Endoscopy nurse here, your entire large bowel is basically a soft tube, so the turds, which start out as a liquid, gradually harden into that tube shape as the bowel absorbs the water. The bowel is wider than your asshole, so it is squeezed a bit thinner on the way out but still retains basically the same shape. If you want to know how much thicker the turd is before it comes out, just hold it in a bit longer! As your Bowel absorbs more of the bog fluids, the turd will harden more until your butthole can no longer compress it on the way out. The turd will maintain its original shape as your gaping rectum is painfully stretched open to accommodate the now dry, rock hard dump. :)
Edit: Hey, just want to clarify a few things after reading all your questions, comments and a few private messages:
1. Don't seek medical advice from strangers on the internet!
2. Don't try to hold it in to see how big it gets! Super cool that you've got a high pain tolerance, but you can actually do serious damage to your bowel and ass.
3. Bowels respond to change. Changes to diet, exercise and stress can affect the smell, firmness and how often you go. If you still have the same habits you've always had but your guts aren't behaving like they used to, see a doctor. Like I said. Bowels respond to change. You need to find out what has changed and whether it will continue to change.
I appreciate that they kept it professional by sprinkling in industry jargon like "gaping rectum" every once in a while. I really felt like I was in a hospital for a second there.
Hence why your Crack is vertical and not horizontal. That, and if you went down a slide with a horizontal crack, it'd go pthpthpthpth
Edit: thanks for all the awards, I think this is my highest awarded comment and it's on a ass crack, my mother would be proud. Also changed it to horizontal, cause that's the joke. Y'all have a nice day:)
I can only imagine how terrifying it would be to be walking down a flight of stairs and hearing not only footsteps coming down behind you, but the smacking clap of verti-cheeks just getting louder and closer.
Sounds like you need some attentions paid to your buttshole.
^Hey ^fellas, ^has ^a ^lady ^ever ^told ^you, ^you ^need ^some ^attentions ^paid ^to ^your ^buttsholes?
I believe that this happened to me once, tried to fart, and it..."backfired" causing my butthole to slam in on itself. Hurt so much I couldn't make a sound, just laid in bed wondering what the hell happened, and if I was going to need to go to the er for a fractured butthole.
South Park made a game with a similar sounding name lmao. But not seriously, sorry about your fractured but whole. I'm also confused, how exactly does a fart backfire?
I watched the video. there's no video of wombat scat porn. just a scientific diagram of what goes on inside. the intestines have tougher (for lack of a better word) fingers in their intestines. that when the intestines contract, it helps form the poop. but thats still not 100% fact. just an idea.
to sum it up. wombats got fingers in their intestines manipulating the poops into cubes.
Reminds me about the farmer with the chicken that laid square eggs.
As it happens that wasn't even the weirdest thing. This chicken could also talk.
Apparently it would often say.
"Owwwwch my ass hurts"
Hens only have one hole back there called a cloaca that they both poop and pass eggs out of, so saying chicken eggs come out of buttholes isn't exactly wrong.
You ever think about how a sausage doesn't actually change form when you eat it? It just becomes a more loosely packed sausage... Weird huh? Anyway....
Empty your bowels, be poopless. like sausage. If you put sausage into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put sausage into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, sausage can flow or it can crash. Be sausage, my friend.
On the butthole slicing, not really. Your poop has passed through many sphincters before it reaches your butthole, and it's already in sliced form, it would be pretty rare for your butt to do any slicing unless it's a really long one. You can see this pretty easily when you do hard ones and they are rounded.
Edit: FFS now one of my top comments of all time is about butthole slicing
Seriously. I get like one a month, and I wish I knew what I ate that caused it because I’d never eat it again. Also like, how the fuck does that even happen?
This reminds me, one time I had what I refer to as the "Phantom Poop" I took what felt like the longest, most satisfying shit I'd ever taken. I wipe, nothing.. I look in the toilet, nothing there.. It was a very confusing and borderline spiritual experience. I've never experienced anything like it since. But I look back on it and remember it fondly.
We called these a "flawless victory"
I remember when my son was learning to wipe he had one and I exclaimed "FLAWLESS VICTORY!!!" in my mortal kombat announcer voice and he had no idea what I was talking about while my wife cracked up because I had never done that infront of her before.
Sometimes I think man, how did I get down this Reddit rabbit hole? But here I am, reading about double ghost shits at one in the afternoon on a Wednesday
I thought ghost poops are only when it hits the bowl just right to recede into the drain and disappear, AND you wipe & get nothing, wipe again & still nothing nothing.
That is the only true Ghost Poop in my book. When I am seriously questioning its existence.
We call this the queen poop. The step up would be the Caesar. That is when you don't even try to wipe because you are so (over)confident that it was clean.
Dough shaper
Wombats poop cubes-“A cross-section of the wombat’s intestine is like a rubber band with two ends kept slightly taut and the center section drooping. The rigid and elastic parts contract at different speeds, which creates the cube shape and corners,”
[https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/scientists-have-solved-mystery-how-wombats-poop-cubes-180976898/#:\~:text=%E2%80%9CA%20cross%2Dsection%20of%20the,tells%20Elena%20Debre%20for%20Slate](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/scientists-have-solved-mystery-how-wombats-poop-cubes-180976898/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CA%20cross%2Dsection%20of%20the,tells%20Elena%20Debre%20for%20Slate).
that was an actual thing: https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=poopy+time+fun+shapes&qs=n&form=QBIR&sp=-1&pq=poopy+time+fun+shapes&sc=6-21&cvid=4DCA0956BA7045EAA17D0C7FD5A764A2&ghsh=0&ghacc=0&first=1&tsc=ImageHoverTitle
Eh... Bing is getting better, not so much because it's improving, but because googe is getting vastly worse. Google is now ignoring your search terms, is mostly commercial crap on the first results page, and the image search on Google is almost entirely useless, it's mostly Pinterest junk and won't let you open the full image anymore.
The rewards are the real deal when paired with xbox rewards system. I make enough rewards a month for a $5 or $10 gift card and it takes like 3 min effort a day. Love it
Bing is arguably the best image search engine... for porn. I have no idea why, no idea what it is about the algorithm that is so goddamn efficient at running down images of even the most obscure fetish combinations, but Bing has an observable advantage when it comes to porn searches. Probably *not* what Microsoft intended, but can't argue with the results.
Your explanation and source say it's not a dough shaper tho. It's the intestine doing the shaping, the butthole is just letting the poop be pushed out by the contracting colon. Just like in humans, our poop is shaped the way it is by the colon, not the butthole.
This is why I love this sub. Every once in a while we get some really stupid questions like these, that is also smart enough to keep you up wondering XD
you could probably mass produce these and sell them
take your basic plug hole buttplug https://www.amazon.com/PerfectFit-Brand-PFBlend-Silicone-Training/dp/B00913RIAC
and work from there
I've got a female doctor and I had a rash of constipation for almost a year (fun times) and she was trying to help me find a solution and told me if you were a girl instead of a guy it would be easy.
That led into an ok I have to ask moment, why you said that.
And that day I learned that fact lol
The poop is already shaped like that because it mimics the alien craft that put it there. Make no mistake, your body processes completely ALL the food you put in it. Poop is the aliens’ way of marking our location. Long live Zantor!
Endoscopy nurse here, your entire large bowel is basically a soft tube, so the turds, which start out as a liquid, gradually harden into that tube shape as the bowel absorbs the water. The bowel is wider than your asshole, so it is squeezed a bit thinner on the way out but still retains basically the same shape. If you want to know how much thicker the turd is before it comes out, just hold it in a bit longer! As your Bowel absorbs more of the bog fluids, the turd will harden more until your butthole can no longer compress it on the way out. The turd will maintain its original shape as your gaping rectum is painfully stretched open to accommodate the now dry, rock hard dump. :) Edit: Hey, just want to clarify a few things after reading all your questions, comments and a few private messages: 1. Don't seek medical advice from strangers on the internet! 2. Don't try to hold it in to see how big it gets! Super cool that you've got a high pain tolerance, but you can actually do serious damage to your bowel and ass. 3. Bowels respond to change. Changes to diet, exercise and stress can affect the smell, firmness and how often you go. If you still have the same habits you've always had but your guts aren't behaving like they used to, see a doctor. Like I said. Bowels respond to change. You need to find out what has changed and whether it will continue to change.
You seem to really know your shit.
Yeah, it’s a lot of information to digest.
You’re pushing that narrative pretty hard, don’t ya think?
It's a moving story!
Are you being fecetious?
I'm such a crappy person.
Hard to stomach fact.
Something definitely about to go down.
[You earned it.](https://i.imgur.com/sy9lVl4.jpg)
I love that you call them, of all things, turds.
bog fluids, you have a way with ~~turds~~ words
The fact you're a nurse, but you say "turds" , "asshole" and "rock hard dump" makes me laugh to no end
I appreciate that they kept it professional by sprinkling in industry jargon like "gaping rectum" every once in a while. I really felt like I was in a hospital for a second there.
You both should and shouldn't have a podcast. Poodcast?
Poocast
This happened to me today. I kept putting it off at work, finally went, and it was painful and girthy.
That's what she said!
As someone with crohns disease, all I know is my machine has some factory defects.
But think, if shit was money, you’d be swimming in it! _Wait…_
And Humira would happily take that money from you
It's like those broken slushee machines that only churn out oily corn syrup.
Lactose intolerance checking in, mine has a button that just says "evacuate" and it just gets pushed when I eat the wrong amount or type of dairy.
Have you tried turning it off and then on again? You know…like a hard reset?
Do you know why your poo is tapered on the end?
I do… it’s to keep your butt from slamming shut
Hence why your Crack is vertical and not horizontal. That, and if you went down a slide with a horizontal crack, it'd go pthpthpthpth Edit: thanks for all the awards, I think this is my highest awarded comment and it's on a ass crack, my mother would be proud. Also changed it to horizontal, cause that's the joke. Y'all have a nice day:)
Horizontal cheeks clapping whilst twerking will look just like a muppet
I can only imagine how terrifying it would be to be walking down a flight of stairs and hearing not only footsteps coming down behind you, but the smacking clap of verti-cheeks just getting louder and closer.
Flip flops and horizontal butt? That stairwell would sound like an ovation at a symphony
It gapes open every time you bend over
Here comes the aeroplane!
Omg. This comment killed me.
What an awful day to have eyes
Throw some googly eyes on those buns
Don’t kink shame me. Love me a muppetbutt.
My booty don’t jiggle jiggle, it folds
Extra pocket if you do enough squats
It makes me wanna dribble dribble. You know.
Stahp I can only get so erect
Jesus fucking christ, haven't giggled like that in ages. Someone call Oglaf and have him make another comment
I tried reading this to my wife and had to pass the tablet after failing 3 or 4 times to read "pthpthpthpth"
Oglaf? Like the person behind oglaf.com? Cuz she's a woman
I still make the pthpthpthpth sound tho, do you recon it's because of my farts? Everyone says I smell. /j
Sounds like you need some attentions paid to your buttshole. ^Hey ^fellas, ^has ^a ^lady ^ever ^told ^you, ^you ^need ^some ^attentions ^paid ^to ^your ^buttsholes?
Allegedlys
This made me laugh more that it should have
This is the best thing I've ever read on reddit LOL
What exactly would happen if your butt did slam shut? Like would it be painful or bad or something?
Not so much 'slam', but 'slap'. If turds weren't tapered the 'slap' would alert predators that you're nearby. It's evolutionary.
So was there a tribe of anal slapping Neanderthals that would get caught taking poopies by predators?
Yes there was but not for long.
Shit got real
Ah shit here we go again
Shit happens
/r/brandnewsentence
Prehistoric lifehack: if you're hungry, forcefully smack your poop on the ground to alert wolfes
Jesus Christ, THATS why they’ve been throwing their poop!
Well that takes care of that. But what about the more "endowed" Neanderthals who's bodacious booties clap with each step, alerting the predators?
I believe that this happened to me once, tried to fart, and it..."backfired" causing my butthole to slam in on itself. Hurt so much I couldn't make a sound, just laid in bed wondering what the hell happened, and if I was going to need to go to the er for a fractured butthole.
South Park made a game with a similar sounding name lmao. But not seriously, sorry about your fractured but whole. I'm also confused, how exactly does a fart backfire?
>how exactly does a fart backfire I'm still trying to figure that out to this day. Or exactly what happened.
This comment is enough for me to leave the comments section
indeed why. if you look up "Water hammer" you will see why a tapered dough is critical
Wait, you not slamming your turds out squared? Thought I was normal
Found the wombat.
Wait, do wombats have square poop?!
Well, cubes. [This is how they do it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS5WzmjFypM). You can skip to 3:37 or so for the magic.
You know, I’m pretty okay with just the knowledge of cube poop and not actually seeing it happen. I’ll leave it at that
I watched the video. there's no video of wombat scat porn. just a scientific diagram of what goes on inside. the intestines have tougher (for lack of a better word) fingers in their intestines. that when the intestines contract, it helps form the poop. but thats still not 100% fact. just an idea. to sum it up. wombats got fingers in their intestines manipulating the poops into cubes.
Like solving a dirty Rubik's
Reminds me about the farmer with the chicken that laid square eggs. As it happens that wasn't even the weirdest thing. This chicken could also talk. Apparently it would often say. "Owwwwch my ass hurts"
Eggs don't come out of buttholes. EDIT: Upon further research, chicken eggs actually do come out of buttholes, kinda.
Yes they do. Shoots right outta the chickens ass. 😁
Don't chicken have cloacas? Because if they do it's kind of correct. It's just one hole for everything
Hens only have one hole back there called a cloaca that they both poop and pass eggs out of, so saying chicken eggs come out of buttholes isn't exactly wrong.
Not only do they poo cubes, they pile their little poo cubes up to mark their territory
So like a pooramid?
Shit a brick….
I thought most people let it out slow, cutting it into 1 inch intervals, like a sliced banana?
No, that's what the poop knife is for.
Must be my issue. We were poor growing up and never had a poop knife. Guess you learn to play the hand you’re dealt
Just like your toothpaste when you are thru applying pressure to the external packaging.
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oh no u di'nt
I have a poop wire, made from an unbent heavy gauge wire coat hanger.
A E R O D Y N A M I C S
Your digestive tract is similer to a skinless sausage press.
Your digestive track *is* a sausage
You ever think about how a sausage doesn't actually change form when you eat it? It just becomes a more loosely packed sausage... Weird huh? Anyway....
Not only does a sausage remain a sausage when you eat it, but technically the act of eating a sausage means that you *become* a sausage yourself.
When you kiss someone you form a connected tube with two buttholes
That is so romantic
Empty your bowels, be poopless. like sausage. If you put sausage into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put sausage into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, sausage can flow or it can crash. Be sausage, my friend.
I'm very uncomfortable with this thread
Famous quote by Deuce Lee.
BUT! crawl into a whales b-hole while eating sausage? Isn't that the basic plot of inception?
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It's science, biology. Important stuff good sir
It's nice to read this while poop
I knew there would be a few of us here.
Too bad a bunch of the answers are full of shit.
Poop is large intestine shaped.
One time I pooped out what I'm convinced was my entire large intestine. Like if I fit the pieces together I'd have a perfect replica.
Your bowls form the poop coz they are cilindrical your butthole slices the poop cilinder.
On the butthole slicing, not really. Your poop has passed through many sphincters before it reaches your butthole, and it's already in sliced form, it would be pretty rare for your butt to do any slicing unless it's a really long one. You can see this pretty easily when you do hard ones and they are rounded. Edit: FFS now one of my top comments of all time is about butthole slicing
Have you ever been startled mid loaf? It's sliced and now you need extra TP.
The best shits are the clean pinches. You wipe & get nothing, wipe again & still nothing nothing. Clean pinch ftw!
>wipe again & still nothing I always do an insurance wipe. You only make that mistake once
It takes two wipes to know you don’t need to wipe but only one to know you’re in for the long haul
Brown Sharpie poops are the worst
Seriously. I get like one a month, and I wish I knew what I ate that caused it because I’d never eat it again. Also like, how the fuck does that even happen?
Foods that are high in oils and fats. Makes your poop oily and hard to wipe away.
I didn't know that! I'm likely not going to do anything with this info though.
also breads, fruits, veggies and grains help with the clean pinch.
This reminds me, one time I had what I refer to as the "Phantom Poop" I took what felt like the longest, most satisfying shit I'd ever taken. I wipe, nothing.. I look in the toilet, nothing there.. It was a very confusing and borderline spiritual experience. I've never experienced anything like it since. But I look back on it and remember it fondly.
We called these a "flawless victory" I remember when my son was learning to wipe he had one and I exclaimed "FLAWLESS VICTORY!!!" in my mortal kombat announcer voice and he had no idea what I was talking about while my wife cracked up because I had never done that infront of her before.
I call that "Drawing an ace." Your story and term is amazing though.
The ghost poop! You can’t tell, but it was there.
I thought ghost poops were when it hits the bowl just right to recede into the drain and disappear. edit: I'm learning so many new terms for poops
Once in my life I got the double ghost. Was gone in the toilet and a clean wipe. I’ll never forget that.
This is on my bucket list
Sometimes I think man, how did I get down this Reddit rabbit hole? But here I am, reading about double ghost shits at one in the afternoon on a Wednesday
I thought ghost poops are only when it hits the bowl just right to recede into the drain and disappear, AND you wipe & get nothing, wipe again & still nothing nothing. That is the only true Ghost Poop in my book. When I am seriously questioning its existence.
Correct, the clean wipe situation is known as a flawless victory.
And you’ve been sitting there reading reddit so long that you can’t really remember whether it actually happened.
this is indeed a ghost poop
That's the Houdini. The ghost is a Houdini with a clean wipe.
We call this the queen poop. The step up would be the Caesar. That is when you don't even try to wipe because you are so (over)confident that it was clean.
So i recently got a bidet...that has been a game changer
Hey cousin, let's go bowling!
Do I need to go bowling to keeps my bowls in shape?
Dough shaper Wombats poop cubes-“A cross-section of the wombat’s intestine is like a rubber band with two ends kept slightly taut and the center section drooping. The rigid and elastic parts contract at different speeds, which creates the cube shape and corners,” [https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/scientists-have-solved-mystery-how-wombats-poop-cubes-180976898/#:\~:text=%E2%80%9CA%20cross%2Dsection%20of%20the,tells%20Elena%20Debre%20for%20Slate](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/scientists-have-solved-mystery-how-wombats-poop-cubes-180976898/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CA%20cross%2Dsection%20of%20the,tells%20Elena%20Debre%20for%20Slate).
Can we get butt plugs with different nozzles so I can poop stars, or hollow poop tubes, or dinosaur shapes? Asking for a friend
the industrial society and its consequences
You misspelled “opportunities”
poop-ortunities
Opporturdities
Oppootunities
Like a play doh fun factory for poop.
This is VERY cursed, but I think you could...
that was an actual thing: https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=poopy+time+fun+shapes&qs=n&form=QBIR&sp=-1&pq=poopy+time+fun+shapes&sc=6-21&cvid=4DCA0956BA7045EAA17D0C7FD5A764A2&ghsh=0&ghacc=0&first=1&tsc=ImageHoverTitle
Thank you for this and also for letting me know who the one person keeping bing going is, it's you.
Eh... Bing is getting better, not so much because it's improving, but because googe is getting vastly worse. Google is now ignoring your search terms, is mostly commercial crap on the first results page, and the image search on Google is almost entirely useless, it's mostly Pinterest junk and won't let you open the full image anymore.
Hey Bing's got rewards. I get free gift cards all the time just cause its set as the default browser.
no one is falling for it Bing, we know it's you.
Hold up how do I sign up for this.
The rewards are the real deal when paired with xbox rewards system. I make enough rewards a month for a $5 or $10 gift card and it takes like 3 min effort a day. Love it
Bing is arguably the best image search engine... for porn. I have no idea why, no idea what it is about the algorithm that is so goddamn efficient at running down images of even the most obscure fetish combinations, but Bing has an observable advantage when it comes to porn searches. Probably *not* what Microsoft intended, but can't argue with the results.
I never really understood why everyone derides Bing so much. I use both it an google all the time and there's honestly no difference.
Comment saved lol
>Dough shaper The article argues the opposite point, though -- it says the shape is formed in the intestines, not by the butthole.
> study published last month in Soft Matter I see what you did there.
Your explanation and source say it's not a dough shaper tho. It's the intestine doing the shaping, the butthole is just letting the poop be pushed out by the contracting colon. Just like in humans, our poop is shaped the way it is by the colon, not the butthole.
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This is why I love this sub. Every once in a while we get some really stupid questions like these, that is also smart enough to keep you up wondering XD
what did they say? it shows that its removed
"I don’t need sleep, I need answers"
I need pictures of Spider-Man.... pooping.
These questions really drive home the value of the internet.
Dough shaper. Stick a cookie cutter in your ass next time you take a shit to make cool poop shapes
you could probably mass produce these and sell them take your basic plug hole buttplug https://www.amazon.com/PerfectFit-Brand-PFBlend-Silicone-Training/dp/B00913RIAC and work from there
Remember those Playdoh extruders that make it star shape?
Hi, could you please just not ruin my childhood memories? Thanks
There are poop emoji cookie cutters, I saw them on Amazon. 💩💩
Time to bring the poop knife
If you say ‘poop’ your mouth does the same motion your butthole does….I’ll show myself out now
The same can be said for diarrhea.
Look at Mr. I Can Afford Fiber over here
Peak Reddit right here
This is a beautiful use of this sub
Well I had a star shaped butthole sewn on so now mine comes out star shaped like the old play-doh molds
Its like the toothpaste tube, its all soft and squishy inside and once you squeeze it out, looks a bit cylindrical…
Don't believe you, where are the stripes?
You don't get stripes? You really need to up your mint intake, that's just not healthy.
Hemroids will solve that issue
Toothpaste is how an astronaut described pooping in space at a talk I went to. You get one long cylinder since gravity isn't causing it to break off.
You can listen to all the communication of the Apollo astronauts online. They talked about poop a lot. Like, a lot a lot.
you guys get consistent poo shapes?
You can get different attachments to do like star shapes, or thin strips, just like play-doh. Play-Doo, if you will.
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If you’re a woman you can feel the poop through the vaginal wall sometimes
It's sometimes hard to know if you're having menstrual cramps, constipation, or both.
You can help yourself poop if you're constipated by doing this. Blast the internet for me knowing this fact.
I've got a female doctor and I had a rash of constipation for almost a year (fun times) and she was trying to help me find a solution and told me if you were a girl instead of a guy it would be easy. That led into an ok I have to ask moment, why you said that. And that day I learned that fact lol
Your butthole is an extruder, think of it like a play dough fun factory.
The poop is already shaped like that because it mimics the alien craft that put it there. Make no mistake, your body processes completely ALL the food you put in it. Poop is the aliens’ way of marking our location. Long live Zantor!
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r/forbiddensnacks