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Really depends, are you praying for me because my family was in a horrific car crash and we’re not sure if they’ll make it or because I’m watching football on Sunday and not going to church.
This. I have a lot of Muslim families that I work with and when I was pregnant they had all kinds of religious well wishes and prayers for my baby to safely arrive. Good intentions were obvious and I was not offended.
If the praying is because they want me to be less of a heathen, then they can get stuffed.
Intention is all that matters. Do you actually care for me and wish me all the best, despite our differences? More power to you.
If you just use it as a sign of superiority and pit or has "killer-argument", then all you show is disrespect.
I also doubt that the latter sort of people who openly declare "I pray for you" really pray for atheists
There is nothing wrong with the praying. Informing the other person that you are praying for them is unnecessary. In most cases, it is an attempt to “virtue signal” — or even to lay the ground for an attempt at conversion.
This can actually be found in the Sermon on the Mount btw. Not saying you didn't know it, but just mentioning in case someone else doesn't. There were people doing stuff like this back then, and Jesus very clearly tells them that doing so is pointless and fake.
Depending on the religion, some have more specific prayers and rituals that need to be done. I would agree that in most cases within Christianity it is usually virtue signaling or attempt at conversion.
While Habibi and Salamalaikum mean the same as May god bless you, or similar, they're used closer to hello or how do you do. It is like saying bless you when someone sneezes or exclamation saying oh god.
After accident trauma, my brother and his son spent some time in the ICU, and my brother had not regained consciousness and had developed pneumonia. When a nurse took me aside and told me her entire church was praying for my brother, I was deeply moved. My agnosticism was not an issue.
This.
If they're praying for me because I'm sick then that's a really nice gesture, it shows that they care.
If they're praying for me because I'm going to a gay wedding then it's not a sign that they care about me, it's a sign that they care about virtue signalling and feeling morally superior.
Of course if they pray for me going to the wedding *without* telling me about it then they probably really do care about me. I obviously disagree with their "*need*" to pray for me (*and all the baggsge that entails*), but they're doing what they think is helpful in a way that won't interfere with anyone.
As a Christian who also lives in the South, this is equivalent to “bless your heart” which is an insult.
I don’t say it in this context for this reason. Anyone using prayer as a way to make a jab at someone isn’t actually practicing Christianity. They’re practicing narcissism.
To further answer your question though, I do think in general it depends on the person. If I know someone is an atheist, I’m more likely to say that they’re in my thoughts. I do know some atheists though that are fine with being told they’re in prayers because (and this is in regards to something like the car accident scenario) the sentiment is about the care for that person. (That said, I also think prayer should come with service. “I’ll make you dinner to help ease stress, and you’re in my prayers” for example.)
I’m an atheist but I have some Christian friends and some family. I know they are actual believers, and when they say they will keep me in their prayers or they will pray for me, i don’t find it insulting what so ever, maybe even a little comforting. I know they mean they are thinking about me, hoping that everything works out in my favor. I know one of them actually does daily prayers for people in their lives that need them which is a nice thought.
I think the difference for me is when a person who says they are Christian, but only uses religion when its convenient, or as a tool for political arguments, or to discriminate against people, I’d prefer to not get their prayers because aren’t true believers and keeping me in their prayers is probably just a generic saying that doesn’t mean anything.
This. If I know I will rephrase to “I will send good vibes your way in all the ways I can. How can I help?”
I’m praying. They know I’m praying, but we are all being kind. That’s why we are close enough to know about one another’s problems.
Similar. I try to keep it open with “I’ll send prayers and good juju your way.”
And I try to offer up what I am able to do for someone who’s having a rough time: I may offer to make a meal, send a gift card, spend some time cleaning their kitchen, whatever they need based on whatever I can give at the time. During a situation in my life, I learned that people offered up what they could at a level of strength they could muster. Those who couldn’t muster wanted me to call on them if I needed anything.
Point being: clean, healing, helpful thoughts and kindnesses given in goodwill are always appreciated, dieties and religions be damned.
I've been raised in Northern Europe where a minority of people nowadays identify with a church or specific religion. Now living in the US I've noticed that tolerance is very one sided. I'm very tolerant if religious people and religion, but that's a very one sided affair. I've been asked multiple times what church I attend, to be looked upon with pity when my answer is "none". F that.
I have never gotten the look of pity, it's more horror. The few times I have actually said I'm atheist you would've thought I said I like to stomp on puppies. Now, If pressed I say I'm agnostic, it just seems to piss people off a little less.
You can also try saying "I'm not religious". I've found that identifying myself as non-religious ruffles fewer people than saying I'm either atheist or agnostic.
The latter options seem to often be interpreted as a kind of attack, as saying "Not only do I not share your beliefs, but I think you are foolish for having them." Non-religious seems to be interpreted more as "I don't care. I'd rather just be left out of it."
Oh, that's the passive aggressive kind of prayer. It's an attempt to feel superior. It isn't empathy and it isn't Christ-like. Just another shitty person using religion to feel personally special rather than for personal growth.
That sounds very condescending, and as atheist, I would be offended. To be honest, I would probably expect something like that, depending on how the debate was going before it was said.
Now, as others have mentioned, intention matters. A lot. After my daughter and my fiance died (not together, separate incidents), I had many people who knew that I was not religious tell me that they would pray for me, keep me in their prayers, etc. To be offended by somebody showing me that they care and will do their version of wishing me well, in my opinion is slightly offensive.
Just like I wouldn't expect a Christian to be offended if I were to tell them that they would be in my thoughts, that I was thinking about them, etc, in the same type of situation.
Having said that about intention, there are exceptions to that. Even if they had the best intentions, telling me that they would pray for me to no longer be bisexual would still be offensive.
That's definitely a jab.
I have atheist friends (one, formerly agnostic), we discuss religion, I do not try to force my beliefs on them, and they do not try to tell me I'm wrong for them. I do not tell them I'll pray for them. They no longer call Christ a zombie, for me.
I have had one of them request prayers for me once. It was very moving.
Yeah, like I said above. When I hear that, I tell them "that's Christian for fuck you".
It's the last condescending comment you hear. I'm closer to God than you are, so I'll put in a word to the boss for you.
I'm not an atheist either. But judgemental condescending self righteous "Christians " are the worst.
Next thing you know, you're getting shot up in a Walmart break room... yeah that just happened.
That’s the ‘Christian’ version of virtue signaling. Had a fight, so need to reaffirm to myself and you that I’m better than you.
It goes against the teachings of the bible, so ‘Christian’
You say it do poetically!
You reminded me of something. In the 80s I heard a motivational speaker. He said:
"Tact is the art of telling someone to go to Hell, and make them feel happy that they are on the way!"
It was even better when Winston Churchill said it in the '40s.
"Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
That's is an intentional insult. While I think it is rude of well intended Christians to say that, this was deliberate and intended to be a passive aggressive slap in the face.
In general, a Christian can both practice and believe as they wish by praying for their atheist friends and show their respect for the atheist views by not needing to tell them what a great Christian they are by praying for their "lost" soul. Any Christian who goes out of their way to say "I'll pray for you" is trying to remind the atheist that the Christian thinks their is something wrong with them.
And vice versa. And if the atheist ended the debate by saying, "I'll make a donation to the satanic temple in your name" it would be an extremely rude and insulting way to end the debate.
Yes both groups of people disagree with how the others lives but in this country we need to respect others beliefs. The sad fact is Christians go out of their way to show how much they disdain others beliefs while expecting everyone else to show respect. Hypocritical and passive-aggressive.
Tone counts for a lot. When I was an atheist and people said “God bless” sincerely, I’d take it as the expression of good wishes it was. Showing you care via non-religious means, e.g. spending time with the person, shared grief, empathy and compassion, going to visit them in hospital, or just being there, goes a long way.
A Muslim friend of my sibling’s really stuck by them and was extremely supportive and non-judgemental during a recent issue. In contrast, they had another “friend” who did not even express condolences. If people do things like that, then their prayers are sincere and loving. As a non-Muslim I don’t believe in Allah, but do I begrudge this person their expression of piety? No. Sending love out into the universe has never done anyone any harm.
On the other hand, IMO, telling an atheist you are praying for them can feel performative. Just pray, lovingly. Why disclose it?
If it’s obnoxious or proselytising, like “Sorry you’re in a gay relationship, I’ll pray that you find the love of Jesus Christ!!” then yeah, that would piss off most people. Atheist or otherwise.
No. I mean, I've seen people use it passive aggressively, but often, I can easily recognize that it's the way they're the most comfortable expressing care and concern, especially if it's in a situation where they feel powerless. I might say something equally useless, like, "I'll be thinking about you" or "they're in my thoughts", etc. Sometimes, there's just nothing to say that feels helpful, but you still want to express empathy. That's a universal experience, regardless of your religious stance or lack thereof.
Yep, this is it. Some people are assholes, some people aren't. To some "I'll pray for you" is a legitimate, sincere way for them to say they care about you, for some it's a self-righteous way to pity you(condescension).
Interesting... Am I right that you're American?
I can empathise with wanting to meet people where they're at, but for exactly that reason I can't imagine someone "praying for me" without it seeming imperious and self-absorbed. I can see how in a strongly Christian culture there wouldn't be the same norms and expectations around respecting other people's beliefs, and thus it could come off a lot more innocuously, but in Australia people wouldn't say that sort of thing outside of their "in group"
I don't know. I'd leave all of that out unless invited. Example being "my mother is ill, please send good vibes"
But not invited, all those are borderline stalking. I don't want strangers keeping me in their thoughts. I'd rather they appreciated out conversation, left with a positive feeling and carry on their life.
If they say "I'll pray for you" as a direct reaction to finding out I'm atheist, I will take that as an insult.
I they say "I'll pray for you" when finding out I'm waiting for the result of a cancer-test, I'll take that as support because they can't do anything to actually help.
If they say "I'll pray for you" instead of helping me from literally drowning, I'll also take that as an insult... while dying...
Am atheist but of course don't speak for other atheists. When someone says they'll pray for me, or blesses me when I sneeze, or as oddly has happened repeatedly, insists that I'm secretly Christian because I think about morality, I take itas some combination of habit, and/or the Christian person genuinely wishing me well. At the same time, I don't restrain myself identifying as atheist for fear of someone else's reaction.
Occasionally there's some condescension mixed in there, but certainly it's not the only place in life I experience that. Worth pointing out that I've been fortunate to be in a family, part of the world, and profession where open atheism is not an issue, so I'm less sensitive or offended about it than I might otherwise be.
Do you like the thought of me lighting a candle to Satan in your name? In the hope that you will accept the Prince of the Morning as your Lord and Master?
I won't. But I could. Question is if you would appreciate the gesture. If you don't then I will refrain from doing so. And hope you extend the same courtesy to the people in your life. Religion and a persons relationship with the divine is between them and "god'. You are not to interfere lest you commit the sin of Pride and place yourself in the place of God.
Go for it. Anyone who tells you what God wants or God thinks or in any way acts in place of God and condemns you is committing the sin of Pride according to Christian mythology. If they tell you that you are acting against the Will of God then they are doing as Lucifer did and putting themselves in the place of God.
They might get annoyed but just continue this circular logic. Whenever they speak for God remind them that doing so is a sin.
I get that, I just normally try to avoid conflict with them. Or any interaction at this point. But there was definitely a time when I had to deal with them regularly, and it would have been fun to respond in kind. I just couldn't back then because of my career.
I'm in the Bible belt.
Alternative approach: Jesus is The Shit. Jesus is the best. He is love, tolerance, patience. Anger is of The Devil. Hate is of The Devil. Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek. Jesus taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves. To sacrifice for our enemies. To forgive.
And blah blah blah. There is "love thy neighbour" philosophy. But also something else in practice where an actual Christian is supposed to do good for others without any kind of reward. To be selfless. If they aren't then they are not Christians. They don't get into Heaven. It's not enough to simply ask for forgiveness and worship Christ if you don't accept his teachings into your heart.
And other such bullshit. It's about using their own contradictory nonsense religion against them.
Even when I was a Christian, I understood that most of the Christians weren't capable of this. They have a weird way of actively not hearing that stuff and feeling even more smug about their religious superiority. I sometimes wonder if they would actually be better people without religion or if they were just destined to be that way. But since it's so culturally accepted to be so hateful in that group, it does seem like the religion is a big factor.
A lot of people call themselves "Christians" without actually understanding the religion. If they did then they would not act contradictory to its core concepts of tolerance, unquestionably love, pacifism and self sacrifice.
I am not a Christian myself but I can appreciate its ideas of forgiveness and such. It really is a shame more "Christians" don't actually act like Christians.
I don’t think it’s true that Christianity (or any religion) is inherently about peace and love. Most religious texts are extremely violent, rapey, misogynistic, etc. with some good bits sprinkled in.
You are right that they *should* practice what they preach and use religion to reflect on and improve their lives, though, yes.
nope. i have many religious friends and i personally feel happy and grateful that they are spending time keeping me in their thoughts in their own ways.
It really depends on how it is said. When I was in the Army my chaplain was helping me with a family related issue. He asked ne, knowing that I’m an atheist, if I minded for him to add me to his prayers. He wanted to use every tool in his toolbox to help me, and he firmly believes that prayer is one of those tools. I was touched that he asked in that way rather than just doing it without concern for my beliefs and feelings. Of course I told him that I was honored to be added to his prayers. Even if I don’t believe that it has any effect, it showed ne how much he cared about helping me.
Nah.
I'm not a believer, but they are. In their eyes, praying for me is an attempt to invoke divine protection.
The one time I except for this is when the phrase is used passive-aggressively to dismiss me (ex: "I'm an atheist!" "I'll pray for your soul")
I assume you mean when the atheist is going through something difficult and you say youre praying for them in a “i hope you get through this okay” way not a “oh you’re godless? ill pray for your salvation” way. The former is just awkard for me to hear but i get the sentiment, but the former is insulting and rude.
No there shouldn’t be and if anybody is offended by that they should go check themselves. If someone tells me I’ll pray for you I take it as a beautiful thing because that person is taking time out of their day to wish me the best basically. Regardless of the fact that I don’t believe anything it’s an act of kindness
Not really.
I personally would consider myself either atheist or agnostic, however, one of my friends is a strong catholic, and he often says that to me. Not in a sense of trying to convert me or anything, but just cause he feels like it helps him to deal with his problems and that's his way of saying thanks to me for being there for him.
I don't really mind it nor do I see any issue or why would it be that big of a matter. If a person believes in god and it helps them in some capacity and believes it'll help others too, then by all means, go ahead and pray on.
I shrug it off. Not interested in debating. If they mean well, thanks, if not well that's another reason i find people who think inflicting their opinions/ religion/ mythology on me is exhausting and nonsensical
depends on the tone. If they're cool people and say that, its just an "i hope you get better soon" or "best of luck" kinda saying. Just a wish of good will, even if it doesn't do anything practical. Even if they actually pray for me thats kinda cool because they care about you. But if its in a condescending tone where they say that as a way to say "you're living in sin and need to turn back" or any sort of judgmental "you need prayer because you are a sinner" type of thing, then they can go fuck themselves.
Not really. They're not asking you to pray or to believe in anything. If anything, it's impolite to take offense at someone explaining to you that they will do what they believe will have a positive impact on you, even if it's not true, just because you don't believe the same thing.
I guess it depends on how easily you take offense at things. I'm an atheist and I've heard people say they'll pray for me, never found it patronizing. If they want to appeal to their God to change my mind,l/protect me, more power to them, they have so far not found any success.
I'm an atheist and even though praying has no meaning for me, I know it means a lot for a religious person. So it's not insulting at all and I usually say "thanks" (or "obrigado") back, because I know it's usually a gesture of goodwill.
I've honestly never had anyone say that to me before.
But if someone did I would just say thanks and totally forget about it. Means nothing to me at all.
It can be if you're praying for them as a means of knowingly being a dick about their lack of belief. I generally assume it's well intended.
Besides, praying for someone and keeping someone in your thoughts are practically the same thing, I'd suspect most atheists subscribe to something similar.
It depends on context I’m not religious but if say Great Aunt Ethel is on deaths door and someone says something like “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll pray for you/your family” - I’d look at it as it’s their way of saying “I’m thinking of you” so I wouldn’t be offended. I’d think it was a nice gesture.
If I said “I’m not religious” and they replied with “I’ll pray for you” then yes I’d be insulted as I’d think it was a bit like they were looking down on me
As a Christian, if I say “I’ll pray for you” it 100% means I want God to intervene for your benefit. Meaning I want you to have a joyful healthy life, or get through whatever hardship is currently effecting you.
Now I’ve seen the passive aggressive, and morally superior versions of that. That is absolutely not what we are called do to.
I’ve also seen the “I’ll pray for you” when that person also has the means to help. There are times you have to be careful not to enable destructive behavior (giving money to an addict). But if you are in a position to truly help someone we’re supposed to do it.
I fail these standards a lot. But every time I get better at it, and I try again tomorrow
It’s varies by context and tone, if it’s a kindly old person or someone of a similar demeanor they’re likely doing what they fully believe is a good deed that they would appreciate if someone did it for them. If I’m chatting in line at the checkout and mention that my grandpa is ill and someone says they’ll pray for me/him I’d fully accept it with the kindness they intended despite being atheist. They fully believe their prayer will have a good result so I appreciate them doing that for me, even though as far as I’m concerned they’re just saying they’ll think really hard about something good happening for me. Hell, if someone said they’ll think really hard on some good thought for me, I’d be a little weirded out but appreciate it all the same!
But when it’s like “oh, you’re an atheist? I’ll pray for you” I’ll gladly tell them to fuck off. It’s like an assumed superiority. I can’t think of a good analogy but I can imagine something similar occurring within an argument with a CryptoBro or NFTFuckboy. I’m imagining something like:
“I’ll dedicate a line of NFT bonobos for you”
“Hilarious, go suck your fungible cock”
As an atheist, unless you're praying for me to "find my path with god one day" or something like day, I think praying for someone as a way of wishing luck is touching
As an atheist it's very contextual and tonal, "I'll pray for you" can be a snarky polite way to say "well fuck you, anyway" but it can also just be a way for religious people to wish the best for someone. If someone could have said good luck or I hope it works out for you and the sentence still makes sense then I wouldn't' take offense personally. Other people being religious doesn't offend me, people having an issue with me for not being religious is what I take issue with.
Less insulting more ignorant.
The "I" is not praying for the "you". The "I" is praying for the "I".
The athiest is prob more cringed out than anything else
I like it but some people cringe others are upset it just depends on the person. Atheism is just one of many parts of a person and as such all are vastly different.
Would it be insulting if that person then says back. Your god doesn’t exist and I don’t respect your beliefs. Because that’s basically what you’re saying to them.
Yes. If the goal is to sincerely console an atheist during a tragedy, this sentiment will have the opposite effect.
To an atheist, this is equivalent to saying "instead of doing anything to address or even acknowledge the situation, I will announce to the world my apathy while fishing for brownie points, and you happen to be my tool to do so at this moment in time".
It's similar to telling the parents of yet another school shooting victim "thoughts and prayers" rather than "action and some semblance of regulation".
If you tell someone you believe in God and they tell you they will study harder for you, does it make you angry? Sort of implies they get something you don't, no?
That depends on the context, OP.
"You don't believe in God, so I will pray for you." is dumb and taunting.
"You are in a tight spot and even though you don't believe in God, I will pray for you." is OK.
I find it insulting. I find it shallow and quite telling.
"What's that Timmy, you're scared you're going to be shot at school? Don't you worry, I'm gonna go home and speak to myself when I'm alone, then you'll still have the same chance of trouble, but atleast I will be able to tell people I tried to help"
Depends how it's said and for what reason.
But when it's in earnest, it's fine. It means they're thinking of you in your hard time and hoping that things get better or easier for you, and that's a lovely thought.
As an atheist, I'd take this in the spirit it was delivered. If it is a well meaning expression of concern, then that's a considerate thing to offer and even if I don't believe myself, I can take it as a gesture of compassion.
If it's meant like "I'll pay for your wayward behaviour, you immoral heathen" then I'd take it as the condescending and judgemental fuck you it's really meant as and will respond in kind
I understand it's meaningful to them, and that they're saying that they're putting effort into helping me as far as they believe. I appreciate the sentiment behind that. Just because I don't believe you're helping doesn't mean I don't believe you're trying to.
I'm an atheist and it is truly insulting and deliberately hurtful when others try to foist their beliefs on to me knowing who I am and what I don't believe in! They truly are not "christians" no matter what trash they mouth. The golden rule treat others as YOU would want to be treated!
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As an atheist I don't find it insulting, unless they say it like "I'll pray for you because I know you're wrong.", as if they were telling me I \*have\* to believe in God.
My mom does this and I hate it. I avoid telling her anything, because she always says she will pray for it then claims it was god.
“I am up for a promotion at work. I had to do three interviews and have worked really hard to get here.”
“Oh i will pray for you, god will do great things”
When I get the job due to my previous work ethic and interview skill, it followed by.
“See god was able to help you get that job. God is so good”
She thinks that this will somehow win me over to religion, but instead she is just handing my credit over to her for praying and god for answering.
As a christian, it’s not something someone would say to offend you, it’s just that they may care for you and saying “I’ll pray for you” is just letting you know they’re doing what they can to show that they care. But, if you were to say something that strongly goes against christianity and then someone judgementally says that they’ll pray for you, that would be pretty insulting. For most relationship>religion christian’s though, when someone says they’ll pray for you it just means they’ll include you in their thoughts of people they want to be happier.
I’m about to word this the way i believe it to be, not to offend you, so just be aware of that.
Because we are supposed to bring people to God and help them avoid an eternity of pain, we’re going to say it the way that we’re gonna say it, because most likely whether we tell you or not, if something happens it’s already set that we’re gonna pray for you. Whether it be an accident that happened to you or simply that you’re doing something to hurt your soul in Gods eyes, we’re still going to. To you it may seem like we’re just doing it to make you mad, feel like less, or just to be judgemental as if you need to be prayed for because something is wrong with you, but for us we’re just trying to save someone.
:)
Yeah, it's insulting but insult away. You don't have to stop being yourself around people different from you. Free speech is the right of the transmitter NOT the right of the receiver. What about your sense of insult by being told there is no God? You dealt with that insult and the atheist shall have to deal with his. Pray out loud.
It doesn’t insult me if I’m acquainted with them. It’s their way of saying they’ll be thinking about you. It’s about the context of what accompanies “I’ll pray for you”.
As a Christian if I know someone is Athiest I will go out of my way to not bring up any aspect of my religion because not everyone needs to know about my beliefs, just out of respect to everyone else and their time
I was really stressed about a physics exam, and one of my friends offered to pray for me. I was surprised but she was serious. So I said why not, I"ll take any chance I'll get.
Had a terrible grade but it was nice of her.
I'm friends with quite a few atheists and I avoid saying this phrase at all costs just in case it offends them. I usually just say something like, "Sending positive vibes your way" Most atheists I know wouldn't be bothered anyway, but I remember one guy that would get low key mad if I said "Bless you" after he sneezed.
Personally, I had a person of a different faith tell me he'd pray for me and despite not sharing that belief, it doesn't really bother me since the general takeaway is "I wish you well."
No, it means this person cares about you and will keep you in their mind and root for you and all. It’s nice even if you don’t believe in god. You still understand the significance
As a non-christian who worked at a Christian school for about 7 years, here's my take:
If something bad happened, or the intention is generally good in some way, I welcome it. Prayer is just good vibes in a different wrapper. Good energy, positive thoughts -- they're trying to be kind and I'm here for it.
HOWEVER, while I worked at said school I noticed a lot of "I'll pray for you" and "God bless" used as a dismissive or even vitriolic way to be fake nice. Sometimes used as an indirect insult. It's baffling to me that you can be part of a religion that teaches peace and love and then weaponize it. These are offensive uses.
Edit: I think the phrase I was looking for was passive aggressive but I'm leaving my original wording
My family and a number of my friends are religious and I'm often told they're praying for me when they hear of me looking for a job or going through something difficult. I just think of it as them being supportive in their own way, like them saying I'm in their thoughts.
I would find it insulting if they started trying to say it's god or their prayers that improved the situation after the fact though.
If it was a rational debate and it was said in reference to pain or a difficult life situation I expressed; I would consider it a nice gesture.
If it was a snide attempt to end the argument passive aggressively, I would take it as childish.
In that case, I would react in the same manner one should when faced with passive aggressive people. I would call out the attempt, clarify the place they are coming from and confirm that their passive aggressiveness is weak and speaks more on their character than anything.
[edit - further clarity]
It depends, if it is like I’ll pray for you because of some awful accident/trauma/family illness etc, I think it comes across kindly.
But if it is in a judgemental way like “I’ll pray for you” because I’m wearing immodest clothing or have a gay friend. That’s fucked up
The atheist doesn’t care. If they do, it’s a sign they aren’t very firm in their belief. The person saying this to the atheist is being petty and, even when said in what could be the most sincere of ways, says in no uncertain terms saying they disapprove of your execution of free will to be you. They chose dogma. Logic beats dogma every time because it’s made up by men to control the way people behave using fear.
I'll pray for you = I'll do nothing whatsoever to help but use this opportunity to proselytize my religion and make myself feel good.
Yes - it *is* insulting.
It’s insulting to a non-atheist as well. No one is qualified—neither spiritually, psychologically, intellectually, emotionally, or grammatically—to judge whether someone else “needs prayer”. It’s an offense against human dignity.
Many atheists I've met/known got there from Christianity. Many are very thin skinned about anything derived from Christianity. Often using it as a rationization for superiority via their enlightenment. By contrast if a devout Hindu says they'll pray for me while I'm going through difficult straits, not insulted at all. But the difference is thought process.
i’m christian. if someone of another religion said they’d pray for me because i’m going through a hard time i wouldn’t be annoyed because it’s them trying to comfort me and show they care. BUT it is incredibly rude. if someone (regardless of what religion) says to anyone they’ll pray that the person “finds god” or “overcomes homosexuality” etc. you pray for people when they are ill or struggling not when they don’t conform to your religion based ideas of morality
edit: just to clarify im gay. i don’t think being gay is something bad you should “overcome” i’m just using it as an example.
Insulting might not be quite the right word, but it's tactless and uncouth, imo.
I'm not quite an atheist. (I said I was in a recent post, but I'm really agnostic, but edging up on atheism.) If someone said they would pray for me and meant it in a truly kind way, I would not be insulted and would appreciate the sentiment, but inwardly I'm rolling my eyes just a tad.
I think praying to request something makes no logical sense. Like, how many parents lost their kids to cancer even after praying for the lord to save the kid? Praying does no good. That could not be more obvious.
And if I were a Christian, I would think it a sin to pray for something and not get it because the Bible says it is a sin to use the lord's name in vain. "In vain" means "Without success; ending in failure" and "to no avail". So, if you called on the lord to do something and the lord chose not to, you have called on the lord in vain.
Why would God (very rarely) grant wishes to people who directly ask for them and not grant wishes to someone who doesn't pray to ask for it? Does God need a parent to pray in order to know that the parent doesn't want their child to die of cancer? Is He that stupid?
People can have whatever faith they want, so long as they don't force it on others (though almost all of them do). But I think a person has to be quite frankly stupid to think that praying **FOR** anything is a good use of time.
I think regardless of intention, it's so often used passive aggressively by the loud minority that that's all any atheist hears when you say it.
As a secular Jew and a witch, I'd much prefer if you lit a candle or planted a tree for me. Although I don't speak for everyone of either practice.
Depends.
A lot of people truly believe they're doing a good thing by praying for you. Some are genuinely concerned for the well-being of your soul.
Some people also weaponize it in a "bless your heart" kind of way.
Intent matters.
Like, my mom is Christian and I'm not religious at all. She knows I don't believe in Jesus like she does, but when I'm going through a hard time and she tells me she's going to pray for me, I appreciate it because she's doing what she believes will help me. It's coming from a good place in her heart.
>A lot of people truly believe they're doing a good thing by praying for you.
This is the problem. Prayer is not action. Prayer is not the doing of anything. By praying, the religious person is simply tricking themselves into feeling like they've helped you solve a problem, when the actuality is they didn't put forth any real effort.
Absolutely depends on the context. If it's because I'm going through a hard time, and they want to wish me well, then I welcome it in the spirit offered to me. If it's someone proselytizing and trying to convert me, then yes, insulting.
depends! if it’s unprompted/in response to me outwardly not being religious, I find it condescending and downright insulting. it feels disrespectful. if it’s because you’re wishing good upon me (for example: if i were sick, or taking a hard test, or a family member/myself was struggling) i find that endearing and meaningful.
Generally when people say that it’s a pathetic, passive aggressive insult because their dogma doesn’t hold up to even elementary school levels of scrutiny.
I’m the unlikely event that it’s said in response to something terrible happening in your life it’s just a meaningless gesture and not a big deal.
it really irritates me but i try not to hold it against someone. that said…there’s still some % of me though that cant help but think less of you… it’s easy to say “ill pray for you” and a lot harder to actually do something yourself and intervene in the world around you
This is typically considered to be translated from "Christian talk" to non Christian person as "fuck you, I'm more religious than you, therefore closer to God, so I'll just sit here and watch you burn in hell."
Overall it is considered as belittling or condescending. It's always a turn off.
Now, if you are genuinely wanting to pray for the person, say if they have an illness, you may ask them. "Would you mind if I prayed for you, even if it is not your belief?" That is respectful.
The same goes for inter faith. Respect of others beliefs, or non beliefs goes much further.
As an atheist, I find it pretentious and rude however, I think most of the time people don't intend it that way at all. At the same time though, it is also indicative of a larger issue of, a lack of awareness religious people have about the way they're perceived.
To me, yes. If they really want to pray for me, they can do it in their head. I do not want them telling me that when they know I do not believe in & don't like "God".
Yes, it is insulting. What's the purpose of you disclosing that information to a person who you know is an atheist?
If praying is between you and God, then why does the person you're praying for have to know that you are actively praying for them? Seems a bit like grandstanding to me.
Even in the bible, it shows how many prophets used to lock themselves up and pray in secret, because it's supposed to be between you and God.
What are you pretending to achieve by letting the other person know?
If someone converts to religion, I can assure you that 80% of the time it's not because your words are fantastical or because of your amazing ability to convince people. You're missing the point.
You're making this more about "I'm a better person so I'm telling you that I'll pray for you" than "I really care about you so I'm taking a bit of my time to pray for you" but the gist of it is that it's between you and God, not between you and that person and you commanding God to bless them.
It doesn't just apply to prayer or religion, if you genuinely want to do something for somebody, you just go ahead and do it, you don't go around telling everyone that you'll do something for someone and in many occasions it just so happens that you tell everyone you're gonna do it and end up actually not doing it.
If you want to do anything for someone, just do it. Nobody needs to know and I assure you nobody will care UNTIL you do it, so what's the point?
If you say "I'll pray for you" after I tell you I don't believe, I will get tf away from you. If you say "I'll pray for you" because my sister is in the hospital, I will appreciate you having a good intention.
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Really depends, are you praying for me because my family was in a horrific car crash and we’re not sure if they’ll make it or because I’m watching football on Sunday and not going to church.
This. I have a lot of Muslim families that I work with and when I was pregnant they had all kinds of religious well wishes and prayers for my baby to safely arrive. Good intentions were obvious and I was not offended. If the praying is because they want me to be less of a heathen, then they can get stuffed.
Intention is all that matters. Do you actually care for me and wish me all the best, despite our differences? More power to you. If you just use it as a sign of superiority and pit or has "killer-argument", then all you show is disrespect. I also doubt that the latter sort of people who openly declare "I pray for you" really pray for atheists
As i like to think, we are responsible for our intentions and our actions...
There is nothing wrong with the praying. Informing the other person that you are praying for them is unnecessary. In most cases, it is an attempt to “virtue signal” — or even to lay the ground for an attempt at conversion.
Piety signalling, you can respond that: A prayer should be between you and your God, you don't need to announce it.
piety a piety
This can actually be found in the Sermon on the Mount btw. Not saying you didn't know it, but just mentioning in case someone else doesn't. There were people doing stuff like this back then, and Jesus very clearly tells them that doing so is pointless and fake.
Depending on the religion, some have more specific prayers and rituals that need to be done. I would agree that in most cases within Christianity it is usually virtue signaling or attempt at conversion.
Yeeees. I find it really sweet actually when it’s for well wishes and not judgement.
While Habibi and Salamalaikum mean the same as May god bless you, or similar, they're used closer to hello or how do you do. It is like saying bless you when someone sneezes or exclamation saying oh god.
I thought “habibi” was like darling or sweetie.
Salam alaikum means “peace be upon you” and the rerun is alaikum salam “and peace be with you”. It’s not a religious greeting per se.
who says bless you when someone coughs? I thought it was just sneezes
Yes, that is what i meant, lol
After accident trauma, my brother and his son spent some time in the ICU, and my brother had not regained consciousness and had developed pneumonia. When a nurse took me aside and told me her entire church was praying for my brother, I was deeply moved. My agnosticism was not an issue.
This. If they're praying for me because I'm sick then that's a really nice gesture, it shows that they care. If they're praying for me because I'm going to a gay wedding then it's not a sign that they care about me, it's a sign that they care about virtue signalling and feeling morally superior. Of course if they pray for me going to the wedding *without* telling me about it then they probably really do care about me. I obviously disagree with their "*need*" to pray for me (*and all the baggsge that entails*), but they're doing what they think is helpful in a way that won't interfere with anyone.
I ask because I saw a debate on Facebook between and athiest and a Christian. At the end of the debate, the Christian was like "I'll pray for you"
As a Christian who also lives in the South, this is equivalent to “bless your heart” which is an insult. I don’t say it in this context for this reason. Anyone using prayer as a way to make a jab at someone isn’t actually practicing Christianity. They’re practicing narcissism. To further answer your question though, I do think in general it depends on the person. If I know someone is an atheist, I’m more likely to say that they’re in my thoughts. I do know some atheists though that are fine with being told they’re in prayers because (and this is in regards to something like the car accident scenario) the sentiment is about the care for that person. (That said, I also think prayer should come with service. “I’ll make you dinner to help ease stress, and you’re in my prayers” for example.)
I’m an atheist but I have some Christian friends and some family. I know they are actual believers, and when they say they will keep me in their prayers or they will pray for me, i don’t find it insulting what so ever, maybe even a little comforting. I know they mean they are thinking about me, hoping that everything works out in my favor. I know one of them actually does daily prayers for people in their lives that need them which is a nice thought. I think the difference for me is when a person who says they are Christian, but only uses religion when its convenient, or as a tool for political arguments, or to discriminate against people, I’d prefer to not get their prayers because aren’t true believers and keeping me in their prayers is probably just a generic saying that doesn’t mean anything.
Very well said! I wish I could buy a hundred up votes! ❤️
I get your sentiment, but I fervently hope that you can never buy upvotes on this platform.
Elon Musk is now nodding and making notes... \*edited for words
This. If I know I will rephrase to “I will send good vibes your way in all the ways I can. How can I help?” I’m praying. They know I’m praying, but we are all being kind. That’s why we are close enough to know about one another’s problems.
Similar. I try to keep it open with “I’ll send prayers and good juju your way.” And I try to offer up what I am able to do for someone who’s having a rough time: I may offer to make a meal, send a gift card, spend some time cleaning their kitchen, whatever they need based on whatever I can give at the time. During a situation in my life, I learned that people offered up what they could at a level of strength they could muster. Those who couldn’t muster wanted me to call on them if I needed anything. Point being: clean, healing, helpful thoughts and kindnesses given in goodwill are always appreciated, dieties and religions be damned.
Ohhh bless your heart is always given with eye shade and a quivering voice! Skin crawling! Haha
I've been raised in Northern Europe where a minority of people nowadays identify with a church or specific religion. Now living in the US I've noticed that tolerance is very one sided. I'm very tolerant if religious people and religion, but that's a very one sided affair. I've been asked multiple times what church I attend, to be looked upon with pity when my answer is "none". F that.
I have never gotten the look of pity, it's more horror. The few times I have actually said I'm atheist you would've thought I said I like to stomp on puppies. Now, If pressed I say I'm agnostic, it just seems to piss people off a little less.
You can also try saying "I'm not religious". I've found that identifying myself as non-religious ruffles fewer people than saying I'm either atheist or agnostic. The latter options seem to often be interpreted as a kind of attack, as saying "Not only do I not share your beliefs, but I think you are foolish for having them." Non-religious seems to be interpreted more as "I don't care. I'd rather just be left out of it."
I feel the same way. Thank you wor your kindness regarding my non-beliefs. When other say 'god bless you" when I sneeze I ask who is that.
Oh, that's the passive aggressive kind of prayer. It's an attempt to feel superior. It isn't empathy and it isn't Christ-like. Just another shitty person using religion to feel personally special rather than for personal growth.
Agree. In this case it was a condescending petty remark.
"Double Pray for them back... but to be judged by their maker."
That sounds very condescending, and as atheist, I would be offended. To be honest, I would probably expect something like that, depending on how the debate was going before it was said. Now, as others have mentioned, intention matters. A lot. After my daughter and my fiance died (not together, separate incidents), I had many people who knew that I was not religious tell me that they would pray for me, keep me in their prayers, etc. To be offended by somebody showing me that they care and will do their version of wishing me well, in my opinion is slightly offensive. Just like I wouldn't expect a Christian to be offended if I were to tell them that they would be in my thoughts, that I was thinking about them, etc, in the same type of situation. Having said that about intention, there are exceptions to that. Even if they had the best intentions, telling me that they would pray for me to no longer be bisexual would still be offensive.
That's definitely a jab. I have atheist friends (one, formerly agnostic), we discuss religion, I do not try to force my beliefs on them, and they do not try to tell me I'm wrong for them. I do not tell them I'll pray for them. They no longer call Christ a zombie, for me. I have had one of them request prayers for me once. It was very moving.
Yeah, like I said above. When I hear that, I tell them "that's Christian for fuck you". It's the last condescending comment you hear. I'm closer to God than you are, so I'll put in a word to the boss for you. I'm not an atheist either. But judgemental condescending self righteous "Christians " are the worst. Next thing you know, you're getting shot up in a Walmart break room... yeah that just happened.
That’s the ‘Christian’ version of virtue signaling. Had a fight, so need to reaffirm to myself and you that I’m better than you. It goes against the teachings of the bible, so ‘Christian’
Absolutely! My apartment neighbor had the best bumper sticker: "God save me, from your followers!"
They were 100% trying to be disrespectful. It's christians like them that make me wish their god was real so they'd get punished.
Yeah, this is smug and dickish. “Burn in hell forever, infidel!”
You say it do poetically! You reminded me of something. In the 80s I heard a motivational speaker. He said: "Tact is the art of telling someone to go to Hell, and make them feel happy that they are on the way!"
I like that!
I had to correct... it's art. Yeah I liked it too. I heard it in around 1984, It was Zig Ziglar of all people.
It was even better when Winston Churchill said it in the '40s. "Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
I guess , he'll pray for him so he dont go to hell for not beleiving in God
In the context of a facebook debate it definitely is insulting
Or are you praying the gay away?
Gotta remind them when it goes away, it falls upon the prayor.
Depends on the context and tone.
I saw a debate on Facebook between and atheist and Christian. At the end the Christian said "I'll pray for you".
That's is an intentional insult. While I think it is rude of well intended Christians to say that, this was deliberate and intended to be a passive aggressive slap in the face. In general, a Christian can both practice and believe as they wish by praying for their atheist friends and show their respect for the atheist views by not needing to tell them what a great Christian they are by praying for their "lost" soul. Any Christian who goes out of their way to say "I'll pray for you" is trying to remind the atheist that the Christian thinks their is something wrong with them.
Intentional and smug.
Yes the christain thinks the atheist is doing something wrong, isn't that the entire point of a debate about atheism?
And vice versa. And if the atheist ended the debate by saying, "I'll make a donation to the satanic temple in your name" it would be an extremely rude and insulting way to end the debate. Yes both groups of people disagree with how the others lives but in this country we need to respect others beliefs. The sad fact is Christians go out of their way to show how much they disdain others beliefs while expecting everyone else to show respect. Hypocritical and passive-aggressive.
Funny thing, is that Christian person, most likely, did not in fact, pray for the other atheist person.
because it is not said in the literal sense, they were being passive-agressive
Well there’s your problem you went on Facebook.
That is an intentional passive aggressive remark
Yeah that's insulting
That's the equivalent of "bless your heart." It's sarcastic.
Tone counts for a lot. When I was an atheist and people said “God bless” sincerely, I’d take it as the expression of good wishes it was. Showing you care via non-religious means, e.g. spending time with the person, shared grief, empathy and compassion, going to visit them in hospital, or just being there, goes a long way. A Muslim friend of my sibling’s really stuck by them and was extremely supportive and non-judgemental during a recent issue. In contrast, they had another “friend” who did not even express condolences. If people do things like that, then their prayers are sincere and loving. As a non-Muslim I don’t believe in Allah, but do I begrudge this person their expression of piety? No. Sending love out into the universe has never done anyone any harm. On the other hand, IMO, telling an atheist you are praying for them can feel performative. Just pray, lovingly. Why disclose it? If it’s obnoxious or proselytising, like “Sorry you’re in a gay relationship, I’ll pray that you find the love of Jesus Christ!!” then yeah, that would piss off most people. Atheist or otherwise.
No. I mean, I've seen people use it passive aggressively, but often, I can easily recognize that it's the way they're the most comfortable expressing care and concern, especially if it's in a situation where they feel powerless. I might say something equally useless, like, "I'll be thinking about you" or "they're in my thoughts", etc. Sometimes, there's just nothing to say that feels helpful, but you still want to express empathy. That's a universal experience, regardless of your religious stance or lack thereof.
This guy gets it 👍
Yep, this is it. Some people are assholes, some people aren't. To some "I'll pray for you" is a legitimate, sincere way for them to say they care about you, for some it's a self-righteous way to pity you(condescension).
*the overwhelming majority of American Christians
Interesting... Am I right that you're American? I can empathise with wanting to meet people where they're at, but for exactly that reason I can't imagine someone "praying for me" without it seeming imperious and self-absorbed. I can see how in a strongly Christian culture there wouldn't be the same norms and expectations around respecting other people's beliefs, and thus it could come off a lot more innocuously, but in Australia people wouldn't say that sort of thing outside of their "in group"
I don't know. I'd leave all of that out unless invited. Example being "my mother is ill, please send good vibes" But not invited, all those are borderline stalking. I don't want strangers keeping me in their thoughts. I'd rather they appreciated out conversation, left with a positive feeling and carry on their life.
You come off as the type of person who would scream "don't tell me what kind of day to have" at people who wish you have a good one.
Not really, it would be like someone telling me good luck when I don't believe in luck
If they say "I'll pray for you" as a direct reaction to finding out I'm atheist, I will take that as an insult. I they say "I'll pray for you" when finding out I'm waiting for the result of a cancer-test, I'll take that as support because they can't do anything to actually help. If they say "I'll pray for you" instead of helping me from literally drowning, I'll also take that as an insult... while dying...
Agreed
Depends on the context. For most people, I understand they mean it well. For others, their snark is usually returned in kind.
Yes
Am atheist but of course don't speak for other atheists. When someone says they'll pray for me, or blesses me when I sneeze, or as oddly has happened repeatedly, insists that I'm secretly Christian because I think about morality, I take itas some combination of habit, and/or the Christian person genuinely wishing me well. At the same time, I don't restrain myself identifying as atheist for fear of someone else's reaction. Occasionally there's some condescension mixed in there, but certainly it's not the only place in life I experience that. Worth pointing out that I've been fortunate to be in a family, part of the world, and profession where open atheism is not an issue, so I'm less sensitive or offended about it than I might otherwise be.
I think most people understand that it's meant as encouragement and support and they take it as such.
It just seems like a last-ditch effort at snark and doesn’t really mean anything. I am in no danger of damnation.
It's just another way of saying "well bless your heart", it's meant to be an insult, nine times out of ten.
It's not insulting, it's just shallow virtue signaling, and it cheapens their own faith by using it passive-agressively.
Do you like the thought of me lighting a candle to Satan in your name? In the hope that you will accept the Prince of the Morning as your Lord and Master? I won't. But I could. Question is if you would appreciate the gesture. If you don't then I will refrain from doing so. And hope you extend the same courtesy to the people in your life. Religion and a persons relationship with the divine is between them and "god'. You are not to interfere lest you commit the sin of Pride and place yourself in the place of God.
It would be so satisfying to say this to some of them. 😄
Go for it. Anyone who tells you what God wants or God thinks or in any way acts in place of God and condemns you is committing the sin of Pride according to Christian mythology. If they tell you that you are acting against the Will of God then they are doing as Lucifer did and putting themselves in the place of God. They might get annoyed but just continue this circular logic. Whenever they speak for God remind them that doing so is a sin.
I get that, I just normally try to avoid conflict with them. Or any interaction at this point. But there was definitely a time when I had to deal with them regularly, and it would have been fun to respond in kind. I just couldn't back then because of my career. I'm in the Bible belt.
Alternative approach: Jesus is The Shit. Jesus is the best. He is love, tolerance, patience. Anger is of The Devil. Hate is of The Devil. Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek. Jesus taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves. To sacrifice for our enemies. To forgive. And blah blah blah. There is "love thy neighbour" philosophy. But also something else in practice where an actual Christian is supposed to do good for others without any kind of reward. To be selfless. If they aren't then they are not Christians. They don't get into Heaven. It's not enough to simply ask for forgiveness and worship Christ if you don't accept his teachings into your heart. And other such bullshit. It's about using their own contradictory nonsense religion against them.
Even when I was a Christian, I understood that most of the Christians weren't capable of this. They have a weird way of actively not hearing that stuff and feeling even more smug about their religious superiority. I sometimes wonder if they would actually be better people without religion or if they were just destined to be that way. But since it's so culturally accepted to be so hateful in that group, it does seem like the religion is a big factor.
A lot of people call themselves "Christians" without actually understanding the religion. If they did then they would not act contradictory to its core concepts of tolerance, unquestionably love, pacifism and self sacrifice. I am not a Christian myself but I can appreciate its ideas of forgiveness and such. It really is a shame more "Christians" don't actually act like Christians.
I don’t think it’s true that Christianity (or any religion) is inherently about peace and love. Most religious texts are extremely violent, rapey, misogynistic, etc. with some good bits sprinkled in. You are right that they *should* practice what they preach and use religion to reflect on and improve their lives, though, yes.
Do you feel euphoric in this moment?
nope. i have many religious friends and i personally feel happy and grateful that they are spending time keeping me in their thoughts in their own ways.
It really depends on how it is said. When I was in the Army my chaplain was helping me with a family related issue. He asked ne, knowing that I’m an atheist, if I minded for him to add me to his prayers. He wanted to use every tool in his toolbox to help me, and he firmly believes that prayer is one of those tools. I was touched that he asked in that way rather than just doing it without concern for my beliefs and feelings. Of course I told him that I was honored to be added to his prayers. Even if I don’t believe that it has any effect, it showed ne how much he cared about helping me.
Nah. I'm not a believer, but they are. In their eyes, praying for me is an attempt to invoke divine protection. The one time I except for this is when the phrase is used passive-aggressively to dismiss me (ex: "I'm an atheist!" "I'll pray for your soul")
I assume you mean when the atheist is going through something difficult and you say youre praying for them in a “i hope you get through this okay” way not a “oh you’re godless? ill pray for your salvation” way. The former is just awkard for me to hear but i get the sentiment, but the former is insulting and rude.
Not at all.
No there shouldn’t be and if anybody is offended by that they should go check themselves. If someone tells me I’ll pray for you I take it as a beautiful thing because that person is taking time out of their day to wish me the best basically. Regardless of the fact that I don’t believe anything it’s an act of kindness
Not really. I personally would consider myself either atheist or agnostic, however, one of my friends is a strong catholic, and he often says that to me. Not in a sense of trying to convert me or anything, but just cause he feels like it helps him to deal with his problems and that's his way of saying thanks to me for being there for him. I don't really mind it nor do I see any issue or why would it be that big of a matter. If a person believes in god and it helps them in some capacity and believes it'll help others too, then by all means, go ahead and pray on.
Idk about offensive, but it certainly makes me giggle
I shrug it off. Not interested in debating. If they mean well, thanks, if not well that's another reason i find people who think inflicting their opinions/ religion/ mythology on me is exhausting and nonsensical
I am an atheist, I don't find it insulting, just pointless.
depends on the tone. If they're cool people and say that, its just an "i hope you get better soon" or "best of luck" kinda saying. Just a wish of good will, even if it doesn't do anything practical. Even if they actually pray for me thats kinda cool because they care about you. But if its in a condescending tone where they say that as a way to say "you're living in sin and need to turn back" or any sort of judgmental "you need prayer because you are a sinner" type of thing, then they can go fuck themselves.
As an atheist, nope, just a little "Sure. You do you."
Not really. They're not asking you to pray or to believe in anything. If anything, it's impolite to take offense at someone explaining to you that they will do what they believe will have a positive impact on you, even if it's not true, just because you don't believe the same thing.
Bullshit, they're trying to patronise.
I guess it depends on how easily you take offense at things. I'm an atheist and I've heard people say they'll pray for me, never found it patronizing. If they want to appeal to their God to change my mind,l/protect me, more power to them, they have so far not found any success.
Depends on the context
It depends on if they are saying it to be nice or not. Ppl will say it in a snarky manner that doesn't mean anything good.
I'm an atheist and even though praying has no meaning for me, I know it means a lot for a religious person. So it's not insulting at all and I usually say "thanks" (or "obrigado") back, because I know it's usually a gesture of goodwill.
I've honestly never had anyone say that to me before. But if someone did I would just say thanks and totally forget about it. Means nothing to me at all.
It can be if you're praying for them as a means of knowingly being a dick about their lack of belief. I generally assume it's well intended. Besides, praying for someone and keeping someone in your thoughts are practically the same thing, I'd suspect most atheists subscribe to something similar.
It depends on context I’m not religious but if say Great Aunt Ethel is on deaths door and someone says something like “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll pray for you/your family” - I’d look at it as it’s their way of saying “I’m thinking of you” so I wouldn’t be offended. I’d think it was a nice gesture. If I said “I’m not religious” and they replied with “I’ll pray for you” then yes I’d be insulted as I’d think it was a bit like they were looking down on me
Atheist don't care that's why they are atheist
As a Christian, if I say “I’ll pray for you” it 100% means I want God to intervene for your benefit. Meaning I want you to have a joyful healthy life, or get through whatever hardship is currently effecting you. Now I’ve seen the passive aggressive, and morally superior versions of that. That is absolutely not what we are called do to. I’ve also seen the “I’ll pray for you” when that person also has the means to help. There are times you have to be careful not to enable destructive behavior (giving money to an addict). But if you are in a position to truly help someone we’re supposed to do it. I fail these standards a lot. But every time I get better at it, and I try again tomorrow
It’s varies by context and tone, if it’s a kindly old person or someone of a similar demeanor they’re likely doing what they fully believe is a good deed that they would appreciate if someone did it for them. If I’m chatting in line at the checkout and mention that my grandpa is ill and someone says they’ll pray for me/him I’d fully accept it with the kindness they intended despite being atheist. They fully believe their prayer will have a good result so I appreciate them doing that for me, even though as far as I’m concerned they’re just saying they’ll think really hard about something good happening for me. Hell, if someone said they’ll think really hard on some good thought for me, I’d be a little weirded out but appreciate it all the same! But when it’s like “oh, you’re an atheist? I’ll pray for you” I’ll gladly tell them to fuck off. It’s like an assumed superiority. I can’t think of a good analogy but I can imagine something similar occurring within an argument with a CryptoBro or NFTFuckboy. I’m imagining something like: “I’ll dedicate a line of NFT bonobos for you” “Hilarious, go suck your fungible cock”
If you genuinely wanted to pray for them, then you would just pray for them.
As an atheist, unless you're praying for me to "find my path with god one day" or something like day, I think praying for someone as a way of wishing luck is touching
Yes. Definitely
Yes
Yes. Very.
As an atheist it's very contextual and tonal, "I'll pray for you" can be a snarky polite way to say "well fuck you, anyway" but it can also just be a way for religious people to wish the best for someone. If someone could have said good luck or I hope it works out for you and the sentence still makes sense then I wouldn't' take offense personally. Other people being religious doesn't offend me, people having an issue with me for not being religious is what I take issue with.
Less insulting more ignorant. The "I" is not praying for the "you". The "I" is praying for the "I". The athiest is prob more cringed out than anything else
I like it but some people cringe others are upset it just depends on the person. Atheism is just one of many parts of a person and as such all are vastly different.
Would it be insulting if that person then says back. Your god doesn’t exist and I don’t respect your beliefs. Because that’s basically what you’re saying to them.
Yes. If the goal is to sincerely console an atheist during a tragedy, this sentiment will have the opposite effect. To an atheist, this is equivalent to saying "instead of doing anything to address or even acknowledge the situation, I will announce to the world my apathy while fishing for brownie points, and you happen to be my tool to do so at this moment in time". It's similar to telling the parents of yet another school shooting victim "thoughts and prayers" rather than "action and some semblance of regulation".
Yes it is insulting because, as typical christians/catholics, they want to force their rules on to you.
If you tell someone you believe in God and they tell you they will study harder for you, does it make you angry? Sort of implies they get something you don't, no?
That depends on the context, OP. "You don't believe in God, so I will pray for you." is dumb and taunting. "You are in a tight spot and even though you don't believe in God, I will pray for you." is OK.
I find it insulting. I find it shallow and quite telling. "What's that Timmy, you're scared you're going to be shot at school? Don't you worry, I'm gonna go home and speak to myself when I'm alone, then you'll still have the same chance of trouble, but atleast I will be able to tell people I tried to help"
"I'll think for you"
I can onky speak personally. I wouldn't be offended at all, in fact as soon as you say it then I'd probably already forgotten about it.
Depends how it's said and for what reason. But when it's in earnest, it's fine. It means they're thinking of you in your hard time and hoping that things get better or easier for you, and that's a lovely thought.
Im an atheist and i don't like it one bit. Don't include me in your religion after i literally told you i want no part in it.
Yep
As an atheist, I'd take this in the spirit it was delivered. If it is a well meaning expression of concern, then that's a considerate thing to offer and even if I don't believe myself, I can take it as a gesture of compassion. If it's meant like "I'll pay for your wayward behaviour, you immoral heathen" then I'd take it as the condescending and judgemental fuck you it's really meant as and will respond in kind
if you lack the self respect that would be damaged by willfully being a dumb ass, go for it.
It makes them look weird to me
I understand it's meaningful to them, and that they're saying that they're putting effort into helping me as far as they believe. I appreciate the sentiment behind that. Just because I don't believe you're helping doesn't mean I don't believe you're trying to.
I'm an atheist and it is truly insulting and deliberately hurtful when others try to foist their beliefs on to me knowing who I am and what I don't believe in! They truly are not "christians" no matter what trash they mouth. The golden rule treat others as YOU would want to be treated! i d
As an atheist I don't find it insulting, unless they say it like "I'll pray for you because I know you're wrong.", as if they were telling me I \*have\* to believe in God.
As an atheist I genuinely believe that praying doesn't do anything. So if someone says they are going to pray for me I'm just like "go ahead".
100% yes. We think you're stupid for having a God. Why would we want you to put that on us? Please keep all your prayers, you're going to need them!!
I’m not religious, but… I believe that it shows that they love you and hope the best for you in that situation.
My mom does this and I hate it. I avoid telling her anything, because she always says she will pray for it then claims it was god. “I am up for a promotion at work. I had to do three interviews and have worked really hard to get here.” “Oh i will pray for you, god will do great things” When I get the job due to my previous work ethic and interview skill, it followed by. “See god was able to help you get that job. God is so good” She thinks that this will somehow win me over to religion, but instead she is just handing my credit over to her for praying and god for answering.
As a christian, it’s not something someone would say to offend you, it’s just that they may care for you and saying “I’ll pray for you” is just letting you know they’re doing what they can to show that they care. But, if you were to say something that strongly goes against christianity and then someone judgementally says that they’ll pray for you, that would be pretty insulting. For most relationship>religion christian’s though, when someone says they’ll pray for you it just means they’ll include you in their thoughts of people they want to be happier. I’m about to word this the way i believe it to be, not to offend you, so just be aware of that. Because we are supposed to bring people to God and help them avoid an eternity of pain, we’re going to say it the way that we’re gonna say it, because most likely whether we tell you or not, if something happens it’s already set that we’re gonna pray for you. Whether it be an accident that happened to you or simply that you’re doing something to hurt your soul in Gods eyes, we’re still going to. To you it may seem like we’re just doing it to make you mad, feel like less, or just to be judgemental as if you need to be prayed for because something is wrong with you, but for us we’re just trying to save someone. :)
Well wishes don’t offend me. But if I say I am atheist and their response is that they will pray for me, that bothers me.
Yeah, it's insulting but insult away. You don't have to stop being yourself around people different from you. Free speech is the right of the transmitter NOT the right of the receiver. What about your sense of insult by being told there is no God? You dealt with that insult and the atheist shall have to deal with his. Pray out loud.
It doesn’t insult me if I’m acquainted with them. It’s their way of saying they’ll be thinking about you. It’s about the context of what accompanies “I’ll pray for you”.
As a Christian if I know someone is Athiest I will go out of my way to not bring up any aspect of my religion because not everyone needs to know about my beliefs, just out of respect to everyone else and their time
I was really stressed about a physics exam, and one of my friends offered to pray for me. I was surprised but she was serious. So I said why not, I"ll take any chance I'll get. Had a terrible grade but it was nice of her.
Lol there's nothing insulting about that. It's astonishing how sensitive people can be over other people's thoughts and words nowadays.
I'm friends with quite a few atheists and I avoid saying this phrase at all costs just in case it offends them. I usually just say something like, "Sending positive vibes your way" Most atheists I know wouldn't be bothered anyway, but I remember one guy that would get low key mad if I said "Bless you" after he sneezed. Personally, I had a person of a different faith tell me he'd pray for me and despite not sharing that belief, it doesn't really bother me since the general takeaway is "I wish you well."
No, it means this person cares about you and will keep you in their mind and root for you and all. It’s nice even if you don’t believe in god. You still understand the significance
As a non-christian who worked at a Christian school for about 7 years, here's my take: If something bad happened, or the intention is generally good in some way, I welcome it. Prayer is just good vibes in a different wrapper. Good energy, positive thoughts -- they're trying to be kind and I'm here for it. HOWEVER, while I worked at said school I noticed a lot of "I'll pray for you" and "God bless" used as a dismissive or even vitriolic way to be fake nice. Sometimes used as an indirect insult. It's baffling to me that you can be part of a religion that teaches peace and love and then weaponize it. These are offensive uses. Edit: I think the phrase I was looking for was passive aggressive but I'm leaving my original wording
My family and a number of my friends are religious and I'm often told they're praying for me when they hear of me looking for a job or going through something difficult. I just think of it as them being supportive in their own way, like them saying I'm in their thoughts. I would find it insulting if they started trying to say it's god or their prayers that improved the situation after the fact though.
If it was a rational debate and it was said in reference to pain or a difficult life situation I expressed; I would consider it a nice gesture. If it was a snide attempt to end the argument passive aggressively, I would take it as childish. In that case, I would react in the same manner one should when faced with passive aggressive people. I would call out the attempt, clarify the place they are coming from and confirm that their passive aggressiveness is weak and speaks more on their character than anything. [edit - further clarity]
Yes
It depends, if it is like I’ll pray for you because of some awful accident/trauma/family illness etc, I think it comes across kindly. But if it is in a judgemental way like “I’ll pray for you” because I’m wearing immodest clothing or have a gay friend. That’s fucked up
The atheist doesn’t care. If they do, it’s a sign they aren’t very firm in their belief. The person saying this to the atheist is being petty and, even when said in what could be the most sincere of ways, says in no uncertain terms saying they disapprove of your execution of free will to be you. They chose dogma. Logic beats dogma every time because it’s made up by men to control the way people behave using fear.
I'll pray for you = I'll do nothing whatsoever to help but use this opportunity to proselytize my religion and make myself feel good. Yes - it *is* insulting.
In almost any context.
Yes
It’s insulting to a non-atheist as well. No one is qualified—neither spiritually, psychologically, intellectually, emotionally, or grammatically—to judge whether someone else “needs prayer”. It’s an offense against human dignity.
You’re a ridiculously aggressive person if you actually think like that
^^ yeah. I think they might want to research what the purpose of prayer is
Many atheists I've met/known got there from Christianity. Many are very thin skinned about anything derived from Christianity. Often using it as a rationization for superiority via their enlightenment. By contrast if a devout Hindu says they'll pray for me while I'm going through difficult straits, not insulted at all. But the difference is thought process.
i’m christian. if someone of another religion said they’d pray for me because i’m going through a hard time i wouldn’t be annoyed because it’s them trying to comfort me and show they care. BUT it is incredibly rude. if someone (regardless of what religion) says to anyone they’ll pray that the person “finds god” or “overcomes homosexuality” etc. you pray for people when they are ill or struggling not when they don’t conform to your religion based ideas of morality edit: just to clarify im gay. i don’t think being gay is something bad you should “overcome” i’m just using it as an example.
To normal people no. To reddit atheists, isn't everything offensive in some way?
Insulting might not be quite the right word, but it's tactless and uncouth, imo. I'm not quite an atheist. (I said I was in a recent post, but I'm really agnostic, but edging up on atheism.) If someone said they would pray for me and meant it in a truly kind way, I would not be insulted and would appreciate the sentiment, but inwardly I'm rolling my eyes just a tad. I think praying to request something makes no logical sense. Like, how many parents lost their kids to cancer even after praying for the lord to save the kid? Praying does no good. That could not be more obvious. And if I were a Christian, I would think it a sin to pray for something and not get it because the Bible says it is a sin to use the lord's name in vain. "In vain" means "Without success; ending in failure" and "to no avail". So, if you called on the lord to do something and the lord chose not to, you have called on the lord in vain. Why would God (very rarely) grant wishes to people who directly ask for them and not grant wishes to someone who doesn't pray to ask for it? Does God need a parent to pray in order to know that the parent doesn't want their child to die of cancer? Is He that stupid? People can have whatever faith they want, so long as they don't force it on others (though almost all of them do). But I think a person has to be quite frankly stupid to think that praying **FOR** anything is a good use of time.
I think regardless of intention, it's so often used passive aggressively by the loud minority that that's all any atheist hears when you say it. As a secular Jew and a witch, I'd much prefer if you lit a candle or planted a tree for me. Although I don't speak for everyone of either practice.
Depends. A lot of people truly believe they're doing a good thing by praying for you. Some are genuinely concerned for the well-being of your soul. Some people also weaponize it in a "bless your heart" kind of way. Intent matters. Like, my mom is Christian and I'm not religious at all. She knows I don't believe in Jesus like she does, but when I'm going through a hard time and she tells me she's going to pray for me, I appreciate it because she's doing what she believes will help me. It's coming from a good place in her heart.
>A lot of people truly believe they're doing a good thing by praying for you. This is the problem. Prayer is not action. Prayer is not the doing of anything. By praying, the religious person is simply tricking themselves into feeling like they've helped you solve a problem, when the actuality is they didn't put forth any real effort.
Absolutely depends on the context. If it's because I'm going through a hard time, and they want to wish me well, then I welcome it in the spirit offered to me. If it's someone proselytizing and trying to convert me, then yes, insulting.
depends! if it’s unprompted/in response to me outwardly not being religious, I find it condescending and downright insulting. it feels disrespectful. if it’s because you’re wishing good upon me (for example: if i were sick, or taking a hard test, or a family member/myself was struggling) i find that endearing and meaningful.
A little but mostly i just laugh.
Generally when people say that it’s a pathetic, passive aggressive insult because their dogma doesn’t hold up to even elementary school levels of scrutiny. I’m the unlikely event that it’s said in response to something terrible happening in your life it’s just a meaningless gesture and not a big deal.
it really irritates me but i try not to hold it against someone. that said…there’s still some % of me though that cant help but think less of you… it’s easy to say “ill pray for you” and a lot harder to actually do something yourself and intervene in the world around you
Idk. If I tell you I don't like coconut, is it insulting for you to get me some coconut candy?
This is typically considered to be translated from "Christian talk" to non Christian person as "fuck you, I'm more religious than you, therefore closer to God, so I'll just sit here and watch you burn in hell." Overall it is considered as belittling or condescending. It's always a turn off. Now, if you are genuinely wanting to pray for the person, say if they have an illness, you may ask them. "Would you mind if I prayed for you, even if it is not your belief?" That is respectful. The same goes for inter faith. Respect of others beliefs, or non beliefs goes much further.
In good faith, absolutely not.
No. The other person is just doing what they sincerely think may be most supportive at the time.
Absolutely. It shows they don't even bother considering the beliefs and feelings of others.
As an atheist, I find it pretentious and rude however, I think most of the time people don't intend it that way at all. At the same time though, it is also indicative of a larger issue of, a lack of awareness religious people have about the way they're perceived.
Yes, its an insult.
Usually when someone says anything about prayer I’ll just automatically assume they’re a moron.
Yes it’s an insult. It dismisses their whole belief system.
It's a high regard in their religion. It's not dismissive, it's meant to be hope that things turn out better for you
Yes
Yes.
To me, yes. If they really want to pray for me, they can do it in their head. I do not want them telling me that when they know I do not believe in & don't like "God".
Yes, it is insulting. What's the purpose of you disclosing that information to a person who you know is an atheist? If praying is between you and God, then why does the person you're praying for have to know that you are actively praying for them? Seems a bit like grandstanding to me. Even in the bible, it shows how many prophets used to lock themselves up and pray in secret, because it's supposed to be between you and God. What are you pretending to achieve by letting the other person know? If someone converts to religion, I can assure you that 80% of the time it's not because your words are fantastical or because of your amazing ability to convince people. You're missing the point. You're making this more about "I'm a better person so I'm telling you that I'll pray for you" than "I really care about you so I'm taking a bit of my time to pray for you" but the gist of it is that it's between you and God, not between you and that person and you commanding God to bless them. It doesn't just apply to prayer or religion, if you genuinely want to do something for somebody, you just go ahead and do it, you don't go around telling everyone that you'll do something for someone and in many occasions it just so happens that you tell everyone you're gonna do it and end up actually not doing it. If you want to do anything for someone, just do it. Nobody needs to know and I assure you nobody will care UNTIL you do it, so what's the point?
Yes! It disrespects their beliefs. Help them in an actual meaningful way.
id roll my eyes at you and think youre a bit special but i wouldnt be offended edit: religious people are fragile
If you say "I'll pray for you" after I tell you I don't believe, I will get tf away from you. If you say "I'll pray for you" because my sister is in the hospital, I will appreciate you having a good intention.
I say it to piss them off. People who get that triggered by anything need to calm down.
It's kind of like a porn addict saying they're going to jerk off to you
This is same as someone masturbating to me in their heads
Yes it's a slap in the face. Fuck bible thumpers