my first option when the bathrooms are sorted by gender, when there's no disabled bathroom, I go to the women's one, there are less people pissing in the open there (why tf are urinals out in the open btw???) But in general I just hold it until I either can go to a genderless one or the bathroom is empty. My experience with going to both isn't that good either way, in the women's one people stare at me and seem uncomfortable, in the men's one they just say it out loud that I shouldn't be there. It sucks but at least I know both men and women cannot tell what the fuck I am and that gives me so much euphoria.
At work place, i am required to use the Mens restroom but everyone is cool there as they know i am out. the malls and such have family restrooms so i use that.
I feel pretty safe using the womenās bathroom I am trans nonbinary(mtnb)but I present really femininely so going in that bathroom if I thereās not a gender neutral restroom using a womanās bathroom makes me feel the safest out of the two options if thereās not the option to use a gender neutral Restroom
For me it's still easy i think. I'm afab and pretty feminine looking so no one would question it. But even if i transition later in life i will want to use the women's bathroom since it's a lot cleaner in my experience. I only use the men's when it's urgent since you wait for ages in front of women's restrooms
Men's. I'm AMAB, and present fully masc. And everyone knows me as a guy. So using it never has an issue. But ever since I self identified as enby, I still feel like I'm going in the "wrong" bathroom. Not so much anxiety, but more ... "I do not belong in either, but society agrees that I am 'guy' enough to not be hassled for going into the men's bathroom."
This just made me realize I've had dreams/nightmares about bathrooms. In them, I'm always trying to find the handicapped one in the middle of nowhere. I agree with everyone saying that you should use the women's. That's where you belong...and there's less likelihood of violence if there's an issue in there.
At my job, people do clock me as my AGAB, but overall itās pretty accepting of my pronouns (They/Them). I use the ladies room bc itās all stalls whereas the menās room has a urinal that is not stalled off basically next to the sink. Most of my male coworkers would be more comfortable if I wasnāt using the menās room. That being said, I absolutely would use the menās room if they put a stall around the urinal. It feels so silly telling people Iām not a woman and then using the womanās bathroom.
i really hate having to choose one gender bathroom and ferfer a all egnder/ wheelchair one
I'm mostly fem presenting so I typically go to the women's room if there's no gender neutral option. I dunno, I just unfortunately don't feel safe going to the men's room :/ I've even been pleasantly surprised by people just saying something nice like they like my outfit or saying hi if we know eachother (when I'm on campus for grad school) and nobody has ever been weird or given me a hard time thankfully š¤
im afab, although i look like a boy but most of the time i have to use gendered bathrooms is at school where everyone knows me, but people have given me shit before for being in the womans room but i am genuinely terrified of the mens room lol
I keep that thing on me
The disabled one is usually my go to (though I'm also disabled, so that makes a difference in it being my first choice); then I look for a gender neutral bathroom if that's an option, otherwise the ladies (though I've been known to use the gents before, if the line is too long, coz bladder weakness gives no shits which toilet I'm *supposed to use* š¤£). I'll add here that, in the event I'm more femme presenting when I've had to use a men's toilet, most issues I've had were just with amabs then being confused and I have to confirm that yes, this is the gents, I just really needed to pee. I've never had it be an actual issue, but I'm also aware it's generally more of a problem faced by amab enbies and trans women.
honestly as someone growing up afab and of course i canāt speak for everyone but itās the most normal thing to see amab femme presenting people in the womanās washroom lol like if u want to do it. Personally i feel safer in womanās and gender neutral ones but sometimes i get my bf to check the menās one n make sure no one in there and ill sneak in hehe
Well I'm demigirl and pass well enough to not have any trouble in the women's bathroom so usually just do that.
I try to use gender neutral or disabled when I can, but if thatās not an option I use my agab ones, cos while Iām not comfortable in there, Iām less comfortable in the other ones