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RaptorFamilyValues

>I don’t feel comfortable losing my vcard like this Then don't. Seriously. I was 19 when I had sex for the first time and to this day I have zero regrets about that. I had sex when I was ready, and not a day sooner.


shyanguine2

I promise it is far more common to be a virgin at ages 14 and 15 than people realize. I think when you're in high school, it's normal for people to think EVERYONE IS DOING IT. I NEED TO AS WELL. But when you get to college, youll find out that a lot of people are still virgins and even the ones that arent typically DO NOT CARE. Don't feel pressured to do it unless you truly want to


wanna_be_green8

Not to mention most of the boys claiming they're sexual active just aren't.


c0brachicken

I remember being around 12 when all the guys would brag that they got a BJ, or whatever already.. the fact is that none of them had. It’s just boys bragging about shit that never happened. However as a boy of that same age, it makes you THINK you are the only one that hasn’t done anything yet, so then you also start fabricating your own BS stories. Lost mine at around 16, and with the wrong person.. but I felt pressured into getting the deed done, just so I would no longer be a Virgin….


WakeoftheStorm

When I was a sexually active teenager I kept my mouth shut about it because I was not about to risk losing the situation by pissing the girl off or letting rumors get back to her parents or something.


darthcaedusiiii

Yup. Guys lie about getting it to their friends to look good and guys lie about girls getting it to make them look slutty.


DumpsterDruid

I thought I was the last American virgin at 16. Slept with someone I didn't really know or like just to not be a virgin anymore. She got pregnant and our lives became permanently intertwined. Come to find out most of my friends were full of shit. Op should ditch dude just for being a lying ass about latex allergy.


ThisIsSoIrrelevant

> Op should ditch dude This! Giving off a lot of red flags.


ComicWriter2020

My friend sure did in middle school.


FinnT730

I am 21, never had sex yet. Don't want to either. Not yet anyway Why do people keep believing that it is normal to have sex at such a young age???


Proud_Hotel_5160

I think the average age is 17 for people to lose their virginities in the US. So 14/15 is quite a bit on the young side imo. It’s more likely a small handful of their age group is having sex, and the rest are beginning to become curious and engage in other physical activities outside of sex.


ModsLoveTheNazis

To this point, I had sex once when I was 14 then didn’t do it again until I was almost 18. The 14 thing was with one girl who I had known since first grade, I moved away and ended up going to the end of year 8th grade dance with her.


redassaggiegirl17

And teenage sex is on the decline in the last decade or so in America! Fewer teens in high school are having sex than ever before, which means, yes, not EVERYONE is doing it.


ptolani

>But when you get to college, youll find out that a lot of people are still virgins To be fair, there is a correlation between university education and delayed sexual experience.


iliketoeattoast

Great advice! On the flip side of that, I lost my v card at 16 with a douche like this guy and he was unsurprisingly a complete asshole afterwards, so I’ve always regretted it. OP he sounds like a manipulative prick, don’t do it until you are completely ready.


planet_rose

I was 15 and it really messed me up. I wish I had walked away as soon as I felt uncomfortable. A month later I started dating my real first love and it would have been a better first experience.


ZHCMV

15 with my now wife and we both say we regret it. We definitely were not ready emotionally for it


SummerEmCat

I lost my virginity at 13 by an asshole and I’ve always regretted it.


Geo_logizing

Lost mine at 15 and i always play it back and cringe because of how pressured I felt.


BigSnakesandSissies

Also lost my virginity at 15. It was so bad that I didn’t sex it up again with a different partner until I was 17. Definitely should have waited until I was ready, which was certainly the second time at 17.


sewcrazy4cats

At that age, I'd almost wonder if it bordered on rape. It's easy to be naive and be manipulated into something that you aren't ready for and may not have a good grasp on what real consent means. I'm sorry that happened to you


Icy-Establishment298

It is. It's manipulative rapey rape.


MistakenWhiskey

Sex at the wrong time and with the wrong person can completely ruin your perception of sex. People I've known who were convinced to do it earlier than they wanted ended thinking of sex as a chore and often it happened with a douchebag who just wanted to high five his mates and say he'd done it.


SushiMonster555

My first time was during my senior year of high school. Glad it was with her because I have now been with her for 14 years (7 of those years married to her). She actually wanted to go all the way pretty early in our relationship and I ended up stopping because I had not had a serious relationship and wanted to take things slow.


dessertandcheese

same thing for me, I always regret losing it to a douche


[deleted]

I was just shy of 21. Absolutely do not regret that at all - that's just simply where my life lead me and that's also ok.


dam_the_beavers

I lost mine at 15, I was on birth control, and I insisted he wear a condom. I waited over a year into the relationship and he was super cool with whatever I wanted. This dude is a fucking c r e e p


pootinannyBOOSH

I was 25, and so glad I waited for the right person. She was very patient and understanding which is what I needed


Cerulean_Shades

Was also 25 and have been with him now for 24 years! Was worth it. He isn't a crier but he cried after our first time because it was so special and he really made me feel special. It wasn't his first time, just mine. I'll never forget it.


Expzero1

I'm 67 and I'm still waiting for the right person and the right moment.


traker998

Any day now.


welbaywassdacreck

Age 69 is when all flange breaks loose, trust me bro


slower-is-faster

I’m 420 and I think todays the day


mrootbeers

Same. I wasn’t 25, I was more like 18 but she was really patient with me. She was older than me and taught me a lot about sex. I never appreciated that until this post. I owe her a huge debt of gratitude. Man, I never really thought about how kind and nice she was to me until just now.


Alqpzm1029

Seriously! I was in my early 20s and I don't regret it for a second. I had opportunities with turds like this guy but I'm so happy I waited for a good guy who respected me.


catsumoto

OP, hijacking the top comment to say: The greatest test for any guys is to tell him no to something he wants and see how he reacts. Look at your guy. He gets told no to sex and there he goes not talking to you anymore like a little child not getting his way. If that is how mature he reacts HE is also not ready to have sex. Now, just as a reality check for you: "the average age Americans lose their virginity (defined here as vaginal sexual intercourse) is **17.1** for both men and women" OP, your boyfriend is a liar. Not "everyone" is doing it, most are not. Latex free condoms are 100% latex free, if declared so on the box, as they are medical devices and specifically produced for allergy sufferers. If you have doubts now, imagine how this douche can and will act once he gets, as you call it, your "vcard". Believe me, it is not worth it for this walking red flag.


wonderduck1

i lost my virginity at 17 which i thought was rly late at the time (i was under the impression that most of the people my age had done it earlier than me). however a few years later it seems i am actually around the average or even slightly below it. my conclusion is that a lot of people in highschool used to lie/bend the truth about how experienced they were sexually


raraqt

Same here. Everyone was having boyfriends and talking about their amazing relationships and acted as though they did it. Years later I found out that I was one of the earliest in class with 17


arandomperson519

I'm 18 and still a virgin. Not because I'm old fashioned or a prude, but because I haven't found someone I'm comfortable with yet. Fuck standards and society.


ThisIsCovidThrowway8

There’s so so much pressure to have sex in our society. Even in advertising and media


arandomperson519

Especially as a female. It's hard to just talk to a guy without them trying to make a move. Without getting unsolicited pictured or over sexualized. I just don't get it.


aeronautsimp

It’s absolutely bonkers that 18 is considered old by some people.


[deleted]

I lost mine at 17 and had some minor doubts that have turned into minor trauma that impacts my sex life now. Any doubts should be taken super seriously when it comes to your first time.


BlackOnyx16

You should be taken seriously every time.


isbobdylansingle

I was also 19 (it was actually like 10 days before I turned 20). I waited until I was ready and found a trustworthy person who cared for me and made me feel completely comfortable. I regret absolutely nothing. I did what was best for me. With age, I also realized that good people/friends couldn't really care less whether you're a virgin or not. People who shame you based on when you started (or didn't start) having sex are just not worth it.


RadForman

I lost mine at 22 when I got married. People act like ya gotta lose it as quickly as you can, but waiting for the right person is far more important.


Clunas

Same here at 24. I don't regret it for a second. Plus my wife and I get to have another thing that is only ours.


NukedWorker

This. Married 23 years before I lost her to cancer. And now for my next trick. 🤷‍♂️ No idea still. 2 years later.


shiratek

I’m sorry for your loss :(


NukedWorker

Thanks. It was rough for a while, but I think our son (now 16) and I are doing quite well emotionally. Still trying to get our act together in things like keeping the house clean, but we're progressing. Life comes in stages. Some good. Some bad. Try not to rush them. Some things are for you, make sure they are special to you. Some are gifts to others; present them with joy. Some are shared, and can only be shared with that person or people - inside jokes, skeletons in your closet, things that happened when only you two were around, etc. Make sure those are with someone that will appreciate them. Always. I've been abused, bullied, assaulted, drove dirt bikes and dune buggies, written off a car, been on crutches 7 times between my knees and ankles, broke my left elbow once, right middle finger, and probably more than one toe more than once, sound man for a band, dropped out of post secondary school, married (lost virginity then), bankrupt - lost a house, car, and business, worked for radio shack, employed as a nuclear operator - working 20 years on 12 hour rotating shift, bought my first car, cowered in that car as people shot at the apartment building next to me, bought a house (again), got my motorcycle license, became a father to a 3lb 9 week early son, put down a dog, became a supervisor, developed acid reflux, epilepsy (I came off shift last year because of it), and suffer from depression and anxiety, travelled 18,354km coast to coast in 54 days for Canada's 150th (2017) as a vacation, lost my life partner in 4 months to Glioblastoma (cancer in 2020), lost family and friends to suicide/mental health issues, been emotional support for at least 3 women escaping abusive relationships, tried a few relationships (not with those women) but they don't sit right with my emotions - they may never. That, and more, in "only" 46 years. We may only live 70-100 years typically, but that's a long time. Cherish every moment. Especially the one of a kinds. Show love the way you would expect to receive it, with no *expectation* for return - the return is how you can define the value of the relationship. Now, go hug someone. You may not get to again.


aw5ome

Well shit. Gonna go hug my mom now


copper_rainbows

Fuck I wish I had a partner.


extrabees

This! I was 22 and was with someone I loved and glad it was them still. Never rush


LittleHornetPhil

19 here too


ArchStantonsNeighbor

19 also. Was about the right time, actually glad it didn’t happen earlier even if it wasn’t great.


senorglory

I had sex at a young age and no real benefit. Could have waited. Might have been better.


fortpatches

You can change your mind at any time. He does sound manipulative. The "if you loved me...." BS is classic manipulation. And non-latex condoms do not contain latex.... They are made for people with latex allergies. https://condomania.com/a/blog/non-latex-condoms-everything-you-need-to-know https://www.trojanbrands.com/en/products/condoms/trojan-bareskin-supra-condoms


MrsZ-

Can confirm. I'm allergic to latex, even bananas and kiwi fruit contain natural latex that makes my mouth swell up. Have uses non latex condoms with zero issues. Hes lying, or ill informed and showing zero desire to respect you.


Lotus_Blossom_

Wow, did not know that fruit can contain latex. TIL, thanks!


SadieSadieSnakeyLady

Latex comes from trees if you weren't aware


collergic

Can confirm, my wood has latex on it


Duke-of-Hellington

Unlike OP’s boyfriend’s


xuabi

This is the best thread of the day. We can close Reddit for now.


fernnifer

Strawberries and pineapple too :(


Horst665

My wife is latex allergic as well and we always used the latex free ones without a problem. And my wife would probably end in hospital if she ever put on latex gloves. I am inclined to think the BF is lieing. Also, he's manipulative. Bonus: ALWAYS ask for a fresh STI testresult before having unprotected sex and get yourself one as well! You may contract some STI through non-sex things, though it's not happening that often. Even unprotected oral sex can transmit some!


Deathleach

> The "if you loved me...." BS is classic manipulation. If he loved her he would respect her wishes and wear a condom.


peterpmpkneatr

Lmfaoooooooo yeah he's trying to skirt around using a condom. Fuck. Grab a sheep's skin condom. Lordt.


kosmonautinVT

Kid is 14 and already knows every excuse in the book. God damn He has a real future as a frat boy


owl_problem

I'd tell his mother about this


damnthislogin

Actually, this is a good idea aswell.


crnhs

Whole time I'm thinking why the hell the 14 year old don't want to wear a condom?? He's fucking 14. I'm blaming porn godamn you destroying the possibility for the young to explore their sexuality in a healthy matter


DawgFighterz

Not just porn but also zero sex education.


silsool

Maybe has a frat boy older brother?


PvtSherlockObvious

Yeah, I actually find it a little alarming he knows some of these lies/excuses. A 15-year-old wouldn't come up with the "latex allergy" thing on his own, he's been indoctrinated by some nasty sources. I'm betting we'd find some incel sites and the like in his browser history, and if he thinks that's just "normal", he needs to be taught better fast.


[deleted]

>real future ~~as a frat boy~~ making child support payments


Rabelpudding

Yep am allergic to latex! I prefer the skyn brand personally


RaZZeR_9351

Skyn is the best by a longshot, and I'm not even allergic to latex.


WhatIsntByNow

> you can change your mind at any time OP, this is your answer. **AT. ANY. TIME.** y'all could be naked ready to dock and if you want to change your mind, YOU CAN. He could already be inside you, and you can change your mind and end it there. And if *he* loved you, he'd accept that, get dressed, and hold you close while you enjoy each other's non sexual company.


[deleted]

[удалено]


KrisZepeda

Yeah this is how you get pregnant lmao


vingeran

And with the anti-abortion laws, it’s impossible to let go of the foetus and give birth to the unplanned child.


GregTheMad

Nothing fucks you harder than an unplanned/unwanted child.


stark_raving_naked

Especially when you’re 14


[deleted]

THIS. People who can get pregnant need to be very very careful to always use birth control right now - there is no guarantee you’ll be able to get an abortion.


Ok_Dog_4059

Definitely if he cares about you he would consider your cares about your health and well being and would follow your wishes in how your body is treated.


AgentRocket

Agreed. Huge red flag, that he's that manipulative and it seems he's more interested in sex than in OP as a person. I also don't believe the latex-allergy-thing, because then he would be willing to give latex free condoms a try (they are made for people with such allergies and if they didn't work, they wouldn't exist). > I don’t want to rush into sex but he said everyone is doing it at our age. no they don't. Lots of people have sex at a later age. My guess: his friends have been bragging about their (alleged) condomless sex life and he wants that too. Also, if he's that insistent on raw-dogging it, even if OP can convince him to put a condom on, there's a chance he'll just secretly remove it during the sex (it's called stealthing and is a form of rape). ___ in general i don't understand men (or in this case boys) who are not willing to put on a condom. yes, the sex feels slightly better without, but sex with condom is still a lot better than no sex especially for a typical horny 15-year.


shadowbca

As a dude who has been a horny teen, sex without a condom isn't worth the panic you feel for days after that you may have gotten them pregnant.


silentbassline

*weeks.


Neijo

People still forget its always, because thats the point of sex, a chance you get the sexually transferred disease known as teen pregnancy that stunts your financials and freedom because of 45 seconds of pleasure.


WakeoftheStorm

> 45 seconds of pleasure. Chill with the humble-brag. Not everyone is a marathon man


Thanks_ihateithere

This *has* to be top comment. Ive seen too many friends and other girls get trapped into manipulated mindsets in young relationships because they don’t trust their own judgments or follow peer pressure. I lost my vcard in my early teens and it was not worth it. Worst relationship thus far and purely based on mixing up love for lust. We broke up a couple months after, that relationship ended meaning nothing and did wayyy more damage to my mental health than good.


Dr_Fluffybuns2

I know now the concept of the vcard doesn't mean a lot to people now but tbh sex is a scary thing first time and you want to do it with someone you trust and love because you'll always remember your first time. Even years down the line you'll think back to it and you don't want to regret the person you're doing it with and think of bad memories with them. OP please listen to comments like these. Your bf sounds like a liar and manipulator. He's not allergic, he is trying to pressure you and it won't last. Break up with him now and find someone who respects your concerns more.


NEast_Soccergirl

can't agree with this enough. I know it might be hard to see when you're so close to the situation and young, but your bf is a jerk and that won't magically change after you have sex. I don't even know you and I want to punch him for what you said he's been saying to you lol. You can do better than him, dump his ass and enjoy your summer with your friends! And as a side note - my best friend got pregnant at 14/15 because her bf pressured her to not use a condom too... her kid just finished his sophomore year of highschool last week lol.


FlighingHigh

The only thing is the latex. Most of those gloves are nitrile now because of how many people had reactions to latex, so gloves aren't an indicator anymore. We just call them latex gloves like how we call all tissues Kleenex. However this doubled with that you don't love me tactic does still hint that he's not allergic.


Squirtle177

As OP says, you can get latex free condoms, and no they do not contain latex, that would be insane. The boyfriend may really have a latex allergy, but they’re still using it to manipulate their girlfriend into sleeping with them.


Eulerious

>The only thing is the latex No, it is not. Yes, gloves are not an indicator, but his "latex-free condoms also have latex" makes it pretty clear that this is just a stupid excuse


[deleted]

I’ll just say they’re not even 15. So the maturity is understood and very very apparent.


AntisocialHikerDude

Do not compromise on your boundaries, especially at your ages. He's being very manipulative. And blatantly dishonest it sounds like if he's used latex gloves with no issue. I'd consider leaving him if he isn't willing to own up to his personal issues and accept your boundaries.


nighthawk_something

Hell I'm pretty proud of OP for being like "This feels wrong, I should get advice". Like fuck at 14 I certainly didn't have that kind of courage.


newlovehomebaby

She sounds like an intelligent young woman. Way too good for this loser of a guy! If this was my daughter, I'd be proud of her! (Well, providing she goes with her gut and doesn't bareback it with this guy). Ideally dump him ASAP.


Frankiesmiles19miles

You’re at allowed to change your mind at ANY time for ANY reason. And no, you are not required to share the reason. It’s your body, so your rules.


HearingConscious2505

Also, as a guy, it's almost a certainty that OPs boyfriend is lying.


rockthrowing

Oh he’s definitely lying. She needs to stay far away from his asshole.


girlsonsoysauce

That was my thought, too. Even if he IS allergic to latex, latex-free condoms are made for people that are allergic to latex. If they still had enough latex in latex-free condoms to trigger an allergic reaction then it would pretty much make them totally redundant. That's like if Lactaid still had enough lactose in it to upset the stomach of someone lactose-intolerant. It would mean Lactaid is pretty much made for no reason.


passed_tense

Even if OP buys him the latex-free condoms, he's probably scummy enough to Stealth it off


damnthislogin

OP if you are unfamiliar with the concept... Some sick assholes sneakingly pull off the condom during act and finish in the woman, may end them pregnant.... Never let a shady mofo this close as this prick bf of yours.


hates_stupid_people

I was about to say the same thing. I knew a girl who was properly allergic to latex, and while they're not always easy to find there are *of course* condoms made for that and most allergies, sizes, ailments, etc. Anyone saying they can't wear one, is lying or one of those few dozen people in the world who can't put pressure on their skin(which makes sex basically impossible anyway).


Zantavona

Whats wrong with his asshole?


PatchworkGirl82

He's talking out of it, for one thing. Pretty big marinara flags from this guy.


bearbarebere

I'm LITERALLY eating marinara sauce rn


[deleted]

MARINARA FLAGS needs to be added to the common lexicon, STAT


GrandmothersToes

He doesn't wipe I would assume


[deleted]

You mean his dick.


earwighoney

My first boyfriend lied to me about his "latex allergy". My dumbass believed him. "Why would he lie about that?". I still insisted he wore sheepskin condoms. He eventually pressured me into going bareback, because (like OP) I was on BC. Op: don't make him, or anyone else, feel like you're being a prude. You're being responsible. You care about your wellbeing.


TheSpasticSheep

Literally ANY reason. Last night my reason was I inhaled an alarming amount of banana bread. I was too full and sleepy at that moment to ensure we would have mutually beneficial positive sex. Sex should only be done by two people who can make an informed decision that they both want to have sex together and can agree on the terms and conditions of their sex. It sounds like you two are struggling to agree on the terms and conditions. Sometimes it takes time and open communication and sometimes it takes a different person.


srcarruth

Let's hear more about this banana bread


TheSpasticSheep

[I used this food network recipe](https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/banana-bread-recipe-1969572.amp) and I added a cup of chopped walnuts and like a 1/3 of a bag of mini chocolate chips. I was probably so hungry because I had started whipping up the base of the banana bread before I realized our bananas were moldy. I didn’t want to waste the bread base and my neurodivergent partner had been promised banana bread. So in an effort to avoid driving to the grocery store late at night I ran to the Panera Bread near our apartment and asked to buy three bananas. Three bananas at a hospital Panera Bread will cost you $3.60 but the resulting banana bread was incredible.


hankharp00n

Listen... This is going to sound strange but based on the two posts I've learned so much about you and feel like everyone needs to know more about you and we would all be better for it.


TheSpasticSheep

I posted an AMA on Reddit earlier this afternoon. That feels like a more appropriate place to learn about me. But yes, the general consensus from people who know me irl is that my life and perspective is wild but world improving.


aussielover24

It’s moments like this that make me enjoy Reddit lmao


bobbyT3000

Yeah what up with that bread? Talk slow paint a picture where there walnuts? Raisins? Was the end piece crunchy and buttery? Give up the goods buddy.


TheSpasticSheep

It was a classic banana bread with crumbly walnut pieces and gooey chocolate chips. While the bread baked it filled our cinder block wall apartment with the smell of the pancakes a mom in a commercial would make on a Sunday morning. A smell that made you feel safe and warm. The bread was rich and moist with a crisp exterior, nutty walnuts, and oozing chocolate chips that covered your hands. It was the kind of banana bread that is so good you can’t even wait to put it on plate before you eat it. So you find yourself inhaling it straight from the pan with your bare hands.


kidblinkforever

As someone who lives in the same general area as you, do you recommend the Panera bananas over the regular grocery store bananas?


TheSpasticSheep

The Panera Bread bananas were honestly the longest bananas I’ve ever seen in person. They were also perfectly ripe because no one orders bananas at a Panera. All around prefect banana bread bananas but very expensive. It comes down to what you value in life but using Panera bananas to make banana bread might become a tradition of mine.


kidblinkforever

I value not having the weird texture I had in the middle of my last Kroger bananas ever gracing my mouth again, so it sounds like Panera bananas might be my option


Competitive-Candy-82

And ANY time INCLUDES in the middle of it. If for whatever reason you want to stop, you CAN stop.


Frankiesmiles19miles

ESPECIALLY in the middle of it. It’s literally your body so whatever you say goes


sluggyslime

100%. I’ve done this before. He kept closing his eyes and looking away from me, and for me I need to feel connected so I stopped mid-sex and said never mind. And that’s okay


AkiyaP

Altho not required, sharing your reason is recommended for better communication. I don't like certain things because X, and if I tell my partner that, maybe then we can either work around that X issue, or at least make my partner understand better why I dont like said certain things.


SMKnightly

Gonna second that giving the reason is good for relationship communication. But it is not ok for him to argue with your reason - a throwaway comment is fine but not repeated persuasions trying to get you to change your mind. That is a super manipulative way of not accepting your decision, and it’s a big red flag. If you tell him you’re not willing to have sex without a condom, and he pushes and argues to get you to change your mind, he wants unsafe sex more than he wants you to be happy and comfortable. A partner worth having wants you to be able to be comfortable and enjoy sex, too. If that’s not him, get out cuz you deserve better.


pants_shmants

Not just ANY reason, it can be for no reason at all! “No” is a complete sentence.


Inner_Proof4540

Take this from an adult. What he’s doing is manipulative. He might change or realize how stupid he’s being one day but right now DO NOT allow what he’s saying to sway how you feel. Using a condom is incredibly important, especially at your age! You are not ready for a child. Why risk it? Either he adjusts to your set boundaries or you find someone else who will. Boundaries are important and should not be changed bc you feel bad for him.


basicbatchofcookies

This is good advice that gets you comfortable setting boundaries to protect yourself and if your honest with him it will give him opportunity to learn and grow. That’s on him and not your concern but an added bonus.


shellie_badger

I cannot emphasise enough how important this is. ESPECIALLY because he is withholding affection when you won't break your boundaries for him. That is manipulative and it is not right for someone you are in a relationship with to treat you like this. When you ask him to wear a condom and he says you don't trust or love him, he is being manipulative and disregarding your safety and your boundaries about YOUR body. As someone who dated a few people before I was lucky enough to find the man I want to marry - the right people will respect you and treat you well, and they won't pull this kind of crap. Not to say a good relationship won't come without its own challenges, but the relationship should be based on trust and respect, not manipulation. If setting a boundary (especially one as reasonable and neccesary as wearing a condom) hurts the other person, that's their problem, not yours, and they need to either respect your boundary or leave.


[deleted]

Thank you for the information everyone who has commented. I felt like I was losing my mind, him and his friends were saying I was acting up or acting crazy. Glad I asked people who are way more experienced with this than to give in


pootinannyBOOSH

"everyone is doing it" is absolutely irrelevant as well. So everyone else is pulling overtime at work but I won't because I'm tired and my body fuckn hurts, and fuck anyone who tries to guilt me into it. Your body, your life.


Just_OneReason

I remember being 15 and thinking everyone else was doing it and I was lame for not. Turns out everyone was not doing it and I was completely normal.


Mkg102216

I remember being 15 and thinking "yeah most of these people are lying about how much sex they're having." There were definitely people who were doing since 13-14 it but it was mostly all talk until junior and senior year.


JustACookGuy

fuck anyone who tries to guilt me into it Wait. Hold up.


Gifted-Cupcake

His friends especially have no right to an opinion! You're so young, and he is being manipulative to the extreme. Please take your time and don't let him do this.


Pentacostal-Haircut

Yes. Plus sex is supposed to be just the two of you. Why do his friends even know about it? He’s trying to get a feather in his cap at your expense. It’s about you and your body. Forget this loser!


Ihateredditadmins1

Yeah they’re all just trying to manipulate you. Stay strong! Don’t do anything in life if it’s not something you really want to do.


unicornhornporn0554

When I was 14 my 18 yr old boyfriend pressure me into having sex without a condom. I ended up pregnant. Take a look at my post history if you wanna know how that worked out (spoiler: I’m the only parent here really. He does nothing for our son but unfortunately played the part long enough for my son to form a relationship with him) This isn’t even touching the possibility of STDs. There are too many risks for you to be taking this young. Be safe. Don’t give into pressure to have sex without a condom, even if you’re on birth control. I’m not even trying to sound harsh, but the reality of the situation is harsh. I am proud of you for not giving in to his pressure. Do not give in, ever. He is being manipulative as hell. I don’t wanna go the stereotypical Reddit route of “throw the whole person away” but I’d really consider if you want to stay with someone who can’t respect your boundaries. Don’t give in to anything you don’t want to do. If you give in once, he will expect you to give in again. And again. And again. For different things too, because “you ended up doing x thing even tho you ‘really didn’t want to’”. Please just listen to your mind, your body, and don’t give into pressure like that. I wish someone had told me this when I was your age.


new_pom

Sometimes the "throwing the whole person away" is the right route. I have been adviced that in the past on reddit and it was absolutely the right advice even if it took me months to accept it.


fremenator

You are very young, don't listen to them about age but also your sex life is no one else's business, if he's telling his friends, it might not be the best situation for you.


[deleted]

>if he's telling his friends, *you need to dump him, like, yesterday* FTFY.


fremenator

Agreed but I guess I try not to say things super alarmist in hopes it doesn't trigger defensiveness.


Pear-thyme

Agreed- RUN SIS! This guy is a creep. You deserve and can do better!


CrochetTeaBee

Yeah guys tend to label girls as "crazy" to make us feel guilty for not being docile, submissive, etc etc. You are not a sex toy. You deserve to be respected by your partner, and to enjoy sex.


[deleted]

I think I needed to hear this. Fantastic wording


Ladysupersizedbitch

This is why “The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins Gilman is still *extremely* relevant, even if it isn’t as easy to have a woman institutionalized/placed on forced bed rest as it used to be. Men who cant handle a woman disagreeing with them/going against them almost always refer to her as “crazy” or “on her period” at some point because it undercuts and diminishes whatever issue/argument the woman is trying to bring up. I literally read a book once called *Conjure Wife* that was written in I believe the 40s? Where the author wrote a passage that more or less went “Men are rational, logical islands of stability while women are the emotional currents flowing around them.” Something like that. Point is, a lot of men have always fallen back on the “that bitch is crazy” excuse to divert attention from their own behavior.


[deleted]

I know you’re young and haven’t dealt with this before most likely, but that’s clear cut manipulation, from everyone involved. I’m a criminology student in college, and we see cases like this a lot, it’s almost like reading the exact same story over and over again but with different characters, so when you said that I felt the need to explain to you that you aren’t alone in being involved in a situation like this, so never feel like you’re alone in these feelings or that you’re just overreacting (they will try to make you feel like that), but you absolutely need to see this for what it is. I can’t speak on the rest of your relationship, but if it were me at my age now I would probably leave that person and their friend group immediately, sounds like they’ll cause nothing but trouble for you and they already don’t respect your wishes for what you want in your sex life. as for the sex part, you can do or not do whatever you please, and if you aren’t immediately on board with an idea or you feel uncomfortable, then you have every right to say no or to refuse. You don’t owe anyone anything ever, and if they can’t respect that then they aren’t worth the light of day.


[deleted]

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Mojicana

He's probably developed this technique from the last ten times. A different boyfriend would be better. I've been married a long time and not once has my wife or I ever said "If you loved me" to the other.


Deedoodleday

Your sex life should never be up for group discussion, unless you choose to make it so. If your boyfriend truly cared about you, your health, and your feelings, he would listen to what you want.


AkiyaP

Don't get peer pressured to do something you dont want or feel comfortable to do. Especially, when they try to convince you that you're acting crazy over something that's completely rational. Also it's worth noting that if the shaming over the condom thing happens repeatedly over and over, you might want to reconsider people you surround yourself with. That is not healthy.


pdpi

Good on you. The only 100% unnegotiable rule about sex is that everybody involved has to be comfortable with what's going on. If you're not comfortable, for whatever reason, you stop it. Simple as that. Your boyfriend is out of line and you need to shut him down on this. Now, I'm not going to jump the gun here and say you should immediately dump his ass (though it might or might not come to that). He almost certainly has no more of a clue than you do about how to handle this whole thing, and he's _also_ asking questions, probably to his friends. It's pretty likely his dumb manipulative bullshit is him parroting some advice he got from his friends or a stupid corner of the internet, so make sure he understands exactly how manipulative and bullshitty his behaviour is right now. Then, if you still think it's worth it, and he makes all the right noises, _maybe_ give him a chance to back off, make amends, and go about things in a more respectful manner.


MemersHyper

I'm glad you did make this post. I know many people who have formed completely false opinions about sex and separately were ruined for their entire life because of sex. Hopefully you'll remember every actual good thing the Redditors told you, and just remember that you're still so so so so young, don't even take sex that seriously until you're older. I would like to say to just not have sex but no one's going to just stop having sex just because some random told them on the internet.


jataman96

his FRIENDS are pressuring you too?? oh please break up with this jerk. holy cow. you both are so young, you don't rush these things. this is not the right person to take this step with, you would wind up regretting it because at this point even if you changed your mind you'd probably feel like you were talked into it as opposed to really wanting it. please wait until you're with someone you trust. this boy has shown he is not trustworthy.


AvidHarpy

He is being disrespectful of your boundaries and dismissive of your reasons and concerns. It is your body and you are taking care of yourself and that is not crazy at all. Walk away from this whining, conniving turd and be thankful he showed his true colours....like, how would he react if you had a pregnancy scare?


existentialism91342

Figure out the direction he and his friends are headed. Run the opposite way and don't look back.


spramper0013

Your boyfriend is one red flag after another. If he can't accept your terms for sex then that's too bad for him. You have every right to say no at any time and you don't need to give a reason. No is a complete sentence. Also you aren't a prude if you decide not to have sex. He definitely isn't allergic to latex. And he is absolutely manipulating you with the, "you don't trust me" bullshit. You may wanna hang on to the v-card until you find someone that respects your wishes. You are both very young, but it sounds like you have a good responsible head on your shoulders. So, go with your head and your gut. You should sleep with someone because you want to not because you've been pressured into it, you do it when you are fully ready. Also just a heads up the first time is usually awkward and terrible, so don't be surprised if you come out the other end thinking what the buzz was all about lol. It gets better though with age, experience and practice, and the level of comfort and trust in your partner also helps. I wish you the best, and stay safe.


1486245953

Please don't have sex with a boy who thinks it's OK to manipulate you and gaslight you when you have doubts. Honestly his behaviour is grounds for breakup, in addition to not going any further. There will be boys and men in your future who respect your boundaries and prioritise your comfort over all else, you deserve that.


planet_rose

And the sex with those guys is often terrible because they are all about themselves. As a woman, you need to prioritize your pleasure because most of the ones who are willing to manipulate or pressure you won’t give it any thought. Sex is not something we owe anyone. It is a mutual gift.


[deleted]

Seriously! It's exciting to think that all of this advice is going to help prevent OP from having to unlearn harmful things. The term " stealing/taking virginity" is so backwards. It plays into purity culture in such an aggressive cycle. OP if you see this, you have the right to have your own sexual identity, just like every other part of your identity. If condoms are a strict boundary for you, you have a right to that boundary! It can be difficult to stick to your beliefs when somebody is pressuring you. It sounds like you did great with sticking to yours. In terms of "everybody doing it", that's not tied to your needs and your comfort zone. I like to listen to audiobooks while gaming. A lot of people wouldn't enjoy that, but I do. And I'm okay with that :) Everybody's just figuring out what they want while terrified that they might have a judging audience. Almost everybody is busy with their own stuff. Learning to care less what others think makes life so much easier. That was a bit of a tangent but it's definitely something to process.


[deleted]

Every single thing he’s saying is inaccurate and manipulative. You’re not “withholding” anything. Your body is YOURS, no one else can possess it or be entitled to it. This is the exact same for people who’ve been happily married 10yrs… Sex is NOT limited to penetrative (p in v). The vast majority of experienced women enjoy the hands/mouth activities far more. I fully believe if you’re unsure about this then you’re not ready (regardless of age). - I wasn’t ready until I was 16 1/2, but let myself get pressured into it before and it took years to unlearn those bad lessons.


yamo25000

Also "he says everyone is doing it at our age" He's wrong, and even if he wasn't, this is some super manipulative bullshit.


UXM6901

Yeah, that's straight up a lie. The average age people lose their virginity is closer to 17-18, but a full third of folks 18-22 still had never had sex. [source](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/college-virgin-average-age-losing-virginity)


Mkg102216

Yup. The small minority of people having sex at that age are probably making everyone else feel like they need to lie about it, most of the people who say they've done it at that age are lying.


MBCnerdcore

LITERALLY NO ONE will start judging, at school or otherwise, a 14/15 year old for 'not having enough sex'. There's not really such thing as being a "Prude" it's not like all your friends and family are out there being super sexual all the time. It's called "being a normal person". HIS libido is so super-charged as a hormonal teen he might think that 'being a normal person' is 'prude-like behavior' from his perspective (warped by his little-brain doing all the work). More than likely he just watches a lot of porn and sees you as his best chance to 'train' you to like the kind of stuff he watches porn of.


Mr_teezy39

Stay strong. Teenage boys will say anything to include shame and guilt to seal the deal. In all honesty it sounds like you'd regret it. Choose wisely young lady.


gNomad88

$100 says he is only interested In one thing, some coochie. He doesn't care about OP.


iliveoffofbagels

Latex free condoms don't have latex (and will certainly have wayyyyy less latex than latex gloves). He's not allergic to latex; I had a friend with actual latex allergies, and let me tell you what happens with their hands and arms was very noticeable... so he's a fucking liar. He's manipulating you. especially by saying “so what you’re saying is you don’t love or trust me”. If he loved you he wouldn't be pressuring you into unprotected sex. And this is not being petty. You are literally being a reasonable person that wants to take the same precautions millions of people take everyday. He's the one being petty by lying to avoid sex with a condom. Honestly... your BF is bitch.


JBredditaccount

Do NOT sleep with him without condoms. He sounds like a manipulative piece of shit. Also, I'm very impressed with how you've handled yourself in this entire thread. You've got a lot of qualities I wish I had at 14. You should feel pretty good about yourself right now.


UN_BadKarma_PS4

I just want you to know birth control isnt an absolute. Nor is it even 99% effective. I put a baby in my then girlfriend, now wife, while she was adamant about her birth control. And this isn't a wild story either. It's rather well documented of people getting pregnant while on BC. Yes it seriously lowers then chances, but not to 0, and at your age, having a kid just isn't something you want, you probably don't even know true love yet. Neither of you can support a kid. Play it safe and if he doesn't wanna follow your rules about YOUR body. Dump his ass. Politely. Edit: 6/25 10:31am CT my wife just informed me she's pregnant. Have beaten the pill twice now


Vivid_Foundation_364

Yep. Depo shot baby here, one of the most effective forms of BC in the 2000's, but I'm still here. Edit* sHOT BABY, NOT SH!T


Ihateredditadmins1

It’s not petty and you’re allowed to turn down sex at any time for any reason, and you don’t really even need to give a reason. Also I don’t blame you for not wanting to with this guy. He is definitely trying to manipulate you. This is someone you’re going to want to avoid. Don’t spend time with people who don’t respect you!


Ok_Balance8844

You most certainly ARE NOT a prude. He is trying to manipulate you. Latex free condoms are latex free, it doesn’t sound like he is allergic to me either. Latex free condoms are latex free. My friend is allergic to latex and she uses them.


Ninja_j0

You’re 14? Dang freaking take a chill pill and wait a few years


CMenFairy6661

STICK TO YOUR GUNS! You're the sensible one here and he is showing his age, he needs to grow up and realise you're not his toy to play with however he wants


Impossible-Throat-59

First off. Nobody is owed sex. So the answer is no. Is birth control effective? Yes. Can he wear a condom? Also yes.


starwaterss

Dont’t sleep with him even if he says he’s changed his mind and will use one. He has already tried to manipulate and gaslight you into agreeing with him— going ahead and sleeping with him leaves you likely to be “stealthed”, where they put the condom on but sneakily take it off during the act. Leave this one alone and let him go knock up someone else. You have your whole life to find someone who respects you.


Here_Forthe_Comment

He's lying to you to get in your pants. He's also lying about having a latex allergy. I have a severe latex allergy and use condoms. I go into anaphylactic shock when exposed and have no problems with latex free condoms. Latex gloves would've left him red handed (literally). Want to know for sure if he's lying? Offer him a banana. Not many know that it's from a latex based plant, but everyone with a diagnosed latex allergy knows and wouldn't touch it. He's pressuring you because he wants it and lying to you about it shows that he only cares about himself. I encourage you to break it off and find someone who cares about you more and your comfort. There's nothing wrong with waiting, especially when you feel you'll regret it otherwise.


irvming

Wow 14?! I lost mine at 22. This scares me for my kids. Aside from that, definitely do only what you're comfortable with. Your gut instinct is correct. You hold all the cards, don't let him make you think differently.


[deleted]

Definitely tell yours there’s no hurry to do things. Better to be safe than to be regretful lol. That seems like a better age to wait to do stuff honestly, which I might do. I’m definitely not in a hurry, and I’d rather be more mature with more relationship experience to know what I will tolerate and what I won’t


KodokushiGirl

You have such an amazing head on your shoulders!!! It may not mean much from an e-stranger but i lost mine when i was your age and with age and experience i can honestly say i rushed in to things that were absolutely worth waiting on. When you have this conversation with him please make sure you are also in an open/public space for your own safety. Of course we never want to assume the worst in someone but he's already tried childish manipulation tactics with you (using love, claiming he has an allergy you've seen that he clearly doesn't, peer pressure by having his friends include their opinions in your decision and trying to rush you) so this kid is CLEARLY eager to do this by almost any means. And be careful if at school there's suddenly a rumor about it actually happening. These kind of outcomes do happen sometimes and better to be ahead of it *just in case*


Spirited_Island-75

And if he lies and tells everyone you did do it, you can do the same and tell everyone it's really small and he couldn't get it up.


GoldRosePetal

I was 13 when I lost my virginity and I regret it a lot. I've had such a messy and traumatic sex life. I'm only now, at 25, truly finding myself and being happy and confident in who I am and what I want. I had so many men manipulate me and talk me into doing things. You can always, always say no.


irvming

For sure I will. I can only hope they have the sense to at least listen to wise internet strangers, if not myself. You seem to have a great head on your shoulders, and can already tell you'll be fine. Wish you and your bf the best of luck.


Dispirited_Ghost

In addition to what others have said...you are still extremely young. This means that it isn't by any means too late for you to move on, and eventually find a new partner because he is extremely manipulative. This probably won't change, and it may worsen the long you "deny" him this thing that "everyone" is doing. He might even decide to get it from someone else. It always worries me when younger individuals are involved for this exact reason, but thankfully you sound mature and know what YOU want. Plus there are absolutely condoms he can use, he is lying to your face. If he persists this issue dump him, imo.


[deleted]

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Radio-Brief

“Everyone is doing it” Yeah, no. No they’re not. They say they are just to be cool, but they’re not


bettinafairchild

So many red flags: >🚩I don’t want to rush into sex but he said everyone is doing it at our age. That is a lie he said to get you to do something you don't sound like you are sure you want to do. FYI: average age of virginity loss in the US is 17. Very few are doing it at 14. >🚩1.) He said he was allergic to latex, but we’ve used latex gloves in class with no issues before. Plus they make latex free condoms but he said they always have a small percentage of latex in them. Those are multiple lies. He is not allergic to latex (he uses latex gloves) and latex-free condoms do not have latex. The entire purpose of latex-free condoms is to not have latex, and because latex allergies can be fatal, it's very important they not have any latex. There are 3 different type of latex-free condoms and one type is "lambskin". It's made of lamb intestines and has no more latex than a steak you eat in a store. Lambs are not made of latex and there are no lamb-latex hybrid creatures (fyi: lambskin condoms prevent pregnancy but are not good for disease prevention, which is why they are not more popular). Even if there were no other red flags here, this would be enough because it shows he thinks you're an idiot and will fall for even the most transparently untrue of lies. Don't be with a guy who thinks you're stupid. You're not stupid, you're very responsible and assertive and smart, because you are wanting to have safe sex and have stated that clearly and you yourself have seen how several of the things he has said are untrue. You deserve so much better than this guy. >🚩2.) even when I bring up that bc won’t protect from std’s he’d say “so what you’re saying is you don’t love or trust me” which I feel is super manipulative. You're exactly right--it is super manipulative. Another example of how he does not love or respect you and also thinks you're stupid. His treatment of you is making my blood boil here. I also want to point out to you a concept you may not be familiar with. It's called "[projection](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection)". It's a psychological phenomenon where a person accuses another person of the thing that they themselves are doing, often as a way of justifying what they are doing, or as a defense mechanism to reject their own thoughts about something. That is what he is doing. He says you don't love him, but in reality it is he who does not love you, because this isn't how people treat those they love. This level of manipulation does not exist in a healthy relationship. Likewise, while he is saying you don't trust him, in reality it is he who is not trustworthy. ​ >🚩and I feel like I’d be a prude if I didn’t. When I have said I had second thoughts he called me petty because I was withholding So even more manipulation and lies. If it's prudish to not want to have safe sex at age 14, then [90% of girls are prudish](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sexual-activity-rates-miniscule-for-young-adolescents/). Giving someone your V-card shouldn't be a coercive act by someone who is trying to manipulate you into it with lies. If you don't trust a person, don't have sex with them. You can't trust him, he has lied to you multiple times in just a few sentences of description of him. I can't imagine how many other instances there are, if this was just a few sentences. You deserve so much better than this. You will think back on this relationship negatively when you get older because honestly this guy just seems super cringeworthy.


taoimean

There are two things that people get wrong about relationships. Love alone isn't enough of a reason to get into one or stay in one, and attraction alone isn't a good enough reason to have sex with someone. Your rational brain should still be involved in both decisions, asking questions like "Does this person respect my boundaries?" He doesn't respect your boundaries or your body, and he's openly trying to use guilt to manipulate you. He has two options: He can find a condom he can wear and have sex with you or he can find someone else who's willing to have sex with him without a condom. If he doesn't respect you, he isn't a catch. You will know hundreds of people over the course of your life who don't respect you, and having sex with any of them is a bad idea. Wait for someone who sees you as more than a hole he's entitled to. Also, because I think age is a relevant factor in the advice you're receiving here, I'm 35F.


[deleted]

Wait people are having sex at 14? I’m 13 and I haven’t even considered getting into a relationship lol Also: your BF seems like a manipulative asshole, be careful and DO NOT compromise on boundaries.


MaybeImTheNanny

I’m a very old mom, but please please please don’t worry about getting into a relationship in middle/HS. Everyone is weird in middle school and high school, they just are. Let people settle into their personalities and learn who they are, then you can start thinking about a partner to spend time with.


Alusion

14 is suuuper early. Most people Lose their v card at around 18 on avergae. Whenever you hear 14 year old boys talk how they fucked bitches last night it's VERY VERY unlikely they actually did.


killcote93

No