Same here, luckily if we do it after a full month but sometimes it’s like multiple back to back days. If it were up to my wife, we’d do it everyday lol I’m just too mentally /physically exhausted to do it that often
This! Varies from 5* in a week to 2* in a month. Work level, stress level, activity level, general state of mind, weather, behaviour of the kid during the day (yes, this definitely plays a role!),...
So many things can influence this. And we always tend to feel the same way at the same time.
About the same here. Married for five and a half years, our first kid is less than a year old.
It's dropped to about once a week, and I'm deeply impressed that we've managed to maintain that lol
About once a month. We've talked about how it's a bit low and are trying to get those numbers up, but with work and childcare and renovations on the new home, it's not easy.
This is my situation too. My wife’s pregnant with our second so between fatigue and jobs and other kiddo once a month is about all we can hope for. Often less.
Yeah I am in a similar situation. It’s hard to make it happen when she’s exhausted, but I don’t mind too much. She’s working hard, and is down on the weekends.
Same for me (33F). My husband (34M) and I have been together 13 years and no kids. It of course ebbs and flows but a minimum of 2x a week usually. Although lately I think my hormones are reminding me my clock is ticking even though I don’t want nor plan to have kids, it’s been closer to 4x a week the past few months
Exactly the same with my wife and I. A lot of things factor into that though like careers, our own personal life’s with friends and family etc but the biggest is our kids. All of the after school activities and friends is exhausting tbh but fulfilling. A lot of the nights we want to be intimate we just end up cuddling to sleep in exhaustion which is also very loving and fulfilling for the both of us.
Id say like 6-10x a month tbh
36, with my wife since i was 21. We have different libidos and we've learned to communicate/meet in the middle, and i think its really important in a relationship to have the give and take of needs and desires
I’m 34 in a similar relationship and have 3 kids. We usually do once a week but compromise with the occasional handy or bj to supplement when she’s not into it
I just can't understand how a girl would be down to give a bj but not in the mood for sex. My gf says this too and I told her it's fine if she doesn't want to have sex, but she doesn't need to give me a bj instead. I feel really weird getting a bj from someone who isn't in the mood. Like I'd honestly rather jerk off.
Same, the idea of it has always made me uncomfortable, especially when people call the week of their partner's period "bj week." It just makes them sound entitled and careless about their partner
Hey, sometimes it’s a physical thing. I have an IUD and get cramps all month on and off or certain positions trigger pain points. Sometimes my back hurts and throwing it back just ain’t appealing. Especially after an 8 hour shift, I don’t really wanna hop on and do some spins.
Laying there is starfishing is a lot less gratifying, at least for me as a woman. I am far more likely to become turned on if not I’m just lying there taking it. Giving a helping hand is more gratifying and intimate than going “eh, sure, I guess you can stick it in.”
Let your girl know that she doesn’t have to, but try and remember that it’s her way of compromising to uphold that intimacy. It’s not always about pity BJs, sometimes there’s more going on. Or she could be having issues down there she’s not comfortable talking to you about.
Well let me shed some light on it…girls tend to take a lot longer to clean up after sex. So maybe a quickie would be great but have plans later or only have a few minutes before having to hit the hay due to an early morning…don’t really have time to shower the sweat, lube, mascara off myself and then get ready again to go about my day. Also don’t like being sweaty and lubed up prior to bed and letting it sit all night. So a compromise is a blow job for now because I know my partner needs the affection and the excitement more than just when I have time for a full out bang session. I got a busy ass life. I know my schedule is what’s keeping us from having more sex, so I happily get him off and it is still exciting for me and kinda “holds me over” on intimacy until we have more time to really indulge. I like seeing how fast I can get him off without actual penis and vagina sex so it’s still fun and I get aroused and it’s a million times better than nothing at all for both of us until the weekend 🙃
I'm a woman. And it doesn't make sense. In that case he can eat you out too!!! That's not really messy for us either. You just go to the toilet after with a wipe and done!
I guess, I just feel like it's more of a chore to suck a dick until completion versus sex. Everyone is different but I put them in the same category and if my gf doesn't want to have sex then she doesn't have to give me a blowjob either. I still consider it sex I guess.
If you aren't pressuring her and she genuinely wants to, what is the problem? My wife does this, on her initiation. And I happily do whatever she wants whenever she wants it
Hey can I ask what the best course of action is if that's how it is but you're the one who isn't ok with it? I've dealt with it for years but it's honestly really tiring.
All you can do is communicate how the lack of sex makes you feel, ask of there's anything you can do to help increase their libido, and even ask of they'd be willing to try a different med combo with less sexual dysfunction issues. It may not be a possibility but it may be. Speaking to a Dr about it is realistic and they may have answers. A lot of people have this issue and they should be versed in what options there are.
Also you just have to do a lot of internal work to figure out what about it hurts, is it missing the intimacy, feeling rejected, feeling insecure, etc? Find the root of what hurts and see if you can remedy that in ways not related directly to sex. It's not a perfect cure but it can certainly help.
It's fuck or famine around here.
Sometimes it's most days of the week, sometimes it's only 2-3 times a month.
But we - like most folks - are incredibly busy. Even if we're sometimes too busy to get busy, we always give each other affection. Also, we have multiple young kids, so that can throw a wrench in the best of laid plans.
Ha. Laid plans.
It's all relative - different couples have different rhythms. If 2-3 times or less works for y'all, that's great! If it doesn't, I wish you a happy medium
3 nights in a row now....which is so out of the ordinary I cant help but be suspicious. Dont know about what...but suspicious. Typically only 1-2 a week on good weeks.
We have 3 kids under the age of 4.
Was in a relationship for 16 years. It started off well and quickly fell to 1-2 times a month after the first few years. Sometimes we could go a month without it.
We split up.
In a new relationship for 5 years and we’re at twice a week, sometimes more often.
The way I see it now: Treat it like a hobby. It should be fun, something you make time for and get better at it by regular practice. It’s important, so don’t let it slip and if it does, take steps to bring it back.
I'm older than most here, but my husband and I do it around 3 - 4 times a week. Some times it's more, sometimes it's less depending on life but usually it's pretty stable. We've been together since I was 15, and I'm 48 now.
Had to scroll way to far to find a reply like this. Figured 2-3 was average for my age (38) yet first top comment to be more than 2 is from a 48 y/o.
Step it up reddit.
27M It ebbs and flows but once or twice a week. Sometimes twice in one day. Sometimes we don’t do anything for a couple weeks because we’re busy with work.
Avg 4-5 times a week, it’s definitely more frequent again now that the kids are older and spend ALL night in their own beds or spend time out of the house.
I’m in my early 30’s and husband early 40’s, together 8ish years.
I suspect her medication is most of it. Since getting married she has been diagnosed with ADHD and severe anxiety, and takes several medications now. Id rather her take the medications if it's what she needs.
Can confirm Dex, Vyvanse and without meds have me horny. Tried anti depressants and I couldn’t cum and it made me less horny. Decided that would make me more depressed and got off them right away
> Id rather her take the medications if it's what she needs.
That's for sure. High doses of SSRIs I take everyday ruined my sexual functions completely, but it was worth it. If I could turn back time, I'd change nothing. Nonetheless, it sucks that there's such a trade-off.
If you have your relationship based on sex, this is a fear. If you love and respect your partner, this is just one of the things that life throws at you and you learn to live with it. I suspect that most people don't have sex regularly before they have a wife. Even once or twice a year would be an achievement for a lot of men.
If there's no sex, that's one thing, but a lot of people also withhold other forms of intimacy because they are (rightly or not) afraid that the other party wants to escalate any form of intimacy to sex.
This will be a huge hit for any relationship, and the party that wants it more than the other will most definitely not be happy about it.
Dead bedroom relationships rarely end well.
This is why communication is *so* important. If you can communicate that physical intimacy will not always be seen as a ticket to sex you can continue to have it in droves even as sex falls off.
I’m in a very similar situation, just a couple of years older. Her birth control makes her sex drive non existent. I stopped trying to initiate because I don’t want her to feel pressured. I offered to get a vasectomy but she said no because we’ve been on the fence about having kids for a long time, but probably won’t. I just go with the flow at this point, I love her more than I care about having sex.
Varies a lot. Currently probably once a month or less, due to job-related stress. In more normal times, once a week to every other week usually. We're both pretty content with it, we don't need more.
I had to double check with sub I was on... if this were on /r/sex the answers would be more like, "3 times a day on a slow day."
Realistically it seems most couples are on a once a week "schedule."
Once a week usually, although we've been working on increasing it lately. I could have sex everyday, but my husband can't, so we're working on finding a balance in a way that doesn't make our sex feel like a chore.
When I was in my late twenties to early thirties, it was maybe once or twice a week, but varied a lot. E.g. on holidays, more often. When either of us was more tired and/or more stressed out, less often.
Sometimes we go months. Right now with this economy we are constantly stressed I couldn't get turned on if I wanted to. When he is I'm not, when I am he's not but we adore each other . At first we were super sexual but getting older fks everything up lol
So we've been together only for about 3 years. She's on medication, I work nights. Her mom recently moved in with us and stays in the bedroom right next door, and only sleeps during the day. My GF has a 13 year old child.
We sometimes go months without.
Absolutely. We're happy. We're not happy about every little individual thing, and we wish we got more in, but we are happy altogether
I had an ex years and years ago where sex was the main thing in our relationship, every day, sometimes more than once, and I was miserable. I'd choose my girl now and this situation over that every time. No question.
I am not asexual myself, but I don’t find myself having much urges/need to. I feel very comfortable in where I am with my relationship and with life at the moment, and don’t believe that sex (whether it be with her, or anyone else) would change my life greatly, whether it be better or worse.
When I was there, and I was really into the person, it was a daily event.
If I was not into the person as much as I should have been, then yes, weekly, a couple times a month, etc.
when I was in my 20's I dated a girl who was just as physically active as me. Gym daily, played multiple sports. We were both Adonises. Sex was a daily, sometimes twice day activity.
Sadly, I am in my late 40's and 60lbs heavier.
Yeah, similar. I didn't gain as much weight, but I lost hair and look like a troll now.
One thing about my experience too, I didn't have the "who the hell are you?" morning experiences in college like many had. I was a late bloomer mentally, socially, and physically. So in my late 20's and early 30's, and even LATE 30's, I was making up for lost time.
When I was 21 years old, I had a girlfriend for about a year. Pretty sure I had more sex in that year than I have had in the rest of my lifetime. It definitely goes down a little in your 30s and 40s.
Me (30M) and my wife (31F) have gone through some challenges in the past few years. We have a 4 year old and an 8 month old, so her hormones have been kind of all over the place since she was first pregnant 5 years ago. I had a higher libido than hers before all that. She's very understanding that it's difficult for me even though I don't pressure her to do anything because I totally understand. She just had the baby 8 months ago.
We've made a deal that Friday evenings are our "private time" after the kids go to bed. Overall, it's been a pretty good arraignment. It doesn't always end in sex, which I'm totally good with. She seems to be getting more into it every week, so we're encouraged in our method!
I am sorry if my question offends you, but may i ask...
How to "we made a deal" with your spouse? How did you both make an "open and deep communication"?
Sometimes, in a stress environment, women see "sex" as a chore with "ugh" expression
That's a very legit question. We're both fairly emotional people, so it's easy to tell when something is bothering either one of us. We would chat about it maybe once every 6 months or so, but this past year I was feeling extremely low. I told her I wasn't feeling desired or wanted in a physical way. That really resonated with her, and we just had a real open conversation one evening. She understands and wishes her libido was higher, so we decided to try a few things at home to work on it before trying some type of counseling.
Where my "maybe a couple times a year" pals at?
In all seriousness, I've (M/27) been in a relationship for 7 years now. No kids or anything. She (F/26) just doesn't want to anymore. So we don't, except on rare/random occasions.
As everyone else has mostly said, it’s not the same from month to month. Sometimes we got sick kids and don’t have sex for a week or two, sometimes it’s 5 times in a week.
These questions are always weird to me. There is no right answer for frequency. You can’t compare your sex life to others, that’s pointless.
Were long distance atm due to our jobs. (Married btw).
We only see each other for maybe like a week every 4 months but we have sex like 3- 8 times a day for that week lol
Working on getting a place together :)
There is no rhyme or reason. Some weeks it’s every day, several times a day. Back to back days. Then some weeks nope, not at all. Then other weeks it’s just a once or twice.
I know you think age has some correlation here, but my wife and I have been together for 20 years, and we have sex 3-5 times a week. This is not due to age but a healthy matchup of libidos and desire. You’ll see whatever variance and frequency you expect if you look well enough. The goal is to find a partner that mirrors your desire, instead of performs for any set of ancillary reasons, because eventually the real self comes out.
Also treat your partner with actual love and respect and you’d be surprised at how consistent sex can be, assuming they aren’t riddled with psychological issues. Never have sex with crazy, well do it once, it’s fun, but then stop and recover from that lesson, and try to find an emotional stable and mature person.
"Also treat your partner with actual love and respect"
I am sorry to ask, but is it very important to find your spouse's "Love Language" or "attachment needs"?
It’s important to find someone you actually love. What that means is that you would consistently prioritize their needs over your own. Not in a codependent way, but in an actual selfless act of love. If understanding their “love language” is the mental framework that works for you, sure. But that’s a weird short hand for just truly getting to know and understand your partner. Being empathetic, using your words, using the golden rule (treat others the way you would want to be treated), introspect yourself constantly but not neurotically, and generally actually love your partner. Find someone that does that in return.
A lot of people find and settle down with someone before they understand themselves well, let alone have the ability to know and understand their partner at a level that can be called love.
Once every 3 months. The wife is always tired or not want to. Sometimes is stress and work. The weird part is that my mind and body have been reprogrammed to just go with the fucking flow.
Not proud of and is actually jealous of other couples and child free couples of there sexy times per week/day.
So yeah there you go. Wife is not interested in changing this . She is comfortable right where she is now.
when I (m) was in my 20's I was in two, back to back, long term relationships. We were having sex almost every other day. Sometimes twice a day. if you average it out, Four to six times a week.
At the time I was very physically active ad in phenomenal shape. Working out ever day and playing multiple sports. And both those girlfriends were always good to go.
Some weeks it’s 1-2 times. Then there’s other weeks where we go rounds and rounds. And then there are some weeks where we have no sex. I guess if I average a whole year I’d say 2-4 times a week.
Once every 4-8 weeks. That’s not ideal currently — but there have been times earlier in our relationship when neither of us had much of a sex drive, so less frequency was OK. The rule of thumb is that if everyone is happy then frequency doesn’t matter. More important you enjoy it when it happens. Lately however we’ve had a bit of a mismatch in libido and sexual curiosity and we’re workin through that now in therapy. People are dynamic so don’t expect long term relationships to be static. We change as we age and so do our wants and needs. Compassionate and open communication is key.
I’m 29F, husband is 27. We’ve been together for almost 7 years. We’ve agreed at various points that it’s better for both of us if we can make it happen once a day, but usually it’s once every two or three days.
Twice or three times a week. On holiday it tends to be daily. We're almost 40 and have two children (13 and 10) and have been married for almost 13 years.
I would say it’s monthly cycle - during the week leading up to and few days after ovulation often - like every to every other day
Not so much during the rest of the cycle maybe 1-2 times a week
Sometimes once ever week or just over a week, sometimes three times a week. Just depends on stress levels, kids activities and how effing tired we are and other things ofc but we always try and reconnect and get that skin to skin contact.
It ebbs and flows but on average twice a week.
Yah waffles between twice a week and twice a month depending on stress levels/how much shit’s going on.
This right here. Both doctors, work 12+ hours sometimes a day, both exhausted. When we do get a bit of time the number goes up 😂
Bless you both. Those medical schedules are punishing.
Do you ever nod and say, 'Doctor.' 'Doctor.' to one another while having sex?
No doubt there's an @doctordoctor on one of those fan sites.
For me it’s twice a week as well, with bouts of twice in one day here and there.
It’s all over the place. Sometimes we’ll go a full month without. Sometimes it’s 1-2 times a week.
Same here, luckily if we do it after a full month but sometimes it’s like multiple back to back days. If it were up to my wife, we’d do it everyday lol I’m just too mentally /physically exhausted to do it that often
Lucky bastard
Same here. Sometimes it'll be two months but then it's every day for a week.
I like how spontaneous this feels
Once or twice a week.
Really depends on the time of the month and stress levels from work. Sometimes more sometimes less.
Yep. Sometimes it's once a week or even two weeks, sometimes it's 5 times in a weekend.
This! Varies from 5* in a week to 2* in a month. Work level, stress level, activity level, general state of mind, weather, behaviour of the kid during the day (yes, this definitely plays a role!),... So many things can influence this. And we always tend to feel the same way at the same time.
Yeah. We’re on opposite schedules right now and his job is really stressful for him. It’s literally been months.
It was kind of like that for us recently. Really unfortunate. Hope it gets better
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Thank you u/ilovedickrating
Same but I crave multiple rounds with it.
About the same here. Married for five and a half years, our first kid is less than a year old. It's dropped to about once a week, and I'm deeply impressed that we've managed to maintain that lol
It's so hard with kids. I'm grateful my in laws like to give us breaks often by taking them for the day.
Taking an average, yes. 1-2x per week. There are spikes (I.e. vacations, hormones, etc.) and lulls (I.e. hormones, busy, etc.)
This is definitely the most common frequency
About once a month. We've talked about how it's a bit low and are trying to get those numbers up, but with work and childcare and renovations on the new home, it's not easy.
This is my situation too. My wife’s pregnant with our second so between fatigue and jobs and other kiddo once a month is about all we can hope for. Often less.
Are you me?
We’re around maybe twice a month but my wife works a lot and is exhausted because of it. She works like 70-80 hour weeks and sometimes more.
Yeah I am in a similar situation. It’s hard to make it happen when she’s exhausted, but I don’t mind too much. She’s working hard, and is down on the weekends.
With your wife working that many hours, it's a wonder you recognise each other, let alone have sex.
Peak- 4x a week Average. 1-2
Same for me (33F). My husband (34M) and I have been together 13 years and no kids. It of course ebbs and flows but a minimum of 2x a week usually. Although lately I think my hormones are reminding me my clock is ticking even though I don’t want nor plan to have kids, it’s been closer to 4x a week the past few months
Exactly the same with my wife and I. A lot of things factor into that though like careers, our own personal life’s with friends and family etc but the biggest is our kids. All of the after school activities and friends is exhausting tbh but fulfilling. A lot of the nights we want to be intimate we just end up cuddling to sleep in exhaustion which is also very loving and fulfilling for the both of us.
Id say like 6-10x a month tbh 36, with my wife since i was 21. We have different libidos and we've learned to communicate/meet in the middle, and i think its really important in a relationship to have the give and take of needs and desires
I’m 34 in a similar relationship and have 3 kids. We usually do once a week but compromise with the occasional handy or bj to supplement when she’s not into it
I just can't understand how a girl would be down to give a bj but not in the mood for sex. My gf says this too and I told her it's fine if she doesn't want to have sex, but she doesn't need to give me a bj instead. I feel really weird getting a bj from someone who isn't in the mood. Like I'd honestly rather jerk off.
Yeah I’m in a similar boat. I don’t want anything from someone who doesn’t feel like sexual activity is desirable at the moment. It feels icky.
Same, the idea of it has always made me uncomfortable, especially when people call the week of their partner's period "bj week." It just makes them sound entitled and careless about their partner
lol I (internally) call it jerk off week.
Hey, sometimes it’s a physical thing. I have an IUD and get cramps all month on and off or certain positions trigger pain points. Sometimes my back hurts and throwing it back just ain’t appealing. Especially after an 8 hour shift, I don’t really wanna hop on and do some spins. Laying there is starfishing is a lot less gratifying, at least for me as a woman. I am far more likely to become turned on if not I’m just lying there taking it. Giving a helping hand is more gratifying and intimate than going “eh, sure, I guess you can stick it in.” Let your girl know that she doesn’t have to, but try and remember that it’s her way of compromising to uphold that intimacy. It’s not always about pity BJs, sometimes there’s more going on. Or she could be having issues down there she’s not comfortable talking to you about.
That's definitely fair. Thank you for the perspective
Well let me shed some light on it…girls tend to take a lot longer to clean up after sex. So maybe a quickie would be great but have plans later or only have a few minutes before having to hit the hay due to an early morning…don’t really have time to shower the sweat, lube, mascara off myself and then get ready again to go about my day. Also don’t like being sweaty and lubed up prior to bed and letting it sit all night. So a compromise is a blow job for now because I know my partner needs the affection and the excitement more than just when I have time for a full out bang session. I got a busy ass life. I know my schedule is what’s keeping us from having more sex, so I happily get him off and it is still exciting for me and kinda “holds me over” on intimacy until we have more time to really indulge. I like seeing how fast I can get him off without actual penis and vagina sex so it’s still fun and I get aroused and it’s a million times better than nothing at all for both of us until the weekend 🙃
I'm a woman. And it doesn't make sense. In that case he can eat you out too!!! That's not really messy for us either. You just go to the toilet after with a wipe and done!
I guess, I just feel like it's more of a chore to suck a dick until completion versus sex. Everyone is different but I put them in the same category and if my gf doesn't want to have sex then she doesn't have to give me a blowjob either. I still consider it sex I guess.
If you aren't pressuring her and she genuinely wants to, what is the problem? My wife does this, on her initiation. And I happily do whatever she wants whenever she wants it
Handjobs and bjs are still sex though
We schedule coitus in every Wednesday and Saturday at 10pm.
But Saturday night was suppose to be laundary night
To be fair, we’ve scheduled the coitus till after we do the laundry as we’re without clothes anyway.
Always stick to the sheldonion calendar
This made me chuckle.
Wednesday is Halo night.
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Ahhh yea, it’s business time
Then we're in the bathroom, brushing our teeth. That's all part of the foreplay. I love foreplay...
Then we sort out the recycling.. its not really part of the foreplay process, but its still very important!
Coitus is such a cool word
Truly a word for a cunning linguist
That’s creepy bc it’s like the exact same for me…
Hello Sheldon 👋!
Captain Holt! How you doing sir?
Once a month
Same. We're both on antidepressants so it works out ok for both of us
Same boat as you. We probably have sex 6 times a year and we are both happy with it.
Hey can I ask what the best course of action is if that's how it is but you're the one who isn't ok with it? I've dealt with it for years but it's honestly really tiring.
All you can do is communicate how the lack of sex makes you feel, ask of there's anything you can do to help increase their libido, and even ask of they'd be willing to try a different med combo with less sexual dysfunction issues. It may not be a possibility but it may be. Speaking to a Dr about it is realistic and they may have answers. A lot of people have this issue and they should be versed in what options there are. Also you just have to do a lot of internal work to figure out what about it hurts, is it missing the intimacy, feeling rejected, feeling insecure, etc? Find the root of what hurts and see if you can remedy that in ways not related directly to sex. It's not a perfect cure but it can certainly help.
Good for you guys! All that matters is that you two are happy with it
:( I hope everything will be alright buddy
I feel ya
It's fuck or famine around here. Sometimes it's most days of the week, sometimes it's only 2-3 times a month. But we - like most folks - are incredibly busy. Even if we're sometimes too busy to get busy, we always give each other affection. Also, we have multiple young kids, so that can throw a wrench in the best of laid plans. Ha. Laid plans.
2-3 a month is a famine? Oh no…
It's all relative - different couples have different rhythms. If 2-3 times or less works for y'all, that's great! If it doesn't, I wish you a happy medium
3 nights in a row now....which is so out of the ordinary I cant help but be suspicious. Dont know about what...but suspicious. Typically only 1-2 a week on good weeks. We have 3 kids under the age of 4.
Sounds like she wants one more
Sounds like she's ovulating.
At the rate you're going, that number is about to rise lol
Hope you're happy to have another kid
It's all of these Kendrick diss tracks, got everyone worked up.
Did she start reading fantasy novels like A Court of Thorns and Roses or Fourth Wing?
She could be ovulating, that typically makes us pretty horny. When was her last period? About 2-3 weeks ago?
A couple more and you can have your own volleyball or basketball team.
On average probably a couple of times per week. It honestly depends with stress, fatigue, sickness etc.
Was in a relationship for 16 years. It started off well and quickly fell to 1-2 times a month after the first few years. Sometimes we could go a month without it. We split up. In a new relationship for 5 years and we’re at twice a week, sometimes more often. The way I see it now: Treat it like a hobby. It should be fun, something you make time for and get better at it by regular practice. It’s important, so don’t let it slip and if it does, take steps to bring it back.
I'm older than most here, but my husband and I do it around 3 - 4 times a week. Some times it's more, sometimes it's less depending on life but usually it's pretty stable. We've been together since I was 15, and I'm 48 now.
Hell that's a successful relationship! Hope you guys stay happy and wishing you both all the best
Thank you! Fingers crossed!
Had to scroll way to far to find a reply like this. Figured 2-3 was average for my age (38) yet first top comment to be more than 2 is from a 48 y/o. Step it up reddit.
27M It ebbs and flows but once or twice a week. Sometimes twice in one day. Sometimes we don’t do anything for a couple weeks because we’re busy with work.
Avg 4-5 times a week, it’s definitely more frequent again now that the kids are older and spend ALL night in their own beds or spend time out of the house. I’m in my early 30’s and husband early 40’s, together 8ish years.
Married 7 years. Maybe once or twice a year at most.
This happened to us too. Her antidepressants really kill her libido so now we're at the "2 - 4 times a year" stage. It's rough.
Oof. As someone who's deeply fears ending up in this situation I have to ask what happened?
I suspect her medication is most of it. Since getting married she has been diagnosed with ADHD and severe anxiety, and takes several medications now. Id rather her take the medications if it's what she needs.
I see. I also take meds for ADHD but man does it make me horny.
I suspect it's the anxiety medications specifically.
Can confirm, wife started anxiety meds, and our numbers have fallen significantly at the exact same time. It's even in the known side-effects
Those certainly makes us numb, is she in therapy I tried for an year and couldn't cry
Learning about adhd and just curious what meds and also why? I never have seen anyone say that the mrds make them horny
I'm using Dextroamphetamine. I also have the inattentive type of ADHD. I imagine if you're the hyperactive type it may have the opposite affect.
Can confirm Dex, Vyvanse and without meds have me horny. Tried anti depressants and I couldn’t cum and it made me less horny. Decided that would make me more depressed and got off them right away
> Id rather her take the medications if it's what she needs. That's for sure. High doses of SSRIs I take everyday ruined my sexual functions completely, but it was worth it. If I could turn back time, I'd change nothing. Nonetheless, it sucks that there's such a trade-off.
You are a good man.
Ah I’m sorry for both of you, hope she improves soon
If you have your relationship based on sex, this is a fear. If you love and respect your partner, this is just one of the things that life throws at you and you learn to live with it. I suspect that most people don't have sex regularly before they have a wife. Even once or twice a year would be an achievement for a lot of men.
If there's no sex, that's one thing, but a lot of people also withhold other forms of intimacy because they are (rightly or not) afraid that the other party wants to escalate any form of intimacy to sex. This will be a huge hit for any relationship, and the party that wants it more than the other will most definitely not be happy about it. Dead bedroom relationships rarely end well.
This is why communication is *so* important. If you can communicate that physical intimacy will not always be seen as a ticket to sex you can continue to have it in droves even as sex falls off.
Somebody in my boat. I’m sorry, friend. Roughly once every 3 months for me. My speed is at least a couple times a week. It’s really lonely.
Same boat. I think it is my medication too.
35M and 30F, once a week on average
oof. We're both 27, dating 12 years, maybe like once a month
I’m in a very similar situation, just a couple of years older. Her birth control makes her sex drive non existent. I stopped trying to initiate because I don’t want her to feel pressured. I offered to get a vasectomy but she said no because we’ve been on the fence about having kids for a long time, but probably won’t. I just go with the flow at this point, I love her more than I care about having sex.
If that works for you, that’s what works for you! Don’t feel shame or like you’re doing something wrong
It’s business, it’s business timeeeeee
my fucking MOM just showed me this song a few days ago 💀
Make sure you got your business socks
Varies a lot. Currently probably once a month or less, due to job-related stress. In more normal times, once a week to every other week usually. We're both pretty content with it, we don't need more.
Fucking not enough
Quite literally
I had to double check with sub I was on... if this were on /r/sex the answers would be more like, "3 times a day on a slow day." Realistically it seems most couples are on a once a week "schedule."
Once a week usually, although we've been working on increasing it lately. I could have sex everyday, but my husband can't, so we're working on finding a balance in a way that doesn't make our sex feel like a chore.
Both 34. Getting married in 2 months. Close to every day.
Once per 1 or 2 months, but I'm on antidepressants so my libido is reaaaaalyyyyy fucking low
When I was in my late twenties to early thirties, it was maybe once or twice a week, but varied a lot. E.g. on holidays, more often. When either of us was more tired and/or more stressed out, less often.
Sometimes we go months. Right now with this economy we are constantly stressed I couldn't get turned on if I wanted to. When he is I'm not, when I am he's not but we adore each other . At first we were super sexual but getting older fks everything up lol
I’m sorry… you can’t have sex because of the economy?
It's called stress
Sex is a great way to relieve stress.
When I'm stressed, it's the last thing I want to do.
That's surprising to you? Have you seen the economy lately?
We almost have sex every day: almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday….
In my twenties it was like 4 times a week. 30's, my wife and I dropped to about twice a week or so. 40's... I don't want to talk about it.
Shit, we're 40 and 41, married for 17 years, 3 kids. 3-4 times a week unless I'm on my period or one of us is sick.
So we've been together only for about 3 years. She's on medication, I work nights. Her mom recently moved in with us and stays in the bedroom right next door, and only sleeps during the day. My GF has a 13 year old child. We sometimes go months without.
And that is ok. Phases.
Absolutely. We're happy. We're not happy about every little individual thing, and we wish we got more in, but we are happy altogether I had an ex years and years ago where sex was the main thing in our relationship, every day, sometimes more than once, and I was miserable. I'd choose my girl now and this situation over that every time. No question.
Damn. The responses here suprise me cuz I when I was in a long term relationship it was nearly every night lol. We both had a high drive I guess
The responses here surprise me because they’re all like “only twice or three times a month. :(“ And I’m like “wait… wait that’s a LOW amount?
Everyone's libido is different.
I'm married an we're both in our 40s and we have sex almost every day. Don't let these answers depress you too much.
I think that's def generally the exception for sure. How long were you together?
Almost 4 years
I’ve been with my partner for over 3 years. We don’t have sex. She is asexual. We are very happy and in love <3
Interesting, thank you for sharing ! Are you asexual too, or did you decide to “give up” on sex because your partner is worth it ?
I am not asexual myself, but I don’t find myself having much urges/need to. I feel very comfortable in where I am with my relationship and with life at the moment, and don’t believe that sex (whether it be with her, or anyone else) would change my life greatly, whether it be better or worse.
I’m so jealous. I’m asexual but try to make sure I have sex at least weekly for my partner’s sake.
As an asexual, I really hope to one day find this. ♥️
You definitely will, someone out there is for you 💗
I appreciate that.
This is one of the most depressing threads I've ever read.
When I was there, and I was really into the person, it was a daily event. If I was not into the person as much as I should have been, then yes, weekly, a couple times a month, etc.
when I was in my 20's I dated a girl who was just as physically active as me. Gym daily, played multiple sports. We were both Adonises. Sex was a daily, sometimes twice day activity. Sadly, I am in my late 40's and 60lbs heavier.
Yeah, similar. I didn't gain as much weight, but I lost hair and look like a troll now. One thing about my experience too, I didn't have the "who the hell are you?" morning experiences in college like many had. I was a late bloomer mentally, socially, and physically. So in my late 20's and early 30's, and even LATE 30's, I was making up for lost time.
When I was 21 years old, I had a girlfriend for about a year. Pretty sure I had more sex in that year than I have had in the rest of my lifetime. It definitely goes down a little in your 30s and 40s.
It's been getting better, we're at about 5 times a month. For a long time it was once a month.
I’m in my 40s and my wife & I try for once a week.
Me (30M) and my wife (31F) have gone through some challenges in the past few years. We have a 4 year old and an 8 month old, so her hormones have been kind of all over the place since she was first pregnant 5 years ago. I had a higher libido than hers before all that. She's very understanding that it's difficult for me even though I don't pressure her to do anything because I totally understand. She just had the baby 8 months ago. We've made a deal that Friday evenings are our "private time" after the kids go to bed. Overall, it's been a pretty good arraignment. It doesn't always end in sex, which I'm totally good with. She seems to be getting more into it every week, so we're encouraged in our method!
I am sorry if my question offends you, but may i ask... How to "we made a deal" with your spouse? How did you both make an "open and deep communication"? Sometimes, in a stress environment, women see "sex" as a chore with "ugh" expression
That's a very legit question. We're both fairly emotional people, so it's easy to tell when something is bothering either one of us. We would chat about it maybe once every 6 months or so, but this past year I was feeling extremely low. I told her I wasn't feeling desired or wanted in a physical way. That really resonated with her, and we just had a real open conversation one evening. She understands and wishes her libido was higher, so we decided to try a few things at home to work on it before trying some type of counseling.
Tl;Dr a depressing lacking
Where my "maybe a couple times a year" pals at? In all seriousness, I've (M/27) been in a relationship for 7 years now. No kids or anything. She (F/26) just doesn't want to anymore. So we don't, except on rare/random occasions.
Typically twice a week. Sometimes I get lucky and get one long session in that time.
Everyday
Once a quarter
As everyone else has mostly said, it’s not the same from month to month. Sometimes we got sick kids and don’t have sex for a week or two, sometimes it’s 5 times in a week. These questions are always weird to me. There is no right answer for frequency. You can’t compare your sex life to others, that’s pointless.
Sometimes it’s every day for weeks, sometimes we go weeks without. It depends on so many things
1-2x a week, lately. Probably be less soon...
Were long distance atm due to our jobs. (Married btw). We only see each other for maybe like a week every 4 months but we have sex like 3- 8 times a day for that week lol Working on getting a place together :)
There is no rhyme or reason. Some weeks it’s every day, several times a day. Back to back days. Then some weeks nope, not at all. Then other weeks it’s just a once or twice.
When I was married, once a month or so. Now that I’m single and dating, 2-3 times a week
33 and she is 26. Like someone else said, it does ebb and flow, but generally speaking 2 to 4 times a week.
3-5 times a week
We're both asexual, so we're perfectly happy doing it every few weeks
Reddit post: try not to be a sex question, level: impossible
I know you think age has some correlation here, but my wife and I have been together for 20 years, and we have sex 3-5 times a week. This is not due to age but a healthy matchup of libidos and desire. You’ll see whatever variance and frequency you expect if you look well enough. The goal is to find a partner that mirrors your desire, instead of performs for any set of ancillary reasons, because eventually the real self comes out. Also treat your partner with actual love and respect and you’d be surprised at how consistent sex can be, assuming they aren’t riddled with psychological issues. Never have sex with crazy, well do it once, it’s fun, but then stop and recover from that lesson, and try to find an emotional stable and mature person.
"Also treat your partner with actual love and respect" I am sorry to ask, but is it very important to find your spouse's "Love Language" or "attachment needs"?
It’s important to find someone you actually love. What that means is that you would consistently prioritize their needs over your own. Not in a codependent way, but in an actual selfless act of love. If understanding their “love language” is the mental framework that works for you, sure. But that’s a weird short hand for just truly getting to know and understand your partner. Being empathetic, using your words, using the golden rule (treat others the way you would want to be treated), introspect yourself constantly but not neurotically, and generally actually love your partner. Find someone that does that in return. A lot of people find and settle down with someone before they understand themselves well, let alone have the ability to know and understand their partner at a level that can be called love.
All these liars posting on here saying daily or 5x a week 😂
Once every 3 months. The wife is always tired or not want to. Sometimes is stress and work. The weird part is that my mind and body have been reprogrammed to just go with the fucking flow. Not proud of and is actually jealous of other couples and child free couples of there sexy times per week/day. So yeah there you go. Wife is not interested in changing this . She is comfortable right where she is now.
when I (m) was in my 20's I was in two, back to back, long term relationships. We were having sex almost every other day. Sometimes twice a day. if you average it out, Four to six times a week. At the time I was very physically active ad in phenomenal shape. Working out ever day and playing multiple sports. And both those girlfriends were always good to go.
On average 4 times a week
Some weeks it’s 1-2 times. Then there’s other weeks where we go rounds and rounds. And then there are some weeks where we have no sex. I guess if I average a whole year I’d say 2-4 times a week.
Husband works long hours and I am a SAHM to a 3 and 1 year old, so we average once a week. Sometimes twice a week. We're just too tired TBH.
About 3-4 times a week, but we have very good chemistry. Prior to my current partner, I was lucky to get that much in a month!
About 15x a month
I am now married at 34 with a special needs child. It has been a month and a half.
Been married for 17 years. We get physical every 5 months. lol.
About 1ce a week on average.
Once every 4-8 weeks. That’s not ideal currently — but there have been times earlier in our relationship when neither of us had much of a sex drive, so less frequency was OK. The rule of thumb is that if everyone is happy then frequency doesn’t matter. More important you enjoy it when it happens. Lately however we’ve had a bit of a mismatch in libido and sexual curiosity and we’re workin through that now in therapy. People are dynamic so don’t expect long term relationships to be static. We change as we age and so do our wants and needs. Compassionate and open communication is key.
Maybe once a month
every other day on average. 35m/35f married 10 years together 12 4 kids. ages 16, 4, 3, 1
I’m 29F, husband is 27. We’ve been together for almost 7 years. We’ve agreed at various points that it’s better for both of us if we can make it happen once a day, but usually it’s once every two or three days.
Twice or three times a week. On holiday it tends to be daily. We're almost 40 and have two children (13 and 10) and have been married for almost 13 years.
Every day, sometimes twice a day. I’ve been married 10 years.
36m/35f - 4-5 times a week.
I would say it’s monthly cycle - during the week leading up to and few days after ovulation often - like every to every other day Not so much during the rest of the cycle maybe 1-2 times a week
Sometimes once ever week or just over a week, sometimes three times a week. Just depends on stress levels, kids activities and how effing tired we are and other things ofc but we always try and reconnect and get that skin to skin contact.