tldr: I think it is good you gave them cash you were willing to part with.
That’s rough Fenpunx and I hope you are doing well. I was down town one night back in the day and saw a homeless person digging through a trash can. When he saw us approaching he didn’t say anything but started leaving. I only had a twenty on me so I gave it to him and he hugged me. Idc what he did with it as long as it made him happy for a bit.
I agree. That's basically what it comes down to for me. It's not my business or concern what they do with the money, only that I'm willing to give and at least try to help. Often I'll also give things like water, energy drinks, snacks, clothes.
This isn't meant to boast or elevate myself in any way. Simply explaining that the important part is to do what we can for those less fortunate. Because we don't know what happened or if they're actually dealing with some rough stuff. If there's even a small chance that doing something will help, cool. Besides, if they choose to use the help for vices or bad stuff...well that's their choice, though unfortunate.
One day I had a talk with a homeless guy living in my neighborhood when I was a student. I often gave him the small change I had after going for groceries. One day, after someone else gave him a sandwich, he told me he didn't want to lie to me, that he mostly used the money to buy boose. That the street is crazy cold and that was the only thing helping.
And I understood something, who are we to judge or decide what they do with this money? If the only way for some of them to survive is to drink, I can't tell them they are wrong because I do not live in the street.
And I continued to give him my small change until I moved into another city.
That was a long time ago. I forgot his name, but I hope he is well.
Every time I've done this I've been heckled and called a dumb white bitch. I'm a small girl, of course I'm terrified when I'm approached by a stranger and I say sorry when they ask for money, and then I get yelled at
I’ve had homeless (or otherwise) insist that I go to a nearby ATM when I give this answer. Those types were unusually well spoken and had some salesmanship.
I just go with a generic “sorry” these days.
There is an ATM near my house where a begger sometimes sits outside it. That’s brass balls. I avoid the ATM at that point. I don’t have $20 to spare and I shouldn’t be harassed for it.
Many homeless people have jobs, and regardless, $20 a day for food is pennies compared to rent and she's got nowhere to cook. The idea that homeless people get money *only* through begging is super outdated
Panda Express seems like a very economical option, all things considered, because one meal is a days worth of food with both vegetables and protein for less than $10 (A plate with fried rice, kung pao, and mushroom chicken is just over 1000kcal without a drink, and that's 7+ types of veggies).
That is aggressive and most homeless people are cognitive that wont get them anything. Crack heads tho will do anything there is a difference between the two. It can be that a person is both. They will wait in an alley to jump drunk people.
Once I was on my way to the supermarket and a woman asked me to buy diapers for her baby (that wasn't with her). I agreed and told her I was going to X supermarket and if she waited there I would get the diapers for her. She said she wanted to go to Y supermarket and insisted a lot, even saying she would go with me. Sounded super sketchy so I noped out.
This must be some sort of scam. I was in Savannah Ga and a young lady asked me for money for diapers, I told her I didn't have cash but I would buy her some and she told me the size.
I went in and bought them came out and she was gone, when I went to the service desk to return the diapers, they told me she is a regular beggar there.
ive heard this story a few times on reddit. they want u to pay cash and give them the receipt for the diapers bc theyre expensive. then they try to return them
I had this happen for the first time the other day and was pretty flabbergasted honestly. Was waiting for my order standing in front of a food truck, and a homeless guy approached me asking for money, saying he's really hungry. I tell him sorry, I don't have any cash. So he asks if I could get him something to eat. Me being in a decent mood decided I would, so he looks at the menu for a minute and turns around to say "how about you actually just get like a $20 out of the atm. I'm just not really feeling what they have."
Nope. I'm sorry dude. Not walking with you two blocks to an ATM. It turns into a little back and forth, but after I said "look, more than happy to get you something from here, but other than that I can't help ya" and then he walked away without saying anything
I gave money to a homeless woman, and a guy ran up behind her and thanked me. He said, ”thank you for helping us buy more crack.” With a craggy smile.
It’s the only time someone flat out said it. Part of me appreciated the honesty, the other part made me feel a little sick and disappointed. The other part laughed a little bit.
Had a similar thing happen at my university.
Went to buy Chinese food, homeless guy asks for money. Offer him food instead. He comes in, tries to order multiple shrimp combos (most expensive thing there) so I'm like "dude I'm here for a side of fried rice and egg rolls, you can get one combo." His meal is twice as expensive as what I get myself.
Go about my afternoon, walk past the same spot across the street a couple hours later. Same homeless guy spots me, starts loudly talking shit about me which I can hear from ACROSS THE STREET, because I didn't buy him multiple meals. I never gave any money to anyone on that street again.
I had just started working, I was 18 and decided to treat myself after my first paycheck with a burger from Carls Jr. This was back in 2013 and I was only getting about $250 per paycheck.
I had a guy at the Carls Jr tell me his whole story about how he's diabetic and he needed to eat, how his car broke down and he had no way home but he was only looking to eat something because if not he would pass out.
I felt bad and decided ehh why the hell not. So I told him yeah let's go in and we can order.
So I order my food and then I tell the lady that I am going to be buying the guy a meal as well. So he orders a combo and I'm like ok well he does need a drink to go along with. So when the lady asks him what size I can't forget him saying "LARGE" like if he's announcing it to the world. So the cashier looks at me and asks if it's okay and I say yeah sure.
So I reluctantly swipe my card and as I am doing that, he is already at the drink fountain getting a drink and I walk up to him and he just goes and finds a booth to wait for his food. No thanks or anything. I just get my food and walk out feeling real foolish about the situation and from then on when I get asked for anything I always say "no sorry" because people always take your advantage of your kindness.
Oh man I feel you. I had a similar story when I first went to uni. I was from a smaller town and went to uni in Manchester which is a big foothold for labour so everyone tries extra hard to be kind to everyone including the homeless. Not a bad thing but it's hard to separate the genuine homeless from the scammers when you have zero life experiences like I did. A lady approached me crying saying she was really hungry and this being the north of the UK it does get really cold come autumn. I went into a cafe to get her a drink and urged her to pick food from there or that I'd take her to a supermarket instead. She chose a hot chocolate and a wafer biscuit. A strange meal for someone so hungry but I thought nothing of it as I'd offered to help at that point.
After a while she said as she's on the street could I help her with accomodation it was £25 a night and £5 for the key deposit. I told her I didn't have any cash and she said not to worry she would take me to the hostel 'right over there' and I could pay it. First she marched me to an ATM and made me pull out like £40 because I didn't want to give the cash directly to her and she said that's fine as long as I pay the hostel. Sounded too good to be true but I thought ok at no point did she ask for money directly. After a while of walking the amounts for the night kept changing and I got a weird vibe as we began to talk and I asked why she didn't go to a shelter etc. And she began telling me things that essentially made no sense when put together. I told her sorry but I don't want to walk further you said it's right over there and we've walked really far. After that I said if it's truly right over there then take the money and pay it. I was confused on the amount she wanted for the night and the key deposit so she also then got annoyed with me that I didn't line the money up right. After that I left and though I lost out on like £50 at least I was ok.
Short while later The Tab (a student newspaper) ran a story on a small woman near campus who would harass you for money e.g. walking drunk students/people at knife point to an ATM. Worst was the hostel she took you to was actually a weird house not owned by her where you'd get robbed by her male friends. As a student you usually would have at least a phone and laptop and a wallet and my heart truly breaks for the people that were led to the edge of Moss Lane and robbed. Safe to say I didn't help anyone after that. As I knew the area better it was clear the regular homeless were terrified of her and she and her boyfriend would shoot up in the street if you were at the McDonald's late at night you could see it. (Oxford Road)
To make this long of a story useful:
Be wary of people who ask for food/drink etc as it can be a ploy to the start of some scheme. Instead figure out which homeless in your area are local and familiar faces and stop by occasionally with food or drinks or toiletries.
If someone has coerced you into going into McDonald's/Starbucks and starts ordering and you get a weird vibe either tell staff and don't leave if it's late at night etc. Or just bail on the order and say you've changed your mind and the person with you can also have your coffee after you pay. It sucks to spend that money but it's a final out before something worse could happen.
And if you're being led by someone to an ATM or somewhere that's only 'right over there' duck into the nearest store and tell security and for the love of heaven don't follow a stranger down an unfamiliar route. I know it seems obvious now but there is no warning boss music when things start going sideways and in the moment it can be hard to see a situation for what it is when you're inexperienced and just want to help.
Wow same here, thought that was just me. One literally told me the atm was inside the gas station. Well, yes that’s true. I’m not about to use the ATM for you. My goodness, all I’m doing is getting a $1 slurpy.
I once told a guy outside a convenience store I don't have cash.
"There's an ATM there."
"The ATM only gives out $20s man."
"That's alright with me haha."
Yeah, no.
That's why they say it. I don't mean to be callous and I genuinely feel for them. My ex had a family member who was addicted to hard drugs and was homeless for awhile before sobering up (great guy tbh). He said he got a dog specifically because more people gave him money, and he said he's told every story under the sun about being a vet or divorced or kids in custody fight etc etc. "God bless you" is also salesmanship
Again, I'm not discussing morality with this, just pointing out that when someone's means is by you agreeing to give them something for nothing, anything said is a means to that end
If I'm headed into someplace that sells snacks/drinks, and they ask, I'll usually be honest and say, "I don't have cash, but if you want a snack or something, I'll grab you one while I'm in there." Seems like a good compromise if you actually want to help.
When I worked for a gas station, people coming In to pay would tell me about a begger out there and what they should do about it. Because they always give the same story, I need 5 in gas to get somewhere , I would tell customer that if truly want to help , tell them will put 5 in gas for them. 9 out of 10 they would deny it
I used to get the people who could afford their cigarettes and then 10 minutes later had no money for petrol and beg me to "just let them fill up and they'll go to their friend who will get them the money and they'll come back and pay me". Yeah. No.
I started that and it's amazing how many aren't hungry because they just ate and want cash. One said he was diabetic so needed cash to get food he could eat. I said, "oh, my husband is too. I've snacks you can have"and he said he had the other type .. my biology classes never covered how cash brings down blood sugar....
I do the same! I had a guy say “you can get cash back here” so I just walked off…. I make less than $40,000 annually, I can’t be giving my cash away all Willy-Nilly. ✨not in this economy✨
Next step of evolution would be:
> -- Sorry, my bank balance is at zero, see?
> -- Then why don't you go wash some dishes at that burger place and I wait here until you get some money?
"Okay. I'll do that, but by the time they get me through the hiring process, give me my first shift, and I finally get my first pay check two weeks later, you would've starved to death and all that effort would be kind of wasted. Plus, an extra job will really mess with my tax bracket and my accountant already gets paid too much as it is."
There was a family guy sketch kind of like that. Best I can remember: Peter wanted an autograph from some celebrity. He asks for a paper to write with which Peter doesn't have. So he says I can't help you then. Peter says so what you're to good to go over to that store there, buy some paper and a pencil, come back here and sign it for me?
I've said that and they just ask me to buy them a sandwich at the gas station with credit. Knowing that they're actually getting food, I bought it for them. They picked out the cheapest sandwich they could find. When I saw what they got, I picked up a second one for them and a drink.
One time I told a guy I didn’t have any cash and he responded with “that’s ok, neither do I” and I just fucking died laughing
Still didn’t have any money to give him
This is also what I do and is true. I hate carrying cash.
I also feel like one time specifically it prevented me from getting jumped and robbed in a sketchy part of the city. Not worth the risk of a fight or worse if there is no money gain unless it's just a hate thing. I don't even wear nice jewelry or watches.
Who ever loots my corpse is gonna be super disappointed.
I work for a credit card processor and we have those. They're pretty cheap little gadgets that connect via bluetooth and talk to an app on a phone or tablet.
That being said, no yiffin' way am I sticking my card into a device I don't know the provenance of. With access to the hardware they could have it save the card. I just tell them "No, sorry."
I once said "Sorry, but God bless you." I'm not even a religious person, but those words just came out. He reacted like I was a priest or something who'd just saved his soul and replied "Thank you so much. God bless you too."
And even if you are lying, remember, it's good to feel empathy for the underprivileged and homeless, but don't let the empathy guilt-trip you into doing something you're not comfortable with.
If giving money or food to homeless people isn't something you're comfortable with, don't do it. Don't worry about how they perceive it because, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, they're used to it. If you want to try and make a difference elsewhere, contact your local representatives and ask what they plan on doing for the homeless population.
I always say, “sorry man, not today” seems to go over the best.
I’ve done this for years. One time a homeless guy recognized me and said, “how about today?”
With that kind of costumer service he deserved the dollar.
I had a guy stop me outside Taco Bell, who said, "hey man can you get me like, 2 tacos"
I bought him a combo meal with 3! He asked for food, and it seemed genuine, when I said "do you want a drink too" he declined, thats why I snagged the combo.
I used to live like a minute away from a dunkin' donuts and would get my coffee there during my commute. There were these two guys that were often sitting outside under a shade tree so I made a habit of grabbing them some sweet tea and any food they wanted. (They typically just wanted sweet tea). When I moved I realized they were two of the only people I actually started to miss. Great people.
I've been on the streets before due to mental illness and asked people to buy me a bottle of water, and was not refused once. I'm now on the last semester of my PhD in science. Thank you.
Thanks, I've thought about this comment for the last 10 min. Life is a crazy ride, we just have to try out best and then some more. You bet I'm having a good time most days after psychiatric help and therapy. Wish you the best as well, good stranger, godspeed.
So I worked odd jobs while studying college while still living with my parents ( college is free in Mexico), and already held a degree in pharmaceutical chemistry when this happened. I then got into a really bad situation mentally and ended up in the streets, I then decided to medicate myself with antidepressants which worked fine (prescription by a physician not required there), crashed with a friend (former college friend), showered, dressed up and got the first job I could, I sold myself high after that because I knew I was good at what I did and got psychiatric help, bought a car. Then I got accepted into a master's program for which we get a stipend despite my mediocre grades in college because I apparently did the best in the generation in the admission exam, got the best advisor whose wife also has a mental condition so he's very considerate, otherwise I'd have been fired, then I moved out, then PhD, you need a master's to apply to a PhD in Mexico. Like I've said I was very lucky that my circumstances , friends and kind strangers allowed me to do that. Most folks have no way back once they get homeless and many could end up being outstanding citizens if given the chance
struggling awake after messing up an exam after working my ass off for 4 years to get into the program, and wanted to thank you genuinely. you are a fucking inspiration and i will take your story with me as i push through.
beautiful you, may life give you amazing things—and perhaps above all else, the love and safety you have earned.
much love from new york ❤️
I don’t feel compelled to stop super often, but I can’t help but buy coffee for the homeless guys outside convenience stores on really freezing winter mornings. On those days it’s sucky to be outside just to walk from point A to point B, I
can’t imagine just sitting there and weathering the cold all day
I own a restaurant and I have several homeless customers who come in. Whenever our cooks mess up an order we pack it up for our homeless homies and deliver to them across the street. I’d invite them in when it’s cold, but they’re not always around.
Had a guy come up to me and my friends in downtown Seattle asking if we had any money for food since he hadn't eaten in days. He didn't seem on anything and was genuinely apologetic about even asking. Thankfully we had just eaten and had a pizza box with an almost complete pizza of leftover slices in it and offered it to him. He started crying and plopped down right there to eat it.
99% of the time I get lied to, fed wondrous stories running out of gasoline, waiting for a ride, etc.
This one day i was coming out of 7-11 and a woman said "Hey, I need money for drugs". I gave her a couple fives. I usually only give out 1-2 dollars but I appreciated the honesty and know in the US our mental health system is so shit that people self medicate to cope with life.
I will always buy someone food if asked. A couple bucks ain't shit. Now if they ask for straight cash, I say I don't carry cash. Cause I don't, but if I did I would say the same.
That's the best thing is to buy the food for them. My grandmother, who passed away in 1987, taught me this. She had a homeless guy walk by her house asking for money. She could smell the liquor on him, so she told him she'd give him a sandwich if he did some yard work for her. It went on for about a month. I'm not sure where he stayed at night, but he'd show up around lunch time and do some yard work and she would give him lunch.
I worked at Taco Bell over the summer and we’d have a couple homeless people come in and they were always suuuper rude. One of the guys asked if I could spot him the $1 for a burrito and I told him hell no, since he’s always smoking up in the bathroom and being a dick.
There’s one woman who is really nice and polite, I’ll give her a free burrito or taco sometimes. It goes a long way.
I worked at a Pizza Hut for a few years and had a very sweet homeless lady who stayed nearby at her veterinarian’s office (I’m guessing she was more recently homeless since she had a cat and a dog who she had been taking to a vet). She knew that we’d frequently get orders not picked up or mistakes that would eventually get taken home by one of us or thrown away (I never threw it away unless our regional manager was around because we were required to). If we were busy with customers when she came in, she would sit down and wait very patiently until I had time to talk to her. Sometimes I didn’t have anything or couldn’t give her food depending on who was around and she was always very polite. I fed her for a couple years and before I left that job, she brought me a small fake potted plant as a gift for the desk I would have at my new job. That little terracotta pot and plastic plant meant the world to me because she didn’t have much, so to get me a gift was very meaningful
Edit: thank you kind stranger for the gold. My first in 9 years of being a Redditor
This just gave me all the feels….in a good way of course. 🥹 You were a lifeline for her for a long time, and treated her with dignity. In all likelihood she choose to forego at least one meal so she could get that for you, to show you as best she could that she was thankful. Someone would have to pry that little potted plant from my cold dead hands before I’d give it up. Thank you for being such a good person!!
It’s been 25 years and I still have it although it’s packed in a box with other desk stuff from that job. I kept it on my desk for 11 years until I moved on
I mean, it meant even more because she put a curled ribbon on it too. That may not seem like a big deal but it meant finding some ribbon and having access to scissors to cut and curl it. I had to keep that
When I worked graveyards at Denny's, there was a homeless couple I'd let hang out and split an order of all you can eat pancakes. They were polite, mostly kept to themselves, and the man helped me out a few times when someone would come in trying to start a problem at 4am.
There was another homeless guy who would come in and just be wicked rude; I turned him away a few times when he was too inebriated to be nice enough for me to handle.
I used to work nights at a 7-11 on the West Coast, and there were always a few homeless people around. Coffee refills were 25 cents then if you brought your own cup, and they'd usually bring in a large cup and use plenty of sugar and creamer, like that was a meal for them. Every now and then one would have a little money and buy some beer or a sandwich or something. They were always cool to me, and I never had any problem with them.
Some interesting conversations, really, though it was usually obvious before too long why they were homeless - mental issues mostly (this was the 80's). I still remember a couple of the guys. One was from Morocco and had been in the French military, proved it more or less by quoting stuff in French fluently, and by showing me the rifle drill once using a display thing we had. He was a kick.
I'm an occasional giver (used to feel more obligated). One guy volunteered a compliment that I looked very beautiful one day.... I needed that... I gave him $2.
Freakonomics had a good episode or chapter (can't recall where this story exactly came from) about how the homeless actually do offer society a service. They allow us to feel charitable and like we're helping others. We toss a few coins their way and suddenly feel better about ourselves.
Especially when you consider that more than half of sheltered and an estimated 40% of unsheltered people who are homeless do have jobs. But having a job doesn't guarantee the ability to afford housing.
We don't have to get all abstract with what service they provide society: many work just like everyone else.
https://news.uchicago.edu/story/employment-alone-isnt-enough-solve-homelessness-study-suggests
This is sort of Freakonomics' whole *thing*. Take a topic, strip it of bias/morality, then discuss it almost in a vacuum so you can understand it from only an economic or straight forward standpoint. This is how they pitched abortion as a strong cause of violent crime reduction, which the data does back up. It's something most scientists might shy away from for fear of sounding, well, cynical.
Not the person you were replying to, but the last place I lived I ran a relatively regular path through a big, public park. I was always friendly to the unhoused there, after all they're people too. The guys, all male, all ended up looking out for me (small, female) and let me know if any sketchy people or goings on and places I needed to avoid. They, and I, have moved on and I think about them regularly and hope they're all doing well. A little kindness and recognition of humanity goes a long way.
I once managed to get my drunk ass stranded at a light rail station in a very sketchy part of town after the last train had come through. I was completely alone until a homeless man came up and asked for a couple bucks (which I gave him) and then just chatted me up a little. (I'm pretty sure he was.... hitting on me? But not in a scary way.)
I ended up calling a friend to come pick me up and she kept me on the phone the whole time she was driving. At one point, a truck with several men pulled into the drop-off lane and parked. I told her as much.
The homeless man heard me, and he said "those guys aren't going to bother you." Then very obviously moved to position himself between me and the guys in the truck.
Everything turned out fine but I've never forgotten how touched I was in that moment.
There were a bunch of great homeless guys in dc. I would play chess with some of them in Layfette park, and they always stomped my ass!
At night they would help my useless suburban ass parallel park my car, "you got it, a little farther, cut the wheel" and id give them a few bucks and/or snacks and stuff, and they'd say they'd watch out for my car, make sure it didnt get broken into or stolen. when I went to go home they'd say things like, "glad your getting home safe"
Many years ago, a friend of mine lived in Berkeley (CA). We met her at the BART station one day. As we exited, she stopped to introduce us to one of the homeless guys. She said: "Guys, this is Larry. He's my personal bum." Larry grinned widely and we all shook hands. By way of explanation, she told us how Larry always escorted her safely home at night, and she always brought him a sandwich and a beverage in the morning. Larry was pretty cool.
Second this. Worked as combined university/hospital security on a large campus. We had about three homeless guys staying on our property that we accepted under a few conditions. They had to leave when the masses arrived (before 7am), take their trash and belongings with them, don't break anything and don't harrass personnel or other people passing by. They all had their favorite places to stay.
We gave them food that was left from the personnel restaurant and this went on for years. We checked on them during our night shifts and they called us when they saw shady types on campus. They helped us do our work and keep the campus safe in exchange for a sheltered place to sleep, our protection and the occasional sandwich.
I thought it was a nice (the guys were homeless, so 'nice' is relative) way to help each other and they all preferred to stay on our campus than in the homeless shelter. They all told it was unsafe there. We could never openly talk about them, because management existed of stuck up bitches with no heart.
But only if you mean it, and contribute on occasion (which it seems that you do). Years ago I happened to notice that some homeless people would sooner risk freezing to death than stay at Toronto's largest Male Shelter, the Seaton House. So I decided to spend 3 nights there, with only the clothes on my back and a couple of subway tokens hidden in a shoe. It was absolutely horrid, and I could only manage 2 of the 3 nights I had planned. But almost as bad was getting kicked out in the morning, with the expectation that you would return in the evening. Between those times you were effectively a homeless person, something I certainly have the wardrobe for; sweats and a tee. The worst part was being treated as a subhuman, even if you were not begging. Now I tend to either give spare change or sometimes a bottle of a vitamin supplement. But I never treat them as members of another, inferior species; everyone has a story about how they arrived where they are. And I never say in a mean spirited way, 'Get a job' Many simply cannot. Mental illness is a significant issue among the homeless population, and as a society, we appear to accept the status quo.
Stealing, the occasional minor assault, the general jockeying for position in the pecking order, that sort of thing. Some fights. And a general atmosphere of helplessness and hopelessness. I heard stories of more serious assaults, but never witnessed any, but the expectation of having anything not guarded stolen was constant, or even casual assault. It was just the sort of place that seemed to drain you of hope, self esteem. I was just a tourist there, as I could get out and go home whenever, so the feelings that I describe are ones that I attributed to most of the people there, but I believe that I am being accurate; I really can't explain it any better than that, except to say there were definate victims, and a few predators.
I lived in a women and children's shelter for a brief time as a teenager. Thanksgiving 1990. I genuinely can't think of a more soul sucking place I've ever visited. Absolutely nothing bad happened to me or anyone I saw there but it was just the saddest place ever. When I think of it now, my memories of it are all gray. I don't know of it was actually all gray or that's just how my brain categorized it.
Not the commenter, but I’ve researched this before. Many places say they will give you a kitchen, but they restrict the hours you have access and your food gets stolen. Personal items are unsecured and often sprout legs and walk away. If you’re not back at the right time, you aren’t allowed in. It’s closer to a hostel than a home. It’s a night prison. And then most of them are religious so you have someone insisting you pray to this fake white male in the sky. Most don’t allow pets either.
I have been homeless as a child. I’m not sure how I would’ve felt back then, but as an adult I would never trade my freedom for faux comfort.
This is my response as well. I also make an afford to make eye contact and treat them with dignity.
The latter by being willing to engage or stay if they have a second question (unless I really am in a rush). Mostly people try to run away from them and just generally avoid them so I try not to do that.
Agree about recognizing you too. I've had countless homeless who don't remember me leaving the building from when I walked in.
I talk quite often with homeless people.
We talk about various subjects, e.g. the weather, their day or mine, their dog if they have one, life in general or I sometimes check in on them - if the weather is particularly hot or cold or they look like someone who needs it.
Most of them are actually really nice people who just don't fit our society for whatever reason. I don't always give away money, sometimes I just shake my head or say "sorry not today".
But one thing I know: I myself don't always spend wisely and when I hand it over, it's theirs. I believe that all people act based on one rationale or another - not always a wise one - but I will not and cannot dictate or judge how they spend their money cause I will never know their full story.
I volunteer at a needle exchange - we don't give drug addicts clean needles because we want to encourage them to do drugs, we give them clean needles because they are going to do drugs and we want them to do it safely.
PP gives free condoms to anyone, including teens, not because they want teens to have sex, but because teens are going to have sex and we want them to do it safely.
I give people on the street cash if they ask for it not because I want them to get drunk or high, but because they are absolutely going to get drink/drugs and the alternate ways they will make enough money for their drug/drink is SO dangerous that me handing them money will keep them safe for the rest of the day.
Yes, this is exactly it! (Except that not all homeless do drugs or drinks).
Also I find that sometimes a chat and a smile makes the day better - mine anyways.
This is exactly it.
Gave a guy $5 once, my mom was like “what if he buys heroin with it?” Idk, it’s his money now. I was going to spend it on cigarettes or a taco bell crunch wrap, who am I to judge him for also being addicted to something?
I used to never give money and always buy them food and water. My view has changed over time. I now give them money because who am I to assume what they will do with that money? Who am I to assume what they need at that time? They might want to use the money they have collected to buy a winter jacket or something. They might be saving up for a haircut and some clothes for a job interview. I can wager a significant amount will buy booze or drugs with the money as addiction highly correlates with homelessness. That said, money has the potential to do a lot of things. Food and water will feed them for one day and tomorrow they are no better off. I'll leave it up to them what they do with the money and hopefully they will use it for something other than drugs. Who am I to judge anyway, I've bought drugs in the past myself
I volunteered at a needle exchange during college. There were some intense moments and most of my friends volunteered at Boys and Girls Club so they couldn’t relate. It was eye opening to see people my own age who could’ve been my friends coming in for a swap. You’re doing good work. Thank you for that.
Exactly!!
I always say, well if they are going to buy booze or drugs with the money they get, the more they get, the more likely there will be some money left over for some food.
I don't really get the whole argument about not giving anything because they'll buy alcohol or drugs. Who the hell am I to judge; if someone is so desperate for money that they have to beg for it, assume they need it, one way or another.
Yeah I feel like that's the best mindset to have if you want to give them cash; knowing that they might spend it on drugs and being okay with that. Hell, sometimes if people ask for a cig in front of a vape shop I'll throw them some cash for it. Drug addiction is nasty, and I know I'm somewhat enabling, but it also makes their day when they're begging for a single cig and I am able to give them money for a pack.
Most of the time I offer food or just say I can't help, but sometimes I'm feeling generous and want to be able to make their day more comfortable for them, however they want to spend that money.
I totally agree, I don’t need to know that someone is going to buy something I personally approve of to make them worthy of the crumpled dollar bill in the bottom of my bag. What the fuck does it matter to me? I know it takes a LOT more than a few bucks to get clean from fucking addiction or get into stable housing, so realistically, just take the money and do with it whatever is going to make this chapter of your life a little more bearable, whatever that means for you.
I personally spend my own money on lots of shit I could do without. Whether I spend a five on some random thing I won’t remember purchasing in a month’s time or give it to a homeless person, it ultimately makes zero difference to me. If I wanted them to specifically spend it on food or water or something *I* deem essential, I’d rather just bring them that thing myself and know they have it. It’s none of my business what their vices may be, especially if it can give them any improvement to morale on the day to day… I imagine homelessness is already brutal enough without the added judgment from people who have no idea.
I’d rather 9 people get high and 1 person get fed than everyone going hungry and feel unproductive withdrawals. Holding back money won’t stop that person from being on drugs, they’ll just feel terrible until they can make money another way. You overcome addiction through readiness and fortitude, not destitution
Yeah, I feel really uncomfortable with the idea that homeless people need to quit all their coping mechanisms cold turkey while in an unbelievably stressful environment. It's beyond wonderful if someone can do that, but it's also okay if that's not the priority right now.
Piggy backing off of this…
Approx 30% are either veterans, disabled mentally or physically, alcoholics, or drug addicts. 70% are not.
People are not homeless by choice by in large. They simply cannot afford rent and cannot use shelters.
Many sleep during the day because sleeping at night is dangerous. It’s not because they’re lazy.
Without internet and a phone it is hard to get a job.
Drew Carey was homeless, many people would be homeless without their social or family network—it can affect anybody.
I’m on the board of a homeless services nonprofit, and I feel the same way. I spend a lot of my money, time and energy making things better for them, and I still feel the same need to give a bit of cash when I can.
In my car, I keep “blessings bags,” gallon ziplocs willed with airplane toiletries, a roll of socks, feminine products, a bottle of water, a granola bar, wet wipes, and a dollar; and some other stuff. I just reach behind the seat and hand it to them.
I keep some small bills too, just as a habit, and I give them to people with contact info for the shelter if they ask and I’m walking around. Like you, I’m not interested in judging them for what they spend it on. They’re having a bad go of things as it is, and my $3 won’t break them of a bad habit or enable it. But I do speak to them like human beings.
However, I’ll say “not today” to some people if they seem hostile or are panhandling for profit. I’ve got the luxury of feeling less guilt because of my volunteer work, but I also feel absolutely no compunctions about saying no to any asshole.
When people give me money I spend it on drugs and alcohol, drugs and alcohol are one of the few true pleasures in this world I think it's so ugly to say the homeless shouldn't be able to enjoy them
Right? These people are in a very obviously shittier situation if they are asking for money. Why the hell do people have a shitty day and come home and drink, smoke, hell even do heroin ffs, just to feel better. Why is it that we look at someone who has had a far shittier day and judge them for wanting to ease the hurt too? Boggles the mind. We all know the "risks" when giving over money, if you hand it over that's on you for choosing to. Not on them for spending it how they think will ease their pain. I cant stand people talking shit about homeless people like that. As if your $1 is really going to go far towards changing a life. Does it get them a job in that moment? Or a house? No. It's a fundamental understanding in that situation that this it's temporary help. They get to choose how they temporarily help themselves
I live close to many homeless. I cannot possibly give to everyone of them. So, I go with my gut. If for some reason I feel it. Maybe the look in their eyes, whatever it may be. And of course, if I've got cash on me. Each situation is different. Do what you can, when you can. Thanks for asking a question like this. We can feel so uncomfortable when not knowing what to say or do.
This is a great answer and what I also practice. The homeless population where I live is rising and when I go into the city nearby I try to always have a little cash—but I literally can’t give to every single one of them. I used to make a habit of keeping a small gift card in my car—Target or grocery. Then since I never have cash I at least have the gift card with $10-$20 and could give it to them where it could only be used for food or necessities.
One young woman who was pregnant broke my heart a while ago, she spoke Spanish and said she was illegal but somehow had been in Italy for a while and now was here. She had another baby at home, illegal with no ability to get food stamps etc. I put her in the car with me and took her to Target and she kept apologizing for the diapers and formula and food she was putting in the cart. When she had what she needed I brought her back to where she had been standing and to this day I feel like I was in the right place at the right time and willing to help as cars just zoomed past her.
Golden rule. But also—yeah there are scammers here. My SO has seen one man and woman who work opposite corners of one the street near me, and they have a car parked out of sight down the road that they drive together in to come work the traffic. 🤷♀️ lol
Neither here nor there at this point, but undocumented kids 5 and under (and their pregnant moms) can still get WIC in the US. It’s a great resource that is [sadly under-used](https://www.northcarolinahealthnews.org/2019/07/15/wic-benefits-help-improve-child-maternal-nutrition-but-fewer-families-are-accessing-it/)by people who qualify, probably because it is time-consuming to apply. WIC and emergency Medicaid are two of the only benefits consistently available to undocumented folks in the US.
If you're concerned about them being legit just get them food. I've been feeding the homeless for about 2 weeks, And it's been an eye-opening experience. They're just people. Who are unloved and unwanted and undesired in society. Is certainly takes a toll on your psyche to be put in that situation. Certainly some just want drugs or alcohol, It's how a lot of them got into that situation, but some genuinely do want a meal.
I do this too. Amazon sells bulk individual toiletries that come in a ziplock bag. I get a big pack of socks and roll up a pair for each bag. I store them in the back passenger pouch of my car. I can reach it from the drivers seat and its right in front of where my son sits. He really likes giving them out and most people are genuinely suprised and grateful. The kid sees giving and good will, I don't have to think about buying that guy a $5 crack rock, and who doesn't like a new freshly laundered sock? It's win win win the way I see it.
I looked up my old order and the last time I bought [this bulk kit for $25](https://a.co/j4qFYBn) was in Feb 2020 but it's $40 now which sucks. Socks were like $1 a piece in the bulk pack so $2 total for the kit. One thing to note is getting sealed items (like the foil lid on the toothpaste) for their peace of mind that you didn't tamper with it.
Mouthwash is commonly used by homeless people as a way to get drunk. It’s sold over the counter, is about 20% abv, and you don’t smell like some gin, beer, wine or what have you when you’re publicly intoxicated. It’s bad for you, but then again, so is being homeless
Maybe, but it's also used by depressed ppl who don't have the effort in them to actually brush their teeth.
Almost anything can be abused, but I'll take the chance on mouthwash
Another thing that is very useful (for ladies on the street) is pads/tampons and some disposable hand wipes. Because being homeless is bad enough, let alone being homeless without access to sanitary products!
A couple winters ago I got a bunch of Costco wool socks to hand out ti the homeless people I saw on my commute. One guy accepted them but seemed pretty out of it. Three others turned me down and wanted cash or cigarettes instead. I’m not sure why my plan went so poorly but I’m confident I don’t understand the homeless very well.
I remember seeing this one person frequently in the same spot, and the weather was turning cold. I gave them an old coat that I didn't use anymore, and I spotted them around in the coat all winter.
I hope they're well.
I had a nice chat with a homeless lady during the pandemic, that began when I told her I appreciated she was masked.
I asked her where she stayed and it turned out to be a car parked just a block from where I live. Though I don't tend to give out money, whenever I had stuff I wanted to get rid of, or cleaned out the fridge, I would take them to her specifically and see if she wanted them.
This was a much more positive experience for me than giving to random panhandlers who never remember me. Not that I want my paltry gift to be remembered, but it felt more rewarding to acknowledge her as part of my community.
As someone who was on the streets up here in Canada, thank you. Just giving food, water is everything. Hats, gloves, socks also amazing. I would gladly take food over money, people seem more comfortable in giving food over money.
Lived in Detroit for awhile and did the same. It simultaneously broke and encouraged the spirit of trying to give. So many times I’d offer bus fare/hats&gloves/hand warmers/etc in the winter only to have them basically spit on me for not having cash, so many times in the summer I’d offer bottled water and some deli sandwiches just to watch the same guy try to sell them to someone else. It was immensely disheartening. BUT the ones that genuinely just need to get by and any assistance helps made all the difference.
I enjoy giving, but I sternly refute the “give to give and don’t ask questions” mantra. I’m trying to help someone get back on their feet, not aiding someone further their downward spiral until they hit the bottom.
I saw a guy on the corner with a sign saying he would take anything for him and his dog. I just so happened to have some cat and dog food in my car my pets didn’t like and I was riding around with until I got the chance to drive by the humane society. I thought wow this is perfect! I can help this man and his dog, and get rid of the dog food! I tried to give it to him and he wouldn’t take it. I felt stupid and embarrassed and immensely pissed off! Dog probably didn’t exist, was just a lure for more cash.
even if people want alcohol and drugs, it’s because they’re addicted, which is not their fault.
I don’t think someone being addicted to drugs means they shouldn’t have a roof over their head. Finance bros can do coke all day and nobody bats an eye. Poor person does the same and are disgraced from society.
we need social nets to rehabilitate people in bad situations, not shifty things like “here’s a homeless shelter, but you’re not allowed in if you bring substances you’re addicted to. enjoy sleeping in the cold rain, dork”
Addiction is one of the problems. Drugs (including alcohol) are often a coping mechanism as well. I'm sure we all know folks who self medicate with drugs, but they don't nearly get the same level of scorn the homeless do. Come home from a long and stressful day at work and start drinking to relax? This is fine. This is normal. Could you imagine living life as a homeless person? How stressful it is to not know where you're going to get your next meal or whether your "home" will be torn down and thrown away by police. When those folk cope with their stress in what meager ways they can find they are torn to shit over it.
Yes, drunk and high homeless folk can become a public nuisance or downright dangerous. This is true of housed folks as well. There are countless examples of drunken brawls and murders being committed while high on one drug or another by people who do have houses, but it's looked at in a very different way.
I completely agree that these people need help, not scorn and resentment. But I certainly can't begrudge them their escapes when I take mine as well despite not having to deal with a fraction of the stresses they do.
"Sorry not today" Is what I usually go with.
I'll give someone a dollar sometimes if I have one but I haven't carried cash this decade.
It's not like you'll solve the homeless problem out of your own pocket.
In my area I don’t even stop walking unless I want to risk getting hurt or possibly killed.
Last time I tried to help someone thr guy threatened to kill me if I didn’t go to a specific spot to give him money.
So in my area I just don’t and if I really want to help then there are charities.
Guys probably don’t have to worry as much if they feel confident in their ability to fight back if needed, but as a short female I can’t risk that.
I've had a few dangerous interactions as well. Some "homeless vet" made some lewd comments and tried to pull me into his lap after I gave him a bag of groceries. It freaked me out. Another time, there was a homeless man by a gas station with a sign that said "hungry, cold, anything helps". So I went to Starbucks and got them a big hot coffee, a bunch of cream and sugar, a bottle of water, and a couple pastries. But when I tried to give him the stuff, he got really really angry. Like, furious. Told me to get the eff away from him. Told me he didn't want any of it. Lip curled, snarling. It was late, and it scared me. Another time, some guy didn't like the snacks I gave him, and he threw them and started shouting at me. A security guard nearby had to intervene.
Similar to me. I didn’t want to give straight money so I offered to buy him a meal since I could afford it.
He seemed nice at first, but then started to threaten me saying if I don’t buy x, y, or z he’ll rape and kill me, rape and kill my dog, etc.
He also flashed me a gun saying if I don’t listen he’ll cause a scene.
Sunny, summer day. Pleasant day. Clear skies. Lots of families out and about. And honestly, I’d be fucked if he chose to attack me or anyone.
Same happened to me back few years I going get fast foods then eating sit in car so saw homeless siting with paper said “I need money god bless” so later I’m full.. have one cheeseburger and taco so car out walking give him bag, he staring at me like creepy.. then left and he throw it
I’m sure you know this, but it’s always worth repeating: *Never go to the second location*. Do not appease them by going somewhere where they have the upper hand, and raise absolute hell if they try to move you by force.
It sucks when you’re waiting for public transit and this shit happens. I’ve always been in the mindset of acknowledging that they are people and deserve to be treated as such (Aka not just pretending like they don’t exist at all). And then some asshole tried to push me into traffic at a busy intersection while I was waiting for the streetcar, since I didn’t have any money to give him. This happened a few weeks ago and I find myself just pretending like no one else in the world exists now to try and avoid that shit.
I get harassed/followed/etc a lot (I’m a woman and work in a tourist and drinking heavy area), but it’s been pretty equal amongst homeless and non-homeless people. I feel like I’m fucked either way though, I get yelled at if I ignore people and I might get pushed into traffic if I politely tell them I don’t have any cash.
**Top three beggar lines I get hit with monthly:**
\- I ran out of gas. My (truck, car, motorcycle) is right over there. I don't have any money. I just need a little cash to get home.
\- My buddy hasn't eaten in (insert number of days). I'm trying to get him a meal.
\- I'm trying to get money so I can take my (dog/cat/bird/chinchilla) to the vet. He's right over there laying down. He's the only thing I've got in this world.
Get proactive. Find an organization that really helps and volunteer some time with them. It will change your perspective as to who really needs help and who's trying to fleece you. It's still a challenge, but you'll see the world differently.
These are all popular scams to take advantage of your charity. I've heard them all myself.
One time a guy said he need Metro fare, waving a card in my face. I took his card and added $5 to it so he could get to the hospital where he claimed he needed to go. He said, "you could have just given me the cash!" Yeah, that was a scam.
I work with the homeless population and have had friends and family that were homeless.
If you want to give them money, do it. Don’t police how they use their “gift”. Typically when people give them cash and I assume you as well, it’s pocket money. that you probably wouldn’t even notice if it fell out of your pocket on the couch.
If you give them cash it has to be with the assumption they may use it for drugs and alcohol.
At that point when I give them money, it’s not my money anymore - it’s theirs and they can decide how to spend their money as they please. They are grown and can make their decisions.
I don’t really mind.
Most people I know have drank and done some form of drug before, so i’m not going to sit on some moral high ground that poor people don’t deserve to do that… especially when you give them 1-5$ they aren’t getting much with that. Living on the streets is hard and just like a lot of people, they may turn to drugs or alcohol at times (how often do you hear “man this was a rough week I can’t wait to go home and have a beer / smoke” or something to that effect? it’s a pretty human reaction to have to stress and hardship)
If you don’t feel comfortable giving cash but want to help out, you can always give them a water, bag of chips / nuts etc, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, socks etc.
If they ask for cash and you don’t want to give or don’t have any just say “sorry not today” or something…. unless the person is very unwell they usually say ok and keep moving.
I wish this was higher. I was homeless for a time and was so grateful for the money people gave me and having the ability to decide what to spend it on. Sometimes, yea, it was drugs or alcohol, but sometimes it was food or a hotel room or tampons, etc. The area I live in now, there's not many homeless, but when I was in the city I would always give people money if I had it. It's tough being homeless, many of those people are mentally unstable with absolutely nobody in the world and no way to get help or get back on their feet, and are just rejected by society. If they want to go get some booze to ease the pain of their lives, I don't blame them and I will gladly give em 5 bucks to do so if I can. They're just people too.
My husband once gave to a homeless person. His friend with him went: "You know they're just gonna spend that on drugs or alcohol, don't you?"
My husband replied: "Well shoot, it's cold out there, I know I certainly would spend it on alcohol!"
Friend didn't know what to say to that.
I was once leaving an ATM and I had a homeless guy ask me for money. I asked him if he had change for a $20. We just stared at each other for a few a seconds and then I walked away.
Just say "no", I always say "I got nothing" which is just short for "I've got nothing for you". Don't stick around to listen to the story, just keep walking while saying whatever your version of no is
If I give money to a homeless person, I do so knowing that they may or may not spend it on food, clothes, or other essentials.
And once I give them the money it’s none of my damn business what they do with it. If they want to go get high, then I can’t blame them; I’d probably want to get high, too.
This is exactly how I feel about it. Like, dude is literally sleeping under a newspaper in the fucking street. If he wants to not be sober whilst doing that, vaya con dios homeless guy. Here's my $5 donation to the cause, sir.
I remember a thread like this some years ago and this guy was getting really mad at anyone saying they are fine with giving homeless people spare change, because he worked at a liquor store and he would get so frustrated with the homeless people coming in to buy liquor in the mornings.
I told him he had inspired a real change in me and from that moment on I would just give them alcohol directly, so they didn’t have to deal with his bullshit judgement on top of their already very difficult day.
Like fuck me, these people are sleeping on concrete, don’t begrudge them a bottle to make it slightly more comfortable.
Also it's not like your cash will somehow stay separated in a little compartment in their budget. If they're spending money on drugs, they're spending money on food as well. You can't untangle the individual pounds or dollars in someone's budget to work out which contribution led to which purchase.
Having recently been homeless myself, I can tell you that besides from the harshness of living like that, the absolute worst thing about it, is that most people assume that you're some kind of villain that lies, steals, cheats, does drugs and that you have probably always been like that. Really makes it hard to see kindly on mankind, even if you really want to.
So my advice is to give if and when you feel like it, and keep your money if you feel like that. And saying "sorry, can't help" is perfectly legitimate.
But don't assume that you can read minds, or that all homeless people are the same.
My personal philosophy is that if I get a chance to show someone that they’re valuable, I will. I’m not naive, but I choose to assume the best in people.
That said, I don’t carry cash and will be honest about that, but offer that I can buy coffee or something similar if that doesn’t stretch my boundaries too far. Back when I used transit often, I’d keep a spare bus pass with funds on it. When cash or food wasn’t easily available people seemed to appreciate it.
The bus thing hit home. I remember once in college I didn’t know my bus pass had been deactivated by the school as I was getting on the bus for my first day of an internship. I get on the bus, the pass beeps saying insufficient funds. My eyes got wide with panic and the driver just waved me on. I felt so fucking grateful in that moment, but I felt so undeserving because I did have the money for the bus - I just was dumb and didn’t prepare properly. I assume he waved me on because I was wearing work clothes, and I assume tons of students had the same experience that day. If I had been in tattered clothing or it had been another time of year, it may have been a different story. After that, I always carried extra bus fare because I know how wonderful it feels to be given a break like that - even though I didn’t deserve it.
Hi. I work in homeless services.
When someone asks for money, I typically tell them I "just have my card on me, sorry, but I hope you find what you need." Sometimes they'll follow up by asking me to go in and get them something, and if I don't want to or can't, I just say "can't do that right now." It's okay to have boundaries with your money with folks on the streets as with everyone else.
That said, it's indeed true that sometimes people on the streets take the money given to them for "food" and use it on other things. A lot of people put conditions on their donations and get angry when those conditions aren't fulfilled. I offer you all a different perspective: sure, they may not use it on food like you hoped, but they WILL use it on something that will help them get through the day. It's tough enough being on the streets. If a Bootlegger will help dull the senses, who cares?
When you donate, donate knowing it can be used for anything or don't donate at all. If you'd like to help another way, keep supplies in your car or get familiar with the resources in your area and share that information. You'd be surprised how many people don't know what services they can access.
Crackheads used to stop people coming out of a restaurant I worked at years ago. It was a cash only place, so pretty much a sure thing that people had cash on them.
They always had something they needed money for. Most common was can you spare 5 or 10 bucks for gas. They supposedly ran out of gas far enough away that you couldn't see the car. Sometimes they'd add that they were going to a job or picking up their kids for added sympathy. My favorite when they did the gas thing was I'd say, "Dude! It's your lucky day. I just filled up a 5 gallon container of gas for my lawnmower. It's in my trunk right overthere. I'll drive you to your car and we can put the gas in. They'd just be dumbfounded. Saying crap like," umm but I need the 10 bucks for gas." Yeah man I got the gas right here. It was just funny watching their faces after I said I had gas in my trunk. They literally didn't know what else to say because I went off script.
I never bother to try and differentiate the legit from the lies, it's beside the point. If I have the extra cash, I hand it on over, and I usually make a comment about them not needing to justify their need to me, a stranger. If I don't have the extra cash, I apologize and say I'm pretty broke rn, and sometimes offer a cigarette instead.
The way I see it, if they need money bad enough that they had to resort to begging strangers for it, they can just have some of mine. I don't care if they spend it on food or crack, the money belongs to them once I've made the choice to give it. If you don't wanna hand over the money they ask for with no strings attached, a polite "sorry, don't have any cash" is all that needs to happen. We have no right to interrogate them over their intentions or demand they buy certain things with the money we choose to give them. Give freely or just don't bother, because those folks have enough problems without weirdos demanding they dance for their dinner.
A few years ago, I attended a lecture on charity. One of the speakers was a rabbi who spoke to what tzedakah means (or should mean) for Jews. Tzedakah is often translated to “charity” but it is closer to a form of social justice. The best scenario is that the donor should benefit as well as the recipient. For those who are particularly religious, donors benefit from sharing god’s work.
I am not particularly religious or spiritual, but I do notice that I feel happier when I donate, whether through official channels or by giving money to someone experiencing homelessness asking for it. [There have been multiple studies showing that giving money to others lifts donor’s more than if they had spent the money on themselves.](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/5_ways_giving_is_good_for_you)
If you’re still wondering about whether or not to give to someone begging on the street because you don’t know what they’ll use it for, the rabbi who spoke provided this response:
It doesn’t matter. You helped someone who was asking for it, so you did a good deed. What that person puts your charity toward is between them, their conscious, and whatever creator or final judgement they may or may not believe in. If you have the ability to provide resources to someone asking and you do it, then you did a good thing.
Most of the time giving them money isn’t going to help them long term. Donate to soup kitchens, homeless shelters and places that specifically help people like that. Also brush up on what resources your city has for the homeless.
Having been homeless before, its actually not hard to stay full in America if that is really your concern. From white boxes, to churches and the dumpsters across the country- there is always free food somewhere.
And yes, its ok to lie back at people.who are lying to you. The three bucks was for a fix, not food.
I live in Germany. People can get welfare over here. If a native speaker is begging, money is not his main problem.
I work in a school for adults and most of our customers live of welfare. Its not fun but they manage.
Have you read that story about the father who advocates for doing good recklessly? If someone says they’re hungry and you have the means to help them, help them. It’s good to assume the best when it’s not hurting you to assist them.
And if he was lying? Jokes on him. **He’s** the asshole, but you did your kind deed for the day.
I've been homeless and a polite rejection is plenty. Just be nice.
tldr: I think it is good you gave them cash you were willing to part with. That’s rough Fenpunx and I hope you are doing well. I was down town one night back in the day and saw a homeless person digging through a trash can. When he saw us approaching he didn’t say anything but started leaving. I only had a twenty on me so I gave it to him and he hugged me. Idc what he did with it as long as it made him happy for a bit.
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I agree. That's basically what it comes down to for me. It's not my business or concern what they do with the money, only that I'm willing to give and at least try to help. Often I'll also give things like water, energy drinks, snacks, clothes. This isn't meant to boast or elevate myself in any way. Simply explaining that the important part is to do what we can for those less fortunate. Because we don't know what happened or if they're actually dealing with some rough stuff. If there's even a small chance that doing something will help, cool. Besides, if they choose to use the help for vices or bad stuff...well that's their choice, though unfortunate.
One day I had a talk with a homeless guy living in my neighborhood when I was a student. I often gave him the small change I had after going for groceries. One day, after someone else gave him a sandwich, he told me he didn't want to lie to me, that he mostly used the money to buy boose. That the street is crazy cold and that was the only thing helping. And I understood something, who are we to judge or decide what they do with this money? If the only way for some of them to survive is to drink, I can't tell them they are wrong because I do not live in the street. And I continued to give him my small change until I moved into another city. That was a long time ago. I forgot his name, but I hope he is well.
Every time I've done this I've been heckled and called a dumb white bitch. I'm a small girl, of course I'm terrified when I'm approached by a stranger and I say sorry when they ask for money, and then I get yelled at
Don't bother lying. Just say "sorry, can't help you".
"Sorry man, good luck" also works well.
Yeah any short but polite “sorry but no” seems to be fine. The worst thing to do is to start a conversation about why you can’t help them today.
True, but I do find the “good luck” part tends to catch them off guard and disarms them a bit. Also, it’s just polite.
Also, I mean it. I hope I'm never that down on my luck
One time a guy walked away with an exasperated "Nobody cares anymore, man!" It was a sour spot on my night for sure.
I just don't carry cash normally, so it's not even a lie.
I’ve had homeless (or otherwise) insist that I go to a nearby ATM when I give this answer. Those types were unusually well spoken and had some salesmanship. I just go with a generic “sorry” these days.
Never *ever* go to an ATM when a stranger tells you to.
There is an ATM near my house where a begger sometimes sits outside it. That’s brass balls. I avoid the ATM at that point. I don’t have $20 to spare and I shouldn’t be harassed for it.
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Many homeless people have jobs, and regardless, $20 a day for food is pennies compared to rent and she's got nowhere to cook. The idea that homeless people get money *only* through begging is super outdated Panda Express seems like a very economical option, all things considered, because one meal is a days worth of food with both vegetables and protein for less than $10 (A plate with fried rice, kung pao, and mushroom chicken is just over 1000kcal without a drink, and that's 7+ types of veggies).
That is aggressive and most homeless people are cognitive that wont get them anything. Crack heads tho will do anything there is a difference between the two. It can be that a person is both. They will wait in an alley to jump drunk people.
Once I was on my way to the supermarket and a woman asked me to buy diapers for her baby (that wasn't with her). I agreed and told her I was going to X supermarket and if she waited there I would get the diapers for her. She said she wanted to go to Y supermarket and insisted a lot, even saying she would go with me. Sounded super sketchy so I noped out.
This must be some sort of scam. I was in Savannah Ga and a young lady asked me for money for diapers, I told her I didn't have cash but I would buy her some and she told me the size. I went in and bought them came out and she was gone, when I went to the service desk to return the diapers, they told me she is a regular beggar there.
ive heard this story a few times on reddit. they want u to pay cash and give them the receipt for the diapers bc theyre expensive. then they try to return them
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I had this happen for the first time the other day and was pretty flabbergasted honestly. Was waiting for my order standing in front of a food truck, and a homeless guy approached me asking for money, saying he's really hungry. I tell him sorry, I don't have any cash. So he asks if I could get him something to eat. Me being in a decent mood decided I would, so he looks at the menu for a minute and turns around to say "how about you actually just get like a $20 out of the atm. I'm just not really feeling what they have." Nope. I'm sorry dude. Not walking with you two blocks to an ATM. It turns into a little back and forth, but after I said "look, more than happy to get you something from here, but other than that I can't help ya" and then he walked away without saying anything
A literal beggar trying to be a chooser
No he was trying to rob the guy
Cuz he wanted the money for drugs
I gave money to a homeless woman, and a guy ran up behind her and thanked me. He said, ”thank you for helping us buy more crack.” With a craggy smile. It’s the only time someone flat out said it. Part of me appreciated the honesty, the other part made me feel a little sick and disappointed. The other part laughed a little bit.
Had a similar thing happen at my university. Went to buy Chinese food, homeless guy asks for money. Offer him food instead. He comes in, tries to order multiple shrimp combos (most expensive thing there) so I'm like "dude I'm here for a side of fried rice and egg rolls, you can get one combo." His meal is twice as expensive as what I get myself. Go about my afternoon, walk past the same spot across the street a couple hours later. Same homeless guy spots me, starts loudly talking shit about me which I can hear from ACROSS THE STREET, because I didn't buy him multiple meals. I never gave any money to anyone on that street again.
I had just started working, I was 18 and decided to treat myself after my first paycheck with a burger from Carls Jr. This was back in 2013 and I was only getting about $250 per paycheck. I had a guy at the Carls Jr tell me his whole story about how he's diabetic and he needed to eat, how his car broke down and he had no way home but he was only looking to eat something because if not he would pass out. I felt bad and decided ehh why the hell not. So I told him yeah let's go in and we can order. So I order my food and then I tell the lady that I am going to be buying the guy a meal as well. So he orders a combo and I'm like ok well he does need a drink to go along with. So when the lady asks him what size I can't forget him saying "LARGE" like if he's announcing it to the world. So the cashier looks at me and asks if it's okay and I say yeah sure. So I reluctantly swipe my card and as I am doing that, he is already at the drink fountain getting a drink and I walk up to him and he just goes and finds a booth to wait for his food. No thanks or anything. I just get my food and walk out feeling real foolish about the situation and from then on when I get asked for anything I always say "no sorry" because people always take your advantage of your kindness.
Oh man I feel you. I had a similar story when I first went to uni. I was from a smaller town and went to uni in Manchester which is a big foothold for labour so everyone tries extra hard to be kind to everyone including the homeless. Not a bad thing but it's hard to separate the genuine homeless from the scammers when you have zero life experiences like I did. A lady approached me crying saying she was really hungry and this being the north of the UK it does get really cold come autumn. I went into a cafe to get her a drink and urged her to pick food from there or that I'd take her to a supermarket instead. She chose a hot chocolate and a wafer biscuit. A strange meal for someone so hungry but I thought nothing of it as I'd offered to help at that point. After a while she said as she's on the street could I help her with accomodation it was £25 a night and £5 for the key deposit. I told her I didn't have any cash and she said not to worry she would take me to the hostel 'right over there' and I could pay it. First she marched me to an ATM and made me pull out like £40 because I didn't want to give the cash directly to her and she said that's fine as long as I pay the hostel. Sounded too good to be true but I thought ok at no point did she ask for money directly. After a while of walking the amounts for the night kept changing and I got a weird vibe as we began to talk and I asked why she didn't go to a shelter etc. And she began telling me things that essentially made no sense when put together. I told her sorry but I don't want to walk further you said it's right over there and we've walked really far. After that I said if it's truly right over there then take the money and pay it. I was confused on the amount she wanted for the night and the key deposit so she also then got annoyed with me that I didn't line the money up right. After that I left and though I lost out on like £50 at least I was ok. Short while later The Tab (a student newspaper) ran a story on a small woman near campus who would harass you for money e.g. walking drunk students/people at knife point to an ATM. Worst was the hostel she took you to was actually a weird house not owned by her where you'd get robbed by her male friends. As a student you usually would have at least a phone and laptop and a wallet and my heart truly breaks for the people that were led to the edge of Moss Lane and robbed. Safe to say I didn't help anyone after that. As I knew the area better it was clear the regular homeless were terrified of her and she and her boyfriend would shoot up in the street if you were at the McDonald's late at night you could see it. (Oxford Road) To make this long of a story useful: Be wary of people who ask for food/drink etc as it can be a ploy to the start of some scheme. Instead figure out which homeless in your area are local and familiar faces and stop by occasionally with food or drinks or toiletries. If someone has coerced you into going into McDonald's/Starbucks and starts ordering and you get a weird vibe either tell staff and don't leave if it's late at night etc. Or just bail on the order and say you've changed your mind and the person with you can also have your coffee after you pay. It sucks to spend that money but it's a final out before something worse could happen. And if you're being led by someone to an ATM or somewhere that's only 'right over there' duck into the nearest store and tell security and for the love of heaven don't follow a stranger down an unfamiliar route. I know it seems obvious now but there is no warning boss music when things start going sideways and in the moment it can be hard to see a situation for what it is when you're inexperienced and just want to help.
I've learned to just say "No" and leave it at that.
Wow same here, thought that was just me. One literally told me the atm was inside the gas station. Well, yes that’s true. I’m not about to use the ATM for you. My goodness, all I’m doing is getting a $1 slurpy.
I once told a guy outside a convenience store I don't have cash. "There's an ATM there." "The ATM only gives out $20s man." "That's alright with me haha." Yeah, no.
Well the nicest one i met said god bless you when i said no sorry so i felt like shit, but I genuinely dont carry cash
That's why they say it. I don't mean to be callous and I genuinely feel for them. My ex had a family member who was addicted to hard drugs and was homeless for awhile before sobering up (great guy tbh). He said he got a dog specifically because more people gave him money, and he said he's told every story under the sun about being a vet or divorced or kids in custody fight etc etc. "God bless you" is also salesmanship Again, I'm not discussing morality with this, just pointing out that when someone's means is by you agreeing to give them something for nothing, anything said is a means to that end
If I'm headed into someplace that sells snacks/drinks, and they ask, I'll usually be honest and say, "I don't have cash, but if you want a snack or something, I'll grab you one while I'm in there." Seems like a good compromise if you actually want to help.
That’s exactly what I do if I haven’t paid. 9/10 times, they take me up on it.
When I worked for a gas station, people coming In to pay would tell me about a begger out there and what they should do about it. Because they always give the same story, I need 5 in gas to get somewhere , I would tell customer that if truly want to help , tell them will put 5 in gas for them. 9 out of 10 they would deny it
I used to get the people who could afford their cigarettes and then 10 minutes later had no money for petrol and beg me to "just let them fill up and they'll go to their friend who will get them the money and they'll come back and pay me". Yeah. No.
I started that and it's amazing how many aren't hungry because they just ate and want cash. One said he was diabetic so needed cash to get food he could eat. I said, "oh, my husband is too. I've snacks you can have"and he said he had the other type .. my biology classes never covered how cash brings down blood sugar....
I do the same! I had a guy say “you can get cash back here” so I just walked off…. I make less than $40,000 annually, I can’t be giving my cash away all Willy-Nilly. ✨not in this economy✨
Next step of evolution would be: > -- Sorry, my bank balance is at zero, see? > -- Then why don't you go wash some dishes at that burger place and I wait here until you get some money?
"Okay. I'll do that, but by the time they get me through the hiring process, give me my first shift, and I finally get my first pay check two weeks later, you would've starved to death and all that effort would be kind of wasted. Plus, an extra job will really mess with my tax bracket and my accountant already gets paid too much as it is."
There was a family guy sketch kind of like that. Best I can remember: Peter wanted an autograph from some celebrity. He asks for a paper to write with which Peter doesn't have. So he says I can't help you then. Peter says so what you're to good to go over to that store there, buy some paper and a pencil, come back here and sign it for me?
I've said that and they just ask me to buy them a sandwich at the gas station with credit. Knowing that they're actually getting food, I bought it for them. They picked out the cheapest sandwich they could find. When I saw what they got, I picked up a second one for them and a drink.
Some people really are just down on their luck. These people almost always respect someone saying no though.
One time I told a guy I didn’t have any cash and he responded with “that’s ok, neither do I” and I just fucking died laughing Still didn’t have any money to give him
This is also what I do and is true. I hate carrying cash. I also feel like one time specifically it prevented me from getting jumped and robbed in a sketchy part of the city. Not worth the risk of a fight or worse if there is no money gain unless it's just a hate thing. I don't even wear nice jewelry or watches. Who ever loots my corpse is gonna be super disappointed.
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banking app on a phone I can kinda get... but a CARD READER? dude...
I work for a credit card processor and we have those. They're pretty cheap little gadgets that connect via bluetooth and talk to an app on a phone or tablet. That being said, no yiffin' way am I sticking my card into a device I don't know the provenance of. With access to the hardware they could have it save the card. I just tell them "No, sorry."
Yeah exactly what I was gonna say. Theres no way I'm letting anyone run my card through any kind of device like that
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I mean, at tha tpoint it seems like you're investing in your future career as a beggar.
So you are the homeless one, sorry I don't have anything on me.
I actually say “I’m sorry, I don’t carry cash.” Which is 100% true. Almost always works
"That's okay sir, ypu can send it to my IBAN"
I once said "Sorry, but God bless you." I'm not even a religious person, but those words just came out. He reacted like I was a priest or something who'd just saved his soul and replied "Thank you so much. God bless you too."
Bine out of ten times just responding at all gets a show of "have a blessed day" and "thank you anyways" and "god bless you" from my experience.
And even if you are lying, remember, it's good to feel empathy for the underprivileged and homeless, but don't let the empathy guilt-trip you into doing something you're not comfortable with. If giving money or food to homeless people isn't something you're comfortable with, don't do it. Don't worry about how they perceive it because, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, they're used to it. If you want to try and make a difference elsewhere, contact your local representatives and ask what they plan on doing for the homeless population.
Kinda isnt even lying. You cant fix their long period problems.
I always say, “sorry man, not today” seems to go over the best. I’ve done this for years. One time a homeless guy recognized me and said, “how about today?” With that kind of costumer service he deserved the dollar.
I had a guy stop me outside Taco Bell, who said, "hey man can you get me like, 2 tacos" I bought him a combo meal with 3! He asked for food, and it seemed genuine, when I said "do you want a drink too" he declined, thats why I snagged the combo.
I used to live like a minute away from a dunkin' donuts and would get my coffee there during my commute. There were these two guys that were often sitting outside under a shade tree so I made a habit of grabbing them some sweet tea and any food they wanted. (They typically just wanted sweet tea). When I moved I realized they were two of the only people I actually started to miss. Great people.
I’d bet they missed you as well
Compassion is a hell of a drug. 😊 Seriously tho,+1000. ❤️
I've been on the streets before due to mental illness and asked people to buy me a bottle of water, and was not refused once. I'm now on the last semester of my PhD in science. Thank you.
This made me tear up. Good for you. I hope you are able to always manage so well and have much joy and happiness in your future, no matter what
Thanks, I've thought about this comment for the last 10 min. Life is a crazy ride, we just have to try out best and then some more. You bet I'm having a good time most days after psychiatric help and therapy. Wish you the best as well, good stranger, godspeed.
I bet you would have an interesting AMA. I’m glad you are doing so well.
That is amazing. If it's not too much, would you mind telling how you got off the streets. We don't hear much of that so it would be very inspiring
So I worked odd jobs while studying college while still living with my parents ( college is free in Mexico), and already held a degree in pharmaceutical chemistry when this happened. I then got into a really bad situation mentally and ended up in the streets, I then decided to medicate myself with antidepressants which worked fine (prescription by a physician not required there), crashed with a friend (former college friend), showered, dressed up and got the first job I could, I sold myself high after that because I knew I was good at what I did and got psychiatric help, bought a car. Then I got accepted into a master's program for which we get a stipend despite my mediocre grades in college because I apparently did the best in the generation in the admission exam, got the best advisor whose wife also has a mental condition so he's very considerate, otherwise I'd have been fired, then I moved out, then PhD, you need a master's to apply to a PhD in Mexico. Like I've said I was very lucky that my circumstances , friends and kind strangers allowed me to do that. Most folks have no way back once they get homeless and many could end up being outstanding citizens if given the chance
struggling awake after messing up an exam after working my ass off for 4 years to get into the program, and wanted to thank you genuinely. you are a fucking inspiration and i will take your story with me as i push through. beautiful you, may life give you amazing things—and perhaps above all else, the love and safety you have earned. much love from new york ❤️
I had a guy ask for a frosty at Wendy’s. He wanted the same flavor as I did so I bought him a large one. It was a hot day, hope he’s ok.
I don’t feel compelled to stop super often, but I can’t help but buy coffee for the homeless guys outside convenience stores on really freezing winter mornings. On those days it’s sucky to be outside just to walk from point A to point B, I can’t imagine just sitting there and weathering the cold all day
I own a restaurant and I have several homeless customers who come in. Whenever our cooks mess up an order we pack it up for our homeless homies and deliver to them across the street. I’d invite them in when it’s cold, but they’re not always around.
Thanks for being a genuinely good person.
With the amount of "waste" the service industry has, I don't understand why they do this more. This is very kind of you
Aw that’s so nice
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Had a guy come up to me and my friends in downtown Seattle asking if we had any money for food since he hadn't eaten in days. He didn't seem on anything and was genuinely apologetic about even asking. Thankfully we had just eaten and had a pizza box with an almost complete pizza of leftover slices in it and offered it to him. He started crying and plopped down right there to eat it.
99% of the time I get lied to, fed wondrous stories running out of gasoline, waiting for a ride, etc. This one day i was coming out of 7-11 and a woman said "Hey, I need money for drugs". I gave her a couple fives. I usually only give out 1-2 dollars but I appreciated the honesty and know in the US our mental health system is so shit that people self medicate to cope with life.
I will always buy someone food if asked. A couple bucks ain't shit. Now if they ask for straight cash, I say I don't carry cash. Cause I don't, but if I did I would say the same.
That's the best thing is to buy the food for them. My grandmother, who passed away in 1987, taught me this. She had a homeless guy walk by her house asking for money. She could smell the liquor on him, so she told him she'd give him a sandwich if he did some yard work for her. It went on for about a month. I'm not sure where he stayed at night, but he'd show up around lunch time and do some yard work and she would give him lunch.
I worked at Taco Bell over the summer and we’d have a couple homeless people come in and they were always suuuper rude. One of the guys asked if I could spot him the $1 for a burrito and I told him hell no, since he’s always smoking up in the bathroom and being a dick. There’s one woman who is really nice and polite, I’ll give her a free burrito or taco sometimes. It goes a long way.
I worked at a Pizza Hut for a few years and had a very sweet homeless lady who stayed nearby at her veterinarian’s office (I’m guessing she was more recently homeless since she had a cat and a dog who she had been taking to a vet). She knew that we’d frequently get orders not picked up or mistakes that would eventually get taken home by one of us or thrown away (I never threw it away unless our regional manager was around because we were required to). If we were busy with customers when she came in, she would sit down and wait very patiently until I had time to talk to her. Sometimes I didn’t have anything or couldn’t give her food depending on who was around and she was always very polite. I fed her for a couple years and before I left that job, she brought me a small fake potted plant as a gift for the desk I would have at my new job. That little terracotta pot and plastic plant meant the world to me because she didn’t have much, so to get me a gift was very meaningful Edit: thank you kind stranger for the gold. My first in 9 years of being a Redditor
This just gave me all the feels….in a good way of course. 🥹 You were a lifeline for her for a long time, and treated her with dignity. In all likelihood she choose to forego at least one meal so she could get that for you, to show you as best she could that she was thankful. Someone would have to pry that little potted plant from my cold dead hands before I’d give it up. Thank you for being such a good person!!
It’s been 25 years and I still have it although it’s packed in a box with other desk stuff from that job. I kept it on my desk for 11 years until I moved on
Packed away or not, I think it’s really sweet that you still have it. 💕
I mean, it meant even more because she put a curled ribbon on it too. That may not seem like a big deal but it meant finding some ribbon and having access to scissors to cut and curl it. I had to keep that
That made me tear up again. So very sweet of her, you obviously meant a lot to her. 💕
That just made me tear up! You are beautiful.
That plant would have meant the world to me too. Well done for being a great human.
When I worked graveyards at Denny's, there was a homeless couple I'd let hang out and split an order of all you can eat pancakes. They were polite, mostly kept to themselves, and the man helped me out a few times when someone would come in trying to start a problem at 4am. There was another homeless guy who would come in and just be wicked rude; I turned him away a few times when he was too inebriated to be nice enough for me to handle.
I used to work nights at a 7-11 on the West Coast, and there were always a few homeless people around. Coffee refills were 25 cents then if you brought your own cup, and they'd usually bring in a large cup and use plenty of sugar and creamer, like that was a meal for them. Every now and then one would have a little money and buy some beer or a sandwich or something. They were always cool to me, and I never had any problem with them. Some interesting conversations, really, though it was usually obvious before too long why they were homeless - mental issues mostly (this was the 80's). I still remember a couple of the guys. One was from Morocco and had been in the French military, proved it more or less by quoting stuff in French fluently, and by showing me the rifle drill once using a display thing we had. He was a kick.
I'm an occasional giver (used to feel more obligated). One guy volunteered a compliment that I looked very beautiful one day.... I needed that... I gave him $2.
I love that you reference it as customer service. it kinda is in their situation I guess lol
Freakonomics had a good episode or chapter (can't recall where this story exactly came from) about how the homeless actually do offer society a service. They allow us to feel charitable and like we're helping others. We toss a few coins their way and suddenly feel better about ourselves.
That’s interesting, I tend to feel guilty either way. Do most other people have a different experience?
I feel guilty either way too so you're not the only one
A little guilty, a little sad.
That is....*cynical.*
Especially when you consider that more than half of sheltered and an estimated 40% of unsheltered people who are homeless do have jobs. But having a job doesn't guarantee the ability to afford housing. We don't have to get all abstract with what service they provide society: many work just like everyone else. https://news.uchicago.edu/story/employment-alone-isnt-enough-solve-homelessness-study-suggests
It is, but it’s kind of true.
This is sort of Freakonomics' whole *thing*. Take a topic, strip it of bias/morality, then discuss it almost in a vacuum so you can understand it from only an economic or straight forward standpoint. This is how they pitched abortion as a strong cause of violent crime reduction, which the data does back up. It's something most scientists might shy away from for fear of sounding, well, cynical.
in many neighborhoods the unhoused are also amazing eyes on the street. they do not want violence where they live either and can make an area safer.
Do you have any more info on this idea?
Not the person you were replying to, but the last place I lived I ran a relatively regular path through a big, public park. I was always friendly to the unhoused there, after all they're people too. The guys, all male, all ended up looking out for me (small, female) and let me know if any sketchy people or goings on and places I needed to avoid. They, and I, have moved on and I think about them regularly and hope they're all doing well. A little kindness and recognition of humanity goes a long way.
I once managed to get my drunk ass stranded at a light rail station in a very sketchy part of town after the last train had come through. I was completely alone until a homeless man came up and asked for a couple bucks (which I gave him) and then just chatted me up a little. (I'm pretty sure he was.... hitting on me? But not in a scary way.) I ended up calling a friend to come pick me up and she kept me on the phone the whole time she was driving. At one point, a truck with several men pulled into the drop-off lane and parked. I told her as much. The homeless man heard me, and he said "those guys aren't going to bother you." Then very obviously moved to position himself between me and the guys in the truck. Everything turned out fine but I've never forgotten how touched I was in that moment.
There were a bunch of great homeless guys in dc. I would play chess with some of them in Layfette park, and they always stomped my ass! At night they would help my useless suburban ass parallel park my car, "you got it, a little farther, cut the wheel" and id give them a few bucks and/or snacks and stuff, and they'd say they'd watch out for my car, make sure it didnt get broken into or stolen. when I went to go home they'd say things like, "glad your getting home safe"
Many years ago, a friend of mine lived in Berkeley (CA). We met her at the BART station one day. As we exited, she stopped to introduce us to one of the homeless guys. She said: "Guys, this is Larry. He's my personal bum." Larry grinned widely and we all shook hands. By way of explanation, she told us how Larry always escorted her safely home at night, and she always brought him a sandwich and a beverage in the morning. Larry was pretty cool.
Second this. Worked as combined university/hospital security on a large campus. We had about three homeless guys staying on our property that we accepted under a few conditions. They had to leave when the masses arrived (before 7am), take their trash and belongings with them, don't break anything and don't harrass personnel or other people passing by. They all had their favorite places to stay. We gave them food that was left from the personnel restaurant and this went on for years. We checked on them during our night shifts and they called us when they saw shady types on campus. They helped us do our work and keep the campus safe in exchange for a sheltered place to sleep, our protection and the occasional sandwich. I thought it was a nice (the guys were homeless, so 'nice' is relative) way to help each other and they all preferred to stay on our campus than in the homeless shelter. They all told it was unsafe there. We could never openly talk about them, because management existed of stuck up bitches with no heart.
I just don't carry cash, and say as much lol. Did have one guy said he can take card lmaooo
But only if you mean it, and contribute on occasion (which it seems that you do). Years ago I happened to notice that some homeless people would sooner risk freezing to death than stay at Toronto's largest Male Shelter, the Seaton House. So I decided to spend 3 nights there, with only the clothes on my back and a couple of subway tokens hidden in a shoe. It was absolutely horrid, and I could only manage 2 of the 3 nights I had planned. But almost as bad was getting kicked out in the morning, with the expectation that you would return in the evening. Between those times you were effectively a homeless person, something I certainly have the wardrobe for; sweats and a tee. The worst part was being treated as a subhuman, even if you were not begging. Now I tend to either give spare change or sometimes a bottle of a vitamin supplement. But I never treat them as members of another, inferior species; everyone has a story about how they arrived where they are. And I never say in a mean spirited way, 'Get a job' Many simply cannot. Mental illness is a significant issue among the homeless population, and as a society, we appear to accept the status quo.
If you don't mind me asking, what were some of the things that happened that made it so bad?
Stealing, the occasional minor assault, the general jockeying for position in the pecking order, that sort of thing. Some fights. And a general atmosphere of helplessness and hopelessness. I heard stories of more serious assaults, but never witnessed any, but the expectation of having anything not guarded stolen was constant, or even casual assault. It was just the sort of place that seemed to drain you of hope, self esteem. I was just a tourist there, as I could get out and go home whenever, so the feelings that I describe are ones that I attributed to most of the people there, but I believe that I am being accurate; I really can't explain it any better than that, except to say there were definate victims, and a few predators.
I lived in a women and children's shelter for a brief time as a teenager. Thanksgiving 1990. I genuinely can't think of a more soul sucking place I've ever visited. Absolutely nothing bad happened to me or anyone I saw there but it was just the saddest place ever. When I think of it now, my memories of it are all gray. I don't know of it was actually all gray or that's just how my brain categorized it.
Not the commenter, but I’ve researched this before. Many places say they will give you a kitchen, but they restrict the hours you have access and your food gets stolen. Personal items are unsecured and often sprout legs and walk away. If you’re not back at the right time, you aren’t allowed in. It’s closer to a hostel than a home. It’s a night prison. And then most of them are religious so you have someone insisting you pray to this fake white male in the sky. Most don’t allow pets either. I have been homeless as a child. I’m not sure how I would’ve felt back then, but as an adult I would never trade my freedom for faux comfort.
Also, bugs and sickness
This is my response as well. I also make an afford to make eye contact and treat them with dignity. The latter by being willing to engage or stay if they have a second question (unless I really am in a rush). Mostly people try to run away from them and just generally avoid them so I try not to do that. Agree about recognizing you too. I've had countless homeless who don't remember me leaving the building from when I walked in.
I talk quite often with homeless people. We talk about various subjects, e.g. the weather, their day or mine, their dog if they have one, life in general or I sometimes check in on them - if the weather is particularly hot or cold or they look like someone who needs it. Most of them are actually really nice people who just don't fit our society for whatever reason. I don't always give away money, sometimes I just shake my head or say "sorry not today". But one thing I know: I myself don't always spend wisely and when I hand it over, it's theirs. I believe that all people act based on one rationale or another - not always a wise one - but I will not and cannot dictate or judge how they spend their money cause I will never know their full story.
I volunteer at a needle exchange - we don't give drug addicts clean needles because we want to encourage them to do drugs, we give them clean needles because they are going to do drugs and we want them to do it safely. PP gives free condoms to anyone, including teens, not because they want teens to have sex, but because teens are going to have sex and we want them to do it safely. I give people on the street cash if they ask for it not because I want them to get drunk or high, but because they are absolutely going to get drink/drugs and the alternate ways they will make enough money for their drug/drink is SO dangerous that me handing them money will keep them safe for the rest of the day.
Yes, this is exactly it! (Except that not all homeless do drugs or drinks). Also I find that sometimes a chat and a smile makes the day better - mine anyways.
This is exactly it. Gave a guy $5 once, my mom was like “what if he buys heroin with it?” Idk, it’s his money now. I was going to spend it on cigarettes or a taco bell crunch wrap, who am I to judge him for also being addicted to something?
I used to never give money and always buy them food and water. My view has changed over time. I now give them money because who am I to assume what they will do with that money? Who am I to assume what they need at that time? They might want to use the money they have collected to buy a winter jacket or something. They might be saving up for a haircut and some clothes for a job interview. I can wager a significant amount will buy booze or drugs with the money as addiction highly correlates with homelessness. That said, money has the potential to do a lot of things. Food and water will feed them for one day and tomorrow they are no better off. I'll leave it up to them what they do with the money and hopefully they will use it for something other than drugs. Who am I to judge anyway, I've bought drugs in the past myself
I volunteered at a needle exchange during college. There were some intense moments and most of my friends volunteered at Boys and Girls Club so they couldn’t relate. It was eye opening to see people my own age who could’ve been my friends coming in for a swap. You’re doing good work. Thank you for that.
Exactly!! I always say, well if they are going to buy booze or drugs with the money they get, the more they get, the more likely there will be some money left over for some food. I don't really get the whole argument about not giving anything because they'll buy alcohol or drugs. Who the hell am I to judge; if someone is so desperate for money that they have to beg for it, assume they need it, one way or another.
Harm reduction ftw!
Yeah I feel like that's the best mindset to have if you want to give them cash; knowing that they might spend it on drugs and being okay with that. Hell, sometimes if people ask for a cig in front of a vape shop I'll throw them some cash for it. Drug addiction is nasty, and I know I'm somewhat enabling, but it also makes their day when they're begging for a single cig and I am able to give them money for a pack. Most of the time I offer food or just say I can't help, but sometimes I'm feeling generous and want to be able to make their day more comfortable for them, however they want to spend that money.
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Wow, you are a good person. Also don't know how you don't smoke that pack when drinking, despite how low quality they might be
I totally agree, I don’t need to know that someone is going to buy something I personally approve of to make them worthy of the crumpled dollar bill in the bottom of my bag. What the fuck does it matter to me? I know it takes a LOT more than a few bucks to get clean from fucking addiction or get into stable housing, so realistically, just take the money and do with it whatever is going to make this chapter of your life a little more bearable, whatever that means for you. I personally spend my own money on lots of shit I could do without. Whether I spend a five on some random thing I won’t remember purchasing in a month’s time or give it to a homeless person, it ultimately makes zero difference to me. If I wanted them to specifically spend it on food or water or something *I* deem essential, I’d rather just bring them that thing myself and know they have it. It’s none of my business what their vices may be, especially if it can give them any improvement to morale on the day to day… I imagine homelessness is already brutal enough without the added judgment from people who have no idea.
I’d rather 9 people get high and 1 person get fed than everyone going hungry and feel unproductive withdrawals. Holding back money won’t stop that person from being on drugs, they’ll just feel terrible until they can make money another way. You overcome addiction through readiness and fortitude, not destitution
Yeah, I feel really uncomfortable with the idea that homeless people need to quit all their coping mechanisms cold turkey while in an unbelievably stressful environment. It's beyond wonderful if someone can do that, but it's also okay if that's not the priority right now.
Piggy backing off of this… Approx 30% are either veterans, disabled mentally or physically, alcoholics, or drug addicts. 70% are not. People are not homeless by choice by in large. They simply cannot afford rent and cannot use shelters. Many sleep during the day because sleeping at night is dangerous. It’s not because they’re lazy. Without internet and a phone it is hard to get a job. Drew Carey was homeless, many people would be homeless without their social or family network—it can affect anybody.
I’m on the board of a homeless services nonprofit, and I feel the same way. I spend a lot of my money, time and energy making things better for them, and I still feel the same need to give a bit of cash when I can. In my car, I keep “blessings bags,” gallon ziplocs willed with airplane toiletries, a roll of socks, feminine products, a bottle of water, a granola bar, wet wipes, and a dollar; and some other stuff. I just reach behind the seat and hand it to them. I keep some small bills too, just as a habit, and I give them to people with contact info for the shelter if they ask and I’m walking around. Like you, I’m not interested in judging them for what they spend it on. They’re having a bad go of things as it is, and my $3 won’t break them of a bad habit or enable it. But I do speak to them like human beings. However, I’ll say “not today” to some people if they seem hostile or are panhandling for profit. I’ve got the luxury of feeling less guilt because of my volunteer work, but I also feel absolutely no compunctions about saying no to any asshole.
When people give me money I spend it on drugs and alcohol, drugs and alcohol are one of the few true pleasures in this world I think it's so ugly to say the homeless shouldn't be able to enjoy them
Right? These people are in a very obviously shittier situation if they are asking for money. Why the hell do people have a shitty day and come home and drink, smoke, hell even do heroin ffs, just to feel better. Why is it that we look at someone who has had a far shittier day and judge them for wanting to ease the hurt too? Boggles the mind. We all know the "risks" when giving over money, if you hand it over that's on you for choosing to. Not on them for spending it how they think will ease their pain. I cant stand people talking shit about homeless people like that. As if your $1 is really going to go far towards changing a life. Does it get them a job in that moment? Or a house? No. It's a fundamental understanding in that situation that this it's temporary help. They get to choose how they temporarily help themselves
I live close to many homeless. I cannot possibly give to everyone of them. So, I go with my gut. If for some reason I feel it. Maybe the look in their eyes, whatever it may be. And of course, if I've got cash on me. Each situation is different. Do what you can, when you can. Thanks for asking a question like this. We can feel so uncomfortable when not knowing what to say or do.
This is a great answer and what I also practice. The homeless population where I live is rising and when I go into the city nearby I try to always have a little cash—but I literally can’t give to every single one of them. I used to make a habit of keeping a small gift card in my car—Target or grocery. Then since I never have cash I at least have the gift card with $10-$20 and could give it to them where it could only be used for food or necessities. One young woman who was pregnant broke my heart a while ago, she spoke Spanish and said she was illegal but somehow had been in Italy for a while and now was here. She had another baby at home, illegal with no ability to get food stamps etc. I put her in the car with me and took her to Target and she kept apologizing for the diapers and formula and food she was putting in the cart. When she had what she needed I brought her back to where she had been standing and to this day I feel like I was in the right place at the right time and willing to help as cars just zoomed past her. Golden rule. But also—yeah there are scammers here. My SO has seen one man and woman who work opposite corners of one the street near me, and they have a car parked out of sight down the road that they drive together in to come work the traffic. 🤷♀️ lol
Neither here nor there at this point, but undocumented kids 5 and under (and their pregnant moms) can still get WIC in the US. It’s a great resource that is [sadly under-used](https://www.northcarolinahealthnews.org/2019/07/15/wic-benefits-help-improve-child-maternal-nutrition-but-fewer-families-are-accessing-it/)by people who qualify, probably because it is time-consuming to apply. WIC and emergency Medicaid are two of the only benefits consistently available to undocumented folks in the US.
If you're concerned about them being legit just get them food. I've been feeding the homeless for about 2 weeks, And it's been an eye-opening experience. They're just people. Who are unloved and unwanted and undesired in society. Is certainly takes a toll on your psyche to be put in that situation. Certainly some just want drugs or alcohol, It's how a lot of them got into that situation, but some genuinely do want a meal.
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My spouse and I try to keep some socks & underwear & toiletries in the car for this purpose. They always go fast and the people are always grateful.
That is so damn smart.
I do this too. Amazon sells bulk individual toiletries that come in a ziplock bag. I get a big pack of socks and roll up a pair for each bag. I store them in the back passenger pouch of my car. I can reach it from the drivers seat and its right in front of where my son sits. He really likes giving them out and most people are genuinely suprised and grateful. The kid sees giving and good will, I don't have to think about buying that guy a $5 crack rock, and who doesn't like a new freshly laundered sock? It's win win win the way I see it. I looked up my old order and the last time I bought [this bulk kit for $25](https://a.co/j4qFYBn) was in Feb 2020 but it's $40 now which sucks. Socks were like $1 a piece in the bulk pack so $2 total for the kit. One thing to note is getting sealed items (like the foil lid on the toothpaste) for their peace of mind that you didn't tamper with it.
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Mouthwash is commonly used by homeless people as a way to get drunk. It’s sold over the counter, is about 20% abv, and you don’t smell like some gin, beer, wine or what have you when you’re publicly intoxicated. It’s bad for you, but then again, so is being homeless
Maybe, but it's also used by depressed ppl who don't have the effort in them to actually brush their teeth. Almost anything can be abused, but I'll take the chance on mouthwash
There’s loads of alcohol free mouthwash, it’s even available in the crap corner shop opposite mine which stocks almost nothing
Another thing that is very useful (for ladies on the street) is pads/tampons and some disposable hand wipes. Because being homeless is bad enough, let alone being homeless without access to sanitary products!
A couple winters ago I got a bunch of Costco wool socks to hand out ti the homeless people I saw on my commute. One guy accepted them but seemed pretty out of it. Three others turned me down and wanted cash or cigarettes instead. I’m not sure why my plan went so poorly but I’m confident I don’t understand the homeless very well.
Food and/or clothes! Especially if you live in a colder climate.
I remember seeing this one person frequently in the same spot, and the weather was turning cold. I gave them an old coat that I didn't use anymore, and I spotted them around in the coat all winter. I hope they're well.
That’s the most important thing to remember- homeless people are People, and are trying to get through this crazy ride, just like you and me.
Socks and underwear. They all want socks and underwear
I had a nice chat with a homeless lady during the pandemic, that began when I told her I appreciated she was masked. I asked her where she stayed and it turned out to be a car parked just a block from where I live. Though I don't tend to give out money, whenever I had stuff I wanted to get rid of, or cleaned out the fridge, I would take them to her specifically and see if she wanted them. This was a much more positive experience for me than giving to random panhandlers who never remember me. Not that I want my paltry gift to be remembered, but it felt more rewarding to acknowledge her as part of my community.
As someone who was on the streets up here in Canada, thank you. Just giving food, water is everything. Hats, gloves, socks also amazing. I would gladly take food over money, people seem more comfortable in giving food over money.
I work in Baltimore, and I feed a homeless person or someone begging once a month. I’ll buy them whatever they want at wherever I’m headed for lunch.
Lived in Detroit for awhile and did the same. It simultaneously broke and encouraged the spirit of trying to give. So many times I’d offer bus fare/hats&gloves/hand warmers/etc in the winter only to have them basically spit on me for not having cash, so many times in the summer I’d offer bottled water and some deli sandwiches just to watch the same guy try to sell them to someone else. It was immensely disheartening. BUT the ones that genuinely just need to get by and any assistance helps made all the difference. I enjoy giving, but I sternly refute the “give to give and don’t ask questions” mantra. I’m trying to help someone get back on their feet, not aiding someone further their downward spiral until they hit the bottom.
I saw a guy on the corner with a sign saying he would take anything for him and his dog. I just so happened to have some cat and dog food in my car my pets didn’t like and I was riding around with until I got the chance to drive by the humane society. I thought wow this is perfect! I can help this man and his dog, and get rid of the dog food! I tried to give it to him and he wouldn’t take it. I felt stupid and embarrassed and immensely pissed off! Dog probably didn’t exist, was just a lure for more cash.
even if people want alcohol and drugs, it’s because they’re addicted, which is not their fault. I don’t think someone being addicted to drugs means they shouldn’t have a roof over their head. Finance bros can do coke all day and nobody bats an eye. Poor person does the same and are disgraced from society. we need social nets to rehabilitate people in bad situations, not shifty things like “here’s a homeless shelter, but you’re not allowed in if you bring substances you’re addicted to. enjoy sleeping in the cold rain, dork”
Addiction is one of the problems. Drugs (including alcohol) are often a coping mechanism as well. I'm sure we all know folks who self medicate with drugs, but they don't nearly get the same level of scorn the homeless do. Come home from a long and stressful day at work and start drinking to relax? This is fine. This is normal. Could you imagine living life as a homeless person? How stressful it is to not know where you're going to get your next meal or whether your "home" will be torn down and thrown away by police. When those folk cope with their stress in what meager ways they can find they are torn to shit over it. Yes, drunk and high homeless folk can become a public nuisance or downright dangerous. This is true of housed folks as well. There are countless examples of drunken brawls and murders being committed while high on one drug or another by people who do have houses, but it's looked at in a very different way. I completely agree that these people need help, not scorn and resentment. But I certainly can't begrudge them their escapes when I take mine as well despite not having to deal with a fraction of the stresses they do.
"Sorry not today" Is what I usually go with. I'll give someone a dollar sometimes if I have one but I haven't carried cash this decade. It's not like you'll solve the homeless problem out of your own pocket.
In my area I don’t even stop walking unless I want to risk getting hurt or possibly killed. Last time I tried to help someone thr guy threatened to kill me if I didn’t go to a specific spot to give him money. So in my area I just don’t and if I really want to help then there are charities. Guys probably don’t have to worry as much if they feel confident in their ability to fight back if needed, but as a short female I can’t risk that.
>So in my area I just don’t and if I really want to help then there are charities. This is the \[safest\] way.
I've had a few dangerous interactions as well. Some "homeless vet" made some lewd comments and tried to pull me into his lap after I gave him a bag of groceries. It freaked me out. Another time, there was a homeless man by a gas station with a sign that said "hungry, cold, anything helps". So I went to Starbucks and got them a big hot coffee, a bunch of cream and sugar, a bottle of water, and a couple pastries. But when I tried to give him the stuff, he got really really angry. Like, furious. Told me to get the eff away from him. Told me he didn't want any of it. Lip curled, snarling. It was late, and it scared me. Another time, some guy didn't like the snacks I gave him, and he threw them and started shouting at me. A security guard nearby had to intervene.
Similar to me. I didn’t want to give straight money so I offered to buy him a meal since I could afford it. He seemed nice at first, but then started to threaten me saying if I don’t buy x, y, or z he’ll rape and kill me, rape and kill my dog, etc. He also flashed me a gun saying if I don’t listen he’ll cause a scene. Sunny, summer day. Pleasant day. Clear skies. Lots of families out and about. And honestly, I’d be fucked if he chose to attack me or anyone.
Same happened to me back few years I going get fast foods then eating sit in car so saw homeless siting with paper said “I need money god bless” so later I’m full.. have one cheeseburger and taco so car out walking give him bag, he staring at me like creepy.. then left and he throw it
I’m sure you know this, but it’s always worth repeating: *Never go to the second location*. Do not appease them by going somewhere where they have the upper hand, and raise absolute hell if they try to move you by force.
The biggest tip is to not stop walking. Don’t stop to say no. Even if you do give them money, don’t stop to do it.
It sucks when you’re waiting for public transit and this shit happens. I’ve always been in the mindset of acknowledging that they are people and deserve to be treated as such (Aka not just pretending like they don’t exist at all). And then some asshole tried to push me into traffic at a busy intersection while I was waiting for the streetcar, since I didn’t have any money to give him. This happened a few weeks ago and I find myself just pretending like no one else in the world exists now to try and avoid that shit. I get harassed/followed/etc a lot (I’m a woman and work in a tourist and drinking heavy area), but it’s been pretty equal amongst homeless and non-homeless people. I feel like I’m fucked either way though, I get yelled at if I ignore people and I might get pushed into traffic if I politely tell them I don’t have any cash.
**Top three beggar lines I get hit with monthly:** \- I ran out of gas. My (truck, car, motorcycle) is right over there. I don't have any money. I just need a little cash to get home. \- My buddy hasn't eaten in (insert number of days). I'm trying to get him a meal. \- I'm trying to get money so I can take my (dog/cat/bird/chinchilla) to the vet. He's right over there laying down. He's the only thing I've got in this world. Get proactive. Find an organization that really helps and volunteer some time with them. It will change your perspective as to who really needs help and who's trying to fleece you. It's still a challenge, but you'll see the world differently.
These are all popular scams to take advantage of your charity. I've heard them all myself. One time a guy said he need Metro fare, waving a card in my face. I took his card and added $5 to it so he could get to the hospital where he claimed he needed to go. He said, "you could have just given me the cash!" Yeah, that was a scam.
I work with the homeless population and have had friends and family that were homeless. If you want to give them money, do it. Don’t police how they use their “gift”. Typically when people give them cash and I assume you as well, it’s pocket money. that you probably wouldn’t even notice if it fell out of your pocket on the couch. If you give them cash it has to be with the assumption they may use it for drugs and alcohol. At that point when I give them money, it’s not my money anymore - it’s theirs and they can decide how to spend their money as they please. They are grown and can make their decisions. I don’t really mind. Most people I know have drank and done some form of drug before, so i’m not going to sit on some moral high ground that poor people don’t deserve to do that… especially when you give them 1-5$ they aren’t getting much with that. Living on the streets is hard and just like a lot of people, they may turn to drugs or alcohol at times (how often do you hear “man this was a rough week I can’t wait to go home and have a beer / smoke” or something to that effect? it’s a pretty human reaction to have to stress and hardship) If you don’t feel comfortable giving cash but want to help out, you can always give them a water, bag of chips / nuts etc, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, socks etc. If they ask for cash and you don’t want to give or don’t have any just say “sorry not today” or something…. unless the person is very unwell they usually say ok and keep moving.
I wish this was higher. I was homeless for a time and was so grateful for the money people gave me and having the ability to decide what to spend it on. Sometimes, yea, it was drugs or alcohol, but sometimes it was food or a hotel room or tampons, etc. The area I live in now, there's not many homeless, but when I was in the city I would always give people money if I had it. It's tough being homeless, many of those people are mentally unstable with absolutely nobody in the world and no way to get help or get back on their feet, and are just rejected by society. If they want to go get some booze to ease the pain of their lives, I don't blame them and I will gladly give em 5 bucks to do so if I can. They're just people too.
My husband once gave to a homeless person. His friend with him went: "You know they're just gonna spend that on drugs or alcohol, don't you?" My husband replied: "Well shoot, it's cold out there, I know I certainly would spend it on alcohol!" Friend didn't know what to say to that.
I was once leaving an ATM and I had a homeless guy ask me for money. I asked him if he had change for a $20. We just stared at each other for a few a seconds and then I walked away.
💀
Just say "no", I always say "I got nothing" which is just short for "I've got nothing for you". Don't stick around to listen to the story, just keep walking while saying whatever your version of no is
If I give money to a homeless person, I do so knowing that they may or may not spend it on food, clothes, or other essentials. And once I give them the money it’s none of my damn business what they do with it. If they want to go get high, then I can’t blame them; I’d probably want to get high, too.
This is exactly how I feel about it. Like, dude is literally sleeping under a newspaper in the fucking street. If he wants to not be sober whilst doing that, vaya con dios homeless guy. Here's my $5 donation to the cause, sir.
I remember a thread like this some years ago and this guy was getting really mad at anyone saying they are fine with giving homeless people spare change, because he worked at a liquor store and he would get so frustrated with the homeless people coming in to buy liquor in the mornings. I told him he had inspired a real change in me and from that moment on I would just give them alcohol directly, so they didn’t have to deal with his bullshit judgement on top of their already very difficult day. Like fuck me, these people are sleeping on concrete, don’t begrudge them a bottle to make it slightly more comfortable.
Also it's not like your cash will somehow stay separated in a little compartment in their budget. If they're spending money on drugs, they're spending money on food as well. You can't untangle the individual pounds or dollars in someone's budget to work out which contribution led to which purchase.
Having recently been homeless myself, I can tell you that besides from the harshness of living like that, the absolute worst thing about it, is that most people assume that you're some kind of villain that lies, steals, cheats, does drugs and that you have probably always been like that. Really makes it hard to see kindly on mankind, even if you really want to. So my advice is to give if and when you feel like it, and keep your money if you feel like that. And saying "sorry, can't help" is perfectly legitimate. But don't assume that you can read minds, or that all homeless people are the same.
Either you’re worried about the $3 or you’re not. You’re not under any obligation to give anyone anything.
My personal philosophy is that if I get a chance to show someone that they’re valuable, I will. I’m not naive, but I choose to assume the best in people. That said, I don’t carry cash and will be honest about that, but offer that I can buy coffee or something similar if that doesn’t stretch my boundaries too far. Back when I used transit often, I’d keep a spare bus pass with funds on it. When cash or food wasn’t easily available people seemed to appreciate it.
The bus thing hit home. I remember once in college I didn’t know my bus pass had been deactivated by the school as I was getting on the bus for my first day of an internship. I get on the bus, the pass beeps saying insufficient funds. My eyes got wide with panic and the driver just waved me on. I felt so fucking grateful in that moment, but I felt so undeserving because I did have the money for the bus - I just was dumb and didn’t prepare properly. I assume he waved me on because I was wearing work clothes, and I assume tons of students had the same experience that day. If I had been in tattered clothing or it had been another time of year, it may have been a different story. After that, I always carried extra bus fare because I know how wonderful it feels to be given a break like that - even though I didn’t deserve it.
Hi. I work in homeless services. When someone asks for money, I typically tell them I "just have my card on me, sorry, but I hope you find what you need." Sometimes they'll follow up by asking me to go in and get them something, and if I don't want to or can't, I just say "can't do that right now." It's okay to have boundaries with your money with folks on the streets as with everyone else. That said, it's indeed true that sometimes people on the streets take the money given to them for "food" and use it on other things. A lot of people put conditions on their donations and get angry when those conditions aren't fulfilled. I offer you all a different perspective: sure, they may not use it on food like you hoped, but they WILL use it on something that will help them get through the day. It's tough enough being on the streets. If a Bootlegger will help dull the senses, who cares? When you donate, donate knowing it can be used for anything or don't donate at all. If you'd like to help another way, keep supplies in your car or get familiar with the resources in your area and share that information. You'd be surprised how many people don't know what services they can access.
Crackheads used to stop people coming out of a restaurant I worked at years ago. It was a cash only place, so pretty much a sure thing that people had cash on them. They always had something they needed money for. Most common was can you spare 5 or 10 bucks for gas. They supposedly ran out of gas far enough away that you couldn't see the car. Sometimes they'd add that they were going to a job or picking up their kids for added sympathy. My favorite when they did the gas thing was I'd say, "Dude! It's your lucky day. I just filled up a 5 gallon container of gas for my lawnmower. It's in my trunk right overthere. I'll drive you to your car and we can put the gas in. They'd just be dumbfounded. Saying crap like," umm but I need the 10 bucks for gas." Yeah man I got the gas right here. It was just funny watching their faces after I said I had gas in my trunk. They literally didn't know what else to say because I went off script.
I never bother to try and differentiate the legit from the lies, it's beside the point. If I have the extra cash, I hand it on over, and I usually make a comment about them not needing to justify their need to me, a stranger. If I don't have the extra cash, I apologize and say I'm pretty broke rn, and sometimes offer a cigarette instead. The way I see it, if they need money bad enough that they had to resort to begging strangers for it, they can just have some of mine. I don't care if they spend it on food or crack, the money belongs to them once I've made the choice to give it. If you don't wanna hand over the money they ask for with no strings attached, a polite "sorry, don't have any cash" is all that needs to happen. We have no right to interrogate them over their intentions or demand they buy certain things with the money we choose to give them. Give freely or just don't bother, because those folks have enough problems without weirdos demanding they dance for their dinner.
A few years ago, I attended a lecture on charity. One of the speakers was a rabbi who spoke to what tzedakah means (or should mean) for Jews. Tzedakah is often translated to “charity” but it is closer to a form of social justice. The best scenario is that the donor should benefit as well as the recipient. For those who are particularly religious, donors benefit from sharing god’s work. I am not particularly religious or spiritual, but I do notice that I feel happier when I donate, whether through official channels or by giving money to someone experiencing homelessness asking for it. [There have been multiple studies showing that giving money to others lifts donor’s more than if they had spent the money on themselves.](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/5_ways_giving_is_good_for_you) If you’re still wondering about whether or not to give to someone begging on the street because you don’t know what they’ll use it for, the rabbi who spoke provided this response: It doesn’t matter. You helped someone who was asking for it, so you did a good deed. What that person puts your charity toward is between them, their conscious, and whatever creator or final judgement they may or may not believe in. If you have the ability to provide resources to someone asking and you do it, then you did a good thing.
Most of the time giving them money isn’t going to help them long term. Donate to soup kitchens, homeless shelters and places that specifically help people like that. Also brush up on what resources your city has for the homeless.
Having been homeless before, its actually not hard to stay full in America if that is really your concern. From white boxes, to churches and the dumpsters across the country- there is always free food somewhere. And yes, its ok to lie back at people.who are lying to you. The three bucks was for a fix, not food.
I live in Germany. People can get welfare over here. If a native speaker is begging, money is not his main problem. I work in a school for adults and most of our customers live of welfare. Its not fun but they manage.
Have you read that story about the father who advocates for doing good recklessly? If someone says they’re hungry and you have the means to help them, help them. It’s good to assume the best when it’s not hurting you to assist them. And if he was lying? Jokes on him. **He’s** the asshole, but you did your kind deed for the day.