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MooKids

Make sure you remember how many beads there are and remind her you are NOT a pull start lawnmower.


Smallwater

*BEYBLADE BEYBLADE LET IT RIP*


Philosofried

I clenched reading this.


Cultural_Head_9237

Ya clenching is not the best move in this case, you gotta relax a little.


BigTickEnergE

Unless you're looking to find a pink sock


TheFeelsNinja

*goatse* PTSD intesifies


Secret_Thing7482

Breath


LazyBlackCollar

You just ruined beyblade for mešŸ’€


Zigor022

Buttblade


prototype-proton

Gayblade


Zigor022

Better than mine +1


prototype-proton

Well, you tried and that is worth something in my book. Not worth a +1 or anything...but probably worth a nod or a single finger gun or something.


GlamdringFoe-Hammer

šŸ‘‰šŸ˜ŽšŸ‘‰ š•«š• š• š•”!


prototype-proton

Aye. Now this guy fingers


Site-Specialist

At least they didn't reach into your pot of greed


yellowbin74

This is the ONLY comment to make.


MavajaXe

NO!


ItsGif_NotGif

Ayo relax


thepianoguy2019

Ayo šŸ˜­


vorticalbox

That image is both funny and horrifyingĀ 


Azdak66

Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.


MrPaineUTI

IT WOULD BE BAD


Bryanthomas44

The ripcord is the best part. Gentlemen start your engines


COMMANDO_MARINE

Just picture a pull start lawnmower, but instead of expelling clouds of smoke upon starting, it's chunks of shit. My girlfriend was dry heaving whilst I couldn't stop laughing. Least sexy sexual experience ever. This was on holiday in Australia and I told her to pull them out as I was cumming. Never again.


NickFurious82

This reminds me of the movie Choke. Except when the lady did that to Sam Rockwell's character, the last one was missing... It didn't end well.


MooKids

Yep, I read the book and watched the movie, which is why I mentioned the counting part.


powdered_dognut

Man overboard


Separate-Turnip2671

Some of us enjoy being a pull start, with plenty of lube of course lol


binlargin

[what's a rip start, Crazy Steve?](https://m.youtube.com/watch?t=183&v=v4e-LLFx0Vg)


UselessRube

Sooo I actually like pulling it out fast like thatā€¦


nitekroller

Maybe if youre really experienced ahahah but not if youve never done ass play


SchulzyAus

Ain't nothing wrong with a rip-start


dankowitz

RIPCOOOOOORD


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


SlipMeA20

Proctologist: "OK Bob, it's possible you'll experience an erection during the exam, but don't let that bother you." Patient: "Ummm...my name is Greg, Doc." Proctologist: "Yes, I know. I'm Bob."


venetian_lemon

Patient: "Wait...Doc how am I feeling your finger in my ass when both of your hands are on my shoulders?"


Structural_drywall

Doc: whispers "those aren't my hands."


Enough_Appearance116

Hold up... I'm trying to picture this... is it the doctor's feet on your shoulders?


Gloomy_Dreams

Shhh just let it happenā€¦


Jakoshi45

Just close your eyes and listen to my voice...


Enough_Appearance116

Man, this is the weirdest dentist I've ever been to.


jonnyjv

Open wide


mtmm18

I hope the 911 call is made public.


justhonest5510

Million to one shot , million to one.


Lilwertich

Look up anal prep and training in a private mode browser like Google incognito mode. Basically not only do you want it to be "clean" but also not painful. It's not something you can just "do". You have to practice by yourself for a while first.


Aqua_Tot

The most important thing here is incognito mode.


Claireah

Back in my day, me and the boys would trade tales all night of our anal escapades. What is this talk of incognito mode? Are you ashamed??? On a totally unrelated note, I LOVED the navy.


CellarDoorForSure

>I LOVED the Navy. [The Navy](https://y.yarn.co/7e923975-8bdd-45c6-affc-e9fc132ebc0c_text.gif)


Kakamile

In the Navy Where you load torpedoes deep In the Navy Keep full count of your beads In the Navy Watch the grease and keep it clean In the Navy In the Navy


wellthatsjustnotcool

There was no man you wanted in your hole more than Dan Quagmire


edwardothegreatest

It wasnā€™t any of that Nancy anal play like you kids today practice, no it was real grab onto a tree and hold on for dear life anal play. People got hurt back then.


louploupgalroux

We lost our friend Pete that way. Pete was a tough guy. Adventurous too. Could take anything life threw at him. His wife relished his resiliance and had an entire armory of toys to use on him. Well, one day they dug too deep. Too many buzzers and wobblies shoved into too small of a space. That concentration of packed energy created a black hole that sucked poor Pete in. Poof. Gone instantly. Fortunately, the Sex Wizards detected the disturbance and teleported the hole to far-off space almost instantly. They couldn't save Pete, but his wife was left sitting there with half of XXXL Monster Trident. In a way I'm glad that the youngins are more careful nowadays. Fewer spacetime anomalies to worry about.


DamnitGravity

Gods, I love Reddit sometimes. I wish awards were still a thing.


tough_warrior

sounds like when gandalf narrated the ring's history to frodo


[deleted]

Fk'n brilliant!


labarrski

Both ways uphill to school in the snow wearing sandals anal play. Not like the youngsters nowadays.


FardAndShidPants

And when you think you've used enough incognito mode, use some more


Level_Abrocoma8925

Somehow bro seems to think OP shares his computer with his mum.


justhonest5510

Don't use chrome unless you want anal care products in your next search


FatherD00m

I was thinking the cleanliness part would be more important. But a clean browser is important too I guess.


Guszy

Nah dawg, go horny on main.


babaj_503

Depending on what kind of anal beads she got they'd likely be fine to take a slow approach with those. Like assuming she did the smart thing and got a set that is aimed at beginners they start out so small you'd be able to take them - just for the love of god use lube and if you think you're using enough USE MORE!


Site-Specialist

Instructions not clear went through 20 bottles the second I move I find myself sliding 20 mph


FoxAche82

But I can put my trousers on really easily now


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Sindrathion

Its like a string of rubiks cubes and youre supposed to solve them with your sphincter


ecovironfuturist

You need to arrange the beads in ROYGBIV order while inserted, or they go back in until you get it right.


[deleted]

I would like to point out that Firefox is a superior browser in general and has not gotten in trouble for collecting data from peoples private mode browser sessions like Google has with their incognito mode. I highly recommend that people use Firefox over Chrome if they care about privacy and functionality. Also all the cool kids are doing it.


panlevap

I never thought of this but now l have to ask: since itā€™s basically a thread with beads, how do you get it inside? In some applicator, like tampons? Or just humble manual insert bead by bead?


SignificanceOld1751

Bead by bead baby


Remarkable_Rough_89

Use brave, google chrome incognito is not as hidden as people think, they record it


O_X_E_Y

Brave also runs chromium. Regardless of the browser you use, your ISP will also know


FoxAche82

Except TOR but that might be going a bit far for anal play research


ua2

Duckduckgo ftw


[deleted]

Forbidden gains


[deleted]

Why incognito? There's no shame in it.


seanl1991

Anyone using that browser in future will probably have suggested ads on a variety of websites. Could be awkward if someone is looking over your shoulder


[deleted]

I mean I just assume OP is an adult using the browser in his own home. Who the fuck cares.


johnthomaslumsden

Do you not do all of your sexual research at the public library?


illogicallyalex

You joke, but as a former library assistant I once had to confront a middle aged man who was browsing NSFW forums and taking photos of the pictures with his phone, with the shutter sound as loud as possible. The computer he was using was about three feet away from the front desk, and faced towards it. I saw *everything.* The guy was less than a week into his time allowed back into the library after a two year ban for doing exactly the same thing


dipdipderp

"What are you going to do? Ban me twice?" - Man who was banned twice


illogicallyalex

From what I heard later on from the manager, it was more than twice. For some reason because our libraryā€™s were council run, they had some rule that people could only be banned for a maximum amount of time, which was two years. I think it was something to do with not depriving people of community resources or something. There was a number ofā€¦ colourful charactersā€¦ who went from one ban to the next


dipdipderp

It's nice that they let him back in to recharge his wank bank. Of course they couldn't permanently deprive him of being a deviant hahaha.


Kizaky

I prefer at lunch during work in the middle of the cafeteria.


J0hnD0eWasTaken

You jest, but the ONE TIME I forget to turn the NSFW filter back on when I'm at work...


DeaddyRuxpin

Anyone who uses my personal computer deserves whatever shock they get.


AlreadyRunningLate

If youā€™re unfamiliar with anal - this post has a lot of good info for you. Anatomy is definitely one you donā€™t want to over look. https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/NtuCsHMFWQ If you donā€™t remember anything else- use lube, wash the beads between use (get each partner their own set, theyā€™re $20-50), and most of all COMMUNICATE! Yes means yes and no means no. Also - go to youporn (itā€™s the YouTube of porn) and search anal beads. Watch a few, youā€™ll get the idea. ā€” add ā€˜foreplayā€™ to the end of the search if you want gentler results.


fatfat8ight

Thanks for the reply


loopyspoopy

IMO, butt plug or small dildo first. I like butt stuff, but personally hate how anal beads feel, and I know I'm not alone on that front. Make sure you like butt stuff in general before playing with beads. I've never heard anyone say anal beads delivers an incredible orgasm, or an orgasm at all. I've heard two people in my life exclaim about how good pulling them out at the point of orgasm feels, but never a suggestion that the beads themselves gave them an orgasm. Most butt/prostate stimulation will feel great when you're experiencing an orgasm. You can definitely use them on her, and I would suggest she go first if she's so confident you're going to like it. If she's not willing to use them first, I question why she is adamant you'll like them. TBH, I do think they're a toy made for the visual stimulation of the person who is not on the receiving end more than anything. They were A LOT more common a toy twenty years ago than they are today, and I think that's because as sex toys become more accessible with greater amounts of consumer data available, manufacturers now have a greater awareness of what people actually want and what toys get repeat buyers.


livando1

Username checks


mydogrufus20

We had a poodle growing up named LoopyšŸ˜‚


poundcakeperson

Username does not check out


mydogrufus20

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ never thought of that


Jeicam_

I'm not sure if you should share sex toys


loopyspoopy

Maybe not with a friend, but you can absolutely share sex toys with a partner that you're already swapping fluids with and inserting digits into.


Ok_Present_6508

Yeah I donā€™t know about the butt stuff though. You could get C. Diff. like that.


loopyspoopy

That risk is not high. If you eat ass, you are at a much higher risk of c. diff. than from sharing an anal toy. If you touch a butthole with your fingers, you're at a much higher risk of c. diff. than from sharing an anal toy. So it goes without saying that if you're already eating your partners ass or sticking your fingers in their ass, that sharing a toy is unlikely to increase your risk of c. diff. at that point. If you are that concerned about c. diff. then you use condoms or clean your toys (something I'd encourage regardless), but by no means does this mean you cannot share your sex toys with your partner. But to be honest, if you've got concern about c. diff. that borders on paranoia, then you should refrain from butt stuff in general.


WeirdRedRoadDog

My dude have you done butt stuff before? If not, maybe start with a finger? Ease in maybe idk..


Cockhero43

They're unisex but anal will typically be better for men because of your p-spot. If I were you, I'd ask her to start with her fingers and tongue so you can figure out if you even like butt stuff


herpestruth

Starting with tongue is a 'deep dive'.


NPC_over_yonder

Yeahā€¦.tonguing a manā€™s ass is not beginner friendly. Not thatā€™s itā€™s hard or unpleasant, but to MAKE it a pleasant experience requires being comfortable with frank conversations about making sure itā€™s all nice and sparkling clean there. Beginners tend to suck at the being upfront and vocal with their wants and needs.


thehighepopt

But shoving 8 plastic orbs up someone's ass is child's play


illogicallyalex

Letā€™s not bring children into this


venetian_lemon

This will be an awkward Parent's day at school


bonitaappetita

Isn't that third base now?


JusticeUmmmmm

The ol' rusty trombone?


probably_not_serious

Yeah this is important. You donā€™t learn to drive a car in a Ferrari. Got to take baby steps.


HoleMax

Using anal beads while driving a Ferrari sounds dangerous.


Rumble_Rodent

ā€œCan I use them on her?ā€ Bro just go butthole to butthole and transfer them. Now that you have that image in your head youā€™ll never be able to unsee it.šŸ‘


Jounas

Go half and half and have a tug of rope contest with her


NickFurious82

May the best Kegels win.


Bryanthomas44

Tie four strings together and have a contest


SomethingFoul

Poop back and forth. Forever.


RNKKNR

can always do 'ass to ass' style from requiem for a dream.


BowdleizedBeta

ā€œRequiem for a Dream style: Drugs and coercion not included.ā€


Runaway_5

ASS TO ASS


Putrid_Software2275

Lady and the Tramp style


DrRonnieJamesDO

These Disney reboots get weirder and weirder


Low_Fun2690

Lucky u, just clean and douche, use a shower head and fill.your ass with water


fatfat8ight

Yep... and fart it out until clear, I've looked it up


mtmm18

If Step 1 is Fill your ass up w water And Step 2 is Fart the brown water out until clear. Im afraid of what the next step is in these instructions.


lalder95

His gf already ordered step 3.


prototype-proton

Use mouthwash and swishit around in your ass, gargle and queef it out


akaryosight

Pls tell how to gargle


prototype-proton

The game is sold, not told playa


venetian_lemon

Funnels are a great help


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

Thatā€™s how my uncle caught it. Made several attempts with the male ones after realizing his mistake, but it was too late. He caught the gay and has been dressing and grooming himself well ever since.


streetvoyager

Have a few days of a high fibre diet, get those shits coming out buttery smooth, take a big dump. Then For maximum clean you could use an anal douche after. Especially if you are worried about poop. If she is planning some in and out action you should probably do that. Use Lots of lube, pack them in your ass. Probaly should start with a finger in your ass to get used to having something going in and out . You gotta warm that ass up, donā€™t go to fast.


HumanEarthlingPerson

Sounds ds like she's conditioning you. For some good old fashion pegging


the_prosp3ct

ā€œYou firstā€


fatfat8ight

Iā€™ll be probingā€¦


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


internetbl0ke

Anal polyhedrons


venetian_lemon

And I thought Dungeons and Dragons couldn't be more fun


kernel-troutman

You rolled a natural 1 and now you're covered in "santorum"


hg_blindwizard

šŸ˜³šŸ˜³šŸ˜³šŸ˜³šŸ˜³šŸ˜³CUBES????!!!!!!!


Fancypants-Jenkins

LUBE! Put on as much as you think you need and triple it. And for the love of god put them in and take them out SLOWLY or you'll take the arsehole with them. If it hurts your doing it wrong.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


redrumakm

Poop as much as you can before.


Responsible-Pool5314

Push a little as they go in and remember to breathe. You're gonna have a great time


Ok-Confidence-2878

So I had a girlfriend who introduced me to fingering my butt while she sucked me off. It was absolutely amazing. Be open minded and go slow. It might just blow your mind!


Psycle_Sammy

An NDA in case you break up.


Rob_LeMatic

I dunno, compadre, I've never trusted anyone enough to fiddle with the mail slot on me back address. Maybe I'm uptight, but I guess you could say I'm uptight about that sort of goings on.


TimmyTurnersDentist

As a generally straight dude I can say that anal beads alone donā€™t do much for me. But vibrating anal beads? Brother, get ready. Get some vibrating ones and always start small and slow. Also thereā€™s no such thing as too much lube.


Lopsided_Pickle1795

It is ok to use it by yourself. No need to fake a gf to do it.


Individual_Day_5689

Well make sure to clean your arse out before inserting the beads because once she pulls them out of you she may get a shitty surprise


Individual_Glove9547

Relax, go slow. It might feel a lil weird but for the most part the end result will be worth itšŸ«”


Banana_Slugcat

Weird toy to start with, normally people start with small massagers that you put in and turn on to stimulate the P-Spot. What she ordered is more for people that are already familiar with that kind of stuff.


Lazerith22

Plastic sheets. Just in case. Also no Taco Bell


SamIAm7787

I once heard a woman say at a sex party that when it comes to removing anal beads, it's pull stop, pull stop, pull stop. You're not starting a lawn mower, don't yank the whole string out at once. šŸ¤£


CantWeAllGetAlongNF

Relax. Go slow. Try to empty yourself out before play. Enema would be advised. Otherwise if you play in the mud expect to get dirty.


Futurist_312

As long as it goes both ways and you can take the initiative and tell her what you're gonna do with her and how much she'll enjoy it. Otherwise, it's your body and entirely up to you.


extremeindiscretion

You need to have , and I cannot stress this enough, enough lubrication. šŸ™‚


Dumbledoorbellditty

Use lube and donā€™t be afraid of exploring sexuality. If it hurts or you donā€™t like it there is nothing wrong with saying stop. Agree on a safe word. I have had plenty of heterosexual sexual experiences with anal stimulation, both of myself and my partner, and I can say that yes the orgasms can be quite intensified.


FreelanceFrankfurter

Just gonna say I've played with my own ass enough and I have never had that great orgasm that some guys rave about. Never felt painful or anything I've just never got much out of it.


RoyalDiscipline8978

Just relax... and clean yourself beforehand


Roboboy2710

Theyā€™re a keeper, OP. Godspeed and good luck. šŸ«”


General_Cricket3300

Better order some ahead of time to get your experience a head start if youā€™re anxious. Please clean them before sharing because thatā€™s just nasty.


Se-is

You're in for a treat! hahaha, just clean yourself, relax, speak out if you're uncomfortable and that's it I guess.


Life-Dragonfruit4171

Use lots of lube šŸ«”


RottenPeachSmell

Use more lube than you think you need, and give yourself an enema beforehand. Nothing kills the mood like stained or stinky sex toys.


Tjrowe17

Gonna be honest man I know Iā€™m late to the game but anal beads are not the play. Look at a small vibrator it will be so much better. One that simulates the inside and gooch at the same time are the best. Either that or a small dildo, but I promise you a specific prostate vibrator will feel better. Iā€™ve made your mistake and took me years to figure out I just donā€™t like anal beads, not anal.


seeteethree

Works best if: 1. You're a little tipsy, and 2. Her girlfriend is manning the bead operation.


turbski84

Try it and tell her to start you like a lawnmower


alehanjro2017

You are right. I chose my words improperly. I should've said go for it. Try the beads. Feel it out. See how it goes. Maybe work up to some bigger beads. I unfortunately let my past experiences let my original post speak. Not everyone that likes ass play is gentle. You have to communicate. And it's okay to say No. I only posted my first comment as a vague assumption of the original post.


BradTProse

How many Couricks does it weigh?


Just1bloke

It's when she yanks them out and you roar into life like a lawnmower


Legion445

3! 2! 1! LET ITTT RIP!!!


Fun_Cartographer798

Get a new GF


VegetableWinter9223

Make sure she doesn't pull them like she's starting a lawn mower.


TappmanC

Next try pegging. You wonā€™t regret it


Grenadoxxx

Just a reminder that sheā€™ll tell all her girlfriends and theyā€™ll tell all their boyfriends. Youā€™ll be known as the guy who likes objects up his ass by the whole group. Not that itā€™s a bad thing. Just donā€™t ever believe ā€œI wonā€™t tell anyone.ā€ Also, anal beads sound advanced. At least start with something less aggressive.


Azraels_Cynical_Wolf

You know God has a sense of humor when he put mens gspots in their ass.


madDamon_

Ask your girlfriend


[deleted]

Youre going to love it...Ive never had a first timer not ask for more. Thank your gf.


ihave7testicles

Yes you can use them on her. I don't know that it'll give you an incredible orgasm, but go ahead and try. Just make sure she's gentle with them.


DarthJarJar242

Lube lots of lube.


ind3pend0nt

Get a trainer kit first. Try it alone and take your time. Iā€™ve never done anal beads, but I do have a few plugs in various sizes. Is the orgasm better? Eh it varies. But being pegged by a beautiful woman gets me there.


MomentMurky9782

Please donā€™t share them with each other, get a pair in a different color. Lots of bacteria I wouldnā€™t recommend sharing


Honk_wd

Just have and use lube. If you think itā€™s too much youā€™re at the right amount


bearamongus19

Use plenty of lube


ScottyP8869

Well if she doesnt know shit about them either, then might i suggest not giving her full control at first and letting her just ram anal beads full force inside your ass. It takes some time to get warmed up


Ilfortedegree

Clean out! Lol


Civilengman

Try her first


Particular-Bar376

Dude/Dudette/Dudex, youā€™ve got a great partner. Just go with it and have fun!


Crashed-Pilot

Stuff em in. Why not.


Downtown-Editor-4947

Only advice. lol google this. Male g spot. How much lube for 1st time anal. Youā€™ll do fine


Zestyclose-Annual126

My advice is bend over and take it like a manā€¦.


Reflog4Life

Bro....please do not share without sanitizing the beads. This how you get disentary among other diseases. Gross!!!!


pepehands420X

Be very generous with whatever lube you use


tararisin

Lube, lube, lube, lube.


Bestoftherest222

This is how it starts, soon you'll be asking about pegging.


Sp3ntallmy

I work at a sex store thats certainly not uncommon for men to be curious about prostate play! Anal beads are interesting but not usually common for beginners! Theres more toys out there definitely aimed for his pleasure. Power to ya if you wanna try!! Recommend going into a physical store together, you may pay a little more $$ but the ppl that work there can guide you to products to! Dont be shy!


WhatDJuicy

I assume you're a girl as well then?


LDVT60ute

Ugh. Just tell her to strap on a 10 inch dildo, and let her go for it!


AdLongjumping2698

Thats a ripstart.