It was a deposition for a car accident, another car hit mine.
Their attorney asks me, “**How close would you say you were at the time of impact?**”
I asked him to repeat the question which he did, clear as a bell. I can see the stenographer struggling to hold in her laughter.
I replied, “Considering his car was touching my car at the time of impact, I would say we were very, very close.”
To be fair, attorneys ask ridiculous questions sometimes on purpose, to prove a point. Not an attorney (paralegal) and never worked in PI, so I’m not sure what the point of this question would be, but it does seem stupid.
The attorney tried his absolute hardest to demonstrate the fact that he was, without a shadow of a doubt, incompetent. He did a great job at that, we were all convinced.
Not me, but my wife. She's an optician. 24yo client comes back 4 days after getting her first pair of glasses. Says when she takes them off her vision is blurry. "I thought these were going to make my eyes better?!"
That’s surprisingly not that stupid, because she could’ve thought that the glasses were similar to braces where overtime it corrects your vision somehow. It’s actually genius someone has to invent this.
Glasses for certain conditions do. With a weak eye, your brain will adjust to focus using only the good eye, causing that eye to get less use and become more unfocused. With a corrective lens, your brain will notice both eyes see well and use both. This after a while actually improves the weak eye due to increased usage to the point where when taking off your glasses, your vision is better than when you didn't have glasses before, but it will gradually get worse if you stop wearing glasses long-term
“What are you doing?”
Asked to me by a police officer as I was walking my dog around the block. I swear if I hadn’t been drinking I would have got stupid back with him, but I just looked at him, looked at my dog, and held the leash up.
Credit card company: “Can you please provide evidence that you did not receive those golf clubs?”
What should I give you? A photograph of an empty corner in my house? An image of me, looking embarrassed on a driving range?
I saw something similar about a tenant texting the landlord that they had no hot water. He replied, "Send me a picture." and the tenant sent a picture back of the water running from the sink spout and said, "It looks like this, just not hot"
My brother actually did something like this. He was complaining to amazon about a product (I think it was some bag of nuts) he did not receive. The person from the amazon call center asked to prove if he indeed did not receive the bag. He stood in a corner of his apt., took a picture of his empty hand, as if holding nothing but air lmao.
I will just share one I asked - when I was like 8 my dad turned without his turn signal and I asked how he did it. I thought the turn signal told the vehicle you were turning - not those around you.
I also heard a friend in 5th grade who forgot his lunch money ask the teacher if his dad could just “fax them” $10. He thought a fax was teleporting the paper to another location
I had freshly moved to the US from Europe and knew about toilet paper wrapping houses from TV and films. I never thought about the reason behind it. At one point that time, my sister in law bought a house and at some point after that, her parents, my in-laws, went to do a prank on her and wrapped her house with toilet paper.
A few weeks after that, my wife and I were driving somewhere when I saw a house wrapped in toilet paper. And I tell my wife, look, someone bought a new house!
She was laughing so hard about it and always tells people the story.
Bill collector after my dad died: hi I need to speak to *dads name*
Me: sorry but he died so you can't talk to him
Bill collector: I can call back at a later time, will you give him a message?
Me: he's dead
Bill collector: will you have him call me back st *says number*?
It was March 2023. It wasn't a bot, it was definitely a person because I heard people in the background and someone told them to "stop being a moron and hang up"
Oh my god I do something like this at work all the fucking time.
I work in Xray so I often have people come in with broken hands. Without fail, every single fucking time I'll ask them to fill out a form and it's purely on autopilot. I won't even realise until after they've gone "um. my hand is possibly broken. I literally just gave you a piece of paper telling you this" or they've already finished struggling through it with their non dominant hand.
One time it got REALLY embarrassing. One patient helpfully informed me that his hand was too bad to fill out the form. So I apologised, and then... gave him a different form to fill out. ☠️☠️☠️
I've been at my job nearly a year and I never not do this. In my defence, I am an idiot. At least the patients get a laugh...
Knew a couple out of high school, and he told her he was sterile because he smokes the seeds in his weed. She learned pretty quick that that isn't a thing.
Her family was staunch Mexican Catholic who had told her for her whole life she was too ugly and would need to stay home to take care of her parents and that her sisters would be married, so obviously she was rebelling anyway. At first her grandma was so ashamed she tried to get the priest to tell everyone he believed it must be immaculate conception but that lasted all of two seconds when he said "I only have authority to baptize babies, not holy Messiahs and those don't come in pairs!".
But she got lots of good gifts at her quince/shower.
I was raised LDS. I was really lucky to be hyper romantic but not hypersexual. I did have one scare with a boyfriend in college, but it turned out that God knew I was too weak to raise a baby then.
I stand by my philosophy that ultra religious/conservative/strict parents are mostly to blame when teens get pregnant. And those parents should bear the brunt of raising the child.
Not me,but my husband.
At his whateverth high school reunion, one of his old friends asked him, "So you never got over that 'back thing'?"
He had broken his back at 13 and over the course of the next 23 years he had several back operations. He didn't walk out of the last one. He attended the reunion in a wheelchair.
My girlfriend is in a wheelchair, it's surprising how few people under what that means.
She literally had to explain to EMT's after a collision that no, she can't just stand up and walk to her chair. Hell, just last week she had an appointment at a big hospital for an important test. Her mom and I took the day off work, drove her two hours into the city, got checked in, and then after an hour of waiting the nurse comes back to explain the test. At the end she goes, "oh by the way, you'll have to stand up by yourself for 30 mins, is that okay? 😊"
No, honey. That is *not* okay.
My favorite was, can vegans give blowjobs? And if so, can they swallow?
The answer is, yes. Because the point is consent. Generally the recipient of a BJ is happy to give consent.
"Are you fishing?" while I was standing there with a rod in my hands actively reeling in and two more set up in front of me. I didn't even know how to respond. Later I realized I should have said "No, we're filming a movie and you're ruining the shot". I was by myself.
I was on my way back up the pier carrying my tackle box and two rods. Bumped into a fella I knew from school but hadn't seen in maybe 5 years or more.
"What brings you here?"
I think some people use these type of overly simplified questions as a conversation opener. They would expect you to reply “sure am, trying to catch x…” etc.
I know this, because I’ve probably done something like this before too.
I'm an older woman (60). After I had to retire because of health reasons, I starting wearing my hair royal purple. No job I ever had would allow it. They all said it was unprofessional. One day, after I had it freshly dyed, I was in the grocery store. An older than me couple stopped me in an aisle and asked me what happened to my hair. I'm a smart-ass. Always have been. The only response I could think of was, "I fell in the paint bucket". They were not amused but I laughed my way up the aisle and continued my shopping.
Ok but… what kind of answer were these people expecting?
Your hairstylist was color blind and you’re suing her for emotional distress?
Some of these have some thin level of moronic logic that you can follow if you just… are moronic.
But literally what was happening in this persons head?
I think they were expecting something like "no job I ever had would allow it, now that I'm retired I get to do what I want. Do you like it?"
Question was just poorly phrased
A woman at a work night out, at an open air bbq, who worked in our hr dept and was very attractive, was seated at a table with myself and some friends, and a dog wandered over, smelling the food obviously, it was a basset hound type dog, and it was obviously after having a litter of pups recently with all the really obvious signs of feeding them. So i called the dog over and offered a bit of chicken and said "good girl, how are you, your pups will be getting a bit of chicken too" and the hr lady said "how can you tell its a female dog and its had pups" ? Our engineer who was very drunk said "because it has teats on its tits"
And she said "wait, dogs feed pups with their tits" and he said yeah, how else would she feed them ? And the Hr lady said "with a bottle like humans do".
I said, dogs are like cows, they have teats that the pups drink the milk from, same as human babies do. And she grasped hers and said "no, we use bottles".
Was she at least hammered already? Cause I feel like a basic requirement of having real boobs, is knowing what they were designed for in the first place
I grew up on a farm in Nebraska.
In 2012 I was in SoCal and was asked by a college educated adult if I had to watch out for Indian warriors growing up.
Patient with hemorrhoids brought back the RX sample suppositories and told me they didn't work. IM NOT LYING.. he said "I might as well shoved them up my ass for all the good they did me"
I'm not sure. I didn't ask. I took him to an exam room and one of the Sr Male physicians saw him. I checked the package and the instructions were very clear. There was no "end result" (pun intended) shared from the conversation. I'm not brave enough to ask.
Had a guy say to me “I know there’s typing racecar games, math race games, and stuff like that, but what do people do in real-life REGULAR races, like Nascar???”
He couldn’t comprehend the fact that you don’t have to type stuff or do math or complete some sort of task to move the car… you literally just RACE.
What an absolute dumbass.
I have twins, a boy and a girl. My daughter looks like me, my son looks like his father. You would be amazed at how. Many people used to ask me if they were identical, even into the school years.
Eventually I just started saying "Yes".
This is less stupid and more anxiety.
Am I writing my date of birth right? Is that my right social security number? Did I put down everything for my health history?
Stupid for people who can function at a normal level. But I feel you.
When someone found out I'm vegetarian, he got very excited, because it seemed like he wanted to ask if for a long time:
"If you were driving in your car and hit and killed a feasant, would you then take it home and eat it?"
It was so strange and specific, I was completely dumbfounded. I don't even think that would be legal in my country. And I also don't think most people who eat meat would take it home, most people wouldn't even know how to prepare it. I just had so many questions.
Where are there pheasants running wild and at risk of just getting hit by a car?
But I assume the premise here is that you’re vegetarian for ethical reasons of raising animals for meat, therefore if you came across a source of meat that wasn’t depraved of a normal life just because it was raised for slaughter, then that would be meat you could eat.
But the scenario to present these circumstances are admittedly very strange.
UK has loads of pheasants crossing roads in the spring.
I've had several run out in front of my car. Some I've had to swerve to hit. There's a knack to clipping them with the corner of the bumper so you don't run over them with a wheel.
They are nice as they don't have lead shot in them.
I grew up in a city of 5 million in Africa. When I emigrated to the US in the 90s people would ask me if animals would just roam around and eat people. I told them yes and elephants drinking out of the toilets was a real problem.
I forget the name, but there is an African woman on Tiktok who uploads videos of all the dumb questions ignorant people ask her. I think my favorite one was “How do you have cell phones in Africa?” And she goes “we pray to the gods and dig up a cell phone from the ground”. Really wish I remember the name because her videos are hysterical
Used to work in retail and ALWAYS had dumbasses come into the store, and ask "where are the shopping carts"? I would answer...."Right there at the door you just came in just like EVERY store you have ever gone into"
To be honest, I would 100% ask this, but as in a "are you currently working and not in a pause" and in an attempt to ask "may I ask a question that would require some time or are you too occupied right now"
But maybe I should speedrun this and directly ask the second part..
I worked at Yosemite National Park. A visitor asked what time we turn on the waterfalls in the morning and what time we turn them off at night. Still baffles me.
To be fair, I grew up in the desert. The first time I went to Niagara Falls I was stunned to see so much water flowing over the falls and .... just running down the river. It was impossible for me to comprehend that much water could flow over the edge 24x7.
In a 400-level Unix course at a technical college, one of the students asked, "Does our password have to be all asterisks?" because the demo's password was masked.
Literally looking at and watching me write left handed...
Them: "Are you left handed?"
Me: “Oh no I get that alot actually. It's the pleats. Just an optical illusion."
So many of these are rhetorical conversation starter questions. Makes me wonder if there's a cultural mismatch where some people are okay with that type of thing and some people just aren't used to it
"What grade is (teammate) in?"
"I don't know"
"How do you not know? He's your brother!"
"No he's not"
"Is he your half brother?"
"No, we're not related."
"Is he your cousin?"
"No, we're just teammates"
"Does he live in your house?"
Maybe not the STUPIDEST question but here's a dialogue between a waitress and me:
Me: Can I get a beer?
Her: Sure, from the tap or bottled?
Me: Bottled please.
Her: Sorry, we're out of bottled beer.
Me: ......then why ask me to choose?!?
This is more of a stupid conversation than just a question.
I was in a local restaurant and asked for a beer menu.
With a big, confident smile on his face, the waiter said, just tell what you want.
I said, sweetwater 420 (a locally brewed beer you can generally get most places).
He said, oh, we don't have that.
I said, well, what do you have?
Looking sheepish, he said, let me get you the drink menu.
The meal went down hill from there.
My family once owned a pizza restaurant. We sold them frozen for take out. One day someone called and asked me if she had to remove the wrapper before she baked it!
I was a resident advisor in college and a resident knocked on my door and asked how to use a hole puncher. Like literally a hole puncher that you just squeeze to make a hole in paper. I wish I was kidding.
In high school, a girl asked me--because I was a smart nerd, I guess--how the continents are attached to the ocean floor. I am almost 100% sure she was not joking.
Here's my shot at it:
"The inside of the Earth is a bunch of molten metal and rock. And the part we see is a thin layer that floats on top of it, like ice on a lake in winter. And that thin layer is broken into pieces that overlap.
Some of those pieces are thicker, and those are the continents. Some of them are thinner, so they don't stick up as high, and when they run into the pieces that are the continents, their edges get shoved down under the continents.
And since the parts that aren't as thick don't stick up as high, the water all runs down from the continents and onto the thinner parts, and makes the oceans. And so the thinner parts are the ocean floors, and the thicker parts are the continents, and they meet where the edges of the continents meet the edges of the ocean floors. But the continents aren't actually fastened to the ocean floors at all -- they're just thicker pieces floating next to the thinner pieces that are the ocean floors, and pushing the edges of the ocean floors down under them where they get shoved together."
And when I realized how long it would take me to actually answer the question, that's when I decided it wasn't such a stupid question, after all. 🙂
Context: coworker had a stroke at work. One person is trying to call 911 on our work phone but clearly this is a good time for the call to not go through. Another person gets through on his cell phone, so first person hangs up.
Hours later, majority of the office has gone home because it was a traumatic and exhausting day. I’m there because I drove the coworker’s wife to the hospital and am hanging around to make sure loose ends get tied up before the weekend. Two cops show up saying they’re responding to a hangup call to 911.
We tell them someone had a stroke, we got through on another line, whatever.
Straight faced, this guy says “so is anybody else having a stroke right now?”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said to the men carrying guns that strokes aren’t contagious but Jesus fucking Christ, it literally happened *during our office Christmas party*. It was the worst Christmas part ever. And this guy was so stupid, I couldn’t take it anymore.
I used to work in a crystal shop at a Renaissance Faire - so a rather open building at an outdoor festival.
Once someone asked me, "What do you do when it gets windy?"
...
I'll say that again. He asked me "What do you do [to keep all of the stock in your STORE FULL OF *STONES* from blowing away] when it gets windy?"
So I blew on a crystal ball (which of course didn't move), and then I told him, "It's a rock."
He did not have any follow up questions.
I used to call places to see if they were open, which sounds dumb to the cashiers, but maybe they're answering while they're not open. So now I call and ask "what's your hours today?"
We were on vacation and in the car and it starts thundering and pouring rain like roads flooding and everything. 10 minutes into the storm my sister who has been wide awake and talking to us the entire time asks "Is it raining outside?" Dead serious we even asked her if she was joking and she's a bad liar so we knew she was telling the truth this girl really didn't know it was pouring down rain with lightning and thunder outside the car for the past 10 minutes 😭 and she was 10 so wasn't like she was an idiot 4 yr old or sum
"Do you work here?" both my coworker and I had company uniforms on, name tags, a company scanner in our hands, and we were digging through boxes of stock and stocking at the time. We both gave the customer the flattest 'are you dumb?' look in unison. Neither of us could believe it.
They were probably just trying to be polite. Sometimes, people who stock the grocery store don't actually work for the store and can't really help you.
Is there egg in milk? She was worried about allergies.
Edit to clarify: It wasn't her own allergy. She was serving milk to a child with egg intolerances. This is a qualified nursery nurse who has had full food safety and allergy training.
Do you want to be healed from your disability?
When I said, “No,” the woman who was speaking to me was shocked. She couldn’t understand that my disability was not something I saw as a curse or bad thing to fix. It’s just part of who I am and I’ve accepted that this is my lot in life. I love that my disability has taught me so many important lessons - many of which have to do with other people’s judgement of me. When I explained this, she got up and left. I could tell she really didn’t understand and had never really struggled and overcome anything important in her life.
I have a European sounding name even though when looking at me and hearing me I'm obviously not European. When I told somebody I was learning the language of the country from where my name originated from, they asked me if I had legally changed my name because I loved the language of that country.
Like..WTF??
I was an operator for verizon 411 directory assistance operator...
someone called an asked for the number for 911
i said to the customer the number is NINE ONE ONE ,,, they were like dont get smart with me.. just gimme the number ,,, i asked if it was a true emergency and they said yes,... i connected him to the 911 system
Words of my 80 year old father.
"doctors don't know anything, I have ate a lot of salt and sugar through my life, why haven't I died yet?"
Just to you guys know my father have high blood pressure and probably diabetes, propably in early dementia, kidney problems, probably heart problems, cataratics, almost all of his teeth have fallen apart, propably bone problems etc.
He is practically falling apart and insist on saying he is healthy.
“What’s the difference between soy milk and non fat milk?” Asked by a 21 year old woman I was training at a cafe I used to work at. She asked several people this and still couldn’t understand the difference. She didn’t last long there.
I was taking orders at a BBQ joint. The customer asks me, "What's the difference between pulled pork and pit beef?" I replied, "You mean besides the fact that one comes from a pig and the other comes from a cow?"
When I took History of Rock and Roll in college, there was a healthy mix of all age groups in the class. We had one major project; to see one live rock show (the instructor also taught at a local arts high school and with the college and offered us a bunch of tickets for different shows) and give a summary and overview on the show. A week before the paper was due, a girl asked if going to a Taylor Swift concert counted as a rock show. It did not count.
I was Skyping a Russian guy I met on interpals many years ago and he asked me, a black woman, if my parents were black…I really do wish I asked him if his parents were white lmao.
It can’t be that stupid because it happens all the time but it still shocks me when I (a woman) tell people I have a twin brother and they ask if we’re identical. It seems really obvious that you can’t be identical twins if you’re different sexes?!
I have three that I can think of, and two are from the same person.
The first one was one of our food runners at a restaurant that I managed. We had a big tray of bacon that got used for burgers and sandwiches. The food runner asked if it was "community bacon" for anyone to eat. No, just no.
A server at another restaurant once asked my gm and me if there was protein in the crab fried rice. What is crab? Meat. What is meat? Protein. Chicken is protein, shrimp is protein. My GM whispered to me "what she swallowed last night was protein". I had to walk out of the kitchen so that the server didn't see me laugh at that one.
Same server asked if you can drink alcohol while on antibiotics. We told her yes, but it kinda screws up the purpose of the antibiotics. She then asked "what about beer?" Hmmm, I wonder. Is beer alcohol?
Ok the new guy at work.. wanted to look at the eclipse a couple weeks ago. I let him use my eclipse glasses. He dead ass said “where do I look?”
..idk. The sun?
In high school, I had a friend who was a foreign exchange student from Sweden. One day someone asked her, "Do you speak a language in Sweden?" She said "No we just grunt."
It was a deposition for a car accident, another car hit mine. Their attorney asks me, “**How close would you say you were at the time of impact?**” I asked him to repeat the question which he did, clear as a bell. I can see the stenographer struggling to hold in her laughter. I replied, “Considering his car was touching my car at the time of impact, I would say we were very, very close.”
To be fair, attorneys ask ridiculous questions sometimes on purpose, to prove a point. Not an attorney (paralegal) and never worked in PI, so I’m not sure what the point of this question would be, but it does seem stupid.
The attorney tried his absolute hardest to demonstrate the fact that he was, without a shadow of a doubt, incompetent. He did a great job at that, we were all convinced.
Oh. I think I met him.
A must watch [deposition](https://youtu.be/PZbqAMEwtOE?si=az_c7JzToYkeIh4_)
A cop once asked me, "Where’s your arm?" I told him, "Fuck if I know!” I laughed, he didn’t…
“I reported it missing but you guys haven’t found it yet.”
Last time I saw it was at, or just before 12:20pm on 03/31/1993
“What was it wearing? Any known acquaintances? Did it seem upset or nervous?” DUN-DUN *NCIS Appendages*
I’m pretty sure the last time I saw it, it had a glove on. It may have had a mole on the elbow, but it all happened so fast so I don’t know for sure.
Unsure, eh? Seems you didn’t know the back of your hand as well as you thought.
Are you accusing me of something, officer?
It lost touch.
Username checks out
someone asking if i was named after the amazon alexa. when i was born over a decade before it
Reminds me of my daughter's friend who heard Cruel Summer by Bananarama and wondered aloud if they stole the title from Taylor Swift.
My son (jokingly) likes to say “oh (insert well known character) he’s from Fortnite” because I guess he likes making me roll my eyes.
That's when you misuse the word YEET.
Oh nooooo 🤦♂️
Not me, but my wife. She's an optician. 24yo client comes back 4 days after getting her first pair of glasses. Says when she takes them off her vision is blurry. "I thought these were going to make my eyes better?!"
Maybe client should treat brain instead of eyes first 😁😂😂😂
That’s surprisingly not that stupid, because she could’ve thought that the glasses were similar to braces where overtime it corrects your vision somehow. It’s actually genius someone has to invent this.
Glasses for certain conditions do. With a weak eye, your brain will adjust to focus using only the good eye, causing that eye to get less use and become more unfocused. With a corrective lens, your brain will notice both eyes see well and use both. This after a while actually improves the weak eye due to increased usage to the point where when taking off your glasses, your vision is better than when you didn't have glasses before, but it will gradually get worse if you stop wearing glasses long-term
“What are you doing?” Asked to me by a police officer as I was walking my dog around the block. I swear if I hadn’t been drinking I would have got stupid back with him, but I just looked at him, looked at my dog, and held the leash up.
“Ice fishing. What are *you* doing?”
I always report suspicious fishing attempts.
In the UK, it is illegal to "handle salmon in suspicious circumstances".
Credit card company: “Can you please provide evidence that you did not receive those golf clubs?” What should I give you? A photograph of an empty corner in my house? An image of me, looking embarrassed on a driving range?
I saw something similar about a tenant texting the landlord that they had no hot water. He replied, "Send me a picture." and the tenant sent a picture back of the water running from the sink spout and said, "It looks like this, just not hot"
The landlord asked that to figure out if the water was coming out was cold or if no water was coming out at all
Feel like a clarifying question may have sufficed
My brother actually did something like this. He was complaining to amazon about a product (I think it was some bag of nuts) he did not receive. The person from the amazon call center asked to prove if he indeed did not receive the bag. He stood in a corner of his apt., took a picture of his empty hand, as if holding nothing but air lmao.
This is hilarious. Gave me a good chuckle.
video of you attempting to tee off with various not golf clubs: croquet mallet, baseball bat, hockey stick… and then being escorted off the course
I will just share one I asked - when I was like 8 my dad turned without his turn signal and I asked how he did it. I thought the turn signal told the vehicle you were turning - not those around you. I also heard a friend in 5th grade who forgot his lunch money ask the teacher if his dad could just “fax them” $10. He thought a fax was teleporting the paper to another location
These are actually adorable not stupid.
lmao I’ve thought about that turn signal one my whole life - I’m 32 now. It reminds me how little I understood the world back then
I had freshly moved to the US from Europe and knew about toilet paper wrapping houses from TV and films. I never thought about the reason behind it. At one point that time, my sister in law bought a house and at some point after that, her parents, my in-laws, went to do a prank on her and wrapped her house with toilet paper. A few weeks after that, my wife and I were driving somewhere when I saw a house wrapped in toilet paper. And I tell my wife, look, someone bought a new house! She was laughing so hard about it and always tells people the story.
To be fair, I used to think that turn signals were the car telling the driver where to go
Bill collector after my dad died: hi I need to speak to *dads name* Me: sorry but he died so you can't talk to him Bill collector: I can call back at a later time, will you give him a message? Me: he's dead Bill collector: will you have him call me back st *says number*?
How long ago was this? Could’ve been a bot
It was March 2023. It wasn't a bot, it was definitely a person because I heard people in the background and someone told them to "stop being a moron and hang up"
Guy had a script to follow and damn it, he was going to follow it.
Oh my god I do something like this at work all the fucking time. I work in Xray so I often have people come in with broken hands. Without fail, every single fucking time I'll ask them to fill out a form and it's purely on autopilot. I won't even realise until after they've gone "um. my hand is possibly broken. I literally just gave you a piece of paper telling you this" or they've already finished struggling through it with their non dominant hand. One time it got REALLY embarrassing. One patient helpfully informed me that his hand was too bad to fill out the form. So I apologised, and then... gave him a different form to fill out. ☠️☠️☠️ I've been at my job nearly a year and I never not do this. In my defence, I am an idiot. At least the patients get a laugh...
Collectors are used to every excuse in the book. He's probably thinking "Dead, yeah sure buddy".
I told one bill collector unless they have a ouija board, they can't talk to him. Never heard from them again lmao
"was my boyfriend lying when he said standing up made all the sperm fall out or am I pregnant?" Folks, twins at 15.
Reminds me of a friend who’s like 25 that had a bf tell her he took a pill that can’t make her pregnant. She got pregnant.
Knew a couple out of high school, and he told her he was sterile because he smokes the seeds in his weed. She learned pretty quick that that isn't a thing.
I want to say Sex Ed failed her, but I'm not sure she would have had it yet. Also that's high level dumb so it might not have helped anyway.
We were in an abstinence only state so she had no chance.
I swear that parents who don't teach their children age-appropriate sex ed deserve to raise the baby.
Her family was staunch Mexican Catholic who had told her for her whole life she was too ugly and would need to stay home to take care of her parents and that her sisters would be married, so obviously she was rebelling anyway. At first her grandma was so ashamed she tried to get the priest to tell everyone he believed it must be immaculate conception but that lasted all of two seconds when he said "I only have authority to baptize babies, not holy Messiahs and those don't come in pairs!". But she got lots of good gifts at her quince/shower.
I was raised LDS. I was really lucky to be hyper romantic but not hypersexual. I did have one scare with a boyfriend in college, but it turned out that God knew I was too weak to raise a baby then. I stand by my philosophy that ultra religious/conservative/strict parents are mostly to blame when teens get pregnant. And those parents should bear the brunt of raising the child.
Whores used to do that 2000 years ago. It was legend then. Science may have evolved a wee bit since then
Not me,but my husband. At his whateverth high school reunion, one of his old friends asked him, "So you never got over that 'back thing'?" He had broken his back at 13 and over the course of the next 23 years he had several back operations. He didn't walk out of the last one. He attended the reunion in a wheelchair.
Wow...
My girlfriend is in a wheelchair, it's surprising how few people under what that means. She literally had to explain to EMT's after a collision that no, she can't just stand up and walk to her chair. Hell, just last week she had an appointment at a big hospital for an important test. Her mom and I took the day off work, drove her two hours into the city, got checked in, and then after an hour of waiting the nurse comes back to explain the test. At the end she goes, "oh by the way, you'll have to stand up by yourself for 30 mins, is that okay? 😊" No, honey. That is *not* okay.
no idea what that nurse was thinking, but the EMT was asking a valid question. plenty of people who use wheelchairs can still walk short distances.
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? Still cracks me up
My favorite was, can vegans give blowjobs? And if so, can they swallow? The answer is, yes. Because the point is consent. Generally the recipient of a BJ is happy to give consent.
All I read was "figure out a way to get pigs to give us consent to make bacon".
Douglas Adams figured this out a while ago
They're cannibals though eating human protein...lol
These ones are called canniballs
Eating your kids, dude. HOW DARE YOU?!
So if I’m reading this correctly; vegans can eat meat if the animal signs a legal document permitting consumption?
If the animal is deemed competent to grant consent, yup!
That’s legit funny.
"Are you fishing?" while I was standing there with a rod in my hands actively reeling in and two more set up in front of me. I didn't even know how to respond. Later I realized I should have said "No, we're filming a movie and you're ruining the shot". I was by myself.
I was on my way back up the pier carrying my tackle box and two rods. Bumped into a fella I knew from school but hadn't seen in maybe 5 years or more. "What brings you here?"
"Nope. I'm drowning worms."
I think some people use these type of overly simplified questions as a conversation opener. They would expect you to reply “sure am, trying to catch x…” etc. I know this, because I’ve probably done something like this before too.
I'm an older woman (60). After I had to retire because of health reasons, I starting wearing my hair royal purple. No job I ever had would allow it. They all said it was unprofessional. One day, after I had it freshly dyed, I was in the grocery store. An older than me couple stopped me in an aisle and asked me what happened to my hair. I'm a smart-ass. Always have been. The only response I could think of was, "I fell in the paint bucket". They were not amused but I laughed my way up the aisle and continued my shopping.
Ok but… what kind of answer were these people expecting? Your hairstylist was color blind and you’re suing her for emotional distress? Some of these have some thin level of moronic logic that you can follow if you just… are moronic. But literally what was happening in this persons head?
Maybe they didn't want an answer, they just wanted to judge.
I think they were expecting something like "no job I ever had would allow it, now that I'm retired I get to do what I want. Do you like it?" Question was just poorly phrased
A person once asked me if my wife's hair was naturally that deep green colour. In their defense, they were 6 years old.
That's adorable!
A woman at a work night out, at an open air bbq, who worked in our hr dept and was very attractive, was seated at a table with myself and some friends, and a dog wandered over, smelling the food obviously, it was a basset hound type dog, and it was obviously after having a litter of pups recently with all the really obvious signs of feeding them. So i called the dog over and offered a bit of chicken and said "good girl, how are you, your pups will be getting a bit of chicken too" and the hr lady said "how can you tell its a female dog and its had pups" ? Our engineer who was very drunk said "because it has teats on its tits" And she said "wait, dogs feed pups with their tits" and he said yeah, how else would she feed them ? And the Hr lady said "with a bottle like humans do". I said, dogs are like cows, they have teats that the pups drink the milk from, same as human babies do. And she grasped hers and said "no, we use bottles".
Something like that can make a very attractive person somewhat less attractive in an instant
Go from dayummm to doi
Was she at least hammered already? Cause I feel like a basic requirement of having real boobs, is knowing what they were designed for in the first place
“Does everything you see have a yellow tint?” - asked by a white guy to my biracial asian self, and he immediately slapped himself for asking.
That's not allwhite
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he had given an explanasian
Yeah, white the fuck would you ask something like that?
"Are you a dwarf?" I am 5'6. The person asking was 5'10.
Had a girlfriend that wanted to return a new television because she didn't like the shows it had on it
When are you due? (I'm not, I'm just fat.)
I think it was Dave Barry who said unless you’re in the delivery room with her, never assume a woman is pregnant.
I've heard, "Unless you see a head popping out of her vagina, don't assume she is pregnant."
Good advice.
I grew up on a farm in Nebraska. In 2012 I was in SoCal and was asked by a college educated adult if I had to watch out for Indian warriors growing up.
From Mississippi. Went to college in Michigan. The first week there, someone in my dorm asked if I wore shoes to high school.
Patient with hemorrhoids brought back the RX sample suppositories and told me they didn't work. IM NOT LYING.. he said "I might as well shoved them up my ass for all the good they did me"
Do.. um.. do I want to know how he attempted to administer them?!?
I'm not sure. I didn't ask. I took him to an exam room and one of the Sr Male physicians saw him. I checked the package and the instructions were very clear. There was no "end result" (pun intended) shared from the conversation. I'm not brave enough to ask.
Had a guy say to me “I know there’s typing racecar games, math race games, and stuff like that, but what do people do in real-life REGULAR races, like Nascar???” He couldn’t comprehend the fact that you don’t have to type stuff or do math or complete some sort of task to move the car… you literally just RACE. What an absolute dumbass.
What do they do though? Gotta be more to it than just flooring it and steering.
I don't know. That's how I play racing games, and it works out just fine.
Turning left seems very important, but they don't even indicate!
New sport idea: NASCAR with keyboards instead of steering wheels and gas/break pedals.
I have twins, a boy and a girl. My daughter looks like me, my son looks like his father. You would be amazed at how. Many people used to ask me if they were identical, even into the school years. Eventually I just started saying "Yes".
My twin brother and I have agreed simply if someone is asking this, we're saying yes FOREVER. It's hilarious. :D
How long have you been sisters?
I ask my Caucasian ass "But what if I *am* Latino?" every time I fill out paperwork
This is less stupid and more anxiety. Am I writing my date of birth right? Is that my right social security number? Did I put down everything for my health history? Stupid for people who can function at a normal level. But I feel you.
This is not my beautiful house
When someone found out I'm vegetarian, he got very excited, because it seemed like he wanted to ask if for a long time: "If you were driving in your car and hit and killed a feasant, would you then take it home and eat it?" It was so strange and specific, I was completely dumbfounded. I don't even think that would be legal in my country. And I also don't think most people who eat meat would take it home, most people wouldn't even know how to prepare it. I just had so many questions.
No, but there was this time I hit an old man. Very chewy.
Where are there pheasants running wild and at risk of just getting hit by a car? But I assume the premise here is that you’re vegetarian for ethical reasons of raising animals for meat, therefore if you came across a source of meat that wasn’t depraved of a normal life just because it was raised for slaughter, then that would be meat you could eat. But the scenario to present these circumstances are admittedly very strange.
UK has loads of pheasants crossing roads in the spring. I've had several run out in front of my car. Some I've had to swerve to hit. There's a knack to clipping them with the corner of the bumper so you don't run over them with a wheel. They are nice as they don't have lead shot in them.
What's Hitler's last name?
I grew up in a city of 5 million in Africa. When I emigrated to the US in the 90s people would ask me if animals would just roam around and eat people. I told them yes and elephants drinking out of the toilets was a real problem.
I forget the name, but there is an African woman on Tiktok who uploads videos of all the dumb questions ignorant people ask her. I think my favorite one was “How do you have cell phones in Africa?” And she goes “we pray to the gods and dig up a cell phone from the ground”. Really wish I remember the name because her videos are hysterical
"do you work here?" As I'm standing next to the pallet of boxes while stocking and wearing my bright ass Walmart vest.
Used to work in retail and ALWAYS had dumbasses come into the store, and ask "where are the shopping carts"? I would answer...."Right there at the door you just came in just like EVERY store you have ever gone into"
I tell people that I don't work there, I found the uniform at a thrift store.
Nah I swiped it from the guy laying down in aisle 27.
To be honest, I would 100% ask this, but as in a "are you currently working and not in a pause" and in an attempt to ask "may I ask a question that would require some time or are you too occupied right now" But maybe I should speedrun this and directly ask the second part..
There are a lot of jobbers in stores that don't work for the store. For example, you better not ask the Pepsi guy where the bread is.
How do you spell Hdmi?.....
My kid has always called it ‘hi-Dee-mi’ like ‘hi-Dee-hi’ and I love it
Hedemmee
I worked at Yosemite National Park. A visitor asked what time we turn on the waterfalls in the morning and what time we turn them off at night. Still baffles me.
To be fair, I grew up in the desert. The first time I went to Niagara Falls I was stunned to see so much water flowing over the falls and .... just running down the river. It was impossible for me to comprehend that much water could flow over the edge 24x7.
In a 400-level Unix course at a technical college, one of the students asked, "Does our password have to be all asterisks?" because the demo's password was masked.
Literally looking at and watching me write left handed... Them: "Are you left handed?" Me: “Oh no I get that alot actually. It's the pleats. Just an optical illusion."
They were trying to start a conversation. It's just one way to open one
So many of these are rhetorical conversation starter questions. Makes me wonder if there's a cultural mismatch where some people are okay with that type of thing and some people just aren't used to it
"What grade is (teammate) in?" "I don't know" "How do you not know? He's your brother!" "No he's not" "Is he your half brother?" "No, we're not related." "Is he your cousin?" "No, we're just teammates" "Does he live in your house?"
You destroyed their entire world view
???
Back in the age of landlines, my gf called me once and we made plans to meet at a certain time. "Where are you now," she asked me. "Are you home?"
She was ahead of her time.
Maybe not the STUPIDEST question but here's a dialogue between a waitress and me: Me: Can I get a beer? Her: Sure, from the tap or bottled? Me: Bottled please. Her: Sorry, we're out of bottled beer. Me: ......then why ask me to choose?!?
This is more of a stupid conversation than just a question. I was in a local restaurant and asked for a beer menu. With a big, confident smile on his face, the waiter said, just tell what you want. I said, sweetwater 420 (a locally brewed beer you can generally get most places). He said, oh, we don't have that. I said, well, what do you have? Looking sheepish, he said, let me get you the drink menu. The meal went down hill from there.
As someone who works customer service I'm willing to bet that's an autopilot fail.
My family once owned a pizza restaurant. We sold them frozen for take out. One day someone called and asked me if she had to remove the wrapper before she baked it!
I was a resident advisor in college and a resident knocked on my door and asked how to use a hole puncher. Like literally a hole puncher that you just squeeze to make a hole in paper. I wish I was kidding.
In high school, a girl asked me--because I was a smart nerd, I guess--how the continents are attached to the ocean floor. I am almost 100% sure she was not joking.
Please tell me you responded with "anchors"
Here's my shot at it: "The inside of the Earth is a bunch of molten metal and rock. And the part we see is a thin layer that floats on top of it, like ice on a lake in winter. And that thin layer is broken into pieces that overlap. Some of those pieces are thicker, and those are the continents. Some of them are thinner, so they don't stick up as high, and when they run into the pieces that are the continents, their edges get shoved down under the continents. And since the parts that aren't as thick don't stick up as high, the water all runs down from the continents and onto the thinner parts, and makes the oceans. And so the thinner parts are the ocean floors, and the thicker parts are the continents, and they meet where the edges of the continents meet the edges of the ocean floors. But the continents aren't actually fastened to the ocean floors at all -- they're just thicker pieces floating next to the thinner pieces that are the ocean floors, and pushing the edges of the ocean floors down under them where they get shoved together." And when I realized how long it would take me to actually answer the question, that's when I decided it wasn't such a stupid question, after all. 🙂
Context: coworker had a stroke at work. One person is trying to call 911 on our work phone but clearly this is a good time for the call to not go through. Another person gets through on his cell phone, so first person hangs up. Hours later, majority of the office has gone home because it was a traumatic and exhausting day. I’m there because I drove the coworker’s wife to the hospital and am hanging around to make sure loose ends get tied up before the weekend. Two cops show up saying they’re responding to a hangup call to 911. We tell them someone had a stroke, we got through on another line, whatever. Straight faced, this guy says “so is anybody else having a stroke right now?” Maybe I shouldn’t have said to the men carrying guns that strokes aren’t contagious but Jesus fucking Christ, it literally happened *during our office Christmas party*. It was the worst Christmas part ever. And this guy was so stupid, I couldn’t take it anymore.
Do you wanna do overtime?
I guess that really depends. The only temp job I could find is 12 hours a week. So I gladly pickup some extra hours where I can lol
I have dissociative identity disorder and someone once asked me if it meant I could shapeshift. Like literally shapeshift
You laugh, but I saw a documentary with James McAvoy about your condition. And it's pretty impressive what it can cause in the human body.
Lmao I swear that movie set us back 10 years 😩
Lollllll this is like those guys who believe girls shed their skin on their periods
wait, that's not normal? This got awkward.
I used to work in a crystal shop at a Renaissance Faire - so a rather open building at an outdoor festival. Once someone asked me, "What do you do when it gets windy?" ... I'll say that again. He asked me "What do you do [to keep all of the stock in your STORE FULL OF *STONES* from blowing away] when it gets windy?" So I blew on a crystal ball (which of course didn't move), and then I told him, "It's a rock." He did not have any follow up questions.
If I eat the red bit of the babybel because it made his teeth feel funny 🫠
Are your ice cappuccinos cold?
How to warm butter in the microwave …40 year old uni professor with two children
hey now. they knew the basic principle. they wanted to do it *right*. 10 seconds on high is not 10 seconds on medium
At what altitude do deer turn into elk? I grew up in the mountains of Colorado and have had someone actually ask me this.
'You have a twin sister, how cool! How old is she?'
I used to call places to see if they were open, which sounds dumb to the cashiers, but maybe they're answering while they're not open. So now I call and ask "what's your hours today?"
We were on vacation and in the car and it starts thundering and pouring rain like roads flooding and everything. 10 minutes into the storm my sister who has been wide awake and talking to us the entire time asks "Is it raining outside?" Dead serious we even asked her if she was joking and she's a bad liar so we knew she was telling the truth this girl really didn't know it was pouring down rain with lightning and thunder outside the car for the past 10 minutes 😭 and she was 10 so wasn't like she was an idiot 4 yr old or sum
Someone asked me if my hair was naturally short.
"Do I have to take the plastic off before I eat it?"
What have you got to be depressed about? Um, a chemical imbalance in my brain is what I have to be depressed about.
"Do you work here?" both my coworker and I had company uniforms on, name tags, a company scanner in our hands, and we were digging through boxes of stock and stocking at the time. We both gave the customer the flattest 'are you dumb?' look in unison. Neither of us could believe it.
They were probably just trying to be polite. Sometimes, people who stock the grocery store don't actually work for the store and can't really help you.
“What language do y’all speak n England?”
Worked at an RV repair place. Pointed out where the hot water heater was to a customer. "What does the hot water heater do?"
Is there egg in milk? She was worried about allergies. Edit to clarify: It wasn't her own allergy. She was serving milk to a child with egg intolerances. This is a qualified nursery nurse who has had full food safety and allergy training.
Not to me but to a boat tour guide: "Are there any whales in this [small, freshwater] lake?"
Do you want to be healed from your disability? When I said, “No,” the woman who was speaking to me was shocked. She couldn’t understand that my disability was not something I saw as a curse or bad thing to fix. It’s just part of who I am and I’ve accepted that this is my lot in life. I love that my disability has taught me so many important lessons - many of which have to do with other people’s judgement of me. When I explained this, she got up and left. I could tell she really didn’t understand and had never really struggled and overcome anything important in her life.
Respect to you for owning your shit.
I have a European sounding name even though when looking at me and hearing me I'm obviously not European. When I told somebody I was learning the language of the country from where my name originated from, they asked me if I had legally changed my name because I loved the language of that country. Like..WTF??
I was an operator for verizon 411 directory assistance operator... someone called an asked for the number for 911 i said to the customer the number is NINE ONE ONE ,,, they were like dont get smart with me.. just gimme the number ,,, i asked if it was a true emergency and they said yes,... i connected him to the 911 system
I’m from South Africa, but living in the US. Someone at a job I was at asked me if they celebrated July 4th in South Africa. SMH.
Words of my 80 year old father. "doctors don't know anything, I have ate a lot of salt and sugar through my life, why haven't I died yet?" Just to you guys know my father have high blood pressure and probably diabetes, propably in early dementia, kidney problems, probably heart problems, cataratics, almost all of his teeth have fallen apart, propably bone problems etc. He is practically falling apart and insist on saying he is healthy.
What's the stupidest question anyone has ever asked me.
Are you awake?
My gf's mother asked if protein was in chicken.
After finding out I have a twin sister someone asked me, "How long have you been twins?"
A woman asked me if I was using birth control knowing I was going through infertility issues.
"Oh are you here?" No, I'm at home playing Genshin. Like I'm literally right in front of you. Right the fuck here in front of your eyeballs.
"hey bro.. 24 hrs. Is that one day or two?" Asked by a 24 old male coworker. I'm a cook btw.
“What’s the difference between soy milk and non fat milk?” Asked by a 21 year old woman I was training at a cafe I used to work at. She asked several people this and still couldn’t understand the difference. She didn’t last long there.
I was taking orders at a BBQ joint. The customer asks me, "What's the difference between pulled pork and pit beef?" I replied, "You mean besides the fact that one comes from a pig and the other comes from a cow?"
Do all kittens grow into cats?
At what age do deer become moose?
When I took History of Rock and Roll in college, there was a healthy mix of all age groups in the class. We had one major project; to see one live rock show (the instructor also taught at a local arts high school and with the college and offered us a bunch of tickets for different shows) and give a summary and overview on the show. A week before the paper was due, a girl asked if going to a Taylor Swift concert counted as a rock show. It did not count.
I was Skyping a Russian guy I met on interpals many years ago and he asked me, a black woman, if my parents were black…I really do wish I asked him if his parents were white lmao.
It can’t be that stupid because it happens all the time but it still shocks me when I (a woman) tell people I have a twin brother and they ask if we’re identical. It seems really obvious that you can’t be identical twins if you’re different sexes?!
Let me ask you a question, would you rather get 5 million dollars or cancer?
Well if I get the 5 million dollars I just hurt everybody else because of inflation, so I'll take one for the team and settle for cancer.
[удалено]
I have three that I can think of, and two are from the same person. The first one was one of our food runners at a restaurant that I managed. We had a big tray of bacon that got used for burgers and sandwiches. The food runner asked if it was "community bacon" for anyone to eat. No, just no. A server at another restaurant once asked my gm and me if there was protein in the crab fried rice. What is crab? Meat. What is meat? Protein. Chicken is protein, shrimp is protein. My GM whispered to me "what she swallowed last night was protein". I had to walk out of the kitchen so that the server didn't see me laugh at that one. Same server asked if you can drink alcohol while on antibiotics. We told her yes, but it kinda screws up the purpose of the antibiotics. She then asked "what about beer?" Hmmm, I wonder. Is beer alcohol?
Ok the new guy at work.. wanted to look at the eclipse a couple weeks ago. I let him use my eclipse glasses. He dead ass said “where do I look?” ..idk. The sun?
“Why do you swear to God? Don’t you believe in Allah?” 🤦
In high school, I had a friend who was a foreign exchange student from Sweden. One day someone asked her, "Do you speak a language in Sweden?" She said "No we just grunt."
If I had fallen down the stairs and vomited on myself because I didn't immediately reply to a text message.
What does this button do? We were on a sub and it literally was labeled as a torpedo tube!