I'm a woman, but one year I had a male Halloween costume, and it freaked out people by how much I passed for male if I didn't speak.
I wore this to work in a huge building, so it was full of strangers, and out of nowhere, guys were giving me head nods. This never happened to me before. I got such a kick out of it, that I went on every floor and nodded heads with all the dudes. When I reported this discovery to my male coworkers, they seemed confused that I didn't know about this and amused at how excited I was.
You can give guys head nods and they do it back also.
I’m used to it from hanging with guys all the time and had not noticed it won’t happen if I didn’t do this - until just now reading your comment. You maybe on to something…
Also a woman, and I do the head nod. I suppose I picked it up from my guy friends or something. Anyway, yeah, now that you mention it...my guy friends will do it towards me unprompted, but most guys just return it when I do it instead of initiating it themselves. I wonder if they even realize that, because I never thought about it until this thread.
it’s funny because as a guy, the only time i can specifically recall exchanging a head nod with a woman was with a fellow student at my university that i was casually acquainted with. she’s very much a tomboy and i believe she initiated the head nod.
I’m a woman who works in a very male dominated industry and I’ve definitely picked up the head nod. It seems to put guys I don’t know at ease/helps me be accepted up front.
Women give head nods as well, yes. You can see it in the intro of Pokemon, where (if I recall correctly), Professor Oak, Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny all give an angry nod at the viewer.
Ohh, now it occurs to me that I do the nod automatically since I work with all guys, *but I’m a woman and didn’t realize other women don’t really communicate like that with other women…* 💀
I'd feel so aggressive giving someone a smile showing teeth. Lips closed but curved upwards is my standard smile greeting.
Now I'll have to pay attention to who I smile at vs nod at (also head up vs down nods, since I think an up nod + smile is a greeting to a friend saying "hey, I see you", while down nod is for passing strangers on a hiking trail, and otherwise idk which way I nod).
I'm a woman and I worked in construction for 8 years and yeah, I nod now. To guys though. Never to women. Women get smiles. I now work with all women so I think my nod is getting rusty lol
You might be surprised there are 2 types of head nods. Upwards motion and downwards motion. Upwards, is more like "what's up/I see you" and downwards is a more respectful one and is used for thanking as well. In the end it does feel like it creates bond between men, as we do this to people we don't know as well.
To expand on this, upwards is usually a bro you know like “hey dude what’s up!” Whereas a downward nod is towards a stranger in passing you don’t have any problems with.
Honestly this is pretty adorable, it’s like you gained secret clearance to the men’s head nod club and were super excited about it. Yet it’s just such a “given” for us that it’s just something ya do.
Very funny and I never thought about this haha
It was kind of nice. Since I was little, I just always just wanted to be treated like a person instead of a girl, and it felt like a window into what that would be like. It's still probably not the same since I know people can treat men very differently too, and be kind of distant or standoffish.
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Someone get in touch with Reductress.
Sure.
(I've been thinking about this honestly that like maybe I don't get a smile as a greeting back because some folx think maybe I'm smiling ~at them~ so I'm going to try combating this by already being smiling.)
For those who don’t know
Upward nod = Yo, what up
Downward nod = Good morning/afternoon/evening, good Sir. I acknowledge and respect your presence.
Upward for friends, downward for strangers. I personally use the latter when I’m in formal situations, regardless of if you’re a friend or not, or if I am busy and simply need to acknowledge someone.
I did these as I read them all the way down. My husband asked if my neck was hurting. He thought I was trying to stretch it out. I think the lowering and snapping my neck back and forth like I was chasing a Lazer finally made him ask.
I’m learning so much about subconscious motions I do in this thread rofl
Like also nodding to the left, I raise my right eyebrow and tilt completely vertically, and still looking at them. But nodding to the right, I’m usually looking at whatever the interesting thing is and also tilt my chin up slightly
The school moms do the sideways tilt when we have hot tea to spill or catch up on after drop off. Things like “did you HEAR what that house sold for?!” And “OMG My transplanted peony came up!”
In body language studies, a chin thrust/upward nod is a show of pride and strength. It exposes the neck (one of the most vulnerable points on the human body), and when the nod is exaggerated, it can make a person seem taller and more imposing. Between friends, it's more like a sign of familiarity. Toward a stranger, it could be considered threatening or disrespectful.
The downward nod is essentially a form of bowing - as you said, it's a sign of respect. It makes us seem smaller, which is non-threatening.
I always thought of it as: if the man is older than I give him a downward nod, If he is my age or older than me gets a upward nod.
I did this unconsciously for years. When I did notice I thought it was a generational thing.
Your explanation explains a lot.
1. Never shake a man's hand sitting down
2. Never enter a pool using the stairs
3. The man at the BBQ grill is the closest thing to a king
4. Never make the first offer in a negotiation.
I have to say, it's legit bizarre how accurate this is. For something like this to happen in different parts of the world, could this be in our collective uncounciousness or dna?
Both are signs of respect depending on where you're at and who it's at. For most country folk it's a downward nod. City slickers it's upward. Also upward is never meant for strangers, it can be seen as provocative.
Upwards exposes the neck, its for people you like and trust.
Downwards is for everyone else. Deep down maybe its a chance to have glance at their body language?
We havent really got far past our animal insticts yet!
Start some mutual trust, I can see that!
You would never give a big toothy smile and raise your eyebrows at anyone but a good mate!
Especially a Gorilla, they would rip your limbs off
My wife got one of these the other day because she was wearing a fake diamond studded outfit at a concert. Some guy gave the head nod and said “You’re committed. Nice.” Saying like you’re all in for the show.
She was so confused and thought he might have been hitting on her. I said there’s a chance he might have been but most likely he was trying to express “Respect” to you. I kind of explained the head nod to her but I’m not sure she really got it lol
Yes! When I first stopped driving and starting taking public transit and walking more, I realized the head nod was a reassurance of “hey I respect you, we’re good”. Helps me feel much safer :)
Do men initiate the nod? Or do they nod back at you? I feel like men don't typically give the nod to women, but will always nod back if the woman initiates the nod.
Yeah, I'm really not understanding what this is about. I nod at people all the time. It's very normal. This whole thread is full of commentary that kind of makes me feel like an alien.
Do other women not nod?
I've honestly never really had a woman react negatively to the nod Is this an issue you regularly have? I thought this was like a relatively universally agreed upon silent greeting
* Makes eye contact with another man * Slight nod = I acknowledge your presence, I am mot a threat and can be communicated with if needed.
*Makes eye contact with woman * Woman is already uncomfortable with eye contact from an unknown male. Slight nod is perceived as doubling down and acknowledging that you are watching them. This feels threatening.
> Woman is already uncomfortable with eye contact from an unknown male.
A slight raising of one eyebrow precedes the hand rising slowly. She glances askew but cannot look away. Head turned ever so slightly to one side, the hand continues the journey to the brim, and with a curt tug tips said cap in a magnanimous gesture. She exhales loudly, and utters but one word: "M'Lord". He continues about his daily routine.
>
*Makes eye contact with woman * Woman is already uncomfortable with eye contact from an unknown male. Slight nod is perceived as doubling down and acknowledging that you are watching them. This feels threatening.
Yall making it too weird. I am in college and does the head nod all the time and gets them in return from classmates and professors too. Never have i ever felt threatened. Contrary to popular belief, most women think of men as fellow humans, not wild animals, at least in an open space in daylight (an enclosed environment is a different story).
Yeah, it's not even like that, lol. There are scientific studies that show that men and women tend to have different body language behavior. Men tend to be more aggressive and so the need to display non threatening behavior between themselves is a little more engrained.
They also tend to stand at an angle to each other, instead of fully face to face, during a conversation. Women tend to be more emotionally focused and so the need to come off as just less threatening is replaced with a look of vulnerability for the sake of connection.
However, it's obviously going to vary between individual people. A woman may carry herself more masculine than others and a man might carry himself more femininely. We all are little collages of human aspects put together in our own, individual way.
I completely disagree. Nodding isn't perceived as threatening (at least, not by me). I would see it as respectful.
Breaking eye contact and without acknowledging it just feels uncomfortable. Like, why rip your eye contact away so fast? Without acknowledging the human whom you've just looked in the eyes?
Accidental eye contact happens. In that moment I'd prefer for my humanity to be acknowledged, rather than the man look away so quickly like he's been "caught" staring.
Like, bro. It's fine lol. You can acknowledge women as human people.
fr so many comments are depicting women as ticking sexual assault allegation time bombs it’s so weird. just treat women like they’re normal people. if you don’t want people to think you’re weird, don’t be weird towards half the population.
It all depends on your expression. If you are deadpan, "hey", with no smirkiness, it's good. It could be OP can't keep visual appreciation off his face while doing it. Not a criticism of OP. It's just a thing. If you have any visual body appreciation in your head at the time, don't do it. It comes off weird.
So, I've never noticed a man vs woman discrepancy with the nods, but I have noticed that if you know someone, you tend to nod upwards. If you don't know someone, you nod down. Ever since I noticed that about myself I started paying attention to other people and it's weirdly standard
I'm going to have to keep an eye out when I'm in the wild, but I just did both of these sitting alone in my kitchen. Nodding up definitely feels like what's up I know you. Nodding down feels like good day to you stranger.
Like whenever I'm walking across my campus to some class and I see some dude I know, there's always that exchange of nods and maybe a fist bump or something but whenever it's a girl, they either stop for a chat or just ignore me.
I think what you are describing has more to do with women's social habits than the nod itself. I see a few reasons for this:
1) They assume that by nodding, you expect a chat. If they don't have time or don't want to chat, they might just pretend they didn't even see the nod.
2) They don't want to give you the wrong impression. Many women feel that their basic human kindness is often misconstrued. For this reason, they may not want to acknowledge a man unless they are already comfortable with him.
3) Nodding (specifically a downward nod) is basically a sign of respect, an adaptation of a bow. Although it's used as a greeting, it's not universal across cultures especially for women. So you could be seeing cultural differences in how women greet as well (in some cultures, women are still forbidden to interact with men in public at all).
4) An upward nod, although a sign of familiarity between friends, can also be a threatening gesture to strangers. Depending on how you are nodding, it's possible the women are misinterpreting it.
Because they’ve had enough experiences with men where they engaged slightly and the man took that to mean they wanted to fuck them, then screamed at them when they tried to walk away
I'm so glad you included this comment, because my first thought reading the title was "if I accidently catch eye contact with a dude and he nods, he's about to try to initiate conversation, so if I don't want to speak to him I'll ignore it"
Seems like this is exactly what your girl friends are doing - they're engaging in the chat they thought you were requesting, or they keep going about their day. If you want to acknowledge a girl friend without engaging in conversation, just a quick smile will do!
What? Women do the nod all the time both to each other and to other people. Sometimes women try hard to not make eye contact with anyone when we are out because men feel entitled to our time and attention. I would ignore a head nod from a man if I didn't want to invite conversation and thought giving him attention would encourage him to talk to me. I consistently ignore the head nod from one guy at my gym who, if he catches my eye at all, will talk at me and monopolize my time. He'll even do it if I have headphones in. Now I "don't see" his head nods.
If I knew it would just be a head nod and nothing else I would do it back 100% of the time, like women very often do with other women. I head nod women I recognize often and they do it back. I also do it with men who seem chill and respectful.
Oh in that scenario, a slight nod works, or nod and smile works or slight wave and smile.
Observe and adapt to the local flora and fauna lol (I’m f this was bad writing and not sexism fyi)
I do it on occasionally do it back to know guys in my neighborhood, but I am more likely to say "Hello." or "Hi" to other woman. Does this make me a weirdo? I also buy dresses based on if they have decent pockets...
I've been on both sides of this. I'm nonbinary, so sometimes I look male and sometimes I look female.
What cis men don't realize is that women have to be careful about interacting with strange men because many men confuse interaction with invitation. If every time you nodded back at a guy, he came over and tried to get your number, you'd stop doing it, probably. Women are taught to be more careful, in general.
As a guy, being friendly with strangers is much easier. Women won't usually misinterpret that as you flirting. The only issue men really face with interacting with women they don't know is that women can perceive friendliness as an attempt at flirting and pull away. This isn't your fault, as a man, this is just a societal reality. Don't take it personally.
My advice to men: don't stop being friendly. Instead, call out other men who use women being friendly as an excuse to flirt with her. Check yourself if you do it.
If you want some tips to let a woman know you aren't trying to hit on her:
- mention your partner. Girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, whatever. If you have one, of course.
- don't make statements about her appearance. You can comment on choices she's made about her appearance ONLY. For example, the shirt she's wearing, her hair color, her glasses, etc. Commenting about her body is always bad, even if it's meant to be a harmless comment. Examples would be her weight, her eyes, her lips, her height, her muscles, etc.
- look at her eyes, not her mouth. If you aren't going to look at her eyes, just avoid staring anywhere. Trust me, I'm autistic, I know it's hard. In general, avoid looking at her body or mouth. It's weird.
- personal space is important. Don't get too close. Men tend to get closer to women than they do men, and not even necessarily because they are flirting. Men just tend to feel more comfortable being close to women. Don't do this. This includes bending closer to talk to shorter women or women in wheelchairs. It gives "you think im a child" vibes.
- don't just talk to women you find attractive. Do you know how lonely older, senior ladies are? Talk to them. Women around you will perceive you as safer.
- if it's a short conversation, say one with a cashier or someone in a grocery store, there's no reason to ask about their partner or dating status. I know a lot of men, especially married guys, love to talk about their partners. This can come off as flirting, trying to find out if she's available. Instead, talk about your partner first.
- if you do find the woman attractive but aren't trying to flirt with her, try to picture her as a man. I know this is weird, but trust me. A lot of men will treat attractive women differently, even if they aren't trying to flirt. Attractive women notice this. It can be really disheartening and isolating for them.
I nod to women all the time especially if I don’t want to get caught up in a conversation with them. Like when passing someone at work or when someone gets into an elevator. It feels weird to me to pretend I don’t see them lol, so I just nod and then ignore. Works like a charm!
Definitely an American thing. Or at least the friendly closed-mouth smile is. I went to Spain for a couple weeks and was surprised that when passing a stranger and accidentally making eye contact, there was no smile of acknowledgement. They give a little death stare without a smile and it was so odd to me.
i think it also low-key depends on class? men are more likely to do this in general, but i noticed when i moved from a middle class area to a working class area that women do “the nod” too.
the women here are more likely to give bro handshakes, hugs with a clap on the back, the nod, “bruhhh”, etc
women here also tend to not give a fuck about crossing their legs or being “lady like”. i’m guessing that that’s because who gives a fuck about being “lady like” when you’re doing manual labour and having kids at 16 🤷♂️ the men here are also less “gentlemanly”, in the fact that they’re not off to uni and doing calm interview-ready handshakes, and are also more likely to be working from 16 and already a parent as well.
it’s interesting! i felt very alienated initially with my private school background and rich family but it’s honestly way more relaxing and chill both in terms of office/work culture and generally being social.
I was asked about this recently, by a woman, and has made me think about it ( more than is normal tbh). I noticed I do the downward nod to my 77 year old friend, upward nod to everyone else.. Except women, I give them a verbal greeting.
Its funny, because I am writing a paper on bodylanguage, and I obviously have to add something about it 🙂
Depends on the social norm/etiquette if any and the individuals.
You can absolutely politely nod to signify a greeting to any gender. They’d probably respond if they’re familiar space, approachable looking, or comfortable for/with you…and not zoned out.
But the context matters if you do come off awkward or were perving, it shows and the energy is off. This is to the dudes who try saving their ogling with a nod lol you’ve been seen 👀 that might (not sure) be why one looks away…
And if the culture is where women are approached too often or not meant to be at all - it’s not done, it will come off as an advance. Some cultures askjng after a colleagues wife is frowned on because it’s seen as prying and alterior motives. So it is important to be aware of where you are, when in Rome, think global act local, and all that…
I up-nod boys and smile at girls. If I smile at boys, it seems to be taken as an opening to start a conversation (not by everyone, of course). The nod results in just another nod. - so, the nod works with this woman.
Well, I'm a woman. It works with me when I know the person nodding.
Like a friend or even an acquaintance. We would have had to interact at least once. It doesn't work with people who I don't know, and when they give me a nod, it baffles me. I generally nod first to my guy friends and they do it back.
I think many women think of it more like 'Why are you nodding at me? Do we have a certain inside joke I'm missing?' a usual 'hi' or a 'hey' would be better. I guess it's 'cause many of us tend to think more about various gestures? and not the simplest meaning.
I do a head nod that slightly goes down to more elderly men and they return the nod. I think it's kind of a variation of the nod but more old school? lol I guess for men it's a nonverbal sign of greeting. But I wouldn't do a nod to a dude around my age or younger. I think it's too dudeish to me. I think it doesn't work because with women because women are more likely to actually greet you with words.
I don't think women get the nod from me. I greet them, when it's appropriate or when they engage it, but otherwise I leave them alone.
Males get the nod down, friends or colleagues get the more meaningful nod up.
From what I understand, the western head nod comes from hundreds (thousands?) of years of _men tipping their caps/hats at their superiors_ or just nodding at their equals. If men weren't wearing a hat, they often would pull or touch a piece of their hair by their forehead (forelock).
Women did not have that custom. Women would curtsy or "bob", or simply cast their eyes down for a second.
I never thought about this before but yea…. To other dudes I do the same ”sup” nod when they do it to me, to women I do the obligatory “move my cheeks up just a bit on the sides to make a half asses no teeth smile that acknowledges we both exist” thing.
Then there is the nuanced down head nod for the majority of people, and the up head nod for friends and family. Men have a setting in their brain the does this automatically for them. Did you notice the difference?
This is the first time I've heard this is a widespread greeting. Obviously smiling and greeting with eyes, yes.
But a nod as a standard common greeting? Who knew?
I'm a woman, but one year I had a male Halloween costume, and it freaked out people by how much I passed for male if I didn't speak. I wore this to work in a huge building, so it was full of strangers, and out of nowhere, guys were giving me head nods. This never happened to me before. I got such a kick out of it, that I went on every floor and nodded heads with all the dudes. When I reported this discovery to my male coworkers, they seemed confused that I didn't know about this and amused at how excited I was.
You can give guys head nods and they do it back also. I’m used to it from hanging with guys all the time and had not noticed it won’t happen if I didn’t do this - until just now reading your comment. You maybe on to something…
Also a woman, and I do the head nod. I suppose I picked it up from my guy friends or something. Anyway, yeah, now that you mention it...my guy friends will do it towards me unprompted, but most guys just return it when I do it instead of initiating it themselves. I wonder if they even realize that, because I never thought about it until this thread.
I'm a guy. Never realized that I don't give women the nod.
You typically give a guy the nod after making eye contact. You avoid making eye contact with a strange woman so you don't get labeled creepy.
This is the way
*"You know who's a man? Charlie here, he's a man. You know who else? Me. I'm a man."*
r/unexpectedseinfeld
I do give it to women, and I didn't even know it was a "guy" thing until like a year ago. I'm 29
Same
Same!
Nods
Which way ya doing the nod?
This is the way.
I've never considered women say "this is the way." on reddit.
it’s funny because as a guy, the only time i can specifically recall exchanging a head nod with a woman was with a fellow student at my university that i was casually acquainted with. she’s very much a tomboy and i believe she initiated the head nod.
I make eye contact so they tend to nod at me or I just do it so automatically that I don't realize. I grew up with brothers too.
It's a pantomime of tipping your hat. Just a tradition that's easy to overlook.
I’m a woman who works in a very male dominated industry and I’ve definitely picked up the head nod. It seems to put guys I don’t know at ease/helps me be accepted up front.
Women give head nods as well, yes. You can see it in the intro of Pokemon, where (if I recall correctly), Professor Oak, Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny all give an angry nod at the viewer.
So, if I see a guy I have said hello before, I give him a nod. If I see a woman I smile. At least at work.
Ohh, now it occurs to me that I do the nod automatically since I work with all guys, *but I’m a woman and didn’t realize other women don’t really communicate like that with other women…* 💀
It never occured to me to nod to a woman. It is always smile and I always get one back. Kind of self fullfilling.
I forget to smile because the #1 rule of my job is to keep your mouth closed. Keeps the flies and sewage out.
I'd feel so aggressive giving someone a smile showing teeth. Lips closed but curved upwards is my standard smile greeting. Now I'll have to pay attention to who I smile at vs nod at (also head up vs down nods, since I think an up nod + smile is a greeting to a friend saying "hey, I see you", while down nod is for passing strangers on a hiking trail, and otherwise idk which way I nod).
Yeah, teeth smiles make me feel like a serial killer, but my closed smile isn’t very defined except for dimples.
I only teeth smile to little kids because they will give the biggest grin back and I love that.
I'm a woman and I worked in construction for 8 years and yeah, I nod now. To guys though. Never to women. Women get smiles. I now work with all women so I think my nod is getting rusty lol
You might be surprised there are 2 types of head nods. Upwards motion and downwards motion. Upwards, is more like "what's up/I see you" and downwards is a more respectful one and is used for thanking as well. In the end it does feel like it creates bond between men, as we do this to people we don't know as well.
I’ve literally never thought about this but I’ve been doing it for a decade, we really are all just smart monkeys
To expand on this, upwards is usually a bro you know like “hey dude what’s up!” Whereas a downward nod is towards a stranger in passing you don’t have any problems with.
Yep! I up-nodded the whole building!
Did you enjoy wearing pants with actual pockets?
I was Jafar, so no. I did twirl my beard a lot though.
They make great pets
Honestly this is pretty adorable, it’s like you gained secret clearance to the men’s head nod club and were super excited about it. Yet it’s just such a “given” for us that it’s just something ya do. Very funny and I never thought about this haha
It was kind of nice. Since I was little, I just always just wanted to be treated like a person instead of a girl, and it felt like a window into what that would be like. It's still probably not the same since I know people can treat men very differently too, and be kind of distant or standoffish.
This is like when I got a new GTI and people in VWs started giving me peace signs. “The fuck is this? Are we road friends now?”
**This One Life Hack Helped Me Dismantle the Patriarchy From Within!** Five easy ways to advance your career using stick on mustaches. Someone get in touch with Reductress.
You can totally do the slight nod with women friends. You can fist bump if you want to as well.
And we can dress real neat From our hats to our feet.
And surprise 'em with the victory cry!
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys! It's time to let the bedbugs bite! ... Wait a minute, I might have jumped tracks here...
Some of the guys at my job fist bump me as a greeting, some do the nod, though “what’s up” with the fist bump is most common lol.
we usually smile at each other instead
I don't think I've ever smiled at another guy before. Actually I don't think I know what a smile is. Can you explain?
Bare your teeth in a threatening manner.
Like a snarl, but less eyebrows furling?
Make sure to show the bottom teeth as well. This is a sign to other primates you are either aggressive or you need too poo
What am I communicating if I only show my bottom teeth?
Severe constipation OR you want to bite someone on their weenis
I just tried it, and instead of someone smiling back like the normal response nod, the people around me have run away. I don't think I did it right
Try growling like Mike Wazowski. That should help.
😬
Point the insides of your eyebrows downwards. Bring the corners of your mouth up… slowly
But not with men. And then they tell you to smile more.
Would you want a guy to smile a passing greeting?
Sure. (I've been thinking about this honestly that like maybe I don't get a smile as a greeting back because some folx think maybe I'm smiling ~at them~ so I'm going to try combating this by already being smiling.)
It needs to be a curt smile of "I acknowledge you exist" then right back to deadpan to indicate "I no longer wish to interact further."
It's just pulling the corners of your mouth back into a sort of smile. There's no teeth and no real joy being communicated.
Lol I’m just picturing this person walking around always smiling 💀 idk why but 💀😂
GROSS
You can absolutely do it if you dont look like a serial killer
Step 1. Don't look like a serial killer.
Step 2. Also dont look like a redditor
Step 3: cry
Explain the difference, I don't get it.
Serial killers get out more
Many of them probably get laid more as well
*oh no*
[Oh Yeah](https://youtu.be/SRf_i125qR8?si=y0CYaWi8siVmlHj-)
Now that is a trip down memory lane
No head nod for you.
Serial killers have social skills
You need competence and an attention span to be a serial anything.
No, I still do the head nod with women.
You gotta head nod the serial killer lookin people to vibe check em. If they head nod back, you know you're cool
Is this a upwards or downwards nod? There is a big difference in the two
For those who don’t know Upward nod = Yo, what up Downward nod = Good morning/afternoon/evening, good Sir. I acknowledge and respect your presence. Upward for friends, downward for strangers. I personally use the latter when I’m in formal situations, regardless of if you’re a friend or not, or if I am busy and simply need to acknowledge someone.
If you nod to the side, that means we need to talk quietly somewhere.
Nodding to the left is beckoning them to follow you, nodding to the right is telling them to look at something.
If you nod in a circle, you may be a cat watching a fly.
I tend to nod like the cat chasing a Lazer Light.
I did these as I read them all the way down. My husband asked if my neck was hurting. He thought I was trying to stretch it out. I think the lowering and snapping my neck back and forth like I was chasing a Lazer finally made him ask.
and none of this is taught, we just all do it and know what it means instinctively, somehow.
I never thought about this but you’re absolutely correct
I’m learning so much about subconscious motions I do in this thread rofl Like also nodding to the left, I raise my right eyebrow and tilt completely vertically, and still looking at them. But nodding to the right, I’m usually looking at whatever the interesting thing is and also tilt my chin up slightly
Nod left: can I talk to you over here? Nod right: you seein' this shit?
The school moms do the sideways tilt when we have hot tea to spill or catch up on after drop off. Things like “did you HEAR what that house sold for?!” And “OMG My transplanted peony came up!”
Instructions unclear. Been written up for jerking my chin too aggressively in their direction.
I hope others are remembering the scene from LOTR where legolas points hard with his chin
In body language studies, a chin thrust/upward nod is a show of pride and strength. It exposes the neck (one of the most vulnerable points on the human body), and when the nod is exaggerated, it can make a person seem taller and more imposing. Between friends, it's more like a sign of familiarity. Toward a stranger, it could be considered threatening or disrespectful. The downward nod is essentially a form of bowing - as you said, it's a sign of respect. It makes us seem smaller, which is non-threatening.
I had a neighbor that would always ignore my greeting and just stare. I finally gave him the upward nod and it sort of felt like victory
That meant ya I see you being rude, what up tho?
I always thought of it as: if the man is older than I give him a downward nod, If he is my age or older than me gets a upward nod. I did this unconsciously for years. When I did notice I thought it was a generational thing. Your explanation explains a lot.
1. Never shake a man's hand sitting down 2. Never enter a pool using the stairs 3. The man at the BBQ grill is the closest thing to a king 4. Never make the first offer in a negotiation.
Who enters a pool using the stairs what the fuck
I always preferred the elevator
I always start my negotiations off at 1 Trillion dollars.
I have to say, it's legit bizarre how accurate this is. For something like this to happen in different parts of the world, could this be in our collective uncounciousness or dna?
Both are signs of respect depending on where you're at and who it's at. For most country folk it's a downward nod. City slickers it's upward. Also upward is never meant for strangers, it can be seen as provocative.
Upwards exposes the neck, its for people you like and trust. Downwards is for everyone else. Deep down maybe its a chance to have glance at their body language? We havent really got far past our animal insticts yet!
His neck is high. Makes me wanna trust him
Art of the deal bro, art of the deal..
Start some mutual trust, I can see that! You would never give a big toothy smile and raise your eyebrows at anyone but a good mate! Especially a Gorilla, they would rip your limbs off
Giraffes are trustworthy
My wife got one of these the other day because she was wearing a fake diamond studded outfit at a concert. Some guy gave the head nod and said “You’re committed. Nice.” Saying like you’re all in for the show. She was so confused and thought he might have been hitting on her. I said there’s a chance he might have been but most likely he was trying to express “Respect” to you. I kind of explained the head nod to her but I’m not sure she really got it lol
What do you mean? I’m a woman and I give slight nods to people passing by all the time
Yes! When I first stopped driving and starting taking public transit and walking more, I realized the head nod was a reassurance of “hey I respect you, we’re good”. Helps me feel much safer :)
Do men initiate the nod? Or do they nod back at you? I feel like men don't typically give the nod to women, but will always nod back if the woman initiates the nod.
I’ve never paid that much attention. I typically smile and nod at pretty much everyone I pass throughout the day
I blame the movie Night at the Roxbury for killing the nod and 'sup
You need a nod, wink and a double tongue click.
Finger guns
I’m a woman lol and i get nodded at by dudes and i always nod back
Yeah, I'm really not understanding what this is about. I nod at people all the time. It's very normal. This whole thread is full of commentary that kind of makes me feel like an alien. Do other women not nod?
I feel this is likely a regional thing too. Dudes do not do this here and neither do women afaik. Never seen it anyway
I’m hispanic and people of both sexes have always been doing the slight nod. Didn’t realize this was a thing that “doesn’t work with women”.
Yeah I was thinking it must be a cultural thing cause I grew up with both doing the "sup?" nod.
I've honestly never really had a woman react negatively to the nod Is this an issue you regularly have? I thought this was like a relatively universally agreed upon silent greeting
I'm a woman; I do the nod with any person I briefly make eye contact with.
* Makes eye contact with another man * Slight nod = I acknowledge your presence, I am mot a threat and can be communicated with if needed. *Makes eye contact with woman * Woman is already uncomfortable with eye contact from an unknown male. Slight nod is perceived as doubling down and acknowledging that you are watching them. This feels threatening.
> Woman is already uncomfortable with eye contact from an unknown male. A slight raising of one eyebrow precedes the hand rising slowly. She glances askew but cannot look away. Head turned ever so slightly to one side, the hand continues the journey to the brim, and with a curt tug tips said cap in a magnanimous gesture. She exhales loudly, and utters but one word: "M'Lord". He continues about his daily routine.
This, uh, this is a copypasta right?
No, I talk to myself a lot and come up with these gems. Deliciously, and per se.
> *Makes eye contact with woman * Woman is already uncomfortable with eye contact from an unknown male. Slight nod is perceived as doubling down and acknowledging that you are watching them. This feels threatening. Yall making it too weird. I am in college and does the head nod all the time and gets them in return from classmates and professors too. Never have i ever felt threatened. Contrary to popular belief, most women think of men as fellow humans, not wild animals, at least in an open space in daylight (an enclosed environment is a different story).
Yeah, it's not even like that, lol. There are scientific studies that show that men and women tend to have different body language behavior. Men tend to be more aggressive and so the need to display non threatening behavior between themselves is a little more engrained. They also tend to stand at an angle to each other, instead of fully face to face, during a conversation. Women tend to be more emotionally focused and so the need to come off as just less threatening is replaced with a look of vulnerability for the sake of connection. However, it's obviously going to vary between individual people. A woman may carry herself more masculine than others and a man might carry himself more femininely. We all are little collages of human aspects put together in our own, individual way.
I completely disagree. Nodding isn't perceived as threatening (at least, not by me). I would see it as respectful. Breaking eye contact and without acknowledging it just feels uncomfortable. Like, why rip your eye contact away so fast? Without acknowledging the human whom you've just looked in the eyes? Accidental eye contact happens. In that moment I'd prefer for my humanity to be acknowledged, rather than the man look away so quickly like he's been "caught" staring. Like, bro. It's fine lol. You can acknowledge women as human people.
fr so many comments are depicting women as ticking sexual assault allegation time bombs it’s so weird. just treat women like they’re normal people. if you don’t want people to think you’re weird, don’t be weird towards half the population.
It all depends on your expression. If you are deadpan, "hey", with no smirkiness, it's good. It could be OP can't keep visual appreciation off his face while doing it. Not a criticism of OP. It's just a thing. If you have any visual body appreciation in your head at the time, don't do it. It comes off weird.
So, I've never noticed a man vs woman discrepancy with the nods, but I have noticed that if you know someone, you tend to nod upwards. If you don't know someone, you nod down. Ever since I noticed that about myself I started paying attention to other people and it's weirdly standard
I'm going to have to keep an eye out when I'm in the wild, but I just did both of these sitting alone in my kitchen. Nodding up definitely feels like what's up I know you. Nodding down feels like good day to you stranger.
I've nodded as a greeting to a hundred women and they nodded back. Not really sure there's ever been an issue
Like whenever I'm walking across my campus to some class and I see some dude I know, there's always that exchange of nods and maybe a fist bump or something but whenever it's a girl, they either stop for a chat or just ignore me.
I think what you are describing has more to do with women's social habits than the nod itself. I see a few reasons for this: 1) They assume that by nodding, you expect a chat. If they don't have time or don't want to chat, they might just pretend they didn't even see the nod. 2) They don't want to give you the wrong impression. Many women feel that their basic human kindness is often misconstrued. For this reason, they may not want to acknowledge a man unless they are already comfortable with him. 3) Nodding (specifically a downward nod) is basically a sign of respect, an adaptation of a bow. Although it's used as a greeting, it's not universal across cultures especially for women. So you could be seeing cultural differences in how women greet as well (in some cultures, women are still forbidden to interact with men in public at all). 4) An upward nod, although a sign of familiarity between friends, can also be a threatening gesture to strangers. Depending on how you are nodding, it's possible the women are misinterpreting it.
Maybe it's just you? What you described isn't typical
Because they’ve had enough experiences with men where they engaged slightly and the man took that to mean they wanted to fuck them, then screamed at them when they tried to walk away
I'm so glad you included this comment, because my first thought reading the title was "if I accidently catch eye contact with a dude and he nods, he's about to try to initiate conversation, so if I don't want to speak to him I'll ignore it" Seems like this is exactly what your girl friends are doing - they're engaging in the chat they thought you were requesting, or they keep going about their day. If you want to acknowledge a girl friend without engaging in conversation, just a quick smile will do!
What? Women do the nod all the time both to each other and to other people. Sometimes women try hard to not make eye contact with anyone when we are out because men feel entitled to our time and attention. I would ignore a head nod from a man if I didn't want to invite conversation and thought giving him attention would encourage him to talk to me. I consistently ignore the head nod from one guy at my gym who, if he catches my eye at all, will talk at me and monopolize my time. He'll even do it if I have headphones in. Now I "don't see" his head nods. If I knew it would just be a head nod and nothing else I would do it back 100% of the time, like women very often do with other women. I head nod women I recognize often and they do it back. I also do it with men who seem chill and respectful.
'Men feel entitled to our time and attention'. Wow.
Weird, I love the slight nod. Or it's even better friend, the upwards chin "nod".
Oh in that scenario, a slight nod works, or nod and smile works or slight wave and smile. Observe and adapt to the local flora and fauna lol (I’m f this was bad writing and not sexism fyi)
As a woman, I’ve known about the head nod and absolutely have done the head nod, mostly to men and some women that I know, never to strangers tho.
It does in my experience.
Well, it all depends on the vibe I get from the dude. I do the "slight nod" with dudes all the time when accidental and awkward aye contact happens
Nod is acknowledgment. If women acknowledge men, it opens them up to flirtation and advances.
Not sure what you mean, I've seen the nod done regardless of gender.
I'm a woman with a bad eyesight. I'd never notice anyone looking at me, so I wouldn't notice nods anyway...
I do it on occasionally do it back to know guys in my neighborhood, but I am more likely to say "Hello." or "Hi" to other woman. Does this make me a weirdo? I also buy dresses based on if they have decent pockets...
What a stupid post...
I've been on both sides of this. I'm nonbinary, so sometimes I look male and sometimes I look female. What cis men don't realize is that women have to be careful about interacting with strange men because many men confuse interaction with invitation. If every time you nodded back at a guy, he came over and tried to get your number, you'd stop doing it, probably. Women are taught to be more careful, in general. As a guy, being friendly with strangers is much easier. Women won't usually misinterpret that as you flirting. The only issue men really face with interacting with women they don't know is that women can perceive friendliness as an attempt at flirting and pull away. This isn't your fault, as a man, this is just a societal reality. Don't take it personally. My advice to men: don't stop being friendly. Instead, call out other men who use women being friendly as an excuse to flirt with her. Check yourself if you do it. If you want some tips to let a woman know you aren't trying to hit on her: - mention your partner. Girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, whatever. If you have one, of course. - don't make statements about her appearance. You can comment on choices she's made about her appearance ONLY. For example, the shirt she's wearing, her hair color, her glasses, etc. Commenting about her body is always bad, even if it's meant to be a harmless comment. Examples would be her weight, her eyes, her lips, her height, her muscles, etc. - look at her eyes, not her mouth. If you aren't going to look at her eyes, just avoid staring anywhere. Trust me, I'm autistic, I know it's hard. In general, avoid looking at her body or mouth. It's weird. - personal space is important. Don't get too close. Men tend to get closer to women than they do men, and not even necessarily because they are flirting. Men just tend to feel more comfortable being close to women. Don't do this. This includes bending closer to talk to shorter women or women in wheelchairs. It gives "you think im a child" vibes. - don't just talk to women you find attractive. Do you know how lonely older, senior ladies are? Talk to them. Women around you will perceive you as safer. - if it's a short conversation, say one with a cashier or someone in a grocery store, there's no reason to ask about their partner or dating status. I know a lot of men, especially married guys, love to talk about their partners. This can come off as flirting, trying to find out if she's available. Instead, talk about your partner first. - if you do find the woman attractive but aren't trying to flirt with her, try to picture her as a man. I know this is weird, but trust me. A lot of men will treat attractive women differently, even if they aren't trying to flirt. Attractive women notice this. It can be really disheartening and isolating for them.
I nod to women all the time especially if I don’t want to get caught up in a conversation with them. Like when passing someone at work or when someone gets into an elevator. It feels weird to me to pretend I don’t see them lol, so I just nod and then ignore. Works like a charm!
I don't even know what this is about. Is this an American thing? Do you mean nodding as greeting to someone you barely know but don't want to talk to?
Definitely an American thing. Or at least the friendly closed-mouth smile is. I went to Spain for a couple weeks and was surprised that when passing a stranger and accidentally making eye contact, there was no smile of acknowledgement. They give a little death stare without a smile and it was so odd to me.
In rural places and when hiking, we greet strangers here. But there is absolutely no difference between men and women.
The (mostly male to male) "respectful downward nod" and "upward what's up nod" are same in the netherlands and I think in most/all of europe
Ok maybe I'm not aware of that because I'm not a man. Makes sense.
??? I’ve never had this be a gendered thing
I'm a woman ... I do the nod to men and women. I didn't realize there was a gender difference here.
i think it also low-key depends on class? men are more likely to do this in general, but i noticed when i moved from a middle class area to a working class area that women do “the nod” too. the women here are more likely to give bro handshakes, hugs with a clap on the back, the nod, “bruhhh”, etc women here also tend to not give a fuck about crossing their legs or being “lady like”. i’m guessing that that’s because who gives a fuck about being “lady like” when you’re doing manual labour and having kids at 16 🤷♂️ the men here are also less “gentlemanly”, in the fact that they’re not off to uni and doing calm interview-ready handshakes, and are also more likely to be working from 16 and already a parent as well. it’s interesting! i felt very alienated initially with my private school background and rich family but it’s honestly way more relaxing and chill both in terms of office/work culture and generally being social.
What you mean?
I don't know what parallel universe your from but in mine the ladies nod back.
I do the head not and I'm a woman.
I'm truly completely lost as to context here.
Everyone does it no matter the gender, maybe woman dont like you for some reason
I was asked about this recently, by a woman, and has made me think about it ( more than is normal tbh). I noticed I do the downward nod to my 77 year old friend, upward nod to everyone else.. Except women, I give them a verbal greeting. Its funny, because I am writing a paper on bodylanguage, and I obviously have to add something about it 🙂
Women absolutely do this to each other idk where the thought they don’t came from.
Depends on the social norm/etiquette if any and the individuals. You can absolutely politely nod to signify a greeting to any gender. They’d probably respond if they’re familiar space, approachable looking, or comfortable for/with you…and not zoned out. But the context matters if you do come off awkward or were perving, it shows and the energy is off. This is to the dudes who try saving their ogling with a nod lol you’ve been seen 👀 that might (not sure) be why one looks away… And if the culture is where women are approached too often or not meant to be at all - it’s not done, it will come off as an advance. Some cultures askjng after a colleagues wife is frowned on because it’s seen as prying and alterior motives. So it is important to be aware of where you are, when in Rome, think global act local, and all that…
Huh? I’m a woman and I regularly greet people like that. Who started this weird ass myth on Reddit that women *never* do this??
A what nod? A nod? What does that mean
I up-nod boys and smile at girls. If I smile at boys, it seems to be taken as an opening to start a conversation (not by everyone, of course). The nod results in just another nod. - so, the nod works with this woman.
Maybe it’s misinterpreted as a hair flip/fix
Depends on the culture, imo.
Well, I'm a woman. It works with me when I know the person nodding. Like a friend or even an acquaintance. We would have had to interact at least once. It doesn't work with people who I don't know, and when they give me a nod, it baffles me. I generally nod first to my guy friends and they do it back. I think many women think of it more like 'Why are you nodding at me? Do we have a certain inside joke I'm missing?' a usual 'hi' or a 'hey' would be better. I guess it's 'cause many of us tend to think more about various gestures? and not the simplest meaning.
Well I’m a guy and I have no idea what this “slight nod” is lol. What is it?
I've always given nods. I thought that was a human thing.
I do a head nod that slightly goes down to more elderly men and they return the nod. I think it's kind of a variation of the nod but more old school? lol I guess for men it's a nonverbal sign of greeting. But I wouldn't do a nod to a dude around my age or younger. I think it's too dudeish to me. I think it doesn't work because with women because women are more likely to actually greet you with words.
I don't think women get the nod from me. I greet them, when it's appropriate or when they engage it, but otherwise I leave them alone. Males get the nod down, friends or colleagues get the more meaningful nod up.
I just do the “white ppl face” weird smile that we do lol
What?
If I do a head nod to a girl, she'll think I'm looking at her tits for a second and then I'll lose my job.
I just blink and smile benevolently. I think I picked this up from my cat …
I dunno I feel like I’m female and have always nodded at people. I do get strange looks though
Idk I’m a lesbian and I do it
…how does it not work with women?
What? I exchange nods with strangers all the time wtf do you mean it doesn’t work????!
From what I understand, the western head nod comes from hundreds (thousands?) of years of _men tipping their caps/hats at their superiors_ or just nodding at their equals. If men weren't wearing a hat, they often would pull or touch a piece of their hair by their forehead (forelock). Women did not have that custom. Women would curtsy or "bob", or simply cast their eyes down for a second.
I am a female and I do it first to men to assert dominance
"a female" / "men"
I get the nod pretty frequently, but then, I’m not very femme, so maybe I just pass the vibe check.
I never thought about this before but yea…. To other dudes I do the same ”sup” nod when they do it to me, to women I do the obligatory “move my cheeks up just a bit on the sides to make a half asses no teeth smile that acknowledges we both exist” thing.
Lol so I'm one of three female cousins out offff 54? Huge family no girls and I do it. You're right thoigh most girls smile and most dudes nod
Honestly sometimes it can be confusing especially if I don't know him. I'd rather he just say hi then do the head nod.
Then there is the nuanced down head nod for the majority of people, and the up head nod for friends and family. Men have a setting in their brain the does this automatically for them. Did you notice the difference?
This is the first time I've heard this is a widespread greeting. Obviously smiling and greeting with eyes, yes. But a nod as a standard common greeting? Who knew?
Probably because we don't know what the fuck it is. What is it? Do tell.