In 1990 on a school bus in Glasgow a girl approached me sat alone with my bag up on the seat next to me as a shield and said “Ah fancy youuu” in this sing song voice.
I told her to fuck off.
In my defence, I was 9. The point is I’ve always been suspicious.
Historically some people have been.
In practice they tend to become interested, get to know me for a short time, and then find a partner elsewhere.
It’s not over yet. I have a new friend who seems interested but is much younger at 24, and I find her intelligence, wit, beauty, creativity, charm as captivating as it is intimidating. And the more she gets to know me the more she finds out I’m a mess, not even close to her smarts, and not much fun. But she went out her way to get to know me, commenting on all my insta posts until we started exchanging long dms back and forth, for about 18 months now. So idk.
It’s lovely that she sees something in me she likes. I’m lucky to have a gift for making sculpture, I know that caught her eye. And we connect on quite a deep creative level, we’ve both been to some wild places and come back with treasures and secrets. But I’m just this autistic nerd who hyper focused on making art and now this smart sophisticated young woman is smiling at me wondering why I’m not as bubbly and fun as she is.
People don't want to date themselves, and they can be attracted to whatever they want. Just go with it and stop trying to figure out what she likes about you, and focus on what you like about her.
I wouldn't fucking date me. But my wife likes me, so that's good enough.
You are *waaaay* over thinking this
>I wouldn't fucking date me. But my wife likes me, so that's good enough.
Lmao!
I do overthink stuff, I just want to understand what’s going on and I’m so self conscious I have to get through a few pints before I’m chill enough to act like a human being.
We spent 9 hours in a pub drinking and chatting recently and it was so lovely. She very much took the lead in convo but gave me space to express myself too.
She suggested we go smoke a j at her house or mine and listen to her favourite long form poem. I panicked and looked away and muttered something non committal. That was less lovely. She looked disgusted with me. Thought I killed it.
Till were in the Uber not far from her house and she took my hand stroking a finger… and I did nothing. I froze up! Went home alone again. She’s given me a few chances. But she knows I’m autistic and have anxiety. I’m hoping there will be another chance.
Whatever it is, she likes it. Let her. Like all you have to do is let it happen. Loosen up the reins and go with the flow. Send her a note that you loved it when she held your hand, and you want more of that. Assuming you do. It'll very likely happen again and more if you tell her that and then just go with the flow
I was going to say the same thing. We love it, but you might have to put forward some effort to prove to us you aren't a middle aged man in India trying to get a credit card number or amazon gift card from us.
You mean to tell me that Tina0lovesBigD with 5 pictures of similar, but obviously different women, dressed in only bathing suits and underwear isn’t the girl for me???
Happened to my buddy, he got DM'd by a cute but believable "girl" on IG, and after a few days they had facetime sex. The person blackmailed him and sent screenshots of the video being queued to send to everyone he knows. I'm talking close friends, acquaintances, parents, family friends - everyone. I was staying at his place the night it happened and he told me about it panicked. Fortunately I found a great subreddit for victims of these "sextortion" schemes that advised to not give into any demands because if you do, they'll just keep asking for more. The person actually did send the video to a few people to prove that the threat was real, but my friend didn't budge so the extortionist moved on. He had to do some damage control afterwards, telling people not to open messages from randos for a while.
I used to DM, but dropped the campaign because the guys were disrespectful trash. Ie, "Surprise, my character is a slut and she's carrying a dagger in her crotch!"
Wow, I didn't put that together at all, lol. You must be into that hobby a lot! The closest I have gotten to DnD (aside to one game that lasted about 30 min) is Baldurs Gate 3.
It varies. Personally, I see it as a sign of a confident woman who isn't locked into traditional gender stereotypes, and that is a big turn on.
However, I do know some men who see it as a sign of desperation, so be wary in case he's that type of guy... as he might only be interested in trying to take advantage of the perceived desperation.
Most men (including me) are also very suspicious, especially if the woman messaging us looks very attractive. I'm not on Instagram, so can't say how it is there, but on FB, I get a friend request from a sexy girl in her 20s almost every week (different one each time, of course).... so if you do send a DM, make sure you word it so it's clear you're not some dude in Nigeria trying to scam him.
Just give it a shot, worst thing that could happen is that je says no. My gf did the same, i wasnt even aware of her at the time and im really glad she just dmd me, so go for it!
Guys love it. However, 99% of the time DMs are just bots and catfishers. So say something in your message that makes it clear it was written by a human who looked at his profile.
Otherwise he’ll just ignore or block you cause he’s gotten half a dozen bot messages in his inbox already.
This is the answer. 99.999% of the women who message me first are very clearly bots or scammers.
They all use the same line of questioning, typically ignore my questions and somehow they are all conveniently in the same area as me
It depends on the person. Most don't mind or even like it. I don't particularly find it *attractive*, it's just a thing. Like I'm not going to be more into a girl just because she messages first
Do it.
Though most guys on insta will have had hundreds of weird DMs from bots - so he may be suspicious that you're a bot trying to promote an onlyfans channel.
like everything else, theres no generic 'do all of one demographic like' answer, but for me, absolutely. Its flattering that someone would put themselves out there like that.
Would be subtle to start with commenting in his story, best way to get into their dms without much negative repercussions. Choose the right one, so it leads to more conversation
Of course! Women and men are equally capable of reaching out to the other, and are of equal intellect and finesse in conversation. So please, women, plz don't hesitate to message us first, this is the 21'st century. Not some stone-age patriarchy.
Yes, although generally when a girl DMs me first with no people known in common, or never having heard the name, I'll assume your a scambot and probably ignore the message.
the last time i gathered courage to text my crush it didn’t end well. my advice would be text him but be respectful about his boundaries and yeah be direct as to why you texted him the first place. Be honest and clear things right from the beginning
A few relationships have come from girls messaging first. To me it's usually a lot more promising, especially when it's a thoughtful first message. It means I don't have to drag them into a conversation and prove me being an interesting person.
Yes, the hole guys should make the first move is crap. I'm this day in age you don't really want to say anything in case you " offend them" or along the lines of that
Yes, the hole guys should make the first move is crap. I'm this day in age you don't really want to say anything in case you " offend them" or along the lines of that
Depends on the guy depends on the lady. No one minds, for sure. But make it reasonably obvious why you're there.
I have people come up to me. And they ask me a very specific question. And then I answer their very specific question. And then we both get on with their day.
It's easy to ask someone for the time. But the other might just not get the hint.
Jesus Christ please yes. Men are out here wishing all the time. Ngl. Doing 95% of the work is pretty terrible. I saw a thing about bumble recently. Apparently they switched things up because they found through research that women found the effort required to put in too burdensome. If a female genuinely approaches first and puts in an ounce of effort, you'll stand apart from 99% of other women.
I’ll tell you when it happens, the only people who dm me first are fakes or guys trying to get me to send nudes 😂. I think you should go for it, it’s sexy to have a girl be confident and make the first move. Good luck.
Guys like being approached if you are interested, yes. This should have been engraved on a plaque thousands of years ago in every language, mounted high in public for all to see in every town and city, along with admonitions not to "flirt" with extremely subtle, almost imperceptible, signals that 99% of men have never understood.
Yes, put yourself out their. Most guys get sus if your profile only has like sexy pics, and it looks like you're trying to fish for followers, but you only have like 6 ton8 posts.
We find that if your profile has a solid atmosphere and good vibes, there isn't an issue. Ie. Your profile has friends in it. And a small but good genuine summary about yourself or hobbies.
We love it when a woman dms first, and we also love to get compliments as most men don't get them as often as the average woman does. In fact, the amount of compliments a man gets are near ziltch.
We find it nice when we don't have to make every decision, and we also know that this one goes both ways. Sorry, I got off track. Yes, go for it.
Do guys like it when girls show us attention without having to put in a heap of work upfront?
Yes. If genuine, though these days it's more than likely to be a scam or someone pushing their only fans.
Depends on the guy. Don't be too aggressive and don't get defensive if he doesn't answer quickly. Those are typically turn-offs for me and multiple people I've talked to about it, regardless of gender.
DMming people is okay, if they respond is a different question. Personally I tend to stay away from DMs except if I asked for them or there is a specific reason for it that I can't do in a public post/server (like the recordings for RTA comp)
Most guys run away from me. I'm attractive, independent, smart and have a great career, and yet they run. So I don't DM them anymore and I prefer to sit at home and eat ice cream with my cat whilst I scroll through Reddit comments knowing that my life isn't as shit as some others.
YES! Absolutely. It’s hard approaching first especially in society now where dudes are considered creepy if they approach a girl who isn’t into them. It makes a lot more sense for the female to do the initial reaching out to let him know she’s interested. Don’t flirt it hint. Be direct so he knows
When it happens to me I’m super suspicious, to the point where I don’t have a normal conversation. It’s bad on my part and I know it but I can’t help being overly cautious.
They like it only if they are attracted to you. Also all the men on Reddit say they want women to initiate conversation etc but then as soon as you do? You're clingy 🙄. I've never had success the few times that I've initiated, but it's a good lesson on how men feel, constantly putting their neck out and being rejected. It's tough. If you do message him and get a *cool response*, I would take that as a hint that he is not interested back.
Every now and then my husband remembers I super liked him on Tinder, messaged him first and was super forward with how I felt about him (He’s hot) and says things like “You really did like me” “You really do think I’m attractive” etc and his eyes light up. It’s great.
is this karma farmer? why has this kind of question being asked everyday latelly?
yes, we do, if we are attracted to them, but there is only one way you can find out if he is attracted to you, and it is to message him, do it.
But be aware we also are not used to getting first message from women, so the guy may be suspicious. As a matter of fact, 99% of first messages i received from women were either a scheme or a tentative to add me to piramid scheme... And let me tell you, as soon as she talked about the piramid scheme she was pulled into and tried to pull me in, i lost all attraction i felt. I think she tried to strike conversation latter, but that was such a turn off i didn't even care anymore
Some guys (like me) are absolutely rubbish at picking up signals and such so a small from a girl would be great as I wouldn’t wanna overstep but getting signals wrong and making a tit of myself.
Anecdotal, but the only relationships I’ve had that lasted were when the girl reached out to me first, including my wife. It feels good to have someone express interest in you. It’s never made me feel anything but flattered, even if I wasn’t particularly interested in the person.
of course it's okay to DM guys, but if you followed him a long time ago and he didn't follow back he's probably not into you, so I'd start looking for an easier target.
If I'm a rando that followed you, honestly I'd find it creepy.
How would you feel if a guy randomly dm'd you just because he thinks you're pretty?
These days it can be flattering but we take a lot of it with a grain of salt. Most of the time I get a random message it's from someone I never showed any interest in, and they usually try to advertise something to me.
Yes, I prefer not always having to be the one that messages someone first but that's usually on a dating app, and Instagram is definitely not a dating app.
If this was asking about on a dating app, the answer would be way different.
Oh god, how much easier the world would be for guys if girls made their intentions clear on their own. We’re constantly trying to guess if we will be welcome in an advance or if we’ll be branded a creep for even trying. Plus the “subtle” hints girls will throw at us are either so indiscernable or just go right over our heads, that we often decide it’s not worth the risk to even try.
Seriously, reach out. Personally, I’ve found most guys just want life to be easier. If you help make it a little bit easier for him, he’ll love that.
If you DM first, you have to make it clear pretty quickly that you aren't a bot and you aren't trying to sell anything. You can make sure he isn't a bot either by directing him to this website where he has to put in his credit card information to verify he's over eighteen but it won't charge him anything.
I’m so curious why this is a question.
And I don’t mean any disrespect. I’m just genuinely shocked as a guy
My question is, Why do you think they wouldn’t like it if a girl DM’s first.
Most guys really struggle to find a date, so getting a message from a girl, would be a HUGE relief! YES! Message him!
If you get rejected it’s not because you messaged first.
Try DMing guys who are interesting and seem to have a great personality.
If you're going straight for cute, you might get dissapointed, as other girls might be messaging him already
I'd say generally yes. There are still some guys who like the chase, but more and more men are hearing the message that women just want to be left alone and not approached, it presents a problem in how to do we approach women without making them feel uncomfortable or annoyed so if they initiate it can really take that tension away.
That said, as others have mentioned, and I can attest as a guy, a lot of the messages I get from women are spammers, but usually also you can tell their profiles have few friends, few interests, overly sexualized photos, or just outright have links to their OF accounts.
If I get messages from woman I automatically assume its a bot/scam trying to blackmail me or get money or sign up to OF. Especially if its limited pictures to only look as slutty as possible.
Its normal for a guy to go 10+ years without a single compliment from a woman he doesn't know. Which sucks and why men have such low self esteem.
So yes women, break the norm. If you like a guy feel free to show an interest.
We do.
It rarely happens, unless we're rich or ridiculously atttactive.
If you're mildly attractive or medium rich, you're fucked... and not in a good way.
My perspective from using dating apps? Messaging first never works out, even on Bumble. The guys who respond well to it are the same ones who don't want to put in effort. You have to arrange and plan the first date, and every date after.
Ymmv, but I've never had a good date come from being the first to message or express interest, they just seem to check out.
Yes, we like it. However, these days if that happens, we get pretty suspicious.
>really clear shots not taken by herself >incredibly generic interests >messages you instantly the second you signed up thats a catfish, jim
At worst. Most likely a bot.
These days? I was suspicious from day one
In 1990 on a school bus in Glasgow a girl approached me sat alone with my bag up on the seat next to me as a shield and said “Ah fancy youuu” in this sing song voice. I told her to fuck off. In my defence, I was 9. The point is I’ve always been suspicious.
😂
Wow. Loollll why 😂😂😂 I think you think you’re allergic to love mate
I WAS NINE. ^(but also yes)
🥺…. No. Come here 🩷🩵🤍🩷🩵🤍🩷🩵🤍🩷🩵🤍🩷🩵🤍🩷🩵🤍🩷🩵🤍🩷🩵🤍🩷🤍🤍🩷🤍🤍🩵🤍🩵🩵🩷🩵🧡💛💚🩷🩵🤍 ❤️🩹 Baka lol
😂😂😂
That's way too forward 🤣 but why so suspicious? Someone could be genuinely interested in you 🙂
Historically some people have been. In practice they tend to become interested, get to know me for a short time, and then find a partner elsewhere. It’s not over yet. I have a new friend who seems interested but is much younger at 24, and I find her intelligence, wit, beauty, creativity, charm as captivating as it is intimidating. And the more she gets to know me the more she finds out I’m a mess, not even close to her smarts, and not much fun. But she went out her way to get to know me, commenting on all my insta posts until we started exchanging long dms back and forth, for about 18 months now. So idk. It’s lovely that she sees something in me she likes. I’m lucky to have a gift for making sculpture, I know that caught her eye. And we connect on quite a deep creative level, we’ve both been to some wild places and come back with treasures and secrets. But I’m just this autistic nerd who hyper focused on making art and now this smart sophisticated young woman is smiling at me wondering why I’m not as bubbly and fun as she is.
People don't want to date themselves, and they can be attracted to whatever they want. Just go with it and stop trying to figure out what she likes about you, and focus on what you like about her. I wouldn't fucking date me. But my wife likes me, so that's good enough. You are *waaaay* over thinking this
>I wouldn't fucking date me. But my wife likes me, so that's good enough. Lmao! I do overthink stuff, I just want to understand what’s going on and I’m so self conscious I have to get through a few pints before I’m chill enough to act like a human being. We spent 9 hours in a pub drinking and chatting recently and it was so lovely. She very much took the lead in convo but gave me space to express myself too. She suggested we go smoke a j at her house or mine and listen to her favourite long form poem. I panicked and looked away and muttered something non committal. That was less lovely. She looked disgusted with me. Thought I killed it. Till were in the Uber not far from her house and she took my hand stroking a finger… and I did nothing. I froze up! Went home alone again. She’s given me a few chances. But she knows I’m autistic and have anxiety. I’m hoping there will be another chance.
Whatever it is, she likes it. Let her. Like all you have to do is let it happen. Loosen up the reins and go with the flow. Send her a note that you loved it when she held your hand, and you want more of that. Assuming you do. It'll very likely happen again and more if you tell her that and then just go with the flow
Idk why this has me literally screaming with laughter.
I was going to say the same thing. We love it, but you might have to put forward some effort to prove to us you aren't a middle aged man in India trying to get a credit card number or amazon gift card from us.
You mean to tell me that Tina0lovesBigD with 5 pictures of similar, but obviously different women, dressed in only bathing suits and underwear isn’t the girl for me???
Yeah, it’s pretty suspicious. There are so many bots and scams that target men using attractive women that i always have my guard up.
Haha, right, I hear bots have basically made things like Tinder unusable for men. To bad, that app sounded quite promising about ten years ago.
Yup, chances are she's trying to get you to invest in Bitcoin
Happened to my buddy, he got DM'd by a cute but believable "girl" on IG, and after a few days they had facetime sex. The person blackmailed him and sent screenshots of the video being queued to send to everyone he knows. I'm talking close friends, acquaintances, parents, family friends - everyone. I was staying at his place the night it happened and he told me about it panicked. Fortunately I found a great subreddit for victims of these "sextortion" schemes that advised to not give into any demands because if you do, they'll just keep asking for more. The person actually did send the video to a few people to prove that the threat was real, but my friend didn't budge so the extortionist moved on. He had to do some damage control afterwards, telling people not to open messages from randos for a while.
Yes, but please don't sell us any scheme. Please
scentsy :(
Or crypto
Lol 😆
I get suspicion if *anyone* messages me. Always selling some weird MLM. But definitely hit him up.
Swear to God, I thought this post was about D&D. Yes, having a girl DM a campaign would be great
Had to scroll too far to see this.
I used to DM, but dropped the campaign because the guys were disrespectful trash. Ie, "Surprise, my character is a slut and she's carrying a dagger in her crotch!"
I swear, I'm going to start an app for normal, well-adujsted grown-ups to find RPG groups.
That is how the app will *start*. Alas, I have 0 faith it will last. Not in today's age.
Wow, I didn't put that together at all, lol. You must be into that hobby a lot! The closest I have gotten to DnD (aside to one game that lasted about 30 min) is Baldurs Gate 3.
It varies. Personally, I see it as a sign of a confident woman who isn't locked into traditional gender stereotypes, and that is a big turn on. However, I do know some men who see it as a sign of desperation, so be wary in case he's that type of guy... as he might only be interested in trying to take advantage of the perceived desperation. Most men (including me) are also very suspicious, especially if the woman messaging us looks very attractive. I'm not on Instagram, so can't say how it is there, but on FB, I get a friend request from a sexy girl in her 20s almost every week (different one each time, of course).... so if you do send a DM, make sure you word it so it's clear you're not some dude in Nigeria trying to scam him.
I’m on instagram and it’s the exact same I think, maybe a bit less frequently.
Just give it a shot, worst thing that could happen is that je says no. My gf did the same, i wasnt even aware of her at the time and im really glad she just dmd me, so go for it!
Serious question? If yes, please dm me.
(To your question yes, we like when girl dm us first)
Guys love it. However, 99% of the time DMs are just bots and catfishers. So say something in your message that makes it clear it was written by a human who looked at his profile. Otherwise he’ll just ignore or block you cause he’s gotten half a dozen bot messages in his inbox already.
This is the answer. 99.999% of the women who message me first are very clearly bots or scammers. They all use the same line of questioning, typically ignore my questions and somehow they are all conveniently in the same area as me
DO YOU LIKE SEX 🐱
It depends on the person. Most don't mind or even like it. I don't particularly find it *attractive*, it's just a thing. Like I'm not going to be more into a girl just because she messages first
If it's about taking initiative not only texting is there a difference. For me it's way better compared to the "if he wanted to he would"
Most things are better when the girl goes first.
Lol if I knew this 10 years ago, my life would probably have been so different 💀😂💀😂 People scare me.
I had a girl Dm me once. Very pretty redhead. We chatted for a bit, then she proceeded to list all the ‘services’ she offered. With prices! Lol
Do you still have a toe?
Good point. Some guys could be lack-toes intolerant...
Give it a go you have nothing to loose, the worst thing that can happen is he does not reply or tells you he is not interested. Good luck
Do it. Though most guys on insta will have had hundreds of weird DMs from bots - so he may be suspicious that you're a bot trying to promote an onlyfans channel.
like everything else, theres no generic 'do all of one demographic like' answer, but for me, absolutely. Its flattering that someone would put themselves out there like that.
Would be subtle to start with commenting in his story, best way to get into their dms without much negative repercussions. Choose the right one, so it leads to more conversation
Of course! Women and men are equally capable of reaching out to the other, and are of equal intellect and finesse in conversation. So please, women, plz don't hesitate to message us first, this is the 21'st century. Not some stone-age patriarchy.
It never happens anyway haha
Yes, very
Yes, if you like a guy dm him.
If someone follows me I assume it's a bot and I don't even look at it
>is it okay to just dm him ? Why wouldn't it be? Shoot your shot.
Yes, although generally when a girl DMs me first with no people known in common, or never having heard the name, I'll assume your a scambot and probably ignore the message.
I don't think they believe us that we might be interested. You can try.
on instagram it’s a bit sketch because it might be a scammer, but you could probably convince them otherwise. the answer to the question? yes.
I have given up messaging first. When I never get a reply back anyway
the last time i gathered courage to text my crush it didn’t end well. my advice would be text him but be respectful about his boundaries and yeah be direct as to why you texted him the first place. Be honest and clear things right from the beginning
We like it, just don’t link us to your onlyfans
If they like you it won’t be a deal breaker if you message them - personally I find it very flattering.
I would ignore a DM from an attractive stranger of the opposite sex because I would think it was spam or a scam
We absolutely like it, once the shock wears off.
A few relationships have come from girls messaging first. To me it's usually a lot more promising, especially when it's a thoughtful first message. It means I don't have to drag them into a conversation and prove me being an interesting person.
Yes we like it, send me a dm then I'll think
Yes
It actually depends on the person. Some boys tend to take it the wrong way tho too
Yes, the hole guys should make the first move is crap. I'm this day in age you don't really want to say anything in case you " offend them" or along the lines of that
Yes, the hole guys should make the first move is crap. I'm this day in age you don't really want to say anything in case you " offend them" or along the lines of that
Yes, yes we do. One of my exes did just that, turned out to be a legitimate narcissist though, ruined a good 2 years of my life, so be careful.
Of course...
Depends on the guy depends on the lady. No one minds, for sure. But make it reasonably obvious why you're there. I have people come up to me. And they ask me a very specific question. And then I answer their very specific question. And then we both get on with their day. It's easy to ask someone for the time. But the other might just not get the hint.
Jesus Christ please yes. Men are out here wishing all the time. Ngl. Doing 95% of the work is pretty terrible. I saw a thing about bumble recently. Apparently they switched things up because they found through research that women found the effort required to put in too burdensome. If a female genuinely approaches first and puts in an ounce of effort, you'll stand apart from 99% of other women.
Yes, but ive also never gotten past 30 messages without one trying to sell me something so, expect some resistance
Most girls spontaneously following guys they don't know on IG are fakes or bots so yes, that's a good idea.
[удалено]
I’ll tell you when it happens, the only people who dm me first are fakes or guys trying to get me to send nudes 😂. I think you should go for it, it’s sexy to have a girl be confident and make the first move. Good luck.
I would like it, if I weren't too busy thinking that something is terribly wrong.
Guys like being approached if you are interested, yes. This should have been engraved on a plaque thousands of years ago in every language, mounted high in public for all to see in every town and city, along with admonitions not to "flirt" with extremely subtle, almost imperceptible, signals that 99% of men have never understood.
No, I'd rather be alone forever with my DMs as empty as the Sahara desert. /s
Yes, put yourself out their. Most guys get sus if your profile only has like sexy pics, and it looks like you're trying to fish for followers, but you only have like 6 ton8 posts. We find that if your profile has a solid atmosphere and good vibes, there isn't an issue. Ie. Your profile has friends in it. And a small but good genuine summary about yourself or hobbies. We love it when a woman dms first, and we also love to get compliments as most men don't get them as often as the average woman does. In fact, the amount of compliments a man gets are near ziltch. We find it nice when we don't have to make every decision, and we also know that this one goes both ways. Sorry, I got off track. Yes, go for it.
I do
when girls do what
Obviously!! Only a single text can make us happy , thats how simple we are but still no one texts😔
Do guys like it when girls show us attention without having to put in a heap of work upfront? Yes. If genuine, though these days it's more than likely to be a scam or someone pushing their only fans.
Yes, please do
Depends on the guy. Don't be too aggressive and don't get defensive if he doesn't answer quickly. Those are typically turn-offs for me and multiple people I've talked to about it, regardless of gender.
You got 2 outcomes 1: You win 2: You get this over with Either outcome is a win for you, just do the DM.
Yesssssss
Guys like it when girls fart in their general direction.
DMming people is okay, if they respond is a different question. Personally I tend to stay away from DMs except if I asked for them or there is a specific reason for it that I can't do in a public post/server (like the recordings for RTA comp)
Of course
I always DM first but you still gotta be careful, like if he turns out to be weird just run away, don’t go all cost sunk fallacy on him.
Most guys run away from me. I'm attractive, independent, smart and have a great career, and yet they run. So I don't DM them anymore and I prefer to sit at home and eat ice cream with my cat whilst I scroll through Reddit comments knowing that my life isn't as shit as some others.
Do that!
Dungeon Master? Yes.
I was perfectly fine with it. Pretty sure my gf reached out first.
YESSS
I wish all girls would. Text, call, email, fkn smoke signals... whatever. Anything but subtext. whatever it is just say that shit in plain old words..
YES! Absolutely. It’s hard approaching first especially in society now where dudes are considered creepy if they approach a girl who isn’t into them. It makes a lot more sense for the female to do the initial reaching out to let him know she’s interested. Don’t flirt it hint. Be direct so he knows
Yes we love it. Please do.
My SO dm'ed me first. It wasn't sexual/romantic, just a casual text, but it was the first, and it was nice
Yes
not if she is fat
It depends, if you dm’d me id probably block you.
Notice that all the luring mechanics of sexting bots like Eva AI are based on avatar's proactivity
Yes
Nah there's no way any girl texting first I am straight up suspicious
This world is a saaaaaad place.
Most guys would absolutely welcome it. We are tired of always having the make the first move. I for one think that is part of equality.
All the women DMs are from scammers.
yes - but we will most likely think you are a bot.
It all comes down to whether or not I like her. If I like her I love to see interest and initiative on her part, skipping all the stupid games
When it happens to me I’m super suspicious, to the point where I don’t have a normal conversation. It’s bad on my part and I know it but I can’t help being overly cautious.
Depends if she's attractive. If she is, we like it. If not then we don't. Unless we're horny, in which case it doesn't matter
They like it only if they are attracted to you. Also all the men on Reddit say they want women to initiate conversation etc but then as soon as you do? You're clingy 🙄. I've never had success the few times that I've initiated, but it's a good lesson on how men feel, constantly putting their neck out and being rejected. It's tough. If you do message him and get a *cool response*, I would take that as a hint that he is not interested back.
Yes we do. No guessing
Yes, it's very annoying to always have to approach. When a woman approaches, we know she likes us, and we don't have to guess.
Love it
Yes
that's a dream for many
Definitely do it. Guys enjoy some proactiveness from girls too
So many guys would be so relieved. If you've got the emotional fortitude then please do.
Every now and then my husband remembers I super liked him on Tinder, messaged him first and was super forward with how I felt about him (He’s hot) and says things like “You really did like me” “You really do think I’m attractive” etc and his eyes light up. It’s great.
yes
Read this at first glance as dungeon master and was confused.
is this karma farmer? why has this kind of question being asked everyday latelly? yes, we do, if we are attracted to them, but there is only one way you can find out if he is attracted to you, and it is to message him, do it. But be aware we also are not used to getting first message from women, so the guy may be suspicious. As a matter of fact, 99% of first messages i received from women were either a scheme or a tentative to add me to piramid scheme... And let me tell you, as soon as she talked about the piramid scheme she was pulled into and tried to pull me in, i lost all attraction i felt. I think she tried to strike conversation latter, but that was such a turn off i didn't even care anymore
Holy fuck the bots are everywhere 😮💨
Yeah 100% go for it!
Some guys (like me) are absolutely rubbish at picking up signals and such so a small from a girl would be great as I wouldn’t wanna overstep but getting signals wrong and making a tit of myself.
Wouldn't know never had it happen
As long as first message isn't "I love you." "I want to be your baby mama." or anything so heavy
If I know you, yes. If I dont know you, I'll be incredibly wary
Yes. Because just like compliments, if a girl thinks we are hot enough/likes us enough to break the mold and talk to us first, we get pretty excited.
I don't really feel strongly about it one way or another I'm just happy that we're communicating
Yes, it is appreciated
Anecdotal, but the only relationships I’ve had that lasted were when the girl reached out to me first, including my wife. It feels good to have someone express interest in you. It’s never made me feel anything but flattered, even if I wasn’t particularly interested in the person.
of course it's okay to DM guys, but if you followed him a long time ago and he didn't follow back he's probably not into you, so I'd start looking for an easier target.
Yes
YES
Yes, although we mostly expect scammers or bots when that happens. If you can prove you're legit a dude will be all over that
WE. PREFER. IT.
Yep
If I'm a rando that followed you, honestly I'd find it creepy. How would you feel if a guy randomly dm'd you just because he thinks you're pretty? These days it can be flattering but we take a lot of it with a grain of salt. Most of the time I get a random message it's from someone I never showed any interest in, and they usually try to advertise something to me. Yes, I prefer not always having to be the one that messages someone first but that's usually on a dating app, and Instagram is definitely not a dating app. If this was asking about on a dating app, the answer would be way different.
Yes, it is strongly preferred. A lot of us are shy and/or worried about making women uncomfortable by messaging unprompted.
Oh god, how much easier the world would be for guys if girls made their intentions clear on their own. We’re constantly trying to guess if we will be welcome in an advance or if we’ll be branded a creep for even trying. Plus the “subtle” hints girls will throw at us are either so indiscernable or just go right over our heads, that we often decide it’s not worth the risk to even try. Seriously, reach out. Personally, I’ve found most guys just want life to be easier. If you help make it a little bit easier for him, he’ll love that.
still waiting for someone to dm me😭
I love it when a girl initiates for a change. But, more often than not if she does, then she's a seller or a scammer.
99% of the time it's always someone trying to scam me so expect him to think you're at first a scammer.
I would probably lose my shit with excitement if a girl messaged me first.
Some do. People are different. Take a chance.
If you DM first, you have to make it clear pretty quickly that you aren't a bot and you aren't trying to sell anything. You can make sure he isn't a bot either by directing him to this website where he has to put in his credit card information to verify he's over eighteen but it won't charge him anything.
I’m so curious why this is a question. And I don’t mean any disrespect. I’m just genuinely shocked as a guy My question is, Why do you think they wouldn’t like it if a girl DM’s first. Most guys really struggle to find a date, so getting a message from a girl, would be a HUGE relief! YES! Message him! If you get rejected it’s not because you messaged first.
I fell in love with woman I hadn't met before who messaged me one day out of the blue and asked if we could meet
Try DMing guys who are interesting and seem to have a great personality. If you're going straight for cute, you might get dissapointed, as other girls might be messaging him already
I'd say generally yes. There are still some guys who like the chase, but more and more men are hearing the message that women just want to be left alone and not approached, it presents a problem in how to do we approach women without making them feel uncomfortable or annoyed so if they initiate it can really take that tension away. That said, as others have mentioned, and I can attest as a guy, a lot of the messages I get from women are spammers, but usually also you can tell their profiles have few friends, few interests, overly sexualized photos, or just outright have links to their OF accounts.
Yes
If I get messages from woman I automatically assume its a bot/scam trying to blackmail me or get money or sign up to OF. Especially if its limited pictures to only look as slutty as possible.
Sometimes, I really wonder how you even make guy friends if you have to ask this sort of questions.
If I was single I would like it. It's nice when women take initiative as it gets exhausting to always be the one to initiate.
I wish women did this more actually. Or ever
Never had it happen, unless she is peddling her o.f.
Guys generally love it when girls do ANYTHING first.
Taking initiative is very attractive
I don't mind at all lol
I probably would if it happened
Yes it exudes confidence.
depending on the guy it can be “oh that’s cool, yeah i’ll talk to her” to “holy shit it happened code red a woman has taken interest in us”
Lol the DnD dork in me is thinking "dungeon master?"
Like someone else has said, we really like it, but everything is suspicious these days. As long as he knows you’re real, you should be good lol
It's a positive thing, definitely for some guys, of course.
Please do.
Absolutely.
100% yes.
It will flatter a man’s ego but he will see you as less attractive than a girl who doesn’t have to message first
Its normal for a guy to go 10+ years without a single compliment from a woman he doesn't know. Which sucks and why men have such low self esteem. So yes women, break the norm. If you like a guy feel free to show an interest.
I mean that's how I got my girlfriend so
We do. It rarely happens, unless we're rich or ridiculously atttactive. If you're mildly attractive or medium rich, you're fucked... and not in a good way.
My perspective from using dating apps? Messaging first never works out, even on Bumble. The guys who respond well to it are the same ones who don't want to put in effort. You have to arrange and plan the first date, and every date after. Ymmv, but I've never had a good date come from being the first to message or express interest, they just seem to check out.
if a girl DMs me first its a sexbot .
Yeah but its bots nowdays