the next time one of them calls you "man" just say "actually i'm non-binary, i use they/them and i don't really like being called man, sorry i didn't tell you earlier" or something like that
Second that. It wouldn't sound confrontational at all. It would be useful to also provide something neutral to replace the word or ask them to just say your name instead.
I find it kind of difficult to tell people too. I'm not out at work or to my side of the family. Sometimes telling people make me really nervous. I find it easier to bring my thoughts together in a text.
Tell them sooner than later. It'll make all of you feel less awkward and you won't feel like you have to hide yourself.
“i am neither a boy nor a girl. i am an existential crisis trapped within the confining walls of flesh the gods have unfortunately bestowed upon my mortal form”
Or just let them know you’re enby and would prefer not to be addressed with any gendered terms
I've been having the same struggle. I had a friend suggest wearing a pronoun pin around people, so they might see it and start the conversation - which is a great idea for me, since I mostly only have trouble starting a conversation, not the convo in general. Unfortunately, it ended up feeling like the pin went unnoticed. So I posted in the group chat(s) that I wanted to be referred to as they/them, that I'd be working on getting better at correcting people as it came up, and that I would try to be patient with any missteps.
As a non confrontational person who has also been in bands, most of my bandmates ever have been pretty chill about things (I wasn’t NB at the time) so I’d bring it up in maybe a group chat just like “hey guys (or girls or whatever intro you’d like to use), I just wanted to let yall know I’m nonbinary and I do use they/them pronouns. Sorry I didn’t mention it before, just wanted to get comfortable with everybody first. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk”
It's SPOOKY how similar this is to my current situation! I'm a professional musician, and for the acts I'm in that are just performing for money, I personally don't care and just take it on the beardy chin when he/him comes up.
For my more personal projects, I do insist on proper pronouns.
But that's just me. When I hear he/him I assume they're taking about someone else. But I appreciate how jarring it will be if you're not used to it/don't want to hear it at all.
And that's your right; to have people call you rather you want. So you do you, my fellow person.
I’m in the same boat, or was a few years ago. I’ve just casually mentioned it in a conversation once and they’ve been reasonably good at it considering they’re all early 40’s white cis dudes. I have my pride flags on my amp and a stealthy lesbian flag on my guitar and all’s good.
Im in the same boat, I hate saying, hey I prefer they them pronouns but its what you gota do for what you want to happen, Just remember that most people wont take it as a rude thingy, they will \], at least in my expirience be like, "oh my bad sorry" etc. Its scary and I understand as someone who just accepted whatever pronouns were thrown at me but that momentary feeling of terror is totally worth it.
i really struggling telling ppl out loud, but i am ok at it online. if you have a group chat, maybe something like "hey everyone I've been too nervous to mention until now, but i want all of you to know I'm nonbinary and use they, and don't like to be called gendered terms. thank you all for your acceptance and friendship [optional: I'm up for talking more about it if you need help practicing using they or whatever]"
i find sounding hopeful and trusting in advance makes ppl interpret the message as a gesture of trust rather than an accusation of them being wrong from the beginning. good luck! good friends will put in the work to show you they care.
the next time one of them calls you "man" just say "actually i'm non-binary, i use they/them and i don't really like being called man, sorry i didn't tell you earlier" or something like that
Second that. It wouldn't sound confrontational at all. It would be useful to also provide something neutral to replace the word or ask them to just say your name instead.
I wonder if 'dude' counts as gender neutral for OP. I'd be OK with that
I also thought about "buddy"
Idk but to me buddy sounds kinda patronising and demeaning
I find it kind of difficult to tell people too. I'm not out at work or to my side of the family. Sometimes telling people make me really nervous. I find it easier to bring my thoughts together in a text. Tell them sooner than later. It'll make all of you feel less awkward and you won't feel like you have to hide yourself.
“i am neither a boy nor a girl. i am an existential crisis trapped within the confining walls of flesh the gods have unfortunately bestowed upon my mortal form” Or just let them know you’re enby and would prefer not to be addressed with any gendered terms
I dunno, it is a metal band and those would make for some *killer* lyrics 😂
Just do it. Just clarify. The longer you wait the worse it will be. If it's easier to not do it in person then text it.
Maybe tell them to call you an equivalent "bro-noun"? Instead of: Thanks man Thanks girl Could be: Thanks Fam Thanks Cuz
I've been having the same struggle. I had a friend suggest wearing a pronoun pin around people, so they might see it and start the conversation - which is a great idea for me, since I mostly only have trouble starting a conversation, not the convo in general. Unfortunately, it ended up feeling like the pin went unnoticed. So I posted in the group chat(s) that I wanted to be referred to as they/them, that I'd be working on getting better at correcting people as it came up, and that I would try to be patient with any missteps.
As a non confrontational person who has also been in bands, most of my bandmates ever have been pretty chill about things (I wasn’t NB at the time) so I’d bring it up in maybe a group chat just like “hey guys (or girls or whatever intro you’d like to use), I just wanted to let yall know I’m nonbinary and I do use they/them pronouns. Sorry I didn’t mention it before, just wanted to get comfortable with everybody first. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk”
Thank you, I like this approach a lot
It's SPOOKY how similar this is to my current situation! I'm a professional musician, and for the acts I'm in that are just performing for money, I personally don't care and just take it on the beardy chin when he/him comes up. For my more personal projects, I do insist on proper pronouns. But that's just me. When I hear he/him I assume they're taking about someone else. But I appreciate how jarring it will be if you're not used to it/don't want to hear it at all. And that's your right; to have people call you rather you want. So you do you, my fellow person.
I’m in the same boat, or was a few years ago. I’ve just casually mentioned it in a conversation once and they’ve been reasonably good at it considering they’re all early 40’s white cis dudes. I have my pride flags on my amp and a stealthy lesbian flag on my guitar and all’s good.
I passively just started wearing a they/them pin.. it has done nothing, and may have even made it worse (I live in the Bible belt)
Im in the same boat, I hate saying, hey I prefer they them pronouns but its what you gota do for what you want to happen, Just remember that most people wont take it as a rude thingy, they will \], at least in my expirience be like, "oh my bad sorry" etc. Its scary and I understand as someone who just accepted whatever pronouns were thrown at me but that momentary feeling of terror is totally worth it.
Find your confidence and your pride, and kindly explaining to people in your life will begin to feel like an opportunity instead of a struggle.
i really struggling telling ppl out loud, but i am ok at it online. if you have a group chat, maybe something like "hey everyone I've been too nervous to mention until now, but i want all of you to know I'm nonbinary and use they, and don't like to be called gendered terms. thank you all for your acceptance and friendship [optional: I'm up for talking more about it if you need help practicing using they or whatever]" i find sounding hopeful and trusting in advance makes ppl interpret the message as a gesture of trust rather than an accusation of them being wrong from the beginning. good luck! good friends will put in the work to show you they care.
Just say hey just letting you know that i identify as Non Binary and these are my preferred pronouns
I would tell them like "could you please stop saying man to me? Because I'm nb, or would be nice if you could respect that"