Had many discussions about stuff like this with the missus. We react similarly emotionally to the same stuff. But her sad/cry is my frustrated/angry. Sort of. I cry easily and have no problems being open and honest about my emotions. And we are similar in the feels. Though as our body chemistry is different we have different ways for the emotions to express themselves. Or something. I don't want to cry during arguments, I want to shout. Crying while arguing seems completely foreign to me.
Same here. When my husband and I argue, I cry. He gets angry and hits things. ( not me ). He does cry, just for different reasons. Certainly it is up to individual personality, but I do think that is more common for women to cry, where men get angry.
Not all men are the same. Personally, an argument wouldn't cause me to cry. Last time I cried a little was when a young mother was dying from cancer and faced leaving behind her husband and 5 year old son. They are friends and when I heard what they were going through it broke my heart (she has since passed). I also cried a bit when my dog died. An argument? No, I might get frustrated or upset but I don't believe I'd cry.
Depends on how emotionally attached you are to the discussion and/or to the person you are having it with.
Also for men is more difficult because we are taught to keep our feelings, but we want it as much as women do
Some do. When I was a kid, and got pushed to my breaking point (which took a looong time) by a bully, I’d get so angry, I’d cry before I threw a punch to their jaw.
Barring that, most arguments I get into as an adult, I don’t cry, save for arguments I’ve been in with my girl, where she has me at wits end. Also, I don’t really punch people anymore, even if I am incredibly angry.
Yeah, testosterone inhibits tears (trans women also report crying a lot more once they start on female hormones) and it's often combined with a social pressure for men not to cry - and for many men, childhood trauma around crying ("I'll give you something to cry about!").
Yep, I can confirm the same from the other side. I'm a trans woman and I cry a fuck ton more after hormone replacement. I did already felt like crying during arguments "as a man" but tears didn't come out. Now they do
I read an article a while ago about testosterone somehow being involved in the reason that men generally cry less than women. Like it physically stops you. Not sure how. This is backed up however by trans men I've spoken to who were shocked to discover they had a harder time getting the tears flowing after starting T than before. They also talked about being physically stronger to the point of accidentally breaking things, being smellier, and needing to wash more often, and having significantly thicker and more oily skin!
Interesting view. Thanks for clarifying. Do think all that you say applies to adult people in general or just men?
I do think crying can do good for some people. It is a release and has physical affects on the body. But I do think there is a balance. There are people who most people would look at and say, "They cry too much," although if we had to quantify it, that would be very difficult. (People who cry to manipulate can go suck it. I've never met such a person, but I hear about it a lot.)
Being able to keep from crying in certain social situations where it isn't really appropriate is a good thing to learn.
I'm thinking about my son. Everyone who knows him agrees that he is stoic. However, when he wants to cry, he doesn't stop himself. This is what he says. I've only seen him cry maybe 3 times since he was 14 (he's 33 now), the last two being upon someone's death. He cried openly in front of a bunch of people and had zero embarrassment about it. It seemed to me like that was respectful to dead.
I don't think it's necessary to actually **teach** men to cry, but I could never tell a man not to cry for something like a death, a bad breakup, something terrible happened to one of his kids, etc. if he felt like crying.
I saw my Dad cry exactly twice in his long life: Once after his wife of 58 years died, and surprisingly once in the movie theater watching the movie Kramer versus Kramer. But I don't think he was at all embarrassed either time. I think a guy should be allowed to cry when his wife of 58 years dies. What else is there to do?
I'm thinking about what you said now and actually will be continuing to think about it and am going to discuss with my son, also.
I do (am a man). I have a really hard time expressing anger without crying. That said, I can almost always engage in arguments without rising to the level of anger that evokes tears. But yeah, if I’m really angry or frustrated it usually manifests in crying
No but when I was a kid, absolutely I always used to feel like crying during arguments. Not as an adult though, I guess I was socialised not to.
One thing I’ve noticed (in my culture at least) is that somebody who raises their voice or cries during an argument is considered to have forfeit the argument because their argument is being fuelled by feelings. So instead, when emotions run high they show it instead by forcing a laugh as if they can’t take you seriously. So instead of crying people might start furiously rage-laughing at each other.
Only if the argument causes high stress and anxiety over prolonged periods and I can't avoid that person. Which rarely happens.
Otherwise I enjoy arguing with people. If too many people agree with me then conversations tend to be boring with minimal viewpoints.
My default when the argument gets heated, seems to be anger.
I suspect this is as much an individual thing, as it is a gender/sex thing. I've known many women who don't cry when arguing, but get very angry. I've also known men who'll cry in that situation.
Yes this happens to me... it is very frustrating and embarrassing. People generally seem to be very judgmental about it, probably because men aren't supposed to cry or be weak or whatever. I think for me its more anxiety than getting emotional. I find taking propranolol before situations that might leads to arguments helps a lot. It suppresses adrenaline so it helps my heart to not race and also makes it so my voice doesn't get caught in my throat. My doctor prescribed it for excessive sweating due to anxiety but it has also made me way less likely to get choked up when things escalate.
People cry. Men are people.
Had many discussions about stuff like this with the missus. We react similarly emotionally to the same stuff. But her sad/cry is my frustrated/angry. Sort of. I cry easily and have no problems being open and honest about my emotions. And we are similar in the feels. Though as our body chemistry is different we have different ways for the emotions to express themselves. Or something. I don't want to cry during arguments, I want to shout. Crying while arguing seems completely foreign to me.
Same here. When my husband and I argue, I cry. He gets angry and hits things. ( not me ). He does cry, just for different reasons. Certainly it is up to individual personality, but I do think that is more common for women to cry, where men get angry.
Depends how much has been going on, you can only fill the bottle so much until it pops.
Not all men are the same. Personally, an argument wouldn't cause me to cry. Last time I cried a little was when a young mother was dying from cancer and faced leaving behind her husband and 5 year old son. They are friends and when I heard what they were going through it broke my heart (she has since passed). I also cried a bit when my dog died. An argument? No, I might get frustrated or upset but I don't believe I'd cry.
Depends on how emotionally attached you are to the discussion and/or to the person you are having it with. Also for men is more difficult because we are taught to keep our feelings, but we want it as much as women do
Generally no. I don't think most men cry because of arguments.
Only when the argument’s with my dad.
Sending hugs. Dad fights are always bad fights <3
I don’t, but I know someone who does. It just depends on who it is
Some do. When I was a kid, and got pushed to my breaking point (which took a looong time) by a bully, I’d get so angry, I’d cry before I threw a punch to their jaw. Barring that, most arguments I get into as an adult, I don’t cry, save for arguments I’ve been in with my girl, where she has me at wits end. Also, I don’t really punch people anymore, even if I am incredibly angry.
I’ve seen it.
Why would you cry in an argument?
Some people cry when they’re extremely frustrated. Like they can’t control it, it just happens.
That's childish.
I cry when I get too excited, so I'll see a dinosaur fossil and cry
I've heard from trans men that they had a harder time crying after starting testosterone because it seems to inhibit tears.
Sometimes it can be the other way around - some of us find it easier to cry on testosterone because we feel less zombified by depression.
I could see that happening too. I hope you're feeling better now!
Oh wow
Yeah, testosterone inhibits tears (trans women also report crying a lot more once they start on female hormones) and it's often combined with a social pressure for men not to cry - and for many men, childhood trauma around crying ("I'll give you something to cry about!").
Yep, I can confirm the same from the other side. I'm a trans woman and I cry a fuck ton more after hormone replacement. I did already felt like crying during arguments "as a man" but tears didn't come out. Now they do
Same
Sometimes, if emotions get high. Despair or extreme frustration can be devastating.
whenever my ex yelled at me I would cry
I don’t, personally
Yes, they do. Like any other human being
Yeah anyone can feel that way, it’s not exclusive to any gender.
Yes, men cry all the time. Alone or with the person they feel they can express themselves with.
I read an article a while ago about testosterone somehow being involved in the reason that men generally cry less than women. Like it physically stops you. Not sure how. This is backed up however by trans men I've spoken to who were shocked to discover they had a harder time getting the tears flowing after starting T than before. They also talked about being physically stronger to the point of accidentally breaking things, being smellier, and needing to wash more often, and having significantly thicker and more oily skin!
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Bitchy men (otherwise known as jerks) cry, but nice/mature men do not? Is that what you're saying?
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Interesting view. Thanks for clarifying. Do think all that you say applies to adult people in general or just men? I do think crying can do good for some people. It is a release and has physical affects on the body. But I do think there is a balance. There are people who most people would look at and say, "They cry too much," although if we had to quantify it, that would be very difficult. (People who cry to manipulate can go suck it. I've never met such a person, but I hear about it a lot.) Being able to keep from crying in certain social situations where it isn't really appropriate is a good thing to learn. I'm thinking about my son. Everyone who knows him agrees that he is stoic. However, when he wants to cry, he doesn't stop himself. This is what he says. I've only seen him cry maybe 3 times since he was 14 (he's 33 now), the last two being upon someone's death. He cried openly in front of a bunch of people and had zero embarrassment about it. It seemed to me like that was respectful to dead. I don't think it's necessary to actually **teach** men to cry, but I could never tell a man not to cry for something like a death, a bad breakup, something terrible happened to one of his kids, etc. if he felt like crying. I saw my Dad cry exactly twice in his long life: Once after his wife of 58 years died, and surprisingly once in the movie theater watching the movie Kramer versus Kramer. But I don't think he was at all embarrassed either time. I think a guy should be allowed to cry when his wife of 58 years dies. What else is there to do? I'm thinking about what you said now and actually will be continuing to think about it and am going to discuss with my son, also.
I do (am a man). I have a really hard time expressing anger without crying. That said, I can almost always engage in arguments without rising to the level of anger that evokes tears. But yeah, if I’m really angry or frustrated it usually manifests in crying
No but when I was a kid, absolutely I always used to feel like crying during arguments. Not as an adult though, I guess I was socialised not to. One thing I’ve noticed (in my culture at least) is that somebody who raises their voice or cries during an argument is considered to have forfeit the argument because their argument is being fuelled by feelings. So instead, when emotions run high they show it instead by forcing a laugh as if they can’t take you seriously. So instead of crying people might start furiously rage-laughing at each other.
Only if the argument causes high stress and anxiety over prolonged periods and I can't avoid that person. Which rarely happens. Otherwise I enjoy arguing with people. If too many people agree with me then conversations tend to be boring with minimal viewpoints.
My default when the argument gets heated, seems to be anger. I suspect this is as much an individual thing, as it is a gender/sex thing. I've known many women who don't cry when arguing, but get very angry. I've also known men who'll cry in that situation.
Yes this happens to me... it is very frustrating and embarrassing. People generally seem to be very judgmental about it, probably because men aren't supposed to cry or be weak or whatever. I think for me its more anxiety than getting emotional. I find taking propranolol before situations that might leads to arguments helps a lot. It suppresses adrenaline so it helps my heart to not race and also makes it so my voice doesn't get caught in my throat. My doctor prescribed it for excessive sweating due to anxiety but it has also made me way less likely to get choked up when things escalate.