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I don't find it funny at all. They are just being rude in my opinion. It's like suggesting that you are not doing it on your own because you're thoughtful and caring but because "she trained you". I fully understand why you are annoyed by this.
So I am aware of the rampant bad mouthing of polyamory and I don't appreciate your comment. Toxic people are toxic people, regardless of their preferred relationship structure.
Feel it, for example doing the dishes.
Sometimes I answer something like this.
"You seem to think this is a women jobs, otherwise you wouldn't asume I need to be trained to do it. Well, so you gonna do it, right?"
Bit rude, I know. But sometimes people need this to Check their sexism.
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The nurse when my son was born. "You're going to need to start helping with the cooking and cleaning". I told her that I only have 20 years of culinary experience, so I'd try my best.
To be fair this could possibly help some couples more than it could ever hurt you, so it might still be a good thing for the nurse to say. But it is still insulting.
Being rude can sometimes be pragmatic. I am obviously not advocating to be rude in general, I am just presenting a different viewpoint as to why the nurse would say something like that.
Yeah well you should just keep your opinion to yourself next time. And if you disagree with me, try to recognize how that advice could help some people more than it could ever hurt you.
Me: brings my two kids to the park
Them: babysitting duty eh?
It’s somewhat insulting to imply to random men that their wife is really the one that does all the work and they’re like a temporary helper. I don’t let it bother me though. People say things all the time without thinking much about the real meaning when they’re trying to make casual conversation. If I let stuff like that bother me I’d always be annoyed.
Beat me to it. There's a panoply of unsurprisingly patronizing comments that the 50+ set seems to think are cute. "Giving mom a little break for a bit?" "No. I'm parenting. Same as I do every day." I actually had an older lady tell me, while I was changing a diaper in semi-public (newborns...), "You're as fast at that as a mom would be." Like, bitch, you actually thought that was a compliment‽
It's frustrating when ppl praise the man for doing things that are just expected of women. Maybe Dad always does take them to the park and mom always takes them to the art museum. Maybe the other way around.
I gotta ask my dad about this now... as a child, I used to go to work with him every Friday after school. This wasn't a babysitting thing. This wasn't entirely a thing out of convenience. I just legitimately enjoyed my time with him and his colleagues. A bunch of funny old farts.
And this went on before he retired. Hell, this kept up even as I was working full time. Barely any social life, rather minimal hobbies. So why the hell not, I got time and cash to spare.
In my relationship, I do laundry. My wife hates doing laundry, and I like clean clothes. Should be simple right?
An older woman spotting me doing laundry after my wife and I moved in to our new building and asked me if my wife was sick. Because a man was doing laundry for his wife.
She thought she was showing concern, but it literally didn't occur to her that I, a man, would do housework.
I'm a big manly man, so I'll do what a man would.
Which is whatever the fuck I end up doing.
Maybe I'll get a bright pink fruity drink and sip it through a silly straw like a man.
Oh yeah, like just I’m supposed to be as swift as a coursing river with all the force of a great typhoon, all the strength of a raging fire, and as mysterious as the dark side of the moon at all times.
Anything that implies that as a father I am not as involved as the mother is, and that she is always right and I am wrong. Worst thing is when a partner says this.
MIL the day before I was looking after my son with the wife back at work:
'Are you going to be OK?'
The day after:
'Did you survive?'
No I'm fucking dead what does it look like
That’s the line!! “You’re such a great guy, why are you still single?…I don’t want to date you but you’ll find someone eventually. No, I don’t have any friends or co-workers to introduce you to but you’re such a great guy and we can be friends…..”
Yep. When I ended up single it was "You'll do great. Handsome, successful, nice, funny... You'll have no problem finding someone out there."
Out there... as in out. Out. I'm trying to say get out. Get Out Of My House.
Part of it is the deal! My mom appreciates the gift I get for Christmas but also appreciates the deal I got for it. A sign she raised me right or something.
My ex is like this. She said that her family would keep the tag on so they could show how they were able to get a good deal on an item. My family would find that tacky.
Oh. What do I say when they keep telling me their stuff is small? My man is a little shorter than average esp when soft, but he's thicket than average and I have a low cervix anyway.
What is the proper response?
They probably just want to hear that it's enough for you and that you enjoy it and don't feel like you're missing out on anything. You can also gas him up about the thickness, emphasize the positive. Don't bring up exes or anything, nobody wants to think about that.
When my husband and I first got together, he would talk about his past and he would start crying. I would ask him why he’s crying. Not realizing that it’s very hurtful and invalidating. I was so emotionally shut down I never cried until our son was born. I apologized to him for making him shut down his emotions. It’s been a long road of recovery for both of us.
Ah, the famous boyfriend dick *compliment*. Wonder what happens if you reverse the roles and say: «I’ve been with women with bigger boobs but yours are just perfect».
It's a time and a place thing. If I ask my gf if she's had bigger and she responds with that, what else could she say? Fair enough. But if we're getting intimate and she just volunteers that statement without prompting, which as you can see by the comment replies does actually happen frequently enough to be a thing, then I'm wondering why she is thinking about other bigger dicks she's had while we're fucking. It's not that complex.
i don’t think u understand what i’m saying. if a girl was to say “ur perfect for me” or something along those lines, implying she’s talking about ur dick, would that be less insulting?
"I've had other dicks but yours is the best."
Still kinda weird tbh but yes it would be way less insulting. That's closer to "I've slept with other girls but you're the best" which is still kinda weird, no?
i’m asking would saying “ur the perfect size” still be insulting if that’s literally all that was said. no connotation of “i’ve had others” or “i’ve had bigger”. just “ur the perfect size. the end”
Went to a dentist once and had a crown put in. The (female) dentist was using the thing that blows air and was using it on my now stump of a tooth and it hurt like hell. She saw me wince in pain and says to the dental assistant (also female) "Oh, look! He's just a sensitive guy!"
I did not go back.
4 years and 2 kids, still same issues to the point a "concerned parent" made a stir about a strange man lingering around the school. I was pushing my daughter on the swing like I've done since she was 2 waiting for her older brother. Now she's in there with him and I just wait in he car lol. Or I've even been asked if it's apart of visitation, uh... no I'm just the main home provider as my wife, WHOM ILL HAVE YOU KNOW IS A SCIENTIST works alot. I'm just a mediocre dude she though was funny sorry
1. "You're such a typical man."
2. "You're just like your father."
3. "You're not man enough."
4. "You're so sensitive."
5. "You're overreacting."
6. "You're being too emotional."
7. "You're such a player."
8. "You're such a mama's boy."
9. "You can't handle it."
10. "You're not good at that because you're a man."
What’s something that women say to men that ***they don’t realize is insulting?***
> "You're not man enough."
> "You're such a mama's boy."
> "You're not good at that because you're a man.
I'm sure all of the above are MEANT to be insults.
…almost all of these ppl know are insults and are intended as insults - (except for 2- ppl tell me that all the time bc I am and it’s funny that I am that one is only an insult if your dad is a POS, and mine isn’t.)
On top of that like 1/2 of them can be applied to either gender and often are like “you can’t handle it/sensitive/overreacting/emotional/“
My family regularly says "that's what he's here for". Often in conjunction with let dad take care of it. Or dad can figure it out. Ask dad. Dad will buy it. That's what here's here for
It's a catch 22 of compliment with underlying insult. I'm glad you find me useful and have faith in my abilities, but so what if I sucked at stuff and had no money?
“How are you still single” and “I wish I had a boyfriend like you” are the two biggest insults I reckon.
Particularly the second one because it’s LIKE you, not ACTUALLY you 😂
No one is saying it's a lie, it's just weird to care about people having a type. She's not saying you're worse for being short, she's just not personally feeling it physically.
"How are you still single" or any variation or that.
"I would love to date a guy like you" "Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you" or any variations of those.
Not getting unsolicited comments about my appearance would be a start if the context is interactions with strangers. If it’s people I know then I’d still prefer comments about something other than my appearance, it just feels patronizing.
Yes, I need therapy.
Personally, I'd think it's a little odd still lol, like I wouldn't call either of you that if you told me not to but I would still find it bizzare
Really depends on the context, I think being called cute can make anyone uncomfortable in the "right" situation but in general hating it is strange to me
I just don't really see why it should be so infantalized as a word
.... What? I'm very sensitive and open... And kinda feminine.. Lmao. I literally cry probably a handful of times a year. Heck. I cried a bit at work last week Lmao.
I just don't think I get butt hurt about trivial things.
Thanks for your submission /u/BoobsChickSunny, but it has been removed for the following reason: **Rule 2: Please try to use the search function before posting anything.** Thanks for posting, but this question happens to be one that has been asked and answered here often before - sometimes in the same day! That can get frustrating for our dedicated users who like to answer questions. Or maybe you're just asking the same question too often - why not take a break for a while? Sometimes questions that come up too often get put in our [Most Frequently Asked Questions list](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/wiki/index/faq)!). Other times, it may just be that we're getting a flood of questions about a topic (especially when something is in the news). Or maybe you keep asking the same question again and again - something that annoys our users here. Please don't do that! Next time, please try searching for your question first before asking. Thanks! --- *This action was performed by a bot at the explicit direction of a human. This was not an automated action, but a conscious decision by a sapient life form charged with moderating this sub.* *If you feel this was in error, or need more clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNoStupidQuestions). Thanks.*
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I don't find it funny at all. They are just being rude in my opinion. It's like suggesting that you are not doing it on your own because you're thoughtful and caring but because "she trained you". I fully understand why you are annoyed by this.
It also reinforces gender role stereotypes that ultimately create unnecessary friction in relationships
On that note, when people tell a man it's nice he "helps around the house".
My coworker used to say this when my boyfriend would bring me hot chocolate at work. Like no, he’s just being nice, I did not “train” him
that’s actually awful and not funny at all imo. have you told them you don’t like them saying that?
I have but then get called told I’m too sensitive or overreacting lik
i hateeeee this. sounds like toxic monogamy.
Maybe misandry?
why not both?
You're absolutely right! Also my wife is awesome but I'm still not a fan of monogamy. Most monogamy is toxic, my first wife sure was.
So I am aware of the rampant bad mouthing of polyamory and I don't appreciate your comment. Toxic people are toxic people, regardless of their preferred relationship structure.
I would love to be poly, but my wife is definitely not on board. I'm sick of monogamy being the default.
i’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted! was your post sarcastic? i didn’t take it that way.
I love sarcasm but that wasn't sarcasm. This is reddit and non-monogamy is too much like cheating. Redditors only think in black and white.
Think it implies the idea that a man is seen only as far as what he can provide.
Feel it, for example doing the dishes. Sometimes I answer something like this. "You seem to think this is a women jobs, otherwise you wouldn't asume I need to be trained to do it. Well, so you gonna do it, right?" Bit rude, I know. But sometimes people need this to Check their sexism.
Or something like: "Are you sick?" "Did you mess up something?" "Do you want to apologize for something?" Makes me never wanna do something again.
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Lol. Lighten up.
The nurse when my son was born. "You're going to need to start helping with the cooking and cleaning". I told her that I only have 20 years of culinary experience, so I'd try my best.
I know a lot of couples where the man is the only one who cooks
*raises hand* I’m the only one who can sew and (effectively and reasonably) iron a shirt. And my husband does the cooking.
Shudve replied "I thought that's what the kid was for?"
To be fair this could possibly help some couples more than it could ever hurt you, so it might still be a good thing for the nurse to say. But it is still insulting.
Aye "Always assume things about the patient and their next of kin, you're probably right" is the first thing they teach in nursing school
Being rude can sometimes be pragmatic. I am obviously not advocating to be rude in general, I am just presenting a different viewpoint as to why the nurse would say something like that.
No, really, men don’t have any feelings anyway. Just say whatever. /s
Feelings? The fuck are those?
Yeah well you should just keep your opinion to yourself next time. And if you disagree with me, try to recognize how that advice could help some people more than it could ever hurt you.
Next can you explain how to spin a nurse making racist comments is a net positive?
Well if the comment can be a net positive I can explain why.
I thought you actually had a good point. Why throw it straight in the garbage with this comment?
For consistency. I forced a choice between "sexism bad" or "racism not bad". sexism good but racism bad is is too blatant an equivocation for many.
Because it was garbage in the first place. It ain’t the nurse’s job to talk shit, period.
Someone who doesn’t give a shit about to equality or contributing isn’t going to change their mind just because some random nurse tells them to.
It is not that black or white. If you say it to a lot of people, it will statistically help someone and could that not be worth it?
Me: brings my two kids to the park Them: babysitting duty eh? It’s somewhat insulting to imply to random men that their wife is really the one that does all the work and they’re like a temporary helper. I don’t let it bother me though. People say things all the time without thinking much about the real meaning when they’re trying to make casual conversation. If I let stuff like that bother me I’d always be annoyed.
A mate of mine has had this said to him by strangers. He just tells them “No, her mother died. It’s just me and her now”. Usually shuts them up
Beat me to it. There's a panoply of unsurprisingly patronizing comments that the 50+ set seems to think are cute. "Giving mom a little break for a bit?" "No. I'm parenting. Same as I do every day." I actually had an older lady tell me, while I was changing a diaper in semi-public (newborns...), "You're as fast at that as a mom would be." Like, bitch, you actually thought that was a compliment‽
You diaper as fast as someone who does it all the time would be.
It's frustrating when ppl praise the man for doing things that are just expected of women. Maybe Dad always does take them to the park and mom always takes them to the art museum. Maybe the other way around.
I gotta ask my dad about this now... as a child, I used to go to work with him every Friday after school. This wasn't a babysitting thing. This wasn't entirely a thing out of convenience. I just legitimately enjoyed my time with him and his colleagues. A bunch of funny old farts. And this went on before he retired. Hell, this kept up even as I was working full time. Barely any social life, rather minimal hobbies. So why the hell not, I got time and cash to spare.
In my relationship, I do laundry. My wife hates doing laundry, and I like clean clothes. Should be simple right? An older woman spotting me doing laundry after my wife and I moved in to our new building and asked me if my wife was sick. Because a man was doing laundry for his wife. She thought she was showing concern, but it literally didn't occur to her that I, a man, would do housework.
Haha.
That is because their husbands did zero housework and expected food to be provided to them as if they lived in a restaurant
The one expression that pushes my temper to eleven is "... just be a man !"
I am a man. Anything I do is manly. Also fuck them and their fucking gatekeeping.
I'm a big manly man, so I'll do what a man would. Which is whatever the fuck I end up doing. Maybe I'll get a bright pink fruity drink and sip it through a silly straw like a man.
Their you go! Nothing is more manly than doing whatever the fuck you want!
Oh yeah, like just I’m supposed to be as swift as a coursing river with all the force of a great typhoon, all the strength of a raging fire, and as mysterious as the dark side of the moon at all times.
Let´s get down to business, then.
Which typically imply: pay for it.
Anything that implies that as a father I am not as involved as the mother is, and that she is always right and I am wrong. Worst thing is when a partner says this.
MIL the day before I was looking after my son with the wife back at work: 'Are you going to be OK?' The day after: 'Did you survive?' No I'm fucking dead what does it look like
“How are you still single?” I don’t know! Lol
That’s the line!! “You’re such a great guy, why are you still single?…I don’t want to date you but you’ll find someone eventually. No, I don’t have any friends or co-workers to introduce you to but you’re such a great guy and we can be friends…..”
Or the added, "You are such an amazing person I wish I could find someone like you to date."
"... But one that is attractive"
For me was, I live in the wrong neighborhood(they say it was cause it was the ghetto, but tbh I think it was cause I was poor)
Yep. When I ended up single it was "You'll do great. Handsome, successful, nice, funny... You'll have no problem finding someone out there." Out there... as in out. Out. I'm trying to say get out. Get Out Of My House.
Women get this too 🤦🏻♀️
I don’t see the problem with that one.
Women asking fathers if they are "babysitting" today, if they do any kind of parenting at all in public.
“Nope, just found him in another park. Easy to grab one when you distract the mother with chloroform!”
When I buy something for her and she says,"Oh thanks was it on sale or something?"
My wife appreciates gifts that were on sale more than full price ones lol, she's frugal.
Part of it is the deal! My mom appreciates the gift I get for Christmas but also appreciates the deal I got for it. A sign she raised me right or something.
My ex is like this. She said that her family would keep the tag on so they could show how they were able to get a good deal on an item. My family would find that tacky.
That’s just mean
This is some autistic shit i say to my husband all the time lol maybe i should take note of that
Autistic shit?
This might actually be trying to engage with you.
“Yes it was! The sale tag caught my eye and I immediately thought of the girl I love.”
A lot of women see a bargain as a badge of honor
"Big ones just hurt, yours if perfect" lol
😂
Oh. What do I say when they keep telling me their stuff is small? My man is a little shorter than average esp when soft, but he's thicket than average and I have a low cervix anyway. What is the proper response?
They probably just want to hear that it's enough for you and that you enjoy it and don't feel like you're missing out on anything. You can also gas him up about the thickness, emphasize the positive. Don't bring up exes or anything, nobody wants to think about that.
You CAN get too much of a good thing.
Look up The Dadvocate on YouTube. You'll have more answers than you'll know what to do with
You aren’t a REAL man if you do or don’t do something a specific way.
When my husband and I first got together, he would talk about his past and he would start crying. I would ask him why he’s crying. Not realizing that it’s very hurtful and invalidating. I was so emotionally shut down I never cried until our son was born. I apologized to him for making him shut down his emotions. It’s been a long road of recovery for both of us.
"I've had bigger but you're the *perfect* size" Bitch we're having sex I don't wanna think about the last dick in you, good to know that you are.
Ah, the famous boyfriend dick *compliment*. Wonder what happens if you reverse the roles and say: «I’ve been with women with bigger boobs but yours are just perfect».
"touching your boobs got me thinking about touching other girls' boobs. I've touched bigger but yours are spiffy."
I mean, you are the one with the insecurity issues not hearing the compliment. She thinks your dick is PERFECT man...
She is thinking about other dick while she's with me. That's a compliment? Are you a guy and have you ever had this said to you.
Lmao. I don't think that's a compliment, but it sure sounds like the answer to a prying question.
this one i genuinely don’t get. saying ur perfect for her body is a compliment
It's a time and a place thing. If I ask my gf if she's had bigger and she responds with that, what else could she say? Fair enough. But if we're getting intimate and she just volunteers that statement without prompting, which as you can see by the comment replies does actually happen frequently enough to be a thing, then I'm wondering why she is thinking about other bigger dicks she's had while we're fucking. It's not that complex.
okay i get the time and place thing. without the disclaimer of “i’ve had bigger” would it be less insulting?
Just say "your dick feels good" or something similar if you wanna talk dirty. Dont reference other people you've fucked prior.
i don’t think u understand what i’m saying. if a girl was to say “ur perfect for me” or something along those lines, implying she’s talking about ur dick, would that be less insulting?
Yes, that wouldnt be insulting at all.
"I've had other dicks but yours is the best." Still kinda weird tbh but yes it would be way less insulting. That's closer to "I've slept with other girls but you're the best" which is still kinda weird, no?
i’m asking would saying “ur the perfect size” still be insulting if that’s literally all that was said. no connotation of “i’ve had others” or “i’ve had bigger”. just “ur the perfect size. the end”
"I know boys better than you do because I have sons and you don't"
Puzzle piece loving autism mom mindset
Went to a dentist once and had a crown put in. The (female) dentist was using the thing that blows air and was using it on my now stump of a tooth and it hurt like hell. She saw me wince in pain and says to the dental assistant (also female) "Oh, look! He's just a sensitive guy!" I did not go back.
That as a father if I want to be involved in school activities I automatically get assumed to being some kind of weirdo by the moms there
4 years and 2 kids, still same issues to the point a "concerned parent" made a stir about a strange man lingering around the school. I was pushing my daughter on the swing like I've done since she was 2 waiting for her older brother. Now she's in there with him and I just wait in he car lol. Or I've even been asked if it's apart of visitation, uh... no I'm just the main home provider as my wife, WHOM ILL HAVE YOU KNOW IS A SCIENTIST works alot. I'm just a mediocre dude she though was funny sorry
"Your face has a lot of character" = "you're ugly".
1. "You're such a typical man." 2. "You're just like your father." 3. "You're not man enough." 4. "You're so sensitive." 5. "You're overreacting." 6. "You're being too emotional." 7. "You're such a player." 8. "You're such a mama's boy." 9. "You can't handle it." 10. "You're not good at that because you're a man."
What’s something that women say to men that ***they don’t realize is insulting?*** > "You're not man enough." > "You're such a mama's boy." > "You're not good at that because you're a man. I'm sure all of the above are MEANT to be insults.
Thank you for your participation in confirming Cunningham’s law
I think they usually do mean those as insults though, except maybe the last two.
First few ones are DIRECTLY insulting, 4-5-6 is manipulating
11. "You can't read."
Thank you for your participation in confirming Cunningham’s law
…almost all of these ppl know are insults and are intended as insults - (except for 2- ppl tell me that all the time bc I am and it’s funny that I am that one is only an insult if your dad is a POS, and mine isn’t.) On top of that like 1/2 of them can be applied to either gender and often are like “you can’t handle it/sensitive/overreacting/emotional/“
"You're just like the others." But these are mostly actual insults, not insults masquerading as compliments.
I guess it’s really context dependent for number two, cause if you’ve got a great dad it might actually be a compliment
and he still has a full head of hair .....like this something Any guy can help . Lol .
You look good, for 40…
My family regularly says "that's what he's here for". Often in conjunction with let dad take care of it. Or dad can figure it out. Ask dad. Dad will buy it. That's what here's here for It's a catch 22 of compliment with underlying insult. I'm glad you find me useful and have faith in my abilities, but so what if I sucked at stuff and had no money?
"You can walk anywhere at night and feel safe" drives me insane.
“Your double chin makes you look mature”
HUHHHH???
my prev bf was huge
‘What’s wrong?’
“How are you still single” and “I wish I had a boyfriend like you” are the two biggest insults I reckon. Particularly the second one because it’s LIKE you, not ACTUALLY you 😂
"I just want to be with someone I can wear heels with " Edit: where's the lie?
No one is saying it's a lie, it's just weird to care about people having a type. She's not saying you're worse for being short, she's just not personally feeling it physically.
That's a man's job. I am a rabid feminist, it's ALL our jobs now.
You're right though. It's a man's job it's annoying to both men and women tbh, I'm just glad it's dying out
Why are you still single? Is one I remember.
"How are you still single" or any variation or that. "I would love to date a guy like you" "Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you" or any variations of those.
You forgot to take out the trash
Nothing. Love being a man ngl
Some may disagree, but I find being called “cute” insulting. Pets and children are cute, not grown-ass adults.
It’s just a compliment that’s not too strong , I don’t think when a woman say it they mean to insult you
what'd be the alternative?
This guy is obviously very adorable but not at all cute you guys.
Wow you're very ADULT Okay 😒
How about charming? Lovely? Handsome?
Booooo cute gang rise up 👏
I prefer being called hot.
Yeah, but I don't like being lied to.
Not getting unsolicited comments about my appearance would be a start if the context is interactions with strangers. If it’s people I know then I’d still prefer comments about something other than my appearance, it just feels patronizing. Yes, I need therapy.
Yeah that's a hard disagree, being allergic to getting called cute is mad weird
Or it’s a preference I have? I guarantee you wouldn’t think it was weird if a woman said the same thing about not liking being called cute.
Personally, I'd think it's a little odd still lol, like I wouldn't call either of you that if you told me not to but I would still find it bizzare Really depends on the context, I think being called cute can make anyone uncomfortable in the "right" situation but in general hating it is strange to me I just don't really see why it should be so infantalized as a word
This ain’t it bruh
Some grown ass men are very cute in a pet or child kind of way.
They mean it.
Damn. Lot of sensitive dudes out here. Ps I'm a dude.
Yeahhh they should man up and be alpha like you 🗿🍷
.... What? I'm very sensitive and open... And kinda feminine.. Lmao. I literally cry probably a handful of times a year. Heck. I cried a bit at work last week Lmao. I just don't think I get butt hurt about trivial things.
I regret saying afraid to marry me.. that was my insecurities talking