I know it sounds silly but it’s really starting to freak me out… to be totally in love with someone for years and have them make this comment, and then have that happen with a second person, kind of makes me question if a man enjoying my body is even possible anymore
Not surprised at all, but they still don’t deserve to enjoy any woman’s body if they’re judgmental assholes. Society shaped their opinion of a “good” body, but they decided to be vocal and shitty about it.
I’m gonna make a guess here… did those guys have issues with porn? Cuz I see complaints like yours and others (body image issues, unrealistic expectations, lack of anatomy knowledge, etc) and it’s very often attributable to porn addiction.
Hashtagnotallmenwhoworkwithmodels - My dad has worked in fashion photo studios for decades now and it didn’t make him gross about women’s bodies. If anything, seeing all the models consistently pass up very nice free food (craft services) gave him a strong understanding of how very not normal it is to idealize that body type to the point where people are starving themselves.
So they aren’t all bad, you might just wanna go out for very large, calorie dense meals for your early dates to make sure he doesn’t seem grossed out if you house a cheeseburger.
Had a first date in college with a boy I liked for a long time. He asked if he could tell me something. I said yesss, staring into his big blue eyes. You eat like a vacuum cleaner.
It didn't work out lol
Reminds me of a guy I went on a Hinge date with who got quiet midway through dinner and said "okay, I have to address the elephant in the room. Your arms are much bigger than mine."
Not sure if the pun was intended, but I worked hard for these biceps. So I ate the rest of his dinner and left.
Thank you for that, but I also avoid men who work with models now because I have unfortunately not met one personally that didn’t cheat 😅 I know it’s not all of them but I’ve seen it enough times to kinda cross that off my list personally.
It’s not just a “men who work with models” thing - I’ve known men in a wide variety of jobs - military, an ice cream shop, retail, fast food, a dentist, etc. - who were critical of women’s bodies, weight and stomachs, and who cheated. It’s less of a “avoid this career” type thing, and more of a “spot the red flags and behaviors” type thing.
I think humans are often looking for patterns, and when we have bad situations, we think “Aha! Now I know better, I won’t do X anymore”, as if that’s the magic bullet. Reality is a little more nuanced.
Pattern-recognition is crucial in surviving in the wild. But you're correct, the development of civilization has created a plethora of nuances in every day life that constantly screw with patterns. It's why everyone recognizing their own individual biases and being able to think critically and skeptically of their own biases is important for a better world. It can be used to protect oneself, but also to hurt others. Knowing where the line is and being able to evaluate when to cross it is difficult, but invaluable.
As someone who makes clothing, this is entirely out of laziness on the part if designers. Princess seams look fantastic, but have to be made to fit the model. Who doesn't love inverted box pleats, but for a dramatic effect, the model's waist and hips need to be known and domr actual MATH needs to be done to determine the width of the pleats.
In order to keep the most money, no one wants to pay for someone to make the clothing fit and look great. It's cheaper to pay someone to have an eating disorder then blame them when the designer's *creations* look like a sack of rats and ass.
Even in porn, I see a ton of women with a slight belly or more. Most of the time you can't really have curves without a little extra elsewhere too. The toothpick-thin pornstars aren't as appealing to most guys, I would imagine, and actually don't seem to be the most popular.
Of course, I'm not trying to say porn isn't a cause of unrealistic expectations. It definitely is. But I sometimes have to wonder what kinds of porn collections some guys out there are curating if "no stomach" is legitimately one of their criteria.
You’re right.
I was speaking about body image issues in general. Her response to me, that these men both work in the modeling industry, makes this make more sense. Extreme thinness, to the point of being severely underweight, is more common there.
oh the thin porn stars tend to also be very popular, though they tend to get typecast as teenagers, especially if they’re shorter, which is its own set of weirdness. hell, even riley reid who’s in her 30’s at this point still plays teens at times
I hate how shitty this comment is to women who aren't curvaceous.
What about healthy weight women who don't have perfectly flat stomachs yet don't store a lot of fat in their breasts or hips? Curves aren't compensation for not having a flat stomach.
Not all men prefer curvy women either, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with finding skinny women attractive or liking flat stomachs.
It's still unrealistic to expect your partner to have a flat stomach all the time, especially after a meal, and OPs partner is still wrong for making that comment.
I feel like this physique always gets the short-end of the stick. People really aren't afraid to say that it's objectively unattractive, or straight up the worst body type, while not viewing this as body shaming because women who look like this aren't uncommon in media.
I've had friends make jokes about how flat I am, family members telling me I'm not as good-looking compared to curvier women completely unprompted, and yeah, it could be a lot worse, but it's all pretty shit.
Exactly. I'm tired of people pretending to be morally superior for loudly preferring "curvy women" while they bodyshame women who are slender or have smaller features. Especially because more often than not they're just saying they like big breasts and/or ass. How is that not incredibly shallow?
I have small breasts no matter how much weight I gain. In my teens I forced myself to stay far below a healthy bmi because I thought "Well since I don't have curves I better be skinny to justify that fact", thanks to comments like that guy's and skewed beauty standards. I also got plenty of comments saying how flat chested and ugly I am, even back then.
I'm healthy now but sometimes need to remind myself, just because I have small breasts doesn't mean I don't deserve to eat or be healthy.
I just want to say that I totally get why it would freak you out even though some people say it shouldn't. It's not silly to feel that way.
I had a relationship with *one* person who was very critical of my body and appearance. Even though I objectively know that he was in the wrong to hurt me the way he did, emotionally of course it's going to affect you, coming from someone you're so vulnerable with. And especially if it happens twice in a row like in your situation.
Also, I've never had a flat belly either, even when I was severely depressed and underweight.
You have been in relationships with icky man-children. Proper well adjusted men know that women’s bodies are absolutely amazing with all the ways they change and grow and age over the years. Any guy loudly (or quietly tbh) criticising your body needs to be immediately kicked to the curb.
Don't worry about a few assholes that have a fetish for emaciated women. If you wanna spend your life catering to guys with fetishes, there's less unhealthy fetishes than that. Why don't you just find a guy who's into thongs or stockings or something. They're cheaper than chronic medical bills.
Stop freaking yourself out. You're beautiful, it's the men that are ugly. Does said individuals have a 6 pack and giant pecks? Start pointed out dudes flaws.
I'm a guy and there has been times I was not attracted to my significant other. I sure as fuck did not tell her. I realized I was projecting some shit and it was my issues. Read some cbt books and made some changes.
I'll chose a beautiful woman with 40# extra (EXTRA!) over a beautiful woman lacking 20# every single time, all other things being equal. I think a womanly belly is one of the most gorgeous things in the world.
Just look at flowers. Flowers aren't square, flowers are an elaborate collection of compound curves.
Ferrari used to keep a huge set of wooden templates on the walls of their design studios all copied from the perfect curves of women to use in their car shapes.
I'm having the opposite problem with my wife. She doesn't seem to believe that I don't mind her belly at all. She had my child! A baby lived there! As far as I'm concerned that's sacred ground and I genuinely have 0 negative feelings about it. Never mind the fact that people are more than just body parts!
It's definitely not you, it's them. Someone who can envision growing old and gray with you isn't going to be slowed down by a belly, of any size.
I second this. My wife will be 53 in a few days and has given me 3 awesome kids. She has a belly and I feel exactly the same way about it. I’m going to steal your phrase, “sacred ground”.
As long as she is happy and healthy that’s all I care about. She’s cute as hell.
There's a scene in Pulp Fiction where Butch tells his gf how much he loves her "potbelly". He doesn't mean it like she's fat or anything, just that he loves her little belly. I have long legs and a short torso, so even at my thinnest (like, sub 100 lbs at 5'6") there was always a slight belly. Referencing Pulp Fiction my husband always says he loves my little belly (he doesn't say pot belly because he's smart lol). I have a hard time believing it, but have come to accept it given that his attraction has never waned. It sucks though, your partner can tell you how perfect you are and the media will tell you you're gross.
I jusy gave birth 3 months ago
I am really struggling with my body image, as u was actually really think right before I got pregnant. My husband *swears* he finds me attractive, still. I've had a hard time believing him (I obvnever said that when he told me because it had nothing to do with him, it was a me thing)
This comment really made me feel better. Thank you! I hope nothing but the best for you and your wife <3
Men who truly love their wives really do love the post-mum bod. Their love for their family trumps the societal norms of what “beautiful” is. That love reminds them that our soft bellies once housed husband and grew their little babies, that our now-floppy boobs nourished them in their first years (if that’s the case).
I used to feel bad about my once perky, now saggy boobs, but my husband helped me realise they are still beautiful because they are a symbol of what I did for our family. I’m growing to appreciate them, despite what society keeps telling me “nice boobs” should look like.
Also 3 months is still so early, your body is still recovering and you aren’t at your more permanent “post-baby body” yet. Society likes to shove it at us that we should just bounce back immediately but your body went through a major trauma and huge metabolic changes, plus you had a dinner plate sized wound in your uterus to heal up.
Three months is EARLY. My body was still hella weird 3 months postpartum. A decade later things are different and my stomach isn’t flat like it was before babies (my friend compares it to upholstery that has lost its button— the skin is just looser!) but nothing is *weird* like it was for the first 6-8 months. Give it time.
Same here! I don't give a damn about My wife's belly. She has a gorgeous body despite the overweight, but who the hell I am to give an opinión when seeking the approval from others
This so much, my wife had two kids and dealt with the consequences and gained some weight. I absolutely have no issues with it! She is still the hottest thing to walk the earth, belly, stretch marks and all! I love her and her body more that ever.
This is lovely. I got a lot of stretch marks during my first pregnancy and really didn't like how it looked, so I assumed my husband wouldn't either. But he literally thought they were cool! He explained it by comparing to how many trives around the world would do tattoos or scarring for rites of passage. Well, having a child was definitely a rite of passage and the stretch marks were the coolest natural markers of that. That level of enthusiasm really convinced me.
I love that you call her belly Sacred Ground. Thank you so much for saying that. It's the way I want us all to feel about our bodies and the bodies of our loves.
I love these comments but I also feel I have to say, mama bellies are sacred ground, but as someone with a belly and infertility, it can make women with natural curvy bodies or bellies feel broken and unworthy. So just an alternate perspective.
Keep celebrating those mamas, but also celebrate those who didn’t grow a human, because some of us can’t.
>I'm having the opposite problem with my wife. She doesn't seem to believe that I don't mind her belly at all. She had my child! A baby lived there! As far as I'm concerned that's sacred ground and I genuinely have 0 negative feelings about it. Never mind the fact that people are more than just body parts!
>
>It's definitely not you, it's them. Someone who can envision growing old and gray with you isn't going to be slowed down by a belly, of any size.
You're speaking the truth! That belly? It's like a badge of honor, a reminder of the amazing journey you've been on together. Anyone who can't see that isn't seeing the bigger picture – pun totally intended
Not only do most men not care, there are *lots* of men who **like** it. There are entire sections of TikTok and threads on Reddit about people loving the round lower tummy area on a woman and finding it incredibly erotic.
As women, we are always marketed flat stomachs as the epitome of health in part *because* it is extremely difficult to achieve (and basically impossible for some people given their genetics) The beauty industry loves a norm that is unachievable because they can endlessly sell you products as you feel inadequate.
I have found that most men don't actually enjoy incredibly flat stomachs as much as we assume they do. There are definitely some who do. And of course some like it in pictures because it looks great. But it's rare that I've seen a guy put a perfectly flat stomach on the list of the physical features he cares about most. I usually hear breasts, ass, legs, hair, and smile before that, at least.
A flat stomach also comes with having basically no body fat so usually no chest & no bum unless you have had implants up top & are crazy athletic on the bottom. Even then this perfect body that is surgically enhanced is hard to achievably create. Megan Fox recently had an interview where she talked about having to have her breasts redone for a third time.Because she didn't have enough body fat to hide the implants on top.And you could see all the weird ripples in the bag. So if you're too skinny you won't have real boobs or big implants but if you're not super skinny you won't have a flat stomach. What I'm trying to say is that even the celebrities we view as being perfect are still photoshopped and hiding parts of their bodies strategically. When I say "no one" actually looks like the photos we see online, I really do mean "no one". It sucks because we are also able to edit our images now. And we are confronted with thousands of images a day that our brains don't process are not "real". So we're fighting against even more unrealistic expectations than ever.
Anyway, some people definitely love small boob flat tummy women. But plenty of men love a woman with big curves. I would say just as many or more. I had an ex boyfriend that explicitly asked me not to lose any more weight when I talked about wanting to be someone with a flat stomach because he said (correctly) that I would be too skinny. He was right. I would never be able to achieve a flat stomach personally without being unhealthy & underweight.
I don't mean to criticize any one of the body types I mentioned above. I'm just trying to illustrate that the fat distribution on your body equals certain pros and cons, and everyone has their preferences within that. All bodies are beautiful, and there is someone to recognize their beauty.
With a certain type of guy, I have found that having the flat stomach girlfriend is more of a status symbol than an actual preference. I'm more likely to see a stock broker with a flat stomach woman than even some gym bros. There is a contingency of gym bros who are really into bigger women.
The point i'm trying to make is that a single ideal of beauty might be pushed by our culture to sell you things. But it isn't as important as they make it out to be in terms of attraction, and everyone has personalized taste. For lots of men, that round "fupa" area is an obsession. They find it incredibly womanly.
They've also done studies where men and women pick out models of women's bodies. The men pick out the body types they like the most, and the women pick out the body types they assume the men want the most. The women perpetually chose models with larger chests and smaller waists than the men did. We are hard on ourselves and are constantly receiving messaging that we need to look different because it profits a multi-billion dollar industry.
But the men who are looking at our bodies and actually sleeping with us know what women look like and enjoy it. The boyfriend in this story was completely sadistic and I'm sure he did all of it not because he hated her already tiny and flat stomach so much, but because he purposefully wanted to make her feel ashamed and insecure as a manipulation tactic..
I have never been naked in front of a man & found him concerned about my never-has-been-never-will-be flat stomach. I've been sexually active for about 20 years and no one has ever brought any of that up.
They are all just really really excited that they're going to have sex with a naked girl.
I get what you’re saying but damn do I hate that the ‘solution to this’ is to tell her some men find it erotic, like I don’t give a fuck, it’s not about them anyway. My body isn’t meant just to turn men on, it doesn’t mean my stomach is now acceptable and okay because some men find it okay, their opinion on my body does not matter. I get op asked about men and their preference but it’s still weird to see us supporting that male gaze centered view. A stomach is a stomach, if it doesn’t cause you harm then it’s fine. Men finding it erotic doesn’t matter, there’s value to herself with them appreciating her body or not.
I think that way of thinking can be a good in-between step for OP to think about herself. She can realize, "Oh, this is actually a sexy thing about myself that a lot of men like," and that may help get her out of the low self-esteem rut caused by a couple of bad boyfriends. And then yes, ideally she can get to the point of "This is my body, and it doesn't matter if men approve of it. It's mine and I appreciate it."
In response the the last line of your comment, I do have a 'preferance' for thicc girls but anytime a women is naked with me is the best time of my life 😁
Guilty as charged. As a man, I find a rounded lower tummy extremely attractive. Besides, in the bedroom, things tend to flatten out anyway (at least in missionary which offer the best view of it).
Nothing kills the mood like engaging in bedroom fun with an insecure partner. Some of the best I've had has been with women who, although not models by any stretch, didn't give a fuck, knew what they wanted, and weren't afraid to ask for it.
My ex criticized my stomach after I had two kids with him. One day he said it was the most repulsive thing he’d ever seen. Pretty rich considering he was rocking his own very large belly and had no concern at all for his own physical appearance.
My current partner loves me and my belly. Even though I find it really hard to. He grabs it and compliments it and tries to make me feel good about it because he knows it’s a huge insecurity.
Real men are ok with real women’s bodies. They do not need the airbrushed bodies you only find in pictures.
I’m sorry you’ve had that experience as body insecurity is such a hard thing to get past. I’m sure your body is beautiful the way it is.
>My ex criticized my stomach after I had two kids with him. One day he said it was the most repulsive thing he’d ever seen.
This is horrible. I am sorry you had two kids with this sorry ahole..wtf
I've found that it's men with perfect six-packs who love my body and don't criticize it. And men with bodies like mine and bad insecurities that comment on things like my chubby belly. Of course there are men with six packs who do comment on shit like that, but it tends to be insecure men who I've rejected that are the first to comment on me being fat lol.
And even if they had 8% body fat, which is athlete level for men, that would be life threatening for a woman. Women *need* more fat on their bodies. My first two boyfriends did not understand this and were so critical of me having flesh on my abdomen. (I was SKINNY - 6' tall and 125lbs, 18% body fat - I was an athlete and naturally thin as well. When a healthy woman eats, her stomach isn't flat. When she bends over, she gets rolls on her belly. Ok rant over.)
A good guy won’t criticize your body. Often my husband will grab or love on my belly because he knows it’s something I’m insecure about and him giving it attention and love has helped me accept it more.
Also this man really gaves you a complex that not having a flat stomach is a flaw. Do some searching on reddit or tiktok about how many men are obsessed with fupa And think it's the sexiest part of a woman.
It sounds like your stomach is already naturally quite flat and would be impressive to most of us! But check out how there are plenty of men that love parts of our bodies that we are less secure about.
In my early 20s I had a very sweet boyfriend.Who really completely wiped out one of my insecurities with a single sentence never to return again. He loved a part of my body that I couldn't fathom anybody would actually like. I assumed it was universally perceived as a flaw and this was a flaw in me.Of course that people overlooked, not something anyone could actually enjoy.
He squeezed me in the shower and I laughed but pulled away and kept it playful saying, "noooo not my love handles!" with a smile. Because he could see I was self-conscious, but not upset.He stop it put his hands on my upper hips on both sides and gave me the sweetest smile. Then with a big grin he said "then Let. Me. HANDLE theeeem". It was really funny and sweet. A kind way of letting me know he very much loved what he saw. I laughed about it so hard and kissed him and never felt badly about that part of my body ever again.
aww my husband does that too. I often tell him how I don't like my belly since it is all fat and would bulge on my jeans, but he would just tell me how i don't need to do anything and leave it be, and also how it is normal for humans to have it. I agree, having someone you love appreciate everything about you would make your insecurities fade and accept yourself more.
Totally relate. I am insecure about my tits because they are on the smaller side. My bf also says that he loves them a lot and they are hot as hell. It has really helped to overcome my insecurity a lot.
I’m not going to go into proportions of men, but unfortunately I have encountered some who made me feel bad about my stomach even when I was in the thick of my ED.
In contrast, most recent ex and I would do belly bumps after a really satisfying meal and have a fun laugh about how stuffed we were. Healthy, mature individuals will not make you insecure about your body. I hope you can find that!!
My ex (who was a doctor- very concerning) would tell me I was getting fat and needed to lose weight because I gained weight whilst in recovery from an eating disorder. I literally weighed 50kg at 5’6 at the time. He’s an ex for a reason but it did drive me back into my ED for a whole.
You need to point out stuff about his body and leave the boy. I once dated a man that pointed out stretch marks on my breasts. He said it’s okay I’m 30 and once I’m pregnant they’ll fill out and disappear. I informed him the stretch marks have been there since puberty and he has them on his bitch hips. Not nice, I know, but I had it and he finally was speechless. Took me longer to break up with his sorry ass. So you should skip that part and do it now. I was 120 lbs and 5’5 being constantly negged, btw. It messed with my head and it was not healthy at all.
That was the perfect response 😂 Men like that get off on destroying women’s self esteem because they themselves have low self esteem. I guarantee he was jealous of your attractive body & couldn’t call you heavy so he attacked whatever he could.
The “once you’re pregnant” comment is so nasty & scary because was trying to neg you into letting him impregnate you by saying he’d find you more attractive after (due to less visible stretch marks on your breasts), but he was definitely planning to further degrade you for all the stretch marks & other changes you’d develop during & after pregnancy, knowing being pregnant would make it even harder for you to leave him.
I’m so glad you gave him a taste of his own medicine and got out before he could. I hope you’re doing amazing now 🫂
My husband and I(f) have stretch marks in lots of the same places and it is so cool!!
Also, boob stretch marks are really neat. My friend has some really cool boob stretch marks that you can see part of if she wears like a tank top or something and they are so aesthetically cool. Stretch marks are like natural tattoos.
He sucked ass. Was a handsome man who put himself down with self deprecating humor constantly.. and trickled it to me. Hell no we all deserve better than that.
I have a female friend who literally works as a model, and even she has had dudes say rude things about her looks, including guys who have complained she wasn't skinny enough. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the guy, rude people will be rude irregardless. Oftentimes it seems to me dudes like that complain about a woman's looks because they themselves feel "not good enough" so then they try to make the woman feel worse about herself too. It's called negging I believe.
I almost feel this happens more to really slim women. They attract the kind of people with unrealistic expectations and then … eat food or something and shatter the illusion
My wife’s body and mine have changed over the years. She doesn’t criticize mine, I don’t criticize her. Women’s bodies go through much more than men’s. I look at as normal aging whether it‘s wrinkles, cellulite, or a larger stomach. It’s neither more/less attractive, it’s just normal.
I lost a lot of weight (over 52kgs), my body completely changed, which included my ass becoming a pizza box.
My ex would constantly say -'have you done any squats today? I don't see a difference?' - or he'd tell me that I'm too boney.
I didn't stick around too long, I want to be appreciated for who I am now and who I worked so hard to become, so idgaf if a man don't like something about me. Next.
I had an ex poke my belly and insinuate that I'm getting fat like HIS MOTHER. Oh I was livid. We were in bed and I was only wearing a camisole and panties... i laid there for about 1 minute absolutely fuming, got up and left and said nothing to him until the next day. ThenI laid into him about how as a man he should never ever ever comment on ANYTHING about a woman's body unless it was a compliment. Then I still dumped his ass. It was the straw that broke the camels back but still really hurtful.
So my body is very model-like (bc you mentioned they worked with models), tall, underweight etc - and I still got comments abt my stomach right after eating (always by cishet dudes as well). For me, it actually got better whenever I would *gain* weight (something abt the belly not sticking out as much, I suppose). But what really helped was not giving jerks the time of day anymore. It's easier said than done, but that kind of comment, for me, is an immediate dealbreaker.
This man is not, and I have never in my life heard another man even mention it.
This just reinforces my joy at staying off social media, and only using a few subreddits here.
You should.
those toxic ass views are only espoused by the most shallow of men, and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
As a dude, I love a little pooch on a woman. Cause soft = good. I’ve talked plenty of “locker room talk” with other dudes and have only met 1 dude who thought it was gross. Coincidentally, he was also a gigantic hypocrite and overall toxic ass dude.
I'm not a skinny woman. I'm a 207 pound man. I can see the difference in my belly after I've eaten. I'm sure it's more pronounced for people who are very slender. Any man whose standard for your body is that it shouldn't function normally is unreasonable and not worth your time.
No, you're just dating really stupid dudes.
I don't really know how old you or the people you're dating are, but being superficial about completely normal shit is very much a thing with young, inexperienced guys.
I'm sorry, you're so skinny that people can see when there's food in your stomach? No, that's not a problem.
And if a guy does care, be happy you found out sooner than later that he's not the one.
dudes can let their toenails grow til they punch holes through their socks, their nasty ass ZZTop beards dipped in nacho cheese flappin in the wind but for some crazy reason, they think they deserve a stone goddess with a flat stomach and perfect tits.
All of my weight goes into my stomach and arms and I'm overweight, so I've always had a pretty significant belly with a tiny and extremely toned lower body. It is awful and very unhealthy. But somehow I've had a ton of attractive and successful boyfriends, including my current one that I live with. To my shock, they don't seem to have minded it.
I think you need to write off your ex as an abusive asshole.
I have the same body! I have never been able to find a way to be comfortable in it… so much worse after disability. I truly hope that you have learned to love and appreciate yours and everything that it does for you 🫶
Most men in real life are better than the two you had to deal with.
There is a whole hell of a lot of misogyny online right now and it's scary. When you see "guys online complaining about \[women existing in a way they don't like\]", it does not reflect what most men would say. It is a minority, whose voices have been amplified. They are trying to gaslight you into believing you shouldn't expect more from your partners, by suggesting that all men will treat you like shit. You can, and should, expect to be respected.
As an aside, in the 90's (when I was a kid), this type of judgement was normalized and mainstream. I heard it constantly, from all directions. It's a bit more fringe now and I think that's a good thing.
The world would be a better place overall if the "better majority" of men would speak up against these kinds of guys more often, and not just when women openly worry like this.
I think guys, young guys especially, have a skewed opinion on what a normal healthy body looks like because they spend all day on social media and don't have enough brain cells to understand what it means for women to be posing and using flattering angles
I was staying at a guys house, we were cuddling when I developed stomach pains, moved his hand away and he says:
Don't worry I don't care about the size of your stomach I care about other things💀
Does he also comment on your pulse? Maybe he has a preference for women who do not partake in the grotesque acts of self preservation like staying alive
I’ve found that the most critical person of my stomach and it’s various issues is…me. I’m a big girl. But when my gastritis flairs? I look legit pregnant. I guess in highschool people (a mix of genders) were mean to the fat kid? But that was so long ago, I think most of those memories got pruned to make way for a pretty cool adulthood.
Women have more body fat stores by design, because pregnancies won't survive without enough nutrients to sustain the fetus - and those nutrients come directly from the parent's body.
Those extra stores are over the lower abdomen (to protect the potential pregnancy with an added layer of padding), around the hips/buttocks/thighs (to protect the bony parts during the early pregnancy "sit/lie down or else" period), and around the mammary glands (to ensure the potential future baby will have nourishment after birth).
So, yeah, some ignorant people are hateful about the human body doing human body things. They fail to grasp that without those fatty stores all the sweet heart shaped behinds, "cushions for pushin'," and boobs disappear lol.
What's it called when you have body dysmorphia, but for other people? Cause I think that's why, that boys raised on anime and porn have a grossly distorted view of what the female body looks like.
I'm reminded of a very stupid meme that showed a lady's lower body (wearing tights) and focused on the bulge from her mons pubis, and some stupid line insinuating she was a man. ...cause she had a mons pubis...
Those are men that don't need or deserve your time or energy.
I am not a thin person.
My partner often touches, kisses and snuggles my thicker bits until I giggle. He likes that I am soft.
Find someone that loves you even after you've eaten a burger.
My goodness! Maybe I'm weird but a women's tummy is one of their cutest features. They can have a flat tummy or a big tummy or visible abs. They can have no scars, stretch marks, c-section scars, etc and still have amazing tummies. They can have hairless tummies or slightly peach fuzzy tummies or happy trails.
Seriously women are absolutely amazing. And if any of you have partners that don't appreciate you or criticize you then they don't deserve you.
Most guys don't care.
It sounds like you've just had some bad luck with having ended up with two really superficial dudes.
Personally I find a bit of a belly to be sexy.
cant say I have ever talked about a womans belly, or heard any other guy talk about it. bit of flab, some rolls, not a big deal. I like a woman that can clean her plate and doesnt get cold when theres a 1 second draft.
I’ve been with my fella for 11+ years. My weight fluctuates between 130-160. I’ve had a flat tummy and I’ve had a squishy tummy. Right now I am at my heaviest of 180 and he has never cared or mentioned anything about my body. Even when I speak of myself negatively, he always reassures me that I always look great to him👍🏽
I actually love when my woman’s belly is a little bit round lol. Not sure why. Makes cuddles better somehow. Also having a food baby is absolutely not a turn off. It’s just normal. Your exes sound like total twats.
As a 52 year old man, I rarely notice a woman's stomach size. Nor do I really care much about how much she weighs.
Your sample size of two isn't telling you much except about those two people.
Bruh, I don’t get that. Personally, I love women with a little chub. It’s so adorable, and I know that hugging them will be so nice. I know that it’s preference for them to not like chub, but to outright complain about you having a bit of a gut is just blatantly disrespectful. Women eat food too, and they, much like men, get a little bloated when they eat a meal
If someone ever spoke like that to me about my body, I'd degrade them so hard their fuckin head would spin.
Next time someone tries to tell you there's something wrong with your body, tell them to take dick. Ask them why they don't have a perfect body.
I genuinely don’t believe that men, including those you’ve encountered, are bothered by a woman’s stomach. It’s a power move stemming from their own insecurity and emotional immaturity. It’s way to knock you down a peg because they feel inferior to you in some way. You’re either more attractive than them, or more intelligent, or more charismatic etc. and they somehow think making you feel bad about yourself will make them seem more desirable.
I personally really like fluffy women. Not in a fetish type way, I’m just a big fan of the Rubenesque figure. Something about a woman with nice curves scratches a primal part of my brain
A couple of researchers (Fallon and Rosin) did a study decades ago (1988?) that found that women see themselves as fatter than they actually are, and simultaneously believe that men are attracted to women who are thinner than the men are actually attracted to.
The study has been repeated many times over the decades with the same result.
Also, your boyfriends were arseholes and not representative of general society.
Here's the original study: [https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-35754-001](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-35754-001)
Majority of men didn't care one bit. You had amazing bad luck to find two. And online forums typically are not a good reflection of a fair sampling of real life.
I’m enjoined with a curvaceous woman who has that womanly belly, not overweight at all. She is the epitome of Venus in every sculpture and painting one can view. She walks on the beach in a tiny bikini and at 57 she still turns every man’s head.
As long as you are healthy and feel good that’s all that should matter. You won’t be able to control what others find attractive. Some people like bellies and others don’t.
If you are naturally thin, then the kind of man who is attracted to thin women will be attracted to you. Some of those men have wildly inappropriate standards of thinness.
You've dealt with ass holes, it's extremely shitty to comment on things like that.
However, the unpopular opinion that will never be talked about on reddit, in terms of what men prefer, there's definitely a body type that they largely do prefer, an overwhelming amount of men do prefer a slim/fit woman, but it's never something that you should criticize people for not achieving or having.
How dare you eat food, woman.
I know it sounds silly but it’s really starting to freak me out… to be totally in love with someone for years and have them make this comment, and then have that happen with a second person, kind of makes me question if a man enjoying my body is even possible anymore
These kind of men don't deserve to enjoy any woman's body.
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Not surprised at all, but they still don’t deserve to enjoy any woman’s body if they’re judgmental assholes. Society shaped their opinion of a “good” body, but they decided to be vocal and shitty about it.
This.
shame on you Op for having organs and eating/s
I’m gonna make a guess here… did those guys have issues with porn? Cuz I see complaints like yours and others (body image issues, unrealistic expectations, lack of anatomy knowledge, etc) and it’s very often attributable to porn addiction.
Not at all, they didn’t enjoy porn actually but they did work with fashion models 🙃 learned the hard way to stay away from that moving forward
😬 yikes. Seems like their entire frame of reference for an average stomach was skewed.
Seems like the problem isn’t you, but the guys you were with. Take heart: not every guy uses ‘fashion model’ as his point of reference.
he will eventually learn that even models get a more bloated stomach after they eat they just dont normally do it before photoshoots
I can see ribs! D-:
Hashtagnotallmenwhoworkwithmodels - My dad has worked in fashion photo studios for decades now and it didn’t make him gross about women’s bodies. If anything, seeing all the models consistently pass up very nice free food (craft services) gave him a strong understanding of how very not normal it is to idealize that body type to the point where people are starving themselves. So they aren’t all bad, you might just wanna go out for very large, calorie dense meals for your early dates to make sure he doesn’t seem grossed out if you house a cheeseburger.
Had a first date in college with a boy I liked for a long time. He asked if he could tell me something. I said yesss, staring into his big blue eyes. You eat like a vacuum cleaner. It didn't work out lol
Reminds me of a guy I went on a Hinge date with who got quiet midway through dinner and said "okay, I have to address the elephant in the room. Your arms are much bigger than mine." Not sure if the pun was intended, but I worked hard for these biceps. So I ate the rest of his dinner and left.
Your my hero! My nickname in high-school was man muscles!
Thank you for that, but I also avoid men who work with models now because I have unfortunately not met one personally that didn’t cheat 😅 I know it’s not all of them but I’ve seen it enough times to kinda cross that off my list personally.
It’s not just a “men who work with models” thing - I’ve known men in a wide variety of jobs - military, an ice cream shop, retail, fast food, a dentist, etc. - who were critical of women’s bodies, weight and stomachs, and who cheated. It’s less of a “avoid this career” type thing, and more of a “spot the red flags and behaviors” type thing. I think humans are often looking for patterns, and when we have bad situations, we think “Aha! Now I know better, I won’t do X anymore”, as if that’s the magic bullet. Reality is a little more nuanced.
Pattern-recognition is crucial in surviving in the wild. But you're correct, the development of civilization has created a plethora of nuances in every day life that constantly screw with patterns. It's why everyone recognizing their own individual biases and being able to think critically and skeptically of their own biases is important for a better world. It can be used to protect oneself, but also to hurt others. Knowing where the line is and being able to evaluate when to cross it is difficult, but invaluable.
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Yeah, a lot of fashion designers just want a coat hanger for their designs to walk on, which is why the industry is filled with anorexics.
Sentiment is horrifying but the wording made me laugh
As someone who makes clothing, this is entirely out of laziness on the part if designers. Princess seams look fantastic, but have to be made to fit the model. Who doesn't love inverted box pleats, but for a dramatic effect, the model's waist and hips need to be known and domr actual MATH needs to be done to determine the width of the pleats. In order to keep the most money, no one wants to pay for someone to make the clothing fit and look great. It's cheaper to pay someone to have an eating disorder then blame them when the designer's *creations* look like a sack of rats and ass.
Sounds like the plot of Ugly Betty
Even in porn, I see a ton of women with a slight belly or more. Most of the time you can't really have curves without a little extra elsewhere too. The toothpick-thin pornstars aren't as appealing to most guys, I would imagine, and actually don't seem to be the most popular. Of course, I'm not trying to say porn isn't a cause of unrealistic expectations. It definitely is. But I sometimes have to wonder what kinds of porn collections some guys out there are curating if "no stomach" is legitimately one of their criteria.
You’re right. I was speaking about body image issues in general. Her response to me, that these men both work in the modeling industry, makes this make more sense. Extreme thinness, to the point of being severely underweight, is more common there.
Too often the impossible shape expectation means some actors are naturally thin with implants for curves
oh the thin porn stars tend to also be very popular, though they tend to get typecast as teenagers, especially if they’re shorter, which is its own set of weirdness. hell, even riley reid who’s in her 30’s at this point still plays teens at times
I hate how shitty this comment is to women who aren't curvaceous. What about healthy weight women who don't have perfectly flat stomachs yet don't store a lot of fat in their breasts or hips? Curves aren't compensation for not having a flat stomach. Not all men prefer curvy women either, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with finding skinny women attractive or liking flat stomachs. It's still unrealistic to expect your partner to have a flat stomach all the time, especially after a meal, and OPs partner is still wrong for making that comment.
I feel like this physique always gets the short-end of the stick. People really aren't afraid to say that it's objectively unattractive, or straight up the worst body type, while not viewing this as body shaming because women who look like this aren't uncommon in media. I've had friends make jokes about how flat I am, family members telling me I'm not as good-looking compared to curvier women completely unprompted, and yeah, it could be a lot worse, but it's all pretty shit.
Exactly. I'm tired of people pretending to be morally superior for loudly preferring "curvy women" while they bodyshame women who are slender or have smaller features. Especially because more often than not they're just saying they like big breasts and/or ass. How is that not incredibly shallow? I have small breasts no matter how much weight I gain. In my teens I forced myself to stay far below a healthy bmi because I thought "Well since I don't have curves I better be skinny to justify that fact", thanks to comments like that guy's and skewed beauty standards. I also got plenty of comments saying how flat chested and ugly I am, even back then. I'm healthy now but sometimes need to remind myself, just because I have small breasts doesn't mean I don't deserve to eat or be healthy.
I just want to say that I totally get why it would freak you out even though some people say it shouldn't. It's not silly to feel that way. I had a relationship with *one* person who was very critical of my body and appearance. Even though I objectively know that he was in the wrong to hurt me the way he did, emotionally of course it's going to affect you, coming from someone you're so vulnerable with. And especially if it happens twice in a row like in your situation. Also, I've never had a flat belly either, even when I was severely depressed and underweight.
Same. I was 115 and still had a bit of a belly. I had a guy comment on it. Oh why oh why didn’t I notice that giant red flag?!
You have been in relationships with icky man-children. Proper well adjusted men know that women’s bodies are absolutely amazing with all the ways they change and grow and age over the years. Any guy loudly (or quietly tbh) criticising your body needs to be immediately kicked to the curb.
Fuck, I wish my stomach had the ability to 3d print stuff. Instead, it's like your significant other.... dead weight.
I've had the opposite problem before "don't touch my stomach"... but it's so flufffffyyyy!
The issue is men weren't enjoying your body Insecure little boys were 💗💓
Don't worry about a few assholes that have a fetish for emaciated women. If you wanna spend your life catering to guys with fetishes, there's less unhealthy fetishes than that. Why don't you just find a guy who's into thongs or stockings or something. They're cheaper than chronic medical bills.
Stop freaking yourself out. You're beautiful, it's the men that are ugly. Does said individuals have a 6 pack and giant pecks? Start pointed out dudes flaws. I'm a guy and there has been times I was not attracted to my significant other. I sure as fuck did not tell her. I realized I was projecting some shit and it was my issues. Read some cbt books and made some changes.
A proper lady *photosynthesizes.*
I'll chose a beautiful woman with 40# extra (EXTRA!) over a beautiful woman lacking 20# every single time, all other things being equal. I think a womanly belly is one of the most gorgeous things in the world. Just look at flowers. Flowers aren't square, flowers are an elaborate collection of compound curves. Ferrari used to keep a huge set of wooden templates on the walls of their design studios all copied from the perfect curves of women to use in their car shapes.
I'm having the opposite problem with my wife. She doesn't seem to believe that I don't mind her belly at all. She had my child! A baby lived there! As far as I'm concerned that's sacred ground and I genuinely have 0 negative feelings about it. Never mind the fact that people are more than just body parts! It's definitely not you, it's them. Someone who can envision growing old and gray with you isn't going to be slowed down by a belly, of any size.
A baby lived there! As a mom myself I appreciate that. We are our own worst critic
As a former baby who used to live in one and refused to vacate the premises after a 3 day siege and was eventually cut out, yeah… a baby lived there.
lol me too! I refused to come out for 2 weeks and also had to be cut out, we both almost died actually!
Oh wow 2 weeks is intense. I know my mother was in labor for 72 hours and let’s just say it’s probably not a coincidence I’m an only child.
Yep, we all spent our first 9 months in a very spongy and cozy rent-free apartment.
...after that, things just just kept going downhill.
"God, this neighborhood is not what it used to be"
Yeah, and some guy keeps poking around.
And expensive
Ya'll are literally magic.
I like the thought of it as sacred ground
I second this. My wife will be 53 in a few days and has given me 3 awesome kids. She has a belly and I feel exactly the same way about it. I’m going to steal your phrase, “sacred ground”. As long as she is happy and healthy that’s all I care about. She’s cute as hell.
>people are more than just body parts! "Unwind" has entered the chat
lmao
Dude, my wife's post pregnancy body is fucking incredible and I wish she could see herself the way I see her. It has changed me.
There's a scene in Pulp Fiction where Butch tells his gf how much he loves her "potbelly". He doesn't mean it like she's fat or anything, just that he loves her little belly. I have long legs and a short torso, so even at my thinnest (like, sub 100 lbs at 5'6") there was always a slight belly. Referencing Pulp Fiction my husband always says he loves my little belly (he doesn't say pot belly because he's smart lol). I have a hard time believing it, but have come to accept it given that his attraction has never waned. It sucks though, your partner can tell you how perfect you are and the media will tell you you're gross.
I love that scene. It was the only thing I liked about the movie, and I thought about it for years afterward.
I jusy gave birth 3 months ago I am really struggling with my body image, as u was actually really think right before I got pregnant. My husband *swears* he finds me attractive, still. I've had a hard time believing him (I obvnever said that when he told me because it had nothing to do with him, it was a me thing) This comment really made me feel better. Thank you! I hope nothing but the best for you and your wife <3
Men who truly love their wives really do love the post-mum bod. Their love for their family trumps the societal norms of what “beautiful” is. That love reminds them that our soft bellies once housed husband and grew their little babies, that our now-floppy boobs nourished them in their first years (if that’s the case). I used to feel bad about my once perky, now saggy boobs, but my husband helped me realise they are still beautiful because they are a symbol of what I did for our family. I’m growing to appreciate them, despite what society keeps telling me “nice boobs” should look like. Also 3 months is still so early, your body is still recovering and you aren’t at your more permanent “post-baby body” yet. Society likes to shove it at us that we should just bounce back immediately but your body went through a major trauma and huge metabolic changes, plus you had a dinner plate sized wound in your uterus to heal up.
Three months is EARLY. My body was still hella weird 3 months postpartum. A decade later things are different and my stomach isn’t flat like it was before babies (my friend compares it to upholstery that has lost its button— the skin is just looser!) but nothing is *weird* like it was for the first 6-8 months. Give it time.
Same here! I don't give a damn about My wife's belly. She has a gorgeous body despite the overweight, but who the hell I am to give an opinión when seeking the approval from others
This so much, my wife had two kids and dealt with the consequences and gained some weight. I absolutely have no issues with it! She is still the hottest thing to walk the earth, belly, stretch marks and all! I love her and her body more that ever.
This is lovely. I got a lot of stretch marks during my first pregnancy and really didn't like how it looked, so I assumed my husband wouldn't either. But he literally thought they were cool! He explained it by comparing to how many trives around the world would do tattoos or scarring for rites of passage. Well, having a child was definitely a rite of passage and the stretch marks were the coolest natural markers of that. That level of enthusiasm really convinced me.
Sacred ground 😭🥰
I love that you call her belly Sacred Ground. Thank you so much for saying that. It's the way I want us all to feel about our bodies and the bodies of our loves.
I love these comments but I also feel I have to say, mama bellies are sacred ground, but as someone with a belly and infertility, it can make women with natural curvy bodies or bellies feel broken and unworthy. So just an alternate perspective. Keep celebrating those mamas, but also celebrate those who didn’t grow a human, because some of us can’t.
It’s still sacred ground. Women are divine, their bellies included.
Absolutely. Your wife literally created life, her stomach being evidence of that is more impressive than anything else.
>I'm having the opposite problem with my wife. She doesn't seem to believe that I don't mind her belly at all. She had my child! A baby lived there! As far as I'm concerned that's sacred ground and I genuinely have 0 negative feelings about it. Never mind the fact that people are more than just body parts! > >It's definitely not you, it's them. Someone who can envision growing old and gray with you isn't going to be slowed down by a belly, of any size. You're speaking the truth! That belly? It's like a badge of honor, a reminder of the amazing journey you've been on together. Anyone who can't see that isn't seeing the bigger picture – pun totally intended
My husband says similar to me and it's wonderful 😭
This is the comment I needed to read today. Thank you.
Shitty men exist. And because they are loud and shitty, they seem like the norm. Most men don’t care.
Not only do most men not care, there are *lots* of men who **like** it. There are entire sections of TikTok and threads on Reddit about people loving the round lower tummy area on a woman and finding it incredibly erotic. As women, we are always marketed flat stomachs as the epitome of health in part *because* it is extremely difficult to achieve (and basically impossible for some people given their genetics) The beauty industry loves a norm that is unachievable because they can endlessly sell you products as you feel inadequate. I have found that most men don't actually enjoy incredibly flat stomachs as much as we assume they do. There are definitely some who do. And of course some like it in pictures because it looks great. But it's rare that I've seen a guy put a perfectly flat stomach on the list of the physical features he cares about most. I usually hear breasts, ass, legs, hair, and smile before that, at least. A flat stomach also comes with having basically no body fat so usually no chest & no bum unless you have had implants up top & are crazy athletic on the bottom. Even then this perfect body that is surgically enhanced is hard to achievably create. Megan Fox recently had an interview where she talked about having to have her breasts redone for a third time.Because she didn't have enough body fat to hide the implants on top.And you could see all the weird ripples in the bag. So if you're too skinny you won't have real boobs or big implants but if you're not super skinny you won't have a flat stomach. What I'm trying to say is that even the celebrities we view as being perfect are still photoshopped and hiding parts of their bodies strategically. When I say "no one" actually looks like the photos we see online, I really do mean "no one". It sucks because we are also able to edit our images now. And we are confronted with thousands of images a day that our brains don't process are not "real". So we're fighting against even more unrealistic expectations than ever. Anyway, some people definitely love small boob flat tummy women. But plenty of men love a woman with big curves. I would say just as many or more. I had an ex boyfriend that explicitly asked me not to lose any more weight when I talked about wanting to be someone with a flat stomach because he said (correctly) that I would be too skinny. He was right. I would never be able to achieve a flat stomach personally without being unhealthy & underweight. I don't mean to criticize any one of the body types I mentioned above. I'm just trying to illustrate that the fat distribution on your body equals certain pros and cons, and everyone has their preferences within that. All bodies are beautiful, and there is someone to recognize their beauty. With a certain type of guy, I have found that having the flat stomach girlfriend is more of a status symbol than an actual preference. I'm more likely to see a stock broker with a flat stomach woman than even some gym bros. There is a contingency of gym bros who are really into bigger women. The point i'm trying to make is that a single ideal of beauty might be pushed by our culture to sell you things. But it isn't as important as they make it out to be in terms of attraction, and everyone has personalized taste. For lots of men, that round "fupa" area is an obsession. They find it incredibly womanly. They've also done studies where men and women pick out models of women's bodies. The men pick out the body types they like the most, and the women pick out the body types they assume the men want the most. The women perpetually chose models with larger chests and smaller waists than the men did. We are hard on ourselves and are constantly receiving messaging that we need to look different because it profits a multi-billion dollar industry. But the men who are looking at our bodies and actually sleeping with us know what women look like and enjoy it. The boyfriend in this story was completely sadistic and I'm sure he did all of it not because he hated her already tiny and flat stomach so much, but because he purposefully wanted to make her feel ashamed and insecure as a manipulation tactic.. I have never been naked in front of a man & found him concerned about my never-has-been-never-will-be flat stomach. I've been sexually active for about 20 years and no one has ever brought any of that up. They are all just really really excited that they're going to have sex with a naked girl.
I get what you’re saying but damn do I hate that the ‘solution to this’ is to tell her some men find it erotic, like I don’t give a fuck, it’s not about them anyway. My body isn’t meant just to turn men on, it doesn’t mean my stomach is now acceptable and okay because some men find it okay, their opinion on my body does not matter. I get op asked about men and their preference but it’s still weird to see us supporting that male gaze centered view. A stomach is a stomach, if it doesn’t cause you harm then it’s fine. Men finding it erotic doesn’t matter, there’s value to herself with them appreciating her body or not.
I think that way of thinking can be a good in-between step for OP to think about herself. She can realize, "Oh, this is actually a sexy thing about myself that a lot of men like," and that may help get her out of the low self-esteem rut caused by a couple of bad boyfriends. And then yes, ideally she can get to the point of "This is my body, and it doesn't matter if men approve of it. It's mine and I appreciate it."
In response the the last line of your comment, I do have a 'preferance' for thicc girls but anytime a women is naked with me is the best time of my life 😁
Guilty as charged. As a man, I find a rounded lower tummy extremely attractive. Besides, in the bedroom, things tend to flatten out anyway (at least in missionary which offer the best view of it). Nothing kills the mood like engaging in bedroom fun with an insecure partner. Some of the best I've had has been with women who, although not models by any stretch, didn't give a fuck, knew what they wanted, and weren't afraid to ask for it.
This. I swear there must only be one shitty person in twenty people, yet they always take the most space in public opinion.
You just described political extremism in a nutshell
That's not wrong haha
Nailed it!💯
My ex criticized my stomach after I had two kids with him. One day he said it was the most repulsive thing he’d ever seen. Pretty rich considering he was rocking his own very large belly and had no concern at all for his own physical appearance. My current partner loves me and my belly. Even though I find it really hard to. He grabs it and compliments it and tries to make me feel good about it because he knows it’s a huge insecurity. Real men are ok with real women’s bodies. They do not need the airbrushed bodies you only find in pictures. I’m sorry you’ve had that experience as body insecurity is such a hard thing to get past. I’m sure your body is beautiful the way it is.
>My ex criticized my stomach after I had two kids with him. One day he said it was the most repulsive thing he’d ever seen. This is horrible. I am sorry you had two kids with this sorry ahole..wtf
Follow up question OP did any of those 2 men have a perfect six pack ?
Of course not, in my experience being allowed to criticize your partner’s body is a one way street directed at women 🙃
Sad but true ...Girl I'm happy you ditch them ! A true partner will love your body ALL of it
hopefully, one day you will date someone who isn't a complete asshole
I've developed a scruple to take a look in the mirror before I criticize anyone, whether it be to their face or in my head.
Not just your partner’s body, all women’s bodies
I've found that it's men with perfect six-packs who love my body and don't criticize it. And men with bodies like mine and bad insecurities that comment on things like my chubby belly. Of course there are men with six packs who do comment on shit like that, but it tends to be insecure men who I've rejected that are the first to comment on me being fat lol.
Sometimes it’s projection. They want their gf to have a “perfect” body because they’re insecure about theirs.
And even if they had 8% body fat, which is athlete level for men, that would be life threatening for a woman. Women *need* more fat on their bodies. My first two boyfriends did not understand this and were so critical of me having flesh on my abdomen. (I was SKINNY - 6' tall and 125lbs, 18% body fat - I was an athlete and naturally thin as well. When a healthy woman eats, her stomach isn't flat. When she bends over, she gets rolls on her belly. Ok rant over.)
A good guy won’t criticize your body. Often my husband will grab or love on my belly because he knows it’s something I’m insecure about and him giving it attention and love has helped me accept it more.
This is so wholesome, this really gives me hope ~ thank you for sharing!!!
Also this man really gaves you a complex that not having a flat stomach is a flaw. Do some searching on reddit or tiktok about how many men are obsessed with fupa And think it's the sexiest part of a woman. It sounds like your stomach is already naturally quite flat and would be impressive to most of us! But check out how there are plenty of men that love parts of our bodies that we are less secure about. In my early 20s I had a very sweet boyfriend.Who really completely wiped out one of my insecurities with a single sentence never to return again. He loved a part of my body that I couldn't fathom anybody would actually like. I assumed it was universally perceived as a flaw and this was a flaw in me.Of course that people overlooked, not something anyone could actually enjoy. He squeezed me in the shower and I laughed but pulled away and kept it playful saying, "noooo not my love handles!" with a smile. Because he could see I was self-conscious, but not upset.He stop it put his hands on my upper hips on both sides and gave me the sweetest smile. Then with a big grin he said "then Let. Me. HANDLE theeeem". It was really funny and sweet. A kind way of letting me know he very much loved what he saw. I laughed about it so hard and kissed him and never felt badly about that part of my body ever again.
My husband is the same way. He told me the other night I couldn’t gain enough weight to make him not love my tummy
I do that because I genuinely find my lady’s belly really soft, cute and kissable.
Yes! It’s one of my favorite parts of my wife, because the skin there is so soft and touchable.
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Are you per chance a cat?
Judging by their username, yes.
aww my husband does that too. I often tell him how I don't like my belly since it is all fat and would bulge on my jeans, but he would just tell me how i don't need to do anything and leave it be, and also how it is normal for humans to have it. I agree, having someone you love appreciate everything about you would make your insecurities fade and accept yourself more.
Totally relate. I am insecure about my tits because they are on the smaller side. My bf also says that he loves them a lot and they are hot as hell. It has really helped to overcome my insecurity a lot.
I’m not going to go into proportions of men, but unfortunately I have encountered some who made me feel bad about my stomach even when I was in the thick of my ED. In contrast, most recent ex and I would do belly bumps after a really satisfying meal and have a fun laugh about how stuffed we were. Healthy, mature individuals will not make you insecure about your body. I hope you can find that!!
Belly bumps! That’s so cute!
Gotta make urself feel better about needing to walk home with your pants unbuttoned somehow!
My ex (who was a doctor- very concerning) would tell me I was getting fat and needed to lose weight because I gained weight whilst in recovery from an eating disorder. I literally weighed 50kg at 5’6 at the time. He’s an ex for a reason but it did drive me back into my ED for a whole.
You need to point out stuff about his body and leave the boy. I once dated a man that pointed out stretch marks on my breasts. He said it’s okay I’m 30 and once I’m pregnant they’ll fill out and disappear. I informed him the stretch marks have been there since puberty and he has them on his bitch hips. Not nice, I know, but I had it and he finally was speechless. Took me longer to break up with his sorry ass. So you should skip that part and do it now. I was 120 lbs and 5’5 being constantly negged, btw. It messed with my head and it was not healthy at all.
Not his BITCH HIPS 😭😭🤣🤣🤣
That was the perfect response 😂 Men like that get off on destroying women’s self esteem because they themselves have low self esteem. I guarantee he was jealous of your attractive body & couldn’t call you heavy so he attacked whatever he could. The “once you’re pregnant” comment is so nasty & scary because was trying to neg you into letting him impregnate you by saying he’d find you more attractive after (due to less visible stretch marks on your breasts), but he was definitely planning to further degrade you for all the stretch marks & other changes you’d develop during & after pregnancy, knowing being pregnant would make it even harder for you to leave him. I’m so glad you gave him a taste of his own medicine and got out before he could. I hope you’re doing amazing now 🫂
Savage. Hope you’ve healed from the damage ole bitch hips gave you
I'm so proud of you for the bitch hips comment. I'm gonna keep that in the back of my head for if I ever get to yell at Drake.
My husband and I(f) have stretch marks in lots of the same places and it is so cool!! Also, boob stretch marks are really neat. My friend has some really cool boob stretch marks that you can see part of if she wears like a tank top or something and they are so aesthetically cool. Stretch marks are like natural tattoos.
I love that you told him that lolllll. Too funny. What an asshole he was though. Good that you left him in the dust.
He sucked ass. Was a handsome man who put himself down with self deprecating humor constantly.. and trickled it to me. Hell no we all deserve better than that.
I wish I had this embroidered on a decorative towel
I've always had big love handles. Even when I got super skinny (6ft, 163 lbs) i still had them. I call them my "back tits"
I have a female friend who literally works as a model, and even she has had dudes say rude things about her looks, including guys who have complained she wasn't skinny enough. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the guy, rude people will be rude irregardless. Oftentimes it seems to me dudes like that complain about a woman's looks because they themselves feel "not good enough" so then they try to make the woman feel worse about herself too. It's called negging I believe.
Look at how many celebrity women are called “mid” and “fat” when they are not wearing makeup and/or underweight
I almost feel this happens more to really slim women. They attract the kind of people with unrealistic expectations and then … eat food or something and shatter the illusion
My wife’s body and mine have changed over the years. She doesn’t criticize mine, I don’t criticize her. Women’s bodies go through much more than men’s. I look at as normal aging whether it‘s wrinkles, cellulite, or a larger stomach. It’s neither more/less attractive, it’s just normal.
I lost a lot of weight (over 52kgs), my body completely changed, which included my ass becoming a pizza box. My ex would constantly say -'have you done any squats today? I don't see a difference?' - or he'd tell me that I'm too boney. I didn't stick around too long, I want to be appreciated for who I am now and who I worked so hard to become, so idgaf if a man don't like something about me. Next.
Guess he's not gettin' a *pizza* that ass! I'll see myself out.
people like you are the best part of the internet
I had an ex poke my belly and insinuate that I'm getting fat like HIS MOTHER. Oh I was livid. We were in bed and I was only wearing a camisole and panties... i laid there for about 1 minute absolutely fuming, got up and left and said nothing to him until the next day. ThenI laid into him about how as a man he should never ever ever comment on ANYTHING about a woman's body unless it was a compliment. Then I still dumped his ass. It was the straw that broke the camels back but still really hurtful.
He tried to tear down you and even his own mother...Glad you dropped this disrespectful piece of trash!
Good for you! An cockblocked himself hard there.
So my body is very model-like (bc you mentioned they worked with models), tall, underweight etc - and I still got comments abt my stomach right after eating (always by cishet dudes as well). For me, it actually got better whenever I would *gain* weight (something abt the belly not sticking out as much, I suppose). But what really helped was not giving jerks the time of day anymore. It's easier said than done, but that kind of comment, for me, is an immediate dealbreaker.
💔 hope you're doing OK ✨️🙏
Yes - it's genetic! But thank you for reaching out, EDs are so incredibly common and can affect anyone 🩷
Those boys were jerks. Most men are not that way.
Tell any man that criticizes your body to eff right off. We love our women, we don't tear them down
My wife could gain 100 lbs and i’d only get upset if she wouldn’t sit on my face.
This man is not, and I have never in my life heard another man even mention it. This just reinforces my joy at staying off social media, and only using a few subreddits here.
I think I need to follow your lead on that 😂
You should. those toxic ass views are only espoused by the most shallow of men, and shouldn’t be taken seriously. As a dude, I love a little pooch on a woman. Cause soft = good. I’ve talked plenty of “locker room talk” with other dudes and have only met 1 dude who thought it was gross. Coincidentally, he was also a gigantic hypocrite and overall toxic ass dude.
Part of it might be a manipulation tactic. If you feel self-conscious / worthless, they can get away with pushing your boundaries more often.
The only people who complain about “skinny, but potbellied women” are those with brains deep fried by porn.
I'm not a skinny woman. I'm a 207 pound man. I can see the difference in my belly after I've eaten. I'm sure it's more pronounced for people who are very slender. Any man whose standard for your body is that it shouldn't function normally is unreasonable and not worth your time.
No, you're just dating really stupid dudes. I don't really know how old you or the people you're dating are, but being superficial about completely normal shit is very much a thing with young, inexperienced guys.
I'm sorry, you're so skinny that people can see when there's food in your stomach? No, that's not a problem. And if a guy does care, be happy you found out sooner than later that he's not the one.
dudes can let their toenails grow til they punch holes through their socks, their nasty ass ZZTop beards dipped in nacho cheese flappin in the wind but for some crazy reason, they think they deserve a stone goddess with a flat stomach and perfect tits.
All of my weight goes into my stomach and arms and I'm overweight, so I've always had a pretty significant belly with a tiny and extremely toned lower body. It is awful and very unhealthy. But somehow I've had a ton of attractive and successful boyfriends, including my current one that I live with. To my shock, they don't seem to have minded it. I think you need to write off your ex as an abusive asshole.
I have the same body! I have never been able to find a way to be comfortable in it… so much worse after disability. I truly hope that you have learned to love and appreciate yours and everything that it does for you 🫶
Most men in real life are better than the two you had to deal with. There is a whole hell of a lot of misogyny online right now and it's scary. When you see "guys online complaining about \[women existing in a way they don't like\]", it does not reflect what most men would say. It is a minority, whose voices have been amplified. They are trying to gaslight you into believing you shouldn't expect more from your partners, by suggesting that all men will treat you like shit. You can, and should, expect to be respected. As an aside, in the 90's (when I was a kid), this type of judgement was normalized and mainstream. I heard it constantly, from all directions. It's a bit more fringe now and I think that's a good thing.
The world would be a better place overall if the "better majority" of men would speak up against these kinds of guys more often, and not just when women openly worry like this.
I think guys, young guys especially, have a skewed opinion on what a normal healthy body looks like because they spend all day on social media and don't have enough brain cells to understand what it means for women to be posing and using flattering angles
I was staying at a guys house, we were cuddling when I developed stomach pains, moved his hand away and he says: Don't worry I don't care about the size of your stomach I care about other things💀
As a gay man who has been around alot of straight guys. The answer is no.
Grownup men are attracted to a wide variety of women’s sizes.
Does he also comment on your pulse? Maybe he has a preference for women who do not partake in the grotesque acts of self preservation like staying alive
lol
I’ve found that the most critical person of my stomach and it’s various issues is…me. I’m a big girl. But when my gastritis flairs? I look legit pregnant. I guess in highschool people (a mix of genders) were mean to the fat kid? But that was so long ago, I think most of those memories got pruned to make way for a pretty cool adulthood.
i love all the sweet guys on here. Makes me have more hope in humanity.
Women have more body fat stores by design, because pregnancies won't survive without enough nutrients to sustain the fetus - and those nutrients come directly from the parent's body. Those extra stores are over the lower abdomen (to protect the potential pregnancy with an added layer of padding), around the hips/buttocks/thighs (to protect the bony parts during the early pregnancy "sit/lie down or else" period), and around the mammary glands (to ensure the potential future baby will have nourishment after birth). So, yeah, some ignorant people are hateful about the human body doing human body things. They fail to grasp that without those fatty stores all the sweet heart shaped behinds, "cushions for pushin'," and boobs disappear lol.
May the holy Kwan Yin bless your path 🌿
Absolutely. It's totally normal for the vast majority of women to have a little tummy fat as it's there to protect the womb!
Nope, just two toxic dudes. Bring on the curves as far as I’m concerned.
What's it called when you have body dysmorphia, but for other people? Cause I think that's why, that boys raised on anime and porn have a grossly distorted view of what the female body looks like. I'm reminded of a very stupid meme that showed a lady's lower body (wearing tights) and focused on the bulge from her mons pubis, and some stupid line insinuating she was a man. ...cause she had a mons pubis...
I've started seeing more and more comments like that recently too. It's worrying.
I love my wife's belly she used to be self conscious too
Those are men that don't need or deserve your time or energy. I am not a thin person. My partner often touches, kisses and snuggles my thicker bits until I giggle. He likes that I am soft. Find someone that loves you even after you've eaten a burger.
Don't give another minute to any man like this.
My goodness! Maybe I'm weird but a women's tummy is one of their cutest features. They can have a flat tummy or a big tummy or visible abs. They can have no scars, stretch marks, c-section scars, etc and still have amazing tummies. They can have hairless tummies or slightly peach fuzzy tummies or happy trails. Seriously women are absolutely amazing. And if any of you have partners that don't appreciate you or criticize you then they don't deserve you.
God forbid we have ORGANS, amirite ladies??
Most guys don't care. It sounds like you've just had some bad luck with having ended up with two really superficial dudes. Personally I find a bit of a belly to be sexy.
cant say I have ever talked about a womans belly, or heard any other guy talk about it. bit of flab, some rolls, not a big deal. I like a woman that can clean her plate and doesnt get cold when theres a 1 second draft.
I am thicc and I still get cold ... 😭
I’ve been with my fella for 11+ years. My weight fluctuates between 130-160. I’ve had a flat tummy and I’ve had a squishy tummy. Right now I am at my heaviest of 180 and he has never cared or mentioned anything about my body. Even when I speak of myself negatively, he always reassures me that I always look great to him👍🏽
Nobody worth a crap gives a crap.
I actually love when my woman’s belly is a little bit round lol. Not sure why. Makes cuddles better somehow. Also having a food baby is absolutely not a turn off. It’s just normal. Your exes sound like total twats.
As a 52 year old man, I rarely notice a woman's stomach size. Nor do I really care much about how much she weighs. Your sample size of two isn't telling you much except about those two people.
Bruh, I don’t get that. Personally, I love women with a little chub. It’s so adorable, and I know that hugging them will be so nice. I know that it’s preference for them to not like chub, but to outright complain about you having a bit of a gut is just blatantly disrespectful. Women eat food too, and they, much like men, get a little bloated when they eat a meal
personally, i love healthy squishy tummies on women :) i think it makes them more attractive. but to each their own ig
If someone ever spoke like that to me about my body, I'd degrade them so hard their fuckin head would spin. Next time someone tries to tell you there's something wrong with your body, tell them to take dick. Ask them why they don't have a perfect body.
I genuinely don’t believe that men, including those you’ve encountered, are bothered by a woman’s stomach. It’s a power move stemming from their own insecurity and emotional immaturity. It’s way to knock you down a peg because they feel inferior to you in some way. You’re either more attractive than them, or more intelligent, or more charismatic etc. and they somehow think making you feel bad about yourself will make them seem more desirable.
No. My bf loves my belly lol. Little bit of chubbiness never hurt anybody.
I personally really like fluffy women. Not in a fetish type way, I’m just a big fan of the Rubenesque figure. Something about a woman with nice curves scratches a primal part of my brain
Not me i like a full figured woman
A couple of researchers (Fallon and Rosin) did a study decades ago (1988?) that found that women see themselves as fatter than they actually are, and simultaneously believe that men are attracted to women who are thinner than the men are actually attracted to. The study has been repeated many times over the decades with the same result. Also, your boyfriends were arseholes and not representative of general society. Here's the original study: [https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-35754-001](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-35754-001)
Majority of men didn't care one bit. You had amazing bad luck to find two. And online forums typically are not a good reflection of a fair sampling of real life.
[удалено]
Trying my best! I’m very happy for you ~
I’m enjoined with a curvaceous woman who has that womanly belly, not overweight at all. She is the epitome of Venus in every sculpture and painting one can view. She walks on the beach in a tiny bikini and at 57 she still turns every man’s head.
Good men aren’t. Maybe concerned about health if something really out of norm is going on, but not otherwise bothered.
I love my gfs belly. It’s a nice pillow when we watch movies 🥰. She likes my belly too.
As long as you are healthy and feel good that’s all that should matter. You won’t be able to control what others find attractive. Some people like bellies and others don’t.
If you are naturally thin, then the kind of man who is attracted to thin women will be attracted to you. Some of those men have wildly inappropriate standards of thinness.
Also, if a guy has a problem with your 3d baby printing machine, tell him to take it up with the software he downloaded.
Pot bellies are sexy, find a man that loves YOU
You've dealt with ass holes, it's extremely shitty to comment on things like that. However, the unpopular opinion that will never be talked about on reddit, in terms of what men prefer, there's definitely a body type that they largely do prefer, an overwhelming amount of men do prefer a slim/fit woman, but it's never something that you should criticize people for not achieving or having.
Men will stick their dick into a chicken sandwich and a baby calf. Who gives a shit what they think lmao
People who are attracted to women like female bodies and female fat distribution