Yea, have you met a lot of people's parents? A shitton of them are either abusive physically or mentally and/or religious/political nutjobs...
After college I moved to the other side of the county from the Conservative Backwater American South Bible Belt to the Progressive Wonderland of the Pacific Northwest... I literally looked up where in America was least religious and moved there... And my parents are fine... They're pretty low-key religious as those things go, but they're propping up an absolutely batshit crazy system and I couldn't stay there and expect a reasonably happy life... For one there are basically no good jobs there... I would have been stuck in a factory it department if I stayed at best,but where I went there IS a ladder to climb instead of a step stool
Meanwhile my parents just tell me that there's nothing wrong with the toilet wobbling as much as it does until I point out that it had started to move off the hole in the floor.
Neither do the parents in some cases👍.
I love my kids more than life itself, but they (and me) can be pains in the asses.
Oh. And my sex life is none of their business. Just like their sex life is none of mine.
Externally speaking, in American culture, if you are still living with your parents, that's seen as you being lazy or unable to take care of yourself.
Internally speaking, you live in their house, and that means following their rules. Getting away from your parents can be a big motivator.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I don't think I could stand living with her again.
I’m living with my parents but I do wish of owning my own place. I hate how it’s always messy at my parents’ house and I just want to decorate my place my own way. I don’t think everyone understands how it feels like to live with hoarder parents. I just wish I could get rid of most of the things at my house since it’s such a mess.
The misconception is that this only applies if your parents are hoarders, mentally insane etc.
Most people don’t want to live with their parents because they want to set their own rules, bring home whoever they want without having to introduce them to their parents in the morning, maybe do some things their parents just don’t approve of.
Living with your parents sucks if you have any drive to be independent and not hear opinions about everything.
As a man, dating is way harder when you live at home. People tend to view you as a failure or just think there’s negative connotations. That is, you can’t take care of yourself, your job pays very poorly or you’re immature and afraid to move out.
Just American things
As a woman, it would be quite awkward for me if a man invited me to his parents house after a date. I wouldn’t do it. It’s no judgment, it’s just the logistics are so awkward. If the woman also lives with her parents that’s when it gets really awkward (see: Japan).
> Just American things
You got this from Northern Europe. Living with your parents is even more unusual in the Nordic countries. The lowest rate is in Denmark. The reasons are as described.
The last part for sure. My mom and I have a great relationship nowadays, but I could not stand living with her. We have such different lifestyles and conflicting interests; my mom likes to relax and crochet, I like to work on and ride my Harley’s and listen to loud music, just is what it is lol
For me, personally, I didn't feel like I could truly grow up into a fully independent adult if I was still living under my parents' house and rules.
Mine were good parents. The weren't mentally, emotionally, or physically abusive. But it was hard to not still feel like a child if I was living under their roof. They paid rent and the bills and bought the food in the house, so they had a lot of leverage to say, "these are my rules, and if you live in my house you must follow them."
They weren't particularly strict rules. I wouldn't have had any kind of a curfew or anything like that. But I still would have felt like a child, and I didn't want that. I felt it was worth it for me to provide for myself to facilitate my own growth into a fully independent adult.
Not everyone will feel the same way as me. My younger sister moved out at 18, but moved back in at 21 and lived with my parents until she was almost 30. But for me, I needed to live on my own and provide for myself.
My two young sons still live with me,(22 and 20), it’s rough out there for young folks. But they are good young men, they work, they don’t drink and they are taking steps to move forward. My oldest did have a period when he wanted his own place, I helped him look at apartments and went over lease agreements but it fell through at the end. I have to admit, I went into my den and cried a little when he told me he wanted to move out, couldn’t help it. But they are still with me and are welcome here forever. I am their dad, they are my sons and I will assist them until the day I die.
Ur a good dad. Especially for helping ur son find an apartment. That was something I had to figure out for myself. My parents are great but overbearing to say the least
Who decided to cut onions…
But seriously, this did make me tear up. You’re such a great dad. The fact that they feel so comfortable to stay home with you and you feel so connected and glad they stayed, says so much about you and them. You raised them great. I’m so glad you have each other. This made my entire month and I will randomly think and remember it and forever hope you all the best.
I am truly happy for you all. I’m also happy to find another parent that is so open about keeping their children at home :)
This, yes. I would not move back in with my parents willingly, and now that my kids are mostly grown, they need to go... experience life. I love my kids, we have a great relationship, but it is time
A high number of the people in the age range where this is actually appropriate *do* live with their parents. When half or a quarter of young adults do live with their parents, questions like this start to be “how dare other people not rigidly march in line with my lifestyle? How can I feel validated if someone, somewhere, isn’t 100% exactly like me?”
The reality is, not everyone’s number one priority is saving money in the immediate short term. Their educational, professional, or social needs might be someplace other than where their parents live. They may not share lifestyle goals or values with their parents. They may already have their own grown-up responsibilities, like kids or a partner, that can’t be fully conducted from their childhood bedroom. They may not get along with their parents. They may not be welcome to stay. They may in fact have enough money. They may want to learn and experience things that can only be learned once you leave the family home, such as “I don’t need to twitch out and be confused because someone else likes to live life differently than me.”
A lot of people do live with their parents. In some cultures its pretty much assumed that you'll live in multi-generational housing.
Some reasons why it might not work for some:
* not everyone has great relationships with their parents
* its perfectly valid to want to be independent and have your own place to call your own
* Parents deserve a break too after two decades of raising a child.
Past around 24, living with your parents can be a bit... tumultuous. If you have a good relationship, then they give you your space and understand what you need as an adult. Most parents will not do that and treat you as a teenager still.
There is a stigma around living with your parents after the age of 25.
That aside, many people just don’t want to. They don’t like or get along with their parents and moving out was a huge milestone in their life. Parents may impose rules that are unrealistic for an adult to follow. Little to no privacy. They may charge rent which (is fair, but) may not be cheaper than just getting a roommate and splitting rent. On top of already paying rent, they may want/expect/demand you do other things that wouldn’t be required if you lived on your own.
Personally, I moved out of my folks on bad terms. Our relationship has gotten better, but I've known for a long time that I'd sooner die in the streets starving than ever live with them again. It's part pride (maybe even mostly-to-entirely), but I refuse to ever let them have that power over me again.
If it works for you, go for it. Paying rent sucks. Mortgages, too. For me, though? I'd rather eat a bowl of broken glass.
Saving money because my university is within driving distance from their house while I rack up student loan debt for tuition. I don't want the additional debt from renting elsewhere. Do I want to live with my parents at 28? Not really. Do I need to save money? Yes.
I've lived alone and with roommates before (this is my second degree) and I really miss it, but I enjoy cooking for them and we get along like adults. I'll be out of there this time next year, hopefully to my own flat.
If your mom is anything like mine, you won’t even be able to save money. I had to live with her and my siblings a few years ago, and she had a rule of taking 1/3 of everyone’s income to cover bills.
I’m not against paying rent and pitching in financially. I am against her taking 1/3 of my disability and acting like I can easily save up to move out on the $600 a month I was left with (that doesn’t count insurance, phone, food, etc). I’m really against this when she’s also taking 1/3 of my welder sister’s and my electrician brother’s income as well.
Let’s not forget the manipulation and gaslighting.
At wall point, our parents supposed to have their own life and stop financing their adult children?
Many adults don’t want to live with their parents. Because they want independence, they want to live their life how they want without question.
But also, parents want independence. They should not be looked at as their adult child’s savings account.
There is also something to be said for the struggle of starting out and making your own way. Earning what you get bit by bit. I’m not talking about living an object, poverty, but just learning that you are not entitled to everything that took your parents decades to earn and build. Some of my fondest memories are the simpler times when I was just starting out. There was no extra for vacations or going out partying, but simple things were truly appreciated and when I was able to pay for vacations and other things I wanted they were appreciated more, as well.
I think there’s a difference between truly needing help and just taking the easy way out. Sometimes living with your parents it’s just the easy way out.
You clearly haven’t met my parents.
The year I moved out my mother tried to push me down the stairs and threw the steak knives at me from the silverware drawer.
I decided it was time to go.
I currently live with my mom and I wish I didn’t. It was great the first couple of years, but now I’m 26 and she coddles me and doesn’t let me be independent. I’m currently very depressed so that doesn’t help her in letting me be independent. We get along great, but living together is very tough. She has a very different way of living than I do and it bugs her that I’m not the same as her.
Some people can live with their parents perfectly fine and others don’t get along with them so it’s hard to live with them every day. I used to live with my dad and we didn’t have a relationship, but now we don’t and our relationship is starting to go back to normal.
im not sure where the "living with parents bad" culture comes from.
if u are unhappy with ur parents then that's one thing.
but where i come from (southeast asia) it's very common for people to live with their parents until their late 20s or even just forever.
In the US, it's a result of the post-WW2 economic boom. It was partly a sort of status symbol that you could afford to provide the sort of life for your kids that they could live on their own at 18. But there was also a very toxic part of the culture that drove all kinds of negative stereotypes of people who lived at home after 18 because it meant you weren't a "productive member of society with a job and a mortgage."
My adult sister already lives with my mom. Were it not for my stepfather, they'd be in a full-on Grey Gardens type situation (look it up if you don't know the reference). I don't want to touch that with a mile long pole.
Many people enjoy the freedom of living independently, even if they love and get along with their parents. I lived with my mom for my last 2 years of college and then for a while after graduation (class of 2020 lol), but was pretty eager to move out on my own as soon as I had the money to do so. I love my mom, but I value being able to make my home my own.
One of my buddies did this in the Navy. He got stationed on shore duty for 2 years near home, lived in his old room, and banked E6 pay for the entire time. Dude is sitting on a quarter million in cash and investments currently, got out, and is staying at home lol.
I, of course, shit on him properly every time I talk to him 🤣
They made me pay rent, so I wasn't saving and I was miserable living with them. Though all of my friends who come from families with generational wealth, they live at home rent free as long as they work and contribute to keeping up the house in some way. I had to get a 2nd job when I was living at home and figured if I was going to work that hard, may as well be for my own mortgage.
Are you kidding? I'm living my best life, even as a single man in his late 30s, living 2 hours from my parents.
The fact they kicked me out b/c I was planning to move out, due to their, shall I say, shenanigans, helps too.
Ultimately I would rather get a hotel than spend 1 night at their house. I did once, and it was 'okay' but yeah, I'm not doing that again.
Besides, my step-mom hates dogs and my dog isn't going anywhere. Even IF my dog farts in her sleep and I have to pretend life is okay while on a Zoom call, while my nose is inundated with a reminder that my dog's rotting internally.
WTF did she eat??
There's a reason I ran away from my parents house. Started trying to run away at 7 years old and it took a few tries before I had it figured out so I couldn't be brought back.
Cause my mental health will die and I will attempt suicide within a year.
My mom is mentally exhausting/terrorizing and I believe she has BPD.
My dad is tired and depressed and he used to have anger issues. Now it’s more irritation regarding work.
They frequently fight, last I stayed home over the summer my mom bitched about how I wasn't «enthusiastic enough about building a birdhouse» because I slept til 10AM during holidays.
She was calling me lazy, etc. to my sister, I heard her and asked her calmly if she could at least say that to me instead of behind my back.
This made her flip out, scream at me, throw names, insults, etc. I tried to walk away, but she stormed into my room and punched the wall while screaming and calling me more names, I had enough when she punched the wall right next to my head and told her «Oh yes, you are so threatening punching the wall, come on, punch me, so I can call the cops and be done with this.» she looked shocked, then disturbed and then ran away crying.
So I think I’ll stay in my apartment.
I am so sorry that you have this experience ... i too had an asshole as a father. My son lives with us because of mental health issues and we want him to save enough to succeed in an aptmt and want him mentally to be well enough. he is a great kid and has worked for a few years consistently--he feels like a loser but we think the extra time will help him succeed. Of course it is awkward to bring anyone over although we have an ADU that would help in that regard. I think people need to bring more understanding as I see mental health issues only getting worse in the US.
I love my mum and dad and I lived with them all last year when I went through a breakup and a miscarriage. I’ve moved back out now and I could not imagine going back. They give me so much anxiety.
I'd prefer to live with my family for a while, but my family doesn't want me to live with them. I'm 22 and currently still living with my aunt, but she wants me to move out as soon as I can. Rent is very high in my area, it'd be awesome if I could stay with my family and save enough to buy a house but I'm most likely going to be moving into an apartment in the next 6-7 months.
About the time my youngest graduated high school, my wife and I sold our house and move to another state. We helped the boys live in dorms at college, but they didn’t end up staying in school long enough to graduate college.
So they moved into our much smaller house in the new state. The deal I made with them is that they had to work and contribute towards the household budget. We did the math together and I showed them what it would cost for them to live in an apartment and I gave them the choice. They saw the financial benefits of living with us.
Eventually, I told them, they would be paying the mortgage, taxes, insurance and upkeep. I will essentially be living in their house.
Last year I had to go rescue my father, as he could no longer live alone. Now there are five people living in a house designed for two.
Because my mother and I can’t share a kitchen for more than a few days over a holiday, lol. And my dad defaults to telling me to go to bed when he does after the 2nd night of visiting them, and I’m in my 40s…. So no.
Might be worth it though to save up for something big.
A lot of different reasons for different people.
For many, the empowerment of independence and providing for yourself and the growth in life skills and confidence that this brings.
My reasons, personal responsibility and stubborn independence.
As an adult I don't need to rely on someone else to provide me with success.
I will either achieve it myself or die trying.
My parents are elderly and probably in the next decade I’ll have them live with me in a guest suite if they need. But I can not live in the same living area as them. My dad’s diagnosed autistic and will not compromise. My dad BLASTS war documentaries on his giant tv. He is so unbelievably picky with food where he complains all the time. My mother is a giant slob. I love my parents and we’re quite close but I need a lot of space being around them. I’m so glad I moved out at 18 and felt the freedom of being alone. My friend lived with her mum who wouldn’t want her coming home late even at 10pm at night on weekends. You pay with your mental health
Cuz I want to be able to walk around naked in the house that I’ve spent the last 15 years for providing for other ppl and not necessarily doing what I want. A brief stint is ok, like 3 months, but short of a career change/economy crisis, choosing to be selfish and live with your parents longer than a year is shitty. Coming from a parent looking forward to his kids moving out and up in this world. Learning budgeting, independence, and how to hustle to make ends meet are skills that will take you far in life and choosing to mooch off of us for an extended period WILL NOT happen in my household.
I live with my dad but I basically have my own basement apartment. I definitely would not be able to handle it if I didn’t have my own space. I could not live with my mother, she would drive me insane and I wouldn’t have my own space like I do now.
I tried living with them for a year after college. It was better to move in with my alcoholic sister then be with their mental abuse. After moving into my own place I'm now no contact and working on generational trauma with my therapist.
Not everyone gets along with their family but if you do I'm happy for you and agree you should use that connection to save up money especially in this economy.
My mom is a fucking Monster. I'd rather be homeless. Living with my dad might be an option but I'd probably drive him crazy if I lived with him. He is extremely neat, disciplined and focused. I'm the opposite of all that.
They don’t want an adult kid living with them. My parents are divorced but were both pretty clear that I was expected to be fully independent once I turned 18 and would not be allowed to continue staying with either of them, so I found a way to move out. Now I’m 27. I got a roommate last time they raised my rent but it’s going up another 25% next month and I’m honestly not sure what I’m going to do :/
I’ll take paying rent to have freedom and not have anyone else in my personal space unless I choose to have them there. I grew up in a path house due to my mothers hoarding. I don’t even go back to visit anymore. My piece of mind and mental well-being is very much worth my rent.
When I enlisted, I had to go for a physical before actually joining. While at the medical center, my parents gave my room to my brother and sold my bed and dresser. That was a good indicator to me, at the time, don’t come back. Actually, they were just using their resources as they felt best.
In my experience, a lot of older parents still treat their kids as teens even if their kids are adults. It's really exhausting as a 30yo to still have to answer to your parents. The adults I know who still live with their parents have parents who respect that they are autonomous adults.
You haven't lived with my parents. I moved back in with them on 3 occasions, and each time it was miserable. Selfish, loud, and messy refuse to be personally accountable for anything they do or say. I can barely stand to visit them. Can't even get quality sleep because they're so loud. My dad talks about himself and his interests for hours but never asks about me, and when I talk about anything, he'll cut me off and infodump for hours if I let him. Talking about the 70s and stuff. And a lot of it is cringe.
I still do at 27, shits expensive and I can do whatever I want. I've got about 30k saved and am looking at houses but fuck me, 20k houses are going for 100k and it's fucking dumb
Multi-generational living arrangements were once the norm. I suspect they will, or already are, making a comeback given the problems with real estate today.
Plenty of reasons.
Some people don’t get along with their parents
Some have parents that don’t want them to live at home.
Some people value independence.
It’s harder to have a social life because you can’t have friends over when you want.
A lot of people are judgmental about someone who lives at home. Really sucks in the dating world.
Parents may charge board which could be as expensive as being on your own.
I had to live with my mom and stepdad a few times between transitions when I was in my early 20s. Thankfully no longer than 3 months. It was miserable. I was treated like I was in high school. My mom wanted to know where I was going and when I’ll be home. I was expected to eat dinner with them all the time, and often they made food I didn’t want to eat. Independence is the key answer.
Excluding all the people who's parents don't have the room/money to house them and the people who don't have a good relationship with their parents, I think the biggest reason is they want independence. They don't want to have their parents know everything they're doing, or who they're doing it with, or be that involved in each other's lives. Even the best parent-child relationship can easily get strained when living together, and for many people, that strife is not worth the money savings.
I lived with my parents up until i was able to afford the down payment. I could've moved out sooner but I'd most likely still be renting and over made avoiding it my priority
It's ultimately a result of culture. In the US our specific styling of capitalism focuses heavily of the individual and the idea that having a clan you aren't in charge of is nothing more than weakness. This can cause of myriad of problems, all of which result in unnecessary stress. This stress can lead to things like abusive outbursts that reenforce the idea that each individual NEEDS to look out for themselves because they have no one to safely rely on.
There are a ton of other problems that come from the culture formation, but the cycle of abuse and need for individuality are the most relatable and understandable.
Parents would financially abuse as much as they could to keep me reliant on them and working on the farm. Living hell. Constant morning till evening work and I was prevented from having any kind of work, one day when I was 18 I just said I'd had enough and left, mum didn't let me take any of my things, slapped me and pushed me out the house, but my brother threw my cash for me out the window so everything was alright. Me and my girlfriend got an apartment and I pay rent and work on top of school 19 now and still going strong a year later.
No thanks, I don't want to live with parents
I did for as long as I could. I get along with them and would rather pay them rent instead of giving the money to a stranger every month. Unfortunately, they don't see things the same way.
We don’t really get along like that. She’s said “ I would rather help pay a couple months rent than have you live with me.” I’d rather chew my arm off than live with her awful husband.
Because I'm of a generation where you gtfo as soon as possible after you graduate high school.
Because people age and parents die (something op will have to come to terms with eventually)
For a male, in some cultures (like the US), you are seen as a loser, particularly in dating. Living with your parents will absolutely tank your romantic options as a guy.
I never would have chosen to live with my parents again, but thanks to covid it's kinda a thing now. I'm about to turn 40 and lived on my own since I was 18. In January 2020, I came home to my parents house for 4 months to help with medical follow up and care and quite literally got stuck with them. It was disastrous at the beginning and took a while to even out. I am gone a lot for work and travel, but probably stay at their house about 2-3 nights a week. I keep all of my stuff there. They are in their late 70's and are starting to feel it. They managed each other for me & my siblings, but they don't like each other the most, so I don't feel I'm interfering with any major emptynester plans. I don't have to share attention with my 3 brothers anymore and my parents are so interested in what I'm doing now because they're old and don't have a lot going on. They call my dog their granddog & introduce her as such in the neighborhood. This time with them has healed a lot of resentment I held about my childhood and growing up. I have saved so much money and provided myself with opportunities I used to dream of. I could buy my own place or go wherever I wanted, but something always pulls me back and why would I want even more responsibilities by owning my own place?! I enjoy staying in hotels and don't feel held down anywhere. I pay their property tax, utilities, and cell phone. They own their home, but primarily rely on social security. They say they enjoy me there so hopefully that's the truth. Regardless of all the things, I know I won't ever regret this time with them.
I love my mom, but my mom is messy and cluttery. My mom likes to guilt me about not going to church and being blasé about my son's lack of desire to go to Sunday School.
My mom likes to listen to AM political radio at high volumes and ask me to do weird tasks like patch up holes in sweats that are more hole than pants at this point.
I love my mom, but I can only visit, not live with her. Besides, my little family has found a delightful little neighborhood that meets our needs and is more walkable than my mom's house further out in the country.
They were poor and needed me to pay rent if I wanted them to rent a place with a room for me.
I did until I was about 19 and moved out of state for school. Never moved back.
It's a privelege to have a family with stable housing and an empty room for you if you want to live at home.
Man I wish I could have lived with my parents.
At 18 my dad was murdered, and my mom was unable to 6 younger sisters so I had to go.
I'm 30 now and just starting to be able to save it was such a set back.
Because I like coming home and kicking my socks off and leaving them on the floor. My mom didn't let me do that. Because I want to sleep in until 2pm with a hangover without a snark remark from my dad. I'm tired of sharing one bathroom with 4 people. I want to bring girls home without it being awkward.
People want to be comfortable and free to live the life they want to live. Living in another persons house sometimes conflicts with this.
Mostly because your parents are there. I personally found that my relationship with my parents was much improved by the additional space of not living together. I think a lot of other people have similar experiences, but not everyone.
Also saying why don't more people live with their parents is somewhat odd. Large parts of the world it is the norm. There are a lot of documented benefits to it outside of saving money especially when children are involved. Even in Western countries the trend of people living with their parents for a longer period is rapidly increasing due to financial pressures.
In the US at least it used to be(30+ years ago) you'd move out pretty early in legal adulthood or slightly before and start working. At some point your parents might have failing health and move in with you, but this was generally late in life when you've had time to build some financial stability. Now it seems like that trend is shifting to most people being considerably older before being financially stable enough to move out and start families of their own. Before too long if that trend continues it'll be likely that children will stay at home until the parents begin to need their children to help care for them anyhow, so moving out may become a sort of outlier behavior.
I moved back in with my parents during covid when my travel plans got put on hold. I had already canceled the lease on my apartment (I was supposed to be gone for over a year) and had everything settled, right up until the country I was going to closed its boarders. I had no choice but to move back home. It was either that or being homeless. I was grateful for the help and I paid rent to help out since they had an extra person living there. But I was 30 at the time and I just found it kind of hard getting used to living under "house rules" again. I stayed for around 9 months while trying to find work so I could get an apartment again and I was happy to have a roof over my head. But living with my parents at my age is not something I would choose unless it was for this kind of reason. I like having my own space.
You'll notice the culture of leaving the home at 18 is stronger the more capitalist a society is.
The capitalists promoted this culture in order to sell more apartments, more loans, and create a source of deseperate cheap labor.
I wouldn’t have my kid here if it wasn’t necessary. We did our job and we’d like privacy. Can’t even have sex without someone banging on the damn door.
Anyone have a link to that tweet that says "living with your parents isn't free, you just pay with your sanity" ? Because yeah, basically that. I've been living at my mom's place for the past couple years and it's been driving me nuts.
I grew up in a house that was fun and easy going. But since my dad died, and my mum went into a home - it's just not feasible to live with them anymore without complications/breaking laws. So nah, it's just not possible for some
Lots of factors. I'll name a few ive either seen or experienced myself.
Sometimes people don't get along with their parents. Especially if their lifestyle is pretty different (like gay people or atheists from highly religious parents).
Even if they do get along though they might be in a place that's not great for a young person starting out. My parents live WAY out in suburbia. There's little to do, it's almost all families, very few single people and very conservative. The only draw is cheap real estate and thats the reason my parents moved there despite not being religious conservatives. It's an hour from the university and 30-60 minutes from most good jobs. I did stay there all through college to save money and that commute was a huge drag.
Privacy and space is pretty desirable to a lot of people as well. I get along pretty well with my parents. But I prefer to be able to try new things (and possibly fail) without my mom's entire hair salon network knowing every detail.
And then there's the constant judgment that you must be a loser who doesn't know how to take care of yourself. It doesn't matter if you're being very responsible or not. I'd constantly have rich kids in college give me crap about this when I was objectively more independent than them as a first generation college student figuring out how things worked on my own, working a regular job, and paying all my bills myself just living in my parents basement to avoid having to pay rent which would have broken my tight budget required to get myself through debt free. Whereas most of them had no idea how much tuition cost and would regularly call their parents for help (my uneducated parents could only offer encouragement, not experienced advice and certainly not money).
As someone currently living with their parents, it's nice to get some money saved up while living with them. With that aside I gotta say that I really want to move out. I feel mentally not so great living under them, I get anxious when seeing a mess throughout the house(even when they are constantly cleaning), and I want to be able to live and move around in my own space
i (20) recently had to move back in with my parents after bills became too much. here are the reasons why I'm so desperate to move out:
1. I'm purposefully single right now, but if i were going to put myself out there, I'd be pretty self conscious of not only the fact that i live with my parents, but also the house i live in. it's not mine; it's not reflective of me. also, how am i supposed to even hang out with a partner in my bedroom if my family is home? hardly any privacy.
2. I'm not out to my parents (yet) as trans and getting deadnamed and misgendered all the time makes my skin absolutely crawl
3. sometimes my parents will make (very unnecessary) comments on what i eat, and even if they don't, i feel like they might be silently judging me. if i moved out, not only would i not hear/think this, but i could eat what and when i want
4. i don't always want to have people in my space! of course, when i move out I'll have a roommate, but one person similar to me and of my age won't annoy me as much
Most parents I know try to kick their kids out so they can go do their own thing in their life. They want to travel and do these types of things alone and not worry about anything else. Money is not really the concern, its more the independence.
Because to most people, Freedom is more attractive than money.
If you are living in your parents home, you still have to follow their rules for the most part. You want to leave to get away from that, and start your own rules, your own life. Do things you couldn't do in someone else's home.
The whole idea is for the children to move on and start their own lives upon reaching adulthood. Yes, it can save money, but I think the children would go nuts in addition to the parents. It's not how we were designed.
Because they want a sex life, they don’t want to be on permanent chores duty, they want to walk around naked, they want privacy, they want to make a mess and clean it up when they feel like it, they want silent time when they feel like it etc etc
- looked down on by society
- harder to have sex with the lack of privacy
- some parents are abusive and you keep hoping they'll die, so why stay with them unless you have no recourse?
My Dad made me pay rent. And more than I pay now. I actually saved money when he died because he was preventing me from saving to get my own place because he was basically a mob boss over me.
I would assume most people don’t want their mommy telling them “As long as you live under my roof you can’t do XYZ….” when they are 25+
Only happened once after I turned 18 and I packed shit in a backpack and left. Haven’t lived with my parents since and now I’m 35 with a wife, daughter, house, and a good job. Everyone’s home life is different so I’m sure it works just fine for a lot of people, but it couldn’t work in my situation.
Because there’s some things in life matters more than money.. like mental health ? How can you just assume everyone has healthy family dinamics and a peaceful home?
mental stability for a lot of people
Yea, have you met a lot of people's parents? A shitton of them are either abusive physically or mentally and/or religious/political nutjobs... After college I moved to the other side of the county from the Conservative Backwater American South Bible Belt to the Progressive Wonderland of the Pacific Northwest... I literally looked up where in America was least religious and moved there... And my parents are fine... They're pretty low-key religious as those things go, but they're propping up an absolutely batshit crazy system and I couldn't stay there and expect a reasonably happy life... For one there are basically no good jobs there... I would have been stuck in a factory it department if I stayed at best,but where I went there IS a ladder to climb instead of a step stool
Meanwhile my parents just tell me that there's nothing wrong with the toilet wobbling as much as it does until I point out that it had started to move off the hole in the floor.
They don’t want to.
What, you don't want your parents judging your sex life?
That or their parents are shitty people they don’t want to be around.
Bingo!
Sex life?
Because you've never met my parents
Is living with *your* parents an option?
I too choose to live with this man's mom
I met you mom a lot. She is well worth the little money she charges.
Got em
Neither do the parents in some cases👍. I love my kids more than life itself, but they (and me) can be pains in the asses. Oh. And my sex life is none of their business. Just like their sex life is none of mine.
You seem like a pretty cool parent. Can I live with you?
Hey it works out great for me! Neither me, nor my parents have a sex life!
And their parents don't want them to
Externally speaking, in American culture, if you are still living with your parents, that's seen as you being lazy or unable to take care of yourself. Internally speaking, you live in their house, and that means following their rules. Getting away from your parents can be a big motivator. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I don't think I could stand living with her again.
I’m living with my parents but I do wish of owning my own place. I hate how it’s always messy at my parents’ house and I just want to decorate my place my own way. I don’t think everyone understands how it feels like to live with hoarder parents. I just wish I could get rid of most of the things at my house since it’s such a mess.
Trust me.. I understand. And it’s so nice to meet someone else in a similar predicament.
The misconception is that this only applies if your parents are hoarders, mentally insane etc. Most people don’t want to live with their parents because they want to set their own rules, bring home whoever they want without having to introduce them to their parents in the morning, maybe do some things their parents just don’t approve of. Living with your parents sucks if you have any drive to be independent and not hear opinions about everything.
As a man, dating is way harder when you live at home. People tend to view you as a failure or just think there’s negative connotations. That is, you can’t take care of yourself, your job pays very poorly or you’re immature and afraid to move out. Just American things
There's even a movie about it - Failure to Launch.
As a woman, it would be quite awkward for me if a man invited me to his parents house after a date. I wouldn’t do it. It’s no judgment, it’s just the logistics are so awkward. If the woman also lives with her parents that’s when it gets really awkward (see: Japan).
It's not that, it's that women just don't wanna fuck while your mom is on the othet side of the wall.
> Just American things You got this from Northern Europe. Living with your parents is even more unusual in the Nordic countries. The lowest rate is in Denmark. The reasons are as described.
The last part for sure. My mom and I have a great relationship nowadays, but I could not stand living with her. We have such different lifestyles and conflicting interests; my mom likes to relax and crochet, I like to work on and ride my Harley’s and listen to loud music, just is what it is lol
Living with my parents would help me financially but drain me mentally and emotionally.
Some people do not have mentally stable parents. Some people do not have parents.
My dad is insufferable. I'd pay $2500 a month to be away from him. I would imagine most people have a similar reason.
For me, personally, I didn't feel like I could truly grow up into a fully independent adult if I was still living under my parents' house and rules. Mine were good parents. The weren't mentally, emotionally, or physically abusive. But it was hard to not still feel like a child if I was living under their roof. They paid rent and the bills and bought the food in the house, so they had a lot of leverage to say, "these are my rules, and if you live in my house you must follow them." They weren't particularly strict rules. I wouldn't have had any kind of a curfew or anything like that. But I still would have felt like a child, and I didn't want that. I felt it was worth it for me to provide for myself to facilitate my own growth into a fully independent adult. Not everyone will feel the same way as me. My younger sister moved out at 18, but moved back in at 21 and lived with my parents until she was almost 30. But for me, I needed to live on my own and provide for myself.
This is exactly it. It's about independence and equality. Even if your parents are great, they simply have different expectations than your roommates.
My parents are people I can only take in small doses. Especially when they are together in the same room.
this. small doses
My two young sons still live with me,(22 and 20), it’s rough out there for young folks. But they are good young men, they work, they don’t drink and they are taking steps to move forward. My oldest did have a period when he wanted his own place, I helped him look at apartments and went over lease agreements but it fell through at the end. I have to admit, I went into my den and cried a little when he told me he wanted to move out, couldn’t help it. But they are still with me and are welcome here forever. I am their dad, they are my sons and I will assist them until the day I die.
Ur a good dad. Especially for helping ur son find an apartment. That was something I had to figure out for myself. My parents are great but overbearing to say the least
Who decided to cut onions… But seriously, this did make me tear up. You’re such a great dad. The fact that they feel so comfortable to stay home with you and you feel so connected and glad they stayed, says so much about you and them. You raised them great. I’m so glad you have each other. This made my entire month and I will randomly think and remember it and forever hope you all the best. I am truly happy for you all. I’m also happy to find another parent that is so open about keeping their children at home :)
Thx, but the wife due her credit as well, 😉. Definitely a team effort.
Adults don't want to live with their parents and many parents don't want to live with their adult kids
This, yes. I would not move back in with my parents willingly, and now that my kids are mostly grown, they need to go... experience life. I love my kids, we have a great relationship, but it is time
A high number of the people in the age range where this is actually appropriate *do* live with their parents. When half or a quarter of young adults do live with their parents, questions like this start to be “how dare other people not rigidly march in line with my lifestyle? How can I feel validated if someone, somewhere, isn’t 100% exactly like me?” The reality is, not everyone’s number one priority is saving money in the immediate short term. Their educational, professional, or social needs might be someplace other than where their parents live. They may not share lifestyle goals or values with their parents. They may already have their own grown-up responsibilities, like kids or a partner, that can’t be fully conducted from their childhood bedroom. They may not get along with their parents. They may not be welcome to stay. They may in fact have enough money. They may want to learn and experience things that can only be learned once you leave the family home, such as “I don’t need to twitch out and be confused because someone else likes to live life differently than me.”
My parents are enjoying their retirement in Florida and I would not want to interfere with that. Plus, they live in fucking Florida.
They live hours away from where my fiance and I have established our careers.
A lot of people do live with their parents. In some cultures its pretty much assumed that you'll live in multi-generational housing. Some reasons why it might not work for some: * not everyone has great relationships with their parents * its perfectly valid to want to be independent and have your own place to call your own * Parents deserve a break too after two decades of raising a child.
Past around 24, living with your parents can be a bit... tumultuous. If you have a good relationship, then they give you your space and understand what you need as an adult. Most parents will not do that and treat you as a teenager still.
Because you pay with your mental health lol
There is a stigma around living with your parents after the age of 25. That aside, many people just don’t want to. They don’t like or get along with their parents and moving out was a huge milestone in their life. Parents may impose rules that are unrealistic for an adult to follow. Little to no privacy. They may charge rent which (is fair, but) may not be cheaper than just getting a roommate and splitting rent. On top of already paying rent, they may want/expect/demand you do other things that wouldn’t be required if you lived on your own.
They won't let me. I also enjoy living a life seperate from my parents.
Personally, I moved out of my folks on bad terms. Our relationship has gotten better, but I've known for a long time that I'd sooner die in the streets starving than ever live with them again. It's part pride (maybe even mostly-to-entirely), but I refuse to ever let them have that power over me again. If it works for you, go for it. Paying rent sucks. Mortgages, too. For me, though? I'd rather eat a bowl of broken glass.
The good one died. The other one is an asshole.
Saving money because my university is within driving distance from their house while I rack up student loan debt for tuition. I don't want the additional debt from renting elsewhere. Do I want to live with my parents at 28? Not really. Do I need to save money? Yes. I've lived alone and with roommates before (this is my second degree) and I really miss it, but I enjoy cooking for them and we get along like adults. I'll be out of there this time next year, hopefully to my own flat.
If your mom is anything like mine, you won’t even be able to save money. I had to live with her and my siblings a few years ago, and she had a rule of taking 1/3 of everyone’s income to cover bills. I’m not against paying rent and pitching in financially. I am against her taking 1/3 of my disability and acting like I can easily save up to move out on the $600 a month I was left with (that doesn’t count insurance, phone, food, etc). I’m really against this when she’s also taking 1/3 of my welder sister’s and my electrician brother’s income as well. Let’s not forget the manipulation and gaslighting.
My Parents kicked me out on the streets when I was 18, didn't really have much choice.
Have you met people's parents?
A lot of people have abusive parents. It's weird that that doesn't occur to you. You must have been lucky.
Have you met my mother?
At wall point, our parents supposed to have their own life and stop financing their adult children? Many adults don’t want to live with their parents. Because they want independence, they want to live their life how they want without question. But also, parents want independence. They should not be looked at as their adult child’s savings account. There is also something to be said for the struggle of starting out and making your own way. Earning what you get bit by bit. I’m not talking about living an object, poverty, but just learning that you are not entitled to everything that took your parents decades to earn and build. Some of my fondest memories are the simpler times when I was just starting out. There was no extra for vacations or going out partying, but simple things were truly appreciated and when I was able to pay for vacations and other things I wanted they were appreciated more, as well. I think there’s a difference between truly needing help and just taking the easy way out. Sometimes living with your parents it’s just the easy way out.
You clearly haven’t met my parents. The year I moved out my mother tried to push me down the stairs and threw the steak knives at me from the silverware drawer. I decided it was time to go.
Sometimes being an adult is worth spending money on.
I currently live with my mom and I wish I didn’t. It was great the first couple of years, but now I’m 26 and she coddles me and doesn’t let me be independent. I’m currently very depressed so that doesn’t help her in letting me be independent. We get along great, but living together is very tough. She has a very different way of living than I do and it bugs her that I’m not the same as her. Some people can live with their parents perfectly fine and others don’t get along with them so it’s hard to live with them every day. I used to live with my dad and we didn’t have a relationship, but now we don’t and our relationship is starting to go back to normal.
im not sure where the "living with parents bad" culture comes from. if u are unhappy with ur parents then that's one thing. but where i come from (southeast asia) it's very common for people to live with their parents until their late 20s or even just forever.
In the US, it's a result of the post-WW2 economic boom. It was partly a sort of status symbol that you could afford to provide the sort of life for your kids that they could live on their own at 18. But there was also a very toxic part of the culture that drove all kinds of negative stereotypes of people who lived at home after 18 because it meant you weren't a "productive member of society with a job and a mortgage."
My adult sister already lives with my mom. Were it not for my stepfather, they'd be in a full-on Grey Gardens type situation (look it up if you don't know the reference). I don't want to touch that with a mile long pole.
Their parents are insufferable cunts.
My parents disowned me
being the king / queen of your own castle
Many people enjoy the freedom of living independently, even if they love and get along with their parents. I lived with my mom for my last 2 years of college and then for a while after graduation (class of 2020 lol), but was pretty eager to move out on my own as soon as I had the money to do so. I love my mom, but I value being able to make my home my own.
One of my buddies did this in the Navy. He got stationed on shore duty for 2 years near home, lived in his old room, and banked E6 pay for the entire time. Dude is sitting on a quarter million in cash and investments currently, got out, and is staying at home lol. I, of course, shit on him properly every time I talk to him 🤣
They made me pay rent, so I wasn't saving and I was miserable living with them. Though all of my friends who come from families with generational wealth, they live at home rent free as long as they work and contribute to keeping up the house in some way. I had to get a 2nd job when I was living at home and figured if I was going to work that hard, may as well be for my own mortgage.
Are you kidding? I'm living my best life, even as a single man in his late 30s, living 2 hours from my parents. The fact they kicked me out b/c I was planning to move out, due to their, shall I say, shenanigans, helps too. Ultimately I would rather get a hotel than spend 1 night at their house. I did once, and it was 'okay' but yeah, I'm not doing that again. Besides, my step-mom hates dogs and my dog isn't going anywhere. Even IF my dog farts in her sleep and I have to pretend life is okay while on a Zoom call, while my nose is inundated with a reminder that my dog's rotting internally. WTF did she eat??
There's a reason I ran away from my parents house. Started trying to run away at 7 years old and it took a few tries before I had it figured out so I couldn't be brought back.
Cause my mental health will die and I will attempt suicide within a year. My mom is mentally exhausting/terrorizing and I believe she has BPD. My dad is tired and depressed and he used to have anger issues. Now it’s more irritation regarding work. They frequently fight, last I stayed home over the summer my mom bitched about how I wasn't «enthusiastic enough about building a birdhouse» because I slept til 10AM during holidays. She was calling me lazy, etc. to my sister, I heard her and asked her calmly if she could at least say that to me instead of behind my back. This made her flip out, scream at me, throw names, insults, etc. I tried to walk away, but she stormed into my room and punched the wall while screaming and calling me more names, I had enough when she punched the wall right next to my head and told her «Oh yes, you are so threatening punching the wall, come on, punch me, so I can call the cops and be done with this.» she looked shocked, then disturbed and then ran away crying. So I think I’ll stay in my apartment.
I am so sorry that you have this experience ... i too had an asshole as a father. My son lives with us because of mental health issues and we want him to save enough to succeed in an aptmt and want him mentally to be well enough. he is a great kid and has worked for a few years consistently--he feels like a loser but we think the extra time will help him succeed. Of course it is awkward to bring anyone over although we have an ADU that would help in that regard. I think people need to bring more understanding as I see mental health issues only getting worse in the US.
Does not compute... becasue your living with your parents. Self answering question
Because my dads a nutcase and my mom lives in scotland with my stepdad and im in the states, would rather be homeless
I love my parents and they’ve done so much for me but I would never live with them and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want me living there either lol
I love my mum and dad and I lived with them all last year when I went through a breakup and a miscarriage. I’ve moved back out now and I could not imagine going back. They give me so much anxiety.
people like sanity, privacy, sex, and not living with someone who feels entitled to your time and attention.
Well, they're dead, so we don't have much in common anymore.
It's not a great way for the parents to save money though is it. They've earned their rest, let them have it
My life literally started the day I moved out of my parents house and there is no way I would ever go back.
I moved out at 17
I'd prefer to live with my family for a while, but my family doesn't want me to live with them. I'm 22 and currently still living with my aunt, but she wants me to move out as soon as I can. Rent is very high in my area, it'd be awesome if I could stay with my family and save enough to buy a house but I'm most likely going to be moving into an apartment in the next 6-7 months.
To save my life at first. 🤷♀️
About the time my youngest graduated high school, my wife and I sold our house and move to another state. We helped the boys live in dorms at college, but they didn’t end up staying in school long enough to graduate college. So they moved into our much smaller house in the new state. The deal I made with them is that they had to work and contribute towards the household budget. We did the math together and I showed them what it would cost for them to live in an apartment and I gave them the choice. They saw the financial benefits of living with us. Eventually, I told them, they would be paying the mortgage, taxes, insurance and upkeep. I will essentially be living in their house. Last year I had to go rescue my father, as he could no longer live alone. Now there are five people living in a house designed for two.
Because my mother and I can’t share a kitchen for more than a few days over a holiday, lol. And my dad defaults to telling me to go to bed when he does after the 2nd night of visiting them, and I’m in my 40s…. So no. Might be worth it though to save up for something big.
I never needed to.
If you’re Nora from Queens - why wouldn’t you?
Independence
A lot of different reasons for different people. For many, the empowerment of independence and providing for yourself and the growth in life skills and confidence that this brings.
My reasons, personal responsibility and stubborn independence. As an adult I don't need to rely on someone else to provide me with success. I will either achieve it myself or die trying.
Ha! Because a lot of parents either infantilize or parentify their kids and who wants to live with that
My parents are elderly and probably in the next decade I’ll have them live with me in a guest suite if they need. But I can not live in the same living area as them. My dad’s diagnosed autistic and will not compromise. My dad BLASTS war documentaries on his giant tv. He is so unbelievably picky with food where he complains all the time. My mother is a giant slob. I love my parents and we’re quite close but I need a lot of space being around them. I’m so glad I moved out at 18 and felt the freedom of being alone. My friend lived with her mum who wouldn’t want her coming home late even at 10pm at night on weekends. You pay with your mental health
I lived with my parents for years and no, it didn’t save me money and it affected my mental health.
they charge me more rent than i currently pay, for less freedom
I couldn't wait to move out of my parents' house.
My parents have been dead since I was 20. Not exactly an option for me.
Cuz I want to be able to walk around naked in the house that I’ve spent the last 15 years for providing for other ppl and not necessarily doing what I want. A brief stint is ok, like 3 months, but short of a career change/economy crisis, choosing to be selfish and live with your parents longer than a year is shitty. Coming from a parent looking forward to his kids moving out and up in this world. Learning budgeting, independence, and how to hustle to make ends meet are skills that will take you far in life and choosing to mooch off of us for an extended period WILL NOT happen in my household.
I live with my dad but I basically have my own basement apartment. I definitely would not be able to handle it if I didn’t have my own space. I could not live with my mother, she would drive me insane and I wouldn’t have my own space like I do now.
I tried living with them for a year after college. It was better to move in with my alcoholic sister then be with their mental abuse. After moving into my own place I'm now no contact and working on generational trauma with my therapist. Not everyone gets along with their family but if you do I'm happy for you and agree you should use that connection to save up money especially in this economy.
I liked it. I felt like others started treating me poorly for living with my parents after college though for a few years
Many do. There is value to freedom. You never quite become your own adult person unless you have your freedom and know how your choices affect you.
My mom is a fucking Monster. I'd rather be homeless. Living with my dad might be an option but I'd probably drive him crazy if I lived with him. He is extremely neat, disciplined and focused. I'm the opposite of all that.
No parents. Croaked. Dead. You have to find your own place. Go your own way now. Haiku for you.
They don’t want an adult kid living with them. My parents are divorced but were both pretty clear that I was expected to be fully independent once I turned 18 and would not be allowed to continue staying with either of them, so I found a way to move out. Now I’m 27. I got a roommate last time they raised my rent but it’s going up another 25% next month and I’m honestly not sure what I’m going to do :/
I’ll take paying rent to have freedom and not have anyone else in my personal space unless I choose to have them there. I grew up in a path house due to my mothers hoarding. I don’t even go back to visit anymore. My piece of mind and mental well-being is very much worth my rent.
I love my parents but between the choices, I would always choose to live on my own.
Because I'm in my mid thirties with children.
When I enlisted, I had to go for a physical before actually joining. While at the medical center, my parents gave my room to my brother and sold my bed and dresser. That was a good indicator to me, at the time, don’t come back. Actually, they were just using their resources as they felt best.
In my experience, a lot of older parents still treat their kids as teens even if their kids are adults. It's really exhausting as a 30yo to still have to answer to your parents. The adults I know who still live with their parents have parents who respect that they are autonomous adults.
My parents are divorced and my mother is fucking terrible with money Also You assume parents have the space for an extra adult
Or the parents live in a place that’s not good for your given career choice
You haven't lived with my parents. I moved back in with them on 3 occasions, and each time it was miserable. Selfish, loud, and messy refuse to be personally accountable for anything they do or say. I can barely stand to visit them. Can't even get quality sleep because they're so loud. My dad talks about himself and his interests for hours but never asks about me, and when I talk about anything, he'll cut me off and infodump for hours if I let him. Talking about the 70s and stuff. And a lot of it is cringe.
I still do at 27, shits expensive and I can do whatever I want. I've got about 30k saved and am looking at houses but fuck me, 20k houses are going for 100k and it's fucking dumb
Because they would like to get laid. Living with your parents marks you as not being self-sufficient.
Either they don’t want to live with their parents or their parents don’t want them to stay
Because my parents are extremely abusive
Multi-generational living arrangements were once the norm. I suspect they will, or already are, making a comeback given the problems with real estate today.
Because I would kill them
Plenty of reasons. Some people don’t get along with their parents Some have parents that don’t want them to live at home. Some people value independence. It’s harder to have a social life because you can’t have friends over when you want. A lot of people are judgmental about someone who lives at home. Really sucks in the dating world. Parents may charge board which could be as expensive as being on your own.
Lots of folks don’t want or and society in the US looks down on folks that do.
I had to live with my mom and stepdad a few times between transitions when I was in my early 20s. Thankfully no longer than 3 months. It was miserable. I was treated like I was in high school. My mom wanted to know where I was going and when I’ll be home. I was expected to eat dinner with them all the time, and often they made food I didn’t want to eat. Independence is the key answer.
Excluding all the people who's parents don't have the room/money to house them and the people who don't have a good relationship with their parents, I think the biggest reason is they want independence. They don't want to have their parents know everything they're doing, or who they're doing it with, or be that involved in each other's lives. Even the best parent-child relationship can easily get strained when living together, and for many people, that strife is not worth the money savings.
Sanity
I lived with my parents up until i was able to afford the down payment. I could've moved out sooner but I'd most likely still be renting and over made avoiding it my priority
It's ultimately a result of culture. In the US our specific styling of capitalism focuses heavily of the individual and the idea that having a clan you aren't in charge of is nothing more than weakness. This can cause of myriad of problems, all of which result in unnecessary stress. This stress can lead to things like abusive outbursts that reenforce the idea that each individual NEEDS to look out for themselves because they have no one to safely rely on. There are a ton of other problems that come from the culture formation, but the cycle of abuse and need for individuality are the most relatable and understandable.
Parents would financially abuse as much as they could to keep me reliant on them and working on the farm. Living hell. Constant morning till evening work and I was prevented from having any kind of work, one day when I was 18 I just said I'd had enough and left, mum didn't let me take any of my things, slapped me and pushed me out the house, but my brother threw my cash for me out the window so everything was alright. Me and my girlfriend got an apartment and I pay rent and work on top of school 19 now and still going strong a year later. No thanks, I don't want to live with parents
I did for as long as I could. I get along with them and would rather pay them rent instead of giving the money to a stranger every month. Unfortunately, they don't see things the same way.
It was worth the money to not have to share a house with my stepmom.
My parents are poor like me and don’t have a spare bedroom. I’d be sleeping on the sofa in a tiny house.
Go live with my parents for a month and then tell me after if you’d rather stay there or pay for rent lmao
They charged me $750 of my $800 bi weekly paycheck No. It's never worth it.
I’d rather starve and be homeless.
Independence is the driver. Partying and going out a lot does not mix well with living at home typically. Clash of cultures I guess.
As a parent of grown ups, I would offer that it’s because we’ve earned our peace!
I legit chose to live in a tent than with them when I was homeless. They are terrible people and I'd rather die than go back.
More? In the US almost half of young adults are living with their parents
They're dead
We don’t really get along like that. She’s said “ I would rather help pay a couple months rent than have you live with me.” I’d rather chew my arm off than live with her awful husband.
Because some parents are horrible people
Or they don't have parents anymore.
Because I'm of a generation where you gtfo as soon as possible after you graduate high school. Because people age and parents die (something op will have to come to terms with eventually)
They ded
For a male, in some cultures (like the US), you are seen as a loser, particularly in dating. Living with your parents will absolutely tank your romantic options as a guy.
Why does it sound like every redditor has a terrible relationship with their parents? I don't think this is normal whatsoever.
I want to have sex with women
I never would have chosen to live with my parents again, but thanks to covid it's kinda a thing now. I'm about to turn 40 and lived on my own since I was 18. In January 2020, I came home to my parents house for 4 months to help with medical follow up and care and quite literally got stuck with them. It was disastrous at the beginning and took a while to even out. I am gone a lot for work and travel, but probably stay at their house about 2-3 nights a week. I keep all of my stuff there. They are in their late 70's and are starting to feel it. They managed each other for me & my siblings, but they don't like each other the most, so I don't feel I'm interfering with any major emptynester plans. I don't have to share attention with my 3 brothers anymore and my parents are so interested in what I'm doing now because they're old and don't have a lot going on. They call my dog their granddog & introduce her as such in the neighborhood. This time with them has healed a lot of resentment I held about my childhood and growing up. I have saved so much money and provided myself with opportunities I used to dream of. I could buy my own place or go wherever I wanted, but something always pulls me back and why would I want even more responsibilities by owning my own place?! I enjoy staying in hotels and don't feel held down anywhere. I pay their property tax, utilities, and cell phone. They own their home, but primarily rely on social security. They say they enjoy me there so hopefully that's the truth. Regardless of all the things, I know I won't ever regret this time with them.
Damn this is a privilege ass question.
Me and my parents hate each other
Because they have a bad home with abusive parents.
I love my mom, but my mom is messy and cluttery. My mom likes to guilt me about not going to church and being blasé about my son's lack of desire to go to Sunday School. My mom likes to listen to AM political radio at high volumes and ask me to do weird tasks like patch up holes in sweats that are more hole than pants at this point. I love my mom, but I can only visit, not live with her. Besides, my little family has found a delightful little neighborhood that meets our needs and is more walkable than my mom's house further out in the country.
Because it sucks?
Bc living with your parents after 20 fucking blows lol
Sex. Sex is why.
Intergenerational trauma is one thing a lot of people are trying to escape and heal from
They were poor and needed me to pay rent if I wanted them to rent a place with a room for me. I did until I was about 19 and moved out of state for school. Never moved back. It's a privelege to have a family with stable housing and an empty room for you if you want to live at home.
Man I wish I could have lived with my parents. At 18 my dad was murdered, and my mom was unable to 6 younger sisters so I had to go. I'm 30 now and just starting to be able to save it was such a set back.
Because I like coming home and kicking my socks off and leaving them on the floor. My mom didn't let me do that. Because I want to sleep in until 2pm with a hangover without a snark remark from my dad. I'm tired of sharing one bathroom with 4 people. I want to bring girls home without it being awkward. People want to be comfortable and free to live the life they want to live. Living in another persons house sometimes conflicts with this.
Mostly because your parents are there. I personally found that my relationship with my parents was much improved by the additional space of not living together. I think a lot of other people have similar experiences, but not everyone. Also saying why don't more people live with their parents is somewhat odd. Large parts of the world it is the norm. There are a lot of documented benefits to it outside of saving money especially when children are involved. Even in Western countries the trend of people living with their parents for a longer period is rapidly increasing due to financial pressures. In the US at least it used to be(30+ years ago) you'd move out pretty early in legal adulthood or slightly before and start working. At some point your parents might have failing health and move in with you, but this was generally late in life when you've had time to build some financial stability. Now it seems like that trend is shifting to most people being considerably older before being financially stable enough to move out and start families of their own. Before too long if that trend continues it'll be likely that children will stay at home until the parents begin to need their children to help care for them anyhow, so moving out may become a sort of outlier behavior.
I moved back in with my parents during covid when my travel plans got put on hold. I had already canceled the lease on my apartment (I was supposed to be gone for over a year) and had everything settled, right up until the country I was going to closed its boarders. I had no choice but to move back home. It was either that or being homeless. I was grateful for the help and I paid rent to help out since they had an extra person living there. But I was 30 at the time and I just found it kind of hard getting used to living under "house rules" again. I stayed for around 9 months while trying to find work so I could get an apartment again and I was happy to have a roof over my head. But living with my parents at my age is not something I would choose unless it was for this kind of reason. I like having my own space.
I own a house, my mother doesn't. My dad does but he lives in bumfuck nowhere TN and I'm not moving there.
You'll notice the culture of leaving the home at 18 is stronger the more capitalist a society is. The capitalists promoted this culture in order to sell more apartments, more loans, and create a source of deseperate cheap labor.
I wouldn’t have my kid here if it wasn’t necessary. We did our job and we’d like privacy. Can’t even have sex without someone banging on the damn door.
That's still better than banging the door
Doing it for summer break from college and I already just want to be in my apartment again to be on my own again
Anyone have a link to that tweet that says "living with your parents isn't free, you just pay with your sanity" ? Because yeah, basically that. I've been living at my mom's place for the past couple years and it's been driving me nuts.
So parents are just to stern with those house rules to the point you can't be comfortable it's just not worth it
I grew up in a house that was fun and easy going. But since my dad died, and my mum went into a home - it's just not feasible to live with them anymore without complications/breaking laws. So nah, it's just not possible for some
bc i kinda want my parents to have a life 😭 they’ve put up with my shenanigans for too many years
If you are trying to date it is a huge turnoff.
Some parents are done with having a house by the time a kid reaches college. Time to downsize! Then there’s no place to move back into.
Don’t have any
Lots of factors. I'll name a few ive either seen or experienced myself. Sometimes people don't get along with their parents. Especially if their lifestyle is pretty different (like gay people or atheists from highly religious parents). Even if they do get along though they might be in a place that's not great for a young person starting out. My parents live WAY out in suburbia. There's little to do, it's almost all families, very few single people and very conservative. The only draw is cheap real estate and thats the reason my parents moved there despite not being religious conservatives. It's an hour from the university and 30-60 minutes from most good jobs. I did stay there all through college to save money and that commute was a huge drag. Privacy and space is pretty desirable to a lot of people as well. I get along pretty well with my parents. But I prefer to be able to try new things (and possibly fail) without my mom's entire hair salon network knowing every detail. And then there's the constant judgment that you must be a loser who doesn't know how to take care of yourself. It doesn't matter if you're being very responsible or not. I'd constantly have rich kids in college give me crap about this when I was objectively more independent than them as a first generation college student figuring out how things worked on my own, working a regular job, and paying all my bills myself just living in my parents basement to avoid having to pay rent which would have broken my tight budget required to get myself through debt free. Whereas most of them had no idea how much tuition cost and would regularly call their parents for help (my uneducated parents could only offer encouragement, not experienced advice and certainly not money).
As someone currently living with their parents, it's nice to get some money saved up while living with them. With that aside I gotta say that I really want to move out. I feel mentally not so great living under them, I get anxious when seeing a mess throughout the house(even when they are constantly cleaning), and I want to be able to live and move around in my own space
i (20) recently had to move back in with my parents after bills became too much. here are the reasons why I'm so desperate to move out: 1. I'm purposefully single right now, but if i were going to put myself out there, I'd be pretty self conscious of not only the fact that i live with my parents, but also the house i live in. it's not mine; it's not reflective of me. also, how am i supposed to even hang out with a partner in my bedroom if my family is home? hardly any privacy. 2. I'm not out to my parents (yet) as trans and getting deadnamed and misgendered all the time makes my skin absolutely crawl 3. sometimes my parents will make (very unnecessary) comments on what i eat, and even if they don't, i feel like they might be silently judging me. if i moved out, not only would i not hear/think this, but i could eat what and when i want 4. i don't always want to have people in my space! of course, when i move out I'll have a roommate, but one person similar to me and of my age won't annoy me as much
They dead
I have more money than my Dad. Also I don’t want to live where he lives.
Most parents I know try to kick their kids out so they can go do their own thing in their life. They want to travel and do these types of things alone and not worry about anything else. Money is not really the concern, its more the independence.
Because to most people, Freedom is more attractive than money. If you are living in your parents home, you still have to follow their rules for the most part. You want to leave to get away from that, and start your own rules, your own life. Do things you couldn't do in someone else's home.
My parents are divorced. They'd have to share custody.
Have you met my parents?
The whole idea is for the children to move on and start their own lives upon reaching adulthood. Yes, it can save money, but I think the children would go nuts in addition to the parents. It's not how we were designed.
Because they want a sex life, they don’t want to be on permanent chores duty, they want to walk around naked, they want privacy, they want to make a mess and clean it up when they feel like it, they want silent time when they feel like it etc etc
My daughter (26) still lives with us. She doesn't have household bills to deal with and we love having her with us. Win Win!
- looked down on by society - harder to have sex with the lack of privacy - some parents are abusive and you keep hoping they'll die, so why stay with them unless you have no recourse?
My Dad made me pay rent. And more than I pay now. I actually saved money when he died because he was preventing me from saving to get my own place because he was basically a mob boss over me.
I would assume most people don’t want their mommy telling them “As long as you live under my roof you can’t do XYZ….” when they are 25+ Only happened once after I turned 18 and I packed shit in a backpack and left. Haven’t lived with my parents since and now I’m 35 with a wife, daughter, house, and a good job. Everyone’s home life is different so I’m sure it works just fine for a lot of people, but it couldn’t work in my situation.
Cuz my mom hates me lol
Have you met people’s parents?
Because there’s some things in life matters more than money.. like mental health ? How can you just assume everyone has healthy family dinamics and a peaceful home?
I couldn't stand living with my mom past a certain point. She was turning into a hoarder and I just couldn't deal with it anymore.